Advice And Tips On Relationships

Advice and tips on

relationships

CONTENTS 1.

How Can I Save My Marriage From Divorce

1

2.

When To Stay Together Separate After Marriage Is Over

4

3.

The Key To Successful Marriages

6

4.

Saving My Relationship

8

5.

Will Self Help Techniques Work

12

1

How Can I Save My Marriage From Divorce?

T

ry not to panic if your wife is always mad at you and says

your marriage is over.

You can save your marriage from divorce just as I have done along with thousands of other men.

This article will talk about my experience in a crumbling marriage and the steps I took to save it.

A few years ago I was in a very difficult situation in my own marriage.

My wife and I have not been getting along in quite some time and it seemed to me that she was nearly always mad at me for something.

It honestly seemed that no matter how hard I tried, that I could do nothing right in her eyes.

She told me constantly that she was not happy.

1

2.

ADVICE AND TIPS ON RELATIONSHIPS

We tried counselling and things settled down for a while, but eventually it was the same thing all over again.

It finally reached the point where she told me that she didn’t want to be married any more.

This was pretty hard for me to take because I really felt like I had been trying.

I treated her with love and respect. I tried to do nice things for her.

I carried my weight with chores and finances and taking care of the kids.

So what the heck was the problem?

The story could have ended right there with a divorce as it does for millions of men every year.

But I found out some things in time to save my marriage when it had previously looked hopeless.

If you think your marriage is over because your wife is always mad at you, please consider this: 1. An angry or emotional wife does not mean the marriage is over.

As long as there is anger, then there are feelings!

A marriage is truly over when there is complete and utter indifference.

She no longer loves you.

But it does not mean she hates you for good.

It is just that she no longer feels for you the same way when you first met and dated each other.

At this point she has probably already filed for divorce, divided up assets, made plans for the children etc.

As long as you have an angry wife, you have a marriage that can be saved.

2. There are a number of very common mistakes that most men make when facing a possible divorce.

Many of them even seem like the right thing to do.

The fact is, the things that you actually should be doing may seem like the total opposite!

It is very important to learn these mistakes and how to avoid them.

3. There is a very good chance that you are in an extremely unresourceful emotional state right now.

How Can I Save My Marriage From Divorce

3

This is a bad place to be because you will not be as equipped to know the proper course of action to take.

Anger, jealousy, depression, desperation etc. must be replaced by a calmer and more rational state of mind.

It is vital that you take immediate action soon.

Your actions over the next few days and weeks will be very critical.

You must make the most of this time!

2

When to Stay Together and Separate After Marriage Is Over?

I

t is really heart-breaking when a marriage is over.

After all, you were once so much in love that you decided to get married, to spend the rest of your lives together.

So what happened?

So many years together, and something bad enough happened that ended the once blissful relationship.

The thing is the problems that caused all the bad feelings between you and your spouse were never dealt with.

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When To Stay Together And Separate After Marriage Is Over

5

The problems became worse and worse, causing a lot of tension between the two of you.

So much so, that it got to the stage when you hardly spoke to each other at all.

Also, you more than likely irritate each other now, making you want to avoid each other at all costs.

This is not how a happy marriage should be.

Unfortunately, when things get to this stage, unless you want to try one last time to pick up the pieces and see a professional, there is really very little that can be done.

The resentment that you and your spouse feel for each other right now is so strong, that it will be difficult to reverse.

Although it is very sad when your marriage is over, it might just be better for you and your spouse to accept it and move on with your lives.

Instead of staying together and becoming even more resentful of each other, rather separate and stay reasonably friendly.

You never know - by separating for a while, and giving each other a little space to think things over, there might be a chance for you to get back together again.

Of course, only you and your spouse know exactly what the problem is.

So it is entirely up to you two to decide what you want to do when your marriage is over.

At least if you are living apart, the problems that you have will not get any worse.

Also, being away from each other will give you time to decide exactly how you feel about one another.

Has the love really gone?

Or are you just angry at each other?

3

The Key To Successful Marriages

A

sk any marriage counsellor and they will tell you that

communication is the key to success in a marriage.

Question is how is this so?

People are different and in a marriage, two people of different upbringing, goals, thoughts, feelings and sometimes cultures have to live together and complement each other.

The only way they can achieve a level of oneness is by listening to each other, talking out their views and reaching an understanding that would make both parties either satisfied or close to being satisfied.

Communication is not only verbal.

Non-verbal means of communication such as body language also counts. A partner may not say much but buy a birthday gift which reflects and at the same time communicates love.

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The Key To Successful Marriages

7

In many cases though, discussing is the best means of communicating in a marriage as it leaves no room for misunderstanding.

As people live together, they get to learn their partners and discover the best time to discuss issues and the right tone to use.

All these while solving problems as well as the words that work magic in conflict resolution or persuasion of one's partner.

It is advisable that each couple agrees on a time that is set apart just to talk about anything in their relationship.

This could be daily or even weekly depending on the couple's schedule.

But this agreement does not mean that one has to wait until the set time to relay any concerns to their partner.

As the couple continues to enhance their communication, their bond also continues to grow much stronger.

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4

Saving My Relationship

S

o your relationship is on the rocks and you have already

broken up.

You feel awful.

The loss of your mate is one of the worst things we go through in life.

You may feel like you are going through hell right now.

Well, this brings to mind something Winston Churchill said long ago: If you are going through hell, keep going!

What he meant - in my opinion - is that no matter how bad things are at the moment, you will soon get through it and come out the other side.

As long as you do not just stop and give up, of course.

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Saving My Relationship

9

You might be a bit worse for wear, perhaps, but you will still be more or less intact.

Now back up a minute, so we can start at the beginning.

Saving my relationship is no doubt your top concern.

You are asking yourself,

Can I do it?

The answer is almost certainly, Yes. Few relationships are really hopelessly lost.

But it is going to take some time to re-establish your balance and a somewhat cool head.

If you were with your mate for several years or more, then the shock of separation is all the greater.

You might feel like a piece of you has been cut away, and now there is a big hole in your soul.

In such cases, frankly, it may take longer to recover and get yourself back together again, whether you get back with your ex or not.

Your friends and family may push you into getting out onto the dating scene, before you are quite ready. Resist this pressure.

You may need some time to wallow in self-pity on your couch, sure that life as we know it is over.

This is OK, as long as it does not go on for too long.

Now here is a thought.

Instead of just lying there feeling sorry for yourself, why not turn your mind and your energies to something more useful?

You can try to figure out what went so terribly wrong in your relationship, and what you can (or should) do to fix it.

And how to avoid in the first place next time around.

This kind of analysis will eventually prepare you for getting back with your ex, if that is what you decide you really want.

That brings us to the next big question.

In these kinds of sticky situations, the one thought of saving my relationship may be overwhelming you.

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ADVICE AND TIPS ON RELATIONSHIPS

Step back a minute and think for a while.

Should you save it?

Really?

No relationship is perfect, we know that.

But if yours is, or was, in a lot of trouble, you have to ask yourself whether it is worth saving.

Did your partner ignore you all the time?

Cheat?

Abuse you?

Alcohol or drugs?

Money problems?

And so on.

These are serious issues.

Even more serious, however, is a refusal to deal with these matters, and try to fix them.

No matter how bad the trouble, some folks just will not see it.

Or you will see no need to make the effort to repair things.

This can be very discouraging for the other partner, and lead to a sense of hopelessness and even fear, especially if children are involved.

You should go see a marriage counselor, preferably with your mate.

Go alone, if they will not go.

It will help clarify your mind, and decide if it is a good idea to try and patch up your relationship.

Now you are ready to talk seriously to your mate, and see where you both go from here.

You do not simply want to get back together again.

In other words, you should not just pick up where you left off, in a bad situation.

Saving my relationship is your goal, yes, but you surely do not want to save a really troubled relationship or marriage.

Saving My Relationship

11

One or both of you needs to change, so that the partnership itself changes and becomes worth saving.

You can only change yourself, of course, so start there.

Show your mate that you are making the effort to change, and suggest gently what they can do to improve.

Take small, easy steps at first, and encourage your ex to do the same.

Do not accept vague promises from your spouse or mate.

This is a time for action.

You cannot force your partner to change.

But make it clear that you will need to see a real attempt, real movement, if the relationship is to get back on track.

Keep at it slowly, with love and patience, with outside help if you need it.

Before you know it, your relationship will be well on the way to being saved.

5

Will Self-Help Techniques Work With A Bad Relationship?

I

t is well known that self-help techniques are used for a

variety of purposes.

You may like to use these techniques to mend your relationship.

But the unfortunate fact is that self-help techniques may not work for you if you try to use them to mend a broken relationship.

The problem is not with them but with the expertise needed to use them.

Unless you are an expert, you may not be successful in using these techniques.

You need to seek expert advice.

You can also use books written by experts.

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Will Self-Help Techniques Work With A Bad Relationship

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You can also find many such books in any bookstore.

Have a look at the credentials of the author before choosing a book.

One who reads a book for gaining knowledge or out of interest for the subject can choose any book.

But one who buys a book with the aim of solving a problem has to be careful about the choice.

Since you are in a bad relationship, it is very important that you use the right books Before buying or even borrowing a book, you may like to get answers to a couple of questions, to have faith in a book.

How does one know whether a particular book will work?

Does the writer of the book have a successful relationship?

You will be justified in asking these questions since there are writers who will write impressive books but who, in their own life, will not be able to solve the very same problems they deal with in their books.

However, this does not mean that the ideas given by them in their books will not work.

It may only mean that these people have not applied their own ideas in their life!

So, I would suggest that you should evaluate the effectiveness of the book on the strength of its contents and not on the author's personal life.

There are also good and caring counsellors.

What you need to understand is that it is possible to find a solution to your relationship problems.

But you should not hesitate to seek expert help when needed.

The REAL Reasons Why Your Spouse May Lie To You When It Comes To Divorce