AMUST
LIFESTYLE
NEWS 1-3
How to harmonise your married life Princess R Lakshman Ideally, a Muslim marriage represents a beautiful, blessed journey of a woman and man united in their values to serve Allah through their soulful companionship and a daily intentional practice of good thoughts, good words, and good deeds. As a psychotherapist in the Muslim community, I’ve observed a rise in the number of divorces and separation due to disharmony in marriage. Despite the hundreds of religious texts, practices, self-help books, and podcasts that teach us ways to demonstrate love, compassion, care, and kindness, marital problems continue to soar. So, what exactly are we failing to understand about human connection and soulful companionship? Is it that we use words without practising the essence of those words? For example, we use words like love, kindness, compassion, empathy, and so on, but we don’t really understand how to translate these words into action. Take the following examples: Husband surprises his wife by cleaning
the pantry, but when wife sees the pantry, she tells him off for putting everything in the wrong place. She doesn’t thank him, instead storms off in anger. Another example is when the husband is glued to his phone instead of helping with household chores and the kids. Or when spouses are constantly trying to find fault with one another through incessant arguments, bickering, and nagging, grudge-holding, and passive-aggressive behaviours, such as silent-treatment. These examples show what love, compassion, respect, and kindness doesn’t look like. So, what does love, compassion, kindness and respect look like? How does one translate these words into action? It’s in your tone, your gaze, and your touch. It’s in your ability to hold space while you listen to your spouse’s words without judgment or reaction. It’s in your expression of gratitude, first and foremost, for everything your spouse is already doing for you. It’s in your choice of words – are you accusing or seeking clarification? Are you name-calling? Are you blaming? Are you using respectful words, kind words and speaking them in a kind, respectful tone? Love, kindness, compassion – these are just empty words unless you translate them into deeds that are in harmony with the es-
Save a life through the Sunnah of community wellbeing Ameera Syed Islam is one of the fastest growing religions in our century with Muslims making almost 25% of the world’s population and yet our community seems to fail at helping our own hold back from suicide. The Sunnah of strengthening the Ummah and community wellbeing is one of the core teachings of our faith which many of us treasure in our daily lives. You may be someone who organises regular gatherings, treats friends like family and warmly greets any Muslim brother or sister who passes you by during your day. A question that remains for us all to reflect on is, how well are we looking after ourselves and those closest to us? Allah says, “Surely We will test you with a bit of fear and hunger, and loss in wealth and lives and fruits, and give good tidings to the patient.” (Quran 2:155) Hardship is ingrained into our lives in unique ways as Allah’s Way of drawing us near to Him in worship, but we can also look for aid through the blessings He has gifted us. According to research conducted in 202021 by Australian Bureau of Statistics, nearly 20% of adults living in Australia experience severe psychological distress at any given time, including 3139 suicide-related deaths. That’s nearly 4 million people living right here in Australia and unfortunately Muslims are not immune to this. As Muslims in Australia, we face a wide range of mental health issues, including suicidal tendencies, stemming from stress, stigma, racial/religious discrimination and
14
societal disadvantage as migrant populations. Most of us force ourselves to strap up our boots and walk on, while many of us are still left behind. Suicide is a harsh reality many families are facing following the death of their loved ones, but unfortunately their stories only make it a few steps into the community before being shut down as a taboo. As a community, we have to reach out to our children, brothers, sisters, parents and friends, ask them how they’re really doing (physically and mentally), what is taking up their headspace. Their answer might be a simple “I’m good” but that’s still a good start. Soon, these simple chats open up into conversations that could save their lives without even realising. Knowing that someone cares enough to check up on them can make a big difference on how they view their lives and self-worth. The same goes for yourself. Are you OK? How are you feeling? Is there someone who you can trust to provide support and guidance? Remember, our Prophet Muhammad (s) once said, “The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever” (Bukhari & Muslim). The faith and trust we keep in Allah’s Plans are a strong protector against hardships, but it is also important for us to seek for support through the people Allah has blessed us with. Contact us at www.nzf.org.au/contact or call 1300 663 729.
AUSTRALASIAN MUSLIM TIMES
BOOMERANG 4-8
sence of these words. One Simple Strategy Have at least one hour every day with your spouse where you are not on any gadgets – no phones, tablets, laptop, smartwatch, or TV – nothing that you are wired to. Just try to be in each other’s company without depending on any external forms of connection. Try to soulfully connect with each other. Hold space for an organic conversation to happen and flow. Hold space for your spouse to speak while you listen, without interrupting even once.
COMMUNITY 9 - 10
AUSTRALIA 11 - 13
Make this a daily teatime or coffee time or juice time or smoothie time, whatever you both prefer. Learn to once again be with each other and learn to enjoy being with each other. May Allah bless your marriage and keep you safe and healthy. Remember, marriage is all about daily efforts in the actual practice of kindness, compassion, patience, care, love, and respect. Princess R. Lakshman is a writer, speaker, qualified clinical nutritionist, life coach and a counsellor. She is based in Sydney, Australia.
Re-shaping young people’s mindset Nesrin Khalifa Growing up, a question that I was frequently asked by my family and friends was, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And after many years, I realized that this type of question often leads to young people making the wrong decisions regarding their career path. When you often meet a child for the first time, you unconsciously find yourself curiously asking them what they want to be when they’re older, and you hear answers such as ‘a doctor’, ‘an engineer’ etc. But what’s wrong with such a rephrased question is that it directs kids wrongfully. This is because children’s response to this question tends to be driven by what their parents expect from them or even what they commonly see around them. For example, I grew up surrounded by family members working in the medical field, and when I used to get asked this question, guess what my answer was…a doctor, of course! This is because I was influenced by the people around me, believing that their career path was what is expected and accepted from me. The right question that we must ask young people is, “Who do you want to be?” or, “What do you want to be known for?” A question that is phrased this way will allow them to stop and think. Think about how they see themselves in the future. Think about what they are passionate about. Think about what they are good at. Think about the person they want to be rather than one specific occupation/profession. This will eventually guide them correctly. How? Because it will open so many doors for them.
WWW.AMUST.COM.AU
It will give them the space so that later, when they’re wiser and know what’s best for them, they find multiple options, not just one specific view, which is most likely to be biased due to external factors influencing them. Try it yourself! Next time you see a younger cousin, sibling, family friend etc… ask them, “Who do you want to be?” and I bet their answer will be broad and open; such as, ‘a motivational leader’ or ‘a successful team worker’ When they grow up and their time comes to make a decision regarding their career path, they will be able to explore more options, since a leader could be one in any field, in any profession, for any purpose. Parents and older siblings, cousins and family friends must start shaping younger people’s minds to a more flexible mind-set. A mindset that includes all types of jobs, opportunities and professions. A mindset that doesn’t feel obliged to become a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer. A mindset that throws away all societal expectations and starts embracing something it’s good at, passionate about and most importantly, will help them live the life that satisfies both Allah and itself. Nesrin Khalifa is a 15-year-old student in Al-Noori Muslim School. She is a passionate writer, public speaker and debater who loves to advocate about various matters that interest her and the Australian Muslim community. ISSUE 201 / AUGUST 2022
