Are you in a toxic relationship? Suicide: Look for the signs

Being in a toxic relationship brings about death. Death to peace, love, light, joy and abundance. It slowly sucks life out of you until you start mirroring toxicity in your thoughts, words and deeds.

Not all toxic relationships are physically violent. Emotional torture, insults, money-control, spying (hacking into social media accounts, or checking phone messages), and constant accusations are some of many signs of a toxic relationship.

In my personal experience of a toxic marriage I ignored all these toxic behaviours because a part of me convinced me of two things; one, that I deserved them – taking blame, making excuses for his violence. And two, that I could change him if I tried harder.

These two reasons were a clear indication that I lacked self-worth, self-respect, selflove, self-compassion and gratitude to Allah for the beautiful life that He had blessed me with where instead of choosing love, light, peace and joy, I was choosing toxicity and perpetuating it further.

When parenthood happens, the excuse to stay becomes even more ridiculous: convincing yourself to stay because your child needs a complete family, both parents.

It’s not fun sharing this truth with my read- ers. However, self-transformation is only possible when there is self-reflection and awareness of patterns of thinking. Self-sabotaging thought patterns that trap you into staying on in toxic relationships (marriages, friendships and business partnerships) only bring about darkness, ill health, resentment and fear.

Before you know it, you become addicted to this toxicity and fear propels you to find excuses to remain stuck in this stagnant existence.

Allah created you to live your life to your full potential and worship Him. Know the difference between merely existing and actually living.

So, ask yourself…Where are you in your life right now? How do you feel about your growth? How is your relationship helping you grow? Is it helping you grow? If not, why not?

No one can make you leave. You need to decide that for yourself. People sometimes say things like, “If it’s that bad, just leave.” But, it’s not that simple…because you need to understand that in order to leave a toxic relationship, you need to first and foremost become aware that you are in fact living in one. Choice is the most fundamental and crucial part of decision-making.

Princess R. Lakshman is a writer, speaker, qualified clinical nutritionist, life coach and a counsellor. She is based in Sydney, Australia.

Identify which side of this box your life resembles most and then make the right choice.

Daily fights and arguments

Fearful of being and expressing yourself

Feeling useless, hopeless, anxious and depressed

Crying alone and blaming others or self

Retaliating with violence and aggression

Making excuses for this toxic situation

Being ignorant about your rights

Peaceful, soulful companionship

Freedom to be who you are and live your purpose

Feeling positive, light, loving and joyful

Cry it out to a trusted professional to guide you

Realising your self-worth and rising above these toxic behavioural choices

Take action to do something to change your life for the better

Finding the right people to help you understand your rights

But following the increase in “intihar” in Australia over recent years, surely it’s time that we as a community started talking more openly about this disturbing increase in the number of people taking their own lives –and what we can do to prevent it.

The increase in Australia’s national suicide rate has been quite alarming since COVID became a part of our lives in early 2020.

People becoming isolated, being forced to work remotely – or being faced with the prospect of losing their families, their homes and/or their jobs/businesses after being financially impacted by COVID – these are all circumstances that can lead to negative thoughts that trigger an individual into taking the saddest and most drastic action of all.

Of course, these ‘new’ triggers for depression and similar issues are on top of the many other pre-existing reasons why people take their own lives including marriage breakdown and its many devastating consequences.

Australian Bureau of Statistics figures reveal that sadly, 8.6 Australians suicide every day (more than twice the national road toll), while 75 percent of Australian suicide victims are male.

Currently, suicide is the number one cause of death for Australians aged between 15 and 44, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

Another sobering statistic is that 40% of Australians personally know somebody who has taken their own life.

And within our very own community over the past six months alone, an alarming number of young Muslim males in particular have taken their own lives.

So surely, rather than avoiding the question, we as a community should be asking ourselves both why is this happening – and what can we do about it?

There is a school of thought that if you identify that a male may be struggling mentally – be it your father, your son, your brother, your friend or your work, sport or study colleague – that if you reach out to him by asking “are you okay?”, then you’ve done your bit.

But in many cases, the “okay” question merely scratches the surface.

Many men are too shy, too embarrassed or too proud to ‘open up’ about their feelings – especially young, fit, healthy males who give the outward impression of not only being “okay” but being indestructible…when sometimes nothing could be further from the truth.

So make no mistake, suicide is on the increase and it’s one of the hugest issues currently facing society as the pressure cooker of life in the 2020’s has never been more intense.

The “R U OK Day” initiative was founded in 2009 by Sydneysider Gavin Larkin, whose father had taken his own life 14 years earlier.

Held annually on 8 September, R U OK Day inspires everyday Australians like you and me – not just medical experts and other professionals – to look out for ‘the signs’.

By initiating a conversation with a friend or family member who appears to be struggling mentally and by letting them know that they are not alone, you are taking an action that is not only caring and responsible but is also a gesture that may not only change their life, it may even save their life.

Allah says: “Whoever saves a life, it is as though he had saved the lives of all mankind.” (Qur’an 5 : 32).

While the Prophet Muhammad (s) said: “A Muslim who relieves a Muslim from the plight of distress, Allah relieves him from one of the plights of his distress on The Day of Resurrection.”

Please be mindful that 8 September comes just once a year but the pressures of life affect people every day.

We need to show our concern for our brothers and sisters who appear to be displaying ‘the signs’ – stress, anxiety or trauma – and in this way, we can make it R U Okay every day.

• If you or somebody you know is experiencing a mental health crisis requiring urgent care (for example, they are at risk of harming themselves or others), call Emergency on 000.

The following services are available 24/7 if counseling is required:

• Lifeline Australia 13 11 14

• Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

• MensLine Australia 1300 789 978

• Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

• Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

• NSW Mental Health Access Line 1800 011 511

• Veterans & Veterans’ Families Counselling Service 1800 011 046