Amy Doak - Writing Folio

AMY DOAK Writing Folio - Published Works (Magazines) A selection from 2013/2014 email: a.s.doak@icloud.com

Bendigo Magazine Issue 32 Spring 2013

FEATURE

MULTIPLY THE LOVE Having one new baby can be challenging, overwhelming and sometimes even a little frightening…so imagine having two (or more) in one go. For these families, the challenges of a rapidly growing family have been alleviated by one amazing group: The Bendigo Multiple Birth Association.

Writer: Amy Doak - Photographer: David Field In Australia, about two per cent of all the new babies born come in multiples. Twins account for about 90 per cent of multiple births and there are about 80-90 sets of triplets and quadruplets – known as Higher Order Multiples – born each year. There are about 60 multiple birth associations in Australia and the Bendigo faction is a close-knit group whose members consider one another an extension of their families.

President Vanessa Cheng understands the plight of the multiple parent better than anyone. She and husband Andei have two sets of twins (Aaron and Sofia, six) and (Eloise and Olivia, four), and a singleton (Laura, nine) of their own. “We didn’t have any family history of twins, so it was unusual enough when Aaron and Sofia arrived. Once I was pregnant with Eloise and Olivia, people told me that the odds (of having twins again) were actually quite high, but I simply didn’t imagine that would happen,” says Vanessa, who always wanted four children but would never have thought that three pregnancies would result in five babies.

The Chengs were living in Canberra when Aaron and Sofia arrived and became involved with the multiple birth association there. “They were nine months old when we moved to Bendigo and I went along to a coffee morning,” Vanessa explains. “Being new to town, it was a great way to meet other mums.”

Now in her fourth year on the committee and second year as president, Vanessa is overseeing a group of about 30 members, and four life members. “It is growing all the time, and 30 people with a few children each makes for quite a rowdy get together when we meet for coffee once a week,” she laughs. “We also run an expectant parent night twice a year and I think it’s really great for people who are pregnant with twins to come along. Being connected with the broader organisation of The Australian Multiple Birth Association is also really positive. They provide us with fascinating research from the twin registry and other interesting information.

There are issues that come up – such as starting school, or even birthday parties and cakes – and a lot of parenting books don’t cover multiples. It is wonderful to be able to see what other people do and what has worked for them.”

“There is so much variety with twins – fraternal, or not… boy-girl combinations, or not. People so often group them as ‘the twins’ and I think that, as parents, we try really hard to show the world that they are individuals. It does, however, also really challenge you in the notion of fairness and equality.”

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FEATURE

Five years ago, at just 27 years of age, people might have been shocked to see Carrie Anne Macrae with five little ones under the age of five but, it seems, she and her husband, Scott, love every bit of the chaos.

“My eldest is 11 (son, Keoni) and he loves not having a twin!” Carrie Anne says. “Three years later we had fraternal twin girls (Kaley and Arkie Starr), and then three years after that we had fraternal twin boys (Zahn and Ryder).”

Carrie Anne’s mother’s brother and sister are twins, but it was still a huge shock when they found out they were expecting the girls.

“We weren’t going to have any more kids after the girls arrived, but I convinced Scott to have just one more,” explains Carrie Anne. “I had some bleeding early in the pregnancy and thought we’d lost the baby so we went in for a scan and it was an even bigger shock when we saw two little heartbeats there. I cried for a few days and I actually don’t think it has sunk in yet that I have so many kids.”

Although Carrie Anne has had moments of being completely overwhelmed, she says that she couldn’t be luckier. “A lot of people say ‘poor you’ or ‘you need a medal’ and I don’t feel that way at all. I am just so happy to have them, I think we are really lucky.”

Carrie Anne found the first few years tough and not just the sleeping and feeding that you would expect from a twin mother. “Just leaving the house was hard sometimes – getting everyone in and out of car seats and organised. Also going to the park was nearly impossible, with toddlers heading off in all different directions you just couldn’t do it safely so it was easier to not go.”

It was these challenges that left Carrie Anne quite housebound in those early years. “I became a bit of a hermit but I think that was my way of coping with it all. With Scott at work and no family nearby, I found myself not wanting to go out as it was a bit hard on my own.”

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FEATURE

That all changed when the boys started kinder this year and Carrie Anne decided to reach out to the Bendigo Multiple Birth Association. “It was the best thing – I look back and part of me wishes that I had joined earlier. It is so wonderful to be with other people who really know where I am coming from. Having two sets of twins is pretty unusual too, but I am not on my own in that aspect in the group either. The support is fantastic and knowing that you aren’t the only one in your situation is so great.”

“When the boys were born in 2008 and we had five kids under five, it was pretty crazy in our house,” laughs Carrie Anne. “But Scott and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We love our little tribe. Of course, Scott has told me I’m not allowed to have any more, just in case we end up with a third set of twins!”

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FEATURE

Jennifer and Paul McDonald got the shock of their lives when they discovered they were expecting and their first child, Mhairi, was just five months old. At the 12 week scan, shock turned to absolute disbelief when they were told they were having twins.

“We would laugh and then cry for those first few days after we found out,” says Jennifer. “We just couldn’t believe it. The months quickly flew by though and we upgraded our cute little car to a big, chunky Kia Carnival and our little single pram was extended to a triplet train formation pram with its own steering wheel – it really tends to make people stop and stare. Our spare bedroom became the second nursery but I think it was my appetite and tummy that grew the most.”

Originally, Jennifer’s obstetrician had scheduled a caesarian delivery at 38 weeks, which would have been two days after Mhairi’s first birthday. However, at 36 weeks, one of the twin’s growth and weight speed was slowing down so the delivery was rescheduled for 37 weeks. “That was pretty daunting news,” Jennifer explains.

“To have three babies under the age of one was an overwhelming thought.”

On the July 24, 2011, Seamus Charles and Louisa Hollie were welcomed into the world. Both babies were born a healthy weight and no breathing issues.

“We spent a lovely week at St John Of God. The staff there were amazing and even allowed us to throw a small first birthday party for little Mhairi in the hospital’s main cafeteria.”

With Paul away working in Karratha three weeks out of every four, Jennifer is grateful for the support system that she has. “My mum lives five doors down and a few nights a week she comes to help with bed and bath. My sister lives in Bendigo as well and she is a

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nurse, with four children of her own, so she is a great support.”

At a doctor’s appointment when Jennifer was still pregnant with the twins, she came across a flier promoting an information night with for the Bendigo Multiple Birth Association. “There were doctors from both the public and private hospital, as well as a breastfeeding specialist, and it was all really great information, so we just became a part of the group from there.”

A year on and life is beyond busy for Jennifer and Paul. “We have lots of wonderful days filled with laughs, and a few hard days filled with lots of tears. The Bendigo Multiple Birth Association has become a big part of our lives. The other mums and dads really understand how amazing the great days are, and how hard the terrible ones are.

It’s also nice having a place that we can go each week and let the kids run wild while I can enjoy a nice, semi hot cuppa and a slice of cake.”

“I will admit, I thought having twins would be harder. With Mhairi, we couldn’t leave her alone for a moment without her getting upset, but the twins are just so happy and easy going. They love each other’s company so much too, it’s the sweetest thing.”

FEATURE

For a time, Belinda and Lyndon Jolley began to wonder if they would ever be able to have children of their own.

were able to stay in Bendigo even with their complications. Even better, we were home after just one week.”

“We were having trouble falling pregnant and we knew that the fertility drugs that I was on would increase the chance of a multiple birth,” explains Belinda. “Usually, the odds of twins are about one per cent but with the medication it was about 10 per cent, so we weren’t surprised. Lyndon had said before we found out, “wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had twins?” I am not sure he would say that now though.”

“The boys often get called ‘the princes’ due to their names, and William has blonde-red hair where as Harry’s is a stronger red, very much like the royal princes.” laughs Belinda. “We use this as a way to help people tell them apart, although they are not identical and they are so very different. They really are just like regular siblings who were born on the same day.”

Belinda’s waters broke unexpectedly early. “William and Harrison were born at 34 weeks and one day, so not only did we have twins, but we also had to manage some of the difficulties that come with premature babies,” Belinda says. “I was able to give birth to the boys naturally, which I am so grateful for, but William was born first and he had trouble breathing. Harrison, when he arrived, was not breathing at all.”

“The staff at St John of God were wonderful though, and the boys

As well as trying to explain the difference between identical and nonidentical twins to people, Belinda said she could really do without the notion of ‘double trouble’.

“I really hate that saying. I always come straight back and say, ‘no, double the love.’ They are beautiful, and such good friends with one another.”

When she was pregnant, Belinda went along to one of the expectant parent evenings held by the Bendigo Multiple Birth Association. “I was keen to breastfeed and I also wanted to learn more about how to tackle the day-to-day things. The night was so good, and so eye opening. They even talked about simple things that you don’t think about – like going to the supermarket when the babies are born. It was that sort of information that I really wanted and needed.”

“The Association has been a huge help to me over the years,” Belinda admits. “One of the lovely ladies in the group even dropped off a steriliser, breast pump, twin feeding pillow and a bag of home made Anzacs to me in the hospital.”

“We now have another son, Alexander, who is 11 months old and also has red hair. We often joke about their names – William the Conqueror, Alexander the Great and Harrison the Ford.”

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FEATURE

Maxine and Terry Anderson had planned the arrival of their second child perfectly. Due in November 1991, the new member of the family was due just after toddler, D’Artagnan, would be turning two.

say that we will get one pair one week, and someone else’s the next.

But, with twins, you try so hard to not play favourites – and that means they have to get theirs at the same time.”

Maxine is able to laugh about the time now but says that, on finding she was carrying twins at the 17 week scan, was filled with horror at the thought of three under two.

Maxine dressed the girls the same when they were younger for exactly the same reason. “If you loved an outfit, it didn’t seem fair to buy it for one girl and then purchase the second best thing for the other. So, it was easier to get the same outfit, but sometimes in a different colour.”

“Mostly I was worried about D’Artagnan,” she explains. “He was so little still and needed my attention, I was really concerned about the impact that having twins might have on him.”

She needn’t have been concerned. When two gorgeous little girls, Kolumbyne and Cherokee, arrived four weeks before their due date, their big brother was their greatest fan. “He was great. He would call them ‘my girls’,” Maxine smiles.

The girls, who are now 21, were joined by a sister, Rhapsody (now 17) and little brother, Pharaoh (now 15) to complete the Anderson family. While a busy family with five children has its own challenges, adding twins to the mix has meant that some of those challenges are amplified. “Financially, things can be tricky,” says Maxine. “For example, if the kids all needed new school shoes, you feel you can

Kolumbyne and Cherokee are fraternal twins. “It’s funny, because Rhapsody often gets told that she could be a twin of either girl…yet Kolumbyne and Cherokee are so very different from one another.”

As the twins don’t look alike, Maxine has often had a hard time over the years convincing people that they really are twins. “There is definitely a stereotype that twins must be identical. A lot of people think that if they don’t look the same, then they couldn’t possibly be twins.”

Maxine was heavily pregnant back in 1991 when her maternal health Nurse told her about the Bendigo Multiple Birth Association.

“I call it twin club!” Maxine says. “I rocked up to my first meeting – which was their 10th birthday – with a very round belly and got to know a few people. A month later I had my babies and I was glad I didn’t wait to go – I might never had got there. The club was great for the girls too. Everywhere else we went, it was often a bit of a sideshow with ‘the twins’. At twin club, they were just Kolumbyne and Cherokee and they got to meet loads of other kids the same as them. The friendships I have made through the group have been wonderful and they have saved my sanity many times. Terry’s family and mine aren’t in Bendigo, and mum would often give advice over the phone that wasn’t always helpful with regards to twins. So to have people who really understand you has been fabulous.”

“I feel really lucky,” Maxine says of having her twins. “Being a mother, having babies, has really felt like my place in life. It’s hard work – but so is one baby. I was pleasantly surprised at how ‘easy’ it actually has been.”

The Bendigo Multiple Birth Association welcome new members and you can get in touch by visiting their website (www.bmba.org.au); liking their facebook page (www.facebook.com/BendigoMultipleBirthsAssociation) or phoning the club on 0450 218 003. ■

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Bendigo Magazine Issue 33 Summer 2013

BIG BOYS TOYS

BOY’S OWN ADVENTURE For many people, their great hobby or true passion might pass the time, initiate a new career or perhaps introduce them to like-minded people, but for these Bendigo brothers, it took them half way around the world.

Writer: Amy Doak - Photographer: David Field “I’ve been pretty much interested in both cars and motor bikes from a very early age,” explains Mike Armstrong. Interestingly, despite the family business being Armstrong Tyres, Mike says that no one else in his family has the quite same passion for automotives. “I have no idea why I love them so much but I do know that my earliest memory of being impressed with a car was when I saw the movie Bullitt with Steve McQueen. I was eight years old and I went to the Saturday afternoon matinee at the Plaza Theatre in 1968 and even though it was a crap movie, I fell in love with a ’68 highland green Mustang GT fastback.

“When I was 17 years old and waiting to get my licence I started restoring a 1953 Series one Land Rover short wheel base,” Mike says.

“I had it on the road by the time I turned 18 but it was so slow I traded it in after six months.”

Fast-forward 32 years and Mike and his brother, Peter, both spotted an ad for the Peking To Paris Rally. “I was reading Mike’s magazine and had it open on the ad about the rally when he mentioned that he’d love to do it,” Peter Armstrong explains.

“I said that it would be awesome and I’d cut off my left arm to join him – a real life, boy’s own adventure. Mike’s into older cars and restoring but I love driving and exploring so there was something in it for both of us.”

decided to enter, so the rebuild went from there.”

To prepare their new set of wheels (nicknamed Horace) for the gruelling 12,200-kilometre race that would send them through 21 countries in just 33 days it meant a new motor, gearbox, suspension, brakes and tyres, along with some modern seating for the journey.

“When you don’t have any mechanical training, it’s important to know what not to do,” Mike admits. “The rebuilding of the motor and gearbox was done by professionals, as well as the body work and paint finish. Everything else though, including the disassembly and reassembly was done in the shed at home. A 1934 Dodge needs a fair bit of extra strengthening in the suspension and body, including a roll bar for the demands of the rally, and this was also done at home.”

The rally itself was an incredibly intense journey, the least of which was the speed that Mike and Peter passed through countries and cultures.

“We really just focused on making it through each day,” Mike says. “We had to deal with a broken axle, red tape at border crossings, camping in minus-10 degree in the Mongolian desert and each day we grew more and more exhausted.”

“When Pete said he’d join me I sent off for an information pack from the rally organisers and then we sat down and worked out costs and times frames and decided to go for it,” Mike says.

“It was a hard slog,” agrees Peter. “But it is such a rare event (only four rallies since 1916) and an incredible experience to be able to see a part of the world that so few people get to experience. To drive through Eastern block countries like Russia and Mongolia was just amazing.”

“That was 18 months before the start of the rally and the first task was to find a car. A bit of searching on the Internet unearthed a 1934 Dodge in Melbourne. It fitted nicely into the pre-war category that we had

I think many people would question the level of sanity in agreeing to travel in a confined space in such conditions with a sibling and while Mike and Peter admit they had their fair share of disagreements, they

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made quite a formidable team. So much so, that they actually not only completed the race (something that many teams didn’t accomplish) but they placed 11th out of 96 teams from around the world.

“We’re definitely a compatible team. I’m a CFA volunteer and I love adventure and four-wheel driving,” Peter explains. “I’ve done a lot of mapping and a lot of off road experience and that was definitely my strength. Mike’s strength is the mechanical side of things and something would go wrong and I’d think we’d be done, but he would be able to fix it and get us going again.”

The third member of their team though, was most certainly little old Horace. “I definitely want to rebuild Horace,” Mike says.

“I couldn’t imagine not doing it after putting so much time and effort in to the preparation and then the effort of the five weeks of the rally. As strange as it may sound, you form a relationship with the car due to your reliance on it, the distance you travel in it as well as the stress, fatigue, excitement and other emotions that you face during the rally experience. All together, that creates a real bond with you and the car. I don’t think that I could sell Horace, it would seem a bit heartless after what we’ve been through together.”

“Peking to Paris was such a long and tough rally, especially in a 80-year-old car.

I don’t think that I would do anything of that severity and distance again, but I am so happy that we did it,” Mike says when asked if he’d do it all over again.

“I’d love to do another rally though, and if it required a tough, reliable old car then I’d absolutely do it in Horace. It’s such a fantastic way to see the world and indulge in the passions of cars and travel.” ■

Bendigo Magazine Issue 34 Autumn 2014

FEATURE

BIRTH OF A FRIENDSHIP Having a baby and moving house are considered two of the most stressful and greatest life changes you can experience‌ so imagine tackling both of those experiences in a new culture, with a new language. We delve into a very small part of the Bendigo Friends And Mentors program that is giving rewards to everyone involved.

Writer: Amy Doak - Photographer: David Field

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FEATURE

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FEATURE

Melanie Chapman with her twins Abraham and Clove.

Heidi Lindner has been one of the key figures behind the Bendigo Friends and Mentors group since its inception in early 2006 and is incredibly passionate about working with people from a refugee background in our local community.

“Bendigo Friends and Mentors provides social and material support and mentoring to refugees living in Bendigo, at their request. The group originally started out as the Bendigo Karen Refugee Project in February 2006.

“There hadn’t been a large settlement of refugees in the Bendigo area since the Vietnamese in the 1970s but in 2004 six Afghani men who were released from detention on Nauru were settled here. We were so heartened by the support that we received from the Bendigo community that in 2005, when Rural Australian for Refugees Bendigo hosted a group of Burmese refugees (including ethnic minority Karen) from Melbourne, we realised there was support for establishing a Karen refugee community in Bendigo.

learning to use public transport, learning to use certain appliances in the home, safety, etc. Our needs are really driven by the requests we receive from the refugees and our most common mentor request is education and tutoring – developing confidence in English for both children and adults. In 2007 we received our first request for a pregnancy mentor.

“We find our mentors through word of mouth, registration with the Bendigo Volunteer Resource Centre and also through public events including: screenings of films at Star Cinema (Eaglehawk), fundraising barbecue at the Bendigo Community Farmer’s Market and craft displays and markets including the Zonta Christmas Market.

“Such community events are a great opportunity to speak with people about what we do. I continue to be amazed by the calibre of our mentors – including teachers, university lecturers and a range of health professionals. The cross section of ages and backgrounds of the people involved is so positive.

“The Karen are predominantly rural people and this was a region that was really suitable for them. Since that time though, we have worked with people from many other nationalities who are calling Bendigo home, so changed our name to Bendigo Friends and Mentors to reflect that fact.

“For so many people of a refugee background their relationship with Westerners prior to settlement in Australia has been fleeting and superficial. It is wonderful to see these ongoing, trusting relationships build and assist in creating real connections with the broader Bendigo community.”

“Mentoring including general settlement support – orientating a newly arrived refugee family or individual with the local area,

Anyone who has attended one of Melanie Chapman’s prenatal yoga classes will be quick to tell you that she is one person you would love

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FEATURE

to have attend your birth – calm, knowledgeable and full of positive energy. For this mum of four (Lenny, 7; Sassafras, 5 and new baby twins, Clove and Abraham), becoming a volunteer was a no brainer.

“A couple of years ago I heard Heidi talking about the program on ABC and I immediately chased it up. Years ago I had worked in Thailand running tours for Intrepid Travel. Intrepid was one of the first tour companies with a philosophy of ‘responsible tourism’ and everything we did was about trying to be sustainable. We actually had quite a bit to do with the Karen refugee community and interestingly I have met people here in Bendigo who were once living in some of the camps I visited then.

“The Bendigo Friends And Mentors group is now supporting refugees of different nationalities including Afghans and Sudanese, but at the time I started the group was in its earlier stages and was exclusively Karen people. Hsa Ree (pronounced Sar-ee) had arrived in May 2011 to join her husband and his family who were settled here in Bendigo and her daughter, Shebah (or Fairy, as she is called by her family) was born in September of that year.

“My main role was really to go along to all of the prenatal appointments and to help with the cultural difference as to how birthing is done here (as opposed to in a refugee camp). It is really being the go-between and an added voice with the obstetrician.

“There was also the option, if it was something that Hsa Ree

Heidi Lindner from Bendigo Friends and Mentors

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FEATURE

wanted, for me to attend the birth. She did want that and it was so amazing. I also helped with post birth appointments such as maternal health and trying to bridge a gap between the two cultures. There are many things that are important to them – such as keeping the placenta and what is involved in the first meal post birth – and it was my job to ensure that the staff here understood and respected those things.

(Mae La refugee camp) when I was ten years old. I lived at the camp with my aunty and there were a lot of people there. More than 40,000 people. It was very hard. I met Kyaw Dah (pron Jor-Da) at the camp and we fell in love. We were only married one week when he left to go to Australia. He had family living in Weribee and Bendigo. It was two years before he was able to come back and visit me.

“At first, I found Hsa Ree very stoic, strong and resilient – and no wonder given what she had gone through in her life – and gorgeous! She is simply stunning. I thought she was really shy and it’s been so beautiful to watch her open up. Initially, it was quite hard to develop chitchat and now it has developed into a true friendship.

The tables have really turned actually. She has been so supportive and helpful to be during my pregnancy with my twins.

“I was five months pregnant when I was able to come to Australia and be with Kyaw Dah and his family. I wasn’t scared to come to a new country, I was so happy to be coming here and to be with him. I felt so lucky that I was going to be able to have my baby in a hospital. I had seen babies being born in the camp. It looked a bit scary.

“There have been times that I have arrived home and she has left a meal on my doorstep or she will ring and check if I need anything.

The whole experience of getting to know her has truly been an exchange.

“I wasn’t just welcomed into her immediate family – her husband’s extended family completely embraced me as well and, for me, it really is a cultural experience every time you are with them – they treat you like the guest of honour and they are so generous.

“My whole family has been invited into their community and it’s been wonderful for all of us. When Todd (Melanie’s husband) was working for a period overseas last year, Hsa Ree’s sister-in-law came and helped me out. The kids have learnt so much about another culture, different accents and different food and it has helped them be open minded to other cultures and other experiences. I have been more educated on the Karen plight and the horrible genocide that they have been subjected to in Burma. Stories of entire villages that have been wiped out and, in particular, the men who were very, very young and having to work as soldiers in the KNU – an experience that has affected them greatly.

“Being involved in the project has been an incredible experience. It is such a wonderful way to be connected to another culture – an opportunity that is not always available in country Victoria. It has involved my entire family and it is something I would absolutely recommend to others. It is really about helping them become self sufficient in their new country but it is so, so much more.

“Hsa Ree is amazing. Her English has improved; she is looking after her friend’s babies while they work and study; she’s got her driver’s licence. She is a strong, capable, confident woman who is a really big help to her friends. She doesn’t need my help now…she is running around helping everyone else – including me.”

Hsa Ree (22) met her husband, Kyaw Dah (23) in the refugee camp that she had called ‘home’ since she was 10 years old. Her daughter, She Bah, was born two years ago, just four short months after Hsa Ree arrived in Australia.

“I lived with my grandmother as a child and we came to the camp

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“I was very happy to have Melanie help me. I only spoke a little English and I didn’t know anything. I didn’t understand anything that the doctor was saying and Melanie helped with that and with making appointments. I trust her very much.

“As soon as I arrived in Bendigo I started having English lessons every day at BRIT. It took 35 minutes to walk to class and 35 minutes home again but I went every day, even in the rain, until my baby was due.

“Melanie would drive me, sometimes to my lessons and always to my appointments. She would make my appointments for me. She helped me and she and Todd have also helped Kyaw Dah and my mother in law. When I moved house, they helped me. She is a good friend to me.

“There are a lot of Karen people in Bendigo now and there are more coming. My husband’s aunty is coming next week. It is a good community. We have a playgroup with the kids every week and yoga with the mothers. We also have cooking classes but I haven’t done them for a while – I miss them. All of these things are organised by volunteers and Bendigo Friends and Mentors. They also have taught us about women’s issues and contraception and even things like how to use a knife and fork. We didn’t use a knife and fork in the camp and we were a bit scared to go to a restaurant here because we didn’t know what to do. It has been very good to learn all these things.

“A few of the women have been a bit scared to get their driver’s license, but I really wanted to. I drive now and I can help other people.

“I have come across many other people who lived in the same camp as me here in Bendigo. We are happy living here now. I like Bendigo very much. It is a good place to live.”

If you’d like to become a mentor with Bendigo Friends And Mentors (and it doesn’t have to the maternity experience, the group also needs mentors to help those from a refugee background learn to speak and read English, drive and many other things that will help them integrate easily in to the local community) you can contact Heidi on 0417 576 075 or email her at bendigomentors@bigpond.com. Q

FEATURE

Hsa Ree with her daughter Shebah.

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Bendigo Magazine Issue 35 Winter 2014

TWO’S COMPANY

creativity

FOR THE LOVE OF

Have you ever met two really wonderful people – completely independent of one another – and then been pleasantly surprised to discover that they are actually great friends?

Writer: Amy Doak - Photographer: David Field Sonia Brit has owned and managed the unique bob boutique in Bendigo for 10 years now. She not only creates beautiful items herself, but she also sources incredible artwork, jewellery and other items for her store.

Lauren Mitchell was once editor of Bendigo Magazine and she is known around town for her thought-provoking and interesting musings on Bendigo that have been printed in the Bendigo Weekly, the Bendigo Advertiser and, most recently, compiled and published as a book.

ON MEETING: Lauren: I’ve been a customer of Sonia’s for years. I love to shop at bob boutique and always thought that Sonia was just a beautiful person. She’s so friendly and kind and always up for a chat.

Sonia: I just loved Lauren’s work. My partner, Brian, and I had a Saturday morning ritual – we would get a pot of tea, sit somewhere sunny and read Lauren’s column. I have always loved her writing and that’s how I first knew her.

L: I got to know Sonia better a few years ago when I was working on Bendigo Magazine. I was looking for people to be a part of a story on collecting and I thought “this chick would know some really quirky collectors.”

S: Around the same time, Lauren had come into pay off a layby and fell in love with a book I had in the store…

L: I said, “should I pay off my layby or

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buy the book?” and Sonia said, “buy the book!” When I came back later to pay off the layby, we both talked about how wonderful the book was and I said, “we should do something like that.”

S: That started our weekly cuppas… talking about all the wonderful people that we admire in Bendigo and how we would love to share their stories and their lives. There were so many people that we both knew and we really wanted to find a way to celebrate them.

L: I think we’ve always had a connection.

We discovered, after we got to know each other better, that my mum’s nana and Sonia’s nana were really good friends…they lived next door to each other in Kangaroo Flat. Growing up, my brother’s toy hippo, Harpo, was a bit of a fixture in our family and we recently found out that Sonia’s mum actually made him.

ON CREATIVE SPACES: S. As well as the store, I also have a studio space. I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like in it, it’s such a wonderful place and it really is my space. I wanted Lauren to spend time there though. I trust her completely and I wanted it to have her spark.

L: When I left the Addy, Sonia gave me a set of keys to her space and I cried.

It meant that somebody else took my writing seriously and that they wanted me to continue to do it.

S: We are very slowly working on a collaborative project together and I am

TWO’S COMPANY

L: Using my words and stories, and Sonia’s visual design and pictures…our project has become the third friend in our meetings.

incredible. Most people in Bendigo would know Suzie’s frocks out of clay.

I am also very inspired by my brother, Justin Harrick. People may have seen him on his tall bike riding around the city and he makes the most amazing things from other people’s jink – usable, workable and often rideable works of art.

ON BENDIGO:

ON EACH OTHER:

L: I love Bendigo. My memories, experiences, achievements and heartbreaks are wrapped up in this place. My mum’s family goes back four generations in Bendigo – they were Cornish miners. I can tour around the Ironbark streets and see the miner’s cottages that housed them. I love those cottages, all higgledy piggledy, here and there. To me they’re more important than the grand architecture. I could spend my life writing about this place and never run out of stories. I feel it’s important for a city’s stories to be told by someone who truly loves them.

S: Lauren has the kindest nature. She is always just Lauren…she doesn’t have to be anyone else. She is very courageous, very caring and she cares for everyone she meets. When she is with you, she is really with you and that always makes things better. I think that is why I love her writing so much. She writes who she is. Lauren is so insightful when it comes to people and so caring about the people that she writes about. This inspires me to make better illustrations, photographs and designs that capture the feeling of talking to these special people.

more excited about that than anything I’ve done so far. We both admired each other’s work and we wanted to bring the two together.

S: Apart from overseas travel, I have lived here my whole life. I am not a city girl at all, so Bendigo is a great balance. It’s not too big but there is always something going on. My family and friends are here – it is home. I love walking to work, down View Street and through the park. I always think to myself, “I am so lucky.”

ON LOCAL ARTISTS: S: My immediate family are incredibly talented and they inspire me so much (Sonia’s mum is local artist, Gail Tavener and her brother is Jason Tavener from Good One Design). Mum is amazing not just because she is such an incredible artists but also her determination. From her artwork to helping the local arts community at large, she has done so much and started so many great projects that have introduced Bendigo artists to the world.

L: My dear friend, Suzie O’Shea is

L: Sonia has such a special way of looking at the world and that is translated in everything she does – from her art to her great laugh. She has such a beautiful spirit. Anyone who has set foot in bob feels it. To open bob regardless of the challenges…she knew she needed it for her life, so she did it and she made it happen. I think that is just amazing.

I’ve written many columns that have started out as conversations with Sonia.

I’ve also written lots about people who Sonia has suggested would have great stories to share. I think all of those stories have a little element of her in them…a little bit of quirkiness and a whole lot of goodness.

Keep in touch with what these two gorgeous gals have in store by visiting Sonia at bob boutique in Williamson Street (just under The Shamrock), or reading more of Lauren’s words at www.dearbendigo.com – I can’t wait to see what’s in store. ■

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Bendigo Magazine Issue 32 Spring 2014

FEATURE

the view TAKING IN

It’s no coincidence that some of Bendigo’s most iconic homes have the most sensational views in town. Here, four local families share their fabulous outlook.

Writer: Amy Doak - Photographer: Anthony Webster, and Andrew Perryman

LANSELLSTOWE Currently on the market this incredible home has a fascinating history and is truly an iconic piece of local architecture.

The property was built in 1913 by George Lansell for his third son, Leonard, and rumour has it that it featured a direct entrance to the network of family mines. Nuggets that were found were taken up into the cellar and stored in the purpose-built vault – a fabulous room that still exists today complete with the original heavy steel door – and stored within the 60cm thick walls.

Most recently utilised as a family home the three storey, 20 room building features a ballroom, gentleman’s room and five bathrooms with one featuring the original marble bathtub complete with copper fittings. However, it is the charming view over the city of Bendigo that really makes this unique building so special. Set well back on a huge block, the home was designed by revered architects Beebe and Garvin. It is said the commission from George instructed the designers to create a “fitting house for Leonard and his family.”

With the closing of the mines around this time, and the social changes brought about by World War I, Lansellstowe was perhaps the last mansion built in Bendigo. The design of the home – Italian Renaissance in style - was actually quite unusual for Bendigo and Victoria at the time.

Over the past 100 years the property has had a number of incarnations. During World War II it was used as a barracks for the Australian Women’s Army Service and in 1949 it was acquired by the Hospitals Commission as a nurses’ home for staff at the Bendigo Hospital. In 1991 it was bought with the intention of converting it into a family home and time and money has been spent to create a surprisingly warm and friendly space in the vast expanse of rooms.

The kitchen, in particular, is one that many home owners today would covet.

“It’s an incredible building,” Tweed Sutherland agent, Matthew Pinniger said.

“The views are an added surprise when there is so much to appreciate already. The master bedroom, the third floor balcony and the rumpus room all have spectacular views over the city.”

In fact, despite leafy Barkly Street dipping down as you pass Lansellstowe’s front fence, you could quite happily sit on the top floor balcony, crack a beer, put your feet up and watch an entire football match be played out at the QEO with no need for binoculars. The view looks out over the CBD and beyond to the south of Bendigo. Regardless of who buys the property next, and what plans they may have for it, we can only hope that someone is able to appreciate both the aspect and the sensational property.

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FEATURE

ST AIDAN’S In the beginning, Ian Dyett was in opposition of the planned development of St Aidan’s Orphanage. “The original plans were not ideal,” he admits. “Over 70 units and many lined up against the fence along St Aidan’s Road would have meant the gardens being destroyed. The gardens here are one of only two original Edwardian gardens in Bendigo (along with Canterbury Park in Eaglehawk) and the thought of ruining them was awful. My uncle (Paul Waddington) was actually responsible for the gardens here years ago and we have a wonderful photo of all of the people who were involved in building the fence – so many hardworking people who have relatives living in Bendigo today. This entire space really is a piece of history that is worth making great and worth fighting for.”

A meeting with a few other community members, the developer and the council at the time meant that a compromise was met – less units at a bigger size and no units along the fence line so the garden was maintained. Ian, at this point, decided that perhaps it was worth having a look through the property and seeing exactly what was on offer.

The tour included a corner of the main building and, on seeing one particular space Ian said, “Well, this one is sold.” And, when you see the view, you can understand why he instantly fell in love.

The first floor of the unit (which Ian hopes will be complete before the year is out) is home to a light and bright kitchen and living space, along with a bedroom and an office space for Ian’s wife, Edith. On gushing over the vista from here, Ian informs me that I haven’t seen anything yet – and oh, how right he is. On the upper level, doors open out on to a generous sized balcony that needs to be seen to be believed. The incredible space offers views that cover almost 300 degrees across Bendigo and right across to One Tree Hill and beyond.

“Over there you can see the hospital being built, and there is the new theatre near the QEO,” Ian points out various landmarks as we look over the city. “There you can see Mount Camel, and across there you can see Mount Macedon. On a clear day you can see Heathcote.”

The trees that surround Kennington Resevoir offer a carpet of green leading out to greater Bendigo and it is incredibly tempting to sit and stare out until you have noted every single recognisable landmark – although I think it would take days… there is so much to take in.

“On a sunny morning, when the sun is shining directly over the Anne Caudle centre and Bendigo is beautifully lit…there is no greater sight,” Ian says. “The birds are magnificent too. There are rosellas by the thousands, corellas and other beautiful native birds. We just love it and can’t wait to move in and be able to sit out here on a sunny day and just relax.”

With a history and a passion attached to this beautiful building, there perhaps could be no greater caretaker than Ian Dyett to stay true to the space, and to celebrate all that Bendigo has to offer from his little corner up in the sky.

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PENWINNICK The Purcell family has spent the past 17 years hard at work on their family home. The garden – with poor soil, steep slopes and years of drought – has now become an oasis reflecting the grandeur of the home. With a formal entrance, terraces, an orchard, roses, a secret garden, towering natives, sculptures and a fountain, perhaps the best place to take in the view is from the balcony of the home. Of course, your eye might well be drawn up to take in the glorious view of South Bendigo instead.

Penwinnick was built in 1895 for John Robert Hoskins. Hoskins, who was twice the Lord Mayor of Sandhurst, owned a timber and joinery business in Hargreaves Street and timber mill in Queen Street and it’s highly likely that he was responsible for the extensive use of ornamental woodwork on the first floor and the stairway. The parquetry floors, paneled walls and ceilings, and turned and carved fireplace surrounds use a combination of local and imported timbers.

Designed by William Vahland and John Beebe (who, as a partnership, also designed Langley Hall, The Sandhurst Club and Caradon in Eaglehawk) the property originally sat atop private land stretching down past Three Arch Bridge so great views would have always been a priority.

“It was built in an era when people had the opportunity to perfectly position a home on a large plot of land,” explains Andrew Purcell, who has lived in Penwinnick with wife Toni and their four children since 1997. “What is really lovely is that we don’t actually overlook anyone. It is more a vista across the skyline than a feeling of being on top of people.

“The view is actually what sold us,” Andrew says. “The previous owners described it as ‘living in the clouds’ and that is really what it feels like. It is like being in the treetops.”

In the years since the Hoskins family left the home it has only been lived in by three other families (and now the Purcells) and each homeowner has brought something unique to add to the rich history of the property. The second owners were the Wilson family and JB Wilson was a monumental mason (his business, in Carpenter Street, still exists today). He was responsible for the creation of many a beautiful sculpture in the garden. The third owners were the Giudice family (Michael Giudice was the owner of the Lyric Theatre and also – at 39 – was Bendigo’s youngest serving mayor) and local teacher, George Querol, who sold the home to the Purcell family, was also an avid history buff who compiled a great deal of information about the home to pass on to the current owners.

The Purcell’s legacy is one that has capitalised on those stunning views – creating a lovely terrace and conservatory under the back verandah that takes advantage of the aspect. “I think it is at its most beautiful in the morning as the sun rises over McIvor Highway and floods into our home. The light is just wonderful. If we ever leave here, we will have to go somewhere with an equally spectacular view,” Andrew admits. “Although I think it would be hard to beat this one.”

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CENTRAL Janine Coffey of Coffey Constructions has spent a lot of time working with heritage buildings around Bendigo. For more than 20 years she has been involved in meticulously restoring some of Bendigo’s most beautiful properties. Some (such as The Wine Bank, Cahill Chambers and Allawah Apartments) have become successful business ventures and others have become gorgeous homes for other Bendigo residents. Janine has also renovated many a home with her own family along the way and back in 2010 she was living on a gorgeous homestead in Marong that had been painstakingly restored to its former glory.

“We’d always said if something special came along we were prepared to move,” Janine explains. “And this was certainly something special.”

That unique property was ‘Central’, the twin of two story terrace home ‘Kent House’ located on the corner of Wattle Street and Rowan Street in the centre of Bendigo. Initially, Coffey Constructions was contacted by a local couple – John and Chris Launder – who had purchased both Kent House and Central. John and Chris were looking for a quality builder to bring the homes back to life and they planned to sell Central once the work was complete. Janine and Mark jumped at both the opportunity to be involved in the restoration and also call Central (along with two sons, Callum; now 17 and Flynn; now 15) the family home. Both homes had previously been used as boarding accommodation for Girton Grammar students and much of the original charm of the property had been lost over the years.

“The front had been bricked in at some stage in the 1920s and the verandahs were clad in heavy iron and bricks. The ornate lacework was completely gone but John and Chris put a great deal of work into sourcing primary documents and they were fortunate to source a photo from the early 1900s and matched the lacework from that image,” Janine says. “The cedar hand rail and staircase had been painted and every room was carpeted with carpet squares. It was pretty awful.”

JB Watson had originally built the properties in 1874. A miner, investor and publishing magnate, Watson was perhaps the wealthiest man on the goldfields (some say even Australia) at the time and he owned a number of properties in Melbourne and Sydney as well as owning the Sydney Morning Herald. He built Kent House for himself and Central was built for his sister – both homes mirroring each other in design and quality.

“The homes are still the same as each other in many ways,” Janine says. “Part of the appeal of the properties were the wonderful views and we reconfigured the layouts so the bedrooms are downstairs and the kitchen and living are upstairs opening up to the large balcony.

We wanted to capitalise on that beautiful outlook so we designed the interior of the property around the view.”

The result is the features and beauty of the heritage property, but the light and open space of a modern build. “It really is beautiful to sit up there and be away from everything but still a part of it. We love watching the storms roll into town, or seeing fireworks from the window – it is definitely one of the best views in Bendigo.” ■

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LittleONE Baby Issue 11 Summer 2013

FEATURE...

LittleONE baby sleep

SLEEPING LIKE A

baby

Sleep. As a new parent, it is the one commodity that you suddenly realise you completely took for granted before baby arrived. We ask four families, is there such a thing as a sleeping baby?

Words by Amy Doak

I

Photography by Kate Monotti

don’t know about you, but when I was pregnant I didn’t think too much about the sleep thing. I had friends who had complained about lack of sleep, others who didn’t mention it at all and a few who seemed to have babies that slept all the time.

With adults, it seems that some people seem to need loads and loads of sleep, and others can run quite happily and efficiently on next to none. So, I sort of thought that kids were much the same.

Beyond that, I was more concerned with actually getting the baby OUT before worrying about having them sleep.

As it turned out, that first week with my first babe was a bit of a shock. He was pushing 4kg on arrival and my milk took five days to arrive and that meant that my little man was one hungry baby. He was two weeks overdue and was born with his eyes wide open, ready for a meal! For those first few weeks he woke every two hours to eat and eat and eat. My fairy floss brain, combined with this want to get my supply established and not mess with it by skipping feeds, meant that I was feeding for about 45 minutes, sleeping for about an hour, rinse and repeat. And then the penny dropped. This was why sleep was suddenly the holy grail for new parents! And also why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture…it really does send you crazy.

After about three months, the two hours went to three, and then four…the time spent feeding went from 45 minutes to 20 to a very

efficient five minute feed by the time he hit about six months and the night time stints seemed to get longer all the time. Magically, at nine months, he slept from 7pm to 7am and so did I! Many of my friends had babies who were sleeping through at five or six weeks (I did my best to pretend they didn’t exist!) but others were still grappling with sleep issues after two or three years.

Then number two arrived and he was the perfect sleeper to start with. Doing big five hour stints at night from week one and perfect naps during the day, this little guy was almost too easy. Then, three months in, he got really sick. Two months later we went overseas and any resemblance to a routine flew out the window. One month after that his teeth arrived…and we learnt that he wasn’t the best patient (a bit like his mama!) And so, at 19 months, the little dude is lucky he’s cute. He finds it hard to settle if any little thing is amiss and on a bad night we are up around five times. Most nights he wakes twice. He’s slept 10 hours a few times…but I can count them using two hands, so not that many.

So, I wanted to know…are magically sleeping babies an urban legend? And if not, are they born? Or made? I found four families who, on the surface, seemed to cover every end of the spectrum. But I found, as you start to ask the questions, that everyone has their challenges and sleep for babies and parents can be hard – regardless of how easy it seems to look!

S L E E P I S A L L A B O U T W H AT W O R K S F O R T H E FA M I LY A S A W H O L E .

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FOLLOWING THE

rules.

Following many sleepless nights with her first, Alicia decided that she was going to do things by the book…and it worked! When it came to number two, the skills she learnt first time around came in handy.

“I

had ten nieces and nephews before Connor was born and I had spent many nights up rocking and patting them to sleep and giving their mothers a break. But, I also saw babies laid down in bed and their parent just walk out of the room and not hear from them for three hours, so I knew anything was possible! Chris (my husband) hadn’t thought about the sleep thing at all before Connor. He just thought kids slept all the time.

“When I was pregnant with Connor I told Chris how things were going to be – mostly from my experiences as an aunt and nanny, but also lots of ideas from reading books. Chris, of course, listened and nodded and thought in his head, ‘let’s just wait and see what happens’. Smarter than me!

“With Connor, I didn’t have any routine at all. I kept thinking that he would just fall into one soon enough and he woke many times during the night and I would just feed him. I would write down his sleep pattern each day and then try for that the next, but it was hopeless. I would go to him at any movement or squeak and get up to him thinking that he had finished his sleep and he was ready to get up.”

“Because I didn’t have any other children, the lack of sleep wasn’t too bad. I slept when he did during the day but I did really struggle at night. I fell asleep many times feeding him or just holding him in my arms and I would often feed him in bed and then wake in a panic with one of us dangerously close to him.

By the time he reached 13 months I was feeding him every time that he woke during the night – and that was between one and five times in the night. I was a zombie. I felt angry all the time but there was no way that I could do the controlled crying thing – it made me sick to just think about it. But, I knew I had to do something before I snapped.

“I had lots of people tell me about the success they had experienced with Save Our Sleep (book). I wasn’t too sure about it at all as it involved letting Connor cry for a specific time before going into him. I was absolutely at my wits end though, and I needed to sort it out.

“It was so hard at first. I remember standing at the kitchen counter listening to Connor cry for the 18 minutes and I felt so sick. Chris just watched the TV like nothing was going on! I held back the tears and watched the clock and then I was allowed to go in and lie next to Connor’s cot and reassure him with a pat until he was asleep. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the floor and wake up an hour later very uncomfortable!

“I did love the idea of being able to do something that would work for Connor and for us, even though it didn’t look like it or feel like it at the time. It was so black and white – there are no grey areas for you to stretch out and pretend that you are doing it right! Whilst it didn’t work as quickly as the book said that it

would, there was an immediate improvement. I was also aware that because Connor was older, it was going to be a longer road. We regressed a few times early on where I would mistake a random waking for there being something wrong, and then it would take a few nights to get back on track again.

“Before Jacob was born, I read the book cover to cover…twice!

It then came to hospital with me and I pulled it out of my bag the day he was born. There was no way that I was going to let myself get where I did with Connor, and I didn’t want to set up another baby with bad sleep habits. Jacob was pretty good at sleeping but I had to remind him when it was sleep time and I definitely needed to teach him to self-settle. It was different second time around, definitely. In the early days, I would go into Jacob, reassure him and remind him that it was sleep time. Often a rub on the chest, sometimes a cuddle, and then I would leave the room. My mum would often say, ‘oh, let me get him and rock him for a bit’ but I was adamant to not create something that I would have to undo down the track. By seven weeks, Jacob was sleeping 7pm to 7am without help. There have been a few nights that he has woken – a growth spurt or a pain in the tummy – but it never put his routine out of whack. People always say, ‘does that kid ever cry?’…well, he does. But not often.”

“I raved about it to other mums – I am sure that some thought that I was lying! But he really did sleep 12 hours from seven weeks. We tried a dream feed, but he wasn’t interested, so I gave up. I felt so confident that it was the book and the routine that I told everyone about it – having gone from Connor waking four times a night at 13 months, to Jacob sleeping so well so early, I was sure that it was the routine that made the difference.

“I’d recommend it to other parents in a heartbeat. I know it sounds like you can’t be flexible or leave the house or do anything because of a strict routine, but I actually found it to be the opposite. I knew exactly where Jacob was at every minute of the day, so it was easy to plan around that. He would sleep anywhere, provided it was the right time. Traveling has never been a drama as he sleeps based on time, not about music, or light, or anything else.

“The boys share a room now and there have been a few occasions where they have woken each other, but it is rare. Jacob has a little taggy blanket and during the day he throws it away, but come 7pm is excited to get into bed and give it a cuddle! I lay him down, we say our goodnights and I leave the room and don’t hear from him until 7am. He does have bad nights when he is sick or teething, but then he is back on track. We are having another baby in March and I will be brushing up on my skills and photocopying the routines to stick on the fridge to keep me on track before then!”

A L I C I A ; H U S B A N D , C H R I S ; C O N N O R ( 3 ) A N D J A K O B ( 1 ) T H I N K T H AT 90

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ANYTHING

goes.

Jenny tried many different theories to get the perfect nights sleep from her daughter…and when her baby boy arrived she expected to have the same challenges. Little Paddy wasn’t too concerned though, and showed mum that sleeping babies are possible!

“Before I had kids of my own I never really thought about sleep. I figured that you were lucky if you got a sleeper, but I also thought that babies don’t always seem to sleep when you want them too. With Annie, Matt (my husband) and I thought the same way – let’s just see what happens and we will deal with it then.

“In the early days, I really struggled with the lack of day sleeps that Annie had. She just always seemed to have her eyes open!

She never went for more than 30 or 40 minutes at a time and if she did, I would be in there every five minutes to make sure she was still breathing. I didn’t know about cluster feeding, and I remember that from 5pm until 10pm most nights it felt like I was just feeding constantly. This would drive me insane as we’d be trying to organise dinner and we were taking it in turns eating or settling Annie. I was worried that I was creating bad habits but it was the only way to settle her and then as I read more, I realised that it was cluster feeding. Annie was always a pretty quick feeder but very windy and spewy, which meant she was a nightmare to settle after a feed. It might take 20 minutes to feed her, and then another half an hour or more trying to settle her and lay her down.

In the night, she would do little chokes and spews and I would fly out of bed to check if she was still breathing!

“The lack of sleep with a newborn is bloody hard. You really can’t prepare yourself for it. I have never been one of those people who need loads of sleep, so I thought I would be OK. People would always say ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ but I could never do that. I would often wake up feeling worse, so while she was asleep I would do jobs like hanging out the washing.

“At around the six month mark, I knew we were at a point where I had to deal with the sleep problems. I used to rock and sing Annie to a sleepy state – something I never planned to do… it just sort of happened. Then, when she woke during the night, I would do the same thing. The trouble was, she could often be awake for two or more hours in the middle of the night so I got in the habit of holding her til she fell asleep…and often I did then too! I would then try to pop her back in the cot and her little eyes would ping open! It’s true when people say that you have to do what works for you. So...when you’re sleep deprived, you will do anything!

“We always had a good bedtime routine and I had a few books lying around that I would often refer to – The Baby Whisperer, Save Our Sleep, etc. At six months, I knew I had to get serious about self-settling. I would put her down awake and then, if I needed to, I would shush and pat until she was at ease. This helped with bedtime, but she would still wake frequently through the night…so more shushing and patting. This seemed to work and

over time I stopped that and would try to slowly work my way out of the room, although more often than not I found myself asleep on the floor next to her cot. There were a few nights that she wouldn’t wake, but would be up for the day at 5am. They were few and far between but felt like heaven!

“At 15 months I was at breaking point again and this time I used the Deep End Approach in Save Our Sleep. This was also when I decided to stop breast feeding as I figured I may as well tackle everything at once. The regime meant that I had to lay her down 10 times, then leave the room for 20 minutes and if she was still awake and crying, I had to go back and do it again. We had great success with this, but whenever there is a change in routine – like holidays – things go haywire again.

“Getting Annie to sleep was easier once she was in a bed. We read her books in bed and she is all cosy and settled so I just lay with her for a few minutes and she is asleep. I don’t think that one method is necessarily better than any other. It all depends on what you are willing to do. I wasn’t really prepared to let Annie cry until she was old enough to understand what was happening.

“Patrick (Paddy) on the other hand was awesome right from the start. In hospital, I had to wake him to feed him (unlike Annie who was often taken by the midwives to settle so I could rest!) and he did all his cluster feeding during the day as he got older. He fed every two hours during the day and then slept eight hours at night…I couldn’t believe my luck! As his feeds spread out a little more I found he woke at night, but he always fed quickly and resettled quickly. I am definitely stricter with routines, and putting him down awake, compared to Annie.

“Even though he has been easier than Annie, I do find it hard knowing what to do if he wakes at night…and I worry all the time about creating bad habits. Even at three and a half, Annie’s sleeping is still erratic. She has improved a lot, but I am still in with her at least one night a week. I hate saying Paddy is a good sleeper because I am waiting for it to bit me on the bum! I think personality is such a big part of it. When I was pregnant with Annie, she was always moving and she arrived three weeks early and has always been full on. Paddy is a lot more cruisy and always has been. I didn’t really think Annie was a terrible sleeper until Paddy arrived…now I realise she was a bit of a shocker! Good job she is a darling.

“I would say to other mums to always accept any help offered by family and friends – they wouldn’t offer if they didn’t want to help!

And also just do what works for you…if it helps you sleep, then do it!”

J E N N Y ; H U S B A N D , M AT T; A N N I E ( 3 ) A N D PAT R I C K ( 9 M O N T H S ) H AV E 92

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S H O W N T H AT D I F F E R E N T T H I N G S S E E M T O W O R K F O R D I F F E R E N T K I D S .

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SLEEP?

W H AT

sleep?

Mum of two, Nikki, has found moments of bliss and moments of huge struggle with both of her children’s sleep. Sleep school, various books and a little acceptance have got her through.

“I was so naïve as to just how little sleep new parents get before I had kids of my own. I heard parents talk about it, but I never really understood just how bad it could be. Hayden (my husband) and I never really talked about sleep or routines or anything of those things before we had kids. I think we thought we’d just wing it!

Before kids, people who were really strict with their children’s routines actually annoyed me and I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I was really determined not to be one of those mothers. I wanted to be more relaxed about it. Now I realise how precious those little moments of sleep actually are!

“When Dempsey was born she slept a lot for the first couple of weeks and I thought this was easy! I think I was on such a massive high after she was born, it didn’t really bother me. Then, she started having really long sleeps during the day, but was up every two hours at night. I thought it would right itself eventually, and the long sleeps she would have during the day were really nice so I was happy for her to have them. At night, I’d just feed her back to sleep. After about six months, it really started to get me down.

Then I went back to work and the lack of sleep was really starting to affect my work.

“It all came to a head when she was about 10 months old and I got gastro. The nights at that stage were getting worse and worse and I was starting to dread the night time. Going to work, feeling so tired, and then hearing stories of all these other babies sleeping through, it was pretty bad! So many people kept saying ‘it shouldn’t be happening at this age!’ but I didn’t know how to do anything other than breastfeed to sleep. I used to wonder how people who didn’t breastfeed settled their babies! A lot of people also said ‘just do what works for you’ but nothing was working.

“I tried controlled crying using the information that was provided by my maternal health nurse, but I wasn’t confident in distinguishing between her different cries and I knew that I needed support. The advice I was given was ‘cry and count’ and that wasn’t any help to me at all. It was then that a friend had recommended sleep school, so I decided to give it a go. We went to Tweedle in Footscray (Victoria).

“It was fantastic! Not only did they give you advice on sleep and settling but diet, discipline and so many things as well. I just loved the experience and I would highly recommend it to any parent in the same situation as me. If you can let go and be guided by the staff, it is such a positive experience. They are all mothercraft nurses and they were all so caring and helpful. It really allowed me to take a step back learn about where to go next. We were there

for four nights as ultimately it is about getting your baby into a good routine. By the second night, we put her down at 7pm and she slept until 6am. I was completely blown away – she’d never done that before.

“They recommend you keep quite a strict routine for at least a month before easing up on it a little. I found that month really quite tough to stick to at times as it is quite restricting, but she has been pretty much a great sleeper since then. We had some troubles keeping her in bed when we moved her from a cot to a bed, and if she is sick she might wake in the night, but mostly she is great.

“When Jensen arrived, he was a completely different baby right from the start. He always had quite good sleeps at night, around four hours, but then these tiny little cat naps during the day. At four months, he would often wake at night and then be awake for hours on end. I just couldn’t settle him and because he would just scream, I didn’t know what to do. He was so hit and miss too, sometimes we would have good nights, and then others he’d go to bed easily at 7pm but wake at 11pm and then be awake all night.

Some nights he’d go through til 6am and I would think we had it sorted, and then he’d be back to waking for hours again. A lot of the tips and tricks I learnt at sleep school weren’t working with him and I was at a bit of a loss all over again.

“When he turned 13 months I read The Gift Of Sleep (ebook) and implemented that. I got great results after three nights and out of everything I read, this book had the easiest instructions and was the most simple. After everything I had gone through with Dempsey, I also knew that a little crying wasn’t always a bad thing and that if you put in the hard yards then it’s worth it.

“When he gets sick, or he is teething, he is an absolute nightmare and right back into his old habits. So, I guess it worked, but every time he isn’t well you have to work really hard and start all over again. These days, I average about six hours sleep a night, but mostly that is because I go to bed too late! If everyone is well and happy, Dempsey will usually sleep from 7.30pm until 6am and Jensen from 7pm until 6am. Jensen has got his teeth late though, and seems to just get one at a time, so about three nights out of seven are interrupted. But we are getting there!

“For other mums having sleep issues, I would just say that there is no shame in asking for professional help! If you are feeling overwhelmed and not coping, then absolutely go to the experts.

There is no doubt that when you are getting sleep, everyone is happier.”

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SLEEP IS FOR

babies.

Katie didn’t question the need for a baby to sleep and it paid off with her first child. Despite a few issues with her second daughter, Katie now has two of those ‘magical sleeping children’ you hear about!

“I

didn’t think too much about how kids slept before I had children of my own, but there has always been one thing that has stuck in my mind, and that is my mum saying that babies should just eat and sleep. She said that’s what we did when we were babies, so in my mind, I just thought that babies should always be sleeping!

“Evie was a dream baby and all she really did was eat and sleep – exactly what mum had told me, so my expectations were pretty spot on. I remember the maternal health nurse telling me that she needed to be having ‘tummy time’ and my reaction was ‘when?

– all she does it eat and sleep!’ Evie would pretty much wake, have a feed, and then go back to sleep and she slept for about two hours at a time. Even visitors didn’t get much time to see Evie in her first few months. I always made sure she slept in a cot, in her room, and wasn’t rocked to sleep in people’s arms.

“Evie slept through the night from seven weeks. At that time, she started going to bed at 7pm and I would get her up at 10-10.30pm to feed her, then put her straight back to bed. We wouldn’t hear from her then until around 7am. I made sure during the night feeds that all I did was feed her, no talking or stimulation, and then straight back to bed.

“I tried to follow a routine from a book called Save Our Sleep and whilst I didn’t agree with it all, I found her routines quite helpful. Things like how many feeds per day, how long they should be sleeping and how often. I found that if Evie didn’t get enough feeds during the day, she would wake at night, so I used to cram as many feeds in as I could! I also liked her opinions on how a baby needs to be put in their own bed awake and learn to self-settle. I was a true believer of this, which did occasionally mean that she had to cry herself to sleep, but she soon figured out that once she was in her cot it was sleep time.

“A big part of my routine was to make sure they weren’t hungry before bed, so I always offered a feed before bed. Evie is two and a half now, and she still has a cup of milk before a day time sleep – she naps on average for two hours – and then milk again before bed at 7pm and she usually sleeps until 7.30am.

“I found that establishing a routine meant that you need to spend a majority of your time at home, especially in the early months, although not so much now that both girls have just the one nap in the afternoon. I am a firm believer of the saying ‘sleep promotes sleep’ and in our case it is definitely true – the more they sleep, the more they want it and the better their sleep is.

“I remember going through a period with Evie when she was about six months old where she would wake after just 40 minutes

of sleep. I had read a lot about them needing to teach themselves to sleep, especially after waking during sleep cycles, and I found that by letting her cry to sleep three or four times she went back to her usual two hour naps.

“Luella was a little more challenging as she was a bit of a screamer and used to get really bad wind. So also had her days and nights a bit mixed up when we first brought her home. All she wanted to do was sleep all day and feed all night. I soon realized that she wasn’t getting enough feeds during the day, so I started waking her and feeding her more often. That turned things around and she starting sleeping through at seven weeks too. Luella always cried herself to sleep though – only for a couple of minutes – right through until she was 12 months old. She definitely would have been the baby who would have loved to have been rocked and cuddled to sleep if I’d let her. I was firm in my thoughts though and I had definitely learnt from Evie that babies need to learn to sleep on their own.

“A bad night with us is pretty rare. Occasionally, if they are teething, they might wake but with a little Panadol or Bonjella within 30 minutes they are back to sleep. When they do wake, we’ve never rushed right to them, unless of course they were really screaming and knew something was wrong. I think this has helped them learn to settle themselves as well. I remember we had a few bad nights with Evie when Luella first came home from the hospital. The combination of a new baby and a virus meant Evie was a little unsettled. A bit of teamwork and we got her back to sleeping again in no time.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt bad about having great sleepers when other mothers have complained about how little sleep they are getting. Mostly, that is because I know how much hard work it was to have them sleep so well! I invested a lot of time to ensure that I’ve been at home with them and got them into a good routine. A lot of people say that we are lucky to have two great sleepers, but I don’t believe that it’s ‘luck’. I am not sure how I’d go if I had a baby that didn’t sleep though. I’d probably go a little crazy without eight hours! But, once you are a parent you do anything for your children – including having sleepless nights.

“I know that every baby is different, but in my opinion I think that a really strict routine is very important. This way, your baby really knows that it is sleep time or play time. Also, swaddling definitely makes them feel more secure. I know Evie was swaddled until she was six months old. We’ve also found that having a dark room during the day helps too – their rooms are as dark during day sleeps as they are at night.”

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I T TA K E S A { G L O B A L }

village.

Every mama needs a network of friends…a great mothers’ group or playgroup perhaps…or maybe, you can join the Babyccino mamas who have generously opened their friendship and advice to the world!

Words by Amy Doak

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ourtney, Esther and Emilie are truly citizens of the world and whilst this common thread – as well as all being first time mothers – might have been what brought them together, it is also something that makes their website (www. babyccinokids.com) truly unique. Esther, who now resides in Amsterdam, is a mother of four and arrived back in her native Netherlands by way of New York (where she got engaged) and London (where she had a couple of kids and met Courtney and Emilie). Courtney, also a mum of four, was raised just out of Seattle and then moved to Chicago before following her heart (and future husband) to London, where they still reside. And last but not least, Emilie is a mother of two who grew up in Germany and lived in the USA before moving to

London and then four years ago her family moved to Paris.

It was eight years ago when they all first met in London following the birth of their eldest children – Courtney’s son, Easton; Esther’s daughter, Sara, and Emilie’s daughter, Coco - and two years later, with two of the three women heading to different countries, the Babyccino blog began as a way for them to keep in touch with each other and share the beautiful and clever things for children that they came across. Luckily for the rest of us, they were happy to share their findings with the rest of the world.

The Babyccino blog has evolved over the last six years with guest writers contributing from many other countries around the globe but at the heart are the

three close friends who started it. The blog is also now a shopping portal, something that grew from wanting to provide a service to curate the best selection of their favourite things for parents. Despite their growing families and busy lives, the three manage to catch up when and where ever they can. “We love meeting up!” says Courtney. “We try to get together for meetings once every few months and for trade shows – we see each other at least twice a year in Paris for Playtime – but also on vacation. Both Esther and Emilie have a house in France and tend to visit each other there over the summer. This coming autumn, we have rented a house in Belgium where all three of our families are going to hang out for a week. It’s going to be so much fun!”

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The girls frequently post on Instagram (some of their gorgeous images of every day life are shown here) and followers would have not only seen Courtney and Esther both introduce baby number four in to their respective homes but also take their little bundles off on a trip to New York.

Which begs the question, how on earth do they manage it all? “Neither of us ever had babies who slept through the night before they were one,” laughs Courtney. “Of course, as a result, we are a bit tired and our

brains are a bit foggy! But, we both know how short lived this tiresome phase is… and I suppose we have learnt to relax and try to enjoy the time when our kids are so little. It’s funny how, with every baby, you learn to trust your intuition that little bit more and go with what naturally feels right versus what the books tell you to do. Being more relaxed about things definitely makes it easier to cope with all the chaos and busy schedules.”

“Our husbands work full time, but they’re

a big help in the morning and evenings, and the weekends of course. We also both have a cleaning lady and a babysitter who help out during the week. It’s interesting how we’ve learned to multi-task…to squeeze in work at different intervals during the day, wherever it fits into our family life and schedule. We have learned to work in between everything that is happening around us – physically and mentally!”

Despite their growing website and presence in the world of social media,

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MAMAS abroad Courtney is quick to admit that none of them are particularly tech savvy. “We always feel like we are so late on the bandwagon with everything! But, it is surprising how quickly we learn and get the hang of things – although usually it is just in time for something else to become popular. It’s definitely a challenge keeping up with social media these days.”

Perhaps part of the success of the Babyccino brand is the different strengths that each of the three bring to the table – Courtney is very organised and a great manager, Esther is a good analyst and an innovative thinker and Emilie is great with people and HR. I think that much of the appeal is our fascination with what goes on in other countries. Whether you have travelled or not, there is certainly a great interest in how other people live – and to see and enjoy people in other countries and cultures raising their children is so enjoyable.

Courtney, Esther and Emilie all live in fabulous cities…but are they family friendly? “Amsterdam is fairly small and very bike friendly,” Esther says. “It’s great to have a bakfiets and to be able to cycle everywhere! There are always so many activities for children around the city as well. Plus, most restaurants and highs chairs and baby changing facilities.”

“I am not sure if Paris can be described as a child-friendly city compared to many others,” Emilie admits. “But, I do love

bringing up my children here. It is so cosmopolitan and versatile and my children are learning so much because of that. My five year old is going to the Louvre for a day trip…how cool is that?”

“London has so many great parks and beautiful outdoor spaces,” Courtney says.

“Even though the weather isn’t always great, we still spend a lot of time outside and can easily escape the hustle and bustle of the city.

I also love how culturally diverse London is and I think that is an amazing education to give our children. Plus, I love that living in London means that we live in Europe and can easily travel around! I love that we can hop on a train and be in France or Belgium, speaking a different language and eating different food.”

However, despite the glamour and excitement of travel and living all over the world at the heart of it, these three are just really wonderful friends who love to share.

When asked where they would love to live if they could live anywhere in the world, Esther is quick to respond. “Next door to Courtney and Emilie…in the middle of the countryside somewhere!”

“Yes,” Courtney agrees. “Next to Esther and Emilie…that would be so fun!”

See more about living a beautiful life in Europe by visiting www. babyccinokids.com or you can follow the girls on Instagram @estherbabyccino, @courtneybabyccino and @ emiliebabyccino.

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If you are in Amsterdam, Esther can recommend: 1. A boat tour through the canals 2. A visit to one of our great museums (I recommend the Scheepvaartmuseum) 3. Rent a bakfiets and cycle through the city centre, stopping at one of the great playgrounds in the Vondelpark.

If you are in London, Courtney can recommend: 1. Wander through Hampstead Heath and the adjacent Hampstead village neighbourhood 2. Go to the Borough Market and walk along the South Bank to the Tate Modern Museum 3. See Notting Hill and experience some amazing shopping!

If you are in Paris, Emilie can recommend: 1. Enjoy the Berges de Seine, a new stretch along the Seine that has cafes and play areas 2. Jardin des Plantes is lovely in spring, summer and autumn – there is a little zoo and the natural history museum in the botanical gardens 3. I know it’s obvious, but I love seeing children’s faces when they finally see the Eiffel Tower. It is such a famous symbol of Paris – kids are so happy to finally see it in real life and they are never disappointed.

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G R O W I N G U P. . .

Bali-style.

The last time we saw the very gorgeous Lindy Klim was back in Issue 6 of LittleONE Baby when she was pregnant with little Frankie. Almost three years later, little blonde Frankie has become quite the beach babe and learning to speak in two languages rather than one!

Photos by Rowe Timson · Words by Amy Doak

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hat started out as a three-month trial for the Klim’s to take a little time out from their busy Australian life has turned into a complete sea change for this talented family. “To be honest, we came over for a few months and then never moved back,” Lindy laughs. “I had just had another baby and Mike (husband and Olympic gold medalist, Michael Klim) had just retired from swimming a second time and we were feeling really wiped out. We needed to reconnect as a family again so we thought a little time out was what we needed.”

With a successful business (Milk Skin Care) back here in Australia, as well as numerous media commitments, settling in Bali was a decision that wasn’t taken lightly

and Lindy admits that it isn’t always easy.

“The travel back and forth is definitely the hardest part, and Denpasar isn’t exactly the most amazing airport to be spending loads of time at! I find it really hard leaving the kids for long stretches, sometimes even ten days at a time, but I feel happiest when their routine and daily life isn’t interrupted.

If I were in Australia full time, it would be a constant juggle between family and nannies to help out while we were away on business trips and now the kids have after school activities, they don’t like to miss anything.”

By the looks of things though, the three Klim children are absolutely loving every part of their Balinese life and don’t mind too much if mum and dad are away every

now and then. “Stella just loves it in Bali,” Lindy says of her eldest daughter. “Her life is heaven! She has become the biggest social butterfly and she has so much freedom. Rocco, on the other hand, tells me that he doesn’t like Balinese people because he can’t understand them – which is a laugh coming from someone who is one quarter Balinese and has a speech impediment! We often call him the little prince because he is the only boy and so loved and doted on. Frankie has spent most of her life here now, so she doesn’t really know any different. She now speaks both English and Indonesian which is so cute.”

Stella and Rocco were attending a private school when they were living in Melbourne and Lindy and Michael

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decided to try something completely different in Bali. They now attend a holistic school and have extra tutoring three times a week to ensure that they are covering a full curriculum. “They have both really come out of their shells through attending the school,” Lindy says. “It’s been amazing to see their confidence grow for the better.”

Lindy and Michael have three nannies on hand to help with the kids. “It might sound extravagant, but it helps so much to have extra hands on deck when all three have different social calendars and we have work commitments. I really believe that it takes a village to raise a child and my kids

are so loved and cared for.”

For now, Lindy says they are unsure if or when they will make a permanent move back to Australia. “We are just taking it one day at a time right now. At the moment, it is definitely working, but there are definitely days that I think we should move back. Mostly, it is if one of the kids are hurt or sick and you really feel like you are living in a third world country! We always seem to get through it though, and the good far outweighs the bad. I adore the freedom that we have in Bali. We are such an active family and don’t spend much time just sitting around inside, so the weather and the lifestyle is perfect for us.

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What: Playtime at Pan Pacific We love going there on a Sunday as a family. It’s a resort and right near our house. They have a huge waterslide and a fantastic kids club!

Where: Near Tanalot, about 30 minutes from Seminyak.

What: Food & Fun at Deaus They have fantastic food here and also a half pipe for the kids to play on with their scooters and skateboards. Mike loves it too – he spends most of his time checking out the surfboards and motorbikes!

Where: Canggu What: Surfing at Old Man’s A perfect day is out at our local beach and maybe an early dinner as the sun sets. Everyone is exhausted and happy – beautiful!

Where: Panti Batu Bolong What: Horseriding at the Equestrian Centre The kids started horseriding as an after school activity and they love it. It’s a great activity to do as a family as well.

Where: Canggu

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We asked Lindy and her family to show us around some of their favourite haunts in Bali…an insider’s view of fun with kids in one very beautiful country!

FAMILIES abroad

THE COLOURS OF

Bali.

Ginger Blaby is one lucky girl…not only does she have access to some gorgeous clothing from her mother’s stunning Coco & Ginger brand, but the creativity and colour behind has helped create one amazing space for her to grow in!

Photos by Tamara Crisp · Words by Amy Doak

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f you’re looking for a creative family, then look no further than the very clever Blaby crew! From Simon’s culinary creations, through to Saffron’s eye for colour and design, it is perhaps only natural for their daughters Chloe (Coco) and Ginger to have developed a keen eye for all things beautiful. Of course, living in a tropical paradise like Bali has to help as well!

Six year old Ginger has had this amazing space evolve into a beautiful room just for her over the last four years, since the family moved to their current home. “She has always had her own room,” explains her mother, Saffron. “She has just never slept in it! She has one of the coziest, most comfortable beds on the planet, but she still prefers to crawl into our bed and co-sleep.

Luckily, Simon and I have a king sized bed and we all fit!”

“About a year ago we were painting a beautiful aqua-teal coloured feature wall in Coco’s room and we decided to do Ginger’s room too, so she got to pick a colour. She chose the watermelon pink colour. I have always loved pops of colour against white and I guess this has rubbed off on her.”

The Blaby family left the Sunshine Coast for Bali 11 years ago and Saffron says that the items she is able to source in the Indonesian country definitely have influenced her decorating style. “Ginger loves Maisy Mouse so I was able to have some paintings created locally from her favourite book. Her bed is from a Balinese company that reproduces French antiques,

and we had an idea for her desk so we drew up some plans and had that custom made here. Her wardrobe is from a Javanese antique shop…decorating is so much fun in Bali! The crafts people of the island can make any idea a reality.”

Saffron doesn’t think her design aesthetic has changed terribly since growing up in Australia and she credits her creative family for that. “My father and my sister are both ceramicists and my mother and my other sister are both painters. I think living here really makes you even more creative though as you can commission any piece that you want – rather than trying to hunt it down.”

If some of the prints and patterns in Ginger’s room look familiar, it is perhaps because you have seen them as a part of the Coco & Ginger range of clothing

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furnishings in Ginger’s room are made in our studio. We hand print a super pretty floral batik in fun colours and I used it to cover some things in her room. I love mixing the lime, yellow, lilac, watermelon, pink and turquoise. We also do patchwork quilts and cushions and some of our amazing hand stitched butterfly and bird cushions have made it into her space as well. I prefer things to evolve so as our range has grown, more things have made it into her room.”

“Nothing makes me happier than seeing her play in her space,” Saffron says.

“Whether it is alone or with a few friends – creatively playing make believe as I peek around the corner makes my heart sing.

The aftermath can be a little crazy – I call it shredding a room – but everything has

a place to return to and sometimes I think the mark of wonderful play is the degree of chaos that is left once everyone has gone home!”

“Ginger’s room is full of paintings and colour – we are definitely the opposite of minimal and beige – we only have things in our lives that we adore and mean something to us…silk lamps from Vietnam, papier mache animal masks from Thailand…they’ve all made their way back to Ginger’s room over the years. If we love it, it will find a home in our space.”

And what a gorgeous space it is! You can see more of Saffron’s amazing eye for colour at www.cocoandginger.com, www.facebook.com/cocoandginger or on Instagram @cocoandginger

FAMILIES LittleONEabroad kids

Things that Saffron loves about Ginger’s room: 1. Hand appliqued wall hanging. My parents gave this to Ginger and we had it framed. It has amazing detail and there is always something new to see.

2. Hand carved notice board. We bought the frame from a mirror shop and swapped out the mirror for fabric and use it to pin art certificates and mementos.

3. Desk. It is lovely to arrange all her things but also very practical for drawing and homework.

4. Blackboard on her wall. Great for games and sending messages.

5. Green peacock chair. Got to be a comfortable place for Mama or Dada to sit!

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GENDER bender

GENDER

bender.

There is an interesting societal ideal when it comes to the ‘pigeon pair’ – women with a son get asked if they are ‘trying for a girl next’ and those with daughters get asked about a boy (like nature really gives you the choice!), and then those with boy AND a girl are questioned on their decision to have a third child…but does gender really mean anything?

Photography by Kate Monotti · Words by Amy Doak

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good friend of mine (with two beautiful daughters) recently told me a story about a birthday party she attended. A frazzled mother arrived with two daughters, only to go back out to the car and reappear with two baby capsules – twins. Another little girl, and a baby boy. My friend asked the mother, “are boys different?” And the answer, “well, the biggest difference that I have found is when I am feeding. You know, those moments when you just sit and look at each other? My girls always looked at me like they loved me, and I felt the connection…but my little boy…it’s different. It’s like he is IN love with me.” Well, my friend’s ovaries quivered and she went home to tell her husband that they had to try for a boy now…she needed to experience it. “Is it true?” she asked me (a mother of two boys) and I couldn’t answer…I didn’t know any different.

There are so, so many stereotypes that surround gender, and too many of them occur when your kids are teeny tiny. This seems like such a crazy thing to me, when they have their whole adulthood to deal with gender expectations and associated crap. I am sure you have heard them all though. Girls are independent. Boys are cuddly. Girls are calm and happy to draw and colour and play with dolls. Boys are crazy and loud and rowdy. Girls love pretty things. Boys love mud and getting messy. Boys don’t care about family when they grow up. Girls will always need you. Boys are

easy when they are teenagers. Girls are hard work at that age. How. Ridiculous.

My two boys are like chalk and cheese – one is independent, the other cuddly. One loves rough and tumble (the cuddly one, interestingly), the other is gentle and soft. One is a neat freak and hugely into aesthetics, the other is messy little ball of dirt.

One loves cars, the other loves animals. One loves playdoh, the other loves paint. So what qualities are ‘girly’ and what are more ‘boyish’?

I have found that the gender differences are mostly apparent when you shop. Apparently, boys should only be dressed in blue, red and green and predominantly stripes. Girls should be in pink, purple and yellow with butterflies and flowers as patterns of choice.

Boys’ toys are black and navy…maybe a bit of yellow. Girls’ are pink and purple. Is this consumerism gone mad? Or is there some truth to the traditional gender stereotypes that we have grown up with? We spoke with five families who have enough children to make some educated generalisations of their own. So, what is the overall consensus? Every child is an individual and needs to be treated accordingly. A child’s interest at any age is no indication of what they will be interested in as an adult. All kids should be able to enjoy all colours, and games, and toys and sports regardless of gender. Read on, and see if you agree or disagree!

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ALL

girls.

Growing up as the only girl with three brothers, Jodie now has a full house of her own…full of all girls that is!

Photography by Kate Monotti

“I

always thought I would have three or four kids because that is what I grew up with. It’s what I knew and it is what I always considered family to be. I didn’t really think about whether I would have boys or girls before Liam and I started our family. I know a lot of people who have the ‘baby dream’ where they see a boy or girl in their dream and end up having that gender. I am not nearly that intuitive! Liam and I are both adopted and we had no access to our family medical history. We also had a good friend lose a baby not long before Ella now 13 was born, so more than anything we just hoped for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.”

“I used to really want a sister – when my brothers and I were trying to run each other over with motorbikes, or shoot each other with bows and arrows, I just used to pretend that my ‘other’ family was out there somewhere and I had a sister there! Nearly all of my cousins were boys as well, so I definitely slogged it out with the blokes from an early age. The way my brothers and I used to fight is very different from how my girls do now. They would chase me around the house trying to throw live spiders at me, or put crickets down my pants, With the girls a fight can last all day and is often about who is looking at who, or who is in someone else’s space.

When they are getting along though, it just warms my heart. To hear them laugh together at stupid jokes, or hear they have helped each other out in the playground at school, it’s lovely. A few years ago, one of my brothers took his own life and this has really made me appreciate the bigger picture in life – you need to look out for and love your family.

“When I was pregnant with Piper now 11 and Ivy now nine we got asked if we were hoping for a boy and we still get asked if we are going to go back and try for a boy…even now after all these years!

“I’ve worked with children for a large part of my adult life – as a primary teacher and a carer, and now selling children’s clothes

and accessories at www.miltandjoe.com.au but I have never had a perception about what a girl or a boy should be, or is, like. I think because I had three brothers and spent a lot of my childhood playing with Tonka trucks, Matchbox cars and riding motorbikes and much to my mum’s dismay I didn’t like dresses at all until I was in my teens. I have always figured that you take kids as they come.”

“I am definitely aware of a gender skew in clothing perhaps more than anything, but that is possibly because I work in the industry rather than the fact that I have girls. I think in clothing it is something that will always exist. I do know that I often bought boys’ coats for the girls when they were younger though, simply because I couldn’t find anything warm enough in the girls’ ranges!

“All three of the girls have an appreciation for nice things, but I don’t think that any of them have been the classic ‘girly girl’. They have all screwed up their noses at tutus and bling and refused to dress up on dress up days at school. ‘I want to go as a person’ was always Ivy’s standard answer!

“They all know how to do things around the house – how to cook a meal, do the dishes and do the laundry – but I don’t think that is because they are girls. It is something that we encourage them to do to help the family as a whole and I am sure that we would expect the same behaviour if we had all boys.

“Each one of our girls is so very different from the other in personality but I guess that they are all at times imaginative and hilarious and independent and headstrong. I think my greatest challenge as a parent has been figuring out what makes them tick and how best to manage their encounters and expectations with the world and their reactions to life.

“I suppose they get their headstrong ways from me. We have always encouraged them to just be who they are and we encourage the old adage of ‘treat others how you would want to be treated’.

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ALL

boys.

Sally, mum of three beautiful boys and a talented designer and artist, says that her boys might be rough and tumble…but they love a bit of sparkle too.

Photography by Kate Monotti

“I

am the eldest of four – I have a sister and two brothers and I love them dearly. I always thought I would have four children myself, but after five years of sleep deprivation, three is definitely enough! I didn’t really have an expectation about whether I would have, or would want, boys or girls before having kids of my own. I knew that I would love them regardless. Now I know that they are automatically born with these little personalities and you fall in love with all of their traits. You love them even when they are throwing the biggest tantrum ever and lying face down in the middle of a pedestrian crossing in peak hour traffic!

“Tait is now eight, Lars is six and Chase is five and no one really said ‘are you trying for a girl?’ when I fell pregnant with Lars or with Chase. People often say it now though, which is interesting.

I am lucky I have beautiful nieces who I can spoil and make dresses and jewellery for, so I get to enjoy the really ‘girlie’ things that way.

“When Lars was born, I purchased a baby doll for Tait as I had heard that it might help settle the baby in. Well, he took one look of disdain at it and then went back to playing with his trucks and didn’t lay eyes on it again. In saying that, Chase loves going out to his grandparents and role playing with his female cousins. The girls push their dolls and he pushes a stuffed penguin. I definitely think that what they love doing is more apart of their personality and who they love to play with rather than being a boy or a girl. We have a cubby house at home but it tends to only get used when girls come over to play.

“I tell everybody that I never really understood why people loved playing football, but now with three boys of my own I am starting to understand! They are so rough and tumble with one another

and it’s constant. As soon as they wake up I get a quick morning cuddle but then it’s on.

“They all hate shopping, unless it’s a toy shop. They all love bikes, cars, trucks and anything else that might be considered heavy moving equipment! We consciously tried to introduce lots of different choices in their lives so far and they have all just gravitated to their own likes and dislikes. At some stage, all three of them have wanted to do their nails with me and play dress ups with my jewellery – it’s all in learning and investigating. So much is about what they see with their own parents doing as well. We get them all involved in family chores like cooking, washing and dishes but recently Chase found my husband, Adam, helping me hanging washing out and he was shocked. He said, ‘Daddy, that’s Mum’s job, what are you doing?’ My reply was, ‘Chase, when you are tall enough it will be your job.’ They really do learn by example.

“In saying that, they have all pulled every single toy we own apart to see how it works. We have had two broken windows, one broken arm, one split lip four stitches required, multiple knock outs and a very stressed out mother in me who has had to do a first aid course!

“I don’t think there is pressure for them to be a certain way because they are boys. We are raising our boys with open hearts and open minds and I hope that all the loving people that we are surrounded by will give them plenty of positive male and female mentors to help them learn their valuable lessons in life. More than anything, I consider myself very lucky every day that we are all healthy and happy. I love my Poyser boys.”

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THREE GIRLS...

one boy.

With three gorgeous girls in her family already, mum of four, Joclyn, was as surprised as anyone when little Griffin arrived four years ago.

Photography by Kate Monotti

“F

unnily enough, I have two sisters and one brother – although my brother isn’t the youngest. I enjoy being from a large family and have appreciated it even more as an adult. This was a big part of why I wanted a large family. I have always loved children and in my heart I always knew I wanted four.

“I don’t think I had any preconceived notions about wanting a boy or a girl before I had kids, although I think at first I could see myself with a girl. After having Ashlee now 11, I did want her to have a sister as my relationship with my sisters is a really special one and I wanted her to experience this as well. After having two girls Macey, now nine, arrived next I couldn’t imagine anything except for girls! Of course, I got the common reference from many people about wanting a boy third time around. It is strange though, I thought it would be easier to stick with girls and I was worried if I had a boy I would need to try for another so that he would have a brother.

“Being pregnant with my fourth youngest girl, Layla, is now seven I got a lot of references about ‘trying for a boy’. I hadn’t found out gender during any of my pregnancies and had no desire to this time either. We lost our first baby a girl, Lily 18 weeks into my pregnancy and since that time the health of the baby was definitely the focus and it was actually hard at times to have others so focused on gender. Both my husband and I felt we were destined for an all-girl family, although there was a little part of me that thought it would be nice for my husband to have a son. It was definitely very special when Griffin arrived and I think it took a while to sink in!

“It is so hard to buy gender neutral clothing, but perhaps that is a blessing in disguise…you get so many clothes anyway you would end up with too many! I am big on dressing in pink or blue as well as soon as I do know the gender.

“I would never have thought that I had perceptions about gender

stereotypes but it definitely seems to be a natural thing for me to buy dolls for girls and trucks for boys. I remember buying a doll, all in pink, and being really surprised when it was undressed and was a boy doll! Although we had lots of ‘girl’ toys in the house before Griffin was born, I don’t think my daughters missed anything. My sister has three boys who are all similar ages and they are together a lot. When Ashlee was just old enough to speak she asked Santa for trucks to go in her sandpit at Christmas time, so we’ve always had a mix.

“Of the three girls, I think that just one is a real ‘girly-girl’. She had an instant obsession with handbags, shoes and lipstick. All three have been a nightmare getting into my moisturisers and I went many years hiding make up but this wasn’t an issue with Griffin.

“People have often asked if I noticed a difference having a boy after three girls, and as babies and toddlers I didn’t at all. With baby toys packed away now, I am starting to notice all the vehicles!

There is a real fascination with guns that I have noticed in boys too, and that is something that I have never encouraged and I am surprised by his competitive nature. I had always heard that boys tended to be more affectionate than girls and that really surprised me, but I have been delighted that with Griffin it is true.

“I have often heard people say how hard it is to buy nice boys clothes, but after shopping for three girls I am definitely enjoying the simplicity of shopping for boys. It is definitely easier when you go on holidays – not so much worrying about what goes with what and which shoes! You are definitely always tempted with girls’ clothing, whereas boys don’t seem to really need too much.

“My only wish for all of my children, regardless of gender, is that they get to experience the close sibling relationships that I have had the opportunity to.”

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THREE BOYS...

one girl.

With three boys and one girl, Central Victorian mum, Sharon Newth, says that her kids are well and truly individuals above all.

Photography by Kate Monotti

“I

grew up with two brothers - my youngest brother passed away when he was just nine months old - but I didn’t give any thought to gender at all before having kids of my own. I didn’t really have any perceptions before children, nor do I now that I have four of my own. It is funny that I have had exactly the same kids as my mum – boy, girl, boy, boy.

“I think I identify with middle child syndrome more than being the only girl in the family! I did want a sister growing up, but not desperately. I remember wanting one for quite a while, but I wanted a middle name more, so it can’t have been that bad. I do think about it for Juliet and I know she likes playing with other girls so I always make sure we have our own special girl time every now and then.

“When I was pregnant with my youngest, Dylan now 21 months, a lot of people who didn’t know us well assumed that we had three boys already and many people asked me if we were hoping for a girl. When we had our third child, Aidan now four, many people wondered why on earth we would go back for a third when we already had a boy and a girl! Liam is eight now, and Juliet is six.

“Much to my disappointment, Juliet really loves pink! And monkey bars. But outside of that, she isn’t your stereotypical ‘girlie girl’ at all. Out of all four children she is definitely the most adventurous, and the most accident-prone. She attacks life full on!

“With all of the kids, I have wanted them to feel free to be whoever they are. All of them have enjoyed dressing up and all of the boys certainly went through stages of wearing fluffy scarves and other ‘girly’ things. I have found that the it is the older boys Liam and his friends – who have taught the younger boys a lot of the stereotypical behaviours that I have perhaps tried to keep from them and that is hard.

“Toys frustrate me greatly! Especially Lego. It is so boy and girl segregated now. When I was a kid, Lego was Lego and we

all played with the same stuff. All kids love Lego, but now it is definitely marketed towards boys and the girls get a tiny little selection of pink stuff. In my opinion, girls’ toys are all pink…and a little boring!”

“There can certainly be pressure for the kids to behave a certain way because of their gender. It is actually quite frustrating when it is often adults who tend to feel the need to put their preconceived notion of gender onto kids and therefore try to mold them – rather than letting them to be free to be whatever kind of person they want to be.”

“Juliet isn’t really any different to the boys as far as a boy-girl difference. All four of them are so different from one another – they all have such different personalities – so I don’t put their differences down to being a boy or a girl at all. I hope that all of my children have the opportunity to travel and explore and settle wherever they have a connection and I don’t think that the idea of girls staying closer than boys to family when they are grown holds much weight. My younger brother lives just five minutes away from my parents and I am two and a half hours away. Juliet does have a strong sense of family, but she is also an adventurer, so who knows where she will end up. At this stage, I would say that Aidan is most likely to stay nearby family at this stage. Whilst Dylan is very independent, Aidan is the one who stills sees himself as an extension of me. I hope all of them follow their heart, wherever it may lead them.”

“I absolutely love my big family and each child – regardless of gender – has taught me an enormous amount about love, life and acceptance. I would say to anyone to embrace your child for who they are as a person, and then they will always feel confident to be themselves.”

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TWO BOYS...

two girls.

Mother of four, Nicole, says her two boys and two girls fit the gender stereotypes in some ways… and not at all in others!

Photography by Kate Monotti

“I

grew up with two brothers and my husband Travis grew up with three sisters. I think having two brothers definitely made me a bit of a tomboy. I grew up catching yabbies, frogs and tadpoles with my brothers and there were only boys in the street I lived in so I played with the boys most of the time. Mum says that I wasn’t interested in Barbies or dolls as a child, but as an adult I really wanted a lot of children. Trav thinks he has always been a pretty stereotypical boy despite having three sisters…and he thought it was great being the only boy because he got his own room!

“We always thought we would have three or four kids, but we really just accepted one at time. After we had Joshua now four, we just didn’t feel complete. We were really unsure as to whether or not to go for number four, we but are so glad that we did. We feel really complete now.

“Caitlyn now six was the only one of the four kids that we found out gender before the birth. I am not sure now why we wanted to know so badly with her, but I remember being very excited that I was going to have a girl after a boy. I also remember it being the most special and exciting experience to find out the sex of the baby on the day of the birth as well.

“Most people knew that we were always looking to have at least three kids, so no one really questioned it when I was pregnant for a third time. However, when I fell pregnant with Ruby now two a lot of people were surprised and I was commonly asked, ‘Why?’ “We have a lot of nieces and nephews so before having our own kids I definitely felt that most boys tended to enjoy sport, cars and Lego…and most girls tended to enjoy dress ups, Barbie and playdough. Our kids have been pretty stereotypical with their interests. The girls definitely love dressing up, wearing jewellery, making cups of tea and playing with their dolls. Harrison now eight and Josh enjoy wrestling, riding their bikes, kicking the footy and walking around the house with a ball in their hands! Both boys are very competitive, where Caitlyn isn’t at all.

“In saying that, Harrison likes to be clean and tidy and eat well.

Josh is happy to be filthy dirty and the more junk food the better!

Ruby loves being dirty too, and jumping in puddles. All of the kids love cuddles, but the boys are probably more cuddly. Each of them are similar in some ways, and so very different in others and it is probably more about who they are rather than being a boy or a girl.

“We tend to not make a big deal about gender differences and the only thing that the kids would stereotype is that blue is a boys’ colour and pink is a girls’ colour. Harrison definitely wouldn’t wear something pink if it was in his cupboard, whereas I am not entirely sure that Josh would notice. Caitlyn is very fussy with her clothes. She selects what she wears most of the time, as my selection often isn’t good enough. Ruby is starting to show some of these characteristics as well! The boys don’t care most of the time, although as they get older they are starting to be a little fussier.

“I definitely think that older kids influence the younger ones. I know that Josh enjoys football because Harrison loves it and kicks the footy with him. He also enjoys dressing up, mostly because when Harrison was at school that was a game that he loved to play with Caitlyn. Ruby definitely watches the boys ride their bikes and she wants to do that too, but she sees Caitlyn play with her jewellery and kitchen and likes to wear pretty things and make cups of tea.

“We haven’t felt that there is any pressure for them to be a certain way because they are boys or girls. We just really want them to have fun and enjoy growing up! The only pressure put on the kids in this house is to barrack for the Western Bulldogs.

“We never had a plan to have two boys and two girls. Each of our children are very unique in their own little personalities – good and challenging – and we love them equally. We believe that we face the same joys and challenges as any other family regardless of gender. We can’t imagine life without our four beautiful children now…love them to bits!”

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LittleONE Baby Issue 12 Winter 2014

BABY abroad

SWEET SWEDISH

style.

In a small village just out of Uppsala, you will find the most beautiful home filled with the most beautiful things…but it wasn’t always this way.

Photography by Emma Mattsson · Words by Amy Doak

L

ooking at Linnea, Jonas and baby Selma’s light and bright house, you’d never guess what a labour of love it has been to get it to this point. “When Selma was born we were living in a small apartment and she was sleeping in our bedroom,” Linnea explains. “Our new home is quite big and it has a really big garden surrounded only by the forest which means we can’t see our neighbours at all. We often see deer and foxes in the garden, it is a beautiful place to live.”

When the family first moved into the new home, there was lots of painting walls white and rediscovering floorboards in order to create a blank slate that would allow Linnea to share her design skills – classic pieces, gorgeous colour and pretty prints. “When we moved in, the walls in

Selma’s room were already mint green. At first I thought we should absolutely paint the walls white, but after a while I started to like the colour. So, in the end, the walls decided the colour in the room.”

Linnea says she was longing to decorate a room for Selma, who is now almost two.

“We had a lot of things for Selma before she was born, but other than her bed, most things we have bought since moving into the house. We continue to add little things to her room along the way, and we also get given lots of lovely things from my mum and dad. It is especially nice to see how much Selma loves to play in her room and how much she enjoys it.”

It is her mother that Linnea credits with influencing a lot of her design style. As well as special pieces in the room that have

been gifted to Selma, Linnea also made use of some beautiful William Morris curtains that once belonged to her parents.

However, that quintessential Swedish design aesthetic has been created with items from all over the world. “There are lots of things in the room that I love that aren’t necessarily Swedish – the little pillows are from Ferm Living and the small tea set was a gift from my mother, who bought it when she was last in London. The Sebra Killi bed is beautiful and we also have a small bed for Selma’s dolls that looks just the same.”

Living in a global world, Selma’s arrival doesn’t seem so different to what may have happened here in Australia either. “My pregnancy was quite tough,” Linnea admits.

“I struggled to eat or get out of

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Choosing a name was hard as both Linnea and Jonas say they like completely different names. “There were a lot of discussions before we decided,” Linnea laughs. “But, we both loved the name Selma.”

“Selma fits perfectly into our lives. Of course, some days it’s tough being a parent but Selma is almost always happy and now she sleeps at night, which is nice! At first I thought motherhood was a big change, but mostly it was hard not getting enough sleep.

Since she has been sleeping at night I have found I have so much more energy to give to her. Time goes by so fast, sometimes it is easy to worry too much and forget to enjoy the time. Life has been so much better since she was born – it has changed, but definitely for the best.”

If you are interested in seeing more of Linnea’s beautiful home and learning more about her parenting journey, visit her blog at www.linneasgoodiebag.se it is written in Swedish, but google translate should be able to help you out!

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bed because of the nausea and I spent a few days in hospital with dehydration.

Because I was so sick, I actually visited the doctor and midwife more than is usual here in Sweden. My birth went really well though. I woke at 3am feeling a big kick and then my waters broke. I jumped straight out of bed and it was like someone threw a bucket of water on the floor and it didn’t stop! We rang the hospital and they told us to go in the next morning if I didn’t get contractions in the night. One hour later I was having full contractions so we called the hospital again and went in right away. I was 3cm dilated when we got to the hospital and by the time I was 7cm I needed to use the gas. I really didn’t want an epidural, so despite the pain I focused on my breathing and that helped. At 11.57am Selma was born. The most beautiful little girl. We stayed in hospital for two days because I had some problems with breastfeeding in the beginning. Selma didn’t know how to do it at all, so we needed help.”

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WOKRING mama

ga ga.

RADIO

Sydney-siders will be familiar with the fun and friendly voice of Nova afternoon announcer, Harlee McLeod…but for one little man, she is just mum.

Photography by Chantelle Bliss · Words by Amy Doak

T

he world of radio, like most media, is seemingly a glamourous place. All the latest music, parties, rock star interviews and plenty of excitement. However, for mumof-one, Harlee, the most excitement she is enjoying in the middle of the night these days is a cuddle from her two year old, Dash.

“The parties have all finished up for me… and I couldn’t care less!” Harlee laughs.

In fact, combining a life of radio and motherhood has turned out to be a simply beautiful mix. “I’m very lucky,” Harlee admits. “I am on air from noon til 4pm and even though there is work to do before

my shift starts, I don’t really have to be at the station until 10am. Dash is in daycare three days a week and between that and my mum and Ben’s sister, there is always someone looking after him. I am home early and we still get lots of time together.

The hours are really good and that means life isn’t too stressful.”

Harlee had her fair share of stresses in the early days of Dash’s life though. Despite a relatively cruisy pregnancy (“I had a bit of morning sickness, but in radio you learn to suck it up and put on your happy face for those few hours each day! I would

put on a smile and make it happen…and then have a sit down and breathe when the songs were on!”) Harlee went into labour quite unexpectedly nine weeks before her due date. “It was a really random thing,” she says. “I remember, at the time, I was booked to go to some classes on hypnotherapy and all I kept saying to Ben was ‘I haven’t been to the classes yet!’ It all happened so quickly. We weren’t very prepared at all. I was still working and I didn’t even know how to put on a nappy!”

For the eight weeks that little Dash was in hospital, Harlee was at his side. “I drove

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to the hospital every day, three times a day.

I was expressing madly and in between that just trying to get in as many cuddles as possible.” Despite the early dramas, Harlee found that feeding and life as a mama fell in to place and when Dash finally made it home she was really ready for the 12 months of planned maternity leave ahead.

“My listeners really do become like friends and they were so supportive of me during my pregnancy and also during the time that I had off,” says Harlee. “I kept in contact during that first year via social media, but I really enjoyed the year. When it was time to come back to work, there was definitely a bit of a juggle to start with. Having someone else to always think about takes a bit of time to get used to. I slipped back into it though and it was really nice to get back to ‘me’. I think being at home with your baby every day, it can be easy to lose yourself a little. It was nice to get back into normal society and normal

conversations again!”

Harlee says that even with Dash’s early arrival, she isn’t sure she would have done too much differently when it came to preparation. “I’m pretty casual,” she laughs.

“We didn’t really have much organised or ready and I didn’t buy too much baby ‘stuff ’ before Dash arrived. I am very into shoes though…often he will be dressed in something really basic but have on a great pair of shoes! So, there was a pretty good shoe collection early on.”

Although Dash might enjoy a brother or sister down the track, right now, Harlee is just loving life with her little family. Longtime partner, Ben, has just become husband and the two enjoy quiet nights at a gig in a local venue rather than the parties of old.

“Dash doesn’t mind the odd band either and always loves time with his mum and dad,” smiles Harlee. “He loves to sing and knows all wrong words too!” Sounds like another devoted listener right there!

Tips for new parents from Harlee:

“Take some time for yourself. Go do something that you enjoy. You don’t want to lose yourself.”

“Try to be organised with food – I found that if I had good, healthy food organised for both me and Dash, I was a lot less stressed out.”

Items that Harlee & Dash loved: 1. Ergo Baby Carrier 2. Nappy Baby get one with lots of compartments and somewhere that will store and insulate a bottle 3. Bugaboo Cameleon a great pram that was really easy to push and Dash loved it too!

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