presents...
top five
Most Frequently Asked
Interracial Dating Questions
s
Introduction
Congratulations! You are part of an everincreasing group of people interested, involved, or curious about dating across race, culture and creed! This venture is exciting —but not without its challenges.
In my work in this field, I have discovered there’s a few common ones that pop up regardless of the interracial combination. That’s what inspired me to create The Top Five Most Frequently Asked Interracial Dating Questions, complete with informational videos. This list is comprised of letters I get most frequently from my readers.
Are you worried about what your friends and family might think about your decision to date inter-racially? Confused about online dating? Wondering if your location has you in an interracial dating desert? No clue on how about how men of other races flirt? I’ve got you, boo! If you’d like a chance to get your question answered on the blog and our You Tube channel, shoot me an email at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com. Cheers, Christelyn Karazin Publisher, Beyond Black & White
Question #1:
Does location matter with interracial dating?
Question 1: Does location matter with interracial dating?
Just like prime real estate and high-paying jobs, location MATTERS when it comes to interracial dating. While America is a melting pot, some areas are peppered with a bit more ‘flavor’ than others. For example, my fans often report that Houston, Texas is an interracial dating desert, while Austin is on and popping! As a rule of thumb, densely populated areas, college towns, cities near military bases and coastal cities are pretty interracial dating friendly. InterracialDatingCentral.com recently conducted a survey of states that housed the states with a populous most interested in interracial dating, conducted during the last election season. Turns out love knows no color or political affiliation! The same site did a poll on the states which housed the most educated and highest-earning men interested in interracial dating‌
Question 1: Does location matter with interracial dating?
In the book I co-authored, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed, we discuss the most interracial-dating friendly areas broken down by city. It’s worth the read if you’re considering relocating for better career and romance prospects. Who says you can’t have both?
Question 1: Does location matter with interracial dating?
Check out my video on the subject, Should I Relocate to a More Interracial Dating-Friendly Area?
Question #2:
Will I have better luck finding someone online?
Question 2: Will I have better luck finding someone online?
The short answer: YES! Online dating allows for you to cast a wider net than just who’s in proximity within a six-block radius. People who you otherwise might not have ever met in person can be found online! It’s how I met my wonderful husband of 12 years. However, you’ll have to weed through a LOT of frogs if you are to find your prince. That means having a pretty concise process of elimination based on initial red flags. Is he naked from the waist up posing in his bathroom? Does he have a picture of his penis? Does he call you “sexual chocolate?” Is he first note to you ooze of sexual innuendo? Does he have trouble stringing a sentence together and is his greeting full of spelling and grammatical errors? Is he unwilling to meet in person? All of those are potential red flags and when you spot them, you delete those people and move on until you find someone of quality and potential. So which dating site will work for you? Depends. The younger, edgier crowd seems to flock to free sites like OkCupid and Tinder. Word of caution with Tinder—lots of frogs looking to get laid. People have had mixed results with OkCupid, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Besides, it’s free. Paid sites like one of Beyond Black & White’s sponsor, swirlr.com, or match.com, and eHarmony often work to help weed out people who aren’t serious about finding a mate. A man willing to put his money where his mouth is is looking for a return on his investment. It will be up to you to decide whether or not you’ll buy in. The idea is to cast the widest net possible so that you have an abundance of choices.
Question 2: Will I have better luck finding someone online?
Check out the video we did on the subject here.
Question #3:
How can I tell when nonblack men are interested in me?
Question 3: How can I tell when non-black men are interested in me?
If you don’t know what to look for, some men can be hard to read. If they’re not overtly mack-daddy-ish, they are often subdued and their interest is hard to read. Like my buddy, Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of the Art of Charm says, “If a guy talks to you, that means he’s interested.” Truth is, unless he’s trying to sell you something or lives in a nursing home, most men won’t just strike up conversations for absolutely no reason. Only women do that. There’s always an endgame for men. African American women often miss the cues that non-black men are interested in them, and quickly dismiss their encounters as just “some guy being nice.” No. This is especially true if the man speaking to you mentions something specific that they like about you—your hair, your outfit, your smile, your eyes. All of those are definite indicators that a man finds you attractive. Here’s some sure-fire non-verbal cues that tell on him every time:
Preening “Men preen–put the finishing touches on their appearance–instinctively,” says Fran Greene, former director of flirting at Match.com, and author of The Flirting Bible. He might adjust his shirt or tie, smooth his hair or pop a stick of gum–all signs he’s tapping into his inner peacock. “Be on the lookout for the preening man. His actions are a dead giveaway that he wants to meet you. And when you do see a sign, take it as an ego boost and make the first move. The ball’s in your court!” says Greene.
Question 3: How can I tell when non-black men are interested in me?
Eyebrow Raising
(I’ve witnessed this myself but had no idea what it meant) According to Greene, the eyebrow raise is an instinctive move that men can’t control. The brow-flex is also a clear sign that guy has his eye on you.
Hands on Hips
Hand to hips translates into the message that a guy is ready to meet. “When you see this, walk over to him and white a big smile, say hi. Watch what he does with his hands; once he feels confident you will stick around for the long haul, his hand will relax by his side.” Just make sure the hand-on-hips move includes a sway and a switch–chance are dude’s not playing on our team.
Bedroom Eyes
Know what those are? Half hooded lids, dilated pupils is a sure sign a guy has some serious eyes for you. For more insight on the subject, check out the video Jordan and I made together.
Question #4:
How can I effectively show my interest for non-black men without looking too desperate?
Question 4: How can I effectively show my interest for non-black men without looking too desperate?
Well you can start first with smiling! Studies show that smiling instantly makes you more attractive and appear more feminine. But here are a few more tips to implement:
Make Eye Contact This can be especially hard for some black women, because in some circles, looking someone in the eye for a bit too long could be inviting conflict. Asian men often have trouble too, because locking eyes can be interpreted as rude. But culture aside, good (and not creepy) eye contact is the American way. The Formula: Look at that guy you’re into for about two to four seconds, then look away. Rinse and repeat. If you’re really feeling that merlot, Fran Greene, author of The Flirting Bible, suggests that you give a wink, (whaaat??) “Winking at someone establishes in a nonverbal way, a special bond between you. Women can affect any man by winking in a warm, gentle way. A woman who winks at a guy will make a lasting impression. A wink coupled with a winning smile is even better.”
Give Him the ‘Girly’ Handshake Are you ready when that guy comes over to talk to you after you’ve smiled and gave him a wink? The keyword here is WHEN. You’ve cracked open the door, but trust me, let the guy fully open it. If you don’t let him make the first move, you’re like the fish jumping into the bear’s mouth–you’re too easy to catch and he’ll worry something’s wrong with you. So WHEN he comes, give him that, the best damn handshake he’s ever had.
Question 4: How can I effectively show my interest for non-black men without looking too desperate?
The Formula: Smile and look him in the eye, then reach out your right hand to shake his, then lightly touch and gently graze his upper arm. You might need to practice this one if you’re shy, or else get another drink but NEVER get toasted…you’ll immediately be put into that guy’s “party girl” compartment and from that moment forward he will never take you serious girlfriend material.
Watch Your Body Language Most of the communication humans do is nonverbal, despite all the other kabillion ways we’ve devised. So even if you’re smiling and winking and sexy hand shaking, if your body language is yelling something completely opposite from what comes out of your mouth thereafter, then it will be all for not. Be sure to lean into the person you're speaking to, being careful to not violate their personal space, Greene recommends. Keep your hands and arms relaxed and try not to cross them–you could inadvertently be giving off the vibe that you might be defensive or closed off. Instead of turning away from your guy because you might be at the bar, turn toward him. And for the love of all the gods in Greece, lay off the cellphone! If you’re checking your texts, emails and calls every five seconds then you’ve communicated that everyone in your contacts list is more important that him.
Question #5:
How do I deal with disapproving family members?
Question 5: How do I deal with disapproving family members?
Sadly, some couples often face the disapproval of their relationship from friends and family, which can often weigh on the relationship. We get in a lot of detail on this subject in Swirling, but here’s a few tips: Tackle this issue as a team. Once the two of you have decided that you’re moving forward despite disapproval, talk candidly with each other about your feelings. Reinforce your love and dedication to each other. Make sure your friends and family understand that ill talk about your significant other will not be tolerated. Be gentle, yet firm. Let these people know that any conversation that leads to a discussion about you separating from your loved one will result in disengagement. In other words, you’ll end the call. You’ll get up and leave the dinner table. You’ll walk away. If possible, try to be empathetic. Sometimes family disapproval comes from a fear that the person in question will somehow lead the other family member away from their culture. For example, if you’re dating an Asian man, you might encounter pushback because his parents might be afraid that you won’t uphold or understand their value and cultural system. If you’re a black woman and your family disapproves of your choice based on historical grounds, you might do well to “humanize” and “individualize” your mate, so they see him as a person, and not some nebulous enemy of all black people.
Question 5: How do I deal with disapproving family members?
Check out my video addressing this topic, How do I deal with racist friends and family?
resources
Relationship expert and best-selling author, Matthew Hussey gives you the BEST advice on how to Get the Guy. Click here.
Interracial Dating Advice specifically tailored for the African American woman’s experience-- Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. Click here.
resources
Ready to try online dating? Start with Interracial Dating, our approved site!
Come and visit us:
BeyondBlackWhite.com