5 minute read
Mindset Matters
from SE22 June 2021
by SE Magazines
With Becca Teers | www.healthy-habits.me | www.mindplus-experience.com
Are You Bringing The Past Into Your Present Relationships?
Do you often find yourself feeling negatively triggered by a partner’s words or actions? Or maybe you notice that you react irrationally or feel strong emotions (fear, anger or sadness) in response to situations in your relationship. If so, you may be responding from a past perspective, rather than being in the present and seeing the situation for what it really is.
Why do we tend to live out the past again and again?
These reactions are often linked to our personal perspective and focus. We tend to ‘get’ more of what we focus on! To illustrate this, have you noticed that if you decide you’re going to invest in a new car, you see the make and model you’re hoping to buy everywhere! Look around you right now and notice how many red items/things you see around you. Now without looking around again, ask yourself how many green things you noticed when looking for the red? Normally this will be considerably less, if you noticed any green at all. This is because the mind tends to see what we’re looking for. Unconsciously our minds cause us to make decisions about partners and situations, which may be biased due to our past experience and beliefs. Imagine this filtered view in the context of a relationship. For a fictional example: Mathew grew up in a household where mother is very critical and controlling of father. On a subconscious level he creates a belief that women always are this way. Later in life when he is with a partner, he may ‘see’ suggestions or comments as criticism and feel agitated or triggered. He may be seeing the comment from his own ‘lens’, which comes from his past and a limiting belief that relationships are always a certain way. So how do we let go of the past and any limiting beliefs to do with relationships? Here are three steps:
Awareness
This is the first step to letting go of the past. Think about the messages you picked up earlier in life and how they could have affected your beliefs regarding relationships. If you’ve noticed any negative patterns in your relationships, ask yourself what the underlying belief is that may be keeping you stuck.
Neutralize
Challenge the belief that may be causing your reactions or negative patterns. In the example of Mathew’s situation he could look at lots of examples of relationships where the female is NOT controlling and critical. Consciously seeking out more positive examples of relationship dynamics will neutralize his belief that all relationships are one way.
Acknowledgement
Once you have awareness of what may be behind some of your reactions and feelings you have a choice. You can choose to take a step back from a situation, take a breath, count to ten. You can remove yourself from the situation rather than reacting negatively on the spot. You could also choose to trust your partner and tell them why you may be overreacting to things and how you are attempting to change this now.
Sunday 6 June: Open Gardens in aid of Link Age Southwark
2pm-5pm: North House, Dulwich Village SE21 7BJ
Visit beautiful Dulwich gardens and support local charity Link Age Southwark! Now restrictions are easing, Link Age Southwark are delighted to be involved in a number of upcoming Open Garden events hosted by local supporters, in aid of the charity. The Dulwich gardens will open to the public with all proceeds of tickets, refreshments and plant sales going towards Link Age Southwark’s work with older people and people living with dementia in the community.
www.linkagesouthwark.org.
Tuesday 8 June: Clothes... And Other Things That Matter by Alexandra Shulman
(Live Stream Event)
7pm - 8pm. Village Books are delighted to be welcoming Alexandra Shulman, former Editor in Chief of Vogue to Dulwich! In Clothes… and other things that matter, Alexandra Shulman delves into her own life to look at the emotions, ambitions, expectations and meanings behind the way we dress. www.village-books.co.uk
Wednesdays 9, 12, 18 & 26 May: After school art class for children 5-12 years old
3.45pm-5pm. &ART Clubs offer children aged 5-12 years a creative space in which to explore their world. The Scout Hut, 212 Bellenden Road, Peckham. SE15 4BY. (Other days are available).
www.andart.london.
Wednesday 9 June: Outdoor Cooking with Tom Kerridge
(Live Stream Event)
7:30pm - 8:30pm. Village Books are delighted to be working with award winning chef Tom Kerridge for his book Outdoor Cooking! Recipes include hearty favourites like pork and chorizo burger, veggie mains like charred cauliflower salad, and shareable snacks like aubergine dips and flatbreads. He also includes desserts and drinks, tips and advice for the perfect summer barbecue, campfire or outdoor gathering with friends and family.
www.village-books.co.uk
Thursday 10 – Tuesday 22 June: Stella Cardew Exhibition of Paintings
11am-4pm. Jeannie Avent Gallery, 14 North Cross Road, SE22 9EU. www.jeannieavent.com
Thursday 10 June: Pete Paphides: Broken Greek
(Live Stream Event)
7:30pm - 8:30pm. A biography from music journalist Pete Paphides. Broken Greek tells the story of Pete’s experience as a child of Cypriot parents growing up in Birmingham and how he found refuge in English pop songs. Tickets £6.
www.village-books.co.uk
Thursday 10 June: The Architecture of Mughal India - Mosques, Gardens & Mausoleums
8pm - 9pm. Stunning Mughal buildings and gardens have left an indelible stamp on India’s architectural and cultural landscape.
www.theartssocietydulwich.org.uk.
4pm-5.15pm. &ART Clubs offer children aged 5-12 years a creative space in which to explore their world. The Scout Hut, 212 Bellenden Road, Peckham. SE15 4BY. (Other days are available).
www.andart.london Saturdays 12, 19 & 26 June: Weekend art class for children aged 5-12 years old
9:30am - 1pm. 9.30am-11am 5-9 year olds; 11.30am-1pm 9-12 year olds. The Old School House, St Johns & St Clements Primary School, Adys Road, Peckham SE15 4DY.
