ESTABLISH & LIVE BY YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES TO MAKE 2023 A YEAR TO REMEMBER

As most of you will know, I like to be a little different in my articles. This new year is no exception. There will be no predicable narrative about setting good intentions, no, I will show you an approach that will guarantee that 2023 really is a Happy New Year for you.

Sounds great, but how?

I want you to understand, establish and live by your personal boundaries next year. This will make so many aspects of your life easier, such as goal setting and achievement, building self-esteem, confidence and regulating your personal relationships. Whilst there will be some difficult moments, this approach to life will ultimately make you happier.

But what even are boundaries?

Personal boundaries are rules (written or unwritten) which we each have in relation to our interactions with other people. Technically, we all have boundaries regardless of what we think or know about them. So, it is not a matter of deciding to have them or that we need them, they are already there. Despite them being there, not everyone knows what their boundaries are or even that they have them at all. The people that do know what their boundaries are don’t always live by them, because this can be quite hard. The reason is that once you know what your boundaries are, enforcing them is likely to mean that you may upset other people sometimes. This is because other people unconsciously want you to fit in with their plans and their own boundaries. Because of this, living by and strictly enforcing personal boundaries requires great self-esteem, self-belief and confidence. These traits are sadly not all that common, which means that many of us are existing in situations where personal boundaries are not being observed or protected. I will never forget what a client once said to me in their first session following a period of narcissistic abuse. They said; “I wish I had not stuck up for myself in communicating my boundaries, as it was better to be loved by them than to be alone”. Let that one sink in. This shows both the courage needed to live a life protected by boundaries and also the endemic lack of self-esteem preventing many people from doing so. Thankfully I was able to help this client change their mind, but I would like to help many more people too.

So what can we all do about this?

1. Firstly think about whether you know what your personal boundaries are. You will most likely have different boundaries for work colleagues, friends, family and romantic relationships.

2. If you don’t know what they are, that’s okay, give it some careful thought and write out what you think they are as well as you can.

3. Once you are happy with the definitions of your boundaries, think about whether you are living by them or not in the various situations you experience in your life.

4. If you are not living by them, either all the time or sometimes, then make a plan of how to introduce them into your relationships. This isn’t easy, and it is best to be gradual but firm as you proceed.

5. This is the hard part. Ride out the implementation period to the bitter end. Learn, adapt, grow and sit tight, it isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

Living a life that is broadly aligned with clearly understood and communicated personal boundaries will ensure that 2023 will be your best year yet.

If you need support with any stage of this journey then reach out to me.