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NGELIC M AGAZINE IS A MONTHLY PRINT AND DIGITAL PUBLICATION THAT BLENDS MUSIC , FASHION AND THE REAL STORIES OF PEOPLE STRIVING TO LIVE FOR J ESUS . W E BEGAN IN S EPTEMBER OF 201 3 FEATURING CONTENT SOLEY FROM THE SOUTHWEST OF THE U NITED S TATES AND SINCE OUR BEGINNING, WE' VE SPREAD TO FEATURE EDITORIAL CONTENT FROM THE PACIFIC TO THE ATLANTIC , AND BEYOND . W E HAVE READERS ABROAD COMING FROM PARTS OF E UROPE, S OUTH AMERICA, ASIA AND AUSTRALIA. ANGELIC HAS A MAGAZINE NAME BUT WE ARE A MINISTRY FOCUSED ON FEARLESSLY PROCLAIMING J ESUS . W E SPOTLIGHT MUSICIANS AND BANDS WHO HEARTS STRIVE TO BEAT WITH H IS. W E FEATURE FASHION PHOTO -SHOOTS WITH PHOTOGRAPHER ' S , STYLISTS AND MODELS WHO DESIRE TO PROFESS THEIR FAITH IN H IM. O UR ARTICLES ARE GUIDED BY THE B IBLE. W E HIGHLIGHT ORGANIZATIONS AND MINISTRIES WHO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH . THE TESTIMONIES WRITTEN ARE FILLED WITH WORDS OF REDEMPTION AND GRACE. W E DESIRE TO STEP INTO THE WORLD AND BRING THE WORLD BACK TO J ESUS . W E ARE NOT A RELIGIOUS MAGAZINE. W E STAND FOR J ESUS .
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his issue was a bit more challenging to pu Although I dream about traveling the world unfulfilled dreams. So, vicariously what ifAn to people living around the world who are liv of Jesus? But, I soon discovered that most of the worl sound of me. As I began to research and reac musicians, most of my attempts for these peo denied. In my Christian bubble in the United without fear of being killed or beaten for prof world people have to keep their faith in Him Through putting together this issue I began aligns with atheism, another religion or is exp Jesus. I learned that the Jesus I believe in has our world. And in learning this, I have become empass violent Christian crusade but as a stance of lo I am very grateful to each person who took photographers living abroad, the testimony sh photography as well as pieces of their journey world. This issue is dedicated to Jesus and His call good news. The Son of Man and His love liv -- Jesse Anaya
LETTER
TIONAL IS S UE
ut together than anticipated. d, these notions in my head are still ngelic Magazine could do an issue dedicated ving their dreams and proclaiming the name
ld does not know Jesus as naive as that may h out to various photographers and ople to take part in this issue were ignored or States I can freely proclaim His name fessing my faith. And in other parts of the silent. n to really comprehend that most of the world pected to keep quiet about their faith in s become an extinct character for majority of
sioned to proclaim His name more. Not as a ove. The world needs His love. part in this issue: our mag writers, the harers and the missionaries who shared their y with us. This issue is going to reach the
l to go out into all the earth and proclaim the es.
Auckland, NewZealand PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELIZABETH TAN M O D E L : L U CY A D A M S LOCATION: AUCKLAND, N Z
PILGRIMS DON IN RETURN, THE
I
t seems tha a constant state past I've started I have seen t daily phenomen idea of being im Seeing the w learning throug in a new way. Y Before travel journey to a we is in you, whos To me, the id they are going, others in a jour They don’t w the presence an Pilgrims don them the hearts pilgrims take o that may take. Whether yo perspective wo hearts on pilgri
PILGRIMAGE.
N’ T JUST LEAVE PLACES UNCHANGED – THEY LEAVE A PART OF THEIR HEARTS THERE. AND EY BRING WITH THEM THE HEARTS AND STORIES OF THOSE THEY’ VE MET ALONG THE WAY. BY EMILY SENFF
- @EMSENFF
at my life has been a continuation of seasons, a journey that is sewn together with new surroundings and e of transition. Currently, I find my home nestled in between the mountains and the ocean, though in the d my day in hostels and guest houses, the huts of strangers and the pull-out couches of family friends. the sun rise and set on three different continents, all with different perspectives of the same, beautiful, non. It seems that no matter where my travels have led me, or for how long, I have always loved the mmersed in a culture and have wrestled with the idea of tourism. world has made its way into some of my most lasting memories, and I am the strongest advocate for gh travel. When you travel -whether to the other side of the world or the other side of town - you see life You learn new rhythms and routines, and gain a different perspective. lling, I had only heard of the concept of 'pilgrimage' in a spiritual sense - individuals would make a long ell-known place to meet with and celebrate with God. Psalm 84:5 says 'Blessed are those whose strength se hearts are set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley, they make it a place of springs.' dea of pilgrimage is a great way to see the world- rather than focusing on what a person is doing or where , it's all about how they interact with the world around them. Not only does a pilgrim walk alongside rney towards greater understanding, a pilgrim embodies a peace that is only found through Christ. worry about the details because they live with the greater picture in mind. They rely whole-heartedly on nd strength of God to see them through, and that’s all they could ever need. n’t just leave places unchanged – they leave a part of their hearts there. And in return, they bring with s and stories of those they’ve met along the way. Pilgrims are on a journey. More than simply ‘tourists’, n the life of those around them, embody it, and then bring it into their new beginnings in whatever shape
ou're heading into a new city, country or far off vacation destination, travelling with purpose is a orth holding. When you travel into unfamiliar territory, I encourage you to take a moment and set your image- who knows what kind of journey God might be taking you on.
Forg
given
M
REFLECTIONS OF B Y VIVIANA ANAYA
y evening walks with my dog can become so routine and monotonous that I usually miss out on the beauty of the landscapes and mountains that surround where I live. Tonight while I was out, I glanced up and saw a beautiful set of trees upon a mountain in the distance. My eyes had never fallen upon its beauty before this night because I had always been too focused on looking down, trying to hurry my next step and forgetting to appreciate what was surrounding me. In the same way we can get so caught up in our everyday tasks and trials that we forget to look up and focus on what God has meant for us to actually see. The obstacles and blessings we experience each day all have a purpose. Though while in the midst of pushing through our days and years we can easily lose focus on what it is we should actually be seeing and experiencing for God’s ultimate purpose in our lives and those around us. This revelation awoke within my spirit as I began reading old journals of mine that covered the years of my adult life. The dates revealing in its own way how fast the years have passed and the trials that were held within them. Each date carrying with it not only moments endured but blessings that were birthed out of them. The Lord revealed to me through these pages just how he carried me and formed me to be the woman that I was always intended to be for his glory. The tears and hurt I once didn’t understand are now understood to me as the refining that was needed in order to manifest God’s plan for me. I was able to reflect back and appreciate the beauty of what had always been surrounding me, God. I’ve heard people say that they would not change anything in their past, because it helped them become who they were today. Though to me I felt I would change all the bad and that laid in my past and in changing that I would then and only then be the woman I thought I could have been now. I was wrong. I see how in my early years of surviving an abusive marriage with my young babies, God was with me. How he never intended that situation for me, but while I went through this trial he never left me or my children. God used the emotional and physical abuse I suffered to strengthen me. He reshaped an awful circumstance to pull out of me the strong woman he intended me to be. I’ve spent years asking God, why? Though God owes me no explanation, he opened my eyes to finally see how he worked a horrible situation for his good and his glory just as his word says. ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.’ Romans 8:28 Shortly after divorcing and experiencing a very difficult custody battle my life seemed like where it needed to be. I was starting a new life with my children and thought I had my life together at last. I suddenly became extremely ill, a chronic illness that I battle with still. I again asked God, why? Being consumed with making it through each day and trying to make sense of how my own body could betray me. I forgot to look up, to look up to the father who never once left me before and who was still with me. I was consumed with getting better, positive that I was more useful to God as a healthy person then as one who was at times bed bound. God had something different in mind, though my physical body was weak, my spirit was becoming stronger. Still I failed to look up, to see the true beauty in how God was once again shaping and molding me into who he always knew me to be. God provided for me in all ways possible, reading old pages of my pain and hurt, I was able to see just how much. He provided family,
F A S INGLE MOM "I SEE HOW IN MY EARLY YEARS OF SURVIVING AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE WITH MY YOUNG BABIES , GOD WAS WITH ME . HOW HE NEVER INTENDED THAT SITUATION FOR ME, BUT WHILE I WENT THROUGH THIS TRIAL HE NEVER LEFT ME OR MY CHILDREN. GOD USED THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE I SUFFERED TO STRENGTHEN ME " finances, opportunities that I would have never had if I had never became sick. My favorite one being that I am able to be a full time mother to my children since I am not able to work. I can be with them and guide them in ways that most mothers aren’t able. I can see my earthly reward in my children and how they each love God so strongly and are becoming beautiful, strong and independent young adults. Just when I felt I had things somewhat figured out again, being a single mother and having a debilitating chronic illness under control. My sweet girls became ill, something I was not prepared for. The nights alone at the hospital with my daughter forced a faith and strength out of me that I could have never imagined was there. Dealing with doctors and painful medical procedures was acceptable when it was me, but not my child. Again, I asked “why, Lord?” Although he did not answer, he never left me or my girls. God was shaping and forming, creating in me who he intended me to be. My girls are healthier now, though they too deal with chronic daily health issues. I find it a blessing that I am able to help my girls cope with their loss of health by example, this has been another blessing God has given us. We have each become more compassionate to others who are ill and my children have a new found faith in God because of our situation that many have not yet learned, even as adults. My faith has grown tremendously during each of my trials with God’s blessing interwoven in each tragedy. Though in the midst of each circumstance I was exhausted and confused God had always known I would come out stronger and pulled from within me a woman I could have only imagined to one day be. God chiseled the weakness and doubt from a young girl and is continuing to form a faithful servant who knows that apart from God I can do nothing, but with God I can do all things. As I reflect on all that God has done for me, I see that his timing was and is always perfect. He allowed me to walk in my trials at just the right time when I was able to handle each in a way to honor him. God used each circumstance to build upon the other so that I could handle the next as it came my way. He was patient while it took me time to actually look up and see that he was working his good in each situation. I am a better person, woman, mother, daughter, sister and friend because of what I’ve been through. Without the shaping and molding from God through my journey thus far I have no idea who or where I’d be, but because of God’s promise to never leave me I am excited to see what new blessings are still lying in wait for me. As I do I will remember to look up and enjoy the beauty even through the trials and walks of this life, for my God has promised to never leave me. God’s grace and love had surrounded me each and every day, even if I at times failed to look up and see it.
Kolkata,India PHOTOGRAPHY AND WRITING BY N ATHAN S ALLEY
Nathan Salley. Am "I , , LEARNED ASPECTS OF LOVE COMPASSION
I
INDIA
n 2010 I went on the The World Race. It's a bait n’ switch run by Adventures in Missions (AIM). The good kind. They get 21-35 year old something’s who like me want to change the world. It’s for the dreamers, doers, and goers. Those who feel called out and wonder if there is something more to this life. But on The World Race (WR)… the Lord ends up breaking us in the process. Oh yeah…and there’s stages for sure. Think of AA but with less stages, and you’re stuck in them longer. First stop - abandonment. Yay. WORDS AND PHOTOGRAP Followed by brokenness. Super. FROM D EN Next step, dependency. My favorite. Finally ending with empowerment and calling. Those sound promising. The WR end goal in a nutshell: be who you were created to be. It’s a mission trip to 11 countries in 11 months… and not your typical missional experience. “This unique mission trip is a challenging adventure for young adults to abandon worldly possessions and a traditional lifestyle in exchange for an understanding that it's not about you; it's about the Kingdom. It’s to serve the least of these in real and raw community. It's a year of Matthew 10 in action: Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give." And I'll never be the same. -------One year after The World Race I spent four months with a Word Made Flesh (WMF) community in Kolkata. “WMF is called and committed to serve Jesus among the most vulnerable of the world’s poor. This calling is realized as a prophetic ministry for, and an incarnational, holistic mission among the poor. We focus our energy to make Jesus known among the poor while reconciling the church with the poor.” WMF Kolkata’s mission is to serve among those who have been sexually exploited. "We work to see the freedom and restoration of Kolkata’s red-light areas through dignifying relationship with persons affected by the sex trade." Faith is something real in India. There's no plan A, or B, or C. It's all plan A. Jesus. That's the plan. No back up. No savings accounts. Simply Jesus. I learned aspects of love, compassion, and mercy I did not know before India. I learned I need the poor more than the poor needs me. And like The World Race before this - I'll never be the same.
merican Missionary. I I " AND MERCY DID NOT KNOW BEFORE NDIA
W
SOBERING UP
e had just left the hospital praying over some lady who was manifesting a demon. Yeah. You read that right. That’s what I said. I needed a drink. A strong one. Alas, I’m in Africa and drinks are taboo for believers, so the five of us decide to stop at the store for a Fanta before making our way back to our contacts house. As we’re walking home, four twenty-somethings approached us from the side. His name was Charles. I would have missed him if he hadn’t of been wearing my favorite soccer player’s jersey growing up. Cobi Jones, U.S.A. National Team. I have an autographed jersey PHY BY N ATHAN S ALLEY frame in my house on the wall. One of the perks of growing up with cancer was NVER , CO. becoming friends with the Colorado Rapids MLS team and having players exchange jerseys on my behalf. Charles asked what were we doing in Busia. I began to tell him a little about the World Race. Within the first minute he told me that someday he would be a Christian and preach the Word but has never fully chosen to rely on Jesus. “Today’s the day Charles. What are you waiting for?” He began telling me all of the angst in his heart. Confessing he doesn’t know why but feels like he is going to cry. He tells me all the holes in his life. He asks me what I think. I tell him about suffering and where God is in it. I tell him those holes need to be filled. That he isn’t living the fullest version of who God wants him to be. I tell him that Jesus is the only god I’ve heard of that would come down to be in communion with man. To suffer with. I generally shy away from street evangelism, but the Spirit of the Lord was present and speaking through me in ways I was not used to. And by the end of our ten-minute walk Charles and his friend Leon stopped me. “Something told me to stop and talk to you when I first saw you. But I didn’t have a desire to. When we started the conversation I was completely drunk, but now I am completely sober. You have changed my life.” I stopped him there. I told him the Lord has been pursuing him fiercely. I laughed when he said he was drunk but now sober…not because I didn’t believe him, but because the Holy Spirit sobered him up so he could hear what he needed to hear. That today is the day; that there is fire in his heart that needs to come out; that it wasn’t me that changed his life but Jesus; “and that feeling you are feeling right now Charles, that is Jesus beginning to fill those holes.” I didn’t want anymore supernatural encounters after the hospital visit. I could have missed being present walking back with the group. If you think about it, we do this all the time. I mean maybe going to the grocery store has little to do with grabbing a soda and everything to do with who God puts in front of you. When you’re so used to living your own agenda for the day as I am, it’s easy to miss what the Lord is up to. I think it was God’s sense of humor putting a Cobi Jones jersey on Charles that day.
THE CURRENT TIME "THE WORLD IS SPIRALING ALL AROUND US. TERROR
B Y KAYTIE GAUS @KAYTIEMAY_
ATTACKS STRIKING UNDESERVING COUNTRIES ON A SEEMINGLY WEEKLY BASIS . P OPULATIONS LEFT WITHOUT CLEAN DRINKING WATER FOR EXTENDED LENGTHS OF TIME. INNOCENT PEOPLE BEING SENT TO JAIL FOR THEIR FAITH. THESE ARE THE TIMES WE ARE IN."
Tweekly he world is spiraling all around us. Terror attacks striking undeserving countries on a seemingly basis. Populations left without clean drinking water for extended lengths of time.
Innocent people being sent to jail for their faith. These are the times we are in. As a Christ follower, I know God is not absent. I know He is still present, making light of this darkness. But to others not having a faith like mine might wonder, “Why does God allow evil into our world?” In my personal life, I know that after a rough or trying time, God always shows me His goodness through it. Never has He failed me. And I believe that is what He is doing in our world right now. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-9 is a perfect passage to reflect on during tumultuous times. “Here is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” A time for war and a time for peace. Instead of focusing on the war aspect of this verse, keep your eyes looking forward to the time for peace. God promises this to His people. He will never forsake us. Through these tension filled times, God will bring understanding and forgiveness across the nations. Soon, there will be a peace among us. Even in you personal life, God is there with you, guiding you through these rough waters. In Romans 8:28, we are told, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God loves his people. God is using these times to show love and mercy to His children. Do not lose sight of that.
Addicted to the likes. S
B Y JES S E ANAYA
he was addicted to the likes because it made her feel not alone. Her symphony became her audience. And the audience helped her lie awake at night. The likes helped numb the pain. And she liked it. Her heart beat faster. Alive a little more. The symphony grew louder as it helped quiet the tears. The addiction grew bolder and it helped silence who she was. She lived for the likes so she could feel a little more alive. The audience kept her safe. So far away but still so near. The audience isolated her. So far away -- but still so near. She lost her voice in the chorus. Her symphony grew too far gone. The addiction became louder and she became silent. She was addicted to the likes and felt so alone. ---You are more than likes from an app on your phone. You are beautiful and loved. Worthy and accepted. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
London, England PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANSA G OHAR
AGohar nsa
LONDON, ENGLAND
FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHER I
am a freelance dance and portrait photographer based in London. I have had a passion for the visual since I was in my teens, and some of my biggest sources of inspiration have been Steve McCurry, Annie Leibovitz, Diane Arbus and Henri Cartier-Bresson, to name a few. Their highly varied approaches to photography excite me as they represent to me the boundless opportunities that photography offers to capture the diversity of everyday life and people. It was only a couple of years back that I got my first DSLR camera, which was also around the same time I moved from Pakistan to London, to pursue my higher education. Since then, I have been obsessed with this art form, which has allowed me to explore different aspects of life in London, and become more closely acquainted with the city. Although I started out by pursuing landscape photography, I have now transitioned to dance and portrait photography. I love photographing people, both still and moving, as for me it is akin to making a connection with them and tapping into some aspect of their personalities. Dance and portrait photography also allow me to challenge and overcome my own social anxiety. I was very shy and anxious while growing up and this continued into my adult life when I was eventually diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Despite the daunting prospect of the various social interactions these two forms of photography entail, I enjoy them the most, especially the dynamism of these shoots and the distinct vibes and energies different people bring to them. I believe that my anxiety, in these instances, strangely, helps me be a more perceptive and sensitive photographer. Capturing ballet in particular, has been a major interest of mine, for which I am grateful to the talented dancers who have contributed to my interest with their grace, strength, and above all their passion. I believe dance to be a highly emotive medium as the dancers convey so much with their movements, which are at the same time, both raw and structured. I find it particularly enjoyable photographing them in the city, as doing so allows me to make use of the perspective, lines and symmetry that is part and parcel of the urban landscape. I feel that the unpredictability and spontaneity of urban life can be especially liberating for dancers as it allows them more freedom to express themselves. This can at times also make the city a more interesting and impromptu backdrop for dance, rather than a studio setting. When capturing dancers in motion, I often recall one of my favorite quotes by Henri Cartier-Bresson: “I suddenly understood that a photograph could fix eternity in an instant�. What Cartier-Bresson says is also what I hope to achieve with my photography. In the future, I would also love to experiment with fashion and street photography.
Valu
ued
GermanytoKentucky PHOTOGRAPHY BY R EBECCA S TEPHENSON
PHOTOGRAPHER TESTIMONY
REBECCA STEPHENSON
" MY PLAN WAS TO GO TO IRELAND OR NEW ZEALAND AFTER GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE, BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW - LIFE ITSELF HAD A DIFFERENT PLAN FOR ME."
I
’m often asked where I’m originally from and I find it hard to answer that simple question. When my mom was pregnant with me, her and my dad decided they wanted a more interesting life so they packed up everything they owned, built a Vardo and left Germany. As it so happened they stayed in the Pyrenees - the breathtaking mountains separating France from Spain - when I decided to enter this world. A few short months later we moved on to live in Portugal, where we bought some land right by the water and built a business from scratch. Guests were able to park their motor boats by the water and enjoy a cold drink at our bar, taking in the beautiful scenery of the little paradise we had found. My childhood consisted of swimming in the wild river Mondego, harvesting olive trees, eating divine pine seeds, making jam from wild berries. -
We laughed hard and lived the perfect childhood. When I was six years old my parents separated and my mom decided it was time to move back to Germany - live a “normal” life and get back to reality. The transition to our new life was hard but I made friends easily and they made me feel at home. Around that time I started to get more and more exposed to art. My mother herself is an amazingly talented painter, musician and actress, who I believe has had a huge impact on my decision to choose a creative profession. The German word “Fernweh” translates to the ache or longing for distant places and describes how I always felt about my life. I felt the world was too big and exciting for me to just stay in one place and I knew I could feel at home anywhere. Therefore my plan was to go to Ireland or New Zealand after graduating from college, but little did I know - life itself had a different plan for me.
I met my husband, who was stationed with the Army in Germany and after we got married, we moved to Michigan and five years later we ended up in Kentucky. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I am so grateful for all the wonderful people I have met along the way, getting to do what I love most - raising two beautiful children and getting to tell peoples life and love stories through photographs - preserving emotions and memories forever.
HANNAH H
Shenzhen, China
s I sat down a few days ago to th This is what happens when too many deepest emotions, my most heartfe mute...anxious; overwhelmed. How d Now, I do not write to talk travel. T everyone gets to leave their home to t simplest and most magnanimous for healing, of ways He wields His sovere I live in Shenzhen, China, a quick Phoenix, Arizona. I am 28 years old desert hikes; I lie awake at night mis Phoenix. I lament that I live where ve But when I imagine someone askin overwhelming to put into words the e “home,” especially when the experie grade at an American international sc different places. In the past year, I hav at a tiny fish market in Tokyo; flew to And all of this is beautiful and excit can have rosy, gilded payoffs, but it is out. It can be deeply and consistently government watches every one of you But in the midst of every challenge provided for. God’s graceful provision moment. Three years ago, I was left d But moving didn’t heal me. Jesus did changes that before I would have been It is by the grace of God and that al consider affording trips, and to be we my way around, that I understand mo have imagined. Through His grace I braver and more sensitive to others th here: it means the undying and unexpe
HAYES
AMERICAN TEACHER LIVING IN CHINA
"I LIVE IN SHENZHEN, C HINA, A QUICK BORDER CROSSING FROM HONG KONG AND 15 HOURS AHEAD OF MY HOME AND MY LOVED ONES IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. I AM 28 YEARS OLD AND A WOMAN WHO CANNOT HANDLE CHANGE, BUT YEARNS FOR IT. I CRY WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY DESERT HIKES; I LIE AWAKE AT NIGHT MISSING COCKTAILS WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND DINNERS AT MY SISTER’ S WARM HOME IN DOWNTOWN PHOENIX. I LAMENT THAT I LIVE WHERE VERY FEW FRIENDS HAVE EVER EVEN HEARD OF JESUS."
hink about what living outside of the U.S. (my home) means to me, I drew a fast blank. y thoughts jumble in my analytical head. I am not shy of words, but as they apply to my elt experiences, and places where only the Holy Spirit has ever known me, I am do I describe a very complicated, very beautiful, very great gift of God? Traveling, I know firsthand, is often just an experience for the privileged or “lucky”. Not travel – and not everyone wants to. I am writing to talk grace. Grace in its simultaneously rm – as it occurs through change, what I consider God’s most challenging, but most eignty. border crossing from Hong Kong and 15 hours ahead of my home and my loved ones in and a woman who cannot handle change, but yearns for it. I cry when I think about my ssing cocktails with my best friend and dinners at my sister’s warm home in Downtown ery few friends have ever even heard of Jesus. ng what it means to be here, the homesickness transitions. It’s there, but it’s different. It’s experience of living somewhere indescribably different than what I have always known as ence itself has morphed into a home of which I never expected to be a part. I teach 1st chool. I work 13 hours a day (not unusual for a teacher!) and on breaks, I do try to visit ve been snorkeling in the Philippines, stayed the night at Everest basecamp; enjoyed sushi o a concert in Singapore for the weekend. ting, but let’s shine a light on something: living abroad is NOT glamorous. The expat life s a physical and emotional workout, a tiresome routine of failure and figuring everything y lonely. It is especially difficult in a country where pollution hangs low and dark, and the ur steps. e, of every time I’ve been caught in dirty rain with little ability to taxi home, I have been n has become almost tangible, something many of us do not realize is happening at every dangling from the painful end of a 7-year relationship. Almost two years ago, I came here. d. His grace did. Reflecting the stark changes that occurred in my day-to-day life are heart n afraid to address…but now I dance and scream and proclaim boldly. lone that I have been able to have this job, to do it with little teaching experience, to even elcomed by people in China like I have always been here. It is by His grace that I can find re Chinese than I can speak, that my students have brought me more joy than I ever could have (mostly) healed, and through His grace on my broken heart I have become much han I ever was before. This is what I would say if someone asked me what it means to be ected grace of our Savior.
50 SHADE
"I WILL NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO WOMEN OF HIS PAST, WOMEN IN THE MOVIE BRUSHING UP BESIDE HIM IN A CROWD. I' M A DAUGHTER OF
F
B Y CLARE TAYLOR - @CTUCKY inally, the weekend is here and it’s been a rough week… you just want to go home and decompress. You get a call to go hang out with friends, have some good food and maybe catch a movie. It’s the weekend before Valentine’s Day and there’s this movie out that everyone has been buzzing about, so the idea is being thrown around that the girls should just go and watch it! It’s so popular and everyone is going. Some of your friends are single, some engaged and some married. Why not take a break from reality and check it out?! Decompression is in full effect and now you grab your theater seats and the movie begins. Immediately, your spirit isn’t really jiving with this moment. You feel a strong conviction and think to yourself, “This isn’t agreeing with my soul.” Following this question are regretful and confusing thoughts including, “Why am I so convicted and uncomfortable right now, and what does it mean?” Well, we know that people are in this theater to see THIS movie because of one or more of the following: fantasy, desire or entertainment. When things aren't going our way, we sometimes look for escapes. Media is a big one because it's SO accessible. Social media, television, movies, etc... you can slip into a habit of looking to one or more of these to fulfill those fantasies and desires, instead of looking to God. Many reasons are behind this fallback as evidenced by real life conversations, blogs and comments I sought after to answer some of the questions I had swirling around in my head as to what's behind the immense success of such suggestive entertainment. Some seek out these sexually themed movies because their own marriage is missing that kind of passion. Some just don’t have any romance in this season of their life, so they dabble in someone else’s story. And some project onto the female role, escaping their own reality because cannot see themselves as God sees them, as worthy and lovable... they believe that they would never be good enough for someone as attractive as Christian Grey, so watching it is the next best thing, right? Some just simply want entertainment no matter what the context because of completely unrelated disillusionment and lack of fulfillment in their lives overall. But when the romance comes, when the confidence increases and when the marriage starts to blossom new buds, will these images have already done the damage of causing a bigger gap of reality and fiction in the watcher’s mind and heart? Lord knows, I don’t need any more damaging circumstances than the world already has for me that are beyond my control, now I’m going to usher more in willingly? And I can't deny the fact that so much marketing went into this project to catapult it to the forefront of the “Love Day” ofAmerica, Valentine's Day. How ironic? But this film is actually fostering a successful following by celebrating lust, not love. For the characters, love does become a reality, but as a rare side effect of superficial, lustful and false intimacy.
S LIGHTER
ES AND TELEVISION SHOWS OR THE “PRETTIER”/“SKINNIER” WOMEN EYEING OR F THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE, CHOSEN FOR MY HUSBAND" This isn’t real life. I just think that for anyone reading this, whether new to the dating scene or married with a family, caution yourselves to the detrimental effects “escapism” through entertainment truly has on your psyche. I am a victim turned victor to it by the grace of God, myself and there should be no shame attached, nor blame to the actual film/cast/crew. This is really just another tool that the enemy has chosen to use to push his agenda, so if you’re into being a soldier in the spiritual warfare battle, tread lightly. Escapism through entertainment feels like a good, acceptable way out. You get to live out your fantasies (sin) vicariously through fictional characters in a fictional story, so you have the illusion of good the sin might feel, but you didn't physically commit it. But even watching it versus living it out, is allowing the ideas or the sins into your brain as an acceptable way to handle your desires. For believers, spending an hour or two investing time and attention into something that is teaching you an opposite pattern of what God is teaching you is quite dangerous. The conflict comes between your spirit and flesh and conviction touches you because of the protection of the Holy Spirit, the Advocator. Listen to that. You didn't necessarily seek out to choose something evil or wrong but it's being sold to you nonetheless, so it's got to be a deliberate choice to deny that which is so easily fed to you as simple entertainment, accepted by friends or family, and just walk away back towards a healthier place. Your break from reality just might become your break from your relationship with God. The “Grey-ness” turns to black and the LIGHT within you becomes dimmed before you know it. So just for me, I don't want a Christian Grey and I don't want a love like this which is portrayed. It’s empty and it’s dark. Years of carelessly sharing part of you meant only for God, then committing to HIM after being rescued that you’ll never do it again outside of the beautiful context of marriage is reason enough to ask not for the ordinary, but for something greater. Something extraordinary. Something real and something from Heaven. And it’s attainable. I messed up so badly along the way and God still kept his promises to bring me a man worthy of receiving every part of me. He will do it for you, too, if that is the desire of your heart and you surrender your heart to Him, first. My worth is not about how sexual I am or how advanced and emotionally detached I can portray myself in the bedroom to live up to a standard in a movie, it's about whom I belong to. Jesus. I can't worry about my husband’s devotion or attraction to me based on a lie. And I will not compare myself to women of his past, women in the movies and television shows or the “prettier”/“skinnier” women eyeing or brushing up beside him in a crowd. I'm a daughter of the king of the universe, chosen for my husband... if my Father is for me, I will always be enough. Your story is the one that’s worth watching.
CAIT TAYLOR ANGELICTESTIMONY
Tauranga, NewZealand
CaitT aylor
" A PARAPHRASED COMPILATION OF B IBLE VERSES THAT SPOKE DIRECTLY WAS EVERYTHING I' D EVER LONGED TO HEAR. I SPENT THE FOLLOWING
MBrokeny storyfamilies. is not unique. In fact, it's a common story in this generation. Broken homes. Broken lives. And Fatherless children.
I was a fatherless child. Born '96, in a tiny village in Northwest England and raised singlehandedly by my mother after my biological father left the scene whilst she was pregnant with me. "Dad" wasn't a required word in my vocabulary... until the age of five, when my mum met someone. It was as though all my Christmases came at once, as I watched her walk down the aisle to this new man who promised to love, cherish and protect her (and me) always. He legally adopted me, brought two dogs to the family, gave me a baby brother and even moved us to the picturesque paradise that is New Zealand. I wish more than anything, that the story ended there. But instead of happily ever after, that day marked the beginning of our worst nightmare. Overnight, our haven of a home turned into a pressure cooker. Having a "dad" was not what I'd expected. Quite frankly, it was worse than not having one at all. I hadn't anticipated the vulgar name calling. Nor the tiptoeing, the bruises or the blood. I hadn't anticipated having to learn the number of the emergency services or the number of times I would need to use it. Fear became the center of my world; any self-worth went out the window and my zest for life went with it. I struggled through my teen years, finding myself depressed, anxious and dangerously bound by an eating disorder. And ultimately... at the core of it all, was this deep, desperate longing for a father. During that time, I clung to whatever faith I had. Even though I wasn't brought up in a Christian home, I always had this innate belief that God was there. And whoever and wherever He was, I always felt as though he was looking after me. He had to be. It wasn't until I turned fifteen, that I came to really know God. I was in a Salvation Army charity shop, arms laden with secondhand jumpers, making small talk with the shop assistant. As she bagged up my clothes, she grabbed a little red pamphlet from the counter and popped it into my bag. It sounds crazy but that glossy A4 piece of paper changed my life. It read: "God Loves YOU. And He is the Father you have been looking for all your life. This is His love letter to you."
ANGELICTESTIMONY Y TO THE DAD- SHAPED HOLE IN MY HEART. EVERY WORD HEALED A WOUND. IT SIX YEARS DISCOVERING WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO CALL GOD MY "D AD"
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48 I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13 It continued. A paraphrased compilation of Bible verses that spoke directly to the dad-shaped hole in my heart. Every word healed a wound. It was everything I'd ever longed to hear. I spent the following six years discovering what it really means to call God my "Dad". And today, at twenty-one years old, I can say that the love of my heavenly Father not only healed me, it gave me the grace to forgive both my biological and stepfather, it allowed me to make peace with myself and my body and it gave me back my hope for the future. If you had a rough upbringing, it's easy to look back and wish things were different. Instead of hating my past.... I'm choosing to be grateful for it. I believe your tests multiply your testimony. And your testimony qualifies you to do something that others can't do. There is power and purpose in your story. And If I've learned one thing on my journey, it's that God loves to make beautiful things out of broken situations. "… to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor the will of man, but born of God." (John 1:12-13)
t oChri s t churc c i l b u p e R zC ech PHOTOGRAPHER INTERVIEW GABRIELA PAPEZIKOVA
ch, NewZealand
Q&A ANGELIC: What inspires/influences you as a photographer? PAPEZIKOVA: I think that inspiration is everyhere and I try leave my eyes open all the time and perceive it. The most inspiring things for me in the past few months were all the people I get to collaborate with. All their stories were so fascinating and I'm so grateful that I could hear them. ANGELIC: What is the best part about living in the Czech Republic and now New Zealand? PAPEZIKOVA: Definitely the nature. I was kind of city person before we moved to New Zealand and I still like city life, but I never saw nature so diverse and so beautiful like here before . Everything is so intensive here, grass is greener, water is so clear etc. When I saw some pictures from New Zealand for a first time I was totaly in love with it and I coud'n imagine, that the reality is even better. ANGELIC: If you could photograph 1 living person in the world, who would it be and why? PAPEZIKOVA: It's s hard. I have very long list, but if I have to choose just one person, it would be Emma Watson. She is so beautiful and strong woman. I would be honored to meet her. ANGELIC: Our mag blends Jesus, Music and Fashion -- is Jesus relevant in your country? How or how isn't He? PAPEZIKOVA: As far as I know majority of people in my country Czech Republic are atheist. Although people are not believers a lots of them go to the curch during Christmas holiday listen the choir.
"I KNOW GOD PUT B IBLES AND B ASKETBALL IN MY LIFE SO I WOULD BE READ WITHOUT B IBLES AND B ASKETBALL IF PRESENTED WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO MILLION EXCUSES OF HOW “I DON’ T KNOW ENOUGH”, “I AM UNQUALIFIED”, SCRIPTURE”. NOW, I HAVE CHANGED MY POSTURE AND APPROACH T The decision to move to Japan was probably one of the most difficult ones that I have made in my life. My fear of leaving my job, raising my son abroad, and leaving my family, friends, and church was a scary. Not to mention the concept of living in a Country whose language, customs, foods, and traditions were so much different than anything I had ever known. Yet, this was the one time in my life that I knew the exact direction that God wanted me to head without having any idea of where that path would lead. This was my first leap out on faith and into my Destiny. When I first came to Japan with my then four - year old son and husband (who has been playing for 5 years in Japan prior to that) I knew absolutely no one, no community, church, not even someone outside of my household to speak English with. If you know anything about Japan than you know that Christianity is among the minority when it comes to religion. Despite that fact God has managed to show himself to me along the way. I moved to Japan in August 2015 and by the end of September a Basketball wife and member of Bibles and Basketball reached out to me to tell me about the Bible Studies that were going to be starting in October. Having not known this wife prior to this conversation I was not sure how to take it all. Being perfectly honest it all seemed too good to be true. I have seen and heard stories about the not so pretty side of the Basketball lifestyle and thought that solitude would be the best route, but something inside of me was drawn to the group. So, I joined the Facebook page and to my surprise it was so full of love and positivity. All I saw were prayer request and Women lifting Women up. It truly inspired me and lead me to joining Bible study. We dove right into James, and I can honestly say I will forever been changed by that study. In our studies, we discussed different ways that we as wives could impact our communities at home and abroad. At the time, I had no idea how I could apply these ideas to my own life or even if I wanted to. God had brought me through so much growth at this point but I didn’t feel I knew enough about the Bible to reach and impact other. I worried about defending Gods word not realizing it would defend itself. At the end of my first year abroad my husband was blessed with the opportunity to sign a 3year contract. This is something that doesn’t usually happen where we play, what I didn’t know
ALICIA COLEMAN
DY FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY. DISCIPLE I WOULD MAKE A “I CAN’ T QUOTE ENOUGH TOWARDS GOD."
Isesaki, Japan
at that time is that my husband’s God given talent was not the reason God blessed us with deal but the platform it would allow us was. Shortly after returning to Japan in August 2016 God blessed me to meet a now dear friend Tomoko. Tomoko unlike many people in this area of Japan speaks fluent English and has the son the exact same age as mine. After only hanging out with Tomoko only once she introduced me to the Gospel Wings Fellowship Choir. This is a Choir in the city we resided, all Japanese, none of whom speak English, who all sing gospels songs in English all over the City. They have their own huge concert with hundreds of people. They also sing and to the disabled, children, carol all over the city, and at one point we have been on local TV and Radio. I joined the choir in September and it has truly changed my life and allowed me to see what it is like to truly be a disciple. The choir has 70 members and only 2 whom believe in Jesus Christ and 1 who has given her life to Christ. I have the honor of being able to build relationship with these people and spread God to them in ways as simple as sharing what God has done in my life, and as elaborate as teaching others how to cook Christmas dinner and explaining the meaning behind songs we sing like Amazing Grace. I don’t get the opportunity to fellowship every day or even week but I pray God continues to allow me the opportunity to be intentional with every encounter. I know God put Bibles and Basketball in my life so I would be ready for this opportunity. Without Bibles and Basketball if presented with the opportunity to disciple I would make a million excuses of how “I don’t know enough”, “I am unqualified”, “I can’t quote enough scripture”. Now, I have changed my posture and approach towards God. Instead of coming to him about what I don’t know I just ask God “How?” I ask him to order my steps and guide me in the way I need to go. I pray he leads me and helps me to grow in him so I can disciple. I love the Woman I am becoming. I am excited about the purpose and future God has put over my life.
ANGELICTESTIMONY
ANGELICTESTIMONY
A L I S HAdelai A de,
"IN AUGUST OF 2015, MY HUSBAND AND I STEPPED BACK INTO THE UNKNOWN. WE WERE ENTIRE LIFE FROM S OUTHERN C ALIFORNIA
M
y journey overseas began with a simple “yes.” Yes, to an Athletes in Action International Basketball Tour. Yes, to begin praying for Australia because God stirred in my AIA teammate’s heart to have me, out of all the girls on the team, pray for a country I had never known. Yes, to answering a random phone call about a basketball opportunity in Australia six months after I had begun to pray. Which meant saying yes to moving to Australia just two weeks later. Yes, to jumping on a 16 hour flight despite being absolutely terrified of flying. Yes, to playing professional basketball with individuals I had never personally met and a country I had only prayed for. Yes, to investing in my new community. A big YES to meeting an Australian hunk who later became my husband with another significant yes five years later! Put simply, it all started with a series of "Yes, Lord.” Yes to an unknown future but a known God. In August of 2015, my husband and I stepped back into the unknown. We were recent college graduates and two weeks into marriage when we moved our entire life from Southern California back to his hometown in Australia. We moved back to pursue his professional basketball career and were told he would have a spot on his local professional basketball team. Looking back we were definitely naive and a little too trusting, but we moved forward in faith and confidence knowing that God would ultimately provide everything else we needed along the way. Once we settled in, we found out my husband was given a Development Player spot - unpaid position - and not a roster spot. It was frustrating news. " To be extremely honest and blunt, our first year of marriage and our first year back in a foreign (foreign to me) country was really hard. Not only was I transitioning into the WAG (wives and girlfriends of professional athletes) lifestyle where your significant other can be traveling with their team for days at a time leaving you all alone, I was also adjusting to my new home, new city, new country, new culture and my new role as a wife. It was brutal! My first 30 days in Australia, my husband was out of town for pre-season games for 24 of them. I cried out to God a lot. This was not shaping up to be what I had expected or envisioned for our life. It was isolating to the core. My friends and family could not understand the extent of what I was feeling because they had never lived or experienced what I was going through. It was hard to talk to them about how much I was struggling. I felt guilty for struggling. From the outside my life looked amazing. I dare say instaworthy! I was traveling. I had a new place to call home. We were chasing my husband’s dream which is an opportunity most people do not get a chance to do and I was happily married! I “had it all”, but I was miserable. There were so many things that went wrong our first year overseas. It took me 10 months to find a job, let alone a job in the industry I studied, and when I did land a job I had to start as an unpaid intern. To say I had days when I desperately wanted to be back in the USA and not be an expat was a huge understatement. We turned down job offers in
the states - significant mon have offered to us in Austr and when things went sou was. I wondered why we f come back to Australia. Di we somehow outside of His will? I would constantly com friends back home in the homesick I would grasp f comfort - social media, blo mind with unrealistic exp definition of what I shou should be at this stage in after God for the wrong crazy thoughts. I would co “why God was abandoning being “blessed” like them gently reply “that’s not ho that and you know His trut dreadful. I look back, ne chuckle at myself. I’m t season and shift in perspect Yet even to this day t gotten easier. We prayerfull my husband’s basketball ca packed up and moved here some would look at our failed” or “they gave up” “no, God has bigger dream This season of our lives the way it was “supposed God’s plans are truly bette expectations. I have foun time here in Australia that plans. There is beauty to b abruptly and pre-maturely found when our reality d expectations. There is bea
C A R L I N Australia
E RECENT COLLEGE GRADUATES AND TWO WEEKS INTO MARRIAGE WHEN WE MOVED OUR A BACK TO HIS HOMETOWN IN AUSTRALIA."
ney, money that we did not ralia - to chase this dream uth I wondered where God felt confident in the call to id we mis-hear Him? Were s
mpare myself to all of my states. Because I was so for the nearest sources of ogs, television - filling my pectations and the world’s uld be doing and where I my life. I started seeking things and started having onstantly ask my husband g us?” or “why weren't we m?” My husband would ow God works. You know ths.” My thoughts were so early two years later, and thankful for that pruning tive! things haven’t necessarily ly decided to stop pursuing areer. The whole reason we e in the first place. In fact r situation and say “they but I would smile and say s for us.” s certainly did not play out to.” Yet as cliche as it is, er than any of our wildest nd over the course of our t there is beauty in broken be found when dreams end y. There is beauty to be does not match with our auty to be found when we
surrender control and let God have His way in our circumstances. I never imagined our dreams falling apart would mean I would find a job I love. I never imagined it would mean I would play basketball again and met some of my closest friends as a result. I never imagined it would give me the opportunity to grow close to my in-laws and my husband’s extended family here in Australia. If our plans for Australia did not fail we would not have ever known these precious things! A lot of good has came from what we initially perceived as bad. This journey has taught us to surrender our fears and our ways. Following His ways has personally freed me from the chase of perfection. Does my life currently look how I would have dreamed for it to? No, but I’ve come to know my Savior in a more intimate way. A way in which I would have never known Him, had we not decided to take this path. I promise you’ll be okay if life throws you a curve ball. Do not be like 2016 version of me where my unhappiness made me ungrateful and resentful for what I did have. Instead let the doubt lead you forward even closer to God. Let the unrest reveal your next move. The sticky, hard stuff is worth stepping into. I recently read a quote that said “the only thing that was perfect about her was God’s transformative power”. Maybe like me, a particular season of life won’t play out perfectly like the way you meticulously planned or boldly envisioned, but I am confident God will still be there in the frustrating, unexpected parts of your story. Enjoy the journey. The ups AND the downs. God has your back - He always has and always will. He knows what is best for you. Even if it hurts at first.
Jason Book: My time in India
"S HE ASKED ME WHAT I FELT GOD WANTED TO DO ON THIS TRIP. I REMEMBER SAYING TO HER, “IF YO PERSON, THEY' RE MINE.” JUST LIKE THAT. I REALLY FELT STRONG THAT GOD WANTED TO HEAL BL During the holiday season of 2012, I had just moved back to the states after having spent a year in West Africa. It had been a long season and I was really looking forward to staying home for a while to heal and process all that I had experienced. I had been invited to go on a mission trip to Mt. Everest base camp in Nepal. The thought of being away from home again was a tough thought; but after seeking God I felt like I should go. I had never met the team leader, Jonathan Haward of Global Infusion based in Knoxville Tennessee. We had some mutual friends that gave a good reference and when I spoke with him over the phone for the first time I remember him saying, “Jason, I don’t have all the answers to the typical mission trip questions. There’s a need there that needs to be met. I want to find a way to pour into that part of the world.” That was all I needed to hear to get me excited for the nearing adventure. The end of February rolled around pretty quick, and this being my first experience with winter in a couple of years I became sick with flu. I went to the doctor and I got some meds to knock the illness out just in time to board the plane a healthy man. Our team flew across the world and spent one night in Katmandu. Then the next morning we boarded a 16 passenger turbo prop for an hour flight into the Himalayas. We had some medical personnel on our team, and plenty of medical supplies as we planned on doing medical clinics in the tea houses along the way. Day 1 of hiking was all down hill, literally. We made it to or first nights destination and began setting up stations in the dining area for a medical clinic. Inside all our heads we where mentally preparing ourselves for the next day where we would gain a lot of altitude hiking. To complicate all the present I became ill with the flu again. This time it was far worse then when I had a couple weeks prior. Team members placed their hands on me and declared life and strength from heaven to fall upon my body. I don’t know that the physical condition of my body changed at all but it did encourage my spirit. Day 2 on the trail was a long day of hiking, gaining approximately 2,500 feet of elevation. Heather, a girl on the team was nice enough to stay back and hike with me. She asked me what I felt God wanted to do on this trip. I remember
saying to her, “If you see a blind person, Just like that. I really felt strong that God w blind eyes, and that it was a literal thing, n She too had been feeling the same thing in he We made it to our destination in Namch middle of the afternoon. My body was sp immediately to bed while the other team m preparing for the medical clinic that evening hours a young man on the team named Patric room and said that Heather had sent him to exact words where, “There’s a blind person h you would know what that means.” I peel off, feet hit the floor with my hiking boots sti gain my equilibrium for a minute before stand I remember entering the dining area of the seeing this middle aged Nepali woman, and h helped guide her around. I only knew one namaste. I prayed for her in english a proclaiming “light, light, light.” I had God on the back of my neck and she had tears remember kissing her on the forehead an Fathers blessing over her. The room was fill God would have me ride 5 airplanes, get mosquitos in the Mumbia airport, and conditions with an ill body to release Hi woman then it was all worth it. Since then, Global Infusion has made man other parts of Nepal. They had a team o offering relief to victims right after the Gork in April of 2015. This trip for me was m ever reach an unreached person. I was sh would ask local villagers, “Do you know son?”, and the answer was no. That trip has my desire to spread the gospel to those who heard the good news.
a
OU SEE A BLIND LIND EYES "
they're mine.� wanted to heal not metaphoric. er spirit. he Bazar in the pent so I went members began g. After a few ck came to my o get me. His here. She said ed my blanket ill on. I had to ding to walk. e tea house and her friend who e Nepali word, nd she began bumps rise up in her eyes. I nd speaking a ed with joy. If eaten alive by hike extreme s love to this
ny trips back to on the ground kha earthquake my first time to hocked when I w Jesus, God’s forever fueled o have not ever
BritishColumbia PHOTOGRAPHY BY M ARIE S KERL
MD EAL T RA , BIR IET I S HS CKO L UEM BRI A L "I STARTED TO FEEL RENEWED AND I FELT LIKE I WAS GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE" rowing up in a Christian family, I accepted Christ into my heart at the early age of 7. About 8 years later I got baptized, once I could better understand what I was dedicating my life to. The years between ages 13-15 were the toughest years of my life. I lost a loved one (my grandmother) and my youth pastor was put into prison in Mexico. I struggled to comprehend why God would allow these things to happen? I suffered from depression and anxiety – I remember distinctly one day my dad driving me to high school and I cried the entire way there begging him not to take me. We parked in the parking lot; I refused to get out, holding desperately onto the car. Eventually he took me back home. You see: I was finding the transition from elementary to high school very difficult. I didn’t feel like I fit in, I was the “new girl” as most students had already known each other since kindergarten. I felt alone, sad and was constantly worried about what others thought of me. I was a threat to the girls, so they bullied me. I started to feel worthless and I didn’t want to exist anymore. It was in that dark time that I really found God. I would read my Bible and pray long, teary prayers that God would give me the strength to make it through this time. I would seek His guidance in everything. The verses; Psalm 23; “The Lord is my Shepherd..” and Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” were always on my heart. I started to feel renewed and I felt like I was given a second chance to prove myself. My grade 10 year, I never missed a day of school, faced my fears every day and slowly grew in confidence and faith with Him by my side. I decided to live each day to the fullest, have high standards, be positive and reject negativity. I made peace with those that hurt me and learned to forgive others and myself. I started going to a new church with wonderful people and was beginning to feel like I belonged. When I decided to get baptized it felt like the natural next step. I wanted to live a life for Christ and glorify Him in my actions and my words. I wanted to be an example. Because of His sacrifice and His love for us, I could truly live. Everyone warned me that soon after baptism satan was
PHOTOGRAPHER TESTIMONY
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going to attack the most. That proved to be true and life hasn’t been easy since, but I have learned to lean on Jesus and put my trust in Him. More loved ones were lost, relationships broken, health issues arose, but all have continued to strengthen my faith in Christ. Recently, I have learned to listen to Him through thoughts, prayers and dreams and to feel His presence; which has been such a gift. God also gave me the gift of creativity. In my Grade 12 year I received my first DSLR camera and discovered my love of photography. It brought me such joy and after completing a 2year photography program in college I realized how I could use it to reach people. I could inspire others, put hope back into their lives. I wanted to do good and make others feel good. I always enjoyed making people smile with jokes and goofy comments and now I can also make them feel beautiful, confident and worthy. Plus I love love; so being able to document that is really special. Another significant event in 12th grade was meeting my husband. I won’t go into detail about it as I could probably write a novel, but after many years together we got married in September 2016. We have been challenging each other and learning how to best serve each other through Christ ever since. It’s been such a blessing having him in my life and I know it was God who brought us together. Although the road as a Christian hasn’t been without its trials, I am grateful to have received God’s love through it all. Becoming a photographer has given me opportunities to meet many people and my hope is that I remain a good example of Christ’s love by pouring my heart into everything I do.