JESUS.
D E C E M B E R
MUSIC.
2 0 1 5
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ANGELIC DECEMBER 2ù15 CONTENT 22 32 33 36 46 48 52 53 54 66 72 73 74 82 92
FASHION: ALLEN POP JESUS: IT’S NEVER ENOUGH JESUS: NEW SEASONS OF ADVENTURE FASHION: BRIELLE ROUGE MUSIC: DIANNE MICHELLE JESUS: A GUY'S OPINION JESUS: MADISON MICHAEL TESTIMONY JESUS: JESS MACCORCRÁIN FASHION: MADISON FARREL FASHION: KAREN HIGUERA JESUS: NIKKI CHARNSTROM TESTIMONY JESUS: TRUSTING GOD FULLY FASHION: MARCUS BANEY FASHION: MARISS JERRI MUSIC: MATT & MISSY
JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
OUR STORY MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY PRINT AND DIGITAL PUBLICATION THAT BLENDS MUSIC, FASHION AND THE REAL STORIES OF PEOPLE SEEKING TO LIVE FOR JESUS. WE BEGAN IN SEPTEMBER OF 2013 FEATURING CONTENT SOLEY FROM THE SOUTHWEST OF THE UNITED STATES AND IN 2 YEARS WE'VE SPREAD TO NOW FEATURE EDITORIAL CONTENT FROM EVERYWHERE AND HAVE READERS COMING FROM 6 CONTINENTS. ANGELIC HAS A MAGAZINE NAME BUT WE ARE A MINISTRY FOCUSED ON FEARLESSLY PROCLAIMING JESUS. EVERYONE HAS A STORY FOR WHY THEY BELIEVE. WE SHARE THOSE STORIES. WE FEATURE MUSICIANS AND BANDS WHO HEARTS BELONG TO JESUS. WE DO FASHION PHOTO-SHOOTS WITH PHOTOGRAPHER'S, STYLISTS AND MODELS WHO DESIRE TO MAKE JESUS KNOWN. OUR ARTICLES OF FAITH ARE GUIDED BY THE BIBLE. WE SPOTLIGHT ORGANIZATIONS AND MINISTRIES WHO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH. THE TESTIMONIES WRITTEN ARE FILLED WITH WORDS OF REDEMPTION. WE ARE NOT A RELIGIOUS MAGAZINE. WE STAND FOR JESUS.
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EDITOR LETTER I
CHRISTMAS.
n early December of 2014 I flew from Phoenix to Atlanta. It was my first time being on the Eastern Time zone. I had no idea what God would have in store for me and the magazine as 2015 unveiled itself each day this past year. I had no idea I would find myself being a part of events for the magazine in Lexington, Kentucky or teaching workshops in Nashville. After all, I grew up as a small town California kid. In 2015 I’ve experienced and seen more of the world than at any other year or point in my life. Last December I didn’t know who I would meet and would become my friend in 2015. And I didn’t know what friends I would lose in this year either. You see, something about living is experiencing life and experiencing that journey God has us on with Him. My life has become much more meaningful the more I seek God and my journey with Him has become that much more exciting as God leads me to proclaim His Son Jesus. One year ago today, I could’ve never predicted what my life would be like in the present and I am excited to write you one year from now and be able to look back at my journey with God in 2016. In the bad, the good, in the heartbreak and in the joy, God is with us through it all. Be excited for you journey, the places you’ll go and the faces you’ll meet. This Christmas rededicate your life to Jesus. I am. Every day is a rededicating to walk with Him. And I am excited for our walk together. Merry Christmas to you. Sing lots of songs. Give away hugs. Spend time with those you love and those who need to be loved. Drink hot chocolate and eat sugary sweets. It’s Christmas time, embrace every moment. I will write you again in 2016. May we all close our 2015 excited to experience more of Jesus’ love.
Jesse Anaya
ALLEN POP CHICAGO, IL photographer
"I EXPERIENCED THE POWER OF REAL FREEDOM AND THE PEACE OF SALVATION, THOUGH, IT JUST FEELS NATURAL TO CHOOSE TO WALK WITH JESUS. "
1. Why do you choose to walk with Jesus? Looking back on my past, I can be only grateful and happy. Before becoming a follower of Jesus Christ in 2007, I was living a miserable life. I enjoyed pretty much anything I wanted and nothing was making me happy deep inside. After I experienced the power of real freedom and the peace of salvation, though, it just feels natural to choose to walk with Jesus. 2. Why photography? I didn't grow up dreaming of becoming a photographer. It all started five years ago when I became friends with a photographer, and his passion for photography was contagious. 3. In your region of the US, what's the best party about living there? I currently live in Chicago. Probably the best part about living in Chicago is that you can always find new places to explore. Between the architecture, museums, parks, history, and beautiful Lake Michigan, it is one of the most beautiful cities in the country. There are activities for all four seasons, from windy winters to beautiful summers. 4. What type of impact do you aspire to make through photography? I definitely hope to make a good one! 5. What does grace mean to you? Grace, to me, means that I am forgiven. It means unconditional love even though I’m not perfect and have moments when I’m falling away from grace. God truly cares about me, and He’s showing His love in the most perfect way!
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IT'S NEVER ENOUGH
"IT WILL NEVER AGAIN BE ABOUT WHAT I AM AFRAID OF RETURNING TO OR BECOMING, BUT RATHER WHERE I AM GOING FOR HIM. "
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B Y CLARE TUCKER od is always trying to teach and better us as His beloved children. This I must remember when I turn on myself and blame my longings on simple selfishness. Why do I do what I do? Why do I serve the Lord? Why does it make me feel so good, if it is intended to help others and not me? I feel as though we fight this struggle daily, as humans and especially as servants of the Lord. We know being selfish in all negative, worldly meanings of the word is not Christ-like, but it is absolutely human-like, so we still have to fight it coming in on us. It can be spiritually destructive, but helping others has been and always will be a win-win situation. In serving the Lord, you will always gain in so many areas, both personally and out in the world in ways you may never even see. This fear I have of being my old selfish self again just because I want to gain more of Jesus through serving Him and others is exactly what the devil wants. It makes me overanalyze. It can incapacitate me at times. I battle with this terrible human flaw of selfishness as well as wanting approval from the world over clinging tighter to who God says I am even when I set out to focus on His people and serve Him. I pat myself on the back for going to serve others despite being tired and irritable from another work day. When I post on social media about serving God and loving people, I do hope to get at least fifty likes on that photo I share. I enjoy the encouraging comments and love the person my followers think I am based on how I chose to be portrayed that day. Just so you know, that awesome picture was filtered on a couple of apps on my phone as I smoothed away the wrinkles, pores, shrunk the fat I think I have and corrected that bad lighting. What I am actually filtering and correcting, though, goes so much deeper.
I filter out the cross words I mentally gave a boss, coworker, retail associate, or waiter; I smooth away the self-loathing I battle because body image issues are always knocking on my door (or mirror, per se); I shrink down the confusion and impatience I often feel towards God because He has me in a season of waiting, testing my patience for great and mighty tasks He will soon delegate my way. Behind all of the filtering, He still sees right through it and reaches into my soul to let me know I cannot hide from Him, and there is not an issue that goes without resolution and comforting in His Holy name. The enemy wants me to believe that I had it all wrong and that all this faith work and my love story with Jesus has been for naught. He sends down fear and blind sides me with random doubts that do not even make sense. I am not who I once was, and wanting more of Jesus is not wanting less for His people. Jesus sees my heart, and He knows its every intricacies—He formed it Himself. If I am made new in Him, I don’t ever have to worry about slipping back into the past. It is finished. It will never again be about what I am afraid of returning to or becoming, but rather where I am going for Him. As we look to You, God, and study Your Word, we are being shaped into the image in which You made us. The world distorted that for most of us, and we have felt more messed up than ever before over the years, but You bring identity to our hearts. You cast out confusion and self-loathing. How can we beat ourselves up when the cross made us flawless? How could we ever live like the world when You shed real blood to save us from the price of our sins forever? We finally know who we are in You. Hope resides in the peace of Your promises. The rest is all in Your hands, Father, and it is not for us to worry. My heart is Yours.
NEW SEASONS OF ADVENTURE "A LLOW ME TO ASK YOU, DEAR FRIEND, HOW WILL YOU GREET 2016? HOW WILL YOU SAY GOODBYE TO 2015? FOR WE KNOW WHO HOLDS IT ALL —ALL THE DETAILS, ALL THE OUTCOMES, ALL THE SURPRISES—BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE KNOW WHO HOLDS US"
B Y KELSEY ACH
Have you ever noticed that at the edge of the new, our feet
suddenly get tired? Legs feel heavy, eyes droop, hearts grow melancholy, and the short distance to fresh grace seems miles away. There is something about a new season, a new opportunity that draws up the fear and pushes away the courage. We’re afraid of what could come, even though we’ve prayed for this season for years. With 2016 right around the corner, I hope we can take a few minutes to savor what God has done for us this past year, fully trusting that He will carry us into the next. When we start to doubt His goodness, we must think of His goodness. Our God will never present an opportunity He hasn’t prepared us for and prepared for us. Equally balanced, faith collides with an open door and all that’s left is a loyal child stepping forth. As I think back on the goodness of God, my heart and mind have no choice but to grow strong. Never once has my Jesus failed me. Never once has He left me alone. Never once has He misdirected my steps. Think about it! He has been faithful! And when my soul relishes in this deep reality of His Presence, how could I have anything but radical faith moving forward? Yet it is in our fresh seasons that the enemy creates fear and apprehension. When we are but a breath away from stepping into our purpose, his schemes rally on to plant feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and self-condemnation. It is his hope that we will never step into God’s purpose for our lives because, if we do, the world around us might change. And all the while Heaven is cheering us on, beckoning us onward to God’s very best, His beautiful adventure created specifically for us. So, as 2016 is right around the corner, let’s look forward to what is to come! We needn’t have fear, for that is always a lie straight from the pit of hell. Thousands of years ago, a grave shook with resurrection power, our King called Jesus stepped out with eternal love, and the keys to death were secured in His hands. And oh, my friends, it’s this very love that is now at home in the hearts of those who believe! We are marked with a Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). We are the very ambassadors of His Kingdom, moving forth throughout the world, evidence of His divine plan for all
mankind. And when the keys to death are in the hands of our leader, there is no such thing as impossible. This past year has been a year of faith for me. As I learn to listen to and obey the voice of my Father, my life has shifted into one exciting adventure. I’ve come to understand that living outside of His calling is no doubt the most boring life to live, but, inside of His calling, in line with His purpose? Nothing can compare to this breath-taking adventure! Nothing holds a candle to His monumental and eternal experience! And it’s in this place with our Jesus that we invite others to come. Come and see this incredible grace! Come and taste what it means to live forever! Come and take part in who you were created to be! So we press on into the new. We continue forward even if the way is unclear. And we trust wholeheartedly in the infallible words of Scripture: “If God is for us, who could ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31) We have been prepared and destined for this time all of our lives. Held in Father’s hands at creation, He spoke words of love, life, and hope over the years to come. He believed in us before a breath was in our lungs, loved us before a thought was in our minds, identified us as His before we were even given a name. How could we ever doubt Someone that has always had our best in mind? How could we shy away from what is only promised as our greatest fulfillment? And it’s in this beautiful journey of life with our King that we come to understand that, when we follow Him, trust Him, and believe in Him, our lives finally begin to make sense! Souls slow down and minds grow calm because we have now discovered the secret to our hearts beating in rhythm with His: obedience. Allow me to ask you, dear friend, how will you greet 2016? How will you say goodbye to 2015? For we know Who holds it all—all the details, all the outcomes, all the surprises—but, most importantly, we know Who holds us. Looking forward and looking back, we can rest assured that we have been and will be prepared for all things. Eternity beckons us forward and the past gives evidence of His faithful grace. You can do this. We can do this. Let the adventure continue!
briellerouge MODEL // FASHION BLOGGER PHOENIX-BRIELLEROUGE.COM "INSTEAD OF TURNING TO OTHER THINGS TO FILL THAT EMPTY VOID, I KNEW JESUS WAS REAL . I HAD AN UNDERSTANDING OF GOD'S GRACE BECAUSE I COULD FEEL IT."
1. Why Jesus? Growing up in a broken home, God made his presence known to me. My parents divorced when I was in middle school and life wasn't smooth sailing before or after the split for our family. Unfortunately, that's the story of a lot of friends these days but instead of turning to other things to fill that empty void, I knew Jesus was real. I had an understanding of God's grace because I could feel it. It's an intense and overwhelming love that I'm always in complete awe of. Jesus died for me so I could have an everlasting life with him. 2. What makes your blog different from other blogs? Being a typical, poor college student, I learned how to be thrifty. That way of shopping is now engraved in me. It's like a game of where I can find the best deal for my money and I think that some people struggle with feeling like they have to wear the newest/coolest/most expensive thing to be noticed, especially in the blogging world. I too struggled with how I would be able to start a blog and wear expensive clothing but then I realized that isn't me! I want to encourage people to dress in whatever inspires them. It's too exhausting to try and be anyone but yourself. 3. What are your fashion must-haves for fall/winter? I'm absolutely loving the 70's fashion everywhere so anything fringe, suede, or big hats I think would be a fun essential to anyone's fall/winter wardrobe. I also have my trusty pair of black ankle boots that I can wear with just about everything. You wont see me traveling anywhere without them. 4. What are 3 random facts about you? It's my goal to watch every Audrey Hepburn film, (almost there!). I don't like spicy foods. I used to be a hip hop dancer. 5. We launched our "World Changer Workshop" this fall. How are you a world changer? My blog may not make it to the big leagues, but if I can encourage even just a small community of people to be inspired to be who they are, then it was all worth it. We all struggle with insecurities and we need to lift each other up. I hope that the honesty in my blog posts shows people Im just another girl who loves fashion and that we're all not so different after all. Social media isn't real, you're only seeing the best version of what they want you to see. Cliche or not, I say be yourself! God made you uniquely you and that's awesome.
P H O T
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ANGELICM
DIANNE MICHELLE SINGER/SONGWRITER
- PHOENIX
1. Why Jesus? ...I would sooner ask "Why me?" 2. How would you define your style/sound of music? Artistic Pop Worship with congregational hooks and some electronic, hip-hop, and indie vibes. 3. Any projects you're currently working on? I always have something new up my sleeve because God is continually working new truths into my heart, and I can’t not write in response. It’s a way of documenting His movement in my life and in the church. I’m about to release a new single, “Wake Us,” about the second coming of Christ and our awakening as His people. Also on deck is a live recording video series of covers and originals presented by Vusic, an up-and-coming Christian music platform. 4. If you could go on tour with two bands, who would they be and why? Switchfoot and Paramore: Both bands are pioneers that have stretched boundaries and been successful in the general market without selling out to the spirit of the world. Jon Foreman of Switchfoot is a genius songwriter and genuinely seems to love and value his bandmates. As for Paramore, Hayley’s vocal prowess alone would be magical to witness nightly on tour, but she also seems to be a sweetheart. Judging by her Twitter, we would totally get along. 5. We're launching our "World Changer Workshop" this fall. How do you aspire to be a World Changer? Proverbs 7:3 says to write His commands on the tablet of your heart. I led a high school Bible study at my church for years, and I saw the effect of pop lyrics on the brains and hearts of my students. Music has a way of burrowing into you and etching upon the tablet of your heart. I want to change the world by writing songs that send the arrow of Scripture deep into the soul and guide people to meditate on His attributes and promises—all while dancing. Because the world can always use more dancing.
MUSIC
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ALSO FEATURED IN THE NOV/DEC 2015 PHOENIX COMMUNITY ISSUE OF ANGELIC
CAN A MAN BE W
hat do you think? Can he? Is it possible for a man to be committed physically to just one woman? I ask myself, can I be a faithful man? They say men are dogs and that reference came from the point that a male dog will breed with any and all female breed of dogs. Male dogs are promiscuous. Are men the same way? From a physiological standpoint a man’s reproductive system creates sperm from puberty until death and a man produces millions of sperm cells each day. According to the Cleveland Clinic, “only 300 to 400 of a woman’s reproductive eggs will be ovulated during her reproductive lifetime.” So, from a physiologically standpoint, 300 to 400 eggs over a reproductive lifetime for a woman in comparison to millions of sperm cells created daily for a man up until his death, a man’s sex drive is going to be significantly higher on a daily basis and through the course of his lifetime. Is that an excuse then for a man to be unfaithful? Desiring sex and being unfaithful are two very different things.
A GUY'S O
B Y JESSE A A man may desire more sexual activity than that of a woman to have an affair or to become addicted to porn as a sexual re marriage simply should mean, have more sex with your wife. Sex is God’s gift between a man and a woman in marriage Sex was created to bring glory to God by having intimacy in emotional relationship through a physical act of expressing lov So, why are men unfaithful to their wives? Why do they hav Unfaithfulness isn’t just being unfaithful to a woman, but t oath before God to honor her as one of God’s daughters. W bigger question now becomes, can a man be faithful to God? I am a single guy and I am technically free to have sex with sex for marriage and by having sex outside of marriage, I am s The deeper question to myself now arises, am I connected w When I separate myself from Jesus, I am hurting Him and d me? Before I can ever be faithful to a woman, I have to be fai faithful to His wife because she is a reflection of a man’s com be faithful to a woman I have not yet met. Jesus tells us “Watch and pray so that you will not fall i Matthew 26:41 Praying is seeking God. Prayer connects us with Him. Praye Jesus tells us our spirit is willing but our flesh is weak. Our our spirit is connected to Jesus’ the battle of flesh and spirit ca I say battle between flesh and spirit because physiology tel stay faithful. When God created Eve for Adam, He didn’t create Eve and A He created one woman for one man because one woman Heidi, and Christina or Allison, we just need our Eve. Genesis 2:24-25 “they become one flesh. Adam and his wife
BE FAITHFUL?
OPINION
ANAYA but that doesn’t give him the green light to be promiscuous or lease. Having a desire for more sexual activity in the bond of
e. It is not a bad thing or something to be embarrassed about. your marriage, creating children and uniting your mental and ve. ve sex with co-workers or their wives best friends? Why? to God. When a man says “I do” to his wife, he is making an When he is unfaithful to her, he is unfaithful to God and the
as many as women as I please. However, I know God created separating myself from Him. with God in Spirit and truth to be able to be faithful to Him? do I desire to hurt my Lord and Savior, the one who died for
ithful to God first. A man who is faithful to the Lord will be mmitment to God. And although I am not married, I choose to nto temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
er is our lifeline to faithfulness. r flesh will be enticed by lust, seduction and temptation, but if an be mastered. lls us a man’s flesh desires a lot of sex. But the Spirit tells us
Amanda for Adam. Or Eve, Amanda and Tatiana for him. is designed perfectly for a man. We don’t need Kaitlyn and
e were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
DO YOU THINK HE CAN? There is no shame in loving your wife. I think as men we’re to love our wives in a similar way to how we love God. Passionately. Committed. Faithful. Honest. One flesh. Together. If you are a man who is reading this, my hope is that it inspires you to love your wife with a love that would make God smile. You are capable and are called to be faithful to her. Show her. Honor her. Choose her. Love her. And if you are a woman who is reading this, know that there is a man out there who will love you faithfully and be committed to you. If you are married, know that God has called your husband to be faithful and has designed him to be that way. Anything less is not acceptable. You are our Eve.
MADISON MICHAEL BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS
"I GOT MARRIED AT TWENTY- ONE AND
WAS DIVORCED WITHIN THAT SAME YEAR. THIS WAS NEVER HOW I IMAGINED MY LIFE WOULD BE, BUT, WHEN I PULLED MY HEAD OUT OF THE DARKNESS I HAD BEEN SURROUNDED BY, I REALIZED GOD WAS USING THIS TO SHAPE MY WALK WITH HIM. "
M
y name is Madison Michael. I am 22 years old, live in Bentonville, AR, and I wanted to share a little bit about my walk with Christ. My entire life I’ve always strived to be "perfect," and it's been a constant struggle to say the least. I realized I strived for perfection instead of seeing God as my perfect provider. In 2011, after I graduated high school, my family moved back to Arkansas from Arizona. I had never been on my own before and was upset with their choice to move right as I was starting my new chapter in college. This new "freedom" started to bring me down a dark path. There was so much anger in my heart from mistakes I had made that I began to let the devil himself remind me of how imperfect I was. I gave up on a lot of things in my life because of my bitter heart. I stopped caring about school, friends, and, as hard as this is to say, my family. I met a guy who I knew was all wrong for the life God envisioned for me, but I didn't care. I set out on a mission to make myself happy—or so I thought. I got married at twenty-one and was divorced within that same year. This was never how I imagined my life would be, but, when I pulled my head out of the darkness I had been surrounded by, I realized God was using this to shape my walk with Him. After months of feeling like a failure, coming out of a divorce in a marriage that I knew in my heart was never right for me, I ran to God. He saved me from the darkest part of my life, and, although I know perfection is unattainable, I now know His perfect love and protection is all I ever need. I've been forgiven. I've been set free. Prayer and reading God's Word broke the chains of darkness that surrounded me. His love for me is overwhelming, and my testimony is stronger because of what I've been through. My family has been my rock through it all; their constant love and forgiveness brought me back to see that it all stems from Christ's love and grace. Through the ashes and ruins, God brings beauty and grace!
JESS MACCORCRÁIN LOS ANGELES, CA "I TOLD HER I DIDN'T CARE IF I LIVED OR DIED—I FELT ZERO HOPE. SHE PUT HER HAND ON ME AND SAID, "GOD LOVES YOU."
When I graduated as an actor in Australia, I knew
what I wanted to do with my life: act and sing. There was no other option because, after all, it was the only thing I had ever dreamt of doing my whole life. I knew of God and I prayed to Him, but I had never put Him first. I was living for me and putting my ambitions above all. A few years after graduating, I found myself spiraling out of control. My life was not going the way I had planned. My parents were living overseas for work, my sister was living abroad with her husband, and my brother was away with the Australian Army. All I had ever known was now nowhere in sight. My boyfriend of almost four years and I broke up, and I literally felt I had nowhere to go. I was drinking to numb pain and taking Valium to escape the loneliness and depression which, ultimately, just made everything worse. I was drinking as much and as often as I could to avoid dealing with the reality of what my life had become, including at work. Eventually I packed up shop and came to California to visit my parents. I was really sick. I was consistently dizzy and weak, and I suffered severe chronic fatigue. My mum saw how hectic my life had become, and she snuck a book into my suitcase before I was leaving again for Sydney: "God's Survival Guide (for Crisis Times in Your Life).” She wrote a card and left a $10 note in the book with the instructions to buy myself some lunch and read this book as it had really helped her. When I got back to Sydney, I was couch-surfing as I had no home base anymore. My anxiety was so overwhelming that it led to severe panic attacks multiple times a day. I took the book and went to the beach. I read the first page which was about letting go of your past and handing it to Jesus. I didn't get past the second page before I took myself into the water to beg for God to take over my life. "I need You. Send someone to show me how to be close to Jesus because I don't know how to do it."
A week later, I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. My body had gone into fits, and my entire nervous system had shut itself down—my head was floppy and I could barely walk. A nurse came to me and asked me about my life. I told her I didn't care if I lived or died—I felt zero hope. She put her hand on me and said, "God loves you." I burst into tears and told her I had forgotten that truth. Then I was reminded of my prayer. I told her I had prayed for God to send me someone to help me become close to Him. The rest was history. I found myself at church only a few weeks later with a friend I went to high school with, Adam. We got baptized together and, at our baptism, I sang on stage for God for the first time as Adam played guitar. My friends told me that even my voice had changed. It was so different than singing in clubs and pubs, so purposeful. The Lord led me to the most unbelievable doctors and treatments to heal me. It took a few years to get my body healthy, but I couldn't have learned the lessons and discipline I needed to and I wouldn't have fathomed the importance, significance, and reality of a close relationship with Jesus without that healing process. I was called out to California soon after, where I met my husband, who is a pastor. We founded a nonprofit organization called No Silence Alliance to help people like myself who struggle with anxiety, depression, and addiction. I'm so excited for what God has planned and, who knows, maybe one day I'll act again!
Madison Farrel
"GOD ASKED ME A BOLD QUESTION AS I PRAYED TO HIM: DID I WANT TO CONTINUE SLOWLY KILLING MYSELF, OR DID I WANT SOMETHING BETTER?"
Three years ago, I was a freelance model trying to
break into the fashion industry. Despite the naysayers, I knew God had called me to be in that industry as His hands and feet, and I loved every minute of it. It was my mission field, and I pursued it with everything I had. Though my modeling career didn’t start out this way, eventually, pursuing it meant putting a lot of pressure on myself to do something for God instead of letting Him work through me. Because of this pressure to be on all the time—in front of agents, casting directors, clients, and other models—I fell prey to a not-so-common eating disorder. A potentially deadly combination of perfectionism and emetophobia—an intense fear pertaining to vomiting— led me to restricting myself to as little food as possible so I wouldn’t have to worry about losing control in front of all these important people. In a world where nearly everything was out of my hands, this seemed like one thing I could control. So began a slow descent into an ever-shrinking prison from which I doubted more every day there could be an escape. My energy was nonexistent, and my weight plummeted. My most vivid memory of this time is jumping off a low wall, maybe four feet high, and feeling like my knees were shattering into pieces when I landed. I retreated from normal activities, afraid of judgment from those outside the industry. I continued to model, but I could only book the most obscure jobs. When the photos would come back, I would be shocked by my appearance because, in my head, nothing was wrong and I looked fine. Fear had completely enveloped me. I served it like the slave-driver it is, all the while pleading with God for healing and for success in modeling. I didn’t understand yet that I couldn’t serve both masters—I couldn’t be locked in Fear’s prison while trying to live out my freedom in Christ. They counteracted each other, and soon, I would have to make a choice.
MODEL TESTIMONY PHX
The day finally came when God asked me a bold question as I prayed to Him: Did I want to continue slowly killing myself, or did I want something better? It was a simple query with an obvious response, but never had my priorities been so swiftly reevaluated. In the blink of an eye, all my fear, desire for control, and perfectionism drained away so all I saw was the horror I was inflicting on myself and how it broke my Savior’s heart. He had so much more planned—a far better life than the one I had resigned myself to. And all He said to me was, Do you want it? No condemnation, no I-told-you-so, no giving up on me. In that moment, I saw the love of the Man who gave up heaven to have me again, and there was no way I could refuse Him. I said yes! It was a long, slow crawl to regain my weight and health—nearly a year—but, one day, I looked around, and, by God’s unfailing grace, I had won a contract with a top agency in Arizona as well as a wealth of experience on runways, at photo shoots, and in front of those important people I thought I had to be perfect for. I no longer thought that. I no longer hated my body or myself. And I knew the sacrificial love of Christ like no other experience could have taught me. I won’t lie and say I never struggle anymore. Shame certainly loves to rear its ugly head every now and then, but my struggle doesn’t change my calling—to be His hands and feet, no matter my circumstances. That’s how it goes sometimes—your mission field changes you far more than you change it.
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HEALTH: KAREN HIGUERA "I WAS MORTIFIED. I BECAME EVEN MORE DISTRAUGHT AND GAVE UP HOPE ON MY JOURNEY TO A HEALTHY AND FIT ME. BOTH MY MENTAL AND MY PHYSICAL HEALTH WERE SUFFERING. A T THE TIME OF MY WEDDING, I WAS WORRIED THAT MY WEDDING DRESS WOULD NOT FIT!"
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ealth and happiness—who wouldn’t want them? How do we achieve them, though? What drives us to or away from accomplishing our goals? As Christmas approaches, we refocus on what is important in life: the love and passion we have for God and our families. My name is Karen Higuera, and I started really pondering these questions about three months ago. I have a wonderful job, a loving husband, two fur babies, and, all around, a happy life. Yet I still found myself getting depressed over my body. Something was missing. I got married about eight months ago and had made a push before the wedding to try and get healthy and fit (as I think many women do)! I hired a personal trainer who also made me daily meal plans to follow. We worked out together twice a week for six months, and I followed the nutritional plan to the T. After six months of busting my booty, I found myself down two pounds but looking exactly the same in my before and after photos. I was mortified. I became even more distraught and gave up hope on my journey to a healthy and fit me. Both my mental and my physical health were suffering. At the time of my wedding, I was worried that my wedding dress would not fit! It took two of my bridesmaids and my mom to get it zipped up! After coming back from our honeymoon, I decided to try a new workout plan. I was going to eat clean but make running one of my main exercises. I figured that I needed to get rid of a lot of fat before I would start toning. So I ran! My cardiovascular health definitely improved, and my endurance in soccer was noticeable, but, still, after a few months, I had only lost two pounds. It was not exactly motivational, and I found myself praying for weird explanations of why I could not lose weight. I knew something had to change. I started dancing six days a week for 30-50 minutes a day in my home following a specific schedule and using DVDs or the Internet to access my workouts. I started replacing one meal a day with a shake that is packed with all my nutrients! Not only did I work on my physical health but I also started taking active steps to become more positive and happy. Wow! My journey has truly begun! In the first thirty days I lost 8.8 pounds and two inches off of my waist! As of writing this, I have lost 15.2 pounds! So what changed?! What makes this different?! That is what I want to share with you. If you are struggling right now and looking for hope, inspiration, motivation, and a way to get fit and healthy, join me daily on Facebook and Instagram! You really can accomplish all of your goals and we can do it together! You are not alone in this journey!
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ver the course of my 22 years of life, I have come to know Jesus as my shelter in the struggle, my rock in the inconsistency, and the only Man who never breaks a promise. He has comforted me in my pain, given me strength in times of self-doubt, and held me in His arms through it all. His love for us runs so deep. It’s incomprehensible for us in our human state to grasp the weight of the Father’s heart. Although we may never come close, there are the sweet moments; the ones where we catch a glimpse of Heaven. These experiences come to us in our celebration and our sorrow. The beauty of it is, no matter the circumstance, Jesus always shows up in the midst of it all. My intimacy and thirst for Christ has developed throughout the last few years. As a woman, I have grown into my femininity, confidence, and independence. I challenge myself with grace, poise, and humility with the hopes of achieving a personality honoring to the Lord. As a young “Christian” woman growing up, I defined my worth in the amount of friends I had, clothes I wore, and attention I received from boys. In my senior year of high school, I came to realize all of those things were fleeting. I was unemployed, friendless, boyfriend-less, and exceptionally introverted. In lacking all of what I had believed to be important, I began to seriously seek after the friendship of Jesus when I graduated high school. Unfortunately, something came in between the path the Lord had set before the two of us: a romantic relationship. We had one year of happiness together and I wholeheartedly believed his face would be the one I would see in the morning for the rest of my life. I was naïve, only a freshman in college. He was my first true love, but God had something else in mind. Weeks, months, and now years have passed by, and we never spoke again. I can still remember the Sunday three years ago, in his car, parked beside a wall of pink
"HE HAD BROKEN MY HEART AND LEFT ME IN PIECES ON THE FLOOR. WITH THE GOODNESS OF JESUS AND HIS STRENGTH FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS, I STOOD UP AND LET MY CREATOR PUT ME BACK TOGETHER. "
flowers, him telling me he couldn’t be with me anymore. He had broken my heart and left me in pieces on the floor. With the goodness of Jesus and His strength flowing through my veins, I stood up and let my Creator put me back together. I began striving higher in every aspect of my life. I acquired my first job in over a year as a barista, earned straight A’s in school, and joined the staff of the college newspaper. These were areas of importance to me that my boyfriend did not support; I had unfortunately let him control me and my time. It was in this season of my life, however, that I became closer than ever to Christ. Oh, the companion I sought in Him and the newfound happiness I had for life. I was simply fulfilled and hopeful for the future. Throughout the journey of life, time and time again I lost a part of myself. Through pain, mistakes, and relationships, a little bit of me withered away. When I am in a relationship with a friend or something greater, I go all in. My heart is open, dedicated, and vulnerable, which may be my greatest downfall at times. Reflecting on this, though, I realize that each heartbreak teaches me something about myself. At first, I do lose a part of me, no doubt about it. I won’t lie, either, it takes time to recover, heal, and become whole again. Luckily, I have Jesus. He has shown me His truth and, through that, returned what was rightfully mine. Jesus has always been the answer, the missing piece, the One who makes all things new. Without Him, all those stolen parts of me may have never been restored. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
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B Y MAEGAN DOCKERY o far in my life, I think I can safely say there is nothing scarier than being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I are so very excited about this little baby, this little person growing inside of me. But pregnancy is such a vulnerable experience. In most situations, I truly try to trust God and His timing and do what He asks of me. More times than not, though, I will find myself straying, trying to take back the control, worrying over some insignificant detail. I have only been able to trust God with this pregnancy. There has never been a point these past four months where I felt like I had any control. But that’s a good thing. It has been absolutely amazing knowing God has completely and totally got this. Sure, I can try to eat healthy foods and exercise thirty minutes a day and read What to Expect When You’re Expecting cover to cover, but, ultimately, this pregnancy is in God’s hands. I can’t do anything except trust Him, and it has been quite a wild ride. My first trimester was filled with all sorts of food aversions, all-day sickness (those jokers who call it morning sickness are dead wrong, my friends), and a whole lot of prayer. I was scared to get too excited because there are just so many things that can go wrong in those first weeks. We were cautiously excited, knowing the timing was crazy but also trusting God and His perfect timing. As each day and week passed, we grew ever more hopeful. When we first saw our little jellybean, it didn’t seem real. It still doesn’t, honestly. Hearing the heartbeat is like Adele singing her new album to you at a private concert in the comfort of your own home—yeah, it’s that good. Pregnancy absolutely has its ups and downs. I am only four months in, and I know there are so many experienced mamas out there who could weigh in on this subject for hours. This is just my little story, so far. God has allowed my husband and me to be parents to this tiny little human inside of me, and I am so, so happy about it. We are trusting Him with our little baby, whether or not we ever get to meet him or her face to face. We are aware of how things can go wrong, and we know that, whatever may happen, God is in control. It is no secret that I love being in control, and trusting God fully with this pregnancy has been really tough. The exciting news, though, is that as I trust Him fully with this pregnancy, I find myself trusting Him with other things fully, too. I find myself worrying less about those insignificant details and feeling a peace knowing that God has a handle on it. No matter where you are in life—maybe you’re waiting on your own little baby or finding a job or spouse or just having trouble trusting God in the moment you are in—don’t worry. God is there. He is holding on to you, He is working out a beautiful plan for your life, and He is always, always faithful.
MARCUS BANEY NASHVILLE - PHOTOGRAPHER 1. Best part about living in Nashville? The best part of living in Nashville is definitely the people. There’s so much diversity and culture here. I think a lot of people hear Nashville and automatically just associate it with country music, which we have in spades, but there’s so much more to it, as well. There’s a wealth of indie music, photographers and cinematographers, and all kinds of artists. In this photo series, I featured my friend Emily, an amazing dancer (trained by the Nashville Ballet) who now works with a modern dance group called ‘New Dialect.’ They’re doing some really cool pieces at different places around town. There’s a huge culture for art here, but no one thinks of it competitively. Everyone is just happy to be creating and helping everyone else out. It’s a really fun environment. 2. How did you get into photography? I started taking pictures in high school. I was playing guitar in bands (mostly heavy metal), and I wanted to explore a different creative outlet on the side. My school offered a black and white film class in photography, and, since I couldn’t draw to save my life, I decided to try it out. It turned out to be something I just fell in love with. I found a voice I never really knew I had before, and I haven’t looked back since. Eventually, playing music fell to being my side creative outlet and photography took over. 3. If you could photograph one person, who would it be? I know it sounds cheesy, but if I could photograph one person in the world (living, anyway), it would probably be Dwayne Johnson, AKA The Rock. You probably won’t meet a ton of artists that are influenced by this guy, but I totally am. I played a lot of sports growing up, and physical fitness continues to be a big part of my life. He’s an inspiration in that aspect, but, beyond that, the guy just has a really amazing story.
4. How does Jesus influence you? I think it’s harder to think of the ways Jesus hasn’t affected me. Faith has always been part of my life on some level. I grew up Baptist, but, once I started getting into punk rock and tattoos, the Baptist church my parents went to wasn’t exactly thrilled to have me around. After leaving that environment, I had to do some wandering before I came back into a faith that was my own. If I’m being honest, I’m still a bit of a wanderer, but, no matter how far I get, I always get pulled back in. There’s just too much goodness in who He is to stay out for long. No matter where I roam, he’s always one step behind me (and before me, beneath me, above me, in me, and just about everywhere else, as St. Patrick would say). That’s goodness you can’t get away from, and I try to be a reflection of that as much as I can out in the world. 5. What would you like the last line in your legacy to say? I would love for the last line of my legacy to simply say, “He laughed, he loved, and he made the world a brighter place for everyone who knew him.”
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"CREATIVE COLLABORATIONS ARE AN EXCELLENT WAY TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS, WHICH CAN BRIDGE THE GAP IN LEADING OTHERS TO CHRIST. " 1. Why do you choose to follow Jesus? I choose to follow Jesus because I know that this world is temporary and the things in it are not eternal. The only thing that is eternal is our relationship with Christ and the work that we do for His kingdom throughout our life on Earth. The world is a dark and broken place, and, in the midst of it all, He is good and He is sovereign. That is why I choose to take the narrow path following Jesus rather than following the ways of the world. 2. What is the best part about living in SoCal? SoCal pretty much has everything you need: the ocean, the mountains, the desert, Disneyland, and Los Angeles are all within close proximity. For me, I spend as much time in the water as I can. Once I picked up surfing, I was immediately hooked, and I’ve been in a relationship with the ocean ever since. 3. Why photography? The thing I love most about photography is the ability to freeze time and capture a moment forever; photography is unique in that way. I did not grow up expecting to study photography, but traveling during my college years is what changed my perspective and gave me a passion for it. Photography allows us to tell stories that we cannot put into words. 4. How do you bring glory to God through your creative talents? I try to glorify God through my creative talents by the way I connect with others. When I communicate with clients, I want them to notice something different about myself and about the way I work. I think artists have a great opportunity to share the gospel through their work and businesses simply by the way they communicate with people. Creative collaborations are an excellent way to build relationships, which can bridge the gap in leading others to Christ. 5. What is your dream, and what are you doing to achieve it? I have a lot of aspirations for my life, and being a full-time photographer is one of those dreams. However, if God brings me into another profession that will further advance His kingdom, then I will be more than happy to go where He directs me. I am currently in college working towards those goals and letting Him pave the way for the next chapter of my life.
MATTHEW AND MISSY SCHWARTZ SINGER/SONGWRITERS LA MESA, CA ALSO FEATURED IN THE NOV/DEC 201 5 SAN DIEGO COMMUNITY ISSUE OF ANGELIC
MATTHEW & MISSY SCHWARTZ La Mesa, CA // mattandmissymusic.com
"WE'VE BEEN GIVEN AN EXTRAORDINARY GIFT THAT FUNCTIONS BEST WHEN WE BOTH ARE SUBMITTED TO THE HIGHEST POWER. " 1. As husband and wife, how did you start making music together? It wasn't something that we really sought out—it kind of just happened to us. We started writing music a little over two years ago and are ecstatic about discovering the possibilities. Music, for us, feels more like a result of being who we are and less like a pursuit or “dream.” 2. How is Jesus communicated through your music? The way that we live communicates who we are and what we believe in. Our music isn't separate from that, but it tells that story of life, love, and hope, that there's more out there than we can see. 3. How do you want to see Jesus move in San Diego? Yes, it's one of the most desirable places to live. We really want to see Jesus meet people wherever they are. SD is more open-minded in terms of possibilities in the natural and super natural. We really believe that the lives of many will be touched through that opening, and it will spread like a wildfire to other places. 4. What are your goals with music? To be honest, we really don't have any particular goals. Whatever happens, we just want to enjoy the process and explore whatever and wherever God takes us. 5. What would you like people to know about you as husband and wife? This is the truth we have experienced in our marriage: God's plans are better for us than our own. All the wonderful things about our marriage come from Him choosing for us. Our love for each other goes deeper than material things and outward appearances. We've been given an extraordinary gift that functions best when we both are submitted to the Highest Power. Only then can we fully love and fully live.
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MAY JESUS BE GLORIFIED