JESUS.
MUSIC.
FASHION.
ANGELIC J A N U A R Y
2 0 1 6
GET CONNECTED
@ #
A N G E L I C M A G A Z I N E A N G E L I C M A G A Z I N E
CONTENT 18 30 36 37 38 39 40 50 54 55
FASHION: ANDREW & DIANA BAILEY MUSIC: ELIJAH ATKISON JESUS: LAURA DALEY JESUS: KATE DRABEK JESUS: REVELATION OF LOVE JESUS: FROM CLICHÉ TO CONQUERING FASHION: LIVE SIMPLE JESUS: PROTECT HER HEART JESUS: STARTING RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE JESUS: AVOIDANCE OF SELF-INFLICTED
56 60 62 72 73 74 84 88 90
MUSIC: LAURA KACZOR JESUS: MADE IN HIS LIKEN FASHION: BE STILL MUSIC: ELEMENT ALBUM R JESUS: LAUREN PRATHER FASHION: LAUREN LEBEOUF JESUS: BRIANNA VANDERW JESUS: MY IDENTITY IN JE FASHION: FAMILY
NESS
REVIEW
F WEIDE ESUS
ANGELICJANUARY 2첫16 JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
OUR STORY MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY PRINT AND DIGITAL PUBLICATION THAT BLENDS MUSIC, FASHION AND THE REAL STORIES OF PEOPLE SEEKING TO LIVE FOR JESUS. WE BEGAN IN SEPTEMBER OF 2013 FEATURING CONTENT SOLEY FROM THE SOUTHWEST OF THE UNITED STATES AND IN 2 YEARS WE'VE SPREAD TO NOW FEATURE EDITORIAL CONTENT FROM EVERYWHERE AND HAVE READERS COMING FROM 6 CONTINENTS. ANGELIC HAS A MAGAZINE NAME BUT WE ARE A MINISTRY FOCUSED ON FEARLESSLY PROCLAIMING JESUS. EVERYONE HAS A STORY FOR WHERE THEY ARE IN THEIR WALK WITH GOD. WE SHARE THOSE STORIES. WE FEATURE MUSICIANS AND BANDS WHO HEARTS STRIVE TO BEAT WITH HIS. WE DO FASHION PHOTO-SHOOTS WITH PHOTOGRAPHER'S, STYLISTS AND MODELS WHO DESIRE TO PROFRESS THEIR FAITH. OUR ARTICLES ARE GUIDED BY THE BIBLE. WE SPOTLIGHT ORGANIZATIONS AND MINISTRIES WHO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH. THE TESTIMONIES WRITTEN ARE FILLED WITH WORDS OF REDEMPTION AND GRACE. WE ARE NOT A RELIGIOUS MAGAZINE. WE STAND FOR JESUS.
A
NGELIC
WWW.ANGELICMAG.COM
JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
MICAH 7:7 BUT AS FOR ME, I WATCH IN HOPE FOR THE LORD, I WAIT FOR GOD MY SAVIOR; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.
ORDER PRINT COPIES OF ANGELIC
WWW.ANGELICMAG.COM/PRINTCOPIES ORDER SINGLE ISSUES OR SUBSCRIBE YEARLY
S H O P ANGELIC JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
MAGAZINE SHOP ONLINE
ANGELICMAG.COM/SHOP
FREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS IN THE USA
a
ds
ANGELIC
Co
OUTSIDE OF OUR MONTHL
WE HAVE THREE BI-MONT
FEATURING JESUS, M
FROM THE COMMUNITIES OF SAN DI
GOD HAS PUT THESE THREE SPEC
AND IT'S OUR MSSION TO BE A PART OF BUILDING CO
VISIT WWW.ANGELICMAG.COM/CO
ommunity Issues
LY COAST TO COAST ISSUE
THLY COMMUNITY ISSUES
MUSIC AND FASHION
IEGO, PHOENIX AND LEXINGTON, KY.
CIFIC COMMUNITIES IN OUR PATH
OMMUNITY AND UNIFYING THESE CITIES FOR JESUS.
MMUNITY TO FIND THESE ISSUES
PRAYER REQUESTS
we want to pray for you
submit your prayer requests
MATTHEW 18:20"where 2 or 3
u.
s to angelicmag.com/prayer
gather in my name, there i am with them."
we want to gather in his name for you.
ANGELIC
LEX, KY T H E
C H U R C H
C O M M U N I T Y W H E R E
W E
+
L E X I N G T O N
L O V E
+
E X P E R I E N C E T O G E T H E R
Coming Soon WWW.THECHURCHLEXINGTON.ORG
W O R S H I P J E S U S
ANGELIC - LEXINGTON
EDITOR LETTER A year of no regret.
R
egret. It consumes you. Eats at you. Snipes. Lurks. And doesn’t forget about you. But not this year. Not on our watch. Not this time. A year of no regret. A year of understanding that God’s perfect will is surrounding my life and I have not missed out on anything He has in store for me. I have not made irredeemable mistakes. I have not done anything to jeopardize the richness of life that awaits me in 2016. No regrets. No wishing of what was. But excitement for what is. Happy New Year. God is an amazing God and I hope you’re excited for what awaits you as you walk by faith and not by sight in this new year He’s blessed us with. Be excited for all that’s in store.
-- Jesse Anaya
WWW.ANGELICMAG.COM
JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
J
P H O B Y
J
Joy
O T O G R A P H Y E N N Y
T A R A U
Andrew & Diana MARRIAGE. JOY. GRACE.
W
WRITTEN BY A NDREW & DIANA BAILEY
e were married on July 27th 2014. In our vows we committed to Christ and one another, before our family and friends that “by then strength, grace, and power of Christ alone... we would pursue Christ’s joy in every season... regardless of our circumstances”. A little over a year from this declaration we have found those words some of the hardest of commitments to keep. Christ filled joy is not something tied to circumstances, physical accomplishments, or relationships, but rather living out the acknowledgement that everything we have, everything we are is a product of Christ’s grace. This is a humbling grace, which acknowledges we are not entitled to the best things in our lives, and conversely an understanding in times of trials, that God is our loving father who is working out all things in our lives for our good, but ultimately his glory. Yet the little sinners we are, we continually found ourselves discontent, frustrated, and jealous. So we asked ourselves, what sin in our lives have we grown so comfortable with, so content, that we would be willing to sacrifice the joy of the Lord on its alter. We concluded on the same little 4 letter word: envy. Our pastor Tim Chaddick once succinctly stated “Envy is the dominant driving factor in all of our efforts.” The first year of marriage has presented us all kinds of changes, joys, challenges and opportunities...and if we are honest they have all been served with a heaping side of envy. Whether we like it or not, we have been marinating in a culture that is OBSESSED with self, selfies, likes; a society that normalizes constant comparison. At every turn we found ourselves being fed a lie, and at the same time feeding the same lie to others. Not accidently, but strategically. We found ourselves envying others, in their perfect homes, with their perfect families, wearing their perfect cloths, while drinking their organic lattes with perfect art. Hashtag blessed.
"THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE HAS PRESENTED US ALL KINDS OF CHANGES, JOYS, CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES" We found however that envy is a buffet of both those being fed, and those feeding. We found ourselves desiring the envy of others, and preparing our own feast of perfectly manufactured lives. Sure there is the occasional authentic mess, I mean after all we would not want others to know what they are being fed. However that is quickly forgotten with the next surge of perfect pixilation. Hashtag Live Authentic. How do we combat this comparison that as Theodore Roosevelt famously stated: “is the Thief of Joy”, this envy that does not see their neighbor as an image bearer of God, but rather as their rival? God took us back to the basics. The best way to fight this sickness was through prayer, discipline, and accountability. Praying for this sin, acknowledges to God that we know this is an area of sin in our lives, and offered it up as surrender to him. Praying Gods word over our hearts and mind has been the chief catalyst to shifting our perspective. Discipline has challenged us to take our thoughts captive, to not allow envy to have the final say in how we portray ourselves or view others. As helpmates, we provide accountability to one another, challenging our motivations behind our words and behaviors, as well as redirecting one another to the truth. By God’s grace we have seen a transformation in our lives. We have seen our hearts change from a spirit of competition into a celebration of grace. Does envy still tug at our heartstrings with its soft warm touch? Absolutely. Do we fail? Absolutely. However, by then strength, grace, and power of Christ alone, we will pursue Christ’s joy in every season, regardless of our circumstances.
P H O T O G R A P H E D
I N
W H I T T I E R
,
C A
I STARTED
LIVING TO LOOK LIKE A GOOD CHRISTIAN RATHER THAN GETTING TO KNOW AND BE CHANGED BY JESUS.
1. Why do you choose Jesus? I was raised in church and was taught about the love story of our creator God, and how he sent his son Jesus to save us from our sin and separation. As I got older, I misunderstood a very key value...authenticity. I started living to look like a good Christian rather than getting to know and be changed by Jesus. The more I dove into the Bible I began to see what God truly looked like, and how different it was from how I was living. Jesus was wise, he loved deeply, he didn't spend much of his time trying to convince people who He was, He showed them. He lived among the physically & emotionally sick, and lost to heal and restore them. 2. Why music? My family was very musical, however, I was not. I first picked up an instrument on missions trip in Mexico when the church band needed a bassist. I was there to serve, so I stepped up to the challenge! Over the next eight years that choice seemed to knock over more and more similar domino's... the church needed a guitarist, then a worship leader, then a worship director, then.... It was quite a wild and amazing ride! In 2010 I felt the Lord calling me out of fulltime church ministry, so I stepped down from my position at the church and tried to figure out what was next. I went back to school, married the LOVE of my life, and was working my tail off. Four years later we found ourselves debt-free, my wife (working full-time as an esthetician), encouraged me to quit my job in restaurant management and take the leap into both a business start-up idea, and full-time live music. God has blessed me with some amazing friendships, mentors, and supporters that have helped sustain and grow us into what we are today!
ELIJAH ATKISON ANGELICMUSIC � PHOENIX 3. What's your vision for seeing Phoenix united for Jesus? Phoenix has some really awesome things going on that I feel are uniting the Christian community and extending us beyond the walls of the church through tangible resources! Renew - a free monthly worship night where a collaboration of worship leaders and musicians unite with hundreds of others to worship the Lord, pray, and rest in His presence. Integrity Worship Network - a service that provides professional Christian musicians, worship leaders, and sound engineers to all churches sizes and all denominations for interim help. Holy Yoga & Revelation Wellness - two different communities spreading like wild fires that aim in different ways to coach the balance of healthy body and mind through the Word. And finally, Hope Fest a faith-based (but not exclusive) collaboration that brings the community together to meet the immediate needs of our uninsured, underinsured and underserved neighbors, and then connects them to resources that facilitate long-term solutions, independence and stability. 4. What is on your horizon with music in 2016? I'm hoping 2016 is a big year for my wife and I. We're planning to buy a truck and trailer and tour 10 different states in 10 month. Our goal is to explore, perform, and to promote Integrity Worship Network as well as a live music booking app start-up called Last Minute Live! We're still trying to get our "ducks in a row" but we have high hopes! 5. If you could ask Jesus 1 question and He had to answer it, what 1 question would you ask Him? Let me preface with - I've read Isaiah 58, and done a quite a bit of research on worship in the Bible, yet still would like to know Jesus's view. I often wonder if everything we call worship is actually honoring to Him. I would ask Him what true worship looks like.
LAURADALEY ATLANTA // AGE: 20 Misdiagnosed. Unbeknownst to me, that word held a dark cloud over my life for years. I was spacey, lacked motivation, and was a type B personality and extrovert for as long as I had lived. I was labeled ADHD and put on stimulant medication. Through High School, I became more and more fatigued, emotional, and withdrawn. I never reached out. I wrote for years about my depression on a blog no one knew existed, hoping if I could express myself — even where no one could see — that the feelings of heaviness would simply go away. In college, I lost myself. All the things I said I believed in, and all the theological questions I could answer, couldn't save me from spiraling into the darkest season of my life. My worth wasn't being found in Christ, and I ran away from my friendship with Him. What started out as my first great adventure living away from home, ended in me hiding out in a blanket fort in my room for days, unable to make eye contact when my sweet roommates asked if I was ok. The previously bubbly girl who could talk to anyone about anything had an anxiety disorder. Things stopped adding up. My first semester after moving back home I thought I could carry myself into the light. I deleted the secret blog and started a new one, with no expectation. Tiny + Fearless — originally a lifestyle blog — was born, while I made other plans for my future. I wanted to be independent, and I wanted to be my own savior. After the death of my Grampy, I hit rock bottom. I threw myself into my music. I wrote and tweaked songs. I worked with musicians and began to put into action my plans for my life. Until the EP was postponed. I took a semester off, and now it was empty. Jesus often does his best work at the end of our rope and in the pits of our need. I had been attending a new church alone for weeks. I needed community more than oxygen. As I drew closer to Christ, and He drew closer to me, I knew I needed to be rooted in Jesus and flourish where I was planted. We have to leave our comfort zone for people. It's essential to being human — to being the church.
I started writing for women about struggling with selfworth and learning compassion. I joined a small group. I asked people to get dinner or coffee with me — something so simple, but in my eyes so bold. I saw generosity and friendship in new ways that astounded me. I devoted my semester to being known and knowing Jesus, personally, as my friend and my savior. It was only after I turned Tiny + Fearless into a Christian blog, let people in on my weaknesses, and truly listened to the hardships of others around me that I was diagnosed cyclothymic. Cyclothymia is the precursor to bipolar disorder. I was a psychotic episode away from a much more difficult diagnosis. Being known and loved by Jesus and His church saved me from a world of heartache and anxiety. Today, I have freedom in Jesus, my best friend and Lord. I have hope for the future, friendships that are life-giving, and a sense of home and wholeness. I strive to be vulnerable, even when it feels like choking. I have learned to work hard, be joyfully generous, and let people in on my ups and downs. My testimony doesn't really end in a miraculous healing. My testimony really doesn't end much at all. I'm twenty; I have a lot more to learn and much more growth to come. But I am speaking out against fear. I am proclaiming the truth of who Jesus is and what his life means for us. Why do I believe? Because Jesus pursued me when I believed I was not even enough for myself. He is the answer to everything I crave and continues to be immeasurably more. He has turned my darkness into a light for others. He did what no one else could do; He brought me from death to life. Jesus is life.
KATE DRABEK
"IN THE MIDST OF PARTIES,
I
CONCERTS AND NIGHTCLUBS, I WAS CONSTANTLY SEARCHING, CONSTANTLY YEARNING FOR LOVE AND A SUBSTANCE TO FILL THE VOID I WAS FEELING. "
n my life to date, there is nothing I would change. The hard times, the good times, and the crazy times are all experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. Looking back at my almost 25 years of age, I would have never imaged I would be where I am today. I am a Junior in college earning a degree in Business Management plus a Minor in Fashion, as well as a senior stylist and make-up artist at a salon that I have been at for 5 years. I am newly engaged to the man of my dreams, and next year I will be creating a style channel on YouTube. I can tell you first hand that none of this was done on my own. When we trust and believe that God will do what his word says, we have hope and we live without fear of the future. I, however, have felt for a long time that I was in a wilderness of chaos. I have not always trusted God, and I was actually angry with him for a long time. I always knew he was there, but I never let him in. I suffered with anxiety and depression, as well as insecurities from past hurts and unhealthy relationships. In BC (Before Christ) there were so many things I wanted to change in my life, but did not know how to go about it. I was never one to "fit in" with the crowd, but I always had a love for fashion and loved flipping through fashion magazines. I would doodle pictures of dresses I wanted to put on the runway someday in sketchbooks. I would see the trends coming out and put my own spin on them. Even in the midst of parties, concerts and nightclubs, I was constantly searching, constantly yearning for love and a substance to fill the void I was feeling. When I graduated hairdressing school I was able to get a job right away. My good friend told me about her aunt's salon a few towns over from me. "It's a small shop, but one of the girls took leave and they need help," she told me. I know now that it was Gods hand working in my life, because sure enough she hired me. A few months after I started, she told me about Jesus and how I could have a personal relationship with him. Growing up I was never told I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. I was never told about the power and authority we have as believers.
I was never told that God wanted to help me with my problems and trials, and not judge me. The concept that the God who shaped the world, formed the universe, and is over every principality of the present and past age wants to come into my heart and save me, can be considered difficult to perceive on paper. He loves me enough that He died on a cross for me, and I think most ask, "Why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this forgiveness?" Hearing the message of Christ made me feel as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I no longer had to keep searching, that this is what I had been looking for all along. It took me till this past year to really grasp that healing wounds takes time and commitment. Love conquers all but it's a constant fight to love purely and honestly. I fail at this on a daily basis, but it is his amazing love and grace that constantly forgives me and keeps me from falling back into my old way of life. I pray that those reading this can know that you are so loved by God, know that He died for you so that you may have new life to live it abundantly, and no longer have to live in fear of the future. You too can be set free from the chains that once held me in bondage from my dreams! All you have to do... is take His hand.
Revelation of Love B Y LUKE DANIEL MATHERS At the start of every year, we all have resolutions we want to make or promises to ourselves we try to keep. There’s so many things we tell ourselves we need to change about who we are each year. And perhaps sometimes we’re right. As much as we try though, most times we fall back into the same habits as the year before. We keep those “resolutions” in the back of our mind as January moves quickly to February. But life is a jet plane, it moves too fast. Before we know it, it’s Spring and those resolutions are dissolved! But it’s not our fault. We burden ourselves with so much that this world asks for. This year, let’s set it free. Just Love. Instead of a new year’s resolution wrapped up in goals and plans, let’s thank God for our lives and loved ones and become graced with a New Year’s Revelation of Love by the spirit of Jesus Christ. Love isn’t easy. Let’s admit that. For to show love to someone else, we must first love ourselves. And that, is not easy. We fail, we fall, we forget, we sin. But the love of God endures for us, even when our self-love fails. Do not give up, because God never has. Just love. You were created by God’s love. His love endures forever. Within us all. Nothing can change that. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety through many years, I know the weight of the world that burdens our minds. Each year I tried to make myself whole again. I’ve tried to make myself well, make myself healthy, make myself pure. As much as I tried to make myself something of my own doing, I never created my own peace. I never fixed myself. I never empowered myself. Ultimately, I’d get lost again and fall. It has taken me years of darkness and denial to recognize this, but I was always collapsing into the arms of Jesus. His Spirit was still continuing in me. Through my own weakness and loneliness, blood, tears and pain, there was still that strength very deep in me that was holding me up, keeping me trying, wouldn’t let me give up. There was His light. His strength. His love.
We fail, we fall, we forget, we sin. But the love of God endures for us, even when our self-love fails. I had a choice to make. I could either push His arms away and deny it is He, or I could say, “Yes, Lord, it is you that is my strength. It is You that is my making. It is You that is my hope. It is you that is the source of the love I see in the world.” I believe that Light is in every human being whether they know it or not. The light of the world. The light in the darkness. The loving spirit of Jesus Christ. It’s a new day, a new year, a new chance. I have always been somewhat introverted, but too cautious about my faith. But I’m going to tell you that I am alive today because of the living spirit of Jesus Christ that restores my heart. Because God loves every single one of us humans unconditionally beyond our means of measurement. Because God loves every friend and stranger that has helped carry me through. Not just His perfect children, but His heartbroken children, His lost children, His lonely children, His uncertain children, and His broken children. I experienced that to ”love the Lord with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength" meant recognizing God’s love for me and also believing it in every person I greet. Because Christ Jesus loves us infinitely the same. This Happy New Year, is our conscientious chance to live out the love of Jesus. Be the living, loving spirit. Our New Year’s Revelation of love.
FROM CLICHÉ TO CONQUERING OR JUST ANOTHER DAY "I SERVE A GOD OF SECOND CHANCES. A ND HE’S ALRIGHT WITH ME. I DON’T JUST GET A DO- OVER, I GET TO CONTINUE WORKING AND ACHIEVE JUST WHAT I WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. THAT’S SATISFACTION. THAT’S A GOOD FATHER. A ND THAT’S A RESOLUTION I CAN KEEP. " B Y CLARE TUCKER // PRODIGALDAUGHTER. ORG new year is here again. It is actually 2016, but I feel like I was just planning ways to carry out some of my dreams before the New Year (which…is here by the way). I remember being excited for that over-achiever high of accomplishment because I was going to get it done! I mean, THIS WAS MY YEAR. 2015 was full of God-dreams and divine appointments. I didn’t want the train to stop. Then… life. The last quarter of the year crashed upon me like this series of little hurricanes that didn’t necessarily cause any fatalities, but certainly caused some major mess and damage in its careless nature. Enemy hurricanes. Not victorious, yet frustrating, discouraging, ill attempts to derail and negate what was so hopeful and pure for God. But intentions if left in that initial, fickle state they enter our hearts and mind, are worthless. We can’t get anywhere meaningful on intentions alone. We can’t get anywhere on cliché resolutions. Resolutions are designed in just the way of intentions. Yes, thoughts and ideas are where we begin to grow, but until we do something, anything to start the climb towards the actionable qualities of goal reaching, we stay exactly where we are… full of dreams and intentions, with nothing to show for it. Anything worth having in life must be attained in an upwards fashion, which means we have to move. We have to start the uphill walk in order to achieve, and many times one step is enough get you pretty far ahead. We often wait on the motivation, or that sign from God, or someone else to inspire us to try harder for our own goals and dreams. Doing the thing breeds the motivation. Motivation is a by-product of action and it simply just doesn’t work the other way around in case you’re still waiting. So the New Year is here and I know you’ve been waiting on it because I have. I love a new start and it gets me excited; probably because I get to avoid dealing with the fact that the things I intended to happen last year simply didn’t happen and now I can forget them and “leave them behind.” But I know that this is not helpful thinking and eventually it will lead to depression, mediocrity and additional harm to my self-worth. The enemy loves this because he loves seeing us fail. What fails more than New Year’s resolutions, come on. It is obvious, so let’s avoid it. Now, what do we do with all the things we dreamed for, started and had best intentions towards back in 2015...a day ago...yesterday? How do you want to do resolutions this year? I’m renewing my vows to all my prior God-dreams that I didn’t do anything about this past year. I won’t be leaving this commitment to go find another easier, newer, seemingly more exciting one. It’s ok that I didn’t accomplish certain things because I serve a God of second chances. And He’s alright with me. I don’t just get a do-over, I get to continue working and achieve just what I wanted in the first place. That’s satisfaction. That’s a good Father. And that’s a resolution I can keep.
A
P H O T O G R A P H E R P E R S P E C T I V E
By Laura Watson LIVE S IMPLY: MINIMALISM
Emayachhaveyearaatsimilar about this time, I have a tradition. You tradition. In fact, you might have
the exact same tradition as me (10 awesome points if you do)! My tradition is this… I take time to reflect on the previous year. Boom. That’s my simple tradition (and you just got 10 points because we all have that tradition!). However simple it seems, this tradition is always a difficult and harrowing one for me. In my personal end-of-year-survey, I ask myself these questions: Did I accomplish all that I set out to do last January? Have I met my goals? Did I grow in the areas I wanted to grow in? Am I proud of all that I’ve done? Much of the time, I answer myself with a sheepish and shameful “no.” This has a bunch to do with my perfectionist personality, but if I’m being honest with myself, it has more to do with focus. My old resolutions included things like “work out more,” “photograph more,” “read more,” “travel more!” And while I believe these things to be great goals (especially that travel one!), I’m trying something new this year. Instead of more, I’m going to intentionally (key word there!) go for less. 2016 will be my year of minimalism. My goal for this upcoming year is to strip down my life of the materials that have crowded it and to be more intentional with my time and finances. To give away what I don’t need to someone who does, and to not waste money and time on possessions that feed into my bad habits (shout out to all my shopaholics!). I’ve led a blessed life. Over the past 5 years, I’ve traveled to Southeast Asia, South America, and Africa, and I’ve seen poverty at an extreme level on all three
continents. All of these places contain millions of people in real need (I once sat in someone’s home who’s walls were literally made from old newspapers they’d collected from the streets). But what struck me about these people who had nothing physical was that they were filled to the brim with everything emotional. They wore the same clothes every day. They ate the same food every day (goat, anyone?). And they did the same routine and chore every day just to keep up with daily life. But this simplicity didn’t hold them back from a great life. Despite not having a closet full of boutique clothing, they had more JOY than I had ever seen! Their focus was on their family and their faith. And I want that to be my focus. I’ve let my possessions collect around my home and in my world for far too long. So I’m putting my foot down (finally!) and making the decision to live simply. I choose to do away with what I don’t need so I can have more of what I do need. Last March, I was blessed to do a styled shoot for Angelic’s first East Coast/West Coast issue. It was one of my favorites! We dolled up our models to be these intricate women throughout the centuries, gorgeous and daring! We had an intense set up, full hair and makeup a beautiful antebellum home to shoot in and a stunning wardrobe (complete with 1920’s hairpieces!). And while that was so much fun, I wanted these images to be different. No make up. One light source. One model. One location. Simple and uncluttered. And these images happen to be some of my favorites. Isn’t simple beautiful?
P H O T O G R A P H Y M O D E L
:
:
L A U R A
L A U R A
A T L A N T A
,
W A T S O N
T A Y L O R G A
Protecting her heart. A midnight dance. A GUY'S OPINION B Y JESSE ANAYA
W
ill you stay up with me till midnight? We can sit outside and count the stars. Will you stay up with me till midnight? And just talk with me. Pray with me. Dream with me. If I could come up with the right words to say, I’d say something to let you know I won’t break your heart. If I could come up with the right words to say, I’d tell you that you’re who I’ve been praying to God for and I’ll always protect your heart. But I don’t have the right words and I can’t promise you I won’t hurt you. Because, love is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. So vulnerable we could ruin each other. On the surface we might seem fine, but underneath we're broken because of our war. Will you stay up with me till midnight? I might break you. I might ruin you. I might shatter your heart. They say love is war. Do you believe this to be true? We’ll bring out the worst in each other and experience the best of each other. Will you stay up with me till midnight? I only want to fight with you. I only want to fight back the tears because of you. I only want you. My rhythm isn’t always perfect. And I don’t always have the right steps. But tonight, right here with you, will you dance with me at midnight? We can waltz under the street lights. The stars will be out watching, will that be okay with you? I want to smell your perfume. I want to hear your emotions. I want to feel your heart beat with mine as I pull you in close. Slow step with me. Take a risk with me. Will you be vulnerable with me? Will you pray with me? Will you dream with me? I don’t have the right words to say, but I am revealing my heart to you so you can know where I stand. I am protecting your heart by unprotecting mine. You might break me. You might ruin me. You might shatter me. Will you stay up with me till midnight?
REACH OUR
R READERS - CONNECT WITH A COAST TO COAST AUDIENCE - REACH A CHRISTIAN DEMOGRAPHIC - INCREASE YOUR CUSTOMER BASE - INCREASE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE - AFFORDABLE PRICING
VISIT ANGELICMAG.COM/ADVERTISE
S TARTING RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE WE HAVE THIS MINDSET THAT JANUARY 1 ST IS A MAGICAL DAY AND WILL PROMISE US ALL THE RICHES AND WE WILL RECEIVE FULFILLMENT BY CROSSING OFF EACH ITEM ON OUR RESOLUTION LISTS.
T
B Y KAYTIE GAUS // @KAYTIEMAY_
owards the end of December, year after year we start planning. We start to plan for the “best year yet.” To accomplish this we make lists. A list might include new things we would like to try, another list might include an accomplishment we would like to make, and another might include a long list of ways to better ourselves. These lists consume our minds. We hang them on our fridges, share them with our families, or even post on social media so others can hold you accountable or to show all the fun your expect to have next year. Whatever our lists consist of, we are clinging on to the hope and promise that will come. New Year’s is a redemption in a way. A way to redo things you didn’t do right the prior year. A way to give up old habits, and a reason to start new ones. We might say “starting January 1st, I am going to be healthy and start working out,” or “On January 1st, I am making a budget and adhering to it. We have this mindset that January 1st is a magical day and will promise us all the riches and we will receive fulfillment by crossing off each item on our resolution lists. So often when we decide to start something, we pick a day somewhere in the future. It might be tomorrow, it might be a week from now, or it might be January 1st. Why have we not taken the mindset of starting something right where we are? Why not starting a workout program today instead of waiting until you have a gym membership and new running shoes? Why not budget the money you currently have instead of waiting for your next pay check? Why not start eating healthy now instead of allowing yourself another 4 days of “cheat” meals until Monday? I am guilty of this. A few years ago I had a gym membership but told myself I wouldn’t start going until I got into better shape. How obscure is that? I wasn’t allowing myself to utilize something that would help me better my health, but rather disciplined myself until I felt I had the right appearance and fitness level to start working out there. This year, I challenge you to start where you are. Jesus doesn’t ask us to make ourselves clean and holy before coming to Him. He wants us where we are, how we are. Stop preparing for things and creating the best circumstance for yourself to make change. God created us on purpose and for His divine purpose, so take a step today to glorify him. No matter what our resolution is, it can point back to God. Get healthy so you can be strong for Him. Make a budget to be a good steward of His money. Travel somewhere new to be a witness. Just start
Avoidance of Self-Inflicted Shame Struggling with shame is no stranger to me and my growth in Christ.
I
B Y PAIGE FERRARI // RAGAMUFFINWRITER. COM hate new years resolutions. I really do. I don’t really think you need a new year to change your life. Yes, it is a good staring point to change…but it’s sometimes used an excuse to live with bad habits until the New Year turns around. Ultimately for me, I hold a disdain for new years resolutions purely because I can never keep them for myself. I am awful at setting short immediate goals in my life. Big picture? YES! I can see years into the future and where I would like to be. But day to day discipline…..well that’s something that Jesus and I are working on together. Something as simple as opening my Bible up daily can be as bad as pulling teeth. I am not disappointed in the fact that whatever the goal was wasn’t accomplished… loosing (X) amount of weight, drinking less coffee, working out more. More so, I am filled with shame and embarrassment of not even being able to commit to day to day discipline. A complete disarray of embarrassment, guilt and shame that my soul goes into like a black hole. No one outwardly shames me. No one puts me a dunce cap and marches me in the town square because I didn’t keep the New Year’s resolutions. But, the feelings of failure and disappointment overcome me. So I am able to avoid these nagging feelings by not setting resolutions at all… because you can never fail at something you never try, right? Let me tell you….avoiding is an awful way to deal with shame. Struggling with shame is no stranger to me and my growth in Christ. For years I have sat across from a counselor whose wise words have got me to recognize the immense amount of shame that fills my life. Most of which was encouraged by outside sources. But the resolutions I set for myself, those were my own doing, so the shame was felt deeper. Self-Inflicted. The nagging voice in my head would say things like, “You’re no good” or “You can’t even do something that you have set for yourself, how pathetic are you?” Battling those cries are not for the weak of heart or mind. When I opened up my bible to take an in-depth look into what shame looked like and what it means when I am
completely overwhelmed by it, I found a lot of verses and sections that talked about being unashamed of the Gospel (Any 116 fans out there?). That’s not what I was looking for. I love boldly proclaiming Christ and the good work that he had done. But where does this self-inflicted shame find its root? I understand that there is no shame that is found in Jesus Christ. This idea of being flawless before the thrown… in Jesus’ presence. Completely blameless. That’s enough to cause a little bit of anxiety and add in an extra heartbeat or two. But then I stumbled upon the verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This isn’t a “lean more on Jesus and everything will be ok,” moment. That’s not real. It’s a good reminder, but when we are in the trenches of self-consuming shame, a Band-Aid to a bleeding wound doesn’t do any good. This happening of not trusting God, lack of faith and inability to accept grace, collide in a messy disaster of my own shame and guilt. I don’t give myself grace when it comes to these things. I allow the shame to grab root of my soul and implant itself into my actions. But what would really happen if we gave ourselves the same amount of grace that God has taught us to give other people? We wouldn’t doubt our every move. We could live fully to the Holy Spirit. We would allow ourselves to mess up and to be okay with it. We wouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells in constant fear that we will disappoint the one person who is supposed to be our biggest cheerleader; ourselves. Instead we acknowledge our weaknesses. We go back to that verse in 2 Corinthians and understand that God’s glory isn’t shown when we succeed, rather when we fail. When our lacking is filled up with God’s strength. We see that God’s power is so strong, that it covers where we are weak. There is no shame in that. There is no shame in allowing God to take control because we can’t do it by ourselves. It’s the ultimate demonstration of humble servitude. Weaknesses are perfect when we allow God to fulfill them to his full power and glory.
LAURA KACZOR SINGER/SONGWRITER - NASHVILLE, TN
ANGELICMUSIC
Laura Kaczor I'VE BEEN IN NASHVILLE SINCE 2006, AND THERE HAVE BEEN HIGHS AND LOWS, BOTH SPIRITUALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY SINCE I MOVED HERE. LOTS OF MOMENTS WHEN I QUESTIONED MY DECISIONS , FELT DISCOURAGED, MADE POOR CHOICES --- BUT IT WAS ALL PART OF A PATH, I' M CONVINCED, THAT GOD ALLOWED ME TO WALK IN ORDER TO REFINE ME FOR HIS PURPOSES .
M
y name is Laura Kaczor, a Nashville based Christian artist and worship leader. My story begins the same way many of yours do, I'm sure. I was raised in a Christian home by Christian parents and accepted Jesus as my Savior at a young age. But it wasn't until my senior year in high school that I recognized how a relationship with Jesus could truly transform life and change the trajectory of it forever. My senior year, I was invited to a neighboring church by a friend. At the same time a new youth pastor was introducing a contemporary youth service on Sunday evenings. I started attending regularly, invited my friends and family members, and witnessed for the first time the power of the Holy Spirit moving in worship. Music was already a huge part of my life, and after that I knew I would use my musical talents to serve God in whatever way I could. In college at the University of Pennsylvania I became very active in Campus Crusade for Christ (now called CRU), further cementing my desire to serve God through music. After graduation, I completed my first full length album of original songs "Wake Me Up" and moved to Nashville, TN soon after to pursue Christian music as a career. I've been in Nashville since 2006, and there have been highs and lows, both spiritually and professionally since I moved here. Lots of moments when I questioned my decisions, felt discouraged, made poor choices --- but it was all part of a path, I'm convinced, that God allowed me to walk in order to refine me for His purposes. My relationship with The Lord is deeper and more intimate now, due in part to the trials I've experienced over the last few years. This past year, during the time I was finishing my fourth and latest album "Restore Me," my six month old son had to have open heart surgery to patch a large hole in his heart. And through that trial, I came to understand that just because the path we walk is difficult, it doesn't mean we are not in the center of His will. And He is with us, providing the peace of His presence and caring for us along the way. I think you'll hear a lot of these themes in the album "Restore Me," which I pray you'll hear and be encouraged by. My son is now 18 months old and doing great! But I know there will be challenges ahead as a parent, a wife, and artist, which will be more opportunities to grow in faith and trust Him through the trials.
MADE IN HIS L IKENESS
"I DON’T HAVE TO HATE MYSELF. I DON’T HAVE TO BE MISERABLE EVERY DAY WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF. GOD DID MAKE ME IN HIS LIKENESS AND THAT SHOWS THROUGH WITH A BEAUTIFUL SOUL "
T
B Y KAREN HIGUERA he Bible tells us that God created us in his likeness. I found myself wondering how that could be possible. God didn’t hate himself. God is love. If He made me in his likeness, physically and mentally, then should I not try to change? But God wouldn’t want me filled with hate for myself, right? He wants me to be happy, right? How do I know if I am exactly where He wants me so I shouldn’t do anything different or if to be more like Him I need to change? I can’t say that I am completely over this inner battle of wanting to change my appearance but I have prayed on it for a while. I believe God is steering me in a more balanced direction. Change for the better. Grow continually. After all, we grow in the Word and in our faith, correct? For me, losing weight and engaging in personal development has been, and continues to be, a tool for me to learn to love myself the way I know God loves us and wants us to love others. It has showed me that I don’t have to hate myself. I don’t have to be miserable every day when I look at myself. God did make me in his likeness and that shows through with a beautiful soul but if exercising everyday and eating right makes me feel true happiness and joy with who I am as a person, then that is more like God than if I hated myself. I also think that He wants us to be happy. He wants us to feel special and loved. Those times when you are so low and hating yourself like I was, maybe that was His challenge for us. That was His test to help us rebuild our lives stronger and find a way that we can share His blessings through what makes us stop hating ourselves. I’m so happy that now when I help others find the happiness that I have found, I can also share my faith. Not only did God help me stop hating myself, but He brought me new friends who also love the Lord and use fitness as a way to share their faith. He helped me strengthen my relationships and showed me the way. If He would not have allowed me to get to such a dark place, I never would have taken the opportunity to become a fitness coach. So next time, when you find yourself naming off all of the things you dislike about yourself, take a step back, say a prayer for God to help you see through the situation, and remember that God made us in His likeness. If you’re also interested in fitness and faith please feel free to reach out to me because I’d love to get to know you more! I’d love to help anyway I can because my passion is to inspire and guide others to achieve their goals. You can always find me on Facebook at @higuerahealthandhappiness or you email me at higuerahealthandhappiness@gmail.com. Happy New Year my friends!
be still P H O T O G R A P H Y M O D E L I N G
B Y
B Y
C H A P E L
H E A T H E R
H E A T H E R H I L L
,
A L B A N O
B U R R I S N C
BE STILL WRITTEN BY HEATHER ALBANO
&
HEATHER BURRIS
So simple, yet so difficult for many of us to do. Being still requires nothing but ourselves. So why do we find it so difficult to make time for it? To ease our minds and our hearts before our heavenly Father means we have to choose to set aside the distractions. It seems that it is easier to stay plugged into the world. We feel connected when we’re part of multiple social media sites and when we are constantly updating and checking in on other’s lives. But what if we focused on staying plugged into God and His word? What if our minds and our hearts were constantly checking in with Him, spending quality time with Him and listening for His wisdom? What we would experience would be peace, rest and an intimate knowledge of our Creator. I know many who desire rest for their anxious hearts, quiet in what feels like constant noise and a peace that only God can bring. We can have this, but we’re told that first we must be still. “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:1 0. In body, mind and spirit, if we move towards God and if we quiet ourselves, we recognize His presence and are assured of His power. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; My hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; Pour out you hearts to him, For God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8 This year, make time to be still.
ANGELICMUSIC
ALBUMREVIEW KATRINA BARCLAY ALB UM TITLE: ELEMENT
SINGER/SONGWRITER BIRMINGHAM, AL
Katrina Barclay is an artist you won't forget. Her album "Element" released January 1st, 2016. A mixture of Southern roots, bluegrass, rhythym and blues, "Elements" takes you on a journey of Barclay's life. It's not a worship album, but an album lyrically inspired by Barclay's faith and the path Jesus has taken her on throughout life. Songs of love, sorrow and faith sow the album together. us Barclay makes you feel like you know her as she reveals hiddent parts of her life in her lyrics. The belting of the words she sings, you can feel the meaning behind each note. There's an upbeat feel to the songs on the album and you can hear that Southern country/rock meshed into the production on the album. The song "Alter Me" Barclay slows her guitar down and sings a ballad to Jesus. She's asking Jesus to humble her and to remind her of the redemption of who He is. Give the album a listen. It's unique and different than other albums in the traditional Christian realm and I think you will enjoy it.
YOU CAN ORDER HARD COPIES OR STREAM "ELEMENT" AT KATRINABARCLAYMUSIC.COM
LAUREN PRATHER
AGE: 28 // LEXINGTON
"I WAS DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF AND THE MORE I TRIED TO STOP, THE MORE I DID THINGS I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO. "
J anuary 23rd 2012, I attended my first day of hair school on exactly zero hours of sleep. I wish I could say this was
due to excitement. In reality, the night before I checked my live-in boyfriend into rehab. For as long as I could remember I believed the lies that Satan placed in my life. Many of those lies lead me to that particular relationship, and I saw no way out of my situation. I felt chained to this person. He was the first person that made me feel truly loved, and I had put all my love and trust in him. With my life crashing down around me I had one constant: My best friend, Kendra. She was my first college friend, and no one could understand our relationship. We were opposite in almost every way, especially when it came to Jesus. She had followed Jesus since she was very young and I had always believed in Jesus but never followed Him. I never questioned His existence, but when I was told that Jesus loved me personally, I didn’t believe it for an instant. In the midst of my chaos, Kendra asked me if she could pray for me. I remember feeling uncomfortable, but wanting to let her. She laughed and told me, “Don’t freak out, I’m going to touch you,” took my hand and prayed over me. Her prayer assured me that things wouldn’t stay the way they were forever. The next year of my life was the most challenging I have faced to date. I tried to hold on to my relationship, but even after rehab my boyfriend had many demons to face. I moved out and was completely broken financially and mentally. I felt like a failure in every way except when it came to doing hair. I was in school full-time and working at a bar at night. I partied in college, but in my recent broken state I took it to a different level. I always had a mental list of actions and felt as long as I stayed within those parameters I was a good person.
Satan quickly got ahold of that list and starting checking things off. Almost like he was taunting me saying “You said you’d never do, this? Well there. You did it.” I was disgusted with myself and the more I tried to stop, the more I did things I said I would never do. Every Saturday night I would get a text message from Kendra inviting me to church on Sunday. I really wanted to go but there was still something holding me back from having a relationship with God. I earned a trip to go to a hair show in Las Vegas. As I was sitting in a room with thousands of people inside Caesar’s Palace, I noticed the date. January 23rd. Exactly one year from when I believed I would never be happy again. That was the first time in my life that I felt truly blessed, and I knew that God had placed me there. Out of the blue, someone I dated briefly contacted me. He said had been saved and God put it in his heart to reach out to me. This is a person that when I knew him, I saw the things he did as worse than me. I know now that I needed to see him that way because he filled the gap that was missing between me and God. I saw what God had done in his life, and wanted that in mine. We talked for hours about Jesus. He encouraged me to read my bible and pray constantly. One morning while driving to school I called out to Jesus. I confessed my sins and asked Him to take my life and make it His. He told me those ways weren’t for me anymore and I heard Him tell me “You are mine.” I felt a lifetime of unworthiness lift off me as I rested, for the first time, in the arms of my Savior. When I look back on the history of my life thus far, in every instance, I can say without a shred of doubt: He was there. I was the one choosing to run, choosing to fight. Once I gave my life to Jesus, He took my story and made it beautiful.
Blessed
LAUREN LEBOUEF SAN DIEGO // AGE: 20
"I STARTED TO MEET PHOTOGRAPHERS AND MODELS WITH THE SAME EXACT VISION THAT I HAD, WHICH WAS SPREADING GODS LIGHT IN THE INDUSTRY. "
G
rowing up at a Christian school it taught me a lot about myself and how to lead by example and integrity while on the varsity cheer team. My junior year of high school I kept feeling God telling me to take “using my gifts to glorify God” a step further. I joined the worship team and it was a true blessing being able to play guitar and sing while praising God in the process. Even though I was at a Christian school for many years, that didn’t make it easy for me to trust in God, it just showed me how blessed someone can be if they truly let go of what they have and let God use it for his purpose. Fast forward to my first year out of high school, I began to become very interested in modeling and the industry itself. I began to think to myself… “what if I became a light for God in such a dark place such as the modeling industry?”… “Would it be at all possible?” “Would I get the chance to talk about my testimony or meet other Christians?” I began my modeling journey of pursuing this so called, “goal and dream” of modeling for a clothing company named “Brandy Melville” that I am still trying to do to this day. In the beginning of it all I made a promise I would reflect God and let him shine through me. I began working hard trying to connect with many photographers in the San Diego area around me and a couple months in to it, I started to meet photographers and models with the same exact vision that I had, which was spreading Gods light in the industry. I couldn't believe it. There were others out there who also wanted to bring Gods light to any darkness they came in contact from the world. I began to model for companies I had NEVER EVER dreamed of taking photos for such as American Eagle, Aeropostale, Windsor, and Tilly’s. Each time a young girl or follower on social media would ask me how I was able to model for these companies, I would make sure that they knew that I was not doing this alone and that I have God with me every step of the way. Using social media and modeling as a platform to make a difference in the world with God by my side has been such an eye opening experience and a blessing I never knew was really possible. This is exactly why I think social media has been intended for, to create a positive notion that is much MUCH bigger than we can ever imagine. I am so blessed with the people I have been able to get in touch with through social media such as, Angelic Magazine and I am so happy to be a part of their Christian atmosphere. I hope and pray that I can continue to send a positive message of encouragement and faith, while also receive positivity through others on social media.
P H O T O G R A P H Y M A K E U P M O D E L
:
:
:
A M B E R L A U R E N
R A C H A E L S I L V A L E B E O U F
C O N S A U L
Brianna VanderWeide CHANDLER, AZ
I
"I BEGAN TO STRUGGLE WITH AN EATING DISORDER, GOT MYSELF INTO A MESS OF HEART BREAKING DATING RELATIONSHIPS, MADE POOR FINANCIAL DECISIONS, AND FOUND MYSELF IN A CYCLE OF CHAOS. "
was raised in the Church and from a very young age, I was in love with Jesus and felt a calling on my life to minister to others. I helped lead worship in church and I created a girls Bible study at school. I was surrounded by God’s love and truth. However, my relationship with Jesus was greatly challenged through some hard circumstances in college and I was at a crossroads in my faith. My parents divorced my sophomore year and the pain it caused was a breeding ground for the enemy to seek to change my story. Instead of running to Jesus during this time, I ran away from Him. This affected me more than I realized and God transferred me from a state college to a Bible college to heal. What I didn’t realize was that I was the same girl, different location. I brought my broken heart with me. And I also brought anxiety and depression that I didn’t know how to control except to control what I knew how to. Which was food. I began to struggle with an eating disorder, got myself into a mess of heart breaking dating relationships, made poor financial decisions, and found myself in a cycle of chaos. I felt like I was living a double life. I felt like I had broken up with God to date the world. In the midst of this, I took an internship in Colorado not knowing what healing God had planned for me there. He literally chased after me while I was out for a run one night. He said to me, "who are you running from?" I stopped dead in my tracks on the snowy path. Tears streaming down my face. I will never forget it. It was the closest I had ever been to hearing God speak to me audibly. I knew He was asking me to turn around and go back to Him. I was His Prodigal Daughter, the girl He had held close for so many years who had now wasted her days with the pigs for the last time.
I needed to let the Lord heal my heart and release the pain. I had projected on God what man had done to me and He reminded me that day, "Man will let you down, Brianna, but I Am Who I Say I Am." I had never fully understood the beauty of His grace before and He faithfully began to show Himself to me. He showed me compassion and kindness. And His kindness led me to repentance (Romans 2:4). He renewed and redeemed me and gave me a women’s ministry called Making Me New. He began to show me scriptures about the word NEW in Ezekiel 36:26 and Revelation 21:5, but the one that caught me, gripped my heart, and became the pulse of my ministry was in Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." He began to promise me that He would "restore the years the locusts had eaten" (Joel 2:25) and I was revived in my passion for His heart and His will. I began to work in ministries and attend seminary. I also met my gracious husband James during that season, and we were married November 3, 2013. I could write a whole novel about our story and how James is another reminder to me of God’s overwhelming grace. A Hosea and Gomer kind of love. Now I am humbled to see God’s unchanging love for me as I am honored to serve as Women’s Pastor at the Grove Church. Our God Redeems. I cannot tell my story without tears. I sit with a woman over coffee nearly every day, and I hear her story but it's my story, too. And now I have privilege of being one of the foolish things God called to shame the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27). To God be the Glory.
P H O T O
B Y
A N N A
C U M I F O R D
MY IDENITIT
I
was raised in a Christian home and went to the same church my entire life until I finally moved out upon graduating college. I have amazing parents that love me and taught me the word of God at an early age. Around seven years old, I “asked Jesus into my heart” one night with my mom kneeling beside my bed. I felt different the next day, but still struggled to really understand what Jesus did and what it meant for my life. As I went into middle school, I had no identity and tried to use other’s identities to create my own. I found out that didn’t work too well as I wrestled between friend groups and didn’t feel like any of them were the place to which I belonged. I moved up to high school and then tried to look inward and “find myself” to create my own identity. I started to seek things that made me happy. Playing sports and listening to music did just that, so I spent most of my time cyphering through music and doing anything with sports. Because I played three sports in high school and was shooting for National Honor Society, there was never an off-season or a time to rest and simply enjoy the things God created rather than worship them. I then graduated high school and was introduced to another thing that helped me create a fake identity as I had my first drink of alcohol the week I graduated. I remember still trying to find who I was to the point that within my fake identity of alcohol I created yet another fake identity in acting like I was drunk. I thought the very first drink would make me drunk and so I acted accordingly. It was funny and it felt good, so I kept drinking and started getting drunk. I was never addicted to alcohol, but I just enjoyed the taste and the way it made me act. Since I’m an introvert, it gave me the “confidence” to talk to people I typically didn’t talk to, including girls In middle school, I looked to others for my identity. In high school, I looked to myself for my identity. In college, I combined the two. I formed my own identity, but looked to others to praise my identity. To gain this praise, I started working out. It was at the gym that I met a good friend who invited me to play baseball on the college team. They barely had enough guys to field a team, so they were looking for players the next year. I joined the team and a few guys on
B Y CALVIN B RYANT ZIONSVI
" RATHER THAN T OUR IDENTITY I OURSELVES, IN
PLEASING OTHER TRYING TO PLEA SHOULD FIND O WHO C HRIST IS A DONE FOR US ON P H O T O H I S
O F W I F
TY IN JESUS
T // YOUTH P ASTOR ILLE, IN
TRYING TO FIND IN OTHERS, IN OURSELVES BY RS , OR EVEN BY ASE GOD… WE UR IDENTITY IN AND WHAT HE’ S N THE CROSS." C A L V I N E
A M B E R
&
that team pulled me into a weekly Bible study. I felt more at home with these guys and knew I was in a better place spiritually. It was this recognition that led me to transfer schools from Miami to Anderson. At Anderson, I began to finally understand that my life was supposed to involve God somehow. I thought my life should be seeking to gain praise from God - which still isn’t quite right, but at least it involved God now! – rather than others. I attended multiple church services, read the Bible daily, fasted, threw out all my non-Christian cd’s, and encouraged others to do the same. It was all an effort to gain God’s praise and acceptance. Unfortunately, I still didn’t quite understand the gospel. However, I met my roommate at Anderson, and he turned out to be one of my best friends. Being best friends was good, because I had a crush on his younger sister. We talked off and on again for years and I finally pursued her. While we were dating, we decided to attend the Passion Conference together in Atlanta. We heard John Piper talk about how we aren’t a bunch of teeter-totters going back and forth between righteousness and unrighteousness. But rather, our hearts are filled with nothing but sin. And rather than trying to find our identity in others, in ourselves, in ourselves by pleasing others, or even by trying to please God…we should find our identity in who Christ is and what He’s done for us on the cross. And the irony is that when you stop focusing on yourself and focus on God, you realize who God is and what He’s done for you. Only then do you finally see who you are and that God created you simply for the purpose of glorifying Him. It releases you from the slavery and bondage of sin in trying to find out who you are and instead frees you to become God’s child. The line that gives me chills and I believe God used to change my heart that morning comes from Piper’s sermon called “Seeing and Savoring the Supremacy of Jesus Christ Above All Things.” He says about the new birth in Christ, “There! Now you are God’s! And you are believing! Your eyes are open! And you now see him so valuable that you are enslaved to Him!” My eyes have been opened and I now realize that I have been formed in such a way that I might proclaim His praise.
Family
B Y
A M B E R
B R Y A N T
Z I O N S V I L L E
,
I N