ANGELIC JESUS.
MAY
/
JUNE 2017
MUSIC.
FASHION.
LEXINGTON, KY
THE RAW BEAUTY: NO MAKEUP ISSUE
JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.
ANGELIC @ANGELICMAGAZINE
the raw beauty issue MAY
/
JUNE 2017
LEX, KY
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ANGELIC
LE 8.26
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EX, KY
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STAFF LETTER
THE RAW B EAUTY: NO MAKEUP IS S UE We are a creation obsessed with beauty, who cares deeply about how things appear. We try our best to make beautiful
things through architecture, horticulture, fashion, graphic design, etc. Witnessing beauty feels good; Literally, beauty is the extent to which a subject is pleasing to our senses or mind. It is a good thing. God makes beautiful things because it communicates his glory to his children through sensations of joy and admiration. All that he has ever made for us has been beautiful, that we may experience his goodness. However, the people denied the artist and worshiped the art. We’re starved for the beautiful. We’ve distorted truth to fulfill this desire and have sealed beauty into mass-produced plastic packages for purchase by the masses. Each new product or provision takes our beauty captive and holds it from us until we buy it back. It may be everywhere around and within us, but we’re often convinced that it’s just out of reach. So the cycle goes—until Jesus threw a wrench in the machine. God says you’re beautiful. Think on this: He whose breath birthed world-consuming stars built a ribbed cage within your chest to house that breath. Countless minute instructions from God himself and years of work from the nation of Israel were dedicated to constructing a house for the Spirit of God. Yet, He’s now pleased to rest in you. In this way, Jesus beautifies his executioners. You’re beautiful beyond societal standards and norms. You aren’t a wilting flower—you’re eternal. Beauty is a good thing, but it's not the greatest thing. I know this, but I still find that I’m often more concerned about how I look than how I am. We’re much more than this shell of blood and bones that we’re so content to honor and adore. Our physical perceptions of one another actually change as we discover each other's personalities. Your heart bleeds through to the outside, friend. Take care that it’s pumping the blood of Christ, to be clothed in the only cleansing flow the world will ever know. Live a beautiful life to match your soul. When the thought that you aren’t beautiful threatens your peace—and in this world, it will—I need you to know this: You are God-breathed: Flesh knit And bone built In an orchestra Of matter. You are Cathedral: A castle-hearted House of God Lighting candles In the dark.
--- JONNY GORASH
KatieFeola
PRAI SE AN D WORSH I P SI N GER LEX, KY
ANGELICMUSIC
K A T I E FEOLA ANGELIC TESTIMONY
LE XI NGTO N, KY
"GOD HAS REMAINED FAITHFUL AND PRESENT THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY PEAKS AND VALLEYS BUT I HAVE NEVER WALKED ALONE."
I grew up in the south where church, sweet tea and
bless your heart were pretty common. I have always been very close to my parents and they provided us with a loving, Christian home. My faith has always been very important to me. I was baptized when I was eight years old but my faith has continued to grow as I have gotten older. There have definitely been many peaks and valleys in my life. One moment that I really leaned into God and trusted that He would protect and provide healing for me was about 12 years ago. My husband and I had decided to start a family and I had some infertility issues due to endometriosis. We found out we were pregnant and we couldn’t believe it! We were elated! After having some pregnancy issues, we found out there was a Sub-chorionic Hemorrhage around our baby. Because of that, the doctors had to monitor the baby and me very closely. Our baby continued to grow at a normal rate and we found out we were expecting a little boy. One Friday, we went in for an ultrasound and the doctor said that Sub-chorionic Hemorrhage was getting smaller. We were so thankful but knew that we still had a long road ahead. The following Wednesday, my husband, who normally leaves for work early, was running behind. I know that God kept him home that morning for a reason. I wasn’t feeling very well and after a bit, my water broke. For most people, that is when they get excited because they will finally meet their babies. For us, it was way too early. When we arrived at the hospital, they told me I was in labor but also that I was hemorrhaging out. I remember the chaos of the doctors and nurses rushing around and once they had me stable, knowing we would soon meet our son. Elijah David Feola was born March 9, 2005 and lived for about 2 hours before he went home to be with Jesus. We had tremendous support from family, friends and our church. It still didn’t change the fact that we went home alone with no more baby moving in my belly and no baby in a crib.
I would like to say that I wrote tons of music after that because of our experience, but honestly, I stopped writing after that. For a little while following Elijah’s birth, I was a little numb. In a little less than a year, we found out we were pregnant again. This time, even being born a month early, our son Samuel, was born super healthy. Like Hannah prayed for Samuel in the Bible, we prayed hard for this little boy. God continued to have big plans for our family. After more infertility issues after Samuel, we decided to start the adoption process. We had always talked about adoption and God opened the door for us to adopt our beautiful son Joseph. We not only have a son but we have a whole family we gained through open adoption. Joseph’s birth mother is like a sister and her parents are grandparents to both of our boys. God has remained faithful and present throughout my entire life. Like I said before, there have been many peaks and valleys but I have never walked alone. Singing and leading worship, has brought me joy, tears and to my knees many times. I feel that I can sing the words of my heart through music better than I can ever speak them. I have started writing again, not a lot, but I am taking it one day at a time. Praying that God will lay whatever words He wants said on my heart. I know that our family has this story to help others who might go through the same troubles or similar struggles. We are never alone. God is faithful and He will always deliver us through hard times. Matt Redman wrote in Never Once: "Scars and struggles on the way But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful"
MUSIC Q&A
"WORSHIP IS NOT JUST WHEN WE SING, EVEN THOUGH WE SAY THAT FOR OFTEN WHEN TALKING ABOUT SINGING. WE CAN WORSHIP GOD BY PRAYING, SERVING ONE ANOTHER, LOVING OTHERS , LISTENING TO GOD, AND BY APPRECIATING GOD’ S BEAUTY" ANGELIC: What does Raw Beauty mean to you? FEOLA: On personal beauty—what the world considers “beautiful” is typically the superficial. When you think about an individual as a child of God, the idea of beauty completely changes. Through this lens, a person’s beauty is in the gifts and uniqueness that God has given them. When I also think about raw beauty my thoughts also go to God’s beauty in nature, His artwork. He continues to blow me away with His beautiful, mighty works. This past Sunday, just as the sun was coming up, there was a breathtaking rainbow popping through dark clouds. I was taking pictures at stop lights. Raw Beauty is all around us.
R A W B EAUTY N O M AKEUP PHOTO OF KATIE.
FAMILY PHOTO OF THE FEOLA' S.
ANGELIC: What is your prayer for the community of Lexington? FEOLA: We live in a terrific community and I am super thankful to live here. My prayer for this community is that we would passionately love one another, that people would know that God loves them deeply no matter where they are or where they have been. That people would serve one another with genuine humility, and that people would come to know God as their Father and Savior. ANGELIC: If you could sing 1 song in front of Jesus, what would it be and why? FEOLA: When I stand before Jesus, I’m not sure if I will be able to sing, but if I can, I think it will be a medley of songs and not just one. Probably Holy, Holy, Holy, Great is Thy Faithfulness, and the Doxology and so many more. He is so worthy ofALL of our praise! ANGELIC: What does worship mean to you?
FEOLA: We can worship God all day long. Worship is not just when we sing, even though we say that for often when talking about singing. We can worship God by praying, serving one another, loving others, listening to God, and by appreciating God’s beauty in nature. There are so many ways to worship God!
ISN'T SHE: LOVELY RAW BEAUTY
GUY OPINION
HER BEAUTY IS WRITTEN IN HER LOVE
I
B Y JES S E ANAYA
wanted this to be poetic. A slick annunciation of words typed in symmetry as I write this to you but all I can seem to verbalize is truth. The happiest moments in her life will smear her mascara. The things that break her heart will inevitably ruin the blush on her cheeks. A man will fall in love with her and he will cherish her laugh, their late night talks sitting on the couch together and the way his heart feels when he holds her close. He will never know what brand of lipstick she used, but will be filled with love every time he feels her rosey stained lips disappear into his. The moments worth remembering, the ones we live for, growing old and living life under the sun, she will be remembered for the love she gave away freely. The nights when she whispered away the monsters to her sons and daughters, she will be remembered. The cold mornings as she drank her coffee while reading the Bible, she will be remembered. Her beauty is not written in shades or in colors but in her gentleness. Her strength. Her wisdom. Her faith. Her beauty is written in her love. She is so lovely.
HUMBLE OR HAUNT
D
DOES YOUR TE STIMONY HUMB LE OR HAUNT YOU? B Y LAUREN PRATHER
oes your past humble you, or haunt you? As I stood in the dark, crowded room, I hung my head low looking down at my body. Both hands, palms down and flat on a server’s station. I was just a waitress waiting for my shift to be over in a crowded bar. I looked at my body, from my toes to my chest and almost expected to see something different. Not long before that night, I had given my life to Jesus. The bartender gave me a nod and pointedly tucked a Styrofoam cup in a nook of the bar. The nod indicated that it was a drink specially made for me to get my night started as most others ended. Once everyone was gone, the band packed up, and only workers were left behind cleaning. The bartender looked at the cup, then at me saying, “You didn’t touch your drink.” When he caught sight of my face, “Something’s changed, hasn’t it?” It was more of a statement than a question. It’s something we cannot be rid of, something that is a part of us, good or bad. We all have a past. Some a little more colorful than others. The degree of “colorful” is in the eye of the beholder. What may seem beyond terrifying to one, may have been another’s typical Saturday night. It doesn’t matter if you’ve survived (or started) countless bar fights, or the worst mark in your book is forgetting to send a thank you card. We all have a past. Satan can press down on every bad mistake and make you relive it, over and over. Following you like a shadow, becoming distorted in different lights. It doesn’t have to be headline news worthy kind of mistakes, it can be the little things. Should I have left that job? Why did I buy that? Should I have given that person another chance? Memories can come in the most vivid flashes through your mind where you can remember every detail no matter how insignificant. Sometimes they are the moments in life that really serve no relevance, but are still nice to have. Others, the painful glimpses of missteps and mistakes that pepper your mind and resurface residual guilt, shame, and pain.
RAW B EAUTY NO MAKEUP PHOTO OF ANGELIC
WRITER, LAUREN PRATHER
These haunting memories tend to try and nestle themselves in a nook of your consciousness and come screaming to the forefront when given the chance. They can haunt you to a point of not believing yourself worthy of the life you are currently living. I was going through a time where it seemed like any free moment my brain had, it would surface a memory that brought forth regret. I turned to my savior for help, and in my prayers, I felt a question rise in my spirit Does your past humble or haunt you? This simple question made me realize that my past will always be there. The second I declared Jesus as my all, my past transformed in to a testimony. Jesus took my sinful lifestyle, placed it in my past and Him in my future. He made a grave for my sins, and absolved me from ever being bound by one. Being truly humbled by my past just continues to put dirt on that grave. When I was living my buried past, my lifestyle is what connected me to others who lived like me. Feeding in to each other’s darkness and justifying mutual sins. Strangely, now it can still connect me to the lost. Only now, my story provides a way out. Shining a light on the path that leads away from darkness. If it never happened, this would not be possible. Only our God can take the evil in this world and use it to connect others to bring glory to His kingdom. No matter how colorful your testimony, realize there is humility, yet amazing power within it. “He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3
SABRINA HENDRICKS
LEX, KY
ANGELICTESTIMONY
I
"I HAVE HIDDEN MY HEART IN THE CENTER OF GOD'S WORD" never understood why fellow Christians wanted me to hide my heart in the Word alone. However, over the years, not hiding my heart in the Word is what led to the downfall in my identity. Ever since I was in high school, my peers told me that I was "too thin". So, to fit in with the perfect image of beauty of society, I started eating a lot of foods that would help me gain weight. However, it didn't work. My body wouldn't gain weight because of my high metabolism. That's how God made me, so I should be okay with that. Right? I wish I could tell you that was the end, but it wasn't okay at all because my peers weren't okay with it. As time goes on, college approaches and I see girls with perferctly slim waists, skinny thighs, perfect hair, and all the trendy clothing. I didn't fit in, nor did I have the money to spend on fitting in. Nevertheless, I had a goal in mind. That goal was that when I got to the place I wanted to be, I'd be beautiful, I'd be worthy, I'd be successful, I'd be okay. On the contrast, that didn't fail to disapoint me. It was never enough. The goal never ended because there will always be a next on the latest fashion and trends and way society defines beauty. That mindset led me into an even darker hole than I could've imagined. My whole life, I felt acceptance the most when I recieved it from others. Someone would comment on a picture of me and tell me I was pretty and that they loved that dress I was wearing. But, with that satisfaction, I always had to keep apperances up and make sure the next image of me was even better. One couldn't have any flaw. It was EXHAUSTING. There was no peace within this mindset. My acceptance from my appearance was never just because I was Gods beloved daughter. Howver, that alone should be enough. But it wasn't for a long time. Starting junior year in college, I began to struggle with an eating disorder. First it started with anorexia, then led to bulimia. Never in my life would I have thought this would happen to me. But it did. I started out as 110 pounds and ended up at 80 pounds with my height at 5'6 in a few short months. You could say I was society's definiton of beautiful at that point. But what those around me didn't see were the bruises I had to cover up all over my body that I recieved from
not getting the nutrients my body needed. I slept through most every day because of lack of energy, I was moody, and I was unpleasant. I even lost my social and bubbly personality. I felt awful, but I looked beautiful according to society, so I put a smile on anyway. To everyone else, I looked the same as I did freshman and sophmore year....only I knew the difference and what was going on within my own heart and body. The rider knows the difference. I had an amazing support group standing beside me to help me start recovery and during this, I realized that the definiton of beauty is a heart problem and not a scale problem. When I accepted the truth that I am a beloved daughter of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper, that was ENOUGH. No more trying to find my identity in society's definiton of beauty because even though I don't have everything and I don't know everything, I know one thing, and that is the truth. This truth is what set me apart and set me free from the world's expectations and standards. It was and it is my weapon to fight the evil of this world that tricks me into believing I am less than. The truth of Gods word helps you and I fight the urge to fit into the world and helps us believe who God originally created us to be. One of my best friends came up to me a couple months ago and said directly to me, "Sabrina, you seem so happy and free. And in that moment, I knew she was right. I am happy, and I am free. Not because of the compliments I recieve or the clothes I wear or the achievements I accomplish. It's because I have hidden my heart in the center of God's word and am letting His truth overcome my every day insecurities.
APRIL
G O WE R
ANGELICTESTIMONY
LEXINGTON, KY
"IN THE WILDERNESS OF MY LIFE, I AM MAKING PATHWAYS FOR JESUS TO ENTER."
A
pril Rose Gower. A name given to me by my earthly mother and father. A woman's name is a title that they believe defines their past, present, and future. It instills in them an identity. For many years I had only known myself to be April Rose Gower, the girl. Someone who was broken, lost, and should hide from her own reality. An identity that was clouded by the events thrown at her. I'm a small town gal. I grew up in a city outside of Louisville, KY where everyone knows everyone. You go to the local grocery and run into about five neighbors. My grandparents live literally over the river (pond) and through the woods, and I can even see my Nana watering the flowers in her yard from my driveway. A small town is great, until something unfortunate happens…to you. I was a senior in high school and my parents told my sister and I that they were getting a divorce. It was an event in my life that stunned me. I honestly wasn't overly emotional or distraught, I was just numb. The thing that stung were all the eyes. The beating eyes of people at church, around town, and at all the local restaurants. I couldn’t go anywhere without thinking that people knew about my family's secret. I could feel the judgement on my skin like cold chills. There were times I would refuse to go into any public place alone because I was living in such fear. I was now a child of divorce. That was my new name, "daughter of divorce." Everyone treated me like I was hurting and needed to be coddled. I felt guilty because the reality was I wasn't hurting, I was embarrassed. A little over two years passed and I started to learn the truth about how the divorce unraveled. The truth came upon me like a ton of bricks. A deep hurt crept up that had been billowing within me for a long time. I found out I had another new name, "daughter of divorce by infidelity". I had lost all trust. Everything I knew about my earthly father was a lie, and my perception of a true father daughter relationship was shattered. Jesus, my heavenly father, did what any real father would do in this situation. He saw me hurting, picked me up, and laid me down in the midst of what he knew I needed, community. That community was CSF. Christian Student Fellowship is an on-campus student led ministry that invites in UK students
that are poured into while finding a home away from home. This is a place where God started to uproot the lies that the devil placed within me, and instead fed me truths. Audible sayings that I could not ignore. Things like, "Live a life for me, not for yourself, and I will not give you the life you deserve but the life I promised you." and "You are my daughter, that’s all that matters." Here I sought after and discovered my heavenly father, a loving and caring God that provides and gave me a name above all names, "beloved daughter". CSF is now the place that I will begin working starting in June, 2017. I want to be the person I didn't have when I was going through my season of confusion, parent's divorce, and list of false names. I want to bring into the light those who look for darkness when they are having trouble at home. Show them their true, spirit breathed, name. In my new season of life I have started my own business, "The Harvested Goods", where I make soy candles inside of vintage mugs. This is to fundraise my salary for going on staff at CSF. It has been a creative outlet for me that has given me peace and has stretched me to trust my heavenly father's promises of provision. God has enabled me to reap the benefits of my sown seeds of creativity. You can find my candle mugs here at www.theharvestedgoods.com In the wilderness of my life, I am making pathways for Jesus to enter. He has taken hold of my roots and dug them deep into firm soil, a solid foundation. He has rained down hope and reigned over my life. He sprouts up righteous fruits into a bountiful harvest. He grows up godly flowers like me, an April Rose. His beloved daughter. "You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance." Psalm 65:11
Brittany Bailey
PHOTOGRAPHER TESTIMONY
LEX, KY
GOD WILL TAKE YOU ON THE PATH YOU’ RE MEANT TO BE ON. HE ONLY GIVES THE TOUGHEST BATTLES , TO THE STRONGEST PEOPLE.
A s a child I thought my family was perfect. My mom and dad were together, even though they fought,
violently, I thought maybe that was normal. My mom was a good person, a strong believer in her faith. She took my sister and I to church every Sunday, and taught us the love of Jesus. After their divorce I was devastated and I witnessed her become a different person. My dad battled with alcohol and wasn’t around. She then went down a dark and dangerous path. My mom became addicted to drugs. I would see the sweetest, kindest, most giving person one day, then the next I would see a person who was angry and hurtful. My grandparents then got full custody of my sister and I at a young age. She found love again with my stepfather; he tried to help her many times. After his passing to cancer, her addiction became worse. In two years she overdosed 12 times. This was in my college years; those were the hardest times of my life. I struggled then. I had no guidance. I was living in Florida, in hope to better my life, but was making frequent 12 hour emergency trips to visit my mom in the hospital. She was in critical condition every time. I had sent many emails to my professors explaining my situation. College felt impossible for me. My boyfriend, now husband played a huge part keeping me sane. I moved back to my small town and attended college there. At times I resented my mom. We were best friends when she was sober, and enemies when she relapsed. It was a dark time for me. I thought things were difficult then, until I truly went through the darkest time of my life. One morning I got a phone call that my mother was found dead in her home. It wasn’t actually an overdose, but drugs in her system did have an affect on her death. I went into a depression, but no one knew it. I took a week off from classes, everyone thought I was so strong going back the next Monday, but they had no clue the pain that I was hiding. I would sit alone in my room blasting Tom Petty, Bob Segar, and some of her other favorite music.
I prayed a lot, but felt lost. I wasn’t working at the time, was just full time in college. I struggled getting assignments complete. I literally just sat in that room all day everyday unless I had class. After about two months of that happening, it hit me one day. I wanted to better my life. My mother was such a strong Christian woman until drugs took control over her, and I didn’t want my depression to take control of me. I then leaned completely on Jesus. I got saved, and never missed a church service. I transferred to Northern Kentucky University, became a collegiate cheerleader, and grew in my faith stronger than I ever had before. God called me to go on a mission trip to Haiti. I finally was happy. I knew my mom was in heaven. I knew God understood her disease, and he has healed her. There were many points I would get depressed thinking about her, even years later, but then I always felt this spirit coming over me, to sooth me, to give me faith that everything is okay. I felt that was God’s love. A few years later, I moved to Lexington, where I now coach cheerleading at a Christian school, and am a full time photographer. I absolutely love my jobs. I thank God every single day for all the pain that I experienced growing up and in college, because it made my faith stronger and it made me who I am today. It was very difficult for me to write this, but I hope my story can help someone who is going through a similar situation. Stay strong in your faith. It may seem like your life is a mess now, but God will take you on the path you’re meant to be on. He only gives the toughest battles, to the strongest people.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRITTANY BAILEY M ODEL: SLADE H OWARD LOCATION: LEXINGTON, KY