STUDENT KEY
T FAC675 grams
A guide to
THE STUDENT KITCHEN
Student A- Female/20
Lives through the Student Cookbook
Student B- Female/20
Owns the pair of Handcuffs
Student C- Male/21
Presence appears through multiple fast food wrappers
Student D- Female/20
Determined not to fall into the freshers 15 category
of Ketchup is consumed in a week
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-
Student E- Female/19 Biscuit junkie
STUDENT HOTSPOTS
Wall of sticky Note “quotes” including: ’t es didn giraff ntil u exist norris k c Chu cutted upper rse a ho
21st birthday banner from 2 months ago Yellow spray paint can Fake Cobwebs left from Halloween Two pearl beads Picture of Robert Pattinson
Asda Bag of potatoes from September. Sprouting and turning green. Toy Handcuffs hanging on cupboard
! e fir ness are aw
Clogged sink with last nights dinner. Assumed Chips and Bread Crusts
The Ready Meal Cupboard including Asdas: Good for You Sweet and Sour Chicken Good for You Macaroni Cheese Good for You King Prawn Sag 3 for £4
Pile of 2 week old washing including: 4 plates with the remainders of dinners long since past. (too old to identify) Two cups on offer for 80p.
IKEA
THE STUDENTS KITCHEN
Uno Cards; Missing 4+ and Blue 2. Loca
l Noi
Remainder of StirFry night. one shrivelled carrot and a bean sprout. worrying food stain which acid can’t even remove. Noise Complaint Notice. Used as Surface Mat.
Local
Champagne Bottle from last semester used as a door stop
Noise
The Bins: Worst job on the Rota. left till the last possible moment to be emptied. Includes various fast food wrappers, ready meal packaging and the odd out of date vegetable.
ise
l No
Piles of Takeaway menus, mysterious letters addressed to students from 20 years ago.
t
a Hu
pizz
hot deals! a ni pizzgs oro pep toppin ra ese ext che per pep
Ipod Speakers mostly in use at 1am in the morning, a special wake up call through the paper thin walls
Student B
n
STUDENT CUPBOARDS WORDS MOST COMMONLY SAID.
Student C I TEA
Mini Cooper Mug Student D I love Tea Mug Gingerbread man mug Whinnie the Pooh Mug
The n Dra go
Golde
Starving
10 minutes 30 minutes 45 minutes 1 hour Time Stated on the ready meal
Tired
Work F@#K! Hell Bloody Drank Disgusting
Student E
Average Preparation time.
Burnt
Henry Hoover for decoration purposes only.
-
TOP 5 LIFE SAVERS.
Pasta Tea Bags Bread Ketchup Pop Tarts
STUDENT C’S
KITCHEN TIMETABLE MOST COMMON
TIMES WHEN
CONTENTS 0F STUDENT A’S CHEESE BOX
- One week out of date Camembert
- Bavarian Smoked
MUSIC IS PLAYED. 8:45am - 1 MINUTE 2:00pm- 10 MINUTES 12:30am- 30 MINUTES *5 tea breaks
6 pm 8 pm 12 am 1 am
CT The Most FApopular food found; 5200 grams of Pasta
STUDENT D’S DAILY CAFFEINE INTAKE Energy level
Y
se
Microwave growing microorganisms. Remainder of Student E’s reheated tinned Tescos creamed mushrooms. (51p)
240
box of 240 Tetley tea bags on offer for £1
ELT NOV S MUG
of tea and coffee drank in a week
ODD ITEMS FOUND IN THE KITCHEN
Table: Remainder of meals a fortnight ago. The odd spoon.
a Loc
FACT68 cups
morning midday evening
TOP ENTS ID ACC
Smashed Glasses. Oven Left on. Sink Blocked with food. “Microwavable” plastic burnt in the microwave.