Contents Preface................................................................................................................…………………ix Dedication.........................................................................................................…..……………….x Introduction.......................................................................................................….…….…………xi The World Doesn’t Care.....................................................................................……...…….…...13 Strange Dreams..............................................................................................……....….………...15 Is This Me.......................................................................................................……..…………….17 This Isn’t Me......................................................................................................……….…….......19 Hurt hurt go away..................................................................................................………….......21 A day 4 moms………….........................................................................................…....…….......23 I created a book 4 stories…………..........................................................................…………….26 N the Eyes of A poet’s heart?…..................................................................................………......28 I’m 6 Feet below the ground Hi tryna keep my Head 2 the sky……………………………………………………………….…...30 Downtown LA skid row?.…........................................................................................………......32 The Little Mexicana……………………………………………………………………………...34 Now you can Rest While Obsessed fans Wipe the tears from there Eyes.......................................................................................………...36 I’m Reaching Out……………………………………………………………………....……....38 U R tat shining Star.................................................................................................….….….….40 Lost........................................................................................................................………………42 My Heart fills Cold....................................................................................................…….……...44 The Black Rose.........................................................................................................…………….46 3
Mind Creation................................................................................................…..……..................48 A Julian Gym Stone............................................................................…………………………...50 The girl in the mirror I wanna C................................................................................….………...52 Faded Out..........................................................................................………………….………....54 Do Sum people get the point............................................................................................………..56 Now were Even............................................................................................................………..…59 Me and the other half of me.............................................................................................……......61 Mind Flash back..........................................................................................................………..….63 Your heart B longs 2 someone else..................................................................................……..…64 Willin 2 Do.................................................................................................................…………...65 Mother Nature’s world.................................................................................................………..…66
Why we die.........................................................................................................................……...67 I Love U...................................................................................................................……………..68 The world keep on turning……………………………..…………………………..………….....69 It’s a Rising up In the sky..............................................................................................…………70 I Wonder.....................................................................................................................…………...71 Sorrows speak 2 me........................................................................................................………...72 Get outta My way..............................................................................................................………73 I’m Cold Hearted……………………… .................................................................................….75 Deep darkSecrets..................................................................................………….……………....76 He doesn’t Have a Tube stone....................................................................................…………...78 1983..................................................................................................................…….…………. ..80
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2 Our 4 Fathers.............................................................................................……………….….....81 Looking Back Struggling....................................................................................………………...82 The Dead End Road……................................................................................….………….….....84 The Suicide letter..............................................................................................……………….....86 What? Does A man Do 2 stay true 2 a women……….……………………………………..…...87 Sometimes……………………………………….................................................…………..…...88 My Prayer’s poem…………….………………………………............................………..……...90 Trust.................................................................................................................…………………..91 Hard Times........................................................................……………………………………….92 Mama Boricua……………………………………………………………………………………94 I am on my own……………………………………………………………………………….....96 Father I thank You………………………………………………………………..………….…..98 I Still thank U father…………………………………………………………………………....100 A Letter 2 Speak my peace……………………………………………………………………..102 Just my Valentine’s Admire……………………………………………………….....………...104 Hospital Sleepless night’s …………………………...…………………………….………..….105 I’m 2Tided………………………………………………………………………....……….…..107 There’s A Star in the Mirror……………………………………………………………………109 I can’t explain it’s hard too put it n words?........................................................…………….…110 Eye Close my eyes ………………………...…………………………………………………...111 Let me know…................................................................................................…………………112 1 of god’s angels………………..………………………………..……………………………..113 Holla…………………………………………………………….………………………….…..114 I don’t know U…………………………………………………………………………………116 Seeing things different?............................................................................…………….………..117
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Antawn Chinn’s N The Eyes of A poet’s Heart Copyright 2011 by Antawn S Chinn
Second Edition
Library of Congress Control Number TXU001773514 Service Request Number 1-656159540
no parts of these poems or artwork from this book may not be reproduced in any form, without a written permission from the owner or author or publisher it will constant Into a penalty of a formal lawsuit reviewer may quote brief passage in a review.
Creative Eyes Publishing Miami, Florida United States (323)503-5956
Preface
These poems right here! In this book were written through the thoughts and Spirits running thru my soul? I often wanted to know how far I can go. What’s Next what I write “People Gonna want to know! About The World Doesn’t Care!!! Or I could tell them. About The Strange Dream have I had in the Hospital Why? Are we blaming! All The hard Times, On “Obama blame it! 2 our 4 Fathers Let’s talk about what? “George Bush started!! I also would like! To Talk about The feelings! That I’ve Had for My Ex- Girlfriend “Barbara? Now Were Even To “Rasheda I Love You And. You are A Julian Gym Stone I truly know that. We’re going to get the Chance to meet! “Desiree I like You! I Always will But! Your Heart Belongs 2someone else. Anyway, I’ll always! Be your best friend if. Things don’t work! With you And. Somebody else I’m a come up there! To “El Paso well I don’t Know I Just have the urge to write what I feel. Like that saying you speak what you feel?
-Antawn S. Chinn
ix
Introduction January 4, 2009
It was a Windy cold Day from The trip To California! I lost my Packing bag Been Thru Some struggles.’ Up there! Ended up On Skid row” It was really! A site to see it kind, Mess me up in the Head? Wow! I was hanging Out on the Coroner, with the. Homie’s every” morning” there was always Some Shit’ Happen in Los Angeles everyday! I will never forget that. I when to Beverley Hills And. Hollywood was hard to get in! I enjoyed my friend that I’ve made “David and, His girl “Maria David? Was awesome He’s a writer! Came to Cali for His Shot on the big Screen!!! I met at “The World agape, on Fifth and Pedro “Lala my Nigeria home boy “Sonny Baby girl The “Mexican girl I don’t know her name. But! She knew How to draw Lala’s home girl, I had a crush on her Cali have the best Women up There! “Sylvia Wow! The Chi- town girl how could I forget Come to Florida, Everyday! I would sit on the streets of L.A. writing these poems. As I would really cry myself” out. I would take the Train metro link downtown To Hollywood sunset think. I was living in the in depended housing Off of “Vernon western forty fifth. Harlem crips Neighborhood, what was the Place “Mr. Willy’s I would sit there Drawing, drawing as I was Missing! Miami then. Something terrifying! Happened on June 25, 2009 Michael Jackson passed away at the UCLA center?
-Antawn Chinn
xi
Woody rest in peace my childhood friend I’ll miss you.
Norbret “ Woody “ Guzman Jr. December 9, 1989 – April 23, 2011
VI
The World Doesn’t Care...
How do u go on living lyfe? Being disable the world’s unable 2 Except the Unexpectedness Cuz That’s all we are The world Doesn’t Care
They Look at us Cuz there all big headed Regular people and were Ants jus looking At us far down from the Ant hill I Don’t Understand! Were human Beings we have feelings And, we all breathe the same Air The World Doesn’t Care It’s not fair...! Still U can proof 2 the World of Ur Cry’s and sorrows and pain They Still treat you like you’re A game I jus Wipe my tears save them 4 god cuz probably it 4 him He’s evenly the only 1 who wants 2 hear?
13
Strange Dreams EYE don’t know But!.. Last Nite I was Sleep In the bed I don’t remember much just Tossing turning I Discovered Mind was yearning while I’m up in the Hospital bed Waking up My mind is Sleep staring at the window On the left side I’m Luking at The dark sky lights lighting Up the city of Miami Talking 2 myself in my Sleep?... So I fall in 2 a Deep sleep Exciting Went in 2 another place walking down the street
rand in 2 a couple of boys Didn’t seem 2 know watz going On
They pulled a gun rite out on me I rand In 2 And abandon House I swear 2 God my mind was gone Had no Ideal whuz going on
I woke right out my sleep SAID what The HELL! Is going on Somebody’s try 2 Kill me Then when it All Came
That it was jus A Strange Dream?...
15
Is This me
A HEAD WIT NOTHING LEFT 2 WRITE BUT! WHEN I GO 2 SLEEP I THINK ABOUT THE THINGZ EYE WANT TO SAY LAST NITE GOD! SOMETIMES I THINK 2 SELF R THESE THE WORDZ I CRY AND REACHED SELF
IS THIS ME?
17
This Isn’t Me! Part 2
Look at me Sitting around the house wit a face Filled wit drowns Walking down the street people ask me Hi there y u so down smile
Every time I c you You use 2 be happy always Drawing create cum up wit something And Y am I I’ve been thru some things outta town Fuss straighter about some things I’ve seened Hanging Around people using and mistreating me It was eating me
People started seeing thru me Like I’ve changed I’ve b came a beast This Isn’t Me
19
Hurt Hurt go away!
Hurt Hurt Go Away... Come against another day If I Hurt I’ll keep praying god can take my f ears away
I know I gotta Keep my head up str8 I know they’ll Be a brighter day still I say Hurt Hurt go Away... Sum People think I’m a always happy But! Now And then Eye want 2 Say
Hurt Hurt go Away...
So I Could breathe Clean Fresh air 4 2morrow And the next day
21
A Day 4 Moms?
First of all praise 2 god And I would like 2 say thanx a your guidens Appreciation all the time U tried showing me directions When sometime I didn’t listen Congratulations 4 your love
It felt lyke your ward n comforted It made me really know what Having a understanding caring mom Was worth u spread tru wing from a dove
But now that I told you now I knew How 2 fly on my own Even doe you tault me Wit out dad on my 2 feet When I felt like I was bout 2 falls Eye found way back home Got my feeling 4 you too And yes my heart still bleeds
I remember helping my mom when she was helping us when me and my sister little brother was n need happy mother’s day dat time will always come god bless a day moms
23
I Created a book 4 stories!!!
I created a book 4 stories Any 1 interested in hearing A story bout everything dat comes n goes Pieces of green blood drug money That folds
Attics that get old Nobody knows 2day tomorrow 2nite a brother n sister will survive getting high dey die in the cold untwisted souls gang bangers kill 4 crack young teenagers jack 4 gold dirty battlefield hear LAPD coming across the streets hustlers tyrna get that money they still wanna deal in another day in the life of L.A. more crips n blood is being spelled and there’s always trouble lots of gun play it’s enough 2 make u sick I mean every time walking down the street u look there’s always somebody shot another life being took we’re not living in the ordinary this is after I created a book 4 a story!!!
26
n the eyes of a poet’s heart
N the eyes of A Poet’s Heart Gives me a direction 2 look N 2 myself of my Life of words Putting on this paper As Eye digging deep N 2 reflections Knowing wit in that My spirit feels free Now I can breath N dat everything I wrote about N The eyes of a poet’s heart
28
I’m Six feet blow the ground Hi tryna keep my head 2 the sky
I’m Surrounded In A Big state Mind full of Ideals And on my mind,
it tells me 2 carry faith I have no more patients, No more 2days and I can not wait Another day “ I’m Six feet Blow the ground Hi!” Tryna keep my head 2 the Sky I’ve found my way out Drawing, wondering, and Creating! My way out that’s The way the way I know how I Been doing this ever since I was I little child I can’t stop This No way not ever, Not now This is my MEAL ticket 2 Stay on my grind?
30
Downtown LA skid row
Eye Listen 2 myself stuck down here On skid row
The creepiest side of downtown L.A.. And tho u thought that California was all Hollywood it’s more then that It’s holly weird
Down here you ask yourself About freedom there is no freedom with the cops I stand these streets no heat
Looking 2 my right look at the bloods Banging from the east red flagging The turf the intruder of a south sider Looking 4 trouble run his mouth wearing a laker’s jersey 150 bloods stumps him 2 the ground
grape street sitting on the avenue just making on the cum up getting it crackin trouble’s everywhere the nites n the days I use 2 sit out there and pray 4 Downtown LA
32
The Little Mexicana?
4 Gracey
It’s Funny how I 2 truly feel a deep heart 4 the little mexicana 5.5 eyes lips they look like they taste like Tropicana
I wonder where that smile come from staring at me Damn I’m far away down here in cali I wish I was home bak in Miami But I got something I wanna 2 say mami Yo what the deal cum holla at papi
If I dnt meet you in you move on Soon as I find my way back home I’ll love you always 4ever And you’ll always be my Little Mexicana
34
Now you can rest while obsessed fans Wipe the tears from there Eyes
Hits like you wanna be startin somethin Billie jean Beat it The girl is mine Now you can just Rest while obsessed fans can jus wipe the tears from there eyes
2 me it was never good I never can say goodbye it felt like u were my friend at the age of five
michael's only friend was ben now his n heaven wit him
Now you can just Rest While obsessed fans can wipe the tears from there eyes
Dedicated 2 Michael Jackson 36
I’m Reaching out
Try 2 convince myself I find my thoughts Search my soul im n love eye write about u cuz inside I do what im told You probably wanna know Why do I speak? Baby im hungry 4 thinkin bout you And right now I want to eat I mean it’s telling you how I feel N keeping it real wants to know What this is really about if you read this im here 4 you All yours I’m reaching out?
38
U R That shinning star?
4 Star bright when its dark n gloomy I pray and call on the stars that’s glowing I ask myself why so far she’s somewhere You r a shinning star I don’t even know you I want 2 I want a chance don’t you 2 pass I want some of you Butter top skin tone Latino brownstone pretty nose Your eyes miss. Milk bone Nice thick pretty legs Pedicure toes you’re a rose I been dreaming of you having phone sex
Wishing u had somebody 2 cuddle up wit Have little late nite talks on the phone Instead of laying n the bed Tired single n along I got them memories sitting around Dancing in my head When I’m n my bed at night eye cry out my broken heart cuz I’m so far from u be came heart u r that shinning star? 40
Lost
I don’t Know right now Eye swear 2 day 2morrow’s weird some how I’m lost feel like I’m going the wrong way I’m walking looking above god He tells me stay in his eyes in live my life Fallow your heart keep the faith with pride I feel like fighting myself I’m slapping bamming my head Across the pavement lost!
What could I do laying up here thinking Have no direction stressing Committing suicide with alcohol drinking taking bottle of pills Leave me alone don’t wanna live kill myself Laying down in a funeral home I’m done enough is enough where do I go I’m lost
42
My heart fills Cold?
2 my broken heart My heart fills cold Just like the weather out side The emotions of my thoughts feel so weak I could not speak my pride
Feelin a tightness of my anger pain As the way pressure runnie thru my veins Water drops pour on the roof Looking out my window it rain’s Away my pain I’m stting here wit my heart Ripped out torn up controlling myself I’m about 2 go insane O no? My Heart fill’s Cold...
44
THE BLACK ROSE A Wondering Poem
EVER NOTICED WHAT! THE BLACK ROSE STOOD 4 IT MEANS THE SIGN OF DEATH
IT MEANS BAD LUCK TAT MEANS PEOPLE USE BLACK MAGIC AND OTHER VOODOO POWERS 2 TAKE THE LIFE’S OF US
SPELLS OF WITCH CRAFT TAT WOMEN WIT THE VOODOO DOLL POKES IT WIT A PEN KILLS THE VICTIM SHE STANDS THERE LAUGHING!
WHILE THE BLACK ROSE CONTINUES 2 GROW EVIL CONTINUES TOO FLOW I GOTTA FIN AWAY 2 KILL
THE BLACK ROSE
46
Mind Creation
Dedicated 2 what could I found!!!
Mind of A Sight 2 see I’m hoping you’re my Destiny Mind Creation Bless 2 the things Eye see Where am I tryna be Thoughts n my mind tat I could found And let my HEART be free My minds a mission I’m painting up every picture If anyone asks me questions I nothing 2 give them Yea imam sinner god man new born beginner I motive everything in my mind because it Centers this is a Mind of a site 2 see I’m hoping you’re my destiny Mind Creation
48
A Julian Gym Stone
4 Rasheda
U R A Julian Gym Stone Rapped around A necklace piece of gold The one I’ve hailed in my secret box 4 years When I hold you U can make my EYEZ Light up like A Crystal I love 2 rub against Your skin because it’s pure Un sensitive baby it’s beautiful God sum times Eye wonder 2 myself Wat makes A Julian Gym Stone So powerful go a head And Shine On Julian Gym Stone
50
The Girl N The Mirror I Wanna C
4 Desiree I keep standing in the same Spot Where I dnt wanna be
N the bathroom Over the Sink
With the water on not Brushing my teeth I’m standing here Closing my eyes
Day dreaming about The girl in the mirror I wanna C
52
Faded Out 2Myself
Being Trapped N This Circle I can’t get out My Eyes as they shut tight The room gets blurry Everything turns purple Am I dead or Alive I ask myself all I see Is clear bright Sky’s color white? I close my Eyes and look back Be 4 U know it that everything When black
55
Do some people get the point??? 2 people n the world
It’s Hard 2 Explain Telling people Questions Over and over you Really have 2 repeat yourself And it’s a shame Why can they just pay Attention! Open their Eyes and listen Do some people get the point???
No I dnt think so I mean really tho Dose it show When will they ever know?
Do Sum people get the point??? Wow! Again you still ask a person A question, which they still 4 get And say dat they don’t know?
57
Now Were Even?
2 Barbara
Now we’re even Not Speaking 2 U you after all these years My Heart is healed not shattered In no more pieces I remember sitting Drowning n tears fusing Fighting Over drama tat slipped U Outta my arms I was torn it was eating me It was hard 4 me 2 move on Now Were Even? We Spoke 2 each other after All these years My heart is healed no more shatters No more tears
59
Me And The Other Half Of Me!!!
Antawn and Antinique
U R MY OTHER HALF MY LEFT FRONT BACK BONE N MOMS EYES WE WERE HER SURPRISE FROM A MOMENT 2 GOD BLESSING HER HOLDING US IN HER ARMS THE DAY THAT WE WERE BORN ME AND THE OTHER HALF OF ME!!! U C WHEN GOD PUT U 2 GETHER AND ME IT WAS BETTER TWIN U FELT PAIN 4 ME AND I FELT PAIN 4 U WE WERE MET 2 BE AND NOW TAT WE CAN NEVER SEPARATE YOU OPEN YOUR EYES SEE ME THERE TOO KEEP YOU SAFE IF U JUS CARRY MY FAITH
62
Flash Backs
2 Myself
OK! I’M SPEAKIN 2 MYSELF WHY DO EYE HAVE THE SAME SONG PLAYING OVER N OVER IN MY HEAD TAT SAME TUNE I THINK ABOUT WHILE I SIT THEIR LAYING IN MY BED I’M THINKING 2 MYSELF AS IT FLASH BACKS THRU MY HEAD IT PLAYS I HEAR THE SOUND OF THE WIND BLOWS THRU MY PURPLE CURTAINS N AWAY THUNDER RUMBLE’S THE SKIES QUICKLY OPEN MY EYEZ THE RAIN TRY’DS 2 FADE MY FLASHBACKS AWAY!!!
63
YOUR HEART B LONGS 2 SUM BODY ELSE?
4 Desiree
If I had u I would replace the other girl Cuz my heart can only beat 4u But! It’s not petty b cuz of what a women Feels for another man His heart in your hands it’s love He’s cupid n you’re the angle Wit a Spirit pure Pretty face Wings of a dove
64
Willing 2 Do
Dedicated 2 jade
Looking all good dripping strawberry lip gloss N me sitting rite here on my computer Licking my lips Rubbing my hands across them Staring in 2 your eyes Witch R a mystery 2 me Speared wit pink n green mask scare Hair black as ebony baby girl Let me read cross your mind Not cha panties line I’m not blind as a bat Eye see str8 thru U tat u not looking 4 A Sugar daddy who can jus get between Your legs and make it seem like You can ride the caddy I’ll Comforted chew Baby girl 4 U I’m wiling 2 do
65
Mother Nature’s World???
Waking up In the Morning Beautiful Site I see coming outside And see the flowers grown I SAY HELLO 2 MOTHER NATURES WORLD??? Sounds of the wind Speaks 2 me Like I fell a sleep In heaven in the clouds And sum body put a Sheet over me Experience the joy n Mother Nature’s voice While The Birds R Singing in the TREE And the little Boy gets 2 go outdoors He FREE He’s happy of Course Stop! Killing plants, Animals Take care of our EARTH because this MOTHER NATURES WORLD???
66
WHY WE DIE
4 DA WORLD 2 KNOW
WHY WE DIE A MILLION AND 1 QUESTION RUN THRU MY HEAD SAYING EYE CAME BACK HOME ALL THESE YOUNG CHILDREN DOWN HERE HAD 2 DIE PARENTS WIPING TEARS FROM THERE EYEZ I ASK QUESTIONS RUNIN THRU MY MIND WHY WE DIE I CAM BACK 2 MIAMI FLORIDA ALL THE WAY FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA AS IF IT BEING PEOPLE UP THE ROAD TELLIN IT GOT BAD DOWN HERE YOUNG KIDS GETTING SHOT KILLIN GUESS WHAT? SOME OF THEM TURNED OUT 2 B MY FRIENDS WHY WE DIE TAT IS THE CAWS I SIT UP EVERYDAY THINKING, WRITING WIT HEAD WAY UP THERE PAUSE 2 THE SKY!!!
67
I LOVE
YOU
4 Rasheda
Yea see Every NITE And every thing’s Tight Just Another 1 I need Like you I need n my life Someone like you I can call Wife Or should EYE says I think I choose you 2 be Something likes that of mine okay So do you mine If Eye Touch it I want to rub it Rub what? That’s X- RATED Things tat U and Me find between the SHEETS What’s HOT n Slow n WETT SEX It’s mediation body movement Tat tells me 2 use your HEART Taste my MEDICINE baby it taste so good Massage Ur body the way I want to do I’ll give U a spoon full will I ever get a chance wit U Hear my message guess what I LOVE YOU!!!
68
THE WORLD KEEP ON TURNINIG
THERES A BLUE SHAPE CIRCLE AND GUESS WAT IT JUST STANDS THERE TURNS DOESN’T CARE HOW WE LIVE LIFE OR IF WERE NOT LIVIN IT RITE THE WORLD JUST DOESN’T GET 2 CONCEARED IT DOESN’T CARE IF WE KILL OR STEAL OR HOW HOOD WE STAY IF WE KEEP IT REAL THE ONLY THING TAT LIVES N A HUMAN’S EYEZ IS MONEY N POWER BUT WAT DOES IT ALL MATTER THAT’S WAT KEEPS THE WORLD TURNINIG
69
It’s A rising Up In the Sky!!!
December 10, 2009 It’s a rising up in the sky!!! The sky turns purple bleu With Orange While the sun lies up Above high the beam across The line Refection makes the Ocean cry!!! It’s a rising up the sky!!! Hoping tat 2 morrows May come so tat if it rains It gives Mother Nature a chance 2 rain.
70
I Wonder!!!
2 MYSELF
I LOOK UP AT THE SKY AS I OFTEN EVER WONDER WHY DO I FEEL SO UNSURPRISED THERE’S CLOUDS GREY I SEE AND THERE FILL WIT NOTHING BUT! THUNDER ISN’T ANYTHING I DREAM COME 2 SUM THIN POSITIVE TAT I HAVE N COMMON I WONDER I OFTEN EVER WONDER I GATHER UP THE STRENGTH I WANNA SEE WAT I HAVE COMING 2 WRITE THESE POEMS I THEN THINK
71
Sorrow’s Speak 2 me…
2 Myself
Sorrow’s Speak 2 me… Let Me Find guides Let Me Find peace Let me find away N Stop these Tears I’ma realize I Can fight my fears I’ll just close my Eyes Sorrow’s Speak 2 me… I now hide my Lies The day I close my Eyes I then face The Lord I now swallow my pride Sorrow’s Speak 2 me… I left This World I say good-bye?
72
GET OUT MY WAY
JOKE
HEY! GET OUT MY WAY U BLOCKIN MYSPACE U RITE THERE JUST STAND N MY WAY U 2 THE BACK LEFT CORNER BLEU SHIRT BLACK HAT TELL YOUR MOMMA I SAID GIVE THAT HORSE THAT FUCKIN PONY TALE BACK U N THE SKIRT YOUKMONTH N FLAT ASS BREATHE SMELLIN LYKE TARTA SAUCE MAN GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH OR CAHNGE THAT TRASH BAG
73
I’M COLD HEARTED?
4 Feelings
I’m Like It’s Thoughts N back of my mind I don’t feel the same My Eye Aims 4 staring at my bedroom wall at nite Crying tears n Crying tears I been hurt Shut out so much That I fear I don’t have feeling’s 4 Nothing No more I’m Cold Hearted?
74
Deep Dark Secerts 4 Hotruca
okay I feel Thoughts about you and sometimes Eye know you feel them 2 I miss getting off and talking all wild Been having visions Of nasty things going thru my head
Banging you across my bed Kissing tong sobbing you them fucking you Caressing your body doing what I got 2 do Make it do wat it do
Give me slow head while I re spread your legs On my bed I’m so hungry it’s you I feel like eating Deep of questions run thru my mind Deep dark secrets
76
He Doesn’t have a tombstone!!!
2 great uncle Haywood He doesn’t have tube stone Eye come out 2 the graveyard
2 see him I may wanna put some flowers on the ground how do I do that and his spot is not found it doesn’t matter I didn’t 4get about you
Deep inside with my soul My heart n spirit I still hear U Deep down sometimes Eye got thoughts N the back of mind
Now on my own in this Cold world along I see come see you but I waana Get chew a tombstone
78
1983
me And my twin
Yep! It was the day Of the dream The year tat a artist Came up on the seen Eye came n 2 the world Born also wit another part of me Now! I’m just wondering Did my mother ever imagine That wat Eye would turn out 2 b I mean Thinkin as she look up at the sky Talking whispering rubbing her stomach Waiting 4 The moment of me N my sista To cum 1983 I came about as the smart N black successful child
80
2 Our 4 Father’s…
2 Men
ONCE AGAIN LOOKING UP AT THE SKY ONLY THIS TIME THE SOUNDS OF RIAN DROPS POURING DOWN LOOK IT’S TROUBLE N THE WORLD EVERYTHINGS FUCKED UP WIT THE A CADAMY THEY COMPLANING ABOUT THIS SAYING OBAMA’S NOT DOIN ANYTHING BUT! 2 OUR 4 FATHER’S THEY WANT US 2 DOES SOME THING WHEN WE DO SUMTHIN IT’S NOT ENOUGH GOREGE BUSH WE R WALKING ON BAD LUCK HE’S THE 1 WHO FUCKED IT UP EVERYONE WANTS 2 B THE BOSS OF EVERYTHING DON’T BLAM HIM BLAME IT 2 OUR 4 FATHER’S…
81
Looking back Struggling!
Wondering!!! I’m looking back rite now Sitting my rubbing my hands across my head taking deep breaths I feel like I’m losing my mind God! Help me give me a sign There r other ways I can get thru these problems Crying tears out my eyes I’m not committing suicide Kidney’s r failing say 2 myself Am I going through hell going thru one or another And having bad arguments with my mother
Lookin at getting on a plane Making it tryna make it make sum plans do right Make a change in my life the end life’s 2 short lost 2many friends I’m luking back struggling!
82
The Dead End
It’s Pinch black dark N all I see is a Road Goin Str8 I’m headed 4 Destruction Musik Plays 2 loud Now! N the background it says Go fifty five miles per hour Drive off the Clift Take a Bottle of sleeping pills crab the gun Load the barrel Why don’t you kill No! I won’t I don’t have the Heart 2 Do it My soul tells me speaking clearly It’s a sin U take a Easy chance 2 play your life Like a deck of cards But !then the devil Tells me wrong deck friend Three Six was the number When eye rolled the Dice I felt asleep Behind the wheel of the car rolled Off the Clift I lose my life
84
THE SUICIDE LETTER!!!
I COULD NEVER FILL THIS ANY MORE LIVIN WIT BAD KIDNEY’S TRY 2 PRAY 2 GOD BOUT STAYING ALIVE WRITING MY TEARS ON PAPER AS THEY POUR 4 ME THIS IS THE END AS I HOLD A SWISS BLADE KNIFE UP 2 MY THROAT BYE BYE AFTER LIFE OF COURSE BEING DEAD IS BETTER THEN BEING OUT N THE COLD YOU WON’T FILL NO MORE I’M SINGING OUT 2 THE SUICIDE LETTER!!!
86
WHAT! DOES A MAN DO 2 STAY TRU TOO A WOMEN?
EYE COULD B ON A DATE WIT ANOTHER WOMEN N SHE ASKES 4 MY HOME PHONE NUMBER WICTH 2 HER REALLY MATTERS
LOOK I TRULY HAD A GOODTIME BUT! I’M TRYNA STAY TRU 2 MY WOMEN?
IF I CAME OVER MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHTBOR HOUSEN SAT DOWN ON THE COUTCH WATCHING A MOVIE WIT HIS WIFE BLOW OF POP CORN WE ATE I COFFED JUST US 2 SITTING THERE WITH THE LIGHTS OFF SHE LOOKED AT ME SO LETS FINISH WHAT WE STARTED OFF TONY SAID NO I DON’T KNOW IF WILL IS GONNA LIKE WAT WERE DOIN N PLUS I’M TRYNA
STAY TRU 2 MY WOMEN? BUT! JODY IS THE MAN NEXT DOOR.... LOOKS LIKE PAMELA GOT SUMTHIN N COMMENT WIT ANOTHER DUDE SHE DON’T U NOMORE WHILE TONY’S STUCK ON PAMELA JADEA SAID! YOU’RE A DAM FOOL? 87
SUMTYMES…
Sometimes I wonder what’s rite about lyfe is it Good or Bad things that don’t go the way people seem they get sad Sometimes we got problems that the human mind Goes Barzzo that makes U drink Alcohol You’re So Intense that your Head Go at the Bottom of the Bottle And they fall Do you believe in Fairytales? Sometimes…
88
My Prayers Poem
Dear Father Witch Art In Heaven Hallowed be thy name I very much Thank You 4 the livin of my life of All of those dayz You guided Me and leaded me Sum people wasn’t able 3 make It thru but! When there was No way 2 break no way to get out The person that came thru is was you Father I’m honored 2 B blessed And grateful 2 wake up today 2 live lyfe love 4 gud health Strange I thank you!!! 4 Everything that U done In life Has came I speak My Prayer’s Poem
90
TRUST
Januray 10, 2010
4 Couple
If luv is lust Lust is love Then I wouldn’t have this Broken Heart 2 feel Stab with a knife And then say I got cut its offal hard 2 hurt A girl 2 say I’m Sorry I promise you mean my world I promise my love I’ll make it up You’ve done Every Thing u can But! 2 fix it up it’s not enough So most of all you get so fed up Where is the trust?
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Hard Times
Been thru some struggles Hard times and walls building up In front of me feeling like I’m walking Thru wet grass with a pair of white shoes Stepping thru a mud puddle tryna C Where I’ma get my next dollar But looking at the ways of everybody Don’t want 2 give and invest they want 2 B greedy controlling
They want all the power time is no more Innocent people I watch every hour Out there n the world getting laid off form their jobs Cuz of this academy all fucked up 2 many cuts of hours being cut
Their taking 2 many pay cuts boy n girls I know Is tyme 2 face the world and say U had enough 4 waiting in life there’s not always time rite now we’re facing 2 many hard times
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OLA MAMA BORICUA Dedicated to Boricua WHUZ GUD WAT IT DO WHUZ HOOD EYE NOTICE A GIRL LYKE U COMING MY WAY SO WHUZ A PAPI GOTTA SAY I MEAN ME THE BOY FROM THE M.I.A 4 YOU TO HOLLA YOU KNOW COME BY MY WAY WHUZ UP WAT IT IS BOO
OHEY MAMA BORICUA
HOE CAN EYE B DOMN WHEN IT COMES 2 LOVE I CAN’T BE A CLOWN IM JUST TREAT CHA HOW U WANNA BE TREATED TELL ME MAMA WHAT’S YOUR SECRET YOU GOTTA LAST PIECE OF CANDY MI AMOR I WANNA EAT IT
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I Am On My Own…
4 the World I’m not A little boy I’ma grown man talented hands With a strong head My mind looks Forward to the world n Pursue my Plans … I AM ON MY OWN… So I want Chance I’m hungry Not lonely I’ll use my mind I wanna grind This just ain’t fame and there’s No Time I could take both here n this game I AM ON MY OWN… Here In cali i’m going far nothing changed my head I’m not repeating of what I Said I just feel the Emotions of what my heart Just fed thru my head I can hold my own N hold the key 2 my throne it’s confident I AM ON MY OWN… 96
FATHER I THANX U!!!
PART 1
FATHER
GOOD MORNINIG I HEARD THE SOUNDS SPOKEN THRU THE WIND THANK YOU 4 LIVIN N ERASING MY SINS
EYE THANK YOU DAT MY LYFE HAS NOT YET END THANK U FOR BREATH N STRAGTH I THANK YOU 4 REMINDING ME 2 KEEP THE FAITH EYE BOW TOO MY LORD N SAVOR I THAN THANX U FATHER!!!
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Hospital Sleepless Nites...
I Shouldn’t B up N dis pain Got me 2 look up the Sky Thinking N enjoying southern California It not Sunny land hours rite Now! I’m headed 4 sum rain Thinking about my life n every hour Sitting in dis room Creation thoughts They decide 2 run up my mind N I talk Looking 4 A Conversation Dis is A sleepless Nite?.. I’m feeling Scared right now mind wondering Heart starts pounding Hands aking eyes gets watery Staring at the sealing from above the to My kidney’s shutting down so what’s next being patent Study waiting on A blessing I’m hospitalized N scared dis will be another Sleepless Nite...?
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I STILL THANK U FATHER…
PART 2
POEM
FATHER I STILL THANK YOU
4 GUDING ME KEPING A THIS ROOF OVER MY HEAD 4 WATCHING OVER ME FOR KEEPING ME FOCUSE WIT THE DRAWING TALENT I USE MY HEARTAS A KEY?
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A LETTER 2SPEAK MY PEACE?
WAKEN UP OUT OF MY BED PULLIN OVER THE KURTAINS AS EYE LOOK UP AS THE SKY GOODMORNINIG! FATHER IT’ RAIN’S THE THUNDER RUMBLING’S OVER SKY MOM HANDS ME A PLATE FILLED WITH BREAKFAST I PRAY WONEDER NOW AS MY MIND SPEAKS TO ME OF PAECE IT SAID PRESUEN DO LET YOUR ARTISTIC MIND GROW MAKE WHUZ RITE KNOW MY GOOD TREMS BE 4 EYE DIE IT COMES 4 MY TYME 2 GO
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Just My Valentine Admire Dedicated 2 Christinia Eye Think I got a Question It’s feel gud I’m N love picking up signs Baby please my heart is beating Cupit says go 4 the ride Cuz it’s real Love letters, poetry writing , out my mind My heart’s Speaking! Just my Valentine Admire One of a kind Oh’ yes you’re simply one of a kind pretty eyes nice lips N a wonderful smile
body shape is Rite ass like Wow! Hair looking’s like Ivory silk Face look sweet as a Peach I think you been hit by me as a late nite freak Sum 1 Call in A priest Sooner or later you’re running Thru My mind all my goods U will receive the Mailman said U got a Box special delivery it reads Admire... hits thru your mind
about dis person wat is he sending me could B chocolates could B flowers Could B jewelry look at the bottom? Could B red N pink Jelly beans whatever it is U will cherish dis cums wit A kiss A Box dat reads 4 U from Me Feel’s Inspired Just My Valentine’s Admire
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I’m 2 tided?
I’m not walking I’ma crawl from now My HEART says dear GOD Man I’m sick N tided of it all I rather just act like a Baby And Crawl I’ve had enough of it all Good nite Close my eyes N this could B might as well B my last Fall I’m getting older I’m getting My mind Speak a lot 2 Me Eye tell myself will I ever get stronger N Stronger
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There’s a star N the Mirror?
Dedicated 2 what u looking at
TELL ME HOW DO U DO IT WAT DO YOU DO YOU TRULY ARE BEAUTIFUL SO CUTIE TATS VERY ANNAUL VERY OUT STANDABLE 2 ME YOU R LYKE A ANGEL THAT GOD HAS BLESSED U 2 B WIT ME SINCERELY! FROM THE SKY EYE WAS STARING AT A PAINTED PICTURE THAT NEARLY COUGHT MY EYE IT’S YELLOW BRIGHT A STAR AND THAT’S XREMELY WHAT YOU
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I can’t explain its Hard too put it N Words?
4 Sharon I can’t explain its hard 2 put this n words Smart pretty sexy The girl next door Who glamour’s the world Bright smile so heavenly Skin tone so beautiful Like shhhh! Man Eye can’t explain it’s hard 2 put it n words… The girl from the Bronx BX watt more did you expect Eyes like a Lion hazel green Lips as cleo patra We call women like that A she goddess of a black queen Sister I’m lost with what not 2 say I can’t explain it’s hard 2 put n word
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Eye Close My Eyes!!!
2 Myself Close my eyes And picture myself Thought another place Standing in front of different people Different colors different race
Eye Close My Eyes!!! How do I use my imagination Started thinking bout my creation Lock myself up in the room Find some peaceful n concentration There is nothing I can’t come up I can’t up Out my mind With
Wonder dream sometimes Sitting on a ocean a beach smell Dat fresh air I love this I wonder 4 more 2 c Eye Close My Eyes!!! Just dream
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LET ME KNOW?...
MAY 7, 2010
2 TRI CE
LET ME KNOW? DNT JUST HAVE ME 2 COME UP THE ROAD AND SHO UP DOWN HERE WHY U GOTTA DO ME LIKE THAT AS A MATTER OF FACT THIS RELATIONSHIP ISNT MUCH ALL DAT IT’S GETTING SOUR N BITTER LIKE DRINKING A BOTTAL OF YACK LET ME KNOW? B 4 REAL WITH YOUR SELF AROUND ME REAL GIRLS DON’T SHOW BOART THEY BECOME INDPENDENT
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One of God’s Angels
2 Lavonda bleu clouds clear as a white sky spirit face smooth eye call u ivory wings of a dove
sin free dat I love no she don’t mess with no guys that get high forgive us lord we all tell lies don’t you know that disobeying one of god’s comments can make a women of cry look at U all spiritual some of the fella’s out there don’t understand how a women can sit wait so pertinently your 2 greatful 2 faithful spread your wings Your 1 of God’s Angels
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Holla
Excuse Me Can I talk 2 you Is there time 4 me n you Come on over here Why u standing rite there While I’m checking you out Sitting under this tree I’m not scared 2 Talk I just want a moment of your time Lets go 4 a walk And dance the nite away Watch the moon stars kiss all night 2 if it gets dark n late Eye had a good time Call me and maybe we can get them Last minute things off our minds I can spend this dollar on a cab Holla
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I Don’t know U
2 Shey U think I’m being down forward I’m not
Eye hear your voice speaking Across my head And I have painful head akes like I’m Banging my head against he bed
Okay listen we have 2 talk I love you n don’t wanna hurt you Stay awhile maybe Could take a walk in the park U waann know why I’m not in 2 you I don’t know U I wnna know you And even take you some places Go and show you U know bout me now I don’t know you!!!
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Seeing Thing Different?
Dedicated to Boiquia
U finally got the point now wat you thought was real Was fake now You sitting in your room heart full of akes U couldn’t C between the lines Yes love is real But can also be blind That’s the thing between u and me You thought you knew everything But later on you found out Tat was not what would be U thought that everything u dream That will be That’s the big thing between you and me were seeing things different?
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