ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Writing a book is not very easy. It needs passion and commitment to be able to express the message you want to impart to others. It also needs cooperation from people around you to make the atmosphere conducive by not making a lot of noise that can destruct your concentration. First, I want to acknowledge the patience of my husband Pars for bearing with me when it is time to hit bed at nigh; he would leave me alone and not demand to join him in bed though I know he tells me that he can’t sleep without me by his side, for he feels more secured whenever I am beside him. I would also like to acknowledge the inspiration in writing this book came from the upbringing my parents provided us. I thank God for allowing me to grow up in a Christian family. My parents taught me principles of the Word of God through their actions, though they did not memorize them, they were instinctively doing it! They helped me understand the great and wonderful life it is to be happily married. They showed me through examples how my duties and obligations as a wife and mother of my children should be. I am eternally grateful for all the wonderful things God has taught my parents and handed them down to us. The priorities they taught us‌not material things but life, friends, family, insight into my life, and the ability to love and be loved. The list is endless!
GOD’S TEN COMMANDMENTS
FOR MARRIAGE Good marriages don’t just happen. It is not just because you married the right person and got lucky. Good marriages are built on more than passion. They are built on principle. In the Scriptures, we find the best guidelines and principles for a healthy marriage. God’s words and God’s principles are never ever outdated… never! They are just as applicable today as they were to ancient Jews living in Israel. In this book, I want to point out to principles God has given us in a place you might not think was intended for marriage. That place is the Ten Commandments, found in Exodus 20.
A N T
R O N A S
Chapter One
God's Ten Commandments For Marriage _______________________ Introduction _____________________________
Working together for a blessed marriage touched by God is the answer to a successful marriage. If you have been married any length of time, you know for a fact that good marriages just don't happen. They have to be worked on with passion and decision to build on God’s principles. In the Scriptures we find the absolute best guidelines and principles for a healthy marriage in any generation. God's words, God's principles are never outdated. I’d like to go back three and a half thousand years and look at some wedding vows that are extremely relevant today. I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but God looked at Israel as His bride. Throughout the Scripture He refers to them as His wife and uses the analogy, the
metaphor, that He is the husband. In Jeremiah He said, “You have been an unfaithful wife. You have committed adultery.” He went as far as saying “I have written you a bill of divorcement.” In the book of Ezekiel and Hosea He uses the same analogy. God is the husband; Israel, His people, is the wife. He speaks about the unfaithfulness, but He also speaks about His love towards them and desires a long-term relationship. And even in the New Testament, the church is referred to as the bride of Christ. God is basically saying that he wants to have an intimate, personal relationship with His people Do you know that the Ten Commandments is God's wedding vows for His people? God was saying, “If you want a long-term relationship with Me that is healthy and growing, here's what you need to do.” Marriage is seldom an easy proposition. At some point, every marriage sees an end to the honeymoon bliss. Even so, the end of the honeymoon need not mean the end of happiness or passion. Every couple can keep the fires of love burning long after the honeymoon has become nothing but a sweet memory. How can we do this?
Marriage means work. Contrary to what many folks think, best wishes and good luck have nothing to do with health and happiness of a marriage. A good marriage results from working hard and by putting the timeless principles of God’s Word at the center of the relationship. Marital happiness is really a matter of choice. It comes when we do things that keep our love growing and maturing---even during the tough times. Through the prophet Isaiah, God tells His people, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!” What a tremendous word! “Fear not” Why? Because He has redeemed us through Jesus Christ, and those who know Christ are in God’s plan. He knows our name—in fact He knows even the number of our hair. So relax, do not be afraid for God has a plan for your life and your marriage. He will incorporate the stormy season of your marriage into His plan. But the choice is yours; you need to work it out with Him. _________________________ Exodus 20:4-6 “You shall have no other Gods before Me, nor any curve image…”
1. No One Else But You We want to talk about the Ten Commandments as they relate to us in our relationship with God, certainly... you know, in that vertical relationship; but, also, we can see the parallelism in how they apply horizontally in our own marriage relationships. The Ten Commandments are not only just God’s lists of dos and don’ts; and by the way, they are not just "thou shalt not". They are not some sort of a stairway to heaven, where you keep this one, you keep this other one, and if you can keep all ten, then the pearly gates will swing open wide, and God will admit you inside His heaven. It's not all that, there is more to it. Let's look at the first one. In Exodus 20:4 He said, "You shall have no other gods before Me." God is saying, "I want an exclusive relationship. I don't want to be flavor-of-the-month. I want to be your one and only one." How appropriate is that in marriage. This deal is for life. I'm not shopping, I'm not looking anywhere else, and I’m committed to this thing. I have one and only, from now until death do us part. Whether you got married in a Christian church, at a
justice of the peace, or at a quickie wedding chapel in Las Vegas, you still have taken part in a covenant agreement laid out by God in which He told us to “leave and cleave.”
Cleave to the sacred reality of marriage covenant! Understand that what God joins together, there is no one else except your spouse, the “one and only one.”
In a morally and socially chaotic world where half of new marriages shatter through divorce, and prenuptial agreements—a contractual arrangement, are increasingly in vogue. “Well, let's get married, but we are going to have some prenuptial agreements; and if this thing doesn't work out, you don't get the house and you don't get this and you will get that. Let's get this all sorted out just in case.”
Henry Ford, on his fiftieth wedding anniversary, his golden wedding anniversary, was asked how he was so successful in his marriage. He said, “I am successful in my marriage for the same reason I am successful in my business. I stick to one model.”
Couples seeking contractual agreements seem to expect that someone or something will separate what God has joined together. They appear to see such agreement as an easy way to open the “back door” for a swift and clean getaway. If you choose to operate your marriage only on legal contract, you may stay together, but you will miss the dynamic relationship that comes only with the spiritual bonding and intimacy of a divine covenant. God’s formula, and only His formula, gives significance, creativity, and sizzle to a marriage.
In marriage, God commands us to have only one. God didn't take two ribs out of Adam's side and say, "Okay, here is Eve, here is Samantha. Take your pick, whatever you want.” No, He took one rib out of Adam's side, brought her to the man, and the two became one. You have to have that mind set if you want to have a healthy growing marriage…I'm in this thing through thick and thin. It doesn't matter. I'm committed. “There is no one else but you!” In Verse 4 -“ “You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 5you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I,
the LORD your God, am a jealous God...” “You shall not make for yourself a curved image...”And He went on to say…, in heaven above, in the earth, or in the sea.” God wanted to make sure that it was all covered. “Don’t make images of me, and then worship them” God is saying, Don't love a substitute, love Me. For some people, it's easier for them to worship a curved image and relate to them, than to relate to God Himself. An image could also be someone we admire, a pastor, a parent, a friend, a hero, a movie star, and could be an old relationship. There are people who love to live in a world of fantasy, or in the past. They try to compare their spouse with someone else. Even memories of the past love can lead to the “greener pasture” syndrome. Sometimes when conflicts erupt in your marriage, and you don’t “leave” your past, you’ll be tempted to mentally compare your partner with that person from your past. Thoughts such as “If I only had married Gloria instead, or I know Fred would have acted differently in this situation,” This can drive a wedge between a husband and wife. This can be distractive since you are not living in
reality. You and I both know there is no “greener pasture.” Every meadow has its share of beggar lice, blighted spots, and thorns. So how do you get a greener grass? By watering the grass you already have! Irrigate and cultivate what you have with your spouse, rather than gazing longingly at an image of the past. We’ve got to face the music; we cannot have any substitutes for our frustrations. Love your spouse and find your fulfillment in that relationship. I think that is one reason why pornography is also so derogatory. There are men or even women who are involved in this. They are pointing all their affection, passion, lust and everything towards an image, and it robs the marriage. It sucks the life out of a marriage relationship. Don't love a substitute. Love your mate. Your passion belongs to your wife. Your passion belongs to your husband, not to some image on a screen. Some people will fill their life with work and look for their fulfillment there. Some parents will fill their life with their kids and look for their fulfillment there, and it becomes a substitute for what they should be experiencing in their marriage relationship. And eventually it breaks down.
Let me illustrate to you a typical scenario: A guy just buries himself in his work, “Well, I'm doing this for you because I love you.” And the wife or husband may bury all of their affection and passion on the kids, and their world revolves around that, and they can’t find time for their marriage relationship. Of course as parents, it is your obligation to take care of your kids but you are forgetting that kids are happier when their parents are happy and the environment at home is pleasant. When your marriage relationship is out of order, your kids becomes out of order…they are unhappy and can possibly develop some syndrome in their growing years. Someone has said that one of the surest ways to bring an end to marital intimacy is to have children. I do not agree with this statement at all. Our attitude while having a family should be maintaining marital intimacy a challenge. It doesn’t have to spell an end to intimacy. Children are blessing from the Lord, but they also demand a lot of time. Most Christian couples work for a living and also tend to other life responsibilities
including those at church and with friends and extended family. Finding intimacy or trying to work out a relationship is not easy, but I can tell you from experience that it can be done. My father played golf for 50 years; it really kept him physically fit. He finds enjoyment in that, and there are other things he enjoyed doing with his friends. He loved walking and breathing fresh air. He did not play golf because there is no fulfillment in his relationship with Mom. Golf is not a substitute for his marriage fulfillment. Whenever you are trying to find fulfillment in other ways, without realizing that when crises comes and it happens… that is if he gets laid off or when its time to retire and the kids are grown up and leaves home, and there is only you two who are strangers left in the house, who has ceased to relate long ago, what do you think will happen? There is no place for substitutes in marriage relationship. Love one another and put each other first in your life. No substitute, no replacement,” “no other image” but your spouse
Exodus 20:7
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain…”
2. I Shall Speak Well About You Verse 7 says, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.” God is saying, “If you want to have a good relationship with Me, speak well of me.” Watch your words. In fact, the phrase “in vain” means empty, meaningless, insincere, not showing due respect. Whenever you speak superficially or lightly about someone, it weakens your respect for them. Mature love can withstand every trial thrown its way. It lasts through
out the years—but only through choosing to do the work necessary to make it grow. One basic principle that can help your love grow into mature love you desire, is to speak word of blessings to your partner, and do it consistently. The word blessing comes from a combination of three terms: will, well, and word. So to speak a blessing on each other, we speak a willing word and a well word. This produces healing and soothes any scars brought on by conflict. Far too often, words flow from the mouths with little thought behind them. We say things that hurt our spouse before we realize it. In mar-
riage, words can be enriching or it can be damaging, depending on the kind of words that you speak. Some couples fall into the bad habit of belittling one another in the presence of others. They cut one another down, sometimes in a joking manner in a crowd, making it sound funny but insulting. They may laugh and appear to be good sports at first—but after a while, such behavior makes one think if that was a joke or its out of the abundance of the heart. In the Book of Proverbs says: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those that indulge in it will eat its fruit for life or for death.” Sometimes we say habitual negative comments without realizing we are regularly planting negative seeds, that sooner or later we will harvest the fruit of it. God says: “Whatever a man sows, that shall he reap…” You sow the wind; and, eventually, you will reap the whirlwind. Build your spouse up with words. Be lavish with your praise. There is a saying “Praise is a Many Splendor Thing” It means--- be creative because there are countless ways of praises, verbal and nonverbal ways.
Nonverbal praise might include your body language, the way you look at each other, your gestures. A smile or a loving look can do wonders in reassuring your spouse of your genuine love. A short note of “I love you,” a phone call in the middle of the day. Be creative! In the book of James, it says: that the tongue is like the rudder of a ship. The rudder determines which way the ship is going to go. Some people, the ship of their marriage is headed towards a disaster. Pars and I have been in the presence of some people we couldn't wait to get away from. They just cut each other to ribbons with their words, and you just don't even like to be in their presence. A relationship like that will eventually go over the falls. Is it Niagara Falls? I will share a little story with you and then we will move on to the next one. Pars and I were in a conference, oh, ten years ago. I couldn't help noticing there was this husband and wife and their two teen-age boys. The boys were sitting, taking notes for two hours and forty-five minutes. This is amazing; most kids would be shooting papers and just slapping
each other. Two hours and forty minutes… gosh no way! I was so fascinated with this family and with the discipline of these boys and it seemed they have that hunger for the word of God at a young age and being able to sit and listen. I couldn’t help myself and I asked Pars to join me and meet this family. So we met the husband and wife, and I said, “What is your secret? Your boys, we watched them sit here for two hours and forty-five minutes, they weren't fighting with each other.” I was astounded at what the mother said: “Well, our key is, we just teach them to speak the right kind of words. Sometimes they fight like all siblings do; but when they do, we make them stop and face each other and say, “You are my brother. I love you. I wouldn't hurt you.” And we make them speak words of life to each other. And the father said, “It works like magic.” That was the phrase he used. Then I talked to the boys, they were so gracious and respectful. We learned something from this family. When we do counseling, we make the couples face each other and say positive things to each other. At first there is always great resistance--- what else could it be?--pride. “I’m not going to do it” he
says. “It’s just like pulling my teeth.” But after submitting to this procedure, you can see the expression of their faces change after hearing positive love words from each other. Then we end up the session by asking them to forgive each other, hug and I say a short closing prayer for them. This method has been very fruitful. We have seen couples fight like cats and dogs. They are at each other's throats right there in a counseling session. They are arguing and fighting with one another. And, believe me, I've seen that more times than I care to remember. We usually start the session by asking questions such as “Why did you marry each other?” “Well, we loved each other.” “Do you still love each other now?” “I don’t know.” is the common response. After the session, we ask them if they really want to be helped and save their marriage, and there is one condition-- they need to cooperate; there must be mutual interest and decision to make it work out, not on their own power, but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Their first assignment is to speak positive love words to one another all week long. We ask them to come back and see us in a week. The ones that we can get to
agree to do their assignment, usually come back, and thy look like two heads stuck on one body. And miraculously, their relationships turn around because their speech turned around. Don't underestimate the power of your words, my brothers and sisters. Read the account in Genesis. God created the world with words. God said, and it was; God said, and it was. God said it… it happened; God said it… it happened…until the world was formed. God made man in His own image and in His own likeness with the ability to speak words: atmospherecreating words, life-changing words, and also we are capable of speaking negative words, so be careful! Use your tongue only with words that can build up. Don't underestimate the power of your speech. Make this a motto: “I will speak well about you” ____________________________ Exodus 20:8 “Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy…” _____________________________
3. I Shall Have Exclusive Time with You In Verse 8 it says: “Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. 9Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Now the word “Sabbath” literally means intermission, rest, to cease from labor, to put down your work. As if God is saying, “If you want a long- term relationship with Me, we need to have time together. A special time, an exclusive time, and an extravagant time together.” This is the kind of relationship God is asking for himself. If you can do this to God whom you do not see, then it would be easier for us to do this to our spouse whom we see. Once we develop this kind of rela-
tionship with God everything follows. And it will not happen if you don't plan it and make it a high priority in your schedule. So many times couples are trying to squeeze one another into their busy schedules. “Well, dear, I can be with you next Thursday between 4:00 and 4:34, maybe 4:40. That ought to give us time to have a really vulnerable, meaningful conversation. I'll attend to this in five days, talk to you later!” We can attend to our other schedules: time with friends, sports, clean the car, on with your internet, whatever, while the spouse gets a few “left over time.” God is saying, If we are going to walk together, if we are going to have a relationship, if you are going to be My own special treasure, I want your time. Have you heard of this fallacy, “Well, we don't spend quantity time together, we just spend quality time together.” Baloney! That’s my father’s favorite expression. Quality time comes out of quantity time. The more you spend time together with quality time the better, but you need to schedule it; you have to make it happen. We all know what busy is? Yeah, all of us do. I mean, you have
kids, you have your job, you have every other thing in the world. But you have to make your time with your spouse a priority. You have to have an exclusive time with each other. It's important that you date often if you want your relationship to grow. God is like saying: If you want a good relationship with Me, you need to show these characteristics. And in a marriage these are qualities that you need to look for. _____________________________ Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father, and your mother that your days may be long…” ____________________________
4. I Shall Honor and Love You “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” To honor your father and your mother, God is just basically telling us that we must be grateful. Generally, but certainly not in all cases; parents put much time and energy and love and money in raising their children
And it is tragic when a child is ungrateful. William Shakespeare said, “How sharper than ant's tooth it is to have a thankless child.”
you don’t get stressed out with anything especially with the person who lives with you, hopefully for a lifetime, you will have a long life.
Try to observe somebody that is ungrateful towards their parents and feels no responsibility towards them, I guarantee you that will color every other area of their life, as well. They are selfish, and they feel like the world owes them a living. Just like the hippies, they go pick up their welfare check and their food stamps, and they get their test results from the free clinic... and they have to do it in a hurry because they have to make it in time for the demonstration against the “establishment.” You know what I’m talking about.
I remember a movie I watched. Here is the father of the groom waving to the newlyweds saying, “Remember son, happy wife, happy life.” Because he is the father of the groom, he was giving advice to his son. He was concerned about their relationship to last. He knows that when one “honors” it also means respect; there will be a happy, wholesome relationship.
Some people feel like the world revolves around them. It's all about “my” needs. “You are not meeting my needs.” It is very difficult to have a relationship with an ungrateful, selfish person. If you want to have a good marriage, you have to give. You have to be a servant. It's not about, my needs aren't being met, my needs… my needs… my needs...! There must be a give and take and not to take each other for granted. We need to put much time and energy for the happiness of each other. “Honor and love each other that your days may be long.” When
______________________________ Exodus 20:13 “You shall not kill.” ____________________________
5. I Shall Not Kill Your Happiness “Kill” is a heavy word, but we don’t realize that in our daily existence, we are guilty of this unknowingly. “I can’t kill anyone, not even an ant!” Did you ever say nasty words to your neighbor, to your children, to your wife? Did you kill the joy and happiness of your spouse, the expectations, the dreams, and aspirations?
Did you murder your marriage relationship which ended in divorce? Were you ever angry and violent? In Matthew 5:21, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago. You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.” If you are going to have a good, healthy, lasting marriage, you need to learn to be gentle. People who are easily angered, who are violent or have an explosive temper, react like the “incredible hawk,” these destroy relationships. Try to observe when you go to some people’s house, and there are holes in the doors; holes in the walls, something wrong is going on. Sooner or later, you will hear they have divorced. And it is not always the guys with the temper. Some women go ballistic with very little provocation... throwing things, cursing, swearing, hitting. It happens. Listen, young lady, if you are dating someone that blows up easily, loses his temper while driving down the freeway with him, somebody cuts him off, and he rolls down the window and... (growls a bunch of words or gives the ‘dirty finger and
makes you cry often; you better take that as a warning sign, baby! You better not marry somebody with that temper. On the other hand, if you are a person who cannot control your temper, you better learn to control yourself or the devil will control you. Watch your anger. It erodes the foundation of relationships. The only way to control anger is to put on the wisdom of God. The bible says “Man’s wisdom is foolishness to God.” And God is saying, love your enemy, forgive that you may understand the weaknesses of others. Science is able to show that the male and female brain work very differently. Men and women differ not only in their physical attributes and reproductive function but also in the way they think, react, and how they solve intellectual problems. Rather than foolishly despise your partner’s uniqueness, delight in it. Even verbally abuse or anything that consequently brings pain emotionally or mentally is a violation of this commandment. Thinking less of oneself and more of your spouse’ welfare will bring considerable good effect on your relationship.
Exodus 20:1
“You shall not commit adultery.” ________________________
6. I Shall Be Faithful to You Verse 15 says: “You shall not commit adultery.” With God, that is putting other things... people... before Him; spiritual adultery... dabbling in the occult or other religions. And it is quite obvious in marriage; it would be hardpressed to imagine anything more damaging than adultery. Be faithful not only in action, but in thoughts. Today we don’t have to wander outside to see our “Bathsheba.” Our own work environments or neigh
borhood might provide a “rooftopThere is a great struggle for men in their lustful thoughts towards an attractive or charming coworker and same struggle with neighbor, family friend, or associate. Men need only to drive to the nearest town with the so-called “men’s club” featuring female bodies on display and there is also an increasing number of clubs for women where male dancers leave little to the imagination. But perhaps our closest equivalent to David staring Bathsheba is watching the screen in the
computer; gazing, contemplating, and fantasizing over what we are viewing. With the arrival of the Internet we don’t even have to leave the confines of our home. Again, Jesus expands on this in Matthew chapter 5. “You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Having a lustful, exploitive disposition will choke a marriage. Love gives but lust takes; love serves, but lust demands; love nourishes, but lust chokes. Sex should be enjoyed in marriage. It is a gift from God. It is wonderful. But listen to me: Lust without love has no place even in marriage. It will hurt a marriage. It can destroy a relationship. You commit adultery and unfaithfulness not only in action but in thoughts, and in words. Be faithful to one another because unfaithfulness obliterate trust then love decays. Adultery usually has negative effects. An affair is one of the most
painful experiences the jilted spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is also very painful for the children. Friends and members of the extended family are usually hurt as well. However, the unfaithful common effects of adultery/cheating spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. They are left with feelings of depression, guilt, and humiliation. Billy Graham said: "How many homes are broken because of men and women who are unfaithful! What sin is committed every day at this point. God will not hold you guiltless! There is a day of reckoning. 'Be sure your sin will find you out' (Numbers 32:23). ____________________________ Exodus 20: 15 “You shall not steal.”
7. I Shall Be a Person of Integrity “You shall not steal." In other words, be a person of integrity. If you are always cheating, lying, cutting corners, that sort of thing, it will be hard for your spouse to respect and trust you.
Your uprightness of character should make your partner feel proud about you. The idea we get here is that a person of integrity is real. They do what they say they will do. People who have integrity are honest, sincere, they have it all together. The word “integrity” comes from the same root word as integration. People who have integrity have integrated their faith into their life.
friends and business associates. I will only consider and trust them for as long as I don’t catch them lying, not even once! ________________________ Exodus 20:16 “You shall not bear False witness Against your neighbor”. _____________________________
In Matthew 23, Jesus speaks seven woes to the Pharisees. The problem of the Pharisees was that they were hypocrites, they had no integrity. They would say one thing in public and do another in private. Integrity is not what we say or do, but it is who we are, what we are. Integrity goes to the bottom of our heart. What we say and do comes from the heart, and defines who we are. It's been said that if we will take care of our character, our reputation will take care of itself.
In the eighth commandment, God forbids us to detract in any way from our neighbor’s honor or reputation. It is our good reputation that keeps us well-thought of and well-spoken among our fellowmen. “A good name is more desirable than great riches, high esteem than gold and silver” (Proverbs. 22:1)
I personally can forgive my husband for any faults and be able to forget, but the moment he lies to me, I absolutely will never trust his word again. This is part of our covenant with each other and with our children, “Tell the truth and we will forget your fault.” This is also my criterion with my relationship with
Husband and wife are no longer two but one. I am not saying that they need to be inseparable or be together physically all the time; however they need to be together in their hearts. What is important to her is important to him. What troubles one, troubles the other. When she is insulted, he is hurt, when he is insulted, she
8. I Shall Not Ruin Your Reputation
is hurt. In simple language, I will not ruin your good name because whatever they say against you will be reflected on me. But sometimes when we are hurt we tell our friends about our discontentment, about our arguments, without realizing, it‘s already a gossip. Do you know there are five kinds of Gossip? The first gossip is the ―angry gossip;‖ the second is the ―envious gossip,” then the ―honest gossip,‖ the ―insecure gossip,” and finally the ―entertaining gossip.”
Sometimes the wife or husband is so insecure that they tell things about their private life to get the attention of others and be liked by their friends. This is the insecure gossip. Have you noticed that telling things about your spouse entertains others in parties and gatherings? Yes, you become the life of the party in the expense of your partner‘s reputation. Your spouse embarrassment is yours as well, and that is entertaining gossip. These are the five gossips that can ruin the reputation of your marriage partner.
Angry gossip, is telling others about the defects of your spouse when you are angry; when one is envious, I recommend strategically spread tendency is to tell others that your ―good reports‖ about your spouse. mate is stupid, and lazy and other Say some good things to a friend or lies about personality and achieverelative but be sure it is genuine, be ments. Have you heard this phrase, sure you are acting to build up your ―I am not gossiping, I am just tellspouse. Don‘t let selfish motives ing the truth nothing but the truth‖ find their way into your praise in ―Do you know that my wife had an order to gain some personal benefit. extreme make over or my husband We need to praise our partner both is wearing a wig and he has false in words and action. teeth?‖ That is honest gossip! _________________________
Exodus 20: 17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife,…
9. I Shall be Contented with You Don't be discontented with what you have. Don't make what you don't have the focus of your life. Accentuate what you do have and what God has blessed you with. Learn to appreciate your spouse's strengths, and celebrate one another's strengths and quit thinking about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. That is a misleading notion. It‘s nothing but spray-painted green…got me! So many times people are busy comparing their spouses with others.
Forget the comparisons; it will kill your relationship. Do your best to help cultivate those strengths and bring them out rather than look at what you don't have. ―Oh, I wish you were like him. He leads the Bible study.‖ ―Why can't you be like her? Why can't you be a submissive wife like her?‖ Let‘s practice seeing only the good things in our spouse, and there will be no regrets. I tell you, God can resurrect a dead love. Make Jesus Christ the center of your marriage, and He can turn
things around. He can make a good marriage better; He can also make a bad marriage good.
Exodus 20: 17 “…You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.” __________________________
10. I Shall Be Thankful for What I Have It is not forbidden to wish to have a house like my neighbor‘s house or a car like his or even a woman just like his wife. What is forbidden, I think, is to want his car or his wife, her house or her husband. It is all right to want to have a big house. It is forbidden to want to live in someone else‘s house or life. I am commanded to be me, not you or her. I am forbidden to covet your place, to wish to be you.‖ There is power in praise and if only you and your spouse will devotedly count your blessings daily, you will realize how blessed you are.. You will not desire to have more than what you need and be contented and thankful for what you have. Greed is one of the capital sins. Because of greed couples end up divorced
when they push themselves into quicksand of debt. Many husbands and wives mislead themselves about material possessions, and they neglect to consider many things in their marriage that are more valuable than gold. So they slosh further out into the swamp of debt, thinking it is a normal lifestyle. This is the result of wishing for what others have and cannot be contented of what they have. Somewhere along the way, they sputter, ―but…but…,‖ then it‘s too late. The quicksand of debt pulls them down and the marriage dies. Be thankful for what you have! Don‘t be greedy. Material success had indeed been at hand with me, but there was still no inner joy and peace in my heart. Life begun to be more comfortable for my family and I, and yet I was not happy. One day while praying, I thought of all the things in my life which I should be thankful and grateful. I thought of the good health my family and I are enjoying. For my wonderful husband who loves and cares for us; for all my dreams of success realized; my friends and all the people who sincerely care about us; our faith and our community. I started dwelling on these blessings and considered how richly blessed I am and instantly I was energized
and propelled my life towards greater joy and fulfillment. Consider counting your blessings, and be thankful for all of them and find real happiness within!
CHAPTER TWO
The Power of the Resurrection in Marriage ___________________
Introduction ______________________
What was the Law? The Law, given through Moses, which is the Ten Commandments, was a divinely un-instituted code of life by which Israel was governed. This covered the spiritual and moral code and was the basis of the whole law. They can be divided into two main categories. The first three dealt with Israel‘s relationship and attitude towards God. The following seven dealt with the relationships and attitudes towards one another. Jesus summed up all Ten Commandments in one—LOVE. When Paul speaks of the ―Law‖ he is dealing with the basic principles that was contained in the covenant
God made with Israel; that is, if they OBEYED and fulfilled all the Law they would find right standing with God. Paul‘s purpose has been to prove that NO MAN has ever found righteousness through the Law--not because there was anything wrong with the Law itself, but because of the basic nature of sin that is within man. In Romans chapter 7:14-19, he tells us what it‘s like living under the Law. “We know the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin…For I have the desire to do what is good. But I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing.” Paul is trying to tell us that we have a sinful nature, which is unspiritual. The carnal man, even how much he desires to do good, he cannot carry out to do what he knows is right. He still does what is evil. The Law presented only God‘s high standard of righteousness, but imparted no power to fulfill it. Just as the law of a state may stipulate a certain speed limit for driving, but that law has no power within itself to make a person drive at that speed. It can only convict the law-breaker.
The Purpose of the Law If the Law, then, is powerless to give man righteousness, why did God give it to Israel? Paul gives the answer: ―…..Through, the Law we become conscious of sin.‖ Therefore God gave the Law to act as mirror. When you look into a mirror and see that our face is dirty, we don‘t pick up the mirror and rub our faces with it to try to get clean. Its purpose is simply to show us that we need cleaning, but we go to another source—the water—to actually be made clean. This was the purpose of the Law—to reveal sin, to show us our need of cleansing, and to point us to the One who could make us clean—Jesus Christ, the Savior who would come. The Law was given because of necessity. Between the promise to Abraham and the coming Jesus, was a period of 2,000 years, so God gave the Law as a temporary covenant to act as guidelines for the people of Israel. But the Law also fulfilled an important function; it revealed sin for what it really is. The good news of the Gospel is that, God sent Jesus to take our judgment. We were not only sinners, but powerless sinners— powerless to save ourselves and to
change ourselves. And so on the cross Jesus became for us everything that we could not be. He didn‘t just save us, He became salvation for us. As we have seen, our SIN were dealt with by Christ‘s identification with us—as my SUBSTITUTE, dying for me. It is by our identification with Christ--He is my Representative dying as me. In other words, as the Father looked down upon the Cross at His Son, He saw ME being put to death. I was taken down off the Cross and buried in the tomb. I went to the depths of hell and suffered the awfulness of total separation from God. I then rose triumphantly over all the powers of darkness and sin. I ascended into heaven and sat down at the right hand of the Father, because I was in Christ! All the ordinances were fulfilled in His sacrifice on the cross of Calvary and His Resurrection. He is the mediator of the New Covenant in which God promised to put His Law in our minds and write it on our hearts, in other words, in the New Covenant He imparts the POWER to fulfill all righteousness. Man has desired to walk on the moon for many centuries, but the law of gravity has held him back. In 1969, he finally achieved his desire and Neil Armstrong took the first step on the moon. What made it possible? Somehow he had to be
set free from the law of gravity. The answer is to put him in a rocket with a power greater than the earth‘s law – a power which would shoot him right out of that law into a new dimension.
inner reality in every individual not an outer knowledge.
In the same way, the resurrection of Jesus Christ is the power which ―rockets‖ us out of the law of sin and death, and brings us into a new dimension—a dimension where the Spirit of life is now the law for power which operates in our lives. Following the resurrection, Jesus told His disciples “I am going to send you what my Father has promised...” He sent the Holy Spirit to do the parenting work to bring us to maturity. The Spirit lives on the inside, working everyday to cause the salvation we have received, to be worked out into every area of our lives. The Holy Spirit is the guarantee that the Gospel works. He acts as a witness that we have been born into God‘s family. When Christ died on the Cross, He released us from the old way of effort. We now live the Christian life in ―the new way of the Holy Spirit.‖
The moment we say ―I do‖ we enter into a covenant relationship with our marriage partner and with God. Just like the 10 Commandments given to Moses, these ―Ten Commandments of Marriage‖ will act as a diagnostician, probing and revealing the unhealthy aspects of your marital relationship. Let us consider this a code of life, the basis on how to govern our actions as a married couple. The strength of this relationship will depend on its foundation which is LOVE.
The Holy Spirit is called the ―Spirit of grace‖. Grace is the total empowering of the Holy Spirit, and it is the key to the whole Gospel. It is the Holy Spirit—the Spirit of grace—who makes the Gospel an
The Marriage Covenant
If each partner will try to obey and fulfill all the ten, they will be able to achieve their goals---to love and to cherish, till death do us part. But do you really think it is humanly possible to follow all the ―I shall‖ and the ―don‘ts‖ and ―dos?‖ As Paul is saying we have this human nature, which is always opposed to God. But the whole Christian life is moving toward one special goal: the likeness of Christ Himself. The focus of our lives is very important. The Gospel was specifically designed to change our focus from ourselves to God. We have been raised with Christ, yet so
many married couples have their eyes still fixed to the ground. They have returned to the old focus of self-effort. Self-effort cannot do anything to change you in God‘s sight, even if you do succeed to change some of your behavior, your most serious problem—self dependence—has not changed. Faith changes our focus from self to God. Instead of fixing our eyes on the problems, we must focus on the Lord Himself and our faith then releases God‘s grace to begin the actual work of change in our lives. It is important that a married couple be born again in the renewal of their mind, and be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to coach them to follow whatever principles that they learn from the Bible or from any books that they read. It is almost impossible to work on a relationship if Christ is not the Lord of their lives. As the Holy Spirit reveals an area of our life which still conforms to our old self, we are to put off the old self and put on the new self. This, however, is a decision in grace, not a decision in self-effort. It happens through a renewing of our mind. As the Holy Spirit reveals the truth of the Gospel, He conforms our thinking to the truth of His Word. Salvation covers everything, spirit soul and body. God saved us; He is saving us and will continue saving
us in the future. He is the hope of our marital relationship. He is a part of our marriage covenant. He is the mediator of the covenant we entered into with our marriage partner. He puts the law of our vows in our minds and through the Holy Sprit‘s power the moment it sinks deep in our hearts, He imparts the POWER to fulfill our sacred vows to one another. This is what I am trying to achieve in this article, ―The Ten Commandments of God for Marriage,‖ that as the Holy Spirit reveals the areas of your life that needs to be changed and eventually like a tree you will grow into maturity and your frame of mind will change. Your heart will be like the heart of Jesus who can love unconditionally, and once you have changed that heart of stone into a heart of flesh, you will have the nature and wisdom of God, no longer the wisdom of the world. And as you unite yourself with Christ‘s sufferings, you will experience the depths of suffering which genuinely consoles and encourages those who are suffering. To be like Christ means to be like Him in attitude and motivation, in the way He would act and react to people. Christ‘s response to people and their problems was very different from our response to others.
Adam in the Garden of Eden chose to partake from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil instead of the Tree of Life which represented the life of God Himself. It offered the highest expression of life—God‘s love, wisdom and power. It imparted the fullness of God‘s nature. There was no wisdom in the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil; it was just the knowledge between right and wrong. Without the full complement of God‘s nature, the knowledge of good and evil is the most destructive thing in this world. Every argument, every divorce, every war has been started because of this ability to judge between right and wrong. Every person in every argument believes that they are right and that the other person is wrong, if they didn‘t, they wouldn‘t fight. The warning label on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is exactly the same today. The knowledge of right and wrong without the ‗Wisdom‖ of God is futile. “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” (Colossians 1:2122)
Through the blood of Christ, shed on the Cross, we now have peace with God. Another way of saying this is that we have been ―justified‖ by His blood. Justification means that all of the court records in heaven that were against us have been wiped clean. We no longer have a record. There is no longer any judgment hanging over our heads. All the records of our past hurts with our spouse can be wiped out, by the power of the Resurrection of Christ through the Holy Spirit‘s intervention. How can we deal with the imperfections, flaws, and sins that take within our marriage? The operative word has to be ―Forgiveness.‖ We need to cultivate a lifestyle of forgiveness, and unconditionally. Relationship is number one problem of our society. We need a supreme power working within us to be able to submit to one another. There is hope because God is giving us opportunities to move forward in life and He desires that we grow and reach our potentials. Anytime you try to step forward, the enemy will try to bring opposition and adversity against you. But remain standing on your ground and keep doing what you know is right. Keep on praying, reading the Bible,
going to church and walking in love and forgiveness. Follow the examples of Jesus and let your words and actions bring life to those around you, your spouse and kids. Focus more on loving than proving our
point. As you honor one another and lay your own opinions aside, you‘ll discover a level of peace, and rest you‘ve never experienced before. Alleluia!