Apeiron Review | Issue 18

The Old Greeting Card Sunayna Pal Dad left us on 11-11-11. He was fond of being unique and stylish. I can see how he must have negotiated with God for that date. Although stylish, he was a reserved man. I sometimes wonder what must have happened to him to be this way.

We didn’t have the best relationship. Sometimes, it breaks my heart to see my hubby play with my son and to think that I never got that and never will. Things weren’t always so, I think I got busy with college in my teenage years, and he didn’t take any effort. We had become so weird around each other that one day I was coming from my office and he was out for a walk. We crossed roads but didn’t look each other in the eye.

In 2010, he complained of constant headaches for some time. On investigation, the doctor confirmed a malignant tumor in the brain. I was planning to study further, so I decided to leave my work to stay at home and be there for him and concentrate on my studies. During this time, I saw a softer and also a weaker side of him. It was scary and weird, but we slowly learned how to deal with each other. A part of me forgave him for nothing he had done.

After he was gone and after the emptiness became bearable, I cleaned his cupboards. It was a warm evening, and I thought I had finished everything. Then, I saw the black suitcase. It was his most valued thing in the house as it had all his important documents.

Almost every morning, as the sunlight filtered through the trees, the suitcase would open, and he would be closed to the world. He would sit with his tea on one side and the suitcase on the other. I had learned not to disturb him during this time.

During his illness, I must have opened it a few times to take out a checkbook or fixed deposit papers, but I never looked around. I was afraid that even in his illness, he would understand what I was doing and scold me. I remember, as a child, I wasn’t even allowed to touch it.

I think I subconsciously kept it for the last. I picked it up and sat on the edge of my dad’s bed. It opened with a slight creak which I had never heard before. I located the important paper file and kept them aside. I went ahead to see what else was there in the suitcase. I touched the vinyl pocket but drew my hand back. I looked at my dad’s empty bed, took a sigh and went ahead. I found some old visiting cards.

Some manuals of machines I didn’t even know we possessed.

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