HER ADVICE

ADVICE

“TAKE TIME TO C.A.R.E.”

BY CHRISTY JONES

Hello my dear friend, happy May! As you know, the focus for this month’s issue is mental health. This topic is one that is probably one of the dearest to my heart ships that I was building. I was stretched completely thin, but, at that time, I did not notice myself breaking inwardly. I was struggling to set boundaries because I was used to just accepting whatever came because I have been privileged to be professionally trained as a marriage and family therapist. I fell in love with the field of mental health because I believe that it is an important part of each of our lives that deserves the utmost attention and respect. I want to share a personal story with you that I hope will encourage you as you reflect upon and think about your own mental health and what it means for you to take care of yourself.

When I was about 21, I experienced a very traumatic mental health challenge that caused me to have to take an extended break from a lot of projects and even people so that I could focus on getting myself together. I was involved in several work projects, community outreach initiatives as well as relationmy way and handling it no matter what. I was not resting properly. I was not eating nutritiously. I did not have time to exercise. All I was doing was working. I was burning the candle at both ends, as they say, until one day the candle was almost burned out. I remember being the leader of a particular project, and it was time for me to execute, I had done absolutely nothing on that project for months. I stood in the front of the person I was reporting to and just started crying uncontrollably. My thoughts were racing, my heart was pounding furiously, and I could not utter any words. I was not myself. It took my leader by surprise because she had never seen me fall apart like this, but I was under so much pressure that I just simply could not handle one other thing! I collapsed to the floor and held my face in my hands and sobbed until my eyes felt heavier than bricks. I could not get myself together. She looked at me, picked me up in her arms and held me as I tried to collect myself. She said to me, “Christy, you need to take a break. You have to go take care of yourself.” Under the collaboration plan with my therapist, about a week after that experience, I reached out to my sister who was living in Texas and asked her if I could come and stay with her for a while because I needed to get myself together. She purchased a plane ticket for me, and I left the state of North Carolina for close to two months. I disconnected totally from everything and everyone and I spent time “refilling my cup.” That was a pivotal moment in my life and since that moment (20 plus years ago), I have made it my priority to take care of myself, especially my mental health. During that time, I did not have a self-care plan. I did not even consider my energy level or even the power of nourishing my mind and taking care of my emotions. I did not think that that was even necessary or important. Because I am a “people-pourer” (a term I made up), at that time, I just thought that it was my responsibility to help everyone and do all within my power to empower others. Now, that is still very relevant to who I am as a person, a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a coach, and a leadership development strategist. The difference is I have learned this one vital lesson: I cannot pour from an empty cup! In order for me to have some-

thing to give to others and pour into others, I am responsible for engaging in activities that help me to stay full and fill my personal cup! I want to encourage you, my sister-friend, take time to C.A.R.E. CCount your blessings daily — Start each day with gratitude. Think about the good things and the good people that you are fortunate enough to have access to in your life. Meditate on things that are good, pure, lovely and of good report! Think about how blessed your life really is because there are people whose life circumstances may not be as good as yours! AAssess and adjust often — It is important to understand where you are in your life and what stage, season, or state of life you may be in. What worked when you were 20 may not prove to be the best strategy for you now that you are 40. Life is all about adjustments. When I was 25, there were things I did to “fill my cup” that will not work for me now. I constantly assess and adjust. I ask myself: “At this stage of my life, what do I need?” Consider asking yourself the same question. RRecharge and rest often — One of the things I learned from the experience that I shared with you is to plan recharge and rest time along the way! The mistake I made was to keep going and going and going until I was no longer able to go! My “get up and go had got up and gone.” (This is something my father used to say.) It was and still is imperative for me to take recharging and resting “pit stops” along the way of my journey to give myself a moment and not just wait until a big moment to stop and recharge! EEmpty your environment — It is so easy to get overwhelmed, and life gets cluttered. So much can be happening all at one time. For me, it is imperative to do brain dumps often, to journal and capture thoughts, to declutter my space often, to abstain from things that could cause my body not to function optimally, to unplug from the phone and computer so that I can be present with my family and to just be quiet and think. My environment is critical to my ability to maintain my mental health.

My friend, I hope that this month you will take time to assess where you are and if you need help to reorder your life so that your mental health is functioning at its optimal level, I encourage you to get the help you need! Know that you are cared for and the team here with the HER Magazine are supporting you and rooting for you each day. Until next time, take time to C.A.R.E.!

Christy Jones, also know as Coach Chris, is an improvement coach for leaders and helps them break free from feeling overwhelmed and prepares them to take their teams to high levels of performance. Contact her at www.beginmonday.com.