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M O MS ’
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From My Heart Dear Readers, We all have gone through different circumstances in our lives. Some have left happy memories, but some have been challenging and painful. Although I treasure the happy experiences, I can’t deny that my painful experiences are the ones that have taught me to walk with God, to value myself, to consider others and to be strong. In this quarter’s issue, we decided to write about women who have been through tough times, but who have worked their way through them, to have a better tomorrow. Their stories show that God can turn the direction of someone’s life from misery to peace and freedom. Yes, God did it for them and He can do it for you! Only God can give us a makeover to the max! Evelyn Damian, Editor
Reader’s Letter Myrna Celada-Goseso says about Moms, “Dati po hindi ako marunong maghandle ng sahod ko pero nong nabasa ko ang isang article sa MOMS Magazine na How to Save Money don po nabuksan ang isipan ko na hindi dapat maging waldas instead kailangan mong magsave out of your income, kaya mula noon, by God’s grace may Sari-sari Store na po kami at the same time naging dalawa na house namin. Hindi na po ako palaging nasa mall kasi po ‘yun ang sakit ko noon, ‘yung impulsive buying.”
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CHICKA-CHICKA
Flying Solo: Experiences of a Single Mother
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MONEY-MONEY
Is Honesty still the Best Policy?
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Budgeting—How I Learned It!
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MAKE A DIFFERENCE
From a “Woman of the World” to a “Woman of the Word”
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What the Bible Says ...
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FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING
... Action
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Tests Defined
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Recipes
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ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
Just Asking
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MOMS
MAGAZ INE
To Start a Relationship with Christ Admit you have sinned. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
MOMS Editorial Staff (L-R): Patrick, Alvin, Evelyn, Kim & Johnson.
MOMS EDITORIAL STAFF Chief Editor Kimberly Snider Editor, MOMS Evelyn Damian Editor, MIP Alvin Tud Distribution Johnson Li Cover & Layout Patrick Tan ASIA PACIFIC
MEDIA Thank you for your financial help! • • • • • •
Believe in Jesus. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish; but have eternal life.” John 3:16b Confess and leave your sin behind. Stop sinning. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 To continue growing in your relationship with Christ, fellowship with other believers, read the Bible and pray!
Friend from Solano, Nueva Viscaya Friend from Olongapo City Friend from Cauayan, Isabela Friend from Buting, Pasig City Christ the Great Shepherd UEC-Zamboanga City
We need a little help from our friends... MOMS has no subscription price; it is supported completely through contributions. We distribute 58,000 copies each quarter for free. To help support this publication, send cash or check made payable to: Asia Pacific Media Ministries FAO MOMS. To make a direct deposit, use our BPI, C/A #2431-0042-27. All contributions are used entirely for the outreach of this publication. Thank you!
MOMS/MIP Creative Team 2014: Top row (L-R): Nathan, Joshua, Jesse, Revo. Second row: Jeanne, A.M., Rikka, Grace, Baby. Not in the picture: Hazel and Gem.
Published quarterly by Asia Pacific Media Ministries. Unit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center, 1605 Pasig City, Philippines. Telephone: 914-9767. E-mail: moms@apmedia.org. Reproduction of photos and articles is prohibited without permission.
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C H I C KA - C H I C KA
Flying Solo: Experiences of a Single Mother by Gema Viana
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t was extremely difficult! I didn’t know how to begin raising my children on my own. Financially, it was overwhelming. Whenever my kids had school activities, I noticed they envied their school mates who had a complete family. I was not sure how I’d be able to fill in the void left by their father,” said Mhel who became a single mother of three girls who are now 16, 14, and 12. Mhel left her husband when her youngest daughter was just 7 months old. Mhel recalls that they used to live in her parents’ house after getting married but had to move out when her husband and her father had a conflict. Her husband eventually lost his source of livelihood. In order to augment the family income, Mhel would go to her parents’ house where she would take in some contractual sewing jobs. She did this right after giving birth to her youngest daughter. She never imagined that this would be the beginning of the end of their marriage. Mhel’s husband had drinking sessions and brought women to their family home while she was away. Mhel made the decision to separate from her husband after he got involved with different sorts of vices. The last straw was when he started hurting her physically. She did not want her children to grow up in an abusive
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Mhel and her daughters.
relationship. She decided to finally stay at her parents’ house and live there. Moving on Sadly, Mhel’s experience is becoming an all too familiar occurrence. According to Mr. Lito Alcaraz, president of the Confederation of Solo Parents in Bulacan, “What is even more alarming is that the ages of single moms and dads are getting younger.” Younger single parents are at a disadvantage because most have not fully established their careers or had enough experience to handle this crisis without a support system. Mhel is glad that she had a good support system. She now works as a data analyst and does her best to be present at her children’s school activities. She continues to raise her daughters with
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the help of her parents, siblings, and parents-in-law. She feels that one of her biggest challenges is disciplining her children and finding the right balance between being a friend and a parent to them. Her husband is living with another woman and has children with her. Her daughters still maintain a good relationship with their father and even their step siblings. She has forgiven her husband although she has not completely forgotten everything that happened. She knows that her children would be happy to see her and their father together again. Regrettably, she thinks that the issues that caused their break up are still present. She is not closing her doors to a reconciliation but she leaves this all to God and His timing.
and friends as factors that helped her heal emotionally. Learnings Through her experience, Mhel learned the value of heeding the advice of parents and not getting married at a very young age. She admits that she did not heed her parents’ advice and decided to follow her feelings. These are the things that she tries to explain to her daughters. It is her prayer that her daughters will learn from her experiences in love and marriage. Mhel’s fervent wish is to see her daughters finish their college education, have a stable career, and eventually find a good and godly man. To her fellow single mothers, Mhel has this message: “We may not find a perfect partner but we have a perfect God who will not leave us. Let our children be our inspiration to keep moving forward in life. We should also take care of our own well being. Just keep holding on to God, He knows our needs.”
Illustration by Boyd James Mamba
She is thankful, too, that she was able to overcome that painful chapter in her life with a lot of prayer. God became the invisible father to her children and the perfect life partner for her. She credits her involvement in her church activities, and the encouragement of office mates
MAGAZ INE
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Illustration by Boyd James Mamba
M O N EY- M O NE Y
Is Honesty Still the Best Policy? by Hazel A.B. Javier
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he phrase “Honesty is the best policy” is reported to have originally been quoted by an English politician and entrepreneur Sir Edwin Sandys in 1599. Others attribute the phrase to Benjamin Franklin in his publication “Poor Richard’s Almanack” in the 1700’s as well. Fast forward to the present and we are left wondering if such convictions are still intact. From nation-shaking issues to our everyday lives, we struggle in areas of honesty. Here’s a simple illustration: One night while commuting back home, the jeepney driver gave me ten pesos change when my change should have been six pesos. In the dark jeepney,
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nobody would have noticed if the change was more than should have been. Still, it was an honesty check for me. When I called the driver to say that he gave me more and handed him the extra change, he didn’t even utter a word of thanks. It made me think, ‘maybe the driver expected some degree of honesty from his passengers,’ that or he simply didn’t mind losing a few pesos. What do we learn here? Honesty, though neglected by some, is still a responsibility. In what other areas of our life do we take an honesty examination? In our giving to the Lord. In the Bible, Malachi warns that when we withhold giving back to the Lord a portion of what He gave us, we are robbing God. On the other hand, when we give faithfully, He will “throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing...” Continued on the next page
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Budgeting – How I learned It! by Maria Rikka M. Ocena
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kept glancing at my paycheck hoping the figures would change, but I knew they wouldn’t. My heart started to race and my mind began to calculate how we could make this last another fifteen days. Rent, food, allowance and utilities, I felt anxious. Four months before our wedding, my fiancé called me up from Dubai and told me that UAE was in recession and he was going to be laid off. He stayed for two months more to look for another job, but opportunities were scarce. In February 2009, a month before our wedding, he returned to the Philippines with only his back pay in his pocket. In the beginning of our marriage, we struggled to make both ends meet with my income from a faithbased organization. We cried and we prayed - we didn’t know what to do, but I saw great faith in my husband’s eyes and it made all the difference. We started to cut back on our spending. This meant saying no to eating out on weekends, buying DVDs on sale instead of going to movies and avoiding chocolates and chips at the grocery store.
My sister introduced me to ukay-ukay and I have been a fan ever since. We learned to be practical and content, even if we didn’t own the latest gadget or wear branded clothes. And even when money was difficult, we never ceased to give to others who were needy. We decided giving expressed our dependency on God, and we were surprised how God caused us to have enough. Living within our means was humbling, and at times uncomfortable, but having a simple lifestyle helped us stay out of debt. It was during this time that God taught us principles that allowed us to make the most of our peso earning.
Honesty, continued
Paying our taxes correctly is also another aspect. “Give to Caesar what is his,” Jesus admonished. We may think that our taxes aren’t working for us but we must remember law-abiding must start with us. Honesty in money matters is an exercise of faith. When we acknowledge God provides, our mindset won’t be that God is merely watching for our missteps. David in Psalm 25:21 says, “May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in God.”
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by Raquel Alvarez
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ettina Robles, the Marketing Manager and co-owner of Breakthrough Asia Trading, says she grew up having to live on hand-medowns and borrowed things – from books to school bags, to uniforms and shoes. “Little did I know that I would also have to make do with a ‘borrowed’ partner later on in life,” quipped this beautiful lady from across the office table where I was interviewing her. A “woman of the world” turned “woman of the Word” – illustrates Inna’s journey from being a rich man’s mistress toward becoming a woman after God’s own heart. Be inspired as we get to know more about God’s limitless grace and love in this 38-year old’s story of life’s mistakes, deliverance, and hope.
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Can you tell us how you ended up being a mistress? “Oh, I was always against illicit love affairs, and resolved to be the last person to ever be in one. I grew up being the “good girl” of the family—always trying my best to obey my parents. So, needless to say, this was something I never thought would happen to me. I had legit, normal relationships in the past when I was younger. My ‘downfall’ happened when I started working for a textile company at the age of 22. I met the company’s handsome yet married CEO and owner who swept me off my feet. ‘Di na ako nakatanggi. He was everything I felt a man should be. It was the first time in my life I felt so loved by someone who seemed perfect to me, especially since he promised a life full of the things I didn’t have in the past. I was already a Christian when I decided to give in to this forbidden relationship. It was a life-changing
decision that shook my foundations as a follower of Christ. This man—23 years my senior, with a very beautiful wife and lovely children, seemed like a trophy I hoped I could have all to myself eventually. He did a good job of keeping our affair a secret; no one from our company ever really suspected we had a relationship. Our love affair continued for the next 8 years. During the time that you were having a relationship with a married man, what was your life like? In the course of my affair with a married man, my life was a series of extreme emotions. I would be very happy in the arms of my lover one moment and extremely sad each moment he left home for his family. And since I was the ‘hidden’ partner, he definitely spent fewer moments with me than he did with his legal wife and children—which meant I had more sad moments than happy
ones. I couldn’t even demand phone calls after work, or during important holidays like Christmas or Valentine’s Day. I was grateful if we could celebrate Valentine’s or Christmas or his birthday one or two days ahead or later. We couldn’t dine romantically as a couple or watch movies, go to malls or do things together where people might see us, so our ‘together time’ was very limited as well. When we would go out, we couldn’t hold hands as a couple or even be seen walking side by side. It made me see myself as someone not worth flaunting; someone who should be hidden and someone to be ashamed of. It was simply pathetic the way my happiness depended on another human being and my self-worth was reduced to nothing. I was miserable, insecure, and paranoid. It was an endless agony of longing and waiting for the unknown. The Continued on the next page
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DI F F E R EN CE
guilt affected my fellowship with the Lord and with other believers. In the height of my affair, I never took part in any ministry in church. I was insecure emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and even physically. I felt I was always competing with his wife and did everything to stay attractive and beautiful. In short, I felt I always had to ‘work’ for everything—for my lover’s affection, time, approval, and love. What was the turning point? I became pregnant in our 8th year. It was unplanned but that became my turning point. The terror of having to expose my pregnancy when everyone knew I was single and dating nobody made me realize how badly I had grieved the Lord with my adulterous affair, and how distant my heart was from Him. Hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko at sa Panginoon. I wanted to just disappear. So instead of using my baby to demand more time and money from my lover, I resigned from my job and decided to cut ties with him. He provided all that I and my child could ever need, which I had to take—for fear that I couldn’t provide for my child alone. But through it all, my heart wanted to let go of the sinful affair. The long years of entanglement with this man caused me to be so attached to him that learning to let go was not easy. It took being on my knees and “dying to self” daily to finally want to break free. I knew that I needed deliverance. How did God provide a way out? I started attending church services again. Whenever I would miss him, I surrounded myself with God-fearing friends who understood my struggles,
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and they served as my accountability group. The church also allowed me to serve again through the music ministry, and this somehow lessened my longings. Miraculously, God also took away all my fears and slowly enlightened me about how He—not my rich lover—was my ultimate source of security. After some time, communication between this man and I ceased. I started working again and with the help of family and friends, put up my own small business. On my birthday six years ago, I cried out to the Lord and fasted and really begged Him for total deliverance. I told God, “Ayoko na po talaga, palayain Nyo na po kami at patawarin.” Exactly one month after that, my child’s father visited me and my child one last time and then he died. It was painful—but it was the sweetest answered prayer of all.
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I learned that I can never disobey the Lord, have things my way, and still be truly happy.
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M A K E
In the aftermath of things, I felt so blessed by God’s grace and loving kindness that I felt I needed to tell my story to many, especially the women in our church. I found myself being invited to cell groups, prayer meetings, and other fellowships outside our church to share my testimony. Shameful though it was, my testimony served as an eyeopener to those struggling with the same situation, or on the verge of being involved in any form of immorality. Many were convicted by the Lord to give up adulterous relationships. And, both wives and mistresses thanked me. God has not only forgiven me; He used my shame for His glory.
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Do you still plan to get married? Despite the grave mistakes I’ve made, the Lord has delivered me, forgiven me and showered me with favor. I thought to myself, even if I wanted to have another shot at love, I had no right to ask Him for such a favour but years later, I met a pastor. He pursued me and we are now engaged to be married. What important lessons did you learn? I learned that I can never disobey the Lord, have things my way, and still be truly happy. I have also learned that God can write a perfect love story without anybody’s help. It was the complete opposite of what I did—I had to work hard for everything and in the end, my relationship still caused me and a lot of people pain and unhappiness. With the shame I went through, the Lord humbled me to the core, but now I deeply understand how merciful and forgiving our Almighty Father is. He does not condemn, but guides each one of us back to the path of righteousness and truth. God’s love isn’t always pleasurable like the love we get from the world, but as I live, I realized that His way is always right and is perfect.
MAGAZ INE
Ang sinasabi ng Biblia tungkol sa Sex... Dapat igalang ng lahat ang pagsasama ng magasawa at maging tapat kayo sa isa’t isa, sapagkat hahatulan ng Diyos ang mga nakikiapid at nangangalunya. (Mga Hebreo 13:4) Hindi ba ninyo alam na ang mga makasalanan ay walang bahagi sa kaharian ng Diyos? Huwag ninyong dayain ang inyong sarili! Ang mga nakikiapid, sumasamba sa diyus-diyosan, nangangalunya, nakikipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki o kapwa babae, nagnanakaw, sakim, naglalasing, nanlalait ng kapwa, o nandaraya, ay walang bahagi sa kaharian ng Diyos. Huwag kayong makikiapid. Ang ibang kasalanang nagagawa ng tao ay hindi nakaka-apekto sa kanyang katawan, ngunit ang nakikiapid ay nagkakasala laban sa sarili niyang katawan. Hindi ba ninyo alam na ang inyong katawan ay templo ng Espiritu Santo na nasa inyo at ipinagkaloob ng Diyos sa inyo? Hindi na ninyo pag-aari ang inyong katawan; sapagkat binili niya kayo sa isang halaga. Kaya’t gamitin ninyo ang inyong katawan upang maparangalan ang Diyos. (1 Mga Taga-Corinto 6:9-10, 18-20) “Narinig ninyong sinabi, ‘Huwag kang mangangalunya.’ Ngunit sinasabi ko sa inyo, ang sinumang tumingin sa isang babae nang may mahalay na pagnanasa ay nangangalunya na sa babaing iyon sa kanyang puso. (Mateo 5:27-28)
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F IG U RA TI V E L Y
SPEAKI N G
... Action!!! Articles and recipes by Grace C. Felizardo
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lost my brother to COPD and its complications when he was 43. Evidently still in grief, I cannot help but think. Had he taken more decisive action on what he knew - from what he ate to maintaining himself, body and soul, could we still be together today? I think so. He was smart and could have maintained a reasonable quality of life. Unfortunately, he failed to take action. And so my appeal - act on what you know! Determine to live healthy as long as God allows. First, plan your meals. Go for vegetables and fruits. It will take a lot of planning, but it’s doable – switch from refined to whole grains like the healthier brown rice. Opt for fat-free or low-fat dairy products. And whenever possible, instead of meat, eat fish. Conversely, limit your intake of salt, sugar, alcohol, saturated, trans and partially hydrogenated fats. Unhealthy amounts of these are found in chips, pizza, processed and fatty meats. They are also found in cakes, donuts, ice cream, sports and soft drinks. Second, know your ideal weight, get there and stay there. Exercise! Third, do not neglect your basic personal hygiene. Frequent hand washing has been proven to prevent many kinds of diseases, some life-threatening. Many scalp and skin diseases may be avoided by regular bathing. Similarly, you gain from proper tooth brushing and flossing. Fourth, get screened for diseases before you experience symptoms. Early detection yields better chances of cure and survival. Have your blood pressure checked regularly. Know if your total cholesterol, HDL, LDL, triglyceride are within normal levels. Have ECG if something is amiss with your heart. Get screened for blood sugar level, mammography, Pap’s smear, and colonoscopy, especially if diabetes and cancer are prevalent in the family. Also get screened for depression if you have been feeling hopeless. Good nutrition, being active, proper hygiene and early detection of life threatening diseases may take a few hours. But with God’s favor, these may afford us and our loved ones untold joys and many years of life together.
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MOMS
MAGAZ INE
Recipes Dinengdeng with Fried Tilapia
Pan-fried Salmon Fillet
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2 medium size patola, pared and sliced 2” long
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1 tbsp tub margarine
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2-3 eggplant - sliced 2” long
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1 tsp tarragon
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Leaves of 1 bundle saluyot, washed
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700 g Salmon fillet
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Lingayen fish bagoong sauce
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2 cups water
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Crushed small piece of ginger, optional
Heat margarine in a pan until foaming. Add tarragon and salmon. Fry for 30 secs 1 min. Turn and fry the other side. Serve with the juices poured over the salmon.
Boil water. Add bagoong (according to taste) and allow to boil. Add patola, eggplant, and saluyot. Top with fried tilapia. Simmer for 5 minutes. Serve.
Tests Defined Total Cholesterol is composed of High Density Lipoprotein (HDL), Low Density Lipoprotein (LDL), and Triglyceride levels. LDL—Bad Cholesterol: Elevated LDL in the blood can form deposits called “plaque” in the walls of the arteries of the heart and in other organs. It narrows the arteries and limits the blood flow. When the plaque breaks apart, it can cause a heart attack, or (brain) stroke. Thus, LDL is named “bad” cholesterol. HDL—Good Cholesterol looks for cholesterol from the bloodstream, from LDL, and from artery walls and carries it back to the liver for disposal, lowering your risk of heart disease. This is the reason HDL is called “good” cholesterol.
Triglyceride is the main vehicle for carrying needed fats to cells. However, too much triglyceride can be unhealthy. ECG (echocardiogram) is done to know whether you have a significantly reduced flow of blood to your heart. Fasting Blood Sugar test: determines presence and risk to diabetes. Mammogram: an x-ray of the breasts to check symptoms for breast cancer. Pap smear test: determines presence of cells that may lead to cervical cancer. Colonoscopy: a procedure that allows your doctor to see the inside of your rectum and entire large intestine for signs of cancer, polyps, or small growths that can eventually become cancerous.
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A N S W E R S
T O
Y O U R
Q U ESTI O N S
Just Asking with Peter Banzon
Q:
“I am living in with my boyfriend who separated from his wife even before we met. A friend said its okay as long as we are happy and we’re not hurting anyone. But I feel something is wrong. What should I do?”
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he reason you feel something is wrong is because God has placed inside of you a basic understanding of right and wrong , of what he approves of and what he hates. (Romans 2:15) A live-in relationship without benefit of marriage is wrong. God says it is fornication or sexual immorality. The Bible commands us: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). It is sin. People who say it’s okay as long as you are happy and you don’t hurt anyone do not understand God’s character. He is a holy God and sin of any kind violates his holiness. The first person you hurt is God because you have violated His holy character. Even if your boyfriend has separated from his wife, in God’s eyes they are still married. God hates divorce. “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, (Malachi 2:16) Therefore you are in an adulterous relationship with another man. God said “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). The right thing to do is to end the relationship! Ask God’s forgiveness and He will forgive you. God has a better plan and better relationships designed for you.
END NOTES Flying Solo - http://www.dswd.gov.ph/2013/04/solo-parents-to-push-for-amendments-of-solo-parents-welfare-act/, accessed March 15, 2014 ... Action - http://www.ahrq.gov/patients-consumers/prevention/lifestyle/healthy-women.html http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007467.htm http://www.webmd.com/women/features/5-lifesaving-tests-for-women http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/body/index.html http://www.fitness.gov/eat-healthy/dietary-guidelines-for-americans/
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