from then til now

shankara from then til now

All I’m tryna talk about is astrophysics and politics. The differences between what we is and the shit we stuck in. It’s the difference between being loved and fuckin lovin and getting drunk and merely sipping on something.

I’m tryna get deep in between that shit we feeling. That funk we feel we seeping deep in.

But still not stuck, it’s muck not concrete yet.

And we all get softer when we get our feet wet. So wade or swim or dive or drown, only on this planet does what goes up must come down and it’ll be okay if we run it into shit but we can’t say we didn’t fight hard and love a little bit.

Anti Copyright

Lose things that make you feel worthless Drop bags that weigh on you too heavy Cry however hard you need to and then let the fuck go because sometimes these people they just don’t care You’re going to lose yourself trying to keep these people up to pace.

Or slow these people down.

And it’s not worth coming back for the same basic ass routine.

For the same passion that can be found with orgasm or death.

So I try and lose the things that tie me to folx. To you. I try and forget the love we have and the bonds we have created and the passion we share and I want to be lost in the fucking void.

They keep the gates locked And the walls- the walls are real tall And they want you to build elaborate staircases out of their big words and petty rhetoric That way when you get the top they can feel some sort of honor when folks ask you how you got there What they don’t tell you is that the drop to the other side is a long one And you fall crashing on the homes of other people Because on the other side there are no elaborate staircases just a slippery slide And you slide into peoples lives with answers and not questions like you own the place Or at least know the ones who do And it’s the same oppression with a smiling face that says "hey let me teach you why you’re so fucking wrong And dumb And naive But with my help Lil old me We can make it somewhere Together" And it settles funny And it feels weird and unreal because you don’t have true understanding Because those people teaching you don’t care They too have an agenda And you’re looking like you’re in their way

Abundant Ever flowing spilling over Free forming to the shape of whatever vessel I encompass I am the abundance But I am never Ever too much Some vessels aren’t big enough Wide enough Deep enough to contain me And I spill out Guiltlessly

Someday one day we’ll all find what we’re digging holes for Reaching to the sky with fingers spread wondering why we’re catching anything other than feelings and Icarus’s wings as they fall dripping And all of my favorite people are fleeting thoughts and merely theories Or characters Or miles away Or all of the above And I’m just an artist looking for musings in all things and crying nonstop along the way hahaha And yeah sometimes it’s sad And sometimes it’s anything but Sometimes it’s waking up next to someone you’re mad about obsessed with without being possessive over Sometimes it’s getting pinned up against the fucking wall with your fingers in my mouth.

But it’s always passion regardless.

Always.

And here I am again.

and all i can do is the work i feel needed to be done most if the time its a job in self in order to move past anything other than colonized i must destroy the self ive been taught to make of my body, my mind, my spirit i must burn down the house ive thought was my shelter and i gotta be naked i gotta be empty so much emptying and repacking so much trauma to sort through so many nuances and binaries i no longer (or ever) belong(ed) to as a bad bitch of balance i seek to destroy the separation, blend it all together it flows so much sweeter when their aint a barrier to separate.

Sometimes I can see through the floor Through this plane and the next one.

And my memory is all shorty or faulty I see in prisms And in waves And on different levels In slivers

I’ve had toxic habits.

I’ve had habitual patterns of self destruction. And although I’ve given up dichotomies and dualities for everything is everything and it all blends together anyways, I’m still just looking for a center in the middle- no longer testing the edges and limits.

The limits I now have come to find are limitless and the edges are just caverns you must climb out of. Anyway. I’ve done the whole running thing. I’ve done the shut down thing. I’m ready for the present time burst into flames thing. The whole burn down completely into black charcoal ashes becoming wet with rain tricking down cliffs and seeping into the ground thang.

Period.

I fall in love like a body walking through a sliding glass door My mouth and face are full of glass that itches and I’m desperately looking to regain foot and hand placement Tell me how this isn’t love

And then the universe whispered Why are you so afraid to be alone? That’s how we got into this mess in the first place haha One day you will wake up from this daydream and realize everything you’ve ever searched for was all you the whole time

I have never felt so fucking humbled and so absolutely powerful at the same time before. Never like this. I feel like dust carried graciously in the wind and also like black fucking matter ripping through space tearing apart every fucking thing I come across- Shattering matter into billions of atoms and molecules and throwing them in every fucking direction. I feel minuscule. And fucking grandiose. It’s wild. I feel naive but unafraid. Truly curious. I feel so strong and matterof-fact. I feel fucking deliberate. And right on time. And catalytic. I feel unimportant and beautiful. I feel ridiculously dramatic and desired. I feel missed and loved and cared for. I feel loving and missing and caring. I feel all things. Entirely. I fucking feel.

And it is so so so good.

The changes that I feel internally as well as externally are almost overwhelming. But as I master my breathing and am intentional about each and every breath, I feel so called and ready. Called by name. I have this heavy need to dig deep into who I am as a person in this existence. To connect with everyone that has come before me. It’s a deep ancestral yearning to connect. I can feel it in my chest. In my breaths. In my blood. And I am trying to be so still and patient and let it wash over me like a thunder storm. As I sit with myself in meditation I can quite literally feel myself vibrating to the point of tears and I am so grateful and blessed to be here. To honor all those who are no longer with us in this 3rd dimension but are all around us in others. I am so cosmically blessed to be spinning atop a rock hugged by the black thick dense matter that is our mother. Or father. Or both and neither. I feel like a cicada. Like I’ve spent so long underground waiting for this journey, no matter how far and wide I must travel to find the place I am meant to rest. I crave fulfillment of an evolutionary ancestral order of being. A grand code of multiversal law that we could never taint no matter how hard we tantrum and destroy. I am here to ebb and flow and scream and love and sing and dance in ashes until I am compost myself. And when I am gone with the wind I will finally be as free as I feel in this moment. Infinite.