THE ARCH CONSERVATIVE, Fall 2014

TH E

Fall 2014

NU

—P NN g. F 19 IL E

Raising the Standard.

TRADITION AT TWILIGHT

by John Henry Thompson

HIDDEN TREASURE IN WATKINSVILLE, p. 8

S

THE EDITORS

Change for Change’s Sake UGA needs to remember its identity.

M

odernity is fascinated with development. Who can blame us? The vague, exciting notion of progress dispels boredom from our well-fed, sedentary lives. We yearn for happiness in more abundance, less work, and less suffering — even when slumped before a highdef television with our hand in a bag of Cheese Puffs.

The craze has not spared academia, which for decades has inextricably linked change with improvement. Higher education is supposed to liberate the mind from natural prejudice and self-interest, a process which takes at least four years and for many, entire lives.

The value of such gradual change in an individual has been extended to entire institutions, however. A school’s evolution, its ability to change and “adapt” to social and technological developments, now determines its caliber among its peers. Little attention is paid to enduring institutional character. This singular gaze, with blinders to history, seems more restrictive than freeing.

In the first years of President Jere Morehead’s presidential tenure, many are asking how UGA should develop in the coming decades. What changes lie in store for our school? How will we acquire new technologies, new funding, new traditions?

Students and faculty, researchers and private companies, citizens and officials of our state, are looking to university administrators to envision our future.

At this crossroads, we would pose another question: To what degree should UGA continue to strive for institutional change? Have we yet to “grow up” as a school?

In certain particulars, development is necessary and desirable. We cannot thrive without keeping facilities habitable, accreditations secure, and graduation standards relevant (though the latter requires far less change than Paris Hilton Studies and Science of Napping researchers would have us believe.)

We ought to be wary of large-scale in2 / The Arch Conservative

stitutional remodeling, however. After all, the University of Georgia has existed since 1785, and is older than most colleges across the country. It’s plausible that a few centuries of experience have given us a clear picture of our natural trajectory as a school.

Today, UGA occupies a uniqe position as the largest public university within our state. We must acknowledge the roles and commitments this position entails: As with the ancients at Delphi, we must know ourselves before planning for the future.

UGA was originally established as Franklin College, a resounding affirmation that the naturally liberating process of education was valuable for citizens of the new republic. In recent decades, core gradua-

Our state needs for UGA to remain what it is: an undergraduatefocused institution. tion requirements have been diversified so heavily with electives and AP credit acceptance that little unity or coherence remains. Nevertheless, by retaining Franklin College, the University of Georgia has agreed to uphold the liberal arts tradition for incoming students.

Also fundamental to UGA’s identity is the College of Agriculture and Environmental Sciences, which receives the lion’s share of our yearly research funding. Established in 1859, CAES serves as a thriving resource well situated to prepare future farmers, scientists, businessmen, and entrepreneurs to care for our state’s wide rural spaces. Research and teaching at CAES bring national attention to our state for the agricultural production we’re uniquely equipped to excel at.

UGA is not Harvard or Yale. We are not a Northeastern Ivy League school, or a Midwestern liberal arts college, or a West Coast trade school. This is not to disparage

our university; we hold it very dear. Quite simply, we should not attempt to imitate schools which have different purposes than our own institution, lest we become the fish who tries to swim out of water or the orange tree which attempts to produce apples.

Our state needs for UGA to remain what it is: an undergraduate-focused institution.

For many students, four years at UGA means the end of their formal schooling.

UGA must ensure that these four years give students a nuanced and demanding education. While professional research is valuable (and lucrative) for faculty and the school, it does not enlarge and enlighten the undergraduate mind. Such an undertakng requires a well-funded, professor-led foundation in the basics of a discipline.

Every reasonable person observes that the world as it is, is not as it should be. Nevertheless, striving for ambiguous progress is a dangerous game, especially for colleges and universities. The academy lays an intellectual foundation for cultural trajectories.

Mistaking change for improvement can lead quickly to flying to evils we know not of, rather than reasonably addressing the ills we have.

In considering the future of our university, Aristotle comes to mind. The ancient philosopher gave us the idea of telos, the particular end or purpose to which a particular thing is fitted. The one who fulfills his telos gains virtue and happiness, while the one who disregards his end fails to flourish. A telos is not a vague journey toward variable notions of happiness. Rather, it is the assurance that something is filling the height of its potential, being the best it has the capacity to be.

So, we arrive at an ultimate question: what is the telos of the University of Georgia? Have we already reached it? This answered, we can plan prudently for the coming years.

—The Editors

FALL 2014

Fall 2014 THE EDITORS

Change for Change’s Sake. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2

THE CAMPUS INFORMANT. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 COLUMNS

Charged Up

Elizabeth Ridgeway.

(S)electing the Senate Treasure Hunters

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

Davis Parker. .

M. Blake Seitz .

A Faction in Decline FEATURES

For Our Own Good

Tradition at Twilight Grand Old Majority

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

John Henry Thompson. .

Connor Kitchings .

CULTURE

Get a Real Education

The New Court Jester

Cole Calfee. .

Purifying the Student Body

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Vijeth Mudalegundi. .

HUMOR

8

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Russell Dye. .

Rebel Lord .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

10

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

M. Blake Seitz .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Document Leak: The Nunn Files . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

A quarterly journal of opinion raising the standard at the University of Georgia.

M. Blake Seitz,

EDITOR-AT-LARGE

John Henry Thompson,

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Elizabeth Ridgeway, Davis Parker, Connor Kitchings, GRAPHIC DESIGN Moira Fennell COVER PHOTO COURTESY TREY RATCLIFF.

CONTRIBUTORS Tristan Bagala Tucker Boyce

PUBLISHER

archconuga.com archconuga@gmail.com TWITTER: @ArchConUGA MAIL: P.O. Box 1181 Athens, GA 30603

ON THE WEB: EMAIL:

MANAGER

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Cole Calfee

Sophie Giberga

Baylee Culverhouse

Rebel Lord

Colin Daniels

Vijeth Mudalegundi

Seth Daniels

Ryan Slauer

THE COLLEGIATE NETWORK

Russell Dye Houston Gaines

The Arch Conservative is a member publication of the Intercollegiate Studies Institute’s Collegiate Network. Special thanks go out to Mr. Philip Chalk of The Weekly Standard for his inestimable help.

FALL 2014

The Arch Conservative / 3

CAMPUS

Walk a Mile

SGA raises awareness about sexual assault.

A

MLC Terror Threat

Police nab suspect with help from...

Yik Yak.

T

t the end of August, SGA sponsored “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes”, a march calling attention to the Red Zone pattern of sexual assault during the first weeks of the school year. At first glance, a crowd of cross-dressed young men pairing khaki shorts with strappy stilettos seemed a trivial way to bring attention to a serious and painful issue. The SGA-sponsored event withstood closer scrutiny, however, proving a nuanced and timely response to the problem of sexual violence.

Despite participants’ absurd dress, their stories were serious and thoughtful. When asked why they walked, several young men spoke with care about the harmful experiences of their mothers, sisters, and friends. Whatever other reasons they had for being at the march (fraternity pledge requirements among them), their concern for women on campus spoke less to activist fervor than common decency.

UGA’s iteration of the nation-wide walk benefitted The Cottage Sexual Assault Center and Children’s Advocacy Center of Athens, a laudable non-profit organization that helps victims of abuse.

Presentations by The Cottage and UGA’s Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention program stressed the fact that the vast majority of men do not commit such acts, and called those present to assume responsibility for intervening on behalf of victims in dangerous situations.

We echo this call, and applaud the event.

—Elizabeth Ridgeway

here are moments that grip a campus.

Everyone hears about them. Everyone talks about them. And on Sept. 19, UGA had one of those moments. Shortly before noon, swarms of UGA police officers descended upon the MLC, ordering students to evacuate the building and closing down nearby roads to traffic.

The cause of this police action? A post on the popular Yik Yak smartphone app, which read, “If you want to live don’t be at the MLC at 12:15.”

With mass shootings at Virginia Tech Participant in a good cause. and UC-Santa Barbara seared into everyone’s memories, the UGA police should be Clarence Thomas comes to town. commended for their swift and decisive response to this threat.

The Arch Conservative’s Elizabeth Ridgeway has written n late September many students noted the presence on North critically about Yik Yak in the past (“Yik Yak, Yuck,” Summer Campus of a fleet of black cars and intimidating gentlemen 2014), noting that “hiding behind the unnatural anonymity of an wearing sunglasses. The reason for the additional security should iPhone app [does] not strengthen any community.” prompt pride rather than alarm: For the week of September 21Her criticism stands, although in this rare instance the perpe27, the University of Georgia hosted Associate Justice Clarence trator’s expectation of privacy proved his undoing. The service Thomas of the United States Supreme Court. normally affords full anonymity to all commenters. However, Justice Thomas visited campus to teach a seminar for Georgia after receiving notification from the police about the threat, Yik Law students, who gained an incredible opportunity to learn from Yak provided the authorities with the commenter’s information. one of the nine most important people in the U.S. judicial system.

Thus did prudence trump privacy, as sometimes it must.

While on campus the justice also met with a group of Honors After being arrested on two felony counts of terroristic threats, students. the suspect, Ariel Omar Arias, told police that the post was just an Justice Thomas has an excellent relationship with the Universi“immature prank” and that he had no plans on following through ty of Georgia and has hired a total of six Georgia Law students as with the threat. We certainly hope that is the truth. Either way, Supreme Court clerks. The Editors of The Arch Conservative shame on him. The criminal justice system will take his case from applaud the Univeristy for developing such a rapport with Justice here.

Thomas, and sincerely hope that he will visit again soon.

—Connor Kitchings Needless to say, there exists an open invitation to Justice Thomas to contribute a guest column to UGA’s foremost political publication. In the meantime, we trust him to continue his able

Justice on Campus

4 / The Arch Conservative

FALL 2014

PHOTO BY ELIZABETH RIDGEWAY

I

CAMPUS

service in defense of the U.S. Constitution.

—John Henry Thompson

Women’s Center

An opportunity, if not politicized.

F

ollowing the passage of SGA Resolution 26-18 last October (reported in SGA Watch, Winter 2013), President Morehead and UGA Administration have responded to calls for an additional Women’s Center on campus with a threefold Women’s Resources Initiative. The initiative creates a new web presence (women.uga.edu), a Coordinating Committee composed of faculty, administration, student leaders, and Athens officials, and additional programs to be released through the University Health Center and Equal Opportunity Office.

Watching this enterprise unfold, we encourage directors to ensure that voice is given to the variety of perspectives within the women’s movement. The Women’s Resource Initiative was founded to support and inform the decisions of women in the UGA community. By acknowledging the independent importance of each problem addressed, by refusing to conflate or cloud issues based on political agenda, the program will enrich lives on and off campus.

—Elizabeth Ridgeway

The Initiated

Pledges breathe free air, others a sigh of relief.

T

tured mockery of our beloved Student Government Association.

Just for this edition, SGA Watch is stepping aside. Fear not, our hawk-like focus has not been distracted. SGA simply hasn’t had the chance to do much of anything this semester — for good or for ill. SGA Watch anticipates more coverage next time.

O

n October 1, 2014, a campus-wide ban on all tobacco products and products that “simulate the use of tobacco” went into effect. The Board of Regents, as we reported in the editorial of the Spring 2014 edition, instituted the ban out of a desire to modify the behavior of its wayward charges, who we would describe as emancipated adults. Regardless of the motivations or wisdom of the policy — we are skeptical of both — the ban has arrived.

On the eve of the policy’s implementation, THE ARCH CONSERVATIVE hosted a public protest of the Board of Regents’ smoking prohibition plan. Tate Plaza was, for a few hours, treated to the spectacle of students and alumni enjoying one last smoke break on our lovely campus. Most participants didn’t actually smoke, but felt that the policy itself is misguided and overbroad. Those students who did choose to partake in tobacco products merrily puffed on pipes and cigars, enjoying these pleasures for the last legal time on the grounds of the University of Georgia.

For a few hours on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon, smokers and non-smokers alike came together to send a message to the Board of Regents: behavior modification is not the task for which you collect a salary.

News outlets from Atlanta and Athens were on hand to cover the protest. Our protest made the front page of the Athens Banner-Herald and garnered coverage from Newsweek and The Daily Caller. Coverage of the event, I’m pleased to report, reflected the gathering’s tone and object quite accurately.

Additionally, The Editors circulated a petition at the protest which garnered 160 signatures in 150 minutes. It will be sent to the Regents in due course.

Ideally, the Regents will see the error of their paternalistic ways and revoke their edict. We’re realistic, however, and foresee the ban lasting quite a while — if in theory more so than in practice. THE ARCH CONSERVATIVE will continue to oppose this ban and the wanton injury to the rights of adult students that it represents.

—John Henry Thompson

KILROY WAS HERE.

he cool winds of October not only bring the delights of great college football and every dentist’s favorite holiday — they also bring about the end of one of UGA’s most divisive seasons: fraternity pledgeship.

This month, hoards of poorly-shaven, underfed, and overworked undergraduates will cross the threshold from timid neophyte to esteemed brother and be initiated into their fraternity of choice. Yet it would be unwise to assume that new initiates are the only ones breathing a deep sigh of relief now that their days of indenture are over. Frazzled mothers, hawk-like administrators, and dozens of paranoid fraternity presidents welcome the change — capable of relaxing, finally, knowing they’ve gone another year without scandal, lawsuit, or bodily harm.

Though the general body of fraternity men may mourn the loss of clean fraternity houses and faux-power, history has shown that they will soon learn to take care of themselves and rejoin society as reasonably self-reliant human beings. Alas, they must learn to feed and drive themselves until next fall.

—David Parker

Editor’s Note: Usually, this space is reserved for good-na-

FALL 2014

The Arch Conservative / 5

COLUMNS

Charged Up Personal choice meets green initiative.

T

his past summer, UGA Parking Services placed two electric vehicle (EV) chargers in the Jackson Street parking deck. At first glance, the expensive installation seemed to cater to a few faculty Teslas at the expense of many clunker-driving college students. Investigation revealed, however, that the chargers represent a laudable initiative drawing on both private enterprise and the green movement.

Don Walter, who is the Manager of Parking Services, explained his unit’s unique position on campus. As an auxiliary department, Parking Services operates entirely on revenue generated by parking sales and receives no state or university funding.

The department installed EV chargers in response to customer requests submitted by faculty, students, and campus visitors. Parking Services assumed the entire purchasing burden for the top-quality ChargePoint stations, only partnering with the student fee-funded Office of Sustainability for initial research.

“I think we’re meeting the needs of customers who want a charger,” said Walter, adding that some have called his office to report they purchased a hybrid or electric vehicle directly after the stations were installed.

Though claiming an empirical basis, the modern “green movement” does not often promote clarity concerning the complex interactions of civilization and the natural world. Like many revelations of the left, the trend bundles important issues in a well-intentioned but misguided attempt to make humans less wasteful and more efficient as quickly as possible. In pursuit of this worthy goal, scientific evidence has been conflated with judgments concerning private and communal property, international responsibilities, and regulatory procedures. This conflating of virtuous ends with certain policy responses often comes at the expense of personal liberty and thus, human flourishing.

By installing electric vehicle chargers on campus, Parking Services rightly

distinguished between the good of alternative energy sources and the good of private enterprise.

The chargers support the EV industry in Georgia, already booming from an income tax credit indirectly subsidizing the industry. Proponents of this tax credit, like Georgia Public Service Comissioner Tim Echols, explain that decreasing fossil fuel consumption is not the only issue at hand.

After all, the electricity which charge EVs is largely produced using traditional methods. Rather, the price of gas at the pump becomes either minimal or irrelevant for drivers of electric or hybrid vehicles.

The chargers also make UGA more attractive to potential donors, a benign PR effort in small doses. True, only a small percentage of the local population are able to use the chargers. Nevertheless, unlike the “solar-powered trash compressors” funded by the Green Fee (see Spring 2014), they’re not taking money from students’ pockets. The new Jackson Street chargers thus represent savvy stewardship of both natural and economic resources. B Elizabeth Ridgeway is a junior studying Latin, Greek, and classical culture. She is Publisher of The Arch Conservative.

Join the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.

Write for

The ARCH

Raising the Standard

CONSERVATIVE Contact John Henry Thompson, Editor-in-Chief, at

archconuga@gmail.com

6 / The Arch Conservative

FALL 2014

COLUMNS

(S)electing the Senate What happens when no one steps forward?

L

ast April, UGA students logged on to OASIS for the last time and cast their votes in elections for the Student Government Association. After the dust settled and all otes were counted, 30 victorious Senate candidates were chosen to be the legislative voice of UGA’s student body.

Thirty senators brimming with ideas, passion, and an unquenchable thirst to serve.

Thirty senators ... to fill 59 seats.

Twenty-nine seats, nearly half of the Senate, were left unfilled for the 2014-2015 academic year. Of UGA’s 17 colleges, eight failed to elect a representative. The College of Education neglected to fill even one of its four seats. And in one slightly humorous case, the senator from the School of Ecology was elected with a single vote cast in her favor.

So how does the Student Government Association fill empty seats? Remedial elections? A Hunger Games-inspired reaping?

As it turns out, not all of the remaining 29 seats were filled using the same method.

Fifteen of the positions are Student Life seats, mandated by the UGA Constitution to “represent the extracurricular needs and interests of the student body.” Representing sectors of campus like Greek Life, Multicultural Activities, and South Campus, these senators are never elected but rather chosen by members of each group.

While these seats seem beneficial in theory, in practice they further isolate the Senate from its constituents by ensuring that nearly one-quarter of the chamber is immune to popular elections in the spring.

The Rules Committee, comprised of six elected Senators, selected the remaining 14 seats as well as still-unfilled Student Davis Parker is a senior studying economics, political science, and mathematics. He is the manager of The Arch Conservative.

FALL 2014

Life seats. To do this, the committee waded through 85 applications to identify those best able to serve the student body. Applications probed the skills, experience, and legislative plans of would-be senators, and promising candidates were interviewed by a panel. While this process may seem undemocratic, Sen. Greg Sullivan (Franklin, 192), who is Pro-Tem of the Senate and chairman of the Rules Committee, believes “[students] should be cautious to say that the entirety of senate is not representative of the student body.” The Rules Committee “had an unprecedented number of applicants, many of which were personally recommend by Colleges and Deans, leaving us with incredibly qualified and representative Senators.”

Sen. Sullivan makes a good point. The number of applicants for the unelected seats was nearly double the number of candidates in this spring’s election. Moreover, the Rules Committee has the potential to make the selection process more substantial than old-fashioned electioneering and sign waving. Yet, there is a reason the United States has a Seventeenth Amendment to the Constitution: “The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected by the people thereof” (emphasis mine.)

While there is no evidence of underhanded activity in the case of the Rules Committee, the indirect election of senators allows for misconduct in the selection procedure. Furthermore, there is something uniquely valuable about forcing would-be senators to present their faces and ideas to constituents on the campaign trail. If students believe they can simply apply for empty Senate seats every fall, they have no reason to run for a seat in the spring and face the possibility of losing. Furthermore, current Senators have no incentive to align their voting with their constituents, as reelection is only an application away.

So, we ask, why did this have to happen? Why did fewer students step forward to hold office, and why did 1,300 fewer

students vote in SGA elections in 2014 than 2013? According to Sullivan, student apathy can be directly traced to “a variety of factors, from poor promotion of elections to the outright failure of OASIS.” Ex-SGA Vice President Uzma Chowdhury blamed low turnout on a shorter voting period as well as the format through which executive tickets run. In April, she told the Red & Black, “I think the more tickets that are running, the more voter turnout increases. Moving forward, it would be a lot more inclusive to split the tickets, where president, vice president and treasurer can run individually.”

There is legitimate evidence that such a plan could boost turnout. At Auburn University, the president, vice president, and treasurer run on individual tickets and turnout is often above 8,000 students.

Fortunately, the current administration is aware of these issues and working to increase turnout. When asked about plans to increase student voting, Devon Griger, SGA’s Director of External Affairs, said that SGA wants students to engage students “all year long, not just during election season. If student awareness of SGA increases throughout this year, voter turnout will also increase come spring.”

From a policy perspective, having senators chosen by committee instead of by the student body may not have a tangible impact on what legislation is passed by the senate. It would be hard to identify substantial differences between the cohort of senators elected in April and those selected this fall. Yet, an unelected Senate severely undermines SGA’s already frayed credibility among the students and perpetuates student apathy. When students do not vote, SGA has no real mandate to govern or legislate — leading students to consider SGA powerless. And when students consider SGA powerless, they see no purpose in taking the time to vote. Rinse and repeat.

This vicious cycle has the consequence of giving UGA students a far less effective SGA than they deserve. The University of Georgia has too many great thinkers and leaders to have a feckless student goverment. To become a credible power on campus, SGA must find ways to spark student involvement and engage individuals from every corner of campus. Until they are able to do so, they will never rightly be the “The Voice of Every Dawg.” b

The Arch Conservative / 7

Treasure Hunters Charles & Joann Stewart curate the past.

T

he sign above the door says “Attic Treasures,” but you know you have arrived when you see the stuffed coyote. The antiques store sprawls out onto Main Street, brick and mortar being insufficient to contain what is inside. A fishing pole and a rusty sign advertising Orange Crush (“There’s Only One”) are propped nonchalantly against the wall. Three rifles of indeterminate vintage guard the door to one side.

On the inside the store is crowded, a hodge-podge of drawers, displays, and shelves teetering with curiosities. Visitors can browse all they want, but for a full sense of the history in Attic Treasures, a docent is required. Better yet, two.

Charles and Joann Stewart met during a social engagement in Athens, where they were both UGA professors. Joann was a lecturer in Geography. Prior to that, she had held a teaching post in Scotland.

Charles was dean of the School of Social Work. He accepted the job in late 1963, the day Oswald offed Kennedy in Dallas.

“We saw each other for three years before we got married,” Joann tells me, “but it didn’t register until after we were married that we were both packrats.”

The Stewarts went into business in 1988 as a way to offload the antiques cluttering their home, which was already crowded with children the two had brought from previous marriages. “We started with an empty house,” Joann said. “Soon, you couldn’t edge sideways through it.”

The first iteration of Attic Treasures was a booth in a consignment mall. After three years its inventory had sprawled, as it M. Blake Seitz is a senior studying political science and public administration & policy. He is Editorat-Large of The Arch Conservative.

8 / The Arch Conservative

still does today, into nine booths measuring 12x12 each. “It was time to realize this wasn’t just a hobby,” Joann said.

Now Attic Treasures is in its third location, and it is anything but a hobby.

Joann collects jewelry. The store is currently showing a large display of period jewelry, starting with earrings braided me-

The Stewarts. ticulously out of human hair in the early 1800s. All of it is real, Joann tells me, and none of it is for sale.

“You don’t often see such a chronology of styles and materials and workmanship,” she said. “Most museums don’t have such a representative sample.”

Charles, for his part, collects pipes. “Forty-one years ago I had 2,000 pipes,” he said.

“Now I have 10,000.” He points out a picture taped to the wall. “Here’s Joann with me at a pipe show back in the ‘80s, when Afros were popular.”

Today, Charles owns the largest private collection of pipes in the country and perhaps the world. His closest competitor, a professor from New York, passed away years ago.

This makes Charles something of a legend in the tight-knit community of pipe

collectors. He shows me a tabletop book with a warm, hand-written note by the author, pipemaker Bo Nordh. “He was really a sculptor,” Charles says fondly.

With so extensive a collection, Charles has had the opportunity to franchise. His more expensive pipes — $4,000 beauties by giants like Nordh, Jess Chonowitsch and Igino Moretti (“I knew him too,” he remarks) — are sold through Two Friends Pipes, an online store run primarily by the other Friend, Bobby Nesbitt. Less expensive pipes are sold at Attic Treasures and the Five Points Bottle Shop on Atlanta Highway. Many of these pipes are sold to college students, who come in groups from as far away as Mars Hill University in North Carolina to browse the store’s unrivaled inventory.

Then there is the rest of the Stewarts’ collection, which cannot be catalogued adequately here: stone effigies from the Indian mounds in Georgia and South Carolina, which predate European contact and tribal identification (therefore, priceless); an armory of derringers and revolvers, including a pair of Colts plated with sterling silver

by Tiffany & Company in 1863 ($15,000 apiece); a 19th-century King James Bible with the Great Commandment embossed in gold on the cover; a silver-braided Waffen-SS saber, a Confederate officer uniform and other relics of causes lost long ago. The past is here, in all its shame and glory.

What will happen to it all? I ask. The children will have first pick, they say. Some of the items, especially the Indian mound collection, will end up in museums. “They are probably too expensive for private collectors to afford,” Joann said. She is a certified property appraiser, and she would know.

The Stewarts plan to keep the shop open for as long as possible, however. An important part of their lives is documented here, in so many yellowed newspaper clippings taped to the cabinets. The lives of countless others, too, in heavily-smoked pipes, wellworn jewelry, and daguerreotype photographs of unsmiling young men in blue and grey flannel.

That gets to the heart of the place. Attic Treasures is a museum, stewarded, fittingly, by two former professors named Stewart.

Go in some time and ask for a tour. B

FALL 2014

PHOTO BY BLAKE SEITZ.

COLUMNS

COLUMNS

A Faction in Decline Regional power shifts away from South Georgia.

A

nyone who follows Georgia politics understands that the state is broken up into three geopolitical factions: Metro Atlanta voters, North Georgia voters, and South Georgia voters. In order to win a statewide election, a candidate must not only win the support of Metro Atlanta voters, but also obtain the backing of voters from at least one of the two remaining geographical areas.

Unfortunately for many South Georgia pols, Metro Atlanta voters have not backed candidates from this region of the state in recent years.

Fallout from the unofficial stalemate for South Georgia candidates has caused the region to lose influence not only at the ballot box, but in the state legislature and U.S. Congress as well. The once dominant region that produced names like Talmadge, Hall, Gwinnett, Carter, and Busbee is no more.

The retirement of U.S. Sen. Saxby Chambliss, a Moultrie native, provides us with the latest example of this trend. Sen. Chambliss’ replacement will be either David Perdue or Michelle Nunn, neither of whom can truly claim South Georgia ties — leaked campaign memos go so far as to urge Nunn to manufacture a rural image so she will connect with voters from the region.

One South Georgia politician, Rep. Jack Kingston, did try to lay claim to Chambliss’ old seat, but was defeated by Perdue in last July’s Republican primary runoff election.

The results showed that Perdue dominated Kingston in North Georgia and won definitively in the Metro Atlanta area as well.

Russell Dye is a senior studying political science and horticulture.

He is a regular contributor to The Arch Conservative.

FALL 2014

Kingston handily won the vote of the oncepowerful South Georgia region. In the past, this most likely would have propelled him to victory. However, the population difference between North and South Georgia, along with Perdue’s victory in the Metro Atlanta area, was simply too much to overcome. These results show nothing more than the continuing decline of a dying breed of South Georgia politicians. What is different now than in years past?

The ever-changing nature of Georgia’s economy, along with shifting population demographics, have allowed statewide candidates from the Metro Atlanta and North Georgia areas to win office more easily than in the past. Georgia has become a manufacturing- and technology-centered economy featuring companies like UPS, Porsche and Kia based primarily in the North Georgia and Metro Atlanta areas. Alongside corporations like Coca-Cola, Aflac, Delta, and The Home Depot, more and more political and social power is shifted to these areas each day. Furthermore, as more people continue to move into the city suburbs from South Georgia, voters from the city will naturally seek to elect statewide officials from the places where they live. South Georgia’s agrarian influence will simply not be able to keep up with the times.

Examining the current makeup of Georgia’s political powerbrokers is illustrative: nearly all of Georgia’s most powerful statewide elected officials are from either Metro Atlanta or North Georgia. Governor Nathan Deal hails from Hall County.

Secretary of State Brian Kemp, a man many believe to be a future gubernatorial candidate, was born in Athens. Speaker of the House David Ralston practices law in Blue Ridge.

The list goes on, but the prominence of this trend is not confined to state-level offices. As referenced above, it affects national politics as well. Georgia’s most influential representatives in Washington, D.C. (Reps. Tom Graves, John Lewis, Tom Price,

Lynn Westmoreland, and Rob Woodall) all represent districts in either Metro Atlanta or North Georgia. Along with Sen. Johnny Isakson from Marietta, Georgia’s clout inside the beltway comes mainly from areas north of the fall line.

So why does this all matter? As Georgia’s population and economic prominence continues to expand, the state will undergo major changes to the old way of doing things. At the moment, South Georgia agriculture is the state’s biggest industry.

One must wonder whether or not this new breed of North Georgia and Metro Atlanta politicians will support agriculture.

Already many South Georgia farmers and ranchers fear being left in the dark.

They harbor serious apprehension that they will not be properly represented inside the chambers of both the state legislature and U.S. Congress if they are not represented by politicians from their area.

Nonetheless, I do not believe Georgia’s political leadership will forget about South Georgia’s agricultural aspirations just yet. It is still, at the moment at least, Georgia’s top industry. It would be hard to believe that a

The once dominant region that produced names like Talmadge, Hall, Gwinnett, Carter, and Busbee is no more.

Georgian politician would not support the state’s top job creator. However, it does not hurt to point out that protection for our state’s number one and most reliable industry must be made by whoever holds office.

The benefits of a $71 billion industry industry are just too plentiful to ignore.

In the end, South Georgia politicians will be hard pressed to regain their formerly prominent place in Georgia politics. This storied and once dominant political region of our state has been reduced to a single vote in the House of Representatives roll call. Ultimately, until South Georgia politicos can find a way to connect with Metro Atlanta voters, they will continue to lose statewide elections and political influence for many years to come. B

The Arch Conservative / 9

FEATURES

For Our Own Good The State’s quixotic crusade against tobacco.

by REBEL LORD

T

obacco has long been a pariah.

Despite the role it has played in shaping our world, it has undergone what is arguably the longest temperance movement in human history.

The most recent battlegrounds for this movement are the campuses of our nation’s institutions of higher learning.

According to the website run by the anti-smoking lobby Americans for Nonsmokers’ Rights, there are now at least 1,478 smoke-free college campuses in the United States. The most recent addition to this list is our very own University of Georgia, which became smoke- and tobaccofree on Oct. 1.

Truly, the Georgia Board of Regents has fallen right into line with others who seek to save adults from themselves, whether they want the help or not.

The effects of tobacco on the health of consumers are no mystery, nor have they been for centuries. James I of England abhorred it and sought its destruction. In his essay “A Counterblaste to Tobacco,” he describes the consumption of tobacco as “a custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the Nose, harmful to the brain, and dangerous to the Lungs, and in the black stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.”

King James went to great lengths to squelch tobacco use. In 1604 a per-pound tax on tobacco of six shillings and eight pence, up from the existing two shillings, was enacted.

This was an increase of 4,000 percent, which raises the question: Why not just make tobacco illegal? Why did King James Rebel Lord is a senior studying political science and anthropology.

10 / The Arch Conservative

seek to profit from the “noxious weed” if he really wanted to save his wards from themselves?

The truth of the matter is, until English colonies in America began producing tobacco, the Spanish had the market cornered. The Crown was not profiting from Spain’s tobacco imports, and it wished to fill its coffers by taxing them.

The health risks of tobacco were mysteriously forgotten when institutions of English mercantilism began making money hand-over-fist from tobacco.

Fast forward four centuries, and the tactics have not changed a bit.

In his article “Need Money? Call for Philip Morris,” the Cato Institute’s Dr. Robert Levy describes the relationship between the Clinton administration and tobacco giant Phillip Morris.

President Clinton bled tobacco companies dry through litigation in an attempt to recoup money spent on Medicare cases linked to tobacco use. This was done in spite of Attorney General Janet Reno’s repeated warning that the feds had “no statutory authority to bring a direct suit to recover smoking-related damages.” The rule of law goes up in smoke when government stands to profit.

In the year 2000, 44 states received a combined $8.19 billion from settlements made with tobacco companies. This large sum is part of the even bigger Master Settlement Agreement of $206 billion that Big Tobacco will shell out until the projected year 2025.

Of that $8.19 billion, only $754.2 million, or 9.2 percent, was used for tobacco prevention. The lawsuit, ostensibly won “for the future of our kids,” benefitted the kids (at best) at a rate of a dime out of every dollar. The rest of the money went to

James I, Father of Prohibition. tobacco farmers, unrelated health care expenses, dental care, scientific research and other ends not directly or indirectly saving the children from tobacco.

Granting the government’s dubious stance that it pursues tobacco control wholly for our own good, such an intention still cannot justify attendant curtailment of liberty and unintended consequences.

Much like the levies passed under James I, the federal government’s taxes and regulations have had some effect in decreasing the prevalence of smoking. They have been just as successful in breeding unintended consequences — including making smoking more dangerous.

According to researchers at University College London, a one percent increase in FALL 2014

FEATURES

President Bill Clinton enjoys a cigar after a long day battling tobacco. tobacco taxes leads to an increase in smoking intensity by 0.4 percent, adding to the health risks of individuals who continue to smoke. While the health benefits to smokers who quit due to tobacco taxes may countervail this effect, the very fact that such an unforseen consequence crops up should give the good-intentioned reformer pause. And this is just one of many ill effects stemming from tobacco taxes.

The most startling consequence of to-

to organized crime is the high cigarette tax in New York City, piled on top of the state tax, which have made that city the promised land for cigarette bootleggers … it provides front money for loan sharking, the drug traffic and other enterprises of organized crime.”

This black market is supplied by upwards of 400 billion counterfeit cigarettes per year, most of which come from China. Many of these cigarettes — which are

to discourage youth smoking, it can use more discriminating policy tools than tax increases and smoking bans, which affect young and old, responsible and irresponsible, alike.

Rose Wilder Lane, the former communist and mother of modern libertarianism, wrote at length about her experience in communist Russia and fascist Italy. Her telling yields a poignant passage: “Other governments have existed to keep peace

Other governments have existed to keep peace among their subjects, or to amass money from them, or to use them in trade and war for the glory of the men governing them.

But [totalitarian] government exists to do good to its people, whether they like it or not.

—Rose Wilder Lane, Mother of Liberty bacco taxation is an unprecedented underground cigarette business. Tobacco taxes create an arbitrage opportunity for crooks to peddle cigarettes to price-conscious consumers. This has occurred most notably in New York City, where municipal government levies tobacco taxes in excess of $7 per pack of cigarettes. This incredible price differential renders cigarette bootlegging a more profitable enterprise than trade in many forms of hard drugs.

As the payout has increased for smugglers with each successive tax hike, so has the sophistication of black market operations. The New York mob quickly got into the cigarette smuggling business, squashing smaller competitors with intimidation and violence. As former New York Governor Malcolm Wilson said, “One incentive FALL 2014

markedly more dangerous than legitimate cigarettes — end up for sale on American soil, where they are purchased by predominantly low-income smokers seeking to avoid a prohibitive tax bite.

Thus has tobacco temperance gone the way of Prohibition, with ordinary consumers seeking out illicit, inferior products from networks of criminals, often to disastrous consequences.

Despite these consequences, some argue that heavy-handed tobacco taxes and regulations are justified for another reason: reducing smoking among youth. This unobjectionable cause does not justify a blatant disregard for the personal choice and freedom of adults, however, nor does it diminish the consequences their policies bring about. If the government wishes

among their subjects, or to amass money from them, or to use them in trade and war for the glory of the men governing them.

But [totalitarian] government exists to do good to its people, whether they like it or not.”

Protecting the citizenry from assorted ills may sound like a worthy enough cause to justify tobacco control, yet we know that such soft paternalism is capable of justifying much more than originally advertised.

Government has a long track record of doing away with liberty for profit, even as it assumes the mantle of savior. These actions do little to alleviate the advertised problem; in many cases they lead to new problems that are just as bad. b

The Arch Conservative / 11

FEATURES

Tradition at Twilight Custom and doctrine are being left behind.

by JOHN HENRY THOMPSON

Oprahfication (n.): to address a serious issue in daily life in a manner that assumes all truth is based on human experiences (feelings and emotions) and / or current pop-moral and poppsychological theories, as opposed to the claims of religious doctrine, transcendent faith or cultural traditions.

—Terry Mattingly

R

eligion in America is giving traditionalists headaches. Church attendance and religious observance rates are falling, a trend that presaged social disintegration in Europe. The population of “spiritual” Americans, those who indicate to pollsters that they feel a connection to the divine or transcendent (perhaps even a specific deity) but prefer not to subscribe to any particular creed, is eclipsing the population of “religious” Americans.

These patterns are both sadly predictable and morally troubling, especially if one believes that people’s eternal souls are at stake.

Conservative Christians certainly think so, and as they flock to churches across the country, many express concern for those Americans falling away from Christian teaching and for the fate of a nation experiencing such a trend. But traditionalists — those of us who not only worry about Census data but also about what’s going on in the churches that manage to remain full — have even more reason to doubt the John Henry Thompson is the Editor-in-Chief of The Arch Conservative.

12 / The Arch Conservative

trajectory of American religion.

In Democracy In America, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote that “the religious atmosphere of the country was the first thing that struck me on arrival in the United States.”

The Frenchman discovered a freewheeling religious scene, with myriad denominations coexisting in a politically charged social patchwork. While de Tocqueville interpreted this apparent lack of concern with religious contradiction as “indifference” toward religion in the traditional doctrinal sense, he was delighted with the dynamic pull of faith and spirituality in the lives of Americans. After all, American religion has always been remarkably republican.

The choice of a denomination has usually been akin to the choice of one’s political party, based on personal preferences and one’s own moral calculus, not doctrine set by a source of final authority.

If the congregational potpourri that existed in 1830 seemed alien but enticing to de Tocqueville, the carnival of competing spiritual interpretations available in 2014 would seem downright crass. Americans haven’t lost their reputation for ridiculously specific denominational designations. Pop culture still gets a laugh out of the tendency: Reverend Lovejoy’s “Western Branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism” provides a spiritual home for Homer Simpson and family. Increasingly, non-denominational churches have thrown over the concept of the denomination entirely — not, as it turns out, in pursuit of Christian reunification, but because denominations are viewed as arbitrary and irrelevant to salvation.

While the traditionalist can certainly express disagreement with this inherently individualist and democratic style of public religion, the fact remains that these

patterns have long existed. So what has got traditionalists concerned?

Traditionalists, myself included, feel that certain thoroughly modern aspects of American religion are starting to cannibalize the very strengths that have allowed the U.S. to remain a relatively devout nation.

This concern is born of several factors, not least of which can be expressed in one neologism: Oprahfication. As Terry Mattingly helpfully clarifies, Oprahfication is an ingenious blanket term for Americans’ seemingly insatiable need to talk about their feelings. This craving for emotional faux-fulfillment, when replicated on a nationwide cultural basis, has evolved into an all-encompassing moral worldview. “If it feels good, do it” has become “I feel good, therefore I am.”

The entire phenomenon cannot be ascribed to the ubiquitous talk show host for which it is named, but Oprah was certainly the first to make billions exploiting

Joel Osteen, pontiff of profit.

FALL 2014

FEATURES

Americans’ lazy insecurities. Nor was she the last. Today, the self-help model of spirituality is everywhere. From Eat, Pray, Love to Joel Osteen, Christian and Christian-ish thought is being imbued with New Age meditation and insidious prosperity gospel set to a soft rock soundtrack.

This isn’t a matter of taste; it is a matter of the very character of Christian religion.

Fundamentally, the Christian believes that he is in the world, but not of it. TV preachers seeking elevated ratings find it hard to resist tapping into the American psyche and exhorting viewers to “believe in” their very worldly selves. But if Chesterton is to be believed (spoiler alert: he usually is), the only man who “believes in himself ” is the lunatic. Humans are fallible, and our cultural penchant for self-prescription is helpless against that truth.

How far has American religion drifted into the realm of self-help? One need only tune in to the next episode of “It Takes A Church” to ogle the wreckage. “It Takes A Church” is a GSN series in which congregants match contestants with potential mates. The show is perhaps the most unnerving example of the bizarre social spectacle that American religion has become, but a church doesn’t have to be complicit in an ecclesiastical version of “The Bachelorette” to find itself in questionable territory.

In the most recent iteration of their “Changing American Congregations” study, Mark Chaves of Duke University and Shawna Anderson of the University of Chicago don’t offer much solace to traditionalists — or even to those who simply like a formal church service. For one thing, they confirm a downward trend in congregation size. The average congregation has a scant 60 attendees at its main weekly service. Small congregations that specialize in certain styles or methods of worship may enable people to choose which type of church they like the best, but they erode social capital. Conservatives love to tout churches as natural providers of welfare and assistance to the destitute. But it is unlikely that a thousand small gatherings of worshippers that are bound by nothing more than a shared taste in music can be up to this task. This shouldn’t be taken as a defense of the “megachurch.” Churches that fill auditoriums with worshippers succeed in the business of…well…business.

But when the size of a congregation is what defines a church, its message is bound to become a crowd-tested amalgam.

FALL 2014

Hillsong United: Christian band and worldwide sensation It also appears that the conflict between formal, staid church services and charismatic, revival-inspired gatherings is over: the noisiest folks won (a pattern that has long bedeviled traditionalists). Impromptu shouting and jumping is on the rise, while organized choirs and liturgy that traditionalists believe tap into the transcendent have fallen on hard times.

Rambunctious religion is another American staple, and different people have different tastes when it comes to worship. The issue at hand isn’t whether rockconcert style religious venues are right or wrong in their approach, it is whether the approach is revealing Christian teaching or simply catering to the general societal move towards informality. This cannot be assessed except on a case-by-case basis.

But paired with the declining religiosity of much of American life, traditionalists fear the latter is most accurate. Critically, the discerning Christian should attempt to ascertain whether the modernist trappings and crowd-pleasing effects implemented by a church are worthy heirs to Christian tradition or empty appeals to Americans’ desire for emotional affirmation.

Tension exists within conservatism between fascination with the innovative might of the market and dedication to timeless traditions and principles. Modern religion is testing this balance like no other subject. Americans have distrust for authority embedded in their DNA. They also prefer positive feedback to being lectured.

Perhaps these tendencies make the type of religion preferred by traditionalists anathema in the New World. Perhaps Christianity

is actually on the right track in the United States, and the culturally in-tune style of modern worship will save the faith from irrelevancy. The rapidly rising percentage of people reporting no religious affiliation argues otherwise, as does the fact that today’s young Americans are even less religious than previous cohorts of their age group.

Particularly at a time when pop culture and social elites seem determined to scrub away every vestige of pre-secular America, the religious scene could use an injection of organizational confidence. Playing copycat to these very opponents of Christianity doesn’t inspire that confidence. Tradition does.

William Ellery Channing, leader of the Unitarian church during de Tocqueville’s time, confronted a competitive congregational market by offering a uniquely modern prescription, arguing that mankind is innately perfectible and that worldly means could help the process along. Highly questionable theology aside, Channing’s brand of Christianity was hailed by contemporaries as the wave of the future.

Likewise, society tells today’s Christians that relevance will only be ensured when the space between religion and modern culture is eliminated. Channing’s contemporaries were wrong: Americans weren’t yet ready to sign on with self-help style Christianity.

If traditionalists want to ensure that Channing’s vision wasn’t merely premature, it is time to advocate for Christianity founded not on the shifting sands of society’s evolving definition of fulfillment, but on the rock of truth. b The Arch Conservative / 13

FEATURES

Grand Old Majority The risks and rewards of a Republican Senate.

by CONNOR KITCHINGS

T

Connor Kitchings is Associate Editor of The Arch Conservative.

14 / The Arch Conservative

Losing his grip.

Let’s examine the current Congress.

Today, Republicans hold majority in the House of Representatives while Democrats hold a majority in the Senate. In its current form, Congress has shut down the government, passed a budget only once in four years, and accomplished nothing of substance on important issues such as immigration reform and debt reduction. All this, while its approval ratings have dropped to an all-time low of nine percent.

The status quo is bad for Republicans.

Democrats blame the government shutdown of 2013 on the Tea Party, label the GOP as the party of obstruction, and claim that Republicans are waging a war on women, ethnic minorities, and other constituencies. The worst part is that a good part of the country believes this. While these allegations fly in the face of any reasonable analysis, they have become political memes nationwide. According to a recent Gallup poll, Republicans have an unfavorability rating of 57 percent.

No matter how strong the GOP’s presidential candidate in 2016, he or she seems

doomed to fail if these negative perceptions about the party persist. The Republican party desperately needs to alter the current state of affairs to have any chance of winning the next presidential election. Gaining control of the Senate is exactly the kind shakeup the GOP could take advantage of.

The biggest opportunity that gaining the Senate would present to Republicans is the chance to change its reputation as the party of obstruction. There are over 300 bills that have been passed in the House that are waiting for some kind of action in the Senate. Senate Majorty Leader Harry Reid (DNev.) is the single biggest reason that none of these bills will be considered by a Democratic Senate. If a Republican can replace Reid as leader and take control of the Senate’s legislative calendar, some of these bills will make it to the President’s desk, where he will be forced to veto them — a sign of Democratic obstruction more visible than Reid’s refusal to pick up House bills.

With control of the Senate, Republicans would also finally have a platform to present their new policy ideas to the country.

FALL 2014

PHOTO BY THE CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS ACTION FUND.

he Republican Party has not controlled the Senate since 2007. As midterm elections rapidly approach, polls across the country indicate a possible transition of power. But with President Obama in the White House until 2017, is it possible that twin Congressional majorities could actually be detrimental to the GOP in the future?

Many commentators have postulated that a Republican Congress would make the 2016 race easier for Democrats. They point to the possibility that the Tea Party caucus would read victory this year as affirmation of their confrontational tactics. The man gunning for Senate Majority Leader, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) has already said that he will attach riders to future continuing resolutions, bills that fund the government, which President Obama would be very much against. Senator McConnell understandably wants to pass more conservative measures or force President Obama to veto important legislation, but this tactic threatens yet another government shutdown.

So, the question: Would a Republican Congress cause another government shutdown or try to pass unpopular pieces of legislation? Would this, in turn, make winning the presidential election even more difficult for the Republican nominee?

If Congressional Republicans make serious tactical mistakes, overreach on a number of issues, or refuse to govern while in control, then a Republican “kamikaze” Congress would be the result. Nevertheless, a Republican Senate has the potential to do much more good than harm for the GOP.

FEATURES

Naturally, the most important policy plan that Republicans would need to present is a potential successor to Obamacare.

Even though the law is still highly unpopular, polling has shown that the nation does not want a complete repeal of the law unless another plan is ready to replace it.

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-La.), Rep. Tom Price (R-Ga.), and Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) all have decent proposals. Republicans need to unify around one or craft a plan incorporating principles in each.

Control of the Senate would also promote the consideration of common-sense conservative proposals to manage important national crises. For example, while Democrats control the Senate, no immigration reform bill can pass without a pathway to citizenship for most, if not all, illegal immigrants. Should Republicans take control, they could pass a bill focused on securing the border as well as refocusing our immigration priorities on high-skilled legal immigrants. Once these pressing steps are taken, a sensible path toward legal status can be devised for illegal immigrants.

Majority status would also allow the conservative reform (“reformicon”) movement to take its true first steps. New proposals by Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) — who

FALL 2014

looks to implement family-friendly reform of the tax code and break the higher education cartel — or Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), — who aims to create an economic environment where the middle class can grow and thrive — could be used to present the GOP as the party of reform. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has released a detailed welfare reform proposal that could shake up the conventional wisdom on the Republican approach to the safety net, building on success of the party’s 1996 welfare reform.

Without a platform to debate and refine these proposals, they will remain academic. A GOP Senate would inject reform conservatism into the national consciousness, especially if reformicons like Tom Cotton of Arkansas enter the chamber.

Taking the Senate would also yield important results in the realm of judicial appointments. Since Sen. Reid used the “nuclear option” to diminish minority party power during the judicial appointment process last November, the Senate has confirmed more than 60 of President Obama’s nominees to the federal bench.

Six years of Democratic control of the presidency and Senate has pushed the judiciary far to the left. Should Republicans take control, they could moderate the

president’s appointments. Controlling the confirmation vote will be especially important should a Supreme Court seat become vacant in the next several years.

Of course, all of the above supposes that Republicans net six seats in November. This is by no means a sure thing. The GOP has recruited a strong field of candidates and the president is very unpopular right now, but election season has only just begun in earnest. Many voters know little about the candidates, making polling uncertain. Conservatives will be watching the nail-biters in Louisiana, Arkansas, Colorado, and elsewhere anxiously. Failure to reclaim the Senate would be a massive disappointment for the Republican Party, after coming close in 2010 and collapsing just before the finish line in 2012.

If Republicans can achieve the requisite margin, this election could radically change the status quo in Washington. Conservatives hope that this, in turn, could launch a renaissance of center-right ideas and a rehabilitation of the Republican Party in the eyes of the American people. All they need are six seats. b

The Arch Conservative / 15

Get a Real College Education Don’t eat the KPMG donuts.

I

Temptation.

t’s the beginning of fall, and that means two things: the commencement of classes, and the annual internship frenzy. Corporations are on the recruiting trail urging students to submit applications.

Walking to class last week, I passed a young lady who kindly offered me a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I had already eaten breakfast, and so I respectfully declined the offer. She was from the consulting behemoth KPMG, and was set up just outside the doors of Terry College’s Sanford Hall on North Campus.

Walking away from KPMG’s booth, I couldn’t help but consider all the steps we are told we must take to be “successful” as students. We must go through technical training, followed by interviews, followed by internships, that will lead us to the foot of that much-discussed and anticipated object at universities across America: the corporate ladder. We await an opportunity, through employment, to grasp its battered rungs and begin our ascent to prosperity — a noble achievement after years of undergraduate coursework. Because that’s why we’re here, right?

Cole Calfee is a sophomore studying marketing. He is a regular contributor to The Arch Conservative.

16 / The Arch Conservative

Perhaps not. Over time, the experience of undergraduate students has been tripped bare of the perception-altering, life-changing potential that used to define a university setting.

The reasons behind this dramatic change are several — most prominently complacency and acceptance of the belief that we are entitled to future success without hard work on the front end.

It is time for us to take the blinders off and grab hold of the magnificent opportunity that lies before us as students at this university. It is time for us to take the blinders off and grab hold of the magnificent opportunity that lies before us as students at this university.

An undergraduate education doesn’t have to be an overpriced job training program.

I was once told that “life is not a dress rehearsal,” a line I have never forgotten.

We have one shot to impact this world, or at least impact the individuals that we encounter in our time on it. We have four years to learn, and not just learn which way lines move on a supply-and-demand curve.

An undergraduate education doesn’t have to be an overpriced job-training program. While technical proficiency and job skills are certainly useful, it’s important for us to realize that our experience at UGA should lead to a broadening of our moral and intellectual perspective, not to a forceful abridgement of our aspirations. When we allow ourselves to be nudged by career counselors and our peers toward hefty paychecks, we are deprived of an opportunity to flourish as individuals. And that’s not right.

The stultifying reality that I have

described is not our only option. Each morning as we wake, the opportunity to embrace the natural inclinations of our minds belongs to no one but us individually. The opportunity to invigorate those inclinations and swim against the conventional current is ours as well. We are intricate beings, with distinct purposes.

We have different tastes, different stories, different experiences, and different lives to lead.

These truths deserve our attention and respect. Setting audacious goals should be the mark of an excellent undergraduate student, not the mark of an idealistic fool.

We need to start doing things that will enrich our souls, enrich the world as a whole, and inspire those around us. This last bit is crucial: When people are drawn to each other’s attitude and example, the benefit is shared.

Viewing life through the idealistic (but powerful) lens I’ve outlined here will not come naturally to all. But over time, even the individual most resigned to conformity will begin to understand what he can accomplish when he approaches each day with intellectual curiosity. Armed with an undergraduate education, let’s strive to lead lives committed to unrelenting pursuit of knowledge.

We owe such an approach not only to ourselves but to our families, our peers, our university, and our society. The minds of this generation are tasked with maintaining the work of past generations and building the world our children and grandchildren inherit. It is a crucial task, and one that we must not take lightly. Settling for mediocrity is not an option — it’s the enemy.

Our utmost ambition should be, in our elder years, to look upon the successive generation with hope and satisfaction.

With eyes surrounded by lines sculpted from years of steadfast valor and fortitude.

Lines representative of more than a life of indisposition as just another subject in the rat race, another widget in the assembly line.

Let’s take the road less traveled, the road paved with creativity, entrepreneurship and, fundamentally, risk. I have a hunch it will be worth it.

So, next time you pass a booth handing out Krispy Kremes, remember what’s at stake. Don’t eat the doughnuts. b

FALL 2014

PHOTO COURTESY OF JACK LYONS.

CULTURE

CULTURE

The New Court Jester Last Week Tonight, a predictable disappointment.

SCREENSHOT FROM LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER.

P

lease give a lukewarm round of applause to the newest in a slew of comedic fake news shows: Last Week Tonight With John Oliver.

The titular host, John Oliver, started his career under the (left) wing of Jon Stewart as a correspondent for The Daily Show, and garnered much of his fame and credibility by temporarily replacing Stewart as anchor while the host worked on his film and documentary career. Oliver left Stewart’s staff shortly afterward to create his own political satire show for HBO. Now overproduced with Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher, and Jon Stewart all spinning the latest in world affairs, this genre of “news” aims to provide a fresh perspective on what the mainstream media covers on a daily basis. The genre is remarkable for its failure to adequately do so.

I have been following Oliver’s new show with much intrigue after being enthralled

by Stephen Colbert’s presentation style on The Colbert Report. Let me give a little

Vijeth Mudalegundi is a sophomore studying economics. He is a regular contributor to The Arch Conservative.

FALL 2014

credit to Mr. Oliver by saying he started off very strong. By reporting international news stories, such as the Indian election and the misdoings of FIFA, that are not regularly covered in the mainstream media, John Oliver brought a new angle to the political satire category. Oliver’s weekly slot has enabled him to address a broader range of issues. Lack of advertising allows Oliver greater time to explore each of the issues he chooses to target, or it would if Oliver ever decides to delve deeper than cursory discussion. Since his pivot back to domestic issues, Oliver’s show has declined into predictability. Even worse, many of his tirades now duly voice his support for each bulletpoint of the Democratic Party’s platform.

Oliver’s shift back to the United States has left him covering income inequality, nuclear disarmament, and prison policy, issues that have been beaten to death by the Left. His anecdotal coverage of nuclear disarmament provided no credible evidence that our nuclear weapons are not safe. His unfounded barrage against the Department of Defense for poor upkeep of nuclear weapons only degraded the progress being made toward phasing out old nuclear missiles while still maintaining our country’s security. Oliver failed to acknowledge multiple threats, from Putin’s uncooperative Russia to North Korea’s primitive but highly motivated nuclear program,

when he suggested nuclear disarmament.

Similarly, he presents the issue of income inequality as it has been portrayed in so many left-leaning media outlets, with constant remarks of leveling the playing field through wealth redistribution and doomsday references to the Great Depression.

He dresses the subject in a few quips and comic jabs to generate the satirical side his show purports. In fact, his off-track asides and indignant mockery are what drive the comedy of the show rather than a clever and comic paradigm throughout each of his segments.

This brings me to the heart of the problem with most political satire in the media: lack of fresh perspective. With exception to a couple of stand-outs like Stephen Colbert and The Onion, political satire has become predictable and boring. Overused juxtaposition, snide whispers, and distractions have made political satire into a magic show where illusions and sleight-of-hand pass for poignant remarks. But in reality, it has merely become another way for the Left to gripe about the same issues over and over again. National Review’s Kevin Williamson writes, “What [political satire] communicates is the Left’s politics of vilification, a longstanding preference that has recently become extremely pronounced, substituting a good-guys-and-bad-guys narrative for the discussion of complex ideas.” Instead of this insipid repetition,

With exception to a couple of stand-outs like Stephen Colbert and The Onion, political satire has become predictable and boring. satire should provide fresh comic relief while generating discussion of the ideas it challenges.

I will continue to watch political satire, filled as it is by the likes of Maher and Stewart, in the hope that it will elevate itself above cheap one-liners and zingers. Until that happy day, I apathetically welcome the newest clown on the block. b

The Arch Conservative / 17

HUMOR

Purifying the Student Body Nobody expects the Inquisition.

by M. BLAKE SEITZ

(Background chatter; pipers pipe to signal arrival of the Grand Inquisitor, resplendant in crimson galero and UGA bowtie. The crowd falls silent.)

Grand Inquisitor: The Student Judiciary will come to order.

We assemble today to determine truth or falsity in a grave allegation made against the accused, freshman John Johnson, and to further ensure that social justice is exacted in this matter.

(The Grand Inquisitor peers over the bench.)

Is the accused present?

The Accused: I’m here.

Grand Inquisitor: Insolent tone, noted.

Mister Johnson, you appear before us today because of the testimony of an esteemed professor in the College of Public Health, Hygiene, & Purity.

This professor told us in confidence that on the tenth of October he was disturbed from his morning perambulations about North Campus by an odour most foul, emanating — or so it is alleged — from a nearby bench, which was occupied — or so it is further alleged — by a man conjuring heavy clouds of smoke from a diabolical instrument.

After a moment transfixed on the spot, the professor managed to uproot himself and flee the black ritual, whereupon he cleansed himself with Glacéau SmartWater and Febreeze.

The poor man remains distressed from the encounter, as well he should be. He described his travail most evocatively: “lungs shriveling within him,” I believe were the words.

What do you say about this, Mister Johnson?

The Accused: Well, uh, your eminence, that morning I was reading a collection of short stories by Twain for my English class, and I smoked tobacco as I read. It 18 / The Arch Conservative

was my grandfather’s originally ... the pipe, that is, not the tobacco. I bought that from a place downto— Grand Inquisitor: —I am aware of the iniquitous den to which you refer, Mister Johnson. Do spare those assembled the details of your perversion.

Penance.

Let the record state that Mister Johnson admitted guilt freely, non factam vi tormentorum.

(The scribes scribble furiously as the Grand Inquisitor leans back and steeples his fingers.)

All of this is as I feared. The despoliation not only of the lungs — the very door to the soul —, but of an innocents’ lungs and of a healthful fall day. I need not elaborate on the depths of depravity such an action requires.

But it is ultimately no wonder Mister Johnson came to this frightful pass. The pipe was his grandfather’s, he says! And so

the iniquities of the father are visited upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation. Very sad.

Mister Johnson admits also — and unblushingly, I add — to reading the tracts of the heretic Mark Twain, who is held in contempt by right-thinking people everywhere for his use of anachronistic racial language in books meant for children and, further, for his unrepenting conjuring of smoke for pleasure.

Was it not Twain who dismissed the public health crusaders of his day by writing, “I don’t want any of your statistics; I took your whole batch and lit my pipe with it”?

(A snicker from the back of the room.)

Grand Inquisitor: Silence.

With the truth firmly established, the demands of social justice are obvious. Mister Johnson, you have been weighed and found wanting; you have admitted to the conjurement of smoke and to consorting with the Dev— with undesirable persons.

For these crimes, I am authorized by Regal Bull 9.1.7 to relax you to the administrative authorities, where you will be purified by fire until dead.

The Accused: What!?

Grand Inquisitor: But, my dear child, I choose not to do this, for I am the agent of a merciful Regency that desires to save you from your pitious self.

I sentence you to penance before your peers, in a six-week smoking cessation course run by Pharm School undergraduates. Think on your crimes, Mister Johnson, and may God have mercy on your lungs.

That concludes today’s business. The Student Judiciary is adjourned.

(Pipers pipe the exit of the Grand Inquisitor. The crowd babbles excitedly about the coming auto-da-fé.) b

FALL 2014

“HOMME CONDAMNE AU FEU PAR L’INQUISITION DE GOY” BY JACQUES GRASSET DE SAINT-SAUVEUR

Board of Regents Policy 9.1.7, The Tobacco and Smoke-Free Campus Policy: “...Violation of this policy may result in corrective action under the Student Code of Conduct or campus human resource policies.”

HUMOR _

The Nunn Files (Keys to Success!) it • Re: ISIS Airstrikes : Voice support for the "troops" — keep that possible vague but dial in the requisite patriotism. It's vital cannot lose Middle East contacts are kept strong. Points of Light another ME-based partner firm (e.g. Hamas). to take a • With other global developments, there 's less pressure

mendation: stay position Re: the legitimacy of Israel’s existence. *Recom Keep in mind c. completely silent on Israel, so as not to alarm the publi th at fundraising ed y-ton earth more g addin der consi Fall, to • With Summer turning sh ortfalls may

necessi ta te Must gain turtle necks and sport coats to the campaign wardrobe.

recalibration on

traction with fashion-conscious suburban moms. th is issue to ta ke dable Care advan tage of th e • If asked about how you would have voted on the Affor

Je ws' financial "What do I (e.g. jokes ng tiati ingra and al mmitt nonco with nd res ources.

Act, respo look like, some kind of time traveler?" ). front of • Photo opportunity at the Georgia Aquarium: stand in

w/ Greens w/o polar bear tank. Will give subtle sign of solidarity alienating hicks, i.e. “Real Georgians.”

Better!" ).

• Take greater advantage of Nunn / none puns (e.g "Nunn

ion • Don 't count on support from actual nuns (see, Contracept

Mandate).

ed to ex• Oppo research indicates that David Perdue may be relat just passing it Governor Sonny Perdue. (Not sure if this is important,

along.)

e lead • CONTINGENCY PLAN A: If polling continues to show a Perdu gogue" tactics. into October, attempt image change via aggressive "dema century. *Ideas : This worked to great success for Democrats for over a ng "po' dirt Wearing straw hats, dynamiting a local bank, substituti

farmers" for "real Georgians".

Chinese • CONTINGENCY PLAN B: Use Points of Light connections in

VE 's website cyber-terrorism community to cripple THE ARCH CONSERVATI until after election day.

TOP SECRET! (Do not share on Google Docs)

OW THIS MAN. KN_