WHAT’S ON UNSW
S1W11 2014
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CONTENTS
Blitz is brought to you by: Editors: Jacob Burkett Krystal Sutherland Designer: Keely Spedding blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au www.arc.unsw.edu.au T (02) 93857715 F (02) 93138626 PO Box 173, Kingsford NSW 2032 Level 1, Blockhouse, Lower Campus
9 Tedx interviews 11
ABN: 71 121 239 674
Blitz is published fortnightly by Arc @ UNSW. The views expressed herein are not necessarily the views of Arc, unless explicitly stated. Arc accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained in this issue of Blitz. Any complaints should be made in writing to the Communications and Social Media Coordinator: Mia Fukuyama T (02) 9385 7766 E m.fukuyama@arc.unsw. edu.au PO Box 173, Kingsford NSW 2032
Blitz Advertising Present advertising artwork 12 days prior to publication. Bookings 20 days prior to publication.
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How To Pick Up in The Libary
Harry Potter Characters on Campus
Blitz Debates: Dumbledore Vs. Gandalf
An Open letter to the snitch 22 27
What’s On
6 Biggest Friendzoned Characters
Rates and enquires should be directed to:
Campus life 34 Reviews 39 Vox Pops 28
Nancy Chung T (02) 9385 7666 E n.chung@arc.unsw.edu.au
blitz.arc.unsw.edu.au
EDS’ LETTER
CHAIR’S LETTER
From Jake and Krystal Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Welcome to our Harry Potter themed edition of Blitz, to celebrate the Roundhouse’s Harry Potter Trivia on Tuesday 20 May (W11)! Time to gather all your wisearse Ravenclaw bros and register a team online at unswroundhouse.com (Hufflepuffs need not apply). To get you in the mood to Slytherin to trivia, this issue is jam-packed with magical goodness. On p.10 you can get some solid life advice from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, on p.14 we suss out what faculty your fav HP character would probably be in and on p.16 we debate the ultimate question: who’d win a fight between Dumbledore and Gandalf? And remember as you approach exams and major essays and all hope seems lost that happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. J and K
From Chris Mann Hey Blitz readers! On 24 April at 5pm (W11), Arc will be holding its Annual General Meeting (AGM) at the Roundhouse. All members of Arc are invited to attend and vote on the matters put forward. Arc is also putting on a free sausage sizzle and drink for every member who attends (nice!). For more info on the agenda of the AGM, check out arc.unsw.edu.au. On a Board front, we will be holding our last meeting of the semester in W12, which will be one of the final Board meetings for a number of directors, including myself. This yearly change is an exciting time for the organisation as it allows a number of new and enthusiastic directors to step up and directly influence the organisation. As always, for more information on the happenings and operations of the Board, check out our blog on the Arc website. Cheers, Chris
chair@arc.unsw.edu.au arc.unsw.edu.au/board-blog
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WEEK 12
Bring up to 10 items of cloth ing
Drop them off at
WED 28 MA
FROM 12- Y 6PM
or accessorie s*
FROM 19 MA TtILhLe10RAMoundhouse Y *Clothes mu 2 st be clean, ironed and in 8 MAY good conditio n unswro undhous for more in e . c o m fo
Contributor Spotlight
Kevin Nguyen
Yenée Saw
Ben King
Antonia Shuttleworth
WROTE ‘ RECENTLY IN SCIENCE’ ON P.17
WROTE ‘ VOLUNTEER SPOTLIGHT’ ON P.19
WROTE ‘ WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE’ ON P.17
WROTE ‘LAYING DOWN THE LAW’ ON P. 31
What do you study? Media and Communications
What do you study? Law/Arts
What do you study? Economics, Commerce and regrets
What do you study? JD
Have you been friendzoned? Does Dolly Parton have to sleep on her back?
Have you been friendzoned? Not really, it’s mostly me doing the friendzoning...
Have you been friendzoned? Nobody puts Antonia in a corner.
Gandalf vs. Dumbledore - who are you backing in fight? If the two of them are fighting, now would be a really good time to invade Middle Earth and Hogwarts.
Gandalf vs Dumbledore - who are you backing in a fight? Neither of them. Hoping they’ll end up making love (literally, if y’know what I mean) not war.
Have you been friendzoned? Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? I am the one who zones.
What would Harry Potter study at UNSW? Probably psychology, so he could learn to cope with being boring with the rest of us Muggles.
What would Harry Potter study at UNSW? Medicine, to save lives.
If you could give a TED talk, what would you speak about? The likely reasons for political apathy and voter disengagement among people under 30, without sounding over 60 or blaming MTV. What’s your best tip for trying to pick up in the Library? Study. Get a career. Earn money. Be worthy. Shoot, shag, marry - Hagrid, Voldemort, Gollum. Marry Voldemort, then shoot him. Then shag Gollum while Hagrid watches.
If you could give a TED talk, what would you speak about? The benefits of going vegan. What’s your best tip for trying to pick up in the Library? Don’t try the Law Library: it’s full of law students who most probably want to get their readings done and will respond to you with a flippant, dismissive wave of the hand! Try the Main Library. Plenty of tortured artist hipster types there. Reading is sexy, so pretend to read some highbrow book and they’ll come for YOU. Shoot, shag, marry - Hagrid, Voldemort, Gollum? Would shoot Gollum, shag Voldemort of course (but preferably in his Tom Riddle days and preferably in the prefects’ bathrooms). Would marry Hagrid because he seems caring.
Gandalf vs. Dumbledore – who are you backing in a fight? Considering Gandalf ‘died’ then decided to come back to life and *spoiler alert*, Dumbledore’s dead (cue the gasping of a nation). I’ll have to back Gandalf the Undertaker in this one. What would Harry Potter study at UNSW? Probably engineering. They make up the majority of the Quidditch Society, right? If you could give a TED talk, what would you speak about? The marginal effect of more male nudity in Game of Thrones; give it a break HBO! What’s your best tip for trying to pick up in the Library? First, borrow your desired book. Then, find the closest exit. Lastly, go somewhere more appropriate for picking up, and stop bothering me. I’m trying to study.
Gandalf vs. Dumbledore - who are you backing in fight? Gandalf the White, obvi. What would Harry Potter study at UNSW? He’d be here on an athletic scholarship for Quiddich. If you could give a TED talk, what would you speak about? I’m too horrified by the thought of public speaking to consider a topic. What’s your best tip for trying to pick up in the Library? Don’t be too creepy; a little creepy is fine though. Shoot, shag, marry - Hagrid, Voldemort, Gollum. Shoot Gollum – too possessive, shag Hagrid once as it would be too much of an ordeal to repeat, and marry Voldemort because I find him strangely enthralling.
Shoot, shag, marry - Hagrid, Voldemort, Gollum. Shoot Gollum, he’s a creep. Marry Hagrid, he’s a listener. Shag Voldemort, dat wand.
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BITZ AND PIECES Overheard
The White House. As major essays and exams approach, having a chilled out afternoon over a punchbowl is looking more attractive by the day.
Girl in the Roundhouse Beergarden: ‘No joke, I thought foxes were mythical creatures until I was 15. I’ve still never seen one it real life.’ #UhWhat #SheDoesHaveAPointThough #GlitchInTheMatrix
Random Factoid
When a huge power outage struck Southern California in the 90s, residents of Los Angeles reportedly called the cops to express alarm about strange clouds hovering overhead. It turns out they were seeing the Milky Way for the first time.
Urban Dictionary
Harry Potter. From HP themed trivia at the Roundhouse to J.K.’s announcement that Hermione should’ve ended up with Harry instead of Ron, the series is totally back in the spotlight.
yolomawmit v. Abbreviation for: you only live once, might as well make it tasty. A phrase used as a means to rationalise an inhumanely high intake of unhealthy but delicious foods or beverages, such as cake, ice cream and all-you-can-eat buffets.
Random Acts of Kindness. Keep an eye out for CONTACT volunteers doing lovely things for no reason at all through W12.
Heaters. Shit’s getting cold, yo. Time to shove on a beanie, fill up a hot water bottle and huddle around any heat source you can find.
Reconciliation. W12 sees Reconciliation Week take place from 27 May-3 June. Time for all Aussies to learn about our shared histories, cultures and achievements.
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FROM
UP
HIT
Trending
Swapping clothes. Waste not, want not, amiright? If you’ve got a bunch of old threads and no money for new ones, come along to the Roundhouse’s Clothes Swap on Wed 28 May.
O SHI T
Trending
Tweet @kevinhartposts
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
DOWN
Instagram Pic
@puffinette Free cupcakes at uni, hooray! #unsw #arc
Tag #blitzunsw on Instagram for your chance to have your photo featured here!
Cold weather. Thredbo had their first snowfall in April. We’re in for a long, miserable winter kids.
Book Nook Impress your friends by telling them to read… Fangirl
Chapped lips thanks to said Tornado Alley. So not only are you cold and wet, you’re also bleeding and it hurts to eat. Winter is balls.
To S
E R T - ME
Rainy days. As if the cold wasn’t bad enough, the Main Walkway becomes freakin’ Tornado Alley when a storm rolls in. RIP umbrellas.
The Great Barrier Reef. After the Queensland and federal governments approved the dumping of three million cubic metres of dredge spoil in the World Heritage area, the Reef is at greater risk than ever.
Photo Credit: ffden-2phys.edu, acfonline.org.au
Major essays. There’s no better way to crush a student’s soul than to make their major essay worth something redonkulous, like 55%.
Rainbow Rowell (yes, that’s her real name) has been causing a bit of a stir in the reading world of late, after publishing two highly popular young adult novels last year. The first, Eleanor & Park, was chosen as Goodreads’ best young adult fiction of the year. The second, Fangirl, was picked as the inaugural read for tumblr’s book club. It tells the story of Cath as she navigates her first year of uni, from surly roommates to unimpressed professors to dashing tute crushes. Totes relatable, y’all.
Bats. Peeps in Griffith are being encouraged to avoid all contact with bats after a flying fox was found to have Australian bat lyssavirus, a disease closely related to (and almost as deadly as) rabies.
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Come grab your free cookbook
LAUNCH 11.30am Wed 4 June (W13) Roundhouse PRIZES, GIVEAWAYS, COOKING DEMONSTRATIONS, FREE FOOD, SAMPLING, LIVE MUSIC
G A M E
O N E
5PM WED 28 MAY ROUNDHOUSE
TWO BIG SCREEN TVS
FIRST TRY SCORER SCRATCH CARDS FREEBIES NSW JERSEY GIVEAWAY FREE BBQ THEMED TRIVIA
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Professor Cyndi Shannon Wieckert Could you tell us a bit about what motivated you to study neurobiology, and your passion for treating schizophrenia? It was because my twin brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a young age. I was unsure of the diagnosis at first, and unaware that the medicines weren’t really going to help him. Then once I realised that he wasn’t going to get much relief form the available medications, I decided I needed to try and figure out what was happening in his brain and to try and come up with some better treatments. Is this what lead you to move from the States to Australia? I was working at the NIH (National Institute of Health), you know how research scientists are, buried away under the microscope. A headhunter came and found me and said they were looking for someone to chair a research program, giving me the opportunity to take some of the discoveries I’d made into the clinic. Can you tell us some of the most exciting points in your time in Sydney, at Neuroscience Research Australia? The most exciting thing was to be able to take the discoveries that we were working on at a molecular level for 20-30 years, and convert that into re-purposing an available drug that was being used for osteoporosis and use it to treat people with schizophrenia. Being able to re-purpose that drug, and launch the clinical trial and then breaking that blind and finding positive results. It means you’re on the right track, and you should keep going. Professor Cyndi Shannon is the Chair of the Macquarie Group Foundation for Schizophrenia Research, (run in partnership with The Prince of Wales Hospital and the University of New South Wales) and a Professor of the School of Psychiatry at UNSW.
By Liz Chapman
TEDx Sydney Interviews Adam Alter Adam Alter is possibly one of the easiest to pronounce names in literature. In your book, Drunk Tank Pink, you discuss the link between successful politicians and the ease of which the voters could pronounce their names (George Bush, Bill Clinton etc). Do you feel that your name might be advantageous in terms of your own career? It doesn’t hurt to have a name that people can pronounce. It also doesn’t end all hope if you have a complex name. You mentioned George Bush and Bill Clinton, but Barack Obama is now the president and his name puzzled many people when he first hit the world stage. The best ways to overcome the challenge of having a complex name are to repeat the name often (which is why Barack Obama is now very fluent); to give people mnemonics or rhymes that help them pronounce your name, or to offer a nickname or shortening when you first meet people.
Before being employed at NYU’s Stern School of Business and Psychology, Adam Alter studied at Princeton and our very own UNSW where he won the University Medal. His work has been featured in the likes of the New York Times and The Wall Street Journal.
What would you say is the highlight of your career to date? There have been a few. But last week I learned that the students at a small school in Brooklyn are reading my book, and that they’re learning about racism and stereotyping and prejudice and the importance of not labelling people. It’s great when adults and university students enjoy the book, but I was blown away to learn that primary school students might get something out of it, too. Lastly, what tricks of the trade can you offer to students who wish to pursue psychological research and published academia? Work with as many smart professors as you can. Email them, speak to them after class, tell them you’d like to help with research in any way you can. Develop a taste for the process, read some papers, run studies, ask PhD students (your tutors) what the best and worst thing is about being a PhD student, and then decide whether it’s the right path for you. It’s not for everyone, but it’s a terrific career that paves the way for a great lifestyle if it happens to be the right road for you. By Amy McClelland
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RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
End of semester exams may be looming (help!) but have no fear, the volunteers at CONTACT are here to restore your faith in humanity on Monday 26 May with some random acts of kindness. To get into the spirit of things, here’s a list of a few casual, thoughtful things you may want to try on some unsuspecting peeps! By Sahar Mourad
FLASH MOB ASK...HE-WHO-SHOULD-NOT-BE-NAMED
Organise a flash mob in the Library, preferably during exam study period. There’s nothing desperately cramming students love more than having their spirits lifted by mass twerking and bad pop music.
Because who better to ask for life advice than the dude who almost became immortal?
Dear ‘Roonil’ (we know it’s you Ron), Just let her feel the full power of your wand. Use Petrificus Totalus if you need a little extra help. Worked a charm on Bellatrix. The Heir of Slytherin Dear He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I have to pick up one more class to graduate and I’m not sure which one to choose. What was your favourite subject? Seamus Finnigan Seamus, During my time at Hogwarts I was always a fan of Charms. Though I am unable to love, every witch in the castle thought I could. Nothing like a bit of magic to charm the pants off a pure-blood lass. Errybody wanted to fiddle with Tom Riddle. The Dark Lord Dear You-Know-Who, I’m considering killing one of my friends because they’ve been annoying me for weeks. Is that wrong? Draco Dearest Draco, Once I killed a Death Eater just because he sang We’re Off to See the Wizard every time I summoned him. It improved my mood dramatically. V-Diddy Dear Voldemort, I really hate my nose but I’m not allowed plastic surgery. I noticed that you don’t have a nose but it hasn’t made you any less of a man. What can I do to feel better? Witchy Woman Dear Witchy Woman, As a First Year, I ran into the wrong wall at Kings Cross Station. I haven’t had a nose since then, but I’ve learned to love it. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. Also, killing anyone who makes fun of your nose is an excellent way to cheer yourself up. V-Dawg By Yael Brender
REMIND THEM THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL Get One Direction’s hit song What Makes You Beautiful playing in each and every class to remind everyone how lovely they are. Be sure that it’s set on repeat so the message is really driven home.
GET FESTIVE Every time someone answers a question in class, go sprinkle them with confetti and make them feel special for getting it right. Even if they don’t get it right, sprinkle them just for trying. Errybody loves having glitter in their hair. #SoFestive
DONATE YOUR TIME Invite a random to the Roundhouse for a beer. Once your drinks are in front of you, grab the two cups and say, ‘You ain’t getting a free drink, but hey, thanks for walking me here.’ Lift up your cups and cheers yourself for making them not look like a loner for a few fleeting minutes.
HUG IT OUT Hold up a ‘Free Hugs’ sign because seriously, who wouldn’t want a free hug? Just make sure you’ve showered recently. Please.
Photo Credit: dealbreaker.com
Dear Voldy, There’s a girl, but I don’t think she knows I exist. What should I do? Roonil Wazlib
HOW TO
PICK UP BABES IN THE LIBRARY
If the sealed sections of Cosmopolitan are to be believed, then spraying an overpopulated beehive with Lynx before kicking it in the direction of the ladies to ‘enhance pheromone distribution’ is a sure-fire way to succeed in love. But bees are a raucous bunch and unlikely to be tolerated in a noise-free environment like the Main Library. Don’t fret, though. Here’s a three-step guide to becoming king/ queen of the paper jungle. By Kevin Nguyen
1. Embrace the silence
3. Execute contact
If you’re here for dating advice, chances are you’re not a smooth talker to begin with. The silence of the Library is your friend. Plus they can’t reject you if you’ve never even said anything to them.
Look for an opportunity to say something. A light insult disguised as a compliment always works well. E.g. ‘That’s a cute pacer you have, I had one just like it in preschool’ or ‘I saw you struggling with your quantum physics, that’s adorable, how’d you even get into university?’
2. Establish contact
4. Cultivate yourself
Sitting at the same table as them is too forward. Try sitting one table over until they notice you. Wait eagerly to drop your expansive knowledge about bees on them. And possibly later, some literal bees.
Here’s the tricky bit: if they don’t notice you, then try genuinely studying. Maybe finish your degree, get a job and earn some social capital. When you meet years later, say you recognise them from the Library that one time. Presto! Now you have mad game.
By Kevin Nguyen
#SOCIAL STALKER
Blog blog.helloemillie.com
Twitter @SarahMOnline
Hello Emilie is an incredibly beautiful blog by Sydney based designer/maker Emilie Ristevski. It’s all about story telling through design. Ristevski works with porcelain, stoneware, wood and fibre to present handmade creations that she photographs with class. Check out her blog for interior design, styling and photography inspiration.
Sarah, AKA ‘Stalker Sarah’ (to her followers), has become kind of a big deal online. A promoter/ professional celebrity stalker, Sarah now has her own fans (crazy?!) and over 90K followers. Why? Because she’s known for meeting practically every celeb she stalks, from Biebs to Harry Styles and many more.
Instagram @thewriting If you’re one of those inspirational quotes kinds of people, this Insty is great for potential regrams (Lara Bingle regrams their images often). Handwritten in cool and quirky styles, the quotes range from pucker love to blunt and condescending, so you’re covered for any emotion, including #drunkinlove.
By Shailo Rasanayakam
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NEED TO GET RID OF STUFF? We’ll pick it up for FREE
www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/bookmycleanup Or book using our free App myRANDWICK
DCS0046 Get rid of stuff_148 x 105__148 x 105_V2.indd 1
Researchers from the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre would like to speak to people who use drugs while they are out. Face to face interviews will be conducted between April and May. The interview takes around one hour and is held at a convenient location for you. Interviews are anonymous and confidential. You will be reimbursed $40 for your time. Contact Gavin on (02) 9385 0161, email nswedrs@unsw.edu.au or SMS details to 0450 090 156 (you do not have to use your real name). 12
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MODEL STUDENTs By Briella Brown
Tess Jackson
JOURNALISM
Ben McDermott
MUSIC/ CRIMINOLOGY
What I’m wearing:
What I’m wearing:
Boots: Shakuhachi Skirt: Zara Top: Isla Jumper: Maurie and Eve
Shoes: Nike Chinos: Zanerobe Shirt: Spencer Project Knit: Vinnies
How would I describe my look?
How would I describe my look?
I love shopping and I think bright colours are great. I appreciate unique pieces and my favourite shops would have to be Glue Store and General Pants.
I wear really similar pieces everyday as I don’t like to mix it up too much. My favourite store to shop at is Glue Store, and Ray-Bans are my sunnies of choice.
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and the Students of UNSW Ever logged into myUNSW all misty eyed, wearily ready to enrol in another semester of mountainous HECs debt , and wished you were attending Hogwarts instead? If you didn’t instantly respond yes, it’s a safe to say your childhood was bereft of pop culture nourishment. But let’s not be too insular – why not switch perspectives for a moment and consider whether the Hogwarts crew are keenly pining after our coveted UNSW grounds? Answer: Hell to the yes they are. The more mystifying question is what faculty harbour cruise they’d find themselves swaying a little too nauseously on. So, with the aid of our very own, very precise Sorting Hat algorithm (read: lunchtime debate in the Blitz office), we present: UNSW’s Official Recommendation for Individuals Transferring from Hogwarts.
Photo credit: youbentmywookie.com, img.nocookie.net, bloghogwart.com
By Caitlin Reulein
The Draco Malfoys CHARACTER TRAITS Slimeball with timeless sneer. No further detail needed. DEGREE: BACHELOR OF COMMERCE (FINANCE) So you want to help people? Get the hell out of Finance; this place is for pure profit-blooded students only. Prerequisite: graduation from Sydney Grammar, or the equivalent sense of entitlement. SEEN ON CAMPUS Parking in parents’ Volvo, complaining about the traffic from Vaucluse these days.
The Neville Longbottoms
The Ronald Weasleys
CHARACTER TRAITS Nervous, quiet, misguidedly helpful, prone to dancing when no one is looking.
CHARACTER TRAITS Secretly ambitious, easily excitable, apprehensive, doting.
DEGREE: BACHELOR OF FINE ARTS While appearing like a bumbling mess to all in the Wizarding World, Neville brings out his Don Draper on the keyboard. Smashing out pithy witticisms is just one of his many surprising facets. Neville is also renowned for his über-organic, gluten free brownies. SEEN ON CAMPUS: LIBRARY, LEVEL 10 Looking forlornly out at the cityscape, Neville often contemplates the rise and (probable) fall of capitalism in the West. May also spare a few minutes each day promulgating eternal love for an unwitting party through an anonymous blog. Minimal study is conducted. Much emotional development occurs.
DEGREE: BACHELOR OF ENGINEERING (CIVIL) Ah, engineers, can’t live with them, can’t live without them… Who else would laugh at witless jokes, would affectionately watch us slurp up Tom Yum soup, would keep us company watching Grand Designs? No one, that’s who. While Ron may look a little hopelessly lost at a night club, if you were stressing about starting an assignment due in, like, two hours, we all know he’d be there to make a cup of tea and give you a happy hug. SEEN ON CAMPUS Having a beer at The White House. Or three.
For further information, it is strongly suggested that interested parties attend the Roundhouse’s Harry Potter Trivia night on 20 May. Team registration is free and can be accessed through the Roundhouse Facebook event page, although it should be noted that no Hogwarts Express tickets will be included. Prizes include vouchers for Max Brenner, IGA, UNSW Bookshop and Ritz Cinema, so make like Neville’s toad Trevor and hop to it!
HISTORIC NOTES FROM J.K. ROWLING’S DESK: The Forgotten
Plots
Hermione ditches Ron for Luna Lovegood The Hermione Grangers CHARACTER TRAITS Persistent, diligent, immutable, keenly focused on predicting events yet to occur, mildly psychotic when challenged. DEGREE: BACHELOR OF INTERNATIONAL STUDIES Not content in orchestrating the House-Elf Liberation Front, Hermione seeks to understand and redress the inequities that underline muggle relationships. A high level of confidence and negotiation skills is necessary. Also required: blind faith that this degree is a worthwhile dedication of intellect. SEEN ON CAMPUS Campaigning on the Main Walkway for Arc Board elections.
First reason: did Ron ever contribute anything to the relationship but moodiness and teenage angst? Second reason: Luna’s surname is Lovegood. Awesome sexy times practically guaranteed.
Malfoy enters Masterchef People can’t be all bad. Sure, Draco totally almost killed Harry on top of the Astronomy Tower, made Ron eat slugs and was generally such a douche we thought we’d never clean ourselves of that greasy, greasy Malfoy vibe. However, at the hungriest points of writer’s block, Rowling had Malfoy next to a preheated oven, with a delicious grin, amped to share the joy of food. [Disclaimer: the author may be slightly food deprived].
Snape and Lupin are brothers Hate between peers can certainly run strong, but there’s a limit. There’s only one cause behind lifelong burning abhorrence: genetic connection. Siblings and siblings alone know how to hold the type of grudges Severus Snape can conjure.
Aunt Marge explodes when inflated As messy as it would be, don’t tell us you didn’t actually want to see her bubble burst.
The Harry Potters
Someone beats Hermione academically
CHARACTER TRAITS Loyal, headstrong, valiant, passionate, addicted to a bit of action (interpret the context as desired).
Rowling liked her characters to be somewhat absolutist in
DEGREE: BACHELOR OF LAW Requiring a higher level of stimulation than most, Harry needs to be constantly challenged. As someone who’s seen the underbelly of the law numerous times, he has stronger motivation than most to amend the failings of the system. Justice. Persuasion. Limelight. It’s a pretty appealing package. It’s likely that in a decade, Mr Potter may trump even the slimiest of Harvey Specters.
nature; it means us lowly muggles can have a swell time enjoying the story without having to apply too much behavioral interpretation. But come on, every one hated this kid in high school.
Harry is a Horcrux Oh wait… By Caitlin Reulein
SEEN ON CAMPUS Volunteering at Arc Flea Markets, helping orphaned students, curing cancer, taking Blitz contributors to French dinners followed by thematically consistent kisses.
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, teach us something please. But for God’s sake, let’s not mess around with wands and time turners and all that nonsense. Practicality, guys, please.
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‘Gandalf.’ says Chris Wilson For nearly 80 years there’s been one fictional wizard who’s set the precedent for being awesome and taking heroics to the next level. Not only is Gandalf friends with dwarves and ninja-like elves, he can summon giant eagles to fly him across the world. Then, just when you thought he was dead after taking on volcano monsters single-handedly, nope, this badass comes back more powerful and continues as if it were part of his weekly workout routine. Gandalf is clearly better than Dumbledore, because he’s central to the world he lives in rather than hiding in a school office. When he fights, it’s to take on the most evil and powerful beings in the world and not a simple egomaniac with a magic twig. Besides, there isn’t a single great quote from Dumbledore that can rival a mighty call of ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS!’
Dumbledore vs. Gandalf
Three reasons why Dumbledore would win in a fight against Gandalf: 1. Dumbledore has never lost. Sorry Gandalf, but even though you did the sneaky resurrection thing in The Two Towers, you still died and that Balrog slammed you pretty hard. Dumbledore died (spoilers!) by choice and in doing so made Harry totes powerful. 2. The Elder Wand. Also known as ‘unbeatable’, you fools! If my understanding of Rowling’s world is correct, this wand is ‘more powerful than any other’. Gandalf, never mind your ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS’ rubbish: this wizard over here has got Death’s best weapon. 3. D-Dore knows that love is the most important and powerful thing. Gandalf, as much as you seem cool with Bilbo and Frodo’s bromance, you also acknowledge that you’re a fool for trusting either of them. Sure, they save Middle Earth a couple of times, but Dumbledore saves the real world via Harry and the power of luurrrve (*cue Hedwig’s Theme*). Dumbledore out!
‘Dumbledore.’ says Jennifer Nicholson 16
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YEAH, Photo Credit opposite page: wallpaper.com, popstarsplus.com This page: mdecg.com, kickstarter.com, nassa.gov.
SCIENCE!
What a Time to be Alive While we still aren’t quite at the point of Terminator style robotics, ‘biohacking’ seems like a step in the right direction (or wrong direction, depending on how you feel about Arnie’s acting). Dangerous Things, the conveniently named hacker-gadget company, has developed the first DIY implantable microchip that gives you your very own machine readable bionic hand. Forgot your contact information? Your car keys? Even your credit card? In the near-future, this could all be solved with a swipe of your handy… hand! Move over Apple and get out of the way ‘ethics’. It’s time to come join the bionic master race. By Benjamin King
PhD What’s your PhD and how long have you been working on it? My PhD is in the field of biochemistry. It’s about extracting cancerous cells from a patient’s blood so we can tailor a drug treatment regime for each individual patient.
Parker n e h p e t S Blitz chats to Stephen Parker about his postgrad research in biochemistry and cancer treatment. By Marla Riddle
What made you want to pursue your PhD? I knew I was going to end up in a situation like this ever since I was young. I was the kind of kid who would rather pull my Gameboy apart to see how it works rather than actually playing with it. My parents weren’t so happy about that. I enjoyed chemistry, so I focused on that through my degree, and then realised that a lot of my family had suffered from cancer in some form, so that seemed like as good as anything else to do research on. What are some tactics that are guaranteed to get you through the tougher work? I take a bit of a walk around. Get some fresh air. When it’s still too tough, I then just think, ‘This is future Steve’s problem, I am going to go play golf.’ Things seem to have a way of sorting themselves out in the long run after that. What are people in your field like? All in all, they occupy two extremes. Either they are generally really introverted or they are the most ridiculous people that you’ve ever met.
Recently in Science...
The mass-production of blood may be possible after researchers manufactured artificial blood for clinical transfusions using stem cells. The authors of the project say their work will hopefully make reliance of donor blood a thing of the past and True Blood parties a staple of the future.
The Kepler Team have discovered an Earth-like planet in a star’s habitable zone, around 500 light years away. The composition of the creatively named ‘Kepler-186f’ has not yet been determined, but US intelligence indicates that the planet is in dire need of democracy and have called dibs.
A Mini Mobile Robotic Printer has been wildly successful on Kickstarter. The device resembling a miniature version of a Roomba, weighing 300g and 10x11.5 centimeters in size, prints by rolling itself across the page. Despite how small it is, the device will almost definitely still get a paper jam in tray two. By Kevin Nguyen
blitz mag
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Tolerating First Years
This class teaches students to push past First Years when the Roundhouse security guard is trying to check their ID and shutting them down in class when they pipe up with a piece of high school knowledge. The exam will be a competition to find the most creative way to initiate them.
How to Pass Your Course Without Doing Your Readings
This class teaches students the importance of SparkNotes and Wikipedia. It will also examine the best way to phrase the question, ‘Hey [person sitting next to me], what was the reading about this week?’ The tutorial presentation will require students to prove they can understand entire articles just from reading the abstract and the final exam will cover mild plagiarising without getting caught.
How to Find a Park at UNSW
Students will learn the exact art of cutting other drivers off, how to park partially covering a driveway and altering the parking signs. Extra credit activities include disabling parking meters and forging documents like the university parking sticker and the disabled parking sticker. Tutors will be certified red P-platers with proven road rage.
Dissecting How I Met Your Mother
Aka: How not to be Ted.
7 SUBJECTS WE WISH WERE TAUGHT AT UNSW Sure ‘Heidegger and Metaphysics: Existential Phenomenology’ sounds like something everyone needs to know, but here are seven subjects we reckon would be a little more useful on a daily basis.
By Yeal Brender
How to Fend for Yourself After You Move Out
Splitting a Bill Between Six Broke Housemates
Students will be taught how to wait until the last minute to pay rent, and how to confuse the real estate agent by trying to pay with six different maxed-out credit cards all at the same time.
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blitz mag
How to Dump Someone
This class starts with the basics, like teaching simple techniques such as the compliment sandwich: ‘Your beauty humbles me. But the timing isn’t right for us. A woman as perfect as you deserves it all.’ It continues with the intermediate class: making your ex jealous by tonguing someone else in front of them. It then finishes with the dumping master class – how to change your name and disappear completely (only necessary for those with the clingiest of exes).
This class covers washing without dyeing all your clothes a nasty shade of grey and how to light those pesky stoves that need a match. Also included: locking out your landlord and being conveniently ‘absent’ every time they come by for an inspection and how to order take-away food on your parents’ credit cards without them knowing.
An Open Letter to... The Golden Snitch
HP Some people see you as just the third and smallest ball used in Quidditch, but I know you’re much more than that. You’re worth so much, you’re so hard to attain and – when you’re caught – the game is won. You, Snitchy, are a metaphor for our dreams. Am I reading too much into the text? Considering I’m an English major, almost certainly. Everything means something to us lot. The author mentioned blue curtains? They represent the character’s melancholy. A character swatted a mosquito that was biting them? Well that’s symbolic of our mortality and infinite smallness in the universe, of course. You began as a little bird called a Golden Snidget, so delicate that the mere touch of a human hand was enough to crush you (our dreams are fragile and must be handled carefully). And during that game on Bodmin Moor in 1884, you refused to be caught for six months (occasionally our dreams are particularly elusive). In fact, that Snitch is still out in the wild (some dreams will never be realised). As Harry Potter Trivia approaches, I think it’s important that we remember that we’re all Seekers in the massive Quidditch game of life. Warm regards, An English major
Volunteer Spotlight YELLOW SHIRTS By Yenée Saw
They’re probably the first people you saw when you stepped onto the Main Walkway as fresh-faced First Years during O-Week, but what do you really know about those sunshiny, happy Yellow Shirts? Blitz chats to Danielle Eliatamby, an out of this world Yellow Shirt, to get the yel-low down. Give us a quick rundown of Yellow Shirts. What do you get up to? We run a lot of the fun stuff at O-Week: giant games, free fairy floss and pancakes, campus tours and badge making for example. We hold campus tours where First Years get the opportunity to meet other First Years. Apart from that, we ambush a lot of unsuspecting students with enthusiasm and helpfulness. What made you decide to get involved in the program? For one, I look great in yellow. But apart from that there was the appeal of helping people and having fun while doing it. What was your most memorable moment? It would have to be the Monday of O-Week. I’ve never seen so many people on the Main Walkway, the place was buzzing. And there was so much free stuff! As a law student, I really appreciated all the new highlighters. What would you say to people wanting to be a Yellow Shirt? You have everything to gain by doing Yellow Shirts. You’ll give so much to the uni and to First Years while also learning new skills, making new friends and having a lot of fun. Also, anyone can be a Shirt - don’t be dissuaded by the stereotype of hyperactive, enthusiastic people (although they are the loudest). Even the most understated of people can be the best Shirts. So go for it! At the very least, you’ll learn a lot of random campus trivia which you can use to impress people after O-Week.
Applications to be a Yellow Shirt open in late 2014, so be sure to keep your eyes peeled to get involved! Email o.week@arc.unsw.edu.au for any further info.
blitz mag
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gradgift.arc.unsw.edu.au
HIRE CAP, GOWN & HOOD $75
PLUS RECEIVE A 10% OFF THE GRAD SHOP VOUCHER* *CONDITIONS APPLY
Top of Basser Steps Morven Brown Building, Ground Floor, South-West Corner P: 02 9385 7757 or 02 9385 7671
BETTER THAN STUDYING
WHAT’S ON UNSW
Harry Potter Trivia So you can name He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? How endearing. But let’s get serious. The Roundhouse Main Room will be enchanted on Tues 20 May for Harry Potter Trivia. You’ll need to be ready, seated and sorted by 7pm to partake in the ultimate Triwizard Tournament (of the mind). To get those brain cells rewired between rounds, the Roundhouse will play home to a death-defying Quidditch match. Cross that one off your bucket list. All that wizardry got you a bit parched? Good thing there’ll be Fire Whisky, Pumpkin Juice and all sorts of other tasty, alcoholic beverages sourced directly from Hogsmeade. Oh, and if you happen to be particularly crafty with dress robes, witches hats and wands, there may well be a prize on offer for best dressed.
WHAT’S ON UNSW 19 MAY - 31 MAY
There will be more Potterheads here than you can poke a broomstick at, so you best start brushing up on your skills now. Recommended practice drills:
• Dodging balls like a Seeker at Arc Sports Happy Hour, 3pm Fridays on the Village Green.
Over Tinder? Unlucky in love?
• Conjuring dinner by mixing strangely scented, refrigerated condiments with pasta. WHERE: Roundhouse
SPEED
WHEN: 7pm, Tue 20 May PRICE: Free as Dumbledore’s sexuality REGISTRATION: Roundhouse Facebook VERDICT: 9 ¾ out of 10
DATE! 50
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By Caitlin Reulein
In W12, the Roundhouse is hosting a Clothes Swap in the Main Room. It’s basically an exciting opportunity to spend the next couple of days going through your wardrobe and picking out 10 or less items you’re just sick of.
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Then, any time after 19 May, you can take your old threads to the Roundhouse to get credit for the event. When you get there on 28 May, it’s up to you to choose some fab items from someone else’s wardrobe. However many clothes you bring, you can take that many or less home (they must be in a wearable condition).
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20
Accio: registration (via the Roundhouse’s Facebook).
Hey, Macklemore! Can we go thrift shopping? What, what, what, what.
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110
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Performing all of the above actions while under the influence of heady doses of Butterbeer will prove to be even more effective training. And with prizes like IGA and Max Brenner vouchers up for grabs, how can you afford not to get it tip top shape like Viktor Krum?
Clothes Swap
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Photo Credit: hdwallpapers.in
• Reciting ‘Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore’ 10 times in 20 seconds.
5pm Wed 21 May (W11) Sign up UNSWRoundhouse
Free for Arcrc members
WHEN: 12-6pm, Wed 28 May
This year there’ll be stalls from Elizabeth’s Bookshops (selling cheap books) and Oxfam (selling some goodies!) and any leftover clothes will go to charity. Happy culling and see you there!
PRICE: Free
Check out unswroundhouse.com for any further info.
WHERE: Roundhouse
VERDICT: Waste not, want not
By Alexandra Black
blitz mag
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Contact 10am-4pm @ Quad, Lvl 2, East Wing Got a burning question? The peeps at CONTACT have got you covered. It’s been rumoured that they not only know how to find your class, but they all know the meaning of life.
SRC Welfare Room
White House Breakfast Special
All day @ Level 1, Blockhouse, East Wing
9am-12pm @ The White House
Study stress sucks arse. Get away from all the hustle and bustle of uni life at the Welfare room, where you can chill out and refuel.
Need a morning pick-me-up? Head over to the serenity of The White House and pick up one of their breakfast specials any day of the week. Instant happiness!
ALL WEEK
MON
MAY 19
Breakfast Special
Happy Hour
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Cheap drinks to ease you into the workaday week. You’re welcome.
9am-12pm @ The White House Cookies are the breakfast of champions. Snag a large coffee and a cookie for only $4.
TUE
Lunch Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Grab a regular coffee and a muffin or banana bread, all for $5.
12pm onward @ The White House Chicken wings and a beverage for $8.
Daily Mass
12.10pm @ Quad 1049
MAY20
Breakfast Special
Enviro Collective Meeting
10am-12pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
VeggieSoc Lunch
1pm @ Beer Garden, Roundhouse Time to wear your grandad’s clothes, look incredible and kick some arse at bingo.
11am-1pm @ Arc Precinct All those massive carnivorous dinosaurs died out for a reason. Time to embrace your inner veggo and grab yourself a plate of some pure herbivore deliciousness.
Women’s Collective Meeting
Lunch Special
Bingo
1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse
Queer Collective Meeting
4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building
Poker
5pm @ Roundhouse You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.
12pm onward @ The White House Pizza and beer for $10. There is no greater combination of food and beverage in the world.
Free Pool
12-2pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse ‘Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.’ – Abraham Lincoln.
Daily Mass
12.10pm @ Quad G048
BLITZ PICKS MONDAY
Intercultural Collective Meeting 12.30-1.30pm @ Activists’ Space, Blockhouse
WED
Trivia
5pm @ Roundhouse Know stuff about things? Put your knowledge to the test for the chance to win badass prizes.
Body Mark
Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Grab an omelette and a hash brown for $7.
Smoothie Social
10am @ The COFA Courtyard Healthy, free smoothies to kick start your day!
5pm @ Kudos Gallery Catch Harriet Body’s graduating MFA exhibition at Kudos Gallery from now until Sat 31 May. The exhibition surrounds Harriet’s exploration of ‘distilled mark-making’: a process of extracting the essence of a specific moment in time.
Lunch Special
Happy Hour
Theatresports
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
Trivia Night
6-8pm @ The White House Chill out on The White House’s leather couches over a punchbowl while you recall all the meaningless facts Wikipedia has taught you over the years.
Harry Potter and the Night of Trivia
7pm @ Roundhouse Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, teach us something please. Whether we be old and bald, or young with scabby knees. Register your team at facebook.com/UNSWRoundhouse to be sure not to miss out!
12pm onward @ The White House Wine and pasta for $10? Don’t mind if we do.
Daily Mass
12.10pm @ Quad G048 1pm @ Roundhouse Got a talent for improvisational comedy to rival the likes of Liam Neeson? Come along to Theatresports to get a taste for the stage.
Women’s Collective Meeting
1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse
International Collective Meeting 4-7pm @ Activists’ Space, Blockhouse
COFA Gallery Crawl
5pm @ COFA Courtyard Crawl to some of the hottest exhibitions in Sydney with a pack of your peeps.
Double Happy Hour 5-7pm
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Bingo
Harry Potter and the Night of Trivia
Double Happy Hour
1pm @ Beergarden, Roundhouse
7pm @ Roundhouse
5-7pm @ Roundhouse
Two fat ladies, legs eleven, pickup sticks sixty-six. We’re not sure if anything beats shouting out bingo calls with a bunch of mates, but there’s only one way to find out. Come along to the Roundie’s weekly bingo extravaganza and win big.
What does draco dormiens nunquam titillandus mean? What are the names of the three Peverell brothers? What was Voldemort’s mother’s name? If you know the answer to any of these questions, you should probably come along to the Roundhouse’s Harry Potter Trivia for your chance to win awesome prizes (not to mention the butterbeer!).
MAY 21
What’s twice as good as one Happy Hour? Double Happy Hour of course! Spend the afternoon indulging in beer from $3 and basics from $3.50. Student life at its greatest.
BISTRO SPECIAL S1W11
DRINKS SPECIAL S1W11
FRUIT TINGLE
$7
Kudos Gallery
COFA Shuttle
All day @ Kudos Gallery, Paddington
All day @ Gate 8, High Street Need to pop over to our sister campus for a bit? Whether you’ve got a class there or you want to check out Kudos Gallery, the COFA shuttle will get you there in a jiffy.
Need a little more culture in your uni life? Check out this professional exhibition space for artists, curators and designers from UNSW. The Roundhouse encourages the Responsible Service of Alcohol *Not available during major events
CHARGRILLED LAMB BURGER
ONLY
$9
UNSW - THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING DOWN @ UniBar, Roundhouse What’s twice as good as one happy hour? Double happy hour of course!
Open Mic Night
7-9pm @ The White House Wanna try out your Australian Idol audition piece before you go before the judge? Whether you’re into singing, yodelling or stand-up, The White House is your oyster. Go on. We double dare you.
De Bortoli Short Film Festival 7-9pm @ The White House
THU
Daily Mass Live Music: Heineken Acoustic Sessions 4-6pm @ The White House Acoustic tunes from Kye Brown.
Queer Collective Meeting
4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building
Happy Hour
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
MAY 22
Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Pancakes (with Nutella or maple syrup) and a coffee for $6. Yum.
Lunch Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Grab some devil chicken and a beer for $8.50. So good it’s practically evil.
Daily Mass
12.10pm @ Goldstein G02
Education Collective Meeting 12-2pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
Disability and Welfare Collective Meeting 2-4pm @ Disability and Welfare Room, Blockhouse
Sydney Writers’ Festival at UNSW
6.30-7.30pm @ Io Myers Studio COST: Free but bookings essential Catch Eimear McBride, author of A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing, in conversation with Ronan McDonald as part of the Sydney Writers’ Festival.
FRI
MAY 23
White House Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Egg and bacon roll and a regular coffee for $6.
12.10pm @ Quad G048
Arc Sports Happy Hour
3pm @ Village Green Ah handball, the most loved and hated of the playground sports. Even the nerdiest of kids could be king for a day if they were good at handball. Time to relive your glory years at Arc Sports Happy Hour, with this week’s hour of sporting goodness dedicated to handball.
Live Music
4-7pm @ Roundhouse
Happy Hour
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
Live DJ
6-9pm @ The White House
Free Bread Fridays
10am @ COFA Courtyard Free toast to start your morning. The best thing since sliced bread.
White House Lunch Special
12pm onward @ The White House Grab fish and chips and a draught for $10.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
DON’T MISS
Sydney Writers’ Festival at UNSW
Arc Sports Happy Hour
Trivia
6.30-7.30pm @ Io Myers Studio COST: Free but bookings essential
3pm @ Village Green
5pm Tue 20 May @ Roundhouse
Spend the afternoon reliving your primary/high school glory years with an hour of pure, unadultered handball goodness. Dive, swat, backhand and block your way to sweet victory.
Looking for a place to expel all your trivia knowledge? Every Tuesday, two crazed gentlemen will entertain and bombard you with questions your tutor never asks. With drink vouchers and more to be won, we suggest you don’t miss it.
Eimear McBride, author of A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing, will be chatting to UNSW’s Ronan McDonald about family violence, sexuality and the personal struggle to remain intact through trauma. hile listening to the acoustic tunes of Olivia Jean. Thursdays are the new Fridays.
Dance Studio
Daily Mass
Body Mark
All day @ Level 2, Blockhouse
12.10pm @ Quad 1049
5pm @ Kudos Gallery
If you’re trying to perfect the Napoleon Dynamite finale dance you’ll need a mirror and some privacy. Book a dance studio and learn up, because chicks only dig guys with skills.
Get spiritual at the same time every day, but be sure to check the calendar as there are location changes.
Cher always wondered what she’d do If she could turn back time whereas Harriet Body decided to capture the best moments. Her exhibition, which is focused on freezing specific moments in time, will be on show all week at Kudos Gallery. Come and relieve all the good times.
ALL WEEK
MON
MAY 26
National Sorry Day
A day to remember the mistreatment of Down Under’s Indigenous population.
White House Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House The best cure for Mondayitis? A large coffee and a cookie for only $4. Can I get a hell yeah?
White House Lunch Special
12pm onward @ The White House Your Monday lunch is covered with chicken wings and a beer for $8.
Daily Mass
12.10pm @ Quad 1049
Bingo
1pm @ Beer Garden, Roundhouse Clickety click, 66. Legs, 11. 52, chicken vindaloo. Come along to hear some great bingo nicknames and win prizes.
Women’s Collective Meeting 1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse
Queer Collective Meeting
4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building
BLITZ PICKS MONDAY
White House Lunch Special
Poker
5pm @ Roundhouse ‘If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.’ – Paul Newman
Happy Hour
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
MAY 27
TUE
National Reconciliation Week
27 May-3 June Keep an eye out for all sorts of events across Sydney to commemorate two significant milestones in the reconciliation journey—the anniversaries of the successful 1967 referendum and the High Court Mabo decision.
White House Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Grab a regular coffee and a muffin or banana bread, all for $5.
Enviro Collective Meeting
10am-12pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
Arc Flea Markets
10am-5pm @ Arc Precinct Winter is coming! Make sure you head on down to the markets and grab some winter wear for the coming cold.
VeggieSoc Lunch 11am-1pm @ Arc Precinct Herbivores rejoice!
12pm onward @ The White House Is there a better combination than pizza and draught for $10? We don’t think so.
Smoothie Social
10am @ COFA Courtyard Free smoothies? We vote yes.
White House Lunch Special
Free Pool
12pm onward @ The White House Wine and pasta for $10. Hump day just got a whole lot more bearable.
12-2pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
Daily Mass
Clothes Swap
12.10pm @ Quad G048
12.30-1.30pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
12-6pm @ Roundhouse I’m gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pocket, I - I - I’m hunting, looking for a come-up, this is f***ing awesome.
Trivia
Daily Mass
5pm @ Roundhouse
12.10pm @ Quad G048
Happy Hour
Theatresports
Intercultural Collective Meeting
1pm @ Roundhouse Give the stars of Whose Line Is It Anyway? a run for their improv money.
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
Trivia Night
6-8pm @ The White House Win prizes by regurgitating all the random facts your mind stores even though it can’t remember the answers to, like, 40% of your exam questions. Scumbag brain.
WED
MAY 28
White House Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House An omelette and a hash brown for $7 you say? We know what we’re having for breakfast.
Women’s Collective Meeting
1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse
Bistro Happy Hour
2-4pm @ Roundhouse Grab the already cheap food you love at even cheaper prices. #winning
International Collective Meeting 4-7pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Poker
Arc Flea Markets
State of Origin Game One
5pm @ Roundhouse
10am-5pm @ Arc Precinct
5pm @ Roundhouse
Lady Gaga plays, Kenny Rogers sure as shit knows how to kick arse at it and James Bond knows what’s what. We’re talking about poker, of course. Come to the Roundhouse and put your money where your mouth is.
*Insert Macklemore reference here* Everybody’s favourite campus market is back and ready to clothe you to face the onslaught of winter. Grab vintage threads, exotic jewels and sweet eats, all on the cheap.
The cane toads and cockies go head to head once again in one of Down Under’s biggest sporting battles. Make sure you’re at the Roundhouse so – on the off chance NSW actually win – you can tell your grandchildren where you were the day history was made.
BISTRO SPECIAL S1W12
DRINKS SPECIAL S1W12
BEACH HOUSE
SAVE THE DATE
$7
Happy Hour 5-6pm @ Roundhouse Beverages during Happy Hour are as cheap as chips. Even cheaper than chips in fact, because chips have gotten hella expensive.
GARLIC AND MUSHROOM PORK HOT DOG
The Roundhouse encourages the Responsible Service of Alcohol *Not available during major events
ONLY
$9
UNSW - THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING DOWN COFA Gallery Crawl
5pm @ COFA Courtyard Join a pack of peeps and crawl around to a bunch of exhibitions in Sydney.
State of Origin Game One
5pm @ Roundhouse It has to be the NSW Blues’ year. Right? No? Come and join the state-on-state warfare as the cane toads and the cockroaches go head to head for the first time this year.
Double Happy Hour
5-7pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Double the fun!
Open Mic Night
7-9pm @ The White House Got a talent for Tuvan throat singing? Or maybe a new stand-up routine you wanna try out on a friendly crowd? You can try just about anything at The White House’s Open Mic Night.
THU
MAY 29
White House Breakfast Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Pancakes (with Nutella or maple syrup) and a coffee for $6.
White House Lunch Special
9am-12pm @ The White House Grab some devil chicken and a beer for $8.50.
Education Collective Meeting
White House Breakfast Special
Daily Mass
9am-12pm @ The White House Egg and bacon roll and a regular coffee for $6.
12.10pm @ Goldstein G02
Disability and Welfare Collective Meeting 2-4pm @ Disability and Welfare Room, Blockhouse
Live Music: Heineken Acoustic Sessions
4-6pm @ The White House Chill out to tunes from Oliver Goss.
Free Bread Fridays
10am @ COFA Courtyard Free food to kick off your weekend. #Winning
White House Lunch Special
12pm onward @ The White House Grab fish and chips and a draught for $10. Best way to start the weekend.
Queer Collective Meeting
4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building
Happy Hour
3pm @ Village Green ‘Free play’ basically means you can do whatever the hell you want for an hour. Come along to the Village Green and kick a ball, jump rope or play hopscotch: the grass is your oyster.
Live Music and DJs 5-7pm @ Roundhouse
Arts Advantage: School of Media
6.30-7.30pm @ Robert Webster Building Calling all Media students. The Arts Society is holding their first Arts Advantage Series for the School of Media. Lachlan Harris and Daniel Joyce will give talks. Free Subway will also be provided!
MAY 30
12-2pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse
THURSDAY
12.10pm @ Quad G048
Arc Sports Happy Hour
5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse
FRI
Daily Mass
Double Happy Hour
5-7pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Two is better than one.
Live Music and DJs
WEEK 13 SAM SEMINAR: CREATING THE CREATORS Tues 3 June @ Robert Webster Building
Catch Roanna Gonsalves talking about writers writing in English in contemporary urban India.
STUDENT COOKBOOK LAUNCH Wed 4 June @ Roundhouse
Free food? Check. Free cookbook? Check. Full of ‘imprecipes’ (geddit?), this year’s Student Cookbook launch is sure to be delicious.
COFA END OF SESSION PARTY Wed 4 June @ COFA Mess Hall
Say goodbye to the semester in style at the COFA End of Session Party. Hallelujah holidays!
END OF SESSION ‘I HEART 90S’ PARTY Thurs 6 June @ Roundhouse
Break out your Air Jordans, slap bracelets and flannel. It’s time to party like it’s 1999 (again).
5-7pm @ Roundhouse
Live DJ
6-9pm @ The White House
FRIDAY
DUD PARTY?
Live Music: Heineken Acoustic Sessions 4-6pm @ The White House Rock outfit Oliver Goss will be going unplugged to bring you an afternoon of chilled out tunes at The White House. Grab a punchbowl, pull up a seat on a vintage leather couch and get your evening off to a relaxing start.
Promote your event with What’s On! Go to arc.unsw.edu.au, Halfor email blitz@arc. Assed unsw.edu.au
Arc Sports Happy Hour 3pm @ Village Green What’s always better than structured activities and rules? Why, the exact opposite, of course! The final Arc Sport Happy Hour for S1 will be devoted entirely to free play, which means you can basically do whatever the hell you want.
Olympics
Deadline 12 days before Mon of relevant fortnight
1pm @ COFA Courtyard Give Blitz the thumbs up
facebook.com/blitzmag
AROUND TOWN: WHAT’S ON SYDNEY
HE WAS COST: $129.95 (from
ticketmaster.com.au) VERDICT: Armin van Tastic
When it comes to being a badass DJ, Dutch music producer van Buuren has got it pretty much down. He won the #1 spot on DJ Magazine’s Top 100 DJs fan pollarca.unrecord sw.edu.au five blitz@ times, including an unprecedented four consecutive years in 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 and again in 2012. Now he’s coming Down Under to blow your mind with his awesomeness.
BITE US!
Van Buuren sold out his Melbourne show in a matter of days, so if you wanna see him, you better hop to it quick smart to avoid some major FOMO. Get your tickets from ticketmaster.com.au today!
WA
ERE
H WAS
CHEAP A$$ SYDNEY sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un
sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un
BITE US!
19BMay ITE -U30S!May | Affordable Events
By Vanessa Liaw
WATCH Sydney Writers’ Festival 2014
WIN
WIN
WHEN: MON 19 MAY – SUN 25 MAY: CHECK SWF WEBSITE FOR TIMES
Blitz was badass enough to nab a double pass to give away to our readers. To get your hands on it, email blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au with ARMIN in the subject line and tell us what your signature tune would be if you were a DJ.
WHERE: WALSH BAY PRECINCT: AND SYDNEY CBD COST: FREE FOR CERTAIN EVENTS, OTHERS MAY REQUIRE TICKET PURCHASE
sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un
SHOW US THE du.au w.e ns
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SHOW US THE mail
AL Sale Love Story Pop LEUpGDesigner L A G E L AGLE E E L EAG
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The annual Sydney Writers’ Festival kicks off in Walsh Bay, with sw.edu.au tz@arc.un this year’s focus drawing on our concepts of bli culture, history u sw.edu.a arc.unover and identity. With 400 writers converging on Sydney’s blitz@ Harbour, it’s best to check out the SWF website for the week’s program list, so you don’t miss your favourite author’s seminar. Whether it is Emma Alberici from ABC1’s Lateline program, The Color Purple author Alice Walker, or Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan, there’ll be someone there to give .edu.au you lowdown on all things write-tastic! sw n u .ed .au sw SHOP n
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Armin van Buuren, the world’s number one DJ, is visiting Sydney for a single show.
WHERE: Sydney Showground RE
E S HER
e@arc. vic u ad
Armin Only
WHEN: 10pm, Sun 8 June
LEGAL EAGLE
WHEN: UNTIL SUNDAY 1 JUNE; MON-FRI (10.30AM-6PM) & SAT-SUN (10.30AM-5PM) WHERE: 60 OXFORD ST PADDINGTON 2021 COST: FREE ENTRY, CLOTHING PRICES VARY
Vivid Festival Like a moth to a flame, Sydneysiders will be flocking to the famous Vivid festival over the next couple of weeks. This interactive festival of lights, music and ideas will be de-lighting audiences for the sixth year running, with exhibition spaces throughout the CBD and Redfern.
Ladies, LISTEN UP! Past season stock from authentic designer 23 May to 9 June labels such as Chanel, Emilio Pucci, YSL, Prada, Balenciaga, LUSIVE WHERE: Sydney CBD and EXC Dior, Mugler and more are on sale E with new sale stock SIVnow, U L C added weekly to satisfy your hunger for all things refined. Be X Redfern E IVE though – sale stock Squick U runs out just as fast as they come in, L C EX COST: Free (exept for musical so make sure you turn up nice and early! events and workshops) MORE ENLIGHTENING INFO: WATCH vividsydney.com Cheapest Flicks in Sydney VERDICT: Illuminating
WHEN:
The Harbour Bridge will be stacked with over 100,000 LED lights capable of inducing 100,000 seizures. Visitors will have the chance to design their own light show for the Australian icon from an interactive touchscreen located at Luna Park. Other dazzling locations include the Opera House, MCA, Customs House and Martin Place. Join the social media frenzy and share that super indie pic of you at Vivid this year to convince the world you’re all cultured and shit. The Australian Chamber Orchestra is joining forces with electro gods The Presets during the festival. Other music includes Kate Miller Heidke, Pixies and Pet Shop Boys. So be sure to lighten up and come out to enjoy what is sure to be another spectacular Vivid festival. By Annalise Bolt
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WHEN: WHENEVER
WHERE: THE RITZ CINEMA COST: $8 FOR Arc STUDENTS These days Event Cinemas will charge you $16 for a screening and $14 for a large popcorn and coke. This is all included with a no comfort guarantee when you find the theatre is more packed than a Roundhouse session party. The Ritz Cinema on the other hand has movies for $8 and you’ll have more than enough room to relax. Bad Neighbours and Godzilla are set for release in May so make sure you pick this venue for your screening.
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BIGGEST
Friendzoned
The friendzon e
Photo Credit: img.wikia.nocookie.net, static.trtroped.org, wallpoper.com, image5.fanpop.com,i.lv3.hbo.com
Characters
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
JD from Scrubs
Snape from Harry Potter
Eowyn From LotR
It’s obvious the unfortunate troll looking Quasimodo has got the hots for street gypsy Esmeralda, but when a handsome prince gets involved you know there’s no hope for the bell ringing bestie. To rub salt in the wound, Quasi watches their wedding from a high tower because the photographer doesn’t want him to appear in any photos. This example is so demeaning as it’s a friendzone strictly based on ugliness. How could you Disney?
Severus Snape is headmaster of the friendzone. Despite the fact that he was a mega douche for most of his life, he loved Lily Evans ever since they were children – a love that was never reciprocated due to said douchiness. When Lily was murdered by his boss, Snape turned double agent and all round badass, and spent the rest of his life entirely focused on revenge. He remains, to this day, the most tragic case of friendzoning known to humankind.
A classic case of the reoccurring friendzone. JD’s love for Elliot is made clear in episode one and set up for us to think she’s the girl he’ll never get. Against the odds he does, but as we see throughout the series, he finds a way to f*ck it up, which leaves Elliot citing those five words that can crush a man’s spirit faster than a grade of 49: ‘Maybe we’re better off friends.’
Aragorn is a babe. No doubt about it. If we were Eowyn, we probably would’ve swooned at his chiselled features, manly five o’clock shadow and talented use of his sword as well. But instead of feeling sorry for her, we were all internally screaming, ‘Step off bitch! Ain’t nobody coming between Aragorn and Arwen on my watch!’ The only thing worse than being in the friendzone is having an audience think you goddamn well deserve to stay there. Meddling skank.
Fry from Futurama
Poor, innocent, 20th century Fry. Sometimes not even travelling through time can impress a girl. The purple haired, one-eyed Leela has him so cemented in the friendzone that the international meme for the act is his very own face. When worms invade Fry’s brain, increasing his intelligence, we see Leela reconsider, but hope is lost after the gang shrink themselves and kill off the invaders - a very common prevention of breaking the friendzone barrier in today’s world.
Jorah Mormont from GoT
AKA Ser Jorah of House Friendzone, the First of His Name. King of the Nice Guys, the Like a Brothers and the Just Friends. Yep, ol’ Captain Friendzone, Jorah Mormont, is the very epitome of the kind of dude who ends up in the friendzone. Loyal to a fault, constantly reliable, super nice… It seems like Jorah’s life is pretty rough until you remember Daenerys Targaryen is only 13 in the first book. He’s being friendzoned by a tween. #NoSympathy
By Ari Riddle and Marla Stark
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campus life. Duj’s Life Hacks By Anuj Dhawan
It’s pretty clear to differentiate the amateurs from the professionals when you walk in to an all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut. Here are some sweet tips to push your $20 further: SuperSlice: Don’t fill up on bread. Grab three slices of pizza, strip two of them of their toppings, and place it all on the third. BEAST MODE INITIATED. Aye Aye Cap’N: Dinner and drinks is all well and good, but it sure does add up. Offset this cost by sneaking in your favourite potion and using the unlimited soft drink dispenser to hydrate yourself into a tizzy. Morgan ‘n Coke for me, thanks. Garlic ‘n’ Red: If you absolutely must eat bread, supplement it with some of that delicious red sauce. Don’t be a chump and eat it with pasta. It’s just not worth your wallet.
Flea t e k r a M
WHEN: TUE 27 MAY WHERE: Arc PRECINCT COST: DIRT CHEAP
Vintage, so adorable.
Arc Spotlight UNSWeetend Literary Journal Think you got the goods to give Hemmingway and Plath a run for their money? Arc totally does, which is why they publish the annual UNSWeetened Literary Journal: to provide a voice for some seriously talented emerging student writers. Whether you’re an undergrad or postgrad, or you write poetry or prose, UNSWeetened wants you! You have until 9 June to submit your work online at arc.unsw.edu.au/unsweetened, so get on it! Any questions? Direct them to unsweetened@arc.unsw.edu.au. Happy writing folks!
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Running low on winter threads? Want some cheap, delicious food? In need of bric-a-brac to decorate your sad student lodgings? The Arc Flea Markets have all that and much, much more! Wander out of class on Tues 27 May and lose yourself in the mini-bazaar that the Arc Precinct outside of the Blockhouse becomes. From exotic jewellery to mouth-watering cake to a shitload of vintage clothes to sift through, there’s sure to be something for everybody. Plus, if you’re scratching for cash, it’s free for Arc members to set up tables of their own wares. Scrap that dodgy eBay auction and sell your unwanted junk the old-fashioned way.
UNIGAMES
In Brief
Beard trends subject to evolution
UNSW researchers have concluded (after extensive research) that the more rare your facial hair is, the more attractive. According to negative frequency dependence, when a fashion becomes mainstream, (or has a BuzzFeed list) it’s all downhill from there. Time’s up, bearded folk.
By now you should have heard some rumours about Unigames, I’m here to tell you they’re all true, if anything, they’ve been dulled down to keep some students’ dignity intact – what’s left of it anyway. This year Eastern University Games will be held in Newcastle from the 6-10 July. If you’re a veteran you’ll know the only thing more important than qualifying for Australian University Games in S2 is making sure your name will be remembered and spoken about for the coming years. Camaraderie comes first in a week where friendships are made, records are broken and an 8am kick off replaces a Boost Juice as your hangover cure. To fill you in, Unigames are generally comprised of two types of universities – those who are there to win and those who are there to party…and then there is us. We really stand alone as the university who can compete both on and off the field. ‘Last to leave the club and first on the winner’s podium’. That’s a slogan I’ve just come up with then, but if you’re lucky enough to be going you’ll see it applies tenfold. Just like the types of universities there are two types of Unigames goers. Seniors and freshers. Rules for freshers were carved out on the Unigames tablet in the long long ago so to question a law or disrespect a senior can result in excruciating punishment. Tests of endurance and shameful tasks are performed by freshers each year to entertain those who have been through the ordeal in previous years. This banter goes unmatched yet only reaches its full potential if everyone is willing to live by the YOLO catchphrase. If by chance you didn’t make the cut, or you’re spending your semester break backpacking through Europe, don’t be disheartened and drop out of university. Australian University Games will be held in Sydney this year so get training and email your captains showing your interest months before trials. Check out sport.arc.unsw.edu.au for more details. By Ari Stark
Thinking about exchange?
Enjoy sushi, noodles, and efficient public transport? Three lucky UNSW students are currently test driving the New Colombo Plan, an Australian Government scholarship of up to $67,000 for exchange in the Asian or Indo-Pacific region. Heck yes, we’re in. Where do we sign up?
Can’t get enough of UNSW? Love reading through political party policies in your spare time? Think election season is just the most exciting thing ever? I mean, those TV ads – love them! UNSW has just announced their new Professional Doctorate in Public Policy and Governance. If you love research, long hours and want to hold onto that coffee cart addiction for a few more years, we think this will be right up your alley.
Kickin’ goals for UNSW
Professor Emma Johnston, of our very own School of Biological, Earth and Environmental Sciences, has just been announced as the winner of the Nancy Melissa Award for her research as the Director of the Sydney Harbour Project. Bored of that pesky, hot, lab coat? Swap it for a swimsuit, and follow her flippers. By Liz Chapman
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UNSWeetened L I T E R A R Y J O U R N A L 2 0 1 4
LOVE TO WRITE? this is your chance to get
published!
FOR MORE DETAILS AND TO SUBMIT, VISIT
@ UNSW
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arc.unsw.edu.au/unsweetened
Recipes to Impress Blitz chats to the 2014 Student Cookbook coordinator, Amy Emerson, about good food, good people and what is sure to be a stellar launch party. Tell us about 2014’s Student Cookbook. What made you want to get involved with this year’s publication? After finding my feet at uni in first year, I really wanted to get involved with the student community. As a design student I thought it would be a really good way to work on a publication and get firsthand experience! The 2014 Cookbook features some really great recipes, all fitting with the theme ‘Simple Recipe to Impress’ and has been put together by a wonderful team of volunteer designers, photographers, editors, sponsorship assistants and illustrators who all study at UNSW. What’s been the highlight so far? Every milestone has been a highlight in itself. Most of all, this year we were also really lucky to get the support of a special guest judge, Kumar Pereira from season three of Masterchef. Sending the book to print was another big achievement, because we’d all worked so tirelessly on it and it was nice to finally have it in our hands! Tell us about the launch in W13. Should people get excited? The Cookbook launch is a huge event every year and you should definitely be excited! There will be free food samples, live music, drinks, demonstrations, prizes and giveaways, not to mention you will be one of the very first students to get your hands on your very own FREE copy of the brand new Student Cookbook!
Amy Emerson
We’ll see you at the Roundhouse on Wed 4 June for the launch!
Did you know …
Laying Down the Law
Publication of the Harry Potte r series has be everything fro en rife with m lawsuits an d injunctions death threat to blackmail s, including a and pa rticularly am to sue JK Row bitious attem ling’s publishe pt rs for a whopp (i.e. all the m ing £500,000 oney in Gringo ,000 tts), claiming plagiarised el that she had ements of HP 5. Happily fo has indeed be r JK all this m en managed ischief (so far).
According to acclaimed series Law and Order: SVU, ‘in the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous.’ A 2012 National Union of Students (NUS) survey got students talking about sexual assault, finding that 1 in 10 female students have experienced sexual violence during uni. Beyond the microcosm of uni, as per a 2012 nationwide study undertaken by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, almost 1 in 5 women (and 1 in 20 men) over 15 reported to have been sexually assaulted, with the assault most often perpetrated by someone familiar to them. However, while you then think it might be ‘safer’ to become a perpetual student meeting new people all the time, more than one-third female students in the NUS survey reported to have been sexually harassed while at university, so, no dice. The definition of sexual harassment under the Sex Discrimination Act 1984 includes: unwelcome sexual advances,
requests for sexual favours, or sexual conduct that makes people feel harassed or humiliated, and UNSW has its own pretty strict policies about harassment that all students are advised to become familiar with. We’d also like to remind students to always treat others with the respect that you want to be treated with by being courteous and keeping your hands to yourself. In the worst case scenario, speak out if shit goes down as you’re not alone - these incidents are alarmingly common and there are people who can help. PS Trust no one. May the law be ever in your favour.
HAVING CENTRELINK WOES OR A TENANCY DISPUTE? Give the wise ones at Student Support a shout! Email advice@arc.unsw.edu.au or call 9385 7700 with your query or to make an appointment.
Antonia Shuttleworth Student Support Intern
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RTS O P S Arc
T O P S T HO R U O YH HAPP
HANDBALL WHEN: 3PM FRI 23 MAY WHERE: VILLAGE GREEN Let me take you back 10 years or so to a time where your lunch was packed for you, classes had naptime, and if you knew how to handball, you were seen as a god among mere humans. Arc Sport will be running social handball at 3pm on the Village Green and if there’s anything I learnt from my schooling years, it’s that there is no ‘social handball’. Now’s your chance to make up for all that time you spent at the back of the line, all those times they called you out for not having a secret shot, and all those times you wished your friends would grow up. The bell signaling lunchtime is similar to the bell that signals the start of a boxing match for a reason. You have no friends when you find yourself out in the midst of a summer session of supervised quadrangle handball. A mistimed shot can see you scrape knuckles across unforgiving gravel while a well-executed play could see you uninvited from your best friend’s birthday party. Let those memories flow through you as a source of inspiration when you play for king of the playground. Everyone you’ve ever known become enemies when a 50 plus line of reserves stand between you and your fun so be sure to leave it all out on the court. As they say, what happens on the field stays on the field.
FREE PLAY WHEN: 3PM FRI 30 MAY WHERE: VILLAGE GREEN When you were a kid, hearing the words ‘free play’ at school was akin to waking up on Christmas morning to a PlayStation preloaded with Crash Bandicoot: freakin’ awesome. Now you can relieve your childhood at Arc Sports Happy Hour, with an afternoon dedicated to doing whatever the hell strikes your fancy. Here are some suggestions: TUG OF WAR What could be a more productive use of free play than pitting your brute strength against someone else’s? It’s one of the oldest sports in the world, dating back at least to Ancient Egypt. If it’s good enough for King Tut, it’s good enough for you. HACKY SACK American college movies led us to believe that games of Hacky Sack and dudes with guitars singing Wonderwall would be far more ubiquitous on campus than they really are. Use your hour of free play to change one (or both) of these things. SKIP Start with a bit of basic skipping, then progress to some Double Dutch, an Inverse Toad and – not for the faint of heart – a James Hirst to top it all off. Remember to brush up on your chanting skills, which are an integral part of jump rope.
Come along to the Village Green every Friday afternoon at 3pm to try on a new sport for an hour! 32
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CAPTAIN Q&A
Gridiron Do you find you’re more interested in the Superbowl than the grand finals in Australian sport? If so, keep 24 May open. Who we are: The Raiders Gridiron Club. We are the oldest gridiron club in Australia, being formed in 1979 as the Waverley Raiders and competing in gridiron in NSW since the first comp in 1984. From 1985 onwards we were known as the Bondi Raiders (and are still often referred to as such). We are the only gridiron team in Eastern Sydney. We have teams in the Mens (19+), Womens and Colts (boys 14-18) competitions and have a number of players and coaches who have either represented previously or currently at both state and national levels. Last year we started working with Arc Sport to bring gridiron to UNSW. This saw us attending O-Week this year and running a Train Like a Titan session during the Festival of Sport. We are looking to continue this with our next event - our Open Day and Combine, which will also be the launch of our preseason training for the men’s and women’s teams. The event: The Open Day and Combine will be held on Saturday 24 May at UNSW David Phillips Sports Field. The day will start with a touchdown event for kids aged between 3-12, with a focus on fun and some basic sports skills. We will then run an NFL style combine event. For those not familiar with a Combine, it’s an event NFL teams run to look at rookie players. It consists of: 40 yard sprint, vertical jump, broad jump, shuttle run, flexibility test and bench press. We will then finish the day off with a game of flag football (think Oztag, but gridiron rules). We’re really keen to engage with all of the community and especially with UNSW students. This is a great chance for people to get involved (be it as a player, coach or just a fan) in a sport they may not have tried before. Current players and coaches will be around all day to answer any questions. and there will be an all-day BBQ. By Blake Cochran
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Reviews. FILM
MOVIE
Young & Beautiful
The Zero Theorem
Prince of Thorns
Directed by François Ozon
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Written by Mark Lawrence
Only the French could get away with a film like Young & Beautiful, the story of Isabelle (Marine Vacth), a 17-year-old-girl who loses her virginity on a family holiday and then becomes a high-class call girl in the span of a few months. It skirts around the realities of human trafficking and instead chooses to focus on the sexuality of a teenager.
Terry Gilliam is well known as one of the original members of Monty Python but he also has a prolific directorial career spanning more than three decades. His latest project is a chaotic exploration into the way we see ourselves and the meaning of our existence. It sounds like heavy material but Gilliam’s trademark subtle humour makes this one of the most thoughtprovoking movies this year.
Hang onto your intestines; it’s going to get ugly.
Underneath all the soft core porn sequences and obtuseness is a well-acted drama, with warm performances all-round. It is easy to dismiss the film as being gratuitous and catered to the middle-age men that probably resemble many of Isabella’s clients, because it kind of is and it crosses that line on purpose. Isabella’s beauty never goes unnoticed and we are watching her with a voyeuristic eye. Though unsaid, the film is about her trying to determine her self-worth in a world where people can’t see beyond the superficial. If aesthetics are all that are on offer, perhaps it is unsurprising that Isabella enjoys being desired. The movie is called Young & Beautiful and it never tries to be anything more than its title. It’s carnal, nuanced, but remarkably subdued when all things are considered.
Credit Kevin Nguyen
We’re introduced to Qohen Leth (Christoph Waltz) as a reclusive workaholic who spends his life waiting for ‘The Call’. In a futuristic world reminiscent of a cross between George Orwell and Dr Seuss, Leth’s skills as a problem solver earn him the attention of an enigmatic businessman, known as ‘Management’ (Matt Damon), who offers to help in return for solving the titular Zero Theorem. With some unconventional assistance, Leth uses this opportunity to comprehend the value of life. Waltz performs brilliantly in this movie, displaying different facets of an obsessive mind. Gilliam, too, has pitched this perfectly so that, despite a very abstract concept, the movie never feels beyond understanding and finishes with a warming poignancy. The Zero Theorem is not a Hollywood blockbuster but it’s more memorable than most.
distinction chris wilson
BOOK
From the opening chapter, from the very first paragraph, you know what you’re walking into: a brutal, horrific fantasy world filled with violence, depravity and sorrow. And I loved every moment of it. Our main protagonist, Jorg, is a butchering, murdering, spiteful little bastard that we all love to hate. But through an incredible story that jumps back and forth in time, we learn to understand him as we delve into his twisted little psyche. With every second author thrusting out a tidal wave of novels clustered with clunky writing that has the charm and personality of a sewer, it’s an utter relief to find a book with a fantastic prose style. Furthermore, Mark Lawrence knows when to use it and how to use it. It’s a tool that’s only useful in the right hands and his are nearly flawless. It’s in first person, so if we’re going to spend time with a single character, we want to make sure that it’s an interesting one that locks on and never lets go. With a world that can easily rival that of Westoros in terms of grit and darkness, Prince of Thorns is an incredible debut that combines brilliant dialogue, near flawless writing and a fantastic character to create a visceral, veracious and vivid world that is absolutely fantastic. This book has set the standard for brilliant prose that everyone should try to measure up to. After this, anything less is inexcusable.
High DIStinction Jeremy szal 34
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PREMIERE
TECH
BOOK
Transcendence
Dragon Dictate
The Year of the Rat
Directed by Wally Pfister
Nuance
Written by Clare Furniss
Ever since Ross mentioned the concept of living on as AI after we die in that episode of Friends, I’ve been kind of fascinated with the idea. When I saw the trailer for Transcendence a couple of months ago, I sat prepared, waiting in eager anticipation.
Once I realised that Dragon Dictate wasn’t actually technology enabling me to speak to my laptop in the voice of Smaug, there was the question of how professional I looked wearing the headband-style microphone (yes, the ones telemarketers wear). Once I perfected my ‘Welcome to McDonald’s drive-thru, can I take your order?’ it was time to dictate the shit out of Dragon.
A girl’s life unravels when her mother dies giving birth to her younger sister. The Year of the Rat by Clare Furniss follows Pearl who, overcome with grief and unable to face her newborn sister, sinks deeper and deeper into despair.
The story surrounds Dr Will Caster (Johnny Depp), a highly renowned researcher in the field of Artificial Intelligence, who is attacked by technology-hating terrorists. Near death, his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) and close friend Max (Paul Bettany), both fellow researchers, manage to upload his consciousness to a highly powerful super-computer. This artificial Dr Caster, however, develops a seemingly endless thirst for power and knowledge, sending the whole world into a craze. I was really hoping to like it. Like really hoping. Whilst the concept was entertaining enough, there were endless problems with the writing. Huge pacing issues, minimal character development and rather confusing story arcs left me asking myself ‘Wait, what?’ far too many times. Also, anyone with a minimal scientific knowledge could poke holes in the story left, right and centre. The acting was sub-par, which was disappointing considering the talent on display. Only the mildly entertaining special effects – which were kind of ridiculous in themselves – made it an acceptable two hours to sit through. In truth, Transcendence is like fitting a Ferrari without an engine. It’s flashy and pretty, but with nothing to power it home.
Pass Siddharth Laha
Training Mode for transcription was, well, effing hilarious. Dragon turned references to school and performing in an interview I’d done to references to Allah and the Taliban. So I’d say we were off to a pretty good start. Now for the real deal: dictating. I’d say I was pretty impressed, especially considering the expectations I had after exiting Training Mode. Dragon gets increasingly familiar with your voice the more you use it, but for the first time, it was surprisingly accurate. Unusual words, or names spelt differently to the generic versions, were an issue, but you can program Dragon to remember certain spellings or pronunciations. (If you’re Tom, Dick or Harry though, you’re set.) It’s definitely cool, but the question is whether you’d use it more for assignments or speaking like Liam Neeson in Taken. Oh, and make sure you say ‘Microphone Off’ before screaming at your cat. #DragonSwagon
DISTINCTION brittney rigby
Furniss, through the authentic teenage voice of Pearl, creates a bittersweet tale full of dry humour. From the moment the smoking and swearing ghost of Pearl’s dead mother appears, you know you’re in for an interesting read. This book was acquired by publishers Simon & Schuster after a viscous eight-way bidding war, which set it up to be the next hot young adult novel. Hell, it even has its own hashtag (#thatratbook). Readers must remember that The Year of the Rat is a piece of young adult fiction complete with the cliché boy-next-door love interest, best friend bitch fights and the rite of passage drunken night. In other words: the story of all of our teenage years. But its brilliant exploration of unrelenting grief sets it apart from the rest. Read if you want an easy but powerful read like The Fault in Our Stars by John Green or The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.
Credit + Annalise Bolt
GO BLITZ YOURSELF Ever worried that you are too critical? Then we want you! Blitz is always looking for extra reviewers and reporters. Email us at blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au and be rewarded with freebies and invitations that’ll make your time at UNSW so much cooler.
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WORD SEARCH O
B
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R
R
O
V
N
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Find as many words as you can in the square. Each word must be at least four letters long and include the middle letter, plurals allowed. Each letter can only be used once. Good Luck.
MAZE
Email your words to blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au by 5pm May 31 to win a $20 UNSW Bookshop Voucher.
SUDOKU
Sudoku Puzzle - Hard
1. Who wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? 2. Where does SpongeBob SquarePants work? 3. Australia is grouped with whom in this year’s World Cup in Brazil? 4. What are the names of the three Peverell brothers in Harry Potter? 5. What chess piece makes an L-shaped move? 6. What country is Transylvania in?
Answers on p. 39
CONTACT TRIVIA: Q. What is the most covered song of all time?
www.sudoku-puzzles.net
JOBS AND OPPS More Puzzles:
www.sudoku-puzzles.net
Deadline for S2 Bightside Mentors Brightside is an artistic mentoring program that pairs COFA and UNSW students with underprivileged high school students with a focus on indigenous youth, to inspire and assist them in developing their creative skills and confidence. To get involved, register your interest at arc.unsw.edu.au by Fri 6 June.
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ASB Experimental Research Laboratory Database Wanna earn money by participating in current research? Head over to lab.asb.unsw.edu.au/website/ to find out how you can get involved with the ASB Experimental Research Laboratory Database. Experiments you say? That’s how superheros are made!
IN E M R OLOU
Photo Credit: 999colouringpages.com
C
STUDENT SURVIVAL KIT Hungry? Tired? In need of entertainment? Blitz has totally got you covered. Each issue, we’re giving away a massive, badass prize pack containing:
Weekend reading material from Bloomsbury.
Seriously tempting study snacks from Byron Bay Cookie Company.
A guarana thrill from Boca Lupo to get you through the day.
Tech cases from STM Bags to protect your Apple goodies.
A $25 gift card from Yogurtland (yum!) to help you woo your tute crush on a date.
And finally, a $50 gift bag of White Glo goodies to keep your pegs pearly white.
If that ain’t the tightest shit you ever seen then get out of our faces. Wanna get your hands on this amazing bag of swag? Simply colour in Dobby, follow us @blitzunsw on Instagram and post your amazing creation with the hashtag #blitzunsw blitz mag
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EXCLUSIVE MEMBERS COMPETITION THANKS TO UNIVERSAL PICTURES
Win 1 of 15 Double Passes to
A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Seth MacFarlane, the dude who bought you Family Guy, American Dad and Cosmos (yeah, science!), directs, produces, co-writes and acts in his latest film, A Million Ways to Die in the West. After Albert (MacFarlane) backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. When a mysterious and beautiful woman (Charlize Theron) rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. But the West is a treacherous place to be, where angry drunk people, wild animals, outlaws, doctors and even town fairs can spell your doom. So when the beautiful woman’s badass husband (Liam Neeson) arrives looking to eff shit up, Albert must put his newfound courage to the test. Check it out at the movies from May 29! © 2014 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved. www.Facebook.com/UniversalPicturesAU
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voxpops. By Kevin Nguyen
Lillian (International Studies)
Dave (Media and communications)
What Hogwarts house would you be in? Gryffindor. All the cool kids are in Gryffindor.
What would your boggart be? A big snake, with one of my lecturer’s heads on it.
What would your boggart be? Falling into space. If somehow the boggart could turn into the entire universe, that would be it.
Do you have any life hacks? Cut a hole in a box, fit your iPhone in there and put it over your head. It’s completely dark and like a cinema.
PUB QUIZ ANSWERS: 1. Roald Dahl 2. The Krusty Krab 3. Chile, Spain, The Netherlands 4. Antioch, Cadmus and Ignotus 5. Knight 6. Romania CONTACT TRIVIA ANSWER: Yesterday by The Beatles
If you were going to give a TEDx talk, what would it be about? Advertising and gender stereotypes.
Best thing you’ve ever found at Vinnies? Mahogany jacket. It was five dollars and I got it for a vintage party.
Alba (Bachelor of Arts) What Hogwarts House would you be in? Gryffindor. I don’t want to be the bad guy in Slytherin. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a random act of kindness? One time I left my laundry throughout the evening in the washing machine. When I came back all my clothes had been hung up. Do you have any life hacks? When travelling, never carry your passport on you. Keep some money in your pocket and your shoe, just in case you get robbed.
Joseph (Design and Media)
Terry (Commerce and Engineering)
If you were going to give a TEDx talk, what would it be about? I’m really interested in colour psychology.
What would your boggart be? A monitor that showed a tape worm inside my body.
What would your boggart be? A big cockroach, as big as my head. I hate cockroaches.
If you were to going to give a TEDx talk, what would it be about? Options besides going to uni... I’d just be complaining about going to uni.
Best things you’ve ever found at Vinnies? For an indie party, I found a woman’s vest that was five bucks.
Do you have any life hacks? Don’t believe all the life hacks you read...
Nabilah (Chemical Engineering) What Hogwarts house would you be in? Hufflepuff. I’m like the average kind of person. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a random act of kindness? My housemate makes me breakfast every morning. If you were to give a TEDx talk, what would it be about? Introverts. People think they’re shy, but they just work in their own way.
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