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July 27-August 2, 2011
MONSOON
YOUR SUMMER GUIDE TO TUCSON MUSIC, MOVIES AND ART
Miranda Butler Arts Editor 621-3106 arts@wildcat.arizona.edu
Stereotypical, but true:
The roommates you may encounter ARIZONA SUMMER WILDCAT We all know that stereotypes are exaggerations, and that no one fits any certain mold perfectly. But when you meet your roommate this year, you may learn that he or she has some very stereotypical (and frightening) qualities. Never fear. If you keep a level head, there’s a reasonable way to go about living with just about anyone.
The slob
The slob never cleans (which causes her possessions to smell like feet) and she hasn’t done laundry for three months now. She hoards old pizza boxes and stacks half-empty soda cans into towers on her desk. Expiration dates mean nothing to her, and she doesn’t “believe” in washing dishes. What to do: Establish boundaries for the room, so that at the very least, your half will be clean. Since she’s so insanely messy, you probably won’t be able to change her ways completely. But if something is a health hazard, confront her calmly to reach a compromise. What not to do: Do not clean up the slob’s mess for her. This will enable her to become even messier, and she may also grow dependent on you — which means she’ll never learn to clean for herself.
The sociopath
A literal sociopath kills kittens, but a sociopathic roommate kills your soul. She can’t stand to see other people happy, so she has some psychological need to tear you down. She’ll tell you that you’re unattractive, that your major is stupid and that no one in the world cares about you. What to do: Find quiet, relaxing places to hang out (other than just your dorm room). When she’s bothering you, it’s good to know that you have someplace else to go. Also, make other friends. Try to hang out with people who build you up whenever possible. What not to do: Don’t believe the lies that she tells you, and never, ever follow advice that she gives you. She enjoys seeing you suffer, so to thwart her plans, you must continue to be happy.
The BFF
Whether you knew each other before college or not, this roommate acts like your Siamese twin. She wants to do everything that you do, go everywhere with you and borrow everything that you
have. She doesn’t respect your boundaries, and can’t take a subtle hint. What to do: Be nice to her, but also be real with her. If you don’t want her to come to a party with you, it’s OK to gently inform her that only a limited number of people were invited. Remember that you’re allowed to say no. What not to do: Don’t get angry with her or insult her. She probably clings to you because she’s insecure, so it’s important to encourage her to establish her own identity as a person.
The invisible roommate
This guy lives in your dorm, but he’s never actually there. Maybe he’s always at his girlfriend’s place. Maybe his family lives in town. Maybe he’s just always out partying. Whatever his reasoning is, he may as well be invisible. What to do: Enjoy the extra alone time — and realize that this is a good thing. In fact, an invisible roommate may make adjusting to dorm life easier for you. Just remember to go out and make other friends, too. Spending time alone doesn’t mean you have to be a loner. What not to do: Never act like your roommate doesn’t actually live with you. Even if he’s not around, it’s not all right to borrow his things without asking, put your stuff in his desk drawers or invite other people to sleep in his bed.
The stoner
Her wide, vacant expressions, hourslong “chill out” sessions, and interesting taste in music say it all: She’s a stoner. She’s constantly munching on your snacks and engaging you in overly personal conversations. Not to mention that undeniable stench that no amount of body spray can mask. What to do: Ask her not to keep her stash
in your room. That’s a lot to ask for a stoner, but remember that if she gets caught with illegal drugs, both of you could suffer the consequences — you’ll be referred to the Dean of Students Office and you risk losing your dorm room. Also, if her eating your food is a problem, outsmart her by purposefully buying snacks that you know she doesn’t like. What not to do: Don’t join her in doing drugs. Drugs are bad.
The early bird
Her alarm clock wakes you up every morning at 6 a.m. As if that isn’t bad enough, she makes all kinds of additional noise as she makes breakfast and shuffles through her drawers to put together a matchymatchy jogging outfit. If you stir from your glorious sleep, she says “good morning,” and smiles obnoxiously, oblivious to the fact that you’re seriously annoyed. What to do: Talk it out. You can ask her to keep it quiet when she first wakes up, but keep your requests reasonable. Try designating quiet hours that reach a compromise between her schedule and yours. What not to do: Don’t ruin each other’s lives. You feel like she wakes you up too early, but she probably feels like you keep her up too late. Neither one of you is right or wrong, so don’t be disrespectful.
The partier
He’s a pretty cool roommate when he’s not throwing up in your sink, stumbling into the room at 4 a.m., drunk-dialing you or putting a fork in the microwave. He’s always going out at night to party, which is fine — it’s when he comes home that’s the problem. What to do: Encourage him to be smarter about his partying decisions. Remind him that it’s important to have a designated driver, drink plenty of water, and make sure people don’t pass out lying face-up. What not to do: Don’t clean up his mess. If he throws up in the bathroom, pees on the floor, or pisses a bunch of people off when he’s drunk, it’s not your responsibility to cover up his mistakes.
to bring someone home. Work out a schedule for the room, so that you can sleep in peace some nights, but also offer to occasionally sleep elsewhere if he gives you fair warning. What not to do: Don’t judge him or force your morals or ideas on him. His behavior may make you uncomfortable, but if this is what he wants to do, you have no right to tell him not to.
The couple
You didn’t just get one roommate. You got two. His girlfriend practically lives with you, which he doesn’t realize is totally awkward. And what’s worse, they’re always together, being all adorably couple-like — except for when they’re fighting and you’re trapped in the middle. What to do: Stay neutral. Be courteous to both your roommate and his girlfriend, but take care that you never take sides in their arguments. Also, if you don’t want his girlfriend’s Hannah Montana poster hanging in your room, it’s OK to say so nicely. Remember, this is your dorm. What not to do: Don’t tell your roommate that you don’t like his girlfriend, or that she has to leave. They’re so close that he’ll see any hostility toward her as an attack on him too.
The promiscuous roommate
Whether you’re home or not, this roommate has no shame when it comes to sex. He’ll bring home various girls at any hour and sleep with them even while you’re in the bunk above him. It’s great that he’s so uninhibited, but wow, this can get awkward. What to do: Set up a system (code words or warning texts) so that he can warn you when he wants
Illustrations by Adrienne Lobl/Arizona Summer Wildcat