Arkansas Christian Parent magazine (Winter 2014)

Winter 2014

Cultivating a love for reading the Bible @ home

5 TIPS FOR A PEACEFUL MORNING ROUTINE

Praying for your children BECOMING A MISSIONAL FAMILY

GPS: GETTING PARENT SMART

Why teens need boundaries 1 A publication of the Arkansas Baptist News

ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

CDJ: 401 Colonel Glenn Plaza Loop | Little Rock, AR 72204 TOYOTA: 10825 Colonel Glenn Rd. | Little Rock, AR 72204 2

ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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WINTER 2014 14

FEATURES

5 tips for a peaceful morning routine Do your morning routines leave you and your children frazzled? This article offers practical tips for peaceful – not perfect – mornings.

20

Praying for your children

22

Becoming a missional family

Most parents long for their prayers for their children to make a significant difference in their lives and spiritual development. Here is a practical blueprint for specific prayer for your children.

What does it mean to live a missional lifestyle as a family? Learn from the father of seven children how to live out the mission of Jesus every day.

MORE ...

5 Trending

6 Post from the editor

8 A merry heart 10 Why teens need boundaries 12 Will your high school graduate stay active in the church?

16 A blameless walk with God 18 GPS: Getting Parent Smart 24 With planning, Christian higher education is affordable goal 26 How do I help my children stay connected to the church?

28 Cultivating a love for reading the Bible @ home

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

Most Americans believe in heaven and hell but are a little fuzzy on details on who gets into either place.

Two-thirds (67 percent) of Americans believe heaven is a real place, according to a survey conducted by LifeWay Research in early 2014.

Just under half of Americans (45 percent) say there are many ways to heaven – which conflicts with traditional views about salvation being linked to faith in Jesus.

About half of Americans (53 percent) say salvation is in Christ alone. Four in 10 (41 percent) say people who have never heard of Jesus can still get into heaven. And 3 in 10 (30 percent) say people will have a chance to follow God after they die.

Hell is a real place, too. But you have to be really bad to go there.

About 6 in 10 Americans (61 percent) say hell is real, according to the survey.

Two-thirds of Americans (67 percent) told researchers that most people are basically good, even though everyone sins a little bit – an optimistic view of human nature at odds with traditional teaching about human sin.

Fewer than 1 in 5 Americans (18 percent) say even small sins should lead to damnation, while about half (55 percent) say God has a wrathful side.

ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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magazine

Publisher

Arkansas Baptist Newsmagazine, Inc.

Editor

Tim Yarbrough We reside in a world increasingly without boundaries.

Recently, I read an article about the filth on TV and how producers and directors continue to “push the envelope” of morality by prominently featuring sex and violence in their regular storylines.

Even sitcoms today regularly use vulgar punch lines to get a laugh around jokes that once were considered “bathroom humor.”

While sinfulness of man is inherent in his nature, there was a time not that long ago when each and every sin was not on display for all to see on nightly television.

Civilized society has always known that a sense of morality is the glue that holds things together.

When everything is known and nothing is taboo, the result impacts our children, families and the way a society generally conducts itself.

For example, children and young adults of the 1960s social and sexual revolution in America are now aging, having passed their values on to their children and their children’s children. It should be no surprise that we are seeing such a degradation and erosion of morality and proper living.

There isn’t a week that goes by that my wife, a public school teacher, doesn’t tell me about foul words coming from the children she teaches – words that are often directed toward teachers. While this may not seem unusual, keep in mind that my wife is a preschool teacher.

Everyone needs boundaries – especially impressionable children.

That’s where parents armed with knowledge and wise counsel come in.

It is important that we, as parents, commit to boldly act by seeking to use our influence to guide our children and grandchildren through biblical values given to us by our Creator.

Arkansas Christian Parent provides important information and tools designed to assist parents in navigating the diverse social and cultural times in which we live.

Please tell others about our magazine, and consider giving a copy to your friends, neighbors and relatives – or leave a copy or two at your local bank, dentist or other community businesses.

Tim Yarbrough Editor

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

Special Projects Coordinator

Margaret Dempsey-Colson

Graphic Designer

René Zimny

Special Projects Advertising

Heather Baker

Assistant Editor

Jessica Vanderpool

Staff Writer

Caleb Yarbrough

Administrative Assistant

Jeanie Weber

Business Manager

Becky Hardwick

On the cover:

Serving others is fun! Just ask Johanna Casey, student at Ouachita Baptist University. This issue of Arkansas Christian Parent offers tips on how to keep your teens and college students vitally connected to the church and their Christian faith (pp. 12-13, 26-27) and also how to lead your family to develop a missional lifestyle (pp. 22-23).

Photo credit: Tyler Rosenthal www.arkansasbaptist.org Arkansas Baptist News 10 Remington Drive Little Rock, AR 72204 Phone: 501-376-4791 Toll-free: 800-838-2272 email: abn@arkansasbaptist.org

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by Margaret Dempsey-Colson

I

sn’t it remarkable how children – with the same birth parents growing up in the same home – can be so radically different from one another? How can this be?

Our God is quite amazing and wonderfully creative as He forms each child within the mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). Each child is a one-of-a-kind creation with his or her own set of unique personality traits, likes and dislikes, temperaments – you name it!

Perhaps this is one way that God keeps us parents on our toes.

He doesn’t want us to get too comfortable in our parenting roles, thinking we’ve got this whole parenting thing worked out, just because we happen to have one child who is perpetually the “curvebreaker” in terms of being obedient, respectful, tidy . . . all those worthy habits that some children somehow just don’t “get.”

Yet, in making such declarations, how many of the “moments of life” are we missing? We sprint our way through birthday parties, play dates, bad dreams in the night – with an eye out for the next bend in the road of parenthood.

Or, how often do we leisurely amble through parenthood, with no clear goal in mind? We are enjoying the moment, without a seeming care in the world. Family members seem relaxed and at ease.

Yet, with such an easygoing parental role, how often are we caught by surprise? We somehow stroll our way through unexpected calls from the teacher, occasional four-letter words, cost of college tuition – never knowing what’s going to come next. “Wow, I didn’t see that one coming,” seems to be our motto.

Parenthood is neither a sprint nor a stroll. Parenthood is a journey.

Even with these unique characteristics – perhaps because of them – God provides many “aha” teachable moments for us.

When my children were very young, we lived near a national park.

At least once a week, my husband and I would take our two little darlings on a walk on the dusty and winding trails. Well, it wasn’t really a walk.

For the oldest child, the walk was more like a run or a sprint. She would race ahead of the family, so eager to see what was around the next curve in the trail that she couldn’t contain her excitement. Her little legs would take her as fast as she could go, until we were able to convince (bribe) her to wait for us – or, in some cases, race ahead to catch her.

For the youngest child, however, the walk was more akin to a stroll.

He would meander his way down the dirt trails, picking up rocks for a closer examination or scooping up a small handful of dirt, just to watch it run through his tiny fingers. As the last speck of dirt hit the ground, his grimy hands would start digging again, until we were able to coax (bribe) him to start walking again.

How often do we, as perpetually busy, often frazzled parents, race through our days like my oldest daughter? We breathlessly tell ourselves, “If I can just make it through the holidays, then I will slow down.” Or, “As soon as soccer season is over, then I can take a breath.” Or, “When the children get into elementary school, then I can get things on a more even keel.”

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

The apostle John wrote about walking in his 13-verse letter, 2 John.

He knew a lot about journeys and about walking. He often walked the dusty earth with sandaled feet as he traveled about, taking the gospel from town to town.

John was not writing specifically about parenting, but his words speak to parents. He spoke of walking in truth, walking in obedience to God’s commands and walking in love.

Each step we take on our parenting journey should be a step in truth, a step in obedience to God and a step in love.

Sure, we might at times have to race. We might at times slow the pace. We might at times even stub our toe, trip over a rock or stumble because of an unexpected hole in the ground – surely not the hole my small son was digging with his hands.

When those things happen, we dust ourselves off and ... we continue the journey. In the words of Holy Scripture, we “walk in love” (2 John 6).

Margaret Dempsey-Colson continues her journey of parenthood, with the next curve in the trail taking her into a new journey. . .of grandparenthood.

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

9

WHY TEENS NEED BOUNDARIES

by Jim Burns

Do your teenagers really want boundaries? While you will never hear your teens say to you, “Can you please add some more restrictions to my life?” they really do want to know what’s expected of them and what will be the consequences of violating the boundaries that you’ve set. In homes where parents set clear boundaries for their children’s behavior, children are actually less likely to rebel – especially when parents take the time to discuss their expectations with them. Why would your children want you to set boundaries for them in the first place? Let me give you five reasons.

1

Boundaries provide a sense of comfort. When children clearly know what is expected from them, the result is a sense of comfort. They don’t have to be concerned about what you may or may not require of them behaviorally – or fear that you will constantly change the rules.

2

Boundaries provide a sense of security. Children really do want to know what is right and what is wrong. They want some guidance in navigating life. Teenagers will still test the limits from time to time, but clear boundaries provide the stability and security that will allow them to thrive and become responsible adults.

3

Boundaries mark out the “playing field” for freedom. Imagine two teams playing football – but without the playing field being marked in any way. Imagine the players having no way to tell what was “in bounds” or what was “out of bounds.” In the game of football, a marked playing field is foundational to playing the game.

On a marked playing field, players know where their boundaries are. Similarly, children want their parents to set clear boundaries for them so they can know their “playing field” – where they can roam freely “in bounds.” Boundaries, in this way, actually create freedom, and teenagers want to be able to experience and grow in their abilities to handle freedom within the boundaries that have been created.

4

Most teenagers don’t really want to be totally free and solely responsible for themselves (yet). Children who have no boundaries and are completely on their own in decision-making tend to feel isolated and are at risk for giving in to peer pressure.

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

Children, whose parents have set clear boundaries for them, experience freedom within the boundaries and can use these boundaries as reasons to say no to inappropriate behaviors.

Generally, children who have clear boundaries simply fare better behaviorally and are less likely to engage in at-risk activities than children who don’t have clear boundaries.

5

Children want to gain their parents’ trust. This trust results from living within clear boundaries. Trust is a vitally important issue for teenagers. They aren’t dumb. They know that having your trust is the pathway to greater freedom and ultimately to adult independence. Children who don’t have clear boundaries experience greater difficulties earning their parents’ trust because they are left to themselves to make behavioral decisions that may or may not turn out to be acceptable. On the other hand, children who have clear boundaries and live within those boundaries understand that they are regularly making deposits into your “trust” account. This, of course, doesn’t mean that children with boundaries won’t make poor decisions from time to time. Even really good children violate boundaries occasionally and can learn from the struggle to earn or regain trust with their parents.

Still, with boundaries in place, your children will have a greater understanding of how to build trust with you.

Jim Burns is president of HomeWord and executive director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. Jim and his wife, Cathy, have three daughters. For more information, visit www.homeword.com.

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11

Will your high school graduate stay active in the church?

by Lynn Loyd

This past May, more than 28,500 students graduated from Arkansas high schools.

Graduates who have been involved in a church through their high school years have resisted the pressures of culture and peers. They are most likely true Christian rebels. What can you do as a parent to help your child connect and stay involved in the church as he or she leaves home and gains independence as a college student?

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by Ed Stetzer, Richie Stanley and Jason Hayes

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

R – Relationships are king.

This generation of students is constantly connected. Social media and technology allow them to be in constant contact with friends. This generation has a high view of relationships.

Encourage your student to connect to the Facebook pages for Arkansas Baptist Campus Ministry and for churches near where they are living. This connection will help your student stay informed. Broaden your student’s relationships by encouraging the connection to church and Baptist Collegiate Ministry.

E – Engage your student in something significant.

Social causes have been a large part of the awareness of your student during high school. This generation of students wants to change the world. Challenge your student to give his or her time and talent. The website www.imbstudents.org has many ways your student can be an advocate for the helpless and homeless. A great cause will keep your student engaged in church.

B – Belong to a community.

Small-group involvement is appealing to this generation of students. A large event may draw students in, but a small community group will keep them. It has been in community that your student has been taught and developed. It is in community that your student can be mentored and directed by involvement with various generations in the church. Introduce your student to a local campus church or Baptist Collegiate Ministry where he or she can join a community of like interests.

For more information, check out www.arkansasbcm.org.

E – Expose your student to deeper biblical truth.

More than ever, your student needs biblical teaching. Bibleteaching for this generation must be relevant to their world.

Students have opportunity to grow in Christ like never before while in college. Look at the website www.b1bcm.com to find events and experiences for your student to grow in Christ. Help expose your student to challenging biblical truth.

L – Leaders in waiting.

Though young, your student is ready to leverage his or her influence for a good cause. Your student has gained experience through internships, sports, group projects and student organizations. Baptist Collegiate Ministry works in partnership with churches to help students know their identities, passions and strengths. Contact David James or Lynn Loyd at the collegiate and young leaders team of the Arkansas Baptist State Convention (www.cyl@absc.org) for more information.

This generation of Christian high school graduates represents rebels with a cause. Let’s capture their passion, influence and connectedness for the cause of Christ!

Lynn Loyd is a member of the collegiate and young leaders team of the Arkansas Baptist State Convention. He is married to Rebecca and has five children and eight grandchildren. He has served in collegiate ministry in Arkansas for 34 years.

ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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5 TIPS FOR A PEACEFUL MORNING ROUTINE

by Jennifer Booth

D O A NY OF T HE SE S TAT E ME N T S S OUND FA MIL I A R TO YOU? HUR RY UP, C HILDR E N , W E’R E GOIN G TO BE L AT E AG A IN! MOM, W HE R E I S MY O T HE R SHOE? I K N O W MY K EYS A R E A R OUND HE R E S OMEW HE R E! I F OR GO T, C A N W E S TOP BY T HE S TOR E TO PICK UP S NACKS F OR T HE CL A S S TODAY ? I SIGNE D YOU UP A ND TODAY I S YOUR DAY.

W

e are halfway through the new school year. How is your morning routine working out for you? Not going so well, you say?

Maybe this was the year you determined that your mornings were going to run more smoothly. You had the perfect plans in place to have breakfast ready for your alert and happy children. They would be ready to walk out the door with time to spare, and no item needed for the day would be left at home.

Then reality set in and everything went haywire. You have trouble getting your children up at a decent time; they move at a snail’s pace, and nothing is where it should be when you are ready to leave for school.

No need to beat yourself up over the fact that mornings are a hassle.

Getting up and out the door for school can be one of the most difficult times of the day. If we are running late and feeling frazzled, the rest of our day can feel frazzled as well.

This has certainly been the case in our home over the past few years.

While my children can be up and ready to go, often I’m the one who is running late. On the days that one of my children is also running late or is unprepared, we head into battle with bad attitudes and tears.

Why do we let ourselves get into this crisis mode?

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Often we place unrealistic expectations on our morning routines.

Many times we try to emulate what parenting experts tell us is the right thing to do to get our mornings off to a great start. Or, we hear our friends talk about how easy it is for their families to get up and out the door in a timely manner. Usually, looking at others’ morning routines sets us up for frustration and disappointment when we fail to achieve the results we think we should get.

Instead of pursuing PE R F E CT morning routines, I suggest we pursue PE AC EFUL morning routines. Perfection is usually an impossible goal. There will always be unexpected things, such as illness, that will crop up and throw off our morning routines. We are more likely to achieve the goal of peaceful morning routines.

One day last year I’d decided I had enough. I dreaded the mornings because they were hectic and rushed, setting a negative tone for the day. I did not like my cranky attitude and did not want my children to begin to copy my bad attitude in this way.

After thinking through what had been happening each morning and praying for wisdom and guidance, I came up with the following action steps that helped us to develop a peaceful morning routine. Maybe a few of these ideas will help you take back control of your mornings.

PR EPA R E Good mornings start with good evenings. Each night before going to bed, make sure all homework is done, papers are signed, backpacks are loaded, lunches and snacks are prepared, and clothes are laid out.

Preparing as much as we can the night before sets us up for success the next morning.

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REST We all, including parents, need to go to bed at an earlier time so we have adequate rest each night. I have discovered staying up later makes me much more tired and groggy in the morning. When I go to bed at a more reasonable time, I am better rested and more likely to get up on time. The same goes for our children. The more rest they get, the easier it will be to get up in the morning. Find ways to help them rest better. Turning off electronics 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime helps everyone to wind down and relax for the night.

DI S C IPL INE Getting out of bed on time is essential. This takes lots of prayer and discipline. Praying with your children each night before you go to bed, asking God to give you the rest you need and help you to get out of bed the next morning, is a great way to put things in perspective. God is the Giver of rest and is just waiting for us to trust Him in this (See Matthew 11:28).

F O CU S Leave the TV off in the mornings so you can focus on getting ready and out the door. Turn off all electronics until everything is done and everyone is ready to go. This means being dressed to the shoes, teeth and hair brushed, and backpacks and lunches ready.

AT T I TUDE One way to set the tone for a positive day is to have short devotions with your children. Don’t over-think this. Just reading from a family devotion book or a short passage in the Bible can help put attitudes in proper perspective. Having this time together with your children in the morning is a great way to connect with and pray for them. Your children will come to respect and look forward to you asking God to bless their days and to help them when they need it. Praying over tests or other sources of stress at school can help your child feel loved and more confident to face the day.

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It doesn’t take much to get mornings off to a great start. When you step back and look at what is not working for your family, you’ll be able to easily identify ways you can improve your morning routine. Try a few of the above tips and see how your morning routine changes.

Remember, the most important factor in creating a more peaceful morning routine is reliance on God. Placing Him at the center of all you do puts everything in the proper perspective.

Jennifer Booth writes about becoming more organized by pursuing peace instead of perfection on her blog www.amoreorganizedlife.com.

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

15

A blameless walk with God

by Andrea Lennon

K

ing David proclaimed, “I will walk in my house with a blameless heart” (Psalm 101:2, NIV). This short phrase, tucked away in the Old Testament, teaches that our daily walks with God matter.

The concept of viewing our time on this earth as a walk provides a powerful illustration. Anytime we go on a walk, we have a clear-cut beginning point and a clear-cut ending point. Every step we take positions us to draw closer to the finish line.

In our Christian lives, the same is true. We have a clear-cut beginning point, which is the moment when we received Jesus as Lord. We also have a clear-cut ending point, which is the moment when we will see Jesus face to face.

Every step that we take during our time on this earth should propel us from our beginning point to our ending point.

Daily, we have the opportunity to take spiritual steps by growing in our faith. One of the prime spots where we can experience spiritual growth occurs inside our homes. According to Psalm 101:2, we should walk in our homes with blameless hearts. The word “blameless” conveys the idea of being innocent and full of integrity.

I do not know about you, but this teaching challenges me because the less-than-pretty side of me can come out when I am inside my home.

These are the moments when I have little to no

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patience, my resolve to seek the Lord is weak and I am easily overwhelmed by whatever is going on at the moment. It is easy for me to believe that in these moments no one is looking. However, the opposite is true.

In these moments the most important audience is tuned in to what I say and what I do.

Several years ago, I was caught in a tense moment inside my home. Life was busy – too busy. I was a wife, young mom and church staff member, and I was beginning a speaking and writing ministry for women called True Vine Ministry. My days were too short to complete all the “to-do’s” on my list. As a result, I lived my life just trying to survive. I was constantly on the go and rarely completed one task before I had to move on to the next task.

When I returned to the boys, I discovered two inches of water on the bathroom floor.

I could not believe it! Immediately, I took the boys out of the tub and asked them what happened. Jake said, “Mom, we made up a game, and I won!” Jake’s reply did not impress me. In fact, I was upset. I gave the boys a lecture, told them to go to bed and cleaned up the water.

Once the floor was dry, I went into their rooms and told them how upset I was and that they needed to put on their pajamas and go to bed. That night, we had no prayers, no snuggles and no apologies on my part for my lack of attention – just a short and tense, “Good night.”

this verse spoke directly to how I should live both inside and outside of my home. I am to be blameless.

One mark of blameless living is spiritual fruit flowing in and through our lives. Each day, as parents, we should display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – even during life’s tense moments (Galatians 5:22-23). Why is spiritual fruit a good measure of a blameless walk with God? Spiritual fruit occurs as a result of a loving, thriving, authentic faith walk with Jesus.

So let me ask you this question, “Do the people inside your home know that Jesus makes a difference in your life?”

Daily, we have the opportunity to take spiritual steps by growing in our faith.

One evening, I frantically tried to complete a speaking outline for an upcoming women’s event. My husband, Jay, was gone. My boys, Jake and Andrew, were running around the house, and the dishes from dinner were still on the table. I had so much to do and did not know where to begin.

I told my boys to watch TV for a few minutes. The boys obeyed, and I started working on the speaking outline. As I worked, time quickly passed. I looked up from my computer and noticed that the time on the clock read 8:15. This surprised me since my boys needed to be in bed by 8:30. Immediately, I went into drill-sergeant mode, giving more orders than my boys could follow. I told the boys to take a bath, brush their teeth, say their nightly prayers and go to sleep as soon as possible.

I put the boys in the bathtub and told them there was no time to play. They could talk quietly while I went and picked up their towels from the other bathroom. I quickly walked across the house to find their towels.

After a few minutes to regain my composure, I returned to my computer to complete the speaking outline for the women I planned to serve the following weekend. As I typed, the Lord spoke to my heart, “Andrea, when you act like that, do you think Jake and Andrew have any idea that I make a difference in your life?”

The question took me by surprise and became a life-changing question. I really thought about what the Lord was asking me.

“Do the people who live inside my home know that Jesus makes a difference in me?”

Immediately, I fell to my knees and asked the Lord to forgive me. I then returned to my boys’ rooms and asked for their forgiveness as well.

If so, keep on keeping on. Stay connected to Jesus and His Word.

If not, take heart, you have the gift of this day. Call a timeout on all the chaos going on around you and get alone with the Lord. Ask Jesus to do a mighty work in your life. He will! Before long, your family members will begin to see a difference in the way you live. How exciting to know that we can walk in our homes with blameless hearts!

Andrea Lennon and her husband, Jay, are enjoying family life with their two boys, Jake and Andrew.

They are active members of Second Baptist Church in Conway.

For more information on her ministry, visit the website www.andrealennon.net.

Not long after this tense event, I read Psalm 101:2: “I will walk in my house with a blameless heart.” Immediately I knew that ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

17

GPS:

GETTING PA R E N T S M A RT

Principles for navigating your parenting journey

by Laura Macfarlan

A

few years ago our children gave my husband a GPS for Christmas. We were able to test it out right away as we traveled to Colorado for a family ski trip. Paying homage to the British lady accent, we named our GPS “Priscilla.”

We were amazed by “Prissy’s” ability to give specific instructions right when needed – never too early and never too late. Her voice was always calm; she never seemed angry or agitated. Even when we made a wrong turn or detour, she calmly “recalculated” and gave us revised instructions.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Priscilla to guide us as parents – to tell us which direction to go, warn us of what is ahead and instruct us on when to change lanes or make turns?

The good news is that God has given us a “Priscilla” of sorts – He is called the Holy Spirit. He indwells the heart of every believer and gives wisdom, direction and guidance in all areas of life. Like driving with Priscilla, we have the choice to listen and obey … or ignore the direction.

A GPS would be worthless without a road map programmed into its computer banks. We’re amazed at the details and information packed into this tiny device. Wouldn’t it be great if we had access to a road map for life – where we could look ahead and see every route to navigate with our children, see every detour that would need to be taken to avoid danger and delays? More good news – God has given us such a road map! It is called the Bible. Yes, a book written more than 2,000 years ago on scrolls still has application to those of us living in the age of computers and high technology today.

We’ve all heard it said: Children don’t come with an instruction manual. We are handed our bundle of joy at the hospital, strap our new infant into a brand-new car seat and drive home. We’ve probably done a fair amount of research into the car seat that we’ve purchased

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– checking out its safety ratings and reading countless customer reviews. We’ve most likely put a great deal of time and thought into physical preparations for our child – not only the car seat, but also food, nursery décor, clothing and more. But what about putting some thought and prayer into the spiritual development of the child? Have we considered how to discipline, train, encourage and affirm this child?

It can lead us to the edge of despair or panic if we think too long and hard about all these decisions. The reality is that many parents just try to survive one day at a time. We, as parents, find ourselves driving defensively – trying to respond to whatever unexpected obstacle gets hurled into our paths as we zoom down the road of parenthood.

Parenting is sometimes like navigating through a tornado. Right when you just start to enjoy the journey, you realize you’ve been in the eye of the storm and now you’re heading into the other side, encountering stronger winds and heavier rain. There will indeed be days like that, but there also should be days of driving under blue skies, with the sun shining, windows rolled down and wind whipping in our faces.

As my husband and I attempted to summarize lessons gleaned in our parenting journey, God took us back to the Old Testament. Moses became our tour guide. You might ask, “Why Moses?” As we look at Moses leading the people, you will note some startling similarities to parenting: Moses – Our Tour Guide •• Led the Israelites on a journey •• Loved the people unconditionally •• Responded to call by God, but felt inadequate •• Remained faithful to the task

•• Was in charge of a bunch of whiners •• Lost his temper •• Prayed for the people •• Finished the job •• Handed over the keys

Are you feeling a connection to Moses?

Re-reading those familiar passages in Exodus might lead you to also conclude that the Moses model of parenting is a good one! With Moses as our guide, we offer five areas to consider, pray over and adapt to your family.

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WHERE ARE WE GOING? The best way to begin parenting is with the end in mind. What goals do you have for your children? We all probably want them to be employees some day, so we instill a work ethic. We hope they might be spouses someday, so we train them in healthy relationships and communication. But ultimately, we want them to be Christ-followers.

In Lewis Carroll’s classic, “Alice in Wonderland,” Alice asked the Cheshire Cat which way to go.

The Cat answered, “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

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BUMPS IN THE ROAD Even the best of parents will encounter unexpected challenges in their parenting journeys. Doing everything right is still no guarantee.

The two slippery slopes of child rearing are the same two slippery slopes in our day-today living for Jesus: legalism (“have to”) and liberalism (“don’t have to”). The ultimate goal is to have our children reach the place of “want to” and even “delight to.” As we train them to obey us as earthly parents, the hope is they will joyfully obey their heavenly Father. God’s Word becomes the basis, guide and inspiration for teaching and modeling obedience.

Here are a few “Macfarlan’isms” we adopted along the journey: • Delayed obedience is disobedience.

• Whiners get nothing!

• Choices have consequences.

As Christian parents, we must care very much about where our children are going and make careful and prayerful plans to help them get there.

We try to look for opportunities to say, “Yes,” to our children, so our, “No,” will be more powerful when needed. We also try to extend grace and endeavor to ensure the punishment fits the crime. We’re far from perfect parents, and we claim the promise of 1 Peter 4:8, NIV to cover our failings: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

HOW DO WE GET THERE?

ROUTINE MAINTENANCE REQUIRED

We talk to our children about Jesus. We pray with and for our children. We read the Word to and with our children. We meditate on God’s Word and hide it in our hearts. We model Christ to our children. In the midst of the day-to-day soccer games and runny noses, making sure teeth are brushed and homework is finished, we must be sure to keep the main thing the main thing.

Strong parallels exist between growing spiritually and cultivating a physical work ethic. In our 21st century world of living the American dream, we can desire our children to have a better life than we’ve had. I remember my parents saying the same thing.

But two to three generations down, we end up with a nation of spoiled brats. We do our children and ourselves a disservice if we fail to instill a good work ethic in them. Consider these verses:

Alice responded, “I don’t much care where.”

The Cat replied, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

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We live on the earth with an eye on heaven.

An eternal perspective brings a “due north” equilibrium when the winds of the world toss us about and the tyranny of the seemingly urgent tries to break our stride.

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•• “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10b, NIV).

•• “Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you” (1 Thessalonians 5:12, NIV).

The last one suggests hard work is actually a prerequisite for spiritual leadership.

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JOY IN THE JOURNEY Though it took 40 years, Moses eventually completed his journey through the wilderness and finished his assignment. He “turned over the keys” to Joshua, with the peace of knowing he had finished well.

Our children move from car seat, to back seat, to passenger seat and eventually to driver seat as they travel with us. Through each season, we parents must be intentional and faithful to pass along wisdom and love. As Joshua took the baton of leadership from Moses, he was well-prepared to find joy in his own journey of leadership. He went forth with God’s promise: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5, NIV).

As parents, we can pray and prepare for our children to step into the future with the same confidence.

Blessings to you as you travel the parenting road!

Laura Macfarlan is the director of women’s ministry at First Baptist Church of Siloam Springs. She writes, speaks and teaches through Cross My Heart Ministry, and you can find her here: www.CrossMyHeartMinistry.com. She and her husband, Kevin, are the parents of four children, have one daughter-inlaw, and are ecstatic about becoming grandparents for the first time this fall.

•• “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” (Colossians 3:23, NIV).

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P R AY I N G F O R Y O U R

children children Strategic prayer can have significant spiritual impact on your children

by Dave Hughey

A

quiet hush came over the rehearsal dinner as the bride’s father told his future son-in-law he had prayed for him since his daughter’s birth. It quickly became apparent that his words were more than just a great sentiment as the father then reviewed a specific list of qualities he had prayed would be developed in his future son-in-law.

As I contemplated that thought over the next several days, a deep conviction developed concerning my own prayer life for my children. When I was first discipled as a fairly new Christian, I was taught the importance of prayer. Part of that instruction included the need to pray consistently and specifically. Thinking back on that training and considering how I was praying for my children, my prayers for them seemed woefully inadequate.

Yes, I prayed for my children as most parents do, but were my prayers really effective? Were they consistent and strategic? Would I be able, through the years, to clearly see answers, to see that my prayers made a significant difference in their lives and spiritual development? I knew better than to simply pray for God to “bless my day” or “bless my family.” I needed to ask for greater things; I needed to make bold requests that would clearly reveal the hand of God. During my time of processing this growing conviction, my wife and I spent a weekend away. Part of our discussion that weekend focused on our children. We talked about their unique personalities, their differences in learning styles, their spiritual development and their specific needs. We looked into the future and tried to picture what we wanted them to look like as adults and what it would take for us to lead them to become what God had intended. How were we preparing our children to hit the target when the time came for us to release them?

The list of basic elements from the blueprint we were creating became a big part of my new prayer strategy. I settled on seven needs and listed specific requests as well as Scripture verses to pray and claim. I put these topics on cards that I kept in my car and used at least during my morning commute each day to pray specifically for my children. There have been other longer times and seasons of prayer for them, but this time was devoted to consistent, specific prayer for the ongoing development of their Christian character.

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To make this article not only encouraging, but also practical, let me share what I have been praying the past 20-plus years for my children. There is not room here to list every detail I have on my cards, but you will get the general theme of each prayer. You may have other concerns or Scripture passages the Lord lays on your heart, but perhaps these will at least help to prime the pump and encourage you to pray very specifically.

GLORIFY/HONOR YOU: for them to be a vessel useful to You; for them to make a difference for Your Kingdom; for them to exceed me spiritually; for them to live out Your plan and purpose for their lives (Matthew 5:16; 2 Timothy 2:21; Ephesians 2:10, 5:1; 3 John 4).

PROTECTION: for them to be surrounded with a spiritual hedge that makes it difficult for those of evil influence to get close to them; for awareness of the schemes of Satan; for my son to guard his eyes and thoughts; for my daughters to guard their hearts/emotions; for physical protection (Psalm 33:20, 1 Corinthians 10:13, John 17:15, Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 5:19).

PURITY: for purity to characterize every aspect of their lives; for my son to turn his eyes away from impurity and to refuse to listen to impure talk; for my daughters to be examples of modesty and to be protected from impure young men (Psalm 24:4, 119:9; Job 31:1; 1 Timothy 4:12; 2 Timothy 2:22).

SIN = PAIN: that they will always get caught; that they will be seen by friends who will tell; that they will know You are watching; that they will have sensitive spirits; that they will have contrite hearts and be repentant (Proverbs 20:30; Psalm 51:17, 66:18; Isaiah 1:18).

MATES: that they will be from godly homes and have a hunger for the things of God; that they will have matching goals and life purposes; that they will refrain from dating and keep themselves for each other; that they are being prepared for godly marriage (seeing it modeled by their parents); for my son to find the perfect “helpmeet” who complements him; for each of my daughters to find a godly man to willingly submit to, one who loves her as Christ loves the church (Deuteronomy 5:29; Proverbs 12:4, 31:10; Ephesians 5:22).

EXCELLENCE: for them to be motivated to give every endeavor their very best; for them to be diligent and have a good work ethic; for them to long for Your reward and not be dependent on earthly rewards; for them to use the gifts and talents You have given them (1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:23).

GODLY WISDOM: for them diligently to seek and know You and Your ways; for them to be able to discern people, values, motives; for them to have a clear understanding of right and wrong and the courage to stand strong and not be pressured; for them to lead their friends toward righteousness (Psalm 111:10, 119:105; Proverbs 1:7, 10, 3:5-6; 1 Corinthians 15:33).

Through the years of praying for these needs, I have seen several positive benefits. Most obviously, by praying specifically, I have clearly seen God’s hand. In each of these seven areas, I could give several examples, from each of my three children’s lives, of events that were clearly direct answers to my prayers. I have also had some great spiritual dialog with my children over these very issues; because my cards are in my car, they were very visible to my children, which resulted in many conversations regarding what I was asking God to do in their lives. The few minutes of specific prayer each day also led to greater, more intensive and extended times of prayer as these needs were continually on my mind and heart. Praying for my children was also a great source of accountability for me; when you are praying for God to do specific things in your children’s lives, you must examine your own life and the example you are setting before them.

Just last year, my youngest child left home for college. I no longer have the consistent daily influence and input I had when my children were in my home, but I still have a great influence in their lives spiritually. They know I am still praying these prayers over them and that I plan to pray the same prayers over their spouses and children (two grandchildren are already being covered). As each of my children left for college, I gave them a book I wrote about their lives: what I had prayed for them, how we as parents tried to shape and form them, what we had seen God do in them, and the plans we believe He has for them. They each have a record of the work of God in their lives and a testimony of the power of prayer.

Like me, you have probably heard stories of saints who have spent hours each day in prayer. Those stories are inspiring but can also be discouraging as we think, “I could never do that!” While we should always strive for a deeper prayer life, may I close by encouraging you to do something very simple that will have a profound impact on your children and the generations that follow? Spend just five to ten minutes a day in strategic prayer for your children. Put a set of prayer cards in your car or someplace where you are sure to have a few minutes daily to pray consistently. If you spend just five minutes each day praying for your children, by the time they are 18, you will have invested over 500 hours praying for God to work in their lives. That will lead to significant spiritual impact on your children and the generations to come!

Dave Hughey is associate pastor at Geyer Springs First Baptist Church in Little Rock.

He delights in seeing how God has specifically answered his prayers through the years for his three children.

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BECOMING A MISSIONAL FAMILY. FAMILY

by Steven McAbee

Missional. It is a word that is being overused and often misunderstood. Missional is a word that has a variety of meanings, and people use it often without knowing exactly what it means, let alone how to live it out.

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H

onestly, as I write this article on “How to involve your children in missions,” I find myself staring at a wordless document. I ask myself, “Why?” I mean, for the past decade, I have been very involved in mission work around the world.

Preaching the gospel on almost every continent has taught me many things. The main thing I have learned from my experiences is this: Missional is less about what I do as a follower of Jesus Christ and more about who I am as a follower of Jesus Christ!

What I hope to convey to anyone who reads this is simple and, at the same time, profound: being missional, at its core, comes from the church or family receiving the mission of Jesus and living that out every day and in every way possible.

In the same manner that Christ was sent, He now has sent us (John 17). We are to have the same mission and purpose as our Lord: to seek and to save with a godly compassion those who are perishing without Jesus Christ.

As parents, we must stop and ask ourselves, “Who am I?” because who we are is what they see to emulate. If our children do not see us loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, our example of faith will be deficient, void of power and lackluster at best. On the other hand, if living the missional life is important to us, it will be embedded in our hearts, and we will naturally look for ways to impress them upon our children. For example, we will read to them stories of missionaries and their life impacts upon our world. Also, we will emphasize that, to truly be missional, we are to become relational. All of this begins in our homes as we rise for the day and go down at night, and everything that takes place in between.

Missional is less about what I do as a follower of Jesus Christ

It is important not only for parents to do this personally, but also to pass it on to our children. I have 7 children ranging from 19 years old to 3 months old. You can imagine the busy demands upon my family. Three of my children have surrendered to the call to be missionaries, all of them (with the exception of our infant) have been on mission projects.

and more about who I am as a

But more than going on projects, let me say it again: The key to passing on a missional heritage is living it out daily. I wish I could give you “three easy steps to a missional family.” I know that is what we want these days. However, it is not that easy.

So, as you sit at home, learn to talk to your children about things that really matter for an eternity. The writer of Deuteronomy said: “As you are walking.” Today it might be: “As you drive your vehicle.”

The point is the same: we are to look for opportunities to take out the ear buds, turn off the constant noise and then talk about the things that really matter, eternally.

The writer of Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NIV, said it well: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

Many times, I find that parents strive to correct only the hand of the child. Christian parents must seek to correct the heart of the child. When we only concern our time and efforts correcting the hand of the child, we show that we are more worried about what they do. But, if we could only learn to focus on the level of their hearts we would then concern ourselves with who they are. I believe that who they are and who they become are far more important than what they do.

follower of Jesus Christ!

When we read in Deuteronomy 6 about the idea of symbols and signs, it is a constant reminder of what really was important. What I have found to be true is this: As something becomes important to you, it will naturally be important to your family.

It really is simple to live a missional life. To steal a phrase from Nike and put it in a Christian context, we have to “Just do it!” Yet, no one has to tell me: it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done or sought to do.

Steven McAbee is pastor of Immanuel Baptist Church in Magnolia. He intentionally looks for opportunities each day to talk with each of his seven children about things that matter for eternity.

ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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Photo Courtesy Ouachita Baptist University/Corey Nolen

With planning, W Christian higher education is affordable goal

hether you attended a Christian college or university, or would like for your children to have the opportunity to study at one, you’ve probably stepped up to the window, looked at the costs and felt your stomach drop. Sticker shock.

As a graduate of Ouachita Baptist University, I hope that one day my wife and I will have children who follow in our footsteps and become Ouachitonians. While I tend not to be a worrier and I usually assume we will find a way to make Christian higher education for our children possible when the time comes, I hear many of my peers with children saying, “I loved attending a private Christian university, but there’s no way I could afford to send my children there!”

by Jon Merryman

Choosing the right college is a crucial decision, and it would be great to make the decision based on where your child will flourish, make lifelong friends, have personal faith challenged and grow spiritually – rather than on the costs. No matter where you are in the process, it may be time to consider making a plan to open up the option of Christian higher education for your children. Here are some ways to get started: 1. STOP. TAKE A BREATH. LOOK AWAY FROM THE STICKER. When researching colleges with your children, don’t count out an institution by the total cost of tuition, room and board in print.

Because of donors, many Christian colleges and universities are able to offer scholarships and aid that bring the average cost down – and sometimes even comparable to or lower than state schools.

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In fact, students attending many private Christian universities often graduate with less student loan debt than students attending major state universities. Also, you may not have to pay your full bill all at once. Some universities will work with you to pay for each semester on a monthly payment plan. So if you can carve out monthly payments, rather than paying tuition all at once in August or January, this may be something to look for in a university.

2. PUT MONEY ASIDE FOR COLLEGE FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. As I was growing up, , my parents told me I could attend college anywhere. They had that peace and assurance because they – along with my grandparents – had been contributing to college funds for me and my siblings. Even if you haven’t saved a dime and your children are nearing high school graduation, it’s never too late to start putting some money aside through a 529 savings plan or even a savings account at your local bank. The benefits of a 529 savings plan are that parents and grandparents can contribute up to a certain amount each year, and there are substantial tax benefits, both on the state and federal levels.

Susan Hurst, director of financial aid at Ouachita and parent of a daughter who recently graduated from Ouachita, said that with planning, Christian higher education is possible.

$32,000. Graduates also can defer the plan benefits if they serve overseas on short-term mission assignments or attend graduate school.

Such a loan repayment option reduces the stress or fear of looming loan payments after graduation for families.

While higher education at a Christian college or university may not be the perfect fit for every student, it certainly is a great fit for many. With a little planning and research, it can become more than a dream; it can become reality.

Jon Merryman lives in Arkadelphia and is currently serving as discipleship minister at Second Baptist Church and alumni director at Ouachita Baptist University.

Source for student loan stats: www.projectonstudentdebt.org

“It used to be that most families I counseled had saved money for their children to attend college,” she said.

“Scholarships and aid were a bonus. That is rarely the case today.

Putting money aside is the best way to support your child’s decision to attend any school they desire, especially if the choice is a private, Christian university.”

OBU.EDU/ONLINE • 870.245.5200

3. DON’T BE AFRAID OF STUDENT LOANS. It seems natural to buy cars for our children and make those payments, but we tense up about student loans. How much more important is your child’s education than having a new car to drive to school? With the national average debt a student leaves college with being just over $20,000, less than most cars, it seems that making payments, especially with them deferred until after graduation, makes sense if your family does not have the savings or liquid funds to pay college bills.

4. LOOK FOR COLLEGES OR INSTITUTIONS OFFERING LOAN REPAYMENT ASSISTANCE PLANS. A new trend, especially in private higher education, is universityprovided loan repayment assistance programs. These programs, with premiums paid by the university, offer families that sign up for financial assistance paying all or a portion of their monthly loan payments if the student completes his or her degree and cannot find employment at a specific salary level. For example, the program Ouachita offers pays the entire monthly loan payment if the graduate makes less than $20,000 a year working at least threequarter time and a prorated portion if the student makes less than

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ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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How do I help my children stay connected to the church?

by Matt Hubbard

C

lose your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now think back to the good old days. Think back to the days spent making mud pies or dreaming of your future wedding. Think back to those games of chase-around-the-playground, those slumber parties and summer vacations with your “second family.” Though the memories are still there, it is likely that many of the relationships you had with those people have changed. Some have gotten stronger, while others have dwindled to next to nothing.

Your children will soon experience these same changes in their own relationships, and not just in human relationships. The relationship of your children with the Bride of Christ – the church – will also undergo some hardships. School, sports, work and friendships may all be used

by Satan to lead your children (and maybe even you) away from the church. However, the list below outlines four things that will better prepare children to handle these ploys by Satan.

To combat Satan’s ploys and stay connected to church: 1. CHILDREN NEED TO HAVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH JESUS CHRIST. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV).

The reality is most of our churches today are populated with people who have tagged their faith to a person, an event or even a church.

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However, faith in anything other than Jesus Christ is like a house built on the sand, waiting to be washed away. If your children have relationships with Christian friends, that’s great; but that is not enough to keep them tethered to the church. If you make your children attend church with you every time the doors open, once again, that is good, but relationships to schedules will not keep them connected.

Your children can only become new creations if they have relationships with Jesus Christ. Without a relationship with Jesus Christ, it is impossible to have a true desire to be a part of God’s church.

2. CHILDREN NEED TO BE EQUIPPED RATHER THAN ENTERTAINED. “And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:11-12, NKJV).

Too often, the church seems more focused on keeping people comfortable and happy rather than equipped and enabled. Likewise, we often want to be entertained or catered to rather than challenged.

The work of the church is not for the staff alone. God’s Word says that ministry is the work of the people. It is the responsibility of the staff to equip the people to do the work of the ministry. If your children are not equipped to be part of the church, they will never be equipped to stay connected to the church when Satan throws out his traps. Your church staff is there not to replace you, but to come alongside you as you equip your children to be as much like Jesus as possible.

Your church staff is there not to replace you, but to come alongside you as you equip your children to be as much like Jesus as possible.

3. CHILDREN NEED TO HAVE HIGH, REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS SET FOR THEM. “Well, they are out sowing their wild oats.” You may have heard this old saying about certain teenagers. The translation for this saying is that the teens are participating in activities such as underage drinking, pre-marital sex or unwise decisions. Normally when that phrase is used, it is spoken in such a way that conveys that the speaker is not surprised that teenagers did those things. In other words, the speaker suggests that the teenagers were relatively expected to make those unwise decisions.

However, rarely do teenagers fall short of the expectations set upon them. It is uncommon to see teenagers who do not strive to meet set expectations. With this in mind, raise the bar spiritually for your children. Expect your children to look like Jesus, rather than the world.

Expect your children to be visible, engaged members in the church.

Expect them to use their gifts for the advancement of the Kingdom.

4. CHILDREN NEED TO HAVE PARENTS WHO TALK ABOUT JESUS.“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NKJV).

“You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:7, NKJV).

Think back to the last time you had a conversation about Jesus outside of the church. Now, think about the last time you had a conversation about Jesus inside the church.

When was the last time you talked with your children or your spouse about Jesus – not just talked about the Sunday school lesson, music or sermon – but about Jesus?

Do not be afraid to talk to your children about Jesus. You are the most influential person in their lives. We talk most often about the things that are most important to us, good or bad. If you claim that Jesus is important to you, then do not be timid in talking about Jesus with your spouse and children. The more you talk about Jesus, the more likely your children will talk about Jesus. The more you talk about Jesus and the more your children see Jesus in you, the more they will want Jesus to be important to them.

1. MODEL CONNECTIVITY TO THE CHURCH BODY. Model what it means to be connected to the church. Be present at church. Make church a priority in your own life, marriage and family.

Center other activities (practices, study groups, etc.) around your church involvement. Do not see the church as interruption to your life but as a key part of it.

2. GET INVOLVED IN KINGDOM WORK. Strive to be an active participant, rather than a mere member. Get involved in God’s work that the church is doing. Strive to be a sponge that soaks up the teaching of God’s Word for the purpose of being “wrung out” into the life of another. Be active in engaging your neighbors with Jesus and inviting them to church. Pray earnestly that God might open doors for you, your children – maybe your entire family – to take the gospel to the ends of the earth through the church.

3. SURROUND YOUR CHILDREN WITH OTHER SIGNIFICANT ADULTS. God has gifted you with your children. Yes, you are to be the primary discipler of your children, but Scripture never said you are to do it alone. Research says that it takes at least seven significant adult relationships, not including mom and dad, to affect spiritual change in a teenager’s life. Be intentional in surrounding your children with other adults within the church who will significantly invest in them spiritually.

4. OWN THE CHURCH. Take the church personally. Rejoice when new believers come to Christ. Take responsibility when the church misses an opportunity to impact the community. Take the blame as a vital member of the church, rather than shifting it to someone else. Use personal statements, like “my church” and “our church,” to remind your children of the importance and privilege of being a part of the Bride of Christ.

Matt is the lead student pastor at Immanuel Baptist Church in Little Rock. He and his wife, Cassie, live in Little Rock with their 4-year-old son, Jackson.

Now that you understand some of the things your children must have in order for them to resist Satan’s traps to disconnect them from the church, consider these steps to further prepare your children to stay connected to the church: ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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Cultivating a love for reading the Bible @ home

by Ben Phillips

D

addy, milk with chocolate please, some lot,” were the first words in the morning that my youngest boy would utter as he toddled into the living room. I would get up and concoct a sippy cup full of milk and chocolate syrup (some lot) and then hand over the cup to his outstretched fingers. He then would say, “Daddy, read the Bible to me, some little.” I would read the Bible to him and then pray while he patiently clutched his sippy cup, pausing in that sacred moment. Immediately after I said, “Amen,” he would slurp all the milk in his sippy cup to the last drop and then fall back to sleep.

The background to this story is that he consistently saw me reading my Bible when he woke up. He saw and knew that this time was special because it was the first thing that he saw me do in the morning.

Most Christian parents long to see their children cultivate a love for reading and applying the Bible every day. My observation

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has been that most parents struggle with how to help their children grow in the discipline of Bible reading because most parents themselves struggle in this personal spiritual discipline. According to researcher Ed Stetzer, less than 20 percent of churchgoers read the Bible daily. Children are really great at mimicking what they see for good or bad, and that includes Bible reading. Therefore, as a parent, your first goal should be to develop a better personal strategy for studying the Bible so that you can model and disciple your children to love reading the Bible.

How does one study the Bible? I struggled with this until someone helped me in college.

I’ve grown much in my study of the Bible since then and desire to help my children grow as students of the Bible. I normally use one sheet of paper to write out my thoughts as I have journaled through the Scriptures at times using the outline T.H.I.N.K. to guide me through a process of inductive discovery and application.

TEXT AND TOPIC What passage have I read? What is the main topic or idea of the passage?

Think like a librarian who is cataloguing information. Use a blank piece of paper and record the references to the verses you are going to read. Read the verses and then summarize the main topic or idea of the passage.

HEAR AND OBSERVE What did the passage say in its biblical context? What are the facts? Think like a detective and record basic information from the verses you’ve read: characters, important words, repeated words and so forth.

INSCRIBE AND REFLECT What did I learn from this passage? What does this mean? Think like a student and contemplate the meaning of the verses. Ask

questions of the text. Inscribe your thoughts and interpretations on paper to bring clarity to learning.

NURTURE AND APPLY How does God want me to grow in relationship with Him and apply these verses? Think like a doctor who has gathered the facts and meaning of the passage and evaluated the information in order to prescribe a course of action. Write out how you believe God wants you to respond to what you’ve just read.

KNEEL AND PRAY What do I need to say to God after reading this passage? Think like a child who is approaching the heavenly Father to just talk.

Talk and listen to God and even write out some of your prayers to God. There is something valuable to inscribing our thoughts and prayers that helps solidify what we have read and learned. The more I’ve read, understood and applied Scripture to my life, the more I’ve desired to spend time reading Scripture and growing in my relationship with Christ. THINKing through Scripture personally and then with your children will help them leave home embracing a lifestyle of disciplined time reading their Bibles and consistently applying its truths so that they continue to grow in their relationships with God. This is a disciplined process that takes time for individuals and families to develop.

It’s like running a marathon with a slow, consistent and steady pace as compared to running a short sprint. Imagine you are trying to help your children prepare to run a 26-mile marathon this next year. To prepare for a marathon, you have to have some goals and a plan. Start their training slowly so that you help them build up a pace and stamina that will enable them to complete the race on a specific date.

The countdown of your parental marathon race and training begins with your child’s birth, tapers off as your child nears high school graduation and eventually culminates as your child starts a family. Here are some

practical training steps to foster in your child a love for reading the Bible.

DISPLAY Our first step is to model for our children how vital it is to read Scripture daily. I want them to physically see me read my Bible, not just occasionally, but consistently every day.

The journey toward spiritual growth and maturity is not accomplished by sporadic meals of Scripture on the weekends at church, but rather on a daily diet of biblical truth in the home. Children will more likely desire to spend time reading the Bible if they see parents making it a priority in their daily routines of life.

When my children began to read, we “read the Bible with them.” Focus on reading short passages together. Alternate reading by letting children read a sentence and then you read several sentences. Slowly increase the number of sentences they read at a time.

Then take turns reading paragraphs. We practiced reading together until they gained confidence in reading the Bible on their own.

In the process of reading to them and with them, we helped them discover truths initially by asking them to identify facts about the story and we offered some personal application. As they matured, we began to ask more open-ended questions in our Bible reading together to help them

Reading the Bible is OK; understanding what you read is good, but applying what you read to your life is the ultimate step...

DISCIPLE The second step is to be intentional about nurturing a love for Bible reading in your children along their different life stages. We encourage and help our children spend time in the Scriptures daily. It doesn’t always happen daily, but we strive for this. My wife and I consider it one of our main goals as parents to help our children learn to love consistently growing in their relationship with God by reading and applying the Bible.

They will benefit most from consistently reading shorter passages of Scripture daily than to read a long portion of Scripture once or twice a week.

When our children were younger, we “read the Bible to them.” We would often use Bible story books to read to them. They became very familiar with key stories from the Bible.

Develop a routine where you read these books consistently in the morning and/or evening. Start when your children are born; don’t wait until they ask you to read to them.

Some parents begin reading the Bible out loud to their children while they are still in the womb. The earlier you can develop these routines, the better. Eventually, you will want to move from reading Bible story books to actually reading the Bible.

process and think through what they were reading and how to apply Scripture to their lives.

My children are now 17, 14 and 10, and they read on their own most of the time, but they still need encouragement and help. They all have their own Bibles, and we all try to read the same passage of Scripture each day.

It helps tremendously if everyone in your family reads the same version and the same passage of Scripture daily.

You can help your children become better Bible readers by encouraging them to carry their own Bibles to church and to open them and follow along during Sunday school, small groups and the pastor’s sermon. Encourage them to write in their Bibles by underlining key verses and writing personal notes or observations. Show them how you mark up your Bible as an example. Younger children can also enjoy drawing pictures of different verses or Bible stories that will help them to process and apply the Bible.

DISCUSS Reading the Bible is OK; understanding what you read is good, but applying what you read to your life is the ultimate step ARKANSAS CHRISTIAN PARENT // WINTER 2014

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in this process. We discuss what we have read most days normally at breakfast, but you can do this any time of the day or evening.

I normally begin by asking someone the question, “What did you learn in your Bible reading today?” That child responds and then asks someone else the same question until everyone has an opportunity to share. We often follow up with another question, “How does God want you to apply this in your life?” This system of accountability is good for all of us, and it provides some insight into what God is saying to each of us. It also presents a good forum to ask questions and for providing guidance in how to interpret and apply Scripture. Helping your children to connect their Bible application to their current life experiences prevents their reading from becoming sterile and segmented from daily living.

I thought it would be a great idea for my two teenage children to read this book. It was a great idea that didn’t turn out too well, yet.

I encouraged them to read, but I failed to discuss what they read on a weekly basis. Their reading soon trailed off. I am in the process of beginning with my teens again but with a more hands-on approach to discuss each chapter as they read it. I’m learning as a parent that I can’t just throw a book at my children and expect them to grasp it. I have to walk alongside them, often reading the same material as they are, and help them process the material along the way. I believe the combination of reading a book on how to study the Bible along with actually reading and studying the Bible daily will help my children become more confident in their reading and application of God’s Word.

MOTIVATIONAL VERSES FOR BIBLE READING •

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

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Matthew 7:24-29

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Joshua 1:6-9

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Colossians 3:16-17

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Psalm 1

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2 Timothy 3:14-17

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Psalm 119 (Any verse)

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Hebrews 4:12

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Proverbs 4:1-9

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James 1:19-25

BIBLE STORY BOOKS •

“The Big Picture Story Bible” by David Helm

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“International Children’s Bible: Greatest Stories of the Bible”

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“The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones

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“Mighty Acts of God: A Family Bible Story Book” by Starr Meade

There are times my children don’t read or they say, “I didn’t get anything out of my Bible reading today.” I don’t castigate them for this. I gently encourage them to read it sometime later that day if they haven’t read or read it again for better understanding. Consistent modeling and encouragement will help them develop a disciplined passion for reading and applying Scripture.

In order to help my children leave the nest, begin college and start families of their own, I have recently been wrestling with how to help my older children continue to improve their Bible study skills. As a parent, I believe it is my responsibility to equip my children to read, study, interpret and apply the Bible (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4). The people who impacted Timothy’s life first with Scripture were his family, primarily his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5). The apostle Paul encouraged young Timothy to build upon what he had received in his childhood in 2 Timothy 3:14-17.

I did not have much training and guidance in studying the Bible at home when I was a child, so I want to help my children in this arena. I remember in college one of the first books I read on how to study the Bible was “Living by the Book,” written by the late Howard Hendricks.

He writes in profoundly practical ways to equip readers with skills and strategies to observe, interpret and apply Scripture in their own lives.

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If you want to improve your ability to understand and apply God’s Word, then invest the time to read a “how to” Bible study book. Your ability to study, grasp and apply God’s Word in your life will impact your spiritual growth. You will have an even greater kingdom impact as you help the next generation apply the truth in their lives so that multiple generations grow spiritually to impact the world.

If my children graduate with straight A’s in high school and have undefeated sports seasons, but have no discipline of reading and applying the Bible, then they may do well academically or athletically in college, but they will struggle spiritually in life. My goal as a parent is to utilize Scripture to Display, Disciple and Discuss, so that when they walk through any stage of life that they walk with Christ, consistently reading and applying Scripture. Equipping our children to learn to love reading the Bible is a marathon race that pays big dividends, enabling them to continue growing and faithfully running the race of life until they cross the final finish line.

Ben Phillips serves the Arkansas Baptist State Convention and engages churches and parents to build faith @ home. He and his wife enjoy the opportunity to cultivate a love for the Word of God in the lives of their three children.

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