A Word of Encouragement

Living Through the Unimaginable

BY REV. ELIZABETH LOVELL MILFORD

How can we describe these past six months? For my congregation this summer, the word was unraveled. Our sermon series asked, what happens when our world, or life as we know it, falls apart? How do we press onward when our tightly-knit plans unravel into loose threads?

It was a fitting metaphor as we considered the ways in which God was present with us in the midst of spiraling while opening the way to new possibilities and change. As we move into the fall, many of us are working to adapt to a new normal with adjusted rhythms and patterns to ground us in the familiar.

In the words of Lin Manuel-Miranda, perhaps we find ourselves in “moments that the words don’t reach” as we “learn to live with the unimaginable.” In the context of the musical “Hamilton,” ManuelMiranda’s song speaks to two parents navigating the loss of a child with powerful words that speak to the unmistakable challenge of grief and loss, and what it might look like to find a quiet and firm resolve in the midst of tough times. For some, this might be a description of 2020. For others, these months have meant smaller shifts or inconveniences. Every experience of this time is both unique and shared, leaving us to live in an extended period of such a juxtaposition as we long for connection. An often circulated meme is correct: we are all in the same storm, but we are in different boats.

So how can we relate to each other if our experiences are so different? Brené Brown, Ph.D., a research professor and renowned author, believes the key lies in our ability to practice empathy. She notes that empathy “fuels connection,” and is distinct from sympathy, which can disconnect and distance us. Empathy is a vulnerable choice that requires us to recall or reflect on feelings that are uncomfortable as we try to take the perspective of another person. In practicing empathy, we stay out of judgment and really listen to each other. It means that when we see each other struggling, we pause to be in the moment together, not because we have all the answers or the ability to fix something, but simply because we want others to know that we see them and that they are not alone.

Empathy: it’s the knowing smile and “you got this” in the grocery line as a parent tries to wrangle a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum. It’s the stopped vehicles on the side of the road for a funeral procession. It’s the friend who says, “I can see how hard this is for you. What is the best way I can support you?” then listens for the answer. Empathy is essential to building real relationships that transform communities and allow them to come together even in the most daunting of circumstances.

Empathy leads us to connection. That’s what Alexander and Eliza Hamilton found as they walked the streets of a quiet uptown. And it is what we can find with each other as we live through the unimaginable together.

Rev. Elizabeth Lovell Milford is pastor of Heritage Presbyterian Church in Acworth and lives in Woodstock with her husband and two sons.