Art Department Weekly | Issues 11-20 Vol. 1

We WanT you Well, not you, really. Your submissions.

You’ve always wanted to play a bigger role in the Art Department—or at least receive your own printed copy of ADW. Well, now’s your chance. Tell us what you do on weekends, why Pepsi is better than Coke, or how annoying Facebook is.

Writing isn’t your thing?

That’s okay. We’re the Art Department! Send us that amazing picture you took three years ago, or a cell phone picture of your dog, or a doodle you did on the train.

We want it all. Nothing is too random or trivial for us.

Email your contributions to Luis by Thursday (every Thursday—we’re a weekly— we need lots of conent) in order to be included.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 11 VOL. 1

ART

DEP DEPARTMENT DEPARTMENT

THE MOVIE

No need to write it up in Word or create PDFs of predesigned pages. The less work you do, the more fun we can have with it.

ART DEPARTMENT THE MOVIE MEGHAN’S MUSIC BLUEJAYS REDUX DUDE FOOD PLUS: SUPERHEROES NOTHING BUT NETS 90’S REWIND A CRAZY COLORED GLASSES PRODUCION WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LUIS VEGA ANGELINA JOLIE ANTONION BANDERAS JOHN KRASINSKI MARISA TOMEI PARKER POSEY KERRI RUSSELL

casTing couch

mini Board oVer rT a n i rd a e h

The question “Who would play you in a movie” produced the following answers...

Hey Vicky what's up?

I’m good Anthony, how’re you

“I wanna cure my own meat when I get older” —Amy

“Terrible is acceptance, jut try and be better”

ART

DEP RTMENT DEPA DEPARTMENT

THE MOVIE

—Anthony

suPer designers

I asked various members of the Art Department what super powers, if any, they would have. Here are everyone’s answers: Jessica: Amy: Gina: Fryda: Luis:

Teleport Telekinesis Super speed Eat anything Invincibility

Olga: Flight Anthony: Aquaman’s powers Meghan: Flight Vicky: Shape shift (primarily to shape of shark)

jarring Word oF The WeeK

1. to have a harshly unpleasant or perturbing effect on one’s nerves, feelings, thoughts, etc.

2. to produce a harsh, grating sound; sound discordantly.

3. to vibrate audibly; rattle: The window jarred in the frame.

4. to vibrate or shake.

5. to conflict, clash, or disagree.

I find that type treatment jarring.

“You could be a douche, but if you’re that hot, I don’t care” —Meghan

“That’s a weapon of ass destruction” —Anthony

“What the hell, I’m not that white” —Mike D

“I don’t like the colored ones” —Vicky

“Is Jennifer Hudson pregnant, or just fat” —Fryda

“Wait... can I change to Keira ” —Jessica

A CRAZY COLORED GLASSES PRODUCION

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LUIS VEGA ANGELINA JOLIE ANTONION BANDERAS JOHN KRASINSKI MARISA TOMEI PARKER POSEY KERRI RUSSELL NATALIE PORTMAN RACHEL MCADAMS CATE BLANCHETT AND JENNIFER ANISTON

anThony’s 90’s reWind

Fryda: Angelina Jolie Anthony: Antonio Banderas Gina: Marisa Tomei Amy: Parker Posey Meghan: Keri Russell Jessica: Natalie Portman Vicky: Rachel McAdams Olga: Cate Blanchett Nicole: Jennifer Aniston Luis: John Krasinski With most of the movie budget devoted to securing Angelina and Antonio, they would have to be the stars of the film. It would center on Angelina’s ordeal with relocating from sunny Miami to wintry New York City, all the while intergrating herself into the established art department. Hardpartying and lovable Antonio would act as the social chair, constantly trying to keep everyone loose and having fun. Parker Posey would steal every scene with her quick wit and sass. The whole time, John Krasinski documents it all in his goofy little newsletter.

uniforms in all of sports. On this list was the uniforms of the Toronto Bluejays.

The main complaint of the writer of the piece was that the Blue Jays current uniform (below) has little to no blue and does not embrace the Canadian heritage of the team. I thought this could be a quick and easy fix, so I threw together these redesigns (left).

I’ve always been a fan of the sleeveless uniform (kind of like a sweater vest) So I created a sleeveless look which would have a blue trim, as well as be worn with a blue t-shirt underneath.

The Jays current logo (which I like a lot) would run across the front of the jersey. I also added a maple leaf with the player’s number centered within. Th back of the jersey was kept clean. Simply a players number with a slight gray drop shadow, I detest names on

bluejays redux

An article on ESPN.com sparked some interst in redesigning awful sports uniforms and logos.

In this aticle, ESPN went on to list the 10 worst logos and

the back of baseball jerseys, so I left them off.

The hat has a modified logo on it. I ket the BlueJay head with the letter J and placed it within the maple leaf. I also left the front panel of the hat white while the rest of the hat would be blue.

The pants have a simple blue belt, with a blue thin stripe down the leg which leads to the blue high socks.

For the logo itself, I really wanted to incorporate the Maple leaf. It’s a minor change to the logo, but one I think helps play up the fact that this is Canada’s only MLB team

Baby Boys

meghan’s music

At the risk of going down as one of the worst mothers in the history of motherhood, I would now like to fill this space with an homage to how my cats have helped prepare me to be a better parent.

Lesson 1: It is not acceptable to say, “FIne! Then don’t eat, asshole!” Not only is Streaky picky about WHAT he eats, but also HOW it is served to him. Petting him and saying, “Mmm... Fancy feast” is not enough. One must take a deep breath and release all tension before calmly setting down his perfectly heated ceramic plate.

If you are tense, he will be tense. And then he will not eat.

He will just keep crying.

Lesson 2: Sitting in front of his plate crying does not have to mean hunger. Has he played yet? Is he bored?

Lesson 3: He’s only lying there, but this is playtime.

You wouldn’t guess it, but he’s stimulated. Maybe even enthralled. Something is moving. At just the right speed.

As you can see from this picture, Henry doesn’t love green beans.

Or carrots. Or squash. Yeah, I made the mistake of giving him sweet foods first, and now he makes faces like this for anything other than bananas, applesauce or pears (the verdict is still out on peaches, but I’m working on a song for those, too). Anyways, not wanting him to grow up like pretty much everyone in my husband’s family who eat only corn and potatoes when it comes to vegetables, I have begun writing songs about the different veggies I feed him in the hopes that this might endear him to all things green and leafy. I don’t know that he loves green beans now, but I can tell you this: he LOVES this song I wrote. No matter how pissed he might be during a diaper change or booger extraction, his face always lights up when I start singing this short little ditty. FYI, it’s to the tune of “Blue Moon” (Cowboy Junkie style).

Greeeeeeeeen Beeeeeeeeeeeeans You fill my tummy with nutrients You turn my jammies and bib green You turn even my turds green

Repeat again and again for a happy baby.

uniforms in all of sports. On this list was the uniforms of the Toronto Bluejays.

The main complaint of the writer of the piece was that the Blue Jays current uniform (below) has little to no blue and does not embrace the Canadian heritage of the team. I thought this could be a quick and easy fix, so I threw together these redesigns (left).

I’ve always been a fan of the sleeveless uniform (kind of like a sweater vest) So I created a sleeveless look which would have a blue trim, as well as be worn with a blue t-shirt underneath.

The Jays current logo (which I like a lot) would run across the front of the jersey. I also added a maple leaf with the player’s number centered within. Th back of the jersey was kept clean. Simply a players number with a slight gray drop shadow, I detest names on

bluejays redux

An article on ESPN.com sparked some interst in redesigning awful sports uniforms and logos.

In this aticle, ESPN went on to list the 10 worst logos and

the back of baseball jerseys, so I left them off.

The hat has a modified logo on it. I ket the BlueJay head with the letter J and placed it within the maple leaf. I also left the front panel of the hat white while the rest of the hat would be blue.

The pants have a simple blue belt, with a blue thin stripe down the leg which leads to the blue high socks.

For the logo itself, I really wanted to incorporate the Maple leaf. It’s a minor change to the logo, but one I think helps play up the fact that this is Canada’s only MLB team

Baby Boys

meghan’s music

At the risk of going down as one of the worst mothers in the history of motherhood, I would now like to fill this space with an homage to how my cats have helped prepare me to be a better parent.

Lesson 1: It is not acceptable to say, “FIne! Then don’t eat, asshole!” Not only is Streaky picky about WHAT he eats, but also HOW it is served to him. Petting him and saying, “Mmm... Fancy feast” is not enough. One must take a deep breath and release all tension before calmly setting down his perfectly heated ceramic plate.

If you are tense, he will be tense. And then he will not eat.

He will just keep crying.

Lesson 2: Sitting in front of his plate crying does not have to mean hunger. Has he played yet? Is he bored?

Lesson 3: He’s only lying there, but this is playtime.

You wouldn’t guess it, but he’s stimulated. Maybe even enthralled. Something is moving. At just the right speed.

As you can see from this picture, Henry doesn’t love green beans.

Or carrots. Or squash. Yeah, I made the mistake of giving him sweet foods first, and now he makes faces like this for anything other than bananas, applesauce or pears (the verdict is still out on peaches, but I’m working on a song for those, too). Anyways, not wanting him to grow up like pretty much everyone in my husband’s family who eat only corn and potatoes when it comes to vegetables, I have begun writing songs about the different veggies I feed him in the hopes that this might endear him to all things green and leafy. I don’t know that he loves green beans now, but I can tell you this: he LOVES this song I wrote. No matter how pissed he might be during a diaper change or booger extraction, his face always lights up when I start singing this short little ditty. FYI, it’s to the tune of “Blue Moon” (Cowboy Junkie style).

Greeeeeeeeen Beeeeeeeeeeeeans You fill my tummy with nutrients You turn my jammies and bib green You turn even my turds green

Repeat again and again for a happy baby.

casTing couch

mini Board oVer rT a n i rd a e h

The question “Who would play you in a movie” produced the following answers...

Hey Vicky what's up?

I’m good Anthony, how’re you

“I wanna cure my own meat when I get older” —Amy

“Terrible is acceptance, jut try and be better”

ART

DEP RTMENT DEPA DEPARTMENT

THE MOVIE

—Anthony

suPer designers

I asked various members of the Art Department what super powers, if any, they would have. Here are everyone’s answers: Jessica: Amy: Gina: Fryda: Luis:

Teleport Telekinesis Super speed Eat anything Invincibility

Olga: Flight Anthony: Aquaman’s powers Meghan: Flight Vicky: Shape shift (primarily to shape of shark)

jarring Word oF The WeeK

1. to have a harshly unpleasant or perturbing effect on one’s nerves, feelings, thoughts, etc.

2. to produce a harsh, grating sound; sound discordantly.

3. to vibrate audibly; rattle: The window jarred in the frame.

4. to vibrate or shake.

5. to conflict, clash, or disagree.

I find that type treatment jarring.

“You could be a douche, but if you’re that hot, I don’t care” —Meghan

“That’s a weapon of ass destruction” —Anthony

“What the hell, I’m not that white” —Mike D

“I don’t like the colored ones” —Vicky

“Is Jennifer Hudson pregnant, or just fat” —Fryda

“Wait... can I change to Keira ” —Jessica

A CRAZY COLORED GLASSES PRODUCION

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LUIS VEGA ANGELINA JOLIE ANTONION BANDERAS JOHN KRASINSKI MARISA TOMEI PARKER POSEY KERRI RUSSELL NATALIE PORTMAN RACHEL MCADAMS CATE BLANCHETT AND JENNIFER ANISTON

anThony’s 90’s reWind

Fryda: Angelina Jolie Anthony: Antonio Banderas Gina: Marisa Tomei Amy: Parker Posey Meghan: Keri Russell Jessica: Natalie Portman Vicky: Rachel McAdams Olga: Cate Blanchett Nicole: Jennifer Aniston Luis: John Krasinski With most of the movie budget devoted to securing Angelina and Antonio, they would have to be the stars of the film. It would center on Angelina’s ordeal with relocating from sunny Miami to wintry New York City, all the while intergrating herself into the established art department. Hardpartying and lovable Antonio would act as the social chair, constantly trying to keep everyone loose and having fun. Parker Posey would steal every scene with her quick wit and sass. The whole time, John Krasinski documents it all in his goofy little newsletter.

dan’s dude Food...

Dan checks in from the other side of the hall with the Top 5 places in our neighborhood where a bro can get his grub-on, dude.

Mudville 9 126 Chambers St The sheer scent of the wings alone would make any dude cry out, “We need another pitcher, Bro.” Dude’s Choice – Pulled Pork Sandwich w/Fries Gee Whiz 295 Greenwich St Got $9? Are you a business person? If so, check out the business person’s lunch special at Gee Whiz.

Dude’s Choice – BBLT… Because if some bacon is good, more is better.

noThing BuT neTs The following are sketches Amy put together in redesigning the New Jersey Nets logo... Pay close attention to the very special New Jersey Swamp Monster in the bottom right hand corner should the Nets ever want to rebrand themselves.

h s a Fl Ted

i s i V re

Mary Ann’s 107 W Broadway Although this place is a chain, not a bad spot to grab a quick bro-urrtio, con cerveza.

Dude’s Choice – Get your revenge with a Montezuma burrito.

Dean’s 349 Greenwich St Probably the classiest establishment on this list, but some great brick oven pizza nonetheless.

Dude’s Choice – Order the Old School round and bring your green hat, Snoop-a-loop.

Ruben’s Empanadas 64 Fulton St The best way to describe an empanada is it’s the Spanish Hot Pocket. One empanada, giant tray of beans and rice and a soda: $8.

Dude’s Choice – Spicy Chicken Empanada

Above is a Flash redesign I worked on two summers ago as part of a contest for one of my favorite websites, Project Rooftop (tencentticker. com/projectrooftop). Project Rooftop is a site where comic professionals and novice artists (like myself) come together and compete to redesign and reimagine popular superheroes.

While the above Flash was not a winner, it was featured on the site. I tried to really play up the lightning bolt insignia and more fully integrate it within the design of the costume.

dan’s dude Food...

Dan checks in from the other side of the hall with the Top 5 places in our neighborhood where a bro can get his grub-on, dude.

Mudville 9 126 Chambers St The sheer scent of the wings alone would make any dude cry out, “We need another pitcher, Bro.” Dude’s Choice – Pulled Pork Sandwich w/Fries Gee Whiz 295 Greenwich St Got $9? Are you a business person? If so, check out the business person’s lunch special at Gee Whiz.

Dude’s Choice – BBLT… Because if some bacon is good, more is better.

noThing BuT neTs The following are sketches Amy put together in redesigning the New Jersey Nets logo... Pay close attention to the very special New Jersey Swamp Monster in the bottom right hand corner should the Nets ever want to rebrand themselves.

h s a Fl Ted

i s i V re

Mary Ann’s 107 W Broadway Although this place is a chain, not a bad spot to grab a quick bro-urrtio, con cerveza.

Dude’s Choice – Get your revenge with a Montezuma burrito.

Dean’s 349 Greenwich St Probably the classiest establishment on this list, but some great brick oven pizza nonetheless.

Dude’s Choice – Order the Old School round and bring your green hat, Snoop-a-loop.

Ruben’s Empanadas 64 Fulton St The best way to describe an empanada is it’s the Spanish Hot Pocket. One empanada, giant tray of beans and rice and a soda: $8.

Dude’s Choice – Spicy Chicken Empanada

Above is a Flash redesign I worked on two summers ago as part of a contest for one of my favorite websites, Project Rooftop (tencentticker. com/projectrooftop). Project Rooftop is a site where comic professionals and novice artists (like myself) come together and compete to redesign and reimagine popular superheroes.

While the above Flash was not a winner, it was featured on the site. I tried to really play up the lightning bolt insignia and more fully integrate it within the design of the costume.

We WanT you Well, not you, really. Your submissions.

You’ve always wanted to play a bigger role in the Art Department—or at least receive your own printed copy of ADW. Well, now’s your chance. Tell us what you do on weekends, why Pepsi is better than Coke, or how annoying Facebook is.

Writing isn’t your thing?

That’s okay. We’re the Art Department! Send us that amazing picture you took three years ago, or a cell phone picture of your dog, or a doodle you did on the train.

We want it all. Nothing is too random or trivial for us.

Email your contributions to Luis by Thursday (every Thursday—we’re a weekly— we need lots of conent) in order to be included.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 11 VOL. 1

ART

DEP DEPARTMENT DEPARTMENT

THE MOVIE

No need to write it up in Word or create PDFs of predesigned pages. The less work you do, the more fun we can have with it.

ART DEPARTMENT THE MOVIE MEGHAN’S MUSIC BLUEJAYS REDUX DUDE FOOD PLUS: SUPERHEROES NOTHING BUT NETS 90’S REWIND A CRAZY COLORED GLASSES PRODUCION WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LUIS VEGA ANGELINA JOLIE ANTONION BANDERAS JOHN KRASINSKI MARISA TOMEI PARKER POSEY KERRI RUSSELL

KARAOKE THURSDAY IS BACK!!!

BE THERE

ADW

art department weekly issue 12 vol. 1

6:30 - NEXT THURSDAY THE 23RD @ 2ND ON 2ND

)4´3 '/..! "% 3/ 2%!,,9 !7%3/-% $5$%3

balloon time picking pantones beer garden reviews greetings PLus: salacious scrabble top toys french dip sandwiches

PIRATE’S BOOTY

MINI BOARD OVERHERT ARD

A N I

amy sent in the picture on the left along with the caption Best Summer Toy Ever. i saw this picture and took it as an opportunity to do a little investigative work. i walked down to Balloon Saloon, the store where amy took this shot, to ask a few questions. sharon, the woman working there, was extremely nice and more than willing to chat about the awesome pirate ship.

“I’d rather go naked than wear a Yankee jersey” —meghan

“Oooh, are we making fun of Derek Jeter”

the ship is relatively new to this location. it’s roughly 7 feet long (not to be blown up by those with weak lungs). and yes, those cannons can fire water. awesome.

—amy

“So we borrowed a strap on”

sharon says because of the sheer size and scale of this ship, it sells for the high price point of $295. she believes only one has sold all year. that particular one was sold to a party center which rents out the balloon ship for $225 per 4 hour blocks... phew, that shounds to me like $295 to own this ship is practically a discount.

—anthony

“Tennis shoes... oh wait, ten issues” —andrew stone

SALACIOUS SCRABBLE

viewer discretion is advised... what can i say about this board? it was a very productive day in the art department (back in the 257 park avenue south days)—so productive amy, anthony and i decided we needed to play a game of scrabble. unconsciously all players were just using their letters until they discovered how inappropriate the game was becoming. we decided to keep it going and see what else we could come up with.... after using every tile that was given to us, this is what was created...

—JESSICA

“I’ll bit torrent you” —anthony

“I hate that damn pinwheel” —anthony

“What is Anthony, turd brown” —meghan

BOO OF THE WEEK the first edition of boo of the week goes to olga’s denis who exclaimed on a recent visit to the art ddepartment “Oh no. You can’t keep my art out like that.

Before you know it, I’ll be in the pages of ADW” oh, denis, you get the big boooooooooo for that!

“Wait... that’s not fair, you can’t pick my color ” —Jessica

HOW TO BECOME A MAGAZINE ART DIRECTOR Difficulty: Moderately Easy from Time to Rolling Stone, magazine covers have represented pieces of history. great moments, such as Janet Jackson’s “hand bra,” are all due to the creativity of an art director. appearance is half of a magazine’s success—a majority of readers don’t read and are only attracted to captivating photographs and artwork. this is all managed and composed by the art director. magazine art directors are in high positions (even when there are are design and creative directors on staff). one isn’t simply given the job

after schooling. many had to start from the bottom and work their way up—just like other careers!

Instructions Step 1 study some form of graphic design, whether it be drawing, art, computer design, or so forth. many community colleges or technical schools have short-term programs.

Step 4 gain experiences through internships or through the art schooling. choose internships with magazine companies. some schools have connections with some magazines and help with attaining these internships.

Step 2 along with a short-term degree, a knowledge in various computer programs is important.

Step 5 work your way up throughout your career. most magazine art directors begin as assistants and must work their way up by gaining more experience with the company.

Step 3 create a professional portfolio showing your experiences and expertise (even if your work isn’t pro).

http://www.ehow.com/ how_4558191_become-magazineart-director.html

PICKING PANTONES the question “if you were a pantone, what pantone would you be” netted out the following results.

S M P

TRUST

FALLS

we can all thank lawrence herbert for the pms.

534 c antHony

106 c aMy

in 1962, herbert, who had been an employee of pantone since 1956, bought the company and took it in a whole new direction. at the time of purchase, pantone was a small business that manufactured color cards for cosmetics companies.

390 c MegHan

7488 c gina yelloW c FryDa

387 c olga

Y R O HIST F O

HAND SLAPPING

1777 c Jessica sheryl added that she liked this color because it was both bold and girly.

182 c vicky

259 c sHeryl 2747 c luis

640 c angela

the idea behind the pms is to allow one to match specific colors when a design enters production stage—regardless of who or what is used to produce the design. this system has been widely adopted by graphic designers, reproduction teams and printing houses who are incredibly anal about color. some, however, adopted it just for the fun of saying, “that’s not in your budget” or “you’re only set up for two pantones.” pantone’s primary products include the pantone guides, which consist of a large number of small thin cardboard sheets, printed on one side with a series of related swatches and then bound into a small flipbook. pantone recommends that pms color guides be purchased annually as their inks become more yellow over time. color variance also occurs within editions based on the paper stock used (coated, matte or uncoated). in 2007, herbert retired from the position of ceo, chairman, and president of the company. congratulations. thanks for the pms.

Dan gives us the low down on slapping hands. there are many ways to say hello to your neighbor, congratulate a friend or celebrate a victory… below are my personal favorites:

Do you trust me?

Luis asked Anthony that question this past Friday in trying to gauge Anthony’s preparedness to take a wife. as we all know, trust is the foundation to any good relationship. if you can trust in someone else to catch you, you can have trust in a relationship. with that said, i was expecting a little lean in from anthony. oh no, anthony completely let go and fully fell into my arms, sending me staggering back two steps. i must admit to not being ready for that, i did not drop him, but i can fully attest that anthony is ready to trust in another... bring on the brides.

1. The Real Shake: used in boardrooms around the world, a real understated classic that shows you mean business.

Technique – right on right or left on left. you can go up and down and “hammer the nail” or back and forth and “saw some wood.” either way there is a 3 second limit, or you’re technically holding hands.

2. The Cross Town: not the most well-known greeting, but when pulled off correctly it’s a win for all parties involved.

Technique – side to side motion starting with a slap on the palm, then a back hand slap. caution: give your buddy a heads up or you may be subject to the always awkward back hand whiff.

3. The Pound: with many

variations to the pound, it can be identified by fist on fist action. true pounders “blow it up” on contact.

Technique – the only rule for pulling off a successful pound is to not punch your recipient’s hand…we’re not playing bloody knuckles, folks.

4. The Windmill: commonly seen in dugouts around the nation, this celebratory greeting may take some practice.

Technique – start with a classic high five, then swing your hand downwards to slap a backwards low five. upgrade to a “fly by windmill” once you’ve got it dialed in.

5. The Backwards Five: this greeting is exactly what it sounds like, so get the back of your hand involved in your next high five.

Technique – start from the classic high five position then turn your hand around. shoot a telling nod to your comrade that projects, “that’s right, i’m backwards fiving you… bring it in!”

PIRATE’S BOOTY

MINI BOARD OVERHERT ARD

A N I

amy sent in the picture on the left along with the caption Best Summer Toy Ever. i saw this picture and took it as an opportunity to do a little investigative work. i walked down to Balloon Saloon, the store where amy took this shot, to ask a few questions. sharon, the woman working there, was extremely nice and more than willing to chat about the awesome pirate ship.

“I’d rather go naked than wear a Yankee jersey” —meghan

“Oooh, are we making fun of Derek Jeter”

the ship is relatively new to this location. it’s roughly 7 feet long (not to be blown up by those with weak lungs). and yes, those cannons can fire water. awesome.

—amy

“So we borrowed a strap on”

sharon says because of the sheer size and scale of this ship, it sells for the high price point of $295. she believes only one has sold all year. that particular one was sold to a party center which rents out the balloon ship for $225 per 4 hour blocks... phew, that shounds to me like $295 to own this ship is practically a discount.

—anthony

“Tennis shoes... oh wait, ten issues” —andrew stone

SALACIOUS SCRABBLE

viewer discretion is advised... what can i say about this board? it was a very productive day in the art department (back in the 257 park avenue south days)—so productive amy, anthony and i decided we needed to play a game of scrabble. unconsciously all players were just using their letters until they discovered how inappropriate the game was becoming. we decided to keep it going and see what else we could come up with.... after using every tile that was given to us, this is what was created...

—JESSICA

“I’ll bit torrent you” —anthony

“I hate that damn pinwheel” —anthony

“What is Anthony, turd brown” —meghan

BOO OF THE WEEK the first edition of boo of the week goes to olga’s denis who exclaimed on a recent visit to the art ddepartment “Oh no. You can’t keep my art out like that.

Before you know it, I’ll be in the pages of ADW” oh, denis, you get the big boooooooooo for that!

“Wait... that’s not fair, you can’t pick my color ” —Jessica

HOW TO BECOME A MAGAZINE ART DIRECTOR Difficulty: Moderately Easy from Time to Rolling Stone, magazine covers have represented pieces of history. great moments, such as Janet Jackson’s “hand bra,” are all due to the creativity of an art director. appearance is half of a magazine’s success—a majority of readers don’t read and are only attracted to captivating photographs and artwork. this is all managed and composed by the art director. magazine art directors are in high positions (even when there are are design and creative directors on staff). one isn’t simply given the job

after schooling. many had to start from the bottom and work their way up—just like other careers!

Instructions Step 1 study some form of graphic design, whether it be drawing, art, computer design, or so forth. many community colleges or technical schools have short-term programs.

Step 4 gain experiences through internships or through the art schooling. choose internships with magazine companies. some schools have connections with some magazines and help with attaining these internships.

Step 2 along with a short-term degree, a knowledge in various computer programs is important.

Step 5 work your way up throughout your career. most magazine art directors begin as assistants and must work their way up by gaining more experience with the company.

Step 3 create a professional portfolio showing your experiences and expertise (even if your work isn’t pro).

http://www.ehow.com/ how_4558191_become-magazineart-director.html

BEER GARDEN REVIEWS studio square

BY FONT MASTER FLEX A.K.A TONY ART DEPARTMENT

so unless you’ve been living under a rock or something, you’ve heard about the Bohemian Beer Garden over in asstoria. but maybe you haven’t heard of the new beer garden, Studio Square, that just opened on the asstoria/lic border. haven’t had time to check them out? i’ve had the pleasure of visiting both in the past few weeks and i’ve got so say i’m impressed. both beer gardens are bringing something new and unique to the table. i’m judging in 3 categories - first and foremost BEER!!! second EATS and finally AMBIANCE (yes ambiance, it’s very very important) BEER HIGHLIGHTS ss - they carry all of the belgian beer garden staple beers and a great assortment of local craft beers. my first time there, they had an extremely hard to find sea Dog Bluepaw wild blueberry wheat ale on tap!!! i was impressed. it’s a beer i’ve only found in rhode island. this past sunday, they were no longer carrying the sea dog, but i was surprised by the ridiculously good-tasting captain lawrence Freshchester pale ale, a fine substitute. the fact that they keep a heavy influx of new beers proves for a new and exciting experience at every visit. nice!!!

BBg - with new competition down the block, the old bohemian beer garden has added a roster of american craft beers to its roster of all the beer garden staples, the czechvars, Brouczechs, erdinger, Hoegaardens, krusovices, stellas and spatens. what had me excited about the improvements to the classic garden was the addition of coney island lager—my favorite beer on tap at the moment out of both gardens. this is really tough - while i’m really excited to see what beers ss adds to its roster, you really can’t beat the BBg’s classics and coney island lager! beer!!!

EATS ss - had a a delicious burger. it was big ’n’ juicy and the roll was freshly baked and toasted. the fries almost tasted like they were from mcdonalds—delish! they also served classic kielbasa ’n’ kraut and strangely enough susHi (at a beer garden?). there was no waiter service. you get a number and wait in line until you’re called.

BBg - new waiter service! haven’t gotten to test out the new service for the food, but, having used it for ordering beer, all i can say is thank you may i have another. most of the service was on point, although i’ve heard of some real mess ups in the beginning of the summer where food was taking an extremely long time to make it out to the tables. (if you ever waited in line there years ago, you know the length of time i’m referring to.) the streamlined menu also received a revamp, expanding to include such items as roasted duck con fit! and other delectable treats. nothing out of order here—good bar food that goes with good bar drinking.

DIP EAT ENJOY!!

while the burger was better at ss the selection at bbg can’t be beat!

R E T A E W

S T S E V

S

AMBIANCE ss - new, euro, fancy, shiny, 50/50 indoor/outdoor, no trees— just decks. i saw a table of hipsters smoking a hookah. seriously? it’s a beer garden. all the culture vulturing was a bit much.

BBg - oldschool, outdoor, classic, comfortable - non pretentious, like your hanging out in a park with your friends siMple . Just Works. while visiting the new studio square beer garden has proven to be an enjoyable experience the first few times, my heart stays true to the classic BBg!!! it’s got bigger outside seating and stays true to what it is—a great big beer garden to enjoy beers and laughs with your friends at in the summer.

BOOM!!!

Studio Square 35-33 36th Street Long Island City, Queens 718-383-1001 Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden www.bohemianhall.com 2919 24th Ave. Astoria, NY 11102 (718) 274-4925 Bohemian Beer garden

To say I loved the London Broil French Dip sandwich pictured on the left would be an absolute understatement. This sandwich was amazing. So much so that I had to interview the chef (my lovely wife) to get a little insight on this amazing piece of meat. madeline knew the gigantic london broil we purchased was about to expire, but didn’t have time to make it for dinner. so when she woke up at 1:30 a.m. from her usual late evening nap on the couch (also called “sleeping”), she decided to get out the glass bakeware, chop up an onion and a bunch of garlic, and toss it on top of the slab of beef. yes, somehow this ungodly hour was an appealing time to start cooking. after the garlic and onion was sliced, she added 3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil and placed it in the oven (uncovered because i like my steak a little crispy) at 250 degrees for 6 hours (basically as long as we slept). she then placed it in the fridge for later. that night madeline, knowing how thoroughly disappointed i had been by applebee’s french dip sliders, decided the best thing to do with this meat would

be to make good french dip sandwiches. we ran out to the local grocery store and purchased a can of beef broth and some portugese rolls. while i packed up and dragged the loft bed pieces downstairs in preparation of finally selling the thing, madeline poured the beef broth into a pan with thyme and pepper (the usual recipe calls for more onions and garlic first, but this wasn’t 1:30 a.m. so madeline wasn’t feeling the urge to complete all the steps), then brought it to a simmer for 10 minutes. then she cut the london broil into 1/4 inch strips, adding it to the broth to simmer for another 15 minutes while she prepped a salad (and sold the loft bed). green squash and a plum tomato made for a tasty little side. after the loft bed was gone for good, we had enough time to toast the rolls. she divided the meat equally among the 3 rolls (1 sandwich for madeline, 1/2 for scrappy, 1 and a half for me). the remainder of the beef broth was poured into a bowl to use for dipping. the only thing left to do was eat, dip and enjoy this amazing meal.... yummmmm.

i love sweater vests. my nearly 15-year love affair has provided me with a wealth of quotes from people who do not share the love.

“Aren’t you hot in that” “Dude, sweater vests aren’t cool” “Everytime I see you, you’re wearing a sweater vest” “Do you have one for every day” “I thought only gay men wore those” “We used to have a lesbian who worked here who would wear sweater vests all the time” ...and so on and so on

PICKING PANTONES the question “if you were a pantone, what pantone would you be” netted out the following results.

S M P

TRUST

FALLS

we can all thank lawrence herbert for the pms.

534 c antHony

106 c aMy

in 1962, herbert, who had been an employee of pantone since 1956, bought the company and took it in a whole new direction. at the time of purchase, pantone was a small business that manufactured color cards for cosmetics companies.

390 c MegHan

7488 c gina yelloW c FryDa

387 c olga

Y R O HIST F O

HAND SLAPPING

1777 c Jessica sheryl added that she liked this color because it was both bold and girly.

182 c vicky

259 c sHeryl 2747 c luis

640 c angela

the idea behind the pms is to allow one to match specific colors when a design enters production stage—regardless of who or what is used to produce the design. this system has been widely adopted by graphic designers, reproduction teams and printing houses who are incredibly anal about color. some, however, adopted it just for the fun of saying, “that’s not in your budget” or “you’re only set up for two pantones.” pantone’s primary products include the pantone guides, which consist of a large number of small thin cardboard sheets, printed on one side with a series of related swatches and then bound into a small flipbook. pantone recommends that pms color guides be purchased annually as their inks become more yellow over time. color variance also occurs within editions based on the paper stock used (coated, matte or uncoated). in 2007, herbert retired from the position of ceo, chairman, and president of the company. congratulations. thanks for the pms.

Dan gives us the low down on slapping hands. there are many ways to say hello to your neighbor, congratulate a friend or celebrate a victory… below are my personal favorites:

Do you trust me?

Luis asked Anthony that question this past Friday in trying to gauge Anthony’s preparedness to take a wife. as we all know, trust is the foundation to any good relationship. if you can trust in someone else to catch you, you can have trust in a relationship. with that said, i was expecting a little lean in from anthony. oh no, anthony completely let go and fully fell into my arms, sending me staggering back two steps. i must admit to not being ready for that, i did not drop him, but i can fully attest that anthony is ready to trust in another... bring on the brides.

1. The Real Shake: used in boardrooms around the world, a real understated classic that shows you mean business.

Technique – right on right or left on left. you can go up and down and “hammer the nail” or back and forth and “saw some wood.” either way there is a 3 second limit, or you’re technically holding hands.

2. The Cross Town: not the most well-known greeting, but when pulled off correctly it’s a win for all parties involved.

Technique – side to side motion starting with a slap on the palm, then a back hand slap. caution: give your buddy a heads up or you may be subject to the always awkward back hand whiff.

3. The Pound: with many

variations to the pound, it can be identified by fist on fist action. true pounders “blow it up” on contact.

Technique – the only rule for pulling off a successful pound is to not punch your recipient’s hand…we’re not playing bloody knuckles, folks.

4. The Windmill: commonly seen in dugouts around the nation, this celebratory greeting may take some practice.

Technique – start with a classic high five, then swing your hand downwards to slap a backwards low five. upgrade to a “fly by windmill” once you’ve got it dialed in.

5. The Backwards Five: this greeting is exactly what it sounds like, so get the back of your hand involved in your next high five.

Technique – start from the classic high five position then turn your hand around. shoot a telling nod to your comrade that projects, “that’s right, i’m backwards fiving you… bring it in!”

BEER GARDEN REVIEWS studio square

BY FONT MASTER FLEX A.K.A TONY ART DEPARTMENT

so unless you’ve been living under a rock or something, you’ve heard about the Bohemian Beer Garden over in asstoria. but maybe you haven’t heard of the new beer garden, Studio Square, that just opened on the asstoria/lic border. haven’t had time to check them out? i’ve had the pleasure of visiting both in the past few weeks and i’ve got so say i’m impressed. both beer gardens are bringing something new and unique to the table. i’m judging in 3 categories - first and foremost BEER!!! second EATS and finally AMBIANCE (yes ambiance, it’s very very important) BEER HIGHLIGHTS ss - they carry all of the belgian beer garden staple beers and a great assortment of local craft beers. my first time there, they had an extremely hard to find sea Dog Bluepaw wild blueberry wheat ale on tap!!! i was impressed. it’s a beer i’ve only found in rhode island. this past sunday, they were no longer carrying the sea dog, but i was surprised by the ridiculously good-tasting captain lawrence Freshchester pale ale, a fine substitute. the fact that they keep a heavy influx of new beers proves for a new and exciting experience at every visit. nice!!!

BBg - with new competition down the block, the old bohemian beer garden has added a roster of american craft beers to its roster of all the beer garden staples, the czechvars, Brouczechs, erdinger, Hoegaardens, krusovices, stellas and spatens. what had me excited about the improvements to the classic garden was the addition of coney island lager—my favorite beer on tap at the moment out of both gardens. this is really tough - while i’m really excited to see what beers ss adds to its roster, you really can’t beat the BBg’s classics and coney island lager! beer!!!

EATS ss - had a a delicious burger. it was big ’n’ juicy and the roll was freshly baked and toasted. the fries almost tasted like they were from mcdonalds—delish! they also served classic kielbasa ’n’ kraut and strangely enough susHi (at a beer garden?). there was no waiter service. you get a number and wait in line until you’re called.

BBg - new waiter service! haven’t gotten to test out the new service for the food, but, having used it for ordering beer, all i can say is thank you may i have another. most of the service was on point, although i’ve heard of some real mess ups in the beginning of the summer where food was taking an extremely long time to make it out to the tables. (if you ever waited in line there years ago, you know the length of time i’m referring to.) the streamlined menu also received a revamp, expanding to include such items as roasted duck con fit! and other delectable treats. nothing out of order here—good bar food that goes with good bar drinking.

DIP EAT ENJOY!!

while the burger was better at ss the selection at bbg can’t be beat!

R E T A E W

S T S E V

S

AMBIANCE ss - new, euro, fancy, shiny, 50/50 indoor/outdoor, no trees— just decks. i saw a table of hipsters smoking a hookah. seriously? it’s a beer garden. all the culture vulturing was a bit much.

BBg - oldschool, outdoor, classic, comfortable - non pretentious, like your hanging out in a park with your friends siMple . Just Works. while visiting the new studio square beer garden has proven to be an enjoyable experience the first few times, my heart stays true to the classic BBg!!! it’s got bigger outside seating and stays true to what it is—a great big beer garden to enjoy beers and laughs with your friends at in the summer.

BOOM!!!

Studio Square 35-33 36th Street Long Island City, Queens 718-383-1001 Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden www.bohemianhall.com 2919 24th Ave. Astoria, NY 11102 (718) 274-4925 Bohemian Beer garden

To say I loved the London Broil French Dip sandwich pictured on the left would be an absolute understatement. This sandwich was amazing. So much so that I had to interview the chef (my lovely wife) to get a little insight on this amazing piece of meat. madeline knew the gigantic london broil we purchased was about to expire, but didn’t have time to make it for dinner. so when she woke up at 1:30 a.m. from her usual late evening nap on the couch (also called “sleeping”), she decided to get out the glass bakeware, chop up an onion and a bunch of garlic, and toss it on top of the slab of beef. yes, somehow this ungodly hour was an appealing time to start cooking. after the garlic and onion was sliced, she added 3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil and placed it in the oven (uncovered because i like my steak a little crispy) at 250 degrees for 6 hours (basically as long as we slept). she then placed it in the fridge for later. that night madeline, knowing how thoroughly disappointed i had been by applebee’s french dip sliders, decided the best thing to do with this meat would

be to make good french dip sandwiches. we ran out to the local grocery store and purchased a can of beef broth and some portugese rolls. while i packed up and dragged the loft bed pieces downstairs in preparation of finally selling the thing, madeline poured the beef broth into a pan with thyme and pepper (the usual recipe calls for more onions and garlic first, but this wasn’t 1:30 a.m. so madeline wasn’t feeling the urge to complete all the steps), then brought it to a simmer for 10 minutes. then she cut the london broil into 1/4 inch strips, adding it to the broth to simmer for another 15 minutes while she prepped a salad (and sold the loft bed). green squash and a plum tomato made for a tasty little side. after the loft bed was gone for good, we had enough time to toast the rolls. she divided the meat equally among the 3 rolls (1 sandwich for madeline, 1/2 for scrappy, 1 and a half for me). the remainder of the beef broth was poured into a bowl to use for dipping. the only thing left to do was eat, dip and enjoy this amazing meal.... yummmmm.

i love sweater vests. my nearly 15-year love affair has provided me with a wealth of quotes from people who do not share the love.

“Aren’t you hot in that” “Dude, sweater vests aren’t cool” “Everytime I see you, you’re wearing a sweater vest” “Do you have one for every day” “I thought only gay men wore those” “We used to have a lesbian who worked here who would wear sweater vests all the time” ...and so on and so on

KARAOKE THURSDAY IS BACK!!!

BE THERE

ADW

art department weekly issue 12 vol. 1

6:30 - NEXT THURSDAY THE 23RD @ 2ND ON 2ND

)4´3 '/..! "% 3/ 2%!,,9 !7%3/-% $5$%3

balloon time picking pantones beer garden reviews greetings PLus: salacious scrabble top toys french dip sandwiches

office games

Being giant fans of the office, Kerry Ryan and I decided to put together a game as an ode to our favorite office heroes. Correctly match the quote and character to receive the respect of all your peers. -Dan

A. Jim Halpert

E. Meredith Palmer

I. Kelly Kapoor

B. Michael Scott

F. Stanley Hudson

J. Creed Bratton

C. Andy Bernard

G. Dwight Schrute

D. Angela Martin

H. Pam Bessely

1. You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundees are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch, with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I’m crying, and nobody can hear me, because I’m terribly, terribly, terribly alone.

3. Daryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking?

What kind of game is that?

4. I lost Ed Truck, and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same

5. I don’t have a lot experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once.

But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.

6. Sometimes the clothes at GAP Kids are just too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl Store and order clothes for large, colonial dolls.

7. It’s a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your

art department weekly issue 13 vol. 1

girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael is a bold guy. Is bold the right word?

8. The deal is this is my last hurrah. ‘Cause I made a New Year’s Resolution that I’m not going to drink anymore... during the week...

9. I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day? Well, I like Pretzel Day… 10. They say you should never mix business with pleasurereally? Well then explain to me how a putt putt golf company operates.

ANSWERS: 1/H; 2/J; 3/I; 4/B; 5/G; 6/D; 7/A; 8/E; 9/F; 10/C

2. The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive… Like I did when I was a homeless man...

ADW

heroes office games unsung beatle villains PLus: incredibles shark week superhero stuff

miNi BoARD oVe RT A N i D

R A e RH

“I was like a brontosaurus... Too big to eat, so they just left me alone” —rich

“I hate the word lover” —meghan

“Really? I thought he was gay” —luis

TUNe iN

Vicky wants to remind everyone that shark week begins this sunday august 2nd. tune in, as Vicky will be holding a round table, daily, to discuss the wonderfulness that are sharks.

WoRD of THe WeeK?

Jessica wanted to nominate the following (made up) word as this week’s word of the week

Nougatocity (nu-gat-a-si-tE) a heightened yet fleeting state of accomplishment that makes you realize how unbelievably unmotivated you normally are.

“Did you scold Jessica for not wearing pants today” —Jeff

“Until my x-ray vision returns, I can only judge the outside” —rich

THe DARK siDe

i’ve never been one to have a ‘hero.’ when i was a child my mother forced us to do all sorts of absurd things like, pick something to collect! (hence, my pez collection) and pick a hero! by default i chose kristi yamaguchi (this was 1992). but my heart wasn’t in it. sure, kristi was great—just look at that triple axel—but i was sure she was not that interesting in real life. and most likely was flawed as a person, morally or emotionally. like that we get our own subsection of villainry. the villainess is usually sassy, sexy, witty, and can get away with murder. but sometimes she’s just plain nuts.

i’ve always been far more attracted to those oft-forgotten people that make heroes stand out so much, the yang to the ying, the dark to the light. that’s right: VILLIANS. Villains are maniacal, dogged, relentless, creative, funny... in a word interesting.

Villlains get arch-nemeses, cackles, secret lairs and possibly labs. we can all be heroes, if just for one day, but how often can we get away with being villains?

Mad Scientists: these are probably my favorite type of villain. they’re just nerdy people trying to use science in bad (read: profitable) ways. see: dexter from dexter’s laboratory; doc brown from Back to the Future; lex luthor from Superman. mad scientist you may not know: dr. horrible. neil patrick harris played the title character in this Joss whedon internet television show/musical from last year. dr. horrible is a villain just

sUPeRHeRo sWAg

“I almost said totes” —karen

“What, no more free lunch” —luis (and everyone else)

see: ursula from The Little Mermaid; harley Quinn and poison ivy from Batman; carmen sandiego; mrs. white from Clue (femme fatale).

trying to be evil enough to get into the evil league of evil. but his crush on a ginger stands in the way. his best friend is moist, whose power is making things damp. best quote: moist: you’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the henchmen’s union.

Evil genius: these are the least likeable villains. this type of villain is usually rich to boot but sometimes is a long-suffering shell of a man trapped by his intellect. see: Voldimort from Harry Potter; mr. burns from The Simpsons; brain from Pinky and the Brain; cancer man from the X-Files.

–Amy

dr. horrible: pssh! i’m not a henchman, i’m dr. horrible. i have a ph.d. in horribleness! moist: is that the new catchphrase?

Villainesses: being a girl, i do for all your superhero needs, go to the brooklyn superhero supply company in park slope. they carry secret identity kits (rule number one: strive to be boring), capes, black holes, x-ray vision and even have a map of where space-time ripples occur in brooklyn. truth be told, this is actually a tutoring center for kids started by author dave eggers of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius fame, but the storefront is

amazing and worth a trip. when you buy something (all proceeds go to the tutoring center), a hidden man in a booth makes you choose a superhero name and take an oath that you will use your purchase for good and not evil. mr. gottlieb bought some antimatter and shall forever be known as dr. ocular. –Amy check it out online at: http://www. superherosupplies.com/

eXTRA HeRoes

Just in case you didn’t provide me with a list of heroes, i took the time to make a list that will run across the bottom of this week’s issue with wonderful men and women who are heroes to millions worldwide.

Derek Jeter

Prince

Georgia O’Keefe

Don Mattingly

Tony Romo

Julia Roberts

Norman Rockwell

mY HeRo, mY Wife when thinking about who my hero is, there could be only one answer for me. no, not superman—my wife, madeline. not only is she my hero, but she is the unsung hero of adw.

besides taking care of everything at home (and i do mean everything, even at 8 months pregnant) she always finds time to help on ADW. be it a last minute scan or photograph, a quick copy edit (making sandy readable was quite the task) or fact checking, writing cover lines (i always forget) or simply making and sending the final pdf, madeline is always game. she never complains or says no. she is always ready and willing to chip in. (even when she should be heading out to the medicaid office.) week after week, when ADW needs finessing, it’s madeline who is pinch hitting and smacking it out of the park. i’ll be getting ready to leave and i’ll say, ”hey, my love, can you email me a pdf of ADW when you get a chance this morning?” then once i receive it, mistakes have been changed, stories cleaned up, entire new pieces written. all because that’s simply what she does. who she is.

Nolan Ryan

madeline is a true gem of a person. the type of person who constantly makes me want to be a better person. she is kind and giving. compassionate and loving. she also allows me to be me. i never have to hide my inner geek around her. she embraces it. i can talk to her about how mace windu could have potentially broken his fall and lived. or about the intricacies of the two-deep zone coverage in football. or how i want to name my son kal after the greatest character ever created. she can even listen to me recite “obi-wan never told you what happened to your father... i am your father” and laugh every time. she truly is my perfect companion. the person who most gets me. the best friend that i look forward to sharing the rest of my life with. i simply can’t say enough about her. she is my muse, my inspiration, my sounding board,

Cal Ripken Jr.

Geico gecko

e L B i eD

s e Ro

R

iNc

He

giNA’s mUsicAL HeRo

iNDY

my everything.

one of my favorite musicians, and one of the most unsung musicians of all time is the great George Harrison. george was an english rock guitarist, singersongwriter and film producer. he achieved international fame as lead guitarist in The Beatles. george was listed as number 21 in Rolling Stone’s list of “the 100 best guitarists of all time.” he is referred to as “the quiet beatle.” his embracing of indian mysticism helped broaden the musical horizons of the beatles. following the band’s breakup, he had a successful career as a solo artist and later as part of the Traveling Wilburys.

one of my favorite hero stories of all-time is disney pixar’s The Incredibles. it is quite possibly the greatest superhero movie ever made. the tale of heros forced by the government to hide their identities and live normal lives only to be pressed back into service when someone starts targetting former heroes. it’s a great story of heroism and family. easily on the luis top 10 all-time list. i put the pencils together on this piece while madeline inked.

Lawrence Hebert

Hamburgler

Gina, who’s your hero?

“Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom never gets old,” gina says. she adds that she was excited to hear that they’ve announced that they are working on indy 5 (geeks everywhere rejoice).

Tom Landry

although the majority of the beatles’ songs were written by lennon and mccartney, many greats were written by harrison. his beatles hits include “here comes the sun,” “something,” “i me mine,” “taxman,” “within you without you,” “think for yourself,”

Roberto Clemente

Jack Kirby

“if i needed someone,” “the inner light,” “old brown shoe,” and “while my guitar gently weeps.” he goes uncredited but is widely known to have written “you’ve got to hide you love away.” after the band’s breakup, harrison continued writing, releasing the acclaimed and successful triple album All Things Must Pass in 1970, from which came two singles and a double a-side single: “my sweet lord” backed with “isn’t it a pity.” in addition to his solo work, harrison wrote songs for the Traveling Wilburys—the supergroup he formed in 1988 with bob dylan, tom petty, Jeff lynne and roy orbison. take my word for it, this beatle most have never really heard of contributed more to the sound of the group than most realize. he truly was the unsung hero of the group.

–luis

Fred Woodward

Regis Pagniez

JessicA’s HeRoes

ANTHoNY’s AWesome HeRoes

peter parker, also known as SPIDERMAN!!! - Milton Glaser (i own two “i heart ny” shirts.) this guy’s the man, ny magazine, brooklyn lager, old school ny designer/artist- KANEDA from the akira comic book series (kaneda was the cool kid—he got all the ladies and was the leader of the bike gang. and that red bike, sick) my uncle’s name was also AKIRA. he got my brother and i into the comics. he was also a hero of mine growing up because he took us out to car shows and monster truck shows, and he would take us out in his nissan Z and do donuts and go play pool. for a 9-year-old, life doesn’t get any better than that. - SEEN (a.k.a.richie) united artists. this guy from the bronx blew my mind when i first opened up the book Subway Art and i

Coach K

Miley Cyrus

saw his work. i was probably 7 or 8. my life was forever changed. in the world of graffiti he was king “the best with the most” from the 2 and 5s in the bronx to the hollywood sign in cali. - My dad, for all that he has showed me can be accomplished in life with hard work and determination. my dad came from a small farming village in spain and is the smartest person i know. his wisdom is priceless. - My MOM, she raised John and i as a single parent after my folks got divorced. she also taught public school in yonkers for over 30 years. putting up with my brother and myself and all of our craziness over the years is proof enough that she has super powers! - Anyone out there who has a dreams and will stop at nothing to fulfill them. Hero Status!

John Lennon

’s A D RY

f

s P ee

P

fryda gives us the lowdown on her heroes, as well as some of those who inspire her.

Wonder Woman Madonna Angelina Jolie Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) President Uribe Jack Bauer

Álvaro Uribe Vélez; born July 4, 1952, in Medellín) is the 39th President of Colombia and is currently serving his second term in office.

Brett Favre

Superman

Robert F. Kennedy

God (there are no words for you and what you do for me each and everyday—good, or bad) My guardian angel (whoever he or she may be; just thank you for never skipping a beat) My nana (for being such a great best friend when she was alive, always there when i needed to talk) My grandparents (for always being there for me) My parents (for being my parents, and being so supportive of every challenge or decision or hurdle i have ever had to take care of) Pete (for everything: he bends over backwards to do anything and everything) Amy Petriello (for always taking the time out to teach me how to do better, and for giving examples when i’m stuck on things, for being a friend) Luis Vega (for the constant motivation and teaching me how to do better and how to learn, and how to be patient) My third grade teacher’s aide (for helping me learn my multiplication tables, division, and telling time—without her i would have been left back) Mr.

Luis Vega

Duggan & Mr. Cook (for believing in me and helping me pass high school and making my transition to a new neighborhood and school as smooth as it could have been) Timothy Samara (for making me fall in love with type design and really understanding it) Ms. Mary (for teaching me how to be a great ballet, tap and jazz dancer) Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers(need i say more about these two?) Gloria Estefan (for that first tape my mom bought me, miami sound machine; fell in love with spanish music back then and will forever love it) Melissa Mazza (for being my wing man in college and for really understanding me to this day; only because we were born on the same day and share a special bond) Kraft. com (my, how you have saved me through many nights of quick and delicious dinners and deserts) Pablo Picasso (for being my first artist that i have loved to learn since i was a child) Mikhail Baryshnikov (for being such a brilliant ballet dancer, inspiring me to keep on going) Walt Disney (for introducing me to a career that i might one day enjoy even though i ended up not doing it) Alvin Ailey (for making me realize at a very young age that there was something else out there besides ballet) Mary Higgins Clark (your the only books i will ever read when i am in the mood) All the troops throughout the years who have made it possible to still be here and live life

Carol A. Smith

George Lucas

THeLe’s P o e P T

Lis

meghan checks in with the heroes who helped shape the people’s champ.

Jim Henson Jeremy (my hubby) Albert Pujols Susan B. Anthony Yadier Molina President Obama Tina Fey Hilary Clinton Mohammed and Rich in IT Michael Jordan Single moms everywhere

Kate Winslet

School teachers

Captain America

JessicA’s HeRoes

ANTHoNY’s AWesome HeRoes

peter parker, also known as SPIDERMAN!!! - Milton Glaser (i own two “i heart ny” shirts.) this guy’s the man, ny magazine, brooklyn lager, old school ny designer/artist- KANEDA from the akira comic book series (kaneda was the cool kid—he got all the ladies and was the leader of the bike gang. and that red bike, sick) my uncle’s name was also AKIRA. he got my brother and i into the comics. he was also a hero of mine growing up because he took us out to car shows and monster truck shows, and he would take us out in his nissan Z and do donuts and go play pool. for a 9-year-old, life doesn’t get any better than that. - SEEN (a.k.a.richie) united artists. this guy from the bronx blew my mind when i first opened up the book Subway Art and i

Coach K

Miley Cyrus

saw his work. i was probably 7 or 8. my life was forever changed. in the world of graffiti he was king “the best with the most” from the 2 and 5s in the bronx to the hollywood sign in cali. - My dad, for all that he has showed me can be accomplished in life with hard work and determination. my dad came from a small farming village in spain and is the smartest person i know. his wisdom is priceless. - My MOM, she raised John and i as a single parent after my folks got divorced. she also taught public school in yonkers for over 30 years. putting up with my brother and myself and all of our craziness over the years is proof enough that she has super powers! - Anyone out there who has a dreams and will stop at nothing to fulfill them. Hero Status!

John Lennon

’s A D RY

f

s P ee

P

fryda gives us the lowdown on her heroes, as well as some of those who inspire her.

Wonder Woman Madonna Angelina Jolie Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) President Uribe Jack Bauer

Álvaro Uribe Vélez; born July 4, 1952, in Medellín) is the 39th President of Colombia and is currently serving his second term in office.

Brett Favre

Superman

Robert F. Kennedy

God (there are no words for you and what you do for me each and everyday—good, or bad) My guardian angel (whoever he or she may be; just thank you for never skipping a beat) My nana (for being such a great best friend when she was alive, always there when i needed to talk) My grandparents (for always being there for me) My parents (for being my parents, and being so supportive of every challenge or decision or hurdle i have ever had to take care of) Pete (for everything: he bends over backwards to do anything and everything) Amy Petriello (for always taking the time out to teach me how to do better, and for giving examples when i’m stuck on things, for being a friend) Luis Vega (for the constant motivation and teaching me how to do better and how to learn, and how to be patient) My third grade teacher’s aide (for helping me learn my multiplication tables, division, and telling time—without her i would have been left back) Mr.

Luis Vega

Duggan & Mr. Cook (for believing in me and helping me pass high school and making my transition to a new neighborhood and school as smooth as it could have been) Timothy Samara (for making me fall in love with type design and really understanding it) Ms. Mary (for teaching me how to be a great ballet, tap and jazz dancer) Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers(need i say more about these two?) Gloria Estefan (for that first tape my mom bought me, miami sound machine; fell in love with spanish music back then and will forever love it) Melissa Mazza (for being my wing man in college and for really understanding me to this day; only because we were born on the same day and share a special bond) Kraft. com (my, how you have saved me through many nights of quick and delicious dinners and deserts) Pablo Picasso (for being my first artist that i have loved to learn since i was a child) Mikhail Baryshnikov (for being such a brilliant ballet dancer, inspiring me to keep on going) Walt Disney (for introducing me to a career that i might one day enjoy even though i ended up not doing it) Alvin Ailey (for making me realize at a very young age that there was something else out there besides ballet) Mary Higgins Clark (your the only books i will ever read when i am in the mood) All the troops throughout the years who have made it possible to still be here and live life

Carol A. Smith

George Lucas

THeLe’s P o e P T

Lis

meghan checks in with the heroes who helped shape the people’s champ.

Jim Henson Jeremy (my hubby) Albert Pujols Susan B. Anthony Yadier Molina President Obama Tina Fey Hilary Clinton Mohammed and Rich in IT Michael Jordan Single moms everywhere

Kate Winslet

School teachers

Captain America

miNi BoARD oVe RT A N i D

R A e RH

“I was like a brontosaurus... Too big to eat, so they just left me alone” —rich

“I hate the word lover” —meghan

“Really? I thought he was gay” —luis

TUNe iN

Vicky wants to remind everyone that shark week begins this sunday august 2nd. tune in, as Vicky will be holding a round table, daily, to discuss the wonderfulness that are sharks.

WoRD of THe WeeK?

Jessica wanted to nominate the following (made up) word as this week’s word of the week

Nougatocity (nu-gat-a-si-tE) a heightened yet fleeting state of accomplishment that makes you realize how unbelievably unmotivated you normally are.

“Did you scold Jessica for not wearing pants today” —Jeff

“Until my x-ray vision returns, I can only judge the outside” —rich

THe DARK siDe

i’ve never been one to have a ‘hero.’ when i was a child my mother forced us to do all sorts of absurd things like, pick something to collect! (hence, my pez collection) and pick a hero! by default i chose kristi yamaguchi (this was 1992). but my heart wasn’t in it. sure, kristi was great—just look at that triple axel—but i was sure she was not that interesting in real life. and most likely was flawed as a person, morally or emotionally. like that we get our own subsection of villainry. the villainess is usually sassy, sexy, witty, and can get away with murder. but sometimes she’s just plain nuts.

i’ve always been far more attracted to those oft-forgotten people that make heroes stand out so much, the yang to the ying, the dark to the light. that’s right: VILLIANS. Villains are maniacal, dogged, relentless, creative, funny... in a word interesting.

Villlains get arch-nemeses, cackles, secret lairs and possibly labs. we can all be heroes, if just for one day, but how often can we get away with being villains?

Mad Scientists: these are probably my favorite type of villain. they’re just nerdy people trying to use science in bad (read: profitable) ways. see: dexter from dexter’s laboratory; doc brown from Back to the Future; lex luthor from Superman. mad scientist you may not know: dr. horrible. neil patrick harris played the title character in this Joss whedon internet television show/musical from last year. dr. horrible is a villain just

sUPeRHeRo sWAg

“I almost said totes” —karen

“What, no more free lunch” —luis (and everyone else)

see: ursula from The Little Mermaid; harley Quinn and poison ivy from Batman; carmen sandiego; mrs. white from Clue (femme fatale).

trying to be evil enough to get into the evil league of evil. but his crush on a ginger stands in the way. his best friend is moist, whose power is making things damp. best quote: moist: you’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the henchmen’s union.

Evil genius: these are the least likeable villains. this type of villain is usually rich to boot but sometimes is a long-suffering shell of a man trapped by his intellect. see: Voldimort from Harry Potter; mr. burns from The Simpsons; brain from Pinky and the Brain; cancer man from the X-Files.

–Amy

dr. horrible: pssh! i’m not a henchman, i’m dr. horrible. i have a ph.d. in horribleness! moist: is that the new catchphrase?

Villainesses: being a girl, i do for all your superhero needs, go to the brooklyn superhero supply company in park slope. they carry secret identity kits (rule number one: strive to be boring), capes, black holes, x-ray vision and even have a map of where space-time ripples occur in brooklyn. truth be told, this is actually a tutoring center for kids started by author dave eggers of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius fame, but the storefront is

amazing and worth a trip. when you buy something (all proceeds go to the tutoring center), a hidden man in a booth makes you choose a superhero name and take an oath that you will use your purchase for good and not evil. mr. gottlieb bought some antimatter and shall forever be known as dr. ocular. –Amy check it out online at: http://www. superherosupplies.com/

eXTRA HeRoes

Just in case you didn’t provide me with a list of heroes, i took the time to make a list that will run across the bottom of this week’s issue with wonderful men and women who are heroes to millions worldwide.

Derek Jeter

Prince

Georgia O’Keefe

Don Mattingly

Tony Romo

Julia Roberts

Norman Rockwell

mY HeRo, mY Wife when thinking about who my hero is, there could be only one answer for me. no, not superman—my wife, madeline. not only is she my hero, but she is the unsung hero of adw.

besides taking care of everything at home (and i do mean everything, even at 8 months pregnant) she always finds time to help on ADW. be it a last minute scan or photograph, a quick copy edit (making sandy readable was quite the task) or fact checking, writing cover lines (i always forget) or simply making and sending the final pdf, madeline is always game. she never complains or says no. she is always ready and willing to chip in. (even when she should be heading out to the medicaid office.) week after week, when ADW needs finessing, it’s madeline who is pinch hitting and smacking it out of the park. i’ll be getting ready to leave and i’ll say, ”hey, my love, can you email me a pdf of ADW when you get a chance this morning?” then once i receive it, mistakes have been changed, stories cleaned up, entire new pieces written. all because that’s simply what she does. who she is.

Nolan Ryan

madeline is a true gem of a person. the type of person who constantly makes me want to be a better person. she is kind and giving. compassionate and loving. she also allows me to be me. i never have to hide my inner geek around her. she embraces it. i can talk to her about how mace windu could have potentially broken his fall and lived. or about the intricacies of the two-deep zone coverage in football. or how i want to name my son kal after the greatest character ever created. she can even listen to me recite “obi-wan never told you what happened to your father... i am your father” and laugh every time. she truly is my perfect companion. the person who most gets me. the best friend that i look forward to sharing the rest of my life with. i simply can’t say enough about her. she is my muse, my inspiration, my sounding board,

Cal Ripken Jr.

Geico gecko

e L B i eD

s e Ro

R

iNc

He

giNA’s mUsicAL HeRo

iNDY

my everything.

one of my favorite musicians, and one of the most unsung musicians of all time is the great George Harrison. george was an english rock guitarist, singersongwriter and film producer. he achieved international fame as lead guitarist in The Beatles. george was listed as number 21 in Rolling Stone’s list of “the 100 best guitarists of all time.” he is referred to as “the quiet beatle.” his embracing of indian mysticism helped broaden the musical horizons of the beatles. following the band’s breakup, he had a successful career as a solo artist and later as part of the Traveling Wilburys.

one of my favorite hero stories of all-time is disney pixar’s The Incredibles. it is quite possibly the greatest superhero movie ever made. the tale of heros forced by the government to hide their identities and live normal lives only to be pressed back into service when someone starts targetting former heroes. it’s a great story of heroism and family. easily on the luis top 10 all-time list. i put the pencils together on this piece while madeline inked.

Lawrence Hebert

Hamburgler

Gina, who’s your hero?

“Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom never gets old,” gina says. she adds that she was excited to hear that they’ve announced that they are working on indy 5 (geeks everywhere rejoice).

Tom Landry

although the majority of the beatles’ songs were written by lennon and mccartney, many greats were written by harrison. his beatles hits include “here comes the sun,” “something,” “i me mine,” “taxman,” “within you without you,” “think for yourself,”

Roberto Clemente

Jack Kirby

“if i needed someone,” “the inner light,” “old brown shoe,” and “while my guitar gently weeps.” he goes uncredited but is widely known to have written “you’ve got to hide you love away.” after the band’s breakup, harrison continued writing, releasing the acclaimed and successful triple album All Things Must Pass in 1970, from which came two singles and a double a-side single: “my sweet lord” backed with “isn’t it a pity.” in addition to his solo work, harrison wrote songs for the Traveling Wilburys—the supergroup he formed in 1988 with bob dylan, tom petty, Jeff lynne and roy orbison. take my word for it, this beatle most have never really heard of contributed more to the sound of the group than most realize. he truly was the unsung hero of the group.

–luis

Fred Woodward

Regis Pagniez

office games

Being giant fans of the office, Kerry Ryan and I decided to put together a game as an ode to our favorite office heroes. Correctly match the quote and character to receive the respect of all your peers. -Dan

A. Jim Halpert

E. Meredith Palmer

I. Kelly Kapoor

B. Michael Scott

F. Stanley Hudson

J. Creed Bratton

C. Andy Bernard

G. Dwight Schrute

D. Angela Martin

H. Pam Bessely

1. You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundees are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch, with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I’m crying, and nobody can hear me, because I’m terribly, terribly, terribly alone.

3. Daryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking?

What kind of game is that?

4. I lost Ed Truck, and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same

5. I don’t have a lot experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once.

But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.

6. Sometimes the clothes at GAP Kids are just too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl Store and order clothes for large, colonial dolls.

7. It’s a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your

art department weekly issue 13 vol. 1

girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael is a bold guy. Is bold the right word?

8. The deal is this is my last hurrah. ‘Cause I made a New Year’s Resolution that I’m not going to drink anymore... during the week...

9. I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day? Well, I like Pretzel Day… 10. They say you should never mix business with pleasurereally? Well then explain to me how a putt putt golf company operates.

ANSWERS: 1/H; 2/J; 3/I; 4/B; 5/G; 6/D; 7/A; 8/E; 9/F; 10/C

2. The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive… Like I did when I was a homeless man...

ADW

heroes office games unsung beatle villains PLus: incredibles shark week superhero stuff

haute shit

Do you eat food? Have you ever been hungry? Have you ever dropped anything on the floor or thrown anything away? Have you ever combined all those things into one? If so, go to istillateit.blogspot.com, the haute new shit on the food blog scene. Started by intrepid co-workers, we strive to make you feel better about eating that moldy brownie. In tough times, don’t waste food. Eat it, then email us at istillateit@gmail.com. Readers can vote whether they’ve also done that or if you’re just gross. Bookmark istillateit.blogspot.com today!

ADW

art department weekly issue 14 vol. 1

tri-best-a angry russian art the captain font feelings PLus: ford showdown flowers for jess fancy art haute shit

MiNi BOARD OVeRheRt ARD

A N i

“I’m not indecisive after I make my second choice” —Jessica

“You blew it Jess” —Jeff

NOt sO ReeL MOMeNts

rich from it (one of meghan’s heroes) submitted the above image as a suggestion for how Twilight should have ended. i mean this ending would’ve been better than the convoluted mess that was Breaking Dawn.

“It’s so hot crimes are gonna occur” —amy

“I wanted to shoot someone in the face” —anthony

“I’m not flexing, this is just natural” —Vicky

“I almost said totes” —karen

“When hunger overtakes my head, it’s time to eat” —Jessica

MOBiLe MuFFiNs

i had told my lovely wife about the cupcake truck, but, on a recent visit to the Upper east side, she found something better. the dessert truck, which serves my favorite—crème brûlée.

“It’s like a French hooker” —amy

hAN VeRsus iNDY

Gina sent me the following article which i thought should be shared with everyone. read it in its entirety at topless robot. the debate of “han solo vs. indiana Jones” has not been waged for centuries, but it sure feels that way at times. some prefer the sci-fi swashbuckling of han solo to the marginally more realistic bad-assery of indiana Jones. like batman vs. superman or the beatles vs. the rolling stones, everyone has a preference and it’s easy to argue for both sides. but we at tr feel there’s a second truth: indiana Jones soundly kicks han solo’s ass. and here are the 8 biggest reasons why.

8) His Theme Park Rides Are Way Better to be fair, han solo doesn’t actually appear in star tours, but given the mountain of solo-themed merchandise that the disney company has dumped out over the decades in conjunction with the ride, it seems an appropriate comparison. while lame old star tours utilizes the now-tired “sit in a jostling chair while you watch a short film,” the Jones ride uses a jeep as you travel through an appropriately menacing temple full of undead skeletons, giant snakes, and pyrotechnic effects. comparing it to star tours—is like kicking sand on the nerdy kid at the beach. no contest.

7) No Cavorting with BearMidgets at no point does indiana Jones ever fight alongside or appear in the same frame as an ewok. ever. the same cannot be said for han solo.

6) The Ladies Can’t Resist Him in the entire star wars trilogy, han solo only ever manages to bag one girl.

Granted, it was a reluctant princess leia, played by a then-hot carrie fisher, but still, it’s like he’s not even trying.

Jones, on the other hand, manages to hook up with his female cohorts in both Raiders and Last Crusade, both by using some pretty smooth moves for a guy in the 1930’s. in Temple of Doom he manages to screw with screeching harpy willie scott’s head so much she demands he nail her right then and there.

5) His Sidekicks Are Awesomer okay, okay—everyone loves chewbacca, his watch-strap bandolier, and his unintelligible grunting, but indiana Jones’ sidekicks are a lot more awesome than chewbacca ever was.

first, you have sallah—John rhysdavies in a fez. then you have marcus brody, whose bumbling professor routine never gets old. and lastly, you have short round, whose hilarious, borderline-racist persona and cringeworthy dialogue make him just another reason Temple of Doom is under-appreciated. chewbacca could never deliver the line “i am very little, you cheat very big!”

4) He’s Got Better Taste In Clothing indiana Jones’ rugged adventurer outfit has become so iconic that it’s synonymous with the word “adventurer” itself. han solo is famous the world over for his trademark, uh, pocketed vest, knee-high vinyl boots and peasant shirt that was stolen from a new Jersey renaissance festival.

3) He Kicks Nazi Ass let’s face it— the empire in the star wars movies is a stand-in for the nazi regime. but you can’t beat the real thing, and that’s who indiana Jones smacks around.

2) His Dad Is Sean Connery we don’t know who han solo’s father is—and we adamantly refuse to wade through bullshit “expanded Universe” novels that explain his dad is actually yoda or some other nonsense only a hacky fanboy writer could dream up. indy’s dad is sean fucking connery.

1) He’d Beat Han Solo in a Fight it’s tough to argue that han could take Jones in a fistfight, especially since roughly two-thirds of the indiana Jones movies are entirely about indy punching someone in the face or getting beaten within an inch of his life only to stand up and continue kicking ass. solo only ever uses a blaster. not only is that a weapon every other character in the star wars universe has, but it’s also easily neutralized by the fact that indiana Jones has a whip he uses to disarm people when he’s not busy punching them in the face. it’s undeniable: indiana Jones would kick han solo’s ass. ‘nuff said.

OtheR AMAZiNG FONts

Just in case you didn’t provide me with a font, i took the time to make a list that will run across the bottom of this week’s issue...

Champion

Gotham

Helvetic Neue

Antenna

Rockwell

Palatino

Futura

Snell Roundhand

MiNi BOARD OVeRheRt ARD

A N i

“I’m not indecisive after I make my second choice” —Jessica

“You blew it Jess” —Jeff

NOt sO ReeL MOMeNts

rich from it (one of meghan’s heroes) submitted the above image as a suggestion for how Twilight should have ended. i mean this ending would’ve been better than the convoluted mess that was Breaking Dawn.

“It’s so hot crimes are gonna occur” —amy

“I wanted to shoot someone in the face” —anthony

“I’m not flexing, this is just natural” —Vicky

“I almost said totes” —karen

“When hunger overtakes my head, it’s time to eat” —Jessica

MOBiLe MuFFiNs

i had told my lovely wife about the cupcake truck, but, on a recent visit to the Upper east side, she found something better. the dessert truck, which serves my favorite—crème brûlée.

“It’s like a French hooker” —amy

hAN VeRsus iNDY

Gina sent me the following article which i thought should be shared with everyone. read it in its entirety at topless robot. the debate of “han solo vs. indiana Jones” has not been waged for centuries, but it sure feels that way at times. some prefer the sci-fi swashbuckling of han solo to the marginally more realistic bad-assery of indiana Jones. like batman vs. superman or the beatles vs. the rolling stones, everyone has a preference and it’s easy to argue for both sides. but we at tr feel there’s a second truth: indiana Jones soundly kicks han solo’s ass. and here are the 8 biggest reasons why.

8) His Theme Park Rides Are Way Better to be fair, han solo doesn’t actually appear in star tours, but given the mountain of solo-themed merchandise that the disney company has dumped out over the decades in conjunction with the ride, it seems an appropriate comparison. while lame old star tours utilizes the now-tired “sit in a jostling chair while you watch a short film,” the Jones ride uses a jeep as you travel through an appropriately menacing temple full of undead skeletons, giant snakes, and pyrotechnic effects. comparing it to star tours—is like kicking sand on the nerdy kid at the beach. no contest.

7) No Cavorting with BearMidgets at no point does indiana Jones ever fight alongside or appear in the same frame as an ewok. ever. the same cannot be said for han solo.

6) The Ladies Can’t Resist Him in the entire star wars trilogy, han solo only ever manages to bag one girl.

Granted, it was a reluctant princess leia, played by a then-hot carrie fisher, but still, it’s like he’s not even trying.

Jones, on the other hand, manages to hook up with his female cohorts in both Raiders and Last Crusade, both by using some pretty smooth moves for a guy in the 1930’s. in Temple of Doom he manages to screw with screeching harpy willie scott’s head so much she demands he nail her right then and there.

5) His Sidekicks Are Awesomer okay, okay—everyone loves chewbacca, his watch-strap bandolier, and his unintelligible grunting, but indiana Jones’ sidekicks are a lot more awesome than chewbacca ever was.

first, you have sallah—John rhysdavies in a fez. then you have marcus brody, whose bumbling professor routine never gets old. and lastly, you have short round, whose hilarious, borderline-racist persona and cringeworthy dialogue make him just another reason Temple of Doom is under-appreciated. chewbacca could never deliver the line “i am very little, you cheat very big!”

4) He’s Got Better Taste In Clothing indiana Jones’ rugged adventurer outfit has become so iconic that it’s synonymous with the word “adventurer” itself. han solo is famous the world over for his trademark, uh, pocketed vest, knee-high vinyl boots and peasant shirt that was stolen from a new Jersey renaissance festival.

3) He Kicks Nazi Ass let’s face it— the empire in the star wars movies is a stand-in for the nazi regime. but you can’t beat the real thing, and that’s who indiana Jones smacks around.

2) His Dad Is Sean Connery we don’t know who han solo’s father is—and we adamantly refuse to wade through bullshit “expanded Universe” novels that explain his dad is actually yoda or some other nonsense only a hacky fanboy writer could dream up. indy’s dad is sean fucking connery.

1) He’d Beat Han Solo in a Fight it’s tough to argue that han could take Jones in a fistfight, especially since roughly two-thirds of the indiana Jones movies are entirely about indy punching someone in the face or getting beaten within an inch of his life only to stand up and continue kicking ass. solo only ever uses a blaster. not only is that a weapon every other character in the star wars universe has, but it’s also easily neutralized by the fact that indiana Jones has a whip he uses to disarm people when he’s not busy punching them in the face. it’s undeniable: indiana Jones would kick han solo’s ass. ‘nuff said.

OtheR AMAZiNG FONts

Just in case you didn’t provide me with a font, i took the time to make a list that will run across the bottom of this week’s issue...

Champion

Gotham

Helvetic Neue

Antenna

Rockwell

Palatino

Futura

Snell Roundhand

ANGRY ARt

s t e YG

Y C FAN

AM

olga’s husband denis didn’t take too kindly to being given the “boo of the week.” so much so that he created the below piece specifically in response. this isn’t exactly the fields of sunflowers, wedding locales, self portraits or boogeymen that olga has hanging all around her workspace, but here at adw we don’t discriminate. you send it, we’ll publish it, no matter how angry it makes you seem. as a side note, i was on hand as denis concepted and sketched out this piece. it was one of at least three he created. hopefully we get to publish the others soon.

tRi-Best-A s

eR W O FL

R O F ss Je

C

B

D e

A

amy’s picks to shop, eat and drink your way around the ‘hood.

A. The Mysterious Bookshop the best damn bookshop for amateur sleuths. carries a range of mystery books plus postcards of classic pulp covers. every now and then we get fancy in art. department members have even been known to wear tuxedos to karaoke. yeah, that’s how we roll. on this particular day, amy was looking fancy in her tuxedo shirt when anthony said “you should put on a bow tie.” he then proceeded to dig one right out of his tuffit. that’s right he had a bow tie on hand for just such an occassions that needed more fancy. anthony’s boy scout training coming in handy... be prepared!

Akzidenz Grotesk

Breuer

Adele

Mostra Nuova

Tesca

Granat

58 Warren St. at West Broadway B. Working Class want your own ‘be calm and carry on’ poster or mousepad or mug or... then come here. they specialize in british knicknacks and ephemera. tallyho!

Jessica recieves flowers in the office from a male admirer. his words are on the card above. also pictured is diego the fish, still in his big bowl.

American Typewriter

168 Duane St. at Hudson pause here for a dessert break. chocolate always revives me while shopping. C. Duane Park Patisserie at 179 Duane St. is

Fenice

Johnstone

an adorable little café with your usual goodies plus raw dough if you want to bake it yourself.

D. Balloon Saloon the store that carries the inflatable pirate ship has all sorts of gag gifts and toys (whoopie cushions anyone?).

133 W. Broadway between Duane and Thomas Streets and to quench your thirst after all that shopping go to E. Blaue Gans, a German bar that we’ve somehow missed. the swan (for those of you who remember the old niche haunt) reincarnated! when i passed the Gans, there was a 2-for-1 slider deal going on.

139 Duane Street between Church and W. Broadway

Migration

Loft

Slate

CAPtAiN NeW YORK Jeter’s .316 career batting average ranks fifth among active players. his 2669 hits are also fifth among active players (tops since ‘96). Jeter has also been exceptional in the postseason, where he earned his reputation as a clutch performer. he has reached base in 105 of 119 games, holding the postseason record for not only hits but also runs scored. team Usa, comprised of a who’s who of baseball players, voted Jeter team captain in both 2006 and 2009. baseball commissioner bud selig also has named Jeter (along with albert pujols and trevor hoffman) ambassadors for baseball.

one of the things that irks me the most in life is the lack of love new york yankee captain derek Jeter gets from my colleagues and baseball club members. i like to think of derek Jeter as the consumate professional— someone who plays the game to the fullest on both sides of the ball. if you are a fan of baseball, you should be a fan of Jeter. one day, when all we have are his numbers and yankees classics, baseball fans will wish they could still see him play on a saturday afternoon. it’s no coincidence that Jeter’s arrival sparked an unprecedented era of winning in the bronx. he was unquestionably the driving

ELLE Sexy

Interstate

force of the yankee dynasty that won four world series titles between 1996 and 2000. in his rookie season, 1996, he easily won the rookie of the year award, and still to this day is the only player in the history of baseball to win both all-star game and world series mVp’s.

Jeter is a 10-time all-star who is quickly climbing past many of the all-time greats to the top of multiple yankee charts. he has also been awarded the silver slugger (given to the best hitter at his position) three times as well as the Gold Glove award (given to the best fielders) further estbalishing his versatility on both sides of the ball.

Archer

Sentinel

FAVORite FONts luis asked the art department the question “if you were a font, what font would you be?” can you guess who picked what? two art directors picked didot. two designers and one junior designer selected nothing. didot

farnham the self-proclaimed font master flex has this to say... i would be United by house industries type foundry / design & illustration studio. the United font family is dope! i can’t just choose one. it’s too versitile! it comes in an abundance of weights in both serif and sans serif styles.

United

when Jeter first came up, it was a golden age of shortstops.

Jeter, arod, tejada and nomar Garciapara were re-writing what it meant to be a great offensive shortstop. as time has shown, arod and tejada have been connected to steroids, while nomar has fallen completely off the radar. the one constant remains Jeter. the one blemish on Jeter’s shiny persona is his presumed womanizer ways. he is constantly in the press with a glamour girl (Jesica alba, mariah carey, minka kelly, etc.). really? this is a problem? we’re going to dismiss his career because he sent a bottle to a table full of girls who seemed to also enjoy a good time?

bonUs* there is a stencil style included that looks awesome in the italic stencil weight. i used the semicondensed stencil type for my name. what’s great for artistic applications is that these fonts can actually be used as stencils if printed and cut out. plus, their solid tetterforms lend themselves to interlocking logo designs and type treatments from the military urban feel to delicate glassware monograms.

knockout

to all the lovely, beautiful babies reading this - if you were text, you’d be the fine print!!!

RAWWWRRR OWW! haha

there is no player in the game that i would rather have on my team. Jeter is arguably the greatest shortstop of his generation, if not amongst the best shortstops of all-time.

Chronicle

Shades

Requiem

the t N O F AsteR M LeX F

Franklin Gothic

Soho

Ambroise

Bodoni

Din

Century Gothic

ANGRY ARt

s t e YG

Y C FAN

AM

olga’s husband denis didn’t take too kindly to being given the “boo of the week.” so much so that he created the below piece specifically in response. this isn’t exactly the fields of sunflowers, wedding locales, self portraits or boogeymen that olga has hanging all around her workspace, but here at adw we don’t discriminate. you send it, we’ll publish it, no matter how angry it makes you seem. as a side note, i was on hand as denis concepted and sketched out this piece. it was one of at least three he created. hopefully we get to publish the others soon.

tRi-Best-A s

eR W O FL

R O F ss Je

C

B

D e

A

amy’s picks to shop, eat and drink your way around the ‘hood.

A. The Mysterious Bookshop the best damn bookshop for amateur sleuths. carries a range of mystery books plus postcards of classic pulp covers. every now and then we get fancy in art. department members have even been known to wear tuxedos to karaoke. yeah, that’s how we roll. on this particular day, amy was looking fancy in her tuxedo shirt when anthony said “you should put on a bow tie.” he then proceeded to dig one right out of his tuffit. that’s right he had a bow tie on hand for just such an occassions that needed more fancy. anthony’s boy scout training coming in handy... be prepared!

Akzidenz Grotesk

Breuer

Adele

Mostra Nuova

Tesca

Granat

58 Warren St. at West Broadway B. Working Class want your own ‘be calm and carry on’ poster or mousepad or mug or... then come here. they specialize in british knicknacks and ephemera. tallyho!

Jessica recieves flowers in the office from a male admirer. his words are on the card above. also pictured is diego the fish, still in his big bowl.

American Typewriter

168 Duane St. at Hudson pause here for a dessert break. chocolate always revives me while shopping. C. Duane Park Patisserie at 179 Duane St. is

Fenice

Johnstone

an adorable little café with your usual goodies plus raw dough if you want to bake it yourself.

D. Balloon Saloon the store that carries the inflatable pirate ship has all sorts of gag gifts and toys (whoopie cushions anyone?).

133 W. Broadway between Duane and Thomas Streets and to quench your thirst after all that shopping go to E. Blaue Gans, a German bar that we’ve somehow missed. the swan (for those of you who remember the old niche haunt) reincarnated! when i passed the Gans, there was a 2-for-1 slider deal going on.

139 Duane Street between Church and W. Broadway

Migration

Loft

Slate

CAPtAiN NeW YORK Jeter’s .316 career batting average ranks fifth among active players. his 2669 hits are also fifth among active players (tops since ‘96). Jeter has also been exceptional in the postseason, where he earned his reputation as a clutch performer. he has reached base in 105 of 119 games, holding the postseason record for not only hits but also runs scored. team Usa, comprised of a who’s who of baseball players, voted Jeter team captain in both 2006 and 2009. baseball commissioner bud selig also has named Jeter (along with albert pujols and trevor hoffman) ambassadors for baseball.

one of the things that irks me the most in life is the lack of love new york yankee captain derek Jeter gets from my colleagues and baseball club members. i like to think of derek Jeter as the consumate professional— someone who plays the game to the fullest on both sides of the ball. if you are a fan of baseball, you should be a fan of Jeter. one day, when all we have are his numbers and yankees classics, baseball fans will wish they could still see him play on a saturday afternoon. it’s no coincidence that Jeter’s arrival sparked an unprecedented era of winning in the bronx. he was unquestionably the driving

ELLE Sexy

Interstate

force of the yankee dynasty that won four world series titles between 1996 and 2000. in his rookie season, 1996, he easily won the rookie of the year award, and still to this day is the only player in the history of baseball to win both all-star game and world series mVp’s.

Jeter is a 10-time all-star who is quickly climbing past many of the all-time greats to the top of multiple yankee charts. he has also been awarded the silver slugger (given to the best hitter at his position) three times as well as the Gold Glove award (given to the best fielders) further estbalishing his versatility on both sides of the ball.

Archer

Sentinel

FAVORite FONts luis asked the art department the question “if you were a font, what font would you be?” can you guess who picked what? two art directors picked didot. two designers and one junior designer selected nothing. didot

farnham the self-proclaimed font master flex has this to say... i would be United by house industries type foundry / design & illustration studio. the United font family is dope! i can’t just choose one. it’s too versitile! it comes in an abundance of weights in both serif and sans serif styles.

United

when Jeter first came up, it was a golden age of shortstops.

Jeter, arod, tejada and nomar Garciapara were re-writing what it meant to be a great offensive shortstop. as time has shown, arod and tejada have been connected to steroids, while nomar has fallen completely off the radar. the one constant remains Jeter. the one blemish on Jeter’s shiny persona is his presumed womanizer ways. he is constantly in the press with a glamour girl (Jesica alba, mariah carey, minka kelly, etc.). really? this is a problem? we’re going to dismiss his career because he sent a bottle to a table full of girls who seemed to also enjoy a good time?

bonUs* there is a stencil style included that looks awesome in the italic stencil weight. i used the semicondensed stencil type for my name. what’s great for artistic applications is that these fonts can actually be used as stencils if printed and cut out. plus, their solid tetterforms lend themselves to interlocking logo designs and type treatments from the military urban feel to delicate glassware monograms.

knockout

to all the lovely, beautiful babies reading this - if you were text, you’d be the fine print!!!

RAWWWRRR OWW! haha

there is no player in the game that i would rather have on my team. Jeter is arguably the greatest shortstop of his generation, if not amongst the best shortstops of all-time.

Chronicle

Shades

Requiem

the t N O F AsteR M LeX F

Franklin Gothic

Soho

Ambroise

Bodoni

Din

Century Gothic

haute shit

Do you eat food? Have you ever been hungry? Have you ever dropped anything on the floor or thrown anything away? Have you ever combined all those things into one? If so, go to istillateit.blogspot.com, the haute new shit on the food blog scene. Started by intrepid co-workers, we strive to make you feel better about eating that moldy brownie. In tough times, don’t waste food. Eat it, then email us at istillateit@gmail.com. Readers can vote whether they’ve also done that or if you’re just gross. Bookmark istillateit.blogspot.com today!

ADW

art department weekly issue 14 vol. 1

tri-best-a angry russian art the captain font feelings PLus: ford showdown flowers for jess fancy art haute shit

ADW

art department weekly issue 15 vol. 1

friday fun kings drinking with dave bowling PLus: more angry art pork quarters asshole

mini BoArD ove rt A n i

BoWling With DAn

D

r A e rh

s r e rt

QuA

“So, Anthony and I will not be kissing today”

quarters is a popular drinking game which involves players bouncing a quarter off a table in an attempt to have the quarter land, usually, into a shotglass (or cup) on the table.

—luis

“I’m either gonna die poor, or be huge”

the player bouncing the quarter is referred to as the “shooter.” in some variations, the glass is empty and each player has a separate glass to drink from. in other variations the glass that the shooter is aiming for contains an alcoholic beverage.

—andrew stone

reQuest of the Week

as i was closing issue 14 of Hamptons last week, i saw the above note and thought that it was so good i clearly had to share it with everyone. the note reads “where is my hair? please have imaging take the boob down and make me taller... Thnx.”

WhAt Drink WoulD you Be?

i posed the above question to my fellow art department members. the answers were far-reaching and very telling. fryda: aguardiante antioqueno anthony: Jagerbomb amy: Dry Martini Jessica: sangria gina: Margaveza luis: Jameson vicky: Champagne (during the week)/Dirty Martini (weekend) olga: samogon* (old fashioned village drink) *the russian name for any home-made distilled alcoholic beverage is samogon. literally translated as “distillate made by oneself,” the raw ingredients include sugar, beets, corn, and potatoes. samogon is well known for its high quality (pure alcohol is lighter, so it evaporates in the beginning of the process but impurities don’t; over time more and more impurities evaporate, too, thus making the rest of the batch not that clean). the production of samogon is widespread in russia. its sale is prohibited. samogon often has a strong repulsive odor but, due to cheap and fast production and ability to personalize the flavor of the drink, it is of relative popularity.

“Skinny laces ain’t cutting it in 2009” —anthony

“What would you be, a white russian” —Jessica

“I’m a complicated girl, not a simple one” —vicky

“Bill Clinton, I’ll go sit on his desk any day” —anthony

“Jessica, she’d be a blow job shot in Cabo” —amy

“You can’t switch, who are you, Jess” —luis

ahhh, bowling. the only sport besides golf where it is socially acceptable to be shitfaced. i have listed for you a fairly simple game i invented in college (i’m sure someone will refute my originality here) that truly enhances the sport of bowling and will have you saying, “let’s go drunk, so we can get bowling!”

2 – the player must take a sip of his beer after his first attempt beFore his bowling ball is returned via the ball return.

rules: 1 – every player needs a beer. grab yourself a pitcher as you may rip through more brews than expected. players, please do not hold your beer while bowling.

4 – any player bowling a strike results in a “social” (a.k.a. everyone drinks).

3 – the player must drink a sip equal to the amount of pins left after his second attempt (i.e. - you bowl a seven, there are three pins left… three sips).

5 – if a player bowls a spare, that player has saved herself from drinking.

happy bowling!

the quarter is customarily bounced on the face whether heads or tails. some games may allow a player to bounce the quarter on the edge, particularly by rolling it down their nose.

angry art

taking aim

Here is the second piece in Denis’ anti-ADW series. Hopefully we have healed over the boo and can start to get some happier art.

How to play

asshole

1. Gather four or more friends.

Create hierarchy. Create ranks for the number of people that are playing. At the top have the President, then the Vice President, then a Treasurer, and lastly the Asshole.

2. Decide on the card rankings.

Generally, the higher the value of the card the higher the rank. Aces are high. Pick one card to be the “power” card (usually 2).

3. Deal out 6 or 7 cards to each player and choose someone to play the first card. They’ll lead with any card from their hand and place it in the middle of the table. From there, go around the table either clockwise or counterclockwise.

4. Each player must play a card higher than the card that has just been played. If a player doesn’t have a higher card, he can pass.

Continue game play until everyone is out of cards.

5. Assign ranks to players. The first person to get rid of his cards is the President. The next person to go out is the Vice President and so on.

9. Make the Asshole gather the cards, shuffle the deck and deal.

10. Begin the next hand. The President leads off each new hand. The next in rank plays after him and so on.

11. Play your role. The President is top dog. She can make anyone under her drink after the cards are dealt, leads each hand, and never has to refill her own drink. The Vice President is next in command. He plays second and can make anyone drink except the President. All the other players must obey their higher-ups.

12. Play as many rounds as you can endure. The ranks and roles change after each hand. Play until you run out of beer or can’t drink anymore

friday fun As the long week came to an end on August 7, we decided that we all deserved to spend the first non-rainy summer Friday in recent memory out and about for happy hour. Where better to go than a beach? Two beers and a sangria all for the price of $10 during happy hour? A fantastic view of Stuyvesant town and the Brooklyn Bridge? Feast on some shrimp and oysters? Blow bubbles? And enjoy the company of your coworkers while listening to good Caribbean music? The water taxi beach at South Street Seaport. That is where.

What better way to top off all those ammenities than to keep most of your cups before the bus boy takes them from you so you can play a game or two (or 10) of flip cup. Sally, Anthony and Zach against Tom, Amy and Julie J. Tom, Amy, and Julie J stole the night with winning most of the games, save one. As the sun continued to disappear and the evening progressed, some of the group members started to depart before they turned into pumpkins.

The troopers of the night (Amy, Tom, Anthony, Sally, Zach and I) hit the dance floor with some of the most interesting people. From a man dancing on his roller skates to a woman telling Amy and I that “it’s that kind of night, ladies­ —anything is possible” to a couple dancing on the floor literally. (No not break dancing.) There where whistles and drums and cowbells.

We didn’t care. Who would? It’s all about good company and how you take it all in and enjoy yourself. And to that it was a pretty good Friday night.

–Jessica

divine swine Tom, Amy and Jessica rolled out to Poughkipsie this past weekend for a good old fashioned Pig Roast. From the images below it looks like they were digging the pig (sorry Meghan and Fryda).

yummy pork excerpted from crazycoloredglasses.blogspot.com Monday, July 02, 2007

We had Scrappy on the eve of her last day of First Grade. I typically make dinner when we have her on Tuesday nights. We had pork in the fridge, so I wanted to do something different than my typical breaded and oven-baked pork.

Right after lunch I started thinking about dinner (for a food lover like me, thats a regular thing). I went to allrecipes.com (which I love) and started typing up a search for Pork Chops. I found a pretty simple recipe (for me, simple is key because I’m not a very good cook) which really just required pork, Italian dressing, pepper and soy sauce. I saw that and thought, Hmmm, I have all of that. Then in looking over the recipe some more I saw one of the comments that said she sliced up an onion, laid it on the bottom of a glass tray and after browning the chops placed them in the oven for 35 minutes (of course pouring the sauce over them).

I also made some simple white rice and green beans. Rice and vegetables are pretty constant, so they were a bit simple to make.

The trick for me is to always have something for Scrappy to do so that she doesn’t get bored waiting for dinner and so that she feels she was a part of making the meal. So I had to start up the chops, get them in the oven, and then wait a few minutes before starting up the rice and vegetables.

drinking with dave

On the subject of drinking games, I knew I would need some help. I simply don’t know of any besides Flip Cup. With that being said, I emailed my buddy Dave. Dave + Alcohol = Fun. Here is what Dave had to say...

There are all sorts of drinking games—games with cards, dice, coins; games with balls; games with bats; board games; tv/movie games; skill games; repetitive games; and mental games. Games with cups, games with shot glasses, games with bottles, games with taps, and games with pitchers. You name it, I’ve probably played it. I’ve likely won more than I’ve lost, although defining a win isn’t always easy to do. Drunk first, drunk last? The glory of victory?

The joy of watching your fellow compatriots decline to become some greater form of degenerate?

Growing up, drinking games tended to revolve around someone’s mother’s kitchen table in a house in Brooklyn.

Games typically involved dice, quarters or cards, something that didn’t take much room, or need much cleanup; you never knew when our host’s parents would arrive home from a long day at work. We played 7-11 Doubles, Asshole, 4 Kings, Quarters, Speed Quarters, 6 Cups, Thumper, Up and Down the River, High-Low or we’d bastardize the games of our youth into some vicious form of alcohol poisoning—the Name Game, Jenga, Trivial Pursuit. We played endurance games like the Hour of Power, and eventually the Century Club.

Summertime brought a slew of outdoor games, boat races, bat races, incorporating beer into softball on the beach and pool races. College years brought more team oriented games, like Pong and Flip Cup. Then we started inventing our own. House Pong rule for all of our games: if you sink it in an empty cup, you have to drink one of your own. The rule prevents players tossing random balls out there; you need to make your shot count.

Choad Countdown: This game levels the playing field between Pong players and Flip Cup players.

Team A is designates a Shooter and the rest of his teammates are Rebounders. The Shooter continuously shoots at a rack of cups, while the rest of his team rebounds.

As he sinks it, his rebounders need to finish the beers. He tries to hit as many cups as he can before the “clock” runs out. The “clock” is the other team flipping cups. Whichever team finishes first wins.

MegaPong: *This game takes commitment, endurance and skill*

Two Tables pushed together, 500 cups a side, roughly 25 rows of cups.

If the cups are opaque, it takes a high level of skill to remember which cups are empty (remember the house rule).

Zones: This is a quarters game that lets you fuck your neighbor. Four players sit at a square table, one per side. The game requires one full beer in the center of the table, and 2 quarters. If someone bounces a quarter into the beer and the other is in your “zone” (your quarter of the table), you drink the beer. Pretty simple but it can get pretty intense. The quarter doesn’t have to be shot, it can be passed in front of someone. So if I have a

quarter and I think that someone else is going to sink it, I pass the quarter in front of another player, fucking them over.

Two Taints and a Fotch: This game is fun if you’re already hammered. It’s basically a race. So you need a starting line and a finish line. Everyone starts with a full beer and a plastic cup. Pour some beer in the cup, drink it, and throw it as far as you can towards the finish line. Run after it and repeat until you cross the line. You must finish the beer before you cross the line.

This game requires a certain level of idiocy among the participants before it starts, which means being hammered is a pre-req.

No matter what, everyone wins with these games. Drinking games all have the same goal—everyone playing has fun. Spectators have almost as much fun. No matter what the game, the spirit remains the same. Last week I was playing bocce at a backyard barbecue in East Hampton. My friend Mike was my partner. While we were playing, his 6-year-old was running around playing with the dog. He called his son over to teach him the rules of game, explaining to him that this indeed is the greatest of games. His son, an avid baseball fan looked confused and asked why. Mike replied simply, “Because it’s a game you can play with a beer in your hand.”

divine swine Tom, Amy and Jessica rolled out to Poughkipsie this past weekend for a good old fashioned Pig Roast. From the images below it looks like they were digging the pig (sorry Meghan and Fryda).

yummy pork excerpted from crazycoloredglasses.blogspot.com Monday, July 02, 2007

We had Scrappy on the eve of her last day of First Grade. I typically make dinner when we have her on Tuesday nights. We had pork in the fridge, so I wanted to do something different than my typical breaded and oven-baked pork.

Right after lunch I started thinking about dinner (for a food lover like me, thats a regular thing). I went to allrecipes.com (which I love) and started typing up a search for Pork Chops. I found a pretty simple recipe (for me, simple is key because I’m not a very good cook) which really just required pork, Italian dressing, pepper and soy sauce. I saw that and thought, Hmmm, I have all of that. Then in looking over the recipe some more I saw one of the comments that said she sliced up an onion, laid it on the bottom of a glass tray and after browning the chops placed them in the oven for 35 minutes (of course pouring the sauce over them).

I also made some simple white rice and green beans. Rice and vegetables are pretty constant, so they were a bit simple to make.

The trick for me is to always have something for Scrappy to do so that she doesn’t get bored waiting for dinner and so that she feels she was a part of making the meal. So I had to start up the chops, get them in the oven, and then wait a few minutes before starting up the rice and vegetables.

drinking with dave

On the subject of drinking games, I knew I would need some help. I simply don’t know of any besides Flip Cup. With that being said, I emailed my buddy Dave. Dave + Alcohol = Fun. Here is what Dave had to say...

There are all sorts of drinking games—games with cards, dice, coins; games with balls; games with bats; board games; tv/movie games; skill games; repetitive games; and mental games. Games with cups, games with shot glasses, games with bottles, games with taps, and games with pitchers. You name it, I’ve probably played it. I’ve likely won more than I’ve lost, although defining a win isn’t always easy to do. Drunk first, drunk last? The glory of victory?

The joy of watching your fellow compatriots decline to become some greater form of degenerate?

Growing up, drinking games tended to revolve around someone’s mother’s kitchen table in a house in Brooklyn.

Games typically involved dice, quarters or cards, something that didn’t take much room, or need much cleanup; you never knew when our host’s parents would arrive home from a long day at work. We played 7-11 Doubles, Asshole, 4 Kings, Quarters, Speed Quarters, 6 Cups, Thumper, Up and Down the River, High-Low or we’d bastardize the games of our youth into some vicious form of alcohol poisoning—the Name Game, Jenga, Trivial Pursuit. We played endurance games like the Hour of Power, and eventually the Century Club.

Summertime brought a slew of outdoor games, boat races, bat races, incorporating beer into softball on the beach and pool races. College years brought more team oriented games, like Pong and Flip Cup. Then we started inventing our own. House Pong rule for all of our games: if you sink it in an empty cup, you have to drink one of your own. The rule prevents players tossing random balls out there; you need to make your shot count.

Choad Countdown: This game levels the playing field between Pong players and Flip Cup players.

Team A is designates a Shooter and the rest of his teammates are Rebounders. The Shooter continuously shoots at a rack of cups, while the rest of his team rebounds.

As he sinks it, his rebounders need to finish the beers. He tries to hit as many cups as he can before the “clock” runs out. The “clock” is the other team flipping cups. Whichever team finishes first wins.

MegaPong: *This game takes commitment, endurance and skill*

Two Tables pushed together, 500 cups a side, roughly 25 rows of cups.

If the cups are opaque, it takes a high level of skill to remember which cups are empty (remember the house rule).

Zones: This is a quarters game that lets you fuck your neighbor. Four players sit at a square table, one per side. The game requires one full beer in the center of the table, and 2 quarters. If someone bounces a quarter into the beer and the other is in your “zone” (your quarter of the table), you drink the beer. Pretty simple but it can get pretty intense. The quarter doesn’t have to be shot, it can be passed in front of someone. So if I have a

quarter and I think that someone else is going to sink it, I pass the quarter in front of another player, fucking them over.

Two Taints and a Fotch: This game is fun if you’re already hammered. It’s basically a race. So you need a starting line and a finish line. Everyone starts with a full beer and a plastic cup. Pour some beer in the cup, drink it, and throw it as far as you can towards the finish line. Run after it and repeat until you cross the line. You must finish the beer before you cross the line.

This game requires a certain level of idiocy among the participants before it starts, which means being hammered is a pre-req.

No matter what, everyone wins with these games. Drinking games all have the same goal—everyone playing has fun. Spectators have almost as much fun. No matter what the game, the spirit remains the same. Last week I was playing bocce at a backyard barbecue in East Hampton. My friend Mike was my partner. While we were playing, his 6-year-old was running around playing with the dog. He called his son over to teach him the rules of game, explaining to him that this indeed is the greatest of games. His son, an avid baseball fan looked confused and asked why. Mike replied simply, “Because it’s a game you can play with a beer in your hand.”

angry art

taking aim

Here is the second piece in Denis’ anti-ADW series. Hopefully we have healed over the boo and can start to get some happier art.

How to play

asshole

1. Gather four or more friends.

Create hierarchy. Create ranks for the number of people that are playing. At the top have the President, then the Vice President, then a Treasurer, and lastly the Asshole.

2. Decide on the card rankings.

Generally, the higher the value of the card the higher the rank. Aces are high. Pick one card to be the “power” card (usually 2).

3. Deal out 6 or 7 cards to each player and choose someone to play the first card. They’ll lead with any card from their hand and place it in the middle of the table. From there, go around the table either clockwise or counterclockwise.

4. Each player must play a card higher than the card that has just been played. If a player doesn’t have a higher card, he can pass.

Continue game play until everyone is out of cards.

5. Assign ranks to players. The first person to get rid of his cards is the President. The next person to go out is the Vice President and so on.

9. Make the Asshole gather the cards, shuffle the deck and deal.

10. Begin the next hand. The President leads off each new hand. The next in rank plays after him and so on.

11. Play your role. The President is top dog. She can make anyone under her drink after the cards are dealt, leads each hand, and never has to refill her own drink. The Vice President is next in command. He plays second and can make anyone drink except the President. All the other players must obey their higher-ups.

12. Play as many rounds as you can endure. The ranks and roles change after each hand. Play until you run out of beer or can’t drink anymore

friday fun As the long week came to an end on August 7, we decided that we all deserved to spend the first non-rainy summer Friday in recent memory out and about for happy hour. Where better to go than a beach? Two beers and a sangria all for the price of $10 during happy hour? A fantastic view of Stuyvesant town and the Brooklyn Bridge? Feast on some shrimp and oysters? Blow bubbles? And enjoy the company of your coworkers while listening to good Caribbean music? The water taxi beach at South Street Seaport. That is where.

What better way to top off all those ammenities than to keep most of your cups before the bus boy takes them from you so you can play a game or two (or 10) of flip cup. Sally, Anthony and Zach against Tom, Amy and Julie J. Tom, Amy, and Julie J stole the night with winning most of the games, save one. As the sun continued to disappear and the evening progressed, some of the group members started to depart before they turned into pumpkins.

The troopers of the night (Amy, Tom, Anthony, Sally, Zach and I) hit the dance floor with some of the most interesting people. From a man dancing on his roller skates to a woman telling Amy and I that “it’s that kind of night, ladies­ —anything is possible” to a couple dancing on the floor literally. (No not break dancing.) There where whistles and drums and cowbells.

We didn’t care. Who would? It’s all about good company and how you take it all in and enjoy yourself. And to that it was a pretty good Friday night.

–Jessica

mini BoArD ove rt A n i

BoWling With DAn

D

r A e rh

s r e rt

QuA

“So, Anthony and I will not be kissing today”

quarters is a popular drinking game which involves players bouncing a quarter off a table in an attempt to have the quarter land, usually, into a shotglass (or cup) on the table.

—luis

“I’m either gonna die poor, or be huge”

the player bouncing the quarter is referred to as the “shooter.” in some variations, the glass is empty and each player has a separate glass to drink from. in other variations the glass that the shooter is aiming for contains an alcoholic beverage.

—andrew stone

reQuest of the Week

as i was closing issue 14 of Hamptons last week, i saw the above note and thought that it was so good i clearly had to share it with everyone. the note reads “where is my hair? please have imaging take the boob down and make me taller... Thnx.”

WhAt Drink WoulD you Be?

i posed the above question to my fellow art department members. the answers were far-reaching and very telling. fryda: aguardiante antioqueno anthony: Jagerbomb amy: Dry Martini Jessica: sangria gina: Margaveza luis: Jameson vicky: Champagne (during the week)/Dirty Martini (weekend) olga: samogon* (old fashioned village drink) *the russian name for any home-made distilled alcoholic beverage is samogon. literally translated as “distillate made by oneself,” the raw ingredients include sugar, beets, corn, and potatoes. samogon is well known for its high quality (pure alcohol is lighter, so it evaporates in the beginning of the process but impurities don’t; over time more and more impurities evaporate, too, thus making the rest of the batch not that clean). the production of samogon is widespread in russia. its sale is prohibited. samogon often has a strong repulsive odor but, due to cheap and fast production and ability to personalize the flavor of the drink, it is of relative popularity.

“Skinny laces ain’t cutting it in 2009” —anthony

“What would you be, a white russian” —Jessica

“I’m a complicated girl, not a simple one” —vicky

“Bill Clinton, I’ll go sit on his desk any day” —anthony

“Jessica, she’d be a blow job shot in Cabo” —amy

“You can’t switch, who are you, Jess” —luis

ahhh, bowling. the only sport besides golf where it is socially acceptable to be shitfaced. i have listed for you a fairly simple game i invented in college (i’m sure someone will refute my originality here) that truly enhances the sport of bowling and will have you saying, “let’s go drunk, so we can get bowling!”

2 – the player must take a sip of his beer after his first attempt beFore his bowling ball is returned via the ball return.

rules: 1 – every player needs a beer. grab yourself a pitcher as you may rip through more brews than expected. players, please do not hold your beer while bowling.

4 – any player bowling a strike results in a “social” (a.k.a. everyone drinks).

3 – the player must drink a sip equal to the amount of pins left after his second attempt (i.e. - you bowl a seven, there are three pins left… three sips).

5 – if a player bowls a spare, that player has saved herself from drinking.

happy bowling!

the quarter is customarily bounced on the face whether heads or tails. some games may allow a player to bounce the quarter on the edge, particularly by rolling it down their nose.

ADW

art department weekly issue 15 vol. 1

friday fun kings drinking with dave bowling PLus: more angry art pork quarters asshole

ADW

art department weekly issue 16 vol. 1

more on the ’80s When I initially heard that this issue of ADW would be devoted to how the ’80s were the best movie decade ever, I saw little red flags. I listened to the rundown and I wondered, Really?

Maybe this wasn’t the best decade for movies. Maybe that was just the best decade to be a kid watching movies.

My grandma would say Terms of Endearment or Rain Man. Can you name the ten Best Pictures from the 1980s? They’re not bad movies, but only one is on AFI’s Top 100 Movies list. Dingding-ding. Platoon. So, if the Best Pictures didn’t make AFI’s list, what did? Raiders of the Lost Ark, E.T., Blade Runner...

Luis argued that, no, no, it really was the best decade because you had E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark. I say you had some very talented people who were coming into their own. The more I thought about it, the more I thought the ’80s really sucked for movies.

I’ll admit the decade produced more than just a slew of ridiculous comedies and action movies. Some ’80s movies are still enjoyable now for reasons other than the nostalgia they induce.

When I think of movies released between 1980 and 1989, I’m thinking of excess, neon color, soundtracks, and ridiculousness—things that describe the whole rest of the decade. My friends would say their favorites are Dirty Dancing or Space Balls.

However, you have to admit the ’80s was a great decade to be a kid watching movies. Not only was there a limitless amount of wildly imaginitive plots and special effects, but the whole “Free to Be” movement had caught up. There were all kinds of role models—Conan and Cusack sold tickets. Plus, we had all those directors coming into their own.

BOO OF THE WEEK

Luis wanted this Boo to go to everyone who pointed out the misspelling of Poughkeepsie. I thought it should be directed elsewhere. Boo.

favorite films ’80s plots hot guys and gals dude heroes PLus: bitches be crazy classic quotes ’80s art

mInI BOArD OVE rT A n I

DAn’s DUDE HErOEs

D

r A E rH

“You know, in St. Louis where they invented the donut” —meghan

“Amy is cougaring him” —karen

“OK, everybody, one complaint at a time”

rEQUEsT OF THE WEEK

anthony was closing one of his west coast mags last week when he came across the above image in binn shots and wrote “aNd God said: give harvey eyes, and let them be open!!!” in one of his finest moments, outgoing intern kai did a great job giving harvey sight.

—rich

“Jess, are you gonna complete a layout today” —Jill

FAVOrITE FILms

with the untimely passing of John hughes two weeks ago, i asked the rest of the art department what their favorite film from hughes is. fryda: Weird Science (“i so wanted to be that girl”) Jessica: Ferris Buellers Day Off sheryl: The Breakfast Club gina: Pretty In Pink meghan: Sixteen Candles anthony: The Breakfast Club amy: Home Alone Jill s (who supplied us with the cover image): Pretty in Pink luis: Some Kind Of Wonderful

“She’s the one with an office predator t-shirt” —tom

“I think Amy dresses him in the morning” —anthony

“That’s just gross” —meghan

“I’ve never had that color come out of my nose” —anthony

oh, the ’80s alpha male role, how you’ve shaped the lives of frat boys and yuppies for the rest of time. during the decadent and prosperous decade known as the ’80s, everyone was looking for the all-out party dude, extreme wiseass, action hero or badass to shine on the silver screen for a few hours. these masters of meathead media have left a lasting impression on men both young and old and have laid the blueprint for the next generation of cinema simians. love or hate them, these are the guys that have infiltrated history with a handful of corny one liners and a pair of hypercolor parachute pants. tom cruise – before he was the president and founder of the l. ron hubbard fan club, this man was the zenith of the ’80s alpha male. kicking off his career with Risky Business (1983), this movie epitomized the teenage male fantasy with a cool artsy twist, leading every ’80s born kid to slide his ray bans on and say, “what the fuck.” another ’80s power house was Top Gun (1986). this film may be what scientists put in a rocket ship and send to extra terrestrials to exemplify the dude of the ’80s. chicks, fighter planes, motor cycles, and a gratuitous beach volleyball scene. don’t believe me that Top Gun is the crème de la crème of ’80s movies? try not to finish this sentence, “i feel the need…the need for _____!”

arnold schwarzenegger – what do you get when you mix steroids, self tanner and an eastern european accent? why the governor of california of course. arnold was hands down the action star of the ’80s. almost everywhere you looked, you could find the govenator shooting an alien with dreadlocks in the face, going commando on terrorists, or rocking a robotic skeleton as he chased linda hamilton. arnold would eventually branch out with roles in Kindergarten Cop and Total Recall, but this austria-born beast was almost tailor made for every ’80s action movie male lead role. steve Guttenberg – the gutte. this man was like the dodo bird of ’80s male actors. he starred as every ’80s dude’s wiseass buddy with the “i just gave my boss the finger” charm in what seems like a baker’s dozen of ’80s movies. then, almost overnight, the gutte disappear with only his body of ’80s movie brilliance to remember him by. granted, guttenberg has been in various movies since the ’80s, but never as influential. whether you know it or not, steve guttenberg acted as your ’80s life coach. the gutte was either sparking your interest in robotics with Short Circuit (1986), elder care with Cocoon (1988) or life as a civil servant with Police Academy: 1 – 4 (1984 – 1986). guidance counselors and spiritual leaders be damned; guttenberg changed my life.

IE V O m TEs QUOTHE OF

s 0 ’8

“If I can change, you can change, we all can change —rocky balboa, Rocky IV

“Luke, I am your Father” —darth vader, Empire Strikes Back

“Sweep the leg, Johnny” —kreese, Karate Kid

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner” —Johnny, Dirty Dancing

“Say hello to my little friend” —tony montana, Scarface

“Throw me idol, I’ll throw you the whip.”

—satipo, Raiders of the Lost Ark

“I’ll Be Back” —arnold in everything

“Kneel before Zod” —general zod, Superman II

“E.T. phone home” —e.t., E.T.

mInI BOArD OVE rT A n I

DAn’s DUDE HErOEs

D

r A E rH

“You know, in St. Louis where they invented the donut” —meghan

“Amy is cougaring him” —karen

“OK, everybody, one complaint at a time”

rEQUEsT OF THE WEEK

anthony was closing one of his west coast mags last week when he came across the above image in binn shots and wrote “aNd God said: give harvey eyes, and let them be open!!!” in one of his finest moments, outgoing intern kai did a great job giving harvey sight.

—rich

“Jess, are you gonna complete a layout today” —Jill

FAVOrITE FILms

with the untimely passing of John hughes two weeks ago, i asked the rest of the art department what their favorite film from hughes is. fryda: Weird Science (“i so wanted to be that girl”) Jessica: Ferris Buellers Day Off sheryl: The Breakfast Club gina: Pretty In Pink meghan: Sixteen Candles anthony: The Breakfast Club amy: Home Alone Jill s (who supplied us with the cover image): Pretty in Pink luis: Some Kind Of Wonderful

“She’s the one with an office predator t-shirt” —tom

“I think Amy dresses him in the morning” —anthony

“That’s just gross” —meghan

“I’ve never had that color come out of my nose” —anthony

oh, the ’80s alpha male role, how you’ve shaped the lives of frat boys and yuppies for the rest of time. during the decadent and prosperous decade known as the ’80s, everyone was looking for the all-out party dude, extreme wiseass, action hero or badass to shine on the silver screen for a few hours. these masters of meathead media have left a lasting impression on men both young and old and have laid the blueprint for the next generation of cinema simians. love or hate them, these are the guys that have infiltrated history with a handful of corny one liners and a pair of hypercolor parachute pants. tom cruise – before he was the president and founder of the l. ron hubbard fan club, this man was the zenith of the ’80s alpha male. kicking off his career with Risky Business (1983), this movie epitomized the teenage male fantasy with a cool artsy twist, leading every ’80s born kid to slide his ray bans on and say, “what the fuck.” another ’80s power house was Top Gun (1986). this film may be what scientists put in a rocket ship and send to extra terrestrials to exemplify the dude of the ’80s. chicks, fighter planes, motor cycles, and a gratuitous beach volleyball scene. don’t believe me that Top Gun is the crème de la crème of ’80s movies? try not to finish this sentence, “i feel the need…the need for _____!”

arnold schwarzenegger – what do you get when you mix steroids, self tanner and an eastern european accent? why the governor of california of course. arnold was hands down the action star of the ’80s. almost everywhere you looked, you could find the govenator shooting an alien with dreadlocks in the face, going commando on terrorists, or rocking a robotic skeleton as he chased linda hamilton. arnold would eventually branch out with roles in Kindergarten Cop and Total Recall, but this austria-born beast was almost tailor made for every ’80s action movie male lead role. steve Guttenberg – the gutte. this man was like the dodo bird of ’80s male actors. he starred as every ’80s dude’s wiseass buddy with the “i just gave my boss the finger” charm in what seems like a baker’s dozen of ’80s movies. then, almost overnight, the gutte disappear with only his body of ’80s movie brilliance to remember him by. granted, guttenberg has been in various movies since the ’80s, but never as influential. whether you know it or not, steve guttenberg acted as your ’80s life coach. the gutte was either sparking your interest in robotics with Short Circuit (1986), elder care with Cocoon (1988) or life as a civil servant with Police Academy: 1 – 4 (1984 – 1986). guidance counselors and spiritual leaders be damned; guttenberg changed my life.

IE V O m TEs QUOTHE OF

s 0 ’8

“If I can change, you can change, we all can change —rocky balboa, Rocky IV

“Luke, I am your Father” —darth vader, Empire Strikes Back

“Sweep the leg, Johnny” —kreese, Karate Kid

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner” —Johnny, Dirty Dancing

“Say hello to my little friend” —tony montana, Scarface

“Throw me idol, I’ll throw you the whip.”

—satipo, Raiders of the Lost Ark

“I’ll Be Back” —arnold in everything

“Kneel before Zod” —general zod, Superman II

“E.T. phone home” —e.t., E.T.

rEFLECTIVE VADEr the below piece was inspired by Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. vader gazing into the eyes of his creation from another time and place. easily one of my favorite pieces

’ s I U TE I L r FAVO m FIL my favorite film from the ’80s is also my favorite film of all-time., Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. i’m a huge fan of all of the star wars films, but this one in particular stands out. it’s the most emotional of the six. it also is the one that develops the characters the most. i found luke’s journey of self discovery while traveling to a far off planet very inspiring. its probably what inspired me to go to college in california. not exactly dagobah, but definitely not brooklyn. we also got to see the blossoming of the relationship between han and leia. i mean who can forget their classic dialogue “i love you” to which han replied “i know.” As a side note, Harrison (in a very Harrisonesque way) ad libbed that line.

He was supposed to reply with “I love you, too,” but thought “I know” fit the character more. and of course, the big reveal that darth vader, ultimate baddie, is the father of our bright-eyed protagonist, luke skywalker. as a child, there was nothing more mind blowing. plus, the bad guys win at the end... that never happens in big budget movies. i was hooked for life. i was and still am a fanboy.

TOP FIVE ’80s mOVIE PLOTs THAT WOULD NEVER FLY TODAY

if all it took were your drunk roommate and a video camera to make a movie, youtube would never have had a raison d’être. but it doesn’t, it takes dozens of skilled artists, logistical and technological wizardry, and a shit-ton of money to do right. so how do things like Bio-Dome get green-lighted? and why were the 1980s such fertile ground for hollywood plots so bafflingly ridiculous that anyone peddling a script about teenagers with tighty whiteys on their heads who make the perfect woman in their bedroom could go on to become the most beloved director of the decade? regardless, here are the top five ’80s movie plots that no one in their right mind would put into production today.

1. Mannequin (1987) long before kim cattrall made being a floozy seem hip to legions of college girls, she was an ancient egyptian whose life force animates a mannequin built by andrew mccarthy. really. for some reason hollywood spent a greater portion of the ’80s thinking of ways to breathe cinematic life into all sorts of inanimate objects, like some kind of dr. frankenstein who lunches at spago. it’s not like there wasn’t precedent in film for this kind of transmogrification: one could argue that mccarthy’s character is simply a modern day geppetto. but since this is a romantic comedy, doesn’t that just make cattrall’s character a glorified blow-up doll? oh, did i mention that she only comes to life when no one but mccarthy is around? so basically she’s a blow-up doll version of snuffleupagus. sick stuff.

2. Short Circuit (1986) remember what i said about bringing stuff to life? exhibit b: Short Circuit. during a test of the military’s new killer robots (another ’80s favorite), a lightening strike imbues robot number 5 with sentience and the cloying ability to spit lines like “Johnny 5 is alive!” and “do not disassemble!”—not to mention the constant el debarge references. with the help of ally sheedy and steve guttenberg, Johnny 5 learns

to respect human life, instead of blasting it with his death ray, and to ham it up like a mechanized rob schneider (no offense to Johnny 5). it’s not that the story of a lovable robot with an innocently goofy personality wouldn’t fly today—it will win you an oscar in fact; it’s that with unmanned predator drones blowing up huts all over the middle east the idea of one coming to life feels a lot more terminator than r2-d2 these days. keep an eye on your roomba.

creationist belief that dinosaurs rode out the biblical flood on the ark.

3. Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985) this movie plays out like a cryptozoologist’s version of Bambi. a paleontologist (sean young!) discovers that, contrary to popular belief and the collective wisdom of her entire profession, dinosaurs haven’t been turning into gasoline and tupperware for the past 600 gazillion years. no, they’re alive and in the motherland! an adorable baby brontosaurus wanders out of the jungle and now must be protected from the evil scientist (natch) and unnamed military forces trying to keep it from the inevitable tear-jerker reunion scene with its mom a mere 90 minutes away. it’s pretty obvious that baby was made just to show off the decade’s evolving animatronic technology, but if you made it today all you’d be showing off is your

5. Red Dawn (1984) this movie is solely responsible for me soiling my cords every time a plane flew over verplanck elementary school in the mid-’80s. stoking the last dying embers of the cold war, Red Dawn is the tale of a full-scale surprise soviet (and cuban, still salty from the bay of pigs it seems) invasion of the us. even though radar had been around since the 1930s, somehow the entirety of america’s military had been caught holding their dicks on this one, and the biggest resistance the communist forces face is a group of teenagers (patrick swayze and charlie sheen included) who name their guerilla insurgency group after the local football team. besides the cold war being about as foreign a concept as Jim crow to anyone under 30, only the constant threat of being vaporized by russian nukes could suspend disbelief long enough to buy into c. thomas howell as a freedom fighter.

– Michael B. Dougherty

4. Howard the Duck (1986) so check this out: a wise-cracking, cigar-chomping, sex-crazed duck/ man/alien is transported, by laser, to cleveland to battle an intergalactic villain named dark overlord with his “duck-fu”... but here’s the real kicker, you know who made this colossal shit show? none other than george lucas. suddenly Jar Jar binks makes perfect sense.

rEFLECTIVE VADEr the below piece was inspired by Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. vader gazing into the eyes of his creation from another time and place. easily one of my favorite pieces

’ s I U TE I L r FAVO m FIL my favorite film from the ’80s is also my favorite film of all-time., Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. i’m a huge fan of all of the star wars films, but this one in particular stands out. it’s the most emotional of the six. it also is the one that develops the characters the most. i found luke’s journey of self discovery while traveling to a far off planet very inspiring. its probably what inspired me to go to college in california. not exactly dagobah, but definitely not brooklyn. we also got to see the blossoming of the relationship between han and leia. i mean who can forget their classic dialogue “i love you” to which han replied “i know.” As a side note, Harrison (in a very Harrisonesque way) ad libbed that line.

He was supposed to reply with “I love you, too,” but thought “I know” fit the character more. and of course, the big reveal that darth vader, ultimate baddie, is the father of our bright-eyed protagonist, luke skywalker. as a child, there was nothing more mind blowing. plus, the bad guys win at the end... that never happens in big budget movies. i was hooked for life. i was and still am a fanboy.

TOP FIVE ’80s mOVIE PLOTs THAT WOULD NEVER FLY TODAY

if all it took were your drunk roommate and a video camera to make a movie, youtube would never have had a raison d’être. but it doesn’t, it takes dozens of skilled artists, logistical and technological wizardry, and a shit-ton of money to do right. so how do things like Bio-Dome get green-lighted? and why were the 1980s such fertile ground for hollywood plots so bafflingly ridiculous that anyone peddling a script about teenagers with tighty whiteys on their heads who make the perfect woman in their bedroom could go on to become the most beloved director of the decade? regardless, here are the top five ’80s movie plots that no one in their right mind would put into production today.

1. Mannequin (1987) long before kim cattrall made being a floozy seem hip to legions of college girls, she was an ancient egyptian whose life force animates a mannequin built by andrew mccarthy. really. for some reason hollywood spent a greater portion of the ’80s thinking of ways to breathe cinematic life into all sorts of inanimate objects, like some kind of dr. frankenstein who lunches at spago. it’s not like there wasn’t precedent in film for this kind of transmogrification: one could argue that mccarthy’s character is simply a modern day geppetto. but since this is a romantic comedy, doesn’t that just make cattrall’s character a glorified blow-up doll? oh, did i mention that she only comes to life when no one but mccarthy is around? so basically she’s a blow-up doll version of snuffleupagus. sick stuff.

2. Short Circuit (1986) remember what i said about bringing stuff to life? exhibit b: Short Circuit. during a test of the military’s new killer robots (another ’80s favorite), a lightening strike imbues robot number 5 with sentience and the cloying ability to spit lines like “Johnny 5 is alive!” and “do not disassemble!”—not to mention the constant el debarge references. with the help of ally sheedy and steve guttenberg, Johnny 5 learns

to respect human life, instead of blasting it with his death ray, and to ham it up like a mechanized rob schneider (no offense to Johnny 5). it’s not that the story of a lovable robot with an innocently goofy personality wouldn’t fly today—it will win you an oscar in fact; it’s that with unmanned predator drones blowing up huts all over the middle east the idea of one coming to life feels a lot more terminator than r2-d2 these days. keep an eye on your roomba.

creationist belief that dinosaurs rode out the biblical flood on the ark.

3. Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985) this movie plays out like a cryptozoologist’s version of Bambi. a paleontologist (sean young!) discovers that, contrary to popular belief and the collective wisdom of her entire profession, dinosaurs haven’t been turning into gasoline and tupperware for the past 600 gazillion years. no, they’re alive and in the motherland! an adorable baby brontosaurus wanders out of the jungle and now must be protected from the evil scientist (natch) and unnamed military forces trying to keep it from the inevitable tear-jerker reunion scene with its mom a mere 90 minutes away. it’s pretty obvious that baby was made just to show off the decade’s evolving animatronic technology, but if you made it today all you’d be showing off is your

5. Red Dawn (1984) this movie is solely responsible for me soiling my cords every time a plane flew over verplanck elementary school in the mid-’80s. stoking the last dying embers of the cold war, Red Dawn is the tale of a full-scale surprise soviet (and cuban, still salty from the bay of pigs it seems) invasion of the us. even though radar had been around since the 1930s, somehow the entirety of america’s military had been caught holding their dicks on this one, and the biggest resistance the communist forces face is a group of teenagers (patrick swayze and charlie sheen included) who name their guerilla insurgency group after the local football team. besides the cold war being about as foreign a concept as Jim crow to anyone under 30, only the constant threat of being vaporized by russian nukes could suspend disbelief long enough to buy into c. thomas howell as a freedom fighter.

– Michael B. Dougherty

4. Howard the Duck (1986) so check this out: a wise-cracking, cigar-chomping, sex-crazed duck/ man/alien is transported, by laser, to cleveland to battle an intergalactic villain named dark overlord with his “duck-fu”... but here’s the real kicker, you know who made this colossal shit show? none other than george lucas. suddenly Jar Jar binks makes perfect sense.

1. mia sara as sloane peterson in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) John cusack as Walter “Gib” Gibson, The Sure Thing (1985) 2. nicolette sheridan as the sure thing in The Sure Thing (1985) John cusack as lloyd dobler in Say Anything (1989) 3. kim basinger as elizabeth in 9 ½ Weeks (1986) michael schoeffling as Jake ryan in Sixteen Candles (1984) 4. Jennifer grey as Frances “Baby” houseman in Dirty Dancing (1987) sam shepard as dr. Jeff cooper in Baby Boom (1987) 5. karen allen as Marion in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) harrison ford as indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

mOVIE ArT OF THE ’80s

denis contributes this (dare we say happier) piece inspired by iconic movie posters of the decade. funniest muppets ever need to get your muppet on stat, or you might find yourselves on our list). so this is the first of what will surely be a weekly column in ADW, detailing the crap that we encounter each and every day.

it is a daily practice for amy and i to vent to one another about the things in life that really tick us off. sometimes, we get started and we can’t stop. and really, why should we? in a way, it’s very cathartic for us. and quite honestly, we’re pretty funny when we get to really breaking down the things that just shouldn’t be happening. basically, we are the statler and waldorf of the art department (you youngins’ who are scratching your heads upon mention of two of the

MeGhaN’s list: ■ No paper towels in the ladies restroom. come on, what the hell? no one likes walking around with wet spots on their clothing where they had to wipe their hands—especially after just emerging from the loo! it looks like you pissed yourself.

■ Sandwiches that aren’t made right. last week i went with Jill to a sandwich place called mimi’s. i ordered a grilled veggie sandwich that was supposed to be served with gorgonzola on foccacia. that piece of crap came with regular mozarella on a

freaking hamburger bun! i only chose that mo-fo because of the cheese to begin with! and the bun was just insult on top of injury. mimi, we are done.

■ Spine size changing ten times at the last minute. this one is pretty simple, don’t freaking tell us your spine size until it’s not going to change anymore. duh! aMY’s list: ■ People who play music/movies on their portable devices OUT LOUD in a public place.

■ Luigi’s pizzeria using the slogan “Doing the right thing since 1983” (a reference to do the right thing which took place nearish my neighborhood).

■ No chocolate muffins in a 5-mile radius. i’m talking starbucks, dunkin donuts, bits and bites, and a café in Jersey city.

6. elisabeth shue as chris parker in Adventures in Babysitting (1987) patrick swayze as Johnny castle in Dirty Dancing (1987) 7. Jennifer beals as alex owens in Flashdance (1983) John cryer as phil “duckie” dale in Pretty in Pink (1986) 8. sigourney weaver as dana Barrett in Ghostbusters (1984) bill murray as dr. peter venkman in Ghostbusters (1984) 9. robin wright as Buttercup in The Princess Bride (1987) matthew broderick as Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) 10. kathleen turner as Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone (1984) william hurt as tom Grunick in Broadcast News (1987)

sT E T HOT &GALs s Y U G F THE

s ’ 0 8

O

una blogged (volcanicensemble. blogspot.com)about the hottest guys and gals of the ’80s. below is some of her commentary on the list at left: 1. oh, sloane. who wouldn’t take a day off to drive around chicago with you? no one, for the record, has ever looked this good in high school.

2. i would still completely bang lloyd. are you kidding me, with that peter gabriel song?

3. the most perfect man ever committed to celluloid. leaning against that porsche in his plaid shirt ... rrrrrowr. he can drive me anywhere.

4. proving once and for all that plastic surgery is not attractive, Jennifer grey was never hotter than in this movie with her original nose (and sick dance moves). one must wonder, though, if patrick swayze’s hotness increases the hotness of everyone around him, like a virus. even Jerry orbach was smokin’.

5. whether he’s wearing a turban or rocking his trusty hat, indy can raid my ark any day, if you know what i’m sayin’.

6. a little beefy for my tastes, but the man can move his hips something fierce. am i right, ladies?

7. that face. that body. that dance scene in the steel mill. case closed.

8. i have a thing for funny guys with acne scars. it’s weird. maybe it’s the size of his proton pack, but dr. venkman gets me all hot and bothered.

9. cocksure and sharp as a tack, ferris is irresistible, especially when he’s performing “twist and shout” or posing as abe froman, sausage king of chicago.

1. mia sara as sloane peterson in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) John cusack as Walter “Gib” Gibson, The Sure Thing (1985) 2. nicolette sheridan as the sure thing in The Sure Thing (1985) John cusack as lloyd dobler in Say Anything (1989) 3. kim basinger as elizabeth in 9 ½ Weeks (1986) michael schoeffling as Jake ryan in Sixteen Candles (1984) 4. Jennifer grey as Frances “Baby” houseman in Dirty Dancing (1987) sam shepard as dr. Jeff cooper in Baby Boom (1987) 5. karen allen as Marion in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) harrison ford as indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

mOVIE ArT OF THE ’80s

denis contributes this (dare we say happier) piece inspired by iconic movie posters of the decade. funniest muppets ever need to get your muppet on stat, or you might find yourselves on our list). so this is the first of what will surely be a weekly column in ADW, detailing the crap that we encounter each and every day.

it is a daily practice for amy and i to vent to one another about the things in life that really tick us off. sometimes, we get started and we can’t stop. and really, why should we? in a way, it’s very cathartic for us. and quite honestly, we’re pretty funny when we get to really breaking down the things that just shouldn’t be happening. basically, we are the statler and waldorf of the art department (you youngins’ who are scratching your heads upon mention of two of the

MeGhaN’s list: ■ No paper towels in the ladies restroom. come on, what the hell? no one likes walking around with wet spots on their clothing where they had to wipe their hands—especially after just emerging from the loo! it looks like you pissed yourself.

■ Sandwiches that aren’t made right. last week i went with Jill to a sandwich place called mimi’s. i ordered a grilled veggie sandwich that was supposed to be served with gorgonzola on foccacia. that piece of crap came with regular mozarella on a

freaking hamburger bun! i only chose that mo-fo because of the cheese to begin with! and the bun was just insult on top of injury. mimi, we are done.

■ Spine size changing ten times at the last minute. this one is pretty simple, don’t freaking tell us your spine size until it’s not going to change anymore. duh! aMY’s list: ■ People who play music/movies on their portable devices OUT LOUD in a public place.

■ Luigi’s pizzeria using the slogan “Doing the right thing since 1983” (a reference to do the right thing which took place nearish my neighborhood).

■ No chocolate muffins in a 5-mile radius. i’m talking starbucks, dunkin donuts, bits and bites, and a café in Jersey city.

6. elisabeth shue as chris parker in Adventures in Babysitting (1987) patrick swayze as Johnny castle in Dirty Dancing (1987) 7. Jennifer beals as alex owens in Flashdance (1983) John cryer as phil “duckie” dale in Pretty in Pink (1986) 8. sigourney weaver as dana Barrett in Ghostbusters (1984) bill murray as dr. peter venkman in Ghostbusters (1984) 9. robin wright as Buttercup in The Princess Bride (1987) matthew broderick as Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) 10. kathleen turner as Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone (1984) william hurt as tom Grunick in Broadcast News (1987)

sT E T HOT &GALs s Y U G F THE

s ’ 0 8

O

una blogged (volcanicensemble. blogspot.com)about the hottest guys and gals of the ’80s. below is some of her commentary on the list at left: 1. oh, sloane. who wouldn’t take a day off to drive around chicago with you? no one, for the record, has ever looked this good in high school.

2. i would still completely bang lloyd. are you kidding me, with that peter gabriel song?

3. the most perfect man ever committed to celluloid. leaning against that porsche in his plaid shirt ... rrrrrowr. he can drive me anywhere.

4. proving once and for all that plastic surgery is not attractive, Jennifer grey was never hotter than in this movie with her original nose (and sick dance moves). one must wonder, though, if patrick swayze’s hotness increases the hotness of everyone around him, like a virus. even Jerry orbach was smokin’.

5. whether he’s wearing a turban or rocking his trusty hat, indy can raid my ark any day, if you know what i’m sayin’.

6. a little beefy for my tastes, but the man can move his hips something fierce. am i right, ladies?

7. that face. that body. that dance scene in the steel mill. case closed.

8. i have a thing for funny guys with acne scars. it’s weird. maybe it’s the size of his proton pack, but dr. venkman gets me all hot and bothered.

9. cocksure and sharp as a tack, ferris is irresistible, especially when he’s performing “twist and shout” or posing as abe froman, sausage king of chicago.

ADW

art department weekly issue 16 vol. 1

more on the ’80s When I initially heard that this issue of ADW would be devoted to how the ’80s were the best movie decade ever, I saw little red flags. I listened to the rundown and I wondered, Really?

Maybe this wasn’t the best decade for movies. Maybe that was just the best decade to be a kid watching movies.

My grandma would say Terms of Endearment or Rain Man. Can you name the ten Best Pictures from the 1980s? They’re not bad movies, but only one is on AFI’s Top 100 Movies list. Dingding-ding. Platoon. So, if the Best Pictures didn’t make AFI’s list, what did? Raiders of the Lost Ark, E.T., Blade Runner...

Luis argued that, no, no, it really was the best decade because you had E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark. I say you had some very talented people who were coming into their own. The more I thought about it, the more I thought the ’80s really sucked for movies.

I’ll admit the decade produced more than just a slew of ridiculous comedies and action movies. Some ’80s movies are still enjoyable now for reasons other than the nostalgia they induce.

When I think of movies released between 1980 and 1989, I’m thinking of excess, neon color, soundtracks, and ridiculousness—things that describe the whole rest of the decade. My friends would say their favorites are Dirty Dancing or Space Balls.

However, you have to admit the ’80s was a great decade to be a kid watching movies. Not only was there a limitless amount of wildly imaginitive plots and special effects, but the whole “Free to Be” movement had caught up. There were all kinds of role models—Conan and Cusack sold tickets. Plus, we had all those directors coming into their own.

BOO OF THE WEEK

Luis wanted this Boo to go to everyone who pointed out the misspelling of Poughkeepsie. I thought it should be directed elsewhere. Boo.

favorite films ’80s plots hot guys and gals dude heroes PLus: bitches be crazy classic quotes ’80s art

Pet yoUr ego

Whomever had the bright idea to take in a wild dirty animal, train it, feed it, clean up it’s crap, and share his living space with it clearly had some issues. Here is a chart to determine how your pet reflects your own deep seeded problems. —Dan DOg issue: Needy You require an animal that thinks the sun shines out of your ass, following you around, ever ready to run after a thrown ball. You dress your dog in human clothes, parading the poor animal all over Central Park, hopelessly waiting for someone to compliment your pooch’s cummerbund.

CAt issue: Fear of commitment You’ve always wanted a furry little friend to keep you company, but could never be bothered with actually giving a crap about something… so you bought a cat. Cats need little to no attention and have their own bathroom which rules out any actual contact with the animal. This minuscule amount of affection towards your cat rules out any sort of bonding that may arise between you both, thus ruling out the possibility of being hurt… again. Don’t fear though; your cat’s contempt for you far outweighs your apathy for its existence.

BiRD issue: Agoraphobia You are so afraid of the outside world that you stole the chirping, singing siren of the sky and crammed her into a wire cage in your house. Sure, bird watching can be relaxing, but

going out in the big bad world is just too much to handle. So go ahead, clip a bird’s wings and save yourself the hassle.

Just make sure you draw the blinds in your house…They might be watching you.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY issUe 17 VOl. 1

FisH issue: sloth You lazy bastard.

You’ve chosen an animal that needs no attention whatsoever and minimal maintenance for your household comrade; you might as well have a pet lamp. Everyone knows fish don’t have any feelings and thank goodness for you.

You wouldn’t want to break a sweat having to care for something and all.

RePtile issue: self-Hatred Out of all the animals in the world, you went with a scaly, cold blooded, clawed beast to be your best buddy? You really should consider some self help classes if the only thing you get along with has a forked tongue and eats its own young. Don’t worry though, soon enough your Boa Constrictor will get large enough to attack and end this world of misery for you.

Pet ROCK issue: Hopeless Your only little friend is as hard and cold as the world that has rejected you.

Seriously dude, just give up.

CAT CONFESSIONS Pet yOUR egO PET RATS BRACKetOlOgy PLUS: TUCKER BitCHes Be CRAZy OTIS

Mini board ove rt a n i d

r a e rh

Pet bracKet Spunky

Spunky

Spunky

“He says, ‘I’m too pussy to kill this thing’” —Anthony

“He asks ,‘Did you cut the rope’” —Meghan

“Simmer down or I’ll bean you in the head like David Wright” —Luis

“They just don’t buy you lunch and bring you flowers to be your friend”

after hoUrs

Rich sent in the above shot of the Art Department (and friends) as they went out for a recent night on the town. Meghan had a rare night to hang out and definitely made the most of it. Luckily the camera was only there early in the evening and was not around to capture the aquautic manuevers of the crew.

—Jessica

“This isn’t Queens, bro, what are you doing” —Camille

Cupid

Cupid

Dickens

Brad

Jazz

Dickens

Boots Cupid

goldfish Astro

Esme Esme

Scooby Cupid

Scooby Jazz

baby bird Esme Streaky

Streaky lizards

Astro

(and his little legs)

Streaky

Jazz Jazz

Brad

Brad

white mice

Scooby

—Meghan

Cupid MO

Angelina

Dickens

“He kinda looks like Prince only better looking”

Cupid

Spunky

Streaky

Jazz

I’ve written about my cats for ADW before. When trying to think of a new subject, I took into consideration every past pet. In the end, I decided Cupid was still the best because he has the greatest task ahead of him—learning to share me with a baby. Meet his competitors in chronological order: Goldfish: The kind won at the ice cream social that died before the end of the weekend.

Lizards: My brother went through three pairs of little green guys. Some had personality..

Esme: My first cat. She was from a shelter, but my mom let her roam the woods. One day she got hit trying to cross the highway.

Dickens: My second cat. He was much more affectionate and attentive. He kicked his belly when he ran and never strayed far from home.

Spunky: My brother’s cat and Dicken’s brother.

After Dickens died, we kept each other

company. He hunted and made me laugh.

Baby bird: I found an injured bird to nurse back to health. That lasted about three hours before it threw back its head and died.

White mice: Twice I did science fair experiments that required pairs of dumb mice.

Jazz: My little black dog. She was smart and fiesty and cat-sized. You either loved her or hated her. I, of course, loved her.

MO: Another impulse purchase by my mom.

The neighbors said he barked too much and called Animal Control. That poor little dog...

Before I did the bracket, I kept picturing great things about Spunky. One time he dove into the bushes and slipped out of a too-small harness, thus freeing himself of another obnoxious bell while my mom cursed “God bless it” repeatedly. He had been declawed, but he was a very successful hunter.

Everyone who met Spunky loved him, but Jazz had to beat him. I could take her for walks. She liked to play. She was kind of psychotic, which never got old.

Scooby: A brown female rat. Smart and super strong, lifting dictionaries piled on her cage.

Asto: A friendlier white female rat.

Boots: Not mine, but I slept with him for two years. He’s why there are no cats in bed now.

Brad: A fish I rescued from Brad Pallas. Every Sunday I was sure I’d killed him while changing his water. He was fun while he lasted.

Angelina: A fish who jumped out of the bowl and killed herself the night I rescued her.

Cupid: See LV’s article.

Streaky: See LV’s article.

Especially afer my mom hit her with the car... Come to think of it, my mom would go far in a bracket of worst pet owners. She killed the lizards accidentally.

She euthanized Spunky and Dickens. She sent my mice back to the pet store. She sent MO away to a shelter. She talked me into giving away my rats.

It’s probably not fair for Cupid to beat Jazz since he can’t really be killed by my mom (knock on wood), but if Cupid can trump the awesome powers of Streaky’s cuteness, he deserves the title. —Madeline

Perfect Pets

Not everyone has had a perfect pet, but we’ve all seen them. Where you might ask? On TV, home to some of the greatest pets of all-time.

Can you guess what show each of these pets are from?

Tiger

Azrael

Astro

Scooby-Doo

Dino

Tom

Perry the Platypus

Snoopy

Comet

TUCKER dogs dogs dogs

confessions of a

cat lover? house was easily evident. Who was I to hate on these two little fuzzballs who were bringing so much happiness to Casa Vega?

These two kittens quickly changed my attitude towards cats. To say I fell in love with them would be an understatement. After greeting Madeline when I get home, my next question is usually, “Where are the boys.”

I’m sure all of you in art have heard the story about how Meg, Madeline and I went to the pet store to look at cats. How when we got there, there were two little kittens sharing a cage: a Siamese and a munchkin (bred with tiny front legs). As we showed an interest in the cats, a little stall was offered to us so we could pet the cats. I declined while Madeline and Meg climbed in with the two kittens. The rest, as they say, is history... We now had not one but two kittens: Streaky, the munchkin supercat, and Cupid, the loving Siamese.

Anyone who knows me has always heard me say, “I hate cats, I’m a dog person.” I also must admit that I was willing to put up with the damn cats because they made the two most important people in my life extremely happy. The joy these two little guys brought to the

Mr. Ed

Eddie

While I wouldn’t wave the cat lover flag, I will say these guys have changed my mind... Cats aren’t so bad.

Flipper

Salem

Tinkerbell

be crazy Oh yeah, we’re back, and we’ve got some serious bitching to do.

Listen up peeps!

It does help that Streaky is quite possibly the most doglike cat I’ve ever met. On top of being the cutest. He has the tiniest little puppet arms.

He is also very outgoing and affectionate. He loves to be held, carried around, played with.

But most of all, the little man likes to be fed. He has quite the laborious routine (heating up his food, petting him while he settles down, telling him what he’s about to eat...) before he actually eats.

Cupid is the more regal of the two. He is also what is referred to as a Level 5 Clinger, rarely if ever leaving my wife’s side. I like to say he is her shadow. He is more vocal about wanting to play or be held. Most nights he falls asleep while cuddling next to Madeline on the couch.

bitches Amy’s list: ■ Having to double up on toilet seat liners in the women’s restroom because of a recent spate of urine on the toilet seats.

■

Foreigners in Century 21.

■ Not letting people off the subway before getting on ■ Rats! Those who come up through toilets especially. Stay underground, buddy!

Meghan’s list: ■ Public throat clearing—yeah Anthony, I’m talking to you. Now, this ranks up there with public farting on my list. You just don’t do it. Go find a bathroom stall and spit that stuff in the toilet. Word.

■ IM blocking. Rich, I did not appreciate this one bit.

■ Getting ’tude from Dunkin’ Donuts employees when you pay with change. What the hell?

Times are tough and money is money. And your coffee ain’t all that—you should be happy I’m paying for it at all!

Clockwise from top left: Sumo eating at a Prospect Park picnic, Bruce Wayne innocent in bed (some other dog must’ve made that mess), Sumo taking Fryda for a walk, Bruce practicing to become the very first doggie dentist... He decided to move to New York and be a dog of leisure instead.

■ I second Amy on pee on the toilets. It’s just wrong.

Dreyfus

Happy

Murray

Vincent

Clifford

Barkley

Brian

Garfield

Odie

Tweety

Dynomutt

aMy’s Pet rat I don’t have a pet. But the closest I came was this past Monday evening when a rat climbed out of the toilet in my apartment. That’s right, folks, it DOES happen. As my contractor later told me, the rat would have had to be in the sewer pipe, get through two water traps, and then crawl up through the S-shaped siphon in my toilet, just for the pleasure of swimming in my toilet. It was a one in a million chance, and apparently “will never happen again in your lifetime,” but still, I’m leaving a heavy book on my lidded toilet from now on.

Apparently there are no 24hour exterminators in New York.

I almost fled my apartment, letting the rat have it to spawn and chew as it wanted. But then I realized I knew someone who was practically an exterminator, a killer of animals (and ladies), someone not afraid to get dirty and bitten....

Anthony! TG called him up and begged him to come over, luring him with cab fare and drinks. Not 10 minutes later, he shows up at my apartment door with a broom in hand, ready to whack a rat.

g o d ys da I had to submit a picture of my dog from home—Paris the three-legged 4-year-old lab. Here she is sporting the latest in H&M fashion after her surgery this January. —Julie

Then I heard the gnawing. Rats have incredibly strong teeth that can gnaw through iron, so my flimsy wooden door was no match for them. TG started shaking. I told him to get the phone book and call an exterminator.

Krypto

Gleek

So let me first preference this, by saying I’m totally not a crazy cat lady. HOWEVER, it’s been confirmed by multiple sources that Otis (named for none other than classic rocker Otis Redding) is by far the coolest cat on the planet.

Here are just a few reasons why he’s so totally rockin’:

Otis2: He recognizes the importance of a good spa day

1

I wish I knew Diego in his younger, more active days as opposed to his older more lethargic days, where his activity consisted of either lying at the bottom of the bowl or lying in his tree.

Otis 5: He has great taste in TV Otis6: He’s cool with having “fat” days

Elaborate trapping schemes ensued involving garbage bags and Raid. The rat was stuck under my medicine cabinet for a good 10 minutes while I cried, “Save the beauty products from the Niche sale!” Finally TG and Anthony went into the bathroom, closed the door, whacked a lot, broke the medicine cabinet, and emerged with a dead rat. Anthony had abandoned all man-made tools and took the advantage offered to him as a bi-ped and stepped on the rat. If you ever need someone, I mean, something killed, I’d recommend him highly.

If you too want to recognize the awesomeness that is Otis, you can friend him on Myspace at www.myspace.com/pie_head.

(Full disclosure: My roommate used to work for Myspace and Otis’ page is his project, not mine) —Jill

Battle Cat

Jessica took great care of this fish, nurturing him for almost 4 years—double the typical life expectancy of a Japanese Fighting Fish.

He will be missed by the Art Department, but we know he is in the happier fishbowl in the sky.

4

A photo sent to me from my mom while I was away at college of my two pups, Daisy and Otis (Daisy on left). —Dan

I’d also recommend looking in the toilet before you sit. Ah, New York!

Snarf

2

3

.

P . r.i go die The Art Department (and Spanish Club) lost a member last week when our beloved Japanese Fighting Fish Diego passed away.

Otis1: He’s all about the Love

Otis3 and Otis4: He’s proud to be street

Here’s a summary of why Anthony is my new hero (too late for the Heroes Issue): At 11 p.m. Monday evening, I slumbered peacefully in my bed.

TG, sitting in a chair near the bathroom (one long stride from my bed), screamed, “I just saw a rat!” I, of course, didn’t believe him as he’s scared of all nondomesticated animals of all sizes.

I thought it was just a mouse.

He quickly assured me this was a large rat that looked wet as if it had come out of my toilet. He then slammed the door to the bathroom, trapping the rat inside while I refused to look.

otis the cat

Magilla Gorilla

5

6

Marcel

Pluto

Santa’s Little Helper

Snowball II

Timber

Buck

Lassie

Rin Tin Tin

TUCKER dogs dogs dogs

confessions of a

cat lover? house was easily evident. Who was I to hate on these two little fuzzballs who were bringing so much happiness to Casa Vega?

These two kittens quickly changed my attitude towards cats. To say I fell in love with them would be an understatement. After greeting Madeline when I get home, my next question is usually, “Where are the boys.”

I’m sure all of you in art have heard the story about how Meg, Madeline and I went to the pet store to look at cats. How when we got there, there were two little kittens sharing a cage: a Siamese and a munchkin (bred with tiny front legs). As we showed an interest in the cats, a little stall was offered to us so we could pet the cats. I declined while Madeline and Meg climbed in with the two kittens. The rest, as they say, is history... We now had not one but two kittens: Streaky, the munchkin supercat, and Cupid, the loving Siamese.

Anyone who knows me has always heard me say, “I hate cats, I’m a dog person.” I also must admit that I was willing to put up with the damn cats because they made the two most important people in my life extremely happy. The joy these two little guys brought to the

Mr. Ed

Eddie

While I wouldn’t wave the cat lover flag, I will say these guys have changed my mind... Cats aren’t so bad.

Flipper

Salem

Tinkerbell

be crazy Oh yeah, we’re back, and we’ve got some serious bitching to do.

Listen up peeps!

It does help that Streaky is quite possibly the most doglike cat I’ve ever met. On top of being the cutest. He has the tiniest little puppet arms.

He is also very outgoing and affectionate. He loves to be held, carried around, played with.

But most of all, the little man likes to be fed. He has quite the laborious routine (heating up his food, petting him while he settles down, telling him what he’s about to eat...) before he actually eats.

Cupid is the more regal of the two. He is also what is referred to as a Level 5 Clinger, rarely if ever leaving my wife’s side. I like to say he is her shadow. He is more vocal about wanting to play or be held. Most nights he falls asleep while cuddling next to Madeline on the couch.

bitches Amy’s list: ■ Having to double up on toilet seat liners in the women’s restroom because of a recent spate of urine on the toilet seats.

■

Foreigners in Century 21.

■ Not letting people off the subway before getting on ■ Rats! Those who come up through toilets especially. Stay underground, buddy!

Meghan’s list: ■ Public throat clearing—yeah Anthony, I’m talking to you. Now, this ranks up there with public farting on my list. You just don’t do it. Go find a bathroom stall and spit that stuff in the toilet. Word.

■ IM blocking. Rich, I did not appreciate this one bit.

■ Getting ’tude from Dunkin’ Donuts employees when you pay with change. What the hell?

Times are tough and money is money. And your coffee ain’t all that—you should be happy I’m paying for it at all!

Clockwise from top left: Sumo eating at a Prospect Park picnic, Bruce Wayne innocent in bed (some other dog must’ve made that mess), Sumo taking Fryda for a walk, Bruce practicing to become the very first doggie dentist... He decided to move to New York and be a dog of leisure instead.

■ I second Amy on pee on the toilets. It’s just wrong.

Dreyfus

Happy

Murray

Vincent

Clifford

Barkley

Brian

Garfield

Odie

Tweety

Dynomutt

aMy’s Pet rat I don’t have a pet. But the closest I came was this past Monday evening when a rat climbed out of the toilet in my apartment. That’s right, folks, it DOES happen. As my contractor later told me, the rat would have had to be in the sewer pipe, get through two water traps, and then crawl up through the S-shaped siphon in my toilet, just for the pleasure of swimming in my toilet. It was a one in a million chance, and apparently “will never happen again in your lifetime,” but still, I’m leaving a heavy book on my lidded toilet from now on.

Apparently there are no 24hour exterminators in New York.

I almost fled my apartment, letting the rat have it to spawn and chew as it wanted. But then I realized I knew someone who was practically an exterminator, a killer of animals (and ladies), someone not afraid to get dirty and bitten....

Anthony! TG called him up and begged him to come over, luring him with cab fare and drinks. Not 10 minutes later, he shows up at my apartment door with a broom in hand, ready to whack a rat.

g o d ys da I had to submit a picture of my dog from home—Paris the three-legged 4-year-old lab. Here she is sporting the latest in H&M fashion after her surgery this January. —Julie

Then I heard the gnawing. Rats have incredibly strong teeth that can gnaw through iron, so my flimsy wooden door was no match for them. TG started shaking. I told him to get the phone book and call an exterminator.

Krypto

Gleek

So let me first preference this, by saying I’m totally not a crazy cat lady. HOWEVER, it’s been confirmed by multiple sources that Otis (named for none other than classic rocker Otis Redding) is by far the coolest cat on the planet.

Here are just a few reasons why he’s so totally rockin’:

Otis2: He recognizes the importance of a good spa day

1

I wish I knew Diego in his younger, more active days as opposed to his older more lethargic days, where his activity consisted of either lying at the bottom of the bowl or lying in his tree.

Otis 5: He has great taste in TV Otis6: He’s cool with having “fat” days

Elaborate trapping schemes ensued involving garbage bags and Raid. The rat was stuck under my medicine cabinet for a good 10 minutes while I cried, “Save the beauty products from the Niche sale!” Finally TG and Anthony went into the bathroom, closed the door, whacked a lot, broke the medicine cabinet, and emerged with a dead rat. Anthony had abandoned all man-made tools and took the advantage offered to him as a bi-ped and stepped on the rat. If you ever need someone, I mean, something killed, I’d recommend him highly.

If you too want to recognize the awesomeness that is Otis, you can friend him on Myspace at www.myspace.com/pie_head.

(Full disclosure: My roommate used to work for Myspace and Otis’ page is his project, not mine) —Jill

Battle Cat

Jessica took great care of this fish, nurturing him for almost 4 years—double the typical life expectancy of a Japanese Fighting Fish.

He will be missed by the Art Department, but we know he is in the happier fishbowl in the sky.

4

A photo sent to me from my mom while I was away at college of my two pups, Daisy and Otis (Daisy on left). —Dan

I’d also recommend looking in the toilet before you sit. Ah, New York!

Snarf

2

3

.

P . r.i go die The Art Department (and Spanish Club) lost a member last week when our beloved Japanese Fighting Fish Diego passed away.

Otis1: He’s all about the Love

Otis3 and Otis4: He’s proud to be street

Here’s a summary of why Anthony is my new hero (too late for the Heroes Issue): At 11 p.m. Monday evening, I slumbered peacefully in my bed.

TG, sitting in a chair near the bathroom (one long stride from my bed), screamed, “I just saw a rat!” I, of course, didn’t believe him as he’s scared of all nondomesticated animals of all sizes.

I thought it was just a mouse.

He quickly assured me this was a large rat that looked wet as if it had come out of my toilet. He then slammed the door to the bathroom, trapping the rat inside while I refused to look.

otis the cat

Magilla Gorilla

5

6

Marcel

Pluto

Santa’s Little Helper

Snowball II

Timber

Buck

Lassie

Rin Tin Tin

Mini board ove rt a n i d

r a e rh

Pet bracKet Spunky

Spunky

Spunky

“He says, ‘I’m too pussy to kill this thing’” —Anthony

“He asks ,‘Did you cut the rope’” —Meghan

“Simmer down or I’ll bean you in the head like David Wright” —Luis

“They just don’t buy you lunch and bring you flowers to be your friend”

after hoUrs

Rich sent in the above shot of the Art Department (and friends) as they went out for a recent night on the town. Meghan had a rare night to hang out and definitely made the most of it. Luckily the camera was only there early in the evening and was not around to capture the aquautic manuevers of the crew.

—Jessica

“This isn’t Queens, bro, what are you doing” —Camille

Cupid

Cupid

Dickens

Brad

Jazz

Dickens

Boots Cupid

goldfish Astro

Esme Esme

Scooby Cupid

Scooby Jazz

baby bird Esme Streaky

Streaky lizards

Astro

(and his little legs)

Streaky

Jazz Jazz

Brad

Brad

white mice

Scooby

—Meghan

Cupid MO

Angelina

Dickens

“He kinda looks like Prince only better looking”

Cupid

Spunky

Streaky

Jazz

I’ve written about my cats for ADW before. When trying to think of a new subject, I took into consideration every past pet. In the end, I decided Cupid was still the best because he has the greatest task ahead of him—learning to share me with a baby. Meet his competitors in chronological order: Goldfish: The kind won at the ice cream social that died before the end of the weekend.

Lizards: My brother went through three pairs of little green guys. Some had personality..

Esme: My first cat. She was from a shelter, but my mom let her roam the woods. One day she got hit trying to cross the highway.

Dickens: My second cat. He was much more affectionate and attentive. He kicked his belly when he ran and never strayed far from home.

Spunky: My brother’s cat and Dicken’s brother.

After Dickens died, we kept each other

company. He hunted and made me laugh.

Baby bird: I found an injured bird to nurse back to health. That lasted about three hours before it threw back its head and died.

White mice: Twice I did science fair experiments that required pairs of dumb mice.

Jazz: My little black dog. She was smart and fiesty and cat-sized. You either loved her or hated her. I, of course, loved her.

MO: Another impulse purchase by my mom.

The neighbors said he barked too much and called Animal Control. That poor little dog...

Before I did the bracket, I kept picturing great things about Spunky. One time he dove into the bushes and slipped out of a too-small harness, thus freeing himself of another obnoxious bell while my mom cursed “God bless it” repeatedly. He had been declawed, but he was a very successful hunter.

Everyone who met Spunky loved him, but Jazz had to beat him. I could take her for walks. She liked to play. She was kind of psychotic, which never got old.

Scooby: A brown female rat. Smart and super strong, lifting dictionaries piled on her cage.

Asto: A friendlier white female rat.

Boots: Not mine, but I slept with him for two years. He’s why there are no cats in bed now.

Brad: A fish I rescued from Brad Pallas. Every Sunday I was sure I’d killed him while changing his water. He was fun while he lasted.

Angelina: A fish who jumped out of the bowl and killed herself the night I rescued her.

Cupid: See LV’s article.

Streaky: See LV’s article.

Especially afer my mom hit her with the car... Come to think of it, my mom would go far in a bracket of worst pet owners. She killed the lizards accidentally.

She euthanized Spunky and Dickens. She sent my mice back to the pet store. She sent MO away to a shelter. She talked me into giving away my rats.

It’s probably not fair for Cupid to beat Jazz since he can’t really be killed by my mom (knock on wood), but if Cupid can trump the awesome powers of Streaky’s cuteness, he deserves the title. —Madeline

Perfect Pets

Not everyone has had a perfect pet, but we’ve all seen them. Where you might ask? On TV, home to some of the greatest pets of all-time.

Can you guess what show each of these pets are from?

Tiger

Azrael

Astro

Scooby-Doo

Dino

Tom

Perry the Platypus

Snoopy

Comet

Pet yoUr ego

Whomever had the bright idea to take in a wild dirty animal, train it, feed it, clean up it’s crap, and share his living space with it clearly had some issues. Here is a chart to determine how your pet reflects your own deep seeded problems. —Dan DOg issue: Needy You require an animal that thinks the sun shines out of your ass, following you around, ever ready to run after a thrown ball. You dress your dog in human clothes, parading the poor animal all over Central Park, hopelessly waiting for someone to compliment your pooch’s cummerbund.

CAt issue: Fear of commitment You’ve always wanted a furry little friend to keep you company, but could never be bothered with actually giving a crap about something… so you bought a cat. Cats need little to no attention and have their own bathroom which rules out any actual contact with the animal. This minuscule amount of affection towards your cat rules out any sort of bonding that may arise between you both, thus ruling out the possibility of being hurt… again. Don’t fear though; your cat’s contempt for you far outweighs your apathy for its existence.

BiRD issue: Agoraphobia You are so afraid of the outside world that you stole the chirping, singing siren of the sky and crammed her into a wire cage in your house. Sure, bird watching can be relaxing, but

going out in the big bad world is just too much to handle. So go ahead, clip a bird’s wings and save yourself the hassle.

Just make sure you draw the blinds in your house…They might be watching you.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY issUe 17 VOl. 1

FisH issue: sloth You lazy bastard.

You’ve chosen an animal that needs no attention whatsoever and minimal maintenance for your household comrade; you might as well have a pet lamp. Everyone knows fish don’t have any feelings and thank goodness for you.

You wouldn’t want to break a sweat having to care for something and all.

RePtile issue: self-Hatred Out of all the animals in the world, you went with a scaly, cold blooded, clawed beast to be your best buddy? You really should consider some self help classes if the only thing you get along with has a forked tongue and eats its own young. Don’t worry though, soon enough your Boa Constrictor will get large enough to attack and end this world of misery for you.

Pet ROCK issue: Hopeless Your only little friend is as hard and cold as the world that has rejected you.

Seriously dude, just give up.

CAT CONFESSIONS Pet yOUR egO PET RATS BRACKetOlOgy PLUS: TUCKER BitCHes Be CRAZy OTIS

BEST SUMMER ACTIVITY I had no idea that the third baseman isn’t supposed to come cover homeplate.

Especially with a runner at second. I thought this picture was further proof that my team didn’t trust me and that our pitchers were terrible defensive players. I had no idea that this picture actually meant that the third baseman liked me and of all the summers he’d played softball, this was by far the most meaningful to him.

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 18 VOL. 1

Beyond that sentiment, though, the third baseman really wanted to dig up all the extraordinary action pictures of himself. Isn’t he swell?

RECIPES FOR WHEN IT’S HOT Happiest Puppies hasn’t contributed in a while. I’ve decided that’s because in the summer, the kitchen is the last place I want to be. Salads, pasta salads, and prepared cold foods are the best. Itching to make something? Get a popsice mold and some Kool Aid. Better yet, whip up some Happy Juice.

+

=

Happy Juice KEEPIN’ I.T. REAL END OF THE SEASON SUMMER OF SWAT VICKY’S WISH PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY JESSICA’S TRAVELS WHEN LUIS WAS 8

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I

SUMMER OF SWAT

D

S

R A E RH

“That’s retarded” —Anthony

“She know’s everyone so well” —Mike D

“When isn’t it a good issue” —Meghan

END OF THE SEASON

As the first leaves start to fall, it marks the end of two seasons— summer and the Hamptons. Karen Rose found the above piece of graffiti and decided it had to be seen. I agreed. What better way to say goodbye to Hamptons than with Rod Stewart’s love. A special shout out should be given to the whole Hamptons team (Liz, Tom, Amanda, Ingrid, Susan, Vicky, Olga and Camille). A super special shout out goes out from me to Olga, as I would not have been able to get through the season without her help. Spasiba!

WONDERFUL WAWA Summer to me means the Shore. Yes, “down the shore,” i.e. Jersey. Before one goes to the beach, one must have a fully provisioned beach bag: sunscreen, a trashy book, and a Wawa sandwich.

Wawas dot the Jersey Shore (and all points south) like oases in the desert.

They are the nicer, brighter, cleaner, happier, more delicious 7-11. The nexus of Wawa (Lenni Lenape for “goose”) is the automated sandwich station. You use this brilliant computer to pick your sandwich (hot or cold, toasted or not, flatbread, wrap or sub) and then your toppings, extras, and sides (always unfailing delicious). You grab the receipt, pay, and shortly thereafter, pick up your sandwich. Brilliant!

The best part of Wawa is that they have some magical supply line to Dorito’s and always have the newest Dorito’s flavors in stock.

Wawa forever!

—Amy

“Jersey seems to be worse than New York” —Jeff

“You can’t ask me my opnion and then say that’s retarded” —Amy

“U2 isn’t $270 good anymore” —Meghan

“Dude, you let your lady bump other guys like that” —Luis

“Oh, too loud. It was on fart volume” —Anthony

ER M UM

A

As the baseball season draws to a close, we are reminded—yet again—that all that is gold cannot stay. But as the fall air blows into the Bronx, the hope of a 27th championship grows stronger every day. The Yankees stand atop the AL East division with an impressive 83-48 record. Now 6.5 games ahead of the Red Sux, me and many other bleacher creatures wonder, “Is this the year?” All signs seem to point to yes.

This past offseason, the Yankees signed three of the most coveted free agents on the market in C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeria. All have lived up to the hype.

Sabathia holds a record of 15-7 with an ERA of 3.56 making him a legitmate candidate for the 2009 Cy Young award thus far.

While Burnett’s record is not exactly the stuff dreams are made of (10-8), his 153 strikeouts are only 5 behind the Yankees leader Sabathia.

Teixeria’s bat has lived up to the hype with a .283 average, 32 homeruns and 101 RBI. With only one error in 123 games at first base, Mark Teixeria is on pace to win a Gold Glove, making him the best Yankee first baseman since Donnie Baseball and Tino Martinez.

’09 S C I P

Here are some highlights of my misadventures and voyages in the summer of 2009: “The Yankees buy all their talent!” you say? Let’s take a gander at the Yankees good ol’ homegrown players.

Andy Pettitte, an old Yankee farm hand, is now 12-6. He pitched a perfect game through 6 2/3 rds against Baltimore. If not for an error by Jerry Hairston Jr... We won’t get into that.

In his 14th year as a Yankee, Mariano Rivera is yet again baffling AL hitters, boasting 37 saves in 38 opportunities.

The farm system’s young guns have been contributing in big ways as well. Most notably, Phil Hughes. In the past two months, Hughes has 32 strikeouts to only 7 walks in 25 innings pitched.

Hughes is a valubale set up man.

This brings me to homegrown hero Derek Jeter. On the precipice of passing Lou Gehrig’s record, Jeter already added “most hits by a shortstop in Major League history” to his resume this season.

All the stats mean nothing without the win. But any true fan will tell you the Yankees are playing for keeps. By playing downright solid baseball, the Yanks have put themselves in position to break in that new (and beautiful) stadium with a World Series ring in 2009. —Dan Maxwell

Memorial Day visit down to Naples, Florida, to see the grandparents

1st Career game at the new Yankee Stadium with Julie Plake (sat in the Luxe Suites!)

Team pic with my summer 2k9 softball team, No Hustle

KEEPIN’ I.T. REAL My best summer was easily the summer I spent working I.T. up at Marist College in Poughkeepsie.

The schedule was simple: wake up, eat breakfast, be picked up at 8 a.m. by the oldest golf cart ever built (nicknamed the Piss Bucket), drive to the main hall where we got our assignments for the day, do hard manual labor & I.T. for 8

hours, go to the campus gym for free, then go home to eat, then drink till midnight.

We repeated this for all of June, July and August. I was in the best shape of my life, best tan, I had the most fun stories of my life, and I could out drink an Irishman on his birthday. We kept I.T. Real BABY! —Rich

BITCHES BE CRAZY AMY’S LIST: ■ People who use strollers as weapons when walking ■ The Ghostbusters-esque bad mood pervading the A/C subway.

Getting phone calls before getting one from photographer and illustrator’s agents looking to send portfolios/set up meetings.

Don’t call me.

■

■ Summer colds: I was sick on my birthday and Meghan Happy Hour!

InDesign crashing. Always.

Plus style sheets not working!

Maybe it’s affected by the Ghostbusters slime.

■

■ The dedicated obituary Today Shows. I mean, I like MJ and Ted Kennedy, but do I need 3 hours of that in my morning?

Where’s my cooking segments with Martha?

Marisa Miller. True story: My back once spasmed for 12 hours after I saw her and Jeremy Piven (my other nemesis) together. Her head is too tiny and her torso is freakishly long.

■

MEGHAN’S LIST: ■ Headlines in French or with French words. Really? Does anyone really like the French? I think not.

Junk mail from photographers and/or illustrators making its way into my inbox. What the hell— don’t we have any kind of firewall or whatever to make this stop??

■

■ Fancy-pants designer logos on purses or clothing, and more to the point, the lame people who wear them. If you gotta tatoo that on you, you must have something to prove. I am not down. Special note here: sports logos are always ok.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of ADW.

SUMMER 1984 I hate the summer. It’s way too hot and humid. The one positive I can find in the span from May to August are summer blockbusters.

Chilling in the AC with a giant tub of popcorn and a mega pack of Twizzlers—that to me equals a perfect summer day.

The greatest summer ever for movies had to be 1984. Quite possibly the greatest year ever in pop culture.

There were movies for everyone, no matter what you like, summer 1984 had a movie for you.

If you were a sports-nut, you had The Natural, one of the greatest baseball movies ever made.

A sci-fi fan? This was your summer... The Terminator, The Last Starfighter, The Neverending Story, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Star Trek III. All made it to the big screen.

Love comedies? Look no further. Revenge of the Nerds, Bachelor Party, Police Academy, Romancing the Stone...

Want a movie to take a date to?

Only wish you had a date? Bam. Sixteen Candles.

A movie for the kiddies? How about the underrated Muppets Take Manhattan.

Maybe you simply needed to be inspired. Few movies get me as amped up as The Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off. Thank you, Mr. Miyagi.

Or maybe you like a little music in your movies. (Or a lot if you’re me.) How about a little Purple Rain (basically an hour and a half long music video for the album of the same name) or Footloose.

Simply put, even if you only kind of like movies, no summer offered you a more diverse array of quality than 1984. The greatest summer for movies ever.

—Luis

’S Y K VIC

H S I W Vicky loves summer so much she wishes it were endless.

With that not happening, she is settling for hanging one of the greatest movie posters of alltime above her bed.

The Endless Summer is one of the first and most influential films of the surf movie genre, creating and defining an entire category of cinema, which has endured and evolved in the decades since its release in 1966. Its title comes from the idea, expressed at both the beginning and end of the film, that if one had enough time and money it would be possible to follow the summer around the world, making it endless.

GREAT SUMMER!!

A Playful Run on the Beach before we get married? Why NOT! | Myself with Bro and Kirk - Best Buds! | The Family | Me and my Dad - He cracks me up!

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JESSICA Most people tend to spend their exta money on shopping, wining and dining, cigarette smoking, and obsessions with a hobby. I try to keep my money aside for one of the most important things to me: travel. I don’t get to do it that often, but I never turn down a trip, even if it is just for the weekend. My goal is to see the whole world.

Will it happen? Only time will tell, but I think I’ve made a small dent in the meantime.

I have been to places such as Vermont where I have skied and been to my cousin’s hick wedding. Massachusetts where I got a sweet deal at the Boston Harbor hotel and enjoyed—yes, I enjoyed—the Yankee/Red Sox game. Rhode Island where I have spent a few...

Read Jessica’s complete article (and see her pictures) online (when ADW makes it online).

L A R U A EASURE

PL

, kend e e yw r Da ist for r o b a l On L a play summe ings all th

Ahh, summer music. Give me airy, poppy goodness. Saccharine, even. Something that makes me want to head to the beach, or simply whistle along. Of course, to eschew the slow jams would be foolish; sometimes, it’s just too damn hot to do anything more than sit. There were some tough cuts here (it’s constrained by the 80-minute CD-R), but I think this is a good cross-section.

“Eanie Meany,” Jim Noir The schoolboy sentiment and simple acoustic backing create a playful vibe.

Breakfast of Champions—3 eggs with tomato, onion, potato and bacon | Costa Rica - it was amazing! | Master Batter Card! | Two characters I contributed to the many murals I participated in.

“Ageless Beauty,” Stars feat. The Most Serene Republic Who would have guessed Canadians knew anything about summer music?

“Put Your Records On,” Corinne Bailey Rae Epitomizes carefree summer fun.

“Daydream,” The Lovin’ Spoonful For the little boy in every man.

“Lovely Day,” Bill Withers Mmmm hmmm...

“Green Onions,” Booker T & The MG’s I’m still entranced by The Sandlot. What a wonderful summer flick.

“Creeque Alley,” The Mamas & The Papas I’ve always been amused that they sing about one of the band members getting fat.

Me and the mighty active Arenal Volcano at La Fortuna. I got to take a 3-mile hike and really check out the active beast. This thing was spewing LAVA!!!

This was insane.

“Stay,” Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs Oh that’s right. I picked a song off the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.

“Hot Fun in the Summertime,” Sly & The Family Stone How could it not be here?

Read the rest of Tom’s list online one day.

KEEPIN’ I.T. REAL My best summer was easily the summer I spent working I.T. up at Marist College in Poughkeepsie.

The schedule was simple: wake up, eat breakfast, be picked up at 8 a.m. by the oldest golf cart ever built (nicknamed the Piss Bucket), drive to the main hall where we got our assignments for the day, do hard manual labor & I.T. for 8

hours, go to the campus gym for free, then go home to eat, then drink till midnight.

We repeated this for all of June, July and August. I was in the best shape of my life, best tan, I had the most fun stories of my life, and I could out drink an Irishman on his birthday. We kept I.T. Real BABY! —Rich

BITCHES BE CRAZY AMY’S LIST: ■ People who use strollers as weapons when walking ■ The Ghostbusters-esque bad mood pervading the A/C subway.

Getting phone calls before getting one from photographer and illustrator’s agents looking to send portfolios/set up meetings.

Don’t call me.

■

■ Summer colds: I was sick on my birthday and Meghan Happy Hour!

InDesign crashing. Always.

Plus style sheets not working!

Maybe it’s affected by the Ghostbusters slime.

■

■ The dedicated obituary Today Shows. I mean, I like MJ and Ted Kennedy, but do I need 3 hours of that in my morning?

Where’s my cooking segments with Martha?

Marisa Miller. True story: My back once spasmed for 12 hours after I saw her and Jeremy Piven (my other nemesis) together. Her head is too tiny and her torso is freakishly long.

■

MEGHAN’S LIST: ■ Headlines in French or with French words. Really? Does anyone really like the French? I think not.

Junk mail from photographers and/or illustrators making its way into my inbox. What the hell— don’t we have any kind of firewall or whatever to make this stop??

■

■ Fancy-pants designer logos on purses or clothing, and more to the point, the lame people who wear them. If you gotta tatoo that on you, you must have something to prove. I am not down. Special note here: sports logos are always ok.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of ADW.

SUMMER 1984 I hate the summer. It’s way too hot and humid. The one positive I can find in the span from May to August are summer blockbusters.

Chilling in the AC with a giant tub of popcorn and a mega pack of Twizzlers—that to me equals a perfect summer day.

The greatest summer ever for movies had to be 1984. Quite possibly the greatest year ever in pop culture.

There were movies for everyone, no matter what you like, summer 1984 had a movie for you.

If you were a sports-nut, you had The Natural, one of the greatest baseball movies ever made.

A sci-fi fan? This was your summer... The Terminator, The Last Starfighter, The Neverending Story, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Star Trek III. All made it to the big screen.

Love comedies? Look no further. Revenge of the Nerds, Bachelor Party, Police Academy, Romancing the Stone...

Want a movie to take a date to?

Only wish you had a date? Bam. Sixteen Candles.

A movie for the kiddies? How about the underrated Muppets Take Manhattan.

Maybe you simply needed to be inspired. Few movies get me as amped up as The Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off. Thank you, Mr. Miyagi.

Or maybe you like a little music in your movies. (Or a lot if you’re me.) How about a little Purple Rain (basically an hour and a half long music video for the album of the same name) or Footloose.

Simply put, even if you only kind of like movies, no summer offered you a more diverse array of quality than 1984. The greatest summer for movies ever.

—Luis

’S Y K VIC

H S I W Vicky loves summer so much she wishes it were endless.

With that not happening, she is settling for hanging one of the greatest movie posters of alltime above her bed.

The Endless Summer is one of the first and most influential films of the surf movie genre, creating and defining an entire category of cinema, which has endured and evolved in the decades since its release in 1966. Its title comes from the idea, expressed at both the beginning and end of the film, that if one had enough time and money it would be possible to follow the summer around the world, making it endless.

GREAT SUMMER!!

A Playful Run on the Beach before we get married? Why NOT! | Myself with Bro and Kirk - Best Buds! | The Family | Me and my Dad - He cracks me up!

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JESSICA Most people tend to spend their exta money on shopping, wining and dining, cigarette smoking, and obsessions with a hobby. I try to keep my money aside for one of the most important things to me: travel. I don’t get to do it that often, but I never turn down a trip, even if it is just for the weekend. My goal is to see the whole world.

Will it happen? Only time will tell, but I think I’ve made a small dent in the meantime.

I have been to places such as Vermont where I have skied and been to my cousin’s hick wedding. Massachusetts where I got a sweet deal at the Boston Harbor hotel and enjoyed—yes, I enjoyed—the Yankee/Red Sox game. Rhode Island where I have spent a few...

Read Jessica’s complete article (and see her pictures) online (when ADW makes it online).

L A R U A EASURE

PL

, kend e e yw r Da ist for r o b a l On L a play summe ings all th

Ahh, summer music. Give me airy, poppy goodness. Saccharine, even. Something that makes me want to head to the beach, or simply whistle along. Of course, to eschew the slow jams would be foolish; sometimes, it’s just too damn hot to do anything more than sit. There were some tough cuts here (it’s constrained by the 80-minute CD-R), but I think this is a good cross-section.

“Eanie Meany,” Jim Noir The schoolboy sentiment and simple acoustic backing create a playful vibe.

Breakfast of Champions—3 eggs with tomato, onion, potato and bacon | Costa Rica - it was amazing! | Master Batter Card! | Two characters I contributed to the many murals I participated in.

“Ageless Beauty,” Stars feat. The Most Serene Republic Who would have guessed Canadians knew anything about summer music?

“Put Your Records On,” Corinne Bailey Rae Epitomizes carefree summer fun.

“Daydream,” The Lovin’ Spoonful For the little boy in every man.

“Lovely Day,” Bill Withers Mmmm hmmm...

“Green Onions,” Booker T & The MG’s I’m still entranced by The Sandlot. What a wonderful summer flick.

“Creeque Alley,” The Mamas & The Papas I’ve always been amused that they sing about one of the band members getting fat.

Me and the mighty active Arenal Volcano at La Fortuna. I got to take a 3-mile hike and really check out the active beast. This thing was spewing LAVA!!!

This was insane.

“Stay,” Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs Oh that’s right. I picked a song off the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.

“Hot Fun in the Summertime,” Sly & The Family Stone How could it not be here?

Read the rest of Tom’s list online one day.

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I

SUMMER OF SWAT

D

S

R A E RH

“That’s retarded” —Anthony

“She know’s everyone so well” —Mike D

“When isn’t it a good issue” —Meghan

END OF THE SEASON

As the first leaves start to fall, it marks the end of two seasons— summer and the Hamptons. Karen Rose found the above piece of graffiti and decided it had to be seen. I agreed. What better way to say goodbye to Hamptons than with Rod Stewart’s love. A special shout out should be given to the whole Hamptons team (Liz, Tom, Amanda, Ingrid, Susan, Vicky, Olga and Camille). A super special shout out goes out from me to Olga, as I would not have been able to get through the season without her help. Spasiba!

WONDERFUL WAWA Summer to me means the Shore. Yes, “down the shore,” i.e. Jersey. Before one goes to the beach, one must have a fully provisioned beach bag: sunscreen, a trashy book, and a Wawa sandwich.

Wawas dot the Jersey Shore (and all points south) like oases in the desert.

They are the nicer, brighter, cleaner, happier, more delicious 7-11. The nexus of Wawa (Lenni Lenape for “goose”) is the automated sandwich station. You use this brilliant computer to pick your sandwich (hot or cold, toasted or not, flatbread, wrap or sub) and then your toppings, extras, and sides (always unfailing delicious). You grab the receipt, pay, and shortly thereafter, pick up your sandwich. Brilliant!

The best part of Wawa is that they have some magical supply line to Dorito’s and always have the newest Dorito’s flavors in stock.

Wawa forever!

—Amy

“Jersey seems to be worse than New York” —Jeff

“You can’t ask me my opnion and then say that’s retarded” —Amy

“U2 isn’t $270 good anymore” —Meghan

“Dude, you let your lady bump other guys like that” —Luis

“Oh, too loud. It was on fart volume” —Anthony

ER M UM

A

As the baseball season draws to a close, we are reminded—yet again—that all that is gold cannot stay. But as the fall air blows into the Bronx, the hope of a 27th championship grows stronger every day. The Yankees stand atop the AL East division with an impressive 83-48 record. Now 6.5 games ahead of the Red Sux, me and many other bleacher creatures wonder, “Is this the year?” All signs seem to point to yes.

This past offseason, the Yankees signed three of the most coveted free agents on the market in C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeria. All have lived up to the hype.

Sabathia holds a record of 15-7 with an ERA of 3.56 making him a legitmate candidate for the 2009 Cy Young award thus far.

While Burnett’s record is not exactly the stuff dreams are made of (10-8), his 153 strikeouts are only 5 behind the Yankees leader Sabathia.

Teixeria’s bat has lived up to the hype with a .283 average, 32 homeruns and 101 RBI. With only one error in 123 games at first base, Mark Teixeria is on pace to win a Gold Glove, making him the best Yankee first baseman since Donnie Baseball and Tino Martinez.

’09 S C I P

Here are some highlights of my misadventures and voyages in the summer of 2009: “The Yankees buy all their talent!” you say? Let’s take a gander at the Yankees good ol’ homegrown players.

Andy Pettitte, an old Yankee farm hand, is now 12-6. He pitched a perfect game through 6 2/3 rds against Baltimore. If not for an error by Jerry Hairston Jr... We won’t get into that.

In his 14th year as a Yankee, Mariano Rivera is yet again baffling AL hitters, boasting 37 saves in 38 opportunities.

The farm system’s young guns have been contributing in big ways as well. Most notably, Phil Hughes. In the past two months, Hughes has 32 strikeouts to only 7 walks in 25 innings pitched.

Hughes is a valubale set up man.

This brings me to homegrown hero Derek Jeter. On the precipice of passing Lou Gehrig’s record, Jeter already added “most hits by a shortstop in Major League history” to his resume this season.

All the stats mean nothing without the win. But any true fan will tell you the Yankees are playing for keeps. By playing downright solid baseball, the Yanks have put themselves in position to break in that new (and beautiful) stadium with a World Series ring in 2009. —Dan Maxwell

Memorial Day visit down to Naples, Florida, to see the grandparents

1st Career game at the new Yankee Stadium with Julie Plake (sat in the Luxe Suites!)

Team pic with my summer 2k9 softball team, No Hustle

BEST SUMMER ACTIVITY I had no idea that the third baseman isn’t supposed to come cover homeplate.

Especially with a runner at second. I thought this picture was further proof that my team didn’t trust me and that our pitchers were terrible defensive players. I had no idea that this picture actually meant that the third baseman liked me and of all the summers he’d played softball, this was by far the most meaningful to him.

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 18 VOL. 1

Beyond that sentiment, though, the third baseman really wanted to dig up all the extraordinary action pictures of himself. Isn’t he swell?

RECIPES FOR WHEN IT’S HOT Happiest Puppies hasn’t contributed in a while. I’ve decided that’s because in the summer, the kitchen is the last place I want to be. Salads, pasta salads, and prepared cold foods are the best. Itching to make something? Get a popsice mold and some Kool Aid. Better yet, whip up some Happy Juice.

+

=

Happy Juice KEEPIN’ I.T. REAL END OF THE SEASON SUMMER OF SWAT VICKY’S WISH PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY JESSICA’S TRAVELS WHEN LUIS WAS 8

not so gawky girls

In praise of the least awkward teens I’ve ever met...

In high school, I always thought the really popular kids had it— the people who seemed to do no wrong academically, athetically, or otherwise. But they had nothing on these girls who make gangly-ness seem so composed on and off camera.

ADW

art department weekly issue 19 vol. 1

marvelous teens celeb teens stylish teens running with rich PLus: bitches be crazY Jessica’s writing little anthony

Mini BoArD oVEr rt A n i

BACk in tHE DAy

rD A E H

E l t lit

t An

a short 5 foot 2 and with a name like anthony arias meant i was in the front of the line everytime

“You can’t snatch that out of her hand, she’s a lady” —luis

“It was so quiet here without you”

WHiCH ViDEo gAME CHArACtEr WoUlD yoU BE? Meghan - pitfall harry luis - pac-man rich - Gordon Freeman (Half Life)

anthony (via amy) - toe Jam (Toe Jam & Earl) amy - carmen sandiego Jessica - Q-bert

meghan also mentioned how she liked the video game Elevator Action, which simply sounded dirty to me.

—meghan

“Anthony likes trash”

class photo

—amy

“The older you are, the uglier your nuts look” —anthony

“Now where’s the WAHmbulance”

AMy’s PiC amy kindly reminded me that she sent me this picture for adw and i forgot to use it. here are her words:

Just saw this on w. broadway and reade. thought it was a great old sign but also, kinda applies to the art department!

—meghan

“The Mets have fanatics?”

8th grade ring day

—luis

“Yeah, I would pray to get taller” —anthony

“Anthony’s gonna have an ‘I’m Still A Bachelor Party’” —luis

in 15 years, i will probably have a boyfriend that i really like. i will also be moved into my own place. i would already be a godmother to a few kids and be in many weddings. i would probably have a very good job. maybe i’ll still be in college. maybe the things i want to know will change. i would definitely still be dancing. i hope my life will be similar, and i would move to a quiet place with no violence. —Jessica ’93

graduation

stylin’ in HEr tEEns Junior high should not count as “your teens,” but those years made for some awkward photos. i went through seventh grade looking like some bizarre grunge rendition of

the phantom. not to mention all my clothes were hand-me-downs or miniature versions of my mom’s outfits. eek! high school was no more promising.

—Madeline

H g Hi ol

o E H t A C s DU

n E tE El g n A

grA

this is me at 12 years old, taking my high school senior picture. although i graduated when i was a much older 13, the senior pictures were taken in november, just shy of my 13th birthday. this shot is techinically before i was an awkward teen, but you’ve got to admit, there is definitely something awkward about a 12- (or 13-) year-old high school senior. to the credit of everyone at art & design high school, i was never treated too much like an outcast. i think most people were pretty accepting of the elementaryaged kid in their classes. most people just wanted the numbers freak (me) to find some interesting pattern to the numbers in their birthday.

My hair didn’t look that way to me in the mirror. at least my cousin thought i was awesome. note the rolled sleeves. so cool. my mom totally steered me into this purple/pink/ plaid combo. i thought that rain coat was amazing. don’t i look like a model? maybe if i put on a few more over-sized layers? My post-Prom date. i think i’m blinking because i didn’t like my date... or myself.

liFE lEssons

A

after lots of digging i came across these two very old pics of myself from when i used to run high school track. i had to run photoshop filters on these guys for hours to get rid of the inexplicable speed lines that appeared behind me whenever i ran. mit scientists are still trying to explain this random phenomenon even today. we may never know the truth behind them. anyway, track was by far the most awkward thing i used to do in my teens. nothing is more un-suave than struggling to run in shorts so tiny they look like a diaper with over the ankle white socks, a game face that is best left unmentioned, and a frame that would make even Jack the pumpkin king jealous. track however did bring in a lot of other geeks, which is something most people wouldn’t think. our team was basically 25 students with the top seven considered varsity. the bottom seven, on the other hand, were the slackers—therefore my good friends. in my much more passive-aggressive days, i made a chart showing how the faster the runner you were, the more complete and utter asshole you acted like. i may have left it tacked on the board in the locker room. i was actually in the

middle since my mile was pretty good and sometimes i would even fill in for the varsity guys while they were out. my heart was that of a slacker, though. despite the anguish that was track, i did learn some things that became extremely valuable to me. First, was that no matter how awkward you were, there was always lots of good company in awkwarddom. (like comicon!) second, sports really do define people when played. (something i resisted.) it wasn’t how well people performed on a particular day, but rather how they carried themselves before and after.

Finally, throwing up in front of your male peers translated into instant points. this is something that became extremely valuable in college. i think we are all still as awkward as we were back then. the only difference now is that none of us really care... because we are old enough to drink.

—rich

this is a picture of me at disneyworld circa 1993. i was not happy. i was going through a super hormonal awkward teenager phase and the last place i wanted to be was somewhere where roger rabbit took a bite out of my italian afro.

For the record, this is the longest i ever grew my hair and now you see why. also, this was the year stirrup tights were in and apparently fanny packs. also note the rockin’ purple scrunchie. you may not be able to see the braces, but they’re there.

MArVEloUs tEEns

W

when most people think about awkward teenagers, they often think of comic books. while i must admit that you'll find plenty of awkward teenagers perusing the racks at your local comic shop, you'll find just as many on the pages of these books as well. specifically marvel comics.

let's start with the dawn of marvel comics and the character that started it all, the amazing spider-man (peter parker). stan lee and steve ditko crafted a great story about coming of age. peter was basically a nerdy teenage high school student dealing with rejection, inadequacy and loneliness. Just a normal awkward teenager. peter was constantly bullied and mocked by the popular kids both over his appearance and his intellect.

basically he was a kid we could all relate to. then of course the accident on his school trip grants him super-powers such as superstrength, ability to climb walls, and enhanced agility. out of fear of revealing himself as a hero, peter continued to allow himself to be bullied and mocked all through high-school. his awkwardness becoming his secret identity. one interesting fact to note, is that marvel really pushed

BitCHEs the envelope with this teen character. teens had been featured in comics before, but never as the title hero. they were often sidekicks (robin, speedy, aqualad, and bucky) who were mentored by the heroes they were partnered with. spidey/ peter had no such mentor. thus he had to learn and experience life for himself. i think that endeared him even more to teens everywhere. they finally had a hero they could relate to. someone going through the same things they go through. plus i mean who didn't wish they had a superpower to go up against the school bully. marvel's success with the teenage spider-man allowed them to delve into the teen market even more. so much so that they created one of the most popular teams of all-time, the X-men. the X-men were comprised of all teenagers. teenagers whose mutant

powers manifested when they went through puberty. i mean didn't teens have it hard enough. now they had to worry about growing blue fur and a tail, or uncontrollably shooting lasers out of your eyes with the onset of puberty. marvel basically provided a teenage hero for everyone. if you were the introverted nerd, you loved spidey. the X-men provided archetypes for everyone else, the rich kid (angel), the jock (beast), the brainy hot girl (marvel Girl), the bratty younger teen (ice man), and the quiet leader (cyclops). between those two titles marvel grasped a stronghold on the comic reader that they basically still have to this day. while dc catered to the older comic reader, marvel by introducing these awkward teens embraced a whole new group of fans. —Luis

BE CrAZy Megan’s list: ■ r couri hay, yeah that’s right rch, you’re on my list. why, you ask? because you tease me with the juicy details of celebrity scandals each month in your blind item column in Gotham, yet you never reveal who’s doing the deeds! why, why why!!!! what the hell is the point of having gossip if you aren’t going to share it! it’s the same as quoting an anonymous source in an article, it’s just plain bad journalism.

■ this office is way too cold. it seems laying off the ac would save us some cash, am i right?

sitting on your ass for the wave. need i say more?

■

■ naked people in the locker room. i generally avoid the locker room at my gym for this reason, but i at least have to go in to change. imagine my horror when yesterday there was a fully naked woman with a body which resembled the pillsbury dough boy blow-drying her hair in front of the mirror. For the love of all that is holy, put some clothes on woman!

tweetpeats. i don’t even understand twitter. but show twitters over a repeated episode of a television show i’ve never seen before? madness!

■

CElEBs likE Us celebrities have always been perfect, haven’t they... not so much. as evidenced by the photos on this strip and on the cover most celebs were awkward teens as well. it’s amazing what some makeup, personal trainers, and stylists can do for you. can you guess who all the celebrities are...?

aMY’s list: ■ at&t. at first i thought people were overly bitching about how slow at&t’s data network is on iphones lately (“it’s like a dial-up modem, waaaa”) but now... truly, you can’t open a single web site. $300 paperweight? ann curry haters. you know who you are. stop it now. Jenna wolfe on the other hand... hate away.

■

■ summer ends with a whimper. or did it ever really happen? where were my hot do the right thing days?

MArVEloUs tEEns

W

when most people think about awkward teenagers, they often think of comic books. while i must admit that you'll find plenty of awkward teenagers perusing the racks at your local comic shop, you'll find just as many on the pages of these books as well. specifically marvel comics.

let's start with the dawn of marvel comics and the character that started it all, the amazing spider-man (peter parker). stan lee and steve ditko crafted a great story about coming of age. peter was basically a nerdy teenage high school student dealing with rejection, inadequacy and loneliness. Just a normal awkward teenager. peter was constantly bullied and mocked by the popular kids both over his appearance and his intellect.

basically he was a kid we could all relate to. then of course the accident on his school trip grants him super-powers such as superstrength, ability to climb walls, and enhanced agility. out of fear of revealing himself as a hero, peter continued to allow himself to be bullied and mocked all through high-school. his awkwardness becoming his secret identity. one interesting fact to note, is that marvel really pushed

BitCHEs the envelope with this teen character. teens had been featured in comics before, but never as the title hero. they were often sidekicks (robin, speedy, aqualad, and bucky) who were mentored by the heroes they were partnered with. spidey/ peter had no such mentor. thus he had to learn and experience life for himself. i think that endeared him even more to teens everywhere. they finally had a hero they could relate to. someone going through the same things they go through. plus i mean who didn't wish they had a superpower to go up against the school bully. marvel's success with the teenage spider-man allowed them to delve into the teen market even more. so much so that they created one of the most popular teams of all-time, the X-men. the X-men were comprised of all teenagers. teenagers whose mutant

powers manifested when they went through puberty. i mean didn't teens have it hard enough. now they had to worry about growing blue fur and a tail, or uncontrollably shooting lasers out of your eyes with the onset of puberty. marvel basically provided a teenage hero for everyone. if you were the introverted nerd, you loved spidey. the X-men provided archetypes for everyone else, the rich kid (angel), the jock (beast), the brainy hot girl (marvel Girl), the bratty younger teen (ice man), and the quiet leader (cyclops). between those two titles marvel grasped a stronghold on the comic reader that they basically still have to this day. while dc catered to the older comic reader, marvel by introducing these awkward teens embraced a whole new group of fans. —Luis

BE CrAZy Megan’s list: ■ r couri hay, yeah that’s right rch, you’re on my list. why, you ask? because you tease me with the juicy details of celebrity scandals each month in your blind item column in Gotham, yet you never reveal who’s doing the deeds! why, why why!!!! what the hell is the point of having gossip if you aren’t going to share it! it’s the same as quoting an anonymous source in an article, it’s just plain bad journalism.

■ this office is way too cold. it seems laying off the ac would save us some cash, am i right?

sitting on your ass for the wave. need i say more?

■

■ naked people in the locker room. i generally avoid the locker room at my gym for this reason, but i at least have to go in to change. imagine my horror when yesterday there was a fully naked woman with a body which resembled the pillsbury dough boy blow-drying her hair in front of the mirror. For the love of all that is holy, put some clothes on woman!

tweetpeats. i don’t even understand twitter. but show twitters over a repeated episode of a television show i’ve never seen before? madness!

■

CElEBs likE Us celebrities have always been perfect, haven’t they... not so much. as evidenced by the photos on this strip and on the cover most celebs were awkward teens as well. it’s amazing what some makeup, personal trainers, and stylists can do for you. can you guess who all the celebrities are...?

aMY’s list: ■ at&t. at first i thought people were overly bitching about how slow at&t’s data network is on iphones lately (“it’s like a dial-up modem, waaaa”) but now... truly, you can’t open a single web site. $300 paperweight? ann curry haters. you know who you are. stop it now. Jenna wolfe on the other hand... hate away.

■

■ summer ends with a whimper. or did it ever really happen? where were my hot do the right thing days?

stylin’ in HEr tEEns Junior high should not count as “your teens,” but those years made for some awkward photos. i went through seventh grade looking like some bizarre grunge rendition of

the phantom. not to mention all my clothes were hand-me-downs or miniature versions of my mom’s outfits. eek! high school was no more promising.

—Madeline

H g Hi ol

o E H t A C s DU

n E tE El g n A

grA

this is me at 12 years old, taking my high school senior picture. although i graduated when i was a much older 13, the senior pictures were taken in november, just shy of my 13th birthday. this shot is techinically before i was an awkward teen, but you’ve got to admit, there is definitely something awkward about a 12- (or 13-) year-old high school senior. to the credit of everyone at art & design high school, i was never treated too much like an outcast. i think most people were pretty accepting of the elementaryaged kid in their classes. most people just wanted the numbers freak (me) to find some interesting pattern to the numbers in their birthday.

My hair didn’t look that way to me in the mirror. at least my cousin thought i was awesome. note the rolled sleeves. so cool. my mom totally steered me into this purple/pink/ plaid combo. i thought that rain coat was amazing. don’t i look like a model? maybe if i put on a few more over-sized layers? My post-Prom date. i think i’m blinking because i didn’t like my date... or myself.

liFE lEssons

A

after lots of digging i came across these two very old pics of myself from when i used to run high school track. i had to run photoshop filters on these guys for hours to get rid of the inexplicable speed lines that appeared behind me whenever i ran. mit scientists are still trying to explain this random phenomenon even today. we may never know the truth behind them. anyway, track was by far the most awkward thing i used to do in my teens. nothing is more un-suave than struggling to run in shorts so tiny they look like a diaper with over the ankle white socks, a game face that is best left unmentioned, and a frame that would make even Jack the pumpkin king jealous. track however did bring in a lot of other geeks, which is something most people wouldn’t think. our team was basically 25 students with the top seven considered varsity. the bottom seven, on the other hand, were the slackers—therefore my good friends. in my much more passive-aggressive days, i made a chart showing how the faster the runner you were, the more complete and utter asshole you acted like. i may have left it tacked on the board in the locker room. i was actually in the

middle since my mile was pretty good and sometimes i would even fill in for the varsity guys while they were out. my heart was that of a slacker, though. despite the anguish that was track, i did learn some things that became extremely valuable to me. First, was that no matter how awkward you were, there was always lots of good company in awkwarddom. (like comicon!) second, sports really do define people when played. (something i resisted.) it wasn’t how well people performed on a particular day, but rather how they carried themselves before and after.

Finally, throwing up in front of your male peers translated into instant points. this is something that became extremely valuable in college. i think we are all still as awkward as we were back then. the only difference now is that none of us really care... because we are old enough to drink.

—rich

this is a picture of me at disneyworld circa 1993. i was not happy. i was going through a super hormonal awkward teenager phase and the last place i wanted to be was somewhere where roger rabbit took a bite out of my italian afro.

For the record, this is the longest i ever grew my hair and now you see why. also, this was the year stirrup tights were in and apparently fanny packs. also note the rockin’ purple scrunchie. you may not be able to see the braces, but they’re there.

Mini BoArD oVEr rt A n i

BACk in tHE DAy

rD A E H

E l t lit

t An

a short 5 foot 2 and with a name like anthony arias meant i was in the front of the line everytime

“You can’t snatch that out of her hand, she’s a lady” —luis

“It was so quiet here without you”

WHiCH ViDEo gAME CHArACtEr WoUlD yoU BE? Meghan - pitfall harry luis - pac-man rich - Gordon Freeman (Half Life)

anthony (via amy) - toe Jam (Toe Jam & Earl) amy - carmen sandiego Jessica - Q-bert

meghan also mentioned how she liked the video game Elevator Action, which simply sounded dirty to me.

—meghan

“Anthony likes trash”

class photo

—amy

“The older you are, the uglier your nuts look” —anthony

“Now where’s the WAHmbulance”

AMy’s PiC amy kindly reminded me that she sent me this picture for adw and i forgot to use it. here are her words:

Just saw this on w. broadway and reade. thought it was a great old sign but also, kinda applies to the art department!

—meghan

“The Mets have fanatics?”

8th grade ring day

—luis

“Yeah, I would pray to get taller” —anthony

“Anthony’s gonna have an ‘I’m Still A Bachelor Party’” —luis

in 15 years, i will probably have a boyfriend that i really like. i will also be moved into my own place. i would already be a godmother to a few kids and be in many weddings. i would probably have a very good job. maybe i’ll still be in college. maybe the things i want to know will change. i would definitely still be dancing. i hope my life will be similar, and i would move to a quiet place with no violence. —Jessica ’93

graduation

not so gawky girls

In praise of the least awkward teens I’ve ever met...

In high school, I always thought the really popular kids had it— the people who seemed to do no wrong academically, athetically, or otherwise. But they had nothing on these girls who make gangly-ness seem so composed on and off camera.

ADW

art department weekly issue 19 vol. 1

marvelous teens celeb teens stylish teens running with rich PLus: bitches be crazY Jessica’s writing little anthony

20 in 2029 When you’re 20, the last thing you are thinking about being is a parent. Now in my 30s, I can happily say I am the proud parent of two. The latest of whom was born last Friday 9/11.

I’ll have more of that story next week when our issue’s theme is My Better Half. For now, here are some pics from Kal’s first week.

ADW

(& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& art department weekly issue 20 vol. 1

(& top model 20 new zealand dan’s day logos with amy 20 thoughts PLus: mizzou turnin’ 20 bitch be crazy 1996 music

LOGO STUDY REViSiTED

Mini BOARD OVE

D

AR E H R

E H n T TAL

i OSPi H

since i’ve been out of the office, i haven’t been able to jot everyones quotes in my pad for future use in adw. that of course did not prevent me from keeping a list of quotes that were said in the hospital.

ADW FinGER On THE PULSE in last week’s ADW, one of amy’s complaints (in bbc) was about the Fox tweet peat of Fringe. in this week’s Entertainment Weekly (9/18) bullseye, they ask for the banning of all future tweet peat reruns from Fox. ADW, right on top of all things pop culture!

“No, not Asian” “Oh my god, I can’t wait for him to meet Tiny” “He’s even cuter today than he was yesterday” “Wow. That’s a cute baby, and I’ve seen some ugly babies” “If I can sleep, you can sleep, we all can sleep”

SPECiAL THAnKS i wanted to give a little shout out to everyone who pitched in for me while i was gone. From amy and Vicky (and the interns) taking care of all things Aspen, to rich and Jess printing the last issue of ADW while helping me wrangle content for this week. it was all very much appreciated as we here in casa Vega got acclimated to our newest family member. muchas gracias (sorry Jessica, you’re still not in the spanish club)!

“You don’t have to call me on Sunday I’m sure you’ll be busy” “Kal? That’s the whole name, not Kalvin or something like that”

I

i placed a last-minute bet that andy roddick would win wimbledon this year. mainly because he was the underdog and i like to play devil’s advocate.

of a horse. maybe that’s true. but maybe it was the logo that gave Federer the superhero boost he needed to claim his recordsmashing 15th grand slam title.

i realized my mistake not when roger Federer notched his 16th— and final—game of the fifth set to complete an epic victory, but when he went to accept that golden pineapple of a prize cup and i found myself blinded by another golden object: Federer’s custom-made logo by nike. only a certain kind of person has a logo. megastars, cultural icons, winners. who else has a logo? michael Jordan. tiger woods. the pope.

did roddick have a logo to counter Federer’s swiss cool? he did not. though maybe it would just be a picture of brooklyn decker. the message of that would be: yeah, this is my wife, i don’t need a logo.

your logo says a lot about you and your brand. whether you use sans serif or serif tells people if you’re high-class or accessible. your choice of color can mean you are either passionate or laidback, serious or fun. the simple, deconstructed, serifed gold “rF” of Federer’s logo wowed me with its beauty and its message. Federer’s logo says: i am fancy, swiss, a gentleman. tiger’s modern blocky sans serif logo proclaims: i’m pretty cool for a golfer. Jordan’s silhouetted spread-legged dunker rightfully claims: i don’t even need initials, because you know me just by my silhouette; that’s how famous i am. i know you think Federer won wimbledon because he has an amazing serve and the stamina

after all, if you’re a man with a logo and you lose a game, what do you do? you just go home, wrap yourself in your customdesigned swag and climb into your sheets covered with your initials. and if i had a logo, maybe i’d stop losing $20 bets.

–Amy

BiTCHES BE CRAZY amy’s list: ■ Jude law in Hamlet. don’t bring your girlfriend-knocking up butt over here. and who ever envisioned hamlet with spiky hair? lines for brunch. i guess brunch is the dinner of the ’00s, but when i have to wait a half hour at my local coFFee shop for breakfast, i think there’s a problem. at that time of day i need my food and coffee Fast.

■

■ roger Federer. boy am i glad someone else won. i’d like to not see the man cry ever again

20 THOUGHTS On 20 toby had at least six staples in his head from where the beer bottle had hit him. he showed them to me when he came into the closet full of catering supplies i was organizing with a girl whose name i forget. having worked the front desk at a hotel, i’d listened to guests brag about which knuckles were no longer visible now because of past bar brawls. however, i had never met people who could cross the line between immature idiot and seeminglyresponsible semi-adult. i wanted to be more like toby. i didn’t want to be the very nice, very forgettable girl.

making new friends while away at school had been similar to mine: non-existant. given the opportunity, she was still not keen to partake in such immature pasttimes as drinking games and talk about porn. For that summer, i decided to not care about what she wanted to do. i let go of the me who cared too much about every school assignment, every trivial task at work, every calorie consumed.

For that summer, i had fun.

THiS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LiST,

BUT

walking that line was no easy task, though. toby, all of 21, declared that 20 is a waste of a birthday. i don’t know if it was a waste of a birthday, but it did become a 365day struggle of wanting to go crazy but also wanting to be that person others admired for having her shit together.

school started again and 20 became more painful. over the summer i had called up two guys i thought were a lot of fun sophomore year and who still hadn’t found an apartment. i proposed we all get an apartment together. i didn’t want to be in the dorms my junior year. i wanted to play poker at a kitchen table. i wanted a big refrigerator full of beer. i wanted to come home to senseless debates about Blade Runner or The Daily Show.

i’M TOO SLEEP

sophomore year ended before mother’s day of 2000. this meant i was home and working at the golf course long enough before my birthday that new people, fun people gave a shit about toasting my 20th. From that day on, i spent the rest of the summer drinking with a bunch of meatheads who happened to run the Food and beverage department of the golf course.

DEPRiVED TO

my new living situation turned out to be a field of emotional landmines. one roommate’s girlfriend hated me; he was never home. the other roommate was creepy to say the least. i ended up re-attaching myself to an exboyfriend’s hip and burrowing back into the cocoon of being that nice, quiet girl who cared too much about all the wrong things.

REMEMBER

SUCH A SnOOZE OF

A YEAR

while my mom thought this was great because my college experience thus far had been such a snooze of an experience (getting a job, making the dean’s list, being accepted to the school of Journalism a semester early...? boring.), my best friend was not impressed. her experience with party-ing and

when i think of 20, i think of a fat, moody, girl who really needed to stop wondering why no one noticed her and start taking a chance. luckily, 21 and all my capstone courses were right around the corner. after 365 days of 20, i was ready to start becoming that woman who could prioritize both work and fun.

—Madeline

U O Z iZ

AMY’S ADVEnTURES

H A R

M

ZEA

if your knowledge of new zealand is limited to Flight of the conchords, here are some facts for you:

a gigantic brochure (18 inches landscape) arrived from the university of missouri. heading south to live in a state that only pretended to side with the union did not sound appealing. but my first boyfriend loved missouri. his brothers went to school there. curious, i flipped through the brochure. it looked like every other scool. then a teeny tiny picture of a television studio lept out. an nbc affiliate? run by the school? sold. i was going to missouri-columbia. i had to get into the school of Journalism. i went to work at the station, running the telepromter and repackaging stories for msnbc. com. the broadcast students were obnoxious. by the time i applied to get into the school of Journalism, i had decided i hated tV people and applied to the magazine division. missouri is no new york, but i think it was a good place for me to be 20. thank you tiny picture.

W E n LAnD

W

when i was 20... i was studying abroad in new zealand! i was part of the pilot group from loyola college to study at university of auckland. which mainly meant that they bumped all our grades up half a grade because they were trying to work out how hard/ easy the classes were. highlights included: volcanoes, geysers and glaciers, seeing where lord of the rings was filmed, joining the drinking club (legal age there is 18) but avoiding the nitrous oxide club (actual clubs at the college), and getting an a for my final philosophy of the arts exam for forgetting quotes from any actual philosophers and instead choosing to quote nick hornby’s High Fidelity (“which came first, the music or the angst?”). and of

course it changed my life because i wound up going back for three more years after college.

–Amy

new zealand is an island country in the south-western pacific ocean comprising two main landmasses (commonly called the north island and the south island), and numerous smaller islands, most notably stewart island/rakiura and the chatham islands. the indigenous maori named new zealand aotearoa, commonly translated as the land of the long white cloud. the realm of new zealand also includes the cook islands and niue; tokelau; and the ross dependency (new zealand’s territorial claim in antarctica). new zealand is a developed country that ranks highly in international comparisons on human development, quality of life, life expectancy, literacy, public education, peace, prosperity, economic freedom, ease of doing business, lack of corruption, press freedom, and the protection of civil liberties and political rights. its cities also consistently rank among the world’s most liveable.

TOP MODEL TWEnTiES

P O T

20

S

shortly after i started at hFm, i was quickly partnered up with Jean-pierre labatut. he instantly became my creative mentor. showing me methods of colorcorrecting, dragging me to photo shoots to see how he gave direction, as well as showing me various page layouts that group creative director regis pagniez really loved. when Jean-pierre thought i was ready, he paraded me into the head of the company so i could basically tell him i was ready. i left that meeting as the art director of TopModel magazine. my favorite story about being the art director of a magazine at the age of 20 was showing up on set for the first shoot i was directing. i was extremely nervous. even though i had been on shoots with big names (at the time) such as bridget hall, eva herzigova and karen mulder, this was the first shoot that i was directing. there was a huge difference from being on set and quietly watching the

goings on, and being vocal about what you wanted from this set as the art director. as i got on set, i sat with the photographer and went over the direction, as well as went over outfits with the stylists and checked props with the prop stylist. everything was coming together nicely. after that, the bookings editor tells me to go to wadrobe and meet the models for the shoot. as i got back to wadrobe i was met with five topless models all very eager to greet me as they wanted to make a good impression and end up on the pages of the magazine. hugs and kisses with up-andcoming models ensued (one of whom turned out to be audrey kwouk, pictured above, who would pose in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue in 2002). i instantly realized this didn’t suck.

–Luis

my other thoughts about turning 20 in ‘96 was that the music was pretty bad. celine dion and mariah carey ruled the airwaves until “the macarena.” here are the top 20 songs of 1996... yuck.

1. “macarena,” los del rio 2. “one sweet day,” mariah carey and boyz ii men 3. “because you loved me,” celine dion 4. “nobody knows,” tony rich project 5. “always be my baby,” mariah carey 6. “give me one reason,” tracy chapman 7. “tha crossroads,” bone thugs-n-harmony 8. “i love you always Forever,” donna lewis 9. “you’re makin’ me high/let it Flow,” toni braxton 10. “twisted,” keith sweat 11. “c’mon n’ ride it (the train),” Quad city dj’s 12. “missing,” everything but the girl 13. “ironic,” alanis morissette 14. “exhale (shoop, shoop),” whitney houston 15. “til i hear it from you,” gin blossoms 16. “sittin’ up in my room,” brandy 17. “california love,” 2pac 18. “it’s all coming back to me now,” celine dion 19. “change the world, “ eric clapton 20. “hey lover,” ll cool J

DAn’S DAY

T

they say that youth is wasted on the young, and you don’t know what you’ve got, ‘til it’s gone. however, i respectfully disagree.

F rom the age of 19 to 21, i had From tthe he pleasure of living in montauk ffor or my summers and i knew full w ell i had stumbled into a great well situation. i got a job as a waiter at the surfside inn on old montauk highway. the restaurant was situated across the street from one of the most beautiful beaches on long island and i was lucky enough to live above it. you see, the majority of the staff was from ireland, so our boss rented out the rooms to the waiters, thus giving me a view of the atlantic ocean from my bedroom window for two straight summers. i really had it made for those two summers which is evident by my basic day-to-day routine: 11:00 a.m. – wake up, head down to the beach (which may have been 50 steps from my front door) 3:00 p.m. – leave the beach after a long afternoon of chillin’, Frisbee, beers, etc.

3:30 p.m. – shower and eat a free meal prepared by our chef 4:30 p.m. - work the night shift – get paid 10:30 p.m. - close up shop and immediately begin drinking from the bar 12:00 a.m. - shower #2, head out to the bars

’ n i n Y R U T EnT TW

4:00 a.m. – eggs and waffles at salivar’s (dinner/bar in montauk) 2 advils in the morning - repeat barring a few incidents, (such as nearly falling into the marina on my 20th birthday and drowning and sustaining the worst sunburn ever having fallen asleep on the beach after a rough night) it was pretty much all the fun a kid in his early 20’s could have. the first summer i worked there was also the summer of the great ny blackout. it was around 3:30pm and we were getting ready to begin the night shift, when out of nowhere - everything shuts down. once it became clear this blackout was a statewide issue, we all banded together to pack the walkin freezer with ice and perishables and started boozing down at the beach. there was food prepped for the impending dinner rush that was going to go to waste, so we all dined on lobster and whatever else needed to be eaten and enjoyed the summer sunset over the ocean. even now as i write this, i think about how impossible it would be to do it all over again. so many of these memories hinge upon the freedom of being a 20-year-old with no real responsibility or debts. when i think about those days, i feel lucky that i took advantage of the situation and will always think back on those summers as some of the best i will ever have.

–Dan

this photo was actually taken on my twentieth birthday. like a good soldier you’ll notice that i was not at home on my couch, hungover, playing video games, but actually at work saving the world’s computers. i saved the day off for the day after my birthday for the most part. i bought myself that white shirt just to wear on my birthday. i don’t really know why i did, but even to this day i get myself a new shirt each year to rock on my birthday (and obviously after that). i don’t believe much in traditions but i haven’t found a reason to stop. also, i sorta drew myself a little mental time line while trying to find this photo of what happened to myself at twenty. after crawling through my archives of photos, i realized i got my first promotion that year, had my heart broken for the first time, moved off campus with my two great friends, started my first web comic, and quit i.t. to work for a beer distributor making signs. i forgot what a big year that was, and how much really changed that year.

–Rich

TOP MODEL TWEnTiES

P O T

20

S

shortly after i started at hFm, i was quickly partnered up with Jean-pierre labatut. he instantly became my creative mentor. showing me methods of colorcorrecting, dragging me to photo shoots to see how he gave direction, as well as showing me various page layouts that group creative director regis pagniez really loved. when Jean-pierre thought i was ready, he paraded me into the head of the company so i could basically tell him i was ready. i left that meeting as the art director of TopModel magazine. my favorite story about being the art director of a magazine at the age of 20 was showing up on set for the first shoot i was directing. i was extremely nervous. even though i had been on shoots with big names (at the time) such as bridget hall, eva herzigova and karen mulder, this was the first shoot that i was directing. there was a huge difference from being on set and quietly watching the

goings on, and being vocal about what you wanted from this set as the art director. as i got on set, i sat with the photographer and went over the direction, as well as went over outfits with the stylists and checked props with the prop stylist. everything was coming together nicely. after that, the bookings editor tells me to go to wadrobe and meet the models for the shoot. as i got back to wadrobe i was met with five topless models all very eager to greet me as they wanted to make a good impression and end up on the pages of the magazine. hugs and kisses with up-andcoming models ensued (one of whom turned out to be audrey kwouk, pictured above, who would pose in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue in 2002). i instantly realized this didn’t suck.

–Luis

my other thoughts about turning 20 in ‘96 was that the music was pretty bad. celine dion and mariah carey ruled the airwaves until “the macarena.” here are the top 20 songs of 1996... yuck.

1. “macarena,” los del rio 2. “one sweet day,” mariah carey and boyz ii men 3. “because you loved me,” celine dion 4. “nobody knows,” tony rich project 5. “always be my baby,” mariah carey 6. “give me one reason,” tracy chapman 7. “tha crossroads,” bone thugs-n-harmony 8. “i love you always Forever,” donna lewis 9. “you’re makin’ me high/let it Flow,” toni braxton 10. “twisted,” keith sweat 11. “c’mon n’ ride it (the train),” Quad city dj’s 12. “missing,” everything but the girl 13. “ironic,” alanis morissette 14. “exhale (shoop, shoop),” whitney houston 15. “til i hear it from you,” gin blossoms 16. “sittin’ up in my room,” brandy 17. “california love,” 2pac 18. “it’s all coming back to me now,” celine dion 19. “change the world, “ eric clapton 20. “hey lover,” ll cool J

DAn’S DAY

T

they say that youth is wasted on the young, and you don’t know what you’ve got, ‘til it’s gone. however, i respectfully disagree.

F rom the age of 19 to 21, i had From tthe he pleasure of living in montauk ffor or my summers and i knew full w ell i had stumbled into a great well situation. i got a job as a waiter at the surfside inn on old montauk highway. the restaurant was situated across the street from one of the most beautiful beaches on long island and i was lucky enough to live above it. you see, the majority of the staff was from ireland, so our boss rented out the rooms to the waiters, thus giving me a view of the atlantic ocean from my bedroom window for two straight summers. i really had it made for those two summers which is evident by my basic day-to-day routine: 11:00 a.m. – wake up, head down to the beach (which may have been 50 steps from my front door) 3:00 p.m. – leave the beach after a long afternoon of chillin’, Frisbee, beers, etc.

3:30 p.m. – shower and eat a free meal prepared by our chef 4:30 p.m. - work the night shift – get paid 10:30 p.m. - close up shop and immediately begin drinking from the bar 12:00 a.m. - shower #2, head out to the bars

’ n i n Y R U T EnT TW

4:00 a.m. – eggs and waffles at salivar’s (dinner/bar in montauk) 2 advils in the morning - repeat barring a few incidents, (such as nearly falling into the marina on my 20th birthday and drowning and sustaining the worst sunburn ever having fallen asleep on the beach after a rough night) it was pretty much all the fun a kid in his early 20’s could have. the first summer i worked there was also the summer of the great ny blackout. it was around 3:30pm and we were getting ready to begin the night shift, when out of nowhere - everything shuts down. once it became clear this blackout was a statewide issue, we all banded together to pack the walkin freezer with ice and perishables and started boozing down at the beach. there was food prepped for the impending dinner rush that was going to go to waste, so we all dined on lobster and whatever else needed to be eaten and enjoyed the summer sunset over the ocean. even now as i write this, i think about how impossible it would be to do it all over again. so many of these memories hinge upon the freedom of being a 20-year-old with no real responsibility or debts. when i think about those days, i feel lucky that i took advantage of the situation and will always think back on those summers as some of the best i will ever have.

–Dan

this photo was actually taken on my twentieth birthday. like a good soldier you’ll notice that i was not at home on my couch, hungover, playing video games, but actually at work saving the world’s computers. i saved the day off for the day after my birthday for the most part. i bought myself that white shirt just to wear on my birthday. i don’t really know why i did, but even to this day i get myself a new shirt each year to rock on my birthday (and obviously after that). i don’t believe much in traditions but i haven’t found a reason to stop. also, i sorta drew myself a little mental time line while trying to find this photo of what happened to myself at twenty. after crawling through my archives of photos, i realized i got my first promotion that year, had my heart broken for the first time, moved off campus with my two great friends, started my first web comic, and quit i.t. to work for a beer distributor making signs. i forgot what a big year that was, and how much really changed that year.

–Rich

20 THOUGHTS On 20 toby had at least six staples in his head from where the beer bottle had hit him. he showed them to me when he came into the closet full of catering supplies i was organizing with a girl whose name i forget. having worked the front desk at a hotel, i’d listened to guests brag about which knuckles were no longer visible now because of past bar brawls. however, i had never met people who could cross the line between immature idiot and seeminglyresponsible semi-adult. i wanted to be more like toby. i didn’t want to be the very nice, very forgettable girl.

making new friends while away at school had been similar to mine: non-existant. given the opportunity, she was still not keen to partake in such immature pasttimes as drinking games and talk about porn. For that summer, i decided to not care about what she wanted to do. i let go of the me who cared too much about every school assignment, every trivial task at work, every calorie consumed.

For that summer, i had fun.

THiS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LiST,

BUT

walking that line was no easy task, though. toby, all of 21, declared that 20 is a waste of a birthday. i don’t know if it was a waste of a birthday, but it did become a 365day struggle of wanting to go crazy but also wanting to be that person others admired for having her shit together.

school started again and 20 became more painful. over the summer i had called up two guys i thought were a lot of fun sophomore year and who still hadn’t found an apartment. i proposed we all get an apartment together. i didn’t want to be in the dorms my junior year. i wanted to play poker at a kitchen table. i wanted a big refrigerator full of beer. i wanted to come home to senseless debates about Blade Runner or The Daily Show.

i’M TOO SLEEP

sophomore year ended before mother’s day of 2000. this meant i was home and working at the golf course long enough before my birthday that new people, fun people gave a shit about toasting my 20th. From that day on, i spent the rest of the summer drinking with a bunch of meatheads who happened to run the Food and beverage department of the golf course.

DEPRiVED TO

my new living situation turned out to be a field of emotional landmines. one roommate’s girlfriend hated me; he was never home. the other roommate was creepy to say the least. i ended up re-attaching myself to an exboyfriend’s hip and burrowing back into the cocoon of being that nice, quiet girl who cared too much about all the wrong things.

REMEMBER

SUCH A SnOOZE OF

A YEAR

while my mom thought this was great because my college experience thus far had been such a snooze of an experience (getting a job, making the dean’s list, being accepted to the school of Journalism a semester early...? boring.), my best friend was not impressed. her experience with party-ing and

when i think of 20, i think of a fat, moody, girl who really needed to stop wondering why no one noticed her and start taking a chance. luckily, 21 and all my capstone courses were right around the corner. after 365 days of 20, i was ready to start becoming that woman who could prioritize both work and fun.

—Madeline

U O Z iZ

AMY’S ADVEnTURES

H A R

M

ZEA

if your knowledge of new zealand is limited to Flight of the conchords, here are some facts for you:

a gigantic brochure (18 inches landscape) arrived from the university of missouri. heading south to live in a state that only pretended to side with the union did not sound appealing. but my first boyfriend loved missouri. his brothers went to school there. curious, i flipped through the brochure. it looked like every other scool. then a teeny tiny picture of a television studio lept out. an nbc affiliate? run by the school? sold. i was going to missouri-columbia. i had to get into the school of Journalism. i went to work at the station, running the telepromter and repackaging stories for msnbc. com. the broadcast students were obnoxious. by the time i applied to get into the school of Journalism, i had decided i hated tV people and applied to the magazine division. missouri is no new york, but i think it was a good place for me to be 20. thank you tiny picture.

W E n LAnD

W

when i was 20... i was studying abroad in new zealand! i was part of the pilot group from loyola college to study at university of auckland. which mainly meant that they bumped all our grades up half a grade because they were trying to work out how hard/ easy the classes were. highlights included: volcanoes, geysers and glaciers, seeing where lord of the rings was filmed, joining the drinking club (legal age there is 18) but avoiding the nitrous oxide club (actual clubs at the college), and getting an a for my final philosophy of the arts exam for forgetting quotes from any actual philosophers and instead choosing to quote nick hornby’s High Fidelity (“which came first, the music or the angst?”). and of

course it changed my life because i wound up going back for three more years after college.

–Amy

new zealand is an island country in the south-western pacific ocean comprising two main landmasses (commonly called the north island and the south island), and numerous smaller islands, most notably stewart island/rakiura and the chatham islands. the indigenous maori named new zealand aotearoa, commonly translated as the land of the long white cloud. the realm of new zealand also includes the cook islands and niue; tokelau; and the ross dependency (new zealand’s territorial claim in antarctica). new zealand is a developed country that ranks highly in international comparisons on human development, quality of life, life expectancy, literacy, public education, peace, prosperity, economic freedom, ease of doing business, lack of corruption, press freedom, and the protection of civil liberties and political rights. its cities also consistently rank among the world’s most liveable.

LOGO STUDY REViSiTED

Mini BOARD OVE

D

AR E H R

E H n T TAL

i OSPi H

since i’ve been out of the office, i haven’t been able to jot everyones quotes in my pad for future use in adw. that of course did not prevent me from keeping a list of quotes that were said in the hospital.

ADW FinGER On THE PULSE in last week’s ADW, one of amy’s complaints (in bbc) was about the Fox tweet peat of Fringe. in this week’s Entertainment Weekly (9/18) bullseye, they ask for the banning of all future tweet peat reruns from Fox. ADW, right on top of all things pop culture!

“No, not Asian” “Oh my god, I can’t wait for him to meet Tiny” “He’s even cuter today than he was yesterday” “Wow. That’s a cute baby, and I’ve seen some ugly babies” “If I can sleep, you can sleep, we all can sleep”

SPECiAL THAnKS i wanted to give a little shout out to everyone who pitched in for me while i was gone. From amy and Vicky (and the interns) taking care of all things Aspen, to rich and Jess printing the last issue of ADW while helping me wrangle content for this week. it was all very much appreciated as we here in casa Vega got acclimated to our newest family member. muchas gracias (sorry Jessica, you’re still not in the spanish club)!

“You don’t have to call me on Sunday I’m sure you’ll be busy” “Kal? That’s the whole name, not Kalvin or something like that”

I

i placed a last-minute bet that andy roddick would win wimbledon this year. mainly because he was the underdog and i like to play devil’s advocate.

of a horse. maybe that’s true. but maybe it was the logo that gave Federer the superhero boost he needed to claim his recordsmashing 15th grand slam title.

i realized my mistake not when roger Federer notched his 16th— and final—game of the fifth set to complete an epic victory, but when he went to accept that golden pineapple of a prize cup and i found myself blinded by another golden object: Federer’s custom-made logo by nike. only a certain kind of person has a logo. megastars, cultural icons, winners. who else has a logo? michael Jordan. tiger woods. the pope.

did roddick have a logo to counter Federer’s swiss cool? he did not. though maybe it would just be a picture of brooklyn decker. the message of that would be: yeah, this is my wife, i don’t need a logo.

your logo says a lot about you and your brand. whether you use sans serif or serif tells people if you’re high-class or accessible. your choice of color can mean you are either passionate or laidback, serious or fun. the simple, deconstructed, serifed gold “rF” of Federer’s logo wowed me with its beauty and its message. Federer’s logo says: i am fancy, swiss, a gentleman. tiger’s modern blocky sans serif logo proclaims: i’m pretty cool for a golfer. Jordan’s silhouetted spread-legged dunker rightfully claims: i don’t even need initials, because you know me just by my silhouette; that’s how famous i am. i know you think Federer won wimbledon because he has an amazing serve and the stamina

after all, if you’re a man with a logo and you lose a game, what do you do? you just go home, wrap yourself in your customdesigned swag and climb into your sheets covered with your initials. and if i had a logo, maybe i’d stop losing $20 bets.

–Amy

BiTCHES BE CRAZY amy’s list: ■ Jude law in Hamlet. don’t bring your girlfriend-knocking up butt over here. and who ever envisioned hamlet with spiky hair? lines for brunch. i guess brunch is the dinner of the ’00s, but when i have to wait a half hour at my local coFFee shop for breakfast, i think there’s a problem. at that time of day i need my food and coffee Fast.

■

■ roger Federer. boy am i glad someone else won. i’d like to not see the man cry ever again

20 in 2029 When you’re 20, the last thing you are thinking about being is a parent. Now in my 30s, I can happily say I am the proud parent of two. The latest of whom was born last Friday 9/11.

I’ll have more of that story next week when our issue’s theme is My Better Half. For now, here are some pics from Kal’s first week.

ADW

(& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& (& art department weekly issue 20 vol. 1

(& top model 20 new zealand dan’s day logos with amy 20 thoughts PLus: mizzou turnin’ 20 bitch be crazy 1996 music