Art Department Weekly | Issues 21-30 Vol. 1 by Art Department Weekly

better half application Since I don’t have a girlfriend to write about for the “better half” edition of ADW and I am not the type to write about my mom (apologies to anyone who does write about their mom—I am sure she is lovely), I devised this application to facilitate the process of finding that special gal. Ladies, please answer honestly. –DRM Name:

5.) Describe what you see?

DOB:

8. How good are you at Nintendo Wii?

ADW

art department weekly issue 21 vol. 1

a) What’s a Wii?

Height:

b) I play on occasion.

Allergies:

c) I have developed Carpal Tunnel from Wii Sports Resort.

1. I look for _______ in a man. a) Humor b) Sense of Style c) A trust fund 2. A perfect Saturday night is: a) Dinner with some friends. b) A quiet night at home. c) Partying until I puke into my Hello Kitty backpack. 3. Most of my favorite movies are: a) Comedies b) Dramas c) Anything with vampires— they’re so dreamy.

_______________________________ _______________________________ _______________________________ 6. If I came home and found Dan watching the Yankee game, yelling at the TV, I would… a) Roll my eyes and call him a loser.

9. Lightning round… Greatest Fear _______________________________ Biggest Accomplishment _______________________________ Longest Friendship _______________________________ Biggest Weakness/Vice

b) Ask what the score is and take a seat.

_______________________________

c) Demand the remote and turn on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Worst Habit

7. My ideal vacation destination is…

10. Describe yourself in 5 words.

_______________________________

4. I wear Ugg boots because a) They are stylish. b) They are comfortable. c) They hide my clubfoot and/or tribal ankle tattoo.

a) A tropical island b) A snowy mountain

_______________________________

c) A foreign city _______________________________ ________________________________

work spouses sunday funnies Luis’ love a love supreme PLus: bitches be crazY fantasy love comic couples Tom top 10

Mini boArD oVe rt A n i

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10. he laughs at everything. you probably already know this. but as a result, i feel really really funny.

“I feel really full, bloated and greasy”

9. he says things like, “you look great in those gym shorts.” what?

—vicky

“Oooh, maybe I should have a tweet list”

8. he likes to do silly things, like go to iceland and crash parties (see photo... not our sofa. not his hat. in fact i don’t even know the people whose apartment this is.)

—luis

“Nobody can sharpen a pencil without you putting in your two cents” —scott

reQUeSt of the WeeK text says it all... “can we remove camel toe?”

Art DepArtMent offSprinG pics of the next generation of art departmenteers... or mlb players!

“Sheryl and I were in Venice, it was very romantic” —stefanie

“My mom nearly married a Mexican” —meghan

“You two look like your’e up to no good over there” —luis

“I’m tired of the ’tude” —meghan

M o t p

7. he has a large vocabulary and peppers it ostentatiously into conversation.

it was one of those moments. you know, the kind where a half-baked fantasy materializes right in front of you, eerily hand-delivered, and you freeze, unsure of the joint impulse behind what was once a ﬂight of fancy but now can mean so much more, and frightened by the idea of projecting forward something ordinarily so fraught with uncertainty. except we didn’t freeze. no, amy and i just logged right on to icelandair’s website and booked ourselves some absurdly affordable airfare through london and paris (the aforementioned fantasy, with a bonus reykjavik stopover). what, you ask, could be so scary about that? our relationship, as wonderful and fulfilling as it had been to that

6. he’s from new Jersey. i know, awesome right? point, was barely twice as long (six months) as the time until the trip would occur. and the trip was 12 days long. let’s be honest: a lot can go wrong in either of those time frames. but i was overjoyed to have the chance to revisit europe—more than nine years since my first and only visit—with someone as excited to go with me as i was with her. and what’s ordinarily supposed to generate pause, consternation, maybe lachrymose discussions of “what if”s, didn’t even register for us; it never has. it was then i realized something. turns out it wasn’t about a fantasy getaway to london and paris anymore. it was solely about being there with her. –Tom Gottlieb

5. he’s afraid of bees, and rats, and will screech and run away. this somehow makes him more manly. 4. he cooks! and cleans! really well! 3. he’s just as good at math as he is at language. 2. he’s color blind, so it’s really fun to play trivial pursuit because he doesn’t know which color you landed on and therefore what question to ask. 1. i guess i can’t say anything dirty... so... he’s a standup kinda guy, to all his friends, his family... and his lady friend. —Amy

no matter how much time you think you see and spend time with your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, brother or sister, the work place is more than just a place of work. you come in at 9 and leave at 6. From eating breakfast, and having coffee, to deciding what, when, and who to eat lunch with, making everyday important decisions, laughing, yelling, talking, joking around with, and venting to, it’s easy to notice different working relationships in the office. one of these increasingly prevalent relationships is the 9-6 marriage. sometimes it just makes more sense to have a purely platonic girlfriend or boyfriend at the office—a “work spouse,” if you will. with a 9-to-6 marriage, a “couple” gets support without the hassle of a romantic entanglement. after all, with the amount of time we spend at work it’s not unusual to become close with our colleagues. october 2005 is when i got acquainted with michael capace. i thought he was so loud and obnoxious. he passed my desk in the hallway all the time, with just a smile. not really caring who he was because i knew if my boss didn’t introduce me to him when i first got hired that i didn’t really need to pay attention to him. but as the weeks went by, he asked to be introduced to me by someone in the office. after that day it was all downhill from there. even though Jason approached me one day while walking down the halls talking on his cell phone and

SUnDAY fUnnieS

WorK SpoUSe

walking clients around, he stopped at my desk. not knowing who he was, he proceeded to tell me that i should leave mike alone that he is not single and loves his girlfriend very much. appalled by such accusations being made of me—especially since i just started working with the company. who would have thought that four years down the road he has become my better half at niche. most of you would like to believe your own stories about mike and i, but he truly is my 9-6 spouse without the romantic ties, but plenty of bickering. throughout the past four years he has been very annoying, childish, ﬂirtatious, loud, short tempered, and obnoxious. but he has also been kind and considerate, genuine, full of great knowledge, work related and not. he’s a great person who will listen to every sinGle complaint i have, and for those of you that are my near and dear friends, you know i complain a lot. ;) he is always there for me when i need something, whether it’s a favor or a dollar or a peach from Jason’s office. thank goodness it is only a 9-6 thing because i don’t think i could ever handle him more than that. and thank God he is also on the way-opposite side of the building, and i only have to deal with him when he passes through the halls, visits it, or just to stick his finger in my ear. yuck! with that all said, thank you mike for being my 9-6! and kudos to antonella for being his real everyday wife and dealing with him from 6pm to 9am. she’s a sweetheart and i give her lots of credit! –Jessica

SY A t fAn

e V lo here’s how you know it’s love.

bitcheS

my diehard cowboys fan boyfriend sent me this the day after his fantasy football draft:

be crAZY

“Santonio Holmes and the Defense. Oh yeah, I drafted that Steelers kicker just for you.”

amy’s list: ■ mcdonald’s isn’t the whole point of this place to be fast food? every time i go into mcdonald’s lately (that’s right, i’m a frequent customer) i have to wait at least 10 minutes for my food because they have to cook it. and all i ordered was a cheeseburger. shouldn’t there be some already made? meGHan’s list: ■ late trains monday morning my 7:03 am train showed up and 7:43! wtF???? new Jersey transit is the devil. ■ Commercials that show food after 7 pm. everyone’s always all, americans are such fatties, but turn on the tv after 7 and all you see are burger commercials, each one looking more delicious than the next. how is anyone supposed to keep from late-night eating with that in front of them! ■ people who hover behind you in the kitchen waiting to get into the fridge when you’re getting water or ice from the thing on the door. back up and gimme some room! or i might accidentally trip and spill my water on you. word.

it may not be a ring:

my husband Jeff and i are kind of a comedy duo, with me playing the spastic ham and Jeff as the straight man (both literally and figuratively, luckily for me, as i have absolutely no gaydar). my favorite scenes from our marriage are the ones that unfold over the sunday new york times magazine crossword puzzle. here is but one example of our sunday kind of love: una: babe, this one is four letters and the clue is “sale locale.” the last two letters are rd. Jeff: well, what’s the clue on top? una: “without an out.” Jeff: at bat? una: yes! you’re a genius .... so that leaves t_rd.

Jeff: turd! una: it is not turd. there is no such thing as a turd sale. Jeff: what about fertilizer? una: will shortz would not use the word “turd” in the sunday puzzle. could it be “tard”? is there such a thing as a “tard sale?” no, that’s impossible. Jeff: what, like retard? so you think there is a retard sale but no turd sale. una: um.... Jeff: oh, it’s not “at bat”; it must be “at bay,” making it a yard sale. una: oh. right. Jeff: i got you at the ‘tard sale. una: shut up!

but i certainly love these diamonds:

–Jill

SUnDAY fUnnieS

WorK SpoUSe

SY A t fAn

e V lo here’s how you know it’s love.

bitcheS

my diehard cowboys fan boyfriend sent me this the day after his fantasy football draft:

be crAZY

“Santonio Holmes and the Defense. Oh yeah, I drafted that Steelers kicker just for you.”

it may not be a ring:

but i certainly love these diamonds:

–Jill

after an hour (closer to two) of dishes and regular 7-minute contractions, i ask madeline what she wants to do. “we should go for a walk.” a walk? i thought, shouldn’t you be in pain... not madeline. so we get dressed and head out for a 4-mile walk. (again, she asks if i’ll be okay on this walk.) the contractions slow down, maybe 20 minutes apart. i think we’re out of the woods for the day. but as we get home and start to relax, they start coming every five minutes or so.

MY loVe

how could i possibly put into words what my wife means to me. simply put, she is my everything. i think the best way to sum her up is to go through the highlights of the day our son, kal, was born. madeline started having contractions at about 3:30 a.m. did she panic, nope. she simply stayed in bed. at about 4:30 a.m. when she reached for the watch to start timing contractions, i asked, “do we need to start being concerned about these?” nope, she said. “i feel okay... we should go do the dishes.” we had an ungodly amount of dishes, but don’t you think someone expecting her first child would be more worried about her contractions—the pain here and now, not tomorrow’s chores? not madeline; she wants to take care of the house first. she is never frazzled. she never freaks out. she keeps everything at an even keel and simply deals with it. she is the most patient and calm person i know. an absoltue star. but i digress.

after an hour of steady 5-minute contractions, we decide to call the doctor. we had a 6 p.m. appointment scheduled for our 39th week visit, but it was only about 1:30 at this point. we call the doctor who says if the pain becomes unbearable, come in earlier. madeline suggests i give my beard a trim (again, not thinking about herself although she’s in labor.... easily the most giving person i know). at 3 p.m. we head to the doctors office. upon arrival we learn we are 6 centimeters dialated. we will be having a baby tonight. the doctor suggests we get to the hospital as soon as possible. so what do madeline and i do? she’s already decided she can get through the last three centimeters without drugs, so we go to mcdonald’s. we sit down, have a quick bite and then walk over to the hospital. when we get there, we had dialated another centimeter. we were progressing very well. the kicker to all of this is that the water never broke. madeline was game when told our baby could be born in his water sac—rare and technically more painful. we started pushing at 10:30 p.m. and kal was born at 12:06 a.m. all in all, it was an amazing day, made even more special because i got to share it with the person i love more than life itself.

coMic

coUpleS

’S Y n ho

Ant tter be f

as our resident comic book expert (geek), i wanted to give you my list of the top 10 comic couples:

hAl

10. madman/luna Joe 9. dick Grayson/barbara Gordon 8. black panther/storm 7. reed richards/susan richards

when presented with this issues topic, mr. arias simply stated “um, my left side.” here it is:

6. apollo/midnighter 5. oliver Queen/dinah lance 4. scott summers/Jean Grey 3. piotr rasputin/kitty pryde 2. peter parker/mary Jane watson 1. clark kent/lois lane she’s the perfect big city gal to the smalltown farmboy. she is strong and confident while never hesitating to speak her mind. he is the greatest hero ever, while grounded with the midwest values with which he was raised. she is quite the simply the yin to his yang.

i  YoU last night i fell asleep on the couch. i had given up. i was obviously not going to get to assemble the musical device for kal’s bassinet. i was not going to get to work on ADW. i was not going to even get to clean his infected belly button. i gave up. we fell asleep just before sunset. the sky was almost completely dark when i woke in a panic. Where’s the second baby?

i looked around the room for a moment before i realized i was just having some trippy dream. later, though, i realized i was probably dreaming about kal’s tendency to transform at sunset like a werewolf in full moon. lv asked me to quickly fill this spot. as i started to make a mental list of the differences between my two kals and hurry us out the door for a morning walk, kal set about proving that there is only one kal and it’s me who has the split personalities.

so, i won’t describe how uncooperative 2-week-old babies can be. also, as long as lv wants to say “we” for dialated and pushing, let me tell you what a superstar kal was in utero. babies are supposed to twist around and face their mom’s spines when getting ready to enter the world. kal waited until the very last minute. supposing he had turned earlier, i wouldn’t have had crazy back labor and then i might never have known he was coming at all. babies heads are also supposd to engage in the pelvis. i wanted to avoid the water breaking, which should have happened on one of those 4-plus-mile walks. he ﬂoated around instead. no waddling, no water breaking. best of all: we never had morning sickness. he’s still a star on the outside, eating every two hours, letting me clean his belly button with rubbing alcohol, and agreeing to a bath.

luckily, anthony keeps sheniqua’s number handy for when he needs more than his left side.

MY loVe

coMic

coUpleS

’S Y n ho

Ant tter be f

as our resident comic book expert (geek), i wanted to give you my list of the top 10 comic couples:

hAl

10. madman/luna Joe 9. dick Grayson/barbara Gordon 8. black panther/storm 7. reed richards/susan richards

when presented with this issues topic, mr. arias simply stated “um, my left side.” here it is:

luckily, anthony keeps sheniqua’s number handy for when he needs more than his left side.

Mini boArD oVe rt A n i

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10. he laughs at everything. you probably already know this. but as a result, i feel really really funny.

“I feel really full, bloated and greasy”

9. he says things like, “you look great in those gym shorts.” what?

—vicky

“Oooh, maybe I should have a tweet list”

8. he likes to do silly things, like go to iceland and crash parties (see photo... not our sofa. not his hat. in fact i don’t even know the people whose apartment this is.)

—luis

“Nobody can sharpen a pencil without you putting in your two cents” —scott

reQUeSt of the WeeK text says it all... “can we remove camel toe?”

Art DepArtMent offSprinG pics of the next generation of art departmenteers... or mlb players!

“Sheryl and I were in Venice, it was very romantic” —stefanie

“My mom nearly married a Mexican” —meghan

“You two look like your’e up to no good over there” —luis

“I’m tired of the ’tude” —meghan

M o t p

7. he has a large vocabulary and peppers it ostentatiously into conversation.

5.) Describe what you see?

DOB:

8. How good are you at Nintendo Wii?

ADW

art department weekly issue 21 vol. 1

a) What’s a Wii?

Height:

b) I play on occasion.

Allergies:

c) I have developed Carpal Tunnel from Wii Sports Resort.

9. Lightning round… Greatest Fear _______________________________ Biggest Accomplishment _______________________________ Longest Friendship _______________________________ Biggest Weakness/Vice

b) Ask what the score is and take a seat.

_______________________________

c) Demand the remote and turn on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Worst Habit

7. My ideal vacation destination is…

10. Describe yourself in 5 words.

_______________________________

4. I wear Ugg boots because a) They are stylish. b) They are comfortable. c) They hide my clubfoot and/or tribal ankle tattoo.

a) A tropical island b) A snowy mountain

_______________________________

c) A foreign city _______________________________ ________________________________

work spouses sunday funnies Luis’ love a love supreme PLus: bitches be crazY fantasy love comic couples Tom top 10

Happiest Puppies meter • My neighbors’ screaming waking the baby

• Anything placed just out of my reach (but still only as far as the coffee table)

• Baby’s resusal to sleep during the day

ADW

art department weekly issue 22 vol. 1

• Cat’s hunger strike/ aggressiveness toward other cat

• Campaign ads

• My plant’s slow death

• Facebook friend requests from family

• LXTV at 5 p.m. • Looking up words like “otitis” because I’ve been doing too much digging around on aap.org

• LIbrary books • Typing (and designing) with two hands (and a Wacom)

• Patience • Needing to do something about rapidly growing baby fingenails

• Water • Things to laugh about

• Fall TV

• Walks with the stroller

• Ripping off EW’s bullseye because I only have one hand and it would take too much effort to make an illustration of a diaper pale with balled up diapers on the floor around it

• Walks with the sling • Microphone stand for Sing Star • Guilt after bitching about something (i.e. fussy baby) and then having the situation correct itself

• My mom

• Sing Star’s abiiity to quiet fussy baby

• Having to resize objects/images by typing in a percentage

• DVR

• Looking up “vacuui” and then wondering if it should be “hora” instead of “horror”

• Sports Illustrated’s idea to put Mariano on the cover

• Typing (and designing) with one hand

• My mom’s self-published novel • Limited menu options for a month

list searching work will take a hike warning signs PLus: bitch be crazY light scenes sonic star wars conga

miNi BOArD OVE rt A N i D

R A E RH

“I’m more of a bitch than weird” —Jessica

“You look like sardines in a can with no oil” —Jason

“Anthony loves hearing he’s in your dreams” —luis

“I’m gonna be really irregular” —anthony

reQuest OF tHe WeeK

“imaging remove dracula collar please.” (it’s actually a pillow)

“I think she was a ho, but whatever” —meghan

*KeepiNG reGuLAr

we learned last week, that meghan often shares her Fiber one bars with anthony. when she threatened to withhold said bars... hilarity ensued.

emAiL OF tHe WeeK

please treat me like i have never even used a computer before and maybe i’ll understand what you’re talking about.

“Do I look like Bruce Willis” —rich

“That’s so Jersey” —meghan

“After the jokes last week about irregularity, this weekend was tough*” —anthony

WArNiNG siGNs amy sent in the following article she thought would be an interesting read. back in april you might recall that we’d posted about the French edition of ELLE publishing an issue of the magazine featuring stars and models with no makeup and no photoshopping. a stunt for sure, though not nearly as bad as those awful, pandering dove ads. while it seemed like just a one-off, it apparently had an effect on the consciousness of the French populace as a potential law has been introduced that would require printed warnings over photographs that had been digitally manipulated to alter/slim a person’s body. its purpose would be to curb anorexia, bulimia, and other illnesses created by the desire to look like the highly airbrushed, ultra-thin models and actors in magazines and on billboards. and should the law pass and the government doesn’t see a label? a massive fine that could be as high as “50

percent of the cost of the publicity campaign.” here’s a bit: campaigning mp Valerie boyer, of president nicolas sarkozy’s Ump party, said the wording should read ”retouched photograph aimed at changing a person’s physical appearance”. mrs. boyer, who has also written a government report on anorexia and obesity, added, “we want to combat the stereotypical image that all women are young and slim.”

IF I LIVED NEAR SONIC...

i’d be fat. i would try everything on the menu. twice. they have Fritos chili cheese pie on the menu which is the best gastro-invention ever. in fact, sonic encourages you to add chili to everything you possibly can. chili on your tots? chili on your burger? chili on your sundae? okay, i made that last one up.

H C t Bi

BeZY

CrA

aMY’s list: ■ Bubbles why does everyone want bubbles on their pages? ■ nicknames too many nicknames. everybody/thing does not need a nickname.

Jersey bashing these bitches both be from Jersey. watch it! ■

■ commercials being louder than tv shows. mad men is the worst culprit. it’s all quiet and moody and then bam, Fiber one bars are screaming at you to buy them.

Meghan’s list: whoops... meghan didn’t provide a list this week.

WOrK WiLL & testAmeNt

tAKe A HiKe! this past saturday, i took the metro north up to my dad’s place for a little stroll in the woods. my dad and i drove up to sleepy hollow/tarrytown to hike around the rockefeller estate. rockefeller’s megalomaniac ass bought up 24 acres of property in the headless horseman’s ’hood back in the day, which is now home to miles of great hiking trails. if you’ve never been up to sleepy hollow, the town has a great 1600’s colonial charm that is peppered with cool little shops. seemingly, sleepy hollow is only second to salem, ma, when it comes to getting into the halloween spirit. although i went up there a tad early for halloween, the town is already abuzz with the legend of icabod crane with posters for midnight hay rides… but back to the hike. if you are the outdoorsy type, these trails would be right up your alley. long and winding, they carve a path through the woods, passing running creeks, a lake and the hudson river. the trails i walked down were not challenging at all, so don’t feel like you need to be an expert ala sly stallone in Cliffhanger to enjoy yourself. if running is your pastime of choice, these trails are perfect for a fall jog. the only con about these trails is the endless amount of horse shit

you have to dodge. suspiciously, i must have seen 30 piles of horse crap to only four horses during my 3-hour hike. this leads me to believe these horses need to lay off the bran, or the headless horseman’s steed is alive and well, haunting those woods. after seeing all that horse crap, we got pretty hungry and drove into tarrytown for a burger. the restaurant we went to, sweetgrass, seemed like a place you would find off of 31st ave. in astoria. it had a cool homegrown vibe, reasonably priced menu and hearty beers on tap. my dad and i both enjoyed a bison burger with cheese and pickled green tomatoes washed down by a nice wheat beer. once finished, my dad and i hopped back in his car where he dropped me off at the dobbs Ferry station on the metro north. i caught a 7:20pm train and was home by 8:35pm to finish watching the yanks beat down the red sox. if you’re in the mood to get out of the city and enjoy the beautiful new york countryside, i would totally suggest a relaxing afternoon at the rockefeller estate. —DRM Rockefeller State Park Preserve Route 117 (one mile east of Route 9) Pocantico Hills, NY 10591 (914) 631-1470 www.nysparks.com

By Una to meghan, i bequeath the free orbitz gum i got that one time i was sent a swag bag. you can also have my dirty gym clothes, which will probably still be in there.

FALL iN LiNe the new stadium with the largest lcd screen on the planet. also, we get to find out if this flawed-yettalented team can make the playoffs. i’m hoping they can, but a lot depends on tony romo’s leadership and decision making (leadership wise, dumping Jessica simpson in the pre-season was a step in the right direction).

to anthony, i leave my yellow bowl. eat your oatmeal in it and think of me. to amy, i give my rahm emanuel and coach eric taylor eye candy (taped to the bottom of my computer). you are welcome. luis, i don’t have anything that i think you’d want, but i would like you to make a memorial ADW issue with a big picture of my face on it, and poems that will make people cry. karen, you can have the photo of me and Jeff. Feel free to X out my face. :) tom, there is a tootsie roll bank in the little cubby hole next to my phone. i want you to take that change and fund an Una lamarche memorial chicken nugget eating contest. once that is over, i want the winner to throw a shroud over my desk, and then i want everyone to stand in a circle, clasp hands, and sing a moving a cappella version of “we belong” by pat benatar. these are my wishes.

as the air starts to become a little brisker and the leaves start to turn more orange, the world becomes a sports nirvana. the culmination of the long baseball season takes place in the fall classic, the world series. if you’re a yankee fan, that means you’ve been able to celebrate more than any other squad. this season looks especially sweet, as the yankees ride into the playoffs with the best record in baseball. Fall also sees the dawn of the new football season. every team starts with a clean slate, and for at least the first week you can hope that your team will run the table and compete (okay maybe not if you’re a browns fan... sorry, cleveland). as a cowboys fan, the new season brings the opening of

if roundball is your fancy, late fall brings the start of the nba season. can the lakers challenge the bulls all-time mark of 70 wins? (i don’t think so, but i do think 65 wins is achievable.) will shaq and king James be able to co-exist? will the return of kg make boston a contendor again? if you’re into college sports, college football is smack dab in the middle of their season and college basketball is just tipping off. the hockey puck also gets dropped for a new season in the fall. do people still watch hockey? karen rose will tell you yes; i’m skeptical. christmas may be the most wonderful time of the year for most, but if you’re a sports fan like i am, it’s pretty hard to beat the fall. a special shout-out to my very patient wife who never complains as i go from the yes network to sportscenter to nFl network to tnt to catch up on the goings on of my favorite squads.

s K BOO e WiKe L The Yankee Years a wonderful account of Joe torre’s dozen years at the helm of the new york yankees. at heart, the book is about trust and what happens when that trust is broken. games are recounted in great detail, but the passages i was most drawn to were those on the human elements of the player’s ego and torre’s deft handling of often explosive situations. the book also offers a rare and unprecendented look into not only the club house (cone, Jeter, giambi and pettitte are some of the current players who speak on the record), but also to the front office (and the changing face of statistical analysis) of the yankees. this book is a great read for both sports and non-sports fan alike.

List seArCHiNG

LiGHt

sCeNes PE•JO•RA•TIVE

| p ’jôr tiv | adj. having a disparaging, derogatory, or belittling effect or force: the pejorative afﬁx -ling in princeling. e

meetiNG DOODLes WitH ANtHONY

i’m a compulsive doodler—this meeting had me going—the big boss man delivering his wise words—halloween imagery—c.r.e.a.m.— and other nonsense passing through the pen. all i kept hearing is fill the page tony—a true representation of horror vacuui (look it up). lac should be proud. —Font Master Flex

when i was taking photography in college, my favorite way to photograph was time lapse. there was something about an over exposed scene at night which made the world look so surreal that i just love. From there i started to enjoy painting with light. here are some i did with nothing more than a tripod and one of those sticky lights you put in your closet. i also like to play with hrd photos whenever i get the chance. even though i haven’t had one successful hdr shot as of yet (that stuff is crazy hard yo), i hope to master it soon so i can combine it with my light painting. —Rich

it’s taken me all of four months to put together something worthy of an ADW submission, but my excuse is that i spent a good chunk of this past summer entwined in the drama and complications that come with relocating to a new city and basically not having a home for a whole summer. (i lived in three different places in and around nyc, but that is a small price to pay in comparison to moving back home with my parents in california). the apartment search is finally over. here is a brief look into my experience... i moved into my new apartment in brooklyn about a month ago. it’s a small but very cute 3-bedroom apartment in williamsburg, complete with a bkstandard mouse named herman and an old italian landlady who lives down the street and loves treating us like her grandchildren (except for when she accuses us of being the rowdy troublemakers who have parties upstairs and drunkenly throw empty beer

bottles off the roof, only half of which is true). in a compromise with my roommates, i ended up in the room with no windows but have a very fancy ceiling fan. it makes up for the cave-like atmosphere in there. Faced with my lack of furniture—all i had salvaged from my apartment in boston was my mattress, my dresser, a mirror, and an obtrusively large painting of my favorite outfit which i had done for my sophomore painting class in college (image tk)—i had quite the problem to solve. enter craigslist: the mecca for all things cheap and sketchy. (i’m describing things and/ or people here.) the “Free” category is an oftvisited link by my friends and me, considering my limited funds and my willingness in these tough times to pick up any scrap i see on the street (what bedbugs?). so i began my search for the necessities of living comfortably. and here is a snippet of what i found:

s r A W r A st

A G ON

gina styled and took the below shots. star wars kubriks dancing in a conga line... you can almost hear the melodious tunes of the max rebo band (meghan, they’re awesome... trust me)

“Grevious is a great dancer” —gina

so if you’re ever in search of free, potentially used asian food for your pantry, craigslist is the way to go. as for me, i think i’ll give craigslist a break for now. anyone have an desk they’d like to get rid of? ;) —Sheryl

List seArCHiNG

LiGHt

sCeNes PE•JO•RA•TIVE

| p ’jôr tiv | adj. having a disparaging, derogatory, or belittling effect or force: the pejorative afﬁx -ling in princeling. e

meetiNG DOODLes WitH ANtHONY

s r A W r A st

A G ON

gina styled and took the below shots. star wars kubriks dancing in a conga line... you can almost hear the melodious tunes of the max rebo band (meghan, they’re awesome... trust me)

“Grevious is a great dancer” —gina

WOrK WiLL & testAmeNt

By Una to meghan, i bequeath the free orbitz gum i got that one time i was sent a swag bag. you can also have my dirty gym clothes, which will probably still be in there.

miNi BOArD OVE rt A N i D

R A E RH

“I’m more of a bitch than weird” —Jessica

“You look like sardines in a can with no oil” —Jason

“Anthony loves hearing he’s in your dreams” —luis

“I’m gonna be really irregular” —anthony

reQuest OF tHe WeeK

“imaging remove dracula collar please.” (it’s actually a pillow)

“I think she was a ho, but whatever” —meghan

*KeepiNG reGuLAr

we learned last week, that meghan often shares her Fiber one bars with anthony. when she threatened to withhold said bars... hilarity ensued.

emAiL OF tHe WeeK

please treat me like i have never even used a computer before and maybe i’ll understand what you’re talking about.

“Do I look like Bruce Willis” —rich

“That’s so Jersey” —meghan

“After the jokes last week about irregularity, this weekend was tough*” —anthony

IF I LIVED NEAR SONIC...

H C t Bi

BeZY

CrA

aMY’s list: ■ Bubbles why does everyone want bubbles on their pages? ■ nicknames too many nicknames. everybody/thing does not need a nickname.

Jersey bashing these bitches both be from Jersey. watch it! ■

■ commercials being louder than tv shows. mad men is the worst culprit. it’s all quiet and moody and then bam, Fiber one bars are screaming at you to buy them.

Meghan’s list: whoops... meghan didn’t provide a list this week.

Happiest Puppies meter • My neighbors’ screaming waking the baby

• Anything placed just out of my reach (but still only as far as the coffee table)

• Baby’s resusal to sleep during the day

ADW

art department weekly issue 22 vol. 1

• Cat’s hunger strike/ aggressiveness toward other cat

• Campaign ads

• My plant’s slow death

• Facebook friend requests from family

• LXTV at 5 p.m. • Looking up words like “otitis” because I’ve been doing too much digging around on aap.org

• LIbrary books • Typing (and designing) with two hands (and a Wacom)

• Patience • Needing to do something about rapidly growing baby fingenails

• Water • Things to laugh about

• Fall TV

• Walks with the stroller

• Ripping off EW’s bullseye because I only have one hand and it would take too much effort to make an illustration of a diaper pale with balled up diapers on the floor around it

• Walks with the sling • Microphone stand for Sing Star • Guilt after bitching about something (i.e. fussy baby) and then having the situation correct itself

• My mom

• Sing Star’s abiiity to quiet fussy baby

• Having to resize objects/images by typing in a percentage

• DVR

• Looking up “vacuui” and then wondering if it should be “hora” instead of “horror”

• Sports Illustrated’s idea to put Mariano on the cover

• Typing (and designing) with one hand

• My mom’s self-published novel • Limited menu options for a month

list searching work will take a hike warning signs PLus: bitch be crazY light scenes sonic star wars conga

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 23 VOL. 1

FIRE SAFETY WALL ART PRIME NUMBER UKRANIAN ADVENTURES CONTINUED PLUS: APPLE PICKING BITCHES BE CRAZY LOVELY BONES ART POLL

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I D

R A E RH

“She’s the muscle” —Anthony

“The home team is responsible for rubbing the balls” —Meghan

“Maybe Vicky will outsource her contributions to the interns and they can do it” —Anthony

“It was a Spanish Club assignment”

FALSE ADVERTISING

I received an email with the subject line “Sexy Thursday”... I was intrigued, I clicked open and was met with multiple pictures of Josh Groban. Sexy... not so much.

—Luis

“It’s a pouch, you know, that stays with you” —Jessica

“Cry me a river, here’s a paddle” —Rich

“Constipation is not sexy” —Anthony

R.I.P.

The magazine world got a little smaller this week with the untimely closing of Gourmet, Cookie, Elegant Bride and Modern Bride. All will be missed.

“I’m more Jack than Sawyer” —Anthony

UKRANIAN ADVENTURES CONT. Our mornings started at 7:30 a.m. sharp, and every day I woke up thinking, “Dear God, why so early!” One morning when my husband, Denis, was already up, he took a bucket of ice cold water and poured it all over me. I don’t understand how he was ﬁlled with so much energy considering we were out clubbing the night before. There were trips to museums daily as well as relaxation time in the Black Sea. After a few days, I adapted to the drill. “Yes, Sergeant Denis!”

I always consider the best places for the best prices. Yet it seemed everywhere we went, we found ourselves in a beautiful place with excellent prices. I loved it!

No matter what activity we were doing, each day felt as though the Greek Gods were smiling on us with perfect weather and a gorgeous and peaceful sea.

Another thing I loved about this city was swimming in the Black Sea. The water temperature in September was perfect. A few seconds after entering, it feels warm and just right. Every day we went swimming and took a motorboat out with some of our friends. On the boat we drank local wine and ate our favorite salty fish. That was truly the best fish I have ever tasted. Just thinking about makes me crave it. That salty fish brought back memories of my first date with Denis, which made it extra special. Awww how cute :)

Telling you about the museums would be similar to recounting the history of this incredible city. Sevastopol is a very ancient place that began with a small Greek colony in the late A.D. It went from Greek to

While out on the Black Sea, a family of dolphins swam right next to us. It was a magical moment where animals and humans lived in perfect harmony until Denis jumped in the water and scared them away.

...each day felt as though the Greek Gods were smiling on us... Roman to the Byzantine Empire to Turkey. After the Crimean War in 1856 was lost to the French and English, Sevastopol was returned to Russia. In the 1940s Germans occupied it for a few years until May 9, 1944, when the Red Army took it back once and for all. Ironically, Denis and I met for the ﬁrst time on May 9th of 2009. One thing I noticed about Sevastopol is that the people are very patriotic; they love and respect their city. Just think about how many people live in New York and hate it. They hate it and love it at the same time—usually because they are forced to live there. However, in Sevastopol I never heard anyone say anything negative, except when locals brought up the amount of tourists. Primarily, because of the amount of garbage tourists leave on the beaches and in parks. Back when this city was closed except to the military and their families, people could eat off the ground; it was spotless. What a shame. Clean up after yourself! One of my favorite things in Sevastopol were the prices and the exchange rate. As a New York City girl,

On our trip, Denis and I climbed a few rocks and cliffs and even explored the ancient fortress built by Greeks, located on the top of a mountain. At first I was frightened to climb that high, but Sergeant Denis convinced me. When we reached the top, I felt as if I were in heaven. Until Denis pulled me right down from the sky. “What goes up, must come down.” It was a very long journey down to the beach away from the city. This beach could only be reached by foot around the mountains or by boat. After a three-hour hike we finally reached the beach with pebbles. Our friend’s boat picked us up and we went around the coast. Denis pointed to a brown wooden barrel on top of the mountain we just circled around. “Look,” he said. “That is the barrel with no floor. Greeks placed unfaithful wives there and yanked the floor under their feet.” Immediately I said, “And what would Greeks do with their unfaithful husbands?” Probably nothing. Give them hero names? Build them statues?... *Due to lack of space, we at ADW ran all of Olga’s images on the cover.

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA

AMY’S LIST: ■ Being left high and dry to bitch alone. Bitching alone is no fun. I’m like the old woman wandering down the street muttering to herself. ■ My mom on Facebook. Or is it hilarious?

People who aren’t coming to the Mischief Ball! ■

MEGHAN’S LIST: ■ Gym hover-ers. Yes, hovering of any sort is sort of a theme with me, but today I was on the hip abduction machine at the gym and a dude actually came up and stood over me waiting for me to get up and move! So of course I kept going... And going. And he kept standing there, waiting. I ﬁnally turned and looked up at him with a snotty look on my face and he quickly looked away, BUT DIDN’T MOVE!!! At this point I really wanted to physically hurt him, but I know how strong and dangerous I’ve become since I’ve been pumping iron, so I decided I better not punch his lights out, lest I do some real damage. ■ Ear picking in public. So this morning on the train in, the dude sitting next to me was intent on picking something out of his ear. Ew. Ew. Ew. No one wants to see that—or be in the seat with you while you do it!

People watching themselves in mirrors as they work out. Extremely lame. ■

FIRE SAFETY I watched a rerun of The Office recently—the episode where Ryan starts a fire in the toaster and they all kill time outside playing games. I am bored and we just had a fire drill, and now I am going to play with myself. That sounds wrong. You know what I mean.

’ N I EX

DESERT ISLAND

Z L L KI

Movies National Lampoon’s European Vacation (Do not hate; this is a masterpiece) The Sure Thing (highly underrated ’80s John Cusack vehicle) Singin’ In the Rain

I got invited to be a part of this wall a few month ago as a tribute to fallen Danbury, Connecticut, police ofﬁcer Bob Dinardo, who passed after a battle with cancer. We had a lineup of 13 artists who participated in this mural from locations spanning the globe. The Bronx, CT, Manhattan, Copenhagen, Atlanta, Yonkers, Queens and of course Brooklyn represented their individual styles! This wall was a lot of fun to paint over the past few weekends—it spanned over 100 yards long!!! —Font Master Flex

Books Metropolitan Life, Fran Lebowitz Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris Eloise, Kay Thompson Also, scotch. Is that a book?

To create this portrait of Ofﬁcer Dinardo, the original photo was separated into CMYK layers in Photoshop. Then each layer was printed on acetate and projected onto the wall. Genius.

WHO WOULD YOU DO? Oh, that’s private. Never mind. You all know who you are (wink, wink). —Una

This week we as a company (and as a family) brushed up on fire safety. We learned where our exits are, how to act if there was a real fire, how to check for hot door nobs, and where to go when we leave the building. But mainly we learned that KNOWLEDGE is the best thing to fight a fire with. Next to water. —Rich

’ N I EX

DESERT ISLAND

Z L L KI

Movies National Lampoon’s European Vacation (Do not hate; this is a masterpiece) The Sure Thing (highly underrated ’80s John Cusack vehicle) Singin’ In the Rain

Books Metropolitan Life, Fran Lebowitz Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris Eloise, Kay Thompson Also, scotch. Is that a book?

To create this portrait of Ofﬁcer Dinardo, the original photo was separated into CMYK layers in Photoshop. Then each layer was printed on acetate and projected onto the wall. Genius.

WHO WOULD YOU DO? Oh, that’s private. Never mind. You all know who you are (wink, wink). —Una

PICK ONE,

ANY ONE

Jessica brought in apples from her weekend of picking. She then sent a long list of the different types of apples. Here is an abridged version: Cortland The Cortland apple is a sweet red apple over a greenish-yellow background that contains a hint of tartness. This type of apple is excellent for snacking, salads, pies, sauces, baking and good for freezing. The Cortland apple is available September through April.

ADW POLL

Meghan: George Bailey - It’s A Wonderful Life Amy: Trent - Swingers Tom: Rob Gordon - High Fidelity Jessica: Elizabeth Swann - Pirates of the Caribbean I recently asked Fryda: Rocky - Rocky the art department (and Olga: Bugs Bunny - Space Jam friends) who their Vicky: Jaws - Jaws favorite movie Anthony (via Amy): Johnny Castle - Dirty Dancing characters were. Gina: Harry Lime - The Third Man Here are their answers to the Luis: Darth Vader - Return of the Jedi right: Karen: Annie Hall - Annie Hall Rich: Mr. Incredible - The Incredibles

KAL’S 23RD DAY

Macoun Extra sweet and aromatic. Very juicy, tender, snow white ﬂesh. Excellent for eating, good for sauce and salads. The Macoun is available October through November.

Empire Blend of sweet and tart. Excellent for eating and salads. Good for sauce, baking, pies and freezing. The Empire is available September through August.

Red Delicious Red Delicious apple is a bright red apple with a sweet taste. This apple is good for snacking, salads and freezing. These apples are harvested in the fall and are available year-round.

Jonagold A cross between the Jonathan and the Golden Delicious apple varieties, the Jonagold has a sweet taste with a touch of tartness.

PRIME NUMBER One of the most popular numbers in all of sports is the number 23 (just like this issue of ADW). Most of that can be attributed to one of the greatest basketball players to ever lace up a pair of sneakers... Michael Jordan. Jordan has inspired countless players to follow in his footsteps in wearing his number. The most famous being Lebron James (as well as former all-stars Jason Richardson and Kevin Martin). Jordan’s reach extends to the NFL as well where Devin Hester, receiver and return man extradordinaire for the Chicago Bears, wears 23 in honor of the local Chicago legend. For me, though, the number 23 will always belong to Donnie Baseball. Anyone who knows me knows the high-esteem with which I regard Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera. I think most would be shocked to learn that my favorite Yankee of all-time has been and always will be Don Mattingly. If you grew up a Yankee fan in the ’80s you were privy to the onﬁeld excellence that was Don Mattingly. It would be easy to run a list of all of his accomplishments (6-time all-star/9-time gold glove/a bating title/MVP), or you could simply say he was the

class of the organization. He played the game the right way and paved the way for future generations of Yankees like Bernie Williams and Jeter. Hopefully the Hall of Fame smartens up soon and opens its doors to a true gentleman of the game. Someone who played the game at a high level without performance enhancing drugs. Someone who deserves his plaque with the greatest players who ever lived.

S K BOO E WIKE L The Lovely Bones By Alice Sebold The Lovely Bones takes you through the life, murder, and heaven of teenager Susie Salmon. Set in the Seventies, Susie is murdered in a cornfield on her way home from high school. She watches from heaven as her family loses hope in finding her alive. Evidence begins to show up... First the hat her mother knitted (used to muffle her screams) and her elbow the neighbor’s dog digs up. She watches as her siblings struggle with her murder, as her father desperatly searches for his daughter’s killer, and as her mother confides (in more ways than one) in Len, the cop assigned to Susie’s case. As her father becomes suspicious of neighbor Mr. Harvey, Susie helplessly watches as he continues murdering other girls. Of course, no good novel is complete without a love story, and The Lovely Bones is no exception. Susie looks on as her sister grows up and falls in love, sad that she will never know that kind of relationship. She holds on to her memorable first kiss with Ray, her highschool love. A kiss that only sets the stage for a relationship that takes them through heaven and earth. A love story and mystery in one. A beautiful story and my favorite book of the year by far. Eveyone should read this book! —Vicky

PICK ONE,

ANY ONE

ADW POLL

KAL’S 23RD DAY

Macoun Extra sweet and aromatic. Very juicy, tender, snow white ﬂesh. Excellent for eating, good for sauce and salads. The Macoun is available October through November.

Empire Blend of sweet and tart. Excellent for eating and salads. Good for sauce, baking, pies and freezing. The Empire is available September through August.

Red Delicious Red Delicious apple is a bright red apple with a sweet taste. This apple is good for snacking, salads and freezing. These apples are harvested in the fall and are available year-round.

Jonagold A cross between the Jonathan and the Golden Delicious apple varieties, the Jonagold has a sweet taste with a touch of tartness.

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I D

R A E RH

“She’s the muscle” —Anthony

“The home team is responsible for rubbing the balls” —Meghan

“Maybe Vicky will outsource her contributions to the interns and they can do it” —Anthony

“It was a Spanish Club assignment”

FALSE ADVERTISING

I received an email with the subject line “Sexy Thursday”... I was intrigued, I clicked open and was met with multiple pictures of Josh Groban. Sexy... not so much.

—Luis

“It’s a pouch, you know, that stays with you” —Jessica

“Cry me a river, here’s a paddle” —Rich

“Constipation is not sexy” —Anthony

R.I.P.

The magazine world got a little smaller this week with the untimely closing of Gourmet, Cookie, Elegant Bride and Modern Bride. All will be missed.

“I’m more Jack than Sawyer” —Anthony

I always consider the best places for the best prices. Yet it seemed everywhere we went, we found ourselves in a beautiful place with excellent prices. I loved it!

No matter what activity we were doing, each day felt as though the Greek Gods were smiling on us with perfect weather and a gorgeous and peaceful sea.

While out on the Black Sea, a family of dolphins swam right next to us. It was a magical moment where animals and humans lived in perfect harmony until Denis jumped in the water and scared them away.

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA

People who aren’t coming to the Mischief Ball! ■

People watching themselves in mirrors as they work out. Extremely lame. ■

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 23 VOL. 1

FIRE SAFETY WALL ART PRIME NUMBER UKRANIAN ADVENTURES CONTINUED PLUS: APPLE PICKING BITCHES BE CRAZY LOVELY BONES ART POLL

ADW

art department weekly issue 24 vol. 1

pumpkin pumpkin

I love when canned pumpkin goes on sale. It makes the easiest pumpkin pie, but why stop at pie? The things you can make with a batch of pumpkin bread dough alone wows the likes of LV. These are pumpkin cake (with butter cream frosting) and pumpkin muffinsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; both made with leftover dough.

pop overs girls gone wild books we like staycation PLus: burger brawl scrappy art henry pics a year in the life

mini BOARD OVERHERT ARD

A n i

“Everything smelled like bacon” —olga

“Her vision is based on movement” —rich

nOW BATTinG

a recent art department poll asked “what number would you put on the back of your baseball jersey?” anthony 69 meghan 5 amy 22 gina 1 olga 11 Fryda 1.5 Jessica 18 vicky : ) (of course, a happy face) catherine 2 luis 23 Months ago Tom sent in a review of the howling wolf T-shirt. A week later it ended up in the New York mag approval matrix. Fast-forward to last week’s episode of The Ofﬁce where Dwight Schrute rocked the shirt... Long live the howling wolf tee.

“My Mom is the devil... I shouldn’t say that” —meghan

“I got money that folds, not money that jingles” —anthony

“I just ate eggs, I can’t sit down if you know what I mean” —vicky

“I’m a spy” —olga

“I don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach” —meghan

“I’m a busy girl, I do things after work” —Jessica

A YEAR in THE LiFE october 6th, 2009, i celebrated my one-year anniversary at niche media. on top of that, this particular issue of ADW is our 24th issue which marks our 6-month anniversary. when i started at niche, i was basically the freelance ﬂoater. helping out on everyone’s magazine. shortly thereafter, meghan asked me to be her maternity leave fill-in. then in January 2009 i was hired fulltime and plans were set forth to place me on Aspen Peak and Hamptons. while Aspen is only published twice a year, everything i had heard about Hamptons led me to believe the summer season would be hellish. i mean a weekly magazine during the summer, when everyone wants to be outdoors sounds awful... for everyone but me. i’m not a summer person, so working on that book kept me in the wonderful ac, sometimes late

into the night. on top of that, i loved working with the team. camille set a great tone and pace to the work, easily allowing us to meet every weekly schedule. i enjoyed my summer thoroughly. during the craze of working on Hamptons, we launched ADW. a second weekly sounded crazy to some, absolutely daunting to others who suggested we make it bi-weekly or monthly. i simply wanted a weekly, and so it was. adw continues to be one of the absolue highlights of my week. i love bugging everyone for submissions and take great pleasure out of putting everyone’s thoughts and ideas together each week. we are a tight bunch; i like to think of us as more than co-workers. we are a weird little dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. coming to work everyday is full of fun and excitement. i look forward to year two. —Luis

GOODBYE GinA

last week, the art department said good-bye to star freelancer gina. gina spent the better part of 2009 helping us out on just about every niche title. her hard work and overall pleasant nature will be missed. we sent her off in typical art department fashion... wonderful donuts from peter pan bakery.

Y p p RA

T R A

Star Wars The Clone Wars is appointment television in casa vega. this series takes place in between episodes ii and iii. it’s the story of the oft-talked about but never seen clone wars. the art style is heavily stylized and slick. a great extension of the star wars brand as they try and reach out to new viewers. this past weekend’s episode featured future Jedi younglings. on starwars.com they had a wonderful how-to draw jedi younglings tutorial. with scrappy in the office due to her columbus day holiday, she took on the task of drawing this rodian youngling. i thought she did a great job.

BuRGER BRAWL

the Factoids inaugural adw offering is a comparison of two of the neighborhood’s delis. downtown deli

bits n’ bites

price

cheeseburger deluxe: less than $6

cheeseburger deluxe: a little more than $6, plus about 50 cents per unusual condiment

service

ranges from apathetic to irate— only interaction to be expected is guy behind the counter yelling “nahxt” and pointing at you

bobby, the cook, often greets you with a “what’s up boss”; checkout girls provide 18 packets of ketchup with every lunch

Quality

typical sub-grade burgers

slightly better than typical sub-grade burgers

variety

burgers, random italian food, deli meats

still trying to figure out what they don’t sell here; maybe five (?) different lines makes it kind of like the dmv of lunch places

of note:

almost burned down when card shop next door was firebombed

marina is best friends with bobby

drawbacks

long lines, cole-slaw varies from ‘shady’ to ‘unholy’

confusing ordering system (liz never walks out with exactly what she wanted), strange tendency to run out of buns and serve you a burger on a brioche

STAYCATiOn WiTH DAn last week i took some much needed time off to relax, golf and, most importantly, do nothing work related. here are some of the highlights during my trip to nowhere. 1.) sleeping in – nothing helps recharge my batteries more than waking up without an alarm clock screaming into my ear. 2.) an empty gym – being off during the week afforded me the rare opportunity to go to the gym early and avoid the 7 p.m. meatheads. i was able to get in and out, finish a workout and avoid the ubiquitous grunts of the weekday crowd. 3.) pitch & putt in corona park – if you are a budding golf enthusiast, i highly recommend going to the corona park pitch & putt by the Queens tennis center. the holes are short (40 – 80

yards) which is great for fine tuning your short game and sticking greens. i got to play twice during my time off and nearly got a holein-one. my ball tipped off of the ﬂag and rimmed out of the hole. this will probably be the closest i will ever come to a hole-in-one without actually sinking it. both disappointing and exciting at the same time. 4.) bareburger on 31st ave. in astoria – we had great weather during my time off, so i took full advantage and walked down to my new favorite burger joint in astoria. i got an ostrich burger for the first time ever. truth be told, it tasted like chicken. 5.) sunday Funday in Queens – i invited my best buddy of 14 years to come out to Queens for some chili, wings, ribs, beers and giants football on sunday. during half

time, we went out back to a little two-on-two two-hand touch. Just a great day enjoying food, friends, fall weather and football. 6.) alds game 2 – a good buddy of mine called and offered me tickets to my beloved yankees second playoff game in the new stadium. i was able to get my ticket in exchange for two beers at the game and a promise that i would rake his leaves later this month. thanks to a-rod’s tying 2-run bomb in the ninth and mark teixeria’s walk-off homerun in the 11th inning, i got to see a yankee playoff victory.

pOp On OVER i recently had the pleasure of dining at blt prime and let me tell you, if you haven’t been there before, you must go asap. why would a vegetarian like myself be singing the praises of an establishment which serves baby cows and lamb to the masses? (my middle name is lamb, by the way—ask to see my college id, it’s true). one word, three syllables: popovers. blt’s famous popovers grace the menus of most of their establishments (blt steak and blt Fish, to name two) and it’s no mystery why. one bite of the ﬂaky, buttery crust and you’ll be hooked. blt uses smooth yet sharp gruyere cheese in their version, and it adds the perfect amount of depth to an otherwise mundane bread staple. each popover is literally the size of a softball and served with butter, an oversized salt shaker and.... a small takehome card with the recipe. my dining companion stuffed the butter-soaked card in his pocket, determined to replicate the deliciousness at home. Fast forward to last thursday evening. a bowl of corn chowder, arugula salad and, you guessed it, the gruyere popovers awaited my arrival after work. they’re quite easy to make, even if you don’t have a popover pan (we used a muffin pan). i encourage you to try them out yourself—you won’t be disappointed.

Blt steak popovers Makes 12 popovers ingredients: 4 cups milk 8 eggs 4 cups ﬂour 1½ heaping tbsp salt 2¼ cups grated gruyere cheese popover pan (i’ve heard an oversized-muffin tin works, too) preparation: place popover pan in the oven. heat the oven and pan to 350°. gently warm the milk in a pan over low heat and set aside. whisk the eggs until frothy and slowly whisk in the milk (so as not to cook the eggs). set the mixture aside. sift the ﬂour with the salt. slowly add this dry mixture to the egg mixture and gently combine until mostly smooth. remove the popover pan from the oven and spray with non-stick vegetable spray. while the batter is still slightly warm or room temperature (definitely not cool), fill each popover cup ¾ full. top each popover with approximately 2½ tbsp of the grated gruyere. bake at 350° for 50 minutes, rotating popover pan half a turn after 15 minutes of baking. remove from the oven, remove from the pan and serve immediately. — Julie Bensman

Y R HEn S C i p meghan shares with us some pics of her little man picking pumpkins last weekend and then showing he’s down with the spanish club by rocking his argyle sweater.

BuRGER BRAWL

the Factoids inaugural adw offering is a comparison of two of the neighborhood’s delis. downtown deli

bits n’ bites

price

cheeseburger deluxe: less than $6

cheeseburger deluxe: a little more than $6, plus about 50 cents per unusual condiment

service

ranges from apathetic to irate— only interaction to be expected is guy behind the counter yelling “nahxt” and pointing at you

bobby, the cook, often greets you with a “what’s up boss”; checkout girls provide 18 packets of ketchup with every lunch

Quality

typical sub-grade burgers

slightly better than typical sub-grade burgers

variety

burgers, random italian food, deli meats

still trying to figure out what they don’t sell here; maybe five (?) different lines makes it kind of like the dmv of lunch places

of note:

almost burned down when card shop next door was firebombed

marina is best friends with bobby

drawbacks

long lines, cole-slaw varies from ‘shady’ to ‘unholy’

confusing ordering system (liz never walks out with exactly what she wanted), strange tendency to run out of buns and serve you a burger on a brioche

Y R HEn S C i p meghan shares with us some pics of her little man picking pumpkins last weekend and then showing he’s down with the spanish club by rocking his argyle sweater.

S k BOO E WikE L

kiRkiTSOS GiRLS GOnE WiLD

this weekend, a group of fabulous ladies got together for a “last ﬂing before the ring” celebration for my sister nicole (center, above). the festivities included a party that’s special guest was a blow-up doll we named peter. he joined a conga line the ladies formed, dressed in my sister’s lingerie and even accompanied us in our pink limo on our way to dance the rest of the night away. oh, and he joined in on the dancing and even the after-party at a private downstairs section of the club. he was a hit with the ladies! the party ended late, with lots of pictures you will not be seeing on Facebook. i picked a few pics that pretty much summed up the evening. xo!

World War Z: The Complete Oral History of the Zombie War max brook’s World War Z is a collection of interviews with survivors of a tenyear war against the living dead. basically, it’s a book of pure awesome. the story begins with an interview of small village doctor in china who is awoken late at night to inspect some villagers who have become ill with a strange sickness. as the book progresses brooks begins to build a global picture in front of you as he travels the world interviewing survivors. once the global scene is set, he lets the interviewees tell the story of how the world is slowly thrown into chaos. by the end of the book, you can mentally draw a new map of the planet with the world he has created for you. he is able to do this, because the book isn’t really about zombies, it’s about people. the way book portrays the zombies isn’t just the typical

monster, but rather an extreme pressure placed onto the world. the interviews do include many stories of failed military engagements against the infected, but they do not shine as much as the stories of the dayto-day survivors. these stories of how each culture reacted to something never seen or expected is what keeps your reading. some people instantly looked for religious signs for this threat, others tried to ignore it, and some even televised it for profit (the usa). brooks’ interviews take you to the bridge of a defected nuclear submarine, re-inhabited castles in scotland, the mountains of india, and even the international space station. so if you like a nice read, with some really original concepts, and some good old fashion zombie action, this is the book for you. so get out there and g…brains…. braaiinnsss……..braaiiinnss! –Richard Dachtera

The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter a funny and very timely tale of an average american male and the lengths to which he will go to pull his family out of financial crisis. Jess walter’s main character seems like he was pulled out of the headlines. he struggles to support his family and has his life spiral out of control as he simply tries to be the man he always wanted to be. highlights for me were when the book cleverly breaks into different forms of poetry to move the story along. Fans of haikus, limmericks and other forms of poetry will find these pieces masterful. it’s a cautionary and uplifting tale all in one.

S k BOO E WikE L

kiRkiTSOS GiRLS GOnE WiLD

mini BOARD OVERHERT ARD

A n i

“Everything smelled like bacon” —olga

“Her vision is based on movement” —rich

nOW BATTinG

“My Mom is the devil... I shouldn’t say that” —meghan

“I got money that folds, not money that jingles” —anthony

“I just ate eggs, I can’t sit down if you know what I mean” —vicky

“I’m a spy” —olga

“I don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach” —meghan

“I’m a busy girl, I do things after work” —Jessica

GOODBYE GinA

Y p p RA

T R A

ADW

art department weekly issue 24 vol. 1

pumpkin pumpkin

pop overs girls gone wild books we like staycation PLus: burger brawl scrappy art henry pics a year in the life

ADW

art department weekly issue 25 vol. 1

bar fight man day bareburger wild movies we like PLus: bitches be crazy silver art sayonara sheryl behind the mouse

ADW BEHIND THE MOUSE

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I D

R A E RH

“I will be the people’s champ one day” —anthony

“Just pick heavy balls” —anthony

“My mom actually doesn’t even read Hamptons; she just admires the design” —liz

“Lady Gaga... She’s gross, she’s disgusting” —Jessica

“You’ve been snacking a lot more lately” —Jessica

“I mean, you know, the Eifel Tower will always be there”

TALES OF OUR SALACIOUS PAST (names have been withheld for anonymity) i was working at a sporting goods store that was going out of business. when it ﬁnally went out of business, i kept the tag gun. i would then buy clothes, removes the tags, wear them and when i was done with them, i would retag them (with said gun) and return them.

—amy

“Mom, this is spam, stop it. Love, your son” —anthony

on wednesday night i was tasked with not only trying to ﬁnish up the hamptons gift guide, but also put together the new issue of ADW. no problem, right? throw a newborn into the mix (as well as a new episode of the superb Glee), and it all becomes a delicate balancing act. i know most people view taking work home as a nightmare. i absolutely don’t. i like to leave on time and run home to my family (one of these days when the rest of you have families you’ll understand). if that means signing onto the server or taking work home on a ﬂash drive, so be it. it means i get to have dinner with my wife, daughter and son; review homework; draw a bath; read a bedtime story; tuck my daughter into bed; change a diaper (or 2); relax with my son... you get the picture. on this particular night, i put a huge dent in the hamptons gift guide. i then took a little break. i

laid back on the couch and relaxed with kal lying on my chest. as i got comfortable, i turned to my wife and said, “can you pass me the laptop, i think i can get adw done while kal rests.” my wife smiled and set the laptop up in my lap. the missus thought it was a cool visual, so she took a picture. [ADW regrets that “the missus” sounds like a stepford wife.] that laptop right there is ADW central. each of our 25 issues is stored on that hard-drive. every story, every piece of art. every issue has been designed right there, without a mouse, in the comfort of casa Vega. right there, on that couch with kal on my lap is the best workplace i’ve ever had... or at least the most comfortable. long live ADW! of note in the photo is kal’s awesome yankee shirt, gifted to him by die-hard st. louis cardinals fan meghan. thanks meghan. kal loves his yankee gear.

R E V SIL

T R A

this being our 25th (silver anniversary) issue, i decided this piece i drew of marvel’s silver surfer was very apropo. for this particular surfer, my best bud Jp asked me to put together a silver surfer for him to use in a poster for a surf competition where the very talented StuntDitch was performing. Jp was then going to take the empty spot on the bottom of the board and put the venue and band name on it. i don’t have a copy of the ﬁnal poster, but i was proud of the pencils (and inks) on the piece.

MOVIES WE LIKE it’s my ﬁrst day at my internship at Nylon, and i can’t help feeling like i’m cheating on all of you. as i’m never good with goodbyes, i’ve left all my cheesy parting thoughts on paper. i’d like to thank everyone who allowed me to grow as a designer. i had an awesome time working with everyone, and i’ve learned more from all of you than i ever did in design school. (wish i’d foreseen that earlier before i racked up all those student loans.) thank you for all the indesign tips, job hunt advice, and apartment hunting leads. the past ﬁve months have been an invaluable experience, and i loved being a part of your team. also, i’m pretty sure i know all i need to know about what to see and do in the hamptons and at the wynn hotel & casino. and so, as i sit here surrounded by hipsters, beads and glitter glue, i have compiled a list of things i will take away with me from my time at niche media. so, to whomever will be sitting at the spacious desk i used to occupy, please take these pieces of insight with you through your journey at niche.

S ’ L YHTS R E UG SH O H 5T

from the second i saw the trailer, i knew i had to see Where The Wild Things Are. i don’t know if it was the arcade fire playing in the background or the white childlike handwriting scrawled across the screen or the way the camera shook as max romped around with the beasts, i just had a feeling the movie was going to be incredible. upon seeing it, i was deﬁnitely not disappointed. what i enjoyed opening credits - childlike drawings and handwriting original soundtrack by karen o and the kids - the album perfectly compliments the movie

fear, experience his curiosity, and empathize with his sadness. what i learned James gandolﬁni’s voice will always remind me of tony soprano. period. if something is remotely sad, i will cry uncontrollably – whether it is the face of a disappointed child or that of a very depressedlooking beast, which is pretty embarrassing when you’re sitting next to your 16-year-old brother you dragged to the movie theater. in conclusion, i would deﬁnitely recommend this movie to anyone, unless you have an aversion to children, imagination, and/or love.

simplicity of the plot -the main character, max, is a child with a tendency to misbehave who is lonely and feels misunderstood. he travels to an imaginary island where he lives among beasts, each of whom have strong personalities that represent different facets of max and the important people in his life.

ASTORIA TOUR PART 1

on the ﬁrst leg of her walking tour of astoria, Vicky, our Queens gal on the street checks in with one of the best burger joints in all of the boroughs. bareburger 33 - 21 31st avenueastoria, ny 11106 718.777.7011 www.bareburger.com i <3 astoria. and i grow a little more in love everytime i discover a new delicious restaurant or, in this case, a new spot opens up just a few blocks away from my apartment. in fact, 31st ave is home to many amazing bars and restaurants i will be reviewing in the coming weeks. bare burger is the ﬁrst stop on my walking tour.

Where The Wild Things Are is a poignant ﬁlm that immediately brings us back to our childhood as we follow max through his adventures. spike Jonze does a superb job of transporting the audience into the imaginary world max creates. we feel his

1. much of your free time comes from waiting for “flash” to print and re-linking embassy photos. it's also an excuse to dilly-dally since both actions prevent you from doing anything on indesign.

topped with shreded lettuce, cheese, onion rings (i ate most before i took this pic), turkey bacon, and their version of a "special sauce." it was delicious and i plan to head back and dive into my other burger options. down to the bun the burger sat on, this was one of the tastiest burgers i have ever had. i highly suggest an art dept. outing in the near future!

2. imaging can do anything you want. they're like wizards... magical wizards who can make things appear or disappear as you please.

3. climate control in the ofﬁce is set to arctic levels at all times. (there's a mysterious knit scarf in the cabinet drawer. don't know whose it is, but it has kept me warm on days i mistakenly decided it was warm enough for a tank top.)

bare burger was opened by two young guys living in astoria who thought astoria lacked a healthy, delicious burger joint where they could go with their buddies, eat, drink some beer and hang out. the menu offers not only your typical beef, turkey, and veggie burger, but also options such as lamb and bison burgers. all ingredients (down to the milk used in the milkshakes) is organic and 100% delicious! after just having a hard workout at the gym, i wanted something on the lighter, less-greasy side. yes, i ordered the veggie burger. aside from the meat option the menu offers, you are free to choose what combo of toppings you would like. my veggie was

4. apple-s very frequently, especially when using ma templates. it will crash on you unexpectedly.

5. there will always, always be crumbs all over the mini boards. and since this isn't a great breakup letter here's a better one: youmakemetouchyour handsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com

S ’ L YHTS R E UG SH O H 5T

ASTORIA TOUR PART 1

1. much of your free time comes from waiting for “flash” to print and re-linking embassy photos. it's also an excuse to dilly-dally since both actions prevent you from doing anything on indesign.

2. imaging can do anything you want. they're like wizards... magical wizards who can make things appear or disappear as you please.

4. apple-s very frequently, especially when using ma templates. it will crash on you unexpectedly.

5. there will always, always be crumbs all over the mini boards. and since this isn't a great breakup letter here's a better one: youmakemetouchyour handsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com

BAR FIGHT

here is my review of the good, the bad and the ugly bars of tribeca and how they stack up against each other. booze hounds – assemble!!! —DRM dakota roadhouse 43 park place Pros: extremely close to our office and spacious, which is ideal for large happy hour gatherings. they also have an atm that charges you $2.00, but your fee is reimbursed at the bar—which is pretty cool if you ask me. they have a pool table, standard selection of bottle and tap beers and a kitchen that sells edamame of all things. spicy peanuts served at the bar for snack food. try to have just one spicy peanut. i dare you. Cons: anyone who has been to dakota surely has been subjected to the horrible video they loop behind the bar. the best way to describe this video is it must be what serial killers dream about: 10 – 15 second video clips ranging from porn, car crashes/explosions, sweatin’ to the oldies, death/fight scenes, and america’s funniest home Videos are spliced together and run endlessly on all of the flat screens behind the bar. confused and horrified, i find myself not being able to turn away or hold a conversation while facing the tVs. to quote scott robson’s take on the video, “it’s like seeing a dog take a shit… it’s really gross, but i look anyway.” the Patriot 110 chambers st Pros: a standard cheap dive bar, great for a quick pint during the week. the crowd there is a mix between laid back people, old timers and blue collar workers. it’s the kind of dingy atmosphere where getting shitfaced on a

wednesday seems not only appropriate, but also encouraged. this is another bar that is very close to the ofﬁce, making it a go-to for those “today sucked, let’s get hammered” kind of days. Cons: seemingly, every waitress there was coughed out of deaf leopard’s tour bus back in the late 80’s. i’m not too proud to go to a dive bar, but i am borderline convinced i will be shanked by one of the aforementioned waitresses or barmaids eventually. biddy early’s 43 murray st Pros: this bar has a fun atmosphere where beer pong can be played upon request to the tune of $8 domestic pitchers for all players. their traditional irish bar food hits the spot and is reasonably priced. you can even grab a table in back and have a proper meal if the mood strikes. Cons: the bar is very narrow, so, if there is any sort of crowd, everyone is smashed into this pseudo-conga line stuck between bar stools and a wall. the only real place to stand is by the kitchen door where busboys constantly rush in and out carrying plates and garbage. once while standing there, a

trash bag ripped on its way out, leaving me standing in a puddle of hot garbage juice. i left the bar that night smelling like hobo cologne with a pack of stray cats following me home.

warren 77 77 warren st Pros: part-owned by the rangers sean avery, the atmosphere is something out of an old sepia tone photograph, decorated with vintage sports equipment and old school arcade games. the bar fancies itself as a sports pub, but you’d be hard pressed to find foam fingers and coors light banners hanging in the place. the sliders and mac and cheese are tasty as hell and they serve my new favorite beer, old speckled hen. the waitstaff is super friendly and the music is played at a nice conversational volume verses the eardrum-busting decibel levels of your average sports joint. Cons: not ideal for crowds in the least. the only real seating are oversized booths that detract from any standing room. the bar is super narrow so the flat screen tVs are basically right in your face. i could see myself developing glaucoma by the 7th inning stretch if i tried to watch a yankee game there.

MAN DAY BITCHES

man day, a newly founded tradition with my brother and father, involves the arias men going out on rugged day hikes that reward us with a great male bonding experience in the beautiful outdoors as well as challenge our physical endurance. this past sunday was the fourth installment of man day, the return of man. man days all start out with an email from dad to my brother and i a few days prior to meeting up. these notes of correspondence contain cryptic directions on where to meet him for the beginning of the hike.

once we meet up, the hiking staffs are distributed as well as the hiking literature. you see, the hikes that we go on do not always involve marked trails. my father has some odd book of trails in the hudson Velley that use landmarks and some marked trails—we often find ourselves walking off on unmarked roads in the hills due to the literature's descriptions. these roads through the forest are sometimes no more than a firm bed of rocks at your feet once used by ox-pulled wagons and farmers from another time. i'm constantly amazed at how we manage to navigate such a vaguely marked trail and get to the final destination safely and on time. the fourth installemnt of man day - man day returns - involved us taking up the challenge to hike “breakneck ridge and sugarloaf mountain.” with my father just recently turning 75-years-old, my bro and i had thought that these man days were on their way to getting softer and less challenging for the old man - this was not the case! immediately as the hike began we

were required to scrambled up the side of a mountain on cold spring. (“scrambling” involves using your hands and feet to climb steep elevations on rock. if it were at a steeper grade, we would have needed rock climbing equipment.) we would climb the elevation of the empire state building at the ﬁrst .4 mile, as stated in the literature. this man day was no joke! the rewarding views of the hudson river and west point made it all worth while. the total hike lasted around six hours, totaling a distance of 6.5 miles and [ADW regrets this is the end of the writer’s thoughts]

BEZY

CRA amy’s list: ■

French people. nuff said.

■ hipsters on airplanes. don’t wear large russian fur hats on planes. even if you’re coming back from iceland. that’s obnoxious. also i’m pretty sure those guitars are larger than carry-on size. ■ burning out my electrical converter on day 3. no more camera, iphone or straight hair from then on. ■

French people.

windburn. you know how iceland is really supposed to be greenland and vice versa? yeah, that’s not true. ■

■

French people.

meGhan’s list (not really): ■ People attempting to become the People’s Champ. that’s my title, back-off.

teams with billion dollar payrolls. stop gloating when you win. you should win. you guys know who you are. ■

■ People who pay attention to what i’m eating. my snack habits or lunch plate do not need to be monitored.

BAR FIGHT

trash bag ripped on its way out, leaving me standing in a puddle of hot garbage juice. i left the bar that night smelling like hobo cologne with a pack of stray cats following me home.

MAN DAY BITCHES

BEZY

CRA amy’s list: ■

French people. nuff said.

French people.

windburn. you know how iceland is really supposed to be greenland and vice versa? yeah, that’s not true. ■

■

French people.

meGhan’s list (not really): ■ People attempting to become the People’s Champ. that’s my title, back-off.

teams with billion dollar payrolls. stop gloating when you win. you should win. you guys know who you are. ■

■ People who pay attention to what i’m eating. my snack habits or lunch plate do not need to be monitored.

ADW BEHIND THE MOUSE

MINI BOARD OVE RT A N I D

R A E RH

“I will be the people’s champ one day” —anthony

“Just pick heavy balls” —anthony

“My mom actually doesn’t even read Hamptons; she just admires the design” —liz

“Lady Gaga... She’s gross, she’s disgusting” —Jessica

“You’ve been snacking a lot more lately” —Jessica

“I mean, you know, the Eifel Tower will always be there”

—amy

“Mom, this is spam, stop it. Love, your son” —anthony

R E V SIL

T R A

ADW

art department weekly issue 25 vol. 1

bar fight man day bareburger wild movies we like PLus: bitches be crazy silver art sayonara sheryl behind the mouse

Apparently I can’t say enough about pumpkins on this backpage... These are various pumpkins I have carved (or supervised) over the years. Freehanded cat on a fence and “Happy Halloween” (2000); cat in moonlight and “Boo” with ghosts (2007); kit-ready scary face (2006); freehanded Univ. of Missouri logo (because I was that excited to be accepted) (1997).

ADW

art department weekly issue 26 vol. 1

The luis effect

The South side of Williamsburg wasn’t exactly the place to trick-ortreat in the ‘80s. Hence, Luis’ experience with carving pumpkins and ringing doorbells for candy didn’t start until about 2005. I think he’s had just as noticeable an effect on everyone else though, sharing all his favorite stories... In reverse chronological order: Kal, nephew Daniel as Ahsoka, Megan as Ahsoka, Megan as Padme, me as Wonder Woman.

ant art supermen icelandic pics iphone rescue PLus: bitches be crazy Top sites miami shark ad space

MiNi BOARD OVe RT A N i D

R A e Rh

suPeRMAN & suPeRBOY it’s no secret that my little kal is named after superman (kal-el). with that name and his birth fast approaching, i started working on a superman/superboy piece back in early september. Of course the little guy (pictured at right with his namesake) was born on september 11th. i didn’t get around to ﬁnishing inking and adding gray tones to the piece until 10/27.

5 P TOTes si OND Oul h ih’eM s N i KiNG

OR W e B

“I would kick my wife’s ass” —anthony

“Vote for Rich”

i have sO many friends! some of them i even see in real life!

—rich

“Rough touch, I like the way rough touch sounds”

in a word: quiztastic

—karen

“I would just call him Woody Pecker” —Jill

WhAT MuPPeT WOulD YOu Be? i recently asked everyone in art what muppet (or Jim henson) character they would be. the answers were pretty far ranging... at least i thought so with a couple of Fraggle rock characters on the list. anthony- rizzo the rat rich- beeker amyOscar the Grouch vicky- cookie monster Jessicacotterpin doozer olga- Uncle traveling matt nicole, meghan, Fryda, angeliquemiss piggy luisGrover

sOuR GRAPes (1986 ReMeMBeReD)

mohammed (a sad, bitter mets fan) sent in the following blurb. Chuck Rose, the owner of the Pine Restaurant and Sports Bar near Citi Field, said he was so disheartened that he could not even choose between the Phillies and the Yankees. “I hope it rains for 40 days and 40 nights,” he said, adding that he might dedicate one television in the bar to a replaying of the 1986 World Series, when the Mets last won the championship

“Meryl Streep, she’s old, she doesn’t count”

have you guys heard of this? it’s got, like, everything.

—luis

“Luis, smack your face” —meghan

yup, i watch tV at work. Glee, The Good Wife, whatever. Umm, does hr read addub?

“I don’t date guys who listen to Dave Matthews Band” —Vicky

“But Luis, you are overweight” —Fryda

politico: not really—i just put this on here to sound intellectual. i had you for a second, didn’t i? ~Karen

if This AD’s A-ROcKiN’, PleAse cOMe A-KNOcKiN’ (120 sullivan street) by the time this issue comes out, i will officially be living in new quarters. my loyal roommate fled to san Francisco last week and in one swift move (well, almost so—he missed his flight back), the bensman-Freiberg household came to a screeching halt. since his departure, i’ve been selling our belongings (most of which were trash to begin with) on craigslist. at first, i started with the big ticket items: my bed, a large dresser, a blender, but as those

items sold, i felt an itch that could only be scratched by posting more. a grab bag of mismatched silverware plUs drawer organizer? it’s a steal at $10! a set of three lamps, one of which doesn’t work (shh) for $12? it’s the item yOUr apartment has been waiting for!

A TAle Of TWO sKeTches

s e h iTc

basketball weather is right around the corner!), you know where i sit... –Julie Bensman

BeZY

cRA

the more witty ads i posted (“a tale of 2 kitchen stools”), the more obsessed i became. i currently have a spalding basketball up there for $5. if anyone is interested (summer

amY’s lisT:

two sketches - the self po was a drawing i made for the ﬁrst issue of adw - i obviously never scanned it until now. thats the adw mascot - FOnt master FleX!!! haha because its all about style!!!- the other is a drawing i made after 9/11 - not

Y Z A cR Rue T T u B suPeR ART

mike d sent in the following: Born in 1980 photographer and illustrator Agan Harahap from Jakarta, Indonesia, currently works for music magazine TRAX. His latest photography project called ‘Super Hero’ consists of memorable political and wartime scenes from the mid-20th century featuring beloved superheros like Spiderman or Batman in some interesting and funny positions – true juxtaposition in effect. It’s fun to see Superman standing in the Neuschwanstein Castle.

the happiest of subject matter but the 2000s decade have given us our fair share of hardships to endure and here we are, maintaining and making the best of it. if i were there i’d give you a hi-5. you’re awesome! -Anthony

MiAMi shARK ReVieW i know that everyone loves sharks (especially Vicky), so who wouldn’t love to play one in a video game? when i saw a friend of mine playing this on his laptop two weeks ago, i had to send it around the ofﬁce. the game is called miami shark, which can be found at newGrounds.com and search “miami shark.” basically you play a shark who swims along the U.s. coast as you eat swimmers and destroy boats. what makes the game so much fun is the progression of aircraft you can

■ don’t take food from the art department if you’re not part of the art department. we are like wild bears who will maul you. we need our snacks to maintain a semipositive mood. you’ve been warned.

my mom writing on my facebook album of trip pictures: “you are right amydoes resemble n.z. tomthe most primal thing was amy’s hat.” ■

meGhan’s lisT:

pull into the water as the level goes on. it’s satisfying to pull in a police helicopter with your super shark powers, but it’s pulling in an airliner that makes you want to play more. so go check it out! and when you do... we’re going to need a bigger boat. -Rich

■ Keeping your halloween costumes secret! wtF! we have no secrets in the art dept!

visiting moms who force your husband to install childsafety locks on your kitchen cabinets while you are at work. nOt cOOl! ■

moms who ask you how much you weigh. whO dOes that??? ■

The DAY i cRAWleD ONTO The NYc suBWAY TRAcKs TO sAVe MY iPhONe

if you have been fortunate enough to spend any time around me, you probably know two things: 1. i’m clumsy as fuck, and 2. my iphone screen is cracked to hell from a (completely sober) tromp around times square this summer. now that these two highly relevant facts are general knowledge, we can proceed with the story of my morning.

Viking Village in hafnafjouror (no i’m not making up that name)

Viking crossing?

amy, the daring explorer!

when it rains, nyc becomes cFc: cluster Fuck central. the average commuter is practically reduced to tears from the frightening—and very real—prospect that she might drown in a sea of wet umbrellas. it’s miserable. therefore, i blame the mta for the pseudo-tragedy that followed, and nearly made me one of those “i’m only 23 but i’ve had a heart attack” statistics. after i got off my bus, which was late, i walked to the subway and waited for the downtown train, which i’m sure was also late. as per yooj, i was listening to music on my iphone. i really wish i could remember what i was listening to because i’m sure it was something that now reveals itself to be super fucking ironic.

yeah, we’re cold

s e N A sce M N O fRO i T A 1 c A V PART

amy hearts gnomes and Vikings

Giant gnome

the train approached. naturally, i decided to pull my iphone from the safe cocoon of my pocket so i could begin reading the new york times daily email, because, you know, it was of the utmost importance that i read it right then. because i always read it. every morning. and never ﬁll my valuable time and brain space with word warp or tap tap revenge. the train stopped. the doors opened. iphone in hand, eyes ﬁxated on screen, i moved forward. then, something happened. i have no idea what. i would not be surprised if had a photo been taken at that precise moment, you could literally see the hand of God reaching down through 116th street, into the subway station, and through my earbud cords, tangling them up and yanking with a malicious intent.

the iphone tumbled from my hands, the earbuds popped from their snug homes in my ears, and the whole kit and caboodle went crashing down. Of course, this all happened in slow motion. the phone hit the train, then the subway platform. my hand shot up to cover my mouth. Are you there, God? It’s me, Meghan. Please please no please don’t let my iPhone fall into the gap onto the tracks. No no please. i watched. it fell. it was gone. heart stopped. i peered down and saw it. the screen was still lit from my opened e-mail. it glared up at me, and i could almost hear it crying, “you bitch! how dare you?! i (sob sob) love (sob sob) you (sob sob) so (sob sob) much (sOb).” i looked up,

grabbed my phone and the earbuds, which were still attached. i placed them on the platform. i looked down one more time. no sign of the back of my two-part iphone case. Oh well. casualty of war. i hoisted myself back up, which was no small feat, because those rails are pretty far down. standing in the pit, the top of the platform came up to about my chin. i had to do that awkward move you do whenever you’re getting out of a pool: hands up, hoist up, lift one leg to the side and hoist again. Once back amongst the living, i grabbed my phone and cradled it in my hands like a just-born kitten i had saved from certain death. i have no way of knowing this now, but i feel like i might have actually

Its light was a beacon of hope. Here I am. Here I am. Come and get me. into the still open doors of the train. every single person on this crowded 6 train was staring at me, the poor jaded girl who had just lost her iphone and her earbuds in one fell swoop, with her hand over her mouth. the front part of my iphone case was on the train, so i reached in to grab it, and a man reached down to help me. they all scooted in to make room for me to board. but, no, i waved thank you to them and politely declined. i knew what i had to do. the doors closed and the train lurched forward. i looked down into the gap and saw the reﬂection of my still-lit iphone screen over and over again in the frosted silver covering each passing subway car. Faster now. its light was a beacon of hope, on repeat. Here I am. Here I am. I’m still here. I’m still here. to the beat of the train’s wheels gliding along their tracks. Come and get me. the train passed. i moved faster than i’ve ever moved in my life. i took off my bag and put my umbrella down. i jumped onto the tracks. i

rocked back and forth there on my knees on the subway platform. Don’t fear, baby. Mama’s here. Everything’s going to be okay now. amazingly, the screen was no more cracked than before i had dropped it. it was responsive to touch, and the home screen button appearaed to still be working. For good measure, i turned it off. it had just had a really traumatic morning. it needed to rest. i turned it back on a few stops into my ride. it appeared to be working ﬁne. Fuck, how lucky. the only thing i lost in this whole experience was the back of the case, which was a $5 investment i made on the streets of harlem. Oh, and a little bit of my dignity and cleanliness—small prices to pay for a working iphone that has made a trip to the bottom of the nyc subway. i was planning to ask santa for a new iphone this year, but now i kind of want to stay with this one forever. and i just realized that i never fucking read the new york times e-mail. typical. –Research Meghan

The DAY i cRAWleD ONTO The NYc suBWAY TRAcKs TO sAVe MY iPhONe

Viking Village in hafnafjouror (no i’m not making up that name)

Viking crossing?

amy, the daring explorer!

yeah, we’re cold

s e N A sce M N O fRO i T A 1 c A V PART

amy hearts gnomes and Vikings

Giant gnome

A TAle Of TWO sKeTches

s e h iTc

basketball weather is right around the corner!), you know where i sit... –Julie Bensman

BeZY

cRA

the more witty ads i posted (“a tale of 2 kitchen stools”), the more obsessed i became. i currently have a spalding basketball up there for $5. if anyone is interested (summer

amY’s lisT:

Y Z A cR Rue T T u B suPeR ART

my mom writing on my facebook album of trip pictures: “you are right amydoes resemble n.z. tomthe most primal thing was amy’s hat.” ■

meGhan’s lisT:

■ Keeping your halloween costumes secret! wtF! we have no secrets in the art dept!

visiting moms who force your husband to install childsafety locks on your kitchen cabinets while you are at work. nOt cOOl! ■

moms who ask you how much you weigh. whO dOes that??? ■

MiNi BOARD OVe RT A N i D

R A e Rh

5 P TOTes si OND Oul h ih’eM s N i KiNG

OR W e B

“I would kick my wife’s ass” —anthony

“Vote for Rich”

i have sO many friends! some of them i even see in real life!

—rich

“Rough touch, I like the way rough touch sounds”

in a word: quiztastic

—karen

“I would just call him Woody Pecker” —Jill

sOuR GRAPes (1986 ReMeMBeReD)

“Meryl Streep, she’s old, she doesn’t count”

have you guys heard of this? it’s got, like, everything.

—luis

“Luis, smack your face” —meghan

yup, i watch tV at work. Glee, The Good Wife, whatever. Umm, does hr read addub?

“I don’t date guys who listen to Dave Matthews Band” —Vicky

“But Luis, you are overweight” —Fryda

politico: not really—i just put this on here to sound intellectual. i had you for a second, didn’t i? ~Karen

ADW

art department weekly issue 26 vol. 1

The luis effect

ant art supermen icelandic pics iphone rescue PLus: bitches be crazy Top sites miami shark ad space

classifieds

ADW

art department weekly issue 27 vol. 1

“MAC1” for SALE 15’’Mmacbook Pro OS X 10.4 needs a new home. A mere $375 (Delivery is free of charge). Bought in May 2006*Upgraded to 2GB Ram*Adobe Flash CS4*Snood – the paid edition*My entire iTunes collection circa December 2008 (including episodes of Gossip Girl, Grey’s Anatomy, Samantha Who? AND… KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASIANS (season 2) [select episodes only] A couple of bumps and bruises… but a truly loved computer. The price is low, but there are a couple things you’ll need to provide.*Power Adapter aka “charger”$15 to $80 – Apple retails for $79 but the average price on eBay and Craigslist is $20. (Magnetic chargers also compatible) If you want to use the computer for more than 45 minutes without the power adapter, you will want to invest in a new battery.*Rechargeable Battery$40 to $129 – Apple retails for $129 but between Craigslist and eBay, the price is a mere $40.

Please note: the battery is not required if you keep the computer plugged in! *This computer has been kept in a Speck hard shell for over two years. Basically, “1Mac” the nickname was given when I was a freshman in college after my roommate dropped my Powerbook off the top bunk. Solid. “1Mac” received his name because it was the first Macbook Pro the girls of Jones Hall 3rd Floor had seen. It even had a remote, which is no longer with us. If you, or someone you know needs a computer: THIS IS THE DEAL OF A LIFETIME! **FOR ONE DAY ONLY…. or until sold…. PRICE IS NEGOTIABLE** This AWESOME piece of ALUMINUM can be yours for the low price of $375 (online prices exceed $550, fyi) *Payment plans are available*All sales final BUT free trials are available. From Arkansas to Missouri to New York, Mac1 needs some lovin! If you have an old iPod (anything that works that is not a shuffle)… I’m willing to lower the price.

27 for 27 bedside manner mischief ball pics breakfast pizza PLus: bitches be crazy empire state of mind things we like

MiNi BOARD OVeR RT A N i

s K O BOW e e K i l

RD A e H

“If your team didn’t get invited to the dance you shouldn’t be allowed to talk” —luis

“I want the one with the stickers” —meghan

“You sent that to imaging to take out the boobies” —Jill

OffsPRiNG HAllOWeeN

meghan’s little henry looks awesome donning his gorilla suit. Jeff’s son makes a very convincing spock (that’s not a wig, Jeff cut his hair like that... awesome). the Vega clan is at the bottom right:. kal as superboy, megan as ahsoka tano and streaky the cat as the great pumpkin.

scOOPeD

adw is at it again. a few weeks back amy bitched about the sound of commercials on the tV. new york’s approval matrix agreed this week.

“You don’t bake, you nuke things” —anthony

“You guys are such little girls. I’m gonna get you bows” —meghan

“Well, my arm hurts from carrying cupcakes” —Jessica

“You don’t have to drink a cup of beer with my dirty balls in it” —anthony

“Fryda, you’re 36, right” —Jessica

eMPiRe sTATe Of MiND so if you haven’t realized yet that all of the rumors you’ve been hearing about me and my boy Jay-z jet setting from here to Japan and popping all types of bottles and models all over the know universe are complete fact. the Jigga man threw me in the video for his most recent ny anthem “empire state of mind.” brooklyn stand Up,

we are in the bUilding!!! you tube the video and pause and admire yours truly at exactly 1:38. i was working on a mural with some friends on myrtle ave in bk when the photo was taken. good looking out Jigga man, i see you and what a good look for bk! attached is the ﬁnal pic of the piece i worked on. enjoy! font master fleX this book is a great steve martin memoir on steve’s early life (he worked at a magic shop at disneyland at the age of 10) to the start at struggles of his early stand up career. which is then followed by his great successes on the stage, screen and television. the most emotional aspects of the book are near the end when steve comments on the relationship with his father, who himself was a failed actor. this is a great read for anyone who loves comedy, and for those who have also been inspired by their parents.

BeDsiDe MANNeR Just say â&#x20AC;&#x153;f%&@ it!â&#x20AC;? swearing reduces stress. be positive. couples who use words like happy and great in their texts stay together longer than twosomes who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use such upbeat words. take breaths through your mouth instead of your nose during sex. it relaxes your nervous system, which increases blood ďŹ&#x201A;ow and heightens sensation. oh-la-la! got allergies? try laughing more! laughter revs your parasympathetic nervous system stopping allergies from taking hold. it is also a great way to signiďŹ cantly reduce stress levels. cheer him up. even if his jokes are lame, laugh! men place

importance on humor and need afďŹ rmation that they are funny.

a trick to know if heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s into you: he turns his chest towards you. when a man turns his pecs in your direction it means youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on his radar. the reason: evolution and ego. this behavior is much like a gorilla pounding his chest saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;look at me!â&#x20AC;? typical...! get your beauty sleep! only 1 to 3 percent of people are genetically wired to function on less than 8 hours of sleep per night. also, those who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sleep enough crave carbs and sugar. end a ďŹ ght with a 20 second embrace. it will lower your blood pressure and heart rate, releasing the feel-good chemical oxytocin. help him reach your pleasure zones by strengthening your lower back muscles. another good tip: rubbing his lower back, legs, and butt during sex will make him last longer!

ANTHONYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s HAllOWeeN QUOTes â&#x20AC;&#x153;I bought a lipstick at Duane Reade this morningâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;My Meghan is full figuredâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Anything this good cost moneyâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like big titsâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Amy, can I borrow your lipstickâ&#x20AC;?

T U O N? Y O i A l PiRAT

27 fOR 27 MOVies

Wee

liK

iNs

HIGHLIFE FROM LEFT: Vladimir Peter Sabich Jr.; Andrea Mead Lawrence (RIGHT); Andy Mill; Steve Knowlton; John Callahan

PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY OF THE ASPEN HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LAWRENCE, KNOWLTON); ASPEN TIMES COLLECTION (SABICH); COURTESY OF AVSC (CALLAHAN)

adw health & fitness editor provided the following sex, health & romance tips for you fabulous ladies...

C[ZWb CWd_W

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7I F ; D F ; 7 A# C 7=7 P ? D ; $9E C 53

how apropos that the yankees would win their 27th word series title in time to make the 27th issue of adw. the picture above is very telling as the quartet that has been dubbed the â&#x20AC;&#x153;core 4â&#x20AC;? celebrates with the ďŹ fth championship for each. Jeter, posada, pettite and rivera have played their entire careers together (save for pettiteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 3 year sabbatical with the astros). they came up through the minors together. in fact this quartet have played together for almost 18 years. in this modern day of free agent baseball that is nearly unheard of. eve in their advanced age, this quarter of yankees continue to set the tone for the rest of the team. Jeter comes off of one of the greatest seasons of his career. posada, back after missing almost all of last season with injury came back and batted .285 with 22 homeruns while being a steady presence behind the plate. pettie won 14 games and pitched close to 200 innings, and then turned around and was even

better by winning every deciding game in the postseason (he know has the most post-season wins of all time as well as the most close out victories). finally there is the incomparable mariano rivera. 3 weeks short of 40 years old and he is as dominant as ever. he recorded 44 saves with a 1.70 era in the regular season, and again was nearly unhittable in the postseason. 5 more saves with only 1 run allowed in 16 postseason innings lowered his postseason era to 0.74... astounding. he simply is the greatest of all time. not only do these â&#x20AC;&#x153;core 4â&#x20AC;? yankees set the tone with their play, but they also provide the template with which the rest of the yankees emulate. they carry themselves with a professionalism and ďŹ erce intensity that their teammates strive to match. that, on top of their onďŹ eld performance is what separates these 4 from the pack. they are true yankees who play the game the right way.

i recently saw ghostbusters for the ďŹ rst time in years (thanks amy). i wanted to introduce my paranormal loving daughter to the original paranormal hunters. i must say that surprisingly this move that is 25 years old still holds up. the jokes are still sharp (bill murray is at his best), the dialogue is snappy and the acting is spot on. not only is this movie a great comedy, but it provided some good scares for my 8 year old. the gargoyle tranforming dogs caused meg to hide her eyes, as well as the ghost in the library. creepy and funny, all in one package. if you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seen this movie in a while, give it a whirl. itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still awesome.

importance on humor and need afďŹ rmation that they are funny.

T U O N? Y O i A l PiRAT

27 fOR 27 MOVies

Wee

liK

iNs

HIGHLIFE FROM LEFT: Vladimir Peter Sabich Jr.; Andrea Mead Lawrence (RIGHT); Andy Mill; Steve Knowlton; John Callahan

PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY OF THE ASPEN HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LAWRENCE, KNOWLTON); ASPEN TIMES COLLECTION (SABICH); COURTESY OF AVSC (CALLAHAN)

adw health & fitness editor provided the following sex, health & romance tips for you fabulous ladies...

C[ZWb CWd_W

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IDEM8E7H:?D= $ISJT ,MVH /BHBOP HJBOU TMBMPN 4BMU -BLF $JUZ CSPO[F NFEBMJTU QBSBMMFM HJBOU TMBMPN "74$ WPMVOUFFS DPBDI

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7I F ; D F ; 7 A# C 7=7 P ? D ; $9E C 53

MiscHief BAll RecAP

october 30th the art department and friends went out to celebrate tom’s bday in the ﬁrst annual mischief ball. amy supplied her favorite pics from the event courtesy of meik, photographer to party peoples everywhere.

BReAKfAsT PiZZA

this weekend tommy tuna and i made a marathon brunch… literally, it was a brunch in honor of the ny marathon, for 8 of our friends to scarf down before we headed over to cheer on the runners a block away from my apartment. i had this recipe hanging on the fridge for about a year and the time was ripe for a big pizza pie.

it went over like gangbusters. i didn’t even hand make the doughthat’s what supermarkets are for. and don’t worry about the raw eggs, those babies cook up nice in a 500 degree oven. that’s amore! breakfast pizza * 2 store bought pizza bases (or make your own)

2. fry the bacon in a large saute pan over med high heat until crisp. cool on a paper towel lined plate, roughly chop.

4. bake for 8-10 minutes, rotating after 5 minutes. when the crust is golden, the cheese is melted, and the eggs yolks are cooked, transfer the pizza to a cutting board. sprinkle half the parsley, chives, scallions and shallot on top. let cool for 2 minutes, slice and serve immediately. prepare the second pizza in the same way.

* 6 strips bacon * 1/2 c grated parmesan * 2 c grated mozzarella

BeZY

cRA

3. sprinkle the dough with half of the parmesan, mozzarella and bacon. crack 3 eggs over the top and season with salt and pepper.

makes 2 12 inch pizzas. from ny times magazine.

* kosher salt

s e H iTc

1. preheat oven to 500 degrees

amY’s list:

noise pollution! . the coffee shop downstairs from me has been drilling and sawing and pounding every night for two weeks. last night it was till 11:30pm!! ■

losing things when drinking. i can usually count on a lipstick, sweater, shoes or even house keys going missing. ■

elections... . when you don’t like either candidate. or when a candidate can buy himself another term. taxation without representation! ■

* 6 large eggs

Super intern Maggie sent the following pics from her camera which include the Crew from Mizzou; Meghan’s Phillies in Five pose; and Luis’ reaction to said pose

* freshly ground black pepper

meGHan’s list:

* 2 t minced ﬂat leaf parsley

skinny mirrors in stores. it’s just mean!

* 2 t minced chives

■

being told you look tired. everyone knows that’s just another way to say you look like shit. ■

* 2 scallions, thinly sliced * 1 shallot, minced

WHAT A WHOPPeR “even compared to its wacky windows 7 parties, microsoft’s promo with burger king Japan is pretty out there. the windows 7 whopper costs ¥777 ($8.50), and is 5-inches tall. i’ll try to avoid any bloated jokes. d’oh, too late.” - from gizmodo.com

■ the World champion new York Yankees

MiscHief BAll RecAP

BReAKfAsT PiZZA

2. fry the bacon in a large saute pan over med high heat until crisp. cool on a paper towel lined plate, roughly chop.

* 6 strips bacon * 1/2 c grated parmesan * 2 c grated mozzarella

BeZY

cRA

3. sprinkle the dough with half of the parmesan, mozzarella and bacon. crack 3 eggs over the top and season with salt and pepper.

makes 2 12 inch pizzas. from ny times magazine.

* kosher salt

s e H iTc

1. preheat oven to 500 degrees

amY’s list:

noise pollution! . the coffee shop downstairs from me has been drilling and sawing and pounding every night for two weeks. last night it was till 11:30pm!! ■

losing things when drinking. i can usually count on a lipstick, sweater, shoes or even house keys going missing. ■

elections... . when you don’t like either candidate. or when a candidate can buy himself another term. taxation without representation! ■

* 6 large eggs

Super intern Maggie sent the following pics from her camera which include the Crew from Mizzou; Meghan’s Phillies in Five pose; and Luis’ reaction to said pose

* freshly ground black pepper

meGHan’s list:

* 2 t minced ﬂat leaf parsley

skinny mirrors in stores. it’s just mean!

* 2 t minced chives

■

being told you look tired. everyone knows that’s just another way to say you look like shit. ■

* 2 scallions, thinly sliced * 1 shallot, minced

■ the World champion new York Yankees

MiNi BOARD OVeR RT A N i

s K O BOW e e K i l

RD A e H

“If your team didn’t get invited to the dance you shouldn’t be allowed to talk” —luis

“I want the one with the stickers” —meghan

“You sent that to imaging to take out the boobies” —Jill

OffsPRiNG HAllOWeeN

scOOPeD

adw is at it again. a few weeks back amy bitched about the sound of commercials on the tV. new york’s approval matrix agreed this week.

“You don’t bake, you nuke things” —anthony

“You guys are such little girls. I’m gonna get you bows” —meghan

“Well, my arm hurts from carrying cupcakes” —Jessica

“You don’t have to drink a cup of beer with my dirty balls in it” —anthony

“Fryda, you’re 36, right” —Jessica

classifieds

ADW

art department weekly issue 27 vol. 1

27 for 27 bedside manner mischief ball pics breakfast pizza PLus: bitches be crazy empire state of mind things we like

ADW

art department weekly issue 28 vol. 1

feeling gleeful bedside manner slanginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; give a little bit PLus: bitches be crazy capetas heineken head decapitator

MINI BOARD OVER RT A N I RD A E H

HOWLING MAD

in the vein of the howling moon t-shirt awesomely reviewed on amazon and bought to our attention by tom, we have the new amazing teen wolf t-shirt. for those of you who don’t know (i.e. meghan and Vicky), teen wolf was a great michael J. fox ’80s ﬁlm where a teenage basketball player afﬂicted with a family curse turns into a teenage basketball playing wolf.

“I can’t wear scarves, I look like a weirdo” —karen

“They know the way to Anthony’s heart is through his liver” —luis

“Thanks guys for noticing my hearcut” —Vicky

“You know what, I cried this morning watching Saved By The Bell” —Jessica

karen supplies us with this photo of a euphoric chris as he waits at the white castle free sample van. unfortunately it was free sample of coffee and rolls... no burgers.

“Who cares” —Jessica

“Oprah, she’s such a bitch” —fryda

“What are you, 70 and a woman” —meghan

*HAPPY ANNIVERSARY although not everyone cared ;0) 11/12 was fryda and roy’s fourth wedding anniversary. cheers to them both on a long and fruitful marriage.

“I told Roy all I want for our anniversary is him to walk Sumo for the rest of the year*” —fryda

GIVE A LITTLE BIT i must admit, when i received an email from anthony looking for a donation for a viable charity, i though it was a joke. then i read what he and his friends were trying to do and was inspired. so do like the title says: give a little bit. here is anthony’s email:

i am working with some friends to raise money to help orphaned and abandoned girls in kenya— One home many hopes. Ohmh provides a loving home for orphaned and abandoned girls in kenya. currently, 32 children share a small 4-bedroom house... but this is about to change... www.breakinggroundkenya.org from October 18 to november 20, lots of little teams like mine across the u.s. will raise small or big amounts of money to add up to the $70,000 needed to build an adequate home for our girls. i have committed to raise $500 (perhaps more) so i’m asking and hoping that you will help me to get there. Join me in offering a donation of $20 or more if your means allow. a $20 donation buys a lot of bricks in kenya. a $35 donation feeds a girl for a month. a $50 donation gives a girl hiV treatment for a month. Oh, and did you know that for a $100 donation we send you a limited edition Ohmh t-shirt in your size and cool enough to actually wear!

every penny matters, so come on... give up one night out this month... or skip a of round of drinks and help me to help these remarkable girls. donating through this website is simple, fast and totally secure. it is also the most efﬁcient way to support my fundraising efforts. thank you deeply and sincerely— and don’t forget to forward this to anyone you think might want to donate too!, use the url below to direct yourself to the donations page. i hope to see you all in the near future and thank you personally for any donation you offer. http://www.ﬁrstgiving.com/ anthonyarias thanks! anthony

Ex Machina: Volume 1 The First Hundred Days simply put, one of the best comic books on the planet, possibly of all-time. brian k. Vaughn and tony harris have crafted a wonderful tale that is part sci-ﬁ thriller, political drama, and super hero tales.

and don’t forget your donation is tax deductible!! ...

CONGRATS CAPT. it’s shaping up to be quite the post season for new york yankee captain derek Jeter. first the yankees win their 27th word series championship. then derek was named the recipient of the roberto clemente award (for

S K O BOW E E K I L

outstanding community work) as well as the hank aaron award (anually given to the leagues best hitter) as well as a golden glove (given annually to the top ﬁelder at each position). congrats derek!

the end of the ﬁrst issue features one of the most startling and humbling scenes in recent comic history. plus the groundwork is laid for future stories on how a former spandexed hero transformed himself into the mayor of new york city.

FEELING GLEEFUL

SUPER MEETING

rich sent in the folowing video from the college humor website. this video is a comic take on the ﬁrst meeting of the heavily superpowered superman and the non-powered batman. superman frustrates the human batman by constantly foiling the crimes and taking care of various members of batman’s rogues gallery. while the animation is crude and at times choppy. it is deﬁnitely worth viewing. check it out for yourself at: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1884973

N E K E

D A HE

HEIN

Y T S TA KS N I R D

streaky the munchin decided he could do a more thorough job of investigating a box than our siamese cat. we don’t support animal cruelty, but we do love to laugh at our little cat’s misfortune... my favorite new show of the tV season is fox’s Glee. there is no show on television (Lost included) that i anticipate more. yes, a show about a group of singing losers makes me that happy.

VICKY’S DRINKING CHART Vicky saw t h i s chart and t hought she s h ould share i t w i th the rest o f ar t. hmmm, i wond e r what everyone’s a nswe rs would b e.

high school spanish teacher will schuester volunteers to become the new glee club director with the hope of restoring the club to its former glory. after enlisting a rag-tag group of misﬁts and never-have-beens who can sing, will’s recruitment efforts lead him to the football team and awardwinning cheerleading squad. his need for school funds and popular kids cause him to clash with sue sylvester (the greatest character on television). every episode is ﬁlled with dramedy. the talented cast will make you laugh and break your heart as they bring complex characters to life. the writers have woven heavy topics, like handicaps and sexual orientation, into each episode with the grace and skill of gene kelly tap dancing on roller skates. plus, every week, the musical numbers hit the mark.

as a child, i watched musicals every weekend with my mom. Glee is the closest thing to a good musical i’ve ever seen on tV (lest we forget how awful Cop Rocks was). the singing and dancing never feel forced and, as in all great musicals, they help move the story along. check out the soundtrack—a good range of tunes have been incorporated. hands down this is my favorite show on television. long live the musical!

in honor of Jessica’s bembe outing, i thought we should run a piece on the wonderful capeta. a capeta is, literally, a devil. a good capeta is made with chocolate, ground peanuts, condensed milk, vodka (usually cheap, but you can ask for smirnoff or Orloff and hope that that’s actually what’s in the bottle), and guaraná. guaraná is a powder derived from ground seeds and it’s an upper, kind of like coffee. capetas make good carnival drinks. Jessica confirmed the photo above was relatively accurate except for the cinammon stick.

FEELING GLEEFUL

SUPER MEETING

N E K E

D A HE

HEIN

Y T S TA KS N I R D

VICKY’S DRINKING CHART Vicky saw t h i s chart and t hought she s h ould share i t w i th the rest o f ar t. hmmm, i wond e r what everyone’s a nswe rs would b e.

BEWARE THE DECAPITATOR

WE BE SLANGIN’

anthony forwarded over the flickr site of the artist known as the decapitator. the work is morbid and amazing all at the same time.

i can’t keep up with the kids of today. i called t.i. “t.i. pain” yesterday, ofﬁcially making me my mother. (“i know fifty cents. you think i don’t, but i do.”) thankfully my friend Jenn keeps up on the trends and sent me this, so we can gOml with the tweens. –Amy gen pop n. term used to describe the general population when “bridge and tunnel,” yuppies, tourists or “undesirable” individuals “intrude” upon an event, outing, club or local restaurant

curl v. a new way to crop your pants without cufﬁng; best for skinny jeans, curling is when you roll the bottoms of your pant legs very tightly two or three times, creating a delicate cinch above the ankle

“Did you see that girl on the dance ﬂoor wearing purple Uggs? Wow, the gen pop really takes over this place on Saturdays. Let’s go to a dive bar.”

“If you wanna show off the studs on your boots, you should curl your jeans.”

g.o.m.l. v. acronym for the phrase “get on my level;” said when one person both wants to imply that someone else can’t keep up and wants to urge them to catch up

guacamole n. money, cash, or funds “If we’re going to that bar, I’m gonna need to stop at the ATM to grab some guacamole for drinks.”

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA amY’s list:

shia labeouf stalking me. first he’s in Jersey city, then he’s down here at the yankee parade. god, shia, just leave me alone. i’m taken now. ■

advertiser power. Jay leno did a segment where he searched terms with bing, the new microsoft search engine, to see what would come up. a little too obvious product placement. ■

megHan’s list:

“C’mon, pot bellies are totally in. G.O.M.L., and order some chili cheese fries.”

loud and frequent talkers who don’t let others’ get a word in. if you are the kind of person who talks louder when someone tries to contribute to the conversation, so as to keep the ﬂoor, then, yes, this is for you. do you often tell dumb stories about things people don’t care about? if yes, then this is for you. ■

cuddy n. a word used to describe something shady or sneaky “He’s still listed as single on Facebook, even though they have been dating for, like, three months. That’s so cuddy!”

■ constant throat clearing. gross. might i recommend carrying a water bottle?

DRESS LIKE YOUR CO-WORKER DAY HITS THE FACT DEPT. nope it’s not a scene from an arnold comedy classic. it’s John and chris from fact who came to work in identical outﬁts and then swore they didn’t set it up the night before... sure, guys. we believe you.

LADY LOVING research meghan was offended by Jessica’s harsh words on lady gaga. here is her reply: “given the opportunity to bathe in a tub full of lady gaga’s blood/sweat/tears, i would totally do it.”

■ Fiber products in excess. bad news bears. it might sounds like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it’s not.

being walked in on while recovering from said products. (though not in the bathroom, but merely in the fetal position in spare ofﬁce). is there no privacy to be had in this whole place??? ■

BEWARE THE DECAPITATOR

WE BE SLANGIN’

anthony forwarded over the flickr site of the artist known as the decapitator. the work is morbid and amazing all at the same time.

“Did you see that girl on the dance ﬂoor wearing purple Uggs? Wow, the gen pop really takes over this place on Saturdays. Let’s go to a dive bar.”

“If you wanna show off the studs on your boots, you should curl your jeans.”

g.o.m.l. v. acronym for the phrase “get on my level;” said when one person both wants to imply that someone else can’t keep up and wants to urge them to catch up

guacamole n. money, cash, or funds “If we’re going to that bar, I’m gonna need to stop at the ATM to grab some guacamole for drinks.”

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA amY’s list:

shia labeouf stalking me. first he’s in Jersey city, then he’s down here at the yankee parade. god, shia, just leave me alone. i’m taken now. ■

advertiser power. Jay leno did a segment where he searched terms with bing, the new microsoft search engine, to see what would come up. a little too obvious product placement. ■

megHan’s list:

“C’mon, pot bellies are totally in. G.O.M.L., and order some chili cheese fries.”

cuddy n. a word used to describe something shady or sneaky “He’s still listed as single on Facebook, even though they have been dating for, like, three months. That’s so cuddy!”

■ constant throat clearing. gross. might i recommend carrying a water bottle?

■ Fiber products in excess. bad news bears. it might sounds like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it’s not.

being walked in on while recovering from said products. (though not in the bathroom, but merely in the fetal position in spare ofﬁce). is there no privacy to be had in this whole place??? ■

MINI BOARD OVER RT A N I RD A E H

HOWLING MAD

“I can’t wear scarves, I look like a weirdo” —karen

“They know the way to Anthony’s heart is through his liver” —luis

“Thanks guys for noticing my hearcut” —Vicky

“You know what, I cried this morning watching Saved By The Bell” —Jessica

karen supplies us with this photo of a euphoric chris as he waits at the white castle free sample van. unfortunately it was free sample of coffee and rolls... no burgers.

“Who cares” —Jessica

“Oprah, she’s such a bitch” —fryda

“What are you, 70 and a woman” —meghan

*HAPPY ANNIVERSARY although not everyone cared ;0) 11/12 was fryda and roy’s fourth wedding anniversary. cheers to them both on a long and fruitful marriage.

“I told Roy all I want for our anniversary is him to walk Sumo for the rest of the year*” —fryda

and don’t forget your donation is tax deductible!! ...

S K O BOW E E K I L

outstanding community work) as well as the hank aaron award (anually given to the leagues best hitter) as well as a golden glove (given annually to the top ﬁelder at each position). congrats derek!

ADW

art department weekly issue 28 vol. 1

feeling gleeful bedside manner slanginâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; give a little bit PLus: bitches be crazy capetas heineken head decapitator

Y A THE HAND TURKEY D I L HO EER

CHEEK 2S: W AFT CR

As the self-declared Holiday Editor, I’ve hijacked this page to exploit more of my craftiness. Who needs another inspiration poster? There are (as of this minute) only another 41 days and 18 hours until the end of 2009—the end of the holiday season! Construction paper, twinkling lights and cinnamon weren’t created so you can bitch about policy changes beyond your control. That’s what spiked egg nog and ofﬁce parties are all about.

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 29 VOL. 1

Dear ADW, I seem to clip one ankle with the other foot when I walk. Every time I walk. Anywhere. This leaves my socks bloody and my body bruised. Should I see a specialist? Thanks, Aching Ankles No, no, AA. What you need is preventive medicine—hand turkeys! (Besides, you might not have it in your HSA.) It’s possible to even make them at work. Get a sheet of copier paper, trace your hand, draw some legs and a face. Now call Hachette Filipacchi and request they locate a back issue of For Me. Cut out the feather template on the Staff page when you receive said issue. Trace it on a new piece of paper and color with whatever utensils you have handy, such as highlighters and ball point pens. Cut out those feathers and tape, staple or (if you’re so lucky) glue them onto the “body.” It’s beautiful! Art therapy is a wonderful (and cost-effective) way to cure what ails you. Dear ADW, My baby is too precious. Help! Sincerely, ODing on Cute Oh, OD... What you obviously need to do is trace those delectable little digits and make hand turkeys. Lots of them. Make a template, trace it a million times on cardboard—it’s already brown, it’s recycling, and it will last forever—and then paint the “feathers.” Hang them. Voila! Cuteness crisis averted. Have a question? Want to share a thought or story? Send it to us! Holiday Editor will gladly share her advice. Epic holiday stories—lists of holiday bests, New Year’s Eve adventures, etc.—encouraged.

FOOTBALL FUN NO SHAVE NOVEMBER CREATIVE KALENCHUKS ASK THE EDITOR PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY CAPETAS REVISED COOKING KIRKITSOS

MINI BOARD REQUEST OF THE WEEK

KIRKITSOS COOKING D EAR

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For some reason the comments didn’t come through. The request was “Please remove bulge in pants”... Vicky blushed a bit while typing it out.

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T R NA H

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Pics from baking greek wedding cookies for my sister’s wedding on Sunday! These are traditional greek butter/almond cookies with powdered sugar on top. We made them heart-shaped to add a little extra love. :) We baked more than 500 as well as ﬁve huge trays of baklava. YUM!

, T HU T, HUKE HI

“I once threw up in the bag they give you from drinking before the flight”

—Meghan

“When other people are upset it makes me happy”

Dad & Me A quick snap shot of my dear ol’ dad and his youngest boy, me. This photo was taken right before we started the hike along the Hudson.

—Amy

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“You can’t put that in your body, it’s poison”

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—Olga

“Leather jackets are for drug dealers”

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“Money’s no object”

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ANOTHER ISSUE ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY

Niche in style. Instead of being showered with praise and feted with gifts, he did the gifting himself. He brought in delicious Peter Pan Bakery doughnuts for everyone. Thanks Rich, and happy anniversary. I don’t care what Alberto .+&& 8;L;HBO 8EKB;L7H: BEI 7D=;B;I" 97 /&&*. )'&#.+*#&&-& X[l[hboY[dj[h$Yec says, you’re awesome.

—Anthony

—Amy

“You know what I look at when I buy food, the price” —Luis

“Can I be the one who holds the back of the bike” —Meghan

“The pie is still good” —Luis

Aunt Soula, myslef, Grandma Nicoletta, Aunt Voula, Cousin Ria and Mama Kirkitsos! Cousin Danny took the pic when he swung by to crash our ladies-only party! Lots of laughs and cookie eating... :)

On our hike, we found a long winding creek that cut through the forest. I walked down to the creek’s edge and shot a photo worthy of a Bob Ross painting.

HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BEARD MONTH Walking around the ofﬁce, you might have noticed a few unfamiliar faces. Well, they’re familiar faces. Just… hairier. Perhaps it is a testament to their manhood, a silent male defense taskforce, trying to proclaim their testosterone in the “woman’s club” that is this ofﬁce. However, some of these bearded fellows claim it is all just a part of a little friendly competition: No Shave November (synonymous with No Sex November), the one month a year that men around the world can grow a beard without having to defend themselves. Yeah… right.

FOOTBALL FUN

See if you can match these guys up with the real reason why their faces look like that. Look, we’ve already done one for you

Luis V

Job doesn’t pay enough; going for the “homeless” look to make some extra scrilla. Was invited to join a secret club formed by Al Borland (of Tool Time fame) that supposedly you can only join if you have a beard and wear plaid ﬂannel. Lazy. Only doing it because the cool* kids are doing it.

Tommy G

Chrissy B Darnelly H

*loser Auditioning for Geico’s caveman commercials. Has been trying to grow out his beard since “Forgot to Shave February.”

Tony A Ricky D

For more information on why YOU should consider growing a beard, visit beards.org/whybeard.php. For information on why you shouldn’t, visit eharmony.com —Jane

COMIC BOOKS ARE ACTUALLY GOOD FOR KIDS Comics are just as beneﬁcial to helping children learn as other types of books. Carol L. Tilley, a professor of library and information science at the University of Illinois, thinks educators are too quick to

dismiss comics—and that much of the criticism leveled at comic books could apply to any book with pictures. She also suggests negative connotations attached to the word “comic” make it hard for people to accept their educational value. In fact, Tilley believes that having to reconcile images and text actually helps students improve their reading comprehension, and points to evidence that comic books improve vocabulary and foster a love of reading. While this is potentially great

news for today’s elementary school students, we’ll really start lamenting being born in the wrong decade when academics start to argue that the Wii Fit’s ﬁtness tests are as valid as the dreaded rope climb that scarred us for life.

Y T S TA NKS DERVIISITED R

Typically my football weekends consist of me waking up early on Sunday to watch ESPN until the games start at 1 p.m. and basically not leaving my couch until the last game is over at about 11:30 p.m. This past weekend was decidedly different. After lots of emails (and trash talk), Anthony (and friends), Tom, Denis (Olga’s hubby) and myself got together to play some football. Two games were played very competitively. I was actually suprised at the level of play of all involved. Anthony was clearly the star of his team in Game One as he consistently got open deep on offense and intercepted my passes more than once on defense. Denis put on a show in Game Two, accounting for nearly all of his teams scores. All in all, it was an incredibly fun day that I’m hoping will become a regular occurance. (Okay, maybe semi-regular... I am getting old.)

Last week’s issue incorrectly described the capeta drink as having chocolate, peanuts, condensed milk, vodka and guarana in it. The NYTimes, that bastion of factual accuracy, says the capeta consists of fresh coconut meat, cachaca rum, guaraná, sweetened condensed milk and coconut milk. It looks like a pina colada (attached pic from TimeOut New York). It has 284 calories, Rich.

FOOTBALL FUN

See if you can match these guys up with the real reason why their faces look like that. Look, we’ve already done one for you

Luis V

Tommy G

Chrissy B Darnelly H

*loser Auditioning for Geico’s caveman commercials. Has been trying to grow out his beard since “Forgot to Shave February.”

Tony A Ricky D

For more information on why YOU should consider growing a beard, visit beards.org/whybeard.php. For information on why you shouldn’t, visit eharmony.com —Jane

Y T S TA NKS DERVIISITED R

CREATIVE KALENCHUKS

ASK THE EDITOR

Olga will be documenting the process of the art projects she and Denis have started. I am painting a boat scene from Balaklava, Black Sea Ukraine based on a photograph I took while on vacation. This is from Day 1 of painting the Balaklava Boats. Denis is painting a Battle of Borodino. September 7, 1812 was the largest and bloodiest single-day action of the French invasion of Russia, involving more than 250,000 troops and resulting in at least 70,000 casualties. The French Grande Armée under Emperor Napoleon I attacked the Imperial Russian army of General Mikhail Kutuzov near the village of Borodino and eventually captured the main positions on the battleﬁeld, but failed to destroy the Russian army. Denise’s ancestors participated in this battle. This will be a very long process because Denis wants to illustrate almost every single soldier in their uniforms. I think it will be interesting to see how this huge painting comes to be. He is losing his mind! You almost have to be obsessive compulsive to paint so many small soldiers!

Our Health and Fitness Editor is now open to fielding your questions. She will gladly provide answers to anything you ask. My skin gets so dry in the winter I resort to using Vaseline all over, but is there a better way? Is it true you can hydrate from within by drinking lots of water? I’ve also heard coffee dries you out. Should I switch to tea? Dear Arid Artist, The dry winter weather can be harsh on your skin. Below are a few tips that can revive your beautiful glow! 1) I can imagine vaseline causing quite a mess, so I recommend filling a spray bottle with baby oil and spritzing yourself after you shower. This locks in more moisture than lotion and quickly dries, leaving no mess. Moisturizing when your skin is wet also helps lock in moisture. It is important to continue moisturizing throughout the day. 2) Staying hydrated is necessary not only for flushing toxins from your body and carrying

nutrients to your cells, but also for preventing and curing dry skin. There is no evidence that this is true, but keep in mind health and beauty works from the inside out. Coffee as well as most soft drinks can dehydrate you, taking additional moisture from your already dry skin. Stick with extra water and tea and limit your coffee intake. 3) Consider making a few changes to your diet. Olive oil and oatmeal are proven ways to help prevent and cure dry skin internally, so try including them in your day to day diet. You may ﬁnd over-the-counter products that use oatmeal for its calming and moisturizing properties. 4) Avoiding really hot showers and dressing in layers (sweating a lot can cause your skin to dry out) as well as getting plenty of sleep and exercise will help keep you healthy, hydrated, and beautiful this winter!

BALLOON BLOWING

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA AMY’S LIST:

No Emma in Glee this week. She’s the OCD redhead with the killer wardrobe and is Will’s potential soul mate. Bring back the ginger! ■

■ Amish Market tuna melt. Their idea of a tuna melt was apparently grilling the cheese and bread, but not the tuna. It’s sad when Dunkin Donuts out-sandwiches you. (Go to DD for the awesome tuna sandwich combo for $3.99)

My mom, again. “Are you going to keep moving from place to place like a gypsy?” ■

■ Brian Williams. My hatred for him runs long and deep (for thinking certain areas of America are more authentic and ‘American’ than others, for BriTunes, for his voice...) and now he thinks he’s funny or something and appears on 30 Rock as himself.

MEGHAN’S LIST:

Negative people. They just bring us all down. Why not try to think positive (except when writing weekly bitching column). ■

Getting repeatedly slapped by your child. Apparently, babies think slapping people in the face is funny. It’s not. Ever. Funny. It hurts! ■

On Thanksiving Eve, Macy’s inﬂates the parade balloons and stores them on 77th and Columbus. It’s a great way to get a preview of the balloons while not having to deal with actual parade crowds.

CREATIVE KALENCHUKS

ASK THE EDITOR

BALLOON BLOWING

S E H ITC

BEZY

CRA AMY’S LIST:

No Emma in Glee this week. She’s the OCD redhead with the killer wardrobe and is Will’s potential soul mate. Bring back the ginger! ■

My mom, again. “Are you going to keep moving from place to place like a gypsy?” ■

MEGHAN’S LIST:

Negative people. They just bring us all down. Why not try to think positive (except when writing weekly bitching column). ■

Getting repeatedly slapped by your child. Apparently, babies think slapping people in the face is funny. It’s not. Ever. Funny. It hurts! ■

MINI BOARD REQUEST OF THE WEEK

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, T HU T, HUKE HI

“I once threw up in the bag they give you from drinking before the flight”

—Meghan

“When other people are upset it makes me happy”

Dad & Me A quick snap shot of my dear ol’ dad and his youngest boy, me. This photo was taken right before we started the hike along the Hudson.

—Amy

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“You can’t put that in your body, it’s poison”

—Olga

“Leather jackets are for drug dealers”

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“Money’s no object”

ANOTHER ISSUE ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY

—Anthony

—Amy

“You know what I look at when I buy food, the price” —Luis

“Can I be the one who holds the back of the bike” —Meghan

“The pie is still good” —Luis

Aunt Soula, myslef, Grandma Nicoletta, Aunt Voula, Cousin Ria and Mama Kirkitsos! Cousin Danny took the pic when he swung by to crash our ladies-only party! Lots of laughs and cookie eating... :)

On our hike, we found a long winding creek that cut through the forest. I walked down to the creek’s edge and shot a photo worthy of a Bob Ross painting.

Y A THE HAND TURKEY D I L HO EER

CHEEK 2S: W AFT CR

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 29 VOL. 1

FOOTBALL FUN NO SHAVE NOVEMBER CREATIVE KALENCHUKS ASK THE EDITOR PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY CAPETAS REVISED COOKING KIRKITSOS

y a d i l o h eer

Cheek 3: W Cor de

Dear ADW, All this consumerism makes me so sad. The worst part is my parents gave me a wish list. For themselves! What can I do? Desperate, Wholesome Holly

not too soon When I was little, Thanksgiving was the boring holiday. It was a day when we went to my aunt’s house to eat turkey and listen to adults talk about boring things. Then I got a little older and my mom got a better paying job; Thanksgiving suddenly meant the start of Christmas. While my mom loved to hate on everyone else’s preoccupation with gifts, she might as well have been dragging out the boxes of decorations and Christmas cards (purchased the day after the previous Christmas) before the turkey was cleared from the table. Every year we went looking for a Christmas tree on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. We skipped shopping on Friday and killed trees on Sunday. (And then apparently my mom would take the same picture: me with my hands in the branches...) For me, Thanksgiving will always be about preparing for Christmas.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 30 VOL. 1

What you need to do is get out the Yellow pages (although, I’m sure there’s an app for this...) and find yourself the nearest tree farm. Global warming be damned. Nothing will make your family want to string popcorn, serve dinner at asoup kitchen, and return to old timey traditional exchanges of good tidings more than braving the cold in order to pay too much for a tree you had to cut down yourself. Just be sure you take a sufficient amount of time to trapse across the entire field, bickering about what the right height and width should be. Bonus yuletide cheer for those who can say how far spread the branches need to be for dangling ornaments. Dear ADW, I don’t have a lot of time this year to devote to baking cookies. What should I be sure to make? Thanks, B.C. Decorate. Get yourself a tree. Then it won’t matter if you only have time to scoop chocolate chip cookie dough from a tube. It will still feel like Christmas.

Dear ADW, Paper or plastic? Or cloth? Sincerely, Curious Plastic is great because you don’t have to go get a tree. Unless you put it in storage. You can’t shape the branches on a

real tree. But plastic will never have that smell. My dad got his way in 1999 and two plastic trees went up in my parents’ house. One never came down. It is always Christmas in the sitting room...

NO THANKS HIDDEN BURRITO BLACK FRIDAY DEALS BLACK FRIDAY DEFINED PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY SICKSGIVING ONLY IN BROOKLYN

mini Board

d ear

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no thanks

r oVe

MEGHAN’S LIST: ■ TWW. Texting while walking. If you do this, you are lame.

—Rich

■ NFL network and its Thursday night games. Why must I pay to see you, NFL games? Once upon a time, you were all free.

“It’s gonna look like a big black hairy ass” This week’s questionEstis duisi tat. Ut acidunt volortio ex elisi. Ostrud tis do do odit atuero doloboreet ad dolessendrem ad tat. Si blaorer ostrud ming eliscip enim velisis num dolor sumsan veriuscipit When my mom, who never imbibes, drinks one glass of red wine and gets drunk. —Amy Cleaning up the table with my cousins. —Jessica The days off. —Fryda Getting together with family outside New York. —Olga Getting into a food coma from eating delicious food. —Anthony The food. —Meghan My mom’s stuffing and canned cranberry sauce. —Stefanie Sunday comes early—eating all day and watching the Cowboys— with more and better food. —Luis

happy Birthday henry!

On November 19th Henry celebrated his first birthday. He was awakened with bubbles, balloons and much fanfare before partaking of his orange frosted birthday donut (yummy). His night was filled with delicious pizza and some playing in his vegetable garden. Happy Birthday Henry... and many, many more.

—Anthony

“I just want to eat and drink there, and wear really fancy dresses” —Vicky

“Pretty don’t pay the rent” —Jill

“Continue facebooking” —Anthony

“I might roll it around in something” —Amy

“This is my 8th glass and I haven’t gone to the bathroom yet” —Jessica

“What’s a dingbat” —Lisa

“You know what’s funny, you were a baby once” —Vicky

BeZy

Cra

“I name this my celebration of man”

Best part of thanksGiVinG

s e h itC

AMY’S LIST:

Everyone knows that mashed potatoes are the all-star of Thanksgiving sides, but here is my list of the most overrated side dishes you will encounter this turkey day. Stick this in your cornucopia and smoke it! 5) Yams What the shit is a yam anyway? Is it a misfit potato, a root of some sort, possibly a squash? The truth is, no one really knows. The only time yams are acceptable is when they are slathered with marshmallows. And let’s be honest, you could roast cat food in marshmallows and it would look appetizing. 4) Brussels Sprouts In addition to the fact that they look like the gremlin pods that spawned Stripe, these lil’ bastards smell like they’ve saved you a step and farted for you. 3) Stufﬁng Okay, before you defend stuffing, hear me out.

Whose bright idea was stuffing anyway? “Hey, we’ve got too many croutons left over—let’s jam them into the turkey’s ass.” Let’s all stop fooling ourselves and call stuffing what it is— Turkey Cavity Mush… Yum. 2) Giblets Okay, Mom, the turkey is 17 lbs… Do we really need to eat the unmentionables? I don’t care if we are in a recession; I am not eating turkey spleen. 1) Cranberry Sauce Talk about your all time “outta left field” side dishes. Not quite dessert, this canned mystery side finds its way onto my plate every year. I take a heaping scoop of this and wonder “What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” I believe the only real purpose for Cranberry Sauce is to ward off the UTI you got from the bathroom sex you had at the bar the night before. —DRM

■ Daylight savings time. It looks like 5 p.m. at 2:30. I’m sleepy by 4! What’s the point of messing with time again?

We can’t get sick till next September. Nuff said. ■

Oprah is ending her show in 2011. How will I live my best life after that?? ■

Gum on subway handrails. I thought I was touching Tom’s hand. Turns out he’s not that moist. ■

adW Wonders

After reading the points raised by Meghan and then Amy, we wonder if Oprah took her cue from the NFL. People love football on Thanksgiving. Would they pay to watch non-Thanksgiving Thursday games? Yes. People LOVE Oprah. Will they pay to watch her show? Yes. People love ADW...?

the Greatest time of year Black Friday is my Superbowl. I love the dog tiredness of the 4 a.m. wakeup, the frantic rush for a parking space, the elbows thrown all for the thrill of the chase, the hunt for a bargain. My team of fellow lady shoppers has been in place since 1998 (since we were old enough to drive). This year we have matching orange vests, so we can find each other amongst the scrum of shoppers. For the 2009 season, I’m focusing on home goods and gifts for TG. I have most of the circulars already, via bfads.net, so here’s a sneak peak of what I’m going for. And if you see me in the mall, watch yourself, my elbows are sharp. —Amy

GiVinG thanks

$3 toaster, crock pot, sandwich press or coffeemaker!! I WILL bust the door for these. The toater is coming into work.

Legally the cheapest a Wii can be sold for is $199. Dell craftily gets around that by giving you a $20 discount in your shopping cart. Target’s got $3.99 DVDs, including the new classic, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

On to Kmart has Big Buck Hunter plug and play home video game for $29.99!

They also have an Easy Bake oven. You laugh now, but wait till you have fresh baked treats every afternoon. Or maybe my niece will receive this.

I love Thanksgiving. I mean a day based around football, food and giving thanks to those we love... Sign me up. Thanksgiving is a near perfect day. You basically wake up in time to see a parade, which was always a highlight of my childhood. You got to see your favorite characters as gigantic balloons on the streets of Manhattan (where have you gone Superman balloon?). Then

at the very end of the parade Santa appears to start the official beginning of Chirstmas. Then on to the food. It’s the Super Bowl of food, plus you can watch football while you eat. Unfortunately, if you have a Thanksgiving lunch, you get stuck with the Lions. Luckily my family eats a little later and we get to watch our beloved Cowboys while we eat. Lets not forget the giving thanks part. I simply must say thank you to my wonderful wife. She makes my world work. I never need or want for anything with her around. Thanks, my love, you’re the best. Also a special thanks to Anthony for providing the cover art to this issue (at 1 a.m. while watching the immortal Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School). Pictured above is Megan circa 2005 with the Pilgrim hat she made in Kindergarten.

k C a Bl ay d i r f fined de

“Do you know why Black Friday is called Black Friday?” Luis “Of course I do. I was in retail for years. It has to do with retail. (long pause) And the economy.” Jessica

hidden BUrrito

A short week after receiving our new Workplace Safety Program (and the new policies regarding horseplay), Anthony could be seen chasing Rich around the office. The reason... Anthony’s mega-burrito had disappeared. As Anthony exclaimed, “Anyone seen a burrito,” a nervous Rich could be seen lurking about. After much investigating, the burrito was found behind the Art Department vacation calendar. Slightly colder, but no worse for

$39 sewing machine, since Anthony broke mine while making his Halloween costume.

And at Kohl’s.... Marked down from $125 to $29.99 real diamond earrings.

The ofﬁce was treated to a game of “Where’s Anthony’s burrito?”

wear. Rich later apologized for hiding Anthony’s burrito by buying him Doritos (which Anthony then shared with everyone). So we all win when burritos get hidden. The hidden burrito led to this quote: “Isn’t there something quasi-sexual about Rich hiding Anthony’s burrito?” The quotee requested anonymity.

After much laughter, Amy provided us the real answer. Which most (if not all) of us already knew. Black Friday is typically the largest shopping day of the year. Therefore, it is the day when retailers go from the red (posting a loss) to the black (turning a profit).

GiVinG thanks

$3 toaster, crock pot, sandwich press or coffeemaker!! I WILL bust the door for these. The toater is coming into work.

On to Kmart has Big Buck Hunter plug and play home video game for $29.99!

They also have an Easy Bake oven. You laugh now, but wait till you have fresh baked treats every afternoon. Or maybe my niece will receive this.

k C a Bl ay d i r f fined de

“Do you know why Black Friday is called Black Friday?” Luis “Of course I do. I was in retail for years. It has to do with retail. (long pause) And the economy.” Jessica

hidden BUrrito

$39 sewing machine, since Anthony broke mine while making his Halloween costume.

And at Kohl’s.... Marked down from $125 to $29.99 real diamond earrings.

The ofﬁce was treated to a game of “Where’s Anthony’s burrito?”

thanks, mom

what a day for a parade For this issue, Jessica sent us pictures from what was apparently the warmest and sunniest Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ADW can remember. So warm and sunny, in fact, that a certain band of brothers look rather over dressed.

only in Bk

Camille also submitted a photo for this issue. As she says, only in Brooklyn can you wake up to see police trying to apprehend a (large) naked man on the street. ADW is sad that the “Obama endorses Bill Thompson” poster had to be cropped out of the image in order to fit this space.

My sisters and me performing our highly anticipated Thanksgiving Day skit written and directed by my mom circa 1993. She was also in charge of the costumes. Left to right: my little sister, Daniella, me and my older sister, Jenna

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. We always celebrate it at my house, and my mom does her best to make the holiday an educational, artistic and cultural event. In doing so she almost ruined the day for me when she made my sisters and me perform a skit dressed as pilgrims in front of all of our relatives. Yet the spirit of the holiday was never lost. It is a day of reflection, gratitude and gluttony. Not only do we eat all of the typical holiday foods—turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, baked potatoes, pumpkin pie, etc.—we start the meal with a light first course of lasagna. That’s what you get in an Italian household. Now that I’m older and can refuse to perform, I enjoy the

When I was about eight or nine years old, my dad wanted to take me to the Thanksgiving Day parade with my uncle. I was excited about it all month. Then the day before I started running a fever. Despite my best effort to “will myself cooler” (which I try to do even today), I couldn’t hide my fever and had to stay home. My uncle and cousin came over later that day and tried not to talk it up too much. To add insult to injury, by the end of the night my parents started getting the cold, and we spent the rest of the weekend on the couch. This wasn’t the only holiday we spent together as a sick family, but that story is for another holiday issue. —Rich

holiday much more. It was also pretty great the last four years because I got the whole week off. Oh, college, how I miss you. Wishing everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving! —Stefanie A display of my mom’s hidden artistic abilities—her turkey sculpture made out of food.

thanks, mom

only in Bk

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MEGHAN’S LIST: ■ TWW. Texting while walking. If you do this, you are lame.

—Rich

■ NFL network and its Thursday night games. Why must I pay to see you, NFL games? Once upon a time, you were all free.

happy Birthday henry!

—Anthony

“I just want to eat and drink there, and wear really fancy dresses” —Vicky

“Pretty don’t pay the rent” —Jill

“Continue facebooking” —Anthony

“I might roll it around in something” —Amy

“This is my 8th glass and I haven’t gone to the bathroom yet” —Jessica

“What’s a dingbat” —Lisa

“You know what’s funny, you were a baby once” —Vicky

BeZy

Cra

“I name this my celebration of man”

Best part of thanksGiVinG

s e h itC

AMY’S LIST:

■ Daylight savings time. It looks like 5 p.m. at 2:30. I’m sleepy by 4! What’s the point of messing with time again?

We can’t get sick till next September. Nuff said. ■

Oprah is ending her show in 2011. How will I live my best life after that?? ■

Gum on subway handrails. I thought I was touching Tom’s hand. Turns out he’s not that moist. ■

adW Wonders

y a d i l o h eer

Cheek 3: W Cor de

Dear ADW, All this consumerism makes me so sad. The worst part is my parents gave me a wish list. For themselves! What can I do? Desperate, Wholesome Holly

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 30 VOL. 1

Dear ADW, Paper or plastic? Or cloth? Sincerely, Curious Plastic is great because you don’t have to go get a tree. Unless you put it in storage. You can’t shape the branches on a

real tree. But plastic will never have that smell. My dad got his way in 1999 and two plastic trees went up in my parents’ house. One never came down. It is always Christmas in the sitting room...

NO THANKS HIDDEN BURRITO BLACK FRIDAY DEALS BLACK FRIDAY DEFINED PLUS: BITCHES BE CRAZY SICKSGIVING ONLY IN BROOKLYN