Art Department Weekly | Issue 31-35 Vol. 1

ADW

art department weekly issue 31 vol. 1

thanks, dad bearded men society black friday baby jeter PLus: bitches be crazy c215 ludachristmas

MINI BOARD W VE ACD U L SI

EX

D EAR

BLACK FRIDAY BABY

T R NA H

R OVE

B

I

amy’s list:

anthony put together the above save-the-date for this year’s ludachirstmas party. after gauging the temperature of some fellow art department members, the save-the-date was deemed too lewd for use. you can now see it exclusively here in the pages of ADW. to view the actual ADW std flip to the back cover.

STYLISHER adjective (stilisher) anthony (not only our font master flex) created the above word when trying to describe what he was going for with the Vegas redesign. you know, he wanted to go for something more stylisher.

-Jessica

“Get in there and get a donut before Meghan gets back in there” -Jessica

“I don’t want any douchey beer” -meghan

“You already killed a rat for them” -meghan

“Don’t fork me” -darnell

OVERZEALOUS EDITOR

after realizing she left us flabbergasted with an outlandish photo request, one of our editors actually sent over the picture at the right as an example of her “stationary stonehenge”... you can’t make this stuff up

“You’re an ass” -Jessica

“Damn, you’re a monster” -anthony

These games are good for me -Jessica

bad biopics of my heroes. first nancy drew reimagined as a 12-year-old girl (boo), and now a poor rendition of amelia earheart. stop ruining my childhood!

■

-meghan

TOO LEWD FOR LUDACHRISTMAS?

BEZY

CRA

“Is your love in the form of roasted pecans” “I just got nauseous.

I was reading while walking and got motion sickness”

S E H ITC

while some of you were out early friday morning, shopping and hunting and knocking over people for deals, my sister opted to wait until the wee hour of 9:10 p.m. to push twice in the matter of 5 minutes of labor only to get the best gift of all right before christmas. a baby girl. lilly Gabrielle was born at 7 lbs 10 ounces and 20 inches. both mom and baby are doing fine. as are the rest of the families. both my sister’s side and my brother-in-law’s side are all new to becoming grandparents, greatgrandparents, aunts and uncles. she is so precious and a blessing to all of us this year! it was well worth the wait. welcome to the world, lilly!

THE STAGES OF LABOR my therapist told me i was going to have a really fast delivery. i said, “God, i hope not.” the body has more than nine months to stretch and change to accommodate a baby. why should it try to undo all that in fewer than nine hours? that’s a lot of work...

near the end of active labor, it may feel as though the contractions never completely stop.

early labor the cervix works to become as thin and wide as possible. this can start days before you decide to go to the hospital. early labor ends when your care provider says so.

delivery this is when the baby is pushed into the world. times vary depending on the woman, medication, and baby’s position.

active labor depending on who your care provider or medical reference is, active labor begins the closer you get to being fully effaced and 10 centimeters dilated. when you have to start pulling out the crazy positions or medication to get through the pain, you’re probably there.

transition the pregnant woman becomes incoherent. seasoned attendants can tell by the look on her face that she is headed for delivery.

afterbirth lest we forget, the baby had a home inside the uterus. the placenta needs to be pushed out, too. unless you have a medical provider who simply wants to pull it out. Or you went into surgery.

Adapted by Madeline from some websites and classes and books and life

power trips in the spanish club. what’s the word for “coup” in spanish?

■

luke wilson and the cast of snl reduced to shilling cell phones in tV commercials. meGHan’s list:

i second amy on the spanish club dictatorship that’s in power.

■

i believe that some cheap ass somewhere is thinning the soap in the women’s restroom. yes, this might sound a tad bit Ocd, but come on!! it’s flu season for eff’s sake!!!

■

■ public makeout sessions. last week i was in marshall’s being shoportunistic and as i made my way through one of the aisles, i came upon a couple making out. i gave them the most disgusted look i have in my arsenal and moved on, but really, i wanted to punch them both in the face. Get a room a-holes!

MINI BOARD W VE ACD U L SI

EX

D EAR

BLACK FRIDAY BABY

T R NA H

R OVE

B

I

amy’s list:

anthony put together the above save-the-date for this year’s ludachirstmas party. after gauging the temperature of some fellow art department members, the save-the-date was deemed too lewd for use. you can now see it exclusively here in the pages of ADW. to view the actual ADW std flip to the back cover.

STYLISHER adjective (stilisher) anthony (not only our font master flex) created the above word when trying to describe what he was going for with the Vegas redesign. you know, he wanted to go for something more stylisher.

-Jessica

“Get in there and get a donut before Meghan gets back in there” -Jessica

“I don’t want any douchey beer” -meghan

“You already killed a rat for them” -meghan

“Don’t fork me” -darnell

OVERZEALOUS EDITOR

after realizing she left us flabbergasted with an outlandish photo request, one of our editors actually sent over the picture at the right as an example of her “stationary stonehenge”... you can’t make this stuff up

“You’re an ass” -Jessica

“Damn, you’re a monster” -anthony

These games are good for me -Jessica

bad biopics of my heroes. first nancy drew reimagined as a 12-year-old girl (boo), and now a poor rendition of amelia earheart. stop ruining my childhood!

■

-meghan

TOO LEWD FOR LUDACHRISTMAS?

BEZY

CRA

“Is your love in the form of roasted pecans” “I just got nauseous.

I was reading while walking and got motion sickness”

S E H ITC

while some of you were out early friday morning, shopping and hunting and knocking over people for deals, my sister opted to wait until the wee hour of 9:10 p.m. to push twice in the matter of 5 minutes of labor only to get the best gift of all right before christmas. a baby girl. lilly Gabrielle was born at 7 lbs 10 ounces and 20 inches. both mom and baby are doing fine. as are the rest of the families. both my sister’s side and my brother-in-law’s side are all new to becoming grandparents, greatgrandparents, aunts and uncles. she is so precious and a blessing to all of us this year! it was well worth the wait. welcome to the world, lilly!

THE STAGES OF LABOR my therapist told me i was going to have a really fast delivery. i said, “God, i hope not.” the body has more than nine months to stretch and change to accommodate a baby. why should it try to undo all that in fewer than nine hours? that’s a lot of work...

near the end of active labor, it may feel as though the contractions never completely stop.

early labor the cervix works to become as thin and wide as possible. this can start days before you decide to go to the hospital. early labor ends when your care provider says so.

delivery this is when the baby is pushed into the world. times vary depending on the woman, medication, and baby’s position.

active labor depending on who your care provider or medical reference is, active labor begins the closer you get to being fully effaced and 10 centimeters dilated. when you have to start pulling out the crazy positions or medication to get through the pain, you’re probably there.

transition the pregnant woman becomes incoherent. seasoned attendants can tell by the look on her face that she is headed for delivery.

afterbirth lest we forget, the baby had a home inside the uterus. the placenta needs to be pushed out, too. unless you have a medical provider who simply wants to pull it out. Or you went into surgery.

Adapted by Madeline from some websites and classes and books and life

power trips in the spanish club. what’s the word for “coup” in spanish?

■

luke wilson and the cast of snl reduced to shilling cell phones in tV commercials. meGHan’s list:

i second amy on the spanish club dictatorship that’s in power.

■

i believe that some cheap ass somewhere is thinning the soap in the women’s restroom. yes, this might sound a tad bit Ocd, but come on!! it’s flu season for eff’s sake!!!

■

■ public makeout sessions. last week i was in marshall’s being shoportunistic and as i made my way through one of the aisles, i came upon a couple making out. i gave them the most disgusted look i have in my arsenal and moved on, but really, i wanted to punch them both in the face. Get a room a-holes!

IRON ART On the week the Iron Man 2 poster was finally released, i finished up a Jack kirby inspired piece that had been in the works for a while. kirby is widely considered to be the king of comic art. he broke all conventions with his composition and groundbreaking visuals.

THANKS, DAD PIE

i thought it would be nice of me to give a little shout out to my dad since i didn’t really mention him in the last issue of ADW. his contribution to thanksgiving is almost as important as my mom’s—he deep fries our supplementary turkey! (turkey no. 1 is cooked in the oven for all of our health conscious guests.) some of you may be question-

ing the nutritional benefits of a deep fried turkey or the general safety of all those involved in the process, however, it's definitely worth the extra calories and the occasional third degree burns. so props to my dad for providing us with delicious turkey meat on thanksgiving without blowing up our house.

—Stefanie

Dad tentatively checking on the vat of boiling peanut oil.

My dad, a promoter of healthy eating habits and lifestyle choices.

rich, the newest member of the bearded men society sent the following images of awesome characters (meghan, that’s robocop, hellboy and

batman... and yes, they are all awesome characters) all reimagined with great facial hair. i for one think each character looks better.

BETY

TAS the result: notice the fire extinguisher in the back. safety first!

BEARDED MEN SOCIETY

S

IE G O R

nutrition Facts calories 383 total Fat 21g cholesterol 129mg sodium 1116mg total carbs 1g Protein 45g

even though my dad’s side of the family is mainly italian, at any major holiday my mom makes pierogies, which are always the main attraction at the dinner table. this year being no different, my mother made a pile of pierogies for us to gorge ourselves on. however she froze them in layers using freezer wrap rather than the clear wrap. because of this, the pierogies could not be separated while frozen and bascially combined to form a frozen husk. being the only sober one at the house, it was my job to free our dinner from the frozen depths. so here is a pic of me with a hair dryer, sitting at the kitchen table for about an hour, defrosting the pile pierogies so we can eat.

—Rich

C215 PORTRAITS OF HUMANITY

karen rose sent me a link to c215’s incredible work. i decided i had to share. his clarity of detail and multilined visages give the impression that something more is employed than simple stencilling. we don’t know when he is comes to new york, but we always know when he has been here. suddenly new faces peer out from the sides of dumpsters, doorways, and de-commissioned fire boxes. he captures his models’ character with compassion. you can almost feel the emotions of his models. pain, sorrow, happiness, peace, longing and loneliness seep through the rivers of creases and wrinkles on their faces.

GOOD EATS

the folks at Sports Illustrated must be readers of ADW. we here at the dubs often detail the many accomplishments and milestones the captain has reached. i for one have gone on record as stating that i think he is the greatest shortstop of all-time. Jeter has won multiple awards this off-season and capped his great year by being named SI’s sportsman of the year. congrats cap!

the wednesday before thanksgiving, the art department got together for a little potluck thanksgiving lunch. highlights included amy’s (and tom’s) turkey meatballs, stefanie’s pumpkin bread, and Olga’s mashed sweet potatoes. everything was delicious.

Olga also gamely set the table and served the wine. Vicky captured the whole event. it was my favorite lunch ever at niche.

Y A D I L O H EER

CHEEK 4: W IFTS G

dear ADW, i hate my landlord. He shuts off the water and electricity without any notice. should i file an unlawful eviction complaint with the housing department?

—upset

FROM THE HEART let’s face it. who really has a hundred dollars for a tauntaun sleeping bag this year? not me. not last year either. recessions are a bitch, but luckily i have more than 20 years of experience with the homemade gift. coupon booklets, video montages, special drawings and even a 12-issue comic book series are just a few of the more recent gifts i’ve given. my mom flipped out that i hadn’t sent my dad a birthday card. a few days later, pecan sandies arrived in special packages—one for my dad’s birthday, one for father’s day. alas, i’m sure i overpaid on shipping... handmade gifts are back. embrace the crafter in you! (but don’t call it that.)

hi upset, it’s easy to be thoughtful without actually giving a damn about the recipient. something like mass produced batches of peanut brittle or muddy buddies go undetected as a sign of how little you care when they are wrapped up in cute little containers. everyone loves sweet and salty treats, and hopefully that love brings some good karma your way. dear ADW, When will you have a special with christmas cookies? love, starving you don’t need to be able to bake to show someone how much you care. personalize a container and fill it with Oreos or candy. in fact, you can find a way around any project you can’t really accomplish. the key is to manage your expectations. want to make a snuggy? there instructions on the internet for how to make one without sewing. Genius. dear ADW, in this age of cultural awareness, do teachers still

tell kids to sit “indian style”? just wondering... what really makes a gift special is putting your own stamp on it. it doesn’t have to be as good as store-bought if the recipient knows it was from you. hence, when the scrappers writes a song to celebrate father’s day, no one cares that it’s mostly just a hook with no real verses and will

never be a top 40 hit. it’s simply scrappers. Get in touch with the real you and magic will happen. dear ADW, What are these pictures of? thanks, captain caption pecan sandies; megan (not that meghan) with a guitar; lV watching the video montage; me, writing the comic book series.

C215 PORTRAITS OF HUMANITY

karen rose sent me a link to c215’s incredible work. i decided i had to share. his clarity of detail and multilined visages give the impression that something more is employed than simple stencilling. we don’t know when he is comes to new york, but we always know when he has been here. suddenly new faces peer out from the sides of dumpsters, doorways, and de-commissioned fire boxes. he captures his models’ character with compassion. you can almost feel the emotions of his models. pain, sorrow, happiness, peace, longing and loneliness seep through the rivers of creases and wrinkles on their faces.

GOOD EATS

the folks at Sports Illustrated must be readers of ADW. we here at the dubs often detail the many accomplishments and milestones the captain has reached. i for one have gone on record as stating that i think he is the greatest shortstop of all-time. Jeter has won multiple awards this off-season and capped his great year by being named SI’s sportsman of the year. congrats cap!

the wednesday before thanksgiving, the art department got together for a little potluck thanksgiving lunch. highlights included amy’s (and tom’s) turkey meatballs, stefanie’s pumpkin bread, and Olga’s mashed sweet potatoes. everything was delicious.

Olga also gamely set the table and served the wine. Vicky captured the whole event. it was my favorite lunch ever at niche.

Y A D I L O H EER

CHEEK 4: W IFTS G

dear ADW, i hate my landlord. He shuts off the water and electricity without any notice. should i file an unlawful eviction complaint with the housing department?

—upset

FROM THE HEART let’s face it. who really has a hundred dollars for a tauntaun sleeping bag this year? not me. not last year either. recessions are a bitch, but luckily i have more than 20 years of experience with the homemade gift. coupon booklets, video montages, special drawings and even a 12-issue comic book series are just a few of the more recent gifts i’ve given. my mom flipped out that i hadn’t sent my dad a birthday card. a few days later, pecan sandies arrived in special packages—one for my dad’s birthday, one for father’s day. alas, i’m sure i overpaid on shipping... handmade gifts are back. embrace the crafter in you! (but don’t call it that.)

hi upset, it’s easy to be thoughtful without actually giving a damn about the recipient. something like mass produced batches of peanut brittle or muddy buddies go undetected as a sign of how little you care when they are wrapped up in cute little containers. everyone loves sweet and salty treats, and hopefully that love brings some good karma your way. dear ADW, When will you have a special with christmas cookies? love, starving you don’t need to be able to bake to show someone how much you care. personalize a container and fill it with Oreos or candy. in fact, you can find a way around any project you can’t really accomplish. the key is to manage your expectations. want to make a snuggy? there instructions on the internet for how to make one without sewing. Genius. dear ADW, in this age of cultural awareness, do teachers still

tell kids to sit “indian style”? just wondering... what really makes a gift special is putting your own stamp on it. it doesn’t have to be as good as store-bought if the recipient knows it was from you. hence, when the scrappers writes a song to celebrate father’s day, no one cares that it’s mostly just a hook with no real verses and will

never be a top 40 hit. it’s simply scrappers. Get in touch with the real you and magic will happen. dear ADW, What are these pictures of? thanks, captain caption pecan sandies; megan (not that meghan) with a guitar; lV watching the video montage; me, writing the comic book series.

IRON ART On the week the Iron Man 2 poster was finally released, i finished up a Jack kirby inspired piece that had been in the works for a while. kirby is widely considered to be the king of comic art. he broke all conventions with his composition and groundbreaking visuals.

THANKS, DAD PIE

i thought it would be nice of me to give a little shout out to my dad since i didn’t really mention him in the last issue of ADW. his contribution to thanksgiving is almost as important as my mom’s—he deep fries our supplementary turkey! (turkey no. 1 is cooked in the oven for all of our health conscious guests.) some of you may be question-

ing the nutritional benefits of a deep fried turkey or the general safety of all those involved in the process, however, it's definitely worth the extra calories and the occasional third degree burns. so props to my dad for providing us with delicious turkey meat on thanksgiving without blowing up our house.

—Stefanie

Dad tentatively checking on the vat of boiling peanut oil.

My dad, a promoter of healthy eating habits and lifestyle choices.

rich, the newest member of the bearded men society sent the following images of awesome characters (meghan, that’s robocop, hellboy and

batman... and yes, they are all awesome characters) all reimagined with great facial hair. i for one think each character looks better.

BETY

TAS the result: notice the fire extinguisher in the back. safety first!

BEARDED MEN SOCIETY

S

IE G O R

nutrition Facts calories 383 total Fat 21g cholesterol 129mg sodium 1116mg total carbs 1g Protein 45g

even though my dad’s side of the family is mainly italian, at any major holiday my mom makes pierogies, which are always the main attraction at the dinner table. this year being no different, my mother made a pile of pierogies for us to gorge ourselves on. however she froze them in layers using freezer wrap rather than the clear wrap. because of this, the pierogies could not be separated while frozen and bascially combined to form a frozen husk. being the only sober one at the house, it was my job to free our dinner from the frozen depths. so here is a pic of me with a hair dryer, sitting at the kitchen table for about an hour, defrosting the pile pierogies so we can eat.

—Rich

ADW

art department weekly issue 31 vol. 1

thanks, dad bearded men society black friday baby jeter PLus: bitches be crazy c215 ludachristmas

my faVorite cHiLdHood HoLiday gift I posed the above question to the regular ADW contributors. The answers were not only amazing, passionate and far-reaching, but also spoke volumes about all of us as individuals.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 32 VOL. 1

Magic Nursery Baby when I was about 7. It was a baby doll with a magic bib that you dipped in water, and waited to see if it was a boy, girl or twins (in which case the manufacturer sent you another doll!).

Mine was a girl. Of course, after I found that out, I was kind of done with the doll, but boy was I excited for that one day. You could also make a heart appear on its cheek with hot and cold water. Magic! (pic attached) Amy

My Pet Monster DRM

The Geosafari Computer Home Learning System.

The birth of Tom the über-nerd.

How many 6-year-olds did you know who could place Kampuchea on a map? Sexy, I know.

Tom She-Ra's Crystal Castle. 1985.

I BEGGED my parents for it. Back then it was a lot of money for them to spend. (I may or may not have gone on to sell it for $8 at a yard sale six months later.)

Una Light Brite Jessica

My favorite gift as a kid was a “My First Sony” walkie-talkie headset. When my parents got it for me I was so excited to try it. But as an only child, I had no one to wear the other set. My poor dad had to be my radio buddy for that day. I would wear this thing all the time and after a while I started upgrading it. I would sport some sunglasses and tape a small pensized flashlight to the side. This way I was covered for both day and night missions. When my parents sent me to bed, I would leave the other headset on in the TV room under the couch so I could listen to what they were watching from my room.

Rich

Castle Greyskull... That microphone was amazing.

Anthony

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUIS FAVORITE GIFTS COOKIES! JERSEY SORE PLUS: PATTY CAKES NEW MOON MORE GIFTS

miNi board

and Mormonism (ask Luis), but I'll analyze the movie from the perspective of the tween that I still am at heart.

rd a e H

t r Na

r oVe We here at ADW do not condone acts of vandalism or general tomfoolery. We do however report the facts.

I received the following note and image and felt compelled to put it in ADW:

dear fact departmeNt, pLaNs HaVe beeN set iN motioN tHat yoU caNNot stop. eXpect Us. - aNoNymoUs

goo•gLe•abLe adjective | 'googel'abel | Darnell coined the above word as a form of bragging about his status and accomplishments. For example “Yeah, I’ve done it all. I’m googleable.”

i

moVies We Like “Let me suck on that for a little bit and I’ll give it right back” -Fryda

“I can’t go to the gym, I washed my hair already” -Vicky

“Tube tops, we’re not in Jersey” -Rich

“It’s like a retarded Breakfast Club, only without the popular girl” -Karen

“We need to hide this from Fryda, because she’s gonna eat it all” -Jessica

oN tHe coVer

Rich supplied this week’s illustration of Luis.

Happy Birthday! Luis unwittingly supplied his own quote: I don’t care if I have to generate all the content; I’m highly opinionated.

To get Luis’ look, we recommend: CloseShavers Squadron ultimate brushless shave cream ($15.50), Malleable molding paste ($16.50), Facial Fuel eye de-puffer ($18.50), Ultra facial cream ($24.50), Facial Fuel no-shine moisturizing lip balm ($8.50).

“He’s kinda like a Mexican, he has no neck” -Tom

“Good thing she didn’t have her short dress on” -Jessica

“I said aurally not orally” -Tom

Stefanie, our intrepid art intern and ADW entertainment columnist reviews the latest chapter of the Twilight series.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon This is really difficult for me to admit to myself, let alone the peeps I work with, but I’m just an intern so I’ll swallow what little pride I have left and share it with the world… I am a fan of the Twilight series.

Naturally, two of my good friends were as excited as I was to see the movie opening day. As we packed into the theater filled with 12-yearold girls, a bunch of moms and two men, the anticipation could be felt from the giggles and hurried whispers of all those inside.

The movie began in complete silence, which I found to be a little strange. It wasn't until three long minutes had passed when everyone began to realize this was not intentional. Moans and yelling from the audience ensued but no one moved, not even a mom. Being the proactive person I am, I ran out of the theater (to cheers and applause) and got help, not to mention a refund and free movie pass!

Anyway, back to the movie—I’m not going to get into the parallels between Stephenie Meyer's work

New Moon is much better than the previous installment of Twilight. I don't know what it was about the first one, but it just sucked. This one is all about Bella, so if you have some issues with Kristen Stewart you might want to skip it. Edward is not present in a majority of the movie after he leaves Bella in an attempt to protect her from the vampire world. Some moments seem a little slow, with Bella hating her life and acting like a zombie, but as she gets closer to her friend Jacob a new relationship grows and he begins to fill the void in her life. Of course there is always some danger lurking in Forks. Wolves are running rampant, and the vampire Victoria is back seeking revenge. I really don’t want to spoil the ending for anyone who still wants to read/see New Moon so I won’t say more.

However, I’ll end with a few highlights from the movie: - Gratuitous amounts of shirtless wolf boys (some of them could have benefited from hanging out a little more with Taylor Lautner’s trainer…)

- There’s more of Edward in the movie than the book because he actually materializes out of thin air when Bella is about to do something dangerous.

- Thom Yorke's new song “Hearing Damage” - A glimpse into the future that Alice has foreseen—it was ridiculous and I actually laughed out loud.

If you are a fan of the series you should definitely see it. Just make sure you go with friends who have a similar obsession level.

bitcHes be craZy Bitches Be Crazy is closed for the holiday season. Look for the bitches to be back and crazier than ever with their rants in 2010!

faVe gift

My fave holiday gift: Sumo four years ago. He arrived in a mini cage at midnight on Dec 24, 2005. There where three other families waiting for their pooches. It was Roi’s first dog and he was sooooo nervous.

All the other families got their beautiful happy retriever with an oversized red ribbon. But nothing for us. Roi was flipping out. Finally 30 minutes later this guy comes with a cage—a fluffy coat pouring out from every single breathing hole.

The guy could barely carry the cage, but, voila, 30 pounds of depression. Our puppy had no voice form crying so much.

(The breeder told us, he was devastated because a few days before they had sold his sister.) We had no idea what to do. Sumo had so much skin and was so heavy. We finally got home, fed him, and he slept for the following 22 hours. (I guess he woke up when he was hungry again.)

For the next four months, he grew a pound perday, until he developed into this insanely handsome 180-pound dude.

–Fryda

miNi board

and Mormonism (ask Luis), but I'll analyze the movie from the perspective of the tween that I still am at heart.

rd a e H

t r Na

r oVe We here at ADW do not condone acts of vandalism or general tomfoolery. We do however report the facts.

I received the following note and image and felt compelled to put it in ADW:

dear fact departmeNt, pLaNs HaVe beeN set iN motioN tHat yoU caNNot stop. eXpect Us. - aNoNymoUs

goo•gLe•abLe adjective | 'googel'abel | Darnell coined the above word as a form of bragging about his status and accomplishments. For example “Yeah, I’ve done it all. I’m googleable.”

i

moVies We Like “Let me suck on that for a little bit and I’ll give it right back” -Fryda

“I can’t go to the gym, I washed my hair already” -Vicky

“Tube tops, we’re not in Jersey” -Rich

“It’s like a retarded Breakfast Club, only without the popular girl” -Karen

“We need to hide this from Fryda, because she’s gonna eat it all” -Jessica

oN tHe coVer

Rich supplied this week’s illustration of Luis.

Happy Birthday! Luis unwittingly supplied his own quote: I don’t care if I have to generate all the content; I’m highly opinionated.

To get Luis’ look, we recommend: CloseShavers Squadron ultimate brushless shave cream ($15.50), Malleable molding paste ($16.50), Facial Fuel eye de-puffer ($18.50), Ultra facial cream ($24.50), Facial Fuel no-shine moisturizing lip balm ($8.50).

“He’s kinda like a Mexican, he has no neck” -Tom

“Good thing she didn’t have her short dress on” -Jessica

“I said aurally not orally” -Tom

Stefanie, our intrepid art intern and ADW entertainment columnist reviews the latest chapter of the Twilight series.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon This is really difficult for me to admit to myself, let alone the peeps I work with, but I’m just an intern so I’ll swallow what little pride I have left and share it with the world… I am a fan of the Twilight series.

Naturally, two of my good friends were as excited as I was to see the movie opening day. As we packed into the theater filled with 12-yearold girls, a bunch of moms and two men, the anticipation could be felt from the giggles and hurried whispers of all those inside.

The movie began in complete silence, which I found to be a little strange. It wasn't until three long minutes had passed when everyone began to realize this was not intentional. Moans and yelling from the audience ensued but no one moved, not even a mom. Being the proactive person I am, I ran out of the theater (to cheers and applause) and got help, not to mention a refund and free movie pass!

Anyway, back to the movie—I’m not going to get into the parallels between Stephenie Meyer's work

New Moon is much better than the previous installment of Twilight. I don't know what it was about the first one, but it just sucked. This one is all about Bella, so if you have some issues with Kristen Stewart you might want to skip it. Edward is not present in a majority of the movie after he leaves Bella in an attempt to protect her from the vampire world. Some moments seem a little slow, with Bella hating her life and acting like a zombie, but as she gets closer to her friend Jacob a new relationship grows and he begins to fill the void in her life. Of course there is always some danger lurking in Forks. Wolves are running rampant, and the vampire Victoria is back seeking revenge. I really don’t want to spoil the ending for anyone who still wants to read/see New Moon so I won’t say more.

However, I’ll end with a few highlights from the movie: - Gratuitous amounts of shirtless wolf boys (some of them could have benefited from hanging out a little more with Taylor Lautner’s trainer…)

- There’s more of Edward in the movie than the book because he actually materializes out of thin air when Bella is about to do something dangerous.

- Thom Yorke's new song “Hearing Damage” - A glimpse into the future that Alice has foreseen—it was ridiculous and I actually laughed out loud.

If you are a fan of the series you should definitely see it. Just make sure you go with friends who have a similar obsession level.

bitcHes be craZy Bitches Be Crazy is closed for the holiday season. Look for the bitches to be back and crazier than ever with their rants in 2010!

faVe gift

My fave holiday gift: Sumo four years ago. He arrived in a mini cage at midnight on Dec 24, 2005. There where three other families waiting for their pooches. It was Roi’s first dog and he was sooooo nervous.

All the other families got their beautiful happy retriever with an oversized red ribbon. But nothing for us. Roi was flipping out. Finally 30 minutes later this guy comes with a cage—a fluffy coat pouring out from every single breathing hole.

The guy could barely carry the cage, but, voila, 30 pounds of depression. Our puppy had no voice form crying so much.

(The breeder told us, he was devastated because a few days before they had sold his sister.) We had no idea what to do. Sumo had so much skin and was so heavy. We finally got home, fed him, and he slept for the following 22 hours. (I guess he woke up when he was hungry again.)

For the next four months, he grew a pound perday, until he developed into this insanely handsome 180-pound dude.

–Fryda

y a d i L o H eer

cHeek 5:s W okie co

Dear ADW, When should I file my taxes?

Sincerely, Looking for a Refund Dear LfaR, It’s going to take more than cookies to get your tax man to declare your kid’s private school tuition is really a church donation. I’d suggest making peace with what you have now.

Plus, there are plenty of recipes out there that don’t require many ingredients—you know, for when you’re feeling blue after April 15. Look for cookies that

from tHe oVeN

How to...

measUre peaNUt bUtter

Rather than run a list of favorite or recommended recipes, I thought it would be easier to look for pictures I already have and continue to field questions from loyal readers. (They’re out there somewhere.

And one day ADW will make it online and there will be even more...)

The best part of the holiday season is choosing just how to gain those extra five (or 10) pounds. My personal favorite is cookies. Mmm... So many options to suit every taste and amount of free time.

Dear ADW, Do you think we’ll have a white Christmas this year or has global warming ruined everything? (Is global warming junk science?)

Thanks, Y.F. Is there really anything better than a cookie still warm from the oven? Maybe only a junk cookie. (Yeah, I didn’t know about them either before this question.) Chocolate, coconut, raisins—everything Mother

about evolution?

Sincerely, Spiritual While it’s easy to indulge in the mainstream, don’t lose faith.

Cookies can help you. Cut some mangers and stars to go with the reindeer shapes. Tell your children you want to leave out a plate of cookies for the Baby Je’s birthday next to that plate for Santa. And lest we forget, those ads for diamond earrings evolved from gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. (Right?)

Not from tHe oVeN Say flour and chocolate aren’t your thing. Or maybe you can’t stomach the thought of rolling out sugar cookies and spreading food coloring frosting without your mom and grandma at the table with you. There are other tasty ways to pack on those holiday pounds. Fillo shells are sold by the dozen in the freezer section. Fill them with anything (the above picture is simply strawberries and decorating sugar) and you’re done. Sweet!

es cooki to “Easy”So “Nout ch” M

Peanut butter is a tricky, delicious thing. Sticky and neither liquid nor solid. Ever wonder how to properly measure this gloopy substance for recipes (like delicious peanut butter cookies)? My mama taught me to fill a measuring cup with water (say a 1/2 cup).

Then scoop peanut butter into the cup until the water level rises to where you need it to be. So if you need a 1/2 cup of PB, fill the cup with PB until the water is at the 1 cup line.

Then dump out the water and put the PB into your mixing bowl. This also creates a non-stick surface and allows the PB to just slide right out.

The more you know!

—Amy

tHaNks, fryda

don’t require many eggs, butter or gratuitous amounts of sugar so that you can continue to save on your grocery bill.

Snickerdoodles tend to be popular with the geriatric crowd just for this reason. Or try M&Ms on your chocolate chip cookies to feel luxurious.

Nature wanted you to put together in a cookie. Even water!

Just don’t grease the baking sheet with an aerosol spray.

Dear ADW, Was this really the best way to layout this page?

Love, Reading Across

Dear ADW, My baby is bored with this spread. What can I do?

Thanks, Mom

Dear ADW, Is it okay to celebrate Christmas with a baby Jesus but also teach my children

Hi RA, It’s hard to say if readers want to skip over the cookies.

That’s why I started with the longest answer.

Back away from the computer.

Obviously your need to type with two hands does not outweigh his need to be entertained or comforted. Although, maybe he

just wants his diaper changed. Or he’s telling you it’s time for All My Children. And it’s Friday. Some sort of craziness has to happen.

Doesn’t it? Maybe not. It is AMC. And watching it is like rekindling a junior high friendship over MySpace. Just not as satisfying as well-made pinwheel cookies.

What’s better than peanut butter and chocolate? Bacon and chocolate. Smoked bacon sounded gross to me, but it’s necessary to stand out in the magical deep chocolate. As LV said, “That’s nice.” Especially for breakfast with coffee.

y a d i L o H eer

cHeek 5:s W okie co

Dear ADW, When should I file my taxes?

Sincerely, Looking for a Refund Dear LfaR, It’s going to take more than cookies to get your tax man to declare your kid’s private school tuition is really a church donation. I’d suggest making peace with what you have now.

Plus, there are plenty of recipes out there that don’t require many ingredients—you know, for when you’re feeling blue after April 15. Look for cookies that

from tHe oVeN

How to...

measUre peaNUt bUtter

Rather than run a list of favorite or recommended recipes, I thought it would be easier to look for pictures I already have and continue to field questions from loyal readers. (They’re out there somewhere.

And one day ADW will make it online and there will be even more...)

The best part of the holiday season is choosing just how to gain those extra five (or 10) pounds. My personal favorite is cookies. Mmm... So many options to suit every taste and amount of free time.

Dear ADW, Do you think we’ll have a white Christmas this year or has global warming ruined everything? (Is global warming junk science?)

Thanks, Y.F. Is there really anything better than a cookie still warm from the oven? Maybe only a junk cookie. (Yeah, I didn’t know about them either before this question.) Chocolate, coconut, raisins—everything Mother

about evolution?

Sincerely, Spiritual While it’s easy to indulge in the mainstream, don’t lose faith.

Cookies can help you. Cut some mangers and stars to go with the reindeer shapes. Tell your children you want to leave out a plate of cookies for the Baby Je’s birthday next to that plate for Santa. And lest we forget, those ads for diamond earrings evolved from gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. (Right?)

Not from tHe oVeN Say flour and chocolate aren’t your thing. Or maybe you can’t stomach the thought of rolling out sugar cookies and spreading food coloring frosting without your mom and grandma at the table with you. There are other tasty ways to pack on those holiday pounds. Fillo shells are sold by the dozen in the freezer section. Fill them with anything (the above picture is simply strawberries and decorating sugar) and you’re done. Sweet!

es cooki to “Easy”So “Nout ch” M

Peanut butter is a tricky, delicious thing. Sticky and neither liquid nor solid. Ever wonder how to properly measure this gloopy substance for recipes (like delicious peanut butter cookies)? My mama taught me to fill a measuring cup with water (say a 1/2 cup).

Then scoop peanut butter into the cup until the water level rises to where you need it to be. So if you need a 1/2 cup of PB, fill the cup with PB until the water is at the 1 cup line.

Then dump out the water and put the PB into your mixing bowl. This also creates a non-stick surface and allows the PB to just slide right out.

The more you know!

—Amy

tHaNks, fryda

don’t require many eggs, butter or gratuitous amounts of sugar so that you can continue to save on your grocery bill.

Snickerdoodles tend to be popular with the geriatric crowd just for this reason. Or try M&Ms on your chocolate chip cookies to feel luxurious.

Nature wanted you to put together in a cookie. Even water!

Just don’t grease the baking sheet with an aerosol spray.

Dear ADW, Was this really the best way to layout this page?

Love, Reading Across

Dear ADW, My baby is bored with this spread. What can I do?

Thanks, Mom

Dear ADW, Is it okay to celebrate Christmas with a baby Jesus but also teach my children

Hi RA, It’s hard to say if readers want to skip over the cookies.

That’s why I started with the longest answer.

Back away from the computer.

Obviously your need to type with two hands does not outweigh his need to be entertained or comforted. Although, maybe he

just wants his diaper changed. Or he’s telling you it’s time for All My Children. And it’s Friday. Some sort of craziness has to happen.

Doesn’t it? Maybe not. It is AMC. And watching it is like rekindling a junior high friendship over MySpace. Just not as satisfying as well-made pinwheel cookies.

What’s better than peanut butter and chocolate? Bacon and chocolate. Smoked bacon sounded gross to me, but it’s necessary to stand out in the magical deep chocolate. As LV said, “That’s nice.” Especially for breakfast with coffee.

jersey sore My Home, Your Sensation

gifts remembered

by JV in the style of Bill Simmons

When I first heard MTV would bring a reality show to the Jersey Shore, I died a little inside. I’ve lived on the Jersey Shore my entire life. Over the past 10 years, between Memorial Day and Labor Day, we locals have found our world increasingly invaded by what at times amounts to another species. In certain areas, NY license plates far outnumber ours. That’s right. The majority of NJ stereotypes are derived from people who do not live in NJ. And that’s exactly who MTV cast. Groups throughout the state are protesting the show, so, of course, it’s becoming HUGE and reinforcing the stereotypes.

00:00:55: Introductions. Pauly D (Rhode Island) starts things off with a bang: “I was born and raised a Guido. It’s just a lifestyle… Being Italian, representing family, friends, tanning, gel, everything. I’ve got a tanning bed in my place. That’s how serious I am about being a Guido and living up to that lifestyle.”

00:01:41: Snooki, the Princess of Poughkeepsie, proclaims her “ultimate dream is to marry a Guido…to find a nice, juiced, hot, tan guy…” Snookersmight be the only person in the world who bought a Bump-It from that ridiculous TV commercial.

00:02:14: Damnit. The first NJ resident—Mike from Manalapan— goes by “The Situation.” Of course he does. But he also refers to his abs as “the Situation.” We’ve got some James Joyce parallel narratives going on here, y’all.

Next up is the one and only Jersey Girl, Sammi Sweetheart from Hazlet who provides us with our

patty cakes

word of the day: Guidette (n.)

“Someone who knows how to go out and club it up, takes good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on make-up, has tan skin, has the hottest heels…” So… basically, wannabe Kim Kardashian/Eva Longoria. Right.

00:03:50: Staten Island’s Vinny seems to be the shining star of the house. He’s the only one who mentions the fact that he attended and graduated college.

He provides us a GREAT fistpumping demonstration.

00:05:05. J Woww. The name speaks for itself and her breasts are not real.

00:05:45: I adjust the contrast ratio of my computer screen, only to find that, in reality, every single member of the cast’s skin is orange.

00:06:28: Angelina, the selfproclaimed Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, takes pride in her real boobs and a “fat ass.”

00:07:18: Turns out this filmed in Seaside Heights—less than 25 minutes from my home. I see my exit on the Garden State Parkway.

00:13:22: Angelina: “Don’t bring home any sluts!” Ronnie: “That’s all there is in Jersey.” Die A Little Inside (DALI) 00:16:42: We have a hot tub!

Snooki enters the fray in her underwear. She passes out minutes later, and the remaining roommates leave her at home as they walk the Boardwalk.

00:27:08: Pauly, Sitch and Ronnie decide to stand on the balcony and whistle at passersby.

Ronnie on the situation at hand (not the guy): “You can’t bring a girl in this house when you was just vibing with Sam.” 00:29:50: Angelina on the nownaked sluts in their hot tub. “That’s how we know we’re classy girls— we’ve been living in this house with these guys for two days, and we haven’t even done anything.”

When I got home Monday night, the hallway leading up to the apartment was decorated.

Streamers and a sign that read “Happy Birthday, Dad” provided a festive atmosphere.

As I walked in, I was greeted by the family (Madeline, Megan, Kal and of course the cats). Hugs and kisses followed.

As I started to settle down for the evening, Megan asked, “Did the people at work celebrate your birthday?” I then went on to detail everything the crew did to celebrate. Meghan brought in Tim Horton’s donuts (mmmmm Maple dip donuts), Amy got DD coffee, Jessica brought in my favorite Chewy Chips Ahoy. Then Vicky broke out a cake she baked.

With each successive snack food mentioned, Meg’s jaw dropped more and more. She then exclaimed, “Those are all my favorite food. Awwww... Your friends at work are so nice.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for making my birthday special.

On the back cover, you’ll find a poll on ADW contribs top childhood gifts. For me, my favorite

childhood gift would turn into a lifelong infatuation.

Christmas 1984 (listen to Vicky say this was the year she was born to make me feel real old) I opened a box containing four G.I. Joes: Footloose, Monkeywrench, Recondo and Bazooka. The rest as they say is history. These four figures started a colection that I still continue to this day. I love my Joes and still have those original four.

Petri Dish and I are meat aficionados. Grill it, sautée it, stew it, deep-fry it; no matter how you make it, we’ll eat it.

(Her list of exotic meats consumed is much longer than Tommy Tuna’s, and includes such things as emu, kangaroo and whale, though I split that last one with her.) Anyway, we thought we had seen every possible way to serve or cook meat. That is, until we spotted mixingbowl.com’s magazine recently and saw a recipe for mini BBQ meatloaves—cooked in a muffin tin. How could we resist?

The muffin meatloaves were just as crumbly as a typical meatloaf, but these mini mounds of ground beef were wonderfully moist, and the recipe resulted in a smoky, spicy treat. Bonus: It came with side recipes for mashed potatoes with garlic and parmesan and a glaze. Highly recommended for comfortfood kind of weather. Serve generous portions. You won’t be disappointed.

(NOTE: Fitting the recipe in ADW was not an option, so visit mixingbowl.com and search for “BBQ Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes” if you want to replicate that bad boy.)

–TG

jersey sore My Home, Your Sensation

gifts remembered

by JV in the style of Bill Simmons

When I first heard MTV would bring a reality show to the Jersey Shore, I died a little inside. I’ve lived on the Jersey Shore my entire life. Over the past 10 years, between Memorial Day and Labor Day, we locals have found our world increasingly invaded by what at times amounts to another species. In certain areas, NY license plates far outnumber ours. That’s right. The majority of NJ stereotypes are derived from people who do not live in NJ. And that’s exactly who MTV cast. Groups throughout the state are protesting the show, so, of course, it’s becoming HUGE and reinforcing the stereotypes.

00:00:55: Introductions. Pauly D (Rhode Island) starts things off with a bang: “I was born and raised a Guido. It’s just a lifestyle… Being Italian, representing family, friends, tanning, gel, everything. I’ve got a tanning bed in my place. That’s how serious I am about being a Guido and living up to that lifestyle.”

00:01:41: Snooki, the Princess of Poughkeepsie, proclaims her “ultimate dream is to marry a Guido…to find a nice, juiced, hot, tan guy…” Snookersmight be the only person in the world who bought a Bump-It from that ridiculous TV commercial.

00:02:14: Damnit. The first NJ resident—Mike from Manalapan— goes by “The Situation.” Of course he does. But he also refers to his abs as “the Situation.” We’ve got some James Joyce parallel narratives going on here, y’all.

Next up is the one and only Jersey Girl, Sammi Sweetheart from Hazlet who provides us with our

patty cakes

word of the day: Guidette (n.)

“Someone who knows how to go out and club it up, takes good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on make-up, has tan skin, has the hottest heels…” So… basically, wannabe Kim Kardashian/Eva Longoria. Right.

00:03:50: Staten Island’s Vinny seems to be the shining star of the house. He’s the only one who mentions the fact that he attended and graduated college.

He provides us a GREAT fistpumping demonstration.

00:05:05. J Woww. The name speaks for itself and her breasts are not real.

00:05:45: I adjust the contrast ratio of my computer screen, only to find that, in reality, every single member of the cast’s skin is orange.

00:06:28: Angelina, the selfproclaimed Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, takes pride in her real boobs and a “fat ass.”

00:07:18: Turns out this filmed in Seaside Heights—less than 25 minutes from my home. I see my exit on the Garden State Parkway.

00:13:22: Angelina: “Don’t bring home any sluts!” Ronnie: “That’s all there is in Jersey.” Die A Little Inside (DALI) 00:16:42: We have a hot tub!

Snooki enters the fray in her underwear. She passes out minutes later, and the remaining roommates leave her at home as they walk the Boardwalk.

00:27:08: Pauly, Sitch and Ronnie decide to stand on the balcony and whistle at passersby.

Ronnie on the situation at hand (not the guy): “You can’t bring a girl in this house when you was just vibing with Sam.” 00:29:50: Angelina on the nownaked sluts in their hot tub. “That’s how we know we’re classy girls— we’ve been living in this house with these guys for two days, and we haven’t even done anything.”

When I got home Monday night, the hallway leading up to the apartment was decorated.

Streamers and a sign that read “Happy Birthday, Dad” provided a festive atmosphere.

As I walked in, I was greeted by the family (Madeline, Megan, Kal and of course the cats). Hugs and kisses followed.

As I started to settle down for the evening, Megan asked, “Did the people at work celebrate your birthday?” I then went on to detail everything the crew did to celebrate. Meghan brought in Tim Horton’s donuts (mmmmm Maple dip donuts), Amy got DD coffee, Jessica brought in my favorite Chewy Chips Ahoy. Then Vicky broke out a cake she baked.

With each successive snack food mentioned, Meg’s jaw dropped more and more. She then exclaimed, “Those are all my favorite food. Awwww... Your friends at work are so nice.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for making my birthday special.

On the back cover, you’ll find a poll on ADW contribs top childhood gifts. For me, my favorite

childhood gift would turn into a lifelong infatuation.

Christmas 1984 (listen to Vicky say this was the year she was born to make me feel real old) I opened a box containing four G.I. Joes: Footloose, Monkeywrench, Recondo and Bazooka. The rest as they say is history. These four figures started a colection that I still continue to this day. I love my Joes and still have those original four.

Petri Dish and I are meat aficionados. Grill it, sautée it, stew it, deep-fry it; no matter how you make it, we’ll eat it.

(Her list of exotic meats consumed is much longer than Tommy Tuna’s, and includes such things as emu, kangaroo and whale, though I split that last one with her.) Anyway, we thought we had seen every possible way to serve or cook meat. That is, until we spotted mixingbowl.com’s magazine recently and saw a recipe for mini BBQ meatloaves—cooked in a muffin tin. How could we resist?

The muffin meatloaves were just as crumbly as a typical meatloaf, but these mini mounds of ground beef were wonderfully moist, and the recipe resulted in a smoky, spicy treat. Bonus: It came with side recipes for mashed potatoes with garlic and parmesan and a glaze. Highly recommended for comfortfood kind of weather. Serve generous portions. You won’t be disappointed.

(NOTE: Fitting the recipe in ADW was not an option, so visit mixingbowl.com and search for “BBQ Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes” if you want to replicate that bad boy.)

–TG

my faVorite cHiLdHood HoLiday gift I posed the above question to the regular ADW contributors. The answers were not only amazing, passionate and far-reaching, but also spoke volumes about all of us as individuals.

adW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 32 VOL. 1

Magic Nursery Baby when I was about 7. It was a baby doll with a magic bib that you dipped in water, and waited to see if it was a boy, girl or twins (in which case the manufacturer sent you another doll!).

Mine was a girl. Of course, after I found that out, I was kind of done with the doll, but boy was I excited for that one day. You could also make a heart appear on its cheek with hot and cold water. Magic! (pic attached) Amy

My Pet Monster DRM

The Geosafari Computer Home Learning System.

The birth of Tom the über-nerd.

How many 6-year-olds did you know who could place Kampuchea on a map? Sexy, I know.

Tom She-Ra's Crystal Castle. 1985.

I BEGGED my parents for it. Back then it was a lot of money for them to spend. (I may or may not have gone on to sell it for $8 at a yard sale six months later.)

Una Light Brite Jessica

My favorite gift as a kid was a “My First Sony” walkie-talkie headset. When my parents got it for me I was so excited to try it. But as an only child, I had no one to wear the other set. My poor dad had to be my radio buddy for that day. I would wear this thing all the time and after a while I started upgrading it. I would sport some sunglasses and tape a small pensized flashlight to the side. This way I was covered for both day and night missions. When my parents sent me to bed, I would leave the other headset on in the TV room under the couch so I could listen to what they were watching from my room.

Rich

Castle Greyskull... That microphone was amazing.

Anthony

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUIS FAVORITE GIFTS COOKIES! JERSEY SORE PLUS: PATTY CAKES NEW MOON MORE GIFTS

COMING NEXT WEEK

THE FIRST ANNUAL “DUBBIES” THE OFFICIAL AWARDS OF ADW $

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ADW

art department weekly issue 33 vol. 1

2009 highlights cobra whiskey night before xmas PLus: we’re in the money family cookies more holiday cheer

MiNi BoArD

D

r A E rh

T r NA

oVE

i

We sing to the baby Jesus then to me -Jessica

Even though I’m 36 I’m still a kid -fryda

ViVA MEXiCo

being awesome for 8 days on the beach in nuevo Vallarta, mexico, is easy. —Anthony - AKA Double Awesome

shriV • El • ry

adjective | ' sh rivel-ry | when something becomes smaller due to atmospheric changes Dude, the pool is cold. I have bad case of shrivelry going on in my shorts..

hAPPy BirThDAy on wednesday, december 16th, megan turned 9 (man, she’s getting old) years old. she celebrated with a brownie party in her class. pictured at left is megan after learning she had the high score bowling in her lane during her cousin’s birthday party. yep, she’s a humble and gracious winner.

She’s checked out the ring situation -Vicky

You know, my initials are double A -anthony

Uhm... I sold that tree on craigslist -Vicky

He has a delicate stomach -meghan

Your hairs not gonna be the only thing messed up when I’m done with you -meghan

MegaUpload is my bitch -anthony

y A D i l o h EEr

ChEEK 6:Us W NK yo hA

T

WhAT CoUNTs

when i was little, my mother instilled in me the belief that one ought to write thank you notes promptly after christmas. and birthdays. though not so much birthdays because she didn’t believe aunts and uncles needed to give gifts for birthdays. but those goddamned obligatory christmas gifts—those need a thank you! every year i would sit down and struggle to find the right words to say how happy i was to receive a sweater. years later i would wonder if the real lesson i learned was that i didn’t deserve anything... i digress. here is some imaginary wisdom from my mother to help you all.

Dear ADW, my business partner doesn’t keep me in the loop. he says one thing, does another, and then accuses me of not listening. what should i do? sincerely, open ears who hasn’t been accused of not listening, open ears? i know that’s i accuse my mom of all the time... like when that little voice inside her head said, “hey. hey. maybe you shouldn’t do this,” but then she went ahead an cut down all the bushes along the driveway. turns out they were the neighbor’s bushes. i bet a heartfelt handwritten note would have gone a long way after that occasion.

Dear ADW, No, seriously. he doesn’t seem to have any respect for me.

Thanks, listening my mom would say you take everything too personally. it’s not like when she gives someone a copy of her screenplay to read for fun and that someone doesn’t give immediate glowing feedback that she’s prone to fly off the handle and announce she will snub said reader—snUb him!—when he shows up in the future. lesson? focus on your future acceptance speeches, forget your partner.

Mom's rose bushes. Mom sneaking onto the set of Road to Perdition to take pictures.

Dear ADW, my mom bought me the ugliest kite in the whole world. i don’t like kites. i especially don’t like this kite. she expects me to hang it on my dorm room wall! love, big fan well, that kite can’t stink as bad as the car my mom got me. it didn’t have cup holders. seriously. so every time she got in the car, she spilled her coffee. every time. do you know what spoiled milk smells like when it’s been trapped in seats and floormats over the summer?

Dear ADW, i really enjoy helping others. The inner peace i feel when contributing to society cannot be measured. my heart is aglow with love for weeks afterward.

This year i donated an old car to

a lung cancer association. but it’s been three weeks and still no thank you note. my coworker donated a typewriter to the same group and received a lovely handwritten thank you. what gives? i gave them a car. a car! sure, it has no cup holders, but she gave them a typewriter. who wants that?! yours Truly, c.l. thank you for your question?

Dear ADW, my mohter-in-law is coming to visit for her birthday. i mean, christmas. both. Do i bother to acknowledge her day when she ignored my daughter’s the week before? supposing she makes it to your house, i would suggest having a cake on hand that you can pass off as a thoughtful gesture.

NighT BEforE NiChE ChrisTMAs

CoBrA WhisKEy & ME

y E oN

rE ’ E W

‘twas the night before christmas all through 100 church; not a stocking was hung except in research.

and editors slept, dreaming of long days at work and that cute kid in fact who was kind of a jerk.

marina had hung them up five in a row (one for two glossies each owned by our ceo).

when all of a sudden there rang out a loud “boom” and who but saint nicholas stumbled into the room.

the proofs were all tossed on our desks with abandon, including philly’s feature on susan sarandon,

he whipped out his iphone to use as a light and to check where he was since this couldn’t be right:

“what the hell are you thinking you fat stupid moose??” he said, kicking blitzen with black shiny boots.

yet the pencils lay still in their black pencil holders, no one stirred to type copy or pass finished folders.

there were no chestnuts roasting, no glazed gingerbread, no child sweetly dreaming in his (or her) bed.

“let’s head back to brooklyn where the cookies are dope (that old lady in bay ridge made biscotti, i hope).”

the lights were all out, the heat off, of course, the christmas tree, purloined by some phantom force,

“goddammit!” he yelled, his tone controversial, “we’re in lower manhattan, all zoned fucking commercial!”

M

and with that he packed up and assembled his deer. merry christmas to all, and a happy new year.

—Chris

fAMily BAKiNg every year my mother asks for help baking christmas cookies. and every year the same people end up helping. i guess i always automatically got out of it because i was working in retail and never had a day off. this year my mom told my sister she did not have the energy to bake cookies. it’s her first year working full time and she’s had to make a lot of adjustments. maggie asked me if i was free on the 12th. she said, “you know mom really does want to do it and will only regret it on christmas if she doesn’t.” so, even though i was thinking, Oh crap, what did I get myself into, i showed up early to help bake. oreo truffles, chips ahoy bark, oreo bark, shortbread cookies, pudding cookies, walnut balls,

E h T iN

oatmeal cookies and fudge...

8:30 p.m. arrived, and i was determined to keep baking. but we called it quits. the next day i got up nice and early to make that best type of cookie. peanut butter blossoms! my mom was not home. i decided to surprise her. while i tried to get my brothers to help, they said, “Jess, stop.” after an hour and a half of baking, i looked at the cookies and said, Something is not right. i called my mom and asked her how many she makes. she said, “this year probably two. but i usually do four.” so, knowing me, you know i took the mixer back out and made another two batches because that’s what i like to do—make others happy.

this past saturday, my friend dan came over fresh off a 10-week adventure in micornesia. he said that he had christmas gifts for all of us and wanted to get the boys together to hand em out. holiday gifts from travelers abroad usually consist of little trinkets—maybe a beer t-shirt if you’re lucky or some indigineous piece of clothing or jewelry. what we had not anticipated, was that dan had smuggled back eight bottles of cobra whiskey from cambodia. as he handed them all out, we were all shocked and amazed at this cool little gift. the pairing of booze with poisionous snakes had never been so awesomelooking—or non-threatening for that matter. these cobra whiskey bottles would be an awesome addition to our stashes of booze or a good look for our bookshelves. what we didn't know is that dan had other plans. as he unscrewed his cap and threw up a cheers, there were some hesitant faces in the crowd. i was more than ready and excited to shoot it. we cheers'd and threw ‘em back. nobody puked! the taste was actually better than i expected, although not enjoyable. after washing down the shots with a few beers,

we all felt good ‘n’ healthy despite some of the foul smelling burps that were coming up in the hours that passed. i highly recommend experiencing this treat once in your life! cobra!!!!!

–Drank Tank Tony Cobra Whiskey (ÐÐ, pinyin: shéjÐu; rÐÐu rÐn in Vietnamese) is an alcoholic beverage produced by infusing whole snakes in rice wine or grain alcohol. the drink used in china during the western Zhou dynasty and considered an important curative and believed to reinvigorate a person according to traditional chinese medicine. it can be found in china, Vietnam and throughout southeast asia.

so now that you’re flush $100 from good old bruce “the boss” deifick, you may need a little guidance of where you should put that money. i am no financial planner, but here are my recommendations. first aid since our health insurance is basically a joke these days, i suggest stocking your medicine cabinet with $100 worth of robotussin, band aids and gauze. toss in a sewing kit and bottle of whiskey too if you need to do any civil war-esque surgery. alcohol ah alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life’s problems. if you’re feeling a little blue, take your fresh new benjamin to your local bodega and grab approximately thirtythree 40 oz brews. that should get you through the brunt of the holiday season and kick off your new year with a hang over that would sideline an elephant.

Non-Perishables stock up your grand dad’s fall out shelter with canned beets and powdered milk. good ol’ barack has put iran “on notice” so be the coolest kid on your block and be prepared for the inevitable backlash. spam, anyone?

Greenspun stock hey, it can only go up from here… right?

—DRM

highlights of the year 2009 Getting to write for The Huffington Post/having Arianna Huffington tell me she loves my writing. Also, I think Amy Sedaris is my Facebook friend (how this happened, I don't know) and she "liked" my status updates about watching Jersey Shore while I was drunk.

—Una

I asked the Art Department and the other ADW contributors what their highlight of 2009 was.

Here are their answers...

The Yankees winning the World Series —DRM The Iron-Man 2 trailer –Rich

Anything and everything about Henry –Meghan

—Olga

Seeing Phish for the first time. Five years after their “last show ever,” my favorite band reunited this year for three shows at Hampton Coliseum in Virginia on March 6 through 9. Standing in line, I was offered $900 cash for my ticket to the show (which sold out in minutes), but, honestly, I wouldn’t have traded that night for anything.

The weekend was a whirlwind—my roommate who’d made the trip with me had completely lost his voice the day before, I had a fever over a hundred, and, on the second night, I almost broke my foot running to get a good seat and had to do the third show on crutches.

Regardless, the energy and pure joy of the weekend—from having my ticket scanned to the moment the lights went down and the band took the stage to the last notes ringing in my ears—were the clear highlights of a great year –John

Summer picnics at Prospect Park —Fryda

Meeting Tom... while at work!

Seeing my sister go through her stages of Pregnancy and welcoming my new niece

—Jessica

Meeting and marrying Denis

Eurotrippin’ with Amy, hands down —Tom

Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Though I met Tom in 2008, we didn’t get together until January of 2009 (I approached him, of course). Our one year anniversary is January 7. I think we’ll have many more to come.

—Amy

In a year where the Yankees won the World Series, the Lakers won the NBA Championship, and the amazing ADW launched, my highlight of the year was easy to pick.

All of the above gave me great joy, but nothing brought as much happiness to my life as the birth of my son, Kal William Vega. It’s incredible how you can have so much love for someone so small. I know it’s ciche, but there just aren’t words to describe how much he means to me. How incandescently happy he makes me. He makes my every day better. My every morning tougher... You try leaving that adorable face everyday. He is so much more than merely the highlight of the year.

I look forward to sharing more Lakers and Yankees championships with him in the future. (I can’t say Cowboys Super Bowl wins, because its been 13 years since their last playoff win... argh!) Who knows, maybe in 2033 when Kal is working on ADW (during the baseball offseason, I wouldn’t want to interfere with his being the Yanks starting catcher), his highlight of the year will be hanging out with his Dad.

highlights of the year 2009 Getting to write for The Huffington Post/having Arianna Huffington tell me she loves my writing. Also, I think Amy Sedaris is my Facebook friend (how this happened, I don't know) and she "liked" my status updates about watching Jersey Shore while I was drunk.

—Una

I asked the Art Department and the other ADW contributors what their highlight of 2009 was.

Here are their answers...

The Yankees winning the World Series —DRM The Iron-Man 2 trailer –Rich

Anything and everything about Henry –Meghan

—Olga

Seeing Phish for the first time. Five years after their “last show ever,” my favorite band reunited this year for three shows at Hampton Coliseum in Virginia on March 6 through 9. Standing in line, I was offered $900 cash for my ticket to the show (which sold out in minutes), but, honestly, I wouldn’t have traded that night for anything.

The weekend was a whirlwind—my roommate who’d made the trip with me had completely lost his voice the day before, I had a fever over a hundred, and, on the second night, I almost broke my foot running to get a good seat and had to do the third show on crutches.

Regardless, the energy and pure joy of the weekend—from having my ticket scanned to the moment the lights went down and the band took the stage to the last notes ringing in my ears—were the clear highlights of a great year –John

Summer picnics at Prospect Park —Fryda

Meeting Tom... while at work!

Seeing my sister go through her stages of Pregnancy and welcoming my new niece

—Jessica

Meeting and marrying Denis

Eurotrippin’ with Amy, hands down —Tom

Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Though I met Tom in 2008, we didn’t get together until January of 2009 (I approached him, of course). Our one year anniversary is January 7. I think we’ll have many more to come.

—Amy

In a year where the Yankees won the World Series, the Lakers won the NBA Championship, and the amazing ADW launched, my highlight of the year was easy to pick.

All of the above gave me great joy, but nothing brought as much happiness to my life as the birth of my son, Kal William Vega. It’s incredible how you can have so much love for someone so small. I know it’s ciche, but there just aren’t words to describe how much he means to me. How incandescently happy he makes me. He makes my every day better. My every morning tougher... You try leaving that adorable face everyday. He is so much more than merely the highlight of the year.

I look forward to sharing more Lakers and Yankees championships with him in the future. (I can’t say Cowboys Super Bowl wins, because its been 13 years since their last playoff win... argh!) Who knows, maybe in 2033 when Kal is working on ADW (during the baseball offseason, I wouldn’t want to interfere with his being the Yanks starting catcher), his highlight of the year will be hanging out with his Dad.

MiNi BoArD

D

r A E rh

T r NA

oVE

i

We sing to the baby Jesus then to me -Jessica

Even though I’m 36 I’m still a kid -fryda

ViVA MEXiCo

being awesome for 8 days on the beach in nuevo Vallarta, mexico, is easy. —Anthony - AKA Double Awesome

shriV • El • ry

adjective | ' sh rivel-ry | when something becomes smaller due to atmospheric changes Dude, the pool is cold. I have bad case of shrivelry going on in my shorts..

hAPPy BirThDAy on wednesday, december 16th, megan turned 9 (man, she’s getting old) years old. she celebrated with a brownie party in her class. pictured at left is megan after learning she had the high score bowling in her lane during her cousin’s birthday party. yep, she’s a humble and gracious winner.

She’s checked out the ring situation -Vicky

You know, my initials are double A -anthony

Uhm... I sold that tree on craigslist -Vicky

He has a delicate stomach -meghan

Your hairs not gonna be the only thing messed up when I’m done with you -meghan

MegaUpload is my bitch -anthony

y A D i l o h EEr

ChEEK 6:Us W NK yo hA

T

WhAT CoUNTs

when i was little, my mother instilled in me the belief that one ought to write thank you notes promptly after christmas. and birthdays. though not so much birthdays because she didn’t believe aunts and uncles needed to give gifts for birthdays. but those goddamned obligatory christmas gifts—those need a thank you! every year i would sit down and struggle to find the right words to say how happy i was to receive a sweater. years later i would wonder if the real lesson i learned was that i didn’t deserve anything... i digress. here is some imaginary wisdom from my mother to help you all.

Dear ADW, my business partner doesn’t keep me in the loop. he says one thing, does another, and then accuses me of not listening. what should i do? sincerely, open ears who hasn’t been accused of not listening, open ears? i know that’s i accuse my mom of all the time... like when that little voice inside her head said, “hey. hey. maybe you shouldn’t do this,” but then she went ahead an cut down all the bushes along the driveway. turns out they were the neighbor’s bushes. i bet a heartfelt handwritten note would have gone a long way after that occasion.

Dear ADW, No, seriously. he doesn’t seem to have any respect for me.

Thanks, listening my mom would say you take everything too personally. it’s not like when she gives someone a copy of her screenplay to read for fun and that someone doesn’t give immediate glowing feedback that she’s prone to fly off the handle and announce she will snub said reader—snUb him!—when he shows up in the future. lesson? focus on your future acceptance speeches, forget your partner.

Mom's rose bushes. Mom sneaking onto the set of Road to Perdition to take pictures.

Dear ADW, my mom bought me the ugliest kite in the whole world. i don’t like kites. i especially don’t like this kite. she expects me to hang it on my dorm room wall! love, big fan well, that kite can’t stink as bad as the car my mom got me. it didn’t have cup holders. seriously. so every time she got in the car, she spilled her coffee. every time. do you know what spoiled milk smells like when it’s been trapped in seats and floormats over the summer?

Dear ADW, i really enjoy helping others. The inner peace i feel when contributing to society cannot be measured. my heart is aglow with love for weeks afterward.

This year i donated an old car to

a lung cancer association. but it’s been three weeks and still no thank you note. my coworker donated a typewriter to the same group and received a lovely handwritten thank you. what gives? i gave them a car. a car! sure, it has no cup holders, but she gave them a typewriter. who wants that?! yours Truly, c.l. thank you for your question?

Dear ADW, my mohter-in-law is coming to visit for her birthday. i mean, christmas. both. Do i bother to acknowledge her day when she ignored my daughter’s the week before? supposing she makes it to your house, i would suggest having a cake on hand that you can pass off as a thoughtful gesture.

NighT BEforE NiChE ChrisTMAs

CoBrA WhisKEy & ME

y E oN

rE ’ E W

‘twas the night before christmas all through 100 church; not a stocking was hung except in research.

and editors slept, dreaming of long days at work and that cute kid in fact who was kind of a jerk.

marina had hung them up five in a row (one for two glossies each owned by our ceo).

when all of a sudden there rang out a loud “boom” and who but saint nicholas stumbled into the room.

the proofs were all tossed on our desks with abandon, including philly’s feature on susan sarandon,

he whipped out his iphone to use as a light and to check where he was since this couldn’t be right:

“what the hell are you thinking you fat stupid moose??” he said, kicking blitzen with black shiny boots.

yet the pencils lay still in their black pencil holders, no one stirred to type copy or pass finished folders.

there were no chestnuts roasting, no glazed gingerbread, no child sweetly dreaming in his (or her) bed.

“let’s head back to brooklyn where the cookies are dope (that old lady in bay ridge made biscotti, i hope).”

the lights were all out, the heat off, of course, the christmas tree, purloined by some phantom force,

“goddammit!” he yelled, his tone controversial, “we’re in lower manhattan, all zoned fucking commercial!”

M

and with that he packed up and assembled his deer. merry christmas to all, and a happy new year.

—Chris

fAMily BAKiNg every year my mother asks for help baking christmas cookies. and every year the same people end up helping. i guess i always automatically got out of it because i was working in retail and never had a day off. this year my mom told my sister she did not have the energy to bake cookies. it’s her first year working full time and she’s had to make a lot of adjustments. maggie asked me if i was free on the 12th. she said, “you know mom really does want to do it and will only regret it on christmas if she doesn’t.” so, even though i was thinking, Oh crap, what did I get myself into, i showed up early to help bake. oreo truffles, chips ahoy bark, oreo bark, shortbread cookies, pudding cookies, walnut balls,

E h T iN

oatmeal cookies and fudge...

8:30 p.m. arrived, and i was determined to keep baking. but we called it quits. the next day i got up nice and early to make that best type of cookie. peanut butter blossoms! my mom was not home. i decided to surprise her. while i tried to get my brothers to help, they said, “Jess, stop.” after an hour and a half of baking, i looked at the cookies and said, Something is not right. i called my mom and asked her how many she makes. she said, “this year probably two. but i usually do four.” so, knowing me, you know i took the mixer back out and made another two batches because that’s what i like to do—make others happy.

this past saturday, my friend dan came over fresh off a 10-week adventure in micornesia. he said that he had christmas gifts for all of us and wanted to get the boys together to hand em out. holiday gifts from travelers abroad usually consist of little trinkets—maybe a beer t-shirt if you’re lucky or some indigineous piece of clothing or jewelry. what we had not anticipated, was that dan had smuggled back eight bottles of cobra whiskey from cambodia. as he handed them all out, we were all shocked and amazed at this cool little gift. the pairing of booze with poisionous snakes had never been so awesomelooking—or non-threatening for that matter. these cobra whiskey bottles would be an awesome addition to our stashes of booze or a good look for our bookshelves. what we didn't know is that dan had other plans. as he unscrewed his cap and threw up a cheers, there were some hesitant faces in the crowd. i was more than ready and excited to shoot it. we cheers'd and threw ‘em back. nobody puked! the taste was actually better than i expected, although not enjoyable. after washing down the shots with a few beers,

we all felt good ‘n’ healthy despite some of the foul smelling burps that were coming up in the hours that passed. i highly recommend experiencing this treat once in your life! cobra!!!!!

–Drank Tank Tony Cobra Whiskey (ÐÐ, pinyin: shéjÐu; rÐÐu rÐn in Vietnamese) is an alcoholic beverage produced by infusing whole snakes in rice wine or grain alcohol. the drink used in china during the western Zhou dynasty and considered an important curative and believed to reinvigorate a person according to traditional chinese medicine. it can be found in china, Vietnam and throughout southeast asia.

so now that you’re flush $100 from good old bruce “the boss” deifick, you may need a little guidance of where you should put that money. i am no financial planner, but here are my recommendations. first aid since our health insurance is basically a joke these days, i suggest stocking your medicine cabinet with $100 worth of robotussin, band aids and gauze. toss in a sewing kit and bottle of whiskey too if you need to do any civil war-esque surgery. alcohol ah alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life’s problems. if you’re feeling a little blue, take your fresh new benjamin to your local bodega and grab approximately thirtythree 40 oz brews. that should get you through the brunt of the holiday season and kick off your new year with a hang over that would sideline an elephant.

Non-Perishables stock up your grand dad’s fall out shelter with canned beets and powdered milk. good ol’ barack has put iran “on notice” so be the coolest kid on your block and be prepared for the inevitable backlash. spam, anyone?

Greenspun stock hey, it can only go up from here… right?

—DRM

COMING NEXT WEEK

THE FIRST ANNUAL “DUBBIES” THE OFFICIAL AWARDS OF ADW $

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ADW

art department weekly issue 33 vol. 1

2009 highlights cobra whiskey night before xmas PLus: we’re in the money family cookies more holiday cheer

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 34 VOL. 1

A D lu 09 20

THE DUBBIES TREE HUGGING MORE HOLIDAY CHEER PLUS: MORE MEMORIES OFFICE DECORATING LUDA 2009

mini boArD sCArY PitCh

Not every scary pitch comes from a Roger Clemens fastball to the head.

Sometimes they come from overzealous PR folks trying to push their products on editorial staffs. Just about every ME received this pitch. Thankfully Jil sent this scary thing over to us at ADW. For those who would like one: Wendy Plays Poker 8” MSRP - $84.95 Available at www.amazon.com and www.matildadolls.com.

more 2009 memories

Usually I’m pretty strict about the submission deadlines, but because Vicky kissed up by adding ADW in her favotires list, and Stefanie is an unpaid intern I figured I’d print their lists.

D

r A e rh

t r nA

oVe

i

“I don’t gotta look fly for Friday during the day. I gotta look fly for Friday night” -Jessica

“You’re a brat” -Luis

“Fellatio... what’s fellatio” -Vicky

My favorite things of 2009: my new brother (in law), my “Bermuda teal” wall, designing my first magazine cover-to-cover, romantic rooftop views of NYC, working with the most wonderful/silly people, bareburger, ADW, finding love, being broke, running around this gorgeous city, my new leather jacket, and lots and lots of pizza.

—Vicky Besides graduating from Boston University (summa cum laude whatwhat), my second-best memory was when BU’s Men’s Ice Hockey team won the NCAA National Championship after trailing 3-1 with a minute left in the third period. Best. Game. Ever.

—Stefanie

“With the tongue... passion” -Anthony

“He’s getting down with his white music” -Jessica

“You just want your card to be as full as mine” -Luis

“I swear to God he’s not” -Jessica

“I actually did bite Karen” -Anthony

“Look, radioactive pasties” -Anthony

Y A D i l o h eer

Cheek 7:

ts i r i sP

W

in the sPirit

What’s the best part of the holidays? Alcohol. Think about it. Your decorations could be too festive. Your greeting too religious. Your demeanor too happy. Alcohol doesn’t care about that. Unless you’re a mess when you drink, no one at the office is going to alert HR about you and your alcohol consumption. In fact, alcohol consumption is encouraged with officemates at this time of year.

Alcohol blinds you how few friends you have, how little you like your family, how small your bank account is, and how maybe your best memories of Christmas are actually disingenuous. Cheers!

Dear ADW, You still didn’t answer my question from last week.

Please help.

Sincerely, Open Ears Dear O.E., You really need to get things started, huh? Try a straight up chilled double of Cuervo. Don’t let that lemon or salt stand in your way. It’s just you and the Cuervo and a good night. If you happen to be out with that business partner of yours and clients, maybe take your time downing it. And watch what you say to that two-faced partner.

Dear ADW, I’m pretty sure I was snubbed in the Dubbies. There was a picture of a trophy, but all I got was this cookie. Who do I contact with my complaints?

Thanks, So Not Whining Wine is an excellent choice for you. Red, white, box, bottle—it seems to be where you’re at. A glass in one hand, the other gesturing emphatically about how the world has cheated you... I can see it now. I would try a Pinot Grigot with the cookie, but I’m no wine-know.

That’s just what I would buy if I were headed to the store right now. Also, because the baby didn’t take well to the merlot grapes last time I had that.

Dear ADW, I want to be a big star when I grow up. How do I get noticed in a good way?

Sincerely, Little Star Avoid the vodka. Too much drama. Before you know it, you’ll be face down in a gutter somewhere, vomiting silently and insisting you’re fine, you’re fine.

Beer is always your friend. Dark and frothy is the way to go.

However, that will never get you to the karaoke bar—and you want to be a star. Jameson takes the edge off any group that’s out without resulting in too many coworkers dryhumping each other in the corridors. Because you don’t want to become a star like that, right?

Dear ADW, Will you continue to answer questions after the holidays? I haven’t thought of anything yet, but I’m pretty sure I’ll come up with something by the end of January.

Thanks, Waffle Ugh, know your plan before you get in line. If nothing else, order exactly what the person next to you said. I’m sure you can come up with a great excuse later for why you’re holding a Cosmo.

Dear ADW, You don’t really write all these questions yourself, do you?

Love, Curious One shot for fun, two to get crazy, but call it quits after three.

o ChristmAs tree o ChristmAs tree

AWArDs seAson

e C i FF Ating

o or C e D

The offices at Niche have quite the array of holiday decorations. Everything ranging from the subtle...

The Pitaro tree and a pic of “a ceramic bowl that I made in 6th grade that my mom continues to display every year.”

Here is the Searcy tree. It is 14-15 feet tall, and every limb is wrapped with lights. This takes my dad a couple of hours every night for at least two weeks.

Then (now that it's an empty nest), my mom decorates the lower half before directing my dad, on a ladder, where to put the rest of the ornaments. Our trees have a tendency to fall.

This year it fell in early December, but there were only four strands of lights on it. Nothing broke in the room.

—Maggie Jessica

Una

While the rest of the Dubbies won’t be announced until the next spread, I thought it appropriate to give the ADW MVPs their own special mention.

The Anthony/Terrence tree: Nothing says Christmas like a beautifully decorated tree with lights, Christmas balls, razor blades, Muppet monster singalongs, spraypaint, Sharpees, a stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Cobra whiskey and Betty Page!!!

Amy

Neither of these awards should come as a surprise. If you are a regular reader of ADW, you know the Art Department member who contributes most is Amy Petriello.

From co-creating the popular Bitches Be Crazy column to teaching us about New Zealand slang to sharing with us her love of beef, she has gone above and beyond. I have no bigger office ADW supporter than Amy. For all of the above, I’ve named Amy the first ADW Contributor of the Year.

Of course, ADW has received contributions from non-Art Departmenteers as well. Other Niche departments have regularly contributed (special shout-outs to Rich in IT, Dan in sales, Tom in Copy, and the factoids). But, ADW simply could not be put to bed every week without the contributions of one very special contributor...

My wife. Madeline receives the award for ADW Non-Art Department Contributor of the Year.

For those of you who may not know, Madeline gives every piece of edit a once over. She creates edit. She helps organize and download all the art and stories.

She even designs ADW while I’m at the office. All while having a newborn to care for (and chicken pot pies to bake), and somehow always managing to have dinner on the table. She’s amazing. My hero, my idol, my everything.

Before we get into the rest of the awards, I have one more to give. This one goes out to the rest of the Art Department as I name art the Department of the Year. In a year where budgets and resources were slashed, we learned to do more with less. We often weren’t happy with the changes, but you couldn’t tell that from the quality of our books and our general disposition in the office. It was truly an honor sharing this year with all of you. *Please note the above image does not contain our fearless leader Nicole. She was on the phone on a conference call while we shot this.

... to the not so subtle.

ADW: the 2009 dubbies Best Flannel Richard Dachtera

Best Gym Buddy

2009 was a relatively (somewhat of an understatement) rough year in publishing. Luckily, we are all still here and among the employed. With that said, we were mostly able to have a good time while we worked hard. Onto the awards.

Easiest to Catch Singing Darnell

Best Non-Newstand Mag ADW

Best Interns

Most Positive Attitude

Best hit of co-worker with foreign object

Heart and Soul of the Art Department

Best Action Sequence Meghan’s Brain bouncing off Anthony’s head

Luis Vega

El Presidente

The Giveth and Taketh Away Award Karen Rose For buying the toaster oven, letting everyone use it, then almost burning the place down and melting the tube on the coffee machines so there's no water

Best On-Screen Duo The Spanish Club (Luis and Anthony)

Best Jokes The Gun Show Dubbie For her ripped new bod thanks to lunchtime workouts at the gym!

Best Dressed: Jessica’s Computer

Meghan O’Neill

Most Likely to date Mr. FedEx Loudest Most Talkative

Worst work-related suggestion Susanna Negoyan For asking about cutting the list immediately after Jason said it’s the best thing in our magazines

Biggest Spanish Club Wannabe Jessica “Conchita” Sarro

Best Work Ethic Olga Kalenchuk Best WTF Moment Olga’s Wedding

Most Desirable Male Fontmaster Flex

Sassiest Co-Worker

Best Virtual Performance Making InDesign my bitch

Toughest Art Badass

Most Vicious Breakthrough Performance Best Flexer Vicky Kirkitsos

Amy Petriello

Best Hero Anthony’s hair Sexiest Performance Anthony’s oatmeal

Best Drink LudaBombs

Worst Hangover

Most likely to have to sit on the whoopie cusion

Best Non-Art Department Baker Liz Hazard

Best Imaging Request “Please remove watermark” (...from fpo) Sherry Moeller

Best Frightened Performance The Whoopie Cushion Co-worker Most Considered an Art Departmenteer Tom Gottlieb Best Food Fight The McNugget contest

Displays most obvious hangover symptoms Loudest Sneezer/Noseblower Best Pushups in Bar Anthony Arias Best Fight Anthony vs. Jessica

Stay Late Crisis at 5:45 Jill Seiraki Most Desirable Female Marisa Miller Most Fun Fashion Person Lauren

ADW: the 2009 dubbies Best Flannel Richard Dachtera

Best Gym Buddy

2009 was a relatively (somewhat of an understatement) rough year in publishing. Luckily, we are all still here and among the employed. With that said, we were mostly able to have a good time while we worked hard. Onto the awards.

Easiest to Catch Singing Darnell

Best Non-Newstand Mag ADW

Best Interns

Most Positive Attitude

Best hit of co-worker with foreign object

Heart and Soul of the Art Department

Best Action Sequence Meghan’s Brain bouncing off Anthony’s head

Luis Vega

El Presidente

The Giveth and Taketh Away Award Karen Rose For buying the toaster oven, letting everyone use it, then almost burning the place down and melting the tube on the coffee machines so there's no water

Best On-Screen Duo The Spanish Club (Luis and Anthony)

Best Jokes The Gun Show Dubbie For her ripped new bod thanks to lunchtime workouts at the gym!

Best Dressed: Jessica’s Computer

Meghan O’Neill

Most Likely to date Mr. FedEx Loudest Most Talkative

Worst work-related suggestion Susanna Negoyan For asking about cutting the list immediately after Jason said it’s the best thing in our magazines

Biggest Spanish Club Wannabe Jessica “Conchita” Sarro

Best Work Ethic Olga Kalenchuk Best WTF Moment Olga’s Wedding

Most Desirable Male Fontmaster Flex

Sassiest Co-Worker

Best Virtual Performance Making InDesign my bitch

Toughest Art Badass

Most Vicious Breakthrough Performance Best Flexer Vicky Kirkitsos

Amy Petriello

Best Hero Anthony’s hair Sexiest Performance Anthony’s oatmeal

Best Drink LudaBombs

Worst Hangover

Most likely to have to sit on the whoopie cusion

Best Non-Art Department Baker Liz Hazard

Best Imaging Request “Please remove watermark” (...from fpo) Sherry Moeller

Best Frightened Performance The Whoopie Cushion Co-worker Most Considered an Art Departmenteer Tom Gottlieb Best Food Fight The McNugget contest

Displays most obvious hangover symptoms Loudest Sneezer/Noseblower Best Pushups in Bar Anthony Arias Best Fight Anthony vs. Jessica

Stay Late Crisis at 5:45 Jill Seiraki Most Desirable Female Marisa Miller Most Fun Fashion Person Lauren

o ChristmAs tree o ChristmAs tree

AWArDs seAson

e C i FF Ating

o or C e D

The offices at Niche have quite the array of holiday decorations. Everything ranging from the subtle...

The Pitaro tree and a pic of “a ceramic bowl that I made in 6th grade that my mom continues to display every year.”

Here is the Searcy tree. It is 14-15 feet tall, and every limb is wrapped with lights. This takes my dad a couple of hours every night for at least two weeks.

Then (now that it's an empty nest), my mom decorates the lower half before directing my dad, on a ladder, where to put the rest of the ornaments. Our trees have a tendency to fall.

This year it fell in early December, but there were only four strands of lights on it. Nothing broke in the room.

—Maggie Jessica

Una

While the rest of the Dubbies won’t be announced until the next spread, I thought it appropriate to give the ADW MVPs their own special mention.

The Anthony/Terrence tree: Nothing says Christmas like a beautifully decorated tree with lights, Christmas balls, razor blades, Muppet monster singalongs, spraypaint, Sharpees, a stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Cobra whiskey and Betty Page!!!

Amy

Neither of these awards should come as a surprise. If you are a regular reader of ADW, you know the Art Department member who contributes most is Amy Petriello.

From co-creating the popular Bitches Be Crazy column to teaching us about New Zealand slang to sharing with us her love of beef, she has gone above and beyond. I have no bigger office ADW supporter than Amy. For all of the above, I’ve named Amy the first ADW Contributor of the Year.

Of course, ADW has received contributions from non-Art Departmenteers as well. Other Niche departments have regularly contributed (special shout-outs to Rich in IT, Dan in sales, Tom in Copy, and the factoids). But, ADW simply could not be put to bed every week without the contributions of one very special contributor...

My wife. Madeline receives the award for ADW Non-Art Department Contributor of the Year.

For those of you who may not know, Madeline gives every piece of edit a once over. She creates edit. She helps organize and download all the art and stories.

She even designs ADW while I’m at the office. All while having a newborn to care for (and chicken pot pies to bake), and somehow always managing to have dinner on the table. She’s amazing. My hero, my idol, my everything.

Before we get into the rest of the awards, I have one more to give. This one goes out to the rest of the Art Department as I name art the Department of the Year. In a year where budgets and resources were slashed, we learned to do more with less. We often weren’t happy with the changes, but you couldn’t tell that from the quality of our books and our general disposition in the office. It was truly an honor sharing this year with all of you. *Please note the above image does not contain our fearless leader Nicole. She was on the phone on a conference call while we shot this.

... to the not so subtle.

mini boArD sCArY PitCh

Not every scary pitch comes from a Roger Clemens fastball to the head.

Sometimes they come from overzealous PR folks trying to push their products on editorial staffs. Just about every ME received this pitch. Thankfully Jil sent this scary thing over to us at ADW. For those who would like one: Wendy Plays Poker 8” MSRP - $84.95 Available at www.amazon.com and www.matildadolls.com.

more 2009 memories

Usually I’m pretty strict about the submission deadlines, but because Vicky kissed up by adding ADW in her favotires list, and Stefanie is an unpaid intern I figured I’d print their lists.

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“I don’t gotta look fly for Friday during the day. I gotta look fly for Friday night” -Jessica

“You’re a brat” -Luis

“Fellatio... what’s fellatio” -Vicky

My favorite things of 2009: my new brother (in law), my “Bermuda teal” wall, designing my first magazine cover-to-cover, romantic rooftop views of NYC, working with the most wonderful/silly people, bareburger, ADW, finding love, being broke, running around this gorgeous city, my new leather jacket, and lots and lots of pizza.

—Vicky Besides graduating from Boston University (summa cum laude whatwhat), my second-best memory was when BU’s Men’s Ice Hockey team won the NCAA National Championship after trailing 3-1 with a minute left in the third period. Best. Game. Ever.

—Stefanie

“With the tongue... passion” -Anthony

“He’s getting down with his white music” -Jessica

“You just want your card to be as full as mine” -Luis

“I swear to God he’s not” -Jessica

“I actually did bite Karen” -Anthony

“Look, radioactive pasties” -Anthony

Y A D i l o h eer

Cheek 7:

ts i r i sP

W

in the sPirit

What’s the best part of the holidays? Alcohol. Think about it. Your decorations could be too festive. Your greeting too religious. Your demeanor too happy. Alcohol doesn’t care about that. Unless you’re a mess when you drink, no one at the office is going to alert HR about you and your alcohol consumption. In fact, alcohol consumption is encouraged with officemates at this time of year.

Alcohol blinds you how few friends you have, how little you like your family, how small your bank account is, and how maybe your best memories of Christmas are actually disingenuous. Cheers!

Dear ADW, You still didn’t answer my question from last week.

Please help.

Sincerely, Open Ears Dear O.E., You really need to get things started, huh? Try a straight up chilled double of Cuervo. Don’t let that lemon or salt stand in your way. It’s just you and the Cuervo and a good night. If you happen to be out with that business partner of yours and clients, maybe take your time downing it. And watch what you say to that two-faced partner.

Dear ADW, I’m pretty sure I was snubbed in the Dubbies. There was a picture of a trophy, but all I got was this cookie. Who do I contact with my complaints?

Thanks, So Not Whining Wine is an excellent choice for you. Red, white, box, bottle—it seems to be where you’re at. A glass in one hand, the other gesturing emphatically about how the world has cheated you... I can see it now. I would try a Pinot Grigot with the cookie, but I’m no wine-know.

That’s just what I would buy if I were headed to the store right now. Also, because the baby didn’t take well to the merlot grapes last time I had that.

Dear ADW, I want to be a big star when I grow up. How do I get noticed in a good way?

Sincerely, Little Star Avoid the vodka. Too much drama. Before you know it, you’ll be face down in a gutter somewhere, vomiting silently and insisting you’re fine, you’re fine.

Beer is always your friend. Dark and frothy is the way to go.

However, that will never get you to the karaoke bar—and you want to be a star. Jameson takes the edge off any group that’s out without resulting in too many coworkers dryhumping each other in the corridors. Because you don’t want to become a star like that, right?

Dear ADW, Will you continue to answer questions after the holidays? I haven’t thought of anything yet, but I’m pretty sure I’ll come up with something by the end of January.

Thanks, Waffle Ugh, know your plan before you get in line. If nothing else, order exactly what the person next to you said. I’m sure you can come up with a great excuse later for why you’re holding a Cosmo.

Dear ADW, You don’t really write all these questions yourself, do you?

Love, Curious One shot for fun, two to get crazy, but call it quits after three.

ADW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 34 VOL. 1

A D lu 09 20

THE DUBBIES TREE HUGGING MORE HOLIDAY CHEER PLUS: MORE MEMORIES OFFICE DECORATING LUDA 2009

best of the rest Site of the Decade: YouTube

Ushering in a new age of usergenerated content... Otherwise we’d all have to settle for print.

Best Stadium: The NEW Yankee Stadium

ADW

art department weekly issue 35 vol. 1

Best Electronic Device: iPod Thanks Steve Jobs

Magazine of the Decade: Esquire

Best Music Video: Empire State of Mind

Comic of the Decade: Identity Crisis

documentaries sports movies music TV Best of Overheard in art PLus: sports moments excercise tools best of the rest

MINI boArD

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“Let me finish, dumbass” -erik

“My highlight of 2009 was Fryda coming to the New York office from Miami” -Jessica

The era of "years with round shapes in the center than can be used to construct novelty eyewear" draws to a close.

by Giacomo marchesi, illustrator and friend of karen

“I could hear you laughing in my head as my family sang Happy Birthday to Jesus” -Jessica

eXCerCIse tooLs?

over the past few days i’ve bared witness to some of the most interesting excercise accessories in recent memories. Both tools made me scratch my head just a little. first, anthony sent me the very inappropriate informercial to the shake weight dumbells. don’t believe the informerciial is inappropriate? Google shake weight dumbells informericlal and then tell me what you think. i sent the link to my buddy who responded, “do you think that’s why michelle obama’s arms are so jacked... and why Barack is always happy?” then rich rediscovered his carpal tunnel ball which anthony has been using constantly. you rub it against the floor to rev it up and then keep the momentum going by rotating your wrist with the ball in hand. Got keep that wrist strong for... work.

“Maybe we should dance during lunch” -amy

“Physically strong, mentally aware, morally awake” -anthony

“Because Jill says stripping is offensive” -Jessica

“What half of the day were you gonna work, the other half” -anthony

“We’d celebrate the New Year” -luis

tom’s favorite aUght’s alBUms i like best-of lists because they spark debate, not because anyone is fully capable of declaring what is/isn’t the “best.” it’s all subjective. take, for example, luis’ best album of the 2000s: Home by the dixie chicks. who’s to say he’s wrong? anyway, give these a listen. they’re great. (fyi, song of the ’00s: “english Girls approximately” by ryan adams.)

Best

of the

DecaDe mUsic

the music list provided the most varied answers. there were a few songs that appeared on multiple lists, but i learned everyone has an eclectic personal music taste. amy says “all of the best songs of the moment now seem overhyped and cheesy. But the ones that have stood the test of time are...”

1. “stronger” - kanye 2. “crazy” - Gnarls Barkley 3. “empire state of mind” - Jay-Z featuring alicia keys 4. “fiery crash” - andrew Bird 5. “crazy in love” - Beyonce

10. (tie) Funeral, arcade fire/100 Days, 100 Nights, sharon Jones & the dap-kings nuanced indie-rock pretentiousness, and retro soul done right.

other songs receiving votes “wolf like me” – tv on the radio “such Great heights” – the postal service “new slang” – the shins “strawberry swing” - coldplay “hang me out to dry” – cold war kids “dark matter”- andrew Bird “trouble” - coldplay “heartbeats” - the knife “paper planes” -m.i.a. “maps” - yeah yeah yeahs “ordinary people” – John legend “i feel it all” - feist “discovery” - daft punk “in rainbows” - radiohead “hello” - kanye west “BQe” - sufjan stevens “stakonia” - outkast the people under the stairs diplo – florida “funeral” - arcade fire “long walk home” - springstein “skinny love” - Bon iver “m79” - vampire weekend “Just Breathe” - pearl Jam “hurt” - Johnny cash

9. FutureSex/LoveSounds, Justin timberlake perfectly executed pop.

8. College Dropout, kanye west not as slick, but that leaves the real kanye to shine through.

7. Phrenology, the roots the peak of their powers.

6. About a Boy, Badly drawn Boy nothing groundbreaking, just a delightful soundtrack for the mid20s male.

5. Trouble, ray lamontagne most of the album sounds like it was dry aged to perfection under a desert sun.

4. White Blood Cells, the white stripes the cause of all the hype—and deservedly so.

3. Glasvegas, Glasvegas this band matters. listen to them.

2. Set Yourself on Fire, stars a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.

1. Silent Alarm, Bloc party favorite of all time. energetic aural goodness.

–Tom

man wall-e olD school iht american PsYcho eternal sUnshine of the sPotless minD re glaDiator lost glee 30 rocK DeaDwooD off DeXter KanYe JaY-Z DiX gnarls BarKleY mileY sUfJan stevens BeYonce raDioheaD

Best

of the

DecaDe

other movies receiving votes Avatar Pan’s Labyrinth There Will Be Blood No Country for Old Men Wedding Crashers Best in Show The Royal Tenenbaums High Fidelity Memento Amelie

“And I hate the French, so you know it’s good.”

Best

of the

Decade movies

The movie appearing frequently among submissions was Pixar’s Wall-E, a visual masterpiece that served as both cautionary tale and unlikely love story. In a decade of huge advancements in animation, Wall-E out with its heart, humor and daring lack of dialogue.

1. Wall-E 2. Old School 3. American Psycho 4. Gladiator 5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Bridget Jones’s Diary Something’s Gotta Give The Departed Almost Famous Anchorman City of God The Hurt Locker Sideways 25th Hour Superman Returns The 40 Year-Old Virigin Spirited Away Little Miss Sunshine Slumdog Millionaire Fight Club Into the Wild Children of Men Waking Life The Dark Knight The Incredibles Iron-Man The Watchmen Kill Bill Million Dollar Baby Minority Report

movie title of the decade The Beat That My Heart Skipped

*For Jessica’s full list visit ADW online... Her list was humongous..

Best

of the

Decade tv

I think it’s safe to say everyone loves ABC’s Lost. The timetravelling, mind-blowing show which is entering its last season garnered the most support. Even though answers are few and far between and speculation runs deep into what’s really going on, we’re all enjoying the great wild ride. There ended up being a tie for the fifth spot, so I decided to place all three picks on the list.

Glee had a ton of support even though its been on TV for just 13 episodes.

1. Lost 2. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 3. Glee 4. 30 Rock 5. Mad Men Deadwood Dexter

other shows receiving votes The Wire Chappelle’s Show Six Feet Under Aqua Teen Hunger Force Scrubs Veronica Mars The Office (UK version) The Colbert Report Project Runway (the NY years) Buffy the Vampire Slayer Flight of the Conchords Weeds Entourage The Shield The Sopranos The Office Rescue Me NatGeo (the entire channel) Curb your Enthusiasm

“I DoN’t reAD” the best of oVerheArD IN Art

the sPorts DeCADe

K o Lo

K C bA

A Time magazine recently named this decade the ”decade from hell.” while that might be true for most subjects (politics, economy, healthcare), obviously that title does not apply to the sports landscape. as i see it, we have been blessed as sports fans. some of the greatest athletes of all time suited up this decade. no matter what the sport, we saw feats of brilliance. in baseball the decade began and ended with the yankees winning world series championships. it also saw both the white sox and red sox end decades-long championship droughts. we were treated to the singlular excellence of albert pujols (the player of the decade) as well as the pitching dominance of mariano rivera (pitcher of the decade). here are some other players that dominated the deacde and rank among the greatest all-time at their positions: derek Jeter, alex rodirguez, Barry Bonds, mike piazza, chipper Jones, Greg maddux, tom Glavine, Joe mauer, pedro martinez, roy halladay; randy Johnson. special shout out also goes to Joe torre. Between the yankees and the dodgers, his teams made the playoffs every season... Quite the accomplishment. for the pigskin lovers, this decade has been a sheer delight. we had the team brilliance of the patriots (three titles), the brilliance of the manning brothers (each won super Bowls, eli¹s most

improbable), the continued excellence of the steelers (two titles by two different coaches) and some of the greatest players of all-time. in my honest opinion i have a hard time naming anyone other than tom Brady player of the decade. as much as i loved the QB play of peyton manning, Ben roethlisberger or Brett favre, Brady’s three titles elevate him above all others. not to be forgotten are emmitt smith’s breaking of walter payton’s rushing record and Jerry rice and Brett favre’s rewriting of the record books. almost as incredible is (my favorite team) the dallas cowboys ending the decade without a single playoff game win. unbelievable. in the nBa, the decade was really a story of two teams: the spurs and the lakers. while the lakers won more titles, i think the spurs are the team of the decade. they did more with less. shaquille o’neal is my player of the decade for winning titles with both the lakers and heat. tim duncan, lebron James, kobe Bryant and steve nash round out my top 5 of the decade. not to be forgotten is the progress made by both hdtv and stereo surround sound. i mean who can afford to go to the stadium every game or even to a bar? now you can get an amazing home theater system and watch the games at home, but feel like you’re right there. it’s the next best thing.

it’s easy to get nostalgic when we are not only nearing the end of the year, but also the end of the decade. that is the reason for this special issue of ADW. an issue where we can look back and acknowledge the best of the decade. Be it sports, movies, tv, music or comics, all can be found in the following pages. in my case, the decade holds extra special meaning, as it started with the birth of my daughter megan in 2000...

...and ended with the birth of my son kal in 2009.

“I DoN’t reAD” the best of oVerheArD IN Art

the sPorts DeCADe

K o Lo

K C bA

A Time magazine recently named this decade the ”decade from hell.” while that might be true for most subjects (politics, economy, healthcare), obviously that title does not apply to the sports landscape. as i see it, we have been blessed as sports fans. some of the greatest athletes of all time suited up this decade. no matter what the sport, we saw feats of brilliance. in baseball the decade began and ended with the yankees winning world series championships. it also saw both the white sox and red sox end decades-long championship droughts. we were treated to the singlular excellence of albert pujols (the player of the decade) as well as the pitching dominance of mariano rivera (pitcher of the decade). here are some other players that dominated the deacde and rank among the greatest all-time at their positions: derek Jeter, alex rodirguez, Barry Bonds, mike piazza, chipper Jones, Greg maddux, tom Glavine, Joe mauer, pedro martinez, roy halladay; randy Johnson. special shout out also goes to Joe torre. Between the yankees and the dodgers, his teams made the playoffs every season... Quite the accomplishment. for the pigskin lovers, this decade has been a sheer delight. we had the team brilliance of the patriots (three titles), the brilliance of the manning brothers (each won super Bowls, eli¹s most

improbable), the continued excellence of the steelers (two titles by two different coaches) and some of the greatest players of all-time. in my honest opinion i have a hard time naming anyone other than tom Brady player of the decade. as much as i loved the QB play of peyton manning, Ben roethlisberger or Brett favre, Brady’s three titles elevate him above all others. not to be forgotten are emmitt smith’s breaking of walter payton’s rushing record and Jerry rice and Brett favre’s rewriting of the record books. almost as incredible is (my favorite team) the dallas cowboys ending the decade without a single playoff game win. unbelievable. in the nBa, the decade was really a story of two teams: the spurs and the lakers. while the lakers won more titles, i think the spurs are the team of the decade. they did more with less. shaquille o’neal is my player of the decade for winning titles with both the lakers and heat. tim duncan, lebron James, kobe Bryant and steve nash round out my top 5 of the decade. not to be forgotten is the progress made by both hdtv and stereo surround sound. i mean who can afford to go to the stadium every game or even to a bar? now you can get an amazing home theater system and watch the games at home, but feel like you’re right there. it’s the next best thing.

it’s easy to get nostalgic when we are not only nearing the end of the year, but also the end of the decade. that is the reason for this special issue of ADW. an issue where we can look back and acknowledge the best of the decade. Be it sports, movies, tv, music or comics, all can be found in the following pages. in my case, the decade holds extra special meaning, as it started with the birth of my daughter megan in 2000...

...and ended with the birth of my son kal in 2009.

MINI boArD

D

r A e rh

t r NA

oVe

I

“Let me finish, dumbass” -erik

“My highlight of 2009 was Fryda coming to the New York office from Miami” -Jessica

The era of "years with round shapes in the center than can be used to construct novelty eyewear" draws to a close.

by Giacomo marchesi, illustrator and friend of karen

“I could hear you laughing in my head as my family sang Happy Birthday to Jesus” -Jessica

eXCerCIse tooLs?

over the past few days i’ve bared witness to some of the most interesting excercise accessories in recent memories. Both tools made me scratch my head just a little. first, anthony sent me the very inappropriate informercial to the shake weight dumbells. don’t believe the informerciial is inappropriate? Google shake weight dumbells informericlal and then tell me what you think. i sent the link to my buddy who responded, “do you think that’s why michelle obama’s arms are so jacked... and why Barack is always happy?” then rich rediscovered his carpal tunnel ball which anthony has been using constantly. you rub it against the floor to rev it up and then keep the momentum going by rotating your wrist with the ball in hand. Got keep that wrist strong for... work.

“Maybe we should dance during lunch” -amy

“Physically strong, mentally aware, morally awake” -anthony

“Because Jill says stripping is offensive” -Jessica

“What half of the day were you gonna work, the other half” -anthony

“We’d celebrate the New Year” -luis

other movies receiving votes Avatar Pan’s Labyrinth There Will Be Blood No Country for Old Men Wedding Crashers Best in Show The Royal Tenenbaums High Fidelity Memento Amelie

“And I hate the French, so you know it’s good.”

Best

of the

Decade movies

The movie appearing frequently among submissions was Pixar’s Wall-E, a visual masterpiece that served as both cautionary tale and unlikely love story. In a decade of huge advancements in animation, Wall-E out with its heart, humor and daring lack of dialogue.

1. Wall-E 2. Old School 3. American Psycho 4. Gladiator 5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Bridget Jones’s Diary Something’s Gotta Give The Departed Almost Famous Anchorman City of God The Hurt Locker Sideways 25th Hour Superman Returns The 40 Year-Old Virigin Spirited Away Little Miss Sunshine Slumdog Millionaire Fight Club Into the Wild Children of Men Waking Life The Dark Knight The Incredibles Iron-Man The Watchmen Kill Bill Million Dollar Baby Minority Report

movie title of the decade The Beat That My Heart Skipped

*For Jessica’s full list visit ADW online... Her list was humongous..

Best

of the

Decade tv

I think it’s safe to say everyone loves ABC’s Lost. The timetravelling, mind-blowing show which is entering its last season garnered the most support. Even though answers are few and far between and speculation runs deep into what’s really going on, we’re all enjoying the great wild ride. There ended up being a tie for the fifth spot, so I decided to place all three picks on the list.

Glee had a ton of support even though its been on TV for just 13 episodes.

1. Lost 2. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 3. Glee 4. 30 Rock 5. Mad Men Deadwood Dexter

other shows receiving votes The Wire Chappelle’s Show Six Feet Under Aqua Teen Hunger Force Scrubs Veronica Mars The Office (UK version) The Colbert Report Project Runway (the NY years) Buffy the Vampire Slayer Flight of the Conchords Weeds Entourage The Shield The Sopranos The Office Rescue Me NatGeo (the entire channel) Curb your Enthusiasm

the DeCADe hoW I see It

Use thAt bIG tV to MAKe s t s YoUrseLf sMArt sPor t N e M o i love documentaries. the art department knows this, and i know they wish i loved them less. however, i’ve made a list of the best documentaries i’ve seen that came out in the past decade. i could fill a whole ADW on summaries and reviews of these, but we just don’t have the time. so i placed the lists in a loose order for your convenience. the top titles are some i really think everyone needs to watch, while the rest are secondary.

Food king corn food, inc super size me Politics/Business no end in sight walmart: the high cost of low prices sicko out foxed: murdoch’s war on Journalism the party’s over capitalism: a love story so Goes the nation uncounted: new math of american elections enron: the smartest Guys in the room power and terror: noam chomsky

when we started discussing a “best of the decade” issue, i couldn’t help but look back on how well (or not) the decade went for me. rather than pick one topic to rave about or bemoan, i decided to scientifically figure out how well the decade went. what i ended up with after plotting a multitude of aspects is probably a more accurate represenation of how i feel when thinking of the ‘00s than i could describe in 300 words. there are ups, there are downs. take from it what you will.

—Madeline

societY/culture Jesus camp at death’s door white light Black rain Bigger stronger faster hell house Fun/interestinG stories the king of kong helvetica* crazy love science planet earth eco trip: season 1 * art would enjoy this.

M

with the end of the decade fast approaching, the niche sports nuts (tom, dan, John and myself) had a roundtable to rank the top 25 sports moments of the decade. the first 15 are presented here. for the rest of the list visit ADW online. (coming soon?)

1 Boise st./oklahoma 2007 Fiesta Bowl 2 patriots/Giants Super Bowl XLII 3 texas/usc 2006 Rose Bowl 4 yankees/red sox 2003 ALCS Game 7 5 usain Bolt 9.58 at the ‘09 World Championships 6 roger federer/rafael nadal 2008 Wimbledon 7 yankees/redsox 2004 ALCS Game 4 8 yankees/diamondbacks 2001 World Series Game 7 9 roger federer/andy roddick 2009 Wimbledon 10 lance armstrong wins 5th 2003 Tour de France 11 tiger beats rocco 2008 U.S. Open 12 colts/patriots 2006 AFC Championship 13 ohio state/miami 2003 Fiesta Bowl 14 George mason/uconn 2006 Elite Eight 15 u.s. wins gold in the 4x100 freestyle final

tom’s favorite aUght’s alBUms i like best-of lists because they spark debate, not because anyone is fully capable of declaring what is/isn’t the “best.” it’s all subjective. take, for example, luis’ best album of the 2000s: Home by the dixie chicks. who’s to say he’s wrong? anyway, give these a listen. they’re great. (fyi, song of the ’00s: “english Girls approximately” by ryan adams.)

Best

of the

DecaDe mUsic

the music list provided the most varied answers. there were a few songs that appeared on multiple lists, but i learned everyone has an eclectic personal music taste. amy says “all of the best songs of the moment now seem overhyped and cheesy. But the ones that have stood the test of time are...”

1. “stronger” - kanye 2. “crazy” - Gnarls Barkley 3. “empire state of mind” - Jay-Z featuring alicia keys 4. “fiery crash” - andrew Bird 5. “crazy in love” - Beyonce

10. (tie) Funeral, arcade fire/100 Days, 100 Nights, sharon Jones & the dap-kings nuanced indie-rock pretentiousness, and retro soul done right.

other songs receiving votes “wolf like me” – tv on the radio “such Great heights” – the postal service “new slang” – the shins “strawberry swing” - coldplay “hang me out to dry” – cold war kids “dark matter”- andrew Bird “trouble” - coldplay “heartbeats” - the knife “paper planes” -m.i.a. “maps” - yeah yeah yeahs “ordinary people” – John legend “i feel it all” - feist “discovery” - daft punk “in rainbows” - radiohead “hello” - kanye west “BQe” - sufjan stevens “stakonia” - outkast the people under the stairs diplo – florida “funeral” - arcade fire “long walk home” - springstein “skinny love” - Bon iver “m79” - vampire weekend “Just Breathe” - pearl Jam “hurt” - Johnny cash

9. FutureSex/LoveSounds, Justin timberlake perfectly executed pop.

8. College Dropout, kanye west not as slick, but that leaves the real kanye to shine through.

7. Phrenology, the roots the peak of their powers.

6. About a Boy, Badly drawn Boy nothing groundbreaking, just a delightful soundtrack for the mid20s male.

5. Trouble, ray lamontagne most of the album sounds like it was dry aged to perfection under a desert sun.

4. White Blood Cells, the white stripes the cause of all the hype—and deservedly so.

3. Glasvegas, Glasvegas this band matters. listen to them.

2. Set Yourself on Fire, stars a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.

1. Silent Alarm, Bloc party favorite of all time. energetic aural goodness.

–Tom

man wall-e olD school iht american PsYcho eternal sUnshine of the sPotless minD re glaDiator lost glee 30 rocK DeaDwooD off DeXter KanYe JaY-Z DiX gnarls BarKleY mileY sUfJan stevens BeYonce raDioheaD

Best

of the

DecaDe

the DeCADe hoW I see It

Use thAt bIG tV to MAKe s t s YoUrseLf sMArt sPor t N e M o i love documentaries. the art department knows this, and i know they wish i loved them less. however, i’ve made a list of the best documentaries i’ve seen that came out in the past decade. i could fill a whole ADW on summaries and reviews of these, but we just don’t have the time. so i placed the lists in a loose order for your convenience. the top titles are some i really think everyone needs to watch, while the rest are secondary.

Food king corn food, inc super size me Politics/Business no end in sight walmart: the high cost of low prices sicko out foxed: murdoch’s war on Journalism the party’s over capitalism: a love story so Goes the nation uncounted: new math of american elections enron: the smartest Guys in the room power and terror: noam chomsky

when we started discussing a “best of the decade” issue, i couldn’t help but look back on how well (or not) the decade went for me. rather than pick one topic to rave about or bemoan, i decided to scientifically figure out how well the decade went. what i ended up with after plotting a multitude of aspects is probably a more accurate represenation of how i feel when thinking of the ‘00s than i could describe in 300 words. there are ups, there are downs. take from it what you will.

—Madeline

societY/culture Jesus camp at death’s door white light Black rain Bigger stronger faster hell house Fun/interestinG stories the king of kong helvetica* crazy love science planet earth eco trip: season 1 * art would enjoy this.

M

with the end of the decade fast approaching, the niche sports nuts (tom, dan, John and myself) had a roundtable to rank the top 25 sports moments of the decade. the first 15 are presented here. for the rest of the list visit ADW online. (coming soon?)

1 Boise st./oklahoma 2007 Fiesta Bowl 2 patriots/Giants Super Bowl XLII 3 texas/usc 2006 Rose Bowl 4 yankees/red sox 2003 ALCS Game 7 5 usain Bolt 9.58 at the ‘09 World Championships 6 roger federer/rafael nadal 2008 Wimbledon 7 yankees/redsox 2004 ALCS Game 4 8 yankees/diamondbacks 2001 World Series Game 7 9 roger federer/andy roddick 2009 Wimbledon 10 lance armstrong wins 5th 2003 Tour de France 11 tiger beats rocco 2008 U.S. Open 12 colts/patriots 2006 AFC Championship 13 ohio state/miami 2003 Fiesta Bowl 14 George mason/uconn 2006 Elite Eight 15 u.s. wins gold in the 4x100 freestyle final

best of the rest Site of the Decade: YouTube

Ushering in a new age of usergenerated content... Otherwise we’d all have to settle for print.

Best Stadium: The NEW Yankee Stadium

ADW

art department weekly issue 35 vol. 1

Best Electronic Device: iPod Thanks Steve Jobs

Magazine of the Decade: Esquire

Best Music Video: Empire State of Mind

Comic of the Decade: Identity Crisis

documentaries sports movies music TV Best of Overheard in art PLus: sports moments excercise tools best of the rest