Art Department Weekly | Issues 41-50 Vol. 2 by Art Department Weekly

* Still stuck on that old CAVEMAN DIET? * Looking to lose weight but your tastes are EVOLVING? * Hungry for MORE??

adw

ART DEPARTMEnT WEEKLY issue 41 vOL. 2

.%7

THE AZTEC DIET 7ORTH YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD

,OW CARB HIGH PROTEIN DIETS ARE

"!$ &/2 9/5

%!4 4(% (%!,4(9 !:4%# 7!9

4URKEY

#ORN

#INNAMON

#HOCOLATE

4EQUILA EMAN 3O EASY A CAOV IT COULD D

"% ! '/$ ./4 ! -!. !ZTEC$IET COM

7E RE NOT SAYING YOU LL BE ABLE TO RIP A MAN S HEART OUT OF HIS CHEST BUT IT S POSSIBLE

7OMEN S (EALTH *ANUARY &EBRUARY

LeftOvers GILLIAn In PHoToS JessiCa in snOW HunTER BoWL PLUS: TSHIRTS WE LoVE inbOX stuff unAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S QuESTIonS

Mini board originaL creations Want something on th down low? never fear! Captain Call Out is here! —Luis Are you just getting in?! That’s a lot Wow! _______ of food on your plate! ______________ ______________!

r a e rh

t r na

ove

guess who loves candy? a feast for nicole’s birthday at her old desk..... a lot happened in 257! Who can forget pizza and starwich thursdays, Jeffrey binn declaring national donut day and national bagels and Lox day holidays, danielle garley restoring the ofﬁce as it fell apart; mice, Halloween contests and more...

“Are you even a man” -Meghan

“Can we discuss layout... I have some ideas” -Gillian

“The people’s champ doesn’t fill staples”

and of course, the Photo Pit (which i loved, even though i sat in “fact and copy”). in search of the perfect bag of odd ﬂavored chips in Chicago with amy and nicole! Learning to surf with ben and betsey. and who could forget swanky Miami??

-Meghan

“Wait, didn’t you wear that yesterday” -Rich

I had to draw this dude up. broccoli rob – you know how he does! CHILLInG! —Anthony

doubLe your fun The nad twins enjoy some vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, allowing their parents to finish... anything. Hooray.

“You can’t call people out like that, you have to slip the captain a paper with the callout and let her do it”

a shout out to Keija Minor, who made all of my dreams came true. and being with friends through break-ups, make-ups, engagements, weddings, pregnancies and more!

-Luis

“I need my parents out” -Meghan

“I like a hairy man” -Lauren

“You’ve never smelled crack before? Don’t you live in Harlem?” -Anthony

“I never put myself in a damper” -Jessica

“I came in this morning and licked your phone” -Rich

and ed Letter photos sans editors

PHOTO CREDITS TK CONUM AUTAT. EXER SUMSANDRE FEUISI ATET ERATISMOLORE MINCI BLAN HENDRE DIAM EX EUGAIT AD TE EL ULLAM IN HENDIO COMMY NIM DOLORTINCIP EUGUERCI TET, CONULLA FEUGIAMCONUM QUISSEN VOLOREM EU FEUGIAMCONSE TAT QUAM IRILISS EQUATING EUM ZZRIUSC ILISSECTE MIN ULPUTAT BECAUSE LUIS KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO TELL HIM JUST ONE MORE TIME THAT THE CREDITS NEED TO BE PLACED DUISMOD ERIL

Jessica does winter right

around the web

u rOM h t i esign f aL

http://www. freshnessmag. com/2010/01/24/ star-wars-x-new-eravol2-caps/

d e Web e OatM tH

—Michael B. Dougherty

Jess and Carolyn on the slopes. Jessica in her big comfy chair.

Part of the mountain Jess conquered. Car ride back to Colorado Springs. View from Garden of the Gods. did you know that cold weather helps you burn more calories? Your body is programmed to maintain a temperature of 98.6 degrees. But your core temperature drops when you are outside. Therefore, your body needs to exert energy to bring the temperature back up (this can be in the form of shivering) which burns calories. I’m not saying you will lose 10 pounds, but you will burn calories simply by standing out in the cold. Here are some better things you can do than simply standing around outdoors...

120-lb 150-lb Skiing 273 340 Snowboarding 273 340 Snowshoeing 382 476 Cross-Country Skiing 436 476 Ice Skating 327 408 Ice Hockey 436 544 Winter Hiking 327 408 Shoveling Snow 273 340 Sledding 327 408 Shoveling snow can burn you on average anywhere from 300500 calories per hour

The great thing about skiing and snowboarding is that you go through a whole body workout and don’t even know it. You are constantly using your legs and arms to make turns and go faster while your core is working nonstop to keep you from falling over and losing your balance. Without revealing my weight and calculating 510 minutes of skiing at a vigurous level of intensity, I have burned 4339.76 calories in one weekend. :) Enjoy the rest of the winter!

e u r so t rts

Chief brody’s Worst nightmare: the shark Knife The ultimate weapon for that jumping-the-shark moment, when you just can’t control The Rage —Gizmodo.com

that’s some Hangover, Huh? Police arrested an ohio woman on new Year’s Day after she punched through a McDonald’s drive-through window. The 24-year-old became extremely angry after she was informed they were out of Chicken Mcnuggets. —Jezebel from NY Times

e r Mo m

five things

overcrowded

that have found space in Madeline’s brain when she’s not worrying about screwing up Kal

o d an

f f u t s

box n i my m o fr

peanut butter Buying it. Eating it. And why that mom in the commercial didn’t make sure her son had a lunch sooner than 10 seconds before his school bus pulls up. The leftover issue Y’all submit a lot of content. Sometimes. This week we started out without much content at all. So I began excavating my inbox for all the submissions that had fallen through the cracks, such as these hats from Boston Common.

Paper Orgy Cut-Out Art We Love

Web Designer Depot has rounded up more than a few stunning examples to whet our whistle, from intricate lace-like sculpture to pop-up books to shadowboxes. http://flavorwire.com/61201/ paper-orgy-cut-out-art-we-love

Graphic designers: color yourself in luuuuuv with this nifty gadget pen by designer Jinsu Park that adopts the Photoshop eyedropper tool for real life. Read more about the prototype at Designboom.

This was a lovely newspaper clipping of Haywood Jablome shoveling snow. (To learn how many calories he burned while doing so, turn back to page 6.)

Pictures from Jessica... We know it’s a cheesecake and an ice cream cake, but the first one I’m not so sure about.

Then, as per usual, I heard I needed to hold space for late arrivals. The issue went up to 12 pages (good thing we got that ad), but that still doesn’t leave room for all the random things I would love to talk about so that I can stop thinking about them. Like how much I hate DirecTV this week. And how I’ve put way too much on my plate to have time left to go looking for good children’s music now that DirecTV took that away. How maybe when I’m 40, I will have accomplished everything on this week’s To-Do list. Isn’t it lame that none of us want to contemplate who we’ll be when we’re 40. And chicken pot pie. That has to be the best leftover. —Madeline

one self-published novel And how awful it is.

Nicole eggert She’s “fat.” She’s making fun of it on Funny or Die. She’s going on Celebrity Fit Club? I need to turn off the TV...

Isolated babies Do B.F. Skinner’s theories relate to Superman mythology?

sugar Cookies. Cupcakes. Leftover Halloween candy. Honey. This tea could use some honey...

so Long for now! Sitting down to write this, I feel a bit nostalgic! It’s fun to reminisce about all the great memories over the past four and a half years but bittersweet to leave. of course, I thought it would be appropriate to do a photo essay.

what a weeK

remember the time when the clambakes were on the beach and we were invited? this is just a few months after i started here.

s t r i ve h s t Lo we

It’s been an adventure! You have each taught me so much—both professionally and personally— and I can’t thank you enough. I’ll miss you all and all of the crazy chaos that makes this place fun! Thanks for all of the memories! —Gillian

eating our way through the ofﬁce: Pot Lucks, dorito taste Offs, Postponed back-Offs, Chicago dogs and food galore!

the Champagne was always ﬂowing at niche galas; Holiday dinners; and LudaChristmases!i hope to still get invited for Karaoke nights!

What a week it’s been. Sunday, the Saints beat the Colts in a well-played Super Bowl. I personally will never forget Sean Payton’s gutsy call for an onside kick to start the second half. That play changed the entire game. If it backfires, everyone lambastes Payton. It didn’t, and Drew Brees and Co. went on to bring the Lombardi trophy back to new orleans. on Monday, Anthony and I attended the press screening of The Wolfman. Jeffrey Lyons, host of Reel Talk on nBC, sat two seats from us. The opening credits weren’t even over before the Wolfman dismembers someone on screen. The movie was a lot gorier than I expected. Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving stood out in the cast. Benicio’s relationship with Emily Blunt seemed forced and quite unbelievable. Scenes with Benicio in full Wolfman regalia are easily the best reason to watch the film. I give it 2 stars. Late Tuesday night, the snow began falling. The massive storm led to the above image at 10:30 a.m. Wednesday: a nearly empty niche office. You can see Jessica

(on the phone with Meghan), the very top of Liz’s head and a random intern in fashion. A skeleton crew did not begin to describe the enivornment. As I took off early, I swung by City Hall Park to take some pictures. That’s where I saw the happy snowman below. on top of that of all that, we celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend. It’s the ridiculouly made up Hallmark holiday where we tell our significant others we love them. I do that everyday of the year, but I’ll do it here again anyway. I love you, honey. You’re the best.

Adidas turns the classic Star Wars poster into a great gift as Anthony discovered. Put down that bag of Sabor De Soledad and forego ‘the taste of loneliness.’ Instead, pick up the 30 Rock Sabor De Soledad T-Shirt. not only will you save 1,116 calories, you’ll spare yourself a faulty pregnancy test!

what a weeK

remember the time when the clambakes were on the beach and we were invited? this is just a few months after i started here.

s t r i ve h s t Lo we

eating our way through the ofﬁce: Pot Lucks, dorito taste Offs, Postponed back-Offs, Chicago dogs and food galore!

the Champagne was always ﬂowing at niche galas; Holiday dinners; and LudaChristmases!i hope to still get invited for Karaoke nights!

r a e rh

t r na

ove

“Are you even a man” -Meghan

“Can we discuss layout... I have some ideas” -Gillian

“The people’s champ doesn’t fill staples”

-Meghan

“Wait, didn’t you wear that yesterday” -Rich

I had to draw this dude up. broccoli rob – you know how he does! CHILLInG! —Anthony

doubLe your fun The nad twins enjoy some vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, allowing their parents to finish... anything. Hooray.

“You can’t call people out like that, you have to slip the captain a paper with the callout and let her do it”

a shout out to Keija Minor, who made all of my dreams came true. and being with friends through break-ups, make-ups, engagements, weddings, pregnancies and more!

-Luis

“I need my parents out” -Meghan

“I like a hairy man” -Lauren

“You’ve never smelled crack before? Don’t you live in Harlem?” -Anthony

“I never put myself in a damper” -Jessica

“I came in this morning and licked your phone” -Rich

and ed Letter photos sans editors

Jessica does winter right

around the web

u rOM h t i esign f aL

http://www. freshnessmag. com/2010/01/24/ star-wars-x-new-eravol2-caps/

d e Web e OatM tH

—Michael B. Dougherty

Jess and Carolyn on the slopes. Jessica in her big comfy chair.

e u r so t rts

Chief brody’s Worst nightmare: the shark Knife The ultimate weapon for that jumping-the-shark moment, when you just can’t control The Rage —Gizmodo.com

guys LiKe roMcoMs, too

viva La hunter bowL!

Because I’ve never seen The Philadelphia Story, can’t truly relate to old-school romantic comedies anyway and am still uncertain of how I feel about Woody Allen (I’ve only seen two of his movies), my favorite rom-coms are movies released solely during my lifetime. I don’t think that makes them any less awesome though. (FYI, for those keeping track at home, Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant are the only repeat appearances. oh, and nick Hornby, if you want to count source material. That probably says something profound about my sense of humor.) I was really sad I wasn’t going to get to see the super bowl live this year (a story for another day), so I made LV tape it. Already knowing that my boy Peyton had lost, I fast forwarded through to see the commercials. I was mildly entertained. While I loved the Flo TV commercial set in the mall (“How about Lavender?” “How about not”), I think the advertising overall was weak. Beating to death the theme of bachelor parties was better than all the outright violence last year, but I didn’t see The Hangover and I’m not sure all the pantless men and toys in Vegas would have been that much funnier to me if I had. What I found most shocking was the lack of competition. It felt like there was one beverage sponsor, one automobile sponsor, and so on. Maybe that’s why I loved the commercial for the Charger—it wasn’t Hyundai. near the end of the game—maybe even right before the post game show— there was a Walmart commercial. Wha-what-what? How was there not one sooner? oh yeah. Because they dominated daytime TV the past month with ads about how to be the best mom/wife/neighbor ever while saving money on their party supplies. Maybe that can be me next year... —Madeline

10. You’ve Got Mail I didn’t see Sleepless in Seattle until a few years ago. I like it. I like this one better. Sue me.

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall Some day, I will likely wind up quoting this movie more than any other movie I’ve ever seen.

9. Beautiful Girls Rosie o’Donnell’s rant on “fake” women is classic. Also, natalie Portman’s acting peaked here. Sad, but true.

2. High Fidelity I think the movie is actually better than the book, almost entirely because of John Cusack’s performance (although Jack Black and the guy who plays Dick are also great).

8. When Harry Met Sally... There’s probably no more romantic line than Harry’s “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” 7. Groundhog Day This one has grown on me with time. Probably because I didn’t fully understand it at 11 years old. 6. Bridget Jones’ Diary The only role of Renée Zellweger’s in which I wasn’t annoyed by her after 15 minutes— with the possible exception of Me, Myself & Irene, which narrowly missed cracking the Top 10. 5. Shaun of the Dead The best rom-zom-com of all time. A hilarious, clever script. 4. 10 Things I Hate About You My favorite of the mid- to late’90s rom-com bunch. Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are both endearing with their opposing charms.

1. About a Boy on any given day, these top two could flip-flop. Fantastic stories armed with excellent soundtracks and my favorite performances by both Cusack and Grant. —Tom

ons i t s L wiL iate Que t a th ratch of g n i n nootu to a bu s y

ethe d u dtching wL

bo r e P su

This past weekend, some friends and I took our annual 3-day trip to Hunter Mountain to watch the Superbowl, party and snowboard. naturally, the trip has evolved into being called the HunTER BoWL. Being that I forgot to bring my camera and most of the drunken antics should stay out of print, I have one picture of my friends Jim, Kerri, Kevin and me after hitting the park to document this occasion. sunday We watched the Super Bowl and Peyton Manning gag in the fourth quarter over wings, mozzarella sticks, sweet & sour meatballs and beers. We capped off the night by doing keg stands (yes, keg stands) in the living room. My 6’ 6” buddy Jay left sneaker marks on the ceiling. Marks that were as hysterical as they were impossible to clean off. Monday We woke up, some more reluctantly than others, and had a great day on the slopes despite the obnoxious wind coming from the east. The conditions were not the best as no large amount of fresh snowfall has hit Hunter in weeks. There were no lift lines of any sort which always makes for a nice day running up and down the mountain. After a long day of

riding, we ran into town to grab stuff to make chili and Kerri’s spinach dip. Having stayed in the night before, we decided to hit the local bars and meet the natives. To no one’s surprise Monday night in Tannersville, nY, is nothing to brag about. We had kicked the aforementioned keg before heading out, so we grabbed 60 beers from the gas station and went back to the condo. The abundance of canned beers led to great ideas including: shot gunning beers in the tub, a 3-hour game of Kings, and me being awoken on the couc by being vacuumed. tuesday Having packed away about 30 beers per person in 48 hours, everyone was moving a little slowly by Tuesday. The temperature had warmed a bit and the wind had died down, which was a welcome change for all in our group. By 2:30 p.m., just about everyone had their fill of snowboarding and retired to the lodge for a coffee or whatever before driving back to our respective homes. As we all changed out of our snow gear and said our good-byes, we all agreed that this was yet again a successful trip and vowed to do it all over in February 2011. —DRM

“What is a down?” (I cannot understand this to save my life; you might say I have—wait for it—Down Syndrome.) “Wait, how many quarters are there?” (I am also possibly retarded.) “Where is Kim Kardashian?” (I need at least one quasicelebrity in the stands to serve as my pop culture north Star; otherwise I’m lost.) “if Peyton Manning is from new Orleans, shouldn’t he be rooting for the saints?” (Also, what is up with that weird oreo ad with him and Eli licking cream filling in front of Donald Trump and Darrel Hammond?) (Inspired by the Colts’ logo) “Why do horses wear shoes?” “is that line showing where the first down is really drawn on the field?” (I think Jeff confiscated my wine at this point.) “Why does Monster.com use fiddling beavers in its ad? is that sexist?” (Mine doesn’t even play the kazoo. It must be slow.) (upon seeing Dan Marino) “is that the guy from ace ventura: Pet detective?” I don’t think I’m getting invited back next year. —Una

e r Mo m

five things

overcrowded

that have found space in Madeline’s brain when she’s not worrying about screwing up Kal

o d an

f f u t s

box n i my m o fr

Paper Orgy Cut-Out Art We Love

Graphic designers: color yourself in luuuuuv with this nifty gadget pen by designer Jinsu Park that adopts the Photoshop eyedropper tool for real life. Read more about the prototype at Designboom.

This was a lovely newspaper clipping of Haywood Jablome shoveling snow. (To learn how many calories he burned while doing so, turn back to page 6.)

Pictures from Jessica... We know it’s a cheesecake and an ice cream cake, but the first one I’m not so sure about.

one self-published novel And how awful it is.

Nicole eggert She’s “fat.” She’s making fun of it on Funny or Die. She’s going on Celebrity Fit Club? I need to turn off the TV...

Isolated babies Do B.F. Skinner’s theories relate to Superman mythology?

sugar Cookies. Cupcakes. Leftover Halloween candy. Honey. This tea could use some honey...

guys LiKe roMcoMs, too

viva La hunter bowL!

10. You’ve Got Mail I didn’t see Sleepless in Seattle until a few years ago. I like it. I like this one better. Sue me.

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall Some day, I will likely wind up quoting this movie more than any other movie I’ve ever seen.

9. Beautiful Girls Rosie o’Donnell’s rant on “fake” women is classic. Also, natalie Portman’s acting peaked here. Sad, but true.

2. High Fidelity I think the movie is actually better than the book, almost entirely because of John Cusack’s performance (although Jack Black and the guy who plays Dick are also great).

1. About a Boy on any given day, these top two could flip-flop. Fantastic stories armed with excellent soundtracks and my favorite performances by both Cusack and Grant. —Tom

ons i t s L wiL iate Que t a th ratch of g n i n nootu to a bu s y

ethe d u dtching wL

bo r e P su

* Still stuck on that old CAVEMAN DIET? * Looking to lose weight but your tastes are EVOLVING? * Hungry for MORE??

adw

ART DEPARTMEnT WEEKLY issue 41 vOL. 2

.%7

THE AZTEC DIET 7ORTH YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD

,OW CARB HIGH PROTEIN DIETS ARE

"!$ &/2 9/5

%!4 4(% (%!,4(9 !:4%# 7!9

4URKEY

#ORN

#INNAMON

#HOCOLATE

4EQUILA EMAN 3O EASY A CAOV IT COULD D

"% ! '/$ ./4 ! -!. !ZTEC$IET COM

7E RE NOT SAYING YOU LL BE ABLE TO RIP A MAN S HEART OUT OF HIS CHEST BUT IT S POSSIBLE

7OMEN S (EALTH *ANUARY &EBRUARY

LeftOvers GILLIAn In PHoToS JessiCa in snOW HunTER BoWL PLUS: TSHIRTS WE LoVE inbOX stuff unAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S QuESTIonS

ADW

art department weekly issue 42 vol. 2

Isn’t he super handsome!!!

Damn cats

Fryda supplied these images of a real life Narnian scene. That’s not Aslan, though. That’s Sumo enjoying the freshly fallen snow.

This just makes me hate cats even more. —AA

toy fair coverage enter sandman tastier bacon adw online PLus: dubbs love i.t. love pizza love

mInI Board

rd a e h

t r na

r oVe

“I don’t care if it’s Lent, I’m going to punch those bitches” -Jessica

“Time to show off how fast we work”

GarFIeLd mInus GarFIeLd i’ve never been a fan of Garfield comics and it seems the creator of garfieldminusgarfield.net isn’t either. what better way to improve a comic strip than to photoshop out the character that’s the most annoying! i suggest everyone to read through some of the archives and check out the story of John, a mentally disturbed bachelor who lives alone, talking to himself. if you think about it, Garfield’s speech was always in thought bubbles anyway, as if he weren’t really saying anything at all... (Twilight zone music) —Rich

-Anthony

“Rich is synonymous with badass” -luis

“My mother-in-law does that, and she’s craaaaaaaaaazy” Say it graphically! Font master Flex loves his Adws, and you should too! —Anthony This past valentine’s day, domino’s was selling HeArT SHAped pizzAS! The article even says “if you’re too lazy to get dressed and go to white Castle,” i.e., if Anthony puts his sweatpants on, which we all know means he’s not leaving the house. —Amy

you know your profession has been accepted by society as a “norm” when it reaches this state. —Rich

-luis

“I gave up guys and dating for Lent” -Jessica

“I was thinking about you this weekend” -Jeff

“I’m going to get busy with that couch” -meghan

“We should go curling” -Tom

“She almost fell off the balcony” -bbC

“Was there any heavy breathing” -meghan

KaL comes to VIsIt!

enter sandman

nG I K cooIth

a & t

Bacon

made

tastIer

Sometimes, i think bacon is too healthy. pure, porky meat, fried up and served with some high cholesterol eggs. where’s the oomph? The twist? The sauce? Then i came across a recipe for caramel bacon bites. you cut the bacon into 1 inch strips (this is bizarre, but fun in a sadistic way). lay them on a baking sheet covered with parchment paper (because this will get messy). Then you make your caramel sauce. making caramel is a science experiment along Alton brown lines. put 1 cup sugar into 1/3 cup water, boil it till the sugar dissolves, then increase the heat to high and let that stuff boil away till it gets thick and bubbly and amber-colored. Take it off the heat and stir in heavy cream, slowly, starting with 2 tablespoons, letting it bubble up and adjust before adding more. Then put back on low heat and stir until combined (about 4 min). voila! Caramel! Then, take a small bowl of the delicious stuff and make it even better by adding chili powder. brush the chili caramel over your bacon bites and bake at 350 for 20 or so minutes. The result is sugary, spicy, salty, fatty, pork cooked in its own grease. There, now that’s better bacon.

the duBBers onLIne it’s here. yes, it’s ﬁnally here. ADW has now caught up to the 21st Century and is ofﬁcially online. in the industry, we like to call this a soft launch, meaning it’s not really ready to be seen by the public because it doesn’t function the way i’d like it to, but it’s there. A harder launch, a real launch, means i’ve put in the complete 4,000 hours of labor required to build all the pages and work out all the kinks. it’s only a matter of time before the rest of “where in the world is Jessica” and Tom’s ideal play list are available for your reading pleasure.

not her thInG The yankees Anthony’s music multiple beef patties

her thInG St. louis Henry

with this being the 42nd issue of ADW, i thought i would write a piece on the last major leaguer to ever wear number 42, the incomparable mariano rivera. mariano burst onto the scene in 1995. He was an injury replacement for starter Jimmy key. He struggled as a spot starter and bounced between the majors and AAA for the rest of the season. in the postseason (against the mariners) he proved to be a revelation, pitching 5 1/3 innings of scoreless relief. The yankees knew they had a stud in mariano. with a proven closer in John wetteland, they pencilled mariano in as the setup man. basically they made each game a 6-inning game. rivera would pitch the 7th and 8th and wetteland would close out the 9th. The yanks record when leading after 6 innings was an astounding 70-3. They rode this tandem to an upset of the braves and the yanks’ ﬁrst world Series title since 1977.

with wetteland gone via free agency in 1997, the yanks turned over the closer role to mariano. rivera responded with 43 saves. A blown save against the indians in the postseasn would put a damper on his great season, but would pave the way for future post seasons. From 1998-2001, mariano would close out 167 games, and be absolutely dominant in the postseason as the yankees won three more world Series (they lost the ‘01 Series to the d-backs). mariano didn’t stop there, simply put he has become the greatest closer in the history. He’s talied a total of 526 saves with a 2.25 erA, and been the most integral part of ﬁve world Series Championhips. As a yankee fan there is no more secure sound than metallica’s Enter Sandman: Enter night Exit light Take my hand Come to Never Never Land

en p o an ter tom LetrnaLIs Jou hooL sc KIds when i graduated from the missouri School of Journalism, the economy was shitty. Now it’s like shitty-shitty-shitty, swinging back up from apocalyptic shitty. magazines are still folding and no one can figure out to make money with online editorial. you might think i’m just old and bitter, but i seriously wouldn’t trade places with you for all the money in the world. oh, wait. All the money in the world? if i could take my 29-year-old brain (and even my 29-year-old body) and you gave me a trillion euros, then maybe i would trade places with you. looking for a job is hard enough when you’re competing with kids who have two or three years experience, but you’re competing with everyone who has ever had a job. ever. in this make-believe scenario, i wouldn’t be taking my 29-year-old brain for the work experience. if i had to go back and do the editorial job search again, i’d want two things: self-confidence and knowing the difference between making friends and networking. (plus that cool trillion wouldn’t hurt.) if you have to be in New york, be flexible, be confident, and believe. Also, don’t look for a job that suits your degree. Find one that suits you. Just ask all the non-J School grads who have magazine jobs already.

adW Goes to toY FaIr W

ith copies of ADW in tow (to prove that i had bylines and that we feature toy coverage), i was given a media badge and map to walk the floor and cover an event i had always dreamed of attending. After a misstep to the dolls and learning toys, i found myself in toy geek nirvana—the action figure alley. my first stop was the dC direct booth. i am a

Superman freak (i mean my son’s name is kal) so the “Superman: world of New krypton” toys (below left) were the biggest hit of the day. That’s Superman (2nd from left) as Commander el. i also loved the Green lantern multi-part statue (right) as well the great Catwoman statue (below right) based on the artwork of Adam Hughes.

Here is a small selection of other things i loved while at Toy Fair 2010: (clockwise) Funko’s Justice league plushies (Superman was amazing); Tonner’s disney princess Collection; the minimates delorean with a mini marty mcFly; a huge selection of uglydolls; lego Harry potter’s Hogwarts Castle with moving stairs; Neca’s megan Fox from Jonah Hex and Terminator 2 ﬁgures; kotubukaya’s Captain America, Thor and iron man statues; diamond’s iron man and war machine action ﬁgures.

adW Goes to toY FaIr W

enter sandman

nG I K cooIth

a & t

Bacon

made

tastIer

not her thInG The yankees Anthony’s music multiple beef patties

her thInG St. louis Henry

mInI Board

rd a e h

t r na

r oVe

“I don’t care if it’s Lent, I’m going to punch those bitches” -Jessica

“Time to show off how fast we work”

-Anthony

“Rich is synonymous with badass” -luis

you know your profession has been accepted by society as a “norm” when it reaches this state. —Rich

-luis

“I gave up guys and dating for Lent” -Jessica

“I was thinking about you this weekend” -Jeff

“I’m going to get busy with that couch” -meghan

“We should go curling” -Tom

“She almost fell off the balcony” -bbC

“Was there any heavy breathing” -meghan

KaL comes to VIsIt!

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art department weekly issue 42 vol. 2

Isn’t he super handsome!!!

Damn cats

Fryda supplied these images of a real life Narnian scene. That’s not Aslan, though. That’s Sumo enjoying the freshly fallen snow.

This just makes me hate cats even more. —AA

toy fair coverage enter sandman tastier bacon adw online PLus: dubbs love i.t. love pizza love

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ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 43 VOL. 2

Visit MaDELinEstrUM.COM/aDW FOr tHE DUBBs OnLinE

nOW E n i OnL

TRAIN PAINS CANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T THE CASTLE MEAT HEAD-IQUETTE PLUS: RICH-ISMS THE SLIDE THE TRUTH

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“I’m a squeezer and proud of it” -Fryda

You may have noticed on the way to the ladies room recently the inclusion of editorial minis on the hallway walls. In the spirit of getting everyone to see what the other mags are doing, minis were put up. Thanks to Callahan for the photo.

rEGarDinG HEnrY

“There are no drinks at skating rinks” -Camille

“Lost is for losers” -Meghan

“Are you pregnant” -Jessica

“The sausage and peppers made my feet swell” -Vicky

“Mexican and French, a delicious combination” -Meghan

“Wait, you don’t like nuts?” -Anthony

Two shots of Henry, Meghan’s little man at play. Outdoors on a swing (left) and at home in his little tunnel (above).

Giant EGG Nicole brought in a giant 6 oz. egg from Hershey Park that was given to her. We sliced and ate it like a cake... Amazing!

“That’s too much man ass” -Luis

Spring is just on the horizon, so you may find yourself eager to get that pale person you see in the mirror into shape. If that is the case, be sure to follow these guidelines to avoid being that guy/girl at the gym. 1. Come as you are There is really no need to get too gussied up for the gym. You’ve got gym clothes that match? Fine. But don’t be that douche that has 3 lbs of product in your hair or the chick caking on makeup before you bust out some squat thrusts. 2. Pipe down I’ll never understand why people feel the need to scream and grunt during their workout. You don’t sound like a burly man. You sound like you’re being raped. Another thing that has always annoyed me is people slamming weights on the ground. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve flinched because it sounds like the building is falling

“Are those Ku Klux Klan outfits” -Fryda

“You are a piss poor journalist” -Meghan

“I don’t recall you turning up your nose at all those nutbags” -Meghan

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down around me. Show some control and ease the weights to the ground, guy. 3. Hovering I have the poor luck to have to go to the gym at peak hours, so I am subjected to having to wait for machines/get stalked while I am using them by the crowds. If you really need to use a machine and someone is on it, simply ask if they are almost done and find somewhere else to stand. I personally hate it when someone lurks around waiting for me to finish my workout. I’m not going to steal the bench when I am done dude... Relax. 4. Posing Ok ladies and gents, the mirrors at the gym are there

so you can watch yourself and keep an eye on your form, NOT to scope yourself out and make ‘blue steel’ faces into. My God, save it for the privacy of your bathroom if you feel the need to give bedroom eyes to your reflection. 5. Stop yelling at me Sometimes, I have to go to the gym alone... as we all do from time to time. This forces me to have to ask a stranger for a spot during some of my workouts. There is no need for you to scream into my ear, “YOU GOT THIS BRO! ALL YOU! FEEL THE BURN!” Your spittle filled tirade is not motivating. It’s annoying. Just stand there and make sure I don’t drop the weight on my face, and we’re all set. 6. The Locker Room Granted, I could write an entire piece on the “do’s and don’ts” of the locker room, but I will gloss over a major touch point in the interest of time. When you are changing in the locker room, be mindful of the fact that no one wants to see your balls. Hey, it’s a locker room and an encounter with nudity is basically unavoidable—just don’t strut around with your garbage hanging out, dude. These locker room exhibitionists make my blood boil. Take that shit to Hedonism if you really need to get it out of your system.

—DRM

Erno Rubik invented the Cube in the spring of 1974 in his hometown of Budapest, Hungary. He wanted a working model to help explain threedimensional geometry and ended up creating the world’s best selling toy. I just found that fact online. Right after I found this space labeled “The Truth.” Swear to God. Also, I was going to make that “god” and not “God,” but because of earlier articles in this issue, I’ve chosen to make it “God.” And that’s the truth. Also, I am STARVING right now even though I’ve eaten breakfast twice. Do you know why this is? Because I’m feeding a 17 lb baby now, not a 17 oz baby. Now that I’m not pregnant, I eat like I am preggers. But I get to wear smaller pants. It’s awesome. And that’s the truth.

VaLEntinE’s at tHE

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(in piCtUrEs)

H riC s isM LL –JI

“Hey can I borrow a needle and thread?” “Why did you loose a button?” “No, it’s because I’m ripped.” “They almost didn’t let me in the building this morning.” “Why?” “Because I came in with two guns and a six-pack.” If I was on [Jersey Shore], I would be the Hypothesis. “Yeah man, Let’s go out tonight and test the Hypothesis.” “So I was at the airport and I set off the metal detector…. With my Abs of Steel!!!” “When I got back from the gym, they didn’t believe I went. They thought I went to Burger King.” “Why?” “On account of the buns!” [Clenching demonstration ensues]

Can’t

Y p p Ha HDaY t r i B UBiK’s r On the subject of puzzles, let’s not forget one of the greatest puzzles of all-time, the Rubik’s Cube. This year the Rubik’s Cube turns 30. To celebrate, Rubik’s is releasing its latest extension, the Rubik’s Slide.

I think the word CAN’T is the worst word a designer can use. When you say “I can’t do this” you are basically saying one of two things: You are either saying you are not capable of doing something, or you are saying, “I don’t want to try anymore.” Now, would you ever use the words “I’m not capable of making this look good”? I don’t think you would. People might forget what the final page looked like, but they won’t forget the poor attitude. When dicussing this column with Anthony today, his said something rather poignant. “Design is a puzzle. You should always be able to win and solve it.” Every page can be designed. When we start to use the word CAN’T, we start to empower the page. We let it have sway over us. We are telling the page it is in control as opposed to the other way around.

One of the very first bosses I ever had (Tracee Kiner) once gave me a card that I keep to this day. In this card, she wrote, “There is no task too large or too small for you. You never tell me you can’t do something or that something is beneath you. You treat every job like the most important thing happening at any given moment. I thank you for this.” It was a small but strong sentiment that I have carried ith me throughout my career. No matter the size or scope of the job, I will give it my all. You’ll never hear me utter the word CAN’T. I’d urge any young designer to remove that word from their vocabulary. Instead of saying I CAN’T, say I CAN, and figure out a way to get the job done.

The Rubik’s Slide is an addictive electronic slide game featuring more than 10,000 puzzles. Rubik’s Slide includes two different types of play. Players can see how many puzzles they can solve in Free Play mode or race against the clock to complete a series of 10 puzzles before time runs out in Lightning Round. The Rubik’s Slide will be available in Fall of 2010 and will retail for $17.99.

train pains We’ve all seen those people. The vulture stalking out the next emptyseat. The entrance hangers who stop as soon as they get inside the door. The squeezers who see any free 6 inches of space as a seat. (Oh, Fryda.) The diners, bringing smelly cartons of noodles on the train. Yep, we’ve all been affected by other people’s annoying train habits. Given the opportunity to shout them out, our regular contributors let us know what train habits annoy them the most.

I’d like to start by saying I ride the craziest line in all of New York—the Brooklyn-bound N. The nonsense I’ve seen on any given day is staggering. A few highlights: The nail clipper. Seriously, you can’t do that at home? The dental flosser. I saw a woman bust out some floss from her purse and proceed to clean her teeth. But then—this is not a fabrication—I witnessed a nail biter flossing his teeth with his trimmings. Sheer lunacy. I thought about it this a.m..... People who don’t move all the way into the train when they get on, leaving huge gaps of available space, and then you have to squeeze past them because you do, in fact, know the logistics of fitting the maximum amount of people into a space even if they, clearly, are selfish idiots. —Amy

People squeezing into a seat when they know they can’t fit, or people spreading out when they know there is room for another person on the train,

already crowded and there is no possible way not to be squished. People who run for the door while its closing. People who know they don’t feel good and stay on the train only to delay the trains behind them. Stop signal failures Here’s my new fav... People who walk between the cars while the train is in motion after I just got a freakin $75 ticket for it last month. People who don’t get up for the pregnant or elderly.

People who cough and then touch the rail.

People who play their music blasting on the train on top of yours.

People who start problems with the person next to them and they know the train is

The same people who get on the train every other day and change their stories slightly

when begging for money. The preachers. The most horrific homeless people who smell so bad you are going to pass out. I know they can’t help it but sometimes it’s so hard to compose yourself. People who have bags and let them go where ever on their arms, instead of holding them under their one arm. They just keep hitting you and rubbing up against you. —Jessica

People I hate on the train: 1. Everyone who’s not me. 2. The old lady who pushes herself on the train before people get off to get a seat. 3. The guy who stands by the

door when the train is empty and doesn’t move when people get on. 4. People who start looking for their metro cards while standing in front of the turnstile. 5. People who let their kids climb on the seats. 6. After I squeeze in and take the last spot by the door, the guy who pushes me in more, then I don’t have anything to hold onto. 7. No lid coffee guy. I’m just waiting for that to spill on me. 8. People who get up from a seat in a crowded moving car and walk to the door so they can be the first one off. —Rich I hate people who wear backpacks on the train. If you bump me with that backpack one more time, I’m going to rip you down by it and step on your neck. Take it off and hold it by your side, retard. OH, and if I can feel your nose exhale on my arm, you’re way too close. That is fucking disgusting! BACK THE FUCK UP!!! Thank you. —Anthony The sleeper: the side-nodding head-bob that is heading

EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU? THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? straight towards your shoulder The reader: Paper folded out alllll the way on a crowded train, hitting short girls in the face X-RATED tip for guys who sit with their legs wide open smushing me into the side rial: Close your legs, your junk isn’t that big! —Vicky Pole-leaners who force you to either subway surf or wedge your hand behind their shoulders. STEP OFF, YO, IT IS NOT YOUR POLE. People who get out of their seat on a crowded train 30 seconds before their stop and expect you to move, saying “Getting off.” OH REALLY, DUDE, YOU’RE GETTING OFF RIGHT NOW? BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, WE WERE HURTLING THROUGH A TUNNEL OF DARKNESS. The shoulder-sitters. When you are sitting at the end of the row and someone uses the shoulder-height bar as a seat. EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU?

THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? —Una

My all-time subway pet peeve is the soap box preachers. Why is it these crazies feel the need to spread the gospel at 8:30 a.m.? Easy on the scripture, guy. I am barely awake. —DRM

Mine’s a tie between people who insist on playing music through their phone at full volume (just because you want to hear the song doesn’t mean the rest of the car does), and people in front of the door on a supercrowded train who refuse to step out temporarily to let people off. These people fail to realize that the likely reason they don’t move further in—so they can get off the train at their stop in time—is directly linked to OTHER LIKEMINDED PEOPLE who force everyone to get off the train in single file. Jerks. Just move inside the train and say “Excuse me” at your stop. It’s incredibly effective. —Tom

People squeezing into a seat when they know they can’t fit, or people spreading out when they know there is room for another person on the train,

People who cough and then touch the rail.

People who play their music blasting on the train on top of yours.

People who start problems with the person next to them and they know the train is

The same people who get on the train every other day and change their stories slightly

People I hate on the train: 1. Everyone who’s not me. 2. The old lady who pushes herself on the train before people get off to get a seat. 3. The guy who stands by the

THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? —Una

My all-time subway pet peeve is the soap box preachers. Why is it these crazies feel the need to spread the gospel at 8:30 a.m.? Easy on the scripture, guy. I am barely awake. —DRM

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“I’m a squeezer and proud of it” -Fryda

rEGarDinG HEnrY

“There are no drinks at skating rinks” -Camille

“Lost is for losers” -Meghan

“Are you pregnant” -Jessica

“The sausage and peppers made my feet swell” -Vicky

“Mexican and French, a delicious combination” -Meghan

“Wait, you don’t like nuts?” -Anthony

Two shots of Henry, Meghan’s little man at play. Outdoors on a swing (left) and at home in his little tunnel (above).

Giant EGG Nicole brought in a giant 6 oz. egg from Hershey Park that was given to her. We sliced and ate it like a cake... Amazing!

“That’s too much man ass” -Luis

“Are those Ku Klux Klan outfits” -Fryda

“You are a piss poor journalist” -Meghan

“I don’t recall you turning up your nose at all those nutbags” -Meghan

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—DRM

VaLEntinE’s at tHE

CastLE

(in piCtUrEs)

H riC s isM LL –JI

Can’t

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ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 43 VOL. 2

Visit MaDELinEstrUM.COM/aDW FOr tHE DUBBs OnLinE

nOW E n i OnL

TRAIN PAINS CANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T THE CASTLE MEAT HEAD-IQUETTE PLUS: RICH-ISMS THE SLIDE THE TRUTH

tHe saN FraNcIscO treat

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ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 44 VOL. 2

Five days. It’s a full workweek, but for a vacation it’s barely enough time to “get away.” But when you can spend those five days in the friendly confines of someone else’s charming home, it changes the vibe of the trip. Coming home at night to an actual neighborhood instead of a tourist trap, you start to perceive yourself as part of the fabric of your destination; you’re forced to learn about how to really get around the city, and thus feel entitled to act like a local; you may visit all the typical places, but somehow it seems less of an obligation and more of an indulgence. Home exchanges are my new favorite thing. —Tom

REEL FAVES OSCAR PICKS FAREWELL HOT MAYORS PLUS: APP OF THE WEEK POSTER PICKS MULTI-TASKING

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“First we make the babies, then we get married” -Anthony

GettING BUZZed Rich sent in this CGI of what a real Buzz Lightyear might look like. Would a realistic-looking Woody look like the Marlboro Man?

trOOpaBIlItY verb |troôp e’bilité|

willing to traverse the elements or other great obstacles to reach a desired destination “Anthony’s mom showed great troopability in braving the severe snowstorm to have lunch with her son”

welcOMe tO tHe 21st ceNtUrY I visited my boyfriend’s family in Montrose, CO, last weekend and spent the majority of the time playing Wii with his cousins. I realize I’m behind the curve here, but did you know this gaming system lets you make your own virtual friends and color with them via online coloring books? Call me old fashioned, but what ever happened to human beings and a box of Crayola? I’m just saying...

“Is that the new Rich talking? The old Rich would have said I have to go home and feed my plants” -Jessica

“We had a service call on the moon” -Rich

“What episode of Lost did she see” -Luis

“It stimulates and penetrates every orifice of the human body” -Jason

“I’m gonna throw feces if he comes by again” -Luis

“Did you teach him your moves” -Meghan

“Never fight, share” -Anthony

e r Faell w My original plan was to write a good-bye poem in Jason-isms, a binnshot haiku if you will. Unfortunately, I am not as talented, so I think I will leave those pearls of wisdom up to Jason. However, I still wanted to write a goodbye message to all. I remember the excitement on my very first day at Niche back in July 2008. After meeting a few of you who said “good luck with that” when I said I was working on “Flash,” my excitement slowly turned into the thought of What did I get myself into. However, I learned to love “Flash” and all its craziness. Over this past year and a half, I have taken on much more than just “Flash,” and have learned so much. It has been a great year and a half, but it’s just time for me to move on. One thing you have to say about Niche is that there is never

a dull moment. Whether it’s a spontaneous wedding or wearing sunglasses at work because the Fact department has put up so many Christmas tree lights that your corneas start to burn or, my favorite, that time we didn’t have any email for two days, making it quite the challenge to receive photos. These are all the crazy little things I will miss. Below I made a list of my all time favorites moments from Niche.

to figure it out combined. Really, what’s with everyone in Aspen teaching their dogs to ski and naming them all Bingo?

Craziest day: Olga announced she was getting married at lunchtime and Karina announced she was leaving at lunchtime.

I have really enjoyed working with you all and will you miss you dearly. Please keep in touch and if you ever find yourself in Australia, look me up! Below is my personal email address. I don’t Tweet, however I may start a blog once I move.

Strangest problem I had to solve: Trying to figure out which skiing dog named Bingo in Aspen used to pick little Susie up from school every day. Believe it or not, there were several, and it took Marina, Lauren, the historical society lady and I about 3 hours

Favorite day: Halloween! It was always exciting to come in and see who actually was willing to dress up and who was not. Plus there was always lots of candy around! Favorite out-of-the-ofﬁcework-event: Ludachristmas!

Xoxo, Catherine CatherineAGargan@gmail.com

perIls OF MUltItasKING From: Elizabeth Hazard <ElizabethH@nichemediallc.com> To: <aquartuccio@keatingco.com> Subject: Watch Image for Vegas Magazine Hi. We are running the Parmigiani Bugatti Atlante Chronograph in our upcoming issue of Vegas Magazine and we would love to include an image of the watch, but the current image we have is slightly skewed and wont work as is with our layout. I’ve attached an image here of how we’d like to show all of the watches--would you be able to send us a photo like this for the watch with the face straightforward and centered to the page? Thanks so much! Liz <<The picture she attached

HOt MaYOr alert! After a trip to the other Coast, Amy gives us the scoop on who woud get her vote.

Sam Adams, “Silver Fox,” 47, Portland The first openly gay mayor of a Top 30 U.S. city. He’s been rocked with scandal from an in-office sexual relationship with a teenager. Still, a silver fox.

tOp pOsters

p p a tHe

Precious The lack of detail in the characters face let you know about the film’s journey of discovery for the lead character.

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reel FaVes

I love movie posters. Here are my pics for the three best designs from 2009.

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“First we make the babies, then we get married” -Anthony

GettING BUZZed Rich sent in this CGI of what a real Buzz Lightyear might look like. Would a realistic-looking Woody look like the Marlboro Man?

trOOpaBIlItY verb |troôp e’bilité|

willing to traverse the elements or other great obstacles to reach a desired destination “Anthony’s mom showed great troopability in braving the severe snowstorm to have lunch with her son”

“Is that the new Rich talking? The old Rich would have said I have to go home and feed my plants” -Jessica

“We had a service call on the moon” -Rich

“What episode of Lost did she see” -Luis

“It stimulates and penetrates every orifice of the human body” -Jason

“I’m gonna throw feces if he comes by again” -Luis

“Did you teach him your moves” -Meghan

“Never fight, share” -Anthony

to figure it out combined. Really, what’s with everyone in Aspen teaching their dogs to ski and naming them all Bingo?

Craziest day: Olga announced she was getting married at lunchtime and Karina announced she was leaving at lunchtime.

Xoxo, Catherine CatherineAGargan@gmail.com

tHe saN FraNcIscO treat

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ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 44 VOL. 2

REEL FAVES OSCAR PICKS FAREWELL HOT MAYORS PLUS: APP OF THE WEEK POSTER PICKS MULTI-TASKING

Cook Once, Eat Thrice Beef. It’s what’s for dinner three times if you play your cards right. So there you are in the meat department, thinking, What am I gonna do with eight pounds of beef? I think it can be hard to make use two pounds. Especially when it’s just you. But you can adapt the following three recipes to feed one or ten if you start with the right size roast. I believe the one in the picture is three pounds for two people.

Pot Roast

Steak Tostadas

Fren ch Dip Sandwiches

Pot Roast

Leftover pot roast, shredded

Butter or Margarine

Onions, quartered

Taco seasoning

Onion, sliced

Garlic cloves, whole

Tostada shells

Garlic clove, minced

Potatoes, cut in chunks

Shredded cheese

Beef Broth

Carrots, cut in chunks

Tomatoes, chopped

Thyme

Salt and Pepper

Lettuce, shredded

Pepper

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art department weekly issue 45 vol. 2

Leftover pot roast, sliced Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Get a Dutch Oven or roasting pan with lid. Arrange onions, garlic, potatoes, and carrots as a bed of deliciousness. Place pot roast on top. I place mine fat side down. Cookbooks will tell you fat side up. Whichever... Generously sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast in oven for 1 ½ hours. (Check your actual cut of meat against a real roasting chart.) Turn off the oven and let the meat cook internally for 30 minutes. I also give it extra time to be sure all the juices are released for the benefit of the vegetables around the meat. (Or maybe just for my own benefit of not having to scrape the vegetables off the bottom.) Slice and serve.

Buy a packet of taco or fajita mix for a dollar. Heat ½ cup of water (or whatever the packet calls for) in a skillet. Add seasoning. Add part of your leftover pot roast—as much as you want to turn into tostadas. Heat thoroughly. Arrange beef and toppings on tostadas shells. I like to put the cheese on the shells and pop them in the microwave for less than 30 seconds. But I like melted cheese.

French-style Rolls In a saucepan, cook onion and garlic in hot butter until tender. Stir in broth, thyme, and pepper. Bring to a boil. Simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes. Add leftover beef. Reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, about 5 minutes or until beef is heated through. (Depending on how frozen or dried out your leftovers are, you may want them to simmer for closer to 15 minutes.) Toast rolls. Remove beef and onions from liquid. Arrange on rolls. Serve with dishes of broth mixture for dipping.

bacon explosion sausage city the castle vicky’s pizza PLus: restaurant weak the best deal do the stew

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“Is it Picture Day in the Art Department” -Jessica

“I could drink Jameson at home and avoid the d-bags” -rich

“The first thing she said was `My God she’s got small feet’” -meghan

FACt hAs to eAt

“You mean you have a ruler and you still can’t draw a straight line” -luis

“Your clothes are really tight” -Jessica

ice cream. skippy. thursday. 4 p.m. —Rich

and people think Meg has it rough... there’s no way that baby is a fan of Alien yet. and, come on, that little girl is nuts if she doesn’t think her Voltron costume is kick-ass.

neUtrAFACe if you haven’t seen it, “hilarious and worth multiple viewings.” —Jen

“No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist” -nicole

“Criticism without advice is just noise” -luis

“Don’t lie, you guys went to the nudie bar, right?” -Jeff

U A t s e r Ant r k

Judy robinson-cox’s lilliputian landscape series—small figurines photographed in vegetable and fruit settings—does what all small children are told not to do: play with food. a friend gave the rockport artist a miniature pig (she doesn’t eat meat), and so began the quest for small vegetarian scenarios—pea broth divers, broccoli-forest hikers, sushi sunbathers. her latest, “naughty Boy,” shows a small boy, waving a bikini top, being chased by a topless girl through olive oil surf on blue Fiesta ware with a wheat bulgar and legume beach. square circle gallery, 11 dock sq., rockport, judy.robinson-cox.com —Liz

We got the scoop!

once again, the dubbs hits print on a story before a larger media outlet could. this time we told everyone rob roy is the best cocktail (issue 39, page 7) before Esquire said so (march 2010, page 56).

kobAYAshi in Winter history went down (one man’s throat) at Fulton Ferry landing last Friday, as champion eater takeru kobayashi attempted to break the world record in meatball eating. how many meatballs can one human eat in one minute? until then, the answer had been 26. kobayashi proceeded to eat 29 meatballs in 1 minute. true, the meatballs were tiny, but i’d have a hard time eating 29 of anything in under a minute. watch the video of the impressive feat on gothamist.com.

as the city’s too-expensive restaurants continue to struggle, thrifty souls (or, if you prefer, cheapskates) got to enjoy $35 3-course prix-Fixe restaurant week menus for about a month in February. i was pretty excited after getting reservations for dinner at le cirque, one of the more expensive, fancier French restaurants in the city. (it was named one of the top 40 restaurants in the us in 2008.) our six o’clock table for two, which was the only reservation available within a four-hour window when i made it, wound up being a small table in a drafty corner of a nearly empty, poorly lit dining room. our butter was frozen and our sodas ($6) were flat. my appetizer, shrimp ravioli with chorizo, zucchini, and red pepper, consisted of two ravioli, each around the size of a quarter. i’d never had bouillabaisse before, so i figured there was no better place to try it, but, again, i was disappointed when my plate contained three each of the really delicious clams and mussels and a too-tiny square of monkfish. i’ve had many positive experiences with restaurant week in the past, but sometimes, i guess, it’s worth it to forego the deal and pay big-boy prices every once in a while. For now, though, i’m sticking with subway. —John

Do e h t W ste

“how i spend my snowed-in-nights on Crescent Ave. in Queens!” —Vicky

t s e b l in DeA CitY the

sAUsAGe CitY

i love food. Food of all kinds. From the juiciest steak at peter luger’s to the Baconzilla at checkers. i love and appreciate it all.

preheat oven to 450. separate the dough into 2 balls. i chose to buy the dough from my local astoria pizzeria and focused all my attention on the fresh, delicious toppings. toppinGs one 14-ounce can peeled crushed san marzano tomatoes, drained 1/4 cup high-quality extra-virgin olive oil coarse sea salt and freshly ground pepper 1 pound Fresh buffalo mozzarella, thinly sliced sliced mushrooms large basil leaves, torn into pieces

knead dough until thin, tossing up and flipping occasionally. this helps thin out the dough without over-working it with your hands. remember to keep your surface floured to prevent sticking. place on pizza stone/tray. top with crushed tomatoes, leaving a 1-inch border. top with mozzarella, drizzle with one tablespoon olive oil, sprinkle salt and pepper. Bake for about 8 minutes. once out of the oven, generously top with chopped basil and let sit for 3 minutes. serve and enjoy!

i made some hungarian beef stew last weekend which came out great. Basically like most stews, you just throw all the ingredients into a dutch oven and bake it for 2-3 hours. what makes this recipe different is that you don’t brown the meat before you add it to the stew. this allows the water to seep out and help create the broth. also, add a teaspoon of white vinegar to the stew right before you serve, it brings out the flavor. —Rich

one of my new favorite places in new york is dogmatic: gourmet sausage system. dogmatic is located on 17th street between union square and 5th and offers some of the tastiest sausage i’ve ever had. dogmatic sausages are all handmade, all-natural, contan no hormones, antibiotics, nitrates, artificial flavors or colors and are naturally low in fat. each sausage is placed in artisan bread made on special spikes to keep them hot in the center (genius). you can also get a selection of sauces to add to your sausage. i personally recommend the pork sausage with truffle gruyere sauce. also of note is the fact that all the meat is grass-fed and free range from violet hill farms. on top of that, it is all extremely affordable at $4.50 per sausage. while my sausage outings have generally consisted of the

german sausage hallo Berlin street cart (which i also love) over on 54th and 5th, dogmatic is a nice and different type of sausage. dogmatic will become a regular treat for me.

also on the subject of sausages, rich recently brought in some cheeseburger sausage that he purchased from his butcher in Brooklyn. while i was skeptical at first, the taste was simply sublime. rich will have a review (as well as their location) in next week’s issue of the dubbs. Please visit ADW online to read my review of the Matt Damon ﬂick Green Zone. It’s a cool (but ﬁctionalized) account of one soldier’s journey to uncover the truth about the searh for WMDs in Iraq. Paul Greengrass directs in his typical Bourne-esque documentary style.

i recently rediscovered the egg roll. not some fancy type of p.F. chang egg roll, but a down and dirty, slathered in duck sauce, bought from your corner chinese take out spot egg roll. the best part about it. it was $1.25. yeah, you heard me right, $1.25. i mean think about it. a pack of orbitz gum will run you $1.50 nowadays. a corner dirty water dog $2.00. even a slice of pizza runs you close to 3 bucks. so trust me, next time you’re hungry and reach into your wallet and realize you only have a few dollars, run out to your local chinese joint and order yourself an egg roll. you’ll love it.

Ingredients

Total nutrition:

Per Serving:

Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon

Serves: 15

Cal: 252

Rub – pepper, chili powder, brown sugar, salt, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder

Calories: 3780

Total Fat: 22.5 g

Total Fat: 338 g

Sat. Fat: 8 g

Sat. Fat: 120 g

Sodium: 656 mg

Heffy’s barbecue sauce Italian Sausage

Sodium: 9840 mg

bacon explosion Few things in this world are as simple and savory as a good strip of bacon. My philosophy is ‘nothing is better in moderation.’ Take as much of the good life as you can when it presents itself. With that in mind, I served my own Bacon Explosion a few weeks back for the Super Bowl. What could be better than an amalgam of bacon, sausage, barbecue sauce and some more bacon? Besides, it rounded out the meal of chili, jalapeno cornbread, 4-cheese mac & cheese, beer, wine, and moonshine. What follows may

scare you (it probably should), and if you follow in my footsteps, it might not turn out quite as well, but remember, greatness courts failure. It is worth the shot. I used Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon. The thickness allows my weave to really keep its shape and hold in the flavor, and the flavor can’t be beat. It’s basically bacon, surrounded by Italian sausage, and then encased in bacon again. I use fresh Italian sausage. The sweet kind works better than the hot variety, but it’s really a matter of preference. Nothing but savory

pork, some barbecue rub and some sauce. This is a dish that is actually constructed from the outside in. The first and most important part of the creation is “The Weave.” The weave is a 6x6 mat of the bacon. The tighter you weave, the better. Next I apply a healthy dose of my own barbecue rub to the weave. I make my rub from fine pepper, chili powder, salt, brown sugar, garlic powder and some onion powder. There are plenty of good rubs available in stores, and

this is a pretty basic one, but it works well here. After the rub has been laid down, you’ll create a mat of Italian sausage. I lay out about 2 pounds, which makes about a 1 inch thick layer on top of my weave. Finally, you actually have to do some light cooking, frying up another pound of bacon (12 strips of the Berkshire extra thick). Crisp it up good, then crinkle it over the top of your sausage. You’ll probably have more than you need, so it never hurts to grab a few tastes of this delicious crispy

bacon hot off the stove. I’m not sure how you could cook up this much bacon without a bite. Apply an ample amount of barbecue sauce to this giant mound of pork. A third of a bottle should do. Now comes the trickiest part of the deal: You need to carefully roll it up into a log without spilling out all the inner goodness. I usually cover mine and let it sit for a while in the fridge to marinate until it’s time to cook this beautiful pork loaf. Purists will smoke this for 8 hours, letting it gather all the

character from the wood smoker, but that isn’t an option in Downtown Manhattan. I roast mine, 300 degrees for 3 ½ hours. You can stick a thermometer in it to make sure that the internal temp is at least 160. Once it is, you can keep it cooking longer to let the flavors mix even more or pull it out and serve. One final thing to consider: Use a deep pot. This beauty will render a ton of fat. I poured the fat from mine into a washed out tomato can and am saving to make some baconaise. —Dave

Ingredients

Total nutrition:

Per Serving:

Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon

Serves: 15

Cal: 252

Rub – pepper, chili powder, brown sugar, salt, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder

Calories: 3780

Total Fat: 22.5 g

Total Fat: 338 g

Sat. Fat: 8 g

Sat. Fat: 120 g

Sodium: 656 mg

Heffy’s barbecue sauce Italian Sausage

Sodium: 9840 mg

Mini boArD

broCColi Forests ArD

e h r oVe

t r nA

in YoUr Crib, no one CAn heAr YoU sCreAM

A e W

“Is it Picture Day in the Art Department” -Jessica

“I could drink Jameson at home and avoid the d-bags” -rich

“The first thing she said was `My God she’s got small feet’” -meghan

FACt hAs to eAt

“You mean you have a ruler and you still can’t draw a straight line” -luis

“Your clothes are really tight” -Jessica

ice cream. skippy. thursday. 4 p.m. —Rich

and people think Meg has it rough... there’s no way that baby is a fan of Alien yet. and, come on, that little girl is nuts if she doesn’t think her Voltron costume is kick-ass.

neUtrAFACe if you haven’t seen it, “hilarious and worth multiple viewings.” —Jen

“No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist” -nicole

“Criticism without advice is just noise” -luis

“Don’t lie, you guys went to the nudie bar, right?” -Jeff

U A t s e r Ant r k

We got the scoop!

Do e h t W ste

“how i spend my snowed-in-nights on Crescent Ave. in Queens!” —Vicky

t s e b l in DeA CitY the

sAUsAGe CitY

i love food. Food of all kinds. From the juiciest steak at peter luger’s to the Baconzilla at checkers. i love and appreciate it all.

german sausage hallo Berlin street cart (which i also love) over on 54th and 5th, dogmatic is a nice and different type of sausage. dogmatic will become a regular treat for me.

Pot Roast

Steak Tostadas

Fren ch Dip Sandwiches

Pot Roast

Leftover pot roast, shredded

Butter or Margarine

Onions, quartered

Taco seasoning

Onion, sliced

Garlic cloves, whole

Tostada shells

Garlic clove, minced

Potatoes, cut in chunks

Shredded cheese

Beef Broth

Carrots, cut in chunks

Tomatoes, chopped

Thyme

Salt and Pepper

Lettuce, shredded

Pepper

ADW

art department weekly issue 45 vol. 2

bacon explosion sausage city the castle vicky’s pizza PLus: restaurant weak the best deal do the stew

ADW

art department weekly issue 46 vol. 2

fire proof reading time book reviews cheesy reading PLus: books we like your novel sucks tanning advice

D EAR

T R NA H

R OVE

AWESOME

“It’s like I cracked open the brain of an angel and am eating what’s inside”

CHEESY READING

MINI BOARD

G N I N E N A T VIC Y AD H & BEAUT LT HEA EDITOR

-rich

“Don’t judge me” -Jessica

“I mean, yesterday you said I came to the country through a tunnel” -Fryda

“Yes, he’s perfect” -Jessica

“I was like a racehorse, pissing for hours”

Do you think it comes in a size big enough for sumo?

-anthony

“I walk in on the red carpet or nothing at all”

kal

my reason for waiting being... i do not like to read. i can’t force myself to read; i have to do it on my own. it might take me a year to read a book, but that is ok with me. i tend to read the most during the summer. i ﬁnd the time i can really get most involved in a book is sitting at the beach by myself. so that summer i opened the book. it was a good book. it taught you about growing, working, loving, and appreciating things in life.

the book has two parts consisting of semester one, which takes you to the beginnings of registering for his classes and not being able to get into them. to registering for classes he really had no interest in taking. he goes from using his naive know-it-all attitude of thinking he is better than the class to opening his eyes and seeing things in a new light. the second part is the second semeste where he gets put into introduction to commercial art and graphic design. winter sorbeck challenges his students and himself perhaps beyond what today’s law allows, but the results are all recorded in indelible ink on their permanent academic records. this is my boring review.

—Jessica

-Fryda

verne

“I started eating sausages when I dated Pete” -Jessica

“The best part was the sexual tension”

lobster Dog this Facebook ad had me wondering, Do they pick these pictures to make you make sure your kid is cuter than the others?

this book was ﬁrst mentioned to me in my junior year of college. James victore was my professor’s name, and he reccommended the book to the whole class. of course i didn’t read it when he did. i waited. i asked for thebook for christmas and did not read it until the summer.

-anthony kal, standing 2’4”, is now taller than verne Troyer.

“Yeah, that’s my favorite part” -Jessica

U.S. SENATE CANDIDATE ON HOW CAMPAIGN ‘STOLE’ COLUMBUS LOGO by greg wyshynski marc delphine was fond of the logo a volunteer had designed for his campaign for a U.s. senate seat in oregon: a silver star wrapped in a star-spangled banner that his designer told him evoked the letter ‘d’ for branding purposes. it certainly was a memorable symbol. in fact, it was already being used by the nhl’s columbus blue Jackets, as delphine was stunned to discover on wednesday. Full story: http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/

with spring’s arrival, it’s time to ditch the stockings and show off those sexy legs! Unfortunately, our legs have been hidden from the sun all winter and may be in desperate need of a subtle sun-kissed glow. Until you can hit the beach (with sunscreen, of course), try these for a tint of bronze. For a slow, subtle glow that guarantees no streaks (be sure to use the version for pale skin on your winter complexion), try Jergens natural Glow. some people avoid this lotion because of the strong scent, but i have been using it for years and still love it. another beneﬁt...? it’s only about $8! although not yet tested (i will be performing a test run this evening), victoria’s secret has a line of muchtalked about tanning products. their ﬂawless airbrush instant bronze body spray is only $12 and is used on the vs models themselves before runway shows. i also use a bronzing gel on my nose, cheeks, shins and shoulders when i start to sport mini skirts and tank tops. a little glow can go a long way! i use bobbi brown sunless tanning gel, but there are a lot of options out there. be sure to exfoliate before and stay moisturized. and don’t forget to swipe a little bronzer on those cheek bones before leaving the house. happy spring!

—Vicky

R U YOVEL NOCKS SU

BOOK REVIEWS after snagging several books from the giveaway table and the receipt of one self-published novel, luis and madeline created a mini book club. here is the transcript of one recent meeting. luis: i liked three-quarters of the books. Madeline: you like three-quarters of my mom’s novel?

Madeline: i don’t know. but it was totally the kind of poetry my mom loves. none of it rhymes. to me, it was kind of like someone hit the return key too many times. but i know nothing about poetry.

Madeline: ah.

luis: i just didn’t like the story.

luis: yeah.

Madeline: i like how timely it was.

all my life my mom told me she was a real writer.

Madeline: did you realize we’ve read a lot of books about death and family lately?

luis: timely...

not a writer or a novelist or a screenwrite or a playwright or any other bullshit title you can imagine. no. she was a real writer. a vein would bulge at her temple, her teeth grinding together depending on how maddening the incident that set off her rant.

luis: death?

the sort of things that might spark such a ﬁre? constructive criticism, empty praise, and the phrase “i used to write.” no! you didn’t write. you didn’t write like her! you didn’t spend all day on that one page, unsure what to do with your characters. you didn’t mail query after unanswered query.

luis: i thought it was about a poet who’s in ﬁnancial ruins.

she made “writing” scary. i was an editor. a professor wrote “you’re a real writer!” on a proﬁle piece of mine. i couldn’t ﬁnish the class. i had a complete mental block. i couldn’t even write a movie review. i became a designer. Fuck that. i don’t want to be a “real” writer.

Madeline: no.

meanwhile, my mom, the artist continued to struggle. she got an agent for her movie. she published a novel on lulu. and all of it sucked. really hard. so i blog about it: yournovelsucks.blogspot.com

Madeline: yeah. in The Financial Lives of the Poets, there’s the senile dad, but also he’s worried that he’s going to turn out like that. that his sons will turn out like that. it’s all about the depressing ﬁnality of life.

Madeline: it is, but you’re ruining my point that all the books are about death. luis: and Corked. that’s not— Madeline: the whole reason they’re on the trip is because she’s afraid her dad is going to die and she won’t know who he really was. it’s all motivated by death. luis: did i tell you why i like that book?

luis: because i wish i could have had a drink with my dad. and her dad kind of reminded me of mine. Madeline: really?

(laughter) luis: Awful Miss Nevada? (more laughter) Madeline: that’s why i liked Corked so much—she just completely embraced all the parts of themselves that are unlikeable. and so [the narrator and her dad] became totally likeable. they’re so dysfunctional you aren’t left with some ridiculous hope that they will suddenly be okay. the characters in Ofﬁng Miss Nevada are just plain unlikeable. luis: which scene was more awkward: the water ﬁght in the yard or the pool party? Madeline: i think the one that doesn’t exist. the one where angela decides not to take the dog to the vet. luis: let’s talk about a different book. Madeline: you like the format of Making Toast, right? luis: it has no chapters. Madeline: yeah, it’s just a bunch of vignettes. but there’s still a narrative. things keep coming up, like—

Madeline: the way he acts out? luis: yeah.

Madeline: and dealing with it.

(silence)

luis: so people should go online for the real reviews?

Madeline: you didn’t like the story for Financial Lives of the Poets, right? you liked the format more than the story? luis: yeah, i liked how it broke into poetry. Madeline: the way it did that wasn’t quite what i had pictured when you told me about it.

i read the very ﬁrst story “to kill a legend,” an alternate earth batman tale where the phantom stranger comes to batman and tells him that his parents will be killed the next evening on an alternate earth. batman decides against robin’s urgings to go to this alternate earth and stop the murder of his parents. absolute brilliance ensues.

Madeline: you know what else is “timely”?

luis: listening to the answering machine message. that was a good book about death.

luis: i mean, they weren’t really alike, but—

Year’s Best Comic Stories: 1981 was the very ﬁrst comic book my oldest brother ever gave to me. it was spring 1982, and this book changed the course of my life.

luis: oh, i thought it was really good.

luis: no, i like three out of the four books.

luis: i guess.

on another book-related note, pictured below is quite possibly the most important book in my ever-growing comic book collection.

luis: what did you picture?

Madeline: that’s what i’m saying—i don’t know if it was good, but i was entertained.

Madeline: yeah, they’re all dealing with parents’ mortality.

discover it himself when he gets older.

Madeline: yeah. but a week from now. Corked, kathryn borel, hachette book group, inc. | The Financial Lives of the Poets, Jess walter, harper collins | Making Toast, roger rosenblatt, harper collins | Offing Miss Nevada, carol leonard, lulu

READING TIME we read a lot in casa vega. not only comics and weekly magazines, but lots and lots of books. we make bi-weekly trips to the library where we check out multiple books as well as utilize the wonderful public library online system to request books that our tiny branch doesn’t carry. one of the books i recently checked out was the pulitzer prize winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay written by michael chabon. this is, simply put, the best book i’ve ever read. the story is a great tale of a Jewish family in brooklyn that opens their doors to a cousin whose gone through quite the ordeal to ﬂee nazi-invaded prague. Josef kavalier (the recent immigrant) ﬁnds a kindred spirit in his cousin sam klayman (the brooklyn native), and they quickly strike up a lucrative partnership in the burdgeoning comic book scene. love, family, friendship, loss and war all follow in this beautifully written yarn. this is a book for everyone, and hands down the greatest book i’ve ever read. chabon has crafted an absolute masterpiece. i love the book so much that i’ve decided i have to buy a copy and keep it on kal’s shelf so he can

as a child i loved it. every inch of this book. the great stories, the amazing art. it all sealed the deal. i had to be an artist. without this book, lord knows what my career path might have been. as mathematically gifted as i was, this book was the guiding light of my career. this book let me know that a perfect marriage between words and images was truly a work of art. it’s because of this book i am here today. i owe it and my brother so much. it really did help open my eyes to a whole new medium, and a whole new way of expressing myself.

S K BOO

E W E K I L

i walked the ﬂoor one more time, and tried to get art to tell me which books they loved as kids, or which books inspired them here where some of their answers. Where the Sidewalk Ends by shell silverstein. Jessica and Anthony were both huge fans of this book growing up. anthony says “the illustration on the cover was awesome. it really made me want to draw and be an artist”. vicky shouted out that she loved everything amelia bedelia. Meghan added that Are you there God it’s Me Margaret was her favorite book as a girl. she also said that she was a fan of anything Judy bloom, from Blubber to Super Fudge and Tiger Eyes. she loved them all. fryda then passionately exclaimed that she loved all the Judy books as well, especially Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Anthony chimed in again to say how much he liked Ender’s Game by orson scott card. not really a kid book, but it was a book he loved. then, surprisingly, Anthony and Jessica found more common ground in chip kidd’s The Cheese Monkeys... maybe they should take their common ground on books and build from it. hmm, we’ll see.

A N UETWEEENRS

B COV THE

potential titles For my tell-all autobiography by Una lamarche

Unabrow: True Tales From a Hirsute Childhood Unamatata: The Tao of LaMarche Hot Piece of Sass Did I Invite You To My Barbecue? No? Then Why You All Up In My Grill?: The Una LaMarche Story

FIRE PROOF early one morning about two years ago, a poorly-placed, unattended candle claimed the lives of many paperbacks i owned. some were salvaged (autographed copy of david sedaris’ Barrel Fever … [phew]), but about two dozen had to go into the trash. many were assigned reading titles from college that i couldn’t really pretend to miss if i tried, but i wrote down the entire list for precisely the reason i found myself in recently, trying to locate a copy of viki Days. that carr’s How to Write a Movie in 21 Days wasn’t on the original list, for the record, so it just means i’m a bonehead and did what i assume most people do when they can’t find such things: i bought a new copy on ebay. but when looking over that list of books i can only describe as “used to own,” these are the five i most want to revisit and —Derek own again. Men, carl bernstein All the President’s Men and bob woodward wHy i owneD iT i finally purchased it during a downtown chicago shopping spree with a few girls from a country club i’d been working at and shortly after “deep throat” was revealed to be w. mark Felt. i first read it in high school during my initial journalism class, but truly came to appreciate how a late-night story of a break-in at the watergate complex led to the only presidential resignation in history during the long minivan journey to my sister’s wedding that summer. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin it almost feels like the associated press stylebook in the sense that, as a journalism major, it is a title you are expected to have at your fingertips. [ed note: madeline, who own the AP

(SEMI-)RANDOM SAMPLING The Things They Carried Tim o’brien

Dos & Don’ts: 10 Years of vice Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques

Stylebook, feels great shame in lacking this title.] my only point of contention with former new york Times managing editor gene roberts calling it “maybe the single greatest reporting effort of all time” would be the inappropriate use of the word “maybe.” Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, barbara ehrenreich wHy i owneD iT it happened to be on a shelf—possibly during that same chicago shopping spree—at the right time after ehrenreich finished her brief stint as a guest columnist for the new york Times. i burned through it as soon as i got it, nodding and pumping my fist the entire time as ehrenreich attempted to get by while working as a waitress, hotel maid, house cleaner, nursing-home aide, and wal-mart associate. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin current employment woes lead me to believe i’ll be wanting to turn to Nickel and Dimed again for the feeling of a friend who really knows how i feel. Freaky Deaky, elmore leonard wHy i owneD iT while 1983’s Stick was technically the first leonard title i ever purchased, this 1988 tale revolving mostly around a detroit police sergeant who gets transferred from the bomb squad to sex crimes offered more entertainment per page than anything else of his i read. leonard tosses a number of characters into Freaky Deaky and manages to effectively use every single one. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin leonard told esquire five years ago that he’d written 40 novels and while he didn’t know why, this

every time i pick this up, i ﬁnd something new that makes me laugh. but you don’t really read this book. you laugh at the captions for a while and then put it down.

Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream, H.G. bissinger wHy i owneD iT not all that required reading for college was so bad. this one was originally assigned for my “history of sports in the United states” class. bizzinger’s compelling examination of odessa, texas, and the permian high school football team at the heart of the city made it perhaps the first assigned book in which i was ahead of the reading schedule. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin despite buzz bissinger’s infamous display of arrogance when confronting former Deadspin editor will leitch, i’m not sure anything better exemplifies what can get lost in the novel-to-film transition than Friday Night Lights. anybody who has seen the movie but never read the book might be astonished to learn of some rather critical elements that were changed for rather questionable reasons. Love Medicine, louise erdrich another bit of assigned reading, this one for a “First novels” fiction class. i was initially skeptical after hearing more than a few descriptions calling it a “native american novel,” but became quickly mesmerized by the masterful way in which erdrich lets two families worth of characters tell their own stories using individual first-person accounts. wHy i wAn To own iT AGAin a newly revised edition was released last year. wHy i owneD iT

(101 reasons to stop writing is home of national novel writing month, celebrating how hard it is to write something long and have it turn out well.)

TOPICS TO EXPLORE everyone’s life is a story. what would yours be about? here is a selection of possible topics from our contributors: • the crazy uncle • how my mom missed my wedding • the demise of the publishing industry • confessions of a has-been genius

while a quick glimpse at the shelves might make you think we only read fashion magazines and comic books, there are some books there. And perhaps that’s what makes their presence more embarassing—titles such as Self Esteem stand out like a crazy person on the subway. let me explain what a few are doing there...

The Wittgenstein Reader edited by Anthony kenny

suroosh Alvi, Gavin Mcinnes and shane smith the best required reading ever. i bought this for a history class and have read it twice. completely real. completely made up. completely brilliant.

was his favorite. like just about everything else he’s written, it’s being made into a movie, set to be released this year.

The World Split Open: How the Modern Women’s Movement Changed America

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting lynn Grabhorn

ruth rosen

i started reading this again somewhere in my second trimester with kal when i had the intense focus i could have used when i was supposed to read this for philosophy.

i really do intend to ﬁnish this book one day. the whole thing wasn’t assigned to us for class, and i had better things to do at the time. but i will come back to it. swear.

ScreamFree (TM) Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool Hal edward runkel, lMfT

a gift from my mom. she bought multiple hardcover copies. we all needed to learn to harness “the astonishing power of feelings.” (what i needed was money.)

my copy has a happy stock art family on the cover. i hate them. no, i hate hal for giving me all the reasons but none of the tools. FUck yoU, hal. your book is crap.

A N UETWEEENRS

B COV THE

potential titles For my tell-all autobiography by Una lamarche

Unabrow: True Tales From a Hirsute Childhood Unamatata: The Tao of LaMarche Hot Piece of Sass Did I Invite You To My Barbecue? No? Then Why You All Up In My Grill?: The Una LaMarche Story

(SEMI-)RANDOM SAMPLING The Things They Carried Tim o’brien

Dos & Don’ts: 10 Years of vice Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques

every time i pick this up, i ﬁnd something new that makes me laugh. but you don’t really read this book. you laugh at the captions for a while and then put it down.

(101 reasons to stop writing is home of national novel writing month, celebrating how hard it is to write something long and have it turn out well.)

The Wittgenstein Reader edited by Anthony kenny

suroosh Alvi, Gavin Mcinnes and shane smith the best required reading ever. i bought this for a history class and have read it twice. completely real. completely made up. completely brilliant.

was his favorite. like just about everything else he’s written, it’s being made into a movie, set to be released this year.

The World Split Open: How the Modern Women’s Movement Changed America

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting lynn Grabhorn

ruth rosen

i started reading this again somewhere in my second trimester with kal when i had the intense focus i could have used when i was supposed to read this for philosophy.

i really do intend to ﬁnish this book one day. the whole thing wasn’t assigned to us for class, and i had better things to do at the time. but i will come back to it. swear.

ScreamFree (TM) Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool Hal edward runkel, lMfT

a gift from my mom. she bought multiple hardcover copies. we all needed to learn to harness “the astonishing power of feelings.” (what i needed was money.)

my copy has a happy stock art family on the cover. i hate them. no, i hate hal for giving me all the reasons but none of the tools. FUck yoU, hal. your book is crap.

R U YOVEL NOCKS SU

Madeline: i don’t know. but it was totally the kind of poetry my mom loves. none of it rhymes. to me, it was kind of like someone hit the return key too many times. but i know nothing about poetry.

Madeline: ah.

luis: i just didn’t like the story.

luis: yeah.

Madeline: i like how timely it was.

all my life my mom told me she was a real writer.

Madeline: did you realize we’ve read a lot of books about death and family lately?

luis: timely...

luis: death?

luis: i thought it was about a poet who’s in ﬁnancial ruins.

Madeline: no.

meanwhile, my mom, the artist continued to struggle. she got an agent for her movie. she published a novel on lulu. and all of it sucked. really hard. so i blog about it: yournovelsucks.blogspot.com

luis: because i wish i could have had a drink with my dad. and her dad kind of reminded me of mine. Madeline: really?

Madeline: the way he acts out? luis: yeah.

Madeline: and dealing with it.

(silence)

luis: so people should go online for the real reviews?

Madeline: you know what else is “timely”?

luis: listening to the answering machine message. that was a good book about death.

luis: i mean, they weren’t really alike, but—

Year’s Best Comic Stories: 1981 was the very ﬁrst comic book my oldest brother ever gave to me. it was spring 1982, and this book changed the course of my life.

luis: oh, i thought it was really good.

luis: no, i like three out of the four books.

luis: i guess.

on another book-related note, pictured below is quite possibly the most important book in my ever-growing comic book collection.

luis: what did you picture?

Madeline: that’s what i’m saying—i don’t know if it was good, but i was entertained.

Madeline: yeah, they’re all dealing with parents’ mortality.

discover it himself when he gets older.

S K BOO

E W E K I L

D EAR

T R NA H

R OVE

AWESOME

“It’s like I cracked open the brain of an angel and am eating what’s inside”

CHEESY READING

MINI BOARD

G N I N E N A T VIC Y AD H & BEAUT LT HEA EDITOR

-rich

“Don’t judge me” -Jessica

“I mean, yesterday you said I came to the country through a tunnel” -Fryda

“Yes, he’s perfect” -Jessica

“I was like a racehorse, pissing for hours”

Do you think it comes in a size big enough for sumo?

-anthony

“I walk in on the red carpet or nothing at all”

kal

—Jessica

-Fryda

verne

“I started eating sausages when I dated Pete” -Jessica

“The best part was the sexual tension”

lobster Dog this Facebook ad had me wondering, Do they pick these pictures to make you make sure your kid is cuter than the others?

-anthony kal, standing 2’4”, is now taller than verne Troyer.

“Yeah, that’s my favorite part” -Jessica

—Vicky

ADW

art department weekly issue 46 vol. 2

fire proof reading time book reviews cheesy reading PLus: books we like your novel sucks tanning advice

ADW

art department weekly issue 47 vol. 2

Those F*ing Midwesterners Actual field in Missouri cut to create the St. Louis Cardinals logo visible through the satellite view on Google maps. The headline was one of the comments pulled directly from the site. Here are a few more: What a waste of space! The team is looking like crap. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste my time this year... That is flat out awesome! Maybe they can rearrange the trash on Staten Island landfill to make a Mets logo. (sarcastically) Once again proving that Cardinals fans are the best in baseball!

baseball timeline play ball hot pants crazy crops PLus: braves preview fantasyland mets talk

mini board

t o H s t n Pa

r a e rh

t r na

ove

“Jessica, keep the flirting to a minimum” -Anthony

Vicky’s facts

Since the recession began, women have been wearing more neutral makeup., and longer skirts.

dubbs poll

With everyone having fled to the other side of the floor, the Art Department now has a ton of empty space. I sent an email asking everyone what they thought should happen with all this space. Votes came in for an Olga-style DVD library, a badminton court and even a yoga area.

obama has geek cred

The President reaffirms his status as man of the people by making geeks everywhere ecstatic by happily supporting Star Wars.

“Ewww, no, he’s Korean” -Jessica

“You can’t hang out in Anthony’s man cave anymore” -Luis

“Meghan, you’ve been looking big in the arms lately” -Vicky

“I’ve seen both bedrooms” -Jessica

“I think if Jesus sees his shadow you get 3 more days of Easter”

Y-3 Black Baseball Pants Drop crotch tapered leg baseball pants with extra wide cuffs. 66% Viscose, 31% Polyamide, 3% Polyurethane. Dry clean only. Imported $260.00 USD

Last year saw the birth of the harem pant as fashion statement. Then the riding pant. This Spring—I’m calling it now—the new pant is... the baseball pant. Yes, that’s right, the cropped, Natalie Portman nylon pant, with elastic bottoms will be what all the hipsters (Doucheoisie) will be wearing. Whether you go pinstripe or classic gray, scrunch them up, pair them with wedge heel or pumps, and you’ll be hitting a home run. TIP: Look for youth or boys size pants. You can get them on eBay for $6!

-Karen

“I mastered the wheel” -Anthony

“I already beat that game” -Rich

“Vicky, you’re kind of a drinks snob” -Luis

Pants are great and all, but we love a classic softball look of threequarter sleeve shirt and cargo shorts (as do the artists for this cg model). Skin: SIGNATURE by ZOOBONG. Hair: a.C – STD.Gloxhair Summer 78 [MochA] by a.C Store. Eyes: STUDIO – black by MADesigns. Bag: .BACK. pack [SAFARI.line]ELEPHANT.Yellow by a.C Store. Band: French Wristband by Emery. T-shirt: Baseball Tee – Black by Reek. Pants: 4way Cargo Pant *Beige* by M.R.M. FACTORY. Bandaids: Lightning (Left Leg) by Reek. Sneakers: SL Balance – White/ Black by hoorenbeek

Casual Looks from the John Bartlett Spring / Summer ‘06 Collection

fantasy-

Pick a

One of my favorite things about a new MLB season is the return of Fantasy Baseball, or, as Liz Callahan calls it, “Pretend Sports.” Basically, you get the chance to assemble a team made up of individual players from real-life teams to compete against other owners throughout the season. Over the course of the season, you make trades, add players through free agency, and, unfortunately, deal with injuries.

(just not any team)

land

The most common system, called Rotisserie, awards points for categories (10 points for the team with the most home runs or strikeouts, 9 for second…and so on). Roto is actually celebrating its 30th anniversary this year—that’s 30 years of dudes caring entirely too much about the OBP (On Base Percentage) of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter and the WHIP (Walks + Hits / Innings Pitched) of Andy Pettitte and CC Sabathia. I used all Yankees for this example, but one of the coolest parts about Fantasy is that it gives you a rooting interest in every game of the long season. I’ve actually been playing fantasy baseball since middle school, and my longtime Keeper league (where you keep a portion of your roster from year to year) has its draft this weekend. I finished second last year, and I’m really excited about my new additions (I picked up new Met Jason Bay last night). We’re planning on throwing together a basic Niche league—come play (ball)! —JV

team

s e v Bra

e pr iew

For the cover, baby Kal posed in a generic baseball uniform. He couldn’t pick a team.

(The Mets seem to make him want to gag.)

breaking bad

After reading that the NFL finally got off their asses to address football’s God awful overtime rule, it got me thinking about baseball’s most ridiculous addition to the game—the All-Star Game decides home field advantage in the World Series. Even though it was introduced as a make-good after bungling the 2002 All-Star Game, nothing incredibly good has come from this idea. And it seems nothing ever will. Baseball Commissioner, Allan “Bud” Selig, put this rule into effect after the backlash of a tie in the 2002 All-Star Game. It was an attempt to put magic back into that mid-summer weekend. I for one never thought this was a good idea and wish baseball would simply reward the team with the better regular season record with home field advantage. This rule does not preserve the players’ health, represent the spirit of All-Star weekend, or inspire magic. One of the most baffling reasons behind this rule has to do with the health of the players. Although never officially addressed as such, this rule was introduced after Selig yanked the players off the field in 2002 to avoid injury, thus resulting in a tie. If the commissioner’s greatest concern is incurring injuries during a laid-back exhibition game, why turn it into something that decides possibly the greatest x-factor in the World Series? Don’t you think that players might hustle a little harder now, thus increasing the chance of injury? Although, does that player from the Washington Nationals care enough about the coveted home field advantage to

bust down the line a little faster? In the end, the All-Star game deciding who gets to play in front of their home crowd only truly affects the four teams that make the playoffs—not every team in the league. That in itself goes against the spirit of All-Star weekend—to represent all teams, not just the favorites.

My feeling about the All-Star Game rule is simple: If you are going to make it count, take it all the way. The game should be billed as C.C. Sabathia Vs. Tim Lincecum for 7 innings and let the two leagues battle it out. Hey, if the game counts toward the World Series, let’s play it like a Series game. And what about stats? If this game really “counts,” any hit, strikeout, save, or home run, etc. should count toward the regular season tally. Because all in all, these stats help your team in the postseason much like your regular season stats get you to the postseason. I guess what I really miss is the happy-golucky feel that’s been missing since 2002. Making the game count robs baseball of would-be classic moments that remind us baseball is a lot of fun. Would Barry Bonds have clowned around with Torii Hunter after he robbed him of a home run if Bonds felt it screwed his chances of home field advantage? Would A-rod have switched positions from SS to 3B with the aging Cal Ripken Jr as a gesture of baseball respect if he felt it would decrease his chances of an extra home game in the fall classic? I think not. So I beg you, Mr. Commissioner, get rid of the home field advantage rule. Who knows what other moments we’ve already missed. —DRM

play ball! One of my favorite days of the year is Opening Day for baseball. Every team starts with the same record and the same hope that they can go on a run and be the eventual champions. Not only that, but each team also puts on a great show. Player introductions, a celeb singing the national anthem, bunting, and if you are so lucky (and you open at home as the defending champions) you raise a championship banner. Over the past few seasons, the idea of opening day has been tarnished a bit by the fact that ESPN airs a Sunday night game the day before everyone else takes the field. So instead of celebrating opening day with 15 games, you have an opening night with 1 game and then everyone else plays the next day... LAME! Let’s go back to a full on opening day. Everyone launching the new season on the same day. In fact, let’s go even more old school: Let the Cincinnati Reds have their opening day parade (which has happened for 89 years) lead right into the new season. Exactly how it used to be. As for the on-field product, here is how I expect the divisions to shakeout. In the AL East, I expect the Yankees to run away with it. They are simply the class of the league again. The Central should see the Twins (in their new outdoor park) beat out the Tigers (JV, you were right). Out West, I think the Mariners are poised for a big season. Their pitching and defense are amongst the best in the entire league.

(Although the injury to Cliff Lee will have to be closely monitored.) I think the Red Sox will take the AL Wild Card. (They’ve invested a ton in the team for another run.) In the NL East, its a two-team race. The Phillies are the best team in the NL and shoud win the division, but the Braves will be hot on their heels playing with all they’ve got in Bobby Cox’s last season. I think they’ll snag the Wild Card. Plus I can’t wait to see slugging phenom Jason Heyward. The Central should once again go to the Cards, who once again will be too good for their division, but not good enough to make a serious post season run (sorry, Mo). The West provides the tightest race, and some of the best young talent in the game. I like the Giants (I think I’m the only one though) to take the division. Their pitching is great, and they made enough moves on offense to pull them ahead of LA, Arizona, Colorado and San Diego. I expect only a few games to be the difference in that division. As for the playoffs, I see them ending the same way last season did. I see the Yanks (again playing the Phillies) going back to back and winning their 28th title.

Get ready to enjoy seeing exactly how elastic the timetested “out with the old, in with the new” phrase really is. The programs sold at Turner Field last season featured a cover story about manager Bobby Cox’s 50 years in baseball, but then he announced that this 2010 campaign as the team’s manager after a half-century in the game will be his last. With his position as the all-time leader in ejections being secure, Cox is going to have at least one addition to his lineup that could help him go out on top: the long-awaited, muchanticipated major league debut of all-around phenom Jason Heyward. The right fielder’s abilities have been championed ever since he was drafted in 2007, so now the question becomes whether he turns out to be just another Johnny Estrada or something more like another long-time Brave who could in fact be the determining factor of this year’s fortunes, Chipper Jones. If the third baseman swings the bat like he did in 2008, then the team’s lineup and formidable rotation makes them a legitimate contender; but if Jones struggles in the field and at the plate like he did last year, then by his own admission he may just end up joining Cox in calling it quits. —Derek

A Boy and His Baseball

s T E M

e pr iew

My mom has a story that when I first saw a baseball game on TV, when I was about two or three years old, I stopped in my tracks and watched for a half-hour. I don’t doubt this is true. Baseball has become such a huge part of my life that I sometimes take it for granted. To help curb my complacency, I assembled a timeline of some of my favorite baseball memories over the years. —Tom

Twelve-year-olds who saw Game 6 from the seats at Shea Stadium believe in Mets magic. We’ve seen glory and heartbreak through the years, but nothing can top that game. We believe. This year I believe the Mets, despite a top-tier salary, remain a mid-level club. Offensively, the Mets will struggle early without Reyes and Beltran. If they get healthy and the rest of the team stays that way, they could be a lot better than last year. Defensively, the Mets have a pretty rocky pitching staff. Behind Johan Santana, there isn’t a lot to be excited about with an unknown staff and bullpen. Until Reyes and Beltran return, expect to see a lot of hits right up the middle. The bench is made up of veterans who surely won’t all be there in September, and we don’t have backup players that are capable of playing everyday. Lastly, the Mets coaching staff and management have allowed this franchise to slip away. Willie Randolph was fired for doing better than Jerry Manuel. Omar Minaya has built a team that can win—if 57 things fall into place exactly right. Betting on the Mets to win the World Series pays out 25-1 right now. There’s enough cockeyed optimism to place that bet. It isn’t smart money. But sometimes, Ya Gotta Believe. —Dave

July 26, 1989 Mets vs. Pirates, Shea Stadium. First ballgame; I remember because it was John Smiley vs. Ron Darling.

March 1992 Successful try-out for Little League; later drafted by the Reds

May 1998 Thrill of a career—striking out my high school team’s best hitter on a curveball in a practice scrimmage

October 28, 1995 Braves vs. Indians, Game 6, World Series. From the time David Justice hit a sixth-inning homer until the game ended, I did not move from where I was sitting on my parents’ bedroom floor. I’m that superstitious.

July 12, 1994 First (and only) pitching win, against the Mets in Little League

July 1, 1994 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium. First row behind home plate to see The Kid

July 26, 1994 Orioles vs. Indians, Camden Yards. My first game at Camden Yards to see my childhood hero, Cal Ripken

August 26, 2001 Royals vs. Twins, Kauffman Stadium. Great stadium, and incredibly affordable. Granted, it’s the Royals. But I’m pretty sure I spent less than $20 on three dogs, two sodas and a pretzel.

September 17, 2001 Phillies vs. Braves, Veterans Stadium. First game played after 9/11. Crowd was berserk: “USA!” chants, giant flags, the works. Amazing. July 9, 1996 All-Star Game, Veterans Stadium. I got two signatures: Ellis Burks, and some guy named Barry Bonds.

Aug. 29, 1989 Yankees vs. A’s, Yankee Stadium. Second ballgame, and Rickey Henderson’s first trip back to NY after midseason trade

September 21, 2008 Yankees vs. Orioles, Yankee Stadium. No tickets, so my roomie Steve and I pregamed in Lot 13, then went bowling, drank more, wandered around outside the stadium a bit, and finally went back to Hoboken to watch the rest of the game.

June 25, 2004 Phillies vs. Red Sox, Citizens Bank Park. The longest home run I’ve ever seen live, David Ortiz off Paul Abbott. The crowd gasped as soon as he hit it. I’ll never forget it.

June 19, 2009 Mets vs. Rays, Citi Field. First game at Citi Field, with Amy. Great stadium, bad team. But hey, they won, 5-3!

February 28, 2010 AT&T Park. They let people into the stadium in the offseason to walk around—for free! So cool.

October 22, 2001 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium. Clinching game of the ALCS with my dad, free tickets for literally the last row of the stadium behind home plate. Great, raucous fun.

fuck the Mets.. As a fan, their season has been over for a while now. Fuck Omar Minaya. Fuck the Mets’ mets “Well medical staff. Fuck the Mets conditioning staff. Fuck the Mets’ entire front office for thinking giving 36 million to Ollie Perez sounded like a sound baseball move. Fuck Howard Johnson, he sure can figure out how to get the talk least out of your swing. Fuck Wilpon for allowing his money to be spent this badly and being satisfied - no giving Minaya credit for putting asses in the seats when the only reason people are going out there is to experience the new ballpark. Fuck the new ballpark for its homage to the dodgers and giants and having no connection/identity with the New York Mets. Fuck ShakeShack for having that massive of a line, open up 40 of them and sell them instead of regular concession burgers. Fuck the 7 local train to Shea. For the full Mets 2009 Season in Review rant and for the Full 2010 Mets preview visit the Dubbs online