Art Department Weekly | Issues 41-50 Vol. 2

* Still stuck on that old CAVEMAN DIET? * Looking to lose weight but your tastes are EVOLVING? * Hungry for MORE??

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ART DEPARTMEnT WEEKLY issue 41 vOL. 2

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THE AZTEC DIET 7ORTH YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD

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LeftOvers GILLIAn In PHoToS JessiCa in snOW HunTER BoWL PLUS: TSHIRTS WE LoVE inbOX stuff unA’S QuESTIonS

Mini board originaL creations Want something on th down low? never fear! Captain Call Out is here!

—Luis Are you just getting in?!

That’s a lot Wow! _______ of food on your plate! ______________ ______________!

d

r a e rh

t r na

ove

i

guess who loves candy? a feast for nicole’s birthday at her old desk..... a lot happened in 257! Who can forget pizza and starwich thursdays, Jeffrey binn declaring national donut day and national bagels and Lox day holidays, danielle garley restoring the office as it fell apart; mice, Halloween contests and more...

“Are you even a man” -Meghan

“Can we discuss layout...

I have some ideas” -Gillian

“The people’s champ doesn’t fill staples”

and of course, the Photo Pit (which i loved, even though i sat in “fact and copy”). in search of the perfect bag of odd flavored chips in Chicago with amy and nicole! Learning to surf with ben and betsey. and who could forget swanky Miami??

-Meghan

“Wait, didn’t you wear that yesterday” -Rich

I had to draw this dude up. broccoli rob – you know how he does! CHILLInG! —Anthony

doubLe your fun The nad twins enjoy some vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, allowing their parents to finish... anything. Hooray.

“You can’t call people out like that, you have to slip the captain a paper with the callout and let her do it”

a shout out to Keija Minor, who made all of my dreams came true. and being with friends through break-ups, make-ups, engagements, weddings, pregnancies and more!

-Luis

“I need my parents out” -Meghan

“I like a hairy man” -Lauren

“You’ve never smelled crack before? Don’t you live in Harlem?”

-Anthony

“I never put myself in a damper” -Jessica

“I came in this morning and licked your phone” -Rich

and ed Letter photos sans editors

PHOTO CREDITS TK CONUM AUTAT. EXER SUMSANDRE FEUISI ATET ERATISMOLORE MINCI BLAN HENDRE DIAM EX EUGAIT AD TE EL ULLAM IN HENDIO COMMY NIM DOLORTINCIP EUGUERCI TET, CONULLA FEUGIAMCONUM QUISSEN VOLOREM EU FEUGIAMCONSE TAT QUAM IRILISS EQUATING EUM ZZRIUSC ILISSECTE MIN ULPUTAT BECAUSE LUIS KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO TELL HIM JUST ONE MORE TIME THAT THE CREDITS NEED TO BE PLACED DUISMOD ERIL

Jessica does winter right

around the web

u rOM h t i esign f aL

http://www. freshnessmag. com/2010/01/24/ star-wars-x-new-eravol2-caps/

d e Web e OatM tH

—Michael B. Dougherty

Jess and Carolyn on the slopes. Jessica in her big comfy chair.

Part of the mountain Jess conquered. Car ride back to Colorado Springs. View from Garden of the Gods. did you know that cold weather helps you burn more calories?

Your body is programmed to maintain a temperature of 98.6 degrees. But your core temperature drops when you are outside. Therefore, your body needs to exert energy to bring the temperature back up (this can be in the form of shivering) which burns calories. I’m not saying you will lose 10 pounds, but you will burn calories simply by standing out in the cold. Here are some better things you can do than simply standing around outdoors...

120-lb 150-lb Skiing 273 340 Snowboarding 273 340 Snowshoeing 382 476 Cross-Country Skiing 436 476 Ice Skating 327 408 Ice Hockey 436 544 Winter Hiking 327 408 Shoveling Snow 273 340 Sledding 327 408 Shoveling snow can burn you on average anywhere from 300500 calories per hour

The great thing about skiing and snowboarding is that you go through a whole body workout and don’t even know it. You are constantly using your legs and arms to make turns and go faster while your core is working nonstop to keep you from falling over and losing your balance. Without revealing my weight and calculating 510 minutes of skiing at a vigurous level of intensity, I have burned 4339.76 calories in one weekend. :) Enjoy the rest of the winter!

e u r so t rts

Chief brody’s Worst nightmare: the shark Knife The ultimate weapon for that jumping-the-shark moment, when you just can’t control The Rage —Gizmodo.com

that’s some Hangover, Huh? Police arrested an ohio woman on new Year’s Day after she punched through a McDonald’s drive-through window. The 24-year-old became extremely angry after she was informed they were out of Chicken Mcnuggets.

—Jezebel from NY Times

e r Mo m

five things

overcrowded

that have found space in Madeline’s brain when she’s not worrying about screwing up Kal

o d an

f f u t s

r

box n i my m o fr

peanut butter Buying it. Eating it. And why that mom in the commercial didn’t make sure her son had a lunch sooner than 10 seconds before his school bus pulls up.

The leftover issue Y’all submit a lot of content. Sometimes.

This week we started out without much content at all. So I began excavating my inbox for all the submissions that had fallen through the cracks, such as these hats from Boston Common.

Paper Orgy Cut-Out Art We Love

Web Designer Depot has rounded up more than a few stunning examples to whet our whistle, from intricate lace-like sculpture to pop-up books to shadowboxes. http://flavorwire.com/61201/ paper-orgy-cut-out-art-we-love

Graphic designers: color yourself in luuuuuv with this nifty gadget pen by designer Jinsu Park that adopts the Photoshop eyedropper tool for real life.

Read more about the prototype at Designboom.

This was a lovely newspaper clipping of Haywood Jablome shoveling snow. (To learn how many calories he burned while doing so, turn back to page 6.)

Pictures from Jessica... We know it’s a cheesecake and an ice cream cake, but the first one I’m not so sure about.

Then, as per usual, I heard I needed to hold space for late arrivals.

The issue went up to 12 pages (good thing we got that ad), but that still doesn’t leave room for all the random things I would love to talk about so that I can stop thinking about them.

Like how much I hate DirecTV this week. And how I’ve put way too much on my plate to have time left to go looking for good children’s music now that DirecTV took that away. How maybe when I’m 40, I will have accomplished everything on this week’s To-Do list.

Isn’t it lame that none of us want to contemplate who we’ll be when we’re 40. And chicken pot pie.

That has to be the best leftover.

—Madeline

one self-published novel And how awful it is.

Nicole eggert She’s “fat.” She’s making fun of it on Funny or Die. She’s going on Celebrity Fit Club?

I need to turn off the TV...

Isolated babies Do B.F. Skinner’s theories relate to Superman mythology?

sugar Cookies.

Cupcakes. Leftover Halloween candy. Honey.

This tea could use some honey...

so Long for now!

Sitting down to write this, I feel a bit nostalgic! It’s fun to reminisce about all the great memories over the past four and a half years but bittersweet to leave. of course, I thought it would be appropriate to do a photo essay.

what a weeK

remember the time when the clambakes were on the beach and we were invited? this is just a few months after i started here.

s t r i ve h s t Lo we

It’s been an adventure! You have each taught me so much—both professionally and personally— and I can’t thank you enough. I’ll miss you all and all of the crazy chaos that makes this place fun!

Thanks for all of the memories!

—Gillian

eating our way through the office: Pot Lucks, dorito taste Offs, Postponed back-Offs, Chicago dogs and food galore!

the Champagne was always flowing at niche galas; Holiday dinners; and LudaChristmases!i hope to still get invited for Karaoke nights!

What a week it’s been. Sunday, the Saints beat the Colts in a well-played Super Bowl. I personally will never forget Sean Payton’s gutsy call for an onside kick to start the second half.

That play changed the entire game. If it backfires, everyone lambastes Payton. It didn’t, and Drew Brees and Co. went on to bring the Lombardi trophy back to new orleans. on Monday, Anthony and I attended the press screening of The Wolfman. Jeffrey Lyons, host of Reel Talk on nBC, sat two seats from us. The opening credits weren’t even over before the Wolfman dismembers someone on screen. The movie was a lot gorier than I expected. Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving stood out in the cast. Benicio’s relationship with Emily Blunt seemed forced and quite unbelievable. Scenes with Benicio in full Wolfman regalia are easily the best reason to watch the film.

I give it 2 stars.

Late Tuesday night, the snow began falling. The massive storm led to the above image at 10:30 a.m. Wednesday: a nearly empty niche office. You can see Jessica

(on the phone with Meghan), the very top of Liz’s head and a random intern in fashion. A skeleton crew did not begin to describe the enivornment. As I took off early, I swung by City Hall Park to take some pictures.

That’s where I saw the happy snowman below. on top of that of all that, we celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend. It’s the ridiculouly made up Hallmark holiday where we tell our significant others we love them. I do that everyday of the year, but I’ll do it here again anyway. I love you, honey. You’re the best.

Adidas turns the classic Star Wars poster into a great gift as Anthony discovered.

Put down that bag of Sabor De Soledad and forego ‘the taste of loneliness.’ Instead, pick up the 30 Rock Sabor De Soledad T-Shirt. not only will you save 1,116 calories, you’ll spare yourself a faulty pregnancy test!

so Long for now!

Sitting down to write this, I feel a bit nostalgic! It’s fun to reminisce about all the great memories over the past four and a half years but bittersweet to leave. of course, I thought it would be appropriate to do a photo essay.

what a weeK

remember the time when the clambakes were on the beach and we were invited? this is just a few months after i started here.

s t r i ve h s t Lo we

It’s been an adventure! You have each taught me so much—both professionally and personally— and I can’t thank you enough. I’ll miss you all and all of the crazy chaos that makes this place fun!

Thanks for all of the memories!

—Gillian

eating our way through the office: Pot Lucks, dorito taste Offs, Postponed back-Offs, Chicago dogs and food galore!

the Champagne was always flowing at niche galas; Holiday dinners; and LudaChristmases!i hope to still get invited for Karaoke nights!

What a week it’s been. Sunday, the Saints beat the Colts in a well-played Super Bowl. I personally will never forget Sean Payton’s gutsy call for an onside kick to start the second half.

That play changed the entire game. If it backfires, everyone lambastes Payton. It didn’t, and Drew Brees and Co. went on to bring the Lombardi trophy back to new orleans. on Monday, Anthony and I attended the press screening of The Wolfman. Jeffrey Lyons, host of Reel Talk on nBC, sat two seats from us. The opening credits weren’t even over before the Wolfman dismembers someone on screen. The movie was a lot gorier than I expected. Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving stood out in the cast. Benicio’s relationship with Emily Blunt seemed forced and quite unbelievable. Scenes with Benicio in full Wolfman regalia are easily the best reason to watch the film.

I give it 2 stars.

Late Tuesday night, the snow began falling. The massive storm led to the above image at 10:30 a.m. Wednesday: a nearly empty niche office. You can see Jessica

(on the phone with Meghan), the very top of Liz’s head and a random intern in fashion. A skeleton crew did not begin to describe the enivornment. As I took off early, I swung by City Hall Park to take some pictures.

That’s where I saw the happy snowman below. on top of that of all that, we celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend. It’s the ridiculouly made up Hallmark holiday where we tell our significant others we love them. I do that everyday of the year, but I’ll do it here again anyway. I love you, honey. You’re the best.

Adidas turns the classic Star Wars poster into a great gift as Anthony discovered.

Put down that bag of Sabor De Soledad and forego ‘the taste of loneliness.’ Instead, pick up the 30 Rock Sabor De Soledad T-Shirt. not only will you save 1,116 calories, you’ll spare yourself a faulty pregnancy test!

Mini board originaL creations Want something on th down low? never fear! Captain Call Out is here!

—Luis Are you just getting in?!

That’s a lot Wow! _______ of food on your plate! ______________ ______________!

d

r a e rh

t r na

ove

i

guess who loves candy? a feast for nicole’s birthday at her old desk..... a lot happened in 257! Who can forget pizza and starwich thursdays, Jeffrey binn declaring national donut day and national bagels and Lox day holidays, danielle garley restoring the office as it fell apart; mice, Halloween contests and more...

“Are you even a man” -Meghan

“Can we discuss layout...

I have some ideas” -Gillian

“The people’s champ doesn’t fill staples”

and of course, the Photo Pit (which i loved, even though i sat in “fact and copy”). in search of the perfect bag of odd flavored chips in Chicago with amy and nicole! Learning to surf with ben and betsey. and who could forget swanky Miami??

-Meghan

“Wait, didn’t you wear that yesterday” -Rich

I had to draw this dude up. broccoli rob – you know how he does! CHILLInG! —Anthony

doubLe your fun The nad twins enjoy some vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, allowing their parents to finish... anything. Hooray.

“You can’t call people out like that, you have to slip the captain a paper with the callout and let her do it”

a shout out to Keija Minor, who made all of my dreams came true. and being with friends through break-ups, make-ups, engagements, weddings, pregnancies and more!

-Luis

“I need my parents out” -Meghan

“I like a hairy man” -Lauren

“You’ve never smelled crack before? Don’t you live in Harlem?”

-Anthony

“I never put myself in a damper” -Jessica

“I came in this morning and licked your phone” -Rich

and ed Letter photos sans editors

PHOTO CREDITS TK CONUM AUTAT. EXER SUMSANDRE FEUISI ATET ERATISMOLORE MINCI BLAN HENDRE DIAM EX EUGAIT AD TE EL ULLAM IN HENDIO COMMY NIM DOLORTINCIP EUGUERCI TET, CONULLA FEUGIAMCONUM QUISSEN VOLOREM EU FEUGIAMCONSE TAT QUAM IRILISS EQUATING EUM ZZRIUSC ILISSECTE MIN ULPUTAT BECAUSE LUIS KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO TELL HIM JUST ONE MORE TIME THAT THE CREDITS NEED TO BE PLACED DUISMOD ERIL

Jessica does winter right

around the web

u rOM h t i esign f aL

http://www. freshnessmag. com/2010/01/24/ star-wars-x-new-eravol2-caps/

d e Web e OatM tH

—Michael B. Dougherty

Jess and Carolyn on the slopes. Jessica in her big comfy chair.

Part of the mountain Jess conquered. Car ride back to Colorado Springs. View from Garden of the Gods. did you know that cold weather helps you burn more calories?

Your body is programmed to maintain a temperature of 98.6 degrees. But your core temperature drops when you are outside. Therefore, your body needs to exert energy to bring the temperature back up (this can be in the form of shivering) which burns calories. I’m not saying you will lose 10 pounds, but you will burn calories simply by standing out in the cold. Here are some better things you can do than simply standing around outdoors...

120-lb 150-lb Skiing 273 340 Snowboarding 273 340 Snowshoeing 382 476 Cross-Country Skiing 436 476 Ice Skating 327 408 Ice Hockey 436 544 Winter Hiking 327 408 Shoveling Snow 273 340 Sledding 327 408 Shoveling snow can burn you on average anywhere from 300500 calories per hour

The great thing about skiing and snowboarding is that you go through a whole body workout and don’t even know it. You are constantly using your legs and arms to make turns and go faster while your core is working nonstop to keep you from falling over and losing your balance. Without revealing my weight and calculating 510 minutes of skiing at a vigurous level of intensity, I have burned 4339.76 calories in one weekend. :) Enjoy the rest of the winter!

e u r so t rts

Chief brody’s Worst nightmare: the shark Knife The ultimate weapon for that jumping-the-shark moment, when you just can’t control The Rage —Gizmodo.com

that’s some Hangover, Huh? Police arrested an ohio woman on new Year’s Day after she punched through a McDonald’s drive-through window. The 24-year-old became extremely angry after she was informed they were out of Chicken Mcnuggets.

—Jezebel from NY Times

guys LiKe roMcoMs, too

viva La hunter bowL!

Because I’ve never seen The Philadelphia Story, can’t truly relate to old-school romantic comedies anyway and am still uncertain of how I feel about Woody Allen (I’ve only seen two of his movies), my favorite rom-coms are movies released solely during my lifetime. I don’t think that makes them any less awesome though. (FYI, for those keeping track at home, Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant are the only repeat appearances. oh, and nick Hornby, if you want to count source material.

That probably says something profound about my sense of humor.)

I was really sad I wasn’t going to get to see the super bowl live this year (a story for another day), so I made LV tape it.

Already knowing that my boy Peyton had lost, I fast forwarded through to see the commercials.

I was mildly entertained.

While I loved the Flo TV commercial set in the mall (“How about Lavender?” “How about not”), I think the advertising overall was weak.

Beating to death the theme of bachelor parties was better than all the outright violence last year, but I didn’t see The Hangover and I’m not sure all the pantless men and toys in Vegas would have been that much funnier to me if I had.

What I found most shocking was the lack of competition. It felt like there was one beverage sponsor, one automobile sponsor, and so on. Maybe that’s why I loved the commercial for the Charger—it wasn’t Hyundai. near the end of the game—maybe even right before the post game show— there was a Walmart commercial. Wha-what-what?

How was there not one sooner? oh yeah. Because they dominated daytime TV the past month with ads about how to be the best mom/wife/neighbor ever while saving money on their party supplies. Maybe that can be me next year...

—Madeline

10. You’ve Got Mail I didn’t see Sleepless in Seattle until a few years ago. I like it. I like this one better. Sue me.

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall Some day, I will likely wind up quoting this movie more than any other movie I’ve ever seen.

9. Beautiful Girls Rosie o’Donnell’s rant on “fake” women is classic. Also, natalie Portman’s acting peaked here.

Sad, but true.

2. High Fidelity I think the movie is actually better than the book, almost entirely because of John Cusack’s performance (although Jack Black and the guy who plays Dick are also great).

8. When Harry Met Sally...

There’s probably no more romantic line than Harry’s “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

7. Groundhog Day This one has grown on me with time. Probably because I didn’t fully understand it at 11 years old.

6. Bridget Jones’ Diary The only role of Renée Zellweger’s in which I wasn’t annoyed by her after 15 minutes— with the possible exception of Me, Myself & Irene, which narrowly missed cracking the Top 10.

5. Shaun of the Dead The best rom-zom-com of all time. A hilarious, clever script.

4. 10 Things I Hate About You My favorite of the mid- to late’90s rom-com bunch. Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are both endearing with their opposing charms.

1. About a Boy on any given day, these top two could flip-flop. Fantastic stories armed with excellent soundtracks and my favorite performances by both Cusack and Grant.

—Tom

ons i t s L wiL iate Que t a th ratch of g n i n nootu to a bu s y

ethe d u dtching wL

bo r e P su

wa

This past weekend, some friends and I took our annual 3-day trip to Hunter Mountain to watch the Superbowl, party and snowboard. naturally, the trip has evolved into being called the HunTER BoWL. Being that I forgot to bring my camera and most of the drunken antics should stay out of print, I have one picture of my friends Jim, Kerri, Kevin and me after hitting the park to document this occasion. sunday We watched the Super Bowl and Peyton Manning gag in the fourth quarter over wings, mozzarella sticks, sweet & sour meatballs and beers. We capped off the night by doing keg stands (yes, keg stands) in the living room. My 6’ 6” buddy Jay left sneaker marks on the ceiling.

Marks that were as hysterical as they were impossible to clean off.

Monday We woke up, some more reluctantly than others, and had a great day on the slopes despite the obnoxious wind coming from the east. The conditions were not the best as no large amount of fresh snowfall has hit Hunter in weeks.

There were no lift lines of any sort which always makes for a nice day running up and down the mountain. After a long day of

riding, we ran into town to grab stuff to make chili and Kerri’s spinach dip. Having stayed in the night before, we decided to hit the local bars and meet the natives. To no one’s surprise Monday night in Tannersville, nY, is nothing to brag about. We had kicked the aforementioned keg before heading out, so we grabbed 60 beers from the gas station and went back to the condo. The abundance of canned beers led to great ideas including: shot gunning beers in the tub, a 3-hour game of Kings, and me being awoken on the couc by being vacuumed. tuesday Having packed away about 30 beers per person in 48 hours, everyone was moving a little slowly by Tuesday. The temperature had warmed a bit and the wind had died down, which was a welcome change for all in our group. By 2:30 p.m., just about everyone had their fill of snowboarding and retired to the lodge for a coffee or whatever before driving back to our respective homes. As we all changed out of our snow gear and said our good-byes, we all agreed that this was yet again a successful trip and vowed to do it all over in February 2011. —DRM

“What is a down?” (I cannot understand this to save my life; you might say I have—wait for it—Down Syndrome.)

“Wait, how many quarters are there?” (I am also possibly retarded.)

“Where is Kim Kardashian?”

(I need at least one quasicelebrity in the stands to serve as my pop culture north Star; otherwise I’m lost.) “if Peyton Manning is from new Orleans, shouldn’t he be rooting for the saints?” (Also, what is up with that weird oreo ad with him and Eli licking cream filling in front of Donald Trump and Darrel Hammond?)

(Inspired by the Colts’ logo) “Why do horses wear shoes?” “is that line showing where the first down is really drawn on the field?” (I think Jeff confiscated my wine at this point.)

“Why does Monster.com use fiddling beavers in its ad? is that sexist?” (Mine doesn’t even play the kazoo. It must be slow.) (upon seeing Dan Marino) “is that the guy from ace ventura: Pet detective?”

I don’t think I’m getting invited back next year.

—Una

e r Mo m

five things

overcrowded

that have found space in Madeline’s brain when she’s not worrying about screwing up Kal

o d an

f f u t s

r

box n i my m o fr

peanut butter Buying it. Eating it. And why that mom in the commercial didn’t make sure her son had a lunch sooner than 10 seconds before his school bus pulls up.

The leftover issue Y’all submit a lot of content. Sometimes.

This week we started out without much content at all. So I began excavating my inbox for all the submissions that had fallen through the cracks, such as these hats from Boston Common.

Paper Orgy Cut-Out Art We Love

Web Designer Depot has rounded up more than a few stunning examples to whet our whistle, from intricate lace-like sculpture to pop-up books to shadowboxes. http://flavorwire.com/61201/ paper-orgy-cut-out-art-we-love

Graphic designers: color yourself in luuuuuv with this nifty gadget pen by designer Jinsu Park that adopts the Photoshop eyedropper tool for real life.

Read more about the prototype at Designboom.

This was a lovely newspaper clipping of Haywood Jablome shoveling snow. (To learn how many calories he burned while doing so, turn back to page 6.)

Pictures from Jessica... We know it’s a cheesecake and an ice cream cake, but the first one I’m not so sure about.

Then, as per usual, I heard I needed to hold space for late arrivals.

The issue went up to 12 pages (good thing we got that ad), but that still doesn’t leave room for all the random things I would love to talk about so that I can stop thinking about them.

Like how much I hate DirecTV this week. And how I’ve put way too much on my plate to have time left to go looking for good children’s music now that DirecTV took that away. How maybe when I’m 40, I will have accomplished everything on this week’s To-Do list.

Isn’t it lame that none of us want to contemplate who we’ll be when we’re 40. And chicken pot pie.

That has to be the best leftover.

—Madeline

one self-published novel And how awful it is.

Nicole eggert She’s “fat.” She’s making fun of it on Funny or Die. She’s going on Celebrity Fit Club?

I need to turn off the TV...

Isolated babies Do B.F. Skinner’s theories relate to Superman mythology?

sugar Cookies.

Cupcakes. Leftover Halloween candy. Honey.

This tea could use some honey...

guys LiKe roMcoMs, too

viva La hunter bowL!

Because I’ve never seen The Philadelphia Story, can’t truly relate to old-school romantic comedies anyway and am still uncertain of how I feel about Woody Allen (I’ve only seen two of his movies), my favorite rom-coms are movies released solely during my lifetime. I don’t think that makes them any less awesome though. (FYI, for those keeping track at home, Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant are the only repeat appearances. oh, and nick Hornby, if you want to count source material.

That probably says something profound about my sense of humor.)

I was really sad I wasn’t going to get to see the super bowl live this year (a story for another day), so I made LV tape it.

Already knowing that my boy Peyton had lost, I fast forwarded through to see the commercials.

I was mildly entertained.

While I loved the Flo TV commercial set in the mall (“How about Lavender?” “How about not”), I think the advertising overall was weak.

Beating to death the theme of bachelor parties was better than all the outright violence last year, but I didn’t see The Hangover and I’m not sure all the pantless men and toys in Vegas would have been that much funnier to me if I had.

What I found most shocking was the lack of competition. It felt like there was one beverage sponsor, one automobile sponsor, and so on. Maybe that’s why I loved the commercial for the Charger—it wasn’t Hyundai. near the end of the game—maybe even right before the post game show— there was a Walmart commercial. Wha-what-what?

How was there not one sooner? oh yeah. Because they dominated daytime TV the past month with ads about how to be the best mom/wife/neighbor ever while saving money on their party supplies. Maybe that can be me next year...

—Madeline

10. You’ve Got Mail I didn’t see Sleepless in Seattle until a few years ago. I like it. I like this one better. Sue me.

3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall Some day, I will likely wind up quoting this movie more than any other movie I’ve ever seen.

9. Beautiful Girls Rosie o’Donnell’s rant on “fake” women is classic. Also, natalie Portman’s acting peaked here.

Sad, but true.

2. High Fidelity I think the movie is actually better than the book, almost entirely because of John Cusack’s performance (although Jack Black and the guy who plays Dick are also great).

8. When Harry Met Sally...

There’s probably no more romantic line than Harry’s “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

7. Groundhog Day This one has grown on me with time. Probably because I didn’t fully understand it at 11 years old.

6. Bridget Jones’ Diary The only role of Renée Zellweger’s in which I wasn’t annoyed by her after 15 minutes— with the possible exception of Me, Myself & Irene, which narrowly missed cracking the Top 10.

5. Shaun of the Dead The best rom-zom-com of all time. A hilarious, clever script.

4. 10 Things I Hate About You My favorite of the mid- to late’90s rom-com bunch. Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are both endearing with their opposing charms.

1. About a Boy on any given day, these top two could flip-flop. Fantastic stories armed with excellent soundtracks and my favorite performances by both Cusack and Grant.

—Tom

ons i t s L wiL iate Que t a th ratch of g n i n nootu to a bu s y

ethe d u dtching wL

bo r e P su

wa

This past weekend, some friends and I took our annual 3-day trip to Hunter Mountain to watch the Superbowl, party and snowboard. naturally, the trip has evolved into being called the HunTER BoWL. Being that I forgot to bring my camera and most of the drunken antics should stay out of print, I have one picture of my friends Jim, Kerri, Kevin and me after hitting the park to document this occasion. sunday We watched the Super Bowl and Peyton Manning gag in the fourth quarter over wings, mozzarella sticks, sweet & sour meatballs and beers. We capped off the night by doing keg stands (yes, keg stands) in the living room. My 6’ 6” buddy Jay left sneaker marks on the ceiling.

Marks that were as hysterical as they were impossible to clean off.

Monday We woke up, some more reluctantly than others, and had a great day on the slopes despite the obnoxious wind coming from the east. The conditions were not the best as no large amount of fresh snowfall has hit Hunter in weeks.

There were no lift lines of any sort which always makes for a nice day running up and down the mountain. After a long day of

riding, we ran into town to grab stuff to make chili and Kerri’s spinach dip. Having stayed in the night before, we decided to hit the local bars and meet the natives. To no one’s surprise Monday night in Tannersville, nY, is nothing to brag about. We had kicked the aforementioned keg before heading out, so we grabbed 60 beers from the gas station and went back to the condo. The abundance of canned beers led to great ideas including: shot gunning beers in the tub, a 3-hour game of Kings, and me being awoken on the couc by being vacuumed. tuesday Having packed away about 30 beers per person in 48 hours, everyone was moving a little slowly by Tuesday. The temperature had warmed a bit and the wind had died down, which was a welcome change for all in our group. By 2:30 p.m., just about everyone had their fill of snowboarding and retired to the lodge for a coffee or whatever before driving back to our respective homes. As we all changed out of our snow gear and said our good-byes, we all agreed that this was yet again a successful trip and vowed to do it all over in February 2011. —DRM

“What is a down?” (I cannot understand this to save my life; you might say I have—wait for it—Down Syndrome.)

“Wait, how many quarters are there?” (I am also possibly retarded.)

“Where is Kim Kardashian?”

(I need at least one quasicelebrity in the stands to serve as my pop culture north Star; otherwise I’m lost.) “if Peyton Manning is from new Orleans, shouldn’t he be rooting for the saints?” (Also, what is up with that weird oreo ad with him and Eli licking cream filling in front of Donald Trump and Darrel Hammond?)

(Inspired by the Colts’ logo) “Why do horses wear shoes?” “is that line showing where the first down is really drawn on the field?” (I think Jeff confiscated my wine at this point.)

“Why does Monster.com use fiddling beavers in its ad? is that sexist?” (Mine doesn’t even play the kazoo. It must be slow.) (upon seeing Dan Marino) “is that the guy from ace ventura: Pet detective?”

I don’t think I’m getting invited back next year.

—Una

* Still stuck on that old CAVEMAN DIET? * Looking to lose weight but your tastes are EVOLVING? * Hungry for MORE??

adw

ART DEPARTMEnT WEEKLY issue 41 vOL. 2

.%7

THE AZTEC DIET 7ORTH YOUR WEIGHT IN GOLD

,OW CARB HIGH PROTEIN DIETS ARE

"!$ &/2 9/5

%!4 4(% (%!,4(9 !:4%# 7!9

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#INNAMON

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7E RE NOT SAYING YOU LL BE ABLE TO RIP A MAN S HEART OUT OF HIS CHEST BUT IT S POSSIBLE

7OMEN S (EALTH *ANUARY &EBRUARY

LeftOvers GILLIAn In PHoToS JessiCa in snOW HunTER BoWL PLUS: TSHIRTS WE LoVE inbOX stuff unA’S QuESTIonS

ADW

art department weekly issue 42 vol. 2

Isn’t he super handsome!!!

Damn cats

Fryda supplied these images of a real life Narnian scene. That’s not Aslan, though. That’s Sumo enjoying the freshly fallen snow.

This just makes me hate cats even more. —AA

toy fair coverage enter sandman tastier bacon adw online PLus: dubbs love i.t. love pizza love

mInI Board

rd a e h

t r na

r oVe

I

“I don’t care if it’s Lent, I’m going to punch those bitches” -Jessica

“Time to show off how fast we work”

GarFIeLd mInus GarFIeLd i’ve never been a fan of Garfield comics and it seems the creator of garfieldminusgarfield.net isn’t either. what better way to improve a comic strip than to photoshop out the character that’s the most annoying! i suggest everyone to read through some of the archives and check out the story of John, a mentally disturbed bachelor who lives alone, talking to himself. if you think about it, Garfield’s speech was always in thought bubbles anyway, as if he weren’t really saying anything at all... (Twilight zone music) —Rich

-Anthony

“Rich is synonymous with badass” -luis

“My mother-in-law does that, and she’s craaaaaaaaaazy” Say it graphically! Font master Flex loves his Adws, and you should too! —Anthony This past valentine’s day, domino’s was selling HeArT SHAped pizzAS! The article even says “if you’re too lazy to get dressed and go to white Castle,” i.e., if Anthony puts his sweatpants on, which we all know means he’s not leaving the house.

—Amy

you know your profession has been accepted by society as a “norm” when it reaches this state.

—Rich

-luis

“I gave up guys and dating for Lent” -Jessica

“I was thinking about you this weekend” -Jeff

“I’m going to get busy with that couch” -meghan

“We should go curling” -Tom

“She almost fell off the balcony” -bbC

“Was there any heavy breathing” -meghan

KaL comes to VIsIt!

enter sandman

nG I K cooIth

W

a & t

Bacon

made

tastIer

Sometimes, i think bacon is too healthy. pure, porky meat, fried up and served with some high cholesterol eggs. where’s the oomph? The twist? The sauce? Then i came across a recipe for caramel bacon bites. you cut the bacon into 1 inch strips (this is bizarre, but fun in a sadistic way). lay them on a baking sheet covered with parchment paper (because this will get messy). Then you make your caramel sauce. making caramel is a science experiment along Alton brown lines. put 1 cup sugar into 1/3 cup water, boil it till the sugar dissolves, then increase the heat to high and let that stuff boil away till it gets thick and bubbly and amber-colored. Take it off the heat and stir in heavy cream, slowly, starting with 2 tablespoons, letting it bubble up and adjust before adding more. Then put back on low heat and stir until combined (about 4 min). voila! Caramel! Then, take a small bowl of the delicious stuff and make it even better by adding chili powder. brush the chili caramel over your bacon bites and bake at 350 for 20 or so minutes. The result is sugary, spicy, salty, fatty, pork cooked in its own grease.

There, now that’s better bacon.

the duBBers onLIne it’s here. yes, it’s finally here. ADW has now caught up to the 21st Century and is officially online. in the industry, we like to call this a soft launch, meaning it’s not really ready to be seen by the public because it doesn’t function the way i’d like it to, but it’s there. A harder launch, a real launch, means i’ve put in the complete 4,000 hours of labor required to build all the pages and work out all the kinks. it’s only a matter of time before the rest of “where in the world is Jessica” and Tom’s ideal play list are available for your reading pleasure.

not her thInG The yankees Anthony’s music multiple beef patties

her thInG St. louis Henry

with this being the 42nd issue of ADW, i thought i would write a piece on the last major leaguer to ever wear number 42, the incomparable mariano rivera. mariano burst onto the scene in 1995. He was an injury replacement for starter Jimmy key. He struggled as a spot starter and bounced between the majors and AAA for the rest of the season. in the postseason (against the mariners) he proved to be a revelation, pitching 5 1/3 innings of scoreless relief.

The yankees knew they had a stud in mariano. with a proven closer in John wetteland, they pencilled mariano in as the setup man. basically they made each game a 6-inning game. rivera would pitch the 7th and 8th and wetteland would close out the 9th. The yanks record when leading after 6 innings was an astounding 70-3. They rode this tandem to an upset of the braves and the yanks’ first world Series title since 1977.

with wetteland gone via free agency in 1997, the yanks turned over the closer role to mariano. rivera responded with 43 saves.

A blown save against the indians in the postseasn would put a damper on his great season, but would pave the way for future post seasons.

From 1998-2001, mariano would close out 167 games, and be absolutely dominant in the postseason as the yankees won three more world Series (they lost the ‘01 Series to the d-backs). mariano didn’t stop there, simply put he has become the greatest closer in the history. He’s talied a total of 526 saves with a 2.25 erA, and been the most integral part of five world Series Championhips. As a yankee fan there is no more secure sound than metallica’s Enter Sandman: Enter night Exit light Take my hand Come to Never Never Land

en p o an ter tom LetrnaLIs Jou hooL sc KIds when i graduated from the missouri School of Journalism, the economy was shitty. Now it’s like shitty-shitty-shitty, swinging back up from apocalyptic shitty. magazines are still folding and no one can figure out to make money with online editorial. you might think i’m just old and bitter, but i seriously wouldn’t trade places with you for all the money in the world. oh, wait. All the money in the world? if i could take my 29-year-old brain (and even my 29-year-old body) and you gave me a trillion euros, then maybe i would trade places with you. looking for a job is hard enough when you’re competing with kids who have two or three years experience, but you’re competing with everyone who has ever had a job. ever. in this make-believe scenario, i wouldn’t be taking my 29-year-old brain for the work experience. if i had to go back and do the editorial job search again, i’d want two things: self-confidence and knowing the difference between making friends and networking. (plus that cool trillion wouldn’t hurt.) if you have to be in New york, be flexible, be confident, and believe. Also, don’t look for a job that suits your degree.

Find one that suits you. Just ask all the non-J School grads who have magazine jobs already.

adW Goes to toY FaIr W

ith copies of ADW in tow (to prove that i had bylines and that we feature toy coverage), i was given a media badge and map to walk the floor and cover an event i had always dreamed of attending. After a misstep to the dolls and learning toys, i found myself in toy geek nirvana—the action figure alley. my first stop was the dC direct booth. i am a

Superman freak (i mean my son’s name is kal) so the “Superman: world of New krypton” toys (below left) were the biggest hit of the day. That’s Superman (2nd from left) as Commander el. i also loved the Green lantern multi-part statue (right) as well the great Catwoman statue (below right) based on the artwork of Adam Hughes.

Here is a small selection of other things i loved while at Toy Fair 2010: (clockwise) Funko’s Justice league plushies (Superman was amazing); Tonner’s disney princess Collection; the minimates delorean with a mini marty mcFly; a huge selection of uglydolls; lego Harry potter’s Hogwarts Castle with moving stairs; Neca’s megan Fox from Jonah Hex and Terminator 2 figures; kotubukaya’s Captain America, Thor and iron man statues; diamond’s iron man and war machine action figures.

adW Goes to toY FaIr W

ith copies of ADW in tow (to prove that i had bylines and that we feature toy coverage), i was given a media badge and map to walk the floor and cover an event i had always dreamed of attending. After a misstep to the dolls and learning toys, i found myself in toy geek nirvana—the action figure alley. my first stop was the dC direct booth. i am a

Superman freak (i mean my son’s name is kal) so the “Superman: world of New krypton” toys (below left) were the biggest hit of the day. That’s Superman (2nd from left) as Commander el. i also loved the Green lantern multi-part statue (right) as well the great Catwoman statue (below right) based on the artwork of Adam Hughes.

Here is a small selection of other things i loved while at Toy Fair 2010: (clockwise) Funko’s Justice league plushies (Superman was amazing); Tonner’s disney princess Collection; the minimates delorean with a mini marty mcFly; a huge selection of uglydolls; lego Harry potter’s Hogwarts Castle with moving stairs; Neca’s megan Fox from Jonah Hex and Terminator 2 figures; kotubukaya’s Captain America, Thor and iron man statues; diamond’s iron man and war machine action figures.

enter sandman

nG I K cooIth

W

a & t

Bacon

made

tastIer

Sometimes, i think bacon is too healthy. pure, porky meat, fried up and served with some high cholesterol eggs. where’s the oomph? The twist? The sauce? Then i came across a recipe for caramel bacon bites. you cut the bacon into 1 inch strips (this is bizarre, but fun in a sadistic way). lay them on a baking sheet covered with parchment paper (because this will get messy). Then you make your caramel sauce. making caramel is a science experiment along Alton brown lines. put 1 cup sugar into 1/3 cup water, boil it till the sugar dissolves, then increase the heat to high and let that stuff boil away till it gets thick and bubbly and amber-colored. Take it off the heat and stir in heavy cream, slowly, starting with 2 tablespoons, letting it bubble up and adjust before adding more. Then put back on low heat and stir until combined (about 4 min). voila! Caramel! Then, take a small bowl of the delicious stuff and make it even better by adding chili powder. brush the chili caramel over your bacon bites and bake at 350 for 20 or so minutes. The result is sugary, spicy, salty, fatty, pork cooked in its own grease.

There, now that’s better bacon.

the duBBers onLIne it’s here. yes, it’s finally here. ADW has now caught up to the 21st Century and is officially online. in the industry, we like to call this a soft launch, meaning it’s not really ready to be seen by the public because it doesn’t function the way i’d like it to, but it’s there. A harder launch, a real launch, means i’ve put in the complete 4,000 hours of labor required to build all the pages and work out all the kinks. it’s only a matter of time before the rest of “where in the world is Jessica” and Tom’s ideal play list are available for your reading pleasure.

not her thInG The yankees Anthony’s music multiple beef patties

her thInG St. louis Henry

with this being the 42nd issue of ADW, i thought i would write a piece on the last major leaguer to ever wear number 42, the incomparable mariano rivera. mariano burst onto the scene in 1995. He was an injury replacement for starter Jimmy key. He struggled as a spot starter and bounced between the majors and AAA for the rest of the season. in the postseason (against the mariners) he proved to be a revelation, pitching 5 1/3 innings of scoreless relief.

The yankees knew they had a stud in mariano. with a proven closer in John wetteland, they pencilled mariano in as the setup man. basically they made each game a 6-inning game. rivera would pitch the 7th and 8th and wetteland would close out the 9th. The yanks record when leading after 6 innings was an astounding 70-3. They rode this tandem to an upset of the braves and the yanks’ first world Series title since 1977.

with wetteland gone via free agency in 1997, the yanks turned over the closer role to mariano. rivera responded with 43 saves.

A blown save against the indians in the postseasn would put a damper on his great season, but would pave the way for future post seasons.

From 1998-2001, mariano would close out 167 games, and be absolutely dominant in the postseason as the yankees won three more world Series (they lost the ‘01 Series to the d-backs). mariano didn’t stop there, simply put he has become the greatest closer in the history. He’s talied a total of 526 saves with a 2.25 erA, and been the most integral part of five world Series Championhips. As a yankee fan there is no more secure sound than metallica’s Enter Sandman: Enter night Exit light Take my hand Come to Never Never Land

en p o an ter tom LetrnaLIs Jou hooL sc KIds when i graduated from the missouri School of Journalism, the economy was shitty. Now it’s like shitty-shitty-shitty, swinging back up from apocalyptic shitty. magazines are still folding and no one can figure out to make money with online editorial. you might think i’m just old and bitter, but i seriously wouldn’t trade places with you for all the money in the world. oh, wait. All the money in the world? if i could take my 29-year-old brain (and even my 29-year-old body) and you gave me a trillion euros, then maybe i would trade places with you. looking for a job is hard enough when you’re competing with kids who have two or three years experience, but you’re competing with everyone who has ever had a job. ever. in this make-believe scenario, i wouldn’t be taking my 29-year-old brain for the work experience. if i had to go back and do the editorial job search again, i’d want two things: self-confidence and knowing the difference between making friends and networking. (plus that cool trillion wouldn’t hurt.) if you have to be in New york, be flexible, be confident, and believe. Also, don’t look for a job that suits your degree.

Find one that suits you. Just ask all the non-J School grads who have magazine jobs already.

mInI Board

rd a e h

t r na

r oVe

I

“I don’t care if it’s Lent, I’m going to punch those bitches” -Jessica

“Time to show off how fast we work”

GarFIeLd mInus GarFIeLd i’ve never been a fan of Garfield comics and it seems the creator of garfieldminusgarfield.net isn’t either. what better way to improve a comic strip than to photoshop out the character that’s the most annoying! i suggest everyone to read through some of the archives and check out the story of John, a mentally disturbed bachelor who lives alone, talking to himself. if you think about it, Garfield’s speech was always in thought bubbles anyway, as if he weren’t really saying anything at all... (Twilight zone music) —Rich

-Anthony

“Rich is synonymous with badass” -luis

“My mother-in-law does that, and she’s craaaaaaaaaazy” Say it graphically! Font master Flex loves his Adws, and you should too! —Anthony This past valentine’s day, domino’s was selling HeArT SHAped pizzAS! The article even says “if you’re too lazy to get dressed and go to white Castle,” i.e., if Anthony puts his sweatpants on, which we all know means he’s not leaving the house.

—Amy

you know your profession has been accepted by society as a “norm” when it reaches this state.

—Rich

-luis

“I gave up guys and dating for Lent” -Jessica

“I was thinking about you this weekend” -Jeff

“I’m going to get busy with that couch” -meghan

“We should go curling” -Tom

“She almost fell off the balcony” -bbC

“Was there any heavy breathing” -meghan

KaL comes to VIsIt!

ADW

art department weekly issue 42 vol. 2

Isn’t he super handsome!!!

Damn cats

Fryda supplied these images of a real life Narnian scene. That’s not Aslan, though. That’s Sumo enjoying the freshly fallen snow.

This just makes me hate cats even more. —AA

toy fair coverage enter sandman tastier bacon adw online PLus: dubbs love i.t. love pizza love

aDW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 43 VOL. 2

Visit MaDELinEstrUM.COM/aDW FOr tHE DUBBs OnLinE

nOW E n i OnL

TRAIN PAINS CAN’T THE CASTLE MEAT HEAD-IQUETTE PLUS: RICH-ISMS THE SLIDE THE TRUTH

Mini BOarD

MEat HEaD-iQUEttE D

r a E rH

t r na

BatHrOOM E rEaDinG OV

i

“I’m a squeezer and proud of it” -Fryda

You may have noticed on the way to the ladies room recently the inclusion of editorial minis on the hallway walls. In the spirit of getting everyone to see what the other mags are doing, minis were put up.

Thanks to Callahan for the photo.

rEGarDinG HEnrY

“There are no drinks at skating rinks” -Camille

“Lost is for losers” -Meghan

“Are you pregnant” -Jessica

“The sausage and peppers made my feet swell” -Vicky

“Mexican and French, a delicious combination” -Meghan

“Wait, you don’t like nuts?”

-Anthony

Two shots of Henry, Meghan’s little man at play.

Outdoors on a swing (left) and at home in his little tunnel (above).

Giant EGG Nicole brought in a giant 6 oz. egg from Hershey Park that was given to her.

We sliced and ate it like a cake... Amazing!

“That’s too much man ass” -Luis

Spring is just on the horizon, so you may find yourself eager to get that pale person you see in the mirror into shape. If that is the case, be sure to follow these guidelines to avoid being that guy/girl at the gym.

1. Come as you are There is really no need to get too gussied up for the gym. You’ve got gym clothes that match? Fine. But don’t be that douche that has 3 lbs of product in your hair or the chick caking on makeup before you bust out some squat thrusts.

2. Pipe down I’ll never understand why people feel the need to scream and grunt during their workout. You don’t sound like a burly man. You sound like you’re being raped. Another thing that has always annoyed me is people slamming weights on the ground. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve flinched because it sounds like the building is falling

“Are those Ku Klux Klan outfits” -Fryda

“You are a piss poor journalist” -Meghan

“I don’t recall you turning up your nose at all those nutbags” -Meghan

H t rU

tHE

t

down around me. Show some control and ease the weights to the ground, guy.

3. Hovering I have the poor luck to have to go to the gym at peak hours, so I am subjected to having to wait for machines/get stalked while I am using them by the crowds. If you really need to use a machine and someone is on it, simply ask if they are almost done and find somewhere else to stand. I personally hate it when someone lurks around waiting for me to finish my workout. I’m not going to steal the bench when I am done dude... Relax.

4. Posing Ok ladies and gents, the mirrors at the gym are there

so you can watch yourself and keep an eye on your form, NOT to scope yourself out and make ‘blue steel’ faces into. My God, save it for the privacy of your bathroom if you feel the need to give bedroom eyes to your reflection.

5. Stop yelling at me Sometimes, I have to go to the gym alone... as we all do from time to time. This forces me to have to ask a stranger for a spot during some of my workouts.

There is no need for you to scream into my ear, “YOU GOT THIS BRO! ALL YOU! FEEL THE BURN!” Your spittle filled tirade is not motivating. It’s annoying.

Just stand there and make sure I don’t drop the weight on my face, and we’re all set.

6. The Locker Room Granted, I could write an entire piece on the “do’s and don’ts” of the locker room, but I will gloss over a major touch point in the interest of time. When you are changing in the locker room, be mindful of the fact that no one wants to see your balls. Hey, it’s a locker room and an encounter with nudity is basically unavoidable—just don’t strut around with your garbage hanging out, dude. These locker room exhibitionists make my blood boil. Take that shit to Hedonism if you really need to get it out of your system.

—DRM

Erno Rubik invented the Cube in the spring of 1974 in his hometown of Budapest, Hungary. He wanted a working model to help explain threedimensional geometry and ended up creating the world’s best selling toy. I just found that fact online. Right after I found this space labeled “The Truth.” Swear to God. Also, I was going to make that “god” and not “God,” but because of earlier articles in this issue, I’ve chosen to make it “God.” And that’s the truth. Also, I am STARVING right now even though I’ve eaten breakfast twice. Do you know why this is? Because I’m feeding a 17 lb baby now, not a 17 oz baby. Now that I’m not pregnant, I eat like I am preggers. But I get to wear smaller pants. It’s awesome.

And that’s the truth.

VaLEntinE’s at tHE

CastLE

(in piCtUrEs)

H riC s isM LL –JI

“Hey can I borrow a needle and thread?”

“Why did you loose a button?”

“No, it’s because I’m ripped.”

“They almost didn’t let me in the building this morning.”

“Why?” “Because I came in with two guns and a six-pack.”

If I was on [Jersey Shore], I would be the Hypothesis. “Yeah man, Let’s go out tonight and test the Hypothesis.”

“So I was at the airport and I set off the metal detector…. With my Abs of Steel!!!”

“When I got back from the gym, they didn’t believe I went.

They thought I went to Burger King.”

“Why?” “On account of the buns!” [Clenching demonstration ensues]

Can’t

Y p p Ha HDaY t r i B UBiK’s r On the subject of puzzles, let’s not forget one of the greatest puzzles of all-time, the Rubik’s Cube.

This year the Rubik’s Cube turns 30. To celebrate, Rubik’s is releasing its latest extension, the Rubik’s Slide.

I think the word CAN’T is the worst word a designer can use.

When you say “I can’t do this” you are basically saying one of two things: You are either saying you are not capable of doing something, or you are saying, “I don’t want to try anymore.” Now, would you ever use the words “I’m not capable of making this look good”? I don’t think you would. People might forget what the final page looked like, but they won’t forget the poor attitude.

When dicussing this column with Anthony today, his said something rather poignant.

“Design is a puzzle. You should always be able to win and solve it.”

Every page can be designed.

When we start to use the word CAN’T, we start to empower the page. We let it have sway over us. We are telling the page it is in control as opposed to the other way around.

One of the very first bosses I ever had (Tracee Kiner) once gave me a card that I keep to this day. In this card, she wrote, “There is no task too large or too small for you. You never tell me you can’t do something or that something is beneath you. You treat every job like the most important thing happening at any given moment.

I thank you for this.” It was a small but strong sentiment that I have carried ith me throughout my career. No matter the size or scope of the job, I will give it my all. You’ll never hear me utter the word CAN’T. I’d urge any young designer to remove that word from their vocabulary. Instead of saying I CAN’T, say I CAN, and figure out a way to get the job done.

The Rubik’s Slide is an addictive electronic slide game featuring more than 10,000 puzzles. Rubik’s Slide includes two different types of play.

Players can see how many puzzles they can solve in Free Play mode or race against the clock to complete a series of 10 puzzles before time runs out in Lightning Round.

The Rubik’s Slide will be available in Fall of 2010 and will retail for $17.99.

train pains We’ve all seen those people. The vulture stalking out the next emptyseat. The entrance hangers who stop as soon as they get inside the door. The squeezers who see any free 6 inches of space as a seat.

(Oh, Fryda.) The diners, bringing smelly cartons of noodles on the train. Yep, we’ve all been affected by other people’s annoying train habits. Given the opportunity to shout them out, our regular contributors let us know what train habits annoy them the most.

I’d like to start by saying I ride the craziest line in all of New York—the Brooklyn-bound N. The nonsense I’ve seen on any given day is staggering. A few highlights: The nail clipper. Seriously, you can’t do that at home?

The dental flosser. I saw a woman bust out some floss from her purse and proceed to clean her teeth. But then—this is not a fabrication—I witnessed a nail biter flossing his teeth with his trimmings. Sheer lunacy.

I thought about it this a.m.....

People who don’t move all the way into the train when they get on, leaving huge gaps of available space, and then you have to squeeze past them because you do, in fact, know the logistics of fitting the maximum amount of people into a space even if they, clearly, are selfish idiots.

—Amy

People squeezing into a seat when they know they can’t fit, or people spreading out when they know there is room for another person on the train,

already crowded and there is no possible way not to be squished.

People who run for the door while its closing.

People who know they don’t feel good and stay on the train only to delay the trains behind them.

Stop signal failures Here’s my new fav... People who walk between the cars while the train is in motion after I just got a freakin $75 ticket for it last month.

People who don’t get up for the pregnant or elderly.

People who cough and then touch the rail.

People who play their music blasting on the train on top of yours.

People who start problems with the person next to them and they know the train is

The same people who get on the train every other day and change their stories slightly

when begging for money.

The preachers.

The most horrific homeless people who smell so bad you are going to pass out. I know they can’t help it but sometimes it’s so hard to compose yourself.

People who have bags and let them go where ever on their arms, instead of holding them under their one arm. They just keep hitting you and rubbing up against you.

—Jessica

People I hate on the train: 1. Everyone who’s not me.

2. The old lady who pushes herself on the train before people get off to get a seat.

3. The guy who stands by the

door when the train is empty and doesn’t move when people get on.

4. People who start looking for their metro cards while standing in front of the turnstile.

5. People who let their kids climb on the seats.

6. After I squeeze in and take the last spot by the door, the guy who pushes me in more, then I don’t have anything to hold onto.

7. No lid coffee guy. I’m just waiting for that to spill on me.

8. People who get up from a seat in a crowded moving car and walk to the door so they can be the first one off.

—Rich I hate people who wear backpacks on the train. If you bump me with that backpack one more time, I’m going to rip you down by it and step on your neck. Take it off and hold it by your side, retard. OH, and if I can feel your nose exhale on my arm, you’re way too close.

That is fucking disgusting! BACK THE FUCK UP!!! Thank you.

—Anthony The sleeper: the side-nodding head-bob that is heading

EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU? THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? straight towards your shoulder The reader: Paper folded out alllll the way on a crowded train, hitting short girls in the face X-RATED tip for guys who sit with their legs wide open smushing me into the side rial: Close your legs, your junk isn’t that big!

—Vicky Pole-leaners who force you to either subway surf or wedge your hand behind their shoulders.

STEP OFF, YO, IT IS NOT YOUR POLE. People who get out of their seat on a crowded train 30 seconds before their stop and expect you to move, saying “Getting off.” OH REALLY, DUDE, YOU’RE GETTING OFF RIGHT NOW? BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, WE WERE HURTLING THROUGH A TUNNEL OF DARKNESS. The shoulder-sitters. When you are sitting at the end of the row and someone uses the shoulder-height bar as a seat.

EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU?

THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? —Una

My all-time subway pet peeve is the soap box preachers. Why is it these crazies feel the need to spread the gospel at 8:30 a.m.?

Easy on the scripture, guy. I am barely awake.

—DRM

Mine’s a tie between people who insist on playing music through their phone at full volume (just because you want to hear the song doesn’t mean the rest of the car does), and people in front of the door on a supercrowded train who refuse to step out temporarily to let people off. These people fail to realize that the likely reason they don’t move further in—so they can get off the train at their stop in time—is directly linked to OTHER LIKEMINDED PEOPLE who force everyone to get off the train in single file. Jerks. Just move inside the train and say “Excuse me” at your stop. It’s incredibly effective.

—Tom

train pains We’ve all seen those people. The vulture stalking out the next emptyseat. The entrance hangers who stop as soon as they get inside the door. The squeezers who see any free 6 inches of space as a seat.

(Oh, Fryda.) The diners, bringing smelly cartons of noodles on the train. Yep, we’ve all been affected by other people’s annoying train habits. Given the opportunity to shout them out, our regular contributors let us know what train habits annoy them the most.

I’d like to start by saying I ride the craziest line in all of New York—the Brooklyn-bound N. The nonsense I’ve seen on any given day is staggering. A few highlights: The nail clipper. Seriously, you can’t do that at home?

The dental flosser. I saw a woman bust out some floss from her purse and proceed to clean her teeth. But then—this is not a fabrication—I witnessed a nail biter flossing his teeth with his trimmings. Sheer lunacy.

I thought about it this a.m.....

People who don’t move all the way into the train when they get on, leaving huge gaps of available space, and then you have to squeeze past them because you do, in fact, know the logistics of fitting the maximum amount of people into a space even if they, clearly, are selfish idiots.

—Amy

People squeezing into a seat when they know they can’t fit, or people spreading out when they know there is room for another person on the train,

already crowded and there is no possible way not to be squished.

People who run for the door while its closing.

People who know they don’t feel good and stay on the train only to delay the trains behind them.

Stop signal failures Here’s my new fav... People who walk between the cars while the train is in motion after I just got a freakin $75 ticket for it last month.

People who don’t get up for the pregnant or elderly.

People who cough and then touch the rail.

People who play their music blasting on the train on top of yours.

People who start problems with the person next to them and they know the train is

The same people who get on the train every other day and change their stories slightly

when begging for money.

The preachers.

The most horrific homeless people who smell so bad you are going to pass out. I know they can’t help it but sometimes it’s so hard to compose yourself.

People who have bags and let them go where ever on their arms, instead of holding them under their one arm. They just keep hitting you and rubbing up against you.

—Jessica

People I hate on the train: 1. Everyone who’s not me.

2. The old lady who pushes herself on the train before people get off to get a seat.

3. The guy who stands by the

door when the train is empty and doesn’t move when people get on.

4. People who start looking for their metro cards while standing in front of the turnstile.

5. People who let their kids climb on the seats.

6. After I squeeze in and take the last spot by the door, the guy who pushes me in more, then I don’t have anything to hold onto.

7. No lid coffee guy. I’m just waiting for that to spill on me.

8. People who get up from a seat in a crowded moving car and walk to the door so they can be the first one off.

—Rich I hate people who wear backpacks on the train. If you bump me with that backpack one more time, I’m going to rip you down by it and step on your neck. Take it off and hold it by your side, retard. OH, and if I can feel your nose exhale on my arm, you’re way too close.

That is fucking disgusting! BACK THE FUCK UP!!! Thank you.

—Anthony The sleeper: the side-nodding head-bob that is heading

EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU? THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? straight towards your shoulder The reader: Paper folded out alllll the way on a crowded train, hitting short girls in the face X-RATED tip for guys who sit with their legs wide open smushing me into the side rial: Close your legs, your junk isn’t that big!

—Vicky Pole-leaners who force you to either subway surf or wedge your hand behind their shoulders.

STEP OFF, YO, IT IS NOT YOUR POLE. People who get out of their seat on a crowded train 30 seconds before their stop and expect you to move, saying “Getting off.” OH REALLY, DUDE, YOU’RE GETTING OFF RIGHT NOW? BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, WE WERE HURTLING THROUGH A TUNNEL OF DARKNESS. The shoulder-sitters. When you are sitting at the end of the row and someone uses the shoulder-height bar as a seat.

EXCUSE ME, DO I KNOW YOU?

THEN WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY SHOULDER? —Una

My all-time subway pet peeve is the soap box preachers. Why is it these crazies feel the need to spread the gospel at 8:30 a.m.?

Easy on the scripture, guy. I am barely awake.

—DRM

Mine’s a tie between people who insist on playing music through their phone at full volume (just because you want to hear the song doesn’t mean the rest of the car does), and people in front of the door on a supercrowded train who refuse to step out temporarily to let people off. These people fail to realize that the likely reason they don’t move further in—so they can get off the train at their stop in time—is directly linked to OTHER LIKEMINDED PEOPLE who force everyone to get off the train in single file. Jerks. Just move inside the train and say “Excuse me” at your stop. It’s incredibly effective.

—Tom

Mini BOarD

MEat HEaD-iQUEttE D

r a E rH

t r na

BatHrOOM E rEaDinG OV

i

“I’m a squeezer and proud of it” -Fryda

You may have noticed on the way to the ladies room recently the inclusion of editorial minis on the hallway walls. In the spirit of getting everyone to see what the other mags are doing, minis were put up.

Thanks to Callahan for the photo.

rEGarDinG HEnrY

“There are no drinks at skating rinks” -Camille

“Lost is for losers” -Meghan

“Are you pregnant” -Jessica

“The sausage and peppers made my feet swell” -Vicky

“Mexican and French, a delicious combination” -Meghan

“Wait, you don’t like nuts?”

-Anthony

Two shots of Henry, Meghan’s little man at play.

Outdoors on a swing (left) and at home in his little tunnel (above).

Giant EGG Nicole brought in a giant 6 oz. egg from Hershey Park that was given to her.

We sliced and ate it like a cake... Amazing!

“That’s too much man ass” -Luis

Spring is just on the horizon, so you may find yourself eager to get that pale person you see in the mirror into shape. If that is the case, be sure to follow these guidelines to avoid being that guy/girl at the gym.

1. Come as you are There is really no need to get too gussied up for the gym. You’ve got gym clothes that match? Fine. But don’t be that douche that has 3 lbs of product in your hair or the chick caking on makeup before you bust out some squat thrusts.

2. Pipe down I’ll never understand why people feel the need to scream and grunt during their workout. You don’t sound like a burly man. You sound like you’re being raped. Another thing that has always annoyed me is people slamming weights on the ground. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve flinched because it sounds like the building is falling

“Are those Ku Klux Klan outfits” -Fryda

“You are a piss poor journalist” -Meghan

“I don’t recall you turning up your nose at all those nutbags” -Meghan

H t rU

tHE

t

down around me. Show some control and ease the weights to the ground, guy.

3. Hovering I have the poor luck to have to go to the gym at peak hours, so I am subjected to having to wait for machines/get stalked while I am using them by the crowds. If you really need to use a machine and someone is on it, simply ask if they are almost done and find somewhere else to stand. I personally hate it when someone lurks around waiting for me to finish my workout. I’m not going to steal the bench when I am done dude... Relax.

4. Posing Ok ladies and gents, the mirrors at the gym are there

so you can watch yourself and keep an eye on your form, NOT to scope yourself out and make ‘blue steel’ faces into. My God, save it for the privacy of your bathroom if you feel the need to give bedroom eyes to your reflection.

5. Stop yelling at me Sometimes, I have to go to the gym alone... as we all do from time to time. This forces me to have to ask a stranger for a spot during some of my workouts.

There is no need for you to scream into my ear, “YOU GOT THIS BRO! ALL YOU! FEEL THE BURN!” Your spittle filled tirade is not motivating. It’s annoying.

Just stand there and make sure I don’t drop the weight on my face, and we’re all set.

6. The Locker Room Granted, I could write an entire piece on the “do’s and don’ts” of the locker room, but I will gloss over a major touch point in the interest of time. When you are changing in the locker room, be mindful of the fact that no one wants to see your balls. Hey, it’s a locker room and an encounter with nudity is basically unavoidable—just don’t strut around with your garbage hanging out, dude. These locker room exhibitionists make my blood boil. Take that shit to Hedonism if you really need to get it out of your system.

—DRM

Erno Rubik invented the Cube in the spring of 1974 in his hometown of Budapest, Hungary. He wanted a working model to help explain threedimensional geometry and ended up creating the world’s best selling toy. I just found that fact online. Right after I found this space labeled “The Truth.” Swear to God. Also, I was going to make that “god” and not “God,” but because of earlier articles in this issue, I’ve chosen to make it “God.” And that’s the truth. Also, I am STARVING right now even though I’ve eaten breakfast twice. Do you know why this is? Because I’m feeding a 17 lb baby now, not a 17 oz baby. Now that I’m not pregnant, I eat like I am preggers. But I get to wear smaller pants. It’s awesome.

And that’s the truth.

VaLEntinE’s at tHE

CastLE

(in piCtUrEs)

H riC s isM LL –JI

“Hey can I borrow a needle and thread?”

“Why did you loose a button?”

“No, it’s because I’m ripped.”

“They almost didn’t let me in the building this morning.”

“Why?” “Because I came in with two guns and a six-pack.”

If I was on [Jersey Shore], I would be the Hypothesis. “Yeah man, Let’s go out tonight and test the Hypothesis.”

“So I was at the airport and I set off the metal detector…. With my Abs of Steel!!!”

“When I got back from the gym, they didn’t believe I went.

They thought I went to Burger King.”

“Why?” “On account of the buns!” [Clenching demonstration ensues]

Can’t

Y p p Ha HDaY t r i B UBiK’s r On the subject of puzzles, let’s not forget one of the greatest puzzles of all-time, the Rubik’s Cube.

This year the Rubik’s Cube turns 30. To celebrate, Rubik’s is releasing its latest extension, the Rubik’s Slide.

I think the word CAN’T is the worst word a designer can use.

When you say “I can’t do this” you are basically saying one of two things: You are either saying you are not capable of doing something, or you are saying, “I don’t want to try anymore.” Now, would you ever use the words “I’m not capable of making this look good”? I don’t think you would. People might forget what the final page looked like, but they won’t forget the poor attitude.

When dicussing this column with Anthony today, his said something rather poignant.

“Design is a puzzle. You should always be able to win and solve it.”

Every page can be designed.

When we start to use the word CAN’T, we start to empower the page. We let it have sway over us. We are telling the page it is in control as opposed to the other way around.

One of the very first bosses I ever had (Tracee Kiner) once gave me a card that I keep to this day. In this card, she wrote, “There is no task too large or too small for you. You never tell me you can’t do something or that something is beneath you. You treat every job like the most important thing happening at any given moment.

I thank you for this.” It was a small but strong sentiment that I have carried ith me throughout my career. No matter the size or scope of the job, I will give it my all. You’ll never hear me utter the word CAN’T. I’d urge any young designer to remove that word from their vocabulary. Instead of saying I CAN’T, say I CAN, and figure out a way to get the job done.

The Rubik’s Slide is an addictive electronic slide game featuring more than 10,000 puzzles. Rubik’s Slide includes two different types of play.

Players can see how many puzzles they can solve in Free Play mode or race against the clock to complete a series of 10 puzzles before time runs out in Lightning Round.

The Rubik’s Slide will be available in Fall of 2010 and will retail for $17.99.

aDW

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 43 VOL. 2

Visit MaDELinEstrUM.COM/aDW FOr tHE DUBBs OnLinE

nOW E n i OnL

TRAIN PAINS CAN’T THE CASTLE MEAT HEAD-IQUETTE PLUS: RICH-ISMS THE SLIDE THE TRUTH

tHe saN FraNcIscO treat

adw

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 44 VOL. 2

Five days. It’s a full workweek, but for a vacation it’s barely enough time to “get away.” But when you can spend those five days in the friendly confines of someone else’s charming home, it changes the vibe of the trip. Coming home at night to an actual neighborhood instead of a tourist trap, you start to perceive yourself as part of the fabric of your destination; you’re forced to learn about how to really get around the city, and thus feel entitled to act like a local; you may visit all the typical places, but somehow it seems less of an obligation and more of an indulgence. Home exchanges are my new favorite thing.

—Tom

REEL FAVES OSCAR PICKS FAREWELL HOT MAYORS PLUS: APP OF THE WEEK POSTER PICKS MULTI-TASKING

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“First we make the babies, then we get married” -Anthony

GettING BUZZed Rich sent in this CGI of what a real Buzz Lightyear might look like.

Would a realistic-looking Woody look like the Marlboro Man?

trOOpaBIlItY verb |troôp e’bilité|

willing to traverse the elements or other great obstacles to reach a desired destination “Anthony’s mom showed great troopability in braving the severe snowstorm to have lunch with her son”

welcOMe tO tHe 21st ceNtUrY I visited my boyfriend’s family in Montrose, CO, last weekend and spent the majority of the time playing Wii with his cousins. I realize I’m behind the curve here, but did you know this gaming system lets you make your own virtual friends and color with them via online coloring books? Call me old fashioned, but what ever happened to human beings and a box of Crayola? I’m just saying...

“Is that the new Rich talking? The old Rich would have said I have to go home and feed my plants” -Jessica

“We had a service call on the moon” -Rich

“What episode of Lost did she see” -Luis

“It stimulates and penetrates every orifice of the human body” -Jason

“I’m gonna throw feces if he comes by again” -Luis

“Did you teach him your moves” -Meghan

“Never fight, share” -Anthony

e r Faell w My original plan was to write a good-bye poem in Jason-isms, a binnshot haiku if you will.

Unfortunately, I am not as talented, so I think I will leave those pearls of wisdom up to Jason. However, I still wanted to write a goodbye message to all.

I remember the excitement on my very first day at Niche back in July 2008. After meeting a few of you who said “good luck with that” when I said I was working on “Flash,” my excitement slowly turned into the thought of What did I get myself into. However, I learned to love “Flash” and all its craziness. Over this past year and a half, I have taken on much more than just “Flash,” and have learned so much. It has been a great year and a half, but it’s just time for me to move on.

One thing you have to say about Niche is that there is never

a dull moment. Whether it’s a spontaneous wedding or wearing sunglasses at work because the Fact department has put up so many Christmas tree lights that your corneas start to burn or, my favorite, that time we didn’t have any email for two days, making it quite the challenge to receive photos. These are all the crazy little things I will miss. Below I made a list of my all time favorites moments from Niche.

to figure it out combined. Really, what’s with everyone in Aspen teaching their dogs to ski and naming them all Bingo?

Craziest day: Olga announced she was getting married at lunchtime and Karina announced she was leaving at lunchtime.

I have really enjoyed working with you all and will you miss you dearly. Please keep in touch and if you ever find yourself in Australia, look me up! Below is my personal email address. I don’t Tweet, however I may start a blog once I move.

Strangest problem I had to solve: Trying to figure out which skiing dog named Bingo in Aspen used to pick little Susie up from school every day. Believe it or not, there were several, and it took Marina, Lauren, the historical society lady and I about 3 hours

Favorite day: Halloween! It was always exciting to come in and see who actually was willing to dress up and who was not. Plus there was always lots of candy around!

Favorite out-of-the-officework-event: Ludachristmas!

Xoxo, Catherine CatherineAGargan@gmail.com

perIls OF MUltItasKING From: Elizabeth Hazard <ElizabethH@nichemediallc.com> To: <aquartuccio@keatingco.com> Subject: Watch Image for Vegas Magazine Hi. We are running the Parmigiani Bugatti Atlante Chronograph in our upcoming issue of Vegas Magazine and we would love to include an image of the watch, but the current image we have is slightly skewed and wont work as is with our layout. I’ve attached an image here of how we’d like to show all of the watches--would you be able to send us a photo like this for the watch with the face straightforward and centered to the page? Thanks so much! Liz <<The picture she attached

HOt MaYOr alert!

After a trip to the other Coast, Amy gives us the scoop on who woud get her vote.

Sam Adams, “Silver Fox,” 47, Portland The first openly gay mayor of a Top 30 U.S. city. He’s been rocked with scandal from an in-office sexual relationship with a teenager. Still, a silver fox.

tOp pOsters

p p a tHe

Adrian Fenty, “Bald and Beautiful,” 40, D.C. This tall drink of multi-cultural water (he’s Afro-Panamian and Italian-American) likes to wears black fedoras and runs triathalons.

Also smart and passionate.

Honorable Mention: Sarah Palin. Lest we forget, she was once mayor of Wasilla. And those who want to have sex with their teachers often find her hot.* *independent study, 2009 Not Hot: Jersey City mayor Jeremiah Healey was found passed out naked on his front porch after one too many drinks... while he was mayor. And he was re-elected this year.

Precious The lack of detail in the characters face let you know about the film’s journey of discovery for the lead character.

OF

K e e w

reel FaVes

Carmen Gronquist, “Mayoral Pinup,” 44, Arlington, Oregon The mayor of a town with a population of 524, she had to step down in 2008 due to racy pics of herself that she posted on MySpace. But, LOOK AT THOSE ABS! I’d post pics of myself too if I were her.

Gavin Newsom, “Mayor Hottie,” 43, San Francisco I saw the man in person, from two feet away. He’s young, handsome, has quite a head of hair, and wears Converse.

(They’re just like us!) Briefly dated Sofia Milos from CSI Miami.

Now married to another actress (but that’s never stopped him— his first marriage broke up after an affair with a staffer).

I love movie posters. Here are my pics for the three best designs from 2009.

This Sunday marks the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. I’m generally really excited for the awards. Generally. This year marks a slight change.

Mayors Newsom and Adams might be interested in this: an app that automatically deletes your texts. Do you feel entitled to fool around? Was your latest fling born in the ‘90s and incapable of communicating outside of texts? Never fear.

Tiger Text is here! It will automatically delete both sides of the text-versation. No cyber trail. Although, to be sure you still pay for those 4,000 texts, the phone company will not allow a third party to delete all the evidence. What do your voters think, Mr. Mayor? The majority says that’s terrible.

In years past, my wife and I would try to watch as many of the nominated films as possible.

This year, that wasn’t the case.

My wife gave birth in September, which means we didn’t get a chance to embrace Oscar season as we have in seasons past.

Where I used to be able to make educated picks (having seen most of the films), this year is an absolute guessing game. The only movies I saw which were nominated for anything were Up, Star Trek and The Princess and The Frog.

Of course that doesn’t mean I didn’t fill out an Oscar ballot or decide against writing about my favorite movies of the year. Up was hands down the best film I saw in 2009. It had what I believe to be the best 4 minutes in any film of the year if not all-time. That opening is full of more happiness, loss and heartache than most films express in 120 minutes. Simply brilliant.

While Up was the best, my favorite movie of the year had to be The Watchmen. While not a movie for everyone, it was a perfect adaptation for this comic-obsessed fan. I even liked the change to the ending. It worked, and I loved it.

Up In The Air Another poster where we don’t see the lead character’s face, because he’s still trying to figure out who he is... Seems to be a theme.

The Girlfriend Experience Steven Soderbergh’s little-seen film on the adult escort scene.

The dot pattern obscures the lead character’s face enough to create an air of mystery around her. Similar to the air of mystery around the GFE itself.

You get the experience without ever learning anything about the person you are with.

Oscar race

When I heard the Academy planned to change the Best Picture category from five films to ten, I didn’t think much of it. Then LV said they were going to a Heisman Trophy style of voting. What? Didn’t Tim Tebow not win the Heisman because of that system? So not only could the best picture not win Best Picure, but the movie with the most first place votes could also not win Best Picture? To help me sort it all out, I asked my favorite movie critic, my brother, what this new system means to the Oscars.

One year after Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” shattered box office records only to be snubbed in the Best Picture race, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences expanded the number of nominees to 10. Keeping in mind the last year there were

Of course, even with twice the nominees, this year’s Best Picture has come down to what it usually does: two films with one playing the role of front-running Goliath to another’s late-charging David.

Behind-the-scenes badmouthing is fairly common around voting time, but the Academy went fairly

...this year’s Best Picture has come down to what it usually does: two films with one playing the role of front-running Goliath to another’s late-charging David that many nominees was when Casablanca took the top prize in 1944, the Academy nominated . . . . The Blind Side.

balls out this year in actually rescinding the invitation of Nicolas Chartier, a producer for The Hurt Locker (this year’s

David), for comments he made in private e-mails asking friends to rank Avatar tenth to hurt its chances. The Academy claimed Chartier “violated campaigning standards,” but it might have just been easier to point out the futility of Chartier’s strategy since he—and probably many others— obviously don’t understand how the new voting works.

Whereas voters simply used to check off their favorite of the five nominees, the movie with the most votes won. The flaw with that system was that theoretically a film with support from just 21 percent of the Academy could win even if the

other 79 hated it.

This year, the Academy has gone to preference voting, which asks voters to rank the 10 nominated films. The process works such that the ballots are sorted into piles according to first-place votes. If one film has more than 50 percent of the votes, then the counting is over.

If not, then the film with the least number of first-place votes is eliminated and its votes are redistributed to whichever pile it had ranked next. This continues until one film has exceeded the 50 percent majority. In other words, if those voters Chartier e-mailed ranked Hurt Locker first, it wouldn’t matter what they ranked after that. Those votes would only count if Hurt Locker was eliminated from counting.

The David-Goliath comparison rings a little truer this year as Avatar would be the biggestgrossing film to win Best Picture while Hurt Locker would be the lowest. Still, the determining factor in this year’s Best Picture race is actually going to be which film was more polarizing. —Derek

poll place How We Voted We polled Dubbs contributors and got the groups Oscar selections.

Here are the results.

Leading Actor: Jeff Bridges Supporting Actor: Christopher Waltz Leading Actress: Sandra Bullock Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique Animated Feature: Up Art Direction: Avatar (with one write in vote for Anthony)

Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon Makeup: Star Trek Original Score: Up/Avatar (our only tie) Original Song: The Weary Kind Animated Short: Logorama Live Action Short: The Door

Cinematography: Avatar

Sound Editing: Avatar

Costume Design: The Young Victoria

Sound Mixing: Avatar

Directing: The Hurt Locker Documentary Feature: Food, Inc.

Effects: Avatar (almost unanimous. Chris, what were you thinking?)

Adapted Screenplay: Precious

Documentary Short: The Last Truck

Original Screenplay: Inglorious Basterds

Film Editing: Avatar

Best Picture: Avatar

What should you be watching? Temple Grandin on HBO. For more reviews, go online now. madelinestrum.com/adw

Oscar race

When I heard the Academy planned to change the Best Picture category from five films to ten, I didn’t think much of it. Then LV said they were going to a Heisman Trophy style of voting. What? Didn’t Tim Tebow not win the Heisman because of that system? So not only could the best picture not win Best Picure, but the movie with the most first place votes could also not win Best Picture? To help me sort it all out, I asked my favorite movie critic, my brother, what this new system means to the Oscars.

One year after Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” shattered box office records only to be snubbed in the Best Picture race, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences expanded the number of nominees to 10. Keeping in mind the last year there were

Of course, even with twice the nominees, this year’s Best Picture has come down to what it usually does: two films with one playing the role of front-running Goliath to another’s late-charging David.

Behind-the-scenes badmouthing is fairly common around voting time, but the Academy went fairly

...this year’s Best Picture has come down to what it usually does: two films with one playing the role of front-running Goliath to another’s late-charging David that many nominees was when Casablanca took the top prize in 1944, the Academy nominated . . . . The Blind Side.

balls out this year in actually rescinding the invitation of Nicolas Chartier, a producer for The Hurt Locker (this year’s

David), for comments he made in private e-mails asking friends to rank Avatar tenth to hurt its chances. The Academy claimed Chartier “violated campaigning standards,” but it might have just been easier to point out the futility of Chartier’s strategy since he—and probably many others— obviously don’t understand how the new voting works.

Whereas voters simply used to check off their favorite of the five nominees, the movie with the most votes won. The flaw with that system was that theoretically a film with support from just 21 percent of the Academy could win even if the

other 79 hated it.

This year, the Academy has gone to preference voting, which asks voters to rank the 10 nominated films. The process works such that the ballots are sorted into piles according to first-place votes. If one film has more than 50 percent of the votes, then the counting is over.

If not, then the film with the least number of first-place votes is eliminated and its votes are redistributed to whichever pile it had ranked next. This continues until one film has exceeded the 50 percent majority. In other words, if those voters Chartier e-mailed ranked Hurt Locker first, it wouldn’t matter what they ranked after that. Those votes would only count if Hurt Locker was eliminated from counting.

The David-Goliath comparison rings a little truer this year as Avatar would be the biggestgrossing film to win Best Picture while Hurt Locker would be the lowest. Still, the determining factor in this year’s Best Picture race is actually going to be which film was more polarizing. —Derek

poll place How We Voted We polled Dubbs contributors and got the groups Oscar selections.

Here are the results.

Leading Actor: Jeff Bridges Supporting Actor: Christopher Waltz Leading Actress: Sandra Bullock Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique Animated Feature: Up Art Direction: Avatar (with one write in vote for Anthony)

Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon Makeup: Star Trek Original Score: Up/Avatar (our only tie) Original Song: The Weary Kind Animated Short: Logorama Live Action Short: The Door

Cinematography: Avatar

Sound Editing: Avatar

Costume Design: The Young Victoria

Sound Mixing: Avatar

Directing: The Hurt Locker Documentary Feature: Food, Inc.

Effects: Avatar (almost unanimous. Chris, what were you thinking?)

Adapted Screenplay: Precious

Documentary Short: The Last Truck

Original Screenplay: Inglorious Basterds

Film Editing: Avatar

Best Picture: Avatar

What should you be watching? Temple Grandin on HBO. For more reviews, go online now. madelinestrum.com/adw

HOt MaYOr alert!

After a trip to the other Coast, Amy gives us the scoop on who woud get her vote.

Sam Adams, “Silver Fox,” 47, Portland The first openly gay mayor of a Top 30 U.S. city. He’s been rocked with scandal from an in-office sexual relationship with a teenager. Still, a silver fox.

tOp pOsters

p p a tHe

Adrian Fenty, “Bald and Beautiful,” 40, D.C. This tall drink of multi-cultural water (he’s Afro-Panamian and Italian-American) likes to wears black fedoras and runs triathalons.

Also smart and passionate.

Honorable Mention: Sarah Palin. Lest we forget, she was once mayor of Wasilla. And those who want to have sex with their teachers often find her hot.* *independent study, 2009 Not Hot: Jersey City mayor Jeremiah Healey was found passed out naked on his front porch after one too many drinks... while he was mayor. And he was re-elected this year.

Precious The lack of detail in the characters face let you know about the film’s journey of discovery for the lead character.

OF

K e e w

reel FaVes

Carmen Gronquist, “Mayoral Pinup,” 44, Arlington, Oregon The mayor of a town with a population of 524, she had to step down in 2008 due to racy pics of herself that she posted on MySpace. But, LOOK AT THOSE ABS! I’d post pics of myself too if I were her.

Gavin Newsom, “Mayor Hottie,” 43, San Francisco I saw the man in person, from two feet away. He’s young, handsome, has quite a head of hair, and wears Converse.

(They’re just like us!) Briefly dated Sofia Milos from CSI Miami.

Now married to another actress (but that’s never stopped him— his first marriage broke up after an affair with a staffer).

I love movie posters. Here are my pics for the three best designs from 2009.

This Sunday marks the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. I’m generally really excited for the awards. Generally. This year marks a slight change.

Mayors Newsom and Adams might be interested in this: an app that automatically deletes your texts. Do you feel entitled to fool around? Was your latest fling born in the ‘90s and incapable of communicating outside of texts? Never fear.

Tiger Text is here! It will automatically delete both sides of the text-versation. No cyber trail. Although, to be sure you still pay for those 4,000 texts, the phone company will not allow a third party to delete all the evidence. What do your voters think, Mr. Mayor? The majority says that’s terrible.

In years past, my wife and I would try to watch as many of the nominated films as possible.

This year, that wasn’t the case.

My wife gave birth in September, which means we didn’t get a chance to embrace Oscar season as we have in seasons past.

Where I used to be able to make educated picks (having seen most of the films), this year is an absolute guessing game. The only movies I saw which were nominated for anything were Up, Star Trek and The Princess and The Frog.

Of course that doesn’t mean I didn’t fill out an Oscar ballot or decide against writing about my favorite movies of the year. Up was hands down the best film I saw in 2009. It had what I believe to be the best 4 minutes in any film of the year if not all-time. That opening is full of more happiness, loss and heartache than most films express in 120 minutes. Simply brilliant.

While Up was the best, my favorite movie of the year had to be The Watchmen. While not a movie for everyone, it was a perfect adaptation for this comic-obsessed fan. I even liked the change to the ending. It worked, and I loved it.

Up In The Air Another poster where we don’t see the lead character’s face, because he’s still trying to figure out who he is... Seems to be a theme.

The Girlfriend Experience Steven Soderbergh’s little-seen film on the adult escort scene.

The dot pattern obscures the lead character’s face enough to create an air of mystery around her. Similar to the air of mystery around the GFE itself.

You get the experience without ever learning anything about the person you are with.

MINI BOard plaNet New YOrK

d

r a e rH

t r Na

OVe

I

“First we make the babies, then we get married” -Anthony

GettING BUZZed Rich sent in this CGI of what a real Buzz Lightyear might look like.

Would a realistic-looking Woody look like the Marlboro Man?

trOOpaBIlItY verb |troôp e’bilité|

willing to traverse the elements or other great obstacles to reach a desired destination “Anthony’s mom showed great troopability in braving the severe snowstorm to have lunch with her son”

welcOMe tO tHe 21st ceNtUrY I visited my boyfriend’s family in Montrose, CO, last weekend and spent the majority of the time playing Wii with his cousins. I realize I’m behind the curve here, but did you know this gaming system lets you make your own virtual friends and color with them via online coloring books? Call me old fashioned, but what ever happened to human beings and a box of Crayola? I’m just saying...

“Is that the new Rich talking? The old Rich would have said I have to go home and feed my plants” -Jessica

“We had a service call on the moon” -Rich

“What episode of Lost did she see” -Luis

“It stimulates and penetrates every orifice of the human body” -Jason

“I’m gonna throw feces if he comes by again” -Luis

“Did you teach him your moves” -Meghan

“Never fight, share” -Anthony

e r Faell w My original plan was to write a good-bye poem in Jason-isms, a binnshot haiku if you will.

Unfortunately, I am not as talented, so I think I will leave those pearls of wisdom up to Jason. However, I still wanted to write a goodbye message to all.

I remember the excitement on my very first day at Niche back in July 2008. After meeting a few of you who said “good luck with that” when I said I was working on “Flash,” my excitement slowly turned into the thought of What did I get myself into. However, I learned to love “Flash” and all its craziness. Over this past year and a half, I have taken on much more than just “Flash,” and have learned so much. It has been a great year and a half, but it’s just time for me to move on.

One thing you have to say about Niche is that there is never

a dull moment. Whether it’s a spontaneous wedding or wearing sunglasses at work because the Fact department has put up so many Christmas tree lights that your corneas start to burn or, my favorite, that time we didn’t have any email for two days, making it quite the challenge to receive photos. These are all the crazy little things I will miss. Below I made a list of my all time favorites moments from Niche.

to figure it out combined. Really, what’s with everyone in Aspen teaching their dogs to ski and naming them all Bingo?

Craziest day: Olga announced she was getting married at lunchtime and Karina announced she was leaving at lunchtime.

I have really enjoyed working with you all and will you miss you dearly. Please keep in touch and if you ever find yourself in Australia, look me up! Below is my personal email address. I don’t Tweet, however I may start a blog once I move.

Strangest problem I had to solve: Trying to figure out which skiing dog named Bingo in Aspen used to pick little Susie up from school every day. Believe it or not, there were several, and it took Marina, Lauren, the historical society lady and I about 3 hours

Favorite day: Halloween! It was always exciting to come in and see who actually was willing to dress up and who was not. Plus there was always lots of candy around!

Favorite out-of-the-officework-event: Ludachristmas!

Xoxo, Catherine CatherineAGargan@gmail.com

perIls OF MUltItasKING From: Elizabeth Hazard <ElizabethH@nichemediallc.com> To: <aquartuccio@keatingco.com> Subject: Watch Image for Vegas Magazine Hi. We are running the Parmigiani Bugatti Atlante Chronograph in our upcoming issue of Vegas Magazine and we would love to include an image of the watch, but the current image we have is slightly skewed and wont work as is with our layout. I’ve attached an image here of how we’d like to show all of the watches--would you be able to send us a photo like this for the watch with the face straightforward and centered to the page? Thanks so much! Liz <<The picture she attached

tHe saN FraNcIscO treat

adw

ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 44 VOL. 2

Five days. It’s a full workweek, but for a vacation it’s barely enough time to “get away.” But when you can spend those five days in the friendly confines of someone else’s charming home, it changes the vibe of the trip. Coming home at night to an actual neighborhood instead of a tourist trap, you start to perceive yourself as part of the fabric of your destination; you’re forced to learn about how to really get around the city, and thus feel entitled to act like a local; you may visit all the typical places, but somehow it seems less of an obligation and more of an indulgence. Home exchanges are my new favorite thing.

—Tom

REEL FAVES OSCAR PICKS FAREWELL HOT MAYORS PLUS: APP OF THE WEEK POSTER PICKS MULTI-TASKING

Cook Once, Eat Thrice Beef. It’s what’s for dinner three times if you play your cards right. So there you are in the meat department, thinking, What am I gonna do with eight pounds of beef? I think it can be hard to make use two pounds. Especially when it’s just you. But you can adapt the following three recipes to feed one or ten if you start with the right size roast. I believe the one in the picture is three pounds for two people.

Pot Roast

Steak Tostadas

Fren ch Dip Sandwiches

Pot Roast

Leftover pot roast, shredded

Butter or Margarine

Onions, quartered

Taco seasoning

Onion, sliced

Garlic cloves, whole

Tostada shells

Garlic clove, minced

Potatoes, cut in chunks

Shredded cheese

Beef Broth

Carrots, cut in chunks

Tomatoes, chopped

Thyme

Salt and Pepper

Lettuce, shredded

Pepper

ADW

art department weekly issue 45 vol. 2

Leftover pot roast, sliced Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Get a Dutch Oven or roasting pan with lid. Arrange onions, garlic, potatoes, and carrots as a bed of deliciousness. Place pot roast on top. I place mine fat side down. Cookbooks will tell you fat side up. Whichever...

Generously sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Roast in oven for 1 ½ hours.

(Check your actual cut of meat against a real roasting chart.)

Turn off the oven and let the meat cook internally for 30 minutes. I also give it extra time to be sure all the juices are released for the benefit of the vegetables around the meat.

(Or maybe just for my own benefit of not having to scrape the vegetables off the bottom.)

Slice and serve.

Buy a packet of taco or fajita mix for a dollar. Heat ½ cup of water (or whatever the packet calls for) in a skillet. Add seasoning. Add part of your leftover pot roast—as much as you want to turn into tostadas.

Heat thoroughly.

Arrange beef and toppings on tostadas shells. I like to put the cheese on the shells and pop them in the microwave for less than 30 seconds. But I like melted cheese.

French-style Rolls In a saucepan, cook onion and garlic in hot butter until tender.

Stir in broth, thyme, and pepper. Bring to a boil.

Simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes.

Add leftover beef. Reduce heat.

Simmer, uncovered, about 5 minutes or until beef is heated through. (Depending on how frozen or dried out your leftovers are, you may want them to simmer for closer to 15 minutes.)

Toast rolls. Remove beef and onions from liquid. Arrange on rolls. Serve with dishes of broth mixture for dipping.

bacon explosion sausage city the castle vicky’s pizza PLus: restaurant weak the best deal do the stew

Mini boArD

broCColi Forests ArD

e h r oVe

t r nA

in YoUr Crib, no one CAn heAr YoU sCreAM

A e W

i

“Is it Picture Day in the Art Department” -Jessica

“I could drink Jameson at home and avoid the d-bags” -rich

“The first thing she said was `My God she’s got small feet’” -meghan

FACt hAs to eAt

“You mean you have a ruler and you still can’t draw a straight line” -luis

“Your clothes are really tight” -Jessica

ice cream. skippy. thursday. 4 p.m. —Rich

and people think Meg has it rough... there’s no way that baby is a fan of Alien yet. and, come on, that little girl is nuts if she doesn’t think her Voltron costume is kick-ass.

neUtrAFACe if you haven’t seen it, “hilarious and worth multiple viewings.”

—Jen

“No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody.

Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist” -nicole

“Criticism without advice is just noise” -luis

“Don’t lie, you guys went to the nudie bar, right?”

-Jeff

U A t s e r Ant r k

Judy robinson-cox’s lilliputian landscape series—small figurines photographed in vegetable and fruit settings—does what all small children are told not to do: play with food. a friend gave the rockport artist a miniature pig (she doesn’t eat meat), and so began the quest for small vegetarian scenarios—pea broth divers, broccoli-forest hikers, sushi sunbathers. her latest, “naughty Boy,” shows a small boy, waving a bikini top, being chased by a topless girl through olive oil surf on blue Fiesta ware with a wheat bulgar and legume beach. square circle gallery, 11 dock sq., rockport, judy.robinson-cox.com —Liz

We got the scoop!

once again, the dubbs hits print on a story before a larger media outlet could. this time we told everyone rob roy is the best cocktail (issue 39, page 7) before Esquire said so (march 2010, page 56).

kobAYAshi in Winter history went down (one man’s throat) at Fulton Ferry landing last Friday, as champion eater takeru kobayashi attempted to break the world record in meatball eating. how many meatballs can one human eat in one minute? until then, the answer had been 26. kobayashi proceeded to eat 29 meatballs in 1 minute. true, the meatballs were tiny, but i’d have a hard time eating 29 of anything in under a minute. watch the video of the impressive feat on gothamist.com.

as the city’s too-expensive restaurants continue to struggle, thrifty souls (or, if you prefer, cheapskates) got to enjoy $35 3-course prix-Fixe restaurant week menus for about a month in February. i was pretty excited after getting reservations for dinner at le cirque, one of the more expensive, fancier French restaurants in the city. (it was named one of the top 40 restaurants in the us in 2008.) our six o’clock table for two, which was the only reservation available within a four-hour window when i made it, wound up being a small table in a drafty corner of a nearly empty, poorly lit dining room. our butter was frozen and our sodas ($6) were flat. my appetizer, shrimp ravioli with chorizo, zucchini, and red pepper, consisted of two ravioli, each around the size of a quarter. i’d never had bouillabaisse before, so i figured there was no better place to try it, but, again, i was disappointed when my plate contained three each of the really delicious clams and mussels and a too-tiny square of monkfish. i’ve had many positive experiences with restaurant week in the past, but sometimes, i guess, it’s worth it to forego the deal and pay big-boy prices every once in a while. For now, though, i’m sticking with subway.

—John

Do e h t W ste

“how i spend my snowed-in-nights on Crescent Ave. in Queens!”

—Vicky

t s e b l in DeA CitY the

sAUsAGe CitY

i love food. Food of all kinds.

From the juiciest steak at peter luger’s to the Baconzilla at checkers. i love and appreciate it all.

preheat oven to 450. separate the dough into 2 balls. i chose to buy the dough from my local astoria pizzeria and focused all my attention on the fresh, delicious toppings. toppinGs one 14-ounce can peeled crushed san marzano tomatoes, drained 1/4 cup high-quality extra-virgin olive oil coarse sea salt and freshly ground pepper 1 pound Fresh buffalo mozzarella, thinly sliced sliced mushrooms large basil leaves, torn into pieces

knead dough until thin, tossing up and flipping occasionally. this helps thin out the dough without over-working it with your hands. remember to keep your surface floured to prevent sticking. place on pizza stone/tray. top with crushed tomatoes, leaving a 1-inch border. top with mozzarella, drizzle with one tablespoon olive oil, sprinkle salt and pepper.

Bake for about 8 minutes. once out of the oven, generously top with chopped basil and let sit for 3 minutes. serve and enjoy!

i made some hungarian beef stew last weekend which came out great. Basically like most stews, you just throw all the ingredients into a dutch oven and bake it for 2-3 hours. what makes this recipe different is that you don’t brown the meat before you add it to the stew. this allows the water to seep out and help create the broth. also, add a teaspoon of white vinegar to the stew right before you serve, it brings out the flavor.

—Rich

one of my new favorite places in new york is dogmatic: gourmet sausage system. dogmatic is located on 17th street between union square and 5th and offers some of the tastiest sausage i’ve ever had. dogmatic sausages are all handmade, all-natural, contan no hormones, antibiotics, nitrates, artificial flavors or colors and are naturally low in fat. each sausage is placed in artisan bread made on special spikes to keep them hot in the center (genius). you can also get a selection of sauces to add to your sausage. i personally recommend the pork sausage with truffle gruyere sauce. also of note is the fact that all the meat is grass-fed and free range from violet hill farms. on top of that, it is all extremely affordable at $4.50 per sausage. while my sausage outings have generally consisted of the

german sausage hallo Berlin street cart (which i also love) over on 54th and 5th, dogmatic is a nice and different type of sausage. dogmatic will become a regular treat for me.

also on the subject of sausages, rich recently brought in some cheeseburger sausage that he purchased from his butcher in Brooklyn. while i was skeptical at first, the taste was simply sublime. rich will have a review (as well as their location) in next week’s issue of the dubbs.

Please visit ADW online to read my review of the Matt Damon flick Green Zone. It’s a cool (but fictionalized) account of one soldier’s journey to uncover the truth about the searh for WMDs in Iraq.

Paul Greengrass directs in his typical Bourne-esque documentary style.

i recently rediscovered the egg roll. not some fancy type of p.F. chang egg roll, but a down and dirty, slathered in duck sauce, bought from your corner chinese take out spot egg roll. the best part about it. it was $1.25. yeah, you heard me right, $1.25. i mean think about it. a pack of orbitz gum will run you $1.50 nowadays. a corner dirty water dog $2.00. even a slice of pizza runs you close to 3 bucks. so trust me, next time you’re hungry and reach into your wallet and realize you only have a few dollars, run out to your local chinese joint and order yourself an egg roll. you’ll love it.

Ingredients

Total nutrition:

Per Serving:

Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon

Serves: 15

Cal: 252

Rub – pepper, chili powder, brown sugar, salt, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder

Calories: 3780

Total Fat: 22.5 g

Total Fat: 338 g

Sat. Fat: 8 g

Sat. Fat: 120 g

Sodium: 656 mg

Heffy’s barbecue sauce Italian Sausage

Sodium: 9840 mg

bacon explosion Few things in this world are as simple and savory as a good strip of bacon. My philosophy is ‘nothing is better in moderation.’

Take as much of the good life as you can when it presents itself.

With that in mind, I served my own Bacon Explosion a few weeks back for the Super Bowl. What could be better than an amalgam of bacon, sausage, barbecue sauce and some more bacon? Besides, it rounded out the meal of chili, jalapeno cornbread, 4-cheese mac & cheese, beer, wine, and moonshine. What follows may

scare you (it probably should), and if you follow in my footsteps, it might not turn out quite as well, but remember, greatness courts failure. It is worth the shot.

I used Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon. The thickness allows my weave to really keep its shape and hold in the flavor, and the flavor can’t be beat. It’s basically bacon, surrounded by Italian sausage, and then encased in bacon again. I use fresh Italian sausage. The sweet kind works better than the hot variety, but it’s really a matter of preference. Nothing but savory

pork, some barbecue rub and some sauce.

This is a dish that is actually constructed from the outside in.

The first and most important part of the creation is “The Weave.” The weave is a 6x6 mat of the bacon. The tighter you weave, the better.

Next I apply a healthy dose of my own barbecue rub to the weave. I make my rub from fine pepper, chili powder, salt, brown sugar, garlic powder and some onion powder. There are plenty of good rubs available in stores, and

this is a pretty basic one, but it works well here.

After the rub has been laid down, you’ll create a mat of Italian sausage. I lay out about 2 pounds, which makes about a 1 inch thick layer on top of my weave.

Finally, you actually have to do some light cooking, frying up another pound of bacon (12 strips of the Berkshire extra thick). Crisp it up good, then crinkle it over the top of your sausage. You’ll probably have more than you need, so it never hurts to grab a few tastes of this delicious crispy

bacon hot off the stove. I’m not sure how you could cook up this much bacon without a bite.

Apply an ample amount of barbecue sauce to this giant mound of pork. A third of a bottle should do. Now comes the trickiest part of the deal: You need to carefully roll it up into a log without spilling out all the inner goodness.

I usually cover mine and let it sit for a while in the fridge to marinate until it’s time to cook this beautiful pork loaf. Purists will smoke this for 8 hours, letting it gather all the

character from the wood smoker, but that isn’t an option in Downtown Manhattan. I roast mine, 300 degrees for 3 ½ hours.

You can stick a thermometer in it to make sure that the internal temp is at least 160. Once it is, you can keep it cooking longer to let the flavors mix even more or pull it out and serve. One final thing to consider: Use a deep pot. This beauty will render a ton of fat. I poured the fat from mine into a washed out tomato can and am saving to make some baconaise.

—Dave

Ingredients

Total nutrition:

Per Serving:

Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon

Serves: 15

Cal: 252

Rub – pepper, chili powder, brown sugar, salt, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder

Calories: 3780

Total Fat: 22.5 g

Total Fat: 338 g

Sat. Fat: 8 g

Sat. Fat: 120 g

Sodium: 656 mg

Heffy’s barbecue sauce Italian Sausage

Sodium: 9840 mg

bacon explosion Few things in this world are as simple and savory as a good strip of bacon. My philosophy is ‘nothing is better in moderation.’

Take as much of the good life as you can when it presents itself.

With that in mind, I served my own Bacon Explosion a few weeks back for the Super Bowl. What could be better than an amalgam of bacon, sausage, barbecue sauce and some more bacon? Besides, it rounded out the meal of chili, jalapeno cornbread, 4-cheese mac & cheese, beer, wine, and moonshine. What follows may

scare you (it probably should), and if you follow in my footsteps, it might not turn out quite as well, but remember, greatness courts failure. It is worth the shot.

I used Berkshire extra-thick cut bacon. The thickness allows my weave to really keep its shape and hold in the flavor, and the flavor can’t be beat. It’s basically bacon, surrounded by Italian sausage, and then encased in bacon again. I use fresh Italian sausage. The sweet kind works better than the hot variety, but it’s really a matter of preference. Nothing but savory

pork, some barbecue rub and some sauce.

This is a dish that is actually constructed from the outside in.

The first and most important part of the creation is “The Weave.” The weave is a 6x6 mat of the bacon. The tighter you weave, the better.

Next I apply a healthy dose of my own barbecue rub to the weave. I make my rub from fine pepper, chili powder, salt, brown sugar, garlic powder and some onion powder. There are plenty of good rubs available in stores, and

this is a pretty basic one, but it works well here.

After the rub has been laid down, you’ll create a mat of Italian sausage. I lay out about 2 pounds, which makes about a 1 inch thick layer on top of my weave.

Finally, you actually have to do some light cooking, frying up another pound of bacon (12 strips of the Berkshire extra thick). Crisp it up good, then crinkle it over the top of your sausage. You’ll probably have more than you need, so it never hurts to grab a few tastes of this delicious crispy

bacon hot off the stove. I’m not sure how you could cook up this much bacon without a bite.

Apply an ample amount of barbecue sauce to this giant mound of pork. A third of a bottle should do. Now comes the trickiest part of the deal: You need to carefully roll it up into a log without spilling out all the inner goodness.

I usually cover mine and let it sit for a while in the fridge to marinate until it’s time to cook this beautiful pork loaf. Purists will smoke this for 8 hours, letting it gather all the

character from the wood smoker, but that isn’t an option in Downtown Manhattan. I roast mine, 300 degrees for 3 ½ hours.

You can stick a thermometer in it to make sure that the internal temp is at least 160. Once it is, you can keep it cooking longer to let the flavors mix even more or pull it out and serve. One final thing to consider: Use a deep pot. This beauty will render a ton of fat. I poured the fat from mine into a washed out tomato can and am saving to make some baconaise.

—Dave

Mini boArD

broCColi Forests ArD

e h r oVe

t r nA

in YoUr Crib, no one CAn heAr YoU sCreAM

A e W

i

“Is it Picture Day in the Art Department” -Jessica

“I could drink Jameson at home and avoid the d-bags” -rich

“The first thing she said was `My God she’s got small feet’” -meghan

FACt hAs to eAt

“You mean you have a ruler and you still can’t draw a straight line” -luis

“Your clothes are really tight” -Jessica

ice cream. skippy. thursday. 4 p.m. —Rich

and people think Meg has it rough... there’s no way that baby is a fan of Alien yet. and, come on, that little girl is nuts if she doesn’t think her Voltron costume is kick-ass.

neUtrAFACe if you haven’t seen it, “hilarious and worth multiple viewings.”

—Jen

“No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody.

Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist” -nicole

“Criticism without advice is just noise” -luis

“Don’t lie, you guys went to the nudie bar, right?”

-Jeff

U A t s e r Ant r k

Judy robinson-cox’s lilliputian landscape series—small figurines photographed in vegetable and fruit settings—does what all small children are told not to do: play with food. a friend gave the rockport artist a miniature pig (she doesn’t eat meat), and so began the quest for small vegetarian scenarios—pea broth divers, broccoli-forest hikers, sushi sunbathers. her latest, “naughty Boy,” shows a small boy, waving a bikini top, being chased by a topless girl through olive oil surf on blue Fiesta ware with a wheat bulgar and legume beach. square circle gallery, 11 dock sq., rockport, judy.robinson-cox.com —Liz

We got the scoop!

once again, the dubbs hits print on a story before a larger media outlet could. this time we told everyone rob roy is the best cocktail (issue 39, page 7) before Esquire said so (march 2010, page 56).

kobAYAshi in Winter history went down (one man’s throat) at Fulton Ferry landing last Friday, as champion eater takeru kobayashi attempted to break the world record in meatball eating. how many meatballs can one human eat in one minute? until then, the answer had been 26. kobayashi proceeded to eat 29 meatballs in 1 minute. true, the meatballs were tiny, but i’d have a hard time eating 29 of anything in under a minute. watch the video of the impressive feat on gothamist.com.

as the city’s too-expensive restaurants continue to struggle, thrifty souls (or, if you prefer, cheapskates) got to enjoy $35 3-course prix-Fixe restaurant week menus for about a month in February. i was pretty excited after getting reservations for dinner at le cirque, one of the more expensive, fancier French restaurants in the city. (it was named one of the top 40 restaurants in the us in 2008.) our six o’clock table for two, which was the only reservation available within a four-hour window when i made it, wound up being a small table in a drafty corner of a nearly empty, poorly lit dining room. our butter was frozen and our sodas ($6) were flat. my appetizer, shrimp ravioli with chorizo, zucchini, and red pepper, consisted of two ravioli, each around the size of a quarter. i’d never had bouillabaisse before, so i figured there was no better place to try it, but, again, i was disappointed when my plate contained three each of the really delicious clams and mussels and a too-tiny square of monkfish. i’ve had many positive experiences with restaurant week in the past, but sometimes, i guess, it’s worth it to forego the deal and pay big-boy prices every once in a while. For now, though, i’m sticking with subway.

—John

Do e h t W ste

“how i spend my snowed-in-nights on Crescent Ave. in Queens!”

—Vicky

t s e b l in DeA CitY the

sAUsAGe CitY

i love food. Food of all kinds.

From the juiciest steak at peter luger’s to the Baconzilla at checkers. i love and appreciate it all.

preheat oven to 450. separate the dough into 2 balls. i chose to buy the dough from my local astoria pizzeria and focused all my attention on the fresh, delicious toppings. toppinGs one 14-ounce can peeled crushed san marzano tomatoes, drained 1/4 cup high-quality extra-virgin olive oil coarse sea salt and freshly ground pepper 1 pound Fresh buffalo mozzarella, thinly sliced sliced mushrooms large basil leaves, torn into pieces

knead dough until thin, tossing up and flipping occasionally. this helps thin out the dough without over-working it with your hands. remember to keep your surface floured to prevent sticking. place on pizza stone/tray. top with crushed tomatoes, leaving a 1-inch border. top with mozzarella, drizzle with one tablespoon olive oil, sprinkle salt and pepper.

Bake for about 8 minutes. once out of the oven, generously top with chopped basil and let sit for 3 minutes. serve and enjoy!

i made some hungarian beef stew last weekend which came out great. Basically like most stews, you just throw all the ingredients into a dutch oven and bake it for 2-3 hours. what makes this recipe different is that you don’t brown the meat before you add it to the stew. this allows the water to seep out and help create the broth. also, add a teaspoon of white vinegar to the stew right before you serve, it brings out the flavor.

—Rich

one of my new favorite places in new york is dogmatic: gourmet sausage system. dogmatic is located on 17th street between union square and 5th and offers some of the tastiest sausage i’ve ever had. dogmatic sausages are all handmade, all-natural, contan no hormones, antibiotics, nitrates, artificial flavors or colors and are naturally low in fat. each sausage is placed in artisan bread made on special spikes to keep them hot in the center (genius). you can also get a selection of sauces to add to your sausage. i personally recommend the pork sausage with truffle gruyere sauce. also of note is the fact that all the meat is grass-fed and free range from violet hill farms. on top of that, it is all extremely affordable at $4.50 per sausage. while my sausage outings have generally consisted of the

german sausage hallo Berlin street cart (which i also love) over on 54th and 5th, dogmatic is a nice and different type of sausage. dogmatic will become a regular treat for me.

also on the subject of sausages, rich recently brought in some cheeseburger sausage that he purchased from his butcher in Brooklyn. while i was skeptical at first, the taste was simply sublime. rich will have a review (as well as their location) in next week’s issue of the dubbs.

Please visit ADW online to read my review of the Matt Damon flick Green Zone. It’s a cool (but fictionalized) account of one soldier’s journey to uncover the truth about the searh for WMDs in Iraq.

Paul Greengrass directs in his typical Bourne-esque documentary style.

i recently rediscovered the egg roll. not some fancy type of p.F. chang egg roll, but a down and dirty, slathered in duck sauce, bought from your corner chinese take out spot egg roll. the best part about it. it was $1.25. yeah, you heard me right, $1.25. i mean think about it. a pack of orbitz gum will run you $1.50 nowadays. a corner dirty water dog $2.00. even a slice of pizza runs you close to 3 bucks. so trust me, next time you’re hungry and reach into your wallet and realize you only have a few dollars, run out to your local chinese joint and order yourself an egg roll. you’ll love it.

Cook Once, Eat Thrice Beef. It’s what’s for dinner three times if you play your cards right. So there you are in the meat department, thinking, What am I gonna do with eight pounds of beef? I think it can be hard to make use two pounds. Especially when it’s just you. But you can adapt the following three recipes to feed one or ten if you start with the right size roast. I believe the one in the picture is three pounds for two people.

Pot Roast

Steak Tostadas

Fren ch Dip Sandwiches

Pot Roast

Leftover pot roast, shredded

Butter or Margarine

Onions, quartered

Taco seasoning

Onion, sliced

Garlic cloves, whole

Tostada shells

Garlic clove, minced

Potatoes, cut in chunks

Shredded cheese

Beef Broth

Carrots, cut in chunks

Tomatoes, chopped

Thyme

Salt and Pepper

Lettuce, shredded

Pepper

ADW

art department weekly issue 45 vol. 2

Leftover pot roast, sliced Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Get a Dutch Oven or roasting pan with lid. Arrange onions, garlic, potatoes, and carrots as a bed of deliciousness. Place pot roast on top. I place mine fat side down. Cookbooks will tell you fat side up. Whichever...

Generously sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Roast in oven for 1 ½ hours.

(Check your actual cut of meat against a real roasting chart.)

Turn off the oven and let the meat cook internally for 30 minutes. I also give it extra time to be sure all the juices are released for the benefit of the vegetables around the meat.

(Or maybe just for my own benefit of not having to scrape the vegetables off the bottom.)

Slice and serve.

Buy a packet of taco or fajita mix for a dollar. Heat ½ cup of water (or whatever the packet calls for) in a skillet. Add seasoning. Add part of your leftover pot roast—as much as you want to turn into tostadas.

Heat thoroughly.

Arrange beef and toppings on tostadas shells. I like to put the cheese on the shells and pop them in the microwave for less than 30 seconds. But I like melted cheese.

French-style Rolls In a saucepan, cook onion and garlic in hot butter until tender.

Stir in broth, thyme, and pepper. Bring to a boil.

Simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes.

Add leftover beef. Reduce heat.

Simmer, uncovered, about 5 minutes or until beef is heated through. (Depending on how frozen or dried out your leftovers are, you may want them to simmer for closer to 15 minutes.)

Toast rolls. Remove beef and onions from liquid. Arrange on rolls. Serve with dishes of broth mixture for dipping.

bacon explosion sausage city the castle vicky’s pizza PLus: restaurant weak the best deal do the stew

ADW

art department weekly issue 46 vol. 2

fire proof reading time book reviews cheesy reading PLus: books we like your novel sucks tanning advice

D EAR

T R NA H

R OVE

AWESOME

I

“It’s like I cracked open the brain of an angel and am eating what’s inside”

CHEESY READING

MINI BOARD

G N I N E N A T VIC Y AD H & BEAUT LT HEA EDITOR

-rich

“Don’t judge me” -Jessica

“I mean, yesterday you said I came to the country through a tunnel” -Fryda

“Yes, he’s perfect” -Jessica

“I was like a racehorse, pissing for hours”

Do you think it comes in a size big enough for sumo?

-anthony

“I walk in on the red carpet or nothing at all”

kal

my reason for waiting being... i do not like to read. i can’t force myself to read; i have to do it on my own. it might take me a year to read a book, but that is ok with me. i tend to read the most during the summer. i find the time i can really get most involved in a book is sitting at the beach by myself. so that summer i opened the book. it was a good book. it taught you about growing, working, loving, and appreciating things in life.

the book has two parts consisting of semester one, which takes you to the beginnings of registering for his classes and not being able to get into them. to registering for classes he really had no interest in taking. he goes from using his naive know-it-all attitude of thinking he is better than the class to opening his eyes and seeing things in a new light. the second part is the second semeste where he gets put into introduction to commercial art and graphic design. winter sorbeck challenges his students and himself perhaps beyond what today’s law allows, but the results are all recorded in indelible ink on their permanent academic records. this is my boring review.

—Jessica

-Fryda

verne

“I started eating sausages when I dated Pete” -Jessica

“The best part was the sexual tension”

lobster Dog this Facebook ad had me wondering, Do they pick these pictures to make you make sure your kid is cuter than the others?

this book was first mentioned to me in my junior year of college. James victore was my professor’s name, and he reccommended the book to the whole class. of course i didn’t read it when he did. i waited. i asked for thebook for christmas and did not read it until the summer.

-anthony kal, standing 2’4”, is now taller than verne Troyer.

“Yeah, that’s my favorite part” -Jessica

U.S. SENATE CANDIDATE ON HOW CAMPAIGN ‘STOLE’ COLUMBUS LOGO by greg wyshynski marc delphine was fond of the logo a volunteer had designed for his campaign for a U.s. senate seat in oregon: a silver star wrapped in a star-spangled banner that his designer told him evoked the letter ‘d’ for branding purposes. it certainly was a memorable symbol. in fact, it was already being used by the nhl’s columbus blue Jackets, as delphine was stunned to discover on wednesday.

Full story: http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/

with spring’s arrival, it’s time to ditch the stockings and show off those sexy legs!

Unfortunately, our legs have been hidden from the sun all winter and may be in desperate need of a subtle sun-kissed glow. Until you can hit the beach (with sunscreen, of course), try these for a tint of bronze.

For a slow, subtle glow that guarantees no streaks (be sure to use the version for pale skin on your winter complexion), try Jergens natural Glow. some people avoid this lotion because of the strong scent, but i have been using it for years and still love it. another benefit...? it’s only about $8! although not yet tested (i will be performing a test run this evening), victoria’s secret has a line of muchtalked about tanning products. their flawless airbrush instant bronze body spray is only $12 and is used on the vs models themselves before runway shows. i also use a bronzing gel on my nose, cheeks, shins and shoulders when i start to sport mini skirts and tank tops. a little glow can go a long way! i use bobbi brown sunless tanning gel, but there are a lot of options out there. be sure to exfoliate before and stay moisturized. and don’t forget to swipe a little bronzer on those cheek bones before leaving the house. happy spring!

—Vicky

R U YOVEL NOCKS SU

BOOK REVIEWS after snagging several books from the giveaway table and the receipt of one self-published novel, luis and madeline created a mini book club. here is the transcript of one recent meeting. luis: i liked three-quarters of the books.

Madeline: you like three-quarters of my mom’s novel?

Madeline: i don’t know. but it was totally the kind of poetry my mom loves. none of it rhymes. to me, it was kind of like someone hit the return key too many times. but i know nothing about poetry.

Madeline: ah.

luis: i just didn’t like the story.

luis: yeah.

Madeline: i like how timely it was.

all my life my mom told me she was a real writer.

Madeline: did you realize we’ve read a lot of books about death and family lately?

luis: timely...

not a writer or a novelist or a screenwrite or a playwright or any other bullshit title you can imagine. no. she was a real writer. a vein would bulge at her temple, her teeth grinding together depending on how maddening the incident that set off her rant.

luis: death?

the sort of things that might spark such a fire? constructive criticism, empty praise, and the phrase “i used to write.” no! you didn’t write. you didn’t write like her! you didn’t spend all day on that one page, unsure what to do with your characters. you didn’t mail query after unanswered query.

luis: i thought it was about a poet who’s in financial ruins.

she made “writing” scary. i was an editor. a professor wrote “you’re a real writer!” on a profile piece of mine. i couldn’t finish the class. i had a complete mental block. i couldn’t even write a movie review. i became a designer. Fuck that. i don’t want to be a “real” writer.

Madeline: no.

meanwhile, my mom, the artist continued to struggle. she got an agent for her movie. she published a novel on lulu. and all of it sucked. really hard. so i blog about it: yournovelsucks.blogspot.com

Madeline: yeah. in The Financial Lives of the Poets, there’s the senile dad, but also he’s worried that he’s going to turn out like that. that his sons will turn out like that. it’s all about the depressing finality of life.

Madeline: it is, but you’re ruining my point that all the books are about death. luis: and Corked. that’s not— Madeline: the whole reason they’re on the trip is because she’s afraid her dad is going to die and she won’t know who he really was. it’s all motivated by death. luis: did i tell you why i like that book?

luis: because i wish i could have had a drink with my dad. and her dad kind of reminded me of mine.

Madeline: really?

(laughter) luis: Awful Miss Nevada? (more laughter) Madeline: that’s why i liked Corked so much—she just completely embraced all the parts of themselves that are unlikeable. and so [the narrator and her dad] became totally likeable. they’re so dysfunctional you aren’t left with some ridiculous hope that they will suddenly be okay. the characters in Offing Miss Nevada are just plain unlikeable. luis: which scene was more awkward: the water fight in the yard or the pool party?

Madeline: i think the one that doesn’t exist. the one where angela decides not to take the dog to the vet. luis: let’s talk about a different book.

Madeline: you like the format of Making Toast, right? luis: it has no chapters.

Madeline: yeah, it’s just a bunch of vignettes. but there’s still a narrative. things keep coming up, like—

Madeline: the way he acts out? luis: yeah.

Madeline: and dealing with it.

(silence)

luis: so people should go online for the real reviews?

Madeline: you didn’t like the story for Financial Lives of the Poets, right? you liked the format more than the story? luis: yeah, i liked how it broke into poetry.

Madeline: the way it did that wasn’t quite what i had pictured when you told me about it.

i read the very first story “to kill a legend,” an alternate earth batman tale where the phantom stranger comes to batman and tells him that his parents will be killed the next evening on an alternate earth. batman decides against robin’s urgings to go to this alternate earth and stop the murder of his parents. absolute brilliance ensues.

Madeline: you know what else is “timely”?

luis: listening to the answering machine message. that was a good book about death.

luis: i mean, they weren’t really alike, but—

Year’s Best Comic Stories: 1981 was the very first comic book my oldest brother ever gave to me. it was spring 1982, and this book changed the course of my life.

luis: oh, i thought it was really good.

luis: no, i like three out of the four books.

luis: i guess.

on another book-related note, pictured below is quite possibly the most important book in my ever-growing comic book collection.

luis: what did you picture?

Madeline: that’s what i’m saying—i don’t know if it was good, but i was entertained.

Madeline: yeah, they’re all dealing with parents’ mortality.

discover it himself when he gets older.

Madeline: yeah. but a week from now.

Corked, kathryn borel, hachette book group, inc. | The Financial Lives of the Poets, Jess walter, harper collins | Making Toast, roger rosenblatt, harper collins | Offing Miss Nevada, carol leonard, lulu

READING TIME we read a lot in casa vega. not only comics and weekly magazines, but lots and lots of books. we make bi-weekly trips to the library where we check out multiple books as well as utilize the wonderful public library online system to request books that our tiny branch doesn’t carry. one of the books i recently checked out was the pulitzer prize winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay written by michael chabon. this is, simply put, the best book i’ve ever read. the story is a great tale of a Jewish family in brooklyn that opens their doors to a cousin whose gone through quite the ordeal to flee nazi-invaded prague. Josef kavalier (the recent immigrant) finds a kindred spirit in his cousin sam klayman (the brooklyn native), and they quickly strike up a lucrative partnership in the burdgeoning comic book scene. love, family, friendship, loss and war all follow in this beautifully written yarn. this is a book for everyone, and hands down the greatest book i’ve ever read. chabon has crafted an absolute masterpiece. i love the book so much that i’ve decided i have to buy a copy and keep it on kal’s shelf so he can

as a child i loved it. every inch of this book. the great stories, the amazing art. it all sealed the deal. i had to be an artist. without this book, lord knows what my career path might have been. as mathematically gifted as i was, this book was the guiding light of my career. this book let me know that a perfect marriage between words and images was truly a work of art. it’s because of this book i am here today. i owe it and my brother so much. it really did help open my eyes to a whole new medium, and a whole new way of expressing myself.

S K BOO

E W E K I L

i walked the floor one more time, and tried to get art to tell me which books they loved as kids, or which books inspired them here where some of their answers.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by shell silverstein. Jessica and Anthony were both huge fans of this book growing up. anthony says “the illustration on the cover was awesome. it really made me want to draw and be an artist”. vicky shouted out that she loved everything amelia bedelia.

Meghan added that Are you there God it’s Me Margaret was her favorite book as a girl. she also said that she was a fan of anything Judy bloom, from Blubber to Super Fudge and Tiger Eyes. she loved them all. fryda then passionately exclaimed that she loved all the Judy books as well, especially Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Anthony chimed in again to say how much he liked Ender’s Game by orson scott card. not really a kid book, but it was a book he loved. then, surprisingly, Anthony and Jessica found more common ground in chip kidd’s The Cheese Monkeys... maybe they should take their common ground on books and build from it. hmm, we’ll see.

A N UETWEEENRS

B COV THE

potential titles For my tell-all autobiography

by Una lamarche

Unabrow: True Tales From a Hirsute Childhood Unamatata: The Tao of LaMarche Hot Piece of Sass Did I Invite You To My Barbecue? No? Then Why You All Up In My Grill?: The Una LaMarche Story

FIRE PROOF early one morning about two years ago, a poorly-placed, unattended candle claimed the lives of many paperbacks i owned. some were salvaged (autographed copy of david sedaris’ Barrel Fever … [phew]), but about two dozen had to go into the trash. many were assigned reading titles from college that i couldn’t really pretend to miss if i tried, but i wrote down the entire list for precisely the reason i found myself in recently, trying to locate a copy of viki Days. that carr’s How to Write a Movie in 21 Days wasn’t on the original list, for the record, so it just means i’m a bonehead and did what i assume most people do when they can’t find such things: i bought a new copy on ebay. but when looking over that list of books i can only describe as “used to own,” these are the five i most want to revisit and —Derek own again.

Men, carl bernstein All the President’s Men and bob woodward wHy i owneD iT i finally purchased it during a downtown chicago shopping spree with a few girls from a country club i’d been working at and shortly after “deep throat” was revealed to be w. mark Felt. i first read it in high school during my initial journalism class, but truly came to appreciate how a late-night story of a break-in at the watergate complex led to the only presidential resignation in history during the long minivan journey to my sister’s wedding that summer. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin it almost feels like the associated press stylebook in the sense that, as a journalism major, it is a title you are expected to have at your fingertips. [ed note: madeline, who own the AP

(SEMI-)RANDOM SAMPLING The Things They Carried Tim o’brien

Dos & Don’ts: 10 Years of vice Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques

Stylebook, feels great shame in lacking this title.] my only point of contention with former new york Times managing editor gene roberts calling it “maybe the single greatest reporting effort of all time” would be the inappropriate use of the word “maybe.”

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, barbara ehrenreich wHy i owneD iT it happened to be on a shelf—possibly during that same chicago shopping spree—at the right time after ehrenreich finished her brief stint as a guest columnist for the new york Times. i burned through it as soon as i got it, nodding and pumping my fist the entire time as ehrenreich attempted to get by while working as a waitress, hotel maid, house cleaner, nursing-home aide, and wal-mart associate. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin current employment woes lead me to believe i’ll be wanting to turn to Nickel and Dimed again for the feeling of a friend who really knows how i feel.

Freaky Deaky, elmore leonard wHy i owneD iT while 1983’s Stick was technically the first leonard title i ever purchased, this 1988 tale revolving mostly around a detroit police sergeant who gets transferred from the bomb squad to sex crimes offered more entertainment per page than anything else of his i read. leonard tosses a number of characters into Freaky Deaky and manages to effectively use every single one. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin leonard told esquire five years ago that he’d written 40 novels and while he didn’t know why, this

every time i pick this up, i find something new that makes me laugh. but you don’t really read this book. you laugh at the captions for a while and then put it down.

Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream, H.G. bissinger wHy i owneD iT not all that required reading for college was so bad. this one was originally assigned for my “history of sports in the United states” class. bizzinger’s compelling examination of odessa, texas, and the permian high school football team at the heart of the city made it perhaps the first assigned book in which i was ahead of the reading schedule. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin despite buzz bissinger’s infamous display of arrogance when confronting former Deadspin editor will leitch, i’m not sure anything better exemplifies what can get lost in the novel-to-film transition than Friday Night Lights. anybody who has seen the movie but never read the book might be astonished to learn of some rather critical elements that were changed for rather questionable reasons.

Love Medicine, louise erdrich another bit of assigned reading, this one for a “First novels” fiction class. i was initially skeptical after hearing more than a few descriptions calling it a “native american novel,” but became quickly mesmerized by the masterful way in which erdrich lets two families worth of characters tell their own stories using individual first-person accounts. wHy i wAn To own iT AGAin a newly revised edition was released last year. wHy i owneD iT

(101 reasons to stop writing is home of national novel writing month, celebrating how hard it is to write something long and have it turn out well.)

TOPICS TO EXPLORE everyone’s life is a story. what would yours be about? here is a selection of possible topics from our contributors: • the crazy uncle • how my mom missed my wedding • the demise of the publishing industry • confessions of a has-been genius

while a quick glimpse at the shelves might make you think we only read fashion magazines and comic books, there are some books there. And perhaps that’s what makes their presence more embarassing—titles such as Self Esteem stand out like a crazy person on the subway. let me explain what a few are doing there...

The Wittgenstein Reader edited by Anthony kenny

suroosh Alvi, Gavin Mcinnes and shane smith the best required reading ever. i bought this for a history class and have read it twice. completely real. completely made up. completely brilliant.

was his favorite. like just about everything else he’s written, it’s being made into a movie, set to be released this year.

The World Split Open: How the Modern Women’s Movement Changed America

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting lynn Grabhorn

ruth rosen

i started reading this again somewhere in my second trimester with kal when i had the intense focus i could have used when i was supposed to read this for philosophy.

i really do intend to finish this book one day. the whole thing wasn’t assigned to us for class, and i had better things to do at the time. but i will come back to it. swear.

ScreamFree (TM) Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool Hal edward runkel, lMfT

a gift from my mom. she bought multiple hardcover copies. we all needed to learn to harness “the astonishing power of feelings.” (what i needed was money.)

my copy has a happy stock art family on the cover. i hate them. no, i hate hal for giving me all the reasons but none of the tools. FUck yoU, hal. your book is crap.

A N UETWEEENRS

B COV THE

potential titles For my tell-all autobiography

by Una lamarche

Unabrow: True Tales From a Hirsute Childhood Unamatata: The Tao of LaMarche Hot Piece of Sass Did I Invite You To My Barbecue? No? Then Why You All Up In My Grill?: The Una LaMarche Story

FIRE PROOF early one morning about two years ago, a poorly-placed, unattended candle claimed the lives of many paperbacks i owned. some were salvaged (autographed copy of david sedaris’ Barrel Fever … [phew]), but about two dozen had to go into the trash. many were assigned reading titles from college that i couldn’t really pretend to miss if i tried, but i wrote down the entire list for precisely the reason i found myself in recently, trying to locate a copy of viki Days. that carr’s How to Write a Movie in 21 Days wasn’t on the original list, for the record, so it just means i’m a bonehead and did what i assume most people do when they can’t find such things: i bought a new copy on ebay. but when looking over that list of books i can only describe as “used to own,” these are the five i most want to revisit and —Derek own again.

Men, carl bernstein All the President’s Men and bob woodward wHy i owneD iT i finally purchased it during a downtown chicago shopping spree with a few girls from a country club i’d been working at and shortly after “deep throat” was revealed to be w. mark Felt. i first read it in high school during my initial journalism class, but truly came to appreciate how a late-night story of a break-in at the watergate complex led to the only presidential resignation in history during the long minivan journey to my sister’s wedding that summer. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin it almost feels like the associated press stylebook in the sense that, as a journalism major, it is a title you are expected to have at your fingertips. [ed note: madeline, who own the AP

(SEMI-)RANDOM SAMPLING The Things They Carried Tim o’brien

Dos & Don’ts: 10 Years of vice Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques

Stylebook, feels great shame in lacking this title.] my only point of contention with former new york Times managing editor gene roberts calling it “maybe the single greatest reporting effort of all time” would be the inappropriate use of the word “maybe.”

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, barbara ehrenreich wHy i owneD iT it happened to be on a shelf—possibly during that same chicago shopping spree—at the right time after ehrenreich finished her brief stint as a guest columnist for the new york Times. i burned through it as soon as i got it, nodding and pumping my fist the entire time as ehrenreich attempted to get by while working as a waitress, hotel maid, house cleaner, nursing-home aide, and wal-mart associate. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin current employment woes lead me to believe i’ll be wanting to turn to Nickel and Dimed again for the feeling of a friend who really knows how i feel.

Freaky Deaky, elmore leonard wHy i owneD iT while 1983’s Stick was technically the first leonard title i ever purchased, this 1988 tale revolving mostly around a detroit police sergeant who gets transferred from the bomb squad to sex crimes offered more entertainment per page than anything else of his i read. leonard tosses a number of characters into Freaky Deaky and manages to effectively use every single one. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin leonard told esquire five years ago that he’d written 40 novels and while he didn’t know why, this

every time i pick this up, i find something new that makes me laugh. but you don’t really read this book. you laugh at the captions for a while and then put it down.

Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream, H.G. bissinger wHy i owneD iT not all that required reading for college was so bad. this one was originally assigned for my “history of sports in the United states” class. bizzinger’s compelling examination of odessa, texas, and the permian high school football team at the heart of the city made it perhaps the first assigned book in which i was ahead of the reading schedule. wHy i wAnT To own iT AGAin despite buzz bissinger’s infamous display of arrogance when confronting former Deadspin editor will leitch, i’m not sure anything better exemplifies what can get lost in the novel-to-film transition than Friday Night Lights. anybody who has seen the movie but never read the book might be astonished to learn of some rather critical elements that were changed for rather questionable reasons.

Love Medicine, louise erdrich another bit of assigned reading, this one for a “First novels” fiction class. i was initially skeptical after hearing more than a few descriptions calling it a “native american novel,” but became quickly mesmerized by the masterful way in which erdrich lets two families worth of characters tell their own stories using individual first-person accounts. wHy i wAn To own iT AGAin a newly revised edition was released last year. wHy i owneD iT

(101 reasons to stop writing is home of national novel writing month, celebrating how hard it is to write something long and have it turn out well.)

TOPICS TO EXPLORE everyone’s life is a story. what would yours be about? here is a selection of possible topics from our contributors: • the crazy uncle • how my mom missed my wedding • the demise of the publishing industry • confessions of a has-been genius

while a quick glimpse at the shelves might make you think we only read fashion magazines and comic books, there are some books there. And perhaps that’s what makes their presence more embarassing—titles such as Self Esteem stand out like a crazy person on the subway. let me explain what a few are doing there...

The Wittgenstein Reader edited by Anthony kenny

suroosh Alvi, Gavin Mcinnes and shane smith the best required reading ever. i bought this for a history class and have read it twice. completely real. completely made up. completely brilliant.

was his favorite. like just about everything else he’s written, it’s being made into a movie, set to be released this year.

The World Split Open: How the Modern Women’s Movement Changed America

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting lynn Grabhorn

ruth rosen

i started reading this again somewhere in my second trimester with kal when i had the intense focus i could have used when i was supposed to read this for philosophy.

i really do intend to finish this book one day. the whole thing wasn’t assigned to us for class, and i had better things to do at the time. but i will come back to it. swear.

ScreamFree (TM) Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool Hal edward runkel, lMfT

a gift from my mom. she bought multiple hardcover copies. we all needed to learn to harness “the astonishing power of feelings.” (what i needed was money.)

my copy has a happy stock art family on the cover. i hate them. no, i hate hal for giving me all the reasons but none of the tools. FUck yoU, hal. your book is crap.

R U YOVEL NOCKS SU

BOOK REVIEWS after snagging several books from the giveaway table and the receipt of one self-published novel, luis and madeline created a mini book club. here is the transcript of one recent meeting. luis: i liked three-quarters of the books.

Madeline: you like three-quarters of my mom’s novel?

Madeline: i don’t know. but it was totally the kind of poetry my mom loves. none of it rhymes. to me, it was kind of like someone hit the return key too many times. but i know nothing about poetry.

Madeline: ah.

luis: i just didn’t like the story.

luis: yeah.

Madeline: i like how timely it was.

all my life my mom told me she was a real writer.

Madeline: did you realize we’ve read a lot of books about death and family lately?

luis: timely...

not a writer or a novelist or a screenwrite or a playwright or any other bullshit title you can imagine. no. she was a real writer. a vein would bulge at her temple, her teeth grinding together depending on how maddening the incident that set off her rant.

luis: death?

the sort of things that might spark such a fire? constructive criticism, empty praise, and the phrase “i used to write.” no! you didn’t write. you didn’t write like her! you didn’t spend all day on that one page, unsure what to do with your characters. you didn’t mail query after unanswered query.

luis: i thought it was about a poet who’s in financial ruins.

she made “writing” scary. i was an editor. a professor wrote “you’re a real writer!” on a profile piece of mine. i couldn’t finish the class. i had a complete mental block. i couldn’t even write a movie review. i became a designer. Fuck that. i don’t want to be a “real” writer.

Madeline: no.

meanwhile, my mom, the artist continued to struggle. she got an agent for her movie. she published a novel on lulu. and all of it sucked. really hard. so i blog about it: yournovelsucks.blogspot.com

Madeline: yeah. in The Financial Lives of the Poets, there’s the senile dad, but also he’s worried that he’s going to turn out like that. that his sons will turn out like that. it’s all about the depressing finality of life.

Madeline: it is, but you’re ruining my point that all the books are about death. luis: and Corked. that’s not— Madeline: the whole reason they’re on the trip is because she’s afraid her dad is going to die and she won’t know who he really was. it’s all motivated by death. luis: did i tell you why i like that book?

luis: because i wish i could have had a drink with my dad. and her dad kind of reminded me of mine.

Madeline: really?

(laughter) luis: Awful Miss Nevada? (more laughter) Madeline: that’s why i liked Corked so much—she just completely embraced all the parts of themselves that are unlikeable. and so [the narrator and her dad] became totally likeable. they’re so dysfunctional you aren’t left with some ridiculous hope that they will suddenly be okay. the characters in Offing Miss Nevada are just plain unlikeable. luis: which scene was more awkward: the water fight in the yard or the pool party?

Madeline: i think the one that doesn’t exist. the one where angela decides not to take the dog to the vet. luis: let’s talk about a different book.

Madeline: you like the format of Making Toast, right? luis: it has no chapters.

Madeline: yeah, it’s just a bunch of vignettes. but there’s still a narrative. things keep coming up, like—

Madeline: the way he acts out? luis: yeah.

Madeline: and dealing with it.

(silence)

luis: so people should go online for the real reviews?

Madeline: you didn’t like the story for Financial Lives of the Poets, right? you liked the format more than the story? luis: yeah, i liked how it broke into poetry.

Madeline: the way it did that wasn’t quite what i had pictured when you told me about it.

i read the very first story “to kill a legend,” an alternate earth batman tale where the phantom stranger comes to batman and tells him that his parents will be killed the next evening on an alternate earth. batman decides against robin’s urgings to go to this alternate earth and stop the murder of his parents. absolute brilliance ensues.

Madeline: you know what else is “timely”?

luis: listening to the answering machine message. that was a good book about death.

luis: i mean, they weren’t really alike, but—

Year’s Best Comic Stories: 1981 was the very first comic book my oldest brother ever gave to me. it was spring 1982, and this book changed the course of my life.

luis: oh, i thought it was really good.

luis: no, i like three out of the four books.

luis: i guess.

on another book-related note, pictured below is quite possibly the most important book in my ever-growing comic book collection.

luis: what did you picture?

Madeline: that’s what i’m saying—i don’t know if it was good, but i was entertained.

Madeline: yeah, they’re all dealing with parents’ mortality.

discover it himself when he gets older.

Madeline: yeah. but a week from now.

Corked, kathryn borel, hachette book group, inc. | The Financial Lives of the Poets, Jess walter, harper collins | Making Toast, roger rosenblatt, harper collins | Offing Miss Nevada, carol leonard, lulu

READING TIME we read a lot in casa vega. not only comics and weekly magazines, but lots and lots of books. we make bi-weekly trips to the library where we check out multiple books as well as utilize the wonderful public library online system to request books that our tiny branch doesn’t carry. one of the books i recently checked out was the pulitzer prize winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay written by michael chabon. this is, simply put, the best book i’ve ever read. the story is a great tale of a Jewish family in brooklyn that opens their doors to a cousin whose gone through quite the ordeal to flee nazi-invaded prague. Josef kavalier (the recent immigrant) finds a kindred spirit in his cousin sam klayman (the brooklyn native), and they quickly strike up a lucrative partnership in the burdgeoning comic book scene. love, family, friendship, loss and war all follow in this beautifully written yarn. this is a book for everyone, and hands down the greatest book i’ve ever read. chabon has crafted an absolute masterpiece. i love the book so much that i’ve decided i have to buy a copy and keep it on kal’s shelf so he can

as a child i loved it. every inch of this book. the great stories, the amazing art. it all sealed the deal. i had to be an artist. without this book, lord knows what my career path might have been. as mathematically gifted as i was, this book was the guiding light of my career. this book let me know that a perfect marriage between words and images was truly a work of art. it’s because of this book i am here today. i owe it and my brother so much. it really did help open my eyes to a whole new medium, and a whole new way of expressing myself.

S K BOO

E W E K I L

i walked the floor one more time, and tried to get art to tell me which books they loved as kids, or which books inspired them here where some of their answers.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by shell silverstein. Jessica and Anthony were both huge fans of this book growing up. anthony says “the illustration on the cover was awesome. it really made me want to draw and be an artist”. vicky shouted out that she loved everything amelia bedelia.

Meghan added that Are you there God it’s Me Margaret was her favorite book as a girl. she also said that she was a fan of anything Judy bloom, from Blubber to Super Fudge and Tiger Eyes. she loved them all. fryda then passionately exclaimed that she loved all the Judy books as well, especially Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Anthony chimed in again to say how much he liked Ender’s Game by orson scott card. not really a kid book, but it was a book he loved. then, surprisingly, Anthony and Jessica found more common ground in chip kidd’s The Cheese Monkeys... maybe they should take their common ground on books and build from it. hmm, we’ll see.

D EAR

T R NA H

R OVE

AWESOME

I

“It’s like I cracked open the brain of an angel and am eating what’s inside”

CHEESY READING

MINI BOARD

G N I N E N A T VIC Y AD H & BEAUT LT HEA EDITOR

-rich

“Don’t judge me” -Jessica

“I mean, yesterday you said I came to the country through a tunnel” -Fryda

“Yes, he’s perfect” -Jessica

“I was like a racehorse, pissing for hours”

Do you think it comes in a size big enough for sumo?

-anthony

“I walk in on the red carpet or nothing at all”

kal

my reason for waiting being... i do not like to read. i can’t force myself to read; i have to do it on my own. it might take me a year to read a book, but that is ok with me. i tend to read the most during the summer. i find the time i can really get most involved in a book is sitting at the beach by myself. so that summer i opened the book. it was a good book. it taught you about growing, working, loving, and appreciating things in life.

the book has two parts consisting of semester one, which takes you to the beginnings of registering for his classes and not being able to get into them. to registering for classes he really had no interest in taking. he goes from using his naive know-it-all attitude of thinking he is better than the class to opening his eyes and seeing things in a new light. the second part is the second semeste where he gets put into introduction to commercial art and graphic design. winter sorbeck challenges his students and himself perhaps beyond what today’s law allows, but the results are all recorded in indelible ink on their permanent academic records. this is my boring review.

—Jessica

-Fryda

verne

“I started eating sausages when I dated Pete” -Jessica

“The best part was the sexual tension”

lobster Dog this Facebook ad had me wondering, Do they pick these pictures to make you make sure your kid is cuter than the others?

this book was first mentioned to me in my junior year of college. James victore was my professor’s name, and he reccommended the book to the whole class. of course i didn’t read it when he did. i waited. i asked for thebook for christmas and did not read it until the summer.

-anthony kal, standing 2’4”, is now taller than verne Troyer.

“Yeah, that’s my favorite part” -Jessica

U.S. SENATE CANDIDATE ON HOW CAMPAIGN ‘STOLE’ COLUMBUS LOGO by greg wyshynski marc delphine was fond of the logo a volunteer had designed for his campaign for a U.s. senate seat in oregon: a silver star wrapped in a star-spangled banner that his designer told him evoked the letter ‘d’ for branding purposes. it certainly was a memorable symbol. in fact, it was already being used by the nhl’s columbus blue Jackets, as delphine was stunned to discover on wednesday.

Full story: http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/

with spring’s arrival, it’s time to ditch the stockings and show off those sexy legs!

Unfortunately, our legs have been hidden from the sun all winter and may be in desperate need of a subtle sun-kissed glow. Until you can hit the beach (with sunscreen, of course), try these for a tint of bronze.

For a slow, subtle glow that guarantees no streaks (be sure to use the version for pale skin on your winter complexion), try Jergens natural Glow. some people avoid this lotion because of the strong scent, but i have been using it for years and still love it. another benefit...? it’s only about $8! although not yet tested (i will be performing a test run this evening), victoria’s secret has a line of muchtalked about tanning products. their flawless airbrush instant bronze body spray is only $12 and is used on the vs models themselves before runway shows. i also use a bronzing gel on my nose, cheeks, shins and shoulders when i start to sport mini skirts and tank tops. a little glow can go a long way! i use bobbi brown sunless tanning gel, but there are a lot of options out there. be sure to exfoliate before and stay moisturized. and don’t forget to swipe a little bronzer on those cheek bones before leaving the house. happy spring!

—Vicky

ADW

art department weekly issue 46 vol. 2

fire proof reading time book reviews cheesy reading PLus: books we like your novel sucks tanning advice

ADW

art department weekly issue 47 vol. 2

Those F*ing Midwesterners Actual field in Missouri cut to create the St. Louis Cardinals logo visible through the satellite view on Google maps. The headline was one of the comments pulled directly from the site. Here are a few more: What a waste of space! The team is looking like crap. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste my time this year...

That is flat out awesome!

Maybe they can rearrange the trash on Staten Island landfill to make a Mets logo. (sarcastically) Once again proving that Cardinals fans are the best in baseball!

baseball timeline play ball hot pants crazy crops PLus: braves preview fantasyland mets talk

mini board

t o H s t n Pa

d

r a e rh

t r na

ove

i

“Jessica, keep the flirting to a minimum” -Anthony

Vicky’s facts

Since the recession began, women have been wearing more neutral makeup., and longer skirts.

dubbs poll

With everyone having fled to the other side of the floor, the Art Department now has a ton of empty space. I sent an email asking everyone what they thought should happen with all this space. Votes came in for an Olga-style DVD library, a badminton court and even a yoga area.

obama has geek cred

The President reaffirms his status as man of the people by making geeks everywhere ecstatic by happily supporting Star Wars.

“Ewww, no, he’s Korean” -Jessica

“You can’t hang out in Anthony’s man cave anymore” -Luis

“Meghan, you’ve been looking big in the arms lately” -Vicky

“I’ve seen both bedrooms” -Jessica

“I think if Jesus sees his shadow you get 3 more days of Easter”

Y-3 Black Baseball Pants Drop crotch tapered leg baseball pants with extra wide cuffs. 66% Viscose, 31% Polyamide, 3% Polyurethane. Dry clean only. Imported $260.00 USD

Last year saw the birth of the harem pant as fashion statement. Then the riding pant.

This Spring—I’m calling it now—the new pant is... the baseball pant.

Yes, that’s right, the cropped, Natalie Portman nylon pant, with elastic bottoms will be what all the hipsters (Doucheoisie) will be wearing. Whether you go pinstripe or classic gray, scrunch them up, pair them with wedge heel or pumps, and you’ll be hitting a home run. TIP: Look for youth or boys size pants. You can get them on eBay for $6!

-Karen

“I mastered the wheel” -Anthony

“I already beat that game” -Rich

“Vicky, you’re kind of a drinks snob” -Luis

Pants are great and all, but we love a classic softball look of threequarter sleeve shirt and cargo shorts (as do the artists for this cg model).

Skin: SIGNATURE by ZOOBONG. Hair: a.C – STD.Gloxhair Summer 78 [MochA] by a.C Store. Eyes: STUDIO – black by MADesigns. Bag: .BACK. pack [SAFARI.line]ELEPHANT.Yellow by a.C Store. Band: French Wristband

by Emery. T-shirt: Baseball Tee – Black by Reek. Pants: 4way Cargo Pant *Beige* by M.R.M. FACTORY. Bandaids: Lightning (Left Leg) by Reek. Sneakers: SL Balance – White/ Black by hoorenbeek

Casual Looks from the John Bartlett Spring / Summer ‘06 Collection

fantasy-

Pick a

One of my favorite things about a new MLB season is the return of Fantasy Baseball, or, as Liz Callahan calls it, “Pretend Sports.” Basically, you get the chance to assemble a team made up of individual players from real-life teams to compete against other owners throughout the season. Over the course of the season, you make trades, add players through free agency, and, unfortunately, deal with injuries.

(just not any team)

land

The most common system, called Rotisserie, awards points for categories (10 points for the team with the most home runs or strikeouts, 9 for second…and so on). Roto is actually celebrating its 30th anniversary this year—that’s 30 years of dudes caring entirely too much about the OBP (On Base Percentage) of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter and the WHIP (Walks + Hits / Innings Pitched) of Andy Pettitte and CC Sabathia. I used all Yankees for this example, but one of the coolest parts about Fantasy is that it gives you a rooting interest in every game of the long season.

I’ve actually been playing fantasy baseball since middle school, and my longtime Keeper league (where you keep a portion of your roster from year to year) has its draft this weekend. I finished second last year, and I’m really excited about my new additions (I picked up new Met Jason Bay last night). We’re planning on throwing together a basic Niche league—come play (ball)! —JV

team

s e v Bra

e pr iew

For the cover, baby Kal posed in a generic baseball uniform. He couldn’t pick a team.

v

(The Mets seem to make him want to gag.)

breaking bad

After reading that the NFL finally got off their asses to address football’s God awful overtime rule, it got me thinking about baseball’s most ridiculous addition to the game—the All-Star Game decides home field advantage in the World Series. Even though it was introduced as a make-good after bungling the 2002 All-Star Game, nothing incredibly good has come from this idea. And it seems nothing ever will.

Baseball Commissioner, Allan “Bud” Selig, put this rule into effect after the backlash of a tie in the 2002 All-Star Game. It was an attempt to put magic back into that mid-summer weekend. I for one never thought this was a good idea and wish baseball would simply reward the team with the better regular season record with home field advantage. This rule does not preserve the players’ health, represent the spirit of All-Star weekend, or inspire magic.

One of the most baffling reasons behind this rule has to do with the health of the players.

Although never officially addressed as such, this rule was introduced after Selig yanked the players off the field in 2002 to avoid injury, thus resulting in a tie. If the commissioner’s greatest concern is incurring injuries during a laid-back exhibition game, why turn it into something that decides possibly the greatest x-factor in the World Series? Don’t you think that players might hustle a little harder now, thus increasing the chance of injury? Although, does that player from the Washington Nationals care enough about the coveted home field advantage to

bust down the line a little faster? In the end, the All-Star game deciding who gets to play in front of their home crowd only truly affects the four teams that make the playoffs—not every team in the league. That in itself goes against the spirit of All-Star weekend—to represent all teams, not just the favorites.

My feeling about the All-Star Game rule is simple: If you are going to make it count, take it all the way. The game should be billed as C.C. Sabathia Vs. Tim Lincecum for 7 innings and let the two leagues battle it out. Hey, if the game counts toward the World Series, let’s play it like a Series game. And what about stats? If this game really “counts,” any hit, strikeout, save, or home run, etc. should count toward the regular season tally.

Because all in all, these stats help your team in the postseason much like your regular season stats get you to the postseason.

I guess what I really miss is the happy-golucky feel that’s been missing since 2002.

Making the game count robs baseball of would-be classic moments that remind us baseball is a lot of fun. Would Barry Bonds have clowned around with Torii Hunter after he robbed him of a home run if Bonds felt it screwed his chances of home field advantage? Would A-rod have switched positions from SS to 3B with the aging Cal Ripken Jr as a gesture of baseball respect if he felt it would decrease his chances of an extra home game in the fall classic? I think not. So I beg you, Mr. Commissioner, get rid of the home field advantage rule. Who knows what other moments we’ve already missed. —DRM

play ball!

One of my favorite days of the year is Opening Day for baseball. Every team starts with the same record and the same hope that they can go on a run and be the eventual champions.

Not only that, but each team also puts on a great show. Player introductions, a celeb singing the national anthem, bunting, and if you are so lucky (and you open at home as the defending champions) you raise a championship banner.

Over the past few seasons, the idea of opening day has been tarnished a bit by the fact that ESPN airs a Sunday night game the day before everyone else takes the field. So instead of celebrating opening day with 15 games, you have an opening night with 1 game and then everyone else plays the next day... LAME! Let’s go back to a full on opening day.

Everyone launching the new season on the same day. In fact, let’s go even more old school: Let the Cincinnati Reds have their opening day parade (which has happened for 89 years) lead right into the new season. Exactly how it used to be.

As for the on-field product, here is how I expect the divisions to shakeout.

In the AL East, I expect the Yankees to run away with it. They are simply the class of the league again. The Central should see the Twins (in their new outdoor park) beat out the Tigers (JV, you were right). Out West, I think the Mariners are poised for a big season. Their pitching and defense are amongst the best in the entire league.

(Although the injury to Cliff Lee will have to be closely monitored.) I think the Red Sox will take the AL Wild Card. (They’ve invested a ton in the team for another run.)

In the NL East, its a two-team race. The Phillies are the best team in the NL and shoud win the division, but the Braves will be hot on their heels playing with all they’ve got in Bobby Cox’s last season. I think they’ll snag the Wild Card. Plus I can’t wait to see slugging phenom Jason Heyward.

The Central should once again go to the Cards, who once again will be too good for their division, but not good enough to make a serious post season run (sorry, Mo). The West provides the tightest race, and some of the best young talent in the game. I like the Giants (I think I’m the only one though) to take the division. Their pitching is great, and they made enough moves on offense to pull them ahead of LA, Arizona, Colorado and San Diego. I expect only a few games to be the difference in that division.

As for the playoffs, I see them ending the same way last season did. I see the Yanks (again playing the Phillies) going back to back and winning their 28th title.

Get ready to enjoy seeing exactly how elastic the timetested “out with the old, in with the new” phrase really is. The programs sold at Turner Field last season featured a cover story about manager Bobby Cox’s 50 years in baseball, but then he announced that this 2010 campaign as the team’s manager after a half-century in the game will be his last. With his position as the all-time leader in ejections being secure, Cox is going to have at least one addition to his lineup that could help him go out on top: the long-awaited, muchanticipated major league debut of all-around phenom Jason Heyward. The right fielder’s abilities have been championed ever since he was drafted in 2007, so now the question becomes whether he turns out to be just another Johnny Estrada or something more like another long-time Brave who could in fact be the determining factor of this year’s fortunes, Chipper Jones. If the third baseman swings the bat like he did in 2008, then the team’s lineup and formidable rotation makes them a legitimate contender; but if Jones struggles in the field and at the plate like he did last year, then by his own admission he may just end up joining Cox in calling it quits.

—Derek

A Boy and His Baseball

s T E M

e pr iew

My mom has a story that when I first saw a baseball game on TV, when I was about two or three years old, I stopped in my tracks and watched for a half-hour.

I don’t doubt this is true. Baseball has become such a huge part of my life that I sometimes take it for granted. To help curb my complacency, I assembled a timeline of some of my favorite baseball memories over the years.

—Tom

v

Twelve-year-olds who saw Game 6 from the seats at Shea Stadium believe in Mets magic. We’ve seen glory and heartbreak through the years, but nothing can top that game.

We believe. This year I believe the Mets, despite a top-tier salary, remain a mid-level club.

Offensively, the Mets will struggle early without Reyes and Beltran. If they get healthy and the rest of the team stays that way, they could be a lot better than last year. Defensively, the Mets have a pretty rocky pitching staff. Behind Johan Santana, there isn’t a lot to be excited about with an unknown staff and bullpen. Until Reyes and Beltran return, expect to see a lot of hits right up the middle. The bench is made up of veterans who surely won’t all be there in September, and we don’t have backup players that are capable of playing everyday. Lastly, the Mets coaching staff and management have allowed this franchise to slip away. Willie Randolph was fired for doing better than Jerry Manuel. Omar Minaya has built a team that can win—if 57 things fall into place exactly right. Betting on the Mets to win the World Series pays out 25-1 right now. There’s enough cockeyed optimism to place that bet. It isn’t smart money. But sometimes, Ya Gotta Believe.

—Dave

July 26, 1989 Mets vs. Pirates, Shea Stadium. First ballgame; I remember because it was John Smiley vs.

Ron Darling.

March 1992 Successful try-out for Little League; later drafted by the Reds

May 1998 Thrill of a career—striking out my high school team’s best hitter on a curveball in a practice scrimmage

October 28, 1995 Braves vs. Indians, Game 6, World Series. From the time David Justice hit a sixth-inning homer until the game ended, I did not move from where I was sitting on my parents’ bedroom floor. I’m that superstitious.

July 12, 1994 First (and only) pitching win, against the Mets in Little League

July 1, 1994 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium. First row behind home plate to see The Kid

July 26, 1994 Orioles vs. Indians, Camden Yards. My first game at Camden Yards to see my childhood hero, Cal Ripken

August 26, 2001 Royals vs.

Twins, Kauffman Stadium.

Great stadium, and incredibly affordable. Granted, it’s the Royals. But I’m pretty sure I spent less than $20 on three dogs, two sodas and a pretzel.

September 17, 2001 Phillies vs. Braves, Veterans Stadium.

First game played after 9/11. Crowd was berserk: “USA!” chants, giant flags, the works. Amazing.

July 9, 1996 All-Star Game, Veterans Stadium. I got two signatures: Ellis Burks, and some guy named Barry Bonds.

Aug. 29, 1989 Yankees vs. A’s, Yankee Stadium.

Second ballgame, and Rickey Henderson’s first trip back to NY after midseason trade

September 21, 2008 Yankees vs. Orioles, Yankee Stadium. No tickets, so my roomie Steve and I pregamed in Lot 13, then went bowling, drank more, wandered around outside the stadium a bit, and finally went back to Hoboken to watch the rest of the game.

June 25, 2004 Phillies vs. Red Sox, Citizens Bank Park.

The longest home run I’ve ever seen live, David Ortiz off Paul Abbott. The crowd gasped as soon as he hit it. I’ll never forget it.

June 19, 2009 Mets vs. Rays, Citi Field.

First game at Citi Field, with Amy. Great stadium, bad team. But hey, they won, 5-3!

February 28, 2010 AT&T Park. They let people into the stadium in the offseason to walk around—for free!

So cool.

October 22, 2001 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium.

Clinching game of the ALCS with my dad, free tickets for literally the last row of the stadium behind home plate.

Great, raucous fun.

fuck the Mets.. As a fan, their season has been over for a while now. Fuck Omar Minaya. Fuck the Mets’ mets “Well medical staff. Fuck the Mets conditioning staff. Fuck the Mets’ entire front office for thinking giving 36 million to Ollie Perez sounded like a sound baseball move. Fuck Howard Johnson, he sure can figure out how to get the talk least out of your swing. Fuck Wilpon for allowing his money to be spent this badly and being satisfied - no giving Minaya credit for putting asses in the seats when the only reason people are going out there is to experience the new ballpark. Fuck the new ballpark for its homage to the dodgers and giants and having no connection/identity with the New York Mets. Fuck ShakeShack for having that massive of a line, open up 40 of them and sell them instead of regular concession burgers. Fuck the 7 local train to Shea. For the full Mets 2009 Season in Review rant and for the Full 2010 Mets preview visit the Dubbs online

A Boy and His Baseball

s T E M

e pr iew

My mom has a story that when I first saw a baseball game on TV, when I was about two or three years old, I stopped in my tracks and watched for a half-hour.

I don’t doubt this is true. Baseball has become such a huge part of my life that I sometimes take it for granted. To help curb my complacency, I assembled a timeline of some of my favorite baseball memories over the years.

—Tom

v

Twelve-year-olds who saw Game 6 from the seats at Shea Stadium believe in Mets magic. We’ve seen glory and heartbreak through the years, but nothing can top that game.

We believe. This year I believe the Mets, despite a top-tier salary, remain a mid-level club.

Offensively, the Mets will struggle early without Reyes and Beltran. If they get healthy and the rest of the team stays that way, they could be a lot better than last year. Defensively, the Mets have a pretty rocky pitching staff. Behind Johan Santana, there isn’t a lot to be excited about with an unknown staff and bullpen. Until Reyes and Beltran return, expect to see a lot of hits right up the middle. The bench is made up of veterans who surely won’t all be there in September, and we don’t have backup players that are capable of playing everyday. Lastly, the Mets coaching staff and management have allowed this franchise to slip away. Willie Randolph was fired for doing better than Jerry Manuel. Omar Minaya has built a team that can win—if 57 things fall into place exactly right. Betting on the Mets to win the World Series pays out 25-1 right now. There’s enough cockeyed optimism to place that bet. It isn’t smart money. But sometimes, Ya Gotta Believe.

—Dave

July 26, 1989 Mets vs. Pirates, Shea Stadium. First ballgame; I remember because it was John Smiley vs.

Ron Darling.

March 1992 Successful try-out for Little League; later drafted by the Reds

May 1998 Thrill of a career—striking out my high school team’s best hitter on a curveball in a practice scrimmage

October 28, 1995 Braves vs. Indians, Game 6, World Series. From the time David Justice hit a sixth-inning homer until the game ended, I did not move from where I was sitting on my parents’ bedroom floor. I’m that superstitious.

July 12, 1994 First (and only) pitching win, against the Mets in Little League

July 1, 1994 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium. First row behind home plate to see The Kid

July 26, 1994 Orioles vs. Indians, Camden Yards. My first game at Camden Yards to see my childhood hero, Cal Ripken

August 26, 2001 Royals vs.

Twins, Kauffman Stadium.

Great stadium, and incredibly affordable. Granted, it’s the Royals. But I’m pretty sure I spent less than $20 on three dogs, two sodas and a pretzel.

September 17, 2001 Phillies vs. Braves, Veterans Stadium.

First game played after 9/11. Crowd was berserk: “USA!” chants, giant flags, the works. Amazing.

July 9, 1996 All-Star Game, Veterans Stadium. I got two signatures: Ellis Burks, and some guy named Barry Bonds.

Aug. 29, 1989 Yankees vs. A’s, Yankee Stadium.

Second ballgame, and Rickey Henderson’s first trip back to NY after midseason trade

September 21, 2008 Yankees vs. Orioles, Yankee Stadium. No tickets, so my roomie Steve and I pregamed in Lot 13, then went bowling, drank more, wandered around outside the stadium a bit, and finally went back to Hoboken to watch the rest of the game.

June 25, 2004 Phillies vs. Red Sox, Citizens Bank Park.

The longest home run I’ve ever seen live, David Ortiz off Paul Abbott. The crowd gasped as soon as he hit it. I’ll never forget it.

June 19, 2009 Mets vs. Rays, Citi Field.

First game at Citi Field, with Amy. Great stadium, bad team. But hey, they won, 5-3!

February 28, 2010 AT&T Park. They let people into the stadium in the offseason to walk around—for free!

So cool.

October 22, 2001 Yankees vs. Mariners, Yankee Stadium.

Clinching game of the ALCS with my dad, free tickets for literally the last row of the stadium behind home plate.

Great, raucous fun.

fuck the Mets.. As a fan, their season has been over for a while now. Fuck Omar Minaya. Fuck the Mets’ mets “Well medical staff. Fuck the Mets conditioning staff. Fuck the Mets’ entire front office for thinking giving 36 million to Ollie Perez sounded like a sound baseball move. Fuck Howard Johnson, he sure can figure out how to get the talk least out of your swing. Fuck Wilpon for allowing his money to be spent this badly and being satisfied - no giving Minaya credit for putting asses in the seats when the only reason people are going out there is to experience the new ballpark. Fuck the new ballpark for its homage to the dodgers and giants and having no connection/identity with the New York Mets. Fuck ShakeShack for having that massive of a line, open up 40 of them and sell them instead of regular concession burgers. Fuck the 7 local train to Shea. For the full Mets 2009 Season in Review rant and for the Full 2010 Mets preview visit the Dubbs online

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Pick a

One of my favorite things about a new MLB season is the return of Fantasy Baseball, or, as Liz Callahan calls it, “Pretend Sports.” Basically, you get the chance to assemble a team made up of individual players from real-life teams to compete against other owners throughout the season. Over the course of the season, you make trades, add players through free agency, and, unfortunately, deal with injuries.

(just not any team)

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The most common system, called Rotisserie, awards points for categories (10 points for the team with the most home runs or strikeouts, 9 for second…and so on). Roto is actually celebrating its 30th anniversary this year—that’s 30 years of dudes caring entirely too much about the OBP (On Base Percentage) of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter and the WHIP (Walks + Hits / Innings Pitched) of Andy Pettitte and CC Sabathia. I used all Yankees for this example, but one of the coolest parts about Fantasy is that it gives you a rooting interest in every game of the long season.

I’ve actually been playing fantasy baseball since middle school, and my longtime Keeper league (where you keep a portion of your roster from year to year) has its draft this weekend. I finished second last year, and I’m really excited about my new additions (I picked up new Met Jason Bay last night). We’re planning on throwing together a basic Niche league—come play (ball)! —JV

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For the cover, baby Kal posed in a generic baseball uniform. He couldn’t pick a team.

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(The Mets seem to make him want to gag.)

breaking bad

After reading that the NFL finally got off their asses to address football’s God awful overtime rule, it got me thinking about baseball’s most ridiculous addition to the game—the All-Star Game decides home field advantage in the World Series. Even though it was introduced as a make-good after bungling the 2002 All-Star Game, nothing incredibly good has come from this idea. And it seems nothing ever will.

Baseball Commissioner, Allan “Bud” Selig, put this rule into effect after the backlash of a tie in the 2002 All-Star Game. It was an attempt to put magic back into that mid-summer weekend. I for one never thought this was a good idea and wish baseball would simply reward the team with the better regular season record with home field advantage. This rule does not preserve the players’ health, represent the spirit of All-Star weekend, or inspire magic.

One of the most baffling reasons behind this rule has to do with the health of the players.

Although never officially addressed as such, this rule was introduced after Selig yanked the players off the field in 2002 to avoid injury, thus resulting in a tie. If the commissioner’s greatest concern is incurring injuries during a laid-back exhibition game, why turn it into something that decides possibly the greatest x-factor in the World Series? Don’t you think that players might hustle a little harder now, thus increasing the chance of injury? Although, does that player from the Washington Nationals care enough about the coveted home field advantage to

bust down the line a little faster? In the end, the All-Star game deciding who gets to play in front of their home crowd only truly affects the four teams that make the playoffs—not every team in the league. That in itself goes against the spirit of All-Star weekend—to represent all teams, not just the favorites.

My feeling about the All-Star Game rule is simple: If you are going to make it count, take it all the way. The game should be billed as C.C. Sabathia Vs. Tim Lincecum for 7 innings and let the two leagues battle it out. Hey, if the game counts toward the World Series, let’s play it like a Series game. And what about stats? If this game really “counts,” any hit, strikeout, save, or home run, etc. should count toward the regular season tally.

Because all in all, these stats help your team in the postseason much like your regular season stats get you to the postseason.

I guess what I really miss is the happy-golucky feel that’s been missing since 2002.

Making the game count robs baseball of would-be classic moments that remind us baseball is a lot of fun. Would Barry Bonds have clowned around with Torii Hunter after he robbed him of a home run if Bonds felt it screwed his chances of home field advantage? Would A-rod have switched positions from SS to 3B with the aging Cal Ripken Jr as a gesture of baseball respect if he felt it would decrease his chances of an extra home game in the fall classic? I think not. So I beg you, Mr. Commissioner, get rid of the home field advantage rule. Who knows what other moments we’ve already missed. —DRM

play ball!

One of my favorite days of the year is Opening Day for baseball. Every team starts with the same record and the same hope that they can go on a run and be the eventual champions.

Not only that, but each team also puts on a great show. Player introductions, a celeb singing the national anthem, bunting, and if you are so lucky (and you open at home as the defending champions) you raise a championship banner.

Over the past few seasons, the idea of opening day has been tarnished a bit by the fact that ESPN airs a Sunday night game the day before everyone else takes the field. So instead of celebrating opening day with 15 games, you have an opening night with 1 game and then everyone else plays the next day... LAME! Let’s go back to a full on opening day.

Everyone launching the new season on the same day. In fact, let’s go even more old school: Let the Cincinnati Reds have their opening day parade (which has happened for 89 years) lead right into the new season. Exactly how it used to be.

As for the on-field product, here is how I expect the divisions to shakeout.

In the AL East, I expect the Yankees to run away with it. They are simply the class of the league again. The Central should see the Twins (in their new outdoor park) beat out the Tigers (JV, you were right). Out West, I think the Mariners are poised for a big season. Their pitching and defense are amongst the best in the entire league.

(Although the injury to Cliff Lee will have to be closely monitored.) I think the Red Sox will take the AL Wild Card. (They’ve invested a ton in the team for another run.)

In the NL East, its a two-team race. The Phillies are the best team in the NL and shoud win the division, but the Braves will be hot on their heels playing with all they’ve got in Bobby Cox’s last season. I think they’ll snag the Wild Card. Plus I can’t wait to see slugging phenom Jason Heyward.

The Central should once again go to the Cards, who once again will be too good for their division, but not good enough to make a serious post season run (sorry, Mo). The West provides the tightest race, and some of the best young talent in the game. I like the Giants (I think I’m the only one though) to take the division. Their pitching is great, and they made enough moves on offense to pull them ahead of LA, Arizona, Colorado and San Diego. I expect only a few games to be the difference in that division.

As for the playoffs, I see them ending the same way last season did. I see the Yanks (again playing the Phillies) going back to back and winning their 28th title.

Get ready to enjoy seeing exactly how elastic the timetested “out with the old, in with the new” phrase really is. The programs sold at Turner Field last season featured a cover story about manager Bobby Cox’s 50 years in baseball, but then he announced that this 2010 campaign as the team’s manager after a half-century in the game will be his last. With his position as the all-time leader in ejections being secure, Cox is going to have at least one addition to his lineup that could help him go out on top: the long-awaited, muchanticipated major league debut of all-around phenom Jason Heyward. The right fielder’s abilities have been championed ever since he was drafted in 2007, so now the question becomes whether he turns out to be just another Johnny Estrada or something more like another long-time Brave who could in fact be the determining factor of this year’s fortunes, Chipper Jones. If the third baseman swings the bat like he did in 2008, then the team’s lineup and formidable rotation makes them a legitimate contender; but if Jones struggles in the field and at the plate like he did last year, then by his own admission he may just end up joining Cox in calling it quits.

—Derek

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“Jessica, keep the flirting to a minimum” -Anthony

Vicky’s facts

Since the recession began, women have been wearing more neutral makeup., and longer skirts.

dubbs poll

With everyone having fled to the other side of the floor, the Art Department now has a ton of empty space. I sent an email asking everyone what they thought should happen with all this space. Votes came in for an Olga-style DVD library, a badminton court and even a yoga area.

obama has geek cred

The President reaffirms his status as man of the people by making geeks everywhere ecstatic by happily supporting Star Wars.

“Ewww, no, he’s Korean” -Jessica

“You can’t hang out in Anthony’s man cave anymore” -Luis

“Meghan, you’ve been looking big in the arms lately” -Vicky

“I’ve seen both bedrooms” -Jessica

“I think if Jesus sees his shadow you get 3 more days of Easter”

Y-3 Black Baseball Pants Drop crotch tapered leg baseball pants with extra wide cuffs. 66% Viscose, 31% Polyamide, 3% Polyurethane. Dry clean only. Imported $260.00 USD

Last year saw the birth of the harem pant as fashion statement. Then the riding pant.

This Spring—I’m calling it now—the new pant is... the baseball pant.

Yes, that’s right, the cropped, Natalie Portman nylon pant, with elastic bottoms will be what all the hipsters (Doucheoisie) will be wearing. Whether you go pinstripe or classic gray, scrunch them up, pair them with wedge heel or pumps, and you’ll be hitting a home run. TIP: Look for youth or boys size pants. You can get them on eBay for $6!

-Karen

“I mastered the wheel” -Anthony

“I already beat that game” -Rich

“Vicky, you’re kind of a drinks snob” -Luis

Pants are great and all, but we love a classic softball look of threequarter sleeve shirt and cargo shorts (as do the artists for this cg model).

Skin: SIGNATURE by ZOOBONG. Hair: a.C – STD.Gloxhair Summer 78 [MochA] by a.C Store. Eyes: STUDIO – black by MADesigns. Bag: .BACK. pack [SAFARI.line]ELEPHANT.Yellow by a.C Store. Band: French Wristband

by Emery. T-shirt: Baseball Tee – Black by Reek. Pants: 4way Cargo Pant *Beige* by M.R.M. FACTORY. Bandaids: Lightning (Left Leg) by Reek. Sneakers: SL Balance – White/ Black by hoorenbeek

Casual Looks from the John Bartlett Spring / Summer ‘06 Collection

ADW

art department weekly issue 47 vol. 2

Those F*ing Midwesterners Actual field in Missouri cut to create the St. Louis Cardinals logo visible through the satellite view on Google maps. The headline was one of the comments pulled directly from the site. Here are a few more: What a waste of space! The team is looking like crap. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste my time this year...

That is flat out awesome!

Maybe they can rearrange the trash on Staten Island landfill to make a Mets logo. (sarcastically) Once again proving that Cardinals fans are the best in baseball!

baseball timeline play ball hot pants crazy crops PLus: braves preview fantasyland mets talk

ADW

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!

Continuing the idea that ancient Central Americans really knew how to get down nutritionally (Aztec diet, what?), I recently added chia seeds to my diet. Yes, chia seeds. The kind you can use to grow Chia pets. More on that in a second.

A recent splash page in O, which Amy pointed out to me, told of how the legendary Tarahumara tribe of Mexico uses it as fuel for their epic 100-mile runs.

While I won’t be running 100 miles anytime soon, I figured, hey... you can never have enough energy when you’re punishing your body like that over any distance. So I found some at Whole Foods and tried them out. Do I get more energy? Well, it’s hard to say.

Anyway, have I grown a Chia pet on my insides? I can confidently say that no, it doesn’t feel like I have. And since our health-care plan is so terrible, I don’t have the money to get an X-ray to find out. I don’t have any unusual stomach pain or bulging, so that’s good... but I digress.

Things that chia seeds provide: Fiber (2 tbsp is equal to 42% of your daily requirement) Omega-3s (4,915 mg in 2 tbsp! Trust me, that’s a lot) Omega-6s (1,620 mg!)

Protein (high in all nine essential amino acids) Antioxidants Calcium Phosphorus Manganese The best way I’ve read to consume them is in a drink, native to Mexico, called chia fresca. It’s essentially homemade lemonade filled with a heaping tablespoon of chia seeds. When in water, the seeds acquire a gelatinous halo of all the good nutritious stuff they store inside, making it easier for your body to absorb it all. How convenient.

—Tom

You may scoff, since it appears I have not benefited from this odd choice, but these tiny seeds pack a whole lot of nutrition.

art department weekly issue 48 vol. 2

Chia fresca (serves 1) 12 oz water ½ lemon, juiced agave nectar 1 heaping tbsp chia seeds Fill a glass with cold water, and add the fresh lemon juice. Stir in agave nectar to taste. Add chia seeds, stirring occasionally for 10-15 minutes to avoid clumping. (Some will float, many won’t; don’t worry, that’s normal.) Once you see the gelatinous halos, it’s bottoms up.

Don’t like the cover?

Turns out, not everyone’s a Duke fan or even very tolerant of them. Here are two minutes of #Duke Tweets from halftime of the Duke-Baylor game... (Btw, “athleticism” is code.)

Dj_Soul Go Baylor... I HATE Duke ... Would love to see a Final4 without a #1 seed

DTyson2010 even though i don’t like #Duke like at all, i really hope #baylor lose!

_BGfromMARS Duke has to be the most non athletic basketball team in the country

Anthob22 I’m goin for duke.. Fuk yall

UrbanHippieInc wow duke at it largest point deficit since the tournament started..they still have time JohnAmussen @jenciTN not to torment you, but Duke is, um, not a great team.

Got some committee love. heidicappie Yes! I wanted Kentucky to win BUT I want Duke to LOSE even more.. #imNOTafan QCBornNBred #Duke Alright Coach K, give ya boy’s whatever they need to pick up the pace...May I suggest cocaine?! I hear it’s #AHellOfADrug

crazietalker Kyle with 0 points and we’re only down 3. Don’t know what to think of this, but he has to contribute if Duke wants to pull this one out.

Big_Bond_Ent #FYI if u like Duke I hate u! :) laffingbuddha Duke Ellington on the wireless, dinner in the oven and I think a cocktail is in order... whiteboytatted @WaltonECU6 fuck #duke

B_flysociety RT @CuzinE215: Let’s go!

Baylor<u lik duke u uncle tom ass nigga lol

Jabber_Wocky I miss seeing my boy E-Will in a Duke uni, but he doin his thing at home in Memphis for his moms, hope u get better Mrs. Williams :)

gonzylla Duke has zero athleticism compared to Baylor.

Texas_Breed #Duke #Duke #Duke #Duke...fuck the bears

KCENSports Baylor up 35-32 at the half against Duke. vegaswatch Duke now 59% to win according to Pinnacle live line. cnp72 Fuck Duke. Go Baylor.

yeadudemarc RT @cutieken_doll: Can someone give me an update on the game too! I hope Duke is losing!

KEIDARUTLAND thats why they play to halfs.. lets re-group Duke

(See Page 3 if you’re looking to understand why some love to hate. See Page 4 if you’re looking for more on the model.)

NCAA Ladies Happy is healthy bon voyage, Stress Global Beauty PLus: Crunch Free Muck Fichigan Don’t Like the Cover?

Mini BoArD PeePs shoW

the fourth annual Washington Post Peeps diorama Contest drew more than 1,100 sugar-inspired entries. see the winner—a candy-colored take on the movie Up. —Jen

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“It’s not like we go in there to talk to him” -karen

“Did he get lost in Miami” -Jessica

“You must be tapped into a special gay network” -luis

“When I’m lonely I might need a little Matthew Fox” -vicky

“I got hit in the head with a ball, I was daydreaming” -vicky

“I love a good wet towel” -meghan

“There is no one having sex on the beach on this walk”

sePArAteD At Birth Jv (our resident grumpy fantasy expert) and Carl Fredrickson from Up.

-Jessica

“And she’s wondering why they’re canceling dates” -darnel

“I’ve worked with dumber crews” -luis

a few days into my vacation in Germany earlier this month i began to notice something: a significant change, both physically and mentally, in how i was feeling. i believe none of us realize how stress brought on from bills, work, subway commutes, what to wear in the morning, and simple every day city life really affects us. i certainly did not until it started to melt away, one frothy cappuccino and nutella pastry at a time.

don’t get me wrong... stress is good for you, as long as you have a handle on it. stress is what prepares your body to handle intense/dangerous situations. when you are stressed your brain produces the hormones cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine which cause an increase in heartbeat & blood pressure and causes your senses to become sharper. more simply, stress provides a burst of energy, which is great as long as we have a handle on it. as money has become tighter and the luxury of taken a vacation seems to be somewhat of a fairy tale for most of us, we need to resist allowing that accrual number on timestar soar. my highlights were simple, as the best things in life usually are: seeing pale pink walls and buildings, old style typography, cool milk cart design, red shutters, coffee, wine, beer, lots and lots of food, castles, and so many memories!

—Vicky

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sometimes there can be too much of a good thing—take for instance this redken product i purchased at the beauty sale, soft spin. Here’s what it was supposed to do: lightweight gel boosts fine curls with healthy bounce.

Features the curl-care complex with avocado oil to define curls, control flyaways, and add soft, crunch-free shine.

Crunch-free, my ass! i tried it for the first time today and the result can only be described as crispy. maybe it’s called soft spin for a reason, ’cause whoever wrote that product description was doing some serious spinning. the moral of the story here: sometimes there are things at the beauty sale that you just don’t need and shouldn’t buy, even though they are a dollar. word!

—Meghan

sAlMon rushDie Dinner this dinner for two is quick and healthy. everything cooks in one large skillet. the dish is loaded with vitamins, minerals and omega 3s. omega 3s increase good cholesterol and lower triglycerides, blood pressure and alzheimer’s risk. spinach contains at least 13 cancer-fighting compounds. it’s also rich in vitamin k, which helps maintain healthy bones. serve with farro or quinoa (look em up, they’re super healthy grains that will change your life).

2 9-ounce bags spinach leaves 2 tablespoons olive oil, divided 2 5-ounce salmon fillets with skin ¹/3 cup chopped shallot (1 very large) ¹/3 cup halved pitted kalamata olives ¹/3 cup golden raisins 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar 1 tablespoon honey

steam spinach in a few tablespoons of water in the skillet. toss spinach until just wilted but still bright green. strain and set aside. heat 1 tablespoon oil inskillet over medium-high heat. sprinkle salmon with salt and pepper. place in skillet, skin side up. sear until brown, about 5 minutes; turn fish. Cook until just opaque in center, 5 to 6minutes. transfer to plate; wipe skillet clean.

Add 1 tablespoon olive oil to same skillet. add chopped shallot, halved olives, and golden raisins. stir 1 minute. add spinach; toss until heated through, about 1 minute. season to taste with salt and pepper. mound spinach mixture on plates. top with salmon.

Add balsamic vinegar and honey to skillet. boil until reduced to glaze, about 30 seconds. spoon glaze over salmon and spinach and serve.

heAlthy DisAGreeMent Have you seen the commercials for in-home hands-free soap dispensers? i don’t get it. one summer i volunteered as an easter seals camp counselor. i thought they were crazy for wanting us to use paper towels to run off the faucets. but that made sense. unless your faucet is triggered by motion, you have to touch the faucet again. whatever germs were on your hands before you cleaned them are still there on the faucet after you clean them. you are picking those germs right back up. the camp had no concern about touching the soap dispenser. so why the hell would anyone buy a handsfree soap dispenser for the home?

Just in case you’re thinking this is somehow a logical product to own (instead of maybe a motion-triggered faucet), consider what my baby’s pediatrician said: H1n1 was the worst thing to happen to his practice. with everyone washing their hands so religiously, he had fewer patients. you wash away whatever germs you pick up from the soap dispenser. —MV

hAPPy=heAlthy i must admit the idea of a Health and beauty issue of the dubbs left me wondering “what in the hell am i going to write about.” if you’ve seen me, you obviously know i have no beauty regime. no creams, lotions or hair products. not even cologne. don’t use them, never have, never will. so beauty, not really my thing. as for a health routine, i don’t go to the gym. never been a member of one, and don’t intend to become one. that’s not to say i don’t exercise. i walk a ton, i play as many sports as possible (not really, i limit myself to football, baseball and basketball). i don’t play as much as i like, but it’s enough to keep me sane and in decent shape. although, i don’t believe exercise is the most important thing to keeping you healthy. what i think is more important to your health is your happiness. Find something that makes you happy. something you do simply for you. not for anyone else. and do it as often as possible. For me, it’s drawing. my art is very personal. i do it by myself, for myself. the process of taking a blank canvas and filling it with pencils and inks fills me with a ton of happiness, that in turn keeps me healthy.

Having a wonderful wife that makes sure i’m eating right also helps. i mean, most of you have seen me eat. there isn’t a sweet i don’t like. on top of that, i eat a ton. my mom used to call me the Human trash Compactor. so having a wonderful wife

who is making sure i’m eating right is a huge help. thanks, babe, you’re the best. this issue also is the last before the Final Four this weekend. i love college basketball. the opening day of march madness ranks right up there with super bowl sunday and opening day of mlb for me. this year’s tournament has been great.

From butler’s improbable Final Four run to a plethora of buzzer beaters. west virginia, michigan state, and my pick to win it all, duke, round out the rest of the Final Four. duke versus west virginia on saturday night might prove to be a classic matchup of big conference powerhouses. wvu has played with a chip on its shoulder the whole tournament. they felt they were overlooked as a one seed and have taken it out on each opponent. duke is simply too balanced for the mountaneers. the 3-headed monster or scheyer, smith and singler lead the deepest duke team in years. on the other side michigan state will have to beat butler in what is shaping up to be a butler home game. the odds will be stacked against them. i expect butler’s defense to lock down the spartans for an ugly bulldog win to set up a butler/duke championship game. by the time confetti falls and “one shining moment” hits, Coach k should be hoisting his fourth nCaa title.

players come and go every year in college athletics, so i’ve always found it difficult to work up the enthusiasm so many others seem to have for regular season matchups. while i understand the friends or family i know who have their alma maters or perhaps their parents’ alma maters that they’ve rooted on for as long as they can remember, i instead have found that when it comes to the nCaa—what with the entire recruiting process and annual ensuing coaching carousel that turns my stomach—it is much easier for me to simply find a school to hate. and considering that my school of choice has been the university of michigan (even before i bought a “muck Fichigan” t-shirt when visiting michigan state in high school), it also makes it more rewarding in my mind. intramurals is the extent of the athletics offered by my own alma mater, but who needs a national championship when i’ve already accumulated so many priceless memories of the ways in which the wolverines have broken their fans’ hearts. Consider Chris webber’s attempted timeout with none remaining in the 1993 national Championship, a play that helped make michigan back-to-back losers. and i imagine even kordell stewart can’t complain if generations from now he’s only remembered for his 76-yard Hail mary that sank the wolverines in 1994. while the university isn’t the powerhouse they were a decade ago, there’s still the occasional gem like the 2007 loss to unranked appalachian state. while i’ve often been told not to take joy in the misery of others, cheering on whichever michigan opponent has proven to me that the failures of a team you hate can feel just as satisfying as the success of a team you love. —Derek

ladies Bracket Did you forget to fill out a women’s bracket again this year?

Do you know anybody who organized an office pool for the ladies’ day-late, many dollars-short version of March Madness? Or perhaps more telling, do the brackets to the right there now make you wish you’d paid closer attention?

The, ahem, “real” version could hardly compare to the rampant upsets of the boys brackets seeing as the University of Connecticut’s girls haven’t lost a game in nearly two years and have yet to meet an opponent that comes within even a dozen points so far this year. Their Final Four date was with a Baylor team led by freshman standout Brittney Griner, a 6’8” center who had already set a tournament record for blocks—and whose braids and height lead most people to immediately believe she’s a man, according to her father. Griner’s game has been impressive enough for some to suggest she could play in the NBA. That would probably be preferable to a career in the WNBA, indeed the first team-oriented women’s professional sports league to survive for more than a decade despite its continued willingness to downplay the importance of that giant elephant in the arena that constitutes its largest demographic: lesbians.

It was just last season, in fact, that the Washington Post’s Mike Wise noted that city’s Mystics lacked a “KissCam” that’s something of a staple at most NBA games and basically any sporting events involving men. Not having one at all at least seemed a bit more sensitive than the few WNBA locations that simply opted to avoid putting homosexual couples on their Jumbotrons, but the Mystics’ managing partner, Sheila Johnson explained, “We got a lot of kids here.” So despite gay fan appreciation nights consistently constituting the highest attendance of the season for the savvier teams in the league, apparently Tim Hardaway needs to feel welcome, too.

Of course, if that handful of actual women’s basketball enthusiasts really want to see their sport take off, then I would suggest that rather than avoiding having a shallow, superficial set of brackets pairing college ladies (past and present) based entirely on looks, they embrace this as a sort of mission to create the sex symbol that no other organization would refuse. Anna Kournikova, after all, never won a WTA singles title, and yet the continued sponsorship that followed her everywhere she went only proves that looking good is indeed just as important as being good.

—Derek

How could we resist?

Candace Parker, Tennessee She’s currently the WNBA’s golden girl as it is anyway, but last year she also added the title of “MILF” to her already impressive career accomplishments.

Claudia Porras, UTEP The Bolivian beauty must have a pretty decent head on her shoulders if she was smart enough to major in marketing.

Sheryl Swoopes, Texas Tech The very first player to be signed by the WNBA, although Sue Wicks beat her to the title of being the league’s first lesbian.

Tamara Abalde, Lamar University Another marketing major, she signed a professional contract with Ros Casares of the Women’s EuroLeague.

Meghan Gardler, Connecticut I can’t decide if she reminds me more of Erin Andrews or the girl to whom I lost my virginity.

Heather Zurich, Rutgers Obviously not the player Don Imus had in mind when calling the 2007 team she was a part of “nappy-headed hos,” she was actually one of the players who subsequently became a spokesperson.

You might be thinking, Who is this girl on the cover? July 2007 I was looking for a bikini shoot, but ended up with an ID model who was much better suited for beauty. Did she really pose in support of Duke? Oh, heck no.

But she did wear some blue and black for one take.

—Madeline

Winner: Pat Summitt Because winning sells tickets. And cougars are in.

And she’s single.

Beatrice and/or Suzy Bofia, Arizona They weren’t able to take the title of world’s tallest twins from American University’s volleyball sisters, Ann and Claire Recht.

Angela Phillips, Kentucky Appropriately enough, the former Wildcats point guard has since pursued a modeling career.

Delta Blues

Global Beauty

A beauty tip from Amy’s mom:

While we wait for that masseuse we’re not allowed to tip to come to the office, here are some exercises for strengthening your neck and delts (actually it’s the trapezius muscle but I wanted to use that headline) that promise to eliminate computer worker fatigue.

Now Anthony will be the only pain in your neck. Do three sets of these exercises three times a week. In each set, do the exercise 10-12 times.

Women’s Health is an awesome magazine, not in the least because they also use the font Chronicle. They recently published a list of beauty secrets from around the world. The tips are the equivalent of American women putting cucumber slices on their eyes. Look at all the other things you could’ve been using to get beautiful that are in your pantry: —Amy

always moisturize your neck.

Shrugs: Grab a 5-20 lb dumbbell in each hand and stand with your feet about hip-width apart. With your arms at your sides, shrug your shoulders toward your ears. Hold for 5 seconds, and lower. Keep your lower jaw and neck relaxed while doing this.

Devilish Beauty

the health & beauty of NCAA March Madness in a bracket of the all-tme most attractive women’s basketball team members

Arm Row: Lean with your left knee and hand on a weight bench and your right foot flat on the floor. Hold a dumbbell in your right hand and let your arm hang down. Keep your back straight and flat, with your torso parallel to the ground. With your back straight, pull the weight up toward your body, remembering to keep your right foot flat. Slowly bring the weight to your armpit, keeping your arm tight to your body. Pause, and lower it to the starting position.

Upright Row: Stand holding a dumbbell in front of you, gripping it with both hands, arms hanging straight down in front of your thighs. Keeping the weight close to your body, pull it upwards towards your chin, letting your elbows bend to the sides. Pause when the weights are just below your chin. Then, slowly lower and repeat.

Shoulder Abduction: Grab a dumbbell with each hand. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, arms at your sides. Lift your arms out to the side to shoulder height (think of it like a bird spreading its wings),

French women soak their fingers in warm water with lemon juice to erase the yellow tinge red polish leaves behind.

Filipino women use grated fresh ginger and finely chopped limes as a body scrub to exfoliate and hydrate their skin.

Costa Rican women combine equal parts OJ and water to make a toner that shrinks pores.

In China, women use rice water (the liquid left over from cooking rice) to clean their faces, because rice has antioxidants to prevent aging.

“If I could tell you girls one thing, it would be...

I wish someone had told me that.” She swears by the

brand ROC.

Another good tip from Amy’s mom:

“Always wear good underwear in case you get into an accident. Those ER nurses talk.”

Take all the raggedy underwear on vacation with you. You can toss it and not have to worry about packing so much dirty laundry. We’re sure those TSA employees to talk, too.

Sunny D I’ve been hearing a lot about Vitamin D deficiency lately. Vitamin D is essential for calcium to absorb properly in your body and keep those bones strong. So while you may be working on your night cheese and thinking you won’t become a hunchback grandma, if you don’t have enough Vitamin D, that cheese is giving you nothing but crazy dreams. Vitamin D is found naturally in fish, organic eggs and the good old sun. Or, take a supplement.

You’ll thank me later when you’ve fallen and you CAN get up.

ladies Bracket Did you forget to fill out a women’s bracket again this year?

Do you know anybody who organized an office pool for the ladies’ day-late, many dollars-short version of March Madness? Or perhaps more telling, do the brackets to the right there now make you wish you’d paid closer attention?

The, ahem, “real” version could hardly compare to the rampant upsets of the boys brackets seeing as the University of Connecticut’s girls haven’t lost a game in nearly two years and have yet to meet an opponent that comes within even a dozen points so far this year. Their Final Four date was with a Baylor team led by freshman standout Brittney Griner, a 6’8” center who had already set a tournament record for blocks—and whose braids and height lead most people to immediately believe she’s a man, according to her father. Griner’s game has been impressive enough for some to suggest she could play in the NBA. That would probably be preferable to a career in the WNBA, indeed the first team-oriented women’s professional sports league to survive for more than a decade despite its continued willingness to downplay the importance of that giant elephant in the arena that constitutes its largest demographic: lesbians.

It was just last season, in fact, that the Washington Post’s Mike Wise noted that city’s Mystics lacked a “KissCam” that’s something of a staple at most NBA games and basically any sporting events involving men. Not having one at all at least seemed a bit more sensitive than the few WNBA locations that simply opted to avoid putting homosexual couples on their Jumbotrons, but the Mystics’ managing partner, Sheila Johnson explained, “We got a lot of kids here.” So despite gay fan appreciation nights consistently constituting the highest attendance of the season for the savvier teams in the league, apparently Tim Hardaway needs to feel welcome, too.

Of course, if that handful of actual women’s basketball enthusiasts really want to see their sport take off, then I would suggest that rather than avoiding having a shallow, superficial set of brackets pairing college ladies (past and present) based entirely on looks, they embrace this as a sort of mission to create the sex symbol that no other organization would refuse. Anna Kournikova, after all, never won a WTA singles title, and yet the continued sponsorship that followed her everywhere she went only proves that looking good is indeed just as important as being good.

—Derek

How could we resist?

Candace Parker, Tennessee She’s currently the WNBA’s golden girl as it is anyway, but last year she also added the title of “MILF” to her already impressive career accomplishments.

Claudia Porras, UTEP The Bolivian beauty must have a pretty decent head on her shoulders if she was smart enough to major in marketing.

Sheryl Swoopes, Texas Tech The very first player to be signed by the WNBA, although Sue Wicks beat her to the title of being the league’s first lesbian.

Tamara Abalde, Lamar University Another marketing major, she signed a professional contract with Ros Casares of the Women’s EuroLeague.

Meghan Gardler, Connecticut I can’t decide if she reminds me more of Erin Andrews or the girl to whom I lost my virginity.

Heather Zurich, Rutgers Obviously not the player Don Imus had in mind when calling the 2007 team she was a part of “nappy-headed hos,” she was actually one of the players who subsequently became a spokesperson.

You might be thinking, Who is this girl on the cover? July 2007 I was looking for a bikini shoot, but ended up with an ID model who was much better suited for beauty. Did she really pose in support of Duke? Oh, heck no.

But she did wear some blue and black for one take.

—Madeline

Winner: Pat Summitt Because winning sells tickets. And cougars are in.

And she’s single.

Beatrice and/or Suzy Bofia, Arizona They weren’t able to take the title of world’s tallest twins from American University’s volleyball sisters, Ann and Claire Recht.

Angela Phillips, Kentucky Appropriately enough, the former Wildcats point guard has since pursued a modeling career.

Delta Blues

Global Beauty

A beauty tip from Amy’s mom:

While we wait for that masseuse we’re not allowed to tip to come to the office, here are some exercises for strengthening your neck and delts (actually it’s the trapezius muscle but I wanted to use that headline) that promise to eliminate computer worker fatigue.

Now Anthony will be the only pain in your neck. Do three sets of these exercises three times a week. In each set, do the exercise 10-12 times.

Women’s Health is an awesome magazine, not in the least because they also use the font Chronicle. They recently published a list of beauty secrets from around the world. The tips are the equivalent of American women putting cucumber slices on their eyes. Look at all the other things you could’ve been using to get beautiful that are in your pantry: —Amy

always moisturize your neck.

Shrugs: Grab a 5-20 lb dumbbell in each hand and stand with your feet about hip-width apart. With your arms at your sides, shrug your shoulders toward your ears. Hold for 5 seconds, and lower. Keep your lower jaw and neck relaxed while doing this.

Devilish Beauty

the health & beauty of NCAA March Madness in a bracket of the all-tme most attractive women’s basketball team members

Arm Row: Lean with your left knee and hand on a weight bench and your right foot flat on the floor. Hold a dumbbell in your right hand and let your arm hang down. Keep your back straight and flat, with your torso parallel to the ground. With your back straight, pull the weight up toward your body, remembering to keep your right foot flat. Slowly bring the weight to your armpit, keeping your arm tight to your body. Pause, and lower it to the starting position.

Upright Row: Stand holding a dumbbell in front of you, gripping it with both hands, arms hanging straight down in front of your thighs. Keeping the weight close to your body, pull it upwards towards your chin, letting your elbows bend to the sides. Pause when the weights are just below your chin. Then, slowly lower and repeat.

Shoulder Abduction: Grab a dumbbell with each hand. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, arms at your sides. Lift your arms out to the side to shoulder height (think of it like a bird spreading its wings),

French women soak their fingers in warm water with lemon juice to erase the yellow tinge red polish leaves behind.

Filipino women use grated fresh ginger and finely chopped limes as a body scrub to exfoliate and hydrate their skin.

Costa Rican women combine equal parts OJ and water to make a toner that shrinks pores.

In China, women use rice water (the liquid left over from cooking rice) to clean their faces, because rice has antioxidants to prevent aging.

“If I could tell you girls one thing, it would be...

I wish someone had told me that.” She swears by the

brand ROC.

Another good tip from Amy’s mom:

“Always wear good underwear in case you get into an accident. Those ER nurses talk.”

Take all the raggedy underwear on vacation with you. You can toss it and not have to worry about packing so much dirty laundry. We’re sure those TSA employees to talk, too.

Sunny D I’ve been hearing a lot about Vitamin D deficiency lately. Vitamin D is essential for calcium to absorb properly in your body and keep those bones strong. So while you may be working on your night cheese and thinking you won’t become a hunchback grandma, if you don’t have enough Vitamin D, that cheese is giving you nothing but crazy dreams. Vitamin D is found naturally in fish, organic eggs and the good old sun. Or, take a supplement.

You’ll thank me later when you’ve fallen and you CAN get up.

k C uhiGAn M FiC

h C n Cru

e e Fr

sometimes there can be too much of a good thing—take for instance this redken product i purchased at the beauty sale, soft spin. Here’s what it was supposed to do: lightweight gel boosts fine curls with healthy bounce.

Features the curl-care complex with avocado oil to define curls, control flyaways, and add soft, crunch-free shine.

Crunch-free, my ass! i tried it for the first time today and the result can only be described as crispy. maybe it’s called soft spin for a reason, ’cause whoever wrote that product description was doing some serious spinning. the moral of the story here: sometimes there are things at the beauty sale that you just don’t need and shouldn’t buy, even though they are a dollar. word!

—Meghan

sAlMon rushDie Dinner this dinner for two is quick and healthy. everything cooks in one large skillet. the dish is loaded with vitamins, minerals and omega 3s. omega 3s increase good cholesterol and lower triglycerides, blood pressure and alzheimer’s risk. spinach contains at least 13 cancer-fighting compounds. it’s also rich in vitamin k, which helps maintain healthy bones. serve with farro or quinoa (look em up, they’re super healthy grains that will change your life).

2 9-ounce bags spinach leaves 2 tablespoons olive oil, divided 2 5-ounce salmon fillets with skin ¹/3 cup chopped shallot (1 very large) ¹/3 cup halved pitted kalamata olives ¹/3 cup golden raisins 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar 1 tablespoon honey

steam spinach in a few tablespoons of water in the skillet. toss spinach until just wilted but still bright green. strain and set aside. heat 1 tablespoon oil inskillet over medium-high heat. sprinkle salmon with salt and pepper. place in skillet, skin side up. sear until brown, about 5 minutes; turn fish. Cook until just opaque in center, 5 to 6minutes. transfer to plate; wipe skillet clean.

Add 1 tablespoon olive oil to same skillet. add chopped shallot, halved olives, and golden raisins. stir 1 minute. add spinach; toss until heated through, about 1 minute. season to taste with salt and pepper. mound spinach mixture on plates. top with salmon.

Add balsamic vinegar and honey to skillet. boil until reduced to glaze, about 30 seconds. spoon glaze over salmon and spinach and serve.

heAlthy DisAGreeMent Have you seen the commercials for in-home hands-free soap dispensers? i don’t get it. one summer i volunteered as an easter seals camp counselor. i thought they were crazy for wanting us to use paper towels to run off the faucets. but that made sense. unless your faucet is triggered by motion, you have to touch the faucet again. whatever germs were on your hands before you cleaned them are still there on the faucet after you clean them. you are picking those germs right back up. the camp had no concern about touching the soap dispenser. so why the hell would anyone buy a handsfree soap dispenser for the home?

Just in case you’re thinking this is somehow a logical product to own (instead of maybe a motion-triggered faucet), consider what my baby’s pediatrician said: H1n1 was the worst thing to happen to his practice. with everyone washing their hands so religiously, he had fewer patients. you wash away whatever germs you pick up from the soap dispenser. —MV

hAPPy=heAlthy i must admit the idea of a Health and beauty issue of the dubbs left me wondering “what in the hell am i going to write about.” if you’ve seen me, you obviously know i have no beauty regime. no creams, lotions or hair products. not even cologne. don’t use them, never have, never will. so beauty, not really my thing. as for a health routine, i don’t go to the gym. never been a member of one, and don’t intend to become one. that’s not to say i don’t exercise. i walk a ton, i play as many sports as possible (not really, i limit myself to football, baseball and basketball). i don’t play as much as i like, but it’s enough to keep me sane and in decent shape. although, i don’t believe exercise is the most important thing to keeping you healthy. what i think is more important to your health is your happiness. Find something that makes you happy. something you do simply for you. not for anyone else. and do it as often as possible. For me, it’s drawing. my art is very personal. i do it by myself, for myself. the process of taking a blank canvas and filling it with pencils and inks fills me with a ton of happiness, that in turn keeps me healthy.

Having a wonderful wife that makes sure i’m eating right also helps. i mean, most of you have seen me eat. there isn’t a sweet i don’t like. on top of that, i eat a ton. my mom used to call me the Human trash Compactor. so having a wonderful wife

who is making sure i’m eating right is a huge help. thanks, babe, you’re the best. this issue also is the last before the Final Four this weekend. i love college basketball. the opening day of march madness ranks right up there with super bowl sunday and opening day of mlb for me. this year’s tournament has been great.

From butler’s improbable Final Four run to a plethora of buzzer beaters. west virginia, michigan state, and my pick to win it all, duke, round out the rest of the Final Four. duke versus west virginia on saturday night might prove to be a classic matchup of big conference powerhouses. wvu has played with a chip on its shoulder the whole tournament. they felt they were overlooked as a one seed and have taken it out on each opponent. duke is simply too balanced for the mountaneers. the 3-headed monster or scheyer, smith and singler lead the deepest duke team in years. on the other side michigan state will have to beat butler in what is shaping up to be a butler home game. the odds will be stacked against them. i expect butler’s defense to lock down the spartans for an ugly bulldog win to set up a butler/duke championship game. by the time confetti falls and “one shining moment” hits, Coach k should be hoisting his fourth nCaa title.

players come and go every year in college athletics, so i’ve always found it difficult to work up the enthusiasm so many others seem to have for regular season matchups. while i understand the friends or family i know who have their alma maters or perhaps their parents’ alma maters that they’ve rooted on for as long as they can remember, i instead have found that when it comes to the nCaa—what with the entire recruiting process and annual ensuing coaching carousel that turns my stomach—it is much easier for me to simply find a school to hate. and considering that my school of choice has been the university of michigan (even before i bought a “muck Fichigan” t-shirt when visiting michigan state in high school), it also makes it more rewarding in my mind. intramurals is the extent of the athletics offered by my own alma mater, but who needs a national championship when i’ve already accumulated so many priceless memories of the ways in which the wolverines have broken their fans’ hearts. Consider Chris webber’s attempted timeout with none remaining in the 1993 national Championship, a play that helped make michigan back-to-back losers. and i imagine even kordell stewart can’t complain if generations from now he’s only remembered for his 76-yard Hail mary that sank the wolverines in 1994. while the university isn’t the powerhouse they were a decade ago, there’s still the occasional gem like the 2007 loss to unranked appalachian state. while i’ve often been told not to take joy in the misery of others, cheering on whichever michigan opponent has proven to me that the failures of a team you hate can feel just as satisfying as the success of a team you love. —Derek

Mini BoArD PeePs shoW

the fourth annual Washington Post Peeps diorama Contest drew more than 1,100 sugar-inspired entries. see the winner—a candy-colored take on the movie Up. —Jen

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“It’s not like we go in there to talk to him” -karen

“Did he get lost in Miami” -Jessica

“You must be tapped into a special gay network” -luis

“When I’m lonely I might need a little Matthew Fox” -vicky

“I got hit in the head with a ball, I was daydreaming” -vicky

“I love a good wet towel” -meghan

“There is no one having sex on the beach on this walk”

sePArAteD At Birth Jv (our resident grumpy fantasy expert) and Carl Fredrickson from Up.

-Jessica

“And she’s wondering why they’re canceling dates” -darnel

“I’ve worked with dumber crews” -luis

a few days into my vacation in Germany earlier this month i began to notice something: a significant change, both physically and mentally, in how i was feeling. i believe none of us realize how stress brought on from bills, work, subway commutes, what to wear in the morning, and simple every day city life really affects us. i certainly did not until it started to melt away, one frothy cappuccino and nutella pastry at a time.

don’t get me wrong... stress is good for you, as long as you have a handle on it. stress is what prepares your body to handle intense/dangerous situations. when you are stressed your brain produces the hormones cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine which cause an increase in heartbeat & blood pressure and causes your senses to become sharper. more simply, stress provides a burst of energy, which is great as long as we have a handle on it. as money has become tighter and the luxury of taken a vacation seems to be somewhat of a fairy tale for most of us, we need to resist allowing that accrual number on timestar soar. my highlights were simple, as the best things in life usually are: seeing pale pink walls and buildings, old style typography, cool milk cart design, red shutters, coffee, wine, beer, lots and lots of food, castles, and so many memories!

—Vicky

ADW

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!

Continuing the idea that ancient Central Americans really knew how to get down nutritionally (Aztec diet, what?), I recently added chia seeds to my diet. Yes, chia seeds. The kind you can use to grow Chia pets. More on that in a second.

A recent splash page in O, which Amy pointed out to me, told of how the legendary Tarahumara tribe of Mexico uses it as fuel for their epic 100-mile runs.

While I won’t be running 100 miles anytime soon, I figured, hey... you can never have enough energy when you’re punishing your body like that over any distance. So I found some at Whole Foods and tried them out. Do I get more energy? Well, it’s hard to say.

Anyway, have I grown a Chia pet on my insides? I can confidently say that no, it doesn’t feel like I have. And since our health-care plan is so terrible, I don’t have the money to get an X-ray to find out. I don’t have any unusual stomach pain or bulging, so that’s good... but I digress.

Things that chia seeds provide: Fiber (2 tbsp is equal to 42% of your daily requirement) Omega-3s (4,915 mg in 2 tbsp! Trust me, that’s a lot) Omega-6s (1,620 mg!)

Protein (high in all nine essential amino acids) Antioxidants Calcium Phosphorus Manganese The best way I’ve read to consume them is in a drink, native to Mexico, called chia fresca. It’s essentially homemade lemonade filled with a heaping tablespoon of chia seeds. When in water, the seeds acquire a gelatinous halo of all the good nutritious stuff they store inside, making it easier for your body to absorb it all. How convenient.

—Tom

You may scoff, since it appears I have not benefited from this odd choice, but these tiny seeds pack a whole lot of nutrition.

art department weekly issue 48 vol. 2

Chia fresca (serves 1) 12 oz water ½ lemon, juiced agave nectar 1 heaping tbsp chia seeds Fill a glass with cold water, and add the fresh lemon juice. Stir in agave nectar to taste. Add chia seeds, stirring occasionally for 10-15 minutes to avoid clumping. (Some will float, many won’t; don’t worry, that’s normal.) Once you see the gelatinous halos, it’s bottoms up.

Don’t like the cover?

Turns out, not everyone’s a Duke fan or even very tolerant of them. Here are two minutes of #Duke Tweets from halftime of the Duke-Baylor game... (Btw, “athleticism” is code.)

Dj_Soul Go Baylor... I HATE Duke ... Would love to see a Final4 without a #1 seed

DTyson2010 even though i don’t like #Duke like at all, i really hope #baylor lose!

_BGfromMARS Duke has to be the most non athletic basketball team in the country

Anthob22 I’m goin for duke.. Fuk yall

UrbanHippieInc wow duke at it largest point deficit since the tournament started..they still have time JohnAmussen @jenciTN not to torment you, but Duke is, um, not a great team.

Got some committee love. heidicappie Yes! I wanted Kentucky to win BUT I want Duke to LOSE even more.. #imNOTafan QCBornNBred #Duke Alright Coach K, give ya boy’s whatever they need to pick up the pace...May I suggest cocaine?! I hear it’s #AHellOfADrug

crazietalker Kyle with 0 points and we’re only down 3. Don’t know what to think of this, but he has to contribute if Duke wants to pull this one out.

Big_Bond_Ent #FYI if u like Duke I hate u! :) laffingbuddha Duke Ellington on the wireless, dinner in the oven and I think a cocktail is in order... whiteboytatted @WaltonECU6 fuck #duke

B_flysociety RT @CuzinE215: Let’s go!

Baylor<u lik duke u uncle tom ass nigga lol

Jabber_Wocky I miss seeing my boy E-Will in a Duke uni, but he doin his thing at home in Memphis for his moms, hope u get better Mrs. Williams :)

gonzylla Duke has zero athleticism compared to Baylor.

Texas_Breed #Duke #Duke #Duke #Duke...fuck the bears

KCENSports Baylor up 35-32 at the half against Duke. vegaswatch Duke now 59% to win according to Pinnacle live line. cnp72 Fuck Duke. Go Baylor.

yeadudemarc RT @cutieken_doll: Can someone give me an update on the game too! I hope Duke is losing!

KEIDARUTLAND thats why they play to halfs.. lets re-group Duke

(See Page 3 if you’re looking to understand why some love to hate. See Page 4 if you’re looking for more on the model.)

NCAA Ladies Happy is healthy bon voyage, Stress Global Beauty PLus: Crunch Free Muck Fichigan Don’t Like the Cover?

ADW

Nothing make me happier than...

art department weekly issue 49 vol. 2

Joseph Gordon Levitt’s dance to Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” in 500 Days of Summer.

A dirty martini and a burger. Together.

The Jersey Shore (no joke). —Amy

Jessica asked the entire Art Department to finish the statement “Nothing makes me happier than...”

Amy was the only person to send a response besides me. (Yeah, not even Jessica.) My answer was “family,” hence the cover. Is it wrong to call you a sorry bunch? —Luis

Viva the dubbs Fact: Fact is weird become a designer Sex with benefits PLus: SPeak polish with rich slice this Nothing makes me happier

miNi boArD banana phone!

mAN ArresteD iN meAt AttAck

D

Edinburgh - An Edinburgh man is behind bars facing charges after an incident inside a grocery store’s meat department.

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Police say 28-year-old Anthony Coffman walked into the Jay C. Food Store, pulled out a hunting knife and attacked packages of hamburger, and then threw dog food onto it.

When an employee tried to stop him, police say Coffman lunged at the man with the hunting knife.

“He robbed a homeless guy this morning”

“He told people at the store that God had sent him there to do that. And he was trying to save young girls from the beef,” said Deputy Police Chief David Lutz, Edinburgh Police.

-mohammed

“Twitter me, bitch”

Coffman is charged with criminal mischief and criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon.

-Jessica

“I hate dancing with boys, I only dance with girls”

Fo mo •

adverb | 'Fo-mo | fear of missing out I’m so fomo I had my brother draft my fantasy baseball team so I wouldn’t seem lame to the boys. —Jane

VICKY’S THEORIES

people love the sound of their name. it’s their favorite sound.

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories.

Or scientific reasoning.

Out of Gotham, it’s Henry

4. Sex banishes bad moods Having sex regularly has been successful in boosting moods for centuries.

-Vicky

5. Sex can make you look younger and live longer.

By 4 to 7 years if you are doing it regularly! It is also great for keeping in shape. Thirty minutes between the sheets burns about 200 calories!

“I’m not the YOU police” -anthony

“That’s a sharp piece of wood in her hands... That’s what she said” -anthony

“I just want to know where the firemen are” -Jessica

“That’s why you’ve been so hungry lately” -anthony

“I love how you just discovered the ‘izzle’” -anthony

“You are so gay!”

-meghan

sigN him up!

Tom sent me the above video. It’s a clip from a Japanese game show where they used a pitching machine to fire baseballs at a man decked out in traditional samurai robes. The samurai proceeded to unsheath his sword and slice the baseball in half.

AMAZING! I know Kaz Matsui didn’t work out for the Mets, but that’s no reason to turn your back on the Orient. Sign that guy and plug him in at second base, he’d be an upgrade over Luis Castillo.

6 surprisiNg beNeFits oF seX 1. Sex can boost your immune system People who have sex at least once or twice per week have a 30 percent increase in an immune system-boosting protein compared to those who don’t.

2. Sex is a must-have for men’s health Men who have sex three or more times a week cut their risk of suffering heart attack and stroke in half, and may protect men against prostate cancer.

3. Sex melts away pain Orgasms release endorphins that can alleviate arthritis and, for women, it can help with those monthly cramps.

6. Sex makes you $100,000 happier.

Having sex regularly makes people happier than earning more money?

According to a study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research, marriages featuring frequent sex left couples feeling as happy as earning an extra $100,000 annually. Is it true? It can’t hurt to try!

—Vicky via roldale.com

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so you WANNA be iN FAct The boys of Romper Room try to add a little Pom into their diet. Obviously the taste (they didn’t dilute with water, and it smells like death) wasn’t for them.

vivA the Dubbs This week I announced my resignation from Niche (expect a long good-bye in next week’s Dubbs) as I am moving over to Maxim. After “congratulations,” the next most popular response to the news was “What’s going to happen to ADW?”

My answer, of course, is it will continue to come out weekly. While ADW originated as a means to tout our various goings on (and of course show how awesome we are), people outside the Art Department (Rich?) and Niche became eager to contribute. The more we talked about food, the more other people wanted to get involved. And then those people started writing about everything but food.

As you’ll see in this issue, Fact loves to share how they keep themselves entertained in the Romper Room, with and without food.

The Decadence D’Or cupcake made with Palmira Single Estate Chocolate and Tahitian Gold Vanilla Caviar, topped with Louis XIII de Remy Martin Cognac and a smattering of edible gold flakes. $750

so you WANNA speAk polish Actually, let’s not really speak Polish, since I like to use vowels. Oh Snap! It’s okay, I’m sorta Polish. Anyway if you’re up in the Greenpoint area, and you got a hunger going on, you need to check out Lomzynianka, the best Polish food in Greenpoint. For $5.75 you can get Bigos (meat, cabbage, stuff), potatoes, shredded carrots, and a salad that can fill even the mightiest ADW reader in town. Still hungry you say? Get some pierogies on the side for 4 bucks! They come in three flavors, plus you can get them fried or boiled. To make it even better, the restaurant looks like your Polish grandmother’s kitchen, complete with dear head. So next time you’re in my neck in the woods, let’s go. I’m always down. We can eat like kings, even on a Niche salary! —Rich

We’ve also included a spread with job advice. I won’t be here to guide you all anymore, but there are some helpful websites to continue to steer you in the right direction. (Though, they might not be as vocal as me about the importance of knowing how to use an X-acto properly.)

So, while I won’t physically be here to hand out ADW, my distribution manager (yep, that’s you Jessica) will continue to receive a pdf to print and fold each week.

Hopefully my absence from Niche won’t deter any of the original contributors from cutting ties with the Dubbs (regardless of their X-acto skills). Yes, of course, the Dubbs will continue to live on—both in print and online.

Long live the Dubbs!

After last week’s feature story, I can’t fail

to mention that this week saw the culmination of the NCAA Men’s and Women’s Basketball tournaments. The men’s tournament ended on Monday night in a classic David and Goliath battle of the Duke Blue Devils and the Butler Bulldogs. Simply put it was one of the greatest games I’ve ever seen. Neither team had a lead of more than 6 points and the game wasn’t decided until the final seconds when Brian Zoubek hit a free throw to give Duke a 2-point lead.

The Devils then had to sweat out a half court heave by Butler’s Gordon Hayward which barely missed. Just barely.

The women’s tournament ended on Tueday night to much less fanfare. The UConn Huskies defeated the Stanford Cardinals to finish up a second straight undefeated season. The Lady Huskies continue to be the most dominant team in organized sports as they’ve now won 78 consecutive games. It’s a ridiculous streak in this modern day of sports. True, they get the best recruits, and, because of Geno’s fued with Pat Summit, they rarely if ever play meaningful regular season games. They are clearly a stacked team, but their accomplishments cannot be overlooked.

Congrats to the Duke Blue Devils and the Uconn Huskies on their championship winning seasons.

Once again LV was going off on poor X-acto skills. I rolled my eyes, but inside I cringed, shamed by my history with cutting blades.

Advertising people use X-actos. No. Minions of advertising people use X-actos. I knew a girl who could freehand perfect circles with an X-acto because she’d spent the summer as an ad agency intern. What happened when my roommate started at an ad agency? They handed her an X-acto. She cut herself with the first slice.

Back to edit she went.

My first internship straddled edit and advertising. When I interviewed with Time Inc. Custom Publishing, the woman asked if I was good with my hands. Sure... They hand you a ruler with the X-acto, but no one says it’s like drafting. You can’t break your wrist. Firm strokes. I like to sketch. I preferred the box cutter. One of the designers told me to use an X-acto.

Then he asked me to build a comp for him. Twenty minutes later he was yelling at me that he needed to reprint the whole thing because he couldn’t send the client my jagged comp. —MV

e c i sl is

th

so you WANNA be iN FAct The boys of Romper Room try to add a little Pom into their diet. Obviously the taste (they didn’t dilute with water, and it smells like death) wasn’t for them.

vivA the Dubbs This week I announced my resignation from Niche (expect a long good-bye in next week’s Dubbs) as I am moving over to Maxim. After “congratulations,” the next most popular response to the news was “What’s going to happen to ADW?”

My answer, of course, is it will continue to come out weekly. While ADW originated as a means to tout our various goings on (and of course show how awesome we are), people outside the Art Department (Rich?) and Niche became eager to contribute. The more we talked about food, the more other people wanted to get involved. And then those people started writing about everything but food.

As you’ll see in this issue, Fact loves to share how they keep themselves entertained in the Romper Room, with and without food.

The Decadence D’Or cupcake made with Palmira Single Estate Chocolate and Tahitian Gold Vanilla Caviar, topped with Louis XIII de Remy Martin Cognac and a smattering of edible gold flakes. $750

so you WANNA speAk polish Actually, let’s not really speak Polish, since I like to use vowels. Oh Snap! It’s okay, I’m sorta Polish. Anyway if you’re up in the Greenpoint area, and you got a hunger going on, you need to check out Lomzynianka, the best Polish food in Greenpoint. For $5.75 you can get Bigos (meat, cabbage, stuff), potatoes, shredded carrots, and a salad that can fill even the mightiest ADW reader in town. Still hungry you say? Get some pierogies on the side for 4 bucks! They come in three flavors, plus you can get them fried or boiled. To make it even better, the restaurant looks like your Polish grandmother’s kitchen, complete with dear head. So next time you’re in my neck in the woods, let’s go. I’m always down. We can eat like kings, even on a Niche salary! —Rich

We’ve also included a spread with job advice. I won’t be here to guide you all anymore, but there are some helpful websites to continue to steer you in the right direction. (Though, they might not be as vocal as me about the importance of knowing how to use an X-acto properly.)

So, while I won’t physically be here to hand out ADW, my distribution manager (yep, that’s you Jessica) will continue to receive a pdf to print and fold each week.

Hopefully my absence from Niche won’t deter any of the original contributors from cutting ties with the Dubbs (regardless of their X-acto skills). Yes, of course, the Dubbs will continue to live on—both in print and online.

Long live the Dubbs!

After last week’s feature story, I can’t fail

to mention that this week saw the culmination of the NCAA Men’s and Women’s Basketball tournaments. The men’s tournament ended on Monday night in a classic David and Goliath battle of the Duke Blue Devils and the Butler Bulldogs. Simply put it was one of the greatest games I’ve ever seen. Neither team had a lead of more than 6 points and the game wasn’t decided until the final seconds when Brian Zoubek hit a free throw to give Duke a 2-point lead.

The Devils then had to sweat out a half court heave by Butler’s Gordon Hayward which barely missed. Just barely.

The women’s tournament ended on Tueday night to much less fanfare. The UConn Huskies defeated the Stanford Cardinals to finish up a second straight undefeated season. The Lady Huskies continue to be the most dominant team in organized sports as they’ve now won 78 consecutive games. It’s a ridiculous streak in this modern day of sports. True, they get the best recruits, and, because of Geno’s fued with Pat Summit, they rarely if ever play meaningful regular season games. They are clearly a stacked team, but their accomplishments cannot be overlooked.

Congrats to the Duke Blue Devils and the Uconn Huskies on their championship winning seasons.

Once again LV was going off on poor X-acto skills. I rolled my eyes, but inside I cringed, shamed by my history with cutting blades.

Advertising people use X-actos. No. Minions of advertising people use X-actos. I knew a girl who could freehand perfect circles with an X-acto because she’d spent the summer as an ad agency intern. What happened when my roommate started at an ad agency? They handed her an X-acto. She cut herself with the first slice.

Back to edit she went.

My first internship straddled edit and advertising. When I interviewed with Time Inc. Custom Publishing, the woman asked if I was good with my hands. Sure... They hand you a ruler with the X-acto, but no one says it’s like drafting. You can’t break your wrist. Firm strokes. I like to sketch. I preferred the box cutter. One of the designers told me to use an X-acto.

Then he asked me to build a comp for him. Twenty minutes later he was yelling at me that he needed to reprint the whole thing because he couldn’t send the client my jagged comp. —MV

So you want to be a designer Much like e-How, Art Bistro has all kinds of “helpful” tips for how to become successful in any art department. However, Art Bistro gets their information from real life designers, so it is a bit more like listening to a colleague rather than a homeless person.

9

Steps to Becoming a Designer

15. “I’m a jack of all trades.”

14. Never say yes to a hard deadline on the spot.

Do you want to become a designer but don’t know where to begin? Here is a nine-step guide to help you along the way.

You will learn about the different paths to a career in the arts, how to choose a school, and how to get your dream job.

This guide is meant for prospective, current, and second career designers.

13. “We’re running a special on Obama logos.”

Step One: Recognize Your Design Abilities

5. “You have bad taste.”

Step Two: Research Design Careers

3. “Your logo is awful” (or outdated, or ugly, or whatever)

Step Three: Narrow Your Interests in Design

1. “We always provide three solutions: one mild, one medium and one spicy…”

Step Four: Identify Lacking Design Skills

12. The client is always right.

11. We never read the type we only look at the typography.

10. Never say you will do it… when you won’t.

9. I’ll redesign it while we’re talking and PDF it back before I hang up.

8. Never “dis” the competition 7. No. (You should never say “no” to a project out of fear of the challenge. —Pablo Solomon Artist & Designer) 6. “You can save money by using a cheap printer.” (Always say: “Cost effective.”)

4. “Pick whatever color you want. It’s all subjective.”

2. “I’ve never done that before.”

ADW feels No. 1 is incredibly lame. Perhaps it’s more in the writing than in the actual advice. If you want to be a designer who always gets his way, don’t tell the editors or clients that what you want is somewhere between two extremes.

Step Five: Choose a Design School Step Six: Networking for Designers Step Seven: Internship Step Eight: Interviewing Step Nine: Follow Up and Do Not Give Up — Valerie Atkisson/ArtBistro

Fryda found this amazing illustrator, Michael Myers, who does cartoon-style illustrations of many of the main characters from Lost (you may have seen the illo of Hugo hanging in the newly established man club...

Ask Fryda and Vicky). If you love Lost, you’ll love looking at the art on this site. Check it out at behance.net.

15 Things a Deisnger Should Never Say

When searching for this article again, I was wildly amused by Google’s suggestions for “25 things.” There are that many people curious about what to do in St. Louis?

So you want to be an illustrator Thanks to Rich, we can now experience complete awesomeness—the A-Z of Awesomeness, a project undertaken for ‘fun’ in June 2009 on neillcameron.com.

Each day the artist would post a new drawing, based on suggestions from followers of his blog, Facebook and Twitter. 26 drawings over 26 days, one for each letter of the alphabet.

So you want to be a crusader

There were no rules as to what people could suggest, merely that it be...

Awesome.

Luis (pictured above with caption) recently decided to crusade against the superfluous use of captions on the pages of our magazines.

It ended up being a lot of fun for the artist, with more than 600 people joining the Facebook group and coming up with all manner of insane suggestions every day.

“Use the menu on the left to browse through the entire A-Z, and why not check out my blog—I’m sure I’ll end up doing another of these, or something equally ill-advised, sooner or later.”

So you want to be a photographer A very important lesson from Rich. Everyone should know the difference between their Barry Allen and their Jay Garrick settings.

Check it Out Anna was an intern here in the photo department who was great. Her blog also quite great. annastockwell.blogspot.com

Photo taken without flash.

Photo taken with the Flash.

Take for example the case of a recent page in LAC. It was a full page interview with Neal Patrick Harris, whose name was listed prominently in the deck. There was only one image on the page: a full page shot of Neal Patrick Harris. Yet, when Luis received the folder for second round, someone had asked for a caption to be added. What...? That’s sheer lunacy. We have to give our readers a little more credit. If they’re reading our mags and in the targeted demographic, that means their loaded. Not to say all loaded folks are smart, but they should at least be able put together the clues that NPH in the man in the picture. If not, can we even be sure they’d find the caption?

As a result of the conversation that was started from the above example, numerous captions have been eliminated from the current issue of LAC...

SUCCESS!

So you want to be a designer Much like e-How, Art Bistro has all kinds of “helpful” tips for how to become successful in any art department. However, Art Bistro gets their information from real life designers, so it is a bit more like listening to a colleague rather than a homeless person.

9

Steps to Becoming a Designer

15. “I’m a jack of all trades.”

14. Never say yes to a hard deadline on the spot.

Do you want to become a designer but don’t know where to begin? Here is a nine-step guide to help you along the way.

You will learn about the different paths to a career in the arts, how to choose a school, and how to get your dream job.

This guide is meant for prospective, current, and second career designers.

13. “We’re running a special on Obama logos.”

Step One: Recognize Your Design Abilities

5. “You have bad taste.”

Step Two: Research Design Careers

3. “Your logo is awful” (or outdated, or ugly, or whatever)

Step Three: Narrow Your Interests in Design

1. “We always provide three solutions: one mild, one medium and one spicy…”

Step Four: Identify Lacking Design Skills

12. The client is always right.

11. We never read the type we only look at the typography.

10. Never say you will do it… when you won’t.

9. I’ll redesign it while we’re talking and PDF it back before I hang up.

8. Never “dis” the competition 7. No. (You should never say “no” to a project out of fear of the challenge. —Pablo Solomon Artist & Designer) 6. “You can save money by using a cheap printer.” (Always say: “Cost effective.”)

4. “Pick whatever color you want. It’s all subjective.”

2. “I’ve never done that before.”

ADW feels No. 1 is incredibly lame. Perhaps it’s more in the writing than in the actual advice. If you want to be a designer who always gets his way, don’t tell the editors or clients that what you want is somewhere between two extremes.

Step Five: Choose a Design School Step Six: Networking for Designers Step Seven: Internship Step Eight: Interviewing Step Nine: Follow Up and Do Not Give Up — Valerie Atkisson/ArtBistro

Fryda found this amazing illustrator, Michael Myers, who does cartoon-style illustrations of many of the main characters from Lost (you may have seen the illo of Hugo hanging in the newly established man club...

Ask Fryda and Vicky). If you love Lost, you’ll love looking at the art on this site. Check it out at behance.net.

15 Things a Deisnger Should Never Say

When searching for this article again, I was wildly amused by Google’s suggestions for “25 things.” There are that many people curious about what to do in St. Louis?

So you want to be an illustrator Thanks to Rich, we can now experience complete awesomeness—the A-Z of Awesomeness, a project undertaken for ‘fun’ in June 2009 on neillcameron.com.

Each day the artist would post a new drawing, based on suggestions from followers of his blog, Facebook and Twitter. 26 drawings over 26 days, one for each letter of the alphabet.

So you want to be a crusader

There were no rules as to what people could suggest, merely that it be...

Awesome.

Luis (pictured above with caption) recently decided to crusade against the superfluous use of captions on the pages of our magazines.

It ended up being a lot of fun for the artist, with more than 600 people joining the Facebook group and coming up with all manner of insane suggestions every day.

“Use the menu on the left to browse through the entire A-Z, and why not check out my blog—I’m sure I’ll end up doing another of these, or something equally ill-advised, sooner or later.”

So you want to be a photographer A very important lesson from Rich. Everyone should know the difference between their Barry Allen and their Jay Garrick settings.

Check it Out Anna was an intern here in the photo department who was great. Her blog also quite great. annastockwell.blogspot.com

Photo taken without flash.

Photo taken with the Flash.

Take for example the case of a recent page in LAC. It was a full page interview with Neal Patrick Harris, whose name was listed prominently in the deck. There was only one image on the page: a full page shot of Neal Patrick Harris. Yet, when Luis received the folder for second round, someone had asked for a caption to be added. What...? That’s sheer lunacy. We have to give our readers a little more credit. If they’re reading our mags and in the targeted demographic, that means their loaded. Not to say all loaded folks are smart, but they should at least be able put together the clues that NPH in the man in the picture. If not, can we even be sure they’d find the caption?

As a result of the conversation that was started from the above example, numerous captions have been eliminated from the current issue of LAC...

SUCCESS!

miNi boArD banana phone!

mAN ArresteD iN meAt AttAck

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Edinburgh - An Edinburgh man is behind bars facing charges after an incident inside a grocery store’s meat department.

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Police say 28-year-old Anthony Coffman walked into the Jay C. Food Store, pulled out a hunting knife and attacked packages of hamburger, and then threw dog food onto it.

When an employee tried to stop him, police say Coffman lunged at the man with the hunting knife.

“He robbed a homeless guy this morning”

“He told people at the store that God had sent him there to do that. And he was trying to save young girls from the beef,” said Deputy Police Chief David Lutz, Edinburgh Police.

-mohammed

“Twitter me, bitch”

Coffman is charged with criminal mischief and criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon.

-Jessica

“I hate dancing with boys, I only dance with girls”

Fo mo •

adverb | 'Fo-mo | fear of missing out I’m so fomo I had my brother draft my fantasy baseball team so I wouldn’t seem lame to the boys. —Jane

VICKY’S THEORIES

people love the sound of their name. it’s their favorite sound.

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories.

Or scientific reasoning.

Out of Gotham, it’s Henry

4. Sex banishes bad moods Having sex regularly has been successful in boosting moods for centuries.

-Vicky

5. Sex can make you look younger and live longer.

By 4 to 7 years if you are doing it regularly! It is also great for keeping in shape. Thirty minutes between the sheets burns about 200 calories!

“I’m not the YOU police” -anthony

“That’s a sharp piece of wood in her hands... That’s what she said” -anthony

“I just want to know where the firemen are” -Jessica

“That’s why you’ve been so hungry lately” -anthony

“I love how you just discovered the ‘izzle’” -anthony

“You are so gay!”

-meghan

sigN him up!

Tom sent me the above video. It’s a clip from a Japanese game show where they used a pitching machine to fire baseballs at a man decked out in traditional samurai robes. The samurai proceeded to unsheath his sword and slice the baseball in half.

AMAZING! I know Kaz Matsui didn’t work out for the Mets, but that’s no reason to turn your back on the Orient. Sign that guy and plug him in at second base, he’d be an upgrade over Luis Castillo.

6 surprisiNg beNeFits oF seX 1. Sex can boost your immune system People who have sex at least once or twice per week have a 30 percent increase in an immune system-boosting protein compared to those who don’t.

2. Sex is a must-have for men’s health Men who have sex three or more times a week cut their risk of suffering heart attack and stroke in half, and may protect men against prostate cancer.

3. Sex melts away pain Orgasms release endorphins that can alleviate arthritis and, for women, it can help with those monthly cramps.

6. Sex makes you $100,000 happier.

Having sex regularly makes people happier than earning more money?

According to a study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research, marriages featuring frequent sex left couples feeling as happy as earning an extra $100,000 annually. Is it true? It can’t hurt to try!

—Vicky via roldale.com

ADW

Nothing make me happier than...

art department weekly issue 49 vol. 2

Joseph Gordon Levitt’s dance to Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” in 500 Days of Summer.

A dirty martini and a burger. Together.

The Jersey Shore (no joke). —Amy

Jessica asked the entire Art Department to finish the statement “Nothing makes me happier than...”

Amy was the only person to send a response besides me. (Yeah, not even Jessica.) My answer was “family,” hence the cover. Is it wrong to call you a sorry bunch? —Luis

Viva the dubbs Fact: Fact is weird become a designer Sex with benefits PLus: SPeak polish with rich slice this Nothing makes me happier

The Car Bomb Cupcake When you find a recipe for a dessert that calls for Guinness chocolate cake, Jameson ganache centers and Bailey’s frosting, you don’t sleep on it.

The perfect occasion?

Anthony’s 30plus birthday.

ADW

art department weekly issue 50 vol. 2

Makes 20 - 24 cupcakes Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes 1 cup Guinness (there’s half a can left over, for you to enjoy) 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 cups all purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda 3/4 teaspoon salt 2 large eggs 2/3 cup sour cream Jameson Ganache Filling 8 ounces bittersweet chocolate 2/3 cup heavy cream 2 tablespoons butter, room temperature 1 to 2 teaspoons Jameson

Make the cupcakes Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 24 cupcake cups with liners. Bring stout and butter to simmer in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and whisk until mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.

Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt in large bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and sour cream in another large bowl to blend. Add stout-chocolate mixture to egg mixture and beat just to combine. Add flour mixture and beat briefly on slow speed. Using rubber spatula, fold batter until completely combined. Divide batter among cupcake liners, filling them 2/3 to 3/4 of the way. Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, rotating them once front to back if your oven bakes unevenly, about 17 minutes. Cool cupcakes on a rack completely.

Make the filling Chop the chocolate and transfer it to a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate. Let it sit for one minute and then stir until smooth. Add the butter and whiskey and stir until combined.

Baileys Frosting 3 to 4 cups confections sugar 1 stick (1/2 cup or 4 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature 3 to 4 tablespoons Baileys (or milk or cream – I used cream AND Jameson) Special equipment A piping bag (I used a Ziplock plastic bag with the corner snipped off)

Fill the cupcakes: Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped. Cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes with a paring knife and spoon or apple corer. You want to go most of the way down the cupcake but not cut through the bottom— aim for 2/3 of the way. Put the centers aside for you to snack on. Put the ganache into a piping bag or Ziplock and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top.

Make the frosting Whip the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, for several minutes. You want to get it very light and fluffy. Slowly add the powdered sugar, a few tablespoons at a time.

When the frosting looks thick enough to spread, drizzle in the Baileys (or milk) and whip it until combined.

Ice and decorate the cupcakes.

My life post-niche driving miss crazy Farewell car bombs PLus: Vicky facts Hooray for yankees suck it, haters

miNi BoArD WiNe oh!

Boxed wine fans, meet a new invention: the Baggy Wine coat. simply place a bag of wine in this purse, close the flexible top, et voilà! You have a way to carry your wine with you wherever you go. The savvy sack has a rubber bottom to prevent tipping over, as well as a side dispenser. Would you carry it — or do you think it's just style over substance?

—Jane, from YumSugar.com Would you carry the Baggy Wine Coat?

74% heck yes! This is the most brilliant thing since boxed wine itself.

26% no way.

That just seems tacky to me.

More than 3,000 votes cast on yumsugar.com. The “no” box is the same height as the “Yes” box.

DriviNG miss CrAZy (or, sunDAY WiTh JessicA)

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“Oh, you know those Russians, do they even bathe that often” -meghan

“European straight is American gay” -anthony

VickY’s Theories

people love waking up to the scent and sight of flowers.

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. or scientific reasoning.

“They’re not gay, they’re black” -amy

“Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks” -britney

“Oh, I got your nuts right here”

BLiND iTem This art director is a skirt-chasing partyer. he’s recently single and on the prowl. n’est-ce pas? he’s got a voracious appetite for destruction and likes to hunt where he roosts. Let’s call him “A.” This designer loves men (especially ones in uniform). she’s also recently single and not quite sure what she wants. she’s been linked to a few of her co-workers, even the married ones (n’est-ce pas?). Let’s call her “B.” A and B work together and bicker constantly. A has said he hates B. But others think it’s all a bit overkill (n’est-ce cover option —Fryda pas?). B has been spotted in A’s apartment. Just last week, B received a gift on her desk from Anonymous. recently, A had a baby scare, and the nothing make me sadder than typos woman remains a mystery. B has publicly in headlines. please excuse our announced she’s gained 7 pounds. could we see a little Assica soon? home sloppiness in issue 49 as well as any is where the heart is, n’est-ce pas?

—BBC other issue where we screwed up.

ADW reGreTs

-anthony

“Man, I have a serious case of swamp ass” -cb

“THANK YOU, I’m inspired” -anthony

“Hey baby, chew on these” -anthony

Last week Jessica and i took a scenic drive to fishkill, nY. (Wappinger falls? hopewell Junction? The Gps and Google maps seemed to think we were at the crossroads to nowhere.) The occasion was our former colleague Lora’s baby shower. (Yup, she’s due in July!) Luis right away dubbed the trip “Driving Miss crazy” and seemed to think hilarity would ensue.

um ALBops

Drpr 1!

A

sure, it was a bit rocky in the beginning, trying to pick Jessica up at Atlantic Terminal when she had never been there (“i AM in front of Target! Wait, i think it has more than one side...”) and i didn’t realize it was a labryinth of one way streets (i’m usually on foot there). But after that, it was pretty smooth sailing.

We crawled through devilish traffic in Yonkers (birthplace of all evil, see Anthony), drove on the cross Bronx expressway and over many bridges i don’t know the names of (see pictures), and passed a railroad shantytown before arriving at the sons of italy/Joe Di Maggio Lodge (for real). We partied down with Lora’s cuban in-laws and Jessica was forced to take home a plate of chicken and rice by the grandma. on the way back, we saw a drunk guy unable to get off his bicycle in park slope (really? it’s not a horse. You pretty much just need to step down) and i had to stop to gas up the car. This is funny because i’m from new Jersey; we pump our fists, not our gas. stay tuned for next week’s sunday with rich (or richmas part Deux).

no, there’s no album. ADW just couldn’t get over this photo. surprise! You’re all so coordinated. seriously. Lora has Amy’s belt (and sunglasses) and Jessica’s jewelry. Beyonce’s mom couldn’t have hoped for more with Destiny’s child costumes. Below: Lora’s entrance, truly surprised; sons of italy lodge (complete with “italy Time” clock); “something”; bridges; and Amy pumping gas.

Back to the Future

My Life Post-Niche

I miss all of you so much and hope you’re all doing well. Seeing that my internship at Niche ended two and a half months ago, I thought I would give you all an update on a few events that have happened so far.

WHO DAT?! That’s right, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras! Fresh off its Super Bowl victory, the city was insanely happy/crazy/inebriated. Beads are really dangerous.

Especially during when they are hurled through the air at night parades. I thought my coordination from all those years of adolescent sports was finally paying off… until I got hit right in the face. No joke. Thought I chipped a tooth.

Also, beware of Hurricanes. I’m talking about the infamous yet refreshing fruity drink.

Goes down real easy and then BAM! It hits you hard and fast. When my friends and I saw these pretty red drinks, we neglected to find out exactly what was in them (4 shots of dark rum) and had three rounds. Oops! We made lots of new friends that afternoon.

There I was—October 2003— the person in charge of getting all the content up on ELLEgirl’s site. For a 23-year-old, I thought I had a pretty sweet gig. Until I got this advertorial. Then I just wanted beat my head against the wall. What was I doing? I wanted to be DESIGNING. More specifically, I wanted to be designing pieces like this. But I sat on a different floor from the promo people. It would be years before they’d have any idea that this piece from LV had spurred young Madeline on to become a fully fledged designer. (Though she would never work in the kind of department that had two nickels to rub together let alone enough money to get a cabbie to park it for a photoshoot.) So, while I’m glad you have some nice editorial pieces to add to your collection, LV, I’m kind of excited to see what opportunities Alpha affords you.

—Madeline

NEW APT! I finally cut the cord and am now roughin’ it in Williamsburg. Aside from the hipsters who swarm the streets, it’s not that bad. I live above my landlady, who is this Italian grandma from Napoli. She’s great. Recently she’s been giving us food and cookies! And the apartment always smells really good when I come home.

I’m still exploring the area. I just found out that the Union Pool does not actually have a pool inside. I’m pretty sure there’s a mafia hangout around the corner. Also there’s a bar called Lazy Catfish that gives out free PBR on Tuesday nights! However, that interferes with Lost so I haven’t had the chance to go yet. I’ll let you know how it is when the season ends.

HUGE! After many sad days of rejection from prospective employers, I finally heard back from HUGE. They took me on as a Visual Design Intern. Their work is all web— they’ve done sites for Jet Blue, IKEA, CNN, and Pepsi Refresh. I was really fortunate that they took a chance on me (especially since I have absolutely no experience in web design…). It’s a company I’ve admired for a while and really wanted to work for, and it’s a great environment. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Niche, but at HUGE people bring their dogs to work!

So that about sums it all up. Take care everyone! Let me know about future reunions—I would even be down to use cured herring, potatoes and onions as a chaser again. Gag. —Stef

A few more show stoppers: 60 Years of the Bikini at Bloomingdale’s, ELLEgirl Times Square billboard, Heidi Klum with her taxi top.

Alternate Cover

“There’s a blank page. Do you have plans for that?” Yeah, yeah. Of course. I was going to put some of the pictures of LV’s Niche spreads here. But, oh wait, we had no plans for the cover. Looking around, I found this picture of the short-legged cat hugging his lover. I think it’s brilliant b/c his legs are just so little. And they’re just so gay. And that seemed to be a running theme this issue. (See “Overheard in Art” and unedited version of the editor’s letter.) Alas, the cats didn’t make it to the cover. I put LV’s work there and the cats here. Maybe another day, kitties. In the meantime, LV will miss handing out the printed copies of the Dubbs and talking to Tom. —Madeline

o Je y D Ar

CApT. CALL-ouT Goes oNLiNe! After limping in Thursday morning extremely hungover and an hour late, i ran into Jess sarro who donned her cape and immediately began busting my chops. To her credit, she took a two-prong approach and continued the ball busting online. it’s official, —DRM captain call-out is now digital!

p

i WiLL Never Do ANoTher mAGAZiNe

Before seeing an actual episode of celebrity Jeopardy tonight, this was the most amazing thing i had ever seen on Jeopardy: one guy about to be declared the winner automatically because the other two contestants were in the hole.

What’s happening in that little photo? see “Blind item” on Miniboard.

suCk iT, hATers This month’s Glamour shows that a majority of women (okay, people clicking on polls on the Glamour website) do not agree with niche women who protested Bearduary.

While 54 percent might not sound like a strong victory, look at these examples. They put some of the weakest, homeliest players on the beard team. Beards conquer all.

After two days of beating up on women, though, Morgan, the champ, had his ass handed to him. That’s him in the red.

The real winner on this day was the bartender, far right, who calmly buzzed in.

Morgan and the other guy were like two over-competitive video gamers. This photo doesn’t do their dramatics justice. celebrity Jeopardy is quite amazing.

Actors guess, shout out any phrase that comes to mind, and then say, “i knew that” after Alex reads the answer.

“never. i’m done with publishing.” My wife shrugged her shoulders, figuring all just-laid-off people are entitled to their moments of melodrama. it was April 2008 and Rolling Stone had broken my heart. i was sure it would be something more than just a fling; i was leaving eLLe where i’d spent a lifetime. But Rolling Stone was not what i’d imagined, and when the going got rough (the economy was still bottoming out) it kicked my ass to the curb. i swore i would never do it again.

Magazines were dead. i did pet food labels and brochures and advertisements. Then i got a phone call from an old freelancer named Jodi. she was homebound with a broken foot and thought i would be a good fit at niche. Again, my wife shrugged her shoulders. i made a call and met with Meghan o’neill. it went really well. so well that i recall saying, “she seems so nice, i think i’d like it there.” i was offered a short-term freelance position. on my first day, Jessica taught me about all the things i would have to do and everything i’d have to look out for. near the end of my first two weeks, Meghan offered me a position as her maternity fill-in. By this point, i was enjoying myself. i loved the people, i liked the work, so i decided why not. What do i have to lose? i accepted.

Amid all kinds of moves (carlos is the new creative Director, oops, nicole is still the creative Director), i was offered a full-time role. i was extremely happy. i loved the team and decided to accept. i was immediately given Aspen Peak and Hamptons. To say i was scared shit about the hamps schedule would be putting it mildly. Luckily, camille was my Me on both books. We’d have one book under our belts before the craziness of a weekly. it worked out better than i could imagine. camille and i attacked work and became a

well-oiled machine. We banged out Hamptons with barely a hitch. she is an absolute star, one of the people i will miss working with the most.

What can i say, it’s been a blast. one of the most pleasureable experiences i’ve ever had in my 16+ years in publishing. i love the team and will miss every single one of them.... Meghan, i will miss our early morning discussions about the cards, henry and your general awesomeness. You set the tone for my experience; i fell in love with niche Media becauseof you. Anthony, i’ll miss your night-out stories. continue to be great. Amy, even though i was scared of you when i first started, i grew to admire your work ethic and loved sharing Glee stories with you (plus you were the contributor of the year for ADW). fryda, no one went through more, from relocating to changing books, and you handled it like a star, continuing to put out great work.

Vicky, your cheery attitude always made it a pleasure to work with you. Jessica, i’ll miss our walks and talks. Believe in yourself. nicole, thank you for letting me be a part of this great team. i enjoyed every minute.

There are a ton more people who deserve recognition so i’ll try my best here...

The kids in fact, continue to be weird.

There is no tighter group in all of niche. callahan, keep romper room in order.

Murphy, you rock, much love. rich, you were the best iT guy ever. And, Tom, i’ll miss you a ton. not only were you an asset to the Thursday night crew, but who will i bug about the greatness of Derek Jeter on the way back from the coffee machine? i anticipate more sporcles. niche has been very good to me. i’ve made friends that i think will be with me for the rest of my life, so while i leave for Maxim, please know that niche will always have a spot in my heart.

kAL Goes To The sTADium 4/14/2010 A day i will remember for the rest of my life. it was the day i took my son, kal, to his very first Yankee game. Will he remember? nope, but it was one of the very best moments of my life. i took my son, named after superman (i know, awesome), to his very first game before he even turned a year old. (i don’t know if i can say any of this enough.) even as the Yanks lost (thanks Javy Vazuez), it was impossible to wipe the smile off my face. if you’ve met kal, you know he’s a ham. people stared, a few stopped us. one guy said he wished he could bring his 7-month-old.

Another proclaimed how gorgeous my baby is. A third declared kal is a real fan because he stuck it out until the very end. i like to think kal will have his Yanks foam finger for years to come (take that, Braves foam tomahawk), and i’ll be able to tell him what a fuss he created at the stadium.

The game went into the record books as a loss, but whenever i think of this game it’ll be a huge win for me. i still can’t believe i took my son to Yankee stadium.

Back to the Future

My Life Post-Niche

I miss all of you so much and hope you’re all doing well. Seeing that my internship at Niche ended two and a half months ago, I thought I would give you all an update on a few events that have happened so far.

WHO DAT?! That’s right, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras! Fresh off its Super Bowl victory, the city was insanely happy/crazy/inebriated. Beads are really dangerous.

Especially during when they are hurled through the air at night parades. I thought my coordination from all those years of adolescent sports was finally paying off… until I got hit right in the face. No joke. Thought I chipped a tooth.

Also, beware of Hurricanes. I’m talking about the infamous yet refreshing fruity drink.

Goes down real easy and then BAM! It hits you hard and fast. When my friends and I saw these pretty red drinks, we neglected to find out exactly what was in them (4 shots of dark rum) and had three rounds. Oops! We made lots of new friends that afternoon.

There I was—October 2003— the person in charge of getting all the content up on ELLEgirl’s site. For a 23-year-old, I thought I had a pretty sweet gig. Until I got this advertorial. Then I just wanted beat my head against the wall. What was I doing? I wanted to be DESIGNING. More specifically, I wanted to be designing pieces like this. But I sat on a different floor from the promo people. It would be years before they’d have any idea that this piece from LV had spurred young Madeline on to become a fully fledged designer. (Though she would never work in the kind of department that had two nickels to rub together let alone enough money to get a cabbie to park it for a photoshoot.) So, while I’m glad you have some nice editorial pieces to add to your collection, LV, I’m kind of excited to see what opportunities Alpha affords you.

—Madeline

NEW APT! I finally cut the cord and am now roughin’ it in Williamsburg. Aside from the hipsters who swarm the streets, it’s not that bad. I live above my landlady, who is this Italian grandma from Napoli. She’s great. Recently she’s been giving us food and cookies! And the apartment always smells really good when I come home.

I’m still exploring the area. I just found out that the Union Pool does not actually have a pool inside. I’m pretty sure there’s a mafia hangout around the corner. Also there’s a bar called Lazy Catfish that gives out free PBR on Tuesday nights! However, that interferes with Lost so I haven’t had the chance to go yet. I’ll let you know how it is when the season ends.

HUGE! After many sad days of rejection from prospective employers, I finally heard back from HUGE. They took me on as a Visual Design Intern. Their work is all web— they’ve done sites for Jet Blue, IKEA, CNN, and Pepsi Refresh. I was really fortunate that they took a chance on me (especially since I have absolutely no experience in web design…). It’s a company I’ve admired for a while and really wanted to work for, and it’s a great environment. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Niche, but at HUGE people bring their dogs to work!

So that about sums it all up. Take care everyone! Let me know about future reunions—I would even be down to use cured herring, potatoes and onions as a chaser again. Gag. —Stef

A few more show stoppers: 60 Years of the Bikini at Bloomingdale’s, ELLEgirl Times Square billboard, Heidi Klum with her taxi top.

Alternate Cover

“There’s a blank page. Do you have plans for that?” Yeah, yeah. Of course. I was going to put some of the pictures of LV’s Niche spreads here. But, oh wait, we had no plans for the cover. Looking around, I found this picture of the short-legged cat hugging his lover. I think it’s brilliant b/c his legs are just so little. And they’re just so gay. And that seemed to be a running theme this issue. (See “Overheard in Art” and unedited version of the editor’s letter.) Alas, the cats didn’t make it to the cover. I put LV’s work there and the cats here. Maybe another day, kitties. In the meantime, LV will miss handing out the printed copies of the Dubbs and talking to Tom. —Madeline

o Je y D Ar

CApT. CALL-ouT Goes oNLiNe! After limping in Thursday morning extremely hungover and an hour late, i ran into Jess sarro who donned her cape and immediately began busting my chops. To her credit, she took a two-prong approach and continued the ball busting online. it’s official, —DRM captain call-out is now digital!

p

i WiLL Never Do ANoTher mAGAZiNe

Before seeing an actual episode of celebrity Jeopardy tonight, this was the most amazing thing i had ever seen on Jeopardy: one guy about to be declared the winner automatically because the other two contestants were in the hole.

What’s happening in that little photo? see “Blind item” on Miniboard.

suCk iT, hATers This month’s Glamour shows that a majority of women (okay, people clicking on polls on the Glamour website) do not agree with niche women who protested Bearduary.

While 54 percent might not sound like a strong victory, look at these examples. They put some of the weakest, homeliest players on the beard team. Beards conquer all.

After two days of beating up on women, though, Morgan, the champ, had his ass handed to him. That’s him in the red.

The real winner on this day was the bartender, far right, who calmly buzzed in.

Morgan and the other guy were like two over-competitive video gamers. This photo doesn’t do their dramatics justice. celebrity Jeopardy is quite amazing.

Actors guess, shout out any phrase that comes to mind, and then say, “i knew that” after Alex reads the answer.

“never. i’m done with publishing.” My wife shrugged her shoulders, figuring all just-laid-off people are entitled to their moments of melodrama. it was April 2008 and Rolling Stone had broken my heart. i was sure it would be something more than just a fling; i was leaving eLLe where i’d spent a lifetime. But Rolling Stone was not what i’d imagined, and when the going got rough (the economy was still bottoming out) it kicked my ass to the curb. i swore i would never do it again.

Magazines were dead. i did pet food labels and brochures and advertisements. Then i got a phone call from an old freelancer named Jodi. she was homebound with a broken foot and thought i would be a good fit at niche. Again, my wife shrugged her shoulders. i made a call and met with Meghan o’neill. it went really well. so well that i recall saying, “she seems so nice, i think i’d like it there.” i was offered a short-term freelance position. on my first day, Jessica taught me about all the things i would have to do and everything i’d have to look out for. near the end of my first two weeks, Meghan offered me a position as her maternity fill-in. By this point, i was enjoying myself. i loved the people, i liked the work, so i decided why not. What do i have to lose? i accepted.

Amid all kinds of moves (carlos is the new creative Director, oops, nicole is still the creative Director), i was offered a full-time role. i was extremely happy. i loved the team and decided to accept. i was immediately given Aspen Peak and Hamptons. To say i was scared shit about the hamps schedule would be putting it mildly. Luckily, camille was my Me on both books. We’d have one book under our belts before the craziness of a weekly. it worked out better than i could imagine. camille and i attacked work and became a

well-oiled machine. We banged out Hamptons with barely a hitch. she is an absolute star, one of the people i will miss working with the most.

What can i say, it’s been a blast. one of the most pleasureable experiences i’ve ever had in my 16+ years in publishing. i love the team and will miss every single one of them.... Meghan, i will miss our early morning discussions about the cards, henry and your general awesomeness. You set the tone for my experience; i fell in love with niche Media becauseof you. Anthony, i’ll miss your night-out stories. continue to be great. Amy, even though i was scared of you when i first started, i grew to admire your work ethic and loved sharing Glee stories with you (plus you were the contributor of the year for ADW). fryda, no one went through more, from relocating to changing books, and you handled it like a star, continuing to put out great work.

Vicky, your cheery attitude always made it a pleasure to work with you. Jessica, i’ll miss our walks and talks. Believe in yourself. nicole, thank you for letting me be a part of this great team. i enjoyed every minute.

There are a ton more people who deserve recognition so i’ll try my best here...

The kids in fact, continue to be weird.

There is no tighter group in all of niche. callahan, keep romper room in order.

Murphy, you rock, much love. rich, you were the best iT guy ever. And, Tom, i’ll miss you a ton. not only were you an asset to the Thursday night crew, but who will i bug about the greatness of Derek Jeter on the way back from the coffee machine? i anticipate more sporcles. niche has been very good to me. i’ve made friends that i think will be with me for the rest of my life, so while i leave for Maxim, please know that niche will always have a spot in my heart.

kAL Goes To The sTADium 4/14/2010 A day i will remember for the rest of my life. it was the day i took my son, kal, to his very first Yankee game. Will he remember? nope, but it was one of the very best moments of my life. i took my son, named after superman (i know, awesome), to his very first game before he even turned a year old. (i don’t know if i can say any of this enough.) even as the Yanks lost (thanks Javy Vazuez), it was impossible to wipe the smile off my face. if you’ve met kal, you know he’s a ham. people stared, a few stopped us. one guy said he wished he could bring his 7-month-old.

Another proclaimed how gorgeous my baby is. A third declared kal is a real fan because he stuck it out until the very end. i like to think kal will have his Yanks foam finger for years to come (take that, Braves foam tomahawk), and i’ll be able to tell him what a fuss he created at the stadium.

The game went into the record books as a loss, but whenever i think of this game it’ll be a huge win for me. i still can’t believe i took my son to Yankee stadium.

miNi BoArD WiNe oh!

Boxed wine fans, meet a new invention: the Baggy Wine coat. simply place a bag of wine in this purse, close the flexible top, et voilà! You have a way to carry your wine with you wherever you go. The savvy sack has a rubber bottom to prevent tipping over, as well as a side dispenser. Would you carry it — or do you think it's just style over substance?

—Jane, from YumSugar.com Would you carry the Baggy Wine Coat?

74% heck yes! This is the most brilliant thing since boxed wine itself.

26% no way.

That just seems tacky to me.

More than 3,000 votes cast on yumsugar.com. The “no” box is the same height as the “Yes” box.

DriviNG miss CrAZy (or, sunDAY WiTh JessicA)

D

r A e rh

T r NA

ove

i

“Oh, you know those Russians, do they even bathe that often” -meghan

“European straight is American gay” -anthony

VickY’s Theories

people love waking up to the scent and sight of flowers.

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. or scientific reasoning.

“They’re not gay, they’re black” -amy

“Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks” -britney

“Oh, I got your nuts right here”

BLiND iTem This art director is a skirt-chasing partyer. he’s recently single and on the prowl. n’est-ce pas? he’s got a voracious appetite for destruction and likes to hunt where he roosts. Let’s call him “A.” This designer loves men (especially ones in uniform). she’s also recently single and not quite sure what she wants. she’s been linked to a few of her co-workers, even the married ones (n’est-ce pas?). Let’s call her “B.” A and B work together and bicker constantly. A has said he hates B. But others think it’s all a bit overkill (n’est-ce cover option —Fryda pas?). B has been spotted in A’s apartment. Just last week, B received a gift on her desk from Anonymous. recently, A had a baby scare, and the nothing make me sadder than typos woman remains a mystery. B has publicly in headlines. please excuse our announced she’s gained 7 pounds. could we see a little Assica soon? home sloppiness in issue 49 as well as any is where the heart is, n’est-ce pas?

—BBC other issue where we screwed up.

ADW reGreTs

-anthony

“Man, I have a serious case of swamp ass” -cb

“THANK YOU, I’m inspired” -anthony

“Hey baby, chew on these” -anthony

Last week Jessica and i took a scenic drive to fishkill, nY. (Wappinger falls? hopewell Junction? The Gps and Google maps seemed to think we were at the crossroads to nowhere.) The occasion was our former colleague Lora’s baby shower. (Yup, she’s due in July!) Luis right away dubbed the trip “Driving Miss crazy” and seemed to think hilarity would ensue.

um ALBops

Drpr 1!

A

sure, it was a bit rocky in the beginning, trying to pick Jessica up at Atlantic Terminal when she had never been there (“i AM in front of Target! Wait, i think it has more than one side...”) and i didn’t realize it was a labryinth of one way streets (i’m usually on foot there). But after that, it was pretty smooth sailing.

We crawled through devilish traffic in Yonkers (birthplace of all evil, see Anthony), drove on the cross Bronx expressway and over many bridges i don’t know the names of (see pictures), and passed a railroad shantytown before arriving at the sons of italy/Joe Di Maggio Lodge (for real). We partied down with Lora’s cuban in-laws and Jessica was forced to take home a plate of chicken and rice by the grandma. on the way back, we saw a drunk guy unable to get off his bicycle in park slope (really? it’s not a horse. You pretty much just need to step down) and i had to stop to gas up the car. This is funny because i’m from new Jersey; we pump our fists, not our gas. stay tuned for next week’s sunday with rich (or richmas part Deux).

no, there’s no album. ADW just couldn’t get over this photo. surprise! You’re all so coordinated. seriously. Lora has Amy’s belt (and sunglasses) and Jessica’s jewelry. Beyonce’s mom couldn’t have hoped for more with Destiny’s child costumes. Below: Lora’s entrance, truly surprised; sons of italy lodge (complete with “italy Time” clock); “something”; bridges; and Amy pumping gas.

The Car Bomb Cupcake When you find a recipe for a dessert that calls for Guinness chocolate cake, Jameson ganache centers and Bailey’s frosting, you don’t sleep on it.

The perfect occasion?

Anthony’s 30plus birthday.

ADW

art department weekly issue 50 vol. 2

Makes 20 - 24 cupcakes Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes 1 cup Guinness (there’s half a can left over, for you to enjoy) 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 cups all purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda 3/4 teaspoon salt 2 large eggs 2/3 cup sour cream Jameson Ganache Filling 8 ounces bittersweet chocolate 2/3 cup heavy cream 2 tablespoons butter, room temperature 1 to 2 teaspoons Jameson

Make the cupcakes Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 24 cupcake cups with liners. Bring stout and butter to simmer in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and whisk until mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.

Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt in large bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and sour cream in another large bowl to blend. Add stout-chocolate mixture to egg mixture and beat just to combine. Add flour mixture and beat briefly on slow speed. Using rubber spatula, fold batter until completely combined. Divide batter among cupcake liners, filling them 2/3 to 3/4 of the way. Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, rotating them once front to back if your oven bakes unevenly, about 17 minutes. Cool cupcakes on a rack completely.

Make the filling Chop the chocolate and transfer it to a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate. Let it sit for one minute and then stir until smooth. Add the butter and whiskey and stir until combined.

Baileys Frosting 3 to 4 cups confections sugar 1 stick (1/2 cup or 4 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature 3 to 4 tablespoons Baileys (or milk or cream – I used cream AND Jameson) Special equipment A piping bag (I used a Ziplock plastic bag with the corner snipped off)

Fill the cupcakes: Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped. Cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes with a paring knife and spoon or apple corer. You want to go most of the way down the cupcake but not cut through the bottom— aim for 2/3 of the way. Put the centers aside for you to snack on. Put the ganache into a piping bag or Ziplock and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top.

Make the frosting Whip the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, for several minutes. You want to get it very light and fluffy. Slowly add the powdered sugar, a few tablespoons at a time.

When the frosting looks thick enough to spread, drizzle in the Baileys (or milk) and whip it until combined.

Ice and decorate the cupcakes.

My life post-niche driving miss crazy Farewell car bombs PLus: Vicky facts Hooray for yankees suck it, haters