Art Department Weekly | Issues 51-60 Vol. 2 by Art Department Weekly

omg! so cute

Multiple adorable photos reached our submissions box this week. We have Jessica’s niece Lilly with Jessica and ready for her Christening. There’s Henry in his timeout chair. And, last, we have Kal unsure of how to react to another baby stealing his toy. (Those kids were CRAZY about the fish and links I hooked up.)

ADW

art department weekly issue 51 vol. 2

Life is rough when you’re a baby. People forcing you to learn to sit, forcing you into punishments even they aren’t sure you understand, and forcing you to play nice with other little people you don’t care to play with at all.

bye bye betty hoist this random thoughts beautiful babies PLus: Vicky facts double down hasta luego luis

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WonDeRtWins PoWeRs ActiVAte If you’re a child of the ’80s and loved the super Friends, the above phrase holds a special place in your heart. Zan and Jayna were the (not so) awesome twins who would fist-bump while uttering “WonderTwins Powers Activate,” thus turning themselves into a body of water (Zan) and an animal (Jayna). of course, they were super lame and even though the possibilities with their powers were endless, they always ended up being a bucket of ice and a giant carrier pigeon... To further cement their lameness, they were followed around by their pet monkey Gleek. Although the characters may have been lame, these t-shirts are awesome. Available for $17.99 from entertainmentearth.com

VICKY’s THeoRIes

sugar in the morning is the worst for you.. “Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. or scientific reasoning.

DesigneRs sAVing tHe WoRLD several weeks ago, the Dubbs ran an article on annoying train habits. Nail clipping will always, far and away, top that list. We’re glad to see the good folks at NBC News agree, using a picture of this sign to promote their story about a new campaign. Jason shelowitz (a.k.a. Jay shells) has been posting service advisory signs in subway stations calling out the most disgusting habits. Genius. His signs not only look authentic, but they’re smartly written and represent what people think. Rather than fine Mr. shelowitz $25 for his postings, we should fine the clippers. Then I wouldn’t have to dodge nail shrapnel on my morning commute.

fiVe tHings the random things that pop into anthony’s mind You may want to enter slowly and take a guarded look. —AA

sorrachi Ace hits stores May 2. Will it be as awesome as I remember? This may be the best beer I’ve ever drunk ever. That will not be a crazy weekend!

“Croatian sounds like a dirty word” -meghan

I have no idea who you are—maybe an escapee from Hef’s arctic playboy pad?—but I have a ring in my pocket just for you, when we meet.

“I’d get a pet monkey, so I could teach him how to make drinks.” -anthony

“He named them all after black television characters from the ‘80s: Rudy, Webster, Vanessa”

When do I get to enjoy the beach again? I want to have a chill relaxing weekend—will that be possible?

-luis

“If you could date a swing, it’d be Joe Mauer’s because it’s just so pretty” -luis

“Everyone works on half-naked hotties on their first day”

“I don’t get drunk I get awesome!”

-Jennifer

“You went to Chipotle for lunch and got a salad?” -mike

“That might be too much butt crack” -kathy

neW WoRD – sonBRo N. def: a brother who is also your son

I remember joking with my sister-in-law about being single and that her Mom was also single and that it would be funny and ridiculous if we dated fell in love and eventually got married. I said yeah, that would be awesome then I looked over at my bro and said – yeah kid – if noa’s mom and I got married you’d be my soNBRo!!! - haha – it always comes up when were all hanging out together. GooDTIMes!

WHat you miGHt Have misseD ReCeNTLY IN NHL HIsToRY... tHe LoCKout 2005 was the first time the stanley Cup had not been awarded since 1919; the puck never once droped on what would have been the league’s 88th season. The NHL became the first major American professional sports league to cancel an entire season due to a labor dispute. no more tWo-Line Passes As though enough casual fans don’t already ask about the clarifications between offsides (blue lines) and icing (red lines), the league at last scrapped this senseless rule that immediately made games faster and higher-scoring. tHe Winter CLassiC Now that the Bowl Championship series has scheduled college football’s biggest games after New Year’s Day, the NHL smartly stepped in and made the first afternoon of every calendar year an annual outdoor game. It sure makes up for an afternoon of mediocre college bowls.

What’s better than adding two entirely new franchises to the mix? Why adding two more a year after that, of course! At the start of the last decade, the NHL gave Atlanta, Columbus, Nashville, and Minnesota their own clubs.

eXPansion

In an effort to attract more casual fans, the league agreed to let regular season games that are still tied after a 5-minute four-on-four overtime be settled with this brand of skills competition. Fortunately, the playoffs continue to have full 20-minute sudden-death overtimes, as many as necessary.

tHe sHootout

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DEREK eXPLAINs WHY You MIGHT Be ALoNe IF You’Re NoT WATCHING The stanley Cup Playoffs have started, and as wonderful as that gold-medal game between the united states and Canada was in Vancouver back in February, playing for a piece of jewelry every four years pales in comparison to the annual attempt to hoist Lord stanley’s Cup, the single most prized trophy in all of sports for how unbelievably difficult it is to win one. Wayne Gretzky did it four times, never won a single gold medal on the ice, and is yet considered by many to be a Canadian national hero. You tell me. There’s been much speculation as to what sort of ratings “bump” this year’s NHL playoffs would receive after the league put its season on hold for two weeks to loan out all of its best players for an international exhibition. You know, the olympics. Last year, more than 9 million viewers tuned in to witness the seventh game of the 2009 finale. Those were pretty astonishing numbers as the last time the NHL had that kind of viewership was a decade-and-a-half earlier for Game seven of the Rangers-Canucks in 1994—also the same year a Sports Illustrated cover infamously declared “Why the NHL’s Hot and the NBA’s Not.” There’s similar hope for the sport’s future again after this year’s usA-Canada finale wound up drawing more than 27 million viewers, the most-watched hockey game in three decades—a game involving the only two teams completely made up of NHL players. Now there’s an entire tournament of nothing but NHL players. And much like the immersion many make every year into March Madness despite never watching a single regular season men’s college basketball game, now’s the real time to be watching hockey. every one of the eight series in the opening round was split after the first two games with every one of the first two night’s worth of seven games decided by a single goal. From here until mid-June, every game’s a gold-medal game.

BALLs AnD BReWs on Monday, Luis, Anthony, Tom and I picked up some brewskies and headed over to Chelsea Piers to hit some balls. A typical post-Richmas celebration if you didn’t know that. We ended up getting about 300 balls for the four of us to hit with our main goal being to hit the ball collector truck on the range. Winner got a Jamo shot. It ended up to be Anthony. As for me, I’m not really bragging, but I could out hit these guys with a 3 iron over their drivers any day. even though Luis has passed on…. to a better place… (Maxim)... I plan to push the group out again for another golf outing. shout out to Tom for bringing his clubs. —Rich

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RAnDom tHougHts Nope, your eyes are not bugging out. In honor of earth Week, the Dubbs is going green. okay, at least on the cover. (For those who aren’t keeping score, we rotate between C, M, Y and K in the logo and spot color.) We haven’t made any eco-conscious decisions elsewhere, but, visually, I can say we’ve gone green. I’ve got lots of random things to say... Take the green challenge at http://www. sporcle.com/games/WorldWhiz/green. I keep hearing the talking heads on esPN say that the stanley Cup is the best post-season tournament in sports. What? It’s not even the best post-season tournament on right now. The amount of young talent playing in the NBA playoffs right now makes this the most compelling post-season in years. Plus the whole subplot of the impending free-agency of many stars. The league could look vastly different next year. sorry NHL, I simply don’t get it. However, Derek explains in this week’s issue why I am alone in my disbelief. In addition to ignoring the stanley Cup playoffs, I also didn’t watch much of the NFL draft. However, I did see my Cowboys get the player I wanted them to land—Dez Bryant—then saw Tim Tebow go to the Broncos. He’ll be an experiment at first, but I think he has a definite future in the NFL. What I am watching is new episodes of Glee and 30 Rock. My two favorite characters on TV right now are both women: sue sylvester and Liz Lemon. Jane Lynch’s sue is the best thing (that doesn’t pertain to music) about Glee. The fiery Cheerios coach has firmly positioned herself as the sworn enemy of New Directions coach Will shuester. she simply has the best lines on all of television. Just when I started to think that sue’s hair jokes were getting old, they turned it into a plot point that introduced major changes. I love this

character, I love this show. Meanwhile, over on comedy-crowded Thursday night, Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon stands out. As the loveable leader of TGS, Lemon’s constant need to fit in gives us something we can all relate to. she is the single most relatable character on TV. We want to be her while at the same time cover our eyes with embarassment for her. she’s smart, witty, a great friend, but also shy, awkward and lacking confidence. We can all relate, and because of it, 30 Rock thrives. What didn’t thrive? ugly Betty. The same week I made my exit from Niche, Betty left Meade. And I didn’t care. Madeline explains more on the same spread as some well wishes from the Niche crew. For me. Not Betty. Thank you to all those folks at Niche who had such wonderful things to say about me for this issue. You guys are the best, I miss you all. Also, kudos to my wonderful wife for sticking to her guns and making the baby boy finally sleep in his own room. Anyone who has ever had a child cry himself to sleep knows how excruciating it can be. It’s a very delicate balance, but the missus handled it with aplomb, and the champ went down a lot easier on Night 2. Well done, my love. Next week, ADW turns one. Take a minute or two to jot down how much (or little) your life has changed in this year that ADW existed. or tell us how you think your life will change in the coming year. As always, submissions should be sent to dubbsubs@yahoo.com.

This past weekend we decided to roll out to our local KFC and try the new Double Down sandwich. As KFC says, “This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!” some might think that two pieces of breaded chicken, two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s sauce smooshed together to form a bunless sandwich would be gross, but you’d be wrong. This sandwich is amazing. Don’t like to touch your food? KFC has taken care of that. Your sandwich is wrapped in a piece of wax paper before it’s placed in a cardboard box. (Yes, it’s light on the carbs, heavy on the packaging.) eating a bunless chicken sandwich from KFC is like eating a big piece of fresh KFC chicken slathered in spicy cheese and bacon. It’s amazing—and I don’t like cheese. I absolutely love it and can’t wait for my next chance to double down. seriously. I tried to go there again for dinner last night. —LV

Hasta Luego, Luis Luis Memories One day, I was walking toward the edit kitchen and this bearded dude just appeared in my peripheral vision. It’s not hard to spot a dude at Niche Media as we are the overwhelming minority, so as a fellow dude I was pleased to see the ratio had tipped slightly in our favor. The tricky part was, was this bearded mystery man going to join the legion of inter-office bros, or would he simply be a douche? Much to my delight, after attending Kal’s baby shower at Wall St Burger Shoppe, I discovered this ‘Luis’ was not only a clever, chill, funny guy, but also an avid Yankee fan. Now, there are ‘Yankee Fans’ and there are YANKEE Fans. Luis is a statremembering, pitchcount-watching, slider-break-measuring, baseball numbers crunching machine, but he’s one of those guys that knows that the game goes deeper than the numbers. I have to say, it was a pleasure to swing by Luis’ desk each morning after the Yanks annihilated the Twins, Angels and eventually the Phillies in their quest for their 27th WS Title and recount each game in ‘tim kurkjian-esque’ detail. So, as the days get longer and hotter and the Yanks march their way back into the post season (and hopefully the fall classic), I can only hope for some email chains shooting back and forth recounting CC’s dominant start, Nick Johnson’s OBP, or Jeter’s classic inside out swing with my resident baseball buddy. —DRM

Luis who?

One of the Gang

Tom and I were watching The Sandlot the other day and realized Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez reminded us of Luis: a nice guy, born leader and the one who ties the whole team together. Then we wondered... Who would the rest of the team be? —Amy Karen Rose as Kenny De Nunez Personality The quiet

cool guy; older than the rest of the kids, but still plays along Key quote/moment Went on to play triple-A ball Anthony Arias as Hamilton “The Ham” Porter Personality Loud, The

Jokester Key quote/moment “Is that your sister

out there in left field, naked? She’s naked. Think she’ll go out with me?” Chris Buonincontri as Bertram Grover Weeks Personality Quiet; tall Key quote/moment Gets

really into the 60s and no one hears from him again. Tom Gottlieb as Timmy Timmons Personality Smart; math

nerd —Karen

Adios, Betty

Key quote/moment

It almost seems to soon to talk about Luis being gone because it doesn’t really feel real yet, but I think of Luis as the heart and soul of our department--always cheerful, always happy, always a positive word--even if he knew he was going to be stuck in the office until 11 pm that night. His positivity never ceased to amaze me. When I was little, I had a Betsey Clark sleeping bag with little sayings all over it. The one I remember most was, “People who like others are the people others like.” This couldn’t be more true with Luis—Luis loves everyone (almost) and everyone loves Luis. I am so sad, I think I will have to resign as El Presidente of the Spanish Club because if Luis isn’t in it, then I don’t want to be either. Luis, thank you so much for all you gave us, I will miss you deeply. :( —Meghan

“We’ve been going about this all wrong. I blame myself. We need total surprise. An aerial attack.” Rich Dachtera as Scotty Smalls Personality The new kid

in town; innocent/naive; not into sports Key quote/moment “I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B. Jessica Sarro as Michael “Squints” Palledorous Personality Likes to flirt;

calls out everyone Key quote/moment Before kissing

the lifeguard “I’ve been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling... smiling. I can’t take this no more!” John Villanova as Tommy Timmons Personality Younger

brother of Timmy; echoes everything Timmy says Key quote/moment Grows up to be build the first mini malls with Timmy, and becomes a millionaire. Amy Petriello as Al “Yeah Yeah” McClennan Personality Sassy,

Irish-Italian, hits the town with Squints. Key quote/moment

“Sorry we’re late, Squints was perving a dish.”

“One of the most appalling plots was sneaking into the morgue and stealing a sperm sample from Bradford Meade’s corpse. Just to lay claim on his legacy, she risked creating a baby and even tried to convince Christina to be a surrogate. Indeed, the chief maven of Mode is the stuff soap operas are made of.” I took that from a slide on BuddyTV.com that was recounting how great Ugly Betty was. By that point in the show’s history, the show was no longer great. I believe the greatness of Betty started with its initial promotional campaign (her resume as full page ads and video highlights online), peaked before the December break, and began it’s dissent to full on disaster after the show returned in January—when it became a soap opera. There are some things that no one watching the show ever should have believed were based on reality—a paintball duel in the office, anytime the editor-in-chief’s assistant presented a plan to make money or save the company, the co-editor-in-chiefs pleading with Congress to bail them out, convincing a celebrity to do something becaus it felt right in her heart—but then there were things that only fashion magazine (and even psuedo fashion magazine) people would know was complete malarkey— the center spread? Was Ugly Betty completely off base? This was supposed to be the largest fashion magazine ever, so, yeah, they were way off base. What the hell is Bradford Meade doing wandering around, spotting homely young women to hire for his son? You have to take a big dose of “suspension of disbelief” to even get into the show in the first place. There were a few things that seemed like b.s. but actually could be traced back to real events, such as Fey’s love den hidden in the office and the softball game that got ugly with ELLE. (Though it wasn’t ELLE or softball...) No one watched the show for it’s realism. We watched it for the drama. And when we saw Betty’s family stand in her way one too many times or the writers swept aside yet another humongous problem like it was a little dust bunny, we stopped feeling surprised when reports leaked that Betty wasn’t coming back. I watched because the DVR was still recording it. And I could watch it with a baby screeching over the sound from the TV. I still want to find the one episode I thought was really funny (other than the pilot) where Amanda and Betty hit the town to write an article for the website. It was either right before or after they became roommates and it was brilliant.

Here’s Hoping... OMG They need to make a Marc & Amanda spin-off. How do you know they were the best part of this show? They’re standing in the middle of the cast set up. Yeah, yeah. Betty’s in red. Look at Betty. But obviously this is Marc and Amanda’s snarky world and the rest of them are all just set pieces. They have feelings and dreams like Betty but with humor and pizzazz.

Luis who?

One of the Gang

cool guy; older than the rest of the kids, but still plays along Key quote/moment Went on to play triple-A ball Anthony Arias as Hamilton “The Ham” Porter Personality Loud, The

Jokester Key quote/moment “Is that your sister

out there in left field, naked? She’s naked. Think she’ll go out with me?” Chris Buonincontri as Bertram Grover Weeks Personality Quiet; tall Key quote/moment Gets

really into the 60s and no one hears from him again. Tom Gottlieb as Timmy Timmons Personality Smart; math

nerd —Karen

Adios, Betty

Key quote/moment

“We’ve been going about this all wrong. I blame myself. We need total surprise. An aerial attack.” Rich Dachtera as Scotty Smalls Personality The new kid

calls out everyone Key quote/moment Before kissing

Irish-Italian, hits the town with Squints. Key quote/moment

“Sorry we’re late, Squints was perving a dish.”

eXPansion

tHe sHootout

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VICKY’s THeoRIes

sugar in the morning is the worst for you.. “Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. or scientific reasoning.

fiVe tHings the random things that pop into anthony’s mind You may want to enter slowly and take a guarded look. —AA

sorrachi Ace hits stores May 2. Will it be as awesome as I remember? This may be the best beer I’ve ever drunk ever. That will not be a crazy weekend!

“Croatian sounds like a dirty word” -meghan

I have no idea who you are—maybe an escapee from Hef’s arctic playboy pad?—but I have a ring in my pocket just for you, when we meet.

“I’d get a pet monkey, so I could teach him how to make drinks.” -anthony

“He named them all after black television characters from the ‘80s: Rudy, Webster, Vanessa”

When do I get to enjoy the beach again? I want to have a chill relaxing weekend—will that be possible?

-luis

“If you could date a swing, it’d be Joe Mauer’s because it’s just so pretty” -luis

“Everyone works on half-naked hotties on their first day”

“I don’t get drunk I get awesome!”

-Jennifer

“You went to Chipotle for lunch and got a salad?” -mike

“That might be too much butt crack” -kathy

neW WoRD – sonBRo N. def: a brother who is also your son

omg! so cute

ADW

art department weekly issue 51 vol. 2

bye bye betty hoist this random thoughts beautiful babies PLus: Vicky facts double down hasta luego luis

ADW

art department weekly special teaser

The Year of the DUBBS A Quick and dirty (Well, not that dirty) trip down memory lane

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Olga’s cover piece. Where it all started Amy’s process Amy’s Pez Howling Wolf T-shirt Burger Bonanza Olga marries Heineken Art Dance Costumes Bye Sandy Top 10 issue/Super Stuff Art Dept the movie/Baby Boys article Trust Falls/Sweater Vests Heroes/My Hero, my wife Han vs. Indy Amy and Jess kissing pig Fave films/Denis art/Vader art Rat story

18 Summer Activity/1984 19 Marvelous Teens 20 Kal is born/Logo study 21 I Love you 22 Unas work will 23 Prime Number 24 Kirkitsos Girls Gone Wild 25 Anthonys Man Day 26 Meghan B’s iPhone story 27 Yanks win the series 28 Feeling Gleeful/Jess facepalm 29 Football/Comics are good for kids 30 Thanksgiving cover illo/Sicksgiving 31 Stefanie Thanks Dad/From the Heart 32 Luis illo cover/Gifts remembered/ Holiday Cookies/Jersey Sore 33 Night before Niche Christmas 34 Dubbies

35 Best of Decade/OIA illos 36 Buffy 37 Catherines Aussie Adventures 38 Romantic Viewing 39 Bye Olga 40 Burger Story 41 Capt Call Out/Guys Rom Coms 42 Mariano/ToyFair 43 Train Pain 44 Oscar Race 45 Bacon Explosion 46 Your Novel Sucks 47 Mets Talk/Baseball Timeline 48 Crunch Free/Chia 49 Slice This/Fact is Weird 50 Bye Niche 51 Hoist This

I’ve only been here six months, but as the newest (and as Luis cheerfully points out—the youngest) contributor to ADW I’m glad I get to contribute something to its Anniversary Issue. I remember hearing about The Dubbs my fi rst week at Niche six months ago and thinking it was just the coolest idea to lighten the stress of the work week. I wound up submitting my fi rst contribution a week later—probably, like, 2,000 words more than necessary about Jersey Shore. ADW has been awesome for me as a way to get to know people around the offi ce on a personal level, which has been great. In the short time I’ve been here, ADW has moved online and moved to Maxim— who else can say they’re part of a magazine in the print world that is actually GROWING!? Cheers, LV. —JV

I actually spoke eroneously. As my lovely wife pointed out, the youngest Dubbs contributor was Megan (no, not Meghan), who put together the back page for one issue, describing how she spent her day in the Niche ofﬁce. Her piece had nothing but the yummy snacks she ate throughout the day. —LV

ChILD’S PLaY

We seem to really love running pictures of kids in the Dubbs. We found more than a few when digging though the archives. Look how small Henry was when we started! Now compare it to him in his time-out chair from last week. Crazy. We don’t limit ourselves to only running pics of our own children—scary girl eating a tarantula, check, thanks Anthony—or even current pictures of children—peep the random baby pictures of Olga. Kids... They are the next generation of Art Departmenteers.

ChILD’S PLaY

ADW

art department weekly special teaser

The Year of the DUBBS A Quick and dirty (Well, not that dirty) trip down memory lane

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

All dubbs, all the time Shop Café Press for all the hottest Dubbs gear—from T-shirts to wall clocks, we clicked it all. www.cafepress.com/thedubbs (You know you were looking at that cover, thinking, How can I get one of those...?*)

ADW

art department weekly issue 52 vol. 2

*Baby not included.

a few more pictures...

Dubbs T-shirts Happy birthday Flashbacks the year of the dubbs PLus: Jessica’s year south park avatars overheard in art

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“There is never enough butt-crack” -anthony Now if only Crumbs cupcakes could come in an even LARGER size. Oh wait....

VICKY’S THEORIES

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. Or scientific reasoning.

special thanks to Jessica for going after submissions to this special Dubbs anniversary issue like a Pit Bull. Now you’ve spoiled me, though, and I expect you to do this every week. “This is not Chris. I swear. I discovered his doppelgänger on the PATH a few weeks ago.” Was this dude creeped out by the little guy taking his picture with his phone while he tried to read his book? Hmmm...

tHe random tHinGs tHat pop into luis’s mind A journey through my head for random things is probably never a good idea...you never know what might be in there. —LV I’m hoping the new 88 will be as good as the old 88 (save of course for the off-the-field drug use, prostitutes, and arrests). Also if you’re a die-hard Cowboys fan and owned an Antonio Bryant 88 jersey, you’re in luck, it’s now a Dez Bryant jersey. Good things do happen to Cowboys faithful.

Yvonne Strahovski from chuck. As the bad-ass, sexy spy Sarah (or is it really Sam), Strahovski is sometimes the only reason to watch.

“Holy Toledo Batman” -Jessica

“We’re selling a shitload of these heart attack burgers” -kfc employee

local honey is the best way to get over allergies

five things

“What is that... it looks like a child molester “ -luis

Desmond is the key. Desmond, and love. As teased in the brilliant Season 4 episode “The Constant” where Penny’s love served as an anchor for Desmond as he retraveled his life.

“Who’s going to guffaw now”

is everyone as excited as me to see scarlett Johansson as the black Widow. Maybe i just have a thing for sexy spy types. hopefully Marvel resists the urge to make a black Widow spin-off, you would think they learned their lesson with Elektra.

-chris

“You’re actually excited to see the new Elm Street, I didn’t think anyone was excited for that” -luis

“Why don’t you try losing the attitude, that’s probably a pound or two right there” -sue Snacks... I miss snack time with my fellow dubbers. (See story on Page XX)

south pArk AvAtArs

Y p p rA ers

I heard south Park avatars were coming, pictured the stumpy kid bodies, and thought that would be fun. But as Luis said, “...he made me look like some sort of child molester.” um, thanks, Jeff? See if you can guess who’s who. —Madeline

k c A cr

hAppY birthDAY

Jeff, Jeremy, Alberto, Luis, Meghan, Jessica, Fryda, Vicky, Amy, Anthony, Rich

So you saw superman Returns but weren’t all that impressed with the toys. Maybe you’ll enjoy Special Man. Or is it Specialman? These are obviously the most awesome toys you could ever get your hands on—Spader-Man, Change Robot, Robert Cop 2, and Specialman.

Quit Yer cloWning mAxim! It was brought to my attention that a certain location dear to my heart was misrepresented in Maxim’s FOB, “Circus Maximus.” I immediately investigated. On a map of the united States, certain locations were tagged as having HOT parties. Brooklyn, no doubt, was one of them. As you reference the visual aid to see photos of the Awesomeness that is Brooklyn you are presented with LIES!!! The clowns over at Circus Maximus misplaced the marker somewhere over Vermont. Sheesh, I guess being mistaken as Vermont isn’t all that bad. At least it wasn’t queens! Haha —Font Master Flex

If someone had told you at the start of last year’s Hamptons season that a new print title was about drop—a weekly—and you were going to love it, would you have believed that someone? You at least wouldn’t have expected to find yourself with so much to say about its content. Shortly after I announced I was writing a haiku, I found myself designing ADW in my head. Originally it was supposed to live online. My wife rolled her eyes. She knows I don’t design for the web. So it would be a pdf. I would email the pdf every week. (All of a sudden that huge type and the layout is starting to make sense, right? It took about 30 issues for ADW to actually be produced for print—and even then we still haven’t started converting all the pictures to make this a real print-ready publication.) When the first issue was completed, I hit print and a love affair began. What could be more comforting to a group of print designers in the midst of economic turmoil than a new print publication that catered to its readers, not potential advertisers? Condé was folding magazines. Condé! The better magazine jobs were disappearing. But we had the Dubbs. We could vent and share and entertain. Screw Wall Street. What started as an Art exclusive quickly grew to include all of Niche. First the Dubbs spread to our close neighbors in Photo. Then it infected the ME’s who would sit at our desks during closings, flip through the issues and laugh (sometimes at the mispellings, sometimes at the jokes). Then regular contributions trickled in from other departments. While Tom, DRM and Rich are not Art Departmenteers, they quickly were accepted as Dubbs family. Then the kids from Romper Room started contributing. Interns wanted in, too. The Dubbs continued to grow.

All was going swimmingly until Pam saw an issue. I remember feeling the stab of panic when Pam asked me to stay after a meeting. What I had done wrong? The answer was nothing. She didn’t even ask me to stop using the company resources. She was such a fan of the Dubbs that she wanted me to create a newsletter for the entire company. But the worry didn’t subside. This was my precious little ADW and it would not be taken over by The Man. Luckily Pam’s inquiry never bore fruit, and the Dubbs remained underground and anti-establishment. (Kind of. My wife tends to remove anything too antiGreenspun out of fear for us.) There was no need for a company-wide version of the Dubbs; the Dubbs was becoming company-wide on its own. In any of the more recent issues, contributions range from Art to sales, I.T. to Fact, Copy to Imaging. The mail room, managing editors and even people at other publishing companies have contributed their two cents on all things entertaining and somewhat relevant. I thank all of you for all your time, efforts and contributions. Keep ’em coming. I hope you all enjoy this special anniversary issue of the Dubbs. Even though some have started a Dubbs Death Watch, the new names in Overheard in Art and bylines only mean we’re getting bigger and better. The Dubbs is made by us for us. It makes us smile, it unites us as community. Year one has been a blast. Onward and upward for year two.

Because the new crew doesn’t seem to snack, I’ve resorted to buying snacks I can keep at my desk. While atTarget last weekend, I figured why not be economical while buying my snacks. Instead of the Keebler Peanut Butter Crackers I bought the Market Pantry version. It’ll be the same, I thought... I was wrong. In need of a snack, I ripped open the package and went to pull out the first cracker sandwich. Instead of getting a sandwich, I got two crackers. There was no peanut butter holding them together. No biggie, it’s just a one-time mistake. Nope, there was one other non-sandwich in that pack, and two more in the pack I ate today. I guess cheaper is not always better. —LV

The Year

Overheard in art

To me, the Dubbs is about community. The Art Dept. has always been like a big, happy (if dysfunctional) family, and ADW made me feel like a part of that, too. It is like a Jamo shot to the heart.

of the DUBBS

My favorite moment of the past year was when I gave my notice last Thursday. KIDDING (Sort of.) It was probably when I got that crapload of Orbitz gum in the mail. Kidding again. It was anytime I was with all of you (say it with me now: Awwwww).

You can’t rush a good thing. Or baby teeth. So while it might seem like the Dubbs is getting slow and senile on this first birthday, we simply didn’t want to celebrate with a less than stellar issue. Or print what we slapped together between bouts of teething pains. A look back at 52 awesome weeks...

Luis’ workday haiku

My outlook for next year is positive. I’m so excited to start a new job but I’m really sad to leave all of my friends, especially the Art Dept. You guys took me in like a mangy stray. We better still get drinks on the regular. And I’ll still contribute to the Dubbs, if it’ll have me. Dubbs is love, y’all.

It builds to a crescendo.

1. The Dubbs to me is like the Rocketeer’s jetpack: Anyone who has it is instantly awesome.

Satisfaction. Home.

2. Favorite moment of the past year? Richmas. If you mean 2009, then I don’t care. Richmas 2010 rocked so hard it rippled back in time.

Luis’ newest haiku

3. This year? As soon as I finish my keyboard guitar lessons, I’m starting a band. Then I’m going to live a life of Sex, Drugs, Rock ’n’ Roll, and obviously keyboard guitars. —rich

More awesome. More amazing. Onward to year two.

—UNA

This magazine wouldn’t be what it is without Overheard in Art. In the beginning, that was the only reason some people picked up an issue. The new format where anyone can submit his own quote could surely be the death knell of the Dubbs. But that’s why we’ve found more contributors. Overheard in Art is amazing, but hopefully we’ve given you more content that is just as entertaining.

The day starts out slow.

Dubbs one year later.

Since my time at Niche is ticking down, of course I want to contribute to the anniversary issue...

The Department “I’m going to write a haiku. And I’m going to publish it in Art Department Weeky.” Luis told me about his joke after work that day, excited that maybe this Art Department Weekly thing could be good. Looking at that first issue—paintings from Olga, sketches the Fed Ex man drew for Jessica, pictures of Sumo and Henry—you’d think the Department was clamoring for an outlet. In 52 issues, we’ve learned more about everyone in the above picture than we could have ever imagined—and their openess in turn inspired others to also share. Recipes, music recommendations, childhood recollections... For the record, this magazine wouldn’t be what it is if Luis, Amy, Olga, Anthony, Fryda, Jessica, Vicky and Meghan had not been producing magazines together in one big pool of desks and filing cabinets downtown. Let’s thank whoever decided that everyone in the Art Department needed to be able to see and hear each other more than they needed privacy...

Excerpt from #26 By far the longest story we’ve ever printed was Research Meghan’s story about losing her iPhone on the subway.

The doors closed and the train lurched forward. I looked down into the gap and saw the reflection of my still-lit iPhone screen over and over again in the frosted silver covering each passing subway car. Faster now. Its light was a beacon of hope, on repeat. Here I am. Here I am. I’m still here. I’m still here. To the beat of the train’s wheels gliding along their tracks. Come and get me.

Trust falls... Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. Or Spanish Club. Luis wanted this picture to run really large. Not because he likes it but because he likes that Anthony went for it and really fell into him, completely trusting that Luis wouldn’t stagger backward and possibly let him fall on the floor.

non-Art people

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Eleven months ago I started mourning. Mourning a few different things that all happened somewhat at the same time. Pete and I ended our three and a half year relationship, I finally moved out of my parents’ house for the first time, I was living all alone. All huge life changing things for me. Things I never thought I would be able to get over. Things I never thought I would overcome, or do, or try. The words “I can’t” were very frequent in my vocabulary. I’m not strong enough or confident enough to go through all this. But 11 months later, after dating, traveling, having the guts to ask a guy out in the middle of the day randomly, taking the step to ending things completely with Pete, taking up a dance class, becoming an aunt, rediscovering old friendships, getting closer to my family, trying new foods, reading, learning how to be independent, cooking dinners every night, paying bills, gaining confidence in myself and what I do and what I strive for, and most importantly finding my own happiness which I am slowly doing, but it is getting there, and having Jessica time, I am here to tell you I was wrong… And you will not hear that come out of my mouth that often. But I was. To sum it all up, according to my sister and brother-in-law, I am the Puma version of Sarah Jessica Parker living in the real sex and the city story. And for further details on the entire year, I think Amy is writing a book about it sometime in the future. I would also like to thank Amy for the best birthday present ever given to me—a book titled Live Good. And it has helped me many a day and then some as I still open it and read every quote for some inspiration. And thank you Luis and AMG for making me believe in myself. —Jessica

in issue 17, we all talked about our favorite pets—past, present and ﬁctional. luckily for us, amy had a run-in with a furry fourlegged creature just in time for issue 17. “i don’t have a pet. but the closest i came was this past monday evening when a rat climbed out of the toilet in my apartment. that’s right, folks, it does happen. as my contractor later told me, the rat would have had to be in the sewer pipe, get through two water traps, and then crawl up through the

s-shaped siphon in my toilet, just for the pleasure of swimming in my toilet. it was a one in a million chance, and apparently “will never happen again in your lifetime,” but still, i’m leaving a heavy book on my lidded toilet from now on. ...

I can’t say I wasn’t officially invited to participate until Issue 5, but, come on, that’s when the filing system changes. That’s when I really got involved. Trying to help Luis layout a PSD version of what was in his head is not being involved. Can you imagine ADW without me? Half the time readers think I am Luis. But that’s okay. We don’t want to call attention to how non-Art we might be now. Although I think it might be nice to go back to talking about layouts and sharing artsy projects.

“finally tG and anthony went into the bathroom, closed the door, whacked a lot, broke the medicine cabinet, and emerged with a dead rat.” —amy

more YAnkees love What has the Dubbs meant to you? Being a trans-office late addition to the Dubbs lineup, ADW acted as a bridge to the west wing of my office and a gateway into the hearts and minds of my fellow employees… But mostly it was a chance to write sarcastic, nonsensical banter once a week. On a serious note, contributing to ADW was a great way to break up the week and an awesome creative outlet for someone who went through college writing/reading as a major. Plus it was a great way to get to know people I never work with on a regular basis and share our view points on topics such as Bacon, ’80s movies, Pets, Girlfriends/Boyfriends, etc.

supplieD Art Things not pictured but couldn’t leave out... boys boys and more boys... then i gave them up for lent; Colorado; Vermont; Random act of asking a guy out; otto’s ACE hotel; Girls nights; new friends; salsa dancing; Latin Quarters; Ohara’s; Emt’s; Kareokee; board game nights; the collective; Atlantic City; and then some...

What is your favorite moment of the past year? I feel like I’ve gone over this before via the Dubbs, but it was and still is the

Yankees bringing home their 27th World Series Championship. In fact, my first ADW submission was about the Top Ten features of the new Yankee Stadium. Like a soothsayer my number one reason was, “The Team – The Yanks are stacked this year… 27th Championship, here we come!”

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

To me, the Dubbs is kinda like Marina—short and sweet, and a little cracked out

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Mets are gonna win the series —christopher

What’s your outlook for the next year? I’m keeping it simple… “Any day above ground is a good day.” —DRM

hAte mAil

The Dubbs didn’t receive a lot of fan mail (or really any mail at all), but it did receive some quite lovely pieces from Dennis. His disdain for our rag really upped the art in Art Departmet Weekly. We’re glad you hated us so much. (Anyone remember why?)

We’re the Art Department. Our job is to be sure people judge a book by its cover and like it. So that first issue of the Dubbs needed a killer image for its cover. We really lucked out with this piece Olga painted. With all that blue, it’s hard to believe we started with yellow instead of cyan in the rotation of CMYK logos...

non-Art people

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“finally tG and anthony went into the bathroom, closed the door, whacked a lot, broke the medicine cabinet, and emerged with a dead rat.” —amy

What is your favorite moment of the past year? I feel like I’ve gone over this before via the Dubbs, but it was and still is the

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

To me, the Dubbs is kinda like Marina—short and sweet, and a little cracked out

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Mets are gonna win the series —christopher

What’s your outlook for the next year? I’m keeping it simple… “Any day above ground is a good day.” —DRM

hAte mAil

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

The Dubbs to me has meant a chance to start writing again. (I knew that college degree would come in handy!) It’s also really tied the room, I mean, office together. Who knew a folded, homemade ’zine would become the heart and spirit of editorial? I guess Luis did... And for that I thank him.

Awesome answers

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Outlook... positive?

—Amy

It has meant pure fun and laughter to end the week. It has also made me realize what a great group of talented people are working here at Niche, and how awesome the Art Department really is. Thanks, Luis, for starting this weekly up.

Dubs means community to me; it’s a forum for us all. What is your favorite moment of the past year?

The look on Nicole’s face when Olga asked to leave early on that Friday morning. “I’m going to get married at City Hall.”

Favorite moment is hard to say, but I guess if I had to choose one, it would be bursting into Henry’s room with noisemakers and confetti and balloons on the morning of his first birthday, and watching him jump up in his crib and look so surprised.

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Not using the word “can’t” :)

Positive. Always gotta be positive. —MO

—Jessica

A little wrong

What has the Dubbs meant to you? For the weather, you check your weather channel widget—provided that it’s set to your current location (Mo’Neill!!!). For the social climate, you peep the Dubbs! We’ve BEEN scooping the competition! What is your favorite moment of the past year?

There have been so many favorites! It’s really hard to pick just one. I’ve provided a few photos that capture the awesomeness! It’s been a great year! What’s your outlook for the next year? BIGGER AND BETTER!!! We can do this!

comics coverage We like to write about the things we like. That sounds stupid but we find it wildly entertaining. All things related to comic books fall in that realm, hence this year’s Toy Fair was fare game for LV.

In case you didn’t notice, the Dubbs loves to focus on food. Especially burgers. Issue 5 alone had six images of burgers—and that doesn’t include the cheeseburger Doritos or special insert’s cover.

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

What is your favorite moment of the past year?

Olga getting married, hands down. I laughed, I cried.

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

“With copies of ADW in tow (to prove that I had bylines and that we feature toy coverage), I was given a media badge and map to walk the floor and cover an event I had always dreamed of attending. ... My first stop was the DC Direct booth. I am a Superman freak (I mean my son’s name is Kal) so the ‘Superman: World of New Krypton’ toys were the biggest hit of the day.”

—Double Awesome

Nothing seemed to capture the hearts and imaginations of Dubbs readers quite like Olga’s City Hall wedding. When she took time for a much larger ceremony overseas, she documented every minute of the trip and festivities for the Dubbs. We were honored. We gave her a special section. Twice. But she called it quits, declaring that no one cared. We think she was more than a little wrong. If nothing else, we who compile all the pieces each week were happy to keep reading about all the adventures she and Dennis encountered in the days before the second ceremony.

inspiration These are some quotes that helped me through the year so far... —Jessica

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.

M.I.W Make it wonderful! Stop using the words I CAN’T

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them—every day begin this task anew. Francis de Sales

Though she couldn’t be talked into finishing the written component, we did manage to get this awesome picture the photographer talked them into taking. (I have to admit I pictured them in a field somewhere, looking far more regal and less shiny.) Maybe one day she’ll finish writing up the story and we can hear how the photographer talked her into this photo.

who’s the boss Just before Issue 20, Kal William came into the world. Production didn’t halt with his birth, but the older he gets the harder it becomes to get the job done. He wants to play. He wants to walk. He needs to eat food from a spoon. I have to wash dishes. I have to get him to go back to sleep. I love him. I love the Dubbs. I love him. The Dubbs has to wait. Look at that squishy little newborn face.

God doesnt give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. Anybody can grow older. That doesnt take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

Awesome answers

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Outlook... positive?

—Amy

Dubs means community to me; it’s a forum for us all. What is your favorite moment of the past year?

The look on Nicole’s face when Olga asked to leave early on that Friday morning. “I’m going to get married at City Hall.”

What’s your outlook for the next year?

Not using the word “can’t” :)

Positive. Always gotta be positive. —MO

—Jessica

A little wrong

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

What is your favorite moment of the past year?

Olga getting married, hands down. I laughed, I cried.

What has the Dubbs meant to you?

—Double Awesome

inspiration These are some quotes that helped me through the year so far... —Jessica

M.I.W Make it wonderful! Stop using the words I CAN’T

The Year

Overheard in art

To me, the Dubbs is about community. The Art Dept. has always been like a big, happy (if dysfunctional) family, and ADW made me feel like a part of that, too. It is like a Jamo shot to the heart.

of the DUBBS

Luis’ workday haiku

It builds to a crescendo.

1. The Dubbs to me is like the Rocketeer’s jetpack: Anyone who has it is instantly awesome.

Satisfaction. Home.

2. Favorite moment of the past year? Richmas. If you mean 2009, then I don’t care. Richmas 2010 rocked so hard it rippled back in time.

Luis’ newest haiku

3. This year? As soon as I finish my keyboard guitar lessons, I’m starting a band. Then I’m going to live a life of Sex, Drugs, Rock ’n’ Roll, and obviously keyboard guitars. —rich

More awesome. More amazing. Onward to year two.

—UNA

The day starts out slow.

Dubbs one year later.

Since my time at Niche is ticking down, of course I want to contribute to the anniversary issue...

Excerpt from #26 By far the longest story we’ve ever printed was Research Meghan’s story about losing her iPhone on the subway.

south pArk AvAtArs

Y p p rA ers

k c A cr

hAppY birthDAY

Jeff, Jeremy, Alberto, Luis, Meghan, Jessica, Fryda, Vicky, Amy, Anthony, Rich

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“There is never enough butt-crack” -anthony Now if only Crumbs cupcakes could come in an even LARGER size. Oh wait....

VICKY’S THEORIES

“Vicky’s Theories” do not represent ADW’s theories. Or scientific reasoning.

Yvonne Strahovski from chuck. As the bad-ass, sexy spy Sarah (or is it really Sam), Strahovski is sometimes the only reason to watch.

“Holy Toledo Batman” -Jessica

“We’re selling a shitload of these heart attack burgers” -kfc employee

local honey is the best way to get over allergies

five things

“What is that... it looks like a child molester “ -luis

Desmond is the key. Desmond, and love. As teased in the brilliant Season 4 episode “The Constant” where Penny’s love served as an anchor for Desmond as he retraveled his life.

“Who’s going to guffaw now”

-chris

“You’re actually excited to see the new Elm Street, I didn’t think anyone was excited for that” -luis

“Why don’t you try losing the attitude, that’s probably a pound or two right there” -sue Snacks... I miss snack time with my fellow dubbers. (See story on Page XX)

ADW

art department weekly issue 52 vol. 2

*Baby not included.

a few more pictures...

Dubbs T-shirts Happy birthday Flashbacks the year of the dubbs PLus: Jessica’s year south park avatars overheard in art

Awesomeness

Everyone should have the privilege to be a fan of something as awesome as Star Wars. I mean, would you want to wear your allegiance to the Mets this loudly? I think not.

ADW

art department weekly issue 53 vol. 2

New on the Dubbs’ radar of awesome Star War gear is the series of Her Universe T-shirts and Darth Vader Half Helmet Hard Case for the iPhone. The Dubbs does not have an iPhone, but, if it did it, it would surely dress it in this awesome case.

Why do we need “women’s fitted” T-shirts? You’ll notice they are also in the Dubbs Café Press shop. Women are not shaped like men. If you are so lucky as to have a set of breasts, you will look like a cow if you put on a men’s T-shirt that is wide enough to fit the afore mentioned breasts. All your womanly appeal is lost in a sea of fabric and you simply look like some dork who rolled out of bed and put on her big brother’s clothes. In this age of geek chic, that will not do. If you are a true fan, then you should look like you are wearing your own clothes. Ashley Eckstein, the voice of Ahsoka Tano in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, has entered into a multi-year deal to create femalefocused Star Wars products, to be made available at conventions and via the Her Universe website. Multi-year. Hopefully that’s enough time for cheekier designs.

All dubbs, all the time Shop Café Press for all the hottest Dubbs gear—from T-shirts to wall clocks, we selected it all. I know what you’re thinking— $29?! Yeah, the ol’ Café likes to set their base prices high. Dubbs collects no money from the sales. We just want to share the Dubbs love with the rest of the world. www.cafepress.com/thedubbs

Awesomeness unasight sandy returns overheard in art PLus: mother’s day no mercy rich ideas

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FiVe things the random things that pop into rich’s mind

my yeLLoW KitCHen I seriously hate how yellow this room is. Every morning I eat my breakfast saying to myself how much I need to paint it. I’m thinking some form of red/orange.

“I’m such a good fucking poet”

Dr. grAnt No matter what movie

-luis

he is in, I always remember him saying “The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.”

“I like authoritative women”

PAul thurlby’s AlPhAbet souP’ hyperakt.com — A few days ago, I spent some time researching the world of children’s books. I’m in the process of working on one with my wife and we were looking for inspiration. I came across Paul Thurlby’s work on a blog and fell in love. Thurlby is based in London and works on commissions for the likes of the guardian, The Bank of England, and orange among others, but I fell in love with his Alphabet Soup pieces. Thurlbly has cleverly illustrated each letter of the alphabet in a retro 1950s style that just made me want to start collecting them for the walls of my future children’s bedroom. If you’re a graphic designer and a parent, these will be irresistible. Check out Paul’s site, paulthurlby.com, where you can buy prints of each letter for 27.00 gBP. He’s even got a 3 for 2 special going on.

-tom

“Maybe I am fat?... my face, my face” -Jessica

PoConos The only place that can

relax me in less than a day. Even though as a child it scared me.

“It was brutal. I mean, relatively. Not like being waterboarded but not as fun as a trampoline” -una

“I’m still in the beginning and I’m like hot when I read it” -vicky

“Tom and I just got our first pedis of the season” -amy Meghan decided she was Skeeter from Muppet Babies. Wikipedia says Skeeter is energetic, gutsy and spirited but, at times, a bit of a show-off. Skeeter would often call her brother, Scooter, a “nerd.” Does that make rich Scooter? Such a Meghan face. That’s two ADWs in a row where Meghan is sporting a cut-off shirt. —Amy

“It’s sooooooo quiet here” -Jessica

What’s on your lip? oh. That is your lip.

“Queens is a shitty Brooklyn” -chris

sAm summer ALe My favorite Summer Ale is BACk!

motHer’s DAy I’m going home this weekend and need to get my mom something for Mother’s Day. If only they made pierogi perfume!

o n y C r me I don’t know if most of you know, but last Friday Jessica decided that enough was enough when it comes to the grossness in the fridge. With a fire in her eye and a soapy wad of paper towels in her fist, she scrubbed the refrigerator shelves until she could see her own reflection in them. But she didn’t stop there. No. She went in and chucked anything gross, stinky, old, or belonging to John kushnir. She had mentioned earlier that day that she was wearing a new dress. Now we know why: she had a date with cleanliness. —Rich

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ANTHoNY’S gUIDE To MoTHEr’S DAY gIFTS

the bAllAD oF ADW

on my way to work Tuesday morning I was listening to some music on my iPhone, and I was thinking of how hard (for me at least) it is to find new music. Even when I listen to Pandora, on a long enough time line it will always play Weezer. Even on my Blues station! I mean I’m white, but THAT white? Perhaps… okay, yes. Anyway, I thought it would be fun if we all threw three mp3’s each into a folder and made an ADW Mix. Songs that go well with reading the Dubbs, walking with the Dubbs, writing the Dubbs, laying out the Dubbs with a screaming kid, you know, whatever! Then we can burn it to a CD or just make a data disk we can all pass around. So what do you guys think? We used to have a rollout mix in IT some years back. “rollout” is a term for replacing a computer with another while preserving the data. Naturally the first song was “rollout” but the rest of the songs were chosen by each IT member. The goal was to swap the PC and finish up before the CD was done. We had to rollout three machines per person per day and we each had a 90 rollout goal for the summer along with any other IT issues we had to fix. It was a fun way to time yourself. The CD worked great that summer, but I swear every song on that mix is dead to me now after hearing it so much. —Rich

CloseteD FAn

Phoning home

DrM sent us this exchange...

As Una is about to leave, and with the loss of Luis, I think we should create a Facebook group for ADW’s readers so that we can all continue to keep in touch post-Niche. We can swap stories, talk about feelings, and mainly use it to get our goddamn drink on. regardless of where we’ve worked in this company, we’re a good social group and I think we should try our best to keep it going. Let’s make that happen. —Rich

“i (heart) the dubbs” http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=117178531648558

FAVorite mothers If you haven’t already placed an order with 1-800-Flowers, you may be out of luck. As you can see from the cover of this issue (featuring some of the best fictional moms of all-time), it’s time to celebrate the mothers in your life. In case you mistakenly think that “mom” is a boring role, either doting or neglectful, fiction is full of rich female characters who walk the line between nurturing children and kicking ass. The collage celebrates some of the greatest characters ever created. From a prehistoric sassy mom to a revenge-seeking super assasin, they all have two things in common: They’re entertaining and they would do absolutely anything for their kids. They kind of remind me of two favorite moms in my life. First, I have to thank my own mother. She raised five of us in a very trying neighborhood during a very trying time. She was firm when she had to be, a comforting shoulder when we needed one. And that’s to put it simply. She was a great mom. I also must give a shout out to my wife, Madeline. You are the best. The most instinctual parent I’ve ever met. You make it seem so simple. You juggle everything with ease and aplomb. I’m constantly in awe by all you do. You’re amazing. Now, because ﬂowers can’t always express what it is your mom means to you, tryAnthony’s handy-daandy suggestions. Also full of suggestions this week is rich, contributing a plethora of content.— everything from a mix CD to a Facebook group. We started the Facebook group—”I

(heart) The Dubbs”—but the server folder of songs is up to the rest of you. This issue also features a very Niche good-bye by Una. I’d like to take this chance to say how much I enjoyed working with Una. While we only worked together for a short time, it was very memorable. I had a very difficult first issue of Philly Style. For some reason the EIC and I did not see eye to eye. That plus the ME at the time was having difficulty with the new systems being put in place. All in all, a nightmare. To say I was dreading my next Philly would be an understatement. Except, it wasn’t a nightmare at all. Una was smart, worked hard, and was incredibly easy to work with. Instantly Sarah and I had no problems, and that’s all because of Una. Thank you. While Una is leavin, sassy former intern Sandy is back. Well, at least in this issue. She lets us know what she’s been up to all this time. The more things change for her, the more they stay the same. She still works for a Binn company... Crazy. Enjoy this issue of the Dubbs and remember to give your mom plenty of love. She had to put up with all your annoying habits, pay for those art materials, and change your diapers. Yeah, moms are pretty awesome.

1. mAssAge BeADs “You know, the beads that you put on while watching TV and they make you feel good. And relaxed.” No, I dont know. “Maybe that’s just what I want.” 2. Wine “Buy her a bottle of wine. And sit with her and drink it.” 3. iron mAn tiCKets “My mom and I are going to see Iron Man and then out to a nice dinner.” 4. A FACiAL “My mom loves that shit.” Bonus tiP! Mother’s Day Dessert: “Bread pudding. You can’t go wrong with a good bread pudding.” —Amy

UNASIGHT 737 3 my take on what was new, notable and of interest during my two years at niche —Una

Days employed by Niche Media (also, a Boeing commercial airplane)

Co-workers who have seen me in my undies (I’m not proud of this.)

Where in the World is Sandy Pliego

Packs of free Orbitz gum I received for no reason from PR reps (score!)

Amazing How my breath smells as a result of aforementioned gum

My favorite art department in the whole wide world! I miss the fart sounds from the whoopie cushion and Meagan laughs to follow. That was the key to my heart, fart sounds and sugaaa! So after Niche I was a total hippie, didn’t wear makeup for days but took a shower just FYI. Had a sick tan from too much outdoors and beach bumming. I called the government and told them to give me my damn money back, not a proud moment but it’s how I survived the “summer of Sandy.” Anyway after a long time of searching for a job I found one, and guess where. Maybe you know and this isn’t news: Jason’s father! Ugh I know, I kept it in the family. He’s an interesting individual. Can’t say more because of legal reasons. The company is called XpresSpa owned by Marisol Binn and Mr.Binn. It’s intense but definitely a learning experience. We do everything from packaging to social media. I dreaded the part when I had to get my hands dirty with HTML for email blasts. Those first days I felt I aged 4 years, my brain capacity had reached it’s usage limit. Anyway I hope everyone is well and happy, hope to see you guys around. Love, Your favorite Mexican

Approximately

10,000,000 IM messages sent using expletives

Number of Ludabombs I tried to hide when Anthony and Karen got me drunk on my one year Nicheversary. They didn’t notice until I fell down and knocked them over. Smooth!

Height, in inches, of actor Verne Troyer, who got me in trouble when I blogged about him coming to the office

TWO

Art directors I’ve worked with (that’s ALL Y’ALL, plus Jill from the old office. I get around!)

The Binns are in the middle. I wanted to shoot my left foot off; photo shoots are not fun.

Art directors I’ve slept with (Kidding! It’s only 5)

Infinity

How much I will miss you all

Five (?) Drinks consumed before taking this photo at Ludachristmas 08

Keep in touch, please. My email is ulamarche@gmail.com and my digits are 917-279-7006. You can also learn far too much about me by reading my blog, sassycurmudgeon.com.

“i just walk into a cloud of fart and inhaled the whole thing” —Sandy

UNASIGHT 737 3 my take on what was new, notable and of interest during my two years at niche —Una

Days employed by Niche Media (also, a Boeing commercial airplane)

Co-workers who have seen me in my undies (I’m not proud of this.)

Where in the World is Sandy Pliego

Packs of free Orbitz gum I received for no reason from PR reps (score!)

Amazing How my breath smells as a result of aforementioned gum

Approximately

10,000,000 IM messages sent using expletives

Number of Ludabombs I tried to hide when Anthony and Karen got me drunk on my one year Nicheversary. They didn’t notice until I fell down and knocked them over. Smooth!

Height, in inches, of actor Verne Troyer, who got me in trouble when I blogged about him coming to the office

TWO

Art directors I’ve worked with (that’s ALL Y’ALL, plus Jill from the old office. I get around!)

The Binns are in the middle. I wanted to shoot my left foot off; photo shoots are not fun.

Art directors I’ve slept with (Kidding! It’s only 5)

Infinity

How much I will miss you all

Five (?) Drinks consumed before taking this photo at Ludachristmas 08

Keep in touch, please. My email is ulamarche@gmail.com and my digits are 917-279-7006. You can also learn far too much about me by reading my blog, sassycurmudgeon.com.

“i just walk into a cloud of fart and inhaled the whole thing” —Sandy

r o F ts

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ANTHoNY’S gUIDE To MoTHEr’S DAY gIFTS

the bAllAD oF ADW

CloseteD FAn

Phoning home

DrM sent us this exchange...

“i (heart) the dubbs” http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=117178531648558

mini boArD

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FiVe things the random things that pop into rich’s mind

my yeLLoW KitCHen I seriously hate how yellow this room is. Every morning I eat my breakfast saying to myself how much I need to paint it. I’m thinking some form of red/orange.

“I’m such a good fucking poet”

Dr. grAnt No matter what movie

-luis

he is in, I always remember him saying “The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.”

“I like authoritative women”

-tom

“Maybe I am fat?... my face, my face” -Jessica

PoConos The only place that can

relax me in less than a day. Even though as a child it scared me.

“It was brutal. I mean, relatively. Not like being waterboarded but not as fun as a trampoline” -una

“I’m still in the beginning and I’m like hot when I read it” -vicky

“It’s sooooooo quiet here” -Jessica

What’s on your lip? oh. That is your lip.

“Queens is a shitty Brooklyn” -chris

sAm summer ALe My favorite Summer Ale is BACk!

motHer’s DAy I’m going home this weekend and need to get my mom something for Mother’s Day. If only they made pierogi perfume!

Awesomeness

Everyone should have the privilege to be a fan of something as awesome as Star Wars. I mean, would you want to wear your allegiance to the Mets this loudly? I think not.

ADW

art department weekly issue 53 vol. 2

Awesomeness unasight sandy returns overheard in art PLus: mother’s day no mercy rich ideas

ADW

art department weekly issue 54 vol. 2

summer preview jessicaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s thoughts jersey city inspiration PLus: read this juiceboxes rule Team Awesome

mini board

r a e rh

Another sequel worth seeing

t r na

ove

e n o

If you’re like me, and saw Iron Man 2, you loved the above line uttered by Tony Stark to super-assistant Pepper Potts upon meeting Natalia from accounting. Natalia of course was Russian super-spy Natasha Romanoff, a.k.a. the Black Widow, played by Scarlett Johansson, infiltrating Stark Industries for S.H.I.E.L.D.

“I was thinking about you while I peed” -Karen

“My stubble is older than you”

Two teeth The baby boy cut his first teeth, and he’s ready to show them off. Grr...! And speaking of cutting, if I were doing the “5 Things” this week, scissors would totally be on my lift. For some reason I’ve been cutting everything lately. First I turned out long-haired cat into a shorter-haired cat. Then I cut Luis’s hair. Then I trimmed my eyebrows. Then I trimmed the baby’s hair before taking these photos. I don’t know where the obsession has come from. I mean, I was even using the knife sharpener to make them more effective... And for the record, the noun is scissors.

meat your maker Have you ever said to yourself, “These chicken wings would be so much better served in a waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles?” If you have, you’re a sick fuck, but get excited because a Japanese ice cream company has heeded your call. Yes, now fit for human consumption is meat-flavored ice cream. Displayed below are three flavors: Beef Tounge, Horse (yes, HORSE) and Chicken Wings. And you thought the KFC Double Down sandwich was the most disgusting use of meat ever. —DRM

-Rich

“Do you have to ask? He was the model, I was the photographer” -Madeline

“I can’t believe I’m the gay one of the three of us” -John Heinz

“A smug 40-year-old bridesmaid, what a treat for everyone” -Jack Donaghy

“And when she was writing this book, she really thought it was good?” -Luis

“I’m kind of a big deal” -Luis

(This column could use submissions)

t n i wa

I loved the original Iron Man film. I thought Robert Downey Jr. was excellent and Jon Favreau directed it deftly. So of course when the sequel was released I ran out to the midnight showing. Early reviews of the film were either extremely positive or very negative, so I went in not knowing what to expect. The movie starts out seconds after the ending of the last one (What? You haven’t seen it? Okay, stop reading, get the DVD, watch it and finish reading this when you’re done) with Ivan Danko in a Russian prison watching the Tony Stark press conference. In it Stark is announcing to the world that he is Iron Man. Danko is pissed and we don’t know why. We find out later on that Danko’s and Stark’s dads were partners in building the Arc reactor. Stark meanwhile is fighting with the government over his battlesuit. They want his suit for the military. Stark is unwilling to let go of his invention. The government then turns to fellow weapons contractor Justin Hammer (smarmily played by Sam Rockwell) to try and create a battlesuit of their own. Hammer recruits Danko and they immediately plot to take down Stark. Downey is at his over-the-top best as Tony Stark. He’s perfect and seemingly was built to play this role. Gwyenth Paltrow is again excellent as the super assistant Pepper Potts. Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson were both better than I expected. Rourke because most of the time he spoke in Russian and it masked how bad an actor he is,

What? You haven’t seen the first one? Stop reading, get the DVD, watch it, then come back. (But don’t ask why Rhody looks different...) and Scarlett because she barely had anything to say. Cheadle’s James Rhodes was slightly under-developed, but this movie is called Iron Man, not War Machine. I wish Samuel Jackson didn’t play his Nick Fury so over the top. Of all the performances in the movie, his annoyed me the most. All in all, the film was a very good time. Was it as good as the first, no. Is it highly enjoyable, yes. If you loved the first movie, you will love the second. I would highly recommend Iron Man 2.

Japanese company Hot Toys is making a limited edition 1:6th scale movie-accurate Black Widow action figure. The figure is crafted based on the image of Scarlett with a highly detailed costume and a ton of accessories. No price point has been set (my guess is $129.99). The figure is set to be released at the end of September. Now you can play with Scarlett Johansson at home without having to fight her hubby Ryan Reynolds. Order fast. Hot Toys’ Heath Ledger Joker sold out in pre-orders and goes upwards of $400 on ebay.

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Amy’S iNSPirAtioN

After reading Madeline’s comment in the last issue that we have more, um, ART content in ADW, I thought inspiration board! You know, like the fashion dept. has for each story they do. What’s inspiring me this week? See below. —Amy

K C A

Whenever I visit my parents’ house, I like to open up the closet or the drawers in “my room” to see what garbage I can find. Recently I discovered a screenplay hidden inside a magic eye folder. The first page looked familiar but I couldn’t remember how on earth the story concluded. So, I took it with me—ugly folder and all.

The copy I have is covered in my edits. I’m going to guess the writer had no interest in rewriting considering she’s never again uttered the word “rumspringa.” —Madeline

S i th

I dig these giant kiss stains by New York mag. Something different instead of smudges, and the typography makes it great.

O does amazing feature splash pages, which always incorporate the O into whatever the theme of the issue.

I read it last night. What crap. It’s supposed to be a comedy. In June 2001, I told the writer something that made me laugh—the idea of two Amish girls whistling at construction workers as they ride by in a horse and buggy—and she decided she could turn that into a hit for teens. I spent the rest of the summer listening to the results of her Amish research (not very extensive) and steering her toward funnier material. The joke could barely create three minutes of sketch comedy, so you can be sure this script is 97 pages too long.

D A re

Leaving room for text on splashes page is always difficult. House Beautiful manages to incorporate text space into the styling of the photo. Love! One of my favorite mags, Lucky, does great piece-y pages. Love the mini models with white strokes for scale and playfulness

Kal says the only thing crazier than this weather is old people. “He’s pretty. What’s his name?” “Kal.” “That’s nice. How old is he?” “Eight months.” “Do you know how old I am?” “No, how old are you?” “Nine months. He’s pretty. Handsome! He’s a handsome boy. How old is he?” “Eight months.” “That’s nice. Do you know how old I am?” “No, how old are you?” “Ten months.” “Oh, really?” “Yeah. He’s pretty. Not pretty. Handsome.”

reLAXiNG (or Not) When I think of summer, I think of hot, disgusting weather. And that’s about where my thoughts on summer cease being normal. In order to push through grammar school as quickly as possible, I spent most of my summers in a classroom. Then I started working. When you work at a fashion magazine, your busiest time is the push for the September issue (or reaching all those seasonal readers in the Hamptons). Summer has never equated to break time in my head. Okay, I guess I do have some more normal thoughts. “Summer” makes me think of movies—airconditioning and big special effects. And as long as the environment keeps changing its mind about when summer should start, Hollywood seems to be following suit. I’ve already seen two comic book-based blockbuster flicks: Kick-Ass and Iron Man 2. (I highly recommend both. More on that next week.) Also, summer isn’t summer without baseball. Or Michael Kay. He’s practically a member of the family from May to August. And when I’m not listening to him, watching the Yankees, or managing Team Scrub, I expect to find myself with a ball in hand. The crack of the bat, the pop of the ball in your glove—those sounds are synonymous with summer. While most people think of vacationing in the summer, I am not most people. I hate the beach, and I don’t know how to relax. In anticipation of working on a weekly again this summer (who

knew?), I scheduled my summer vacation early. No one outside of New York has met Kal, so we headed to St. Charles, Illinois, for a few days. I love my wife’s hometown, but traveling to visit with family hardly counts as a vacation. Relaxing is secondary to trying to squeeze in as many visits as humanly possible with friends and family. At least this time we were able to fit in to Dairy queen, Sonic and the Colonial Café. Ah, summer.

No movie that opens this summer with be able to top the hype and attention that the series of finale of Lost will receive. Nor should it. People have been talking about this ending for how many years now? Will they get off the island? How will they get back to the island? Now what? What the hell is the island? The day after Sun, Jin and Sayid bit the dust, EW arrived in the mail to explain why and remind us of all the other characters who were important before they died. “Lost: The Complete Viewer’s Guide” runs almost the entire issue. And it’s amazing. —Luis

Above: Switching from one rental car to another in Wrigleyville. Below: Kal enjoys his trip to Colonial. He has a while to go before trying the kitchen sink.

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Amy’S iNSPirAtioN

K C A

The copy I have is covered in my edits. I’m going to guess the writer had no interest in rewriting considering she’s never again uttered the word “rumspringa.” —Madeline

S i th

I dig these giant kiss stains by New York mag. Something different instead of smudges, and the typography makes it great.

O does amazing feature splash pages, which always incorporate the O into whatever the theme of the issue.

D A re

Above: Switching from one rental car to another in Wrigleyville. Below: Kal enjoys his trip to Colonial. He has a while to go before trying the kitchen sink.

Summer Preview

Why kick off summer with Memorial Day? Bring on Cinco de Mayo. It’s sooner, sometimes warmer, and has a better theme. Here you can see which Nichers, former Nichers, and soon-to-be-former Nichers toasted Una and Mexico’s independence.

With summer right around the corner, it seemed the perfect time to find out what everyone plans to do with all the warm weather and daylight coming our way. What beaches should I hit? What movies should I see? What products do I need to protect my sensitive skin? A few people answered... —Luis

SUMMER SCENE In the summer I try to be outside as much as humanly possible. If it can be done outside, I have done or will do it. All the adventure you need is right outside your door on a bright and sunny summer day. You can usually find me on my bike, cruising down to Coney Island on any given Saturday in the summertime, having some beers, laughs and grilling up some caveman delicasies. If you’re interested in checking out Coney, hitting up the Mermaid Parade and Siren Music Festival is the way to go. Rocking out at Cha Cha’s on the boardwalk is a MUST. Coney is a home away from home where I always feel like I’m in my element. If you haven’t been to Coney, get your ass over there and grab a beer from Nathan’s! Walk around drink, enjoy, and ride the Cyclone. It’s a frigging landmark for Christ sakes! Just down the boardwalk, you got Brighton Beach. You may run into Olga. You never know! The Russian food is good as you can get good vodka for cheap. They also have a few free shows. NY has a lot to offer if you get off your lazy asses! BOOM —Double Awesome

here’s to 2010 Jessica answers all of Luis’ questions...

Free films in Bryant Park Join a pickup game in Central Park Scale the Statue of Liberty Eat street meat at the Red Hook ball fields Ride the Staten Island Ferry See the Cloisters Don’t and crank the AC

Jersey City: A Primer I usually don’t take vacations in the summer. Ever since I entered the “adult world,” summer vacation became overrated. I would prefer taking my vacations in the winter and fall. But you never know. Things may come up. I’m anxious to find out what summer 2010 has in store for me. My best summer vacations in no order are as follows: My trips to Colombia, Spain, and Yellowstone. For all those who know me oh so well... Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen. This blanquita burns. And burns bad. I already got a sunburn on my back from being at my brother’s lacrosse game last weekend. If I had to predict a couple things for my summer they would be, spending time with my niece, Attending my twin brothers graduation [editing note: does this refer to Jesus or a set of twin boys? where to put the apostrophe...], reading my book on the beach as much as possible, Sunday nights in Long Beach, Wineries for Memorial day, my aunt’s summer house in Cutchogue, Salsa dancing at Jones Beach, and we will see what actually happens. That’s just the usual in my summer plans. I have many summer memories from friends’ weddings, fireworks and parties at Franks, Spain, Yellowstone, Colombia, Disney, Vegas, late-night swimming at Lauren’s with whomever we decided to invite over, Lily Flannigans, Patty McGees, Minesotas, Wineries, Cutchogue, moving out of my house and living on my own, staying out till the sun came up and then some, summers in the fire hydrant, summer lunch program, Astoria pool, rooftop bars, happy hour Fridays, unlimited strawberry daquaris in Bermuda with Grandma (as a kid that is the life), Salsa dancing in Florida with Robert, Robert, The what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (wink, wink), Mount Carmel Gilio feast, North Carolina, Miniature golf, Friendly’s ice cream, Boston Yankee game in Boston, random phone calls to attend Mets or Yankee games after work and sitting so close, 4th of July in Spain (rum and coke)... I could go on forever because my memory is endless and there are so many to choose from they are all my favorite. So here’s to the new ones that will be added to my list. Hello summer of 2010 —Jessica

T&A are moving west! To Jersey City, the most Jersey of all cities. Don’t know where that is or how to get there? Read on! And then come visit. Nicknames: JC, Chilltown, Wall Street West Transport: • The Path train runs 24 hours a day to World Trade Center, Christopher, 9th, 14th, 23rd and 33rd Streets. The ride from Grove Street to WTC is only 10 minutes! • A ferry also runs from Lower Manhattan and Midtown You Want to Go To... • Zeppelin, the newish beer garden on the waterfront • Newport Mall. A short Path ride away and it has a Forever 21. You know where I’ll be. • The Colgate Clock, the largest clock in the world (also visible from PJ Clarke’s)

• The Promenade, the park along the waterfront, for amazing views of New York and kayaking in the summer • Liberty State Park for the All Points West festival, Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island Facts: • Jersey City is the second-largest city in NJ after Newark. • Roosevelt Stadium (near Liberty State Park) was briefly home to the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1956 and 1957. • Wall Street 2 was partially filmed there (Shia LaBeouf was spotted in the mall) • Famous people born in JC include Nathan Lane, Nancy Sinatra, Martha Stewart, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, and Richard Petriello (my dad)

Tom’s Summer Agenda 1) Moving Number one on the agenda, and with good reason: It’s happening in two weeks. The Jersey boy returns home after a six-month hiatus. 2) World Cup No, I won’t be in attendance. But you know who will be? Thousands of prostitutes from around the world. True story. 3) Sandlot Inspired by the movie, my summer dream is to assemble a group of guys to play pickup hardball every weekend at a ballfield somewhere central in the city. Who’s in? 4) Jersey Shore trips The best way to pass a summer weekend. 5) Breaking 20 minutes in a 5K Most people hate who they were in high school. And while the mere thought of my pubescent mustache makes me cringe, I’d like to reclaim the speed of my cross-country youth. I did the Lincoln Tunnel Challenge in 20:48. Fortynine seconds to go...

Kal’s Summer Agenda 1) Moving After “finding balance.” 2) Sippy Cup Oh yeah. 3) Sand Though I shouldn’t eat it. 4) Jersey Shore trips The best way to pass a summer weekend. 5) Not breaking anything

Summer Preview

here’s to 2010 Jessica answers all of Luis’ questions...

miNi BoArD

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“Sometimes I feel like I’m in a gay club”

JuiCeBoXeS ruLe Roughly a quarter f the way through the season Chris B’s team is dominating by a huge margin. Even more impressive, he hasn’t touched his team since day one. He drafted his squad, let it sit and is riding the wave to first place. He’s got a huge and maybe insurmountable lead. Of course, Chris knows nothing about baseball, he is a Mets fan after all. (This plan does not always work; Team Madeline has also not touched her team.)

the random things that pop into jessica’s mind

MARTINIs Ladies night on L.I. with

the girls, $1 Martinis. What more could you ask for? Good company good prices

PuNTA CANA Was it really a year

ago this week that Mel and James got married? My how time flies. Wish I was there right now...

“Queens is a shitty Brooklyn”

THE HoLE IN MY CEILINg Every

morning is a constant reminder. I have been here a year. When the heck is my dad coming to fix the hole he made???

-chris

“That’s okay, I’m taller than both of y’all layin down”

rehyDrAte Can’t get enough True Blood? If the show (returning to HBO June 13) isn’t enough, the folks at IDW have just the thing—True Blood the comic. The story will be set in the Alan Ball version of the Sookie Stackhouse universe, which is in-turn based on the Charlaine Harris series. The first issue hits in July with a limited edition cover by comics superstar J. Scott Campbell.

-mo neill

Five thiNGS

A sPECIAL soMEoNE That’s all

-darnell

APP oF the WeeK If you love karaoke, and you love Glee... you’re probably Luis. But a lot more people like to sing in the privacy of their own homes. That’s what the Glee app is for. Sing along to “Rehab” or “Somebody To Love” or a bunch of purchasable songs or even YOUR OWN ITUNES LIBRARY. The app autotunes you (which sounds totally weird) and the whole experience is very similar to Rock Band where you’re following an arrow on a screen. If you’re feeling sassy, you can upload your songs to Facebook and earn points and free songs. But, really, don’t subject your friends to that. Unless you’re Luis.

“The Greeks were bugging out, the backlava, the feta cheese” -Fryda

“And people wonder why I don’t smile more often—I was raised by a maniac” -nana

“It’s too bad you’re not a friendlier baby”

that needs to be said

5 MORE THINGS ON HER MIND Can we talk about my 5 things of work? Hamptons issue 1 wasnt so bad, Hamptons issue 1 when are Jasons changes going to end, Hamptons issue 2 we can do this, Hamptons finding interns and of course since 1 interns plans fell thru to be in NY, Rich, Anything and everything Rich. Especially what picture he is going to put in my frame next....

-nana

“Ties never go with short sleeves” -luis ARuBA I know it’s six months

away, but I have to book the room and flight this week

miNi BoArD

D eAr

t r NA

rh e v o

“Sometimes I feel like I’m in a gay club”

the random things that pop into jessica’s mind

MARTINIs Ladies night on L.I. with

the girls, $1 Martinis. What more could you ask for? Good company good prices

PuNTA CANA Was it really a year

ago this week that Mel and James got married? My how time flies. Wish I was there right now...

“Queens is a shitty Brooklyn”

THE HoLE IN MY CEILINg Every

morning is a constant reminder. I have been here a year. When the heck is my dad coming to fix the hole he made???

-chris

“That’s okay, I’m taller than both of y’all layin down”

-mo neill

Five thiNGS

A sPECIAL soMEoNE That’s all

-darnell

“The Greeks were bugging out, the backlava, the feta cheese” -Fryda

“And people wonder why I don’t smile more often—I was raised by a maniac” -nana

“It’s too bad you’re not a friendlier baby”

that needs to be said

-nana

“Ties never go with short sleeves” -luis ARuBA I know it’s six months

away, but I have to book the room and flight this week

Mighty Thor When Marvel first announced a Thor movie, I was both excited and scared. Would they go the Conan the Barbarian route and camp it up with a big muscled, little acting meathead? The answer is a resounding no. Marvel put Kenneth Branagh at the helm. The cast includes Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and Natalie Portman as Dr. Jane Foster. Two weeks ago they threw a bone to the geeks with the first official picture of Hemsworth as Thor. The picture—while a small sampling— looks like they are interpreting the modern incarnation of Thor’s costume to the big screen, and I’m very impressed.

ADW

art department weekly issue 55 vol. 2

With the unveiling of that pic, I wondered what makes for a great superhero costume. How better to do that than with a trip down memory lane—especially because Marvel couldn’t leave well-enough alone with Thor’s original costume. The original was designed by none other than Jack Kirby. As superhero costumes go, it is top-notch. The costume says superhero and Viking all at the same time. The black tunic pulls the whole piece together. Plus you get the super hero staple of primary colors. Viking helmet = badass. Thor’s blonde hair ties in perfectly with his belt and boots as well. Also at the time of his debut, Marvel was shying away from capes. Spiderman, X-Men, Daredevil, Iron Man and the Fantastic Four all were created without capes. Capers were thought to be more villanous (Magneto, Dr. Doom), but Kirby wanted to make Thor more regal, so the cape was added. Just as in-fashion, a silhouette is equally important in comics. Think about Batman’s cape and cowl. You instantly know the character based on his silo. Take a look at Kirby’s Thor, that costume works perfectly as a silhouette. Simply put, an iconic character design. Whenever Marvel tried to move away from Kirby’s design they failed. Sometimes miserably. continued inside...

summer preview jessica’s thoughts jersey city inspiration PLus: read this juiceboxes rule Team Awesome

ADW

art department weekly issue 54 vol. 2

summer preview jessicaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s thoughts jersey city inspiration PLus: read this juiceboxes rule Team Awesome

in n r leayour

s ’ c ab

uis sent me a link to this rendition of Wolverine ABC’s by seangordonmurphy on Deviant Art. What I personally love about this (aside from the comments left by Deviant members) is that there’s like a mini Wolvie history throughout. This isn’t just an angry mutant with claws bent into different shapes. You have to be in the know to get a lot of the letters. And it’s skilled. —Madeline

t r a

the review

few weeks ago I ventured out to the theater to see the latest comic-book film adaptation. A movie that uber-critic Roger Ebert dubbed “morally reprehensible.” I went out to see Kick-Ass, a movie where an average teen decides to don a costume and fight crime alá the heroes of the comics he loves to read. Dave Lizewski is an average high school student. He’s a comic fan with a small but loyal group of friends who are by most counts unnoticed by their fellow students. He lives at home alone with his widowed dad and pines for school hottie Katie Deauxma. He leads the typical teenage life. Until he decides he will do what no one in the real world has done before—he’s going to make a costume and fight crime. He names himself Kick-Ass. He will no longer stand on the sideline. When he witnesses someone being wronged, he will make a stand and get involved. Except, all does not go as planned. You see, Dave is a comic nerd, not a trained fighter. Upon getting his costume and trying to get involved, he is horribly beaten (and then hit by a car). He spends many months in the hospital where a series of metal plates and a steady cocktail of pain killers make him virtually invulnerable. You’d think his beating would be enough to make him stop, but nope, he decides to give it another go. After stopping a man from being beaten (a fight which is filmed), he becomes an Internet sensation. So much so, that he makes others stop and take notice. A costumed father-daughter mafia-killing team (Big Daddy and, my favorite character, Hit-Girl) want to team up with him. The Mafia want to kill Kick-Ass, as they think he’s bad for business. Copy-cat hero Red Mist wants to be him (or does he?). The movie does a nice job of taking a simple comic idea and running with it. The lesson of getting involved when you see something wrong taking place is tantamount. Kick-Ass gets involved to help the little guy. Hit-Girl and Big Daddy, to stop the mafia and their wrong doing. Red Mist seemingly the same. While different than the comic, Kick-Ass does a nice job at adapting the essence of the story. There were changes to the characters of Dave and his relationship with Katie, and even the origin of Big Daddy, but I think it all made for a stronger movie.

Is this a movie for everyone? Absolutely not. It is if you like overly violent, sensationalistic, gory, action movies. You don’t need to know anything about the comic to enjoy the film. Think of it as SuperBad meets Kill Bill. If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, then this film is for you.

Thor (cont.) Red Norvell Thor, eeek. Dargo, Future Thor: he’s like an escapee from an ’80s hair band. Armored Thor, he’s a god, why so much armor? ’90s... I have no comment for this atrocity. Heroes Reborn, can you say Liefeld over-design? King of Asgard, gets a little closer to Kirby’s design, but shouldn’t a king look like a king and less a member of a biker gang. Why so many chains and buckles? Then, finally, Marvel got it right. Viking helmet. Check. Regal cape. Check. The tunic is back, this time with chainmail underneath. This looks like a fully designed costume. One that works because it harkens back to the original. It also passes the silhouette test. With this latest design being the one featured in the movie, I think it has a chance to be the most recognizable of the bunch. Not the best, as the original Kirby design holds a soft spot in my heart, but the most recognizable.

e r i p

The biggest issue To honor the 30th anniversary of Empire Strikes Back, I wanted to dedicate this whole issue to the greatest movie ever filmed. However, I’ve seen a lot of other movies lately, and I wanted to review them. And everyone seemed to have plenty to say about what they’d seen on YouTube and elsewhere. So, this has become the largest issue to date. Something Madeline was not prepared for. It kind of makes her want to cry because she’s sure this is also the shittiest issue to date. Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie of all-time. It takes and expands on ideas introduced in Star Wars. The same message of hope against all odds is the present, but the villains really beat the snot out of the main characters for the duration of the film. In the end, seeing that they survived the day (and all the odds), all you’re really left with is hope. Kind of. It might be the best movie ever where the bad guys win. As in Star Wars, the rebel alliance struggles to overthrow the evil empire. At the onset of the film—on frozen and barren Hoth—we see just how out matched the rebels are. As the rebels flee the planet, the main characters split up. There is room for multiple characters to make a journey of self-discovery—though Luke Skywalker’s is still at the forefront. Jedi-wannabe Skywalker travels to Dagobah where he meets and learns

from Jedi Master Yoda. No character grows more than Luke. He goes from rebel pilot to Jedi-in-training to battling Darth Vader in a light saber duel that culminates with the greatest twist ever: “No, I am your father.” In a separate part of the galaxy, Princess Leia and rebel pilot Han Solo try to escape Empire capture. Along the way, their characters grow in leaps and bounds from the first film and fall in love with each other, making Han’s innevitable capture all that much more emotional for us, the audience. Even though the overall outlook of the film is bleak, the message is hope, never giving up. Just when we think Luke’s ship will stay at the bottom of the lagoon forever, Yoda is able to easily raise it through his faith in the Force. This is my favorite movie of all-time, and I highly recommend it to everyone. It’s a movie that crosses multiple genres—action, science fiction, drama, romance—and pulls it off successfully. It is inspirational, overcoming insurmountable odds and never saying, “I can’t.”

“Yeah, we’re doing a special Empire Strikes Back issue of the Dubbs” “Cool, can I do something?” “Yeah, of course. Do you want to draw a picture, maybe your favorite character?” “Yeah, I could draw Princess Leia” “She’s your favorite character? I was thinking maybe Boba Fett or Darth Vader.” “Dad...”

Megan’s rendition of Leia’s Hoth outfit. Yep, my 9-year-old rocks.

5 things on Chris’s mind Comrade Limesky Not

100% where he came from… Grizzled KGB operative that won’t shut up about his Cold War days. He makes a wooden sound now when you knock him on the desk. NY Vinny Had to write a

blurb about this goon. Spokesperson for NY NY out in Sin City. Over the top Jersey accent but pronounces the “R” in New York and loves Manhattan “for the buildings and the murals.” Yeah, and I’m Irish. The Amazon I was bored one

day so I dl some trial kama sutra bullshit on my iPhone. Takes a little practice, but The Amazon is where it’s at. Your Sister’s Juicebox

This was originally the name of my intramural football team at school. Glad the tenacity has carried over, with the name, into pretend sports. I love that I’m winning only ‘cause it’s eating JV up inside. Liz’s Dolphin Ride Liz

Because I can

wants to “play with a dolphin.” I told her straight up, be careful, those things are nasty. I mean, people kill them all the time. She says she’s never hurt a dolphin, and they wouldn’t get nasty with her… I don’t know though. I think they have a right to be. We’re fucking up this planet left and right, maybe some other species getting aggressive to keep us in check wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. Except for Liz… When that mighty fin comes down full force on her and her snorkel gear… that might be the worst thing that could happen for her. Shit is real out there. I feel like it’s missing a hot girl though... Like some chick in a skanky schoolgirl outfit or something. It’s the hottest thing a girl can wear. Whatever.

Top 10 Empire Toys George Lucas changed the face of merchandising forever with Star Wars. By retaining all the merchandising rights to the first film (and every film thereafter), he was able to make the Star Wars movie franchise with his own money. Thus making the Star Wars films the biggest independent movies in the history of movie-making. None of that mattered to me as a kid though. I simply wanted Star Wars toys. They were the best toys on the planet. I could re-enact my favorite scenes from the movie over and over again. As an adult, my want for these figures hasn’t waned. I still buy Star Wars toys to this day. Below are my picks for the Top 10 (or so) Empire Strikes Back toys.

10. Nothing says pass the Colt 45 like this smoothlooking Lando Calrissian Mighty Mugg. 9. Major Bren Derlin. You may wonder what’s so

special about this throw-away extra. I’ll tell you, he’s Cliff Clavin from Cheers. Before going on to be Cliff and then voice multiple characters for Pixar John Ratzenberger was in Empire. 8. Galactic Heroes The Battle of Hoth set.

This pre-school safe set has everything you need to indoctrinate your little one into the opening scene of Empire. Luke, Vader, Han on Tauntaun, Rebel fighters, Imperial officers, and a SnowTrooper. All for $20... a great deal. 7. Dagobah Yoda with backpack. Yoda is

badass, now you can recreate the scene with Luke running around with Yoda in a backpack.

6. Snow Trooper with Ion Cannon. I always

loved the simple design of the Storm Troopers, and was blown away by the upgrade to weatherize the Storm Troopers into Snow Troopers. Great figure. Great design. 5. Wampa with Luke Cinema Scenes set. The

re-release of the Wampa figure went for feral which was a departure from the originals fluffy and friendly. 4. Lego Slave 1. The Lego sets are amazing. The

limited edition Slave 1 with mini Boba fig (as well as a Carbonite Han) is top-notch. 3. Kenner Tauntaun playset. Now you can

recreate the scene where Han slices open the Tauntaun belly to shove Luke in and keep him warm. Easily one of my favorite childhood toys. 2. Bespin Duel Luke and Vader. These fully

articulated figures were released in 2002. You can almost hear Darth says “I am your father” while Luke clutches his bloody stump of a former hand. 1. Rocket-Firing Boba Fett. The holy grail of toy

collectors. This Boba was supposed to be a mail-away figure after Empire came out, but during testing a child choked on one of the missiles. Plans for the figure were scrapped. There are 14 unpainted prototypes (pictured here) and 36 hand-painted test figures out there. One prototype recently sold for $10,000 on eBay.

H2OMG It all began a week ago on Sunday night: I was running on a treadmill, pushing myself pretty hard about five miles in and my body just couldn’t take it—so I threw up. You’d know that this is not all that uncommon for newbie runners like me if you’ve ever watched The Biggest Loser. What was uncommon was the next day, and the day after that—when I threw up again. Come Wednesday, and I literally could only manage some OJ for breakfast … threw that up for lunch, had a glass of milk for dinner and threw it up before passing out (not quite literally, thankfully) that night. I didn’t go to medical school, but I figured something was amiss, so Thursday morning before work I went to see my doctor. What’s up doc? Why am I throwing up? “I don’t know … your body is probably just under a lot of stress,” she said. “But clearly, you’re dehydrated now. So I’m admitting you to the hospital.” This was not the first time I had been hospitalized for dehydration, surprisingly enough. Three years ago when I was in Israel, I threw up for three days straight until being rushed to the closest hospital in Herzliya. (Well I wouldn’t exactly call it a hospital—it was more of a large room with colorful shower curtain dividers hung up randomly for “privacy” —but at least they could give me an IV.) But this time my lack of bodily fluids occurred with the best in the American medical system at my fingertips, which meant that no luxury was spared. And with my parents’ United Health Care card that I’m able to finagle, I was treated like a Queen! Well … not exactly. Not to complain or anything … but here is a condensed list of the ridiculous things that happened to me during my two-day stint at NYU Medical Center:

Quickly noticing I did not have any fresh incisions, she asked my name and came to the conclusion that I was not the woman she had just performed surgery on. Reassuring. The woman sharing the room with me the first night asked the nurse to tell me to turn my TV down. I was sitting right next to her as she told this to the nurse. For the record, my TV was off. Every hour, the IV fluid would empty, causing the machine’s alarm to go off at an annoyingly loud decibel until a nurse came five minutes later to change the saline pack. Then every four hours, a nurse would come in to draw blood from me. (I thought I needed that to help me NOT pass out? But what do I know … again, I didn’t go to medical school.) This occurred on a cycle…for two and a half days. Friday morning, a team of doctors I had never seen before woke me up. The head doctor proceeded to ask me a series of questions (“Are you feeling any pain?” Well, yeah… in my esophagus. “Are you able to use the bathroom now?” Was I not able to before?) With a confused look on her face, she walked over to me and promptly lifted up my gown. Quickly noticing I did not have any fresh incisions, she asked my name and came to the conclusion that I was not the woman she had just performed surgery on. Reassuring. Saturday rolled around, and I was feeling a little better—at least well enough that I could get the heck out of there. But my doctor still couldn’t give me a definite answer. Her final conclusion was that I simply had too much stress in my life. Well, duh (for lack of a better term), I work at Niche. But at least this experience gave me a chance to catch up on my sleep, have an unlimited supply of ice chips, watch the Real Housewives of New York marathon (on closed captioning, thanks to my suitemate), dominate in Words With Friends on my iPhone, and my friend even helped me roll my IV to the maternity ward so we (she) could look at cute newborns. So … I guess it wasn’t all bad.

project vader Have you always wanted a life-size Darth Vader helmet (oh wait, am I the only one) but black simply doesn’t go with your home decor? Your in luck. This summer, The Vader Project launches the final chapter of its four-year art odyssey. The collection features 100 custom designed Darth Vader Helmets. Completing its world tour, The Vader Project returns to Los Angeles in June for a special ten-day exhibition in Hollywood as a preview to the upcoming Freeman’s Auction in Philadelphia. The Los Angeles Preview Exhibition is free to the public with an opening reception on June 11 from 6-10pm. The show will also feature a 200-plus page, full-color, limited edition catalog that is being produced for the auction. On June 12, the space will present a catalog signing event with over 20 participating artists in attendance beginning at 2pm on June 12. The Los Angeles Preview Exhibition will be open June 12-20 daily from Noon to 6pm. In July, The Vader Project travels to Freeman’s Auctioneers and Appraisers in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for the final opportunity to view the helmets in person before they are sold at auction. The Freeman’s Auction will take place July 10, 2010 at Freeman’s Auction House in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania preceded by a 5-day exhibition there July 5-9. Collectors and art connoisseurs worldwide will have the opportunity to bid online at Freeman’s website, freemansauction.com. Start saving your pennies now though, these one-of-a-kind pieces won’t come cheap.

in n r leayour

s ’ c ab

t r a

the review

e r i p

Megan’s rendition of Leia’s Hoth outfit. Yep, my 9-year-old rocks.

mini board

r a e rh

Another sequel worth seeing

t r na

ove

e n o

“I was thinking about you while I peed” -Karen

“My stubble is older than you”

-Rich

“Do you have to ask? He was the model, I was the photographer” -Madeline

“I can’t believe I’m the gay one of the three of us” -John Heinz

“A smug 40-year-old bridesmaid, what a treat for everyone” -Jack Donaghy

“And when she was writing this book, she really thought it was good?” -Luis

“I’m kind of a big deal” -Luis

(This column could use submissions)

t n i wa

Happy birthday! The greatest movie ever? Even if you don’t agree, this movie has shaped everything else in the galaxy after it, so we’re going to pay a little tribute to it.

inspiration board i am attaching 2 spreads and a cover image from blueprint magazine. i came across them today and thought they were too beautiful not to sure with the team. they were pretty and fun and very inspirational. (and what a fun chart!)

On Why the mets contnue to suck Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly? The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet.

You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don’t let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.

Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy No. *I* am your father. as father and son. -Darth Vader

-Darth Vader

I love to hate on the Mets. I really do. In my eyes they are second class citizens who have no right sharing the city with the Yankees. It’s just the way I feel and nothing will ever change my mind. I think they are dreadfully awful team to watch, save for the performance of David Wright, and every 5 days when Johan pitches. You know who else thinks they’re boring, their legendary former gold glove winning first baseman and current broadcaster (and Sienfeld alum) Keith Hernandez. He recently fell asleep during a broadcast. Broadcast partner Gary Cohen had to wake his ass up. Say what you like about Michael Kay, he’d never fall asleep during a Yankee broadcast. Here’s also a picture of Keith Hernandez lighting up in the Mets dugout back in his playing days. As you can see, he’s always been a class

Happy birthday! The greatest movie ever? Even if you don’t agree, this movie has shaped everything else in the galaxy after it, so we’re going to pay a little tribute to it.

On Why the mets contnue to suck Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly? The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet.

You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don’t let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.

Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy No. *I* am your father. as father and son. -Darth Vader

-Darth Vader

No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.

five thngs

-Yoda

You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life. -Han

He’s no good to me dead. -Boba Fett

I know -Han

I have a bad feeling about tihs. -Princess Leia

So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say? -Yoda

9 8

As we all know, Star Wars and in turn the Empire Strikes Back may not be everyone’s thing, but guaranteed, something on this list is your thing. Empire’s mark on pop-culture is indelible, and undeniable. Each of these movies or TV shows have references or scenes inspired by Empire Strikes Back. One Trick Pony: 1980

2010: The Odyssey Continues: 1984

Captain EO: 1986

Outland: 1981

Sword of the Valiant: 1984

Night Screams: 1987

Bosum Buddies: 1982

Brazil: 1985

Raising Arizona: 1987

Cat People: 1982

Real Genius: 1985

Muppet Babies: 1987

ET: 1982

Joey: 1985

Coming to America: 1988

Author! Author!: 1982

Alone in the T-Shirt Zone: 1986

Cheers: 1989

Tron: 1982

Frog Dreaming: 1986

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure: 1989

Silver Spoons: 1983

Labyrinth: 1986

Batman: 1989

Hill Street Blues: 1983

Howard the Duck: 1986

Saved By The Bell: 1989

Valley Girl: 1983

The Transformers: The Movie: 1986

Cheers: 1990

5 things on Chris’s mind Comrade Limesky Not

100% where he came from… Grizzled KGB operative that won’t shut up about his Cold War days. He makes a wooden sound now when you knock him on the desk. NY Vinny Had to write a

day so I dl some trial kama sutra bullshit on my iPhone. Takes a little practice, but The Amazon is where it’s at. Your Sister’s Juicebox

Because I can

10. Nothing says pass the Colt 45 like this smoothlooking Lando Calrissian Mighty Mugg. 9. Major Bren Derlin. You may wonder what’s so

badass, now you can recreate the scene with Luke running around with Yoda in a backpack.

6. Snow Trooper with Ion Cannon. I always

re-release of the Wampa figure went for feral which was a departure from the originals fluffy and friendly. 4. Lego Slave 1. The Lego sets are amazing. The

limited edition Slave 1 with mini Boba fig (as well as a Carbonite Han) is top-notch. 3. Kenner Tauntaun playset. Now you can

recreate the scene where Han slices open the Tauntaun belly to shove Luke in and keep him warm. Easily one of my favorite childhood toys. 2. Bespin Duel Luke and Vader. These fully

No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.

five thngs

-Yoda

You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life. -Han

He’s no good to me dead. -Boba Fett

I know -Han

I have a bad feeling about tihs. -Princess Leia

So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say? -Yoda

9 8

2010: The Odyssey Continues: 1984

Captain EO: 1986

Outland: 1981

Sword of the Valiant: 1984

Night Screams: 1987

Bosum Buddies: 1982

Brazil: 1985

Raising Arizona: 1987

Cat People: 1982

Real Genius: 1985

Muppet Babies: 1987

ET: 1982

Joey: 1985

Coming to America: 1988

Author! Author!: 1982

Alone in the T-Shirt Zone: 1986

Cheers: 1989

Tron: 1982

Frog Dreaming: 1986

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure: 1989

Silver Spoons: 1983

Labyrinth: 1986

Batman: 1989

Hill Street Blues: 1983

Howard the Duck: 1986

Saved By The Bell: 1989

Valley Girl: 1983

The Transformers: The Movie: 1986

Cheers: 1990

you tube turns 5

bitches be crazy Amy’s List

y p p y

Pervy window washers. You’re annoying enough as is, but how about you don’t

also talk on your cell phone and scope out the ladies?

hathda bir

Sub-zero office temperatures. Even if I had a winter coat on, I’d be cold. So

much for summer dresses. Non-enhanced Lost episodes. I got all used to the helpful pop-ups explaining

what was going on, but now they’ve stopped! This is just bad for Tom, who will now have to answer all my questions. Real Housewives selling products. Though I love her, I don’t want to buy

Teresa from NJ’s “Skinny Italian” cookbook. Especially because she thinks Prosecco is good for you, because there’s no fat in it. Walgreens buying Duane Reade. Duane Reade is my favorite drug store

because there are 5 near the office (the first store was on Broadway between Duane and Reade), and they have some crazy partnership with Chase where they practically pay you to shop at DR. So, how about Duane Reade buys Walgreens? Okay? Done.

What was life like before YouTube? Forwards and chain emails were completely ridiculous. If you don’t send this to five people in the next five minutes, your dog will die... If there was a video attached, you had to download it and hope your computer knew how to play it. Then came YouTube and suddenly we wanted to keep forwarding those links. Conan O’Brien listed his five favorite YouTube videos for PopEater, but the really important thing is what Conan said to introduce them: “If you’re like me, America, you spend an inordinate amount of time watching YouTube and it’s probably why our country’s economy is in the toilet. Nobody actually makes things anymore— we’re all watching monkeys in propeller hats flush themselves down a toilet.” The media would like you think we’re still a very productive country, repeating the stats about how much video is uploaded every 24 hours. But how much of that content is original? How much of that content is worth watching? And is NBC just happy to state these numbers because they have Hulu and care a little less about copyright infringement? Enough about all that. ADW asked, “What’s your favorite viral video?” These were the variety of answers... —Madeline

Meghan’s list

I second Amy on the pervy window washers. Ewe. Um, Rich, I gotta call you out for cutting back your gym hours in order to bulk up. Now I have no one to force me to go as often as I need to. Plus, the whole premise is just LAME. Jess, your IM status is making me crazy. WTF does it even mean??? Wait for the 30 second mark. Wait for it....

—Julie

Not long ago, Amy forwarded me an article on a Manhattan coffee shop (The Donut Plant) serving decaf unbeknownst to customers. As many of you know, this is a deep-seeded a fear of mine, so that place is definitely on my shit list. If I was a celebrity, I’d publicly call for a citywide boycott, but since I’m not, I’ll just say it here, EVERYONE BOYCOTT!

In honor of YouTube wasting my time and decreasing my overall productivity for the past 5 years, I have to give credit to my all time favorite viral video ever. I know this is an oldie but goodie, but watching someone get hurt has been man’s primary source of entertainment for centuries. Each generation has had its stand outs—gladiators crossing swords in the coliseum, public hangings during the Salem Witch Trails, and now, “Grape Lady Falls.” The real star of this video is the audio. Homegirl eats it from a 4-foot high platform off camera, but thanks to the hard work of the sound guy, we get to hear her grunt in agony for what seems to be an eternity. So here’s to you local field reporter with crappy gross motor skills of your lower half, you have satiated man’s primal urge to see someone else get injured. —DRM

On an aside, I am all for Walgreens buying Duane Reade because Estelle Walgreen has pigs, so in my eyes she, and Walgreens by extension, can do no wrong!

The Cavs Lost Again?

My fave viral videos are definitely the Sassy Gay Friend series from the Second City Network. Sometimes, I wish I had a SGF like him to help guide me from being a stewpid betch. A close second though is this adorable lemur. Makes me laugh every time. I’m a sucker for videos like these though.... —Jane It’s hard to pick a favorite YouTube video. It seems each week there is another people send me that I “have to watch.” So instead of saying “this is my favorite,” I’m going to pick the one I’ve emailed to the most people to watch. That video is “Take On Me: The Literal Version.” The video is the original A-ha music video but dubbed over (almost identically) with lyrics of what’s literally going on. —Rich For Halloween 2008, a friend and I went as Vlad and Boris from the YouTube video, “Song for Sarah.” They’re two dudes who live in Russia (“45454 Russia Avenue”) and made a telescope (“out of duct tape and the thing that holds the wrapping paper”) so they could watch Sarah Palin’s house. My costume involved a mullet wig, red sweatpants, a guitar and of course a framed pic of Ms. Palin. My favorite part was that of course there was a Palin at the party so I got to serenade/stalk her all night. “Mrs. Palin, I want to fly into your airspace... I want to rear my little head.” You betcha! —Karen I’ll tell you what my LEAST favorite viral video is... The one where the wedding party dances down the aisle of the church to the Chris Brown song. You’re in a CHURCH. Save that shit for the reception. Also, nice wedding song choice. —Amy

“David after Dentist” would be one of my favorite videos. —Jessica That one with the little rambling boy coming home from dentist. I love that video. —Luis

Lebron James will not win a title in 2010 either. Why? Is it the elbow? Is it part of some trade drama? Or is it his mom? Now this story has been unconfirmed, and will undoubtedly be denied, but Terez Owens from WCWP Sports is reporting a truly disturbing story about the demise of this season’s Cleveland Cavaliers. Apparently after Game 3 of the series against the Celtics (with the Cavs up 2-1), Lebron found out that his mother Gloria James was sleeping with his teammate Delonte West. As you can imagine, this torpedoed the team chemistry and fractured the locker room. The Cavs never won another game in that series and Lebron looked surprisingly human. I know we’ve all wondered what happened to King James in the second half of that series, or why Delonte West’s playing time got cut in half (29 mpg the first 3 games, 14.3 mpg the last 3). Could Lebron’s Mom going West be the answer?

you tube turns 5

bitches be crazy Amy’s List

y p p y

Pervy window washers. You’re annoying enough as is, but how about you don’t

also talk on your cell phone and scope out the ladies?

hathda bir

Sub-zero office temperatures. Even if I had a winter coat on, I’d be cold. So

much for summer dresses. Non-enhanced Lost episodes. I got all used to the helpful pop-ups explaining

what was going on, but now they’ve stopped! This is just bad for Tom, who will now have to answer all my questions. Real Housewives selling products. Though I love her, I don’t want to buy

Meghan’s list

—Julie

On an aside, I am all for Walgreens buying Duane Reade because Estelle Walgreen has pigs, so in my eyes she, and Walgreens by extension, can do no wrong!

The Cavs Lost Again?

“David after Dentist” would be one of my favorite videos. —Jessica That one with the little rambling boy coming home from dentist. I love that video. —Luis

ADW

art department weekly issue 55 vol. 2

summer preview jessica’s thoughts jersey city inspiration PLus: read this juiceboxes rule Team Awesome

art department weekly issue 56 vol. 2

ADW Was it too religious? When the series started—especially after the Others showed up to take Walt— all I heard was “They’re in pergatory.” So how can anyone be complaining that the finale was too religious? I think that’s like being disappointed that a Catholic decided to get married in a church. I’d hate to think that anyone might be deterred from taking up the series on DVD based on “too religious” comments. There was religion, but it was a whole lot more complex than that.

LOSt Thoughts Lost cast lost questions lost answers PLus: brittany rules filthy rich lame mascots

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“The guy on YouTube isn’t that good, he just has more recognition” -luis

BlooDy hell I know Olympic mascots border on the absurd, but what the hell are these things? I think these may be the most cracked out mascots ever, and that’s definitely saying something. What designer created these and seriously thought, These are awesome... They totally say “Olympics. London. 2012.” Thanks IOC for another wonderful decision.

“I’m more of an American person” -chris

“I’m accepting all friend requests just so I can have more friends than my cat.”

Filthy rich? When we went to Tribeca Tavern on Friday night, Rich got offended because people would sit next to him, talk for a minute and then walk to the other side of the table. So he decided to draw this on a napkin at the bar. And I saved it for the Dubbs. —Jessica

-Jill

“Nothing says sex like wood paneling” -amy

“Meghan, you’re dressed so office-sexy today”

terriBle tWos The Sun was the first newspaper to run the disturbing images of Ardi Rizal, the Indonesian smoking 2 year-old. Ardi once picked up and smoked one of his father’s cigarettes and is now up to a two-pack-a-day habit. His distraught mother says he cries for hours and bangs his head against the wall if she tries to take away his smokes. Obviously she doesn’t like to see him suffer...

-Vicky

“If I can see them while I pee, they can probably see me” -luis

“I don’t know if I’m more disturbed by her pasties or her lips” -kevin

Luis sent a link to the auction where you could snag all kinds of props and set pieces from the series. What was up for grabs? How about a handwritten not from Ben, ordering Isabel to commute Juliet’s execution. Who? What? Long before Juliet and Sawyer were married, before she joined the survivors on the beach, way back when she was just an Other, Juliet was found guilty of killing Danny (I vaguely remember this) and helping Sawyer and Kate escape (oh yeah, they were in those polar bear cages). This series was so good it gave me plenty to think about and more than enough good times to forget all those bad times. I can’t say the same for other shows that got stupid (24, Heroes,...) Find more memorabilia from more relevant seasons at http://www.profilesinhistory.com/ upcoming-auctions/lost-the-auction.html

sMoKe out!!!

If you haven’t already seen them, these Dharma Initiative ads on Flikr are pretty sick. Anthony sent us the link to Hot Meteor’s album: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ hotmeteor/sets/72157615214095434/

scene stealer I’ve made no secret of my love for Glee. One of the best (and most surprising) elements of this great season has been the development of the character Brittany (played by Heather Morris). She started out as a background dancer* and Cheerio spy but has now worked her way into a weekly scene stealer. Short of Jane Lynch’s Sue, Brittany has the best one-liners on the show. Here’s hoping they continue to utilize this hilarious character even more. Take a look at a sampling of some of my favorite Brittany quotes:

getting lost

A Google images search of “Lost” brings you to a selection of maps that crazy fans have created. I’ve forgotten how many questions were raised by the discovery of Dharma stations. Those extra, aimless seasons raised so many questions...

Lost and Narnia I reached the end of Lost just about the same time that I reached the end of the Chronicles of Narnia. Even though they are both quasi-religious pieces of pop culture, I didn’t expect them to echo each other quite the way they did. For those who aren’t familiar with C.S. Lewis’ series of seven books, there is a god who creates worlds, takes the form of a

lion, and calls upon children in England to help his humans defeat evil forces. As a totally unrelated book filled with research explaining what Americans want puts it, C.S. Lewis asks, “What is God to make of us?” The children do not always choose to do the right thing, but then they are held accountable for those bad choices. It makes me wonder more about the Smoke

Monster and why he killed who he did. Anyway, as both series drew to a close, the main characters all met up again in a happy place—better versions of the worlds they knew in life. If we can believe the Professor (the nephew from The Magician’s Nephew), this is all in Plato. And the next place the Lost characters go is an even better version of Los Angeles.

The week this issue was originally produced saw the end of Lost, a show I consider to be the greatest show in the history of television, a show that was at times perplexing, mind-boggling, enlightening, but always entertaining. This particular issue is coming to you a bit later than anticipated not because Lost is so extraordinary that it took twice as long to create this issue, but because the previous issue was 16 pages and it was Memorial Day weekend and, for her 30th birthday, Madeline didn’t feel like stressing herself to get this issue done before everyone took off early from work. Also, no one is responding to discussion topics in the Dubb’s Facebook group. To shed some light on this issue, check out Rich’s cartoon on the miniboard (I mean, he did suggest the group). There are a few non-Lost related items in this issue, such as the pro-Brittany story at right, but mostly we are loving Lost. The series was the greatest, the finale was fitting. Did the ending answer every question ever asked in its six seasons? No. Was it incredibly moving, while giving us iconic moments involving characters in whom we invested so much? Yes. One of the main complaints I’ve heard from people was that the finale was overly religious. Hasn’t the show always been overly religious? I mean the main protagonist’s father was named Christian Shepherd. The show always had religious undertones. At heart, Lost was a show about forgiveness, redemption, and

introspection. Aren’t those all key points of most religions? In particular, the last 10 minutes of the show were some of the most beautiful ever on TV. Jack and his father Christian on the sideways world (which ended up being a sort of communal heaven... not purgatory) was quite possibly the most emotional and answer-inducing scene of the whole series. Everything on the island actually happened. Jack was now dead and sharing one last moment with his dad, before rejoining his island mates. Once he reconnects with his island mates he can finally let go and move on. Absolutely beautiful. There were so many beautiful moments in this episode. Sawyer reconnecting with Juliet, Jin and Sun during their sonogram, Kate and Jack meeting again. Hurley and Charlie, Charlie and Claire. Hurley and Ben, and finally the brilliant scene between Locke and Ben. As Jack closed his eyes and died, the series ended. Perfect symmetry to a series that began with Jack opening his eyes after the plane crashed. The series may not have always been perfect, but the finale was. It was a truly great ending to a great show.

“Sex is not dating. If it was, Santana and I would be dating.” “Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?” “When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist” “You guys, it’s like cool epilepsy.” “I’m pretty sure my cat’s been reading my diary.” *Did you know that Heather Morris started out her career as a back-up dancer. She toured with Beyoncé during her last concert, and helped premiere “Single Ladies” on the AMA’s, Today, and SNL. When Glee choreographer Zach Woodlee was searching for someone to teach the cast the “Single Ladies” dance he gave Heather a call. The rest is history. (Does anyone remember her from So You Think You Can Dance season 2?)

Dear ADW Subject: Lost Finale Date: Tuesday, May 25, 2010 6:00 PM From: “Carol Leonard” <jazzerbabe@yahoo.com> To: me@madelinestrum.com Hi, I’m just writing to tell you my thoughts about the final episode of Lost. I’m sure you were probably very happy with it, since you’ve been happy with most of what they did this season. I was about as disappointed by the finale as I was with the season as a whole. I couldn’t understand why they introduced that stuff at the end about all the people being dead and meeting up again. Are we supposed to believe the sideways flashes were scenes from their lives as dead people? I was also unhappy the show ended with Jack dying. I realize it mirrors the opening, but I wanted Jack and Kate to end up together. The story made it very clear this would never happen. I really wanted the show to answer more questions. I couldn’t understand how the smoke monster began in the first place. I guess I missed that part of the show about Jacob. I also couldn’t understand how the smoke monster could be killed by a gun shot. I thought he was a bigger monster. So, there you have my view. I hope you were happy. We watched all the warm up shows and they did nothing for us. I also wanted to tell you I stayed up to watch the Jimmy Kimmel “Aloha to Lost” show. They promised they would be showing three alternate endings filmed for Lost. This turned out to be a big joke. The three endings were all gags the Kimmel people put together. I was bummed. I thought I’d really see some endings made by the crew from Lost. And the whole Kimmel show was a waste of time. It revealed nothing.

So stay in touch. Love, ma

Six years ago, a show premiered on ABC and people wondered, Is this Land of the Lost or Gilligan’s Island? The commercials had me curious—people being sucked into whirring jet engines, the pregnant blonde on the beach, that guy with the buzz cut who looked so familiar—but I didn’t watch. I wasn’t watching a whole lot of TV at all back then. Basically everything was a reality show and nothing was scripted. There were some ambitious and really well-made shows that I did watch—24 (at that time), Deadwood—but mostly I was working. People who highly recommended Oz (which I never saw) were rolling their eyes and saying Lost was a revamp of Land of the Lost, so I watched from a distance, following the

story through the commercials and what I overheard other people saying. One day I sat down to watch the pilot on DVD. I fell asleep. I tried again. I fell asleep again. So why on earth am I making sure we devote so many pages to Lost? Because once ABC agreed to an end date, Lost became the most amazing show to ever air on network TV. Season 4 was about to start and the castaways were about to get off the

island. I watched the first three seasons in one sitting. And what happened? I discovered Lost is amazing! A show that requires viewers to pay attention? That uses stereotypes to draw us in but then flips them on their head to really hook us? A crazy-lush, insanely enormous set? When has there ever been anything like this before? We have to commemorate this show. Here’s a look at Lost and why we’ll miss it. —Madeline

The Biggest Mystery Why is Hurley still fat? At one point, Hurley himself asks this question. Before they find the Hatch, there’s nothing to eat. It’s hot. He’s doing a lot of work. How is Hurley not losing weight? How is NO ONE losing weight? If you go looking for the answer, you will discover that you are a fat-hating monster who shouldn’t question Hurley’s appearance because he is such a beautiful character. It’s true that there is so much more going on with Hurley and his story than just his size. However, this is American television and over on the other channel there are people even larger than Hurley who are fighting to look like Sawyer. So what does Lost teach us? That really great television writers can take us past the struggle with food to the bigger and deeper struggles with happiness, confidence and faith.

Hi Mom, Yes, I was very happy with the finale. Thanks for the tip about Jimmy Kimmel. I had already fast-forwarded through the commentary to see the alternate endings and was so glad I didn’t stay awake to see them. That was very misleading of ABC. I deleted the show after I read your email. I actually fell asleep during the finale. It was so long, though really that just brings the whole Lost experience fully circle for me. (See intro to this spread.) It couldn’t have been any shorter because all those flashbacks were what made the finale so great—all those loving moments! Supposing they had killed all the montages to fit the finale into a shorter time frame, I think it still would have been good. Not nearly the same level of closure, but good. Speaking of closure, the producers said they were only going to attempt to answer the questions the main characters would be asking. I thought it was a bit much to show us that the skeletons in the cave were a result of Jacob, but I just never cared that much about the mystery of the skeletons. I thought the explanation of the Smoke Monster no longer made sense once Desmond and Jack ventured down the same hole. But then once you think about it, the man in black wasn’t the keeper of the Island and he wasn’t special like Desmond, so maybe... And I have to assume that Kate could shoot the man in black because the light went out. Why else would Jack let Desmond go down the hole? If you paid attention to the show leading into the finale (I didn’t watch it until the next week), the producers say that they didn’t really care what the Island was or where it was. As they say, “The real mystery is who are these people?” So the only questions that needed be addressed and wrapped up in the finale should have been about character development. But Shannon and Sayid? Why? I don’t care about them...

constantly

great

Now that it’s over, I think we can all look back with a little more clarity and perspective. In doing so, I still end up with the same favorite Lost episode of all-time, season 4’s “The Constant.” This Desmond-centric episode takes us on an intense journey as Desmond’s consciousness goes back and forth between his past and present. This episode is Lost in a nutshell. It’s trippy, scientific, full of love and forgiveness, but also full of hope. If there was ever any one episode that got right to the essence of the show, this was it. When the helicopter that Frank, Sayid and Desmond are on gets struck off course, Desmond begins experiencing flashes. These flashes have him re-experiencing key moments of his life. With the fear that he’ll get lost in the timestream and die in the present, Desmond meets with a pre-Island Daniel Faraday who tells him about the importance of a constant. Desmond basically then uses his love for Penny as an emotional tether to keep him grounded and able to find his way to his proper place in time. This story proved to be such a hit that it’s impact is undeniable. Major comic characters Captain America and Batman have recently seemingly perished, but both were simply trapped in time trying to get back to their proper place in the present using a constant. A coincidence, I think not. It’s more like the re-use of the best Lost episode ever. —LV *This was the first episode that was completely told in first person present. We see the full arc of the story as it’s actually happeniing.

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“The guy on YouTube isn’t that good, he just has more recognition” -luis

“I’m more of an American person” -chris

“I’m accepting all friend requests just so I can have more friends than my cat.”

-Jill

“Nothing says sex like wood paneling” -amy

“Meghan, you’re dressed so office-sexy today”

-Vicky

“If I can see them while I pee, they can probably see me” -luis

“I don’t know if I’m more disturbed by her pasties or her lips” -kevin

sMoKe out!!!

getting lost

So stay in touch. Love, ma

constantly

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art department weekly issue 56 vol. 2

LOSt Thoughts Lost cast lost questions lost answers PLus: brittany rules filthy rich lame mascots

da-aryl da-aaryl Yanks fans have Mickey Mantle’s off of Central Park, and now Mets fans will have Strawberry’s Sports Grill in … Douglaston, Queens! A Craigslist ad seeks a GM for “Darryl Strawberry’s new restaurant,” which will be called Strawberry’s Sports Grill. I wonder what will an interview with the Straw man be like?

ADW

art department weekly issue 57 vol. 2

BASERUNNER CALLED ‘SAFE’ IN THIS PHOTO After watching 1st base umpire, Jim Joyce, blow a call for the final out in the Tigers’ Armando Galarraga’s would-be perfect game, the scale has tipped for me to increase the use of Instant Reply and technology in baseball. Baseball ‘purists’ have fought tooth and nail to keep replay out of the game—and have unintentionally hurt the sport by doing so. Would you deny your grandmother new medication that could save her life just because we didn’t have it in the old days?

GET A GRIP Here are the technological upgrades that will not only decrease human error, but also help the umps get tough calls right. The Foul Lines Wire the 1st and 3rd base foul lines like a tennis court. If a ball hits chalk down the line, you’ll hear that, “BEEP” and everyone knows it’s a fair ball. Instant Replay on the Basepath Originally I was not for this, but I’ve had enough. Since 1871, there have only been 20 perfect games thrown. That is approximately 1 perfect game/1,130 games played. Challenges in the Playoffs Each team should get one challenge per game to be used per 9 innings. If the game goes into extra innings, each manager will receive another challenge. Using this challenge will result in an instant replay. —DRM

Full swing in my second season of slow pitch softball, I have refined three basic pitches that will induce ground balls, lazy fly balls, and the ever embarrassing strike out. If you can get these pitches to fall for strikes, you may become the ace of your softball staff. 1) The “Fastball” This is your basic chuck and duck pitch. Find the seams of the ball with your index and middle finger and deliver this pitch with a smooth, consistent underhand motion. I would say in a given Sunday afternoon, I throw this pitch 85 percent of the time. 2) The Cutter This pitch has the same grip as the fastball, but varies slightly in the delivery. Again, find the seams of the ball with your index and middle fingers and turn your hand counterclock wise when releasing (clockwise if you’re a lefty). If thrown properly, this pitch will freeze righthand hitters on the inside corner and run away from lefties. 3) The Knuckle Ball The newest pitch added to my bag-o’-tricks, is defined by its total lack of spin. A quality knuckle ball will remain still in the air as it makes its way toward home plate. The idea is that the lack of rotation creates drag on the seams, making the ball tumble in the air as it makes its way to the plate. Dig your fingernails into the seams of the ball and flick your fingers outward upon release. PLAY BALL!

—DRM

dan grips balls food porn mike allred Bansky PLus: There’s a page for that Doh! vanessa things

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FIVE THINGS the random things that pop into vanessa’s mind Was cooking dinner and the recipe called for a BOTTLE OF WINE. I then realized that in all my adult life, I have never opened a bottle of wine--don’t even know how to. Dinner was late, had to wait to cook till Charlie came home. Sad!

“It’s a great toy if you poop in a box” -madeline

APP IDEA? THERE’S A PAGE FOR THAT! It seems that with all the technology running about that we barely use paper anymore. Of course, this is excellent news for the trees of the world. They’re probably cheering. Too bad we’ll never really know because if a tree cheers in the forest and no one’s there to hear it... But sometimes, you just NEED to sketch something out by hand. Maybe you’re designing an app, making a list, checking it twice, or just doodling in a meeting. The NotePod comes in two sizes—one is smaller and fits in the palm of your hand and the other is more mousepad-sized. Or you could say one is _____-sized and the other is _____-sized, with the blanks filled in by those words you already know go in them. • Notepads that match the bezel of a popular mobile computing device •100 pages each • Printed both sides • Backside of each page is ruled with a light 6mm grid • Jot down notes, sketch out apps, give your digits to that hottie Two sizes: Regular - handheld notepad size (approx. 2.4” x 4.3”) Large - doubles as a mousepad! (approx. 7.4” by 9.6”)

—ThinkGeek.com

-meghan

“I’m too noncommittal for a staple. Gotta keep it loose!” -anthony

I wish my boss would stop sounding like a PARROT: SQUAWK!

“I’m a purist. I never met my grandmother”

When can I win the lottery and spend a year living in HuVAFEN FusHI REsORT IN MALDIVEs?

-luis

“There’s no cake in the cake”

QUITE THE PAIR...

Two Supermen on the same squad. Brandon Routh and Dean Cain join forces on the East squad of the Entertainment Basketball League All-Star game.

“For baseball, the equivalent in the real world is the president being shot”

-madeline

Billy Dee Williams and Harrison Ford 30 years later. Interesting fact, Ford is now six years older than Alec Guiness (the old guy) was when he portrayed Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first Star Wars movie.

“Most people think you can get Derek Jeter out by pitching to him on the inside. But you can’t. You can’t get Derek Jeter out. He has no holes” -luis

WHO THE HELL IS VANESSA? Vanessa was my extremely talented Senior Designer at ELLE for 3 years. She has a clean and sophisticated design sense. She also has a tireless work ethic and is an absolute perfectionist. Easily one of the most talented people I’ve ever worked with. She currently works for a design firm out in sunny San Diego.

Why can’t BACON be good for you?

For Glee-freaks or girls that had crushes on their teachers: June 2010 Vogue, MR. sCHu (Matthew Morrison). Who knew he had those abs and he’s only 32.

FOOD PORN

! H DO Weeks ago, Anthony sent this:

Sometimes Vodka tears happen. It is true! Just let them flow!

-Tony Rad Tony

Then, just before press time, he sent another tidbit:

I had an amazing Water glass! IT WAS AWESOME! It kept me hydrated all day long. It was big enough to hold all the water I needed for the morning with only requiring one refill after lunch. I really liked it. People thought it was a vase, but it contained no flowers. It was my water glass. I miss it. I would cry but I’m afraid my dehydrated state prevents me from tearing. :(

That’s horrible! (But maybe you just need some vodka to get those tears flowing?)

I heart Bon Appétit magazine. When I get a new issue in the mail, I rip open the plastic wrap immediately (it’s always wrapped in plastic, like it’s porn) and say to myself that I’m just going to flip through it, to get a sense of the issue.

N E P NO

Two hours later, I come out of a food coma, having lost all sense of time and place and having read most of the magazine. But isn’t that what the best magazines are supposed to do? Lucky magazine puts me in the same state. But this isn’t a story about shopping (yet)… I recreated the totally accessible Bon Appétit cover recipe (ha, it sounds funny to say that instead of “cover star” or “cover model”) from the May 2010 issue. Fettuccine with peas, asparagus and pancetta is a delicious entry into spring. You can replace pancetta with bacon (as Cooklyn did) and fresh peas with frozen peas (I am never shelling my own peas, sorry), but don’t sleep on the fresh asparagus in season now. The sauce is a cream/lemon/Parmesan concoction, which always pairs nicely with asparagus. The recipe says it serve four, but there’s enough for six servings. —Amy

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DEAR JUNIOR,

DRINkS ON HIm Oh, to be Eric Byrnes. In 2007 he was a fringe MVP candidate (finished 11th in voting) with the Arizona Diamondbacks. That offseason he re-ups with the team for $11 million a season. With injuries and a youth movement limiting his playing time, he was released before the start of this season. He then signed a minor league deal with Mariners to pay him $400,000 for the season (the Dbacks are still paying the other $10,600,000). With injuries limiting his effectiveness (he was batting .094 with no homers or RBI’s), Eric Byrnes was recently released by the Mariners. The Mariners will of course pay him the remainder of his contract. Word recently came out of Menlo Park, CA, that Eric Byrnes had joined his buddy Dutch Goose’s softball team. Making him probably the highest paid softball player ever (I can’t imagine Bill Gates or Ted Turner in any beer league). All of which makes Eric Byrnes my idol. He flames out of the bigs only after landing one last big pay day. He then turns around and joins his buddy’s beer league team. Amazing. I want to be on that team, or at least be there when Byrnes shouts, “This round is on the Dbacks.” A special shout-out to one of my favorite players of all-time who recently announced his retirement, Ken Griffey Jr. A great player who seemingly did things the right way in an era when so many took a short-cut. While some may choose to

remember for his recent sleeping controversy, I’ll always remember the exuberant centerfielder robbing Jessie Barfield of a homerun at Yankee Stadium. Kudos to one of the all-time greats. You’ll always be “the Kid” in my eyes. Incredibly the most Griffey ever earned in a single season was $12,500,000, or only 1.5 million more than beer leaguer Eric Byrnes. Meanwhile, here at the Dubbs, where we make nowhere near a million dollars, things have been dragging in production— a perfect inverse of the mobility picking up in the baby’s skill set. We thought 56 and 57 would both hit the printer last week, but sadly that didn’t happen. You’ll have to forgive our outdated stories and quotes (though hopefully you’ll still enjoy them). Be sure to check out the center spread. If you enjoy a particular artist, you really ought to consider telling us about it. This way it won’t take 24 more weeks to get through the entire alphabet. (And, you know, we only have so much time for the Dubbs...)

My Name is Daniel James RulonMaxwell. I am 26 years old and play on a slow pitch softball team named No Hustle. I would like to extend you the invitation of being our new centerfielder as you are recently retired for MLB. You would be a perfect fit for our team as you had a hand in the inception of our name. In the 1992 Simpsons episode “Homer at the Bat,” Mr. Burns puts together an All-Star Team of Sluggers and refers to the local players having no heart, and Don Mattingly exclaims, “No hustle either, skip.” And you Mr. Griffey are immortalized in that episode as one of the players. I am prepared to offer the following if you were to join the team: 1. League Dues Paid 2. Honorary Captain of the Team 3. Personal Sleeping area in our dug out. We are currently sitting in third place three games out of first place. With your leadership, skill set, and overall charisma, I know we could take that first place spot over by the end of the month. This offer is binding and is non-transferrable to your dad. I await your decision. Best, DRM

Artist we like:

mike allred

Mike Allred never set out to draw comic books. Mike wanted a career as a screenwriter. While pitching his first script, he thought it might be an easier sell if he story-boarded it. When pitching his script, it caught the eye of comic professionals. Those storyboards became Allred’s first professional work as a comic creator, the graphic novel Dead Air. So was born the career of one of best and most-innovative independent comic artists of our generation. Mike is a self-professed child of the ’60s and ’70s who was constantly surrounded by pop culture and given a steady diet of the 3 B’s: The Beatles, Batman and Bond. So it’s no surprise that Mike keeps a toe in the waters of film (collaborations with Kevin Smith as well as his work on the future Madman movie) and music (lead singer and guitarist for The Gear) as well as what he is most known for—his comic work. Mike’s style is often compared to pop art, very reminiscent of commercial art from the ’50s and ’60s. Allred was heavily influenced by the creators of the Silver Age of comics. Jack Kirby, Will Eisner, Alex Toth, Joe Kubert, Will Elder and Wally Wood are all artists he looked up to and who helped influence his clean style. Strong lines and dynamic poses, which often feel like the character is jumping off the page (a Kirby staple), also harken back to earlier comic times. In 1992 Mike launched the title that he would most be recognized for, Madman. Produced independently and creatively owned by Allred, Madman’s popularity continued to skyrocket. So much so that Dark Horse comics (the No. 3 publisher in the world) bought the rights to publish Madman, but left all creative control to Allred. Allred went on to much acclaim and won several Harvey and Eisner Awards (the comic industry’s Oscars). Madman and Allred then burst through the comics stratosphere when DC and Dark Horse collaborated on the Allredwritten and -drawn Superman/Madman Hullaballoo. Both Madman and Allred had arrived and been accepted by the general comic buying public. With that success in hand, Allred went on to draw comics for Marvel (X-Force, X-Statix, Spider-man, Iron Man) and DC (SOLO, Catwoman, Teen Titans, Metamorpho). He also launched his own comic line, AAAPop Comics, which not only told the new tales of Madman, but also those of his JLA-style team, the Atomics. AAAPop now releases their comics under the Image umbrella. Mike’s latest work is the creator-owned series

iZombie published by Vertigo. It’s the story of a female zombie detective. While Mike never set out to be a comic artist, it’s undeniable the impact he has had on the comic landscape. His clean, retro style has influenced many up-andcoming artists (Phil Noto, Cliff Chiang, Mike Norton). His business acumen is basically the template for anyone who has a character they want to keep the rights to. He is an inspiration and true hero of mine. One whose work I hope to enjoy for many years to come.

For the brilliance of Mike Allred in a nutshell, pick up Madman Comics #3 (2007) from Image comics. It’s Mike homage to classic comic creators. Each panel is done in a style that mimics the artists who influenced Mike. A modern masterpiece. A truly great and visionary comic.

B is for bansky

“People say graffiti is ugly, irresponsible and childish. But that’s only if it’s done properly.” —BANKSY

If you’re not familiar with the work of Banksy, refer to the ADW Issue 13 cover. You remember, the image of the giant 8-story rat wearing an I heart NY shirt, tagging on the side of a building. Was it illegal? Did he get permission to do that? Yup, that one! Banksy is a graffiti writer from England, most commonly referred to as a stencil artist whose work falls under the category of “street art.” His work is thought provoking, controversial, cultural satire—and simply sometimes just a laugh. It all depends on what and where he’s putting it up. In traditional graffiti fashion, he is illegally reclaiming public space to make his mark, but instead of just putting up his “handle” he puts up stenciled images, most famous for his “rats” and “monkeys”, climbing on “Do Not Climb” signs, stenciled on buildings holding paintbrushes or anarchy signs as if they were the ones doing the vandalism. One of my favorite works was when he put up a professional-looking designed sign with the British seal that designated a clean white wall in the heart of London as a legal graffiti zone. In the following days the wall was covered with graffiti, some names, some statements, and some people just putting up homage to their favorite bands or loved ones. The point was that he was engaging a dialogue about the issue of public and private space. When police first noticed these laid back “vandals” nonchalantly defacing the wall they must have been shocked at what they were seeing. And when the “legal writers” were notified that the graffiti they are putting up was in fact illegal that must have sparked some “debate” in getting ticketed or not. He’s essentially a smart ass with a spraycan, a smartass with something to say. Some people care to have a laugh or just look the other way. As BANKSY said himself, “Some people want to make the world a better place. I just wanna make the world a better-looking place. If you don’t like it, you can paint over it!” Banksy continues to work as an active vandal traveling across the globe, doing his thing. Keep your eyes peeled, there is a lot of shit out there. Some of it deserves a second glance. Check out more of his work at http://www.banksy.co.uk/ —Font MASTer Flex

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“It’s a great toy if you poop in a box” -madeline

—ThinkGeek.com

-meghan

“I’m too noncommittal for a staple. Gotta keep it loose!” -anthony

I wish my boss would stop sounding like a PARROT: SQUAWK!

“I’m a purist. I never met my grandmother”

When can I win the lottery and spend a year living in HuVAFEN FusHI REsORT IN MALDIVEs?

-luis

“There’s no cake in the cake”

QUITE THE PAIR...

Two Supermen on the same squad. Brandon Routh and Dean Cain join forces on the East squad of the Entertainment Basketball League All-Star game.

“For baseball, the equivalent in the real world is the president being shot”

-madeline

Billy Dee Williams and Harrison Ford 30 years later. Interesting fact, Ford is now six years older than Alec Guiness (the old guy) was when he portrayed Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first Star Wars movie.

“Most people think you can get Derek Jeter out by pitching to him on the inside. But you can’t. You can’t get Derek Jeter out. He has no holes” -luis

Why can’t BACON be good for you?

For Glee-freaks or girls that had crushes on their teachers: June 2010 Vogue, MR. sCHu (Matthew Morrison). Who knew he had those abs and he’s only 32.

FOOD PORN

! H DO Weeks ago, Anthony sent this:

Sometimes Vodka tears happen. It is true! Just let them flow!

-Tony Rad Tony

Then, just before press time, he sent another tidbit:

That’s horrible! (But maybe you just need some vodka to get those tears flowing?)

N E P NO

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DEAR JUNIOR,

Artist we like:

mike allred

B is for bansky

“People say graffiti is ugly, irresponsible and childish. But that’s only if it’s done properly.” —BANKSY

ADW

art department weekly issue 57 vol. 2

—DRM

dan grips balls food porn mike allred Bansky PLus: There’s a page for that Doh! vanessa things

ADW

art department weekly issue 58 vol. 2

Something is bothering me. Guys, I know this is a little late to write about, but it’s still bothering me. Last month we all went out on Cinco di Mayo for Una’s last day plus for the holiday itself. It was a night of celebrating with friends—some who were about to leave, and others who had already gone. We overcame the sadness, the heat, the stroller in a box! to create a night of wonderful comradery. However, despite what great night it was, I still feel bad. In the almost two months since this photo was taken, I’ve done my best to move on. But I can’t. I just can’t get out of my mind how sad Keanu Reeves was. I mean, it was really great of him to come out and have some drinks even though he’s been so busy making movies. But the whole night I just couldn’t get a smile out of him that wasn’t forced. Usually he’s up for doing a Wild Stallions photo or pretending to dodge my bullets very slowly while we order drinks. That night it just wasn’t happening. Remember at Richmas how much fun he had? Right after he sunk that last cup in beer pong, he told that guy, “You could drink for the red cup or the blue cup. It doesn’t matter because they’re all yours now bitch!” Wasn’t that awesome? He was the like the best part of the party. Sure, after a few drinks, he kept hitting on Sally, saying that if the cab driver drove slower than 5 miles per hour, the car would explode unless she kissed him. Let’s be honest guys, that’s not only lame, but it didn’t even make sense. At least it was funny, and all was forgiven the next day. Anyway, I just wanted to bring it up to you guys and see how you felt. I mean, Keanu has always been there for us. He’s always been a good friend. I hate to see him like this. So next time we’re all out, let’s try to cheer him up. :-) Regards, Rich

Name the dads, win a subscription yay lakers more balls caillebotte PLus: Amy’s things fiery hoo-ha rich’s plea

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tAKe thAt, metS Lady Gaga recently took in a Mets game and made a spectacle of herself. She sat in Jerry Sienfeld’s seats... He may want to have those cleaned. This pic sums up what Gaga thought of the whole Mets experience. And that chart to the left, submitted by Rich, is simply useful and accurate information for everyone.

“I guess I do that as well, but whatever, I’m awesome.” -luis

“He touches my minis like a creepy bastard”

FiVe thingS the random things on amy’s mind

COFFEE: Am I drinking too much? I had decaf this morning, because the caf

was all out. I expected it to taste differently, but it doesn’t. Should I switch to that? I’m excited that there’s a Dunkin’ Dark because I can finally go to Dunkin’ Donuts with my coworkers!

JEssE EIsENBERG: He’s adorable in that over-intellectualizing, nerdy Jewish way. Enough to see Holy Rollers?

MOVING: Boxes boxes everywhere. I feel less strong than the last time I moved Tom. Should I start doing push-ups now?

-amy

“I’m looking at her face. I’m not looking down there. Something along those lines” -Jessica

“THIS is the afterparty!”

MY LIsT: I ran down my list for

Tom of famous people I’m allowed to sleep with if the situation presents itself. Matthew Goode, Shia LaBeouf, Zach Braff, Gavin Rossdale (yes, still), Joseph Gordon Levitt. Tom said he didn’t have one. Now I feel bad.

-amy (pointing at herself)

“I have a lady that I love but she’s mean” -anne marie

“Tease me again” -Vicky

SeW DeliCiouS it burnS... What is up with the advertising for the Real L Word on Showtime. That girl in the middle might want to go and check that out. Either her Hoohah is magical, or there’s something wrong with it. Either way, the image is disturbing.

I was trolling around the net when I found this pic of Marie Claire Fashion Director and Project Runway judge Nina Garcia peddling popcorn on the streets of Manhattan. No, she’s not trying out a new career. It was simply for her daughter’s school during a street fair. Notice that her Blackberry is never far behind though. I think shorty is trying to snag himself a free popcorn while she’s distracted.

“I don’t like heavy books” -kathy

“Hello, beefcakes!” (said to i.t.)

To -Do Matthew Shia Zach Gavin JGL

ANIMAL RuBBER BANDs: All the cool kids

are wearing these rubber bands that reshape themselves into animals no matter how much you used them. First my friend who’s a high school teenager had them on, then Nicole, then Pam, then KRose. You can’t stop the trend—it’s too big already. See the facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/ ANIMAL-RUBBER-BANDS/43220171538.

Artist we like:

Steve Ditko

a r G la

If I asked most comic fans, “Who created Spider-Man?” I’d most assuredly get “Stan Lee” as the answer. Some may even say Jack Kirby. Rarely would I hear Steve Ditko. Steve Ditko has had a long and varied career as a comic artist, started in 1945 when he served his military time in Germany, drawing comics for the Army newspaper. Upon his release, he studied at the Cartoonists and Illustrators School (later known as SVA). Ditko knew very early on, that his future lay in the growing New York City comic art scene. In 1954 he landed his big break with small-time publisher Charlton Comics. While at Charlton, Ditko started to seriously delve into the realm of costumed crimefighters. He created Captain Atom, and redesigned the Question and Blue Beetle for a thenmodern audience. With a very successful run at Charlton, Ditko began working for Atlas Comics, the ’50s precursor to Marvel. Atlas at the time published real-life, romance, and horror comics. He worked for Atlas as a freelancer for years. In 1960 Atlas was rechristened Marvel Comics. Ditko’s major title for Marvel was Amazing Fantasy. Marvel, having scored a huge hit with their first foray into the world of superheroes (Fantastic Four), decided they wanted to turn Amazing Fantasy into another hero vehicle. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were the unofficial heads of the Marvel bullpen, and they wanted to introduce a Kirby character called the Silver Spider. After much discussion the Silver Spider became Spider-Man. Kirby’s take was an orphaned boy who puts on a ring and is transformed into a muscled hero. A little Shazam meets the Green Lantern. Lee hated the idea, so he turned to Ditko. Ditko decided that if this boy had spider powers, he would stick to walls. Therefore he created a skintight outfit. He made the boy a teenager and gave him a lithe, athletic build. He decided to completely cover his face (a huge change for a hero) to conceal his identity. He also created the webshooters that the teen would wear under his costume. With those details aside, Ditko went on to design one of the greatest superhero costumes ever. The big blocks of blue broken up by huge blocks of red, with a webbed theme throughout was pure genius. Ditko created every iconic thing about Spider-Man. In the early days of Marvel, artists would often work in what was known as

the “Marvel Way”—the artist would draw the full isse without a script or dialogue. After the artist was done with 22 pages, he would send it to the writer to fill in the words that explained the story already on the page. So, if you say Stan Lee, the writer, created Spider-Man, what was really left for him to create? In 1966, after a long, lucrative run, after creative differences with Lee (the secret identity of the Green Goblin), after a long-time lack of creative credit, Ditko and Marvel parted ways. Although his time there was short, his mark was indelible. Besides creating Spider-Man

getting fired up

for Marvel, Ditko also created Doctor Strange, where his panels were often compared to that of the great artist Salvador Dali, and redesigned Iron-Man with the red and gold motif he still carries today. He also designed scores of villains for Spider-Man’s rouges gallery. Ditko slowed and soured considerably on comics after his time at Marvel. He did go on to create both the Creeper, Hawk and Dove, and Shade the Changing Man for DC. Ditko has continued to do spot work in comics to this day, giving him one of the longest careers of any artist in the medium. If there is anything that was a Ditko trademark, it was the smooth, lanquid movements of the characters he drew. He also rendered lushly innovative backgrounds, unlike many of the artists of his day. Ditko also had a way of designing simple, yet iconic comic and villains whose

I know, I should care. I mean, I read Tom’s piece last week and enjoyed it. I read the SI and ESPN World Cup preview issues. I armed myself with more World Cup knowledge than ever before. I even saw the U.S. versus Algeria match live at my desk on Univision. Yet, when Landon Donovan scored his goal, I had a hard time getting excited. I thought, Cool, the U.S. advances, but that was the extent of my excitement. I’m more fired up about the number of articles attacking the Double Down. I went on Facebook hours after the U.S. victory and saw one of my friends claim, “This ranks right up there with Tyree’s catch, the ball between Buckner’s leg, and Aaron Boone’s homer as the most transcendant sports moments I’ve ever witnessed.” Really? I simply shrugged my shoulders. I was more excited by the epic fifth set being played at Wimbledon by Isner and Mahut. I was still excited about the Lakers winning the World Title (for the second season in a row). I was even more excited about the previous night’s Yankee game—even the impending NBA Draft. Then it dawned on me. It doesn’t matter how much I read or watch. I’ll never be a soccer fan. It simply isn’t my game. So as the rest of the world revels in the glory of the World Cup, I’ll be more than content to follow the Yanks while they

For some reason a recipe for granola bars in Good Housekeeping jumped out at me and I tore out the page.

Above: Spider-Man, The Atom, Iron Man, The Creeper, Hawk and Dove, Dr. Strange

looks would stand the test of time. Ditko is a true giant, and an often overlooked creator in the history of comics.

march towards the second-half of the season. And I will be completely offended by the attacks on my beloved Double Down. In “Not Bikini-Friendly,” Karen introduces us to Friendly’s newest creation, the Ultimated Grilled Cheese Burger Melt. I’ll let her explain why this treat should be on the menu. I only want to say that it’s completely unfair how other publications are dragging the Double Down into this idea that fast food chains are trying to kill us. The Double Down is not three sandwiches piled together. It’s just two pieces of chicken with some cheese. So innocent. So lucious. And it has no bun! Under what pretext are you bringing the bunless Double Down into a conversation about “death on a bun.” That’s like comparing Landon Donovan’s goal to David Tyree’s 4th down catch. Well, no matter what your tastes, we hope you enjoy this issue of the Dubbs.

Wheat germ was a key ingredient. There isn’t a whole lot of wheat germ in my neighborhood. Months went by. The recipe sat on the shelf. I had stocked up on cranberries, honey, and oatmeal, and still the recipe waited. Then suddenly there it was: toasted wheat germ. A gigantic jar of it. The first batch was terrible. I baked them for way too long and used old almonds scented like hazelnuts. The next batch (below) is chewy walnutty deliciousness.

ArtiSt We liKe:

guStAVe CAillebotte

To say Gustave Caillebotte was a French Impressionist painter would be to sell him short. He was a creative radical who took chances with his art and was often rejected by the French art scene of the 1870s. Undeterred, Gustave continue to paint. While being branded an Impressionist, his work is done in a more realistic manner. Caillebotte aimed to paint reality as it existed, and as he saw it. He wanted to reduce paintings inherent theatricality. That is why he was often shunned from the art community. Two of his early works, “Floorscrapers” and “Man at Balcony,” were deemed vulgar. The reason being that the former was a depiction of laborers (a most unbecoming subject for a well-off painter) and the latter invited commoners to view the world from the more priviledged balconies of the wealthy. Caillebotte’s style was incredibly realistic for its time. While sharing the Impressionists commitment to “optical truth,” he uses a less vibrant palette to come away with more realistic depth and lighting. To view his paintings in person is to better understand his perspective— literally, the way objects skew. In a piece titled “Luncheon,” Caillebotte captures what it is really like to view the scene at a

long table, with his plate in front of him and his mother being served at the far end of the room. You look down at the plate, and that appears correct. You look at his mother, and she appears correct. You look at them together, and you think, This isn’t right... This use of perspective is less obvious in thumbnail versions of “Floorscrapers” and other works. Besides painting, Caillebotte’s other love was sailing. Most of the latter half of his painting career genereated scenes on the banks of the Seine. Rowers, sailors, boats and bridges are common subjects in this work. Gustave lived a short life (dead at 34) and his contributions to art were mostly forgotten until the 1970s when the Art Institue of Chicago acquired “Paris Street: Rainy Day.” That work has spurred a modern interest in the career of this oft-overlooked French master. If you want to see some of his works in person, The Brooklyn Museum contains many of Caillebotte’s pieces in their permanent collection.

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“little ricky” and his monkey of a little sister with dad circa 1981

remembering DAD When you’re young (or relatively young— you have your health, your parents aren’t THAT old), Father’s Day is supposed to be just another occassion to roll your eyes at Hallmark sappiness and wonder what token purchase will correctly express your level of gratitude. Is it a tie? Is it a bottle of cologne? Is it a new gadget? For half my life, I haven’t had to come up with an answer. Instead, Father’s Day is simply another day to reﬂect on the reasons I’m grateful to have known my dad for as long as I did in the way I did. My dad has been gone for half my life. It’s startling when I think about the numbers, but it’s true. Although he passed away in 1993, I still miss him. Every day. I never got to share a drink with my father. He didn’t see me graduate college. He never met my kids. He wasn’t able to see me grow up to be the man I’ve become. A man he helped shape by being a stoic example of hard work but also of passion for life. He always found time for family and creating a good time. Was he a perfect man? Absolutely not. He had many faults and vices, but he loved his family and worked harder than any person should have to. He was a great man and wonderful father. One I miss dearly, but who continues to have an indelible impact on the man I’ve become, and the man I wish to continue to be.

I still remember one of our last conversations clearly. My father is in the hospital. He has been told he had less than six weeks to live. The news is shocking, to say the least, but he pulls me aside and says in Spanish, “Ricky, don’t cry. Don’t be sad. Look at the life I’ve led. All my kids are grown, they have a great life. I’ve lived a good life. I’m happy.” I had just turned 17. That was my father in a nutshell. Tough to the very end. Extremely happy with what he had, what he had achieved. A true inspiration to me. I love him and miss him dearly. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. On a happier note, it’s hard to believe it’s been a year already since the last time I congratulated the Lakers on a championship victory. It’s not as hard to believe that no one has contributed yet to our on-going series of “Artists We Like.” No one said they had to be graphic artists... Thankfully, though, this issue does have contributions from Tom, Rich and Amy on soccer, photo retouching, and 5 Things respectively.

Congrats to the World Champion Los Angeles Lakers who came from behind in the series and the game to win their second consecutive NBA title. The road was rough with some ugly defensive battles, but the end result was beautiful to this lifelong Lakers fan. Crazy Ron Artest controlled himself enough to have a great Game 7. Kobe and Pau both struggled shooting from the ﬂoor, but came through from the free throw line at the end of the game when it counted. Here’s hoping Phil Jackson and Derek Fisher come back for the 3-peat. Incredibly, Phil Jackson would be going for the fourth 3-peat of his career.

Cupping Balls Lionel Messi (Argentina); Jose Francisco Torres (Spain); Netherlands soccer team; Ronaldinho (Brazil); Green; Diego Forlàn (Uruguay); slutty-looking wife banged by English teammate (what’s up with this photo?)

“Soccer is for foot fairies.” That was my excuse for not following the sport when I was younger. Well, that and the fact that you couldn’t find a live broadcast anywhere save Saturday mornings on Univision, where the Latino players dive like spoiled children so often the game becomes more soap operatic than the channel’s infamous telenovelas. Long story short, three years ago I made a commitment to an English Premier League team (Fulham), started watching as many games as possible and finally became hooked. It’s even simpler than baseball. Here are the three things you need to know when watching a soccer game: 1. You can’t, under any circumstances, touch the ball with your hands (unless you’re the goalie). 2. You must always have two players between you and the opposing goal at the moment a ball is passed toward you, otherwise you’re offsides. 3. You can’t slide tackle with your cleats up, grab/hold/pull an opposing player or generally impede his path to the ball, especially if he has possession; these are all fouls (if severe enough, they’ll merit a yellow card—a kind of

warning—or a red card, which gets you ejected and leaves your team down a man for the remainder of the game). Hell, the only noticeable difference at first blush between the pros and the packs of 8-year-olds you see singlemindedly chasing the ball as one is that the pros actually know where to be on the field. But let’s forget about the positions; that’ll just confuse you. (That’s what she said.) So, to the point of all this, here’s a helpful rundown of the top contenders in South Africa, so you can impress that hot chick/firefighter/d-bag broker/general mook at the bar over the next three weeks.

WAGs

Need another reason to watch the World Cup? Feast your eyes on some of the hottest Wags in the world. (To the left we presume is a wannabe wag.) What’s a Wag you ask? The way the British tabloid press describe the wives and girlfriends of highprofile soccer players. These ladies. We would write more, but, really, what is there to say. It’s Sunday and I don’t feel like critiquing the weird amateur styling/poses of some of these photos. Random fan; Lorena Bernal; Federica Ridolfi; Elena Santarelli; Abbey Clancy; Izabel Goulart; Sarah Brandner (who is not in SI for the sports, apparently...)

BRAZIL PROS: Sexy pick (and sexy fans—do a

Google Image search; there’s even one of a dude who looks like Obama, if that’s your thing). They play beautiful soccer, very precise passing, always creative. You can’t teach what they do. CONS: Like all Latin American nations, they’re divers. They get distracted easily by hookers (of which there are tens of thousands in South Africa). They’re really, really ugly (if that’s why you watch sports). Really though, I don’t understand how Argentines can look so goddamn manly, and yet right across the border, Brazil continually trots out hideous dudes like Ronaldinho. Can someone please explain this to me? ARGENTINA PROS: Lionel Messi is the greatest player

in the world at the moment. His supporting cast is talented, as well. Just smoked the good Korea (soccer-wise and politically), 4-1. CONS: Head coach is a megalomaniacal coke fiend. No, really, that’s it. And it

could screw it all up for them. ENGLAND PROS: Duh, they’re English! Oh, wait...

we’re talking soccer. Yeah, Wayne Rooney is as strong and talented a striker as any in the world. Very capable of scoring goals in bunches. Their coach, Fabio Capello, has managed the egos very well. CONS: No team has more expectations heaped on their shoulders every World Cup. Their goalkeeper lets harmless dribblers get by him. Their midfield doesn’t play well together, on or off the pitch. What I’m trying to say is that they aren’t complementary players on the field, and that one guy banged another’s wife and it was all over the papers. God save the queen! GERMANY PROS: Germans smell bad, thus

scattering defenders away from the ball carrier. As with all German undertakings throughout their history, everyone knows their role and executes it perfectly. (Thinly veiled reference ft... l?)

CONS: Their top player, Michael Ballack, is out. Exhausted themselves the past three months whining like schoolchildren about having to bail out Greece. Plus, the Germans lose at everything. WWI? Check. WWII? Check. Euro 2008? Check. Pathetic. SPAIN PROS: No nation boasts a deeper talent

pool. They have bona fide stars at level of the field. Won Euro 2008 handily. Gives Argentina a run for its money as swarthiest team. CONS: Will continue to pump in crosses even when it’s not working for them. Woeful underperformers at the World Cup. Chance to win their last tourney in South Africa, the 2009 Confederations Cup, was derailed by the US, of all teams. Francisco Torres looks like a drag queen. (Sorry, had to sneak that in there.) NETHERLANDS PROS: Oranje! If you’re a fan of fast-

break basketball, stretch-the-field football or the Yankees, you’ll dig this team. Their counterattack is quick,

decisive and deadly, and when they’re on, only Brazil can keep pace. Almost everyone’s healthy at the same time for the first time in forever. CONS: Can’t defend to save their lives. Aforementioned health is always a question mark; the Dutch are more fragile than Tyra Banks’ personality. URUGUAY PROS: Dark horse. Typical creative South

American team, and a very disciplined, organized squad. Performed very well in qualifying. Their top star, Diego Forlán, makes it easy to write victory headlines: “Forlán Leaves <insert country here> Forlorn.” (It’s genius!) Plus, have won two World Cups, the smallest nation ever to win (less than 4 million people). CONS: The guys who hoisted those trophies are all dead. Probably, anyway. It was 1930 and 1950. What, you really thought I was going to review the USA? Ha! Amateurs. (This is one sport we don’t dominate globally.) —Tom

WAGs

BRAZIL PROS: Sexy pick (and sexy fans—do a

could screw it all up for them. ENGLAND PROS: Duh, they’re English! Oh, wait...

scattering defenders away from the ball carrier. As with all German undertakings throughout their history, everyone knows their role and executes it perfectly. (Thinly veiled reference ft... l?)

break basketball, stretch-the-field football or the Yankees, you’ll dig this team. Their counterattack is quick,

ArtiSt We liKe:

guStAVe CAillebotte

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“little ricky” and his monkey of a little sister with dad circa 1981

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“I guess I do that as well, but whatever, I’m awesome.” -luis

“He touches my minis like a creepy bastard”

FiVe thingS the random things on amy’s mind

COFFEE: Am I drinking too much? I had decaf this morning, because the caf

JEssE EIsENBERG: He’s adorable in that over-intellectualizing, nerdy Jewish way. Enough to see Holy Rollers?

MOVING: Boxes boxes everywhere. I feel less strong than the last time I moved Tom. Should I start doing push-ups now?

-amy

“I’m looking at her face. I’m not looking down there. Something along those lines” -Jessica

“THIS is the afterparty!”

MY LIsT: I ran down my list for

-amy (pointing at herself)

“I have a lady that I love but she’s mean” -anne marie

“Tease me again” -Vicky

“I don’t like heavy books” -kathy

“Hello, beefcakes!” (said to i.t.)

To -Do Matthew Shia Zach Gavin JGL

ANIMAL RuBBER BANDs: All the cool kids

ADW

art department weekly issue 58 vol. 2

Name the dads, win a subscription yay lakers more balls caillebotte PLus: Amy’s things fiery hoo-ha rich’s plea

ADW

art department weekly issue 59 vol. 2

The longer I live in New York City, the more I find myself staring in awe at the gorgeous architecture I pass daily... coming to and from work, walks to central park with my boyfriend and on evenings when I simply stroll the city and window shop, one of my favorite things to do. It seems I can walk the same path a hundred times before one day looking up and saying “wow, that is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen!” This city is filled with buildings and parks that will take your breath away if you slow your pace and take a look up at the skyscrapers that form our signature skyline. One of these is right around the corner to where most of us work. The Woolworth Building was constructed by Cass Gilbert in 1910. It is 792 feet tall and cost $13,500,000 to build, all paid for in cash by Frank Woolworth. When built it was the tallest building in the world, and remained so until the Chrysler Building was built in 1930. Take a look next time you head to city hall park for lunch! —Vicky

kal paints Luis doesn’t care vicky celebrates Ditko creates PLus: DRM’s things new costume Sit At-At Good boy

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five things

the random things on Dan’s mind

Marisa Miller Sweet Fancy

“Yeah, because they suck.”

Moses, that woman is incredible. Her major bonus point is that she is a surfer girl at heart.

-Luis

“I watch a lot of college basketball, and I have no idea who the hell Larry Sanders is”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONUF!!!

-Luis

“I screamed so loud I lost my voice”

Strap it up Ever thought to yourself “Man, I wish I could trick out my camera”? Now you can. HighKey Camera Straps has was created by two photography students (Tom Baker & Andie Haugen) who wanted more than the dull looking camera straps that come standard on every camera. They decided to create a line of stylish straps for your cameras. Each strap is made from high end woven materials, and recycled leather. Even more impressive, they offer a completely personalized camera strap. Simply upload a design and voila a new personalized strap will be yours in 4 weeks.

Strap it up While walking the streets of Midtown recently, I passed the HBO store on 42nd Street. To commemorate the recent release of Sex and the City 2 there was a ton of related merchandise in the window display. The most realestate was reserved for T-shirts emblazoned with the main characters names. “I’m a Carrie” or “I’m a Samantha” they read. I thought, Wouldn’t it be more appropriate if the shirt actually said what it meant? “I’m a shallow, materialistic whore” and “I’m a sex-crazed, older whore.” On second thought, those probably wouldn’t sell as well.

Movie Quotes There is always

a movie quote in my head at all times that is applicable to my surroundings. Dumb and Dumber tends to lead the pack.

-Tom

My Softball team I seriously

love playing softball and think about it all week. Our games are on Sundays, so it’s really a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

“Fuck you, computer. I’m gonna punch this whole thing in the face soon” -Luis

“I’m gonna need a stick” -Kathy

“Um, we’re on deadline here” -Madeline

“Does every meeting here have beer and pizza” -Bruce

“That’s okay, I don’t say anything good” -Madeline

Money Or lack there of

C.R.E.A.M….ya heard? Summer Vacation My buddies

and I just locked in the dates for our beach house rental in August. I am literally counting the days until 8/6/10.

No me

gusta

This is the new Wonder Woman costume. If this were Wonder Girl, I would say, “That’s an awesome costume.” But this is Wonder Woman. Can you picture her next to Superman or Batman? No. She looks like a biker chick. She no longer looks like a super hero. Normally I LOVE anything Jim Lee does. He fignerpaints on his iPad, and I go crazy with adoration. This... This is crap. Wonder Woman— Princess Diana!—should look regal. —LV

Happy Father’s Day! Not Bikini-Friendly Friendly’s latest menu item brings together two of my all-time favorite things—and the only two things I ever order at diners (after staring at the menu for 10 minutes)— cheeseburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches (GAC, GAC BAC if you add bacon, which you definitely should). The Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt sports 1,500 calories, 97 grams of fat and 2,090 milligrams of sodium, Only remaining questions: Where is there a Friendly’s and can we wait until after bathing-suit season to go? —Karen

As seen on the cover, Kal recently took to painting. Well, he took to the paint, trying to eat as much of it as he could. Luckily, it wasn’t real finger paint. This is corn starch and food coloring on a giant sheet of paper. The smears you see are mostly from Kal’s diaper when he slid across the paper to get his hands on another cup of paint to eat. Besides the butt prints, there are a few hand prints and foot prints. I highlighted a few with red circles. (Hopefully thos will show in the printed version of the Dubbs.) The piece dried to a crunchy, crusty texture. Below are more Father’s Day pictures, Kal sporting a real polo shirt and khakis.

Bass-AT-AT hound There is no shortage of Star Wars-related material to choose from in the Dubbs inbox. This video by PatrickBoivin, however, had to make it into this issue because of the amazing quality. If it were a short movie about a real dog, it would be beautiful. But this is a short movie about a dog-like AT-AT. Unreal. You’ll wish you had one, too. —Madeline

No me

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five things

the random things on Dan’s mind

Marisa Miller Sweet Fancy

“Yeah, because they suck.”

Moses, that woman is incredible. Her major bonus point is that she is a surfer girl at heart.

-Luis

“I watch a lot of college basketball, and I have no idea who the hell Larry Sanders is”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONUF!!!

-Luis

“I screamed so loud I lost my voice”

Movie Quotes There is always

a movie quote in my head at all times that is applicable to my surroundings. Dumb and Dumber tends to lead the pack.

-Tom

My Softball team I seriously

love playing softball and think about it all week. Our games are on Sundays, so it’s really a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

“Fuck you, computer. I’m gonna punch this whole thing in the face soon” -Luis

“I’m gonna need a stick” -Kathy

“Um, we’re on deadline here” -Madeline

“Does every meeting here have beer and pizza” -Bruce

“That’s okay, I don’t say anything good” -Madeline

Money Or lack there of

C.R.E.A.M….ya heard? Summer Vacation My buddies

and I just locked in the dates for our beach house rental in August. I am literally counting the days until 8/6/10.

Artist we like:

Steve Ditko

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getting fired up

For some reason a recipe for granola bars in Good Housekeeping jumped out at me and I tore out the page.

Above: Spider-Man, The Atom, Iron Man, The Creeper, Hawk and Dove, Dr. Strange

looks would stand the test of time. Ditko is a true giant, and an often overlooked creator in the history of comics.

ADW

art department weekly issue 59 vol. 2

kal paints Luis doesn’t care vicky celebrates Ditko creates PLus: DRM’s things new costume Sit At-At Good boy

five things favorite Glee musical moments

ADW

art department weekly issue 60 vol. 2

“Don’t Stop Believing”

The first time they sang it. We loved it in the commercials. We loved it in the pilot. We loved in all the commercials that let us know the show was coming back.

“Bad Romance” The absolute

highlight of the Lady Gaga episode. (OMG Santana.) Too bad the whole episode wasn’t that fun.

The Madonna episode

Way better than the Lady Gaga episode, this helped us learn more about Sue Sylvester, see the school outcasts continue to elevate to new heights of cool, and then there was that amazing “Like a Virgin” number.

“Defying gravity” Kurt threw

the high F, but we still cheered. Don’t we all wish our parents would go to bat for us like that?

“Maybe this time” Kristin

Chenowith and Lea Michelle turn Liza Minnelli’s iconic Cabaret number into a duet and we were floored.

Wonder woman Gleeful moments the perfect movie artist: E PLus: open letter adult onesies dog named sue

mini board meet sue

This is a boy dog named Sue, owned by a girl named Bobbie.

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“I mean I like nudity and violence as much as the next person, but come on” -Erica

“We’ll just have a conversation right now and write everything down”

As seen in Issue 59, this is the new Wonder Woman costume. Maybe it’s only because Jim Lee drew her, but I like it. I like that she’s wearing clothes. LV says WW is a princess and should look regal. Really? She looked “regal” in her star spangeled spankies? I think not. LV also asks if one can picture her next to Superman or Batman. Um, one wears bright red underwear outside his tights, the other is a little batty. I’m not taking fashion advice from either. In fact, it’s probably about time she put on something more than a bustier around those guys. —Madeline

celebs, not like us

-Madeline

marisa mail Rarely does the Dubbs receive fan mail. Last week we recieved TWO emails from fans— fans of Marisa Miller. Dan, who wrote the piece (“Five Things”) that featured the picture at left wrote, “a fine photo choice” and “well done.” Tom agreed, writing, “That is a wonderful photo of Marisa Miller in the Dubbs.” Then he added, “Also, way to rock out in this issue. While I’m upset you aren’t enjoying the World Cup, I’ll take solace in the fact that you actually read my piece and enjoyed it. I tried my best to pitch the sport the non-believers.” He’s referencing the Ed Letter in Issue 59 that references his article, “Cupping Balls,” in Issue 58. Maybe we’re only fans of ourselves... and Marisa Miller.

Before it’s gone I continue to be surprised at the amount of new stuff that’s opened Downtown since Niche came here. Further proof that there is no party without Art. Rock and lobster roll! —AP Ed’s Lobster Bar Cart 225 Vesey St (at North End Ave)

“Sue Sylvester does not equal sexpot” -Luis

“It’s time for me to put on my Daisy Dukes and get the hell out of here” -Julia

“I love that you use ‘self-depricating’ to describe an 8-year-old” -Luis

“This—this right here—is a gradient strip” -Madeline

As I lifted my head from my book this morning, I looked around the train and realized there were SIX women wearing rompers in my immediate vicinity. Now I know all the fashion mags have been touting rompers as the second coming for almost a year now, but seriously, rompers are not for everyone. Sure, some look great, but generally you need an A+ team of stylists or a size zero model to pull them off. Even then it’s a stretch. So please think twice before dropping some money on a seriously overpriced adult one piece. —LV

Artist we like:

Danny Elfman

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Not wanting this series to be limited strictly to visual artists (and inspired by her recent CD cataloging), Madeline revises the Wikipedia entry for Danny Elfman... In 1985, Tim Burton and Paul Reubens invited Danny Elfman to write the score for their first feature film, Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Elfman was apprehensive at first because of his lack of formal training, but with orchestration assistance from The Mystic Knights of Oingo Boingo guitarist and arranger Steve Bartek, he achieved his goal of emulating the mood of legitimate composers. (Can you name an Oingo Boingo song? Apparently Elfman was the frontman of this group from 1976 until its breakup in 1995.) In the booklet for the first volume of Music for a Darkened Theatre, Elfman described the first time he heard his music played by a full orchestra as one of the most thrilling experiences of his life. [citation needed] Elfman immediately developed a rapport with Burton and went on to score all but a handful of Burton’s major studio releases, most notably Ed Wood, which was under production while Elfman and Burton were having a fight. They must have kissed and made up long ago, though. Elfman accompanied Tim Burton most recently in the composition of music for “Almost Alice”, the soundtrack for Alice in Wonderland. Burton has said of his relationship with Elfman, “We don’t even have to talk about the music.” You might think this is because all of Elfman’s music sounds alike. I mean, seriously. Unless you already know the movie, those three volumes of of Music for a Darkened Theatre I burned all sound alike. But here he is, an artist we like, because repition be damned I love his music. We should all be so lucky as to reach into our bag of tricks and pull out the things that Elfman can pull out. Anyway, Burton goes on: “We don’t even have to intellectualize— which is good for both of us, we’re both similar that way. We’re very lucky to connect.” Or maybe just we, the audience, are lucky they connect. Can you imagine a Tim Burton movie without Danny Elfman music? Something would be missing and it’s not just the sound. In any movie, a great score elevates dramatic moments, introduces how we should feel about a character, and cues changes in the story. Very little separates a horror film from a comedy. Elfman’s music helps you feel scared or

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giddy or sad at all the right moments. Many directors have turned to Elfman to help turn the stories of guys in ridiculous costumes (e.g. Hellboy, Nacho Libre, Batman) into sweeping and epic tales. Well, maybe Nacho Libre wasn’t sweeping and epic, but I’m hurrying here to research and write something persuasive. And he only did one song for Kick-Ass and no one wants to talk about Spider-Man...

Elfman recalls that the first time he became aware of film music was in his youth during a screening of The Day the Earth Stood Still. Elfman purposefully nodded towards Bernard Herrmann’s The Day the Earth Stood Still score in Burton’s sci-fi spoof Mars Attacks! Other film composers have also proven to be influential, such as Nino Rota and Erich Wolfgang Korngold, the former in Elfman’s playful music for Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, the latter in his much grander work, Batman. Sometimes his music has a distinctly Russian feel, inspired by the likes of Prokofiev, Stravinsky and Tchaikovsky’s ballet music, while his frequent use of choirs reflects his love of choral music by the likes of Mozart and Carl Orff. Jazz and rock influences from his earlier career are evident in such films as Chicago and To Die For. Elfman also cited Philip Glass as a major influence in his score for Alice in Wonderland.

getting fired up

Elfman appears to be an artist the rest of the world likes, but doesn’t love. He’s been nominated for two Emmys, four Oscars, and 10 Grammys, but he’s only taken home one Emmy and one Grammy. “Like,” not “love”... Personally, I like him a little more now that I know he composed an “overture to a nonexistent musical” and called the piece “The Overeager Overture.” Even though I can already imagine how it sounds, I’d love to hear it. If you’re still not sure about Elfman’s inclusion in the “Artist We Like” series, sample the themes from Batman: The Animated Series, The Simpsons, and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Tell me your heart is’t aflutter.

I wanted to draw a picture for the cover of this very patriotic (not so much) issue of the Dubbs. I mean it’s the 4th of July issue (or a few days after). I thought about recycling the Captain America pic I drew and colored for my brother for Christmas. Then I thought of another character that is an icon of patriotism. I thought about Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman’s costume, originally created by the Amazons of Themyscyra, was supposed to gain her easy entry into the land of man (the Americas). Hence they emblazoned her outfit with stars and in the colors of the American flag. There she could learn their ways while teaching them the ways of the Amazons. Once here, she fell in love with our land and decided to become the full-time ambassador to man’s world. She also decided to become an ass-kicking heroine. Wonder Woman is hands down the most iconic (and best) female super hero ever created. She can go toe to toe physically with Superman while also being able to match mental wits with Batman. While Wonder Womaan has basically had the same costume for 70 years (save for some white jumpsuits in the ’60s and a hideous bra and biker short combo in the ’90s). The great image above has a look at Wondy’s costume through the years. (Yeah, those are seven different costumes.) The status quo changed last week when DC unveiled the brand new costume and direction for the character. I expressed my displeasure with the costume last week. This week, we have Madeline’s counterpoint. After hearing Madeline’s defense (and reading the actual comic where the new

direction debuted), I decided I would be more open minded and give it a shot. I decided I would take an iconic Wonder Woman pose and draw it with Wondy wearing the new costume. After I did that, I decided it wasn’t enough. I dropped it on the American flag background and colorized it. The final result lives on the cover of the Dubbs this week. Wonder Woman can still be a patriotic, feminine icon while in black tights and a jacket. Maybe she doesn’t have to be in star spangled undies. While less patriotic than its predecessor, the costume is starting to grow on me. Save for the choker which I omitted from my rendering because I still think it blows.

Dear Verizon DSL, Why do you have to suck so hard? It’s really difficult to pull off an issue when you won’t connect me to my email. Even if I were able to finish the issue, no one would ever know because you won’t let me send it out or upload it to a server. Apparently Fios will never be available in my neighborhood and the Sunday Ticket will never be available on cable. I am your hostage. I hate you. How is it that every time I try to go to the Information Super Highway, you put up hazard signs, change the speed limit, and reroute me to nowhere? I’ve watched the router. The internet light is green. I click on a browser. The internet light goes out, the DSL light starts to blink, I grow old. Eventually, a message about checking the network connection comes up. I hate you. I just want to check my email. I am typing this letter in Issue 60 before closing Issue 59 because I have to move on. Could you try to do your job so I can do mine? —Madeline

Artist we like:

Danny Elfman

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pixar’s eleven If I told you one studio created both blockbusters and Oscar winners, common wisdom would have you believe I mean that studio produces two different kinds of movies. But Pixar has released one movie each year that not only grossed Top 10 box office numbers but also won Oscars.

Since ther first full-length release, Toy Story, Pixar’s movies have been favorites of children and adults alike. They’ve created lush worlds inhabited by toys, monsters, cars, bugs, superheroes and robots. Even though their films have rarely have humans at the forefront, each story is full of humanity. They tend to be more thoughtprovoking, emotional and heartfelt than most of their live-action competition. I love animated films to begin with, so, of course, I love Pixar. There are no more highly anticipated film releases for me than the yearly Pixar movie. There have been times I thought the concept looked ridiculous (a cooking rat, really?) or I wasn’t interested in the subject matter (I hate Nascar, no way can racecars be interesting), but each time they changed my mind by simply telling a beautiful story with humor and quality animation. John Lasseter worked his way from head of Pixar to head of the entire Disney animation studio. Since then you’ve seen Disney open a partnership with Studio Gibhli, headed by Hiyao Miyazaki—often called the Disney of Japan. This partnership has seen the U.S. releases of Miyazaki classics Sprited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle and Ponyo. John will leave no stone unturned in trying to get the best animation and stories out to the movie-going audience—young and old alike.

pixar perfect I recently saw the best movie I’ve seen in quite some time. (And I watch a lot of movies.) It was honest, heart-wrenching, action-packed, emotional, witty, and touching. It was everything great movies are supposed to be. It was another masterpiece by Pixar. It was Toy Story 3. Now I know some of you may poo-poo the idea that an animated film could be that deep—especially one that’s been touting “3-D” since its first poster—but you’d be wrong. Toy Story 3 is an emotional tale about growing up, letting go, and saying good-bye to family—both literally and figuratively. The movie begins with a tremendous action sequence that ranks up there with any top action movie you’ll see this summer. For a moment, I thought this was going to be a schlocky 3-D effects laden piece of crap. As the scene plays out, though, we realize it’s all hapening in Andy’s mind as his mother videotapes him. It’s innocent, it’s perfectly captured. We then see a montage of Andy through the years, growing up and getting ready to go off to college. As Andy cleans his almost-barren room, his mom hands him garbage bags and boxes. She tells him that garbage goes in the bags, boxes go in the attic. After getting a hard time from his sister, Andy packs up the gang—into a garbage

bag! Andy and the toys know he means for them to be attic-bound, but this doesn’t make anyone happy. Even before Andy’s mom mistakes the garbage bag for the trash, we’re already reeling from the horror that the toys will sit in the dark lonely attic. All the toys except for Woody that is. First there’s the horror of the attic, then there’s the horror that Andy has split up the family. Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Mr and Mrs. Potato, Hamm, Rex, Slinky and Bullseye are meant to be together. Hijinks ensue. The toys escape to a box they believe will take them to a better place—Sunnyside Daycare center. With all those children, they can never be forgottten or neglected. They will be played with every day. Can you tell that’s probably too good to be true? Now, I don’t want to go and reveal the whole movie to you, so what I will say is

While I look forward to many more Pixar movies, here is my ranking of all 11 Pixar full-length films released thus far:

that the scenes in the daycare center are full of laughter, action, adventure and the type of over-the-top fun that only the folks at Pixar could dream up. When I arrived home from the theater, I had a hard time not recounting every amazing adventure—especially the toys’ greatest escape. The last few scenes of the movie are the perfect wrap-up to the Toy Story trilogy. Or should I say it’s the perfect wrap-up to Andy’s toy story. This movie handles growing up, saying good-bye and moving on better than any movie I’ve ever seen. True they wrap the message around toys, but anyone who has ever said good-bye to a loved one will love this movie and be touched. I saw this movie on a Monday night. To my count, there were two children in the entire theater. Yet as the film wrapped up you could hear weeping. And I don’t think it was from the kids. I learned this past weekend that Michael Arnt wrote the screenplay for Toy Story 3. Arnt was the Academy Awardwinning screenwright of Little Miss Sunshine, another film that perfectly blends laughs, family drama, and loss. If you’re not sure how much Toy Story 3 could be for adults, just remember a little girl in a beauty pageant didn’t mean Little Miss Sunshine was for kids.

1. Toy Story 3 Quite possibly the perfect film. 2. Wall-E The last life on a wildly polluted Earth is a nearly-mute robot. ADW’s pick for Movie of the Decade. A brilliant and thought-provoking film. 3. The Incredibles The best super hero movie of all-time. Also a great family drama: Dad wants to relive his glory days without endangering his kids. 4. Up So much more than a house and some balloons. Little old Carl attempts to fullfill his deceased wife’s dream of reaching Paradise Falls through a remarkable journey. 5. Toy Story 2 The rare sequel that surpasses the original. Everything was bigger, deeper, grander. Plus, Jessie was introduced—a girl toy! 6. Toy Story Looking back, the animation is a little cruder, but the story is nothing short of brilliant. It started a strong trend of storytelling that still stands.

7. Finding Nemo An epic tale of an overprotective father searching the ocean for his lost son. Hilarious and heartbreaking. 8. Monsters Inc Wonderfully inventive. The monsters hiding in your closet change their thinking when a Boo, a toddler, crosses over into their world. (Sing it! “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me...”) 9. Ratatouille A rat refuses to conform. After finding a willing partner in Luigi, a wannabe chef, they change the course of their lives. 10. Cars Beautifully rendered and much better than I expected. A cocky youngster learns humility and finds himself along the way. 11. A Bug’s Life Pixar’s second film stars Flik, an inventive ant bent on freeing his colony from the tyranny of grasshoppers. With the support of circusperforming bugs and the cute Pixar-style, we cheered.

While I look forward to many more Pixar movies, here is my ranking of all 11 Pixar full-length films released thus far:

mini board meet sue

This is a boy dog named Sue, owned by a girl named Bobbie.

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“I mean I like nudity and violence as much as the next person, but come on” -Erica

“We’ll just have a conversation right now and write everything down”

celebs, not like us

-Madeline

“Sue Sylvester does not equal sexpot” -Luis

“It’s time for me to put on my Daisy Dukes and get the hell out of here” -Julia

“I love that you use ‘self-depricating’ to describe an 8-year-old” -Luis

“This—this right here—is a gradient strip” -Madeline

five things favorite Glee musical moments

ADW

art department weekly issue 60 vol. 2

“Don’t Stop Believing”

The first time they sang it. We loved it in the commercials. We loved it in the pilot. We loved in all the commercials that let us know the show was coming back.

“Bad Romance” The absolute

highlight of the Lady Gaga episode. (OMG Santana.) Too bad the whole episode wasn’t that fun.

The Madonna episode

“Defying gravity” Kurt threw

the high F, but we still cheered. Don’t we all wish our parents would go to bat for us like that?

“Maybe this time” Kristin

Chenowith and Lea Michelle turn Liza Minnelli’s iconic Cabaret number into a duet and we were floored.

Wonder woman Gleeful moments the perfect movie artist: E PLus: open letter adult onesies dog named sue