The Artichoke Vol. 10. No 1. by Artichoke Magazine

VOLUME 10 ISSUE 01

SEPTEMBER 2020

ARTICHOKE

the team EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ASSISTANT EDITOR WRITERS

Laura Bourbonnais Teagan Ariss Mash Altaf Victoria Ann Carly Balestreri Reann Bast Kirandeep Bhanot Amelia Calo Joshua Cea Katie Collier Kaela Cordero Marvin Darkwa Kaila Gallacher Melanie Gazvoda Inna Gordeyeva Eduardo Guerra Avery-Rose Hamilton Pyper Johnston Siddharth Koyal Nicole Moos Roshni Nayar Melissa Nicole Shamus Quinn Meg Rethinasamy Nima Salimi Vaiva Slapsys (Brie) Brianna Sutherland Teodora Vilotijevic Cassie Weir Nicole Williamson

DESIGN EDITOR Sarah Carriere SOCIAL MEDIA COORDINATOR Breagh MacDonald DESIGNERS Daphne Chu Victoria Collins Amy Davidson Sabrina Fortin Maria Guna Kalli Jones Stephanie Lai Kacey Lee Sharyl Man Daye Oh Bailey Paniszczyn Justin Reinsma Ingrid Wong Phoebe Wong Ha-Yun Holly Yoon

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an extended frosh issue 08

FROSH Featured article: Welcome to Winters!

CREATIVE Dust Summer Art Projects The First Lecture The Cloud growth In Her Element The Pilgrimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Solstice

ENTERTAINMENT 5 Podcasts You Need to Listen to as a Student in Quarantine Virtual Events and Performances Dungeons and Dragons and Distance

HEALTH First Year was Tough A Fresh Lens

SOCIAL JUSTICE Interview with Audny

2020 The Artichoke Magazine Winters Free Press Created in Toronto, Ontario PAST ISSUES issuu.com/artichokemag CONTACT US wintersfreepress@winterscouncil.com SOCIALS IG @artichokewfp FB @artichokemag

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HELLO READERS! A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

IF THIS IS your first time reading as a Froshie, welcome to the Artichoke magazine of Winters Free Press (celebrating its 10 year anniversary) and to Winters! You are a beautiful addition to our vibrant artistic community, and we are so glad to have you. And to those who have been around for a little while longer, welcome back! 2020 has been nothing short of a whirlwind of events and emotions, and while Frosh is completely virtual this year due to COVID-19, the Winters Free Press is here for you. We will happily keep you informed on all things Winters! This is my third year both at York University and on the Artichoke team, and I can honestly say that it has been a very rewarding experience. I was a contributing writer my first year, and the Assistant Editor last year, and I am humbled to be your 2020-2021 Editorin-Chief! Through these positions, I have been a part of the welcoming and energetic Winters College Council, which you can read about in our current

Assistant Editor, Teagan Arissâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, article! I am also very pleased to have a strong, female-led executive team composed of Teagan (Assistant Editor), Sarah (Design Editor), and Breagh (Social Media Coordinator). We also have very talented writers and designers who are featured in these upcoming pages! Coming from outside of Southern Ontario, the Winters community has made me feel more at home while away from home. That said, while everything may look a little different currently and this year, I encourage you to join your student association, clubs, sports, shows, or various groups during your degree as they will enhance your post-secondary experience, and you will meet so many individuals with whom you will connect. If you do not think a club exists - it probably does and if it does not, feel free to create it! As a magazine, we are always looking for writers, designers, photographers, and visual artists! If you are interested in any of those positions outside of

designing, please email wintersfreepress@ winterscouncil.com. If you are hoping to design for us, please email designeditor@ winterscouncil.com! We publish issues on the first of the month from September to April, NovemberDecember, and March-April being double issues. Follow us on Issuu, Facebook and LinkedIn as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Artichoke Magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, and on Instagram @artichokewfp, to stay up-todate on our upcoming issues. I am looking forward to a year filled with enticing issues composed of gorgeous photography and pieces on lifestyle, health, entertainment, majors, creative writing, and art! Best wishes to all of you! Sincerely, Laura Bourbonnais (she/her) Editor-In-Chief Winters Free Press Winters College Council

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from our

I AM ECSTATIC to be the Assistant Editor for the Artichoke Magazine this year! The Winters community is full of artistic, vibrant, and intelligent individuals and being part of the team that produces the magazine for and by this college is an honour. So far it has been a pleasure collaborating with the Editor-in-Chief, Laura, our Design Editor, Sarah, and Breagh our Social Media Coordinator. I am looking forward to continuing to work with the team to showcase the beauty that the Winters community has to offer. We have an enthusiastic and talented group of wonderful writers and designers contributing to the magazine. I am excited to see the variety of voices and perspectives come together in the magazine this year that will surely be unique as we are all navigating new circumstances.

JOINING ARTICHOKE JUST over one year ago gave me the opportunity to explore my passion for editorial design. I am humbled to be the Design Editor for Artichoke Magazine for the upcoming year. Alongside our very talented Editorin-Chief, Assistant Editor, and our new Social Media Coordinator; our executive team is eager to take on the year. Coming up in 2021, is Artichokeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 10th year anniversary, and I am very happy to be a part of this milestone in my final year at York University.

ASSISTANT EDITOR

Sincerely, Teagan Ariss (she/her) Assistant Editor Winters Free Press Winters College Council

DESIGN EDITOR

For this volume, we have 15 designers on our team. All of which are incredibly talented, and I am looking forward to seeing them grow as creatives. Cheers to a new year! Sarah Carriere (she/her) Design Editor Winters Free Press Winters College Council

from our

SOCIAL MEDIA COORDINATOR I’M SO THRILLED to be joining the Artichoke executive team as your Social Media Coordinator this year! In this unique time where we must learn to navigate our university experience online, I am humbled by the opportunity to share the familiarity and fun the Artichoke brings to online platforms. I can shamelessly say that the executive team is absolutely stacked with dedicated, hardworking and supportive individuals- I couldn’t be more grateful to work with each of them. There’s so much to look forward to as we celebrate the tenth, and perhaps most unique, year of the Artichoke. Wishing you a happy and healthy start to the school year. Breagh MacDonald (she/her) Social Media Coordinator Winters Free Press

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A Letter from the President

WINTERS, I AM unbelievably excited to work for you and with you in these coming months. For the past three years Winters has been my home away from home. After moving across the country with no one but myself, this community accepted me for who I am in every single way. This Winters family has meant the world to me these past few years and I hope that Winters can become that home for you too. Winters thrives on its diversity and inclusivity. We hope you will feel comfortable enough in this new home to be the truest and most comfortable version of yourself. I have seen people find and define themselves throughout their time at Winters. Here you can not only be yourself but you can also grow to become something more. While you may find great personal growth here, this is also a place where students are able to network and socialize with their peers and take a break from the day to day busy student lifestyle. Whether that be as a member of intramural teams or through one of our monthly karaoke nights. Winters offers tons of ways for you to not only grow but to also take a minute to relax. This community has been driven for 53 years by proud artists who exist to face challenges and push society past its current boundaries. Artists are inherently brave and everyone in this community is as brave as it gets. People may have told you what you are studying is a waste of time. They are wrong. You came here to study the thing most important to you, and guess what? The arts are pretty important to society. Imagine these past

few months without being able to binge TV or listen to your favourite playlists. Our culture has been defined by its artists for centuries and society would be far from where we are without you, so do not let those people get into your heads. You are brave, you are strong, and you are doing something that truly matters. While we here at Winters may have many traditions, I have found this community is one that has always looked to grow and evolve. As we look forward during a very uncertain time, I have no worry in my mind that this Winters Family will have any difficulty facing the challenges ahead. This upcoming academic year might not be what any of us were expecting. But, despite that this community has some of the most creative minds out there and we know how to adapt and come up with solutions like nobody else. I know for a fact we will be able to make the best of the hand we have been dealt. For if there is one thing this community has done time and time again, it is that we have defied the odds. I cannot wait to fight the odds with all of you. With all my heart, Boyan Demchuk (he/him) President of Winters College Council

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WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, to all of you Winters College students! Here we are, in some of the strangest times that most of us have ever experienced; dancing between the normal (school starting again, like every September), and the bizarre (we are all sitting at home, alone, staring at a screen full of faces). My name is John Mayberry, and I am a professor in the Department of Theatre. I am also the Head of Winters College, and it is in that role that I am writing to welcome you to the community that is Winters College. So, what is Winters College anyway, and what does it mean for you?

The whole York student body is divided into smaller communities called colleges, and as a student in Arts, Media, Performance & Design, or Studies in Education, you are now a member of Winters College. I like to point out we are named after Robert Winters, a York benefactor, and we are not named for the season. The colleges are the centers of nonacademic student life at York; where you can connect with other students through clubs, intramural sports, student government, celebratory events, special classes, sharing a meal, or just chilling out. Winters College is a place where many former and current students have found a welcoming home-awayfrom-home, a non-judgemental community of creative, supportive, wonderful folks.

5 We normally think of Winters College as the buildings that include all our wonderful, wellused spaces. We have a Dining Hall to eat or meet in, a Junior Common Room complete with pool table, ping pong, foosball, and projector, a student-owned pub called The Absinthe, an art gallery, and more. However, especially right now when (as I write this) the campus is still off-limits, and we are doing all of our interactions online, it is so important to stress that Winters College is much more than the buildings. We are an incredibly strong and resilient community, and it is as a member of that community that you are starting your career here at York. What can the College do for you, in this unusual time? Well, it still offers you an excellent way to connect with other students, in a number of ways. You can keep track of what the Winters College Student Council is organizing for you â&#x20AC;&#x201C; starting with Orientation 2020. You can find them easily: https://winters.ampd.yorku. ca/winters-college-studentcouncil/ https://www.instagram.com/ winterscouncil/ https://www. winterscollegecouncil.com/ https://www.facebook.com/ winterscouncil/ You can also connect to Student Success Leaders, who are eager to help you navigate your life at

York: https://winters.ampd.yorku.ca/ academic-advising/ Finally, I think it is very important to remember that all of us are walking into this year pretty unsure of how things will go, and what they will look like, especially if it is still a while before we can all be on campus together. This is definitely NOT a situation where seasoned experts are welcoming tentative newcomers into a smooth, wellworn system.

We will all be adapting, coping, and learning from each other at every turn. The one thing I do know is that our Winters College community, made up of brand-new students (some of you may not have ever visited your new campus yet), returning students (for whom school online may be weirder than for those who finished high school on Zoom), former students, College Fellows (faculty members associated with Winters), and many other friends of the College, will all come together to support each other, and use our collective imagination and creativity to make this term, and this year, as wonderful as possible. We are all creators, storytellers, and teachers, and I predict that many years from now you will be telling children about that

amazing year that you and your classmates were part of the reinvention of the university. 2020 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a Year Like No Other! Finally, I usually end by extending an invitation to drop in to see me, in the College Head Office in Winters Room 121, to say hello and maybe have a chat over a coffee or tea. Sometimes it is nice to talk to a professor you do not have a class with, to ask general questions, or just talk about what is happening. We might not be able to do that right away, but I am certainly available by email or cellphone, or we can set up a chat on Zoom, anytime. I wish you all a challenging, fulfilling, and magnificent year. There will certainly be some highs and lows, so if you find yourself experiencing difficulties, whether academic, social, personal, financial or any other kind, remember that you have immediate access here at York to many skilled professionals who are ready to help you. If you are confused about where to turn, you can always start by contacting me. I look forward to meeting you! John Mayberry (he, him) Head of Winters College Associate Professor, Dept. of Theatre Win 121 mayberry@yorku.ca cell: 416-433-5307

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september CALENDAR september

Winters Frosh Starts

York Classes Start

Minecraft Monday 8-10pm VIA Discoard

Winters Frosh Ends

Paint Night with Bob Ross 8-11pm VIA Zoom

Happily Ever After (DJ Set) 8-10pm VIA Instagram Live

Karaoke Night 8-11pm VIA Zoom

Tourney Thursday 8-10pm VIA Discord, Playstation, XBOX, PC, Mobile

Word Night

Whip it Up Wednesday 8-9:30pm

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WHAT IS WINTERS COLLEGE COUNCIL? BY TEAGAN ARISS

WELCOME TO WINTERS College! If you do not quite know what that means, that is certainly okay, I am here to let you know. In terms of people… Winters is made up of students from the School of Arts, Media, Performance and Design (AMPD) and Faculty of Education. Since you are reading this, you likely belong to Winters College, and we are so lucky to have you! Winters College Council (WCC) is a club and the student government for Winters College. The purpose of WCC is to enhance students’ experience academically and socially. All council members are more than willing to meet, speak with you, and answer any inquiries you may have about Winters, Frosh, student life, campus, specific programs, etc., so if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out!

You can find each members’ contact info by visiting: winterscollegecouncil. com/meetyourcouncil. If you may be interested in joining WCC, there will be elections for First Year Representatives, a Residence Representative, and a few other positions, so definitely keep an eye out for information regarding that coming soon! In terms of location… Winters College is the building across from Winters Residence. In the basement level you will find the WCC office; the Junior Common Room (JCR), a place to hang out and the location of many Winters-run events; the Winters cafeteria, where you can grab something to eat; the dining hall that is often converted into a rehearsal space for various clubs; and The Ab, our very own student-run pub on campus!

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Also in the Winters College building is the Eleanor Winters Art Gallery (EWAG) which exhibits student work. In terms of action… Outside of your program, Winters College is a great way to socialize with other students. Beyond Frosh, WCC is dedicated to keep the energetic momentum of Frosh going all year long. Usually, WCC hosts numerous recurring events throughout the year including Karaoke Nights, Pub Nights, Acoustic Nights, Word Nights, and Movie Nights. Obviously this year everything is going to be a little different, at least for the Fall term. WCC is committed to keeping you engaged in these unprecedented times, safely. That is why the Social and Cultural team has planned a slew of virtual events including Talent Shows, Karaoke, and Word Nights through Zoom.

Also get ready for DJ sets and Drag shows via Instagram live. The best way to keep updated with events is on social media; follow @winterscouncil on Instagram, and ‘like’ on Facebook: Winters College Council. We hope you participate in Winters events as a way to let off steam, express yourself creatively in a judgement-free zone, or to connect with other students. If you are ever looking for more information about WCC, you can visit: winterscollegecouncil.com! Stay Safe, and Happy Frosh! Teagan Ariss (she/her) Assistant Editor Winters Free Press Winters College Council

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OCHAIR INTERVIEW BY LAURA BOURBONNAIS

WHAT ARE YOUR pronouns, programs, and year of study at York University? Leah Fellows: My pronouns are she/her, I am in YSDN, and in 4th year. Anton Alexiev: My pronouns are he/him, I am in Devised Theater and Criminology, but I actually do not go to York anymore (laughing). Fair enough! What drew you to apply to be OChairs? L: From the moment I stepped into the Winters Quad, I fell in love. I just absolutely loved Winters, I started as the Director of Athletics, I then became the VP of Athletics. And then, every year I came back and I was a Frosh Leader because I just wanted to bring other people in and give them the opportunity that Winters gave me, and then I just decided “you know what, I’ll go for OChair, and I’ll try to impact the community the same way that it impacted me.”

A: It was a bit different [for me] because I did not know that Frosh existed going into university until my friend MadFish was OChair, and she told me to be a Leader. I was not a part of the Winters community [at first] - I was very studious. When I did experience Frosh [I discovered] the Ab, intramurals, and I met a lot of great individuals that are very close to me to this day. And I am very thankful for that opportunity and as the years continued on I found myself more and more immersed in what was no longer a community but what was a very large, chaotically amazing family and I am very thankful because I do not think I would have grown to be who I am today [otherwise]. And I have learned from [them] who I am and what I want to be and I want to be able to give back to the community. But whether you are Assistant OChair or OChair, you are able to put in that work for all of the [incoming] students. I want [the Frosh] to understand that when you are coming to

York and Winters, you will always be welcomed no matter where you are coming from or your background. I just want [the Frosh] to [become] a part of the family. Along those lines, how would you describe your first Frosh experience? L: It was awesome, I was in Tune In Frosh, our theme was the 90’s - it was really cool. I came from a small town, but I was so ready for university that I was like “let’s meet new people, let’s go, let’s have fun!” But I also keep to myself, I am pretty shy sometimes so Winters really gave me the opportunity to open up. All the Leaders were so enthusiastic, and accepting and ready to welcome us all into this new community, and like I said from the moment I stepped into the Quad, I was like “this is exactly where I am supposed to be.” I was introduced to intramurals which then brought me further into the community, and I met people in Frosh that

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are probably going to continue to be my friends for many years to come. A: Ironically where Tune In was Leah’s first Frosh it was also mine, but mine was as a Leader. It was very much a culture shock, as I was very studious - I am really outgoing now but I was the shyest, most quiet individual my first years of university. I would be weird around my friends, but [when] meeting people, I would be like “oh, strangers.” And now, I am so immersed into this community and [as] Leah said in Tune In, everyone was so enthusiastic, and the community was bigger than life. And from a Leader perspective, it was very fulfilling. After the week of Frosh, you are all together in this one community with these people you have only known for a week [but] you feel like you have known them for so much longer because of all of the events. And leading the Frosh and going through all the tasks, and the highs and lows, it is amazing. I would never trade that experience. How would you describe your work as a team so far? L: We are pretty similar in terms of our work dynamic. We are both enthusiastic about what we are doing. Anton is the hype man, I am a bit more work work work, get it done, organization, but together - two peas in a pod. We both have strengths and weaknesses, and we are able to support each other, and build

each other up when we need to. And we are always there to support one another, no matter what! And especially since we are going through this huge pandemic virtual space that we have never navigated before, I think support is the most important thing that we can offer as a team. A: Going off [of] that, it is very give and take, we are both ready to lend out a hand, and we are both ready to assist each other with whatever needs to be done. The second that someone asks for help, we are on it, and even though we may be different, we are [both] very honest, and transparent individuals, and that just makes the work so much easier. Also, I feel like both of us having a European-ish background, also adds to it personally (laughing). How would you break down Frosh for the incoming Froshies? Like, how it usually works - OChairs, Head Leaders, Leaders, etc? L: The OChairs - we are the ones who create this vision. We get everything prepared, we invite all of our Leaders, get everyone all together, and then we have different positions within the team. So, we have our Head Leader Team which [has its] own specific duties and areas of Frosh that they cover, and then we have a bunch of other Leaders who have their own specific tasks. A good analogy would be a beehive. Everybody has a

specific job but all together we come and make this incredible experience happen. A: If we do not have one of [these] positions then we are missing a vital piece even though it might not seem as important. Whether you are talking about Head Leaders, Team Leads to Floaters, Senior Floaters to Department Leads - if we take one of those pieces out of the equation, we are missing out on much more than we anticipated, and even though we all have our own separate duties and tasks, we come together to bring that vision to life. And without one individual or group of individuals, it will not be possible. Going off of that vision, so this year’s Once Upon a Winters, did it emerge from a fascination with storytelling, fantasy? Was it a mutual decision? How did you choose the theme? And how is it going to influence the events that you are putting on? L: Once Upon a Winters was my idea. I had thought of it for so long and I brought it to Anton, and I was like “hey, what do you think of this?” and he was like “yes! That’s sick! Let’s do that!” It goes off of storytelling. So, everybody comes to university, and they have a different experience, a different background. So, everyone has their own story but here at Winters, we are going to bring [our] experience to them so that they can make their own story. As artists, we rely heavily on

FROSH storytelling and imagination, and these [incredible] worlds that we can create as [talented] Arts and Education students. I wanted to embrace that within this theme because everybody brings a different story. [As for events], we have Quests, and things that Frosh can experience whether it is an event to make friends, or an event to build your own skills - you are going through this journey, and we are here to help guide you along the way. A: Going off of [that], we are the protagonist of our own story, and we try to give the tools to all the Frosh throughout the week to be able to write the best possible story for themselves. For the weeks [that] come after as well. In a cheesy way, we decide our own destiny, so I believe our role with Winters [as OChairs] is trying to give the incoming students the best tools that they need to not only succeed but to thrive in their own personal stories. Because the reality of life is you are going to have your antagonist whatever it may be - we want to assist [the Frosh] with guiding them [in] writing the best and most memorable [story] they can. L: Nailed it. I love that. So for those who might not feel comfortable with all of the events or with specific events, do you have alternatives to accommodate? L: For sure! So, this year, our Frosh is completely online. So, a

lot of what we are offering is video-based, calls, Zoom. But we do offer Zoom Parties, and more social events. As a parallel, we also have more chill events like D&D character making, video games. A: We [even] have a Club Penguin Party! L: We have so many things that cater to every single personality, so there is something for everyone within our week. Even if you just want to watch the videos, watch the tours, and maybe not participate as heavily in the social events, we have that offered for you as well. A: What is really cool about this Frosh is because it is virtual, it is very easy to drop in and out of whatever you wish especially when we are running parallel events. You do not have to dive fully into an event - you can dip your toe, feel it out, if that is not for you, that is totally okay because we are going to have one-two other things available. And just like Leah said, even if you do not want to do any of the events, we are going to be right here to just hang out with you all and get to know you on a personal level because that is what Leaders are for. So Frosh, like you both said might be a little different this year due to COVID, and while everything has an online platform - how do you imagine making Froshies feel immersed, and welcome in the Winters

community without physically being there? L: We are using several different platforms to try to make the Frosh experience feel as personal as we can. We have a website, an Instagram, and we are going to be doing whatever we can to make that connection without physically being there. We are keeping all of the [past] traditions, and we are still going to have Frosh shirts. Leaders are going to make up their shirts to try and keep the experience as similar to how it would be in person just in a different way. A: To [make] them feel immersed, whether it is in person or virtual - I do not think it is the events, I think it is the individuals. Because the heart of Winters is everyone who is a part of it, and all of the Leaders that we have are so enthusiastic and so ready to take on the challenge [regardless]. And their energy, their drive, and determination, that is infectious whether you are on a camera [or] in person. And I think when people are going to go online and see us generally engaged and ready for this, they are going to work off of that energy and they are going to get sucked in, and next thing that you notice, they are making D&D characters with us, they are in the Club Penguin Party, they are having a fun paint night. Because it is the individuals that drive Winters, and I do not think that can ever be replaced whether that is in person or online.

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L: Absolutely. Another way to make the connection, and make it so that the Frosh still feel like they are getting a Frosh of what Winters would be like - we are going to be giving tours of college spaces. A lot of our Heads are going to be doing specific videos so that you can really see how we engage with our environment, how we connect, and it is all going to be very interactive. So, like Anton said, we have the ability to still connect through our enthusiasm and our ability to welcome each other. If Froshies have any questions during the week, can they message any of the Leaders on the platforms that will be available to them? L: For sure! So we have our Instagram account @onceuponawinters2020, they can definitely DM us, they can send us messages, we will have a contact page on our website onceuponawinters.com as well. We are getting a Tik Tok (onceuponawinters2020) so they can duet us if they want to engage that way. We are more than happy to answer any questions that anyone has. Would you have interesting facts or talents about yourselves that you could reveal to the incoming Frosh? A: No one ever believes me when I say this. Every Frosh will oppose me, but I am a professional wrestler. I wrestle in a three-piece white suit in front

of a crowd in downtown Toronto, and sometimes we go to LA or Chicago. You can find my matches at Anton Alexiev on YouTube. Buy my merch! (laughing). L: I cannot top that! I am like the most boring person ever. A: Okay. Leah is probably the most talented digital artist you will ever meet! Also, it does not matter what sport it is, she instantly picks it up and slaps you at it. Volleyball? She is spiking on you. Basketball? She is going to dunk over you. It does not matter how high that rim is. You are out in the first five seconds. She will crush you in everything. L: My fun fact is - in my opinion, Pacific Rim is the greatest film ever created. Some recurring themes in the September issue are Firsts, Transitions, Advice for Froshies, What Winters/AMPD Has to Offer, and Resources on Campus. What kind of advice would you give to someone coming into York, and Winters for the first time based on your own experience? A: I was very studious but even though I succeeded in my classes, I missed out in my first two years and did not get as much of an experience. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there, and get out of your comfort zone. Come to a Pub Night, try an intramural - experience what university

[offers] because even if you do not like it, that is okay. It never hurts to take a little risk. At the same time, make sure that as much fun as you are having, you are still focusing on your studies because as cheesy as it sounds, that is why you are there. Find a nice balance. L: Anton hit the nail in the head. My advice is similar. I know everyone says it but oh my gosh, get involved! The best thing I ever did at university was get involved. My first year, I was terrified. I was like “I’ll let all my friends do the Council stuff, maybe I’ll go to an occasional Pub Night.” The second that I started to actually go to things, my whole world opened up, and since then I have not stopped. And honestly, as an individual, I feel like being involved has helped me grow and has enhanced my skills in ways that I did not even think possible. Get involved! As incoming Frosh, would you have imagined yourselves as OChairs? A: I did not even know this existed! (laughing) The heck is a Frosh? I remember, I went to orientation for Theatre, and I sat down and everyone was wearing their white Frosh shirts and they were all decked out. I am sitting in the back by myself because everyone knew each other. I was like “did I miss the first day of class? I thought [it] started on Wednesday.” I did not even know what it was, and

FROSH I was like “this is awkward.” And now, here I am. (laughing)

[which] stemmed from being in this position on Council.

L: So funny. Honestly, no. I thought about it here and there, and I was like “oh! It’d be so cool to be up there! I would love to do that!” But I never thought it was possible. I was like, “oh, you know, I’ll just do my four years and that’ll be it.” But after I was welcomed into Frosh, that was it for me. I immersed myself in the Winters experience, and that has really changed my life.

Any final thoughts for how you are hoping Frosh will go or for the Frosh themselves coming in?

Do you think your experience within Winters Council has allowed you to grow as a person? L: For me, 100%. This is going to be my third year on Council, and I think my professionalism has improved, my connections with other people, and my ability to connect have improved exponentially. I really just think that [Winters Council] has shaped me into a better person than I ever imagined I could be. A: People look up to you in this position trusting that you are going to put together this amazing product called Frosh. So it definitely changes your perspective on how to hold yourself, and how you are going to work as a team. It has helped me grow although I may not have been on Council as long as Leah. I definitely have noticed parts of myself that are changing in a very positive way, in terms of work ethic, drive, and determination

L: For sure! I think this year our week is what you make of zit, so we are putting these events [together], and the Frosh have the opportunity to put into it whatever they feel. We are here to support, be enthusiastic, and welcome you into this community! And we are so excited for everyone to come in, and join us in our cult that we call Winters! Welcome! A: Leah said best. Once you step through these doors into Winters, you are family, you are a part of this community, and know that we always have your

back, you are always welcome here. We are here to support each other, work off one another, grow together, and share this amazing experience that is not only Frosh but this wild ride that is [called] university. L: Once you [come here], you cannot leave. A: We are not a cult, we are not a cult. L: We love you already! We are excited for everyone to come! A: Final thoughts - please buy my merch at https://www. prowrestlingtees.com/wrestlert-shirts/antonalexiev.html! OChair Cult Chaos continues at Once Upon a Winters Frosh 2020...

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MEET THE HEAD LEADERS Photos by Elyssa Biringer

TECH Karolina & Emily

ASSISTANT O-CHAIR Anton

ORIENTATION CHAIR Leah

PRESIDENT Boyon

LOGISTICS Adelaide & Manuella

VANGUARD Sophia & Julia

SAFETY Rehaan & Lizzy

COMMUTERS Matteo & Daniel

ENTERTAINMENT Joshua & Caitlin

MEDIA Elyssa, Nadine, Kiran, & Fiona

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Welcome

to Winters! BY KATHERINE COLLIER CASA

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WELCOME, FROSHIES! How does it feel to be coming into a new place with lots of strange people and a whole bunch of buildings you need to find on campus? Well, I guess that second one will not apply until the winter term but either way, welcome. York is not as scary as it looks but the first few months can be overwhelming. That is where groups like your student associations and college councils can help you. My name is Katherine Collier, Katie for short, and I am the President of the Creative Arts Students Association for this year. We are the umbrella association that represents all AMPD students. We make sure your voice is heard. Within our umbrella are the Music Students Association, Film Students Association,

Digital Media Students Association, Design Students Association, Theatre Students Association, Dance Students Association, and Visual Arts Students Association. Along with representing you to the faculty, we also plan great events and workshops for students to build skills and make connections that make this program what it is. This year we are planning on running Dungeons and Dragons nights, Trivia nights, networking workshops, and so much more. We hope to see you at our events. You can find us at casayorku.com and see all the links to our socials at the top of the page.

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BY EDUARDO GUERRA

AS YOU MAY or may not already know, York University’s School of AMPD offers a variety of different clubs and organizations for students to join or try out for. For those of you who enjoy singing and making music with others, I highly suggest you consider trying out for WIBI A Cappella (ˈwiːˈbiː). “What’s WIBI?” You may be asking yourself, I got you covered. WIBI is a contemporary a cappella ensemble, made up of around 18 members. Founded in 1988, they hold the title of being the longest-running collegiate a cappella group

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in all of Canada. The group explores a broad range of musical styles, ranging from classic hits, popular music from today, and even instrumental pieces. Before the pandemic and quarantine took hold of the world, the group would meet twice a week for 3 hours, in the Senior Common Room (located in the basement of the main Winters College building). Each member comes from a different musical background, which they incorporate into their work, through member-made arrangements of their favourite songs. Every year, WIBI performs two end-of-semester showcases, as well as several gigs throughout the school year and the summer. In 2019, the group returned to compete in the ICCAs (yes the competition from Pitch Perfect. It is real). Not only did the group win for outstanding choreography at the quarter-finals, but they also advanced to the semi-finals, held in Buffalo. They might not have advanced to the finals in Buffalo, but they still won for best arrangement for one of the songs in their setlist, while proudly representing Canada as well. However, their outstanding reputation and number of accolades are not the only reasons as to what makes this group so special. To an outsider, WIBI looks and sounds like another singing group at York. However, it is more than that; many of its members see WIBI as a second family or a home away from home. The ensemble is full of members who are supportive of one another and always see the best in each other. They form strong friendships with each other, by having fun in rehearsals and spending time together, outside of regular rehearsal time. If you have ever been fortunate enough to see this group

For more information on WIBI A Cappella, here are their social media: Instagram: @wibiacappella Facebook: Wibi A Cappella Youtube: Wibi A Cappella

WIBI

perform live, you will see a clear bond made between its members. You also see the pure enjoyment of being on stage and making music with each other. One of the best parts about WIBI is that you do not have to be in a music program to try out for the group. Every member is studying different programs at York but all come together, over their love of music. If you do audition and do not get in, do not feel discouraged. WIBI is about people who put themselves out there, and if you are accepted, you are immediately welcomed with open arms. With that said, unfortunately they are not taking any new members for the fall term. The group does not feel right about bringing in new members to a group that will not be meeting in person, for a while. However, keep an eye out for information in regards to auditioning, sometime in the near future. To put it simply, WIBI is a group of misfits who come together to make beautiful music and do an amazing job at it. Once you see this group for yourself, it becomes no surprise as to how they have been around for so many years. I hope you consider trying out for WIBI A Cappella, when everything goes back to normal in the world.â&#x20AC;&#x192;

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HERE IS THE THING ABOUT CONFIDENCE IN THE ARTS

BY SHAMUS QUINN IT IS A safe bet that you are feeling a lot of things right now. The jump to university can spur many emotions. Those feelings are valid and worth picking apart, but I want to zero in on just one of them for now. Certainly, there is confusion and maybe some anxiety to go along with it. But I am willing to bet that some of you even have the confidence to spare! After all, this is your art we are talking about. Be it dancing or filmmaking or creative writing, this is your thing and nobody should tell you different.

Artistic confidence got you here at York, did it not? It is a springboard for success, and, if you ask psychologists, it is also fully natural. But hear me out now: it is not all it is cracked up to be. There is a good to fair chance it could become the very thing that prevents you from developing your art. Still with me? I know this is kind of taboo. My intention with this piece is not for it to come across as preachy. It is more along the lines of… I made some artistic errors in my first year and I think you would do right by yourselves not to follow in my footsteps. It is a “do as I say and not as I did” situation.

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The truth is, my ego was getting in the way of my studies. I am a film student. I was relatively new to filmmaking and screenwriting when I was 16 years old and had to teach myself the barebones outside of high school. I did not have a wealth of experience behind me when I was applying to universities. Somehow or other, this lack of experience did not stop me from feeling genuine confidence or having an understanding of each craft. My confidence was amplified when I was accepted early into York’s Film Production program. I started classes months later, assured as I could be — because hey, this was my time! I was finally in a place to flaunt and massage my knowledge in the presence of likeminded students and professors. I already knew what I was doing, and I was there to prove it to myself. Then came the terror of “the principles of the form.” Suddenly, all of us self-taught creators were thrust into the creativityquenching world of the rules of the craft. Our Introduction to Screenwriting professor was shoving words like “conflict” and “structure” and “character arc” down our throats. (Anybody who is involved in writing movies understands how insulting those words sound in the beginning.) Most of us responded something like, “Um… No thanks,

I’m not a fan of handcuffs.” Myself included. I have written two feature screenplays by then, so I was not about to let myself be bogged down by silly principles. My first screenwriting assignment came back to me with a “C+”. The feedback I got was rooted almost exclusively in, you guessed it, “conflict” and “structure” and all that pesky “character arc” business. I was infuriated — and made vulnerable, too. My confidence was shot out of me. It is always a tough blow when you go from thinking you are good at something to thinking — whoa — you are actually pretty lousy at it. And it irritated me beyond belief. Soon enough our next assignment was given out. My intentions going into this second project were to appease the professor and get a better mark. So I adapted to those high-and-mighty storytelling rules, albeit begrudgingly. And, guess what? That made no difference. You can probably tell where this is going. The third assignment was doled out and I stopped being bitter and gave those rules some actual meaningful thought. And then, surprise surprise, I found success. Only after I started looking at how the rules could help me instead of how they could plague me.

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Prepare yourselves, I am about to gun it into psychology talk: this is all an example of something called the Dunning-Kruger effect — a cognitive bias wherein a person believes themselves to be more sufficient at performing a particular task than they actually are. This is not to suggest that this person is incompetent (you are not incompetent at all, you got to where you are now and that is incredible!), only that they might lack the bulk of knowledge required in order to accurately assess their individual skill-level. The fact is the less you know about something, the more likely you are to overestimate your understanding of it. And likewise, the more you come to know

about something, the more likely you are to underestimate your understanding of it. You begin to doubt your abilities at that stage. I am telling you this because I want you to know it is okay to lose confidence along this road. And that, rather than lean away from losing confidence… you should just open yourself up to it. I promise you, learning and incorporating new things into your art is a billion times more valuable than maintaining confidence. Part of us wants only to learn that we were already knowledgable. That feels good when it happens, right? It is that moment where your teacher calls you out in class and asks you, “what do you think the answer is?” And

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in a nanosecond you think, “Oh. This is my moment.” You seize it and belt your answer out to the Gods and your classmates and teacher — and you are told it is correct. Not only do you feel smart in that moment, but everybody in that classroom knows you are smart, too. Look, it is alright to show off a little, but do not let that egotistical desire block you from wanting to seek out what you do not actually know. Because there is a lot you just plain do not know. And dismissing it right off the bat will get you —hang on, let me check my notes — nowhere.

In the final term of my first year, my Introduction to Filmmaking professor told me my screenplay was not working at all. I found myself crunched for time — I was supposed to begin filming within a couple of weeks. And I was given the option of incorporating my professor’s notes in order to shine up the script or dismissing them altogether. So… I rewrote the script 6 times. The final product is the film I am most proud of so far. I was not open to surrendering my ego in the beginning. Do yourself a favour and surrender yours for the betterment of your craft.

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SEASONAL TRANSITIONS

BY INNA GORDEYEVA

A BRAND-NEW SCHOOL year is around the corner and we students are getting ready for this new beginning! Beginnings usually stir up a lot of thoughts, and the fact that this year on its own had uncertainty and unexpected events may leave you hanging with questions you deem unanswerable. This seasonal transition may even evoke some anxiety within you due to the hovering expectations you have for yourself, others have of you, and the fact that you may not even know exactly what is expected in the first place.

months, or around our very exciting new school year and beginning! Now, like everything, perspective changes every situation or at least can help ease some of the stress that the situation may cause. Instead of ‘seasonal transition’, or even ‘back to school’ like in the old days, why would we not call it ‘A New Beginning’ or “A New Chapter’ instead?

Calling it exactly what it is will immensely help you reduce some naturally felt anxiety that follows us when we see words like ‘transition’, implying a change, which many of us do not favor. I mean, who Let us try to unravel this together, and likes it when for example their favourite begin with looking at the words ‘seasonal store changes location, their favourite transition’. You may have heard of seasonal game stops being released, or even when depression - a type of moodiness that friends change addresses as the years go some experience caused by the seasons by. Change is uncertain, inevitable, and changing. Ironically, most commonly this mandatory – so why not embrace it? feeling begins around the fall and winter

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How? Well, there are a few things you can try. Buy a new notebook or agenda, fresh and ready for the pages to be filled with anything and everything that will come your way during this transformation of yours. Allow yourself to note not only things like assignments and room numbers but note how you feel, what people you came across, what areas around campus you feel your energy resonates with, and possibly would enjoy visiting again. If you feel sad or anxious but do not really know why or who to speak to – write it down! Show it to somebody outside of school you trust or even re-read it on a day where you are feeling better and perhaps you will find your perspective changed even throughout those couple of days! Make yourself a playlist of your favorite songs, podcasts, and videos. You will have a lot of free time in between classes and the best thing to do is go back to what makes you happy. It is easy to look at others, perhaps aiming to relate to or be inspired by what they are doing, but at the end of the day, your joy comes first. Happy songs, motivating speeches, energetic upbeat songs of soothing jazz – customize it to your identity! I know we are all discovering ourselves, but there must be something that brings you back

to your core happiness and your source of inspiration. Do not hesitate to find new songs and videos throughout the day while on your phone and laptop. Allow yourself to give things a chance and discover new things apart from the new knowledge you receive in your courses. There are no limits. Change happens every hour, maybe even every couple of minutes. You are wiser today, more beautiful, more curious, and more knowledgeable. Knowledge is not what you come to school for, you come to experience this wonderful moment in time where you are welcome to change your mind and through this process, knowledge will flow. Allow yourself to take breaks if you need to. As a fifth-year student I promise you we all feel a lot of emotion during this transition – that is totally acceptable and soon, you will find it is even celebrated! An open mind is the best thing you can bring along with you during this moment of entering a new beginning and progressing with the evolution of your very self. Oh, and the notebook! Scribble, vent, rip it apart but know it is okay to feel a lot and to be uncertain during this transitional moment as you transform into a new version of yourself and begin a new chapter.

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FIRSTS BY CASSIE WEIR

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DO YOU REMEMBER the first time you rode a bike? Or the first time you saw snow? Or the first time you felt true heartbreak? How about the first time you walked onto a stage and felt alive? Or how about the time you got your acceptance into university? How did that feel? That spark of excitement that sat in your stomach that eventually exploded into a contagious joy. Have you ever felt that spark again? If so, when was it? Take a moment to dwell upon what set that feeling off. Entering university will be filled with firsts. Firsts that will help you as you embark on this journey, we call life. I will not lie to you, it can be extremely overwhelming. But all in all, it is normal to get lost on campus, struggle to navigate Moodle or have trouble deciding what to eat in Lanes. All normal but a part of your ‘firsts’ journey. Despite these overwhelming factors, you will experience a frosh filled with leaders who hold passion for

our community, the time to harness your craft and have the space to grow into the person you are meant to be. If I can give you any advice for your entire university experience, treat every opportunity that crosses your path as a first. Relish in the fact that you may never experience it again and embrace the beauty that it holds. Take each moment and treat it as your last because nothing is final. Allow yourself to take risks and do the impossible. Who cares if you have an 8 a.m. the next day? Take the leap of faith and dive headfirst into the chaos. As a fourth-year student, I can confidently say that your university career will fly by right before your eyes. You have no time to waste so make the most of it. I believe in you. If you ever need someone to explore campus with, know that you will have a friend in me. Let’s crush this year ladies and gentlemen!

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FLY BIRD, FLY FLY FLY BY SIDDHARTH KOYAL

LET ME PREFACE everything I am about to say with an ‘I’m sorry’. I am sorry that the story I am about to detail might not be something you will experience soon if you live outside of Canada and are an international student like me. The situation we all find ourselves in right now is terrible, and there is no sugarcoating it. It might be even more terrible for you new undergrads because you were looking forward to this year with some excitement and hope and now it has all been snatched away. I get that, believe me, I understand it better than most. When I was supposed to start my undergrad, I was going through some health problems, and I could not attend the Fall semester, so I flew down to York in the winter and had to figure out everything on my own. But here is the difference between me and you. You are not alone.

There are lots of students across the world who are going through the same thing as you are, and everyone is dealing with it differently, but we are all in the same boat. And after all of this is over and you get on that flight to Toronto, whether it is alone or with your family, you are going to be feeling a lot of things. I know I did. I flew in from Mumbai, my birthplace, and my home for many many years, all the way to Toronto, a city I had never been to. I flew alone because of some reason that (in hindsight) is not important because I cannot remember it, and so I was traveling alone. This was the first time I was traveling alone over such a great distance. When my tickets were being booked, I remember being excited at the prospect of traveling alone and all the way across the world to go study at this university I had only seen pictures of and study something I was passionate about, and even after saying goodbye to my parents at the airport, and going through security and check-in and all that, I was still excited. But then I got to the boarding gate and I do not really know what happened. All of the feelings started welling up in my chest and in the pit of my stomach and there were tears almost coming to my eyes and I started panicking and I started taking deep breaths and I did not know what was happening and I was basically having a full-blown freak-out. I sat on the nice, carpeted airport floor and leaned against the pillar and calmed myself down enough to get on the plane

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and I got to my seat, fastened my seatbelt, and stared out the window, still freaking out… just on the inside. “What am I doing?” “Is this the right decision?” “Should I leave my home full of comforts and luxuries and go to another country to study?” “I mean I can do college here too?”

“I’m going to Toronto, to York U to study something I love.” “I’m going to go do something with my life out of my comfort zone.” “The rest of my life starts right now and I can either be scared and think about home or I can get it together and go to this country and face my fears head-on and live my life.” I agree, I was starting to sound like a motivational cat poster.

“Oh my God, I have to stop this plane!!” Okay, I am kidding about that last thought, but it would have been apt in that scenario. The worst part with the inner freak out is that I could not turn to anyone. The seat next to me was empty. No friend, or family member that I could lean on, or someone who could have talked me down. The seat was empty. Literally, there was no one sitting next to me. I did not even have a stranger to talk to and take my mind off of things. The plane began to proceed down the runway, gaining speed, and I stared out the window, tears finally reaching my eyes, and I stared down at my home, and I sobbed for a minute. I did not take my eyes off of the city until it was far, far behind us, and out of view and I said my goodbyes in my mind and wiped my face and looked straight ahead at the blank screen on the back of the seat ahead of mine. A strange calm washed over me as I saw myself reflected in that screen.

I turned on the screen and watched some movie as I killed time on my 14-hour flight to New York, where I would grab a connecting flight to Toronto. I will say this to you, the things I felt might not be the same things you feel, maybe you will not feel anything and your excitement will carry you all the way to York and it will keep you going. Maybe you will feel other things, and that is okay too. The point of telling you this story is not to scare you nor make you have an inner freak out, it is to let you know that whatever you are feeling, it is normal and it is fine and I promise you, once you feel everything you are feeling and let it go, you will get to the other side and realize that leaving your home behind is not a bad thing, it is just the next step in your evolution. I remember touching down in Toronto finally and walking out to be greeted by an uncle who had come to pick me up, and that feeling of excitement that I had on the ground in Mumbai had returned and redirected itself to this excitement for my future and the energy was wonderful and I knew that it was going to take me far.

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EVERYONE IS NEW TOO BY AMELIA CALO

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STARTING UNIVERSITY AND moving onto campus is extremely exciting. It is a chance to finally focus on classes you are passionate about, create memories, and start a new chapter in your life. But moving to university can bring out a lot of anxieties. It is the first time being away from home and living in dorms, causing the exciting aspects of university to be overshadowed by nerves of living on your own. This includes everything that comes with it, such as, making friends, feeling prepared, and living in residences. These worries are totally normal. If you are moving from a different province or a different country as I did, the idea of moving to school is all the more stressful. It means no longer being able to rely on the support system you have built in your hometown and losing that form of comfort. Of course, no matter how many times a person is told “everything will be okay” or “you’ll be fine”, it is never productive. It feels like no one understands how you are feeling. When all of the nerves of moving to school started to appear for me, I recall hearing the phrase, “everyone is new too.” These four simple words changed my perspective on moving away. It is a phrase that can hold various meanings for different people, but to me, it was comforting. It was a reminder that I am not alone in how I am feeling. Everyone else in

residence is also moving away from their homes, and no one is more ahead of me in preparedness. We are all figuring it out. After hearing this phrase, I was okay with pushing myself to start conversations with random people on my floor or at orientations because the odds were they did not know many people either. These introductions are how I made my close friends—making me feel all that more comfortable living in residence. Soon I was okay with the idea of not knowing everything I needed to know because no one had all of the answers either. Being reminded of this took all of the lousy worries away and left the good worries, which then could be disguised as excitement in my head. It is scary to put yourself out there, but this is how you create a new form of comfort away from home. Perhaps the idea of “everyone is new too” does not ease the stress you are facing. Maybe it will be a different piece of advice someone tells you that sticks. But it is essential to understand that you are not alone in this big move. It is okay to mess up once in a while, or more than that, because this is new. You have most likely never moved away and lived in dorms before. So take all of those good worries and roll with them. This is a new start, so create the life you want with your time in residence.

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TO First years FROM The YU Jungle BY AVERY-ROSE HAMILTON

ARE YOU A first-year? Are you nervous about what lies ahead? Want to know more about how to survive in the Arts Media Performance and Design (AMPD) programs? I have some tips and advice for you that I have picked up from my three years at York U that I think you will find useful. To start off, I will tell you what I know about the school. Right off the bat, I will be honest with you. This school is big and you will get lost or turned around at least once. I did. But do not feel embarrassed — it happens to everyone — it still happens to me at times. What worked for me were two things. One is to keep a map of campus on your phone: yes, there are maps set up around campus but sometimes they are hard to locate. On your map, mark where your classes are and note the buildings you pass on your way there or the ones that are next to where you need to be. Another thing that helped me was that while walking to class, look at your

surroundings. Look for noticeable features like a certain building or a sculpture — use them as landmarks. For example, whenever I try to locate the First Student Center, I look for the statue of two men colliding with one another. Another tip is for meals. There is a multitude of places to choose from with a variety of styles of cuisine. One of the best places is York Lanes. However, if you want to beat the ‘rush hour’ at York Lanes I would recommend not going between 1–3 p.m. In addition, if you are having difficulty with writing or managing your time, the Scott library holds workshops and has people you can talk to for assistance of any kind. However, it is also good to talk with your professors and TAs as well, especially if your problem is specific to a project or test. When it comes to AMPD specifically, there are a few things I can tell you. Though this is mainly for all you theatre students, the rest of you AMPD majors will be included as well.

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To start, if you are going to take part in Production and help on the shows that we put on, either get a room in residence or have a friend who is in residence who will let you sleepover, but make sure that it is okay with your friend’s residence before you sleepover. I will be honest with you, Theatre Production calls for a lot of work and several late nights; it would be to your advantage to not have to commute right after your shift. Another thing is that, to all of you AMPD majors, do not be afraid to try new things. Coming into this program you may already have something in mind regarding what you want to do. But I know people who came into this program wanting one thing but are pursuing something different right now. One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I first started, especially for those of you unsure of where you want to go, is to try several things. Now I am not saying to try every course that comes your way. But if a course sounds interesting to you, or may prove useful to you in the future, give it a try; if you do not like it then you are free to

drop out. But do not constantly say ‘no’, saying ‘yes’ is a way to be open to opportunities. With that being said, try to talk with those in your program, make connections. Because you never know, a classmate and/or a friend here may be a potential employer or reference in the future - it is all about who you know in the world of the arts. In addition, what I found useful was that when outside of class, find something to do to destress. I am not going to lie — things will get busy and you will get stressed out. But do not worry. Just breathe. If you manage your time wisely and get assignments in on time, you will do fine. But also, make sure that you set aside some time for yourself, whether it is to go to the gym, read a book, take a walk around campus, whatever helps you relax. Trust me, it will help keep you sane. I hope you find this useful. Enjoy your time in AMPD at York University.

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ADVICE FOR

FROSHIES

BY CARLY BALESTRERI

WHEN I ENTERED AMPD I was terrified of the decision I had made. I had just done a year at a different university, where I tried to make something “realistic” work. Arriving at that other school I had only the vaguest idea of what I was doing there. Thinking back, I do not think I ever had a real grasp on what I thought was apparently realistic, but anything seemed more attainable than a career making art.

In my drunken clarity, I was finally able to admit to myself that I was likely following a trajectory that was more detrimental to my future than beneficial. So, I immediately applied to York’s film program...and only York’s program. My reasoning went like this: If I did not get into York, then it was not meant to be. Aside from making the decision as dramatic as possible, it was easier to leave it up to fate this way.

God, I was so unhappy. Deciding on one degree, realizing it was not quite right, looking up the requirements for a few others, then settling on a new one only to change my mind again in a few days. The whole time film was always in the back of my mind. If I am being honest, it was only after an alcohol-fueled weekend in Montreal sometime in second semester that I was hit with the realization that I was in the middle of making a long, expensive mistake.

If I got in I had no choice other than to get a degree in film...and try my hardest to forget that previous year of tuition. And so the universe answered my question: I was accepted. I think at this point I was even more stressed. Finally, I was given the opportunity to do what I actually wanted to do...but I had so many doubts. What if I was not talented? Did I deserve to be here?

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Would whatever I create even be worth the effort? Initially, I felt like I had thrown away an opportunity. Making a decision at 18 to go anywhere for school comes with tremendous pressure, and entering an arts program can feel especially precarious. Yet, the heavy cloud of uncertainty following me from class to class slowly dissipated. After my first year at York, I finally felt like I knew what direction I should be going in. If you are also an unfortunate soul, one that has been consumed by the need to create, then here is my advice. I am a believer that deep down you know what you want to do. You know exactly what you are passionate about, and if you did not you would not have applied. I know that if I did not just go for it, I would regret it for the rest of my life. That being said, if you are going to be here you need to jump in feet first. Talk to your professors, make friends and take part in activities outside of the classroom, because these are the people and experiences that you will be learning the most from.

Take your learning into your own hands and get out of that comfort zone. Do not be afraid to take risks and fuck up! You will create things you are proud of and things you will probably hate. If I can promise you anything, it is that we are not defined by our first-year films. If I could talk to my younger self, I would beg her to stop doubting herself. Thinking you are not good enough is absolutely ridiculous because you get into school based on your potential. It was not until very recently that I moved away from being in a constant panic about the state of my future. Of course, I still stress, but I have learned to trust myself. The difference, two years later, is that now everything feels right. I do not know exactly what I want, but every day I get one step closer to figuring out what that is. I am taking steps to get there, even if I am not sure where there is yet. So, if you do not know exactly where you are going, that is okay. I guarantee you do not need to have it all figured out today, tomorrow, or even next year. Welcome to university, you and I both know you will do great.

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ear First Year

BY REANN BAST

“Living in residence is an easy way to figure things out on your own, a place where if you cannot figure it out.. there are people nearby who can help you.”

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First Year First Year First Yea I MOVED TO Toronto at the end of August of last year. It was my first time living away from home for more than two days, not to mention my first time living in a city other than Sudbury, where I grew up. I was nervous, of course, but I thought the excitement I felt at finally being in a program I wanted to be in would cancel out any anxiety. I was wrong. The first few weeks consisted mostly of me hyperventilating and taking panic naps. I paid for Frosh but ended up skipping most of the events. Everyone says that Frosh is where you will meet your friends, but I felt like, even that early into the year, I had missed out and everyone had already made all the friends they needed. So I remained alone, eyeing groups of first-years who seemed so comfortable in this new

place. Before classes started, I found myself sleeping until noon. Before leaving my room, I would press my ear to the door, listening to make sure that there was no one in the hallways. I would walk as fast as I could to York Lanes, hoping those I passed along the way did not look at me long enough to realize I was panicking. Then classes started, I did not fare much better. I ended up missing my first class because I was asleep. That was an embarrassing email to write. Every day felt the same: wake up almost late for class and rush out of my room, after classes, no matter what time it was, I would fall asleep immediately.

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I tried to focus on my school work but it was difficult when all I wanted to do was watch Netflix as a distraction. Then, my brother, a Don in Winters, let me tag along whenever he made plans with his friends. It was nice to get out of my room and see real people for a while, and I ended up enjoying hanging out with his friends, more than I thought I would. I cultivated friendships with them, but always felt like I was still just the little sister. So I took the initiative and asked a girl in one of my classes if she wanted to be partners for a project. I still talk to her, and I look forward to seeing her in the coming school year. I felt proud I had made a friend all on my own, something I have struggled with since high school and was one of my biggest worries about leaving home. I began to make other friends both in and out of my classes. My room neighbour in Winters, the wardrobe manager on a film set I worked on, the girl from Residence Council. I became more comfortable being away from home, I even got invited to a dorm party where I only knew one person. I started to genuinely have fun and found myself wanting to return to York after being home during Christmas break.

This year was cut short and I was surprisingly upset. I felt like I was finally getting the hang of living on campus. Though I was excited to go home and shower somewhere I did not have to wear shoes. But I was also sad to leave my new friends, for my classes to end, even to say goodbye to my tiny room in Winters where I had spent so much of my time. And I knew I would miss the rosa pasta from Cucinetta in Lanes, I have attempted many times to recreate the recipe since quarantine started. And now I am excited for next year to come. A new residence building to live in, a new room to decorate, new people to meet, and new classes to experience. I am hopeful that I will be able to make more friends, and cannot wait until I can see the ones I made this past year. I do not have much advice to offer as I have not lived as much as I like to think I have. I am only 20 years old after all. But one of the few things I can offer to new students as advice is to move away from home. It does not have to be far, but getting out of your house and away from your parents opens a whole way of discovering.

First Year First Year Firs First Year First Yea FROSH

I learned that I can live with dirty dishes piling up in my room for weeks before finally washing them. I learned that I will not kill a bug that I find in my room, in fact, I would rather stay awake all night just to watch the bug and make sure it does not leave my sight than kill it myself. I learned that no matter how hungry I get I will not eat the healthy snacks my mother snuck into my room. Living in residence is an easy way to figure things out on your own, a place where if you cannot figure it out, it does not really matter because there are people nearby who can help you. It is like a free trial to being an adult, except it is not free, it is quite expensive. My only other piece of advice would be to make friends. It makes everything so much easier. I felt miserable for the first few weeks of living on campus.

I felt miserable for the first few weeks of living on campus. I considered moving back home. At least my bed would be bigger there. But I stuck it out and was able to make friends. I know it can be hard, and I know I did not listen to this in the beginning. But the vulnerability of talking to someone for the first time is infinitely better than staring at the white ceiling above your head at 2 A.M. wondering why you are there. I urge new students to put themselves out there, it may seem like repetitive advice you have heard before but I speak from experience. It never is as bad as you think it is. Have fun, go to Frosh, talk to people, and keep up with your readings. I hope that your first year is better than mine. Welcome to York University.

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NOSTALGIA FROM A FROSH LONG AGO BY VAIVA SLAPŠYS

YOUR FIRST YEAR at York is fast approaching. And even though it feels like it has been a lifetime since I was in those shoes, I remember the excitement, the nervousness, the “what-ifs” that were running through my mind. What if this is nothing like I expect it to be? What if it is? I had heard many stories from friends who had started the year before me, but I could not quite imagine it. I could not picture just exactly how much my life would change. One thing that I distinctly remember feeling indescribably anxious about is whether I would make any friends. All of my friends from high school were going to York, but none of them in my program, and none of them even in my faculty. I would be froshing alone. Thankfully, after weeks of chewing my lip about it, the moment I stepped foot on Winters turf any fear I had washed away. Everyone was so kind, so genuine, and I truly believed that they wanted to be my friend. And here is a secret that no one tells you (or maybe they do, and you do not believe them), you are not alone. Every single other Froshie out there with you is experiencing the same fear, knowing no one, desperately hoping to find someone to befriend.

So when I walked down the residence hall, excitement crackling in the air, I (uncharacteristically) had the courage to poke my head into any and every open door and introduce myself. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the buzz in the room, or maybe it was just a “screw it” attitude, but somehow I felt no shame in this perhaps invasive action, and I made about eight friends that morning. Sure, one of them I never saw again (expect from time to time in the Starbucks lineup), another two I drifted away from after a couple of weeks, and two others I actually lived with for the second and third year of my degrees, and then parted ways with amicably. But I made three lifelong friends that day. It is wild and strange and amazing to think that a simple bold “hello” turned into now six years of friendship, but Frosh is a magical place where anything can happen. My high school friends and I drifted apart. It took about a year, but we were simply becoming different people with different paths. It was difficult to accept—for a long time, actually—but I have come to terms with it. You will make friends and you will lose some, and that is okay.

FROSH If you are the person who will stay lifelong friends with the people you met in high school, that is amazing. If you are not, that is great, too. It was difficult for me to see people from my high school hanging out with one another, even so long after we had graduated, and I thought that there was something wrong with me. But I realize that I had simply grown in a different direction from those people that I held dear to my heart for four years of my teenage life, and I am perfectly happy with where that growth has taken me. University is a place of rapid growth; you will not be the same when you leave as when you entered. So many people, so many events, and so many discussions will completely change the way you see yourself and the world around you—and I think that is incredible. So whichever way that you grow, as long as it is bringing you closer to your best self, you cannot go wrong. One moment stands out for me, and I think that it always will: an impromptu paint party. There is a likely probability that it was not, in fact, impromptu, but that it was planned and I simply missed it on the schedule, but in my mind, it will always be impromptu. It was near the end of the week, it was hot, and I was tired, but somehow my brand-new friend convinced me to come out and join the paint party. And I am so glad that she did. It was the most fun I had at Frosh (which was a high bar!), and still probably one of the most memorable nights of my life. The paint was flying everywhere—onto canvasses, into my hair, onto my clothes—and I just felt so free, so happy, and so loved. I was surrounded by new friends. Loud music was playing. I was covered in blue and pink and green fluorescent paint. And it was incredible.

To think that I almost stayed in my dorm room truly breaks my heart, and it makes me think of what other events I missed that I would have loved. Could I have stayed up a little later for that party? Could I have woken up a little earlier for that day trip? I do not regret it because I definitely needed the rest (Frosh is long and fun but exhausting, and it is important to know when to say no and just take a nap), but I do wonder. So if there is a time when you are on the fence about partaking in an activity or an event, I say you should go for it. You never know what kind of experience it will turn out to be, and what kind of memories you will make. It might be awful, and in that case, you can always leave; but like my good friend Matt always says: “I’ll try anything once”. (I met him at Frosh, too.) It has been six years (which seems completely absurd), but I think of Frosh fondly, and often. A Value Village walk in the blistering heat (it was awful, but I am so glad I had the opportunity to bond with new friends), a boat cruise that never left the dock because of a thunderstorm (I get seasick anyway), a paint party I almost did not attend (but thank goodness I did)—I know that I will be thinking of those moments for the rest of my life. And although I do not like to live in the past, those are memories I would like to relive; they are moments that I would like to go back to so that I could smile a little wider, stay awake a little longer, sing a little louder, and cherish the moments before they pass. Your experience will be unique, and wonderful, and perhaps a little terrifying. But it will be completely breathtaking, and you will not want to miss it for the world.

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A NEW JOURNEY BY NICOLE MOOS

IF YOU ARE new to York, and just the thought of transitioning to university frightens you, there is no need to worry. We all were there at a point in time. It does not matter if you are an incoming student or an upper-year student at York U, and AMPD, there is a place for each and every one. If you are in this department, be rest assured you are going to have fun and above all learn so much from different people and peers, it is going to leave you with a plethora of knowledge and skills. Your new journey will come with many interesting endeavors. Being an international student, I was nervous when I came to York. But each day got better, from the orientation to completing my first month. It went by extremely fast and it was a refreshing and challenging experience. I admit it took a while to get accustomed to my surroundings. In fact, I got lost a lot of times, our campus is huge, can you blame me? But the people are very helpful, and

someone will always guide you (pro-tip leave early for class!). Do not be afraid to ask questions or ask for help, everyone has been where you are, and believe me they will be happy to help. I was always a painter and artist, and looking at the art gallery in York and just browsing through different artworks, and exhibitions inspired me to explore more of my art. Even following upper-year studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s films and other events just made it an overall enriching and heartwarming experience and helped boost my creativity. I chose Film Production as my major, because I love creating movies, and AMPD gave me the push in the right direction. It helped me evolve not only as a person but also as a student/

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creator. I have learned to be more enthusiastic and outgoing and moreover, I have learned from the people and peers around me to keep going and to work hard towards what I want to achieve. My knowledge of making and understanding movies has progressed, I started working on different projects that were out of my comfort zone, since first coming to York. After entering my program, I feel more liberated as a creator and I am still curious to explore and use this knowledge and classwork, in reality, to improve in filmmaking/film production. One thing about AMPD you should know is that it is very welcoming. Your creativity and opinions matter here. Do not be afraid to try different things if you have an open mind

and go into any activity or event here, you are surely going to have a good time and learn something new. Apart from all this we also have numerous clubs and ample activities happening on campus, to help rejuvenate. There is something for everyone here, including Frosh Week, film majorsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Finish Line, seminars, exhibitions, workshops, and many other activities. Your time here will be filled with fun, healthy competition, and abundant knowledge. It will help you in showcasing your talent and you will learn all of the tricks of the trade.

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HOW TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS WITH ONLINE CLASSES BY NICOLE WILLIAMSON

AS THE DECISION to put all classes online for the Fall semester has been put forward, students are faced with a unique predicament. Some may think that working from home will be easy, others will be familiar with the struggles that online classes can pose. I am here, in my sixth year of post-secondary, to guide you through different measures that you can take to make this coming semester less stressful. First and foremost, have a game plan. Developing an attainable schedule will keep you on track and feel accomplished every day. You can choose to build an hourly schedule that details what you need to be doing every day if you have poor time management skills. Or, my preference, you can set daily goals for yourself. I will give an example of my summer daily goals list; I like to keep a mix of schoolwork and leisure goals to keep a work-life balance.

These are goals that are very attainable for me, which allows me to work on school while also pushing personal goals and also prioritizing mental health. Another aspect of schedule building that I have found invaluable has been having work hours and leisure time. I work best in the morning and tend to need a break around 1, after which I might continue to work up until 5. After dinner, I have time that I can either continue work if I feel up to it or I settle down to take time to relax. Building a schedule in this manner helps avoid burnout, and overworking. While also helping to staunch Netflix binges where you come out anxious because that paper is still not started. And the most important part when building a schedule is to recognize when it is not working. It may take a couple of weeks before you can fall into a groove, so keep adjusting elements that may not work. Adjust your work times and workload until you find that sweet spot.

• • • • •

Now you have the workings of a schedule you need a workspace. Everyone that I talk to who works from home all stress that having a dedicated workspace is essential to success. This could mean

Read 50 pages per day Practice Spanish for 30 minutes Create art for 30 minutes Clean something Move my body

FROSH going to a separate room that is not your bedroom or having a desk to work at. You want a space that is free from distraction and is set up to make jumping into work easier. Some people however may not be in a position where they can go to a separate room or have a desk. In these cases, I would suggest removing distractions, that can mean leaving your phone out of sight for a bit or letting roommates or family know that you need to be undisturbed. Now you have a schedule and a workspace and now you are faced with the actual work. Most classes will be administered through Zoom calls, which can feel impersonal. The great thing about Zoom calls is that they can be recorded, it is a great resource to have for studying purposes and can lower the stress level of feeling like you need to write down every word that your prof is saying.

Next, I would strongly suggest speaking up in class, if your prof is having an open class discussion do not be scared to participate. Most professors are finding that fewer people speak up in calls than they would in class. By speaking up more often you can let your prof know that you are listening and engaged. And lastly, most profs do not care if you do not have your video on if you are too shy to have it on, and if you just want to keep your pajamas onâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;you do you. Profs just care about the contribution that you can bring to the class material. Now that you have the tools to have a successful first semester at university remember to make connections with classmates and to have fun in any way possible. University is the place to grow your skills and make connections with likeminded people.â&#x20AC;&#x192;

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UNDERGRADUATE: BY MELISSA NICOLE

WEEK ONE

WHEN I THINK back to my first week as an undergrad, I wish I could say something along the lines of “I remember it like it was yesterday.” In reality, I barely remember it, due to the fact that it was one of the most fast-paced five days I have ever experienced in my life. What I do remember is the nervous pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat while I was driven to orientation. In fact, that is one of the only aspects that is clear in my mind. I know this makes it sound like I completely did not want to go and experience something new, which is not the case at all. I was extremely excited to start a new adventure at York University studying film. But the same looming questions continued to pop up every time I began to think about it: am I ready for this change? Will I be able to handle critique? What if I was not good enough? The thought bubble burst as I entered the orientation

room in Ross building and saw multiple groups of film kids scattered around the chairs, clad in a mixture of black coats and colourful accessories. Although I had my best friend alongside me, I still felt disconnected from everything. As I was speaking, it felt as though the words were not coming out right, almost as if they were not coming from my mouth at all. The entirety of the room seemed to shift, with no clear focal point. My mind was up in the clouds. I looked around at all of my colleagues with optimistic grins on their faces - the complete opposite of my own expression. Selfdoubt and the fear of failure began creeping up on me again, just like in the car on the way there that morning. I was not from an amazing art school; I barely had any experience with a camera. I clung on to the idea of writing, sure that if I could visualize my scripts in my mind,

that would be enough. But now I was not so sure. I sat down at the back of the room, next to a boy who reminded me of one of my high school friends - that aspect provided comfort to me. As my other friend sat down on the other side of me, the speaker began to ask the students questions. I tried my best to nod along with the crowd, although the discomfort of the chairs and my already nervous-looking exterior were no help at making me appear calm. At one point, the speaker said something inaudible to my ears that caused the rest of the students to erupt in laughter. In an attempt to not look like a sore thumb, I laughed along with them. But I guess I was not that convincing, as the boy I had sat next to looked right at me while laughing and said, “I don’t know what she said either.” What he said made a lasting and somewhat comforting impression on me,

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and stopped the nervous twitch in my leg. We are still friends to this day. After the long seminar and icebreaker activities, I began to feel more at home at York. Little by little, I eased into my program throughout the week. Film classes on Mondays, Natural Science courses on Fridays, and all of the electives in between. Some days were long, starting from the early hours of the morning until early evening, while other classes occurred in the middle of the day for only an hour or so. Some classes were easy to follow, and I participated in daily discussions over artists and their painting timelines. On the other hand, some classes would be so boring that I could not keep my eyelids from closing, all while thinking about what coffee I should order during the break to stimulate my mind.

THE MOST DIFFICULT part of the journey was figuring out which courses were when, and how to get to said classes. Sometimes I would be running late to one class since I had to run to a completely different building across from the previous one I was in. Other times I would think I was in the right place, only to realize that I was in a completely different building than the one I was supposed to be in. My most embarrassing experience was when I had a class in a secluded area and did not know how to get to it, so I asked a person for help. He turned out to be my Teacher Assistant for that said class, and he informed me that I was so late, they were already done class for the day. I will never forget the sheepish smile on his face. My schedule was not as heavy that first semester, although that first week left me exhausted. Traveling from one part of the campus to another is no cake-walk, especially when you have to cross the campus walk alone, without knowing exactly where you are going. I remember coming home after my Introduction to Astronomy class one Friday, evidently missing the last lecture the week prior and being twenty minutes late that week since I had taken the wrong path, and just laying on my bed with the biggest headache. I remember thinking to myself, â&#x20AC;&#x153;how am I going to survive four years like this?â&#x20AC;? But as I gazed up at my bedroom ceiling, I began to think of all

of the good aspects of my week: I had gotten acquainted with a couple of people in my program, I had successfully found my way through Vari Hall into Scott Library, I had even spoken up in my tutorial for that extra participation mark. Regardless of how many anxious thoughts and turmoil I had running around my head, I had made it through the week. Little by little, I would be able to get my bearings, and it would become easier to get around. As the year went on, I felt better. The negative thoughts I had about the situation were fueled by fear, and even though they are not completely gone, I am not overwhelmed by them anymore. Although it may seem scary and nerve-wracking right now, coming into a new environment without any direction, after a little time, the uncertainties will melt away. You are not the only one who feels this way, you will begin to realize that others feel the same way. Try not to focus on the negative aspects, and instead put the positives into perspective. You are a strong-minded individual with the ability to work hard towards your degree, whatever it may be. You will get through this first year. I believe in you...just make sure you believe in yourself as well.

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TRANSITIONS IT WAS DURING my senior year in high school that I had to come to a hard decision to choose what institution I was going to enroll in and was torn between two creative career paths. I was a student at Etobicoke School of the Arts (ESA), a specialized Arts high school located near Royal York Road and Queensway in Toronto. I was part of the Visual Arts department and received an intensive education surrounding Art History, painting applications and use of various art techniques, life drawings, and always had a sketchbook on hand. A primed white canvas would always be available to each student at the start of every art class while others would use the time to continue their next art project. A major part of art education itself is the focus on Art proposals and statements. These write-ups are equally if not more important than the art piece itself as it is based on the reflection and the creative explanation by the artist. I often would find myself enjoying writing up my artist statements equally as much as painting on a fresh canvas. English classes suddenly became more interesting, reading the classics such as Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Great Gatsby, and 1984, became an eye-opener and writing essays on such books was entertaining. When the time came to decide to apply for

BY JOSHUA CEA

higher education, one of my first choices was to apply to the Ontario College of Art and Design (OCAD) University and the Department of English at York University. Most of my friends were going into the department of Fine Arts at OCAD U and would often try to convince me to accept the OCAD U offer of acceptance. Peer pressure might have inclined me to enroll at OCAD U, but writing by then had become one of my biggest passions. Even though I was the only person from my close circle of friends pursuing an academic degree, I thought it might be a good experience going into a new environment. So, I decided to accept the offer of acceptance from this Academic institution. The academic environment at York at first seemed daunting. First-year courses were at Vari Lecture Hall and with over a hundred students attending, at times it felt intimidating. Adjusting can be challenging especially during freshman year when balancing out studies and social life might prove difficult at times. I was not familiar with campus and it was quite an adventure for myself exploring what York had to offer, from York Lanes to Tait McKenzie Center there was always something new to discover. The Art Gallery

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of York University (located inside Accolade East Building) offers various art exhibitions that are unique and interesting. Other smaller college run galleries such as the Eleanor Winters Art Gallery gives Visual Art majors from the School of the Arts, Media, Performance & Design the opportunity to display their art pieces to both students and the general public. I lost track of how many times I would find myself taking a look at what was on exhibition in-between classes. I would often reflect on the explosion of creativity that York University Art majors harbor and their various art pieces that at times personally spoke to me. While I was no longer a Visual Arts student, York University offered new experiences across campus that reflect the cultural and artistic landscape of the city. While my first year seemed daunting, as I got more familiar with university, the more welcoming of an environment it became. I had the opportunity to see and experience truly amazing art pieces. I am still glad about the decisions I made towards my area of study and often argue with my friends that painting goes hand in hand with writing, as both mediums in the artistic world complement each other.Â

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OUROBOROS BY MEG RETHINASAMY

THE OUROBOROS IS an ancient Egyptian icon, commonly depicted as a dragon or a snake swallowing its own tail. It is meant to symbolize infinity, oneness and the perpetual nature of life. The mythical serpent sheds its skin before consuming and giving birth to itself. I promise this is still a piece about life in university. As an international student, coming to York was the first time I had ever lived away from the city in which I was born. I had a difficult childhood and coming to Canada felt like the first decision I ever took for myself. I can still recall the butterflies I had, when my cab turned the corner on Keele Street and I spotted the red York emblem on the side of Ross for the first time. My entire life felt like it had just started and I could not have been more excited. I froshed with McLaughlin college and to say that the energy was infectious, would be an

understatement. I made at least 5 or 6 new friends every single day and the campus itself was bursting with life. I made my first real friend on the second day of Frosh week. She also happened to live in the same residence as me and by the end of the week, I was convinced that York was the perfect fit for me. I went through the classic motions of a freshman. My friend group gradually widened. I got my first noise complaint. I had classes, crushes, and strange karaoke sessions downtown in places I definitely should not have gone into at 3 a.m. My life felt like all those clichĂŠ coming-of-age movies that I watched growing up, and I felt untouchable. I truly believed that from that point on, I would only have good days. But then, as life happens, things change. Small unspoken rifts between my friends became vicious fights and long crying nights. I lost a lot of my initial motivation to go to classes, and my grades slipped. I spent the

better half of the Fall term holed up in my room. Too depressed and too tired to even shower on most days. It devolved to the point where I seriously considered dropping out because I was in the exact same headspace that I was in during my final years of high school and that terrified me. I felt like it was all for nothing. I put an ocean between me and my past, and I felt exactly like I did 3 years ago. But I pushed the thought away, knowing that I would be flying home for the winter break soon enough and things would be fine. And like a gift from the universe, the night of my flight, my former best friend knocked on my door and apologized for everything that happened in the last 4 months and we hugged it out. I forgave her, but the distrust that was sown did not leave with her when she left the room. I flew back home thoroughly confused about my feelings for my friend and for York as a whole. I spent roughly 2 weeks back

FROSH home, and it “fixed” me. I felt more grounded and surer of myself as I left the country to fly back to Canada. I told myself that it was a new year and a new term and by extension, a new me. I reconnected with an old friend from Frosh week through my classes and she introduced me to her friend group. And just like that, I had a brand-new friend group. Far more diverse and accepting than my previous one, and I let myself get comfortable. Winter term felt vastly different to Fall. Everything was going great. My mood had taken a complete 180, I started participating in my classes again and I had a solid friend group that genuinely liked me. We had a routine Thursday night hangout, at the fountain in front of Vari Hall. We smoked, we drank, we told each other stories of our home countries. In the most unironic of ways - we looked like every college brochure’s front-page stock image. As the winter term wound down, a sense of distant melancholy took over me. I had grown very close to my new friends and York felt more like home with every passing day. A long summer break, away from everything, might change it all. I chalked it up to my childish fears and pushed it to the back of my mind. We said our teary goodbyes at the airports and most of us went back home for the summer. Over the summer, my fear slowly

crept back in. Smaller cliques were forming within the larger friend group as people had their own falling outs. It did not reach a critical mass till we were forced to take sides. When the tension within the group finally fissured, all hell broke loose and months of pent up rage took the form of some petty and bitter messages. I say messages, but more accurately, these felt like essays. And again, my friend group had dissolved around me. The dread of repetition was not lost on me. I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again, with only cosmetic differences in approach each time. After that second friend group dissolved, I took some time to seriously study the patterns in my life. Being a part of friend groups that eventually dissolved, was not new to me. The social culture of my school was far more vicious than the one at York. The underlying patterns between the two, however, were perpetual. I saw that there was an obvious pattern in my life that had inhibited me at multiple points. I realized that the only way to be free from a pattern, is to break it. This second year at York, my main goal was to break myself away from the recurring pattern. I started the year off strong and I felt stable emotionally. I was flourishing in my academics, career and personal relationships. I learnt

a new instrument, kissed in the rain and went dancing with my friends every weekend. But I still kept looking over my shoulder, waiting for something to go wrong. I was hyper aware of any and all possibilities of disaster. I kept waiting for “it”, but nothing ever happened- apart from a world ending virus, but I feel like that is more the WHO’s problem than mine. The paranoia and doubt that I brought to every situation, drained me. Every truly happy moment was silently clouded by fear. When analyzing my fear, I had my eureka moment. We are all the Ouroboros serpent. Constantly shedding away parts of us, but continuing to exist nonetheless. Every trial and tribulation we face, changes us in one way or another. The repetition of these trials will be arduous, but the way to break the pattern is to understand that it is never the same trial twice. You are changed with every experience you have, so it can never be the same you facing the same trial. As an extension, the trial is also now different, because the lesson you are meant to learn from it is different. After you learn it, you will be changed. You are constantly consuming yourself, so as to birth the next you. So my advice to you is this trust the process and shed your skins. University is a time of exponential growth and change and the more you are willing to shed, the closer you are to the best version of yourself. Welcome to York and GO LIONS!!

DUST 54

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Inspired by â&#x20AC;&#x153;the goldfinchâ&#x20AC;? by Donna Tartt

BY PYPER JOHNSTON

I WAKE UP in the morning with you pressing hard on my chest and the spot next to me empty. I open the box to the puzzle of you in my mind; I finish it but the pieces that make the end of your nose are missing. I cannot remember if it is round or pointy or has a bump along the bridge of it like me. How can it be that I miss something that does not exist? I breathe in the cold until my lungs squeeze through my ribs like balloons and exhale hard. I am clearing my chest from months of sticky hot air. Autumn air feels cleaner in the city. I used to wish the doors of our museum would blow wide open and wash the dust out in the same way. The rooms with all of your favourite paintings were musty, but you said it was character. I think it would do the museum some good, and give the sculptures (some of whom, like you, have no noses) a shock.

CREATIVE September has smothered me like air thick with ash and disoriented me so that I cannot see two steps ahead of me. September used to mean something so different: new-to-me clothes and the smell of old paintings, sharp pencils with erasers intact, knit sweaters worn with shorts, somehow always too hot or too cold. July was giddy; kisses on noses, kisses on cheeks. Skipping steps to catch the last train uptown. August was running through the rain to safety where we shivered and smiled, dancing in the kitchen to songs I will never listen to again. Perhaps the pain will change — less like a shower too hot that turns my skin purple but more like a sunburn; feeling my heartbeat through my whole body just along the outline, a dull constant throb. Now, September, I sit and wonder, “Has anyone ever been so

truly alone as me?”

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SUMMER ART PROJECTS BY INNA GORDEYEVA

“WHEN YOU CAN’T go outside, go inside.” This simple, maybe obvious, but quite deep quote stuck with me throughout this pandemic. This quarantine was a rollercoaster for many of us, not knowing when it will end and moving through different phases perhaps of fear, uncertainty, stress, boredom, and loneliness. The way summer unfolded was unexpected, and I do not think any of us fathomed we would live to see a global pandemic. Being so restricted in a space where there perhaps is not much motivation, surrounded by people or not, our nature urges us to create. In case nobody ever told you, I will be the first—YOU are an artist. It does not matter if you draw stick people or mastered sketching techniques to the point where others are unable to differentiate whether it is a drawing or the object itself on a page. Art is subjective and should not be explained, it is emotion expressed in physical form, a manifestation of anything you would like to release. There are no rules to art, if you look outside art happens every second in nature, people, colors, shapes, movement, stillness, and just about anything. Admittedly, sometimes we do not see these magnificent aspects of life as inspiring, and very rarely do they spark the desire to create something.

Photography/Art by Inna Gordeyeva

As somebody who enjoys different art projects, I found it very difficult to channel a creative headspace—there is merely too much or too little happening each day. I did stumble upon some things that helped facilitate inspiration and assisted me in wanting to create something. Apps are a wonderful resource in this modern-day because I am sure there is one out there for every individual such as Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr, and more. When you are browsing, save photos that you get the slightest “wow” moment from—that means something about that photo spoke to something inside your soul. When you come back to the photo, try to see what it is that aesthetically pleases you or that drew your interest. I tend to combine those colours or objects which I favor in one photo with other images I find in other saved photos to then create one final art piece or have an idea of what I am interested in at the moment.

CREATIVE You can never go wrong with photography. Use your phone or camera to take photos of anything which catches your eye—there is a reason it did! Go back to your album when you are in the mood to create and you might come across something which inspires you, whether it be a shape, pattern, colour, or texture. Photography itself is extremely artistic so if you want to take some photos and print them out or even start up a photography page for fun that could be a good way to get you motivated to create more. There are no limits to art. Not only can you create artwork, but you can also create aesthetic beauty! You are stuck at home so why not look around you? What spaces have you been neglecting, what furniture do you think no longer serves you, what sort of things do you have in your house? This is a time to rearrange everything to your liking, declutter, maybe order some things you have been wanting to get and create the environment around you into something pleasing to you. For example, I had a ‘project’ to clean out my balcony. It was full of junk and dirt which in the course of three months became a beautiful garden my mother and I slowly and intentionally added our efforts and creativity to.

It does not matter which medium you use, it does not matter how replicated it looks, all that matters is that you now created something of your own. Splat paint on a canvas, paint a rock, carve something into an old piece of wood, make an object out of sticks, use clay, sketch anything at all. There are endless arts and craft project ideas online, but I also encourage you to feel as free as you can when you wish to release an artistic expression! You can even throw it away after but do not underestimate this therapeutic creative process—you may very well be shocked to find how much talent and creativity flow through you. Forget the idea of perfection or the fact that you were not previously inspired to create anything. Every artist feels guilty when asked where they got their inspiration from because they know it was borrowed from something already previously created that they laid eyes on and transformed to accommodate their vision. The artworld is meant to be exchanging, connecting, and in conversation with all that is part of it. One of the major ‘themes’ of quarantine is isolation so why not connect in every and any other way to your creative mind and simultaneously all creation that is around you? Here are a few small art ‘projects’ I produced over this gap of free time we had.

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The First Lecture Firsts

BY INNA GORDEYEVA

I STEPPED INSIDE the lecture hall Remembering high school days of assemblies But this time all around Were neither friends nor enemies There were no groups, or just of two People were chatting, or confused I sat down right where I could see The speaker, and put down my screen I took it in, all what was said Thought I could predict whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ahead I took some notes, and wrote some quotes Giggled at the professors jokes I felt alone while surrounded Knew time has come to get grounded Looked at the faces all around me Expressions were loud with no sounds We all sat there paying attention Trying set the right intentions I knew that school requires patience

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But after an hour I was desperate For it to finish, so I could text my friends So I could make my weekend plans I didn’t do it while in the lecture Some of this rule remained neglectful But I just wanted to be present Soak in the knowledge of the lesson Ended up day dreaming about blessings And things that I thought were the best thing And when I could next get my rest in And if I am really confessing I just kept thinking of the next thing But now… if I were to go back I’d stop myself from feeling attacked From all this information From all the expectations Placed on me, by me, for me But lacked all the reflection The greatest lesson I have learned In lecture Is that we’re all separately in this Together

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THE

CLOUD BY BRIE SUTHERLAND

WHEN MIDSUMMER ROLLS around, and the weather outside is hot and humid, I often feel this cloud come over me to shade me from the heat of the blaring sun. When it first comes, the cloud is fluffy and white, something right out of a sweet childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s book - turning pink when dusk rolls around, and a light navy blue when the night comes, lulling me to sleep.

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But with only a short amount of time, it starts to turn grey… I do not ever notice it in time to be ready for the thunder that rumbles in over the top of my head, alerting my senses and making the alarms sound that warns of a bad storm. This cloud only gets darker as the summer goes on, thickening and weighing down on me, before pouring down gallons of rain that never stop, constantly drowning me, day and night. Until fall rolls around. This cloud is my brain- my thoughts and my feelings, the rain tears I quickly wipe away before they fall. The weight of the inevitable: that time blows by quickly, like dirt in a gust of wind. It weighs down on me; the thought and reality of being hours upon hours away from home, a six to seven-hour train ride the only straight-away to my little bungalow’s porch - a safe-haven of just about 20 years... But even then, I would need a few buses in between.

But when fall does come, and the green of fields and trees turn yellow, and orange, and red… When I am surrounded by work and the friends I live with - the little family and home I have created away from my first home, those worries - that big, pitch-black cloud over my head dissipates… Leaving nothing but a clear way for the cool autumn breeze to ruffle my hair and bring a light pink flush to my cheeks. And I forget about that cloud. I become invested in the things I learn - how that space above me becomes filled with new ideas, and knowledge and fascinating facts, fiction, or not. I think we have all had this type of cloud when trying to keep grasp of the long, hot summer days, and cool, clear summer nights… That feeling of spontaneity - a break from the schedule filled days. We trade in our school routines and receive tokens for summer routines, where we work summer jobs, sleep in, and stay up late with friends staring at stars and whispering about hopes and dreams for the foreseeable future, our heads way too far up into that still fluffy, white cloud. But the autumn breeze must come, and the cloud must drift off, as the time keeps on ticking. And we have to be okay with that. And we can be okay with that.

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GROWTH

CREATIVE

BY KAILA GALLACHER

THE YEAR PROGRESSES in tandem, earth turns as a wheel; cycles, renewed there is strain on spokes our lives evolve gradually into something new our hair will grow longer, while days will fall short summer will fade as autumn takes hold life will retreat incrementally then all at once, summer’s gone leaves will flare in prismatic hues; fire, sunlight, and crimson till the last of the lucky leaves fall from their branches to come spring renew the soil’s cycle a waiting winter spreads its fingers fall braces against the cold nights are longer, days less steady every season passes into something new, but the same and this is the constant the truth we embrace between grains of sand that fall from our hands in tandem with every fading season these cycles, our lives, remain like soil waiting for growth

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IN HER ELEMENT BY MELISSA NICOLE

again? What was I going to do if isolation lasted for another year? Will this virus ever clear up?

My anxiety became so intense that I would stay up all night thinking. Exhausted by morning, I would sleep the day away. Due to the fact that I was not being productive, I felt as though my body was shutting down, and I was being enveloped by my own thoughts. AS QUARANTINE DRAGGED on into At one point, I finally sat down and the month of May, I began to realize thought about how I could combat that all of the social plans I had set for my thoughts - find ways of keeping the summer were going to be greatly busy while also allowing myself to feel affected. All the get-togethers with a sense of social interaction. That is friends, the family when I decided to turn to one MY ANXIETY BECAME of my favourite hobbies to pass events, and the evening SO INTENSE THAT I work shifts had all the time - photography. Since WOULD STAY UP ALL disappeared due to I was planning photoshoots NIGHT THINKING. the reality of lockdown. with a couple of my friends While I enjoy being at home, usually before lockdown had begun, I figured I snuggled up with my dog while could find a way to perform them from watching marathons on the television, the comfort of my own home. While I felt disappointed over the fact that I speaking to one of my closest friends on could not see the people I cared for the Facetime, I asked if I could take photos of most. The first few months of quarantine allowed me to relax and unwind from the busy school year, but when isolation mandates were extended for another two weeks, my mind began to wander. How much longer was life going to be like this? Would I ever be able to see people

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I WAS BEING ENVELOPED BY MY OWN THOUGHTS. her with my camera. As she positioned her phone on her desk, she began posing as I snapped a few pictures some regular, some blurry. I also jotted down a few notes about her quarantine experience she had told me about, in an attempt to make myself feel better with the reassurance that I was not the only one going through a highly mixed bag of emotions. It was then that it dawned on me - what if I made a photo series documenting how other women like myself were handling this experience? When I expressed to my friend the idea, she jokingly suggested I title the project â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Her Element.â&#x20AC;? Thus, my quarantine project was born.

Over the next few months, I began taking pictures of different women within my community: friends from home, others I had met during my university experience and some mutual friends who reached out to me via social media. It was truly incredible to talk to others during this time period, especially because I had not spoken to people outside of a couple of text messages over the phone in months. It helped me reconnect with friends I have not spoken to in a long time and allowed me to interact with individuals with whom I had not had the pleasure of speaking with previously. I began making I REALIZED THAT THIS SERIES MEANT deeper connections with the MORE THAN JUST A COUPLE OF CANDID participants as we shared PHOTOS AND DOUBLE EXPOSURES. stories about our struggles through this tough time, and I became comforted over the fact that I was not the only

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I WAS ABLE TO MAKE SOMETHING I AM PROUD OF. one who felt uncertain and nervous throughout isolation. I realized that this series meant more than just a couple of candid photos and double exposures. It was like I was showing the participantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; emotions through the pictures. It allowed audiences to see a more vulnerable side of these incredible women, which I found absolutely amazing. It filled me with joy when I would get messages expressing how they enjoyed the photos I made, and how they appreciated the effort I put into the project. And it allowed me to put my While there is a lot of darkness and fear in our world right now, this experience has shown me that good can come out of quarantine.

I WAS ABLE TO MAKE SOMETHING I AM PROUD OF.

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BY MARVIN DARKWA

GLOWING IN THE flickering twilight, peace seems forever at ease - persuading the Gods anew. Antoine sat, ready to go through the motions yet again. The smooth-silhouettes of “victims” of circumstance pierced the dingy gathering. A deluge of drunks, deviants, and dual personalities, (from those deemed “mentally ill”) showered Antoine’s ebony face with a nonchalant glory. He smirked. Antoine curled his frizzy hair. His dreads were coming in nice. It would be another trek into the banal today (again) … Antoine’s time today would most likely be uneventful, unfulfilling, and unremarkable. The cream coloured walls in the church basement seemed to display a lucidtruth. Plastered on them were posters with uplifting yet generic phrases encouraging one to stay sober. “You can do it,” the first one said. Antoine kept scanning, “you’ve taken the first step” stated another. Finally, Antoine noticed a large poster in bold large letters… It was a statement. The seemingly oldest of addiction stalwarts, it read “one day at a time.” All of these sayings/posters pissed Antoine off to no end. “She fucking took,

everything” stated a voice in the distance. This snapped Antoine back into reality. He then proceeded to catch the tail end of a newcomer’s speech. The person continued… “It was then that I knew, I had to get clean. Not just for me but for my kids as well…” Antoine held back, his vacant laughter… A nihilist atheart, Antoine knew that the newcomer likely would not make it past the first week. Something about that reality draped an all-enveloping sadness around Antoine. This sadness was not out of having some sort of sympathy for the newcomer. No… Fuck him. It was more so because it meant that his own path was sure to be laid with hard work. There were your wealthy-whites who were coming to this place highas-a-kite off of coke binges. Antoine rationalized they (the white boys) only sought redemption simply out of malice, greed, and/or force-of-will (by a judge). You know… White-shit. Then there were your “spics”; who Antoine thought transcended their branding as “lazy”, by being so wired off of opioids that they seemed to hold false wisdom. And lastly, Antoine found another group - his

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group… The Blacks… The chosen. The regal. The lost souls… They seemed to hold a precious-mystery about them, even to Antoine. The ebony bodies congregated together, trading with them words, insults, and righteous-truths all from a decayed sense of spirituality. “Whatever gets you through the day, I guess,” Antoine muttered loudly to himself. The odd-mixture of youthful faces that day thrust a weird feeling of unease onto Antoine, however, he dismissed it and walked casually to the refreshment table. As he did this, he knocked into a face he did not recognize. Antoine then looked forward… His gaze stayed fixed on her. Her puffy afro was done in two mini pigtails. Her cooper skin was awash with the fresh scent of Cocoa Butter. Her dark brown eyes locked onto his… They told tales of madness and sanity, fragility and strength, belief and skepticism… Antoine gushed. As he started to talk to her, he blanked on a suitable one-liner and just decided to go for it. “Hey,” Antoine began and stumbled on the increasing surge of shyness he was feeling. “Hey…” The girl retorted back. “Do I know you?” she stated with a hazed-clarity. “Maybe from a past life,” Antoine exclaimed casually. He started up again. Antoine waded through the passive introduction from the girl and began yet again. “Gotta be honest…” Antoine stated, trailing in the middle of the sentence for a long moment. Antoine continued, “You don’t look like you belong here.” The girl respondedrobotically with, “Ooooh, and how would one belong to a place like this?”

Antoine started up again, a cool breeze dancing between some negroes who were getting increasingly angry that he and the girl were in the way of the refreshments. Antoine and the girl brushed the two negroes aside and resumed their conversation. The following words from Antoine seemed to come from an era long forgotten. He answered her, “Well to belong to a place like this, you’d have to have seen some shit.” The girl chimed in…. Her ebony skin was pulsated, poised, and palpable due to the fluorescent lights shining down on both of them. They carried on in their talk in a seemingly closed-off world of their own. “True say,” the girl said just then in an agreeable manner. The girl sensed that Antoine was probably going to get increasingly lost in the anarchy of their conversation. They discussed addiction, their past, and life itself in those passing moments. So, Maya cut him off and gave him (somewhat reluctantly) what she was sure he wanted. She told Antoine, “my name is Maya. I live on Eglinton West… Two blocks from here. Next to the Jamaican beef-patty store… If you think, you can deal with all my damage, then come up. Later days.” And with that, she exited the room. Antoine, seethedquietly in his seat. Her words were like an enchanting chime to him. She was eloquence personified, grace embodied, and patience rewarded through a glorious ending. Antoine sat in the bland church basement. Hearing boring story after… Boring. Fucking. Story. It was

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maddening. Antoine knew how most of these stories would play out. They would detox. Bitch to Jesus. Swear they changed (and they did) for a few fleeting moments, then succumb to the pressures of addiction, craving, and longing. How did Antoine know this? Because he too was a victim of this vicious cycle. And he honestly did not mind… Coming here, gave him something to do during the day. It allowed him to socialize. To be himself… Ten more minutes Antoine thought to himself. He dug deeper into his perverted thoughts of what he would do to Maya once he got to her. Under his breath, he stated to himself “Shawty, is bad though… She’s probably a ‘DTF.” The councillors cut into Antoine’s muddythinking - they stated in a warmindifference “all right guys see you next week. Call your sponsors if you need anything.” Antoine rose like a gust of wind and exited. Calmly he stated to himself, “alright my nigga, this is it. Showtime.” Antoine diligently walked through the streets. He absorbed decades of the mysticalaura that he attributed to his hood, a place he called home. Now it was caught in a vice, a slave to gentrification. A turmoil he stewed to himself internally, what they did without thinking of the impact. Whether it was on the beaming elders, the charcoal youth, or the urbanfantasy that raised him and his culture. Antoine’s thoughts continued to race. They did this so that they could drink coffee, do yoga, and run aimlessly in the street - this irritated him. He took it all in again, then saw the

Jamaican patty shop Maya mentioned. Strange. He had lived in this cradle of the city all of his life. Why had he not noticed Maya before? Or for that matter this shop? “No matter,” he said aloud. He made his way up the steps and rang the buzzer. A woman answered. “You made it,” the woman stated. He assumed it was Maya. He hoped/prayed). “Wouldn’t miss being here for the world,” Antoine stated calmly. He heard an all-too-familiar sound of a latchkey being sprung free. A callback to his dishevelled youth. Antoine entered. Maya shot a grin Antoine’s way. She immediately grasped onto his being. Antoine slightly taken aback, replied saying “that quick huh? You’re not gonna make a brother work for it?!” Maya’s eyes deepened with disdain just then. She sauntered across the cramped and dusty apartment. As she did this, she knocked over a lamp. She bellowed to Antoine “we’re wasting time.” Antoine’s hands shook in anticipation of Maya’s next move. As he contemplated this, the gap between them closed ever-so-softly. They moved to the bed and let its loose contents sprawl across the floor. Maya, then gazed at the glossy blackened eyes, of a stuffed animal of hers. She chirped to Antoine. “This won’t be the last time…”, she stated. “Nor is this the first.” Antoine glared at Maya. He sank into the bed, taking in her words. He started up again. “I know…It’s fun pretending though isn’t it?” Maya smiles. As this transpires, Maya disappears into the woven textures of the sheets, and a blinding white light shoots through an adjoining window. Antoine

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and Maya laugh and gaze longingly into each other’s eyes. They float in the midair as prescription pills circle them weightlessly… Maya grabs one of them, and downs it… “We are, who we are… There’s no changing that. No denying that. No deluding that.” Antoine starts again. “I know… Like I said earlier though, it’s fun pretending…” The two glare blankly into each other’s eyes, suspending by a force unbeknownst to them. They stared at the city beneath them. Shadows of madness flying straight up. All of the existence appeared before them… Bleak. Sterile. Lonely… Stars danced by them in a flurry. All while fiery azures painted this new space. Maya began to laugh… Antoine caught her amusement and responded. “What?”, she yelped. Maya started up. “How many times now?” Antoine began to dance around this question by muttering sweet nothings into this empty void. His utterance - a ripple onto creation itself. He then replied. The white silhouette of his “being” painting the moon before him, “Honestly, I lost count…” As Antoine says this his presence becomes fused with the sky itself. His voice is disembodied. “Hey.” He says bellowing in a loud-coo. “Try to surprise me next time.” “Will do.” Maya, at this moment, plummeted to the ground. Whatever force keeping her and Antoine up had obviously now become disinterested and unamused. Maya then wakes up in a cold sweat. She cries eternally. She looks at a picture of Antoine beside her… She regains her composure and stands akimbo. She moans, “this time will be different.” She

stands in front of her mirror unkempt. Her hair tousled, her strength drained, and her composure in a flux. She hears her phone ringing. She runs in haste to the phone seeing her sponsor’s name scribbled on the display screen. A force hit her then. And with that, she felt hazy yet relieved… Maya stands, everything blurring into nothing now. She stares deeply at her phone. She is pensive and reinvigorated. Maya answers the phone, “Hey, Steve.” “Hey Maya, how goes it?” “Day 152… I’m hanging in there,” Maya states aloud, enthusiastically. “That’s what I like to hear kiddo. Hit-me-up if you need anything - you have my number.” Steve says giddily. “Always.” Maya retorts. And with that, she throws on an outfit fitted blue-jeans, blur with a clearance H & M sweater, and a yellow Herschel backpack. Maya stretches. Her nubile ebony skin clinging to the contrived pieces of clothes she put on (and adores). Maya walks outside of the apartment, her teenage-self drowning in the grey-twilight of the morning, “I’ll hit up a meeting first. Before going to school…”. Maya slowly walks to the bus stop and notices the rampant influx of construction affecting the community and the people in the area. She drinks it in and lets out a solo sigh. She stands disgusted. They have no right to do this, she thinks. It was their neighbourhood, their community, their home… She walks onto the bus in a depressivetrance and pays her fare (up 10 cents from before). Maya’s afro swings backand-forth as she fumbles, her way to the back of the bus with the rest of the

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Blacks (nothing’s changed). Maya then locks gazes with a dark-skinned man. She stands passively, then casts a gaze back out at him again. She forces herself to speak. “Hey,” she starts up. “Hey, yourself...”, the young man replies with a nonchalant grin. Maya plants herself in the empty seat next to him. She smiles. And for the first time in a long time, she feels a voice, a force, an aura telling herself, “this time will be different.” Maya introduces herself casually to the stranger. “My name’s Maya, what’s yours?” He cups his hand on hers and says “my name is Antoine. Antoine Jenkins.” His dreaded hair blowing carelessly due to the heater on the vehicle. “And where are you off to this morning, Mr. Jenkins?”, Maya says with a big smile. “Well…” Antoine starts spilling his words, “I’m off to a meeting actually. I’m 212 days sober.” Maya’s heart flutters, for a brief second… Then she speaks. “Your meeting isn’t at the church near the subway, on Eglinton West is it?” Antoine begins. “That’d be the one,” he states. “Ummm, we can go together if you want - I’m meeting my sponsor there too,” Maya says with a toothy grin. “Bet.” Antoine calmly replies. They walk under the pouring rain and then go into the atrium of the church making a descent into the basement. Maya walks into the washroom in the area and sees a fiend doing a line. She is instantly disturbed and taken aback. Under the cover of darkness, she runs out of the restroom to receive assistance, then something takes hold of her everything. Her palms itch, her nose

blazes, her voice becomes hoarse. “Don’t throw it all away, Maya… Don’t.” “You’re doing fine,” she rationalizes. After that, she reassures herself again and again. Maya then gathers her composure and walks back into the washroom, and sees the fiend convulsing on the floor. Maya kicks her. She states coolly, “you’re a fucking mess. Get help.” She walks back out the restroom, and catches a glimpse of Antoine - he turns back to her. He strolls over to her - as he does this each progressive step takes him further and further away from Maya. The fluorescent lights beam on their bodies and they both fall prey to fatigue, exhaustion, and heat after what feels (and what must surely be) an eternity. Antoine starts up unfazed from their encounter… And unquestioning of their surroundings… He says to Maya, after regaining a piece of his being “you kept it fresh this time.” “I try,” Maya happily bolsters. The two wake up apart surrounded by an empty abyss of stars they start talking… “I guess, nothing really matters anymore,” Antoine drones. “Did it ever?”, says Maya. “Maybe we’re being punished… Like we weren’t good people for all the shit we did with, you know…” states Antoine calmly. Maya butts in. “I don’t think there are ‘good people”, or ‘bad people…” Maya contemplates. The glowing aura of the universe behind them. She pauses for a long moment, “I think that there’s a bunch of shit that people go through, and… and… and… you just deal with it.” The stars wrap around Maya and Antoine, quickly going through a state of

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discoloration. This plays out in front of them, as seemingly all of the knowledge of the cosmos scatters in front and behind them simultaneously. It takes the form of distant planets, stars, and galaxies. “What’s gonna happen to our neighbourhoods, our home, our people?”, states Antoine aloud, his voice shimmering into the black void. “I don’t know…” states Maya quietly. “I mean… They’re just as much at fault. If we are being punished, why aren’t they going through this with us?”, a pensive Maya says… “Maybe, they are, and we just don’t know…” Antoine replies sullenly. His ebony skin just then merges with the infinite-blackness of the space and time that Maya and he inhabit. Maya perks up. “Let’s do it. This time will be different.” Maya comments. “All this time and we’ve never, you know…” Maya’s skin mimics red, in the silhouette of an allencompassing sun passing through the blackness. “Girl, you know I’m down for that shit! I was just being a gentleman

and waiting on you!” Antoine chuckles. Each guttural clearing feeling like it deafens the universe (just a little bit…). “Fine, it’s agreed.” As they decide on this, the crevasse the two have crafted in space and time recedes into a wash of greens and also splashes of blue. White traces paint the realm as well. Then blackness… A figure trots into the kitchen, screaming Antoine’s name. “What?”, bellows Antoine. His messy dreadlocks seem to beguile his sage-like intelligence. “Morning-time kiddo,” says a tall husky woman decked out wearing scrubs. “Fine. Thanks, mom - I’ll be up in five.” “No prob, baby… Be quick though - I’ve got a shift at the hospital in less than an hour. Oh and Antoine, you’ve got that test today… don’t forget,” she says solemnly. Antoine starts up, “I’m spilling my fluids into a small white cup. How could I!?” Antoine’s mom (annoyed) starts up again. “Boy don’t get smart with me! God forgives. I don’t.” “Sorry, Ma,” Antoine calmly proclaims.

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The light spills into Antoine’s small room - the promise of day drenching his mind with happiness. No turmoil. No strife. No fear… Some odd-moments later, Antoine emerges, Air Jordans on his feet and two gold chains draped around his neck. “Maaa! I’M READY!”. “Good.” Antoine’s mother states. She calmly walks past him, then sharply turns around slightly, and says coyly “assume the position.” She says it again… This time loudly, and with malice. Her voice cuts through the silence. “Ma, it ain’t even like that - I haven’t in like…” Antoine trails off getting lost in the moment. “Nigga, I DON’T wanna hear it. Just turn around.” She pats Antoine down… Groping his pants, and finds a baggie filled to the brim with pills, pipes, greenery, and a syringe. She begins to weep. “Ma… I….” Antoine says suddenly. “DON’T. Baby, just DON’T…” Do you want to throw your life away? It’s like you don’t even care.” “Don’t you get it Ma, that’s just it... I don’t.” “What is there for me here? My, no wait. Our only options are to either get with a bitch and have a kid young. Grow up only to work a shitty factory job. Or drop out of school because the school system doesn’t GIVE A SHIT about us. Which makes us go out and ‘trap. Ohhh wait. I’m sorry… I forget. I already sell drugs!” Antoine stands erect yet slumping at these declarations. He felt as though a weight was pressuring him before, and now it was gone. His mother begins in a voice of patient-aggression… “Shouldn’t all of those situations you said, baby, fuel you to work hard though?!” She says this

weeping. Antoine begins. “Not when they treat us like shit. They move into our neighbourhoods slaughtering us and changing our environment to suit them. And they institutionalize us. It’s already happening! They’re moving in, AS. WE. SPEAK. There’s… There’s… There’s…. No escaping it. At least this way, MY WAY - I stack my paper high…” With that, Antoine speeds out the door. Antoine barrels out the door and floods into the street. As he does this trickles of the universe play out before his eyes. In it, he sees truth and falsehood, identity and shame, and pride and grief. He continues running down the street - the rundown buildings, and surrounding graffiti… All of this a comforting threat. The hole before Antoine grows bigger, and bigger, enveloping him. In this new home, this new oasis, this new sanctuary he sees all of his days before him… Playing out again, and again, and again… Each different but the same. Antoine does not know what this means, and he does not care. The world warps back to itself with a disturbing-clarity just then. He knew he had to do something. He just did not know what. He saw a church at that moment, and casually saunters inside it with a reckless-abandonment. He walks in and pivots to the basement... He hears a voice cry out in the distance. It makes Antoine cry. “Hey,” stated Antoine in the brightdarkness. “Hey, yourself,” the sweet voice says, pouring into the empty air of the church’s basement. “Ummm, do I know you?”, the girl asked giddily. “Maybe,” Antoine stated calmly. The girl

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just then jostled the light switch on. As she does this, Antoine looks inside the room even deeper and sees a brownskinned girl. Her outfit screams defiance, but her “being” mouths control. She has on a pink African headwrap, violet miniskirt, and tan Chelsea boots. “My name is Maya,” states the girl cheerfully. At that moment, Antoine knows (nay needs) what has to be done… He confidently strolls up to her and kisses her on the cheek. Maya laughs, just then. “What was that about?”, she exclaims confidently. Antoine calmly retorts back, “what’s anything about?” Maya then blushes in agreement. “You’re different,” she says. “This is different.”

She stands still. Her face unravelling to Antoine at that moment. In this instance - it dawns on both of them that they would never get this moment back… Which was fine… Because in this instance that enveloped them now they were perfectly-cruel, perfectly-telling, and perfectly-imperfect. Maya starts up again, “times are weird these days,” she says silently-aloud. “And to be honest… I’m kinda fucking with it,” she says in a pleasant tone. Antoine brushes his hands through his updodreadlocks and smiles. Maya and Antoine drink in each other’s presence, the face of the universe weeping with disapproval.

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5 Podcasts You Need To Listen To As A Student In Quarantine BY MELANIE GAZVODA

THE FOLLOWING PODCASTS are created by original, brilliant, and gifted human beings. Warning; they may change the way you live. These podcasts are fun, educational, and take you away from a world where COVID-19 exists. They will improve your mental well-being and expand your mind. Listen to them on iHeartRadio or Apple Podcast.

ENTERTAINMENT

“Unf*ck Your Brain”

by Kara Lowentheil This podcast is great for students suffering from anxiety, procrastination, and anything stress-related. Feminist lifecoach, Kara Lowentheil uses psychology, feminism, and coaching to help train the listener’s brain into doing mind-work. She gives amazing tips and activities to train your brain into a healthier and reasonable state. This podcast has helped me become more confident, less anxious, and more productive. I know by changing your thoughts you can change your experience, and the world around you. Recommended Episode: “126. Anxiety and Control.”

“Stuff You Should Know”

by Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant Hilarious hosts, Josh and Chuck, use their knowledge and humour to teach an abundance of topics, ranging from how icebergs work to Area 51. They use history, science, and extensive research to explain enigmatic topics. They could make anything fun and interesting to learn (even Fractals!). They will expand your mind as a student and as a human being. Recommended Episode: “SYSK Selects: How the Black Panther Party Worked.”

“StarTalk Radio”

by Neil deGrasse Tyson and Chuck Nice This podcast is hosted by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson and comedian Chuck Nice. They bring on guest actors, scientists, and fellow podcast creators to talk about the universe and astronomy. This podcast will expand your mind not only on the universe but the possibilities within it. Recommended Episode: “3. Inside The Big Band Theory, with Simon Helberg and Bill Prady.”

“The No Sleep Podcast”

by David Cummings This podcast has many amazing voice actors in it, as it tells many great and chilling stories. This podcast was made to scare, make you laugh, and keep you up at night! The podcast uses supernatural, paranormal, and extraordinary horror stories. They are fun and scary but remain light. They provide an escape from the actual world and a healthy outlet for all of the fear you may feel right now. Recommended Episode: “NoSleep Podcast S13E24.”

“Manifestation Babe”

by Kathrin Zenkina Entrepreneur, Kathrin Zenkina, is for spiritual individuals who believe in the power of manifesting. “Manifesting” is not a crazy concept to grasp. It is merely using the power of the universe to envision the future you want. Kathrin has a welcoming voice and guides her listeners to manifest money, love, and pleasant habits into their lives to be successful. Recommended Episode: “168. Energy secrets I use in my business to boost my income and audience growth.”

These podcasts have helped me grow and stay sane throughout this pandemic, I hope they do the same for you.

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VIRTUAL EVENTS AND PERFORMANCES TO CATCH WHILE STAYING AT HOME BY NICOLE WILLIAMSON

STAYING CONNECTED WITH the outside world can prove to be difficult in self-isolation. Common streaming platforms such as Disney+, Netflix, and Amazon Prime offer a variety of performances to watch from the comfort of your own home. These services can bring help to gratify your need for the loud concert environment, or the raw experience of the live performance while staying safe at home.

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Theatre Productions Disney + • Hamilton (2020, Broadway). Starring the Original Broadway Cast. • Newsies (2017, Filmed Live Event). Netflix • Oh, Hello on Broadway (2017, Broadway). Starring Nick Kroll and John Mulaney • Springsteen on Broadway (2018, Broadway) • Shrek The Musical (2013, Broadway) Broadway HD • Kinky Boots (2018, West End) • Les Miserables 25th Anniversary (2010, Concert) • Cats (1998, London) • Phantom of the Opera (2011, Concert) Music Concerts • Disney+ • The Jonas Brothers. The Concert Experience (2009) • Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus. Best of Both Worlds (2008) Netflix • Taylor Swift. Reputation Stadium Tour. (2018) • Beyonce. Homecoming. (Film) (2019) • Justin Timberlake The Tennessee Kids. (2016) • EXO, 4Minute, SHINee. The Dream Concert K-pop festival. (2015) Amazon Prime • COVID-19 Relief. Pearl Jam, Ben Gibbard, Sir Mix-a-lot, Macklemore, Dave Matthews (2020) Dance Performances • Marquee TV • The Nutcracker. The Royal Ballet • Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. The Royal Ballet • Sleeping Beauty. The Royal Ballet • Sleeping Beauty. Bolshoi Ballet • Swan Lake. Bolshoi Ballet • Swan Lake. Paris Opera Ballet

Museum and Galleries • Thinkspace Gallery – Interactive Gallery • The Smithsonian – Interactive Tour • Tate Museum- Andy Warhol Exhibit (YouTube) • Guggenheim (Google Street View) • Musee d’Orsay (Google Arts and Culture Slideshow) Upcoming Events • September 25-27: The Monterey Jazz Festival 63rd annual event. Streaming on YouTube every day at 8 p.m. ET. • October 3: Nuit Blanche 7 p.m. – 7 a.m. all online. • Toronto.com is regularly updating virtual events every week.

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DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS AND DISTANCE BY KATHERINE COLLIER

WELCOME, FROSHIES! THIS year is going to get off to a rough start but there are so many things to look forward to! Here is what I am most excited for: Now the title probably gives this away but I am going to be talking to you about Dungeons and Dragons and how it has helped me become a better student, artist, and creator. For the past few months I have been running a tabletop roleplaying game for several friends (all AMPD students). With this comes creating the story, acting out various characters, and getting to plan out some pretty epic battles.

This game is really helping me come out of my shell and I am sure it could do the same for you. I have become inspired to work with so many more people and give them the opportunity to meet and enjoy themselves in a way that is safe and accessible. This is especially important this year, as everything is going to be online. Interacting with your peers is going to be difficult, but this can remove the barrier of needing to talk just for school work. Everything you need to play can be found for free and it is great for getting to know people, especially if they â&#x20AC;&#x153;playâ&#x20AC;? themselves. I play online on Roll20 but there are so many different options like Foundry and Fantasy Grounds! This game is great for character and world building and testing too. (I am looking at you theatre and film kids.)

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Here is how you can get into it super easily. 1. Find some friends (That is what Frosh is for right?) 2. Find someone who is willing to run the game for you. This could be someone in your group or someone who has played D&D before. I cannot stress this enough but, be willing to take the plunge and run the game yourself. There are so many resources online to be able to run your own game! You can find some free pre-written stories that lay out everything the characters need to do on dmsguild.com. 3. Pick what kind of character you want to play. Have a musician in your group? Have them work on their improv skills by playing a bard. Have someone who likes eldritch horror stuff? Have them play a Warlock. Have someone who just wants to smash things and have a good time? Barbarian is for them. You can find all kinds of pre-generated characters to play on that same website above so you can jump right into playing. 4. Run the game and have fun!

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FIRST YEAR WAS TOUGH

FIRST YEAR WAS Tough. I want to start by telling you that new beginnings are always bound to give you mixed feelings. Whether you are coming to York fresh out of high school, from another university, or any other stage in your life, a brand new year is both exciting and scary. The university experience is different for everyone, so you cannot just settle on starting advice from a single person.

BY MASH ALTAF

In terms of advice, I do not have too much to offer - but there is one thing I can guarantee: Your first year will change you. Now, that can be negative, positive, or a combination of both. Like I said, not every experience is the same. You are probably excited about going to classes, learning about the thing you want to do. (Probably for the rest of your life).

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Making new friends is inevitable, of course, unless you intend to avoid people at all costs. And teachers can become great mentors who can guide you through uni life or just people you decide never to be like when you are older. Clubs and various organizations are an exciting way to get involved with the community, and so are parties! The very appropriate, completely legal, and modest parties! Yay, so much fun. Please, be good kids. Anyway, when I first started, I was very much just like that. Except not at all. I came in intending to focus on school, socialize very little, and get things done - but ended up doing none of that. Now, I am not here to tell you that that was a mistake. I am just telling you how it happened. First-year for me became more of a quest to find myself. Not long after starting my classes did I realize that the program I was in really was not for me. I ignored the fact that I was becoming bored and disinterested in doing any work, and I just started going out more. I met lots of interesting people and came out of this time with lots of interesting stories to tell.

I got my heart broken and I broke a few myself. I did notso-great things, got in trouble a bunch, but I also made memories that I would have regretted never making. Uh - but only so I can tell my kids never to do the same thing. Please, be good kids. I was exploring a brand new, open world with seemingly endless possibilities. And it was helping me become more myself. I felt like I was looking at myself for the first time. My first-year redefined me. I was also diagnosed with severe anxiety. I had never really had to think about having a mental health problem before in my life. But I suppose this was always there. Throughout the roller coaster of ups and downs that uni brought with it, somewhere along the way my anxiety surfaced in such a form that I could not force it back down. It is hard to help people understand, especially those who do not deal with anxiety in their everyday life in an extreme form, what severe anxiety feels like. Can you imagine being constantly over paranoid? To the point where you are always nauseous? The stress goes straight to your belly and you are basically in the washroom dealing with it every few hours.

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You cannot focus on anything or anyone at all. And having breakdowns is scary. You feel out of control and wish that you could just shut your brain off for even a single second. But you cannot. Can you imagine feeling like that every day? That is my life. This started to explode somewhere in the middle of my first year. I did not understand what was happening. I saw some doctors. Did a lot of tests. A lot of doctors, if you identify as a woman, will just tell you that it boils down to your “hormones” or whatever. It was not that and they were wrong. A combination of it all was enough to just shut me down. Near the end of the year, I had given up and was ready to drop out. With a GPA so bad, my South Asian parents would surely abandon me. (They did not, though). Mental health is not something that should be ignored. What I learned is; that it is hard to just tell someone how to deal with mental health. Here is what I am hoping to accomplish by writing this piece for you: I want to tell you that what you are feeling and going through - do not worry. You are NOT alone.

For you all especially, doing online school, making friends in the age of COVID… It is all a bit strange, right? Even I have no idea how everything is going to work. And I cannot imagine how confused or scared you all are. Some of you have never been to a university before. Despite all of that, you are still bound to have new experiences. New things, both good and bad will happen to you. And every experience will shape you. They will all change you in some way. Some of you more than others. And if you are anything like me and you struggle with yourself the way I do, it is going to be hard. Let me remind you that you are strong. I know I needed to be reminded. To get my head stable a bit, I forced myself to try something new. I started doing martial arts. Now, I understand martial arts are not for everybody. It is just the 1 out of 1 million new things I could have tried. But I chose karate and it became my new passion. That is, I guess, another way first-year changed me. I learned that I want to be a professional Martial Artist. Full-time. And I started to work toward that. I started to gain back my motivations, my interests, and my will to work.

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I realized that, no matter how much I disliked my program, I needed to finish it to pursue my career as a respected Martial Arts Instructor. I know that is not the best form of motivation, do something to get it over with, but it is what it is. Second-year, I put a lot more effort into getting my degree. My GPA got better. Unfortunately, my friend circle suffered. (I was too focused on going to karate classes after actual classes). And I got a job to pay for my martial arts instruction. I trained five days a week, worked five days a week, and went to school five days a week. That became the new me. And karate not only made me feel stronger physically but mentally, too. I felt like I could carry on, no matter how hard things got. And I really could. As long as I kept telling myself that. It was not easy coming to that realization. It took a long time. And quarantine did not help, a lot of things went wrong during it! But, you know what? It is easy to tell yourself you will be okay. That everything will be okay in the end. And that is exactly what I did. I suppose I told myself that enough times that I started to believe it. I cannot tell you to find people to talk to, because I did not. I cannot tell you to talk to counselors, because I did not.

What I can tell you is that no matter what happens in your first year, no matter how good or how bad, just know that you are strong enough to get through it all. And if it gets really bad, if you find yourself fighting off monsters before you have found the weapons with which you need to battle them; maybe you could try to go out and find some ways to escape the monsters. Whether it is by writing stories, picking up a paintbrush, punching wooden blocks, hacking into a computer, dancing the salsa, cooking the salsa, or eating the salsa - those are all potential tools you can pick up. As previously stated, I do not have much solid advice to offer. But if you are reading this right now, I can guarantee you one thing: No matter what happens, you are going to be okay. I believe in you. Please, be good kids. Love, Mash A Third Year Not-So-Good Kid

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BY KIRANDEEP BHANOT

WHEN I WAS in high school, I assumed, like all of my fellow classmates who were entering post-secondary, that in four years I would be walking across the stage with my oversized gown to obtain a piece of paper that would let me acquire the career I wanted. But my first year at university was nothing as I expected. The first semester I took the train for two hours to the school of Rams and two hours back for a three-hour lecture or a one-hour tutorial. I was exhausted by the commute more than the work. When I would get home, I had no energy or motivation to write a single word. To ease the burden, I dropped one class. But then I dropped another and then one more. I was taking two classes, but they felt like twenty. I had no friends on campus, too afraid to talk to the girl sitting two inches away from me who smelled like Bath and Body Works. If I somehow managed to speak to her, next class, I would not smell her fruity fragrance and could not must the courage to talk to anyone else. I felt alone and tired. Really tired.

FRESH Next semester, I had zero motivation to do any work. I wanted to sleep. Stay home wrapped in my favourite blanket. And sleep. The following year, I decided to go to the school of Lions. I saved a lot of time on the short commute, but still, I could not focus. I had voices in my head, distracting me from my work. I could not read a single paragraph of “The Yellow Wallpaper” without my mind growing distracted by thoughts of what new shoes I should buy. I cried more than I read. And reading was one of my favourite hobbies. I had fallen down a dark spiral of depression. I wanted to do my work. I wanted to excel. But my

TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR GRADES.

HEALTH

LENS brain would not let me. I opened up my textbooks and stared at words for hours without actually reading. And got tired -oh I was so tired- and shut the book and went to sleep.Â I finally decided to go to therapy. I was looking for someone to talk to. I thought it would make me feel a bit less sad. What I was not expecting was that it helped me feel motivated once again. I felt excited about school again after a long, long time. I unloaded my stress and feelings, and in return, I received my first A+. I was able to be alone with my work - without my brain playing evil tricks on me - and I once again fell in love with English Literature.Â My tip for Froshies: take care of your mental health. It is more important than your grades. It is okay to relax and take a deep breath and let your mind heal. York provides on-campus mental health counseling in various locations - take advantage of that. You are never alone, and there are always people willing to help you. I cannot stress enough how important your mental health is.

Therapy has helped me see the world in a whole new lens-of hope, of improvement, of self-love. I have improved in so many ways since I first started my journey in post-secondary, and it would not have been possible had I continued to neglect my mental health. It is never too late. Ask for help.

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AN INTERVIEW WITH AUDNY-CASHAE STEWART

Photography by Alicia Hewitt

INTERVIEW BY LAURA BOURBONNAIS

AT ONLY SEVENTEEN years old, Audny-Cashae Stewart [she/her] has worked for both the MP and MPP on THEIR YOUTH COUNCILS, was a main speaker and spoken-word artist at the Guelph Black Lives Matter protest on Saturday, June 6, 2020, is the recipient of the Halton Region Summer Company program business grant, and has started HER OWN Podcast ‘Looking In’.

Tell me about your journey as an activist so far. Audny-Cashae: I moved to a small town [Erin] when I was in the fourth grade in 2011, and we were subjected to a lot of racism in the school system, and Black History, and Black Canadian History was not taught. So, in the fifth grade I realized that there were no Black History month initiatives, and the teacher asked me if I wanted to do a presentation. And then, when I went to middle school in the

SOCIAL JUSTICE

seventh grade, I also saw the I also saw the need for more education towards Black History, and anti- racism initiatives, and that was marked after I was called a racial slur when I was walking back to school, and it made me want to fight for education in predominantly white communities. In the seventh grade, I started my Black History assembly at Erin Public School - I did that for the seventh and eighth grade, and then I went to high school, I kept on speaking up, and in the tenth grade [at] the Guelph Collegiate Vocational Institute - I created the first Black Student Union. A couple of university students would come, and talk to us - to the Black Student body.

“I would love to see myself having an empire - to have different businesses and initiatives in the community that help Black youth and the Black BIPOC community.” In the tenth grade, we had a historian come and[tell] us that Alfred Lafferty was the first Black principal who taught at our school, so we had an assembly commemorating him or Black History month, and we also renamed our auditorium after him. My friend Carliene and I were very involved in that assembly. I recited “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou, and she choreographed something, and after that assembly, the Guelph Black Heritage Society reached out to both of us, and I was able to bring my own spoken word to the firstMartin Luther King event in April 2018, and [it] was called “Silence”

emphasizing how our working systems [do not] really care about us, and they are silent on issues that are anti-Black or racist. So, after that, in grade eleven, [Carliene and I] started the Black Student Union, and our overall initiative was to produce and create a Black History month assembly, having a safe space for Black students, and so I wrote a spoken word. In grade eleven, we were able to mentor the younger grades, and be very involved in [addressing what was anti-Black, and racist on behalf of the Black student comunity]. And then, in grade twelve, we were able to bring in author Lawrence Hill to our school on behalf of the Black Student Union, go to the Nelson Mandela exhibit in downtown Toronto, and to another art exhibit at Ryerson that emphasized action photography and Black photography. We hosted a lot of other events such as our buyout for Black History Month, and we had students watch The Hate U Give [written by Angie Thomas, and directed by George Tillman Jr.]. Right now, Carliene, and I are working on creating the Guelph Black Youth Council with the Guelph Black Heritage Society to create a safe space for the Black high schoolers in Guelph and teach them how to create Black Student Unions because my school’s Black Student Union was the only one in Guelph, so we were very passionate about teaching other students how to do that, and how to help them. Also, we will be creating a Black Literature Library that will be accessible to our community, and I am also hopefully going to be working with the Rotary Club - having Black student representation. And also, I have a podcast called “Looking In” that emphasizes Black

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excellence, giving a platform for Black people from the GTA, or people who I know are doing great things in the community. I started that a week before the tragic murder of George Floyd. It kind of happened in the perfect time where I was able to use my platform to educate people on what is going on from a religious perspective, for Black Christians, and what is happening in our own communities. I interviewed a Black girl who was a victim of a hate crime in Guelph. I was able to interview other people in our community, and the Guelph Black Heritage Society reached out to me to perform a spoken word “This Battle.” I initially performed it for my own Black History Month Assembly at GCVI, in February, and the message was even more relevant at the time. The Guelph Black Heritage Society reached out to me to be a part of theirBlack Lives Matter [Protest]. It was in front of 50008000 people - so it was one of the biggest events [at which] I ever performed. I had an amazing experience - what I had been working for was able to reach a larger audience. I [have also been] recognized as a Spoken Word Artist on guelphspokenword.com. I am the recipient of the Halton Region Summer Company program. This is a grant program that gives money to students who want to start a company during

the summer. My company is @cashinsocial on Instagram - my objective is to help small Black businesses have a presence on social media when they do not [have one] already. I saw the need for that in a lot of family friends who own businesses that are not active on social media, and do not get the recognition that they deserve. I am trying to incorporate that in my activism. I [notably] help promote my friend Alicia Hewitt’s business Softgal (@softgalofficial on Instagram) on my [personal] page. Sometimes young people may feel intimidated to speak up or may feel like they cannot implement change within their own communities - how could your experiences perhaps attest to the contrary? A: Why I think I am able to use my voice to have an impact as a young person really comes from my upbringing in the church. I grew up at the Mississauga Seventh-day Adventist Church, and I was always a part of the ministry, always speaking, I would always stand up for what I believed in as a youth in the

church. When I was thirteen, I was chosen to be a Youth Leader which does not normally happen - the ministry is usually led by [someone much older]. So, the challenges that I faced in the church really helped my resilience to be an activist. [As a young person], you should not allow outside opinions to dictate how you want to speak up. That is very challenging because sometimes people in authority want to silence you especially as BIPOC - there are a lot of cultural factors that come with that how people do not feel comfortable speaking up in conservative or white communities. When people called me different names, and slurs, it was heartbreaking, and I did not know if I had a voice because people did not want to speak, they did not want to stand up for me. I had to come to a place where I had to take it into my own hands, and then I had to use my voice to educate them. And if [young people] do not know how to use their voice, it is really [about] just being who you are, and using your skills to execute what you want to speak up about.

“Seeing independent Black women when I was growing up really inspired me to be the person that I am today.”

SOCIAL JUSTICE

Would you like to speak about your work with Black Women in Motion? A: I am a Consent Animator with Black Women in Motion, and we talk about issues regarding the LGBTQ+ with anti-oppression workshops, we have Black women, we have Black femmes, Black queer, and it is just a very safe space where we can all learn, and grow, and teach each other. If COVID had not happened, it would be in person, but right now, we have Zoom meetings once or twice per week. What personal success are you most proud of? A: Specifically in activism, creating the Black Student Union and Alliance at my school was one of my greatest because in that position, we were able to mentor different ages, we were able to really get our message across as two Black girls who grew up together, and we were told that we would not get anywhere in life [Carliene] came to [my high school] in grade ten [and we reconnected]. We faced a lot of systemic oppression in [the] Peel District School Board, and [the] Upper Grand District school board, and as [two of the only] Black girls in our classes, and in our school as a whole, we were able to build a

team, and a foundation that has as an objective to educate our school, our student body, and bring a message with art. She was the choreographer, I am a spoken word artist, we did a lot in our past three years together, and we are now building that space in the broader Guelph community. Do you feel your postsecondary field of study relates to your activism? A: I will be going to U of T in the Fall for Humanities. I do not really know what I want to do yet because it is pretty broad. I do want to study something that I am passionate about which is why I chose [Humanities] - to learn, and keep on learning. Do you see social media as an influential tool notably during COVID and the most recent Black Lives Matter movement, and if so to what extent? A: Social media is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in the sense that it really is able to get your

message to a larger audience you are able to educate the community, and create a network. During the Black Lives Matter movement, I saw that social media could really broadcast that we are not done with protesting, we are not going to be okay with the injustices happening, in Canada, in America. [Social media] has Black people forming a community on internet platforms. I am really thankful for how young people of my generation can use social media to speak their mind, to educate the masses, and create positive change. What inspired you to start your own podcast - why that specific medium? A: Last year, I was able to help one of my friends start her own platform called Project X, and when I was younger, I would use my Snap Chat to rant, and I had an Instagram account called Rant with Audny.

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I always liked speaking to people, and I always liked using social media to speak. I saw other people creating podcasts - using [them] to do different things, and it was just really cool to me. With my past of wanting to use social media to speak, I then thought about starting a podcast. [My weekly podcast is called] Looking In [@ lookingin.blkgirl on Instagram, ‘Looking In’ on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Soundcloud, and Google Play] - so looking to a different perspective. I have a lot of guests, and I like having people on there because I do not want it to just be me speaking about what I believe in, I really like having different perspectives, different people speaking about their experiences whether that be from a business sense, religion, or activism. I have [notably] had my friend Carliene Christian (@carlieneee on Instagram), my Student Union friend Diana El Bara Qouni (@dianabarqouni on Instagram), the creator of Project X Dara (@projecttx_tv on Instagram), Jode-Leigh Nembhard (@jodeleigh on Instagram) - the founder of Toned Magazine trying to emphasize Black art in print and online media, spoken-word artist Kimberly Douglas (@k.dougss on Instagram) based out of Brampton, a friend of mine fromAtlanta [called Madi Cruz] (@itsbdoll on Instagram),

and an activist from Brampton named Hannah (@h.mc on Instagram) [featured on my podcast]. My friend Amaya (@ amayaxo_xo on Instagram) [also] has an amazing YouTube channel.

been giving Black youth. [I also look up to] the women I grew up with, seeing independent Black women when I was growing up really inspired me to be the person that I am today.

“I want to work for myself. I do want to be self-employed, What has the response been like so far? A: The response has been better than I expected. I thought it was going to be very small - there were no more than 50 to 75 followers at first but I was able to increase my following very fast [to over 200 on Instagram alone]. A lot of my followers really like it especially during this time. It is a very good outlet to learn non-BIPOC people really appreciate it, a lot of my family, and friends love it. Who are your idols? Who do you look up to the most? A: Angela Davis for sure. When I was a lot younger, I really liked seeing someone who looked liked me - as a young person she had to fight through so many things, and be a strong activist in the community. I look up to Beyoncé, I love the platform that she has

Where do you see yourself in 5 years after graduating university? What kind of work would you like to be doing? A: I would love to see myself having an empire - to have different businesses and initiatives in the community that help Black youth and the Black BIPOC community be successful whether that be in the corporate sense, whether that be as artists - just different outlets [through which] I can help my community. I want to say I am doing that now with my business, with different initiatives I have throughout the community. I want to do that but on a bigger scale.

I want to be an entrepreneur.”

SOCIAL JUSTICE

Do you think you will be staying in the Toronto community? A: [laughing] I was actually initially going to Carleton, and I was really excited to go to Ottawa - I thought that I would have all sorts of opportunities there but I decided to stay because of COVID-19, and when I decided to stay so many things happened for me whether that be in Guelph, or in Toronto, and Brampton, Mississauga. With the things I am doing in the Fall the Guelph Black Youth Council, working with my church - the young people there, wI am really excited to stay in the GTA, and see what I can do here. If the Lord wants to lead me to the States - I am here. [laughing] I have a lot of family in New York, I would live there in a heartbeat. Anything else you would like to share? Any initiative, person, or group you would like to highlight? A: I would like to highlight Afro-Tribal (@afrotribal on Instagram) - it is a dance group based out of Guelph and they are two amazing people from Gambia and Sierra Leone. They teach workshops, and raise money for children in Sierra Leone. They are graduates from my high school - they worked with us with the Black Student Union and the Guelph Black

Heritage Society for a couple of years now. I would like to shout out Toned Magazine, Carliene Christian - best friend, co-leader, co-founder. She is someone who I love working with, and I love making a change with her. How are you hoping to keep the activist momentum going throughout your university career? A: I follow all of the African student associations, Carribean Connections, Black Student Unions, I reached out to most of them when I accepted [my offer]. I want to be involved with all of the clubs, and I will still be involved with my church, [with the] launching of [the] Guelph Black Youth Council. And also working with the Guelph Black Heritage Society. Keeping up all my initiatives - pushing through.

I heard you got onto television from a very young age! When I was little I said “I want to be on TV,” and I was on TV three months later. So I was like “hey this is my calling now.” Honestly, my dream is to have my own show, maybe as a part of my empire. I was a part of the Sears Drama Festival, and I did quite a bit of acting before I retired in grade eleven because I was a part of the International Baccalaureate Program. I dropped it, and I was able to do a COOP at MPP Mike Schreiner’s Constituency office in Guelph. We were advocates for the community. I was an assistant, I learned how advocacy works in a provincial sense, I got to learn about politics first hand. I was able to learn about and meet different politicians whether that be nationally or in the provincial sense - learning different government programs. And learning how the constituency office works as advocating for their constituents. Would you consider working for the goverment? Is that something that appeals to you? I want to work for myself. I do want to be self-employed, I want to be an entrepreneur.

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