Unmasked by ashleywanser

UNMASKED November 26, 2018

SEXIEST HERO ALIVE!

CAPTAIN AMERICA

UNMASKED

It’s a bird... It’s a plane... It’s...

“It’s not who i am underneath, but what i do that defines me” -batman “there is a right and a wrong in the universe. and the distinction is not hard to make.” -superman

okay but really,

Sexiest hero alive!

Designer: Ashley Wanser Reporter: Briana Stelling 1

before reading about the juicy gossip we have this week, we ask that you keep a few things in mind....

Roid rage?

Spiderman’s not the only hero that swings!

unmasked pledges to bring its readers the truth, no matter how heart breaking. unmasked doesn’t just thrive off of exposing superheroes. we like to keep in mind that when heroes are taking a break from saving the world, they’re more than likely busy staring in their most recent blockbuster. unmasked doesn’t discriminate, we let our readers know about upcoming marvel and dc movies. we know it’s impossible to pick a favorite! *cough* marvel *cough*

About The Magazine

with great power comes great responsibility, but what happens when the pressure of being a hero becomes too much? That’s where unmasked steps in. with truth, justice, and the unmasked way, We’re here to show our readers that their idols are people too - just people with crazy abilities.

“Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever.” -professor x

ROID RAGE?

So many superheroes are questioning how the Hulk got so big. Do they honestly believe it’s just from constantly lifting weights (or cars or buildings or any other object only a super jacked hero could lift)? WRONG. Isn’t it obvious, the Hulk is on STEROIDS!! Do I need to spell it out for you? S-t-e-r-o-i-d-s. It’s basically just a fancier name for testosterone, and do you know what extra testosterone does to a superhero? It makes them angry!! Very very angry... Do you see the big picture now? Huge muscles + angry outbreaks = the Hulk is on steroids. So many superheroes are questioning how the Hulk got so big. Do they honestly believe it’s just from constantly lifting weights?

Isn’t it obvious, the Hulk is on STEROIDS!! Do I need to spell it out for you? S-t-e-r-o-i-d-s. It’s basically just a fancier name for testosterone, and do you know what extra testosterone does to a superhero? It makes them angry!! Very very angry... Do you see the big picture now? Huge muscles + angry outbreaks = the Hulk is on steroids So many superheroes are questioning how the Hulk got so big. Do they honestly believe it’s just from constantly lifting weights? So many superheroes are questioning how the Hulk got so big. Do they honestly believe it’s just from constantly lifting weights (or cars or buildings or any other object only a super jacked hero could lift)? WRONG. Isn’t it obvious, the Hulk is on STEROIDS!!

SPIDERMANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NOT THE ONLY Hero that

Swings!

Spider-man may swing from building to building, but have you ever seen Batman swinging into Wonder-Woman’s house or maybe even Superman swinging into Cat-Woman’s house? Oh, you don’t know what I’m referring to? Nowadays, a swinger is a person who tends to sleep with multiple people, or in this case, these superheroes thoroughly enjoy mixing up partners. Is it weird? Is it fun? Is it disturbing? Honestly, it’s probably all of the above. Batman and Superman don’t get enough action in the streets while fighting crime, so they seek out to find more action in bed. Rumor has it, it all started when Wonder Woman approached Batman at a club a few months back. Sources say they hit it off immediately and were even seen leaving the club together that night. Thinking this would make their spouses furious, they kept it on the down low for a while until CatWoman caught Batman sneaking out one night. Turns out, she wasn’t mad at all, she just wanted to join in on the fun. It sounds to me like they are all just a bunch of sexually free spirits. Spider-man may swing from building to building, but have you ever seen Batman swinging into Wonder-Woman’s house or maybe even Superman swinging into Cat-Woman’s house? Oh, you don’t know what I’m referring to? Nowadays, a swinger is a person who tends to sleep with multiple people, or in this case, these superheroes thoroughly enjoy mixing up partners.

Rumor has it, it all started when Wonder Woman approached Batman at a club a few months back. Sources say they hit it off immediately and were even seen leaving the club together that night. Thinking this would make their spouses furious, they kept it on the down low for a while until CatWoman caught Batman sneaking out one night. Turns out, she wasn’t mad at all, she just wanted to join in on the fun. It sounds to me like they are all just a bunch of sexually free spirits. Spider-man may swing from building to building, but have you ever seen Batman swinging into Wonder-Woman’s house or maybe even Superman swinging into Cat-Woman’s house? Oh, you don’t know what I’m referring to? Nowadays, a swinger is a person who tends to sleep with multiple people, or in this case, these superheroes thoroughly enjoy mixing up partners. Is it weird? Is it fun? Is it disturbing? Honestly, it’s probably all of the above. Batman and Superman don’t get enough action in the streets while fighting crime, so they seek out to find more action in bed. Rumor has it, it all started when Wonder Woman approached Batman at a club a few months back. Sources say they hit it off immediately and were even seen leaving the club together that night. 4

CAPTAIN AMER Sexiest Hero Alive! Some say it’s his body. Some say it’s his face. I say it’s a combination of both, and that’s how he accomplished becoming the sexiest superhero of the year. I don’t know how he does it. Fighting crime all day, and still looking good while doing it. We went out and interviewed Captain America. He explained, “I was honestly so shocked that I was chosen for this. I am usually so worn down and tired every day that I never imagined I would even be a candidate!” I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’re three and a half million women here? STEVE I’d settle for just one. Bucky waves at somebody in the distance. BUCKY Good thing I’ve taken care of that. Across the midway, TWO GIRLS WAVE BACK in front of THE MODERN MARVELS PAVILION.

“I’d settle for just one.” Steve tells Bucky when discussing all the women in New York.

Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon while the men are laying down their lives? I can do as well as them and I got no right to do any less. Remember, when you attack, you run toward the enemy. ALT. I can’t. You’re taking all the stupid with you. BUCKY (affectionately) You’re a punk. STEVE (affectionately) You’re a jerk. A moment, and Bucky turns to go. He spins as he goes, for a last little wave... STEVE (CONT’D) Don’t win the war till I get there. And Bucky goes, swooping up Connie under his arm. Steve turns to the tent. INT. RECRUITMENT PAVILION - NIGHT A YOUNG DOCTOR rips a blood pressure cuff of the nurse leave. Steve eyes a POSTER So, you want to go overseas, kill some Nazis?

I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’re three and a half million women here? STEVE I’d settle for just one. Bucky waves at somebody in the distance. BUCKY Good thing I’ve taken care of that. Across the midway, TWO GIRLS WAVE BACK in front of THE MODERN MARVELS PAVILION. STEVE What’d you tell her about me? Bucky grins, still waving. BUCKY Only the good stuff. It’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck. BUCKY As who? “Steve from Ohio”? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you. Steve looks at Bucky with a grim smile of disappointment. STEVE You don’t think I can do it. BUCKY This isn’t some back alley, Steve. It’s a war. Why are you so keen to fight? There’re lots of otherimportant jobs STEVE You want me to sit in a factory? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon while the men are laying down their lives? I can do as well as them and I got no right to do any less. Remember, when you attack, you run toward the enemy. ALT. I can’t. You’re taking all the stupid with you. BUCKY (affectionately) You’re a punk. STEVE (affectionately) You’re a jerk. A moment, and Bucky turns to go. He spins as he goes, for a last little wave... STEVE (CONT’D) Don’t win the war till I get there. And Bucky goes, swooping up Connie under his arm. Steve turns to the tent. INT. RECRUITMENT PAVILION - NIGHT A YOUNG DOCTOR rips a blood pressure cuff of the nurse leave. Steve eyes a POSTER So, you want to go overseas, kill some Nazis? I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’re three and a half million women here? STEVE I’d settle for just one. Bucky waves at somebody in the distance. BUCKY Good thing I’ve taken care of that. Across the midway, TWO GIRLS WAVE BACK in front of THE MODERN MARVELS PAVILION. STEVE What’d you tell her about me? Bucky grins, still waving. BUCKY Only the good stuff. It’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck. BUCKY As who? “Steve from Ohio”? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you. Steve looks at Bucky with a grim smile of disappointment. STEVE You don’t think I can do it. BUCKY This isn’t some back alley, Steve. It’s a war. Why are you so keen to fight? There’re lots of otherimportant jobs STEVE You want me to sit in a factory?

ICA

STRONGER THAN GREASE!