PEOPLE PLEASING

Empower YOURSELF

By Stopping Your People-Pleasing Behaviors

People tell you all the time that you’re the nicest person they know. You’re incredibly helpful, agreeable, and giving. You pride yourself on being reliable and available to your loved ones (and pretty much anyone who makes a request). So, you might be asking, “What’s the problem?”

While everyone loves being complimented for being a nice person, people pleasing is not the same as genuine kindness. The difference isn’t so much in the behaviors themselves, but in the motive. Ask yourself, “Why do I really do all those nice things?” If you’re doing something because you’re concerned that you’ll be disliked, judged or rejected, there’s a strong chance that you’re a people pleaser. If your intent is to satisfy or appease another at the cost of sacrificing your needs, yep, you’re probably a people pleaser.

Additional signs that you might be a people pleaser: • You have trouble saying no or feel guilty saying no. • You worry that people will think you’re selfish or mean if you don’t fulfill their requests. • You have little free time because you’re always doing for others. • You pretend to agree or change your personality to placate others. • You over apologize or accept blame inappropriately.

People pleasing is, at the core, a dependent behavior that can lead to feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, anxious, and resentful. Because people pleasers have trouble advocating for themselves and setting limits, their needs and self-care are often neglected. They are stretched too thin and feel burned out. Some lack authenticity because they’re hiding their wants and needs to please others and obtain approval.

People pleasing can emerge for many reasons. Those with poor self-esteem and who are insecure may not value or prioritize their own desires and opinions. They seek external validation and approval from others. Past traumas can lead to people pleasing behaviors. A person who has experienced abuse may people please and be agreeable and nonconfrontational in an effort to prevent triggering abusive behaviors by others. Women, in particular, are oftentimes reared with messages that emphasize being selfless, taking care of others, and being nurturers.

Good news! Change is possible. Once you develop the awareness of your people-pleasing behaviors, it’s time to take action and learn how

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Beverly Pedroche @drpedroche

to manage your compulsion to try to satisfy others. Begin by upgrading your perspective of yourself. Your people-pleasing behaviors have allowed others to benefit from your silence and sacrifice. Work on believing that your needs are as important (or, I assert, more important) as anyone’s. Second, start setting boundaries. This may be very uncomfortable at first; start small and hone the skill with consistent practice.

Being a kind and caring person is an important part of having healthy relationships. You can be a nice person without being a pathological people pleaser. Explore your motives, prioritize your needs, and set healthy boundaries. If being a people pleaser is interfering with your well-being, if you’re unable to make the aforementioned changes on your own, therapy can help.

Choose Sustainable Fashion

As we increasingly focus on becoming more sustainable in our lives, designers are creating chic and responsible collections using upcycled, deadstock and ecofriendly fabrics.

Here are the 5 lessons we’ve learned about how to use sustainability to up your personal style game: October 19 22, 2022

Join the movement with 4 fabulous action packed days of amazing sustainable designers, educational demonstrations, international panel discussions, entertainment and an amazing marketplace for you to curate your own sustainble style.

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5 Shop quality, reduce waste.

Look for materials made from recycled or natural fabrics which require little to no chemical treatment, less water, energy, no fertilizers, or pesticides. Organic fabrics include linen, hemp, organic cotton, and TENCEL (fabric made from sustainable wood pulp). These fabrics are biodegradable and easy on the planet.

Kindness is always in!

Natural fur can biodegrade and can even be composted for use in your garden. There is also the issue of animal cruelty involved in farming. Additionally, to keep animal skin apparel from rotting, they are treated with chemicals which are bad for the planet.

Do you have the look that kills?

Fast fashion uses about 8,000 synthetic chemicals to dye, bleach and process garments. These often cause disease or death to workers – even causing birth defects in children. Sustainable designers do not use chemical treatments, are committed to treating their workers fairly, and not using child labor.

Rediscover your creativity.

Sustainable fashion encourages creativity and innovation in clothing. It is the epitome of individuality and authenticity. What starts out as an old t-shirt or jeans – can be transformed and make you stand out.

Raise your fashion game with sustainable style.

Choose pieces that are not only good for the environment but quality pieces that we love. When we are more conscious of how our clothing affects our planet, animal & people we feel and look better in our clothing.