Empower YOURSELF
By Stopping Your People-Pleasing Behaviors
P
eople tell you all the time that you’re the nicest person they know. You’re
•
You over apologize or accept blame inappropriately.
incredibly helpful, agreeable, and
giving. You pride yourself on being reliable and
People pleasing is, at the core, a dependent
available to your loved ones (and pretty much
behavior that can lead to feeling emotionally
anyone who makes a request). So, you might be
depleted, stressed, anxious, and resentful.
asking, “What’s the problem?”
Because people pleasers have trouble advocating for themselves and setting limits,
While everyone loves being complimented
their needs and self-care are often neglected.
for being a nice person, people pleasing is not
They are stretched too thin and feel burned out.
the same as genuine kindness. The difference
Some lack authenticity because they’re hiding
isn’t so much in the behaviors themselves,
their wants and needs to please others and
but in the motive. Ask yourself, “Why do I
obtain approval.
really do all those nice things?” If you’re doing something because you’re concerned that
People pleasing can emerge for many reasons.
you’ll be disliked, judged or rejected, there’s a
Those with poor self-esteem and who are
strong chance that you’re a people pleaser. If
insecure may not value or prioritize their own
your intent is to satisfy or appease another at
desires and opinions. They seek external
the cost of sacrificing your needs, yep, you’re
validation and approval from others. Past
probably a people pleaser.
traumas can lead to people pleasing behaviors. A person who has experienced abuse may
Additional signs that you might be a people
people please and be agreeable and non-
pleaser:
confrontational in an effort to prevent triggering
•
You have trouble saying no or feel guilty
abusive behaviors by others. Women, in
saying no.
particular, are oftentimes reared with messages
You worry that people will think you’re selfish
that emphasize being selfless, taking care of
or mean if you don’t fulfill their requests.
others, and being nurturers.
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You have little free time because you’re always doing for others.
Good news! Change is possible. Once you
You pretend to agree or change your
develop the awareness of your people-pleasing
personality to placate others.
behaviors, it’s time to take action and learn how
SUMMER 2022
