Volume 101 Issue 21

The Collegian Walla Walla University

Volume 101

Issue 21

20 APR 2017

THE OTHER SIDE

10 7

OF MYRA ROAD

sports

18

arts & entertainment

23

satire

DEAR WHITTIES AND U STUDENTS, Do you recognize the writers in this week’s issue have to offer one another. So, whichever school you of The Collegian? If you don’t, then you are probably attend, go hang out at WWU’s Atlas or Whitman’s from Walla Walla University and wondering what’s large library. You might just be surprised at how many going on. Most the content and articles were written things we have in common. by our wonderful friends at Whitman College’s newspaper, The Whitman Wire. If you look at this week’s issue of their newspaper, you will find all the content and articles written by your beautiful Collegian staffers. This switch was something that started last year under Lauren Lewis, editor-in-chief 2015-2016. We thought this would be something fun to continue in order to cultivate better relationships between Whitties EDITOR-IN-CHIEF and U Students. I hope that both WWU and Whitman MATTHEW MORAN students will recognize the immense benefits they

CONTEXT

Perspective

LIFE

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17

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VIDANTA RESORTS AND DESTINATIONS

Table of Contents | 02 Letter to the Editor | 03 Week in Forecast | 04 News & Collegian Wisdom | 05 Sports | 07

editor-in-chief Matthew Moran assistant editor Abigail Wissink Creative Director Frank Ramirez Head Copy editor Sophia Rich

Ads & #thecollegian | 10 Feature | 11 Arts & Entertainment | 17

layout designers Anna-Marie Vargas Claudia Curtis Geoffrey Lopes Hannah Chebeleu

columnist Joni Harris

news writers Kyler Alvord Lauren Epperson

Fashion writer Angelica Chan

Copy Editors Katherine Beckner Amelia Pekar food writer Mason Neil feature editors Michael Jensen Ysabela Ramirez Bryndilynn Goodlyn

Life editor Micah Hall

humor writer Micah Hall

backpage editor Lauren Wahlen

opinion writer Yvanna Hammen-Alvarez

religion writer Vixie Bailey

WILLIAMS TEAM HOMES

Devotional writer Christina Moran

TAYLOR PENNER-ASH

Opinion | 20 Satire | 23 Witty Whitties Backpage | 24

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Culture/travel writer Darling Su ACA/SM Editor Stephanie Septembre Science writer Jordan Brooks Creative writing editor Mac Ford global service writer Daniel Villarreal

Cover Credit: ASWWU The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu. collegian@wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 1:00 A.M. on Thursday, April 20 , 2017.

Office Manager AnneMarie Vixie distributor Victoria Ico

The Collegian | Volume 101, Issue 20 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 https://issuu.com/aswwucollegian

NEWS CONTEXT 3

WHY I’M [NOT] CALLING PEOPLE HEATHENS BROOKLYNN LARSON CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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ast week’s feature article, entitled “Why I’m [Not] Leaving the Church” dealt with an urgent issue in the world of Seventh-day Adventism: the exodus of young people from the church rolls. This issue is important not only because it pertains to the future of the SDA Church, but also because it is part of a larger exodus of young people from religion in general.

I believe it was this issue that the authors were trying to touch on when they quoted Twenty One Pilots’ smash hit “Heathens” in reference to the massive number of millennials who have left organized religion behind. The use of the line “All my friends are heathens” however is troubling and problematic for at least two reasons. The first is that heathens is not a term of endearment for most people and carries with it a history as a derogatory term for non-believers. Even in the Twenty One Pilots song the term heathens is very clearly meant to describe a group of people who are troubled, violent, and insular. The use of the song lyric implies that those who choose to leave the church are heathen not only in the sense that they are non-believers, but also heathen in the sense that they are inherently troubled like the subjects of the song. Although likely inadvertent, this insinuation is pretty offensive to folks who have chosen to leave Adventism or religion in general. The authors may not be terribly worried about offending those folks, but they should be worried about offending folks who are thinking about leaving. This is the second reason the use of the term heathen is problematic: calling folks heathens can alienate people who would otherwise be persuaded by the article to remain an Adventist. If you want to convince people to stay, don’t suggest they’re a heathen for considering leaving. There are very good reasons why people consider leaving the church. To quote Twenty One Pilots again, “You don’t know the half of the abuse”. We cannot ask them to stay SDA with one side of our mouth and then use a potentially offensive term towards them with the other.

Another issue worth noting is the article’s argument that folks should stay because the church is not going to get better if everyone who cares to make it better leaves. This argument is an important one, in fact it’s the argument I reiterated to myself like a mantra after the General Conference vote to exclude women from ordination

What this article fails to recognize, however, is that the nature of the church at the moment often excludes the very people who would work for change from participating in the church leadership (and sometimes even in membership). How are millennials supposed to affect change in the church if they are not allowed votes proportional to their membership numbers? How are women supposed to affect change in the church if the leadership refuses to ordain them and then requires applicants for high leadership positions to be ordained? How are LGBTQIA folks supposed to affect change if their marriages are not recognized, their needs are ignored, and they have to keep their identity hidden in order to be employed at a church institution?

When we ask people who feel excluded and marginalized by the church to stay, we sometimes forget the exhausting, painful, and prolonged struggle we are asking them to undertake. We might be asking them to stay in a church that never recognizes them in their lifetime. We might be asking them to endure poor treatment at the local and the administrative level for their entire career. We might be asking them to forsake their desire for companionship and support in exchange for the chance to change the church’s stance on an issue or two. We cannot forget the weight of this request and the implications of the decision to stay SDA. For me, staying connected to the SDA church is a worthwhile cause. The SDA church has incredible opportunities to help bring people closer to a God whose character is trustworthy and loving, and who has no interest in damnation. The SDA church has great tools to improve the earthly lives of its members through education, healthcare, international aid, and work for religious freedom. On a local level, I have experienced incredible generosity, beautiful inclusivity, and helpful spiritual encouragement from my church. The University Church and the One Project have been assets to my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. My hope is that those of us who choose to stay keep in mind that people who choose to leave are people too—in need of love, support, prayer, and encouragement just like the rest of us. Making the church a better place begins when we stop worrying about “us” and “them” and start asking ourselves “How can I love this person like Christ loves them?”

IVAN CRUZ

WEEK IN FORECAST FRIDAY

THURSDAY

IMMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH

IVAN CRUZ

SATURDAY

BILLY GRAHAM EVANGELISTIC ASSOCIATION

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Record Store Day with Dogfish Head 5 p.m. Win gman Birdz and Brewz

Donald Blake Center Academic Conference 8:30-5:30 p.m. WEC, 2nd floor

The Afters Concert 9 p.m. WEC

Spring Carnival 3 p.m. Walla Walla County Fairgrounds

The Weekend CommUnity Olive Aneno, former refugee and Compassion International Ambassador 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. University Church

Donald Blake Center Academic Conference 7 p.m. FAC Auditorium

SUNDAY

MONDAY

JOSH MCKINNEY

GIZMAG

TUESDAY

ALL-LEN-ALL

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Spring Jam Band Auditions

Spring Jam Auditions

Tim Wise: White Lies Matter 6 p.m. Village Hall

Tri-College Service Day 9:30 a.m. Cordiner Hall at Whitman College The Park Duo So Young Park, soprano Jinhyang Park, piano 7 p.m. FAC Auditorium

Coming up

Atlas Art Auction April 29

Spring Jam and International Food Fair May 7

NEWS CONTEXT 5

INTERVIEW WITH INCOMING DEAN OF STUDENTS DAREN MOOKO NICK MAAHS STAFF REPORTER

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aren Mooko was recently selected to replace Chuck Cleveland as Whitman’s dean of students. While on campus, Mooko sat down with Wire reporter Nick Maahs to discuss residence life and transparency.

What follows is a transcript of part of that conversation. Minor edits have been made for clarity and concision.

NM: I know residence life is a big part of what you’re looking to do here. What’s your vision for Whitman regarding just where the student body lives?

NM: How do you think that sort of change might impact affordability for the Whitman community?

NM: How do you plan to improve relations between the student body and the administration?

DM: My understanding is that maybe 60 percent of Whitman students live on-campus.

One of my overall goals is to really learn the culture here first, and I probably will want to learn more about the housing dynamics— choices that students are making, what options they have available to them—and to find out why they are making their choices. So, if it’s the case that 40 percent aren’t living on campus because they find something objectionable, then that’s something to look at. If 40 percent are saying, “It almost doesn’t matter what you do to the residence halls or residence life, I just really want to live off-campus in an apartment,” I don’t know how much more you can do there.

I think what might be related to that is to have a better understanding of how third and fourth year students still feel connected to the college.

Again, it’s my understanding that residency is required for first and second year, and I want to learn more about what the experiences are for third and fourth year students, if there’s any relationship to the housing and to how they envision themselves connected to the college.

DM: Again, I would want to know first if students actually want to live on campus. So, it’s one of these questions of which came first, is it the fact that we haven’t built new residence halls because no one wants to live on campus or is it the fact that people are moving off campus because there’s nowhere to live here. I think building this new hall is an interesting next step to see what that would look like. I think that would actually take some really intentional studying and research that would be pretty in-depth, because it wouldn’t just be a matter of asking juniors and seniors, “Would you?” It would also be a question of, “What would you want,” right? Because I think there’s a dramatic difference between your first year at Whitman and your fourth year at Whitman, and how that translates into housing needs. There are different models—and I’m sure students know this because they have friends that go to other schools—where there are apartment style residence halls and that could be something that would be of interest to students.

DM: I don’t have anything specific in mind. I think my general approach working in higher education is to work towards consistent and regular communication with students.

I think that when communication between administration and students becomes a routine of problem, request, resolution, problem, request, resolution, I don’t think that’s communication; I think that’s a transaction.

So, I would love to have consistent, regular communication with a wide variety of students, whether that be organized through the student government or Interfraternity Council or athletics, however it is. That’s what I’m interested in, I’m not interested in just responding to problems. That has to happen, I mean obviously, but I’m much more interested in the other: consistent communication.

WHITMAN STUDENTS AWARDED WATSONS KATE GRUMBLES STAFF REPORTER

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he Watson Fellowship is a prestigious award granted to only 40 students from across the country each year. This year, Whitman seniors Nina Finley and Sam Perkins were a part of that distinguished group.

The Watson Fellowship was created in 1968 by the family of the founder of IBM, Thomas J. Watson. Each year, the Watson Foundation selects fellowship recipients from 40 small, selective liberal arts colleges, including Whitman. The 40 Watson fellows who are selected receive $30,000 to pursue their passion outside of the U.S. for a year.

During the application process, the applicants design their own itinerary for the 12 month time period, based on the project they have chosen to pursue. Recipients of the Watson may not reenter the U.S. throughout the entirety of the Watson year, and may have limited to no contact with family and friends from home.

Having two students selected for a Watson from the same school is somewhat

unexpected. Since there are 40 colleges in the running and 40 contestants selected, this generally means only one Watson Fellow is chosen per school.

Keith Raether, Director of Fellowships and Grants at Whitman, spoke about the honor of having two Watsons selected at Whitman this year.

“This is a nice watershed year for us.

We, historically, have had at least one Watson nearly every year,” Raether said.

According to Raether, there are typically 16 to 20 applicants every year at Whitman who apply for the Watson. This group is cut down to around eight people after the Whitman Watson Committee chooses a group they judge as having potential to receive the fellowship, then narrowed to a final four applicants.

Representatives from the Watson Foundation conduct interviews at each school then select the final 40 Watson fellows from across the country.

“There are ingredients to a Watson nominee, or fellow,” Raether said. “They’re people who have … almost an obsessive interest in one thing or another that they want to pursue in the world. They certainly have

resourcefulness and imagination. They have to have both emotional and intellectual maturity, to be able to do this all on their own. I would say they have to be fairly bold in spirit to do this.”

Finley1 is one of the people bold enough to take on the Watson year. She will be traveling to Mexico, Brazil, Madagascar, Indonesia, Malaysia and Russia to study disease ecology. She plans to focus on how the diseases in each area affect wildlife and ecosystems, and also how the people living in each area are impacted by the diseases.

Finley’s passion for ecology and seeing ecosystems around the world informed her choices of countries to visit.

“I’m really excited to see some ecosystems that I’ve been dreaming about for my whole life. Specifically, the Pantanal, which is the world’s largest wetland, located in the Brazilian rainforest,” Finley said. “That’s my first stop.”

Perkins2 is the other Whitman student who will complete a Watson year, focusing on an entirely different topic. Sam will travel to Australia, Chile, Japan and Nepal to study how each community interacts with wildfires and other natural phenomenon.

His choice to study wildfires next year comes from a strong family history of firefighting and the experience Sam has had working as a firefighter in Walla Walla.

“The Watson is a passion driven exploration, and studying wildfires, and specifically being involved with wildfires is something that is rooted in my family and my own history, and something I’ve done throughout college, working as a firefighter in town,” Perkins said. “My own personal history paired with my passion for exploration and travel stimulated my interest for this fellowship.”

The application process for the Watson fellowship is daunting, with multiple interviews and the task of creating a travel itinerary for a year, but Perkins suggests that people who find their passion in life should apply.

“When applying, I never expected for the outcome to turn out how it did. I went for it anyway, and for all people who are considering it, just recognize that there are many passions that people have and there’s no harm in trying,” Perkins said.

1 2

https://watson.foundation/fellowships/tj/fellows/a0CF000000Ru0JfMAJ https://watson.foundation/fellowships/tj/fellows/a0CF000000RUMa5MAH

6

CONTEXT NEWS

PRESSING $5O,OOO ANDREW SCHWARTZ NEWS EDITOR

L

ast March, Whitman president Kathy Murray announced that the school would, yet again, raise tuition for the upcoming year.

This is standard practice among private liberal arts institutions like Whitman, and in higher education generally. Inflation churns, wages rise, and the school develops, expanding into new arenas and deepening current programs.

Most years, Whitman raises tuition between 3 and 7 percent. The school’s budget—roughly $84 million this school year—rises at a comparable rate.

In 1996, you could get a Whitman education for $18,650 a year (all tuition numbers in this article account for tuition only, not room and board expenses or the Associated Students of Whitman College fee), or roughly $28,533 in September of 2016, according to inflation numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Tuition for the 2016-2017 school year, on the other hand, was $47,490, and it will be $49,390 for the 2017-2018 school year. The rise of tuition far beyond that of inflation is a well-documented phenomena in higher education. But what accounts for these shifts at Whitman in particular?

Whitman CFO and Vice President of Finances Peter Harvey ('84) says that, to begin with, considering Whitman tuition in terms of inflation is misleading for a number of reasons.

"There's no one single answer, but first of all, if you compare an education institution to a for-profit business, for-profit business grow their volume—produce more widgets, if you will—every year as a way to generate

more revenue, as a way to help keep cost-perwidget down,” Harvey said. “Education, we don’t do that. We keep our size roughly the same because we believe the critical nature of our education is similar-sized classes and hands-on personal service. We don't outsource the classroom experience to a contractor, nor frankly, do it online. There are colleges that do that and that’s fine for certain types of knowledge acquisition if you're just memorizing things, but for what we’re trying to teach—critical thinking, communications skills, inquiry—it doesn’t work."

Harvey added that Whitman’s big driver is paying people, not products, meaning the school’s finances are subject to financial forces that inflation alone won’t account for.

In general, American wages have risen in the last 20 years beyond the rate of inflation, but not by enough to totally account for tuition increases. Harvey stressed that Whitman makes a point of offering regular raises to retain and attract good people.

And then there’s the argument that Whitman is simply a better product then it was in say, 1996. Better facilities, more programs, etc.

Harvey cited the climbing wall—a roughly $500,000 capital expense—as a prime example of the sort of thinking for which Whitman’s budget is criticized.

“A lot of people would say that's case number one of the arms race and frivolous spending," Harvey said. "I don’t think it is. I thought it really connected with the Whitman student body.”

He continued that the “critical thinking that went into assessing whether to put that into Sherwood Center was, ‘We’re in the Pacific Northwest, it takes advantage of the interests of our students and it’ll make us competitive in recruiting and retaining

FLICKR

students. Plus it’s a good healthy activity to develop the whole student, and it creates leadership opportunities.’”

Every year, the President's budget advisory committee, chaired by Harvey and composed of students faculty and staff, convenes to recommend a budget to the official Board of Trustees budget committee, composed mainly of trustees and overseers.

Mitchell Cutter, ASWC Finance Chair, who manages ASWC’s budget of over $500,000, sits on both committees. Not surprisingly, he said the role of ASWC and the role of student representatives on these committees tends to be “let’s not radically raise tuition.” He anticipated a three way struggle between raising tuition and salary pools for staff and faculty, but “at times,” he said, “the staff were actually more against raising the tuition that we have than the students were … From my perspective, I saw the necessity of raising tuition in the way we did, and there were ideas of raising it higher than we did, and I pushed against that, but the staff [did] even more.”

According to Director of Institutional Research Neal Christopherson, Whitman doled out over $25 million in financial aid each this school year. This number, that tends to increase with rising tuition, is composed of roughly 82 percent need-based aid. Total aid tends to be around 36 percent of tuition itself, meaning that the average student paid around $30,000 this year in tuition. According to the official budget, this year’s net tuition, $46 million, covered roughly 60 percent of the school’s expenses, and the endowment that grew significantly under the presidency of George Bridges, covered the majority of the rest of the school's expenses.

Whitman’s budget is, of course, a balancing act. Everyone wants something

for their department and salaries are always increasing. New issues, like under-enrollment or minimum wage increases, emerge. The Physical Plant budget alone has increased over 55 percent since 2008, last year pushing over $9 million. Instructional Spending, that mostly comprises faculty salaries, has risen 40 percent in the same span. The school is currently pushing to get its faculty-to-student ratio up, but the proposed elimination of tenure-track positions is making waves.

“We stop doing things, we get a lot of complaints, especially from students,” Harvey said. "We've stopped things over the years, and people don't like it. There's always 5 or 10 percent of the student body that's actively benefiting from anything we do at least. And even if it's only 5 or 10 percent, it's important to them, and they're paying their $45,000 in tuition ... There’s more pressure to add things and improve things than there is to become more lean.”

The Louis C.K. stand-up comedy story about the man cursing with righteous anger upon learning that the newly-installed airplane Wi-Fi temporarily broke down exemplifies the psychology at work that makes the the collegiate arms race so potent.

Cutter and Harvey both reiterated the need for Whitman to remain competitive, and this largely involves constantly comparing itself to other schools.

Cutter said he has “some philosophical issues” with the comparative arms race logic that is at work. “I think that the liberal arts are going to reach a decision point at which that sort of structure is no longer possible. But in the meantime … in order to stay competitive … without undertaking a big philosophical shift, I am appreciative of the reality.”

SPORTS/ COLLEGIAN WISDOM CONTEXT 7

TENNIS CONFIDENCE HIGH AS CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT LOOMS ARIE KNOPS SPORTS WRITER

B

oth Whitman men’s and women’s tennis teams wrapped up their seasons with wins and now look forward to next weekend’s Conference Tournament.

The men’s team finished on top of the Northwest Conference with a perfect 12-0 record, going 22-6 overall.

“This season has been going pretty well. We started off strong with a huge win over top 10 team Pomona. Since then we’ve been pretty steady, beating the teams we should be beating. The new ranking system has ranked us ninth in the nation and we’re really playing like it.

Last weekend we went to Texas, where we had a great win over No. 17 University of Texas at Tyler and a close loss to No. 15 Trinity,” junior Chase Friedman said.

For a team with as much success as they’ve had in past years, one of the challenges is finding challenging situations to sharpen their play. This year, Coach Jeff Northam scheduled a bevy of challenging nonconference matches to improve their skills.

“We’ve traveled to Philadelphia, Texas and California, and had to play top teams on their home courts. “Even though we didn’t win all of them, we’ve kept positive attitudes throughout the matches and I think that’s an important thing to have,” junior Gary Ho added.

For Friedman, the key to the team’s success has been in doubles.

“Our doubles this year has been really strong. We usually go up after doubles, which makes it a lot easier to finish off teams in singles,” Friedman said.

Senior Petar Jivkov has been one of the team’s strongest performers in his final year. Jivkov seized a vital singles win 6-3, along with a 8-5 win in doubles with partner Zach Hewlin in the 5-4 win against University of Texas at Tyler.

“He’s really stepped up as a leader and he’s playing unbelievably well,”

Friedman said.

This weekend the men’s team beat George Fox 9-0 and Pacific University 8-1.

The women tied for top of the Northwest Conference with Linfield with an 11-1 record (13-5 overall), but will enter this weekend’s conference tournament as the second seed due to a close loss to Linfield on March 11. The women are in good shape after a very strong regular season.

COLLEGIAN WISDOM TYWEN KELLY

experience for the underclassman has been key,” Wallin said.

For Wallin, all focus is on the upcoming conference tournament. The team will be playing third seed Lewis & Clark at 2 p.m. Saturday at Linfield.

“Our goal is to win next weekend’s conference tournament and earn an automatic bid into the NCAA regional tournament. We won the conference tournament my first two years and it

Adidas apologizes for sending Boston marathon runners an email saying “You Survived.”

PR team won’t survive this.

Fox News fires Bill O’Reilly over sexual abuse allegations.

He has now entered the no job zone.

Texas woman calls the fire department after she gets her hand stuck attempting to unclog her toilet.

CW team trying to finger out a joke about this, but it’s a handful of trouble.

“A few weeks ago we traveled to California and had a huge win against Redlands. This was the first time in my four seasons here we have beat them. That match was also really big for our national ranking. A combination of that win and the strength of our schedule pushed our ranking up from 28 to 24, which is the highest in our conference,” senior Allie Wallin said.

One unique aspect for the women’s team this season has been their small roster of only eight players.

“Having a small team has been challenging, but it has almost been an advantage for us because we all get a lot of playing time. Because we are also a very young team, getting lots of match

would be really great to finish off my last season with another conference tournament title,” Wallin said.

The aim is similar for the men’s team, who open the tournament by playing George Fox Saturday at 10 a.m. on Whitman’s home court. The team is hoping to use the conference tournament as a springboard for the national tournament.

“Moving forward, we’re looking at nationals. This year we have a genuine shot of making farther than we ever have before. Based on the way we’re all playing I expect a great national tournament,” Friedman said.

Photo Credit: Tywen Kelly

Mark Zuckerburg confirms Facebook is working on mind reading technology.

“How did they know I wanted to watch more Tasty videos?!”

Patient claims his doctors accidentally removed his kidney instead of his cancerous tumor.

You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.

8 CONTEXT SPORTS

TEAM POSITIVITY SETS MEN’S GOLF ON THE UPSWING JESSE SINDELAR SPORTS WRITER

W

hile the men’s golf team here at Whitman might not always have a place in the spotlight, the team has been quietly creating an impressive program oriented for the future.

The team has finished in the bottom half of their past nine tournaments and their record this season has not exactly been exemplary, but that has not hindered team cohesion and development from growing steadily.

“We might not be the best team in terms of scoring compared to other schools, but we are definitely one of the most united and caring,” first-year golfer Nick Xiang said.

This collective positive atmosphere has allowed the team to bond and encourage each other, all while developing their game as golfers along the way.

“One of the best parts about the golf team is how close we’ve become over the season. We all work together and support each other to improve as a team,” first-year Charlie Schneider added.

“I don’t really know how to express it, but it just makes me feel happy to be with my teammates, and practice and improve our game as golf players,” Xiang continued.

HENRY HONZEL

The youth of the team adds another level of hope for the future. The team has no seniors, and four of the seven members are first-years.

“Since I have been here, we’ve only had four or five players, but this year we got four first-years. The team is young and we have high hopes for the future. The first-years have all shown potential and improvement throughout the season,” Mario SantosDavidson said. Santos-Davidson is one of the two juniors on the team.

While the success is set for the future, the process and progress has already started.

“We’re moving up and are starting to compete with the middle pack of our conference now. Our tournaments work by counting the best four scores each day for our team, so even having a fifth solid player to have options when someone is having a bad day is huge. Having been abroad in the fall, it’s been great coming back into such a big team, which has led to great competition each day in practice,” Santos-Davidson continued.

With Whitman always looking to develop their athletic programs, some sports may shine more than others. But while the men’s golf team might not be the most famous on campus, they certainly have a bright future ahead of them, and will be one to keep an eye on in the coming years.

HENRY HONZEL

HENRY HONZEL

SPORTS CONTEXT 9

THE COMPETITIVE COMMUNITY OF INTRAMURAL SPORTS CHEROKEE WASHINGTON SPORTS WRITER

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hether you’re an ex-athlete looking for a space to put your muscle memory to good use, or a bunch of friends looking for a good time, intramural sports are one of the most accessible and entertaining pastimes at Whitman. Here, intramural sports have a strong focus on community. Seventy percent of Whitman’s student body participates in at least one of nine intramural sports, largely in teams that draw from and build on existing groups on campus.

“The success of Whitman's intramural sports programs and the friendly yet competitive spirit of our intramural teams are examples of the powerful sense of community on the Whitman campus,” states Whitman’s intramural sports webpage. This sense of community brings all walks of Whitman life to the intramural sports fields and courts, as members of Greek organizations, athletes, non-athletes and independents alike participate in various intramural sports.

“In general, people tend to group together for these intramural sports teams as part of a group they feel they belong in, whether that group is Greek, an interest house/residence hall section, an a cappella group, a club, or simply a group of friends.

I don't think there is ever just a random selection,” senior intramural sports athlete Taylor Berntson said.

Rain Drop and Serving Face, two 2017 intramural volleyball teams, demonstrate this community focus especially well.

Throughout the past four years, both squads have seen various iterations of their respective teams, gaining players from all walks of Whitman life.

“We’ve been together almost every year here, however people have graduated and therefore the team has fluctuated.

It all started with our intramural sports softball team Big Sticks Hot Chicks,” senior Kendra Winchester said of Serving Face. Her team comprises of former and current women’s basketball players, as well as members of Greek life.

Of Rain Drop, a team of graduating senior soccer players and non-varsity athletes, senior Tray Foy noted, “What

makes our team so unique is that it is a group of people that normally don’t run in the same friend groups, but still make up a driven fun team that has the same goal.”

With the season just underway, Serving Face is 1-0 while Rain Drop is 2-0.

Needless to say, the teams are both off to a good start.

The competitiveness of teams do vary.

Any sporting competition is naturally competitive, but intramural sports also allow for a fun, loose atmosphere.

“Competitiveness is a word that's used for us a lot; competitiveness is fun. I don't know any other way. In all seriousness, we have fun and relax, but we are in it to win games because as a team made up of a mix of recently ‘retired’ Whitman varsity

athletes and competitive high school volleyball players … we like to play well and walk away with the ‘W,’” Rain Drop member and women’s soccer senior Haley Case said.

For Berntson, a member of a third team, Bump n’ Grind, the experience is more about the joy in playing with friends.

“As someone who played volleyball competitively for years, I think that my favorite moments come when we are 100 percent uncompetitive and truly just having fun,” she said.

For Case, it’s the blend of competitiveness and fun that makes the intramural sports experience so unique.

“I so enjoy the little moments of coming together and improving as a team.

When someone aces a serve, nails a spike or even when I get hit in the face when a teammate botches a dig but we almost get the ball over the net anyways–these memories will stay with me as highlights of Whitman,” she said.

When asked which three words summed up their team cultures, Foy said Rain Drop is “competitive, scrappy, and athletic,” while Case described the team as “chillin', chortling champions.” Serving Face, on the other hand, was described simply as “lots of laughs” by Winchester.

No matter what branch of the Whitman community you hail from, it’s clear that participation in intramural sports is worth consideration, as attested to by these enthusiastic intramural sports players.

AMELIA WELLS

AMELIA WELLS

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FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 11

THE OTHER SIDE CHRIS HANKIN NEWS EDITOR

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yra Road separates Walla Walla from the city of College Place; it also separates Whitman College from Walla Walla University. The two institutions exist in parallel universes with little crossover.

I had the chance to visit Walla Walla University last Wednesday, April 12. I drank ginger chai tea with the assistant editor of The Collegian, Abby Wissink, at The Atlas. We chatted about religion, party culture, and politics.

Life on the two campuses has been especially divergent since Nov. 8. The election of President Donald J. Trump was a polarizing issue on Ankeny and at Sittner, but for different reasons.

Whitman students have—for the most part—reacted with dismay. Protests have been commonplace, both after the

initial election results and then regaining momentum in the wake of Trump’s inauguration. The Collegian staff didn’t believe me when I told them that a flag had burned in anger on campus.

This has not been the case at WWU. “It's a lot less public, I think,” Wissink said, referring to protests since the election.

“The administration, or people who back the school, they might feel differently than my friends and I. There aren’t really a whole lot of public protests anywhere. It's usually more of an individual event.”

This difference reflects an ideological divide between the two schools. Whitman is predominantly liberal. I don’t want to paint with too broad a brush, but most of campus seems to have been grieving since Jan. 20.

Wissink explained to me that is has been more complicated on the other side of Myra, both for the campus as a whole and for her specifically.

OF MYRA ROAD “That was my birthday, so I might have had a separate experience.” Wissink turned 23 the night Donald Trump was elected President of the United States.

“The night was mostly spent eating the least celebratory birthday cake ever on the floor of my room while listening to NPR,” Wissink continued.

But the next day, there was no mass student action. WWU is by no means overwhelmingly conservative, but it is more of a mix. “You can walk into a classroom and have no idea about someone's political views,” Abby said.

The political homogeneity of Whitman’s student body is discussed ad nauseam. People speak in hushed tones about the infamous “Whitman bubble”; they bemoan the lack of ideological diversity in classrooms and in conversations.

For Wissink, this is not unique to the Blues.

“Even here it’s easy to stay in your

bubble, people tend to flock to their own belief system and political beliefs … I think it can be tiring to hang out with people that have very different political beliefs than you.”

I grew up a devout agnostic. I have been to church once in my life. I was 18 and I went on what can only be described as a lark. It was fine, but it didn’t really do anything for me. I can count the number of Republicans that I know on my fingers.

And yet, I found a lot more in common with the students at WWU than you might think. Hanging out in the ASWWU offices, arguing over layout, gorging myself on animal crackers, it felt like The Wire. In this age of division, at a time when the country, and even the 509, seems more separated than ever before, maybe we can take solace in the fact that the split on Myra Road isn’t as big as we might imagine.

12 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

WE AREN'T THAT DIFFERENT AFTER ALL YSABELA RAMIREZ FEATURE EDITOR MICHAEL JENSEN FEATURE EDITOR

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trolling around the Whitman campus with esteemed Editor-in-Chief Mitchell Smith was an enlightening and, to be honest, envy-inspiring experience. The grounds are well-laidout and pretty, with plenty of open spaces for a friendly game of frisbee or beach volleyball between classes. But it is the buildings where Whitman truly shines. A simple glance at the climbing gym makes it clear that even in the less serious things (after all, rock climbing isn’t exactly an academic pursuit), Whitman provides its students with the best. Clearly, the campus is run with a no-expenses-barred attitude that makes lesser-endowed institutions like WWU look a bit poor by comparison.

Since my time on campus was limited, I didn’t have the time to interact much with many Whitman students.

However, just from hanging out in the newsroom and talking with Smith and Publisher Marra Clay, I gathered that Whitman students approach life with a vitality and fun-loving attitude common to most college students. The school and its students wrestle with challenges of their own, but take them in stride. In that regard, despite our widely different campus backgrounds, we are not so different after all.

While we were on the Whitman campus, we got asked a few questions about life at Walla Walla University. Here we endeavor to satisfy your curiosity.

How religious is your campus?

Walla Walla University could be described as a very religious campus. There are certain policies on campus that could be said to “enforce” religiosity, such as the requirement to complete a certain

MONICA CULLER

number of worship credits. However, it is important to realize that a large portion of students choose to attend WWU specifically because of its religious environment, and these policies are put in place to protect the religious environment the university promises. There is a lively debate on campus as to whether worship credits should be required. But, the main complaint is often that worship does not appear to be genuine when it is required.

People willingly choose to attend a university across the country from their homes in order to receive a faith-centered education. This can be seen in a thriving Campus Ministries Department which hosts various events such as weekly Friday night worships called Vespers. It should be noted that Vespers is attended by a large portion of the student body whether or not they need the worship credits. Also, the university is proud of its involvement in mission work and yearly sends as many as 90 students who choose to work as student missionaries for a full academic year. They usually work in schools or orphanages and to a lesser extent, in hospitals.

So, how religious is Walla Walla University?

Could you walk into your chemistry class to find that each class period will begin with a devotional and prayer?

Quite possibly. Will you find Bible verses displayed on campus buildings? Yes. Do all the students know Bible verses are displayed on campus buildings? No. (It took me a year to realize this…) Does the cafeteria serve vegetarian only options because “Adventists are vegetarians”? Yes. Are all students vegetarian? No. I think you get the point.

What is the party culture like at WWU?

Walla Walla University policies include a completely "dry campus" for all students, including those over the age of 21. (How strictly are these policies implemented?

No comment.) The Adventist-sanctioned version of getting “drunk” is staying up late and being with people. Or having a tea

party. In fact, there is a certain campusowned house strategically proximate to the University Church called the Honors House where tea parties are common.

For better or for worse, this is the closest thing to a frat house at WWU. Tea parties are hosted weekly, and board games and philosophical discussions are encouraged.

Now for the real deal. Some Walla Walla University students do participate in “real” parties; however, due to the culture and rules on campus, it’s not something widely discussed.

In last year’s content switch issue, several Whitman students posed questions to the students of Walla Walla University.

Here are their answers.

"How’s the food there?"

-Fathi Assegaf Cafeteria food is pretty good at WWU. It’s too expensive to justify visiting for a meal, but isn't bad for a cafeteria.

-Micah Hall, senior communications major Not great, but we are vegetarian.

FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 13 -Ivory Vogt, senior international communications major The caf gets a bunch of negative press for being too expensive and not very tasty.

However, they're right.

-Johnel Lagabon, senior biology major What food?

-Brandan Patchett, senior business major

"Do you feel as though there is a Walla Walla University Bubble?"

-Hanna Greenberg I think a majority of WWU students live in a bubble…when you are an Adventist, you stay within your community. I don’t live in the bubble …but then I’m not an Adventist. I don’t want to say living in a ‘bubble’ is a bad thing for everyone.

It is good to be in a community that supports and understands you. I have my own community that is supportive; they just don’t conform to the Seventh-day Adventist ‘bubble.’

-Kaite Johnston, senior English major

I think there is just as much of a bubble around WWU as there is one around any other college campus. Every college has a culture unique to itself and is governed by its values.

-Emilia Ramirez, junior biochemistry major There is a bubble around certain groups on campus, and there is a sort of ‘mainstream’ culture that usually ends up running the main events/ASWWU, but I don’t think

the students as whole subscribe to the same mentality or way of life.

-Daniella Silva, junior international communications major Yes, but I reject the bubble.

-Brandan Patchett, senior business major

"Do you feel engaged with the Walla Walla Community?"

-Robby Boyer

No, not really. I have done some community service, but I spend most of my time on school.

-Emilia Ramirez, junior biochemistry major I do feel engaged with the community of Walla Walla in general, but that’s only because I live here and my mom works downtown.

-Ivory Vogt, senior international communications major I feel engaged in the Walla Walla community because for me as the editor [of The Collegian], I get a lot of emails from community events that are going on and try to advertise them in The Collegian. Because I am a science major, I am also aware of the scientific research and talks that go on at the Whitman and Community colleges. I feel like I can gain a lot from the other colleges in town as well as the broader community. I also think that our campus has a lot of good things to offer to the community.

-Matthew Moran, senior bioengineering major

"Whitman can have a pretentious atmosphere, how does that affect Walla Walla University’s identity in relation to us? Are there any intergroup differences?"

-Emma Rust

No, I think it is just people being scared of the unknown. I’m sure Whitman students are really fun to hang out with—you just have to get to know them.

-Brandan Patchett, senior business major

I don’t think it affects WWU’s identity very much because our campus already has a very strong “Adventist” identity, which overshadows everything else.

After “Adventist,” I would probably say WWU has a strong mainstream Pacific Northwest culture, which may or may not also be the case on the Whitman campus.

-Daniella Silva, junior international communications major

Questions for Whitman students:

I like to make jokes about Whitman having a pretentious atmosphere. I don’t think that is actually true. Everyone I have talked to from Whitman has been nice. I have never felt that on their campus.

-Micah Hall, senior communications major

I have personally never felt the “pretentious atmosphere,” but when I hear about it I’m amused. We don’t really care about Whitman’s pretentiousness.

-Emilia Ramirez, junior biochemistry major

I do totally feel that Whitman has a pretentious atmosphere, and I think in a lot of ways that keeps WWU students from trying to interact with Whitman kids. I've been in town for almost four years, and have only recently started meeting Whitman students. And honestly, I'm really disappointed in myself for not moving past the "WWU Bubble" sooner.

The Whitman students I've actually taken the time to get to know are really excellent humans...and I think some of them think I'm pretty okay, too. (Shout out to Theta— ya'll are great.) Seriously, though, both our schools are way too small for us to keep pretending we're that different.

-Katie Pekar, senior biology major

Does the Adventist label make you hesitate to interact with WWU students?

-Kaite Johnston, senior English Major Aside from law, how do you plan to use your humanities major to pay off your student loans? No, seriously though, I need to figure out how to pay off my loans too...

-Johnel Lagabon, senior biology major Be honest. How many of you have studied at The Atlas? Because really, its great.

-Emilia Ramirez, junior biochemistry major Do you like jazz?

-Lucas Marcondes, first year computer engineering major Who is a Whitman student?

They study A&P like one of us. We really aren’t that different.

-Bryndi Goodlin, senior humanities major A Whitman student is someone who dropped $60,000 to attend a liberal arts college.

-Lucas Marcondes, first-year computer engineering major A bunch of hippies who walk around in nice buildings.

-Brandan Patchett, senior business major

GOOGLE IMAGES

14 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

WASTE AT WHITMAN: ONLINE SHOPPING ON THE RISE

OLIVIA GILBERT FEATURE EDITOR

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ast year the New York Times published an article entitled “E-commerce: convenience built of a mountain of cardboard.” The article looks at online shopping in what many imagine is its most extreme form: a Silicon valley worker orders produce through Google and receives his cardboard box of onions and potatoes within hours, Amazon delivers a Miami resident his order of a four-pack of Starbucks vanilla Frappuccinos in 10 minutes flat (their fastest delivery to date), a proliferation of shopping and delivery services promise to drop off your goods within hours of ordering.

You might think that Whitman and Walla Walla, tucked away in folds of rolling hills, hours from the nearest major city and well outside of Amazon’s two-hour delivery window (for now), is worlds away from this strange and bewilderingly fast incarnation of e-commerce. While online shopping may look different here than in, say, San Francisco, it’s worth taking a closer look at.

Post office: A flood of packages Talk to Eddie DeLeon, the supervisor of the Whitman post office.

On an average day, the post office, located in the basement of Reid Campus Center, receives 250-300 packages. The current student body of Whitman, including full- and part-time enrolled students and excluding those studying abroad, totals 1,430. Including 120 (full-time) faculty, that makes nearly 1600 people who use the post office. Working from the low end of the number of packages received, that's roughly one package per every six people per day.

Whitman certainly isn’t unique in this. Universities and colleges across the country, such as Bowdoin and University of Connecticut, have noticed a drastic increase in mail volume to due students’ online shopping habits.1 Amazon Prime, with its discounted student rate and domination

SAMARAH URIBE

SAMARAH URIBE

of the online shopping market (in 2016 Amazon accounted for 43 percent of all U.S. online retail sales),2 is often pointed to as a particular culprit.

Interestingly, DeLeon has noticed that this school year in particular has seen an abnormally large amount of packages.

“The mail volume was just ridiculous this year; it just flooded in,” DeLeon said.

The volume was particularly high at the beginning of the school year—which DeLeon explains happens every year—and after the flood, caused by a burst pipe, in Reid this past January.

“The beginning of the year is just the busiest time for us. We get probably over 400-500 packages a day from new students coming in—just trying to process that

and to keep the mail flowing and make sure everybody gets their stuff on time,” DeLeon said.

The flood in Reid began on a Wednesday, shutting down the post office until two days later, a Friday. When the post office received the mail from the past two days on Friday, they faced their own flood–of hundreds of packages and a line of students eager to pick them up. The postal workers struggled to process and hand out the huge amount of mail.

“I felt like I was being a jerk because ... it was after the flood and everyone wanted their box, and ... 600 and some packages came in at once on a Friday,” DeLeon said.

“And that was like, ‘Oh, well, time to get to it and see what we can do!’”

DeL eon isn’t sure why this year in particular has seen such an increase in packages.

“I don’t know if more students went online and bought most of their books online,” DeLeon said. “Everybody likes to order online.”

DeLeon acknowledges that as a small town, Walla Walla does not have many stores that carry brands students want for shoes or other clothing items. He wonders if the former Blue Mountain Mall on Rose Street, Myra Road and Poplar Street, slated to reopen in spring 2018 according to the Union-Bulletin, will attract students and thus reduce online shopping.

For his part, DeLeon appreciates that the many packages create a bustling, fastpaced work day for him and his coworkers.

“It’s great because it keeps us busy.

It keeps the flow of the mail room really busy,” DeLeon said.

Having just completed his first year as supervisor of the post office (formerly he was the campus courier), DeLeon feels it has been an exciting time to be in his position.

“Mail doesn’t stop! It’s been bizarre; it’s been really great, really fun, actually, being in this position now," DeLeon said.

DeLeon and his employees juggle not only the front desk where students, faculty and Walla Walla residents send mail, pick up packages, and buy stamps, but also the near constant influx of packages at the back door, brought by a myriad of delivery services, including UPS and FedEx. DeLeon finds connecting students with their packages rewarding.

“There’s nothing better than getting a package to a student and them going, ‘Oh my god, this is what I wanted so badly, thank you!’” DeLeon said. “It’s like Christmas every day down here, like you’re giving a gift away and that’s what’s cool about it ... it’s what we offer for everybody, but for students mainly.”

Groups on campus, including the Sustainability Office, CCC, and Divest, are, however, concerned about the problem of wastefulness and consumerism that online shopping contributes to.

FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 15 A Culture of Consumption The high volume of packages ordered online by students and faculty becomes more meaningful when set in the context of larger patterns of waste and consumption at Whitman and nationally.

A 2016 Pew Research Center survey3 found that about eight in ten adults in the U.S. are now online shoppers compared to just 22 percent of Americans in 2000. 15 percent of those eight in ten adults shop online on a weekly basis and 28 percent shop a few times each month.

Environmental concerns surrounding online shopping include rising emissions due to increasingly personalized transportation services and increasing production of cardboard used for packaging. According to a 2016 NYT article,4 35.4 million tons of containerboard were produced in in the United States in 2014, with e-commerce companies among the fastest-growing users.

One recent study in Newark, Delaware found that a rise in online shopping in recent years by local residents corresponded to more trucks on the road, an increase in greenhouse emissions and greater traffic congestion.5 As for Whitman, several groups on campus are working to draw attention to issues of waste. Last week’s Mt. Trashmore event, in which a week’s worth of campus waste (3600 pounds) was displayed on the Cordiner side lawn, was intended to draw attention to that issue.

Sophomore Genean Wrisley, who helped coordinate the event as part of her position as Student Coordinator for

SAMARAH URIBE

the Sustainability Office, explained that over 70 percent of the waste’s contents were recyclable. That said, Wrisley stresses that with all the energy that goes into recycling in the form of transportation and processing, reducing consumption should be the main focus of those who wish to live more sustainably.

“The idea of Mt. Trashmore is to first reduce, then reuse, and recycling is the last resort. It shouldn’t be the first,” Wrisley said.

In terms of online shopping, Wrisley expressed her frustration over the social

pressure to continually buy new clothing in order to look a certain way.

“You constantly have to buy new clothes in order to not even be cool, but just to not be considered weird,” Wrisley said.

Those social pressures and frequent consumption are in turn driven by our capitalistic economy.

“When money drives our economy, you have to have people consuming in order to make that work, which means that people have to hopefully donate, but generally throw out old clothes and buy new ones,” Wrisley said.

Sophomore Joe Jolley, who helped put on the Mt. Trashmore event, lives in the Environmental Interest House. Each weekend he and the other seven members of the house sort through the recycling from the residence halls in order to send it out. Jolley has noticed that packaging from online orders seems to make up a significant portion of students’ recycled waste.

“Large quantities of Amazon packages and bubble wrap are an extremely ubiquitous sight when we make our rounds,” Jolley wrote in an email to The Wire. “I know

SAMARAH URIBE

16 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE it's just anecdotal, but seeing all those boxes each week is certainly something that has made me consider my own consumptive practices."

In addition to the immense amounts of packaging and increased transportation that come along with online shopping, Wrisley points out the difficulty of finding affordable clothing made in a sustainable way.

“I just think clothes in general are really frustrating to me because I try to buy sustainable clothes, but those are all really expensive generally,” Wrisley said. “So trying to find some kind of balance where you could have sustainably made clothes at a reasonable price for people who care [is important], because obviously shopping at Walmart or Target, they’re using materials and transportation and all of that that uses immense amounts of fossil fuels.”

How might students begin to make their habits less wasteful? In addition to thinking twice before making a purchase, Wrisley urges us to be more thoughtful in what we throw out.

“There are people, even at Whitman, who are struggling to make ends meet. And so I think before you look at the garbage, look at other places you can put things that you don’t want anymore,” Wrisley said.

Wasteful Whitman: an ‘unsexy’ environmental issue Along with several other members of the ASWC Sustainability Committee and with Sustainability Coordinator Brandon Bishop as an advisor, junior Ryan Garrett has spent this year writing a Zero Waste Plan for Whitman. The 18-page document, which will be presented before the ASWC Senate in about a week, offers guidance for how Whitman can divert 90 percent of its waste (we currently divert 47.4 percent) from landfills by 2030.

According to Garrett the issue of waste, while important, is too often overlooked.

“Waste at Whitman is incredibly high, and I think it’s an issue that’s not looked at because it’s not, you know, a ‘sexy’ issue in terms of sustainability and the environment, because it’s not a big greenhouse gas producer, but it does have a ton of negative consequences on the environment,” Garrett said.

Some of these negative consequences include the production of toxic pollutants that seep from rotting waste and the formation of byproducts that contribute to acid rain and air pollution. All of these effects damage nearby ecosystems, harming vegetable, animal and human lives.

SAMARAH URIBE

SAMARAH URIBE

Considering that Whitman sends about a ton and a half of waste directly to a landfill every month (though that is steadily increasing to two tons each month), the college certainly makes a sizable contribution to waste production.

Distributed among Whitman’s student body, that averages out to about 201 pounds of waste per student per year.

“That’s insanely high compared to other universities,” Garrett said.

Portland State University, for instance, produces 20 pounds of waste per student per year, while at Evergreen State that number is around 50 pounds.

The Zero Waste Plan asserts that “the College has failed to properly handle and reduce its waste output.”

The plan seeks to hold Whitman accountable to its ‘commitment to sustainability’ that makes up part of the college’s values. 6 A particular point of emphasis is that while 52 percent of Whitman’s waste that ends up in a landfill, over 50 percent is recyclable. Garrett explains that while those recyclable materials are composed of a number of different things, the main contributions include cardboard and paper products and food.

Clearer, consistent labelling of recycling bins could go a long way toward remedying the problem with cardboard, much of which comes from packages from online shopping orders.

“It’s very easy for people to throw their cardboard into the landfill stuff. And so, a ton of stuff that should be recycled is not being recycled because of just purely not clearly labelling containers or not having a uniform container,” Garrett said.

“That’s another thing we’re pushing—to get uniform containers so everybody knows what they’re doing.”

In addressing the rumor that some of Whitman’s recycling is sent to China (and possibly burned), Garrett emphasizes that no matter the veracity of that, it shouldn’t shift any responsibility off of Whitman for more responsibly handling its waste.

“It doesn’t have to be China for us shipping our waste somewhere to be an issue. I think it’s well within Whitman’s means to kind of be able to handle the waste here if they really wanted to get behind it,” Garrett said.

http://www.chronicle.com/article/Thanks-AmazonCampus/233700 2 http://www.businessinsider.com/amazon-accounts-for43-of-us-online-retail-sales-2017-2 3 http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/12/19/onlineshopping-and-e-commerce/ 4 https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/16/science/recyclingcardboard-online-shopping-environment.html 5 http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13504509 .2015.1124471#.Vr5M9nt5ius 6 https://www.whitman.edu/about/campus-sustainability/ overview/mission-and-principles 1

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT PERSPECTIVE 17

TYWEN KELLY

BREATH, SWEAT, HAIR, DIRT, DUST MICHELLE FOSTER ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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sweeping set of performances came to the stage at Harper Joy Theatre for Whitman’s annual Spring Dance Concert, titled “breath, sweat, hair, dirt, dust.” Performances ran from April 12 to April 16 and featured the artistry of student performers alongside some notable guest choreographers.

The program included three pieces, each choreographed in styles distinct to the artists. Visiting Professor Nickels Sunshine performed in, as well as choreographed, “Take Me With You,” that opened the showcase. Accompanied by music that transitioned from ethereal to lyrical, Sunshine and student dancers performed it with beauty, emotion, and rawness, using a mixture of fluid and forceful movements.

“Lately, I’ve been making very emotionally driven works that use ballet and modern dance, technical movements … pushing the edges of form and the body,” Sunshine said. “My works are driven by my somatic explorations, so I find that my material is maybe more closely related to my psyche and something that’s more intuitive.”

TYWEN KELLY

The second piece, “Beginners’ Club,” was choreographed by Professor Peter de Grasse. The piece used spoken text and also recalled Tanztheater, a combination of dance and theater styles that was partly influenced by German expressionist dance.

“There’s an aspect of [Tanztheater] where you have performers who are not really just themselves dancing, but they’re not creating characters the way that performers would do in a play; it’s something in between," de Grasse said.

"The work with text is part of how they arrive at that persona.”

“Beginners’ Club” engaged all the senses with rhythmic dancing, the smell of a lighted candle and a section of singing.

Jokes, loud running, and laughter brought together a layered, theatrical dance.

Echoing its vocal component, the last thing the audience would hear before the piece ended was remnants of laughter offstage as the door closed behind the performers.

Contrasting from the choreography of Sunshine and de Grasse, the work of guest artist Yvonne Meier incorporated humor and improvisation through a technique she developed called “Scores.”

For this technique, Meier stood onstage reading directions to her dancers during the piece “Sister of Gogolorez,” which the dancers would follow with their own interpretations. Thus, the piece was danced differently during each performance.

Meier noted an interesting way the audience became more engaged with the dancers through "Scores", which was evident through the performances in Harper Joy. “Whenever I would do something like giving them 'Scores' before the show and then they had to do them, I felt there was a wall in between the dancers and the audience,” Meier said. “But when I say the Score and they hear them in the same time, that wall would get erased.”

There was certainly more visible interaction between the dancers and the audience, who would laugh or gasp as the

TYWEN KELLY

TYWEN KELLY

dancers performed funny, beautiful or tragic "Scores."

Despite the differences in each piece, there were certain aspects tying them together.

“There’s ... something in the air that’s shared by these works,” Sunshine said. “It’s confrontational, maybe.”

De Grasse pointed out the way each piece stems from its physical aspect.

“If there’s any theme, it has to do with the creative process and what we prioritize,” de Grasse said. “And how we prioritize things has some commonalities in the sense that ... what we’re doing starts with the labor of the body.”

Through the hard work and discipline of the dancers and production team, as well as the expertise of all three choreographers, the showcase was a wellattended success that offered a sense of why dance is so valuable.

“It’s a life force,” Sunshine said. “It’s just essential that we move. And dance is a way of communicating, and it is beyond language. It is a consciousness that we can share, and ... dance is in every culture, every time, and it’s human and so it’s important."

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18 PERSPECTIVE ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

STUDIO ARTICOLORE ZUHRA AMINI ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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n a town full of tasting room gallery hybrids and coffee shop showcases, the printmaking gallery Studio Articolore sets itself apart. Entering into its second year, Studio Articolore has planted its roots wide and deep through community engagement within Walla Walla.

For co-owner Ann-Marie Cunningham, uniqueness was an important component in developing the gallery amidst a rise in downtown development in 2012 when she first moved to Walla Walla.

“I didn’t want to compete with anything that was already established or was in [the process of ] establishing.

Finding that niche takes a lot of research, exploration and some bumps and grinds,” Cunningham said.

As such, Studio Articolore operates not only as a gallery, but as a studio and workshop space. Cunningham calls this multipurpose space a trifold, one that offers a variety of opportunities for Walla Walla to engage in the practice of printmaking.

Art education is one such opportunity.

This semester, Cunningham offered two workshops on printmaking techniques for the Quest Program, a Walla Walla Community College program designed for retirees who want to continue learning after retirement. Dorothy Mukasa (class of 2019) co-leads the workshops as part of her communication-focused internship at Studio Articolore, titled "Interactive."

However, before her internship, Mukasa had no prior experience in printmaking. As such, Mukasa first took on the role of student to learn the printmaking techniques, taught in the workshops from Cunningham herself. But, even in this role, Cunningham emphasized that an exchange of ideas was more important than hierarchy.

"My supervisor [Cunningham] believes in... a learning helix. It's this idea that not only am I learning from her, but she believes that I should also be teaching her what I know.

This was really helpful because it allowed me to explore and always ask questions," Mukasa said.

This type of learning influenced how Mukasa approached communicating printmaking techniques to the participants of the workshop.

SAMARAH URIBE

"It really disrupts this idea [that] you have to be older to be a teacher. It’s a really cool notion that I can help anyone at anytime [despite age and experience].

It’s not about knowing more, but really sharing that knowledge and letting people do what they want with that," Mukasa said.

As such, the internships themselves offer learning opportunities and job exposure for students during or after their undergraduate studies.

In developing these internships, Cunningham focuses on the interns' intersection of interests to inform their projects. For Mukasa, art, education and communication were major influences.

“Who knows, in years to come, how [Dorothy] is going to put those [interests] together, but I am trying to support her as she determines for herself how that’s going to happen," Cunningham said.

In addition to education, the studio also provides a space for a printmaking community via the studio's cooperative.

Through the co-op, emerging or established artists can come together to utilize the studio's communal space,

SAMARAH URIBE

negating the high cost of setting up a separate studio. For Nicole Pietrantoni, Assistant Professor of Art at Whitman College and printmaker, communal studios are a huge part of the art form.

“Print-making has always been a community-based discipline–we often share presses and studios, teaching one another as we work side-by-side in the print shop.

It’s wonderful to have this energy and spirit now open to our community in Walla Walla,” Pietrantoni said.

With its multi-faceted community engagement, it seems the studio is well on its way to establishing the niche it originally sought. Daniel Forbes, Director of Whitman's Sheehan Gallery, noted that Studio Articolore is contributing meaningfully to the town's already expansive art scene.

“What Ann-Marie is doing ... is on the edge of where things will hopefully continue to grow 'cause I think that she is really working to connect things in ways that haven’t been done ... previously," Forbes said.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT PERSPECTIVE 19

COMPOSERS' STUDIO:

SHOWCASING WHITMAN'S MUSICAL TALENT AFTON WEAVER ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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omposers' Studio was a refreshing start and a euphonious end to the annual Whitman Undergraduate Conference, highlighting the talents of seven Whitman composers as their pieces came to fruition on stage.

The Whitman Undergraduate Conference is a day devoted to students' achievements, allowing students to present on topics pertaining to coursework, theses, or study abroad experiences.

Taking place during the first and fourth sessions of the conference, students gathered in Kimball Theatre to enjoy performances of their peers’ compositions.

Each piece, performed by student musicians, encompassed different themes resulting in the use of various instruments and the diverse tempos and dynamics among other musical elements.

Thomas Meinzen, whose composition was performed in first session, has been writing music since the age of eight.

Beginning this past winter, Meinzen spent the ensuing months piecing together his composition for this event.

Titled “Boundless,” Meinzen’s composition is written for cello, piano, and clarinet and evokes feelings of melancholia. “[The composition] is a little sentimental.

Some of the variations are very much playful ... so there are some [parts] that

sound more quaint and some more triumphant,” Meinzen said.

Through its transitions from loud and energetic moments to soft and gentle ones, “Boundless” attempts to remove all boundaries between parts of the composition, encouraging the audience to individually interpret the music.

“I just want [the audience] to sort of let the music play with their imagination,” Meinzen said.

At Whitman, composition students are not allowed to perform their own pieces. This allowed Meinzen to form relationships with other student musicians as he looked for peers to perform his music.

“I think [Composers' Studio] is a really cool opportunity to allow for even more creativity in the realm of music, rather than forcing students to adhere to what is already in a musical canon," Meinzen said. "I also think it builds really cool relationships among music students.

This has been a really cool opportunity for me to meet some of the best performers at the school and cultivate a music community.”

Composer Hunter Dunn presented his composition, "Nature Suite," in the Conference's fourth session. The piece illustrates three different nature scenes within its movements: the Southwest desert, the ocean, and the mountains.

For Dunn, the writing process was both arduous and rewarding.

JACKIE GREISEN

JACKIE GREISEN

“Composition is definitely, for me, a very enjoyable process once you get into the thick of the piece," Dunn said. "It shares a lot, just like any kind of creative endeavor.”

The Conference served as a unique setting for the composers to showcase their talent while viewing their work from a listener’s perspective.

“Having my piece performed was definitely humbling and illuminating," Dunn said. "You hear [the composition] a lot when you’re playing it yourself, but it’s not at all the same as having it performed by people in front of people in a concert space. You hear what works and what doesn’t very quickly."

These feelings were echoed by junior Jeffrey Maher, whose composition “Sub Terra: theme and variations” was the final performance of the day.

“It was fantastic. Nothing brings me more joy in the process of composition than hearing the performance, especially with such gifted performers. It’s also the easiest way for me to get feedback from my peers,” Maher said.

Maher’s composition captured both tension and tranquility throughout, blending techniques such as 12-tone style with more traditional sounds.

Composers' Studio provided the perfect opportunity for non-musicians to experience the dedication and talent that exists within the music department on campus that is not always visible. This showcase allowed attendees and performers to experience the themes brought to the foreground and indulge in the revitalizing sound each composition had to offer.

JACKIE GREISEN

20 LIFE OPINION

COMING TO AMERICA: FROM PARADISE TO THE NORTHWEST

ELTON NARCISS CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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s graduation is drawing closer each day, I can’t help but think back to when I first arrived in Walla Walla. Coming from the U.S. Virgin Islands to Walla Walla University was very special for me because it was an introduction to the Northwest and the West Coast. One question I have received numerous times during my stay in the Northwest is, “Why would you leave such a beautiful place to come here?”

I often laugh and answer, “I came here to fly,” because my major used to be aviation technology. However, there’s more to my action than meets the eye. From the time I can recall having a good understanding of myself, I’ve always known that I wanted to travel. I enjoy engaging with other people, learning about their background and culture. Hence, when the time came for me to choose a college/university, I wanted to study abroad, not at the local university (University of the Virgin Islands). Here are some areas that challenged me that I’d like to share with you to help bridge the gap and to understand some of the struggles international students go through during their transition from home to America.

WEATHER

BEACHES

When I arrived in Walla Walla, winter quarter had just finished and spring was ready to begin. However, to me it felt like winter was still around, and was not ready to leave. As a matter of fact, I remember having a flight lesson one morning and the temperature was 46°F. I was bundled up like an Eskimo and my flight instructor watched me with a crazy look and said, “Why are you dressed up so warmly?

Winter is done and it’s not that cold.” I looked at him with the same look and said to myself, “This guy must be crazy, it’s freezing out here.” Right then and there, I knew that the weather was going to be a big thing I had to get used to. Today I can walk around campus comfortably in 50°F weather and I often remember how difficult that was when I first came.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying "you don’t miss it until you lose it." I can say that about the beaches of the U.S. Virgin Islands. Every day when going to high school I saw and smelled the ocean. It was a norm I took for granted. However, that quickly changed when I arrived at Walla Walla University. Not seeing or smelling the oceanfront took its toll on me. For instance, I remember one summer some friends and I went to the lake for a swim, and I noticed everybody was jumping in and I had a hard time. Why, you may ask?

Well, simply because it was the first time I was going to jump and swim in a body of water where I couldn’t see the bottom.

It was so green with algae and it looked so mucky and yucky that I quickly realized how much I took for granted the nice, warm, blue, transparent Caribbean ocean growing up.

FOOD When you've been away from home for four years you are bound to miss your mom’s cooking—I know I did. I felt it the most around Thanksgiving. When I was growing up most of my food was locally grown and was 100 percent natural, I can guarantee you that. However, in America it is quite the opposite. Here, there are lots of different fast food franchises, and when eating out and shopping at the supermarket you only have a vague idea where your food comes from. I quickly learned how to cook my mom's food because I realized it is the healthiest diet and lifestyle.

SPEECH There’s a poem that my English teacher made me learn, which today I can say did me well. It’s a poem by Emily Dickinson. She says, “Tell all the truth but tell it slant—success and circuit lies.”

This was something that I had to quickly adapt to if I wanted to be successful here.

Let’s just say, honesty isn’t always the best policy here in America. I can recall several instances where I was easily misunderstood because of cultural differences in speech.

With most cultures in the West Indies,

when we talk, we call it like it is. Black is black, and white is white, without many gray areas. Like many international students, this is an area I still struggle with to this day. However, after four years I can say I have come long way. I have reviewed my perspective on many things, and made it greatly diverse.

There are some habits I am still working on, such as judging the weather based on what I see outside, rather than looking at the temperature before I leave my house. But there’s a lot I have learned and adapted to and I can say without the shadow of a doubt it has help to make me the person I am today. The greatest way to broaden your horizons and challenge your perspective is to stop and understand someone else’s culture. Living in America, there are many times I catch myself having a déjà vu moment based on what I’ve seen on TV. And then there moments which are new to me that I must learn and adapt to. As I look forward to graduation, I’ve realized the growth of my values and morals towards people that differ from me. I now accept people for who they are even if they may be considered “weird” or different. I am learning that there is more to be gained than to be lost in giving someone else your time, and sharing each other’s experiences and culture. I’ve learned that diversity is a beautiful thing when we all celebrate it for what it is: love in ultra HD color!

CARIBBEANTRAVEL

OPINION LIFE 21

TECHNOLOGY HELPS THE INTROVERTS RINA CAKRANI COLUMNIST

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e usually hear the old generation (or our parents) complain about how young people are always on their phones— that they live in a virtual world. Even in school when we were kids, we were frequently told that technology has made our lives easier, but at the same time has decreased our communicative and social abilities. We have lost our skills at creating relationships with different people and participating actively in the social scene of the community or school we are a part of. However, although the excessive use of technology has some drawbacks, I don’t believe that it should be villainized, because it can prove to be useful and beneficial in ways that many of us don’t usually think about.

The truth is that for some of us, the ability to initiate a conversation with a stranger or the willingness to go to every school party and be part of the "cool kids" group has never been part of our personalities. Technology, then, has not been a negative factor of our lives, but has instead affected us positively. There are simple instances, such as using your phone in a social gathering in which you feel very uncomfortable and uneasy at the idea of socializing with strangers. People are often quick to judge and think it is offensive to use your phone and not focus on engaging with the environment around you, but they don’t actually think about why that person is acting that way.

Introverts might use technology as a form of expression, as a platform in which they can have the freedom to show another side of them that people wouldn’t have them chance to see otherwise. Apps like Instagram or Snapchat can make introverts more confident in posting pictures, and give the encouragement to post even more when they receive pleasing comments by others.

Such everyday experiences make one feel better about themselves and perhaps even enhance the motivation to talk more to people around them.

But technology is not just useful to introverts in terms of social relations.

Someone might use it to share their creative work or thoughts they wouldn’t share with people they know. There is an advantage in being an unknown person on the Internet; one feels more comfortable in sharing things with people they don’t know in the real world. Also, introverts don't feel pressured to immediately articulate themselves in a well-spoken manner like in a sudden formal face-to-face encounter with somebody new. A phone gives them

the chance to think well beforehand and construct their thoughts the best way possible. They don’t feel the pressure to constantly talk either; they could just enjoy reading or hearing other people’s opinions.

This kind of freedom is something they might not have access to, especially in a college classroom setting where there is an implicit demand for verbal participation as part of the participation grade. Unfortunately, the education system and contemporary society as a whole values extroversion and the ability to talk loudly,

while the introverted are always criticized and told to change their communication habits. Social media gives introverts a voice and helps them connect with people that match their personalities and interests.

Therefore, it is wrong to always demonize the social effects of technology. It can provide emotional support to an introverted person who truly cannot find comfort in the world around them, or help them spend time with themselves and not be forced to interact with people they don’t like.

22 LIFE OPINION

THE PROBLEMS WITH PRESCRIPTIVISM

SAMARAH URIBE: VOICES OF THE COMMUNITY

NIKOLAUS KENNELLY COLUMNIST

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ow many voices do you have?

Assuming you’re a student, you’ve probably got the budding scholar’s voice, the one with terms like “isomorphic” and “contingent” strung together into highly ornate—and notably “like”-less—sentences.

Maybe you’re also an athlete, in which case you’ve got the laconic phraseology of the Tom Bradys and Stephen Currys down pat. Or maybe you’re really into dinner parties, in which case you’ve got the whole Foucault-Sartre-Derrida name dropping thing figured out. Or you could be in one of the poetry circles, or maybe one of the bio circles, or one of the political circles, or sitting-around-doing-nothing circles, or … you get the idea.

Most of us dart in and out of these sorts of circles every day, adapting our language to whomever we are currently speaking. Those that lack this ability are often frowned upon—deemed socially maladaptive or of narrow interest and left to wallow in their own linguistically impermeable groups. At least, that was the case before these groups began coalescing

into the prescriptivist society, a society whose members now consist of McGrawHill, AP, and that aunt that always corrects you on your use of the subjunctive mood.

All this is a really big deal—far bigger than its nerdy underpinnings might suggest. Descriptivists have been arguing for decades that when it comes to identifying society’s ills, we ought to look no further than the grammar books. The root cause of everything wrong with the world, according to this thesis, isn’t the capitalist or the misogynist or the racist, but rather the fourth grade teacher with a piece of chalk in her left hand and a copy of McGraw-Hill in her right.

It'd be hypocritical of me to go on to chastise prescriptivism in this style with these words. It is, after all, the case that by choosing to write this way I am furthering the society’s nefarious goals (world domination). And even if I chose to adopt a different style—say African American Vernacular English (AAVE) or Chicano—I probably wouldn't be able to maintain this column (although, considering Whitman's

status as a Northwest liberal arts college, I guess it could happen).

The only non-hypocritical position that I can really take on the prescriptivist/ descriptivist issue is something along the lines of "yeah, but." Yeah, it's true that if you write a column in AAVE (with negative concord, etc.) you're probably going to take heat from your editors, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. Yeah, it's true that if you happened to be born into a household where standard English is spoken you're a lot more likely to succeed academically, but that doesn't mean you're smarter than someone who wasn't.

But maybe this isn't such a terrible thing. I mean, isn't it true that certain types of communication are better for certain types of interaction? Maybe standard English is just better for newspapers and AAVE is better for informal conversations.

Going back to the multiple voices, wouldn't it be a bit awkward if someone began employing baseball terminology in a conversation about Heidegger's notion of Geworfenheit (Throw-ness)? Actually, in

that particular circumstance it might work, but in most cases the blending of sports terminology with esoteric philosophy is bound to lead nowhere, right?

Maybe, but to draw parallels between something as deeply ingrained as vernacular and sports lingo strikes me as a little naive.

Unless someone puts in a great deal of effort to getting rid of their vernacular, it's likely to stick with them for most of their life; however, sports lingo's something that they can turn off pretty much whenever they want.

The take-away message of all this is that by prescribing a standard for something as deep-rooted as vernacular, the prescriptivist is constructing a society where social roles are set from childhood.

Anytime someone corrects you for a dangling modifier, or comma splice, or pronoun error, what they're really saying is something like, "You were born a Gamma, but maybe with a little effort you'll be able to work your way up to a Beta." It's about as simple as that, in my view.

SATIRE LIFE 23

NEW ZEALAND QUIETLY SECEDES REBECCA GLUCK BUDDING ALFALFA

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everal months ago, the people of New Zealand made a historic decision.

Instead of voting for a new representative to send to the United Nations, the country decided to secede not only from the water surrounding it, but also from the world. As of now, no one knows for sure where the island is. The only trace it left behind was a cricket ball and a pamphlet asking Queen Elizabeth II to leave the country alone.

It would be inaccurate to say the news came as a surprise because New Zealand has never really been in the news. In fact,

most countries had never even heard of New Zealand. Even Australia, the country’s closest neighbor, failed to acknowledge the absence of the southeastern island.

Investigators believe this is why it was so easy for the country to vanish without anyone noticing.

Recently, several relatives of New Zealand residents have come forward, stating that they have been receiving radio signals related to the disappearance.

“My cousin sent me a message through a cumulonimbus cloud a few months after New Zealand left Earth,” a relative explained. “He said that he and his fellow Kiwis wanted greater recognition among nations with strange English accents. They

were also upset that, in general, most people chose to travel to Australia instead of New Zealand for vacation because it’s more ‘well-known.’”

Representatives of the U.N. hope the world will learn a valuable lesson from the loss of New Zealand.

“We can’t ignore any countries, no matter how obscure they are,” Scottie Ireland, the representative for Wales, asserted. “This means we have to start paying attention to countries like Transnistria, Kiribati, and Tuvalu. In this day and age, we must show the

world that every nation matters, every voice matters and every fake accent matters.”

there will be a mandatory key check upon entry, just to make sure that only mature people are allowed in.

As the situation escalated, police dogs were called in to search for the missing keys, but were unable to hone in on the trail due to the overwhelming smell of marijuana coming from Manning’s car.

His life now in shambles, Manning tried to call a locksmith to unlock his car but every locksmith refused to help because of his

overwhelming incompetence. “Aren’t you a grown man?” one of them scoffed. “Shouldn’t you be able to keep track of your belongings?”

At press time, Manning was standing in the parking lot, patting his pockets repeatedly and looking dazed.

CRISIS: LOCAL MAN CAN’T FIND KEYS CLARA WHEELER TORTILLA ENGINEER

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he community is in a turmoil after Walla Walla local Paul Manning, 32, lost his keys last Sunday. “I swear I had them on me when I went into Safeway,” Manning said. “I am so embarrassed right now.” Manning had already checked all of his pockets, and had even gone back into the store to ask if they had seen his keys.

Tragically, they had not. Paul repeatedly tried to reassure the rapidly growing crowd of dumbfounded bystanders that everything

was fine, that he would find his keys soon, and that they were probably just in one of his grocery bags. Nobody looked convinced.

However, the real question on everyone’s minds is whether or not Paul Manning can now be trusted with even the smallest of responsibilities. “I just don’t know if I can trust someone who can’t look after his own keys around my children,” said Deb Manning, his wife. Restaurant owner Joel Lopez released a statement that

witty whitties

KANYE WEST CONTEXT 9

Whitman Trends ANTHONY REALE CRUSTACEAN ATTORNEY "The Wire" has been tracking the most popular trends at Whitman College for quite some time now. Here are the best, most heartily agreed-upon trends at the jewel of Snobville, USA: Gluten-free water: The college has boasted gluten-free water for quite some time now as a precaution for the Whitman ducks. We at Whitman believe that ducks are constantly discriminated against with the assumption that they want to eat bread, breadcrumbs, cereal, or other gluten-related products, so we went one step further than merely establishing the QUACK squad (Questioning hUmans Against breadCrumbs for ducKs). We’re so happy to announce that our ducks have never been duckier.

WISTON WEIGAND SNAIL INTERPRETER “Oh dear. This reminds me of the pouch of coins I used to carry to the market to buy milk and plague medicines.”

“Are they like the Tic Tacs?”

“I don’t know who that green woman on the front is, but she looks deceitful.”

Nalgene Thigh Gaps: We at Whitman have found that our water bottles just need to have a little space between the legs, you know? It’s been popular for quite a while now to get the water bottle that can hit the splits better than you can! (Available in the Whitman Bookstore for $199.95) Slack-lining VR: Whitman finally got past that pesky trend of actually slack-lining outside and set up an indoor center for slack-lining yearround! It’s essentially just walking on the floor in a straight line with some really expensive goggles on, but it gets the job done.

Things Your Grandma Might Say About a Bag of Coffee Beans

“Your grandparents would have loved this! They used to hit me with a sock full of frozen cattle feces when I didn’t do my chores, but coffee beans would have smelled much better.”

“Is this what that Kathy Perry girl is always singing about?

She has a nice voice. A sexy one, but it’s nice.”

Pretending Walla Walla doesn’t exist: This one’s easy for Whitman students!

We’re already so self-involved that we sometimes even forget that there’s a place outside of Whitman’s borders.

Being alive, but only ironically: People at Whitman couldn’t actually seriously be alive. Irony drips through our blood more than sarcasm does! Ironically, being alive is the only way to go.

If you want to see any of these trends in the wild (or others we didn’t mention), head to Whitman and don’t forget to bring the popcorn! It’s a strange place over here.

“I’ve heard my neighbor grinding these up and it’s just awful.

It’s so loud it causes my psoriasis to flare up. Do you want to see my sores?”

“These smell like Barry Manilow himself.

Bury me in them and I’ll will you my old treadmill from 1982.”

“Are these for cats? Are they cat treats? Can Mrs. Tabbytha eat them?

I’m going to give some to Mrs. Tabbytha.”

“You know, back in my day we had to pick these beans off the plant with our bare hands if we wanted a taste … Ha, just kidding. The military used to drive around town shooting them out of cannons mounted on the back of their vehicles to celebrate winning the war. Good times.”

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