Volume 101 Issue 23

The Collegian Walla Walla University

Volume 101

Issue 23

04 MAY 2017

THE UNSUNG HEROES OF WALLA WALLA

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intents

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creative writing

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religion

DEAR READER, It was a lot of fun to see alumni and interact with people who have made this volume of The Collegian a past Collegian editors. Oh yeah...and Walla Walla success. Also, there will be perspectives presented by University had fireworks on Saturday night. Anyways, I various students around campus, so look forward to hope you enjoyed the extremely busy weekend as much learning more about your colleagues and friends. as I did!

There are some responses in this issue to some This week, I’m very excited to present some student articles that were published last week. I encourage workers who normally don’t get much recognition for the everyone to send a contribution to continue the valuable amazing work that they do for this university. Without conversations we try to cultivate through this platform. each of their contributions (and the contributions from You can send any comments, questions, or contributions you, the student body), Walla Walla University wouldn’t to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@ be the place it is today. wallawalla.edu.

Be on the lookout for the special magazine issue, As always, enjoy and IPFY (i.e. I’m praying for you) which will be coming out on May 25. This will be our every day! swansong for this year and will feature all the amazing EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MATTHEW MORAN

context

perspective

life

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Table of Contents | 02 News & Letter to Editor | 03 Week in Forecast | 04

editor-in-chief Matthew Moran assistant editor Abigail Wissink Creative Director Frank Ramirez Head Copy editor Sophia Rich

Feature | 05 #thecollegian | 09 Creative & Column | 10 Food & ACA | 11 Devotional & Religion | 12

layout designers Anna-Marie Vargas Claudia Curtis Geoffrey Lopes Hannah Chebeleu

columnist Joni Harris

news writers Kyler Alvord Lauren Epperson

Fashion writer Angelica Chan

Copy Editors Katherine Beckner Amelia Pekar food writer Mason Neil feature editors Michael Jensen Ysabela Ramirez Bryndilynn Goodlyn

Life editor Micah Hall

humor writer Micah Hall

backpage editor Lauren Wahlen

opinion writer Yvanna Hammen-Alvarez

religion writer Vixie Bailey

Devotional writer Christina Moran

Fashion | 13 Humor & Culture | 14 Science | 15 Sunny Side Up | 16

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Culture/travel writer Darling Su ACA/SM Editor Stephanie Septembre Science writer Jordan Brooks Creative writing editor Mac Ford global service writer Daniel Villarreal

Cover Credit: ASWWU The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu. collegian@wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 1:00 A.M. on Thursday, May 4, 2017.

Office Manager AnneMarie Vixie distributor Victoria Ico

The Collegian | Volume 101, Issue 23 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 https://issuu.com/aswwucollegian

NEWS CONTEXT 3

OUTDOOR WORSHIP OFFERS UNIQUE COMMUNITY EXPERIENCE KYLER ALVORD NEWS WRITER

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very spring, students are given a weeklong opportunity to earn CommUnity credits outside of the sanctuary. InTents, the outdoor worship series, will begin at 7 p.m. each night from May 8 to 12 on Kretschmar Lawn.

Throughout the week, a large, yellow canopy tent will spread across the lawn.

During each evening gathering, students and faculty are invited to take a seat in the tent and participate in the worship activities.

InTents is a WWU tradition that provides students with a change of scenery

and encourages the campus community to absorb the warm May weather. Each worship service will be led by students and faculty, and the event’s leaders have been preparing for many weeks.

There are a total of five evening InTents meetings, but students are only allowed a maximum of two CommUnity credits from InTents. This means that, while people are encouraged to attend all five meetings, only two of the evenings will count toward the required seven CommUnity credits this quarter.

InTents will not interfere with the regular 11 a.m. CommUnity on Tuesday morning.

JOSH MCKINNY 2015

RESPONSE TO LONGING FOR A CHRISTIAN ANSWER CENDRA CLARKE CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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ear Professor Cosaert,

While I do not know you, and have never taken a class from you, as a black student on this campus I feel that it is my responsibility to respond to your article and share my perspective about Dr. Yancy’s presentation. Please remember, I do not speak for all black people on this campus and in the world. While I can understand that it was hard to listen to the copious amount of profanity he shared from his letters, I feel that you focused on a small portion of the overall presentation. The profanity shared with the audience that night was overwhelming, but it was shared to help us really grasp the seriousness of racism in America today. Receiving death threats, needing an escort around campus, and having the FBI get involved in your life is evidence of the continued presence of racism in the lives of black people. As Yancy said in his presentation, this is life or death.

Unfortunately for black people in America, this is the world we live in, and it is a reality that most white Americans are unaware of.

I am sorry that it is hard for you to understand and cope with the fact that you personally benefit off of the disadvantages I face everyday. I am sorry it is hard for you to stomach that your life in some way has had a part in perpetuating a system of oppression. As you stated in your article, you are against racism, but I would challenge you to examine what you have done in the fight against racism. Saying that you are against racism is easy; working against racism is harder. Active and inactive tolerance of inequality maintains inequality. Racism is not just lynching and or having hate speech yelled at you. It is also telegraphed in everyday exchanges that communicate that whiteness is the norm and that people of color are the problem…or, in its most benign form-exotic interlopers. These actions and inactions still keep a system of oppression running. I would also like to point out that Dr. Yancy was not here to solve the issue of racism—his point was rupture (and your letter suggests that he was at least partially successful). As Yancy stated, it is up to us as a WWU body to come together and solve the issues we have on our campus.

Pointing out that something is not Christian is a favorite strawman argument used by Christians when they cannot

integrate new knowledge their own worldview. Instead of tasking Yancy with packaging his scholarship to match your perspective, I want to challenge you to do the intellectual work needed to better understand how racism is relevant in your own life, and in that of our church. While I love the Lord, he is not a practical solution to racism in America. The Jesus you name as the solution is also the same Jesus used to justify segregation just 50 years ago and is currently being used to justify not ordaining women in the church. While having a good heart is wonderful, it does not solve the actual issue. Just because someone is a good person does not mean they will not get caught up in a bad system. And no, I do not have the solution(s) to racism and I am not inclined to provide white America with one anyway. As a black person, it is very unfair to ask us to provide you with a solution to a problem that your ancestors have created and that you continuously benefit from.

Lastly, I want to bring to your attention one of the worst things I think you did when you wrote your article: you embodied the mindset of an oppressor. Now, because I do not know you, I do not know if the wording of the article was off or if the subconscious racist thoughts you hold made it into the

paper, but I don’t think I could write this article in good faith and not mention this.

At the end of your article you mentioned how you hope to hear more from people like Pastor Terrance Taylor when the Blake Center has more events. While I am happy you enjoyed his presentation, as did I, you ultimately told Dr. Yancy, the Blake Center, and every black faculty, staff, and student on our campus that you are only willing to listen to one black man. By pointing out Pastor Taylor, you said that there is only one way to be black and only one story to tell. While, Pastor Taylor was able to share his experience with us, it was not that same experience of Dr. Yancy. They have lived two different lives, they have two different approaches to the anti-racism movement that are both valid and need to be heard. By positioning Pastor Taylor as the good black and Dr. Yancy as the bad black you set up an age old dichotomy that white folks have used to feel good about supporting black folks while simultaneously silencing blacks who seem too dangerous. There are multiple ways to address race relations in this world and on our WWU campus, and I think if we are really going to embody “Excellence in Thought” we need to be willing to listen and experience various perspectives.

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CONTEXT | WEEK IN FORECAST

WEEK IN FORECAST FRIDAY

THURSDAY

PIXABAY

SATURDAY

PIXABAY

PIXABAY

MAY 4

MAY 5

MAY 6

First Thursday Concert 12:15 p.m. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church

Student Missions Spring Retreat

Student Missions Spring Retreat

Humanities WA Speaker Paula Becker on “The Egg and I” and Betty MacDonald 7 p.m. Administration Building 117

Ultimate Frisbee 2 p.m. Sittner Hall field Berean Food Fete 6-8 p.m. SAC

Pools-n-Praise 12:30 p.m. Front Campus

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

PIXABAY

MAY 7

PIXABAY

International Food Fair & Spring Jam 1-6 p.m. Lawn in front of FAC

WWU Steel Band Concert with Ray Holman 7 p.m. Gesa Power House Theater

May 8 CommUnity InTents

PIXABAY

Ending Mental Health Stigma: Attitudes vs.

Knowlege 8 p.m. Smith Hall 100

WWU Annual Hackathon 4 p.m. Kretchmar Hall

Coming up

Spring Banquet May 21 from 6:30-10 p.m. at the Marcus Whitman Hotel

may 9 CommUnity InTents

FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 5

THE UNSUNG HEROES OF

WALLA WALLA BRYNDILYNN GOODLIN FEATURE EDITOR

ABIGAIL WISSINK FEATURE EDITOR

Many WWU students are very busy with classes, homework, and extracurriculars.

There are also a number of students who have jobs on campus. Many of these jobs are not seen by a majority of the student body.

Students are currently working in 64 different places on campus, including academic departments, administrative offices, dormitories, maintenance, and many others. We have chosen to highlight a few

of these student workers to give you a taste of the hard work that goes unnoticed by many, in hopes that we will all gain a better appreciation for those who help to make this school a better place. If any of these jobs sound interesting to you, be sure to apply for next year! The Job Scene on the university website is a great resource if you’re on the hunt for your next job.1

Peter Flores

Lucas Marcondes

Cody Angevine

Christian Scheid

Rachelle Lebold

Greg Birge

Judelle Johnson

Lindsay Armstrong

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https://wallawalla.edu/admissions/student-financial-services/student-employment/job-scene/

Kaley Wolfkill

Tyler Hillman

6 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

ASWWU PETER FLORES Majors: Music and Theology Class standing: Junior Job title: ASWWU Spiritual VP

How long have you worked for ASWWU? I have worked for ASWWU for two years: First as a senator, and then in my current position.

What does a typical day at work look like?

Answering like 40-50 emails. I’ll go to a few meetings, and then spend time communicating with the Spiritual team to plan for events and ministry.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

I had to ride in the back of a pickup carrying stage pieces for the ASWWU concert while Officer Kelly drove by.

Is there anything you want to add?

Well, I would do it all over again.

I love ASWWU.

CAMPUS SOUND/ TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES LUCAS MARCONDES Major: Computer Engineering Class Standing: Sophomore Job Title: Sound Technician

How long have you worked at Campus Sound/Technical Support Services?

Two quarters.

What does a typical day at work look like?

It really depends on what events are going on throughout the week. Each worker has fixed hours throughout the week in addition to sound events they sign up to help with. I work the 8 a.m. shifts, so I do a lot of setting up sound systems for campus events. Also, from time to time, departments send in electronics that need to be fixed, which gives me new projects. This part falls under the technical support services area.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

A bunch of Campus Sound workers and I stayed up until 2 a.m. setting up the sound system for Battle of the Bands.

It was a great way to spend a school night…

Is there anything you want to add?

Campus Sound is one of the most reliable departments that I have encountered. Particularly because a program is really depending on the sound system and I have never been to or worked an event that did not go well because of the sound system. These guys really go above and beyond. I’m really proud to work with them.

GROUNDS/ SNOW CREW

CAMPUS SECURITY

CODY ANGEVINE Major: Automotive Management Class Standing: Senior Job Title: Snow Crew Member

CHRISTIAN SCHEID Major: Biochemistry Class Standing: Junior Job Title: Student Patrol Officer

How long have you worked for Grounds/ Snow Crew?

This is my second year doing snow crew.

What does a typical day at work look like?

We kind of get a head start the night before because they let us know if they will need someone the next day. Then they give us a call around 4 a.m. and then we are at work by 4:30. I have one of the easier jobs because I got to ride in one of the heated cab snow brushes.

But some of the other guys had it really rough. We take the campus chunk by chunk until about 8 a.m. unless it’s really bad and then we call in other guys to work throughout the day so that we can still attend classes. We have to be really careful doing it. It’s really easy to break stuff. In the big snow storm, both of the snow brushes broke. Sometimes, when I know it’s going to be really bad, I try and get some of it done the night before because our brushes don’t work in snow over three inches.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

I ran into a curb that I didn’t see in the snow and it bent the rims so I had to hike back to grounds and haul stuff to the WEC to fix it. It was really cold and wasn’t that fun.

Is there anything you want to add?

There are a lot of guys who are not as lucky as I who had really hard jobs like scraping and chipping ice. It’s a lot of manual labor in the freezing (or below freezing) cold. Especially when you have to chip the entire courtyard of Rigby. It’s really just a massive team effort. I am super grateful for my coworkers. They are such hard workers for so little recognition.

How long have you worked for Campus Security?

About a year and two months.

What does a typical day at work look like?

That depends on the shift. There are lock up shifts, open up shifts, and day shifts that include fielding calls and patrols. Actually, all the shifts field calls. There are also duties like checking fire extinguishers and AEDs and interviewing people about our safety messages to make sure they know what to do in different types of emergencies.

One thing you probably didn’t know is that we do jumpstarts too. We also help students who are locked out of their houses (if they live in campus housing).

And we are here 24/7, so people shouldn’t be afraid to call us.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

I had to chase someone down once. That was exciting. But besides that, the most worrying thing I’ve ever done is intercept a guy who had been following a girl at an event. When he realized that I was campus security he left her alone, so it was kind of anticlimactic.

Is there anything you want to add?

Campus Security is here to help at all times. That’s why we exist. A lot of people like to hate on campus security, but we do our best and work in the best interest of the students.

FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 7

CAMPUS MINISTRIES KALEY WOLFKILL Major: Communications Class Standing: Junior Job Title: CABL Leader

How long have you worked for Campus Ministries?

Just this year.

What does a typical day at work look like?

Well, we don’t work everyday. We have a meeting on Wednesdays and we discuss what our activities will be the next couple weeks and what we need to do to keep planning. A lot of our work is concentrated in running the activities.

Some of these activities are CABL Bagels, climb nights, and other weekend activities.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

One thing that was kind of big was our Apple Fest. It took a lot of work to not only make everything, but also give it out and then afterwards we had to stay up way past midnight to clean it all up.

Is there anything you want to add?

Let’s Move Week is coming up. We are promoting fitness every day, so students should get involved! We also have an Instagram that people should follow where we post a lot of events (@cablwwu). Also CABL stands for Collegiate Advocate for Better Living.

Not a lot of people know that.

THE EXPRESS LAUREN WAHLEN Major: Social Work Class Standing: Grad Student Job Title: DX Worker, I guess?

How long have you worked at The Express?

Two years.

What does a typical day at work look like?

My shifts are 8-12 and 2-6, so I get the breakfast, lunch, and dinner rushes. We have to prep the ingredients (cutting onions is the worst), make food orders, and work the till. Till is my favorite part I think, 'cause you can interact with lots of people.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

I think the craziest thing I’ve ever had to do is try to calm an angry customer down cause he was mad that the sunflower seeds were 5 cents more expensive than he thought. It’s not really scary when big old angry men yell, it’s just exhausting!

Is there anything you want to add?

One time this guy thought I was hitting on him and he wanted to know who I was and everything 'cause I asked for his name, but I just meant a name for his order. So now instead of saying “What’s your name?” I always say “Can I get a name for the order?” Oh, and if I'm on till and I’m crying, it’s not that I’ve had a bad day; I was probably just cutting onions.

CUSTODIAL RACHELLE LEBOLD Major: Psychology Class Standing: Super Senior Job Title: Custodial SupervisorEast College Ave. How long have you worked for Custodial?

I have worked for Custodial for four years.

What does a typical day at work look like?

A typical day at work includes restocking supply closets, checking on my workers, and helping with any extra tasks for events.

What is the craziest thing you've ever had to do for your job?

The craziest thing I have ever had to do while working custodial happened when I subbed in the girl's dorm and had to deal with used period supplies that were strewn all over the bathroom.

Is there anything you want to add?

Custodial has been a great learning experience and really has helped me to grow as a leader and as an individual.

LIBRARY WORKERS DAVID DILGER Major: Biology Class Standing: Junior Job Title: Collections Management Student Worker How long have you worked at Peterson Memorial Library?

I have worked there for nine months.

What does a typical day at work look like?

Jobs vary depending on the day, but my main duties are browsing the shelves for books that need mending or a new label.

We also have a university archive (cool right?), and I’ll spend time scanning newspapers and adding them to a database that anyone can access. We mostly work in our own little section of the library, and few know of our existence (we like that).

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

Crazy? Well, I’ve had to carry some heavy stuff around, but the craziness comes from the accrual of all the stuff I’ve done. By now I’ve mended hundreds of books and changed almost a thousand labels.

Is there anything you want to add?

I love my job, and the environment is very sociable. We get to talk and joke to one another, and our boss has prioritized the enjoyment of the work for us.

I love it.

8 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

TLC TUTOR GREG BIRGE Major: Electrical Engineering Class Standing: Junior Tutoring Area: Math

How long have you worked for the TLC? A year and a quarter.

What does a typical day at work look like?

Relearning a lot of calculus. We get a lot of Calc 1, 2, and 3, so I have to do a lot of relearning those. We also get a lot of lower maths too. If we’re lucky, no one needs help and we can do homework, but that usually only happens at the beginning of the quarter.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

I’ve spent multiple hours (occasionally my entire shift) working on one problem with five people, only to find a negative that we missed. That’s always frustrating.

Is there anything you want to add?

Don’t feel bad about coming to the TLC. We get all kinds of math at all kinds of levels and we love working with you. It’s also better than spending five hours on Webwork. We especially want the lowerlevels, so don’t feel bad about asking us for help. We are here to help you!

BIOLOGY LAB TA JUDELLE JOHNSON Major: Biology Class Standing: Grad Student Job Title: Biology Lab Teacher’s Assistant How long have you worked for the Biology Department?

Almost two years now, mainly for cell biology labs.

What does a typical day at work look like?

I usually come in and do lab prep, reagent prep, a little grading, help students, attend a couple of meetings, and work on my thesis. The majority of the day is helping students though.

It’s not just a three-hour lab period.

It’s ongoing. Literally all throughout the day. I have to be there to supervise because the students are always learning a new technique for their lab so I teach them how to do it and then assist other groups. It’s really busy all the time.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

This has happened a lot. I was at work all day and then came home for a couple minutes to eat and then had to go right back. It’s nonstop because there are a lot of students who need help all the time.

All the time attention. Even nights. And this doesn’t even stop on weekends. I come in on Saturday nights and Sundays too to help students.

Is there anything you want to add?

I know it probably sounds really negative, but it’s actually a really rewarding, positive experience because I’ve learned so much and I know the students learn so much. It’s a lot of work for all of us, but it’s a really rewarding process and we form relationships that we probably wouldn’t form otherwise if we spent less time together.

MUSIC DEPT LINDSAY ARMSTRONG Major: Vocal performance Class Standing: Super Senior Job Title: Choral Librarian

How long have you worked for the Music Department?

Since my freshman year, so a total of five years now. I started with a basic office job and was hired as the choral librarian three years ago.

What does a typical day at work look like?

I work two jobs in the Music Department, but my primary job as choral librarian doesn’t really have a set schedule. The only thing that happens on a daily basis is that I take attendance during I Cantori and University Singers rehearsal. Otherwise, I am responsible for communicating with my boss, Dr. Kraig Scott, to make sure that the choir has the correct music and accurate information they need for rehearsals and performances. I am also heavily involved in the planning process for tours and big music department events, and often spend most of my free time working when those events come around. My job description is basically to monitor the choir’s functions and do whatever other random Music Department things come up throughout the year.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

Every year, I spend hours putting glowin-the-dark duct tape on the University Church floor. It sounds ridiculous, but the purpose is crucial for keeping our musicians safe as they navigate the church in total darkness during PRISM concerts and dress rehearsal.

Is there anything you want to add?

All the things I do in my job have better prepared me for my future career in music. Even taping the church! I feel lucky to work in a department full of talented and hardworking faculty, staff, and students.

BIOLOGY TA TYLER HILLMAN Major: Biology Class Standing: Grad Student Job Title: Microbiology Coordinator

How long have you worked for the Biology Department?

Three years.

What does a typical day at work look like?

I inoculate bacteria cultures to start the day, then I grade, make quizzes, and teach or help with a lab. It’s a pretty fun day.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever had to do for your job?

Probably chase frogs around the basement when they got out of their enclosure. That was probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done.

Is there anything you want to add?

Not really. It’s not really all that exciting.

It’s fun though. I really enjoy helping and working with students. Particularly the lab aspect. That’s the part I enjoy the most.

#thecollegian PERSPECTIVE 9

@TERRIDICKINSONNEIL

@WWUAVIATION

@WWUAVIATION

@IVORYVOGT

#THECOLLEGIAN @CHADISCHILLIN

@INSTA_KRIS48DB

@TIM.KOSAKA

@ZELLWEGERPHOTOGRAPHY

10 LIFE CREATIVE WRITING/COLUMNIST

FEATURED WRITER: EMILY HUSO MAC FORD CREATIVE WRITING

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his week, we’re featuring Emily Huso, a senior English major with a literature concentration. I’ve admired Emily’s writing ever since I heard her read a piece for class. Her writing is smart, layered, observant, and imaginative. Enjoy her beautiful short prose piece and have a great week!

PIXABAY

Hollow Conch I raise my head from the sand, squint at a silhouette in the distance, and think what a pitiful spectacle my life has become when my bottom lip cracks open. I feel warm blood welling there when I press my lips together. I don’t pretend that my troubles have been harder than any other person’s. It’s just that they have lasted so long with no sign of stopping. What’s worse is that no one understands this. I believe I could face another day if just one person knew all I’d been through.

The silhouette begins to assume an hourglass form, that of a tall woman whose hair catches the sun and wind that beats against the sand with the same harsh insistence as the surf that breaks just feet from where I lie. * * * People thought of her as a wise woman, even before they'd heard her speak. She had a way of searching their faces like a beachcomber searches a shore: eyes darting across the pebbled sand,

trying to identify shells, coral, fragments of glass—anything worth picking up and putting in her pocket. She would get a sort of knowing look in her eyes, as if she'd determined just by looking at you if there was anything there that merited closer examination. People felt like she knew them, and that made them think she was wise, because of course all humans, in their vanity and loneliness, believe that only the wisest person of all could truly know them, could discern the qualities only found by wading deeper. * * * People thought of me not at all. I am a shell of what I once was. I am like a body washed up on a shore during the night, battered by life’s injustices, spirit evaporating in the heat of daybreak.

The wise woman raises my head with careful hands, as she would turn over a conch to check for a snail. If there were signs of life, she would pitch the conch back into the sea, trusting the animal’s ability to recover from the hot sun. That

was the best she could do. But I am found to be empty. She brushes the hair and sand and dried blood away and studies my face. I think how wise she is. “You’re tired, who could blame you for that?” she says.

“I know. Lots of people have.” She sighs, a sound like the breeze coming off the ocean. “I don’t know what to tell you. Life is horribly unfair. But would you believe it if I told you that it’s about to get better?”

She extends a sunburnt hand to help me up. “Come on, what do you say?”

PIXABAY

BUDGET$ JONI HARRIS COLUMNIST

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his week, Congress was able to reach a deal and fund the government through September. Similarly, last Thursday was payday for me and it looks like I will be able to fund my life through at least May 11. Since I have just proved my financial responsibility. I will share my recommendations for getting our government past September.1

Funding the EPA is definitely not necessary. Besides, we need the funds that currently are being spent on cleaning the Flint water system to help build the Dakota Pipeline, continue fracking, and maintain offshore oil drilling rigs.

PIXABAY

PIXABAY

PIXABAY

PIXABAY

Having POTUS and FLOTUS living in two separate towns may seem like a financial burden on taxpayers. To the trained citizen like me, however, it is clear to see that fewer people living in the White House means a smaller water and electricity bill. As long as Baron and Melania stay in New York, we’ll be saving big bucks.

Cutting non-essentials like Meals on Wheels is another great idea. Medicaid could also go because people who have iPhones could sell them and buy health insurance instead. Defunding all family planning services would also be great because we should do everything in our power to make access to legal abortions impossible, even if fewer people on the earth would be more fiscally responsible.

If Jesus didn’t take care of the poor and disenfranchised, then we shouldn’t bother funding programs that do that either.

We can also remove a ton of national monuments. I know it’s hard to say goodbye to the ones that are a memorial to white-supremacy, but just think about the upkeep cost of scraping pigeon poop off them and such.

I know there’s a lot more we can do but this seems like a good start for now.

One more tip. A really great resource for making your voice heard is https://5calls. org. Just click on the issues that you care about, for instance the budget, and the website will provide a sort of script you can follow when you call your representatives.

Now go make a few calls.

FOOD/ACA LIFE 11

BYE, THAI PLOY—OH HEY, SOI 71 MASON NEIL FOOD COLUM-MMM, DELICIOUS!

I

’ll be honest, I may have shed a small tear when Thai Ploy closed. Say what you want about the food, but I’ve had some of the best conversations of my life while sitting in those green vinyl booths.

Despite the pain of loss, the anticipation of a new Thai restaurant has quickly put me back into a good (and hungry) mood. Last Wednesday I had the chance to sit down with David and Evan, the two creative forces behind Soi 71. Located on Alder in downtown Walla Walla, Soi 71: A Thai Noodle House has done several recent pop-up meals that have received a lot of attention, and I wanted to check out what the excitement was about.

Named after the street in northern Thailand where David was born, Soi 71 is a tribute to his family’s passion for food

FACEBOOK

and hospitality. The dishes are made in the traditional style that David’s mother taught him, and the flavors are true to authentic Thai cuisine. Soi 71’s menu is designed for family style dining—the way Evan and

On Saturday, a friend and I enjoyed a lovely meal of Soi 71’s vegan pho and phat si-io (pad see ew) at their most recent popup. The pho was incredibly rich in flavor, and the three additional spices provided along with the pepper and basil garnishes highlighted different flavors from the same bowl. Each bite was unique, and it entertained to the last drop. Phat si-io is one my favorite Thai dishes, and Soi 71’s rendition shocked and thrilled me while also ruining my high regard for what I previously thought was the same thing.

Whether or not you’re an aficionado of Thai cuisine, enjoy an authentic homestyle Thai experience when Soi 71 opens on May 6.

David would feed their guests coming over for a meal at home. Respecting the theme of location, the restaurant has four separate rooms that create several unique moods centered around the food.

ACA PERSPECTIVES: LAURA EGOLF

STEPHANIE SEPTEMBRE ACA/SM WRITER

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he following interview was held with Laura Egolf, a junior bio pre-med student who plans to spend the 2017-2018 academic year studying at Universidad Adventista del Plata in Argentina.

Why do you want to study in Argentina?

Well, my mom is from Argentina. She was born there; her family speaks Spanish.

Even though she speaks Spanish, we never really picked it up. We heard her speak it, but we didn’t speak it ourselves. As I got older, I became more interested in actually learning the language and meeting some of my family there and learning about the culture. Also, besides that, it’s also just really useful to have a second language. You’re able to travel more places, communicate with more people. [If you are] going into medicine it’s really helpful, especially in the United States.

What will you be studying in Argentina?

You take a placement test when you get there that determines whether you’ll be in the beginner, intermediate, or advanced program, but all of them have the same system: You have to take a grammar class, you have to take vocab, you have to do speaking, and you’re required to take religion. Besides that, you [choose] electives: culture, history of the area, etc. You can do other things like music just for fun. Because [UAP] is not just a school for language, you can take pretty much whatever you want, except it depends on your competency level. If you’re very competent, you can take whatever you want. If you’re beginning, then usually your electives will be more within the learning-Spanish realm.

So far, what has been the process in preparing for Argentina? What are the requirements that you know of to study abroad?

So you are required to take the beginner Spanish series: Spanish 101, 102, 103, or the

equivalent credit. I’m enrolled in Spanish 103 right now. Besides that, there is an application which is due very late, but it’s easier to get it done [right away]. That gets sent off to the admissions office and [then to] Argentina. There are certain things you have to do in the application—you have to sign things, you have to send your passport photo, etc. You don’t have to get a visa to go to Argentina, unless you stop somewhere else. But besides the actual application, you have to figure out what you want to bring with you, plane tickets, stuff like that.

What are your expectations?

For it to be hard. I mean, it’s a different continent. I only know people going [who] I’m not really close with. It’s [hard to be with] people in a completely different culture who probably don’t care that much about you. The culture is going to be different, expectations are different.

But I think it’ll also help broaden your worldview; not just focusing on what you know, but also expanding and meeting

new people and learning to adapt to situations where you feel uncomfortable but [are] okay with that.

What level of Spanish are you hoping to walk away with by the end of the year?

By the end of the year, I’d like to be able to carry coherent conversations with native speakers, not just people speaking slowly with basic vocabulary so that you can understand them. It would be nice to be able to go to a Spanish-speaking country and be able to talk to them. Obviously, you’re not going to be able to acquire an 18-year-old native speaker’s vocabulary in one year. At least being able to talk on day-to-day things, if not deep, meaningful things, would be great.

12 LIFE DEVO/RELIGION

URIAH, AN UNSUNG HERO CHRISTINA MORAN DEVOTIONAL WRITER

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he story of David and Bathsheba is all too familiar to us. This story involves lies, manipulation, adultery, and murder. David falls for the wife of Uriah— Bathsheba—as he gazes at her naked body with lust. After impregnating Bathsheba, David plans for Uriah to spend the night with Bathsheba to make it seem like the baby was Uriah’s baby. But when David sends Uriah home, Uriah “slept at the door of the king’s house...and did not go to his house.”1 When David asked Uriah, “Why did you not go down to your house?” Uriah answered and said, “The ark and Israel and Judah are dwelling in tents, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are encamped in the open fields. Shall I then

go to my house to eat and drink, and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.”2 David tried to have Uriah sleep with his wife again, and again Uriah slept outside with the servants.

In this, Uriah displays loyalty to the battle that the Lord gave him spiritually and physically. He did not “reward” himself one night of selfish pleasure. He denied himself of his carnal desires. Even when David made him drunk, Uriah still did not succumb to the desires of man and sleep with his wife, Bathsheba. Uriah’s fierce loyalty to the battle God gave him proved his character of perseverance.

“In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”3 Uriah was given his own death sentence.

Here, Uriah shows that he is an obedient

servant to David and did not open the letter, respecting the privacy of the order.

Uriah’s last battle is as follows: “While... the city [was] under siege,... Uriah [was] at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were… [and] when the men of the city came out and fought…, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.”4 The life of Uriah has been overshadowed with the story of David and Bathsheba. We are not given the full, detailed account of Uriah, but through this one story of the life of Uriah, we are taught valuable lessons. To his faith, virtue was added, “to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”5 Uriah had faith in the Lord through this one instance alone and he demonstrated these traits (self-control,

etc.), as mentioned in 2 Peter 1:5-7, when he refused to sleep with his wife and enjoy the night while the watchful servants of his lord slept outside. Solely through his actions, we see the character of Jesus in action. The Bible does not give an explicit run down of what we learn from Uriah, but we can see the virtue and brotherly kindness displayed through this one action of Uriah.

2 Samuel 11:9 NKJV. 2 Samuel 11:10-11 NKJV. 2 Samuel 11:14-15 NKJV. 4 2 Samuel 11:16-17 NIV. 5 2 Peter 1:5-7 NKJV. 1 2 3

UNTITLED VIXIE BAILEY RELIGION WRITER

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here is nothing worse than staring at a blank document. What am I going to say? How am I supposed to start this research paper, this essay, this scholarship application, this article?

I once sat back and looked at the untitled pages of my relationship with God not knowing how to start, where to start, or even what I was starting. I was in Belize, sitting on an abandoned bus in the compound where we were staying, wondering what it meant to be a Christian.

I had been raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church, but I had never seen what it was like to actually follow Jesus; I had only seen how to pretend.

I opened my Bible and slowly started filling in the story of how God led, how Jesus loved, how the Holy Spirit worked in lives. But what does all this mean for us?

It means you and I are made by a God that knows us so well that He knows

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the number of hairs on our heads. He has seen our deepest desires, our worst thoughts, knows our darkest secrets, and still stays with us. That’s the dream. For someone to love us after they’ve seen the worst parts of us.

As I filled in what it means to follow this God, this eternal Being that eternally loves me, my life changed. That day started a new path for my life that led to Walla Walla University, and then to theology. That

was four years ago. If you had told me then that I would go to this school here and that I would be taking theology, I would have laughed at you. I was going to go to Southern Adventist University and I was going to take music; I had it all figured out. What I didn’t know was that my then separated parents wouldn’t be getting back together. I didn’t know that I would give up my dreams to support my dad as he raised my younger siblings. I didn’t know

that I would feel suffocated by not growing up, that I would decide to go to a school I had never visited, that I would work at a summer camp as the pastor. I couldn’t see what was going to happen, but God knew every turn that my path was going to take, and He hasn’t left my side.

Here I am once again, staring at an untitled document. This one is going to one day be filled with a degree, a job, a… I don’t know. I can’t see the future, but I know that God can and that He’s not leaving me.

It’s OK for your future to be untitled.

It’s OK to not know where you’re going to work, when you are going to graduate, if the person you’re dating is going to be your life partner. It’s OK because God knows and as long as you are following Him, the pages of your life will be filled with stories that you never thought were possible.

FASHION/SENATE UPDATE/AD LIFE 13

LESSONS FROM PINTEREST

SENATE

ANGELICA CHAN FASHION WRITER

This week, Senate had seven bills in old business and zero bills in new business.

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ne of my life goals is establishing a “look” or aesthetic for myself. A lot of my style choices are dictated by how I’m feeling at the time, or by the phrase, “now add a leather jacket.” But Pinterest lets me scroll through endless outfits, shoes, accessories, and other pairings. I can find anything I want.

Everything I like and would wear goes on a board, and I can create my aesthetic from there. However, I’ve recently realized that Pinterest can only take me so far in my quest.

In order to find my own style voice, I need to stop imitating. So here are some things Pinterest has taught me... about how to stop relying on Pinterest.

1. Accessories do matter, but not how you think they do.

Many of the pins on my board feature a mostly plain outfit, maybe a T-shirt and jeans, and one "wow" accessory that somehow turns a comfy-day outfit into something fit for a job interview. And it is true that accessories can make or break an outfit. The key, though, is not statement necklaces or perfectly stacked bracelets. The key is you. Because let's be honest. If you're wearing something that isn't you, you're going to feel wrong wearing it.

When the clothes I wear express who I am, I feel comfortable and free to focus on other things. If you're committed to an aesthetic all your own, the key is experimentation. Try stacking necklaces that shouldn't go together, or opt for just one—or no jewelry at all. Wear all the dorky bracelets from high school that you're not "supposed" to wear anymore.

Express yourself. The key being that the expression is yours, not someone else's.

OLD BUSINESS

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2. Embrace the “imperfections.”

I've spent more time than I would care to admit trying to perfectly master the fold in my jeans, or the tuck on my shirt, so that it looks just like the picture. Confession: If I ever do succeed, it always looks weird on me. Always. There are two reasons for this.

First, I don't look like the model in the picture, and second, someone spent forever trying to perfect that fold or tuck to match the model's body type. So it makes sense that my attempt looks weird. Experiment and try different things, and don't spend forever trying to make it perfect, because it's the "imperfections" that make the look unique to you. And most important here: Don't let the fear that someone else won't like it prevent you from expressing yourself. There are plenty of pins I see on Pinterest that I would never ever wear in a million years. But someone else pinned it, which means that someone else liked it.

They can do them; I'm doing me.

3. Use Pinterest for brainstorming, then log off.

As I said earlier, Pinterest has helped me to understand what I like. And I still go back every once in awhile to remind myself or find new things I like. But if you wake up every morning and go onto Pinterest to decide what to wear today, the purpose is defeated. You already know what you like, and you already know what you own. Use your pins as inspiration, and then walk away from your computer, or shut down the app, and start finding your own fashion voice (which is in your closet, not on Pinterest). Remember: Fashion is not about imitation, or if it is, it shouldn't be.

G.L. 16 – Campaigning in the Dorm—passed G.L. 17 – A Change to Cyclical Hiring Process—tabled G.L. 18 – Abolishment of the Media Board—passed G.L. 19 – Disciplinary Procedure— tabled G.L. 20 – Hiring Process Deviations— passed G.L. 21 – Amending Job Descriptions—passed

P.L. 34 – Karisa Ing for ASWWU Global Service Head P.L. 35 – Daniel Rexin for ASWWU Tread Shed Head P.L. 36 – Alex Aamodt for ASWWU Outdoors Head P.L. 37 – Tommy Moen for ASWWU Photo Head P.L. 38 – Anna-Marie Vargas for ASWWU Marketing Head All P.L. bills were passed

new BUSINESS P.L. 39 - Lauren Heinrich for Marketing Team as a Graphic Designer

If you have any questions about these bills, contact your senator. More information will be available in your Senate update email!

ASWWU is hiring all positions for next school year!

See ASWWU.com/Jobs to find more information and fill out your application.

There is an opening for a senator in District 7 - Hallmark Apartments/ Faculty Court/University-Owned Housing.

Email Chris Ghazal if you would like to run.

14 PERSPECTIVE HUMOR/CULTURE

MY FIRST 100 DAYS MICAH HALL HUMOR WRITER

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ast weekend marked the end of the first 100 days of the Trump presidency.

There has been some controversy during his term in office,1 but most people agree that Trump thinks it was a success.

I think that Trump is being judged too harshly. He is being compared to other presidents and to his own promises. We should be comparing him to the average American. Just to put things in perspective, here is an itemized list of everything I have done during Trump’s first 100 days.

I watched all of “Westworld” and “Friends” and “The Office” and four seasons of “Top Chef.”

I made a fifth Twitter account.

I lost 12 pounds.

I forgot to do any homework but I still have time to catch up during dead week.

I spent all of my money and then waited until payday and immediately spent all of my money again.

I took out $5,000 of student loans.

I bought a pint of low-calorie ice cream and ate it all in one sitting even though I thought it tasted bad.

I used the restroom exactly 35 times.

I have not washed my jeans because I am afraid they will get too tight.

I thought about getting a tattoo but then I remembered that I am not allowed to get any new tattoos while at Walla Walla University.

I still do not have a driver’s license.

I hope this helps put things in perspective. If you would like to congratulate me on my successes, please email me at micah.hall@wallawalla. edu. If you would like to complain about Donald Trump, please send a long email to my editor at matthew.moran@ wallawalla.edu.

Trump drew some criticism from liberal pundits when he purposefully didn't mention the Jews on Holocaust Remembrance Day. I believe this was his only scandal.

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WHEN PLANS GO WRONG DARLING SU CULTURE WRITER

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ith summer vacation in sight I have found myself doing the same routine every year: buy a ticket to fly back to Holland where I visit family and friends, work once in a while on my uncle’s boat, eat as much Gouda cheese as I can, and sleep. Although every summer I have a great time, I find myself doing the same things every year. So, I thought maybe it was time to do something new and more purposeful with my life, instead of binge watching all the shows on Netflix. Traveling for the sake of adventure is something I’m very passionate about. I went online and found a perfect opportunity to join a Special Needs Care project in Costa Rica. The project focuses on working with children with a range of physical and mental disabilities. After a Skype interview, I was given the opportunity to work alongside local teachers to help in the classroom and provide attention and care to the children.

Then, it was time to start saving! I started writing down all expected expenses so I could determine how much I needed for the trip. It came down to approximately $1,200 for the three weeks. You wouldn’t think I could make that much by flipping

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those fantastic Yogi burgers, right? The truth is, it was possible if I worked for 20 hours a week, which is the limit you can work for our university. But you know, life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Something unexpected happened on Sunday morning: I got into a car accident.

My roommate and I were on the way to see a concert in Seattle, and somehow ended up on the side of the road waiting for AAA. The front tires of the car were flat, but nothing else was visible. In the end, the only auto repair company open that day charged me $1,100.

This whole thing happened in three phases. Phase one: frustration. The first thing that follows a failed plan for me is panic. The second phase: cry it all out. I know I should have been grateful to be alive at that moment, but all I could think was, "Really? Why me?" It was time for the “Drama Queen Moment” I thought I deserved. I worked so hard for that money only for it to be blown away. There is a quote that says, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Sometimes things don’t play out quite the way you wish them to…What should we do when life throws us lemons? I mean, I wish I could throw them back and say “I WANTED CHOCOLATE." Alas, that’s not how it works. Phase three: acceptance. There was nothing else I could do. Costa Rica may not be in the agenda this summer, but it’s OK, it’s not the end of the world. On the bright side, no one was hurt and I got to see The 1975. Now, it’s back to square one, flipping those burgers.

SCIENCE PERSPECTIVE 15

SYSTEMIC RACISM IN CLINICAL TRIALS: TUSKEGEE & TODAY

JORDAN BROOKS SCIENCE WRITER

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ver the past two weeks, Walla Walla University has been granted the opportunity to more directly engage in discussions of racism through the presentations of Dr. George Yancy and Tim Wise. Through the lenses of Yancy and Wise, students have been dialoguing about lingering racism in the U.S. and how it is reinforced systemically. I have been blessed and challenged by the conversations I have had, and they prompted me to analyze historical and current racism in science.

In 1932, the infamous Tuskegee Syphilis Study began. To study untreated syphilis, the Public Health Service partnered with the Tuskegee Institute to record the experiences of 600 AfricanAmerican men from Alabama (399 with syphilis, 201 without it). In exchange for free medical care, meals, and burial insurance, the pathologies of syphilis were tracked in these men for 40 years, though they were never told this was the purpose.

Instead, the researchers informed them that they were being treated for “bad blood,” which was a catch-all term that included a wide variety of diseases.1,2 During the first decade of the study, treatments for syphilis were toxic and ineffective. Due to this lack of effective treatment, the researchers did not see the study as unethical, as the subjects did not have a better option and the study had potential to help develop better treatment.

However, by 1947 an effective treatment for syphilis did exist—penicillin. From 1947 to 1972, researchers in the Tuskegee Syphilis Study knowingly failed to treat their patients.

At the conclusion of the study in 1972, major U.S. law reforms were created to prevent similar unethical research in the future; however, it seems that the seeds of distrust for medical science were already sewn in the African-American community. To this day, AfricanAmericans and other minority populations cite mistrust as their explanation to not be

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involved with clinical drug trials.3 A 2002 survey found that African-Americans experienced stronger fears than Caucasian Americans that their physicians would not fully explain the details of a research study and would allow them to suffer harm in the study.4 Sadly, it appears that the fear and distrust of African-Americans is not just a facet of the Tuskegee historical narrative.

Drs. Michelle van Ryn and Jane Burke discovered in 2000 that “physicians are more likely to have negative impressions of their African-American patients than of their White patients and are likely to believe that African-American patients are less intelligent and educated than are their White patients.”2,5 In addition, they found that physicians believe AfricanAmericans are two-thirds as likely to follow therapeutic regimens.5 Therefore,

when selecting patients for drug trials (which often require dedication to taking medications) physicians are much less likely to select African-Americans.

It is a commonly referenced problem that African-Americans are underrepresented in clinical drug trials, which leads to disparities in medical treatment in different populations. The cause of this is probably not simple, but it seems affected by physician bias/prejudice and historically rooted African-American fears of medical research. However, despite their fears and distrust, it was found in 2006 that African-Americans are just as willing to participate in medical research as whites,6 even though they have less access to the benefits of medical science due to their increased probability of living in poverty and lacking healthcare.

Upon closer inspection by Dr. Jill Fisher in 2011, it was found that minorities (including AfricanAmericans and Hispanics) were actually overrepresented in phase I clinical trials, at close to 40 percent participation though they are around 13 percent of the nation’s populace.2 Fisher’s finding seems like a hopeful shift away from underrepresentation until we look at it closer. When a drug is in clinical trials, it goes through different phases over time—phase I, II, or III. Generally speaking, as a drug increases from phase I to phase III, the likelihood that it will harm patients decreases and the likelihood it will benefit patients increases. While African-Americans are overrepresented in risky phase I trials, they are still underrepresented in phase III trials.

Dr. Fisher states: “Minorities share a disproportionately greater risk and enjoy disproportionately fewer benefits (from a health and disease standpoint) from participating in clinical trials.”

In the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, African-American lives were risked in order to progress medical science. Since African-Americans had less access to healthcare (due to their skin color and poverty), they did not experience the benefits of their sacrifice. Have things really changed since Tuskegee?

https://www.cdc.gov/tuskegee/timeline.html Fisher JA, Kalbaugh CA.(2011). Challenging Assumptions About Minority Participation in US Clinical Research. American Journal of Public Health, 101(12), 2217-2222. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2011.300279 3 Paskett ED, Reeves KW, McLaughlin JM, et al.

(2008). Recruitment of minority and underserved populations in the United States: the Centers for Population Health and Health Disparities experience.

Contemporary Clinical Trials, 29(6), 847–861.

4 Corbie-Smith G, Thomas SB, St. George DMM. (2002). Distrust, race, and research. Arch Intern Med,162(21), 2458–2463.

5 van Ryn M, Burke J. (2000). The effect of patient race and socio-economic status on physicians’ perceptions of patients. Soc Sci Med, 50(6), 813–828.

6 Wendler D, Kington R, Madans J, et al. (2006). Are racial and ethnic minorities less willing to participate in health research? PLoS Med, 3(2), e19.

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CREATIVE WRITING/CULTURE LIFE

WE’RE ALL MODELS IN THE SPRING LAUREN WAHLEN BACKPAGE WRITER

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ow that the sun has finally gotten tired of being a hermit, we’re free: free to wear shorts, free to go out and enjoy the weather, or, at the very least, free to open our power bills without sobbing now that our heaters aren’t on 24/7 anymore.1 Basically, this is an aMAYzing month2... like, I don’t even care that I’ll have to start shaving my legs again. There’s just something about the month of May that makes basically everyone feel good.

Don’t believe me? Just go on Instagram/ Facebook/literally any social media site. So. Many. Photo shoots. Freshman who are just now realizing they won’t be freshman much longer, graduating seniors in need of money,3 everybody be snappin’ pics. I’ve noticed there are a few different kinds of spring photo shoots, and I’ll list them right here. So just in case your mom is still

begging you to “just take one good photo so we can send grad invites to our friends and show them that you’re not a total failure,” pick one of the below options, suck it up, and say cheese.

Brick Buildings: If you have allergies, don’t like nature, or simply wanna show off your shoes, this may be the ideal location for a photo shoot. Brick buildings (bonus points if there’s some pillars, too) look pretty official,4 so by association, there’s a good chance you’ll look legit too. Plus, if you’re like me and have no idea how to pose, no need to stress. Just lean up against a brick wall, cross your arms, and pretend you’re a local realtor/lawyer/used car salesperson on a low quality billboard. You’re welcome.

In the Middle of the Road: While this location is not ideal for someone like me (very slow reaction time, terrible hearing, etc.), the people who can pull this off are so fierce. And the photos look amazing! It’s the whole “idk where I’m headed in life but

I look cute” symbol, or maybe their car just broke down on the way to the actual photo shoot and they made the best of it. Either way, as long as you’re cool with getting cussed out by an angry driver, go for it. You do you. But do you safely, please.

With Your Hobby: Do you have a hobby that you’re known for? Guitar?

Cars? Longboard? Good for you for having enough time to actually have a hobby.

So why not be photographed with it?

As long as it isn’t too unflattering (like... water polo? Wearing those little bonnets?

Yikes.), too difficult to be photographed with (stamp collections can be cool but what would you do, hold them in your hands? Stick them on your face?), or too embarrassing (D&D), then I say go for it.

And if you’ve already had a photo shoot with the above hobbies I just bashed, my bad. I’m sure you were beautiful.

In a Field: I feel like this is the fallback for photo shoots, especially here

in the valley. At least, that was my senior photo shoot fall back. Originally I wanted one at the abandoned mall with all the goats in the background (I’m still a little sad I was talked out of this)...but there were just so many fields everywhere that I gave in. You can’t drive five minutes without seeing a field, which just reminds you of the looming photo shoot you still need to do. So just get out of the car, snap a couple pics, and you’re good to go. The nature will compensate for your awkwardness. And, if worst comes to worst, just Photoshop your face in a stock photo, you know, one where the person is standing with their arms open as they smile up at the sun.

I apologize if I blind anyone with my flourecentwhite legs Cash me outside, Pacific Power. How bow dah?

3 I promise I didn’t stay up all night trying to come up with that.

4 Do your thing, graduation announcements.

5 I literally went to Southern my freshman year partially because I thought the buildings looked “so Ivy League and official,” and also cuz it was so so cheap.

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VERBATIM Hey fam, keep sending me funny quotes from faculty/staff members! They're the only emails I like to get, tbh. The rest of my inbox is mostly just spam cuz I’m too lazy to ever unsubscribe. Email me at lauren.wahlen@wallawalla.edu "I bet you, I can French kiss the wall socket." – Professor Fred Liebrand “Where these glasses came from, I’m not sure. But they actually help.” – Professor Dan Lamberton "Don't take melatonin—read the Constitution!" – Professor Monty Buell on the best way to fall asleep "The Bible is right. It's always better to give than to receive." – Professor Tim Tiffin on his philosophy of giving homework and exams "Navy+Black = Dybdahl. Navy+Black = Fashion. Dybdahl = Fashion." – Professor Paul Dybdahl "Because that Pole is the northest north." – Professor Jonathan Cowles "There is one option we've never tried before: protection." – Professor Mihail Motzev, on how to password protect an Excel document

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