Volume 101 Issue 24 by The Collegian

The Collegian Walla Walla University

Volume 101

Issue 24

11 MAY 2017

ACADEMIC FREEDOM AND

ADVENTIST EDUCATION

creative writing

culture

science

DEAR READER, If you weren’t able to attend the International Food This year is coming to an end so I hope you enjoyed Fair and Spring Jam from this weekend, you definitely everything we were able to address this year. We have missed out on a great event! ASWWU did a fantastic had a great run and I definitely couldn’t have done it job, and I hope you are excited for other great events without all the amazing people on the staff. Next week is coming up, such as the sold-out Spring Banquet. I hope going to be our last issue and our special magazine issue you also enjoyed hearing from some of the amazing will be coming out soon. student workers that we featured last week. I encourage everyone to send a contribution to This week, we take a look at academic freedom in continue the valuable conversations we try to cultivate an Adventist context. Does Adventist higher education through this platform. You can send any comments, restrict academic freedom? What exactly does academic questions, or contributions to aswwu.collegian@ freedom mean? Especially in light of certain events that wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu. have taken place in our world today, I think this is an As always, enjoy and IPFY (i.e. I’m praying for you) interesting and potentially provocative subject that needs every day! to be addressed. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MATTHEW MORAN

CONTEXT

Perspective

THE INQUISITR

Table of Contents | 02 #theCollegian | 03 News | 04 Week in Forecast | 05

editor-in-chief Matthew Moran assistant editor Abigail Wissink Creative Director Frank Ramirez Head Copy editor Sophia Rich

columnist Joni Harris

news writers Kyler Alvord Lauren Epperson

Fashion writer Angelica Chan

food writer Mason Neil feature editors Michael Jensen Ysabela Ramirez Bryndilynn Goodlyn

Life editor Micah Hall

humor writer Micah Hall

backpage editor Lauren Wahlen

opinion writer Yvanna Hammen-Alvarez

religion writer Vixie Bailey

HOPE HEATON

Feature | 06 Letter to the Editor | 09 Creative Writing | 10 Column & Food & ACA/SM | 11

layout designers Anna-Marie Vargas Claudia Curtis Geoffrey Lopes Hannah Chebeleu

Copy Editors Katherine Beckner Amelia Pekar

LIFE

Devotional writer Christina Moran

PIXABAY

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Culture/travel writer Darling Su ACA/SM Editor Stephanie Septembre Science writer Jordan Brooks Creative writing editor Mac Ford Office Manager AnneMarie Vixie

Cover Credit: ASWWU The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu. collegian@wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 1:00 A.M. on Thursday, May 11 , 2017.

distributor Victoria Ico

The Collegian | Volume 101, Issue 24 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 https://issuu.com/aswwucollegian

#THECOLLEGIAN CONTEXT 3

MCVAYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MATCHMAKER DATE

EMILY POOLE

#THECOLLEGIAN

@lopeswithans

@ nick_alexander27

@tim.kosaka

@wallawallaulib

CONTEXT NEWS/SENATE THE INQUISITR

SENATE This week, Senate had three bills in old business and two bill in new business.

DORM VS. VILLAGE: WHO WILL WIN? KYLER ALVORD NEWS WRITER

OLD BUSINESS G.L. 17 – A Change to Cyclical Hiring G.L. 19 – Disciplinary Procedure P.L. 39 – Lauren Heinrich for Marketing Team These bills passed.

ast year marked the return of the beloved Sonnenberg Basketball Tournament, an annual dorm-versus-village competition that was once the highlight of student life at Walla Walla University.

This year, staff and students teamed up to continue the newly revived tradition, and the tournament has been scheduled for May 20 at 9:15 p.m. in the WEC gymnasium. As with any good tournament, the games are only half the fun. In addition to the rivalry, there will be door prizes, giveaways, and halftime entertainment.

Sonnenberg tryouts took place on Sunday, and the four teams—women’s dorm, women’s village, men’s dorm, and men’s village—are preparing to fight for the champion titles. There is no admission fee for Sonnenberg, and everyone is invited to attend and show allegiance to their favorite teams.

HALF-TREE EXPOSED MATTHEW MORAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

uring Thursday night of Alumni Weekend, half-tree stickers were found all around campus. The half-tree has been a fun gag of Walla Walla University; however, this particular practical joke went too far.

Some stickers were placed on glass and doors, causing minimal damage, but other stickers were placed on painted surfaces, which caused severe damage to campus property. One such property was the new map of Walla Walla University that was only installed only a few days before the incident.

The total damage caused by the half-tree stickers was around $1,500. The university is working along with Campus Security and the College Place Police Department to determine who is responsible for the incident. This is an ongoing investigation.

new BUSINESS 10.1. F.L. 13 – Camera Equipment for ASWWU Photo 10.2. F.L. 14 – Vacuums For Conard and Foreman

THE COLLEGIAN IS HIRING FOR NEXT YEAR! visit aswwu.com/jobs to apply

If you have any questions about these bills, contact your senator. More information will be available in your Senate update email! There is an opening for a senator in District 7 - Hallmark Apartments/ Faculty Court/University-Owned Housing. Email Chris Ghazal if you would like to run.

Assistant Editor

Life Editor

Distribution Manager

Head Copy Editor

Office Manager

Layout Designers

Copy Editors

Website Manager

Writers

WEEK IN FORECAST FRIDAY

THURSDAY

GREG KHNG

SATURDAY

CLAYTON KRUSE

KAI KOPITZKE

may 11

may 12

may 13

InTents: Arianna Salmon & Carl Cosaert 7 p.m. Kretchmar Lawn

Walla Walla Spring Fling 2017 10 a.m. Pioneer Park

George Vemon “Beaver’s Fire: A Regional Portfolio”

InTents: Mark Abrio & Lindsey Haffner 7 p.m. Kretchmar Lawn

InTents: Josefer Montes 7 p.m. Kretchmar Lawn

AGA Women’s Weekend Vespers 8 p.m. University Church

Evensong 7:30 p.m. University Church

7 p.m. Administration Building 117

WWUDRAMA Spring Show 9 p.m. Village Hall

SUNDAY

TUESDAY

MONDAY

KIDSKONNECT

FIELD GULLS

WALLA WALLA CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL

may 14

May 15

may 16

Mother’s Day

Walla Walla Choral Society: Songs of Nature 7 p.m. Walla Walla Presbyterian Church

Community: Rocky Seto Former Assistant Head Coach for Defence for the Seattle Seahawks 11 a.m. University Church

After Hours May 18

Spring Banquet May 21

Walla Walla Spring Fling 2017 10 a.m. Pioneer Park WWUDRAMA Spring Show 9 p.m. Village Hall

Coming up

6 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

ACADEMIC FREEDOM & ADVENTIST EDUCATION A

nyone paying attention to the American political scene lately will have noticed that issues of free speech and censorship have been hotly discussed. Clearly, people care about their rights to express their views. On college campuses—academic environments which traditionally pride themselves on being havens of free speech, open dialogue, and diverse opinion—tensions have flared regarding just how free “free speech” should be. The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE) maintains a “Disinvitation Database” of speakers who have been disinvited from their speaking engagements at college campuses throughout the U.S.1 According to FIRE’s quarterly report, there was “a record number of attempts by students, faculty, and others to prevent those with whom they disagree from speaking on campus in 2016.”2 Colleges and universities are apparently facing a quandary when attempting to allow free expression while also preventing what they term hateful or provocative rhetoric from

abounding on campus. This is an issue that is naturally grappled with by every institute of higher learning, but private, faith-based schools like Walla Walla University have a different angle from which they must tackle the problem. From speaking with others there are a number of things that Adventist parents consider when sending their children to an Adventist university. Most of these considerations center on the community of like-minded, faith-conscious students and faculty one would expect to find on an Adventist campus. Parents want their children to make Adventist friends, meet an Adventist partner, develop Adventist values and, hopefully, grow into committed Adventist adults. Obviously not all parents have these aspirations or motivations when sending their children to an Adventist school. However, it is usually true that programs of equal or greater academic prowess are available at cheaper and undoubtedly more local state schools. If academic quality or proximity

to home were the only factors considered when choosing a school, most students of Adventist universities would probably be elsewhere.3 This means that, essentially, an Adventist education is a product that people are willing to pay a premium for, and, as such, they have a right to expect certain things for their money. And this is where things get murky. What, exactly, is an Adventist education? And what should it be? One potential approach is to lay out a standard set of beliefs that should be espoused by a school and its faculty-in other words, to define “Adventist education” by describing what values and beliefs are fundamentally important to Adventism and requiring that they be communicated by a school and its faculty. The most obvious problem with this approach is that it is rather difficult to get people to agree on what is fundamentally important to Adventism. And convincing a large group of highly educated, opinionated scholars to espouse a particular creed of someone else’s devising is not just

difficult-it’s positively opposed to the very Adventist aversion to dogmatic creeds.5 Even if something like the 28 Fundamental Beliefs were adopted as the basis for Adventist education, it would be difficult to deal with the many committed Adventist scholars whose conscience simply wouldn’t allow them to sign on the dotted line and subscribe to certain beliefs they don’t share. Adopting a somewhat less specific creed might increase the size of the pool of willing adherents, but would still impose a troubling expectation of ideological homogeneity. “Ideological homogeneity” describes the fundamental difficulty with any set of beliefs that are expected to be shared by faculty at an academic institution. No matter what standards, beliefs or values an institution chooses to impose, it is enforcing an external intellectual framework on the free minds of a community purportedly tasked with critically evaluating the basic facts of life. However, as discussed earlier, an Adventist university has a particular “product” to deliver that is above and beyond (or perhaps,

FEATURE PERSPECTIVE 7 ASWWU PHOTO

“You will hold the Bible as your only creed and rule of faith and practice.”

“You will support the ‘28 Fundamental Beliefs of Seventh-day Adventists,’…in all your teaching, both in and out of the classroom, in your publications and lifestyle. At the same time, this does not preclude you from discussing or even raising questions about the Beliefs responsibly and in the appropriate circles. Furthermore, you will support the GC document ‘Methods of Bible Study’ and ‘Academic and Theological Freedom and Accountability.’”

by Michael Jensen and Ysabela Ramirez completely separate from or contradictory to) the traditional academic process of critical evaluation, research and debate. A certain degree of Adventist flavor is rightly expected at an Adventist school, but there remains the difficulty of defining that particular flavor in a way that minimizes compromises to rigorous academic integrity. As one might expect, different institutions have done this in different ways. Adventist University of Health Sciences, founded by Florida Hospital said this in a statement specifically addressing academic freedom in their 2015-16 faculty handbook: “For the faith-based institution, academic freedom has an additional significance. This places a responsibility on Christian faculty to be self-disciplined, responsible, mature scholars, and to investigate, teach, and publish within the area of their academic competence without external restraint. They will have due regard for the character and aims of the institution and a concern for the spiritual and intellectual needs of their students.”4

This statement, although vague in its exact implications, is openly positive and supportive of the role of critical inquiry and expression in the academic world. It also specifically outlines the critical point that academic freedom especially “applies to subjects within the instructor’s professional expertise, within which there is a special need for freedom to pursue truth.” Such a statement affirms the expertise of highly educated faculty and acknowledges the vital importance that they be free to pursue truth within their field, wherever it may lead. Consider, for an interesting contrast, the much more specific guidelines issued last month by the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University after some banter with the International Board of Ministerial and Theological Education a General Conference entity:

“You may not interpret the Bible employing methodologies that undermine the authority of the Bible as the Word of God, including historical-critical methodologies…This does not preclude you from discussing historical-critical methodologies in your teaching or publications, nor does it prohibit you from belonging to and actively participating in scholarly societies, conferences, or gatherings organized by critical scholars…[or from] forming collegial relationships with such scholars…”

“You will support monogamous, heterosexual marriage as the divine pattern in all your teaching…Monogamous, heterosexual marriage is the only divine plan for marriage. In addition, you will abide by the ‘Code of Ethics for Seventh-day Adventist Educators,’ and the ‘Pastoral Ethics.’”

“You may not employ theories of macroevolution, including theistic evolution, to interpret the Bible and its creation account in your teaching, either in or out of the classroom, or in your publications. This does not preclude you from discussing or mentioning such ideas in your work or lectures.”

“You may not make personal attacks against a colleague’s character and competence at the SDATS in your teaching, either in or out of the classroom, or in your publications, as well as in your private conversations. This does not preclude discussing their ideas in the context of respect and collegiality.”5

8 PERSPECTIVE FEATURE Andrews refers to this document as the “Delimitation of Academic Freedom for the Faculty and Staff of the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University.” Delimitation literally means “a boundary line or an outer limit,”6 so in this document, Andrews is recognizing that there must be some region in which, at an Adventist seminary, academic freedom must be limited. In fact, the document’s preamble explicitly states that the seminary “hereby delimits the academic freedom that you as a faculty may exercise in your teaching and writing as well as in your personal life.”7 According to the Spectrum article referenced here, faculty were “simply invited to sign the document.” Teresa Reeve, Associate Dean and Associate Professor of New Testament Contexts, is quoted in the article as saying that it was her understanding that all regular faculty had signed this document, but one can reasonably wonder what would have happened if a faculty member had declined the invitation. Not surprisingly, discussion on the Spectrum article included both horrified and satisfied commentators, with some defending the guidelines as a protecting Adventist values in education and others decrying the statement as self-contradictory, foolish, and creedal. The polarized reaction to Andrews' handling of this delicate subject is not surprising; in fact, it is perfectly reflective of the fundamentally different paradigms from which Adventists approach issues of knowledge and faith. To one who sees traditional Adventism as under attack, a strong and protective document like Andrews’ “Delim-

itation” is a relief-it means that the church’s theology cannot slip too far. But to one who values honest inquiry, evolving doctrine and freedom of thought and expression, such a creed is abhorrent-on par with the dogmatic stance of the medieval Catholic church. In no way can a simple Collegian article resolve the irreconcilable tension between the conflicting paradigms, expectations and values used to approach Adventist higher education. Clearly, parents and students have the right to expect a particularly Adventist-flavored product when sacrificing for Adventist education. However, those same parents and students also deserve exposure to critical thinking, honest dialogue and difficult questions. To some degree, these requirements are mutually exclusive, but schools must draw the line somewhere. Here are some questions to consider when pondering where the appropriate balance should lie: How does “academic freedom” advance or retract the mission of Adventist education? If current stances regarding academic freedom at Walla Walla University were to shift toward a more unbridled position found at a place like Whitman College, would that necessitate a change of the mission of our university, and would we want that? Perhaps more interestingly, would that shift really trend toward more academic freedom in the general sense of the word? For example, we currently have professors who openly discuss faith with their students. There are academic environments where this is not considered to be appropriate.

Walla Walla University’s official motto is:

Excellence in thought Generosity in service Beauty in expression Faith in God The two core themes that could most easily come into conflict with one another on a religious campus are of course ‘excellence in thought’ and ‘faith in God.’ Effectively, they are a restatement of the paradox addressed in this article. The nature of faith is, as described in Hebrews 11:1, “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” If that is our definition of faith, it is not going to get us very far in terms of the hard sciences, but that is not its only purpose. The primary purpose of faith is not to inform us of our physical world, but of the intangible world-the world of ethics, generosity, love, faithfulness, justice, and mercy, just to name a few. For Walla Walla University, faith is not something that is just tacked onto academic pursuits; it is something that gives academic pursuits context and meaning: “Recognizing that God is the source of all truth, goodness, and beauty, the university seeks to convey to students a wisdom that translates academic achievement into responsible citizenship, generous service, a deep respect for the beauty in God’s creation, and the promise of re-creation through Jesus Christ.” 8 As a Christian university, WWU is not only concerned with the knowledge and facts it is imparting to its students, it is concerned with the way that knowledge will be used to better society. In this way, faith and excellence in thought work closely together, not separately and certainly not against one another.

The Foundation for Individuatl Rights in Education, Disinvitation Database, https://www.thefire.org/resources/ disinvitation-database/#home/?view_2_page=1 2 The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, Fire Quarterly, Winter 2017, https://d28htnjz2elwuj.cloudfront. net/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/06065602/fire-quarterly-winter-2017.pdf 3 You have no idea how many times I have had to explain to moderately shocked friends and acquaintances why on Earth I go to engineering school in the opposite corner of the country when Florida has an excellent polytechnic school rather close to my home. 4 The preamble to the Adventist 28 Fundamental Beliefs explains that “Seventh-day Adventists accept the Bible as the only source of our beliefs.” An older version uses more explicit language: “Seventh Day Adventists [sic] accept the Bible as their only creed.” In other words, nothing crafted by mankind should be used as a dogmatic, definitive and unchanging guide to religious fundamentals. See https://www.adventist.org/en/beliefs/, http://szu.adventist. org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/28_Beliefs.pdf 5 http://catalog.adu.edu/content.php?catoid=14&navoid=819&hl=academic+freedon&returnto=search 6 See https://www.andrews.edu/agenda/45560 and http:// conversation.spectrummagazine.org/t/delimitation-of-academic-freedom-at-seventh-day-adventist-theological-seminary/13287 7 http://www.yourdictionary.com/delimitation 8 http://conversation.spectrummagazine.org/t/delimitation-of-academic-freedom-at-seventh-day-adventist-theological-seminary/13287 9 https://wallawalla.edu/about-wwu/general-information/ our-mission/ 1

LETTER TO THE EDITOR PERSPECTIVE 9

A REPLY TO DR. CARL COSAERT

LONGING FOR A CHRISTIAN RESPONSE TO RACISM?

THE DONALD BLAKE CENTER JUST PROVIDED ONE TIM GOLDEN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

erhaps the most provocative statement in the history of Western philosophy is Friedrich Nietzsche’s claim that “God is dead.” This statement, upsetting to some Christians, may be the most misunderstood of Nietzsche’s aphorisms. When Nietzsche proclaims the death of god—my use of the lower-case “g” throughout this essay is intentional—he is not referencing the God of the Bible. Instead, he is referencing an idol of a dishonest Christian imagination; a god that obfuscates, a god that hides behind theological doctrine to avoid moral responsibility for real problems; problems that demand authenticity and introspection instead of abstract, theorized dogma. In sum, when Nietzsche claims that “god is dead,” he claims that the belief in god is no longer credible precisely because this belief prevents genuine moral responsibility; such a “god” is morally worthless. This is why Nietzsche longs for “a dawn of a humanity without myths.” A humanity without myths is a responsible humanity. So it is that the death of god implies the birth of responsibility—a moral responsibility that most of us prefer to avoid. When I read Dr. Cosaert’s essay in response to Dr. George Yancy’s keynote lecture two weeks ago, I began to see that Nietzsche was right: we are much better off without false gods. The god of the dishonest Christian imagination not only appears throughout Dr. Cosaert’s essay, but also seems to be the foundation for it. For Dr. Cosaert believes that what is “missing” from Dr. Yancy’s lecture was that “the problem of racism is rooted in something that goes far deeper than the color of our skin. It is the condition of our hearts—a condition that the Bible calls sin.”

To say that racism is the result of sin in this context is deeply problematic for at least two reasons. First, it does not address the deeply entrenched racism that Dr. Yancy spoke of in his lecture. And second, it reflects poorly on our sense of Christian moral responsibility. I will discuss each of these in turn. The Christian doctrine of sin, as Dr. Cosaert describes it in his essay, carries with it certain assumptions about human nature. These assumptions include temptation, deliberation, and free will. For example, when we think of Paul’s account of sin in Romans 7, we think of an individual being tempted to do wrong, deliberating on the decision to do wrong, and freely disregarding right in favor of doing wrong. But when Dr. Yancy spoke of whites being racist, he was not, as Dr. Cosaert claims, making “generalizations about all white people.” Dr. Yancy made no theological assumptions about human nature. He was not making a generalized claim about all whites and their individual moral dispositions toward all people of color. He was not claiming that all whites, after being tempted, invariably deliberate and freely choose to oppress black people and other people of color. Instead, he was referencing the legacy of white privilege from which all whites—including Dr. Cosaert—benefit from whether they have any animus toward people of color or not. Dr. Yancy’s point was not that he is capable of reading the hearts and minds of each and every white person and concluding that all whites harbor ill-will toward all people of color. In contrast, his point was that whites are born into a world of white supremacy and are thus complicit in the pervasive effects of whiteness whether they realize it or not. Sin is individual. But racism is systemic and institutional. So I take Dr. Cosaert at his word that he is opposed to racism. But he is wrong to suggest that his individual opposition to racism somehow exempts him—or any other white person—from the moral responsibility to address racism’s persistent, systemic, institutional, and

oppressive effects. As Dr. Yancy pointed out in his keynote lecture, each white person is as complicit with white supremacy in virtue of being white as, for example, I am complicit with patriarchy in virtue of being male. Dr. Cosaert missed this point. To say that racism is the result of sin also reflects poorly on our sense of moral responsibility as Christians. When Dr. Yancy’s keynote remarks are properly understood, they have moral implications for whites that are profoundly Christian: a vigilance and a wakefulness about how they are unconscious beneficiaries of white supremacy. This, in turn, means that there is no rest for one who, like Dr. Cosaert, is not a racist individually. Despite his own convictions in opposition to racism, there is a higher level of responsibility that demands consistent critical self-reflection on his own motives and actions to do all that he can to curb his complicity with white supremacy as much as possible, as I must do with patriarchy because I am male. This is difficult for anyone to do. Indeed, it is so difficult to do that it is much easier to claim that racism is the result of individualized sin than it is to demand of oneself the high moral standards of critical selfreflection. Since we would rather not submit to such radical and infinite moral responsibility, we conceal our moral laziness with the Christian theological doctrine of sin. Doing so enables us to avoid moral obligation by affirming twin evils: (1) self-justification by claiming a lack of intentional racist conduct on one hand, and (2) putting the onus on black people and other people of color to tend to problems that they did not create on the other hand. So I would say to Dr. Cosaert that it is not the responsibility of the Blake Center to select only those black voices that discuss racism in a way that you find acceptable. Dr. Cosaert’s preference for hearing from Pastor Terrance Taylor—one who I deeply respect and admire—as opposed to George Yancy shifts the responsibility away from whites and to people

of color, which, in my view, is anything but a Christian response to racism. In contrast, it exemplifies the sort of white hegemony that morally responsible Christians must condemn whenever it appears. I condemn it now. Walla Walla University is a Christian community of faith and discovery committed to excellence in thought, generosity in service, beauty in expression, and faith in God. This is our university mission. The Donald Blake Center was founded last year to further that mission, in part, through its annual academic conference, and Dr. Yancy’s keynote lecture did precisely that; it encouraged excellence in thought by challenging us to hear perspectives that we are unaccustomed to hearing; it promoted beauty in expression by boldly confronting the reality of racism with profane language because racism is profane, and to confront it otherwise would not be beauty in expression, but rather would be an ugly and morally irresponsible concealment; it encouraged generosity in service because it exposed many in our university family to the awful realities of the world that they are called to serve; a world with dark corners that demand the finest of Christian service; and it promoted faith in God at the end of the lecture when Dr. Yancy spoke of the vigilance of whites in tending to their own racist inheritance whether they intentionally do harm to blacks and other people of color or not. Performing this life-long task demands great faith in God. So unlike Dr. Cosaert, I am not “longing” for a Christian response to racism. Why not? Because the Blake Center just provided one. I am, however, longing for the death of “god,” that relentless idol of theological obfuscation. Christians are called to fight against idolatry. I intend to do just that. So when the god of our theological imagination that conceals and justifies our moral lethargy is dead, please let me know. I will be delighted to give the eulogy.

LIFE CREATIVE WRITING/COLUMNIST

FEATURED WRITER: HOPE HEATON

MAC FORD CREATIVE WRITING

ope Heaton has been working as a SM in Malawi this past year, where she teaches a classroom of kids and goes on mountain adventures. Here's a piece she wrote about the memories she’s made and some gorgeous pictures of her time there. Catching Butterflies May 3, 2017 I was running down the dusty path, tall grasses hitting my face and roots threatening to catch my feet. Everything was a whirl of green and brown around me. Suddenly I rounded a corner in the path and came to a complete stop. It was a small stream trickling from a waterfall, surrounded by jungle-like trees. But it wasn't the stream that stopped me. There was something else. A beauty of nature that I hadn't experienced before. It was silent except for the birds singing faintly. In front of me was a kaleidoscope of butterflies. I had never seen so many together before and they were all fluttering around with grace in their vibrant colors.

HOPE HEATON

The silence held me and I stood watching. One fluttered over to me and landed on my outstretched hand. I bent down for a closer look, noticing words written in the design of its wings: My heart was pounding, I was breathing hard, each step felt like gravity was trying to bury me into the ground. Taking a moment to turn around from the slope ahead of me, I was looking out over flaming clouds with blue Malawian mountains in the background. The gnarled trees and delicate wildflowers framed my solitude and I soaked in a view words would never be able to describe. There was still a mountain ahead of me and darkness was coming. I was

alone, but I'd never felt like such a part of something. The emptiness of expectations had long ago been replaced with the contentment of simplicity and presence. I imagined a lesson with the Painter, how He might show me to capture these colors with my own brush. How He might show me to paint the world around me a brighter color. It had just begun to fly away when another landed on my finger tip. Curious about what story this little one might share, I brought its delicately pink tipped wings closer to my gaze. As she threw her arms around me I knew I would miss her hug. This was goodbye. She danced and sang. She filled the classroom

with sunshine. She gave me a wooden giraffe, my first teacher's "apple." It's on my desk, and I plan to put it on each desk I teach at to always remind me why I love teaching; because of the students that will forever be a part of my heart, for how they grow and help me grow, for watching them learn to stand tall and for cherishing their energetic friendships. As the tickle of the butterfly's presence left I felt deeply contented. The blur of colors passing through the air in swirls, these small splashes of life, they were pieces of me. Their movements were the rises and falls of the year, the emotions of moments portrayed in their multitude of colorful designs. I began to walk again. Looking up at the trees, listening to the birds, excited for the next time I might stumble across my memories. For the next time I would look at my reflection in a passing stream and see how the rose color in my cheeks has grown, my smile widened. How the tangled blonde framing my face tells me of the place where my wild heart goes. To look myself in the eyes and embrace the beauty created in me.

JOB APPLICATIONS JONI HARRIS COLUMNIST

t’s only been 111 days of our current presidency and 129 people have already filed to run for president in 2020.1 In 2016, more than 1,746 people filed for candidacy.2 I couldn’t believe there were that many people in America who have that kind of confidence, so I took a look at the list. Of those 1,746, there were many joke candidates. Or maybe they were serious, who am I to judge? Here are a few of the names that stood out to me from the hundred or so I scrolled through: Touchy the Pedophile Serial Killer Clown, Coffee and Donuts, Dog Eating Maniacal Fish Brained Ugly Commandant, Be Electe [they spelled it wrong], Moose Lookalike Fool That Will,

Some Lice, Pizza Hey He Stole That Guys, Harley Spiderman Simmons, Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, and Donald J. Trump.3 The first was on December 12, 2008. That’s an eight year campaign. And the last was on July 29, 2016. I couldn’t believe so many people would take the time for a joke that not many people would hear about. So I looked up the process and here is what I found: “How do I register as a candidate for federal office? If you are running for the U.S. House, Senate or the Presidency, you must register with the FEC once you (or persons acting on your behalf ) receive contributions or make expenditures in excess of $5,000. Within 15 days of reaching that $5,000 threshold, you must file a Statement of Candidacy (FEC Form 2 [PDF];

Instructions [PDF]) authorizing a principal campaign committee to raise and spend funds on your behalf. Within 10 days of that filing, your principal campaign committee must submit a Statement of Organization (FEC Form 1 [PDF]; Instructions [PDF]). Your campaign will thereafter report its receipts and disbursements on a regular basis. Campaigns should download the Campaign Guide for Congressional Candidates [PDF] and our Candidate Registration video for more information on the laws that apply to them. For additional information for new or incumbent campaigns, see this Record article on Preparing for the Next Election.”4 Now I’ve looked at those forms and they were a lot shorter than those for many of the jobs I’ve applied for. But still, is it worth $5,000 for a joke? I’m not so sure.

Anyway, my point is this: The application to work for ASWWU is easier and shorter than that of the United States presidency. And you don’t have to have had lived here for 14 years, be 35 years old, or a male. Any and all of you can apply. So I want to encourage you all, especially women and minorities, to apply. Help make WWU a better place! Also, summer is coming. Find a job for that too. 5

http://www.npr.org/2017/05/06/527078170/say-it-aintso-129-people-have-already-filed-to-run-for-presidentin-2020 2 http://www.fec.gov/press/resources/2016presidential_form2nm.shtml 3 https://ballotpedia.org/Presidential_candidates,_2016 4 http://www.fec.gov/press/resources/2016presidential_form2nm.shtml 5 Or do that outside of ASWWU. You do you boo. 1

FOOD/ACA LIFE

HOW NOT TO TREAT THE SERVICE WORKERS IN YOUR LIFE

MASON NEIL EPICUREAN PROVOCATEUR

his past weekend while I was working off-campus, a middle-aged man gruffly asked me, “Are you gay?” while I was serving him. It was clear by his attitude that he wasn’t expecting the answer he wanted, and with a large group of customers eagerly waiting in line behind him, I knew I had to measure my response. My mind flashed back to my years in the closet, when my survival depended on

steering people away from this topic. The critical intonation woven into “Mason, are you…?” could instantly freeze my spine and twist my stomach into a knot that wouldn’t unravel for days at a time. Perception precedes suspicion, and I knew that those who asked already saw me as gay. Affirmation left me exposed, denial made me a liar. What could I do? A lot has changed in the last five years, but my internal reaction still echoed that experience. I paused, locked eyes with the customer, took a moment to let him think, and said “Yes.” My controlled

persona was the antithesis of the panic I felt inside. There I was, standing against a wall with a growing audience staring at me as we all contemplated my sexuality. Great, life as normal. The incident has left me more confused than anything else, but I think it’s a strong example of a simple rule: who not to be. Respect and empathy will elevate any relationship, and in the service industry where interactions can be reduced to transactions, a double-dose of intentional appreciation is probably apropos. Here’s to you, baristas, waiters,

The Express-ers, Caf workers, Oregon gas station attendants, barbers, and more. Y’all rock my world.

ACA PERSPECTIVES: COURTNEY MACPHEE STEPHANIE SEPTEMBRE ACA WRITER

he following interview was conducted with Courtney MacPhee, a senior history major with double minors in German and French. Where did you go and for how long? I went to Collonges (the French campus) for fall quarter (beginning of September to beginning of December), and then transferred to Friedensau in Sachsen-Anhalt, Germany in the beginning of December for winter and spring quarter. What inspired you to go and what were your expectations? My transfer experience was odd. Unlike most ACA students, I had the opportunity to visit the school before I actually attended. My cousin was attending Theologische Hochschule Friedensau the same year I was in France, so I went up to visit her in November. When I got there, I fell in love with the campus. It was newer, bigger, more beautiful, with better resources, more programs, and most importantly, better

food (clarification: not actually the most important, but a great relief. They served dragon fruit while I was there!). What surprised you most about your experience? I was amazed by how involved the teachers were in the ACA students' lives. They'd eat in the cafeteria with us, asked us if we wanted anything while they were in the U.S. promoting the program, and helped us with any of the cultural messes we'd get ourselves into (hint: don't ship your medicine to Germany and declare it on the package, it never goes well). But the students of campus were also really welcoming. We were just like any other students there, even though we were only there for a year. Unlike France, it seemed like a regular college, with different events and regular activities planned, such as biweekly volleyball games, movie premieres in town, and other random events like soccer games, fun runs, and Saturday night pizza nights. What was an average day like? Wake up, get breakfast in the Mensa (cafeteria) sometime between 7 and 8:30, and then get ready for school. School in Germany goes for longer each week than

elsewhere, so the hours in class don't match up with credits. Class started at 9:45 and went till 1, with an hour lunch break, and then 2-3:30 for the afternoon session. After that, our afternoons were pretty free, and we'd hang out on campus, maybe in other students' dorm rooms, maybe by their natural pool, maybe playing tennis. It all depended on the weather, which could be pretty freaky sometime. What was the most challenging part? The most rewarding? I had an unusual experience in that I started the second quarter at Friedensau three weeks late, and not having learned any German previous to that. Most, if not all, students won't have to worry about that, but at the same time, it was so rewarding to see the quick progress I made with the immersion process (by that time, the class was only allowed to speak German). When you came back, did you feel you had learned as much of the language as you'd hoped? My first reaction is, well yeah, I didn't know I was going to be learning German. However, I was so proud of myself for successfully passing the B1 government test

in the beginning of June after only four full months of school. The challenge is keeping it up back in the States. What are the best parts of the ACA program and maybe some points for improvement? The German ACA program was amazing, and we had great trips, but the best part was the community at Friedensau. I'm not talking just about the students, but we also had the opportunity to help out Syrian refugees who had been moved to SachsenAnhalt and help them feel welcome. It was so eye-opening and something that no other campus can give you. I have no complaints or even worries about Friedensau. They even have community cats. What would you say to anyone considering studying abroad with ACA next year? I think ACA is a good program, but Friedensau is the only program that I would tell them to go to with no hesitation whatsoever. I'd visited the Spanish and Italian campuses, and lived at the French campuses, and they were fine, but Friedensau was life-changing.

LIFE DEVOTIONAL/RELIGION

ONE FOOT OF ROPE CHRISTINA MORAN DEVOTIONAL WRITER

his is the story of Esther in a nutshell: Esther was a young, beautiful Jewish woman, the niece of a godly man named Mordecai. Esther wooed the heart of the king when the king was in need of a queen, and was taken in as his wife and crowned queen, but complications arose with Haman, the king’s right hand man, and the Jews. Haman was determined to get rid of all of the Jews. It seemed that the Jews had no way out of Haman’s decree to destroy their race. Mordecai saw that Esther was the only hope, the only way they would escape this predicament. The plan was this: by risking her life, Esther was to go to the king and ask him to renounce the decree of killing the Jews. Esther was terrified; how could she do such a bold act?

After much persuasion, her uncle left messengers to tell her this: “Do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” 1 Mordecai displayed faith in God and a realization of why his young niece was placed in the palace. It was up to Esther to take up the calling God gave her in that moment. As the story goes, Esther made the right choice and boldly stood up to the king and his right hand man. The king renounced the decree against the Jews and hung Haman. Esther went through a life-risking trial, but was able to overcome and save her people. It is not an easy task to choose to do the right thing. As James confesses, “I don’t really

understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” 2 Imagine that you have a manila rope that has a beginning and has no end. At the beginning of the rope, there is a red tape that marks one foot of the rope. The rope represents your life. The beginning of the rope represents the beginning of your life. The red tape represents either your death or the second coming of Jesus, if the second coming of Jesus comes before you die. The rest of the rope represents living for eternity with Jesus in heaven. One foot of the rope is nothing compared to the rest of the eternal rope, just as our trials on this world are only for a moment (one foot of the rope) compared to the rest of eternity (the rest of the rope). As Ellen White wrote in “Heaven,” “Our greatest trials...looked so small compared with the far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory that surrounded us, that we

could not speak them out, and we all cried out, Alleluia! Heaven is cheap enough,” we see our trials on this earth will be forgotten once we lay eyes on the One who has saved us from the Prince of Darkness. 3 If you are in the pursuit of sustaining a good relationship with God, it may be tempting to give up in the hard times, and allow yourself to give into the carnal desires of our hearts, but let’s put this in perspective. What is one foot of rope to an eternity of rope? What is our life to eternal life in heaven? Esther risked her life trying to save her people. She saw that trying was worth it. Heaven was worth it. Will you choose eternity?

Esther 4:13-14 (NKJV) Romans 7:15 (NLT White, Ellen G. Heaven. Mountain View, CA: Pacific Press Pub. Assoc., 1984. Accessed May 8, 2017. https:// egwwritings.org. 1 2

PSALM 23 VIXIE BAILEY RELIGION WRITER

here are three things that scare me more than anything: failing (classes, relationships, you name it), snakes (just no), and public speaking. Yes, I am aware that pastoring involves public speaking. God and I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. I guess He has, but I don’t know what that plan is yet. We are at that terrible point in the quarter where most of the midterms have passed1 and there is the awkward wait to see if you are actually going to do well in the class or if your GPA is going to sink. I like to call this the “valley of the shadow of death.” You know, like the line from Psalm 23. I never really understood what it was like to see certain destruction coming until I was attempting to juggle five classes, 14 hours of work, and still sleep. My GPA dipped into the twilight zone and I had to make decisions about what was the most important thing to me. Sleep won,2 of

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course, but that isn’t the point. The point is fear causes us to re-evaluate our lives in a way that nothing else can, and when I saw my grades for fall quarter, I did quite a bit of re-evaluation. God somehow broke through my doubts and reminded me of the common but true cliché: God prepares us for what He gives us. There are going to be things that terrify you. I don’t know what they are, but you know what I am talking about. That nagging

fear that you are forgetting something important. The ever present fear that we are unlovable. But that, my friends, is where Psalm 23 comes in. If you sit down and think about the words, there is the promise that God is taking care of us, that even in this “valley of the shadow of death,” we can walk with Jesus on to better things. I would like to share with you a rendition of Psalm 23 that I enjoy and find helpful in these, the last weeks of school:

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk. He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying, He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break, He restores my faith in study guides, He leads me to better study habits, for my grades’ sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades, I will not have a nervous breakdown, for thou art with me; my prayers and my friends, they comfort me. Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness. Thou anointest my head with understanding. My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize. Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me all the days of my examinations, and I shall not have to dwell in this university forever.”

Unless your teacher decides you need two, like my Greek teacher did… No judging people. You need to listen to Pastor Alex’s last sermon. I got this right…

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FASHION/COLLEGIAN WISDOM LIFE

END-OF-YEAR CLEANING COLLEGIAN WISDOM

ANGELICA CHAN FASHION WRITER

s the end of the spring quarter approaches, there’s a chance that your ability to keep your room clean and organized has slipped. With all the papers, projects, and final exams I’m trying to (hopefully) finish up, I’ve definitely been slacking at home. Whether you are moving out once the quarter ends, or you’re staying in your apartment for another year, the following end-of-year cleaning guide can help you start your next adventure-whether that’s more school, a job, or a trip abroad-on a fresher note. Archive your materials. You accumulate a lot of stuff in college, physically and digitally. You probably have paper copies of syllabi floating around, along with handouts and course packs and maybe even entire textbooks. And I bet your “downloads” folder is looking a little crazy right now (mine is, too). At the end of the quarter, it’s good to go through all this stuff (yes, just think about school for a little longer and then you can relax). Some of it you might want to keep in a safe place, especially if you have notes that will help you in future classes or jobs. A lot of it, though, can hit the recycling bin. If you have textbooks, sell them now rather than waiting and then forgetting-you’ll get a better price the newer they are anyway. On the digital front, delete any non-essential files off your computer, and save any papers or projects you’re proud of in a separate labeled folder—you can even go the extra mile and make a whole folder for the school year, with subfolders for classes. Get rid of things you no longer wear. I think I have a pretty defined style, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t end up hating things that I used to wear all the time. I usually get rid of clothes when: A. They don’t fit anymore (usually because I shrink them in the dryer by accident); B. I realize how little use I’ve actually gotten out of them; C. I’ve worn them so many times that the holes and stains are no longer endearing; or D. I now associate the outfit with a experience I’d like to forget. (Really bad dates usually fall under this category).

Oklahoma police department offer to test meth for free to make sure it isn’t laced with gluten.

PEXELS

Now, we’ve covered cleaning out your closet extensively before, so I don’t need to go into the how-to guide here. The point is, you don’t want to be digging through relics of the past next year. Get your closet in shape and breathe easy. Decide what to do with sentimental items. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone, ‘cause I actually have a friend who thinks that I’m crazy for keeping what she calls “trash” for nostalgic purposes. But I have trouble throwing away wristbands, old plane tickets, and sometimes even receipts if they remind me of a really great time. If you’ve slowly accumulated little trinkets and memories, decide which ones you want to keep and what you’re going to do with them. You could scrapbook, frame, or put them in a special box. I know it

can be hard, but try to only keep the most meaningful items that you’d want to look back on and remember in 10 years. Do a dust-off. If you’re staying in the same apartment for a little longer, even if it’s just for the summer, this is crucial. No matter how clean your place looks on the surface, unless you actively remember to sweep and wipe off your counters (and so many students don’t), you probably have hidden dirt. Don’t forget to sweep and/or vacuum your floor, and wipe off your counters and shelves to uncover the hidden grime. You can also clear the dust off your blinds, fans, and any other areas that might not receive enough love throughout the year. How’s that for breathing easier this summer?

We’ll have to wheat and see how this goes. Ukraine banned Steven Seagal as a national security threat. He is not Above the Law. Colombian women eats £7,000 life savings to spite cheating husband. No common cents. Thousands of dead bees wash up on a Miami beach. They are dying at an alarming rate. Linkin Park and Blink 182 unite to create a “Blinkin Park” music video. In the end, we’re not feelin’ this.

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LIFE HUMOR / CULTURE

Can Academic Freedom Exist At WWU? MICAH HALL HUMOR WRITER

love academic freedom. It is one of my favorite things about college. However, Walla Walla University does not have academic freedom and it never will. Because WWU is an Adventist campus that is dedicated to giving people an Adventist education, professors will never be able to express beliefs that differ from church doctrine without fear that it will impact their employment and their possibilities for promotion. I love Walla Walla University, but it is not a campus

with real academic freedom and it never will be. Now, here is the true story of when I took a bunch of laxatives on Saturday. 1:30 P.M. - I accidentally sleep through church for the 18th time this year. I am making breakfast when I decide to break into my rainy-day stash of laxatives. I also drink coffee, which has been known to have laxative effects. 6:00 P.M. - Nothing has happened, so I take another full dose of laxatives. 6:10 P.M. - I decide to weigh myself. I weigh 211.4 lbs.

6:30 P.M. - Oh no. Laxative dose number one kicks in. I don’t exit the restroom for 30 minutes.1 Each of those minutes is torture. 9:00 P.M. - I am watching “Orange is the New Black” with my girlfriend but we have to pause the episode four times so that I can use the restroom.2 Each visit is more painful than the last. 2:55 A.M. - Oh no. Laxative dose number two kicks in. I don’t leave the restroom for 40 minutes.3 This is pure torture. Also, I am really sleepy. Nothing can calm the beast that lives inside me.

9:51 A.M. - I awake from a fitful sleep. I immediately rush to the restroom.4 This time is the least painful. It is almost relieving. I weigh myself. I weigh 210.0 lbs. My nightmare is over and I have found peace.

I spent the entire duration of this visit pooing. Each of these visits was because I was pooing more. I spent this time pooing, even though it was the middle of the night. 4 This was my final visit and it was, as expected, spent pooing. 1 2 3

CONFESSIONS: THE TRUTH ABOUT A MULTILINGUAL MIND DARLING SU CULTURE WRITER

rom the age of eleven, my family and I spoke two languages. I was born in Sao Paulo, Brazil but raised in Soest, a small town in the Netherlands. I spoke Portuguese at home and in school I immersed myself in Dutch. In high school, all students were required to learn two foreign languages, French and German. Typically, when people ask me how many languages I’m fluent in, they seem astonished by the number of languages I speak. Having the ability to switch between two or more languages in a conversation seems pretty awesome, until your brain starts malfunctioning and you briefly forget how to speak. But even though I may confuse people when my brain and mouth do not cooperate, I know what I’m trying to say. Except when there is a funny joke in one language and I can’t figure out how to translate the humor to my English speaking friends. Now, this isn’t an article about me bragging on being fluent in more than one language, nor do I want to you to think I hate having the

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ability to speak these languages. This is just me, openly sharing why I frequently struggle juggling languages in my daily life. First, I suffer from “The-tip-of-thetongue” syndrome every hour or so. We’ve all experienced it—you know you know someone’s name but no matter how hard

you try, you simply can’t recall it. When that happens to me, I can only think of the word in one language, but not in the other. So when communicating, my vocabulary seems to be somewhat smaller than those of monolingual speakers. Meaning that my verbal

skills can be somewhat weaker than a monolingual person. A second problem is self-expression. Certain words and expressions don’t even exist in some languages. Using the “wrong language” in a particular situation, such as during arguments can be quite difficult and frustrating because you end up looking like you can’t communicate at all. I also ask myself whether I have different minds… can three different minds exist in one person? In my eyes, language is a bridge between cultures as much as it is a tool for humor, tone, communication, and self-expression. I find that I have entirely different personalities depending on the language I speak. Taking that into consideration, as you can imagine, it can be difficult to understand who I truly am, or which language fits my identity the most. A final inconvenience linked to this is that no matter where I go, whether it’s Brazil, America, or Holland, I will always be in the process of adjusting to a culture or being “the expert” in the other culture.

SCIENCE LIFE

FUSION REACTORS: THE “HOLY GRAIL” OF CLEAN ENERGY

JORDAN BROOKS SCIENCE WRITER

an we harness the power of the sun? This is an almost mythical question that conjures images of Icarus and teases fearful hope to a society bathed in Cold War anxieties, but in a very direct way this is the question behind fusion reactors. Nuclear energy can be broken down into two categories: fission and fusion. And while we have been utilizing nuclear fission for energy production for decades, nuclear fusion has remained unattainable. Nuclear fusion is what powers the sun without carbon emissions or radioactive byproducts, and the first successful manmade fusion reactor is close to operational. Fission is the process of large, unstable nuclei, such as Uranium-235 or Plutonium-239, breaking down into smaller nuclei. While this process releases tons of energy, radioactive starting material is rare and its breakdown is dangerous, as it leaves behind toxic compounds. Fission is what current nuclear energy plants utilize, and society has seen the repercussions when events have gone wrong, such as at Chernobyl and Fukushima. Fusion, on the other hand, is quite a different process and it is how the sun generates energy. During fusion, two very small atomic nuclei combine to form a larger nucleus which also releases mass amounts of energy. In the primary example, two hydrogen nuclei combine to form a helium nucleus (Figure 1). Most importantly, this process uses starting materials that are abundant on earth and are not radioactive. Harnessing fusion energy is an ideal optimization of energy production, starting material availability, and safety. With the ever-increasing threat of climate change, finding ways to utilize fusion energy is imperative. At the end of 2015, the United Nations Climate Conference was held in Paris, and, in this seemingly monumental meeting, the attending parties crafted the Paris Agreement with the aims of decreasing greenhouse gas emissions and yearly temperature

Figure 1. Nuclear fusion reaction starting with hydrogen (Google Images).

GOOGLE IMAGES

Figure 1. Nuclear fusion reaction starting with hydrogen increases.1 During this conference, fusion energy was hopefully referred to as the “Holy Grail” of clean energy. To put it in comparative terms, one tablespoon of liquid hydrogen is projected to create same amount energy as 28 tons of coal with the added benefit of no carbon emissions and no radioactive waste.3

So why didn’t we start using fusion years ago? In reality, building a successful fusion reactor is a very difficult feat. Elon Musk states, “It’s a very, very difficult technical problem, one of the most difficult technical problems that humanity will ever try to solve. But if we solve it, we will have energy forever.”2

The problem is achieving the correct temperature and pressure. Getting the starting material hot enough to fuse requires an apparatus that can heat up to approximately 100 million degrees Celsius (six times hotter than the sun) and maintain pressures that keep nuclei within 1x10-15 meters of each other.4 On April 28, 2017, Tokamak Energy in the UK turned on the first fusion reactor (named ST40) that created plasma, which is the high-energy state of matter required to complete fusion. In order to heat hydrogen and helium to plasma temperatures, an electric current was run through it. The resistance of the material to electric flow generates heat which is utilized to raise the temperature of the materials. However, at plasma temperatures no material is capable of containing it. The way the Tokamak model of fusion reactors deals with this is through magnetic confinement. In magnetic confinement, the hydrogen and helium reactant materials are suspended in a donut shape magnetic field so they do not come into contact with anything (Figure 2). The ST40, which operates using magnetic confinement, achieved temperatures of 15 million degrees Celsius.5 While this is as hot as the sun, it is not quite hot enough to complete nuclear fusion on earth; however, this is a monumental step in the right direction and the modifications to reach 100 million degrees Celsius are in the works to be installed and running at Tokamak by 2018. Now the seemingly unattainable goals of harnessing the power of the sun seems to be just years away.

http://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/cop21/ http://www.nanalyze.com/2015/12/3-nuclear-fusionenergy-companies-for-investors-to-watch/ 3 http://fortune.com/2015/09/28/jeff-bezos-peter-thielfusion/ 4 http://science.howstuffworks.com/fusion-reactor2.htm 5 http://www.world-nuclear-news.org/NN-TokamakEnergy-turns-on-ST40-fusion-reactor-28041701.html 1 2

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Figure 2. Magnetic confinement fusion reactor

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SUNNY

LIFE COLUMN/COLLEGIAN WISDOM CREATIVE WRITING/CULTURE LIFE 1312

How to Find a Job in the ~Real World~ LAUREN WAHLEN BACKPAGE WRITER

’ve had a wide variety of jobs throughout my college experience; some have been super chill and lovely (like this job write here...get it? Write?),1 others taught me that you can’t actually die from embarrassment,2 and still others3 tested me/made me wonder if I should just give up and find myself a sugar daddy.4 My point in telling you this is that campus jobs are fairly easy to find...probs because 1) there are so many different open positions, and 2) they can’t hire non-students.5 It’s job security at its finest. But outside? Out in the real world? Man, we are at a serious disadvantage… at least I am. I just started job searching this week, and let me, tell, you, every posting I see requires at least two years of experience on the job. And while I can create a fairly convincing argument, I highly doubt that I can showcase my two years working at the DX as direct practice in medical case management.6 So what are we supposed to do? How do we convince someone to hire us when, given the chance, we probably wouldn’t

even hire us? Well, calm down and just keep reading, because I know a thing or two. I took a career development class last year,7 and I passed. So...I’m basically an expert in jobbing.

tee.10 I still don’t completely get the whole people-endorsing-your-skills dealio, but two people think I’m good at social media. So there’s that.

AND YOU SURVIVED! NOW GO OUT THERE, GET A JOB, AND START ACQUIRING THAT $35,000 ANNUAL INCOME.”

Squeaky clean: No, I’m not talking showering...although you probs should do that before an interview. I’m talking about cleaning up the online version of yourself. And while you may assume your future boss isn’t technologically inclined,8 you never know what they may come across. Facebook pics of your wild party days (from before you started coming to this college, of course)? Delete. Tweets about how you much you hate working? Delete. Pics of yourself flipping off the camera? What are you, an angsty seventh grader? Delete. Make sure to be super thorough. If it helps, just pretend you’re stalking your crush.9

Location: Deciding where you want to live is the next step. This was so hard for me, because I literally want to live everywhere...besides my mom’s basement. I couldn’t decide. Venice? NYC? Prince Edward Island? Australia? SoCal? But then I looked at my bank account, something I rarely do because yikes, and I realized that I need to live somewhere cheap as flip for at least a little while #socialworkerincome. So if you’re an engineer or accountant, fly free and enjoy your life. Enjoy it for me.

See what I mean? This is probably my worst pun to date and they still publish it. Bless this newspaper. 2 I pronounced “Jesus” wrong when I was live on the radio. And the worst part was, I kept trying to fix it. I was all, “Deezus...Deezuz...I mean Deezus.” It was real bad. 3 Working the 5 a.m. cafeteria shift at Southern Adventist University, for example. 4 I didn’t, btw. I’d like to say it’s because of my loads of self-respect, but it was mostly cuz I was in the South and didn’t wanna hang out with old, racist white men. 5 Although, a student was hired at the DX and had started her training when we realized she actually went to the CC. 6 Except for that one time, when I cut my finger and then I found myself a bandage. But I don’t think that counts, if for no other reason than I was just case-managing myself. 7 Yay for one credit filler classes! 8 As proven by our lovely professors, who take approximately 15 minutes to figure out how to play a YouTube clip in front of class. 9 To clarify, I mean “typing a name into Facebook” stalking...not like “being a creeper outside someone’s window” stalking. 10 Don’t cry, super-soft Iron Man tee. I still love you. 11 Maybe. But not now, not yet. I gotta change the world first.

LinkedIn: Once you’ve gotten rid of any scandalous/embarrassing content you’ve posted/been tagged in, you’re ready to try logging back into your LinkedIn account you had to make three years ago for that one communications class. And this time, actually try to make it look decent...aka a picture of you wearing something other than a graphic

Apply: This is the one I haven’t actually done yet. Don’t judge me! I’m just trying to make it one day at a time, man. But I know my fave hobby, procrastination, won’t help me get employed. So I’m speaking more to myself than to you when I say, “SUCK IT UP AND APPLY ALREADY! DO YOU WANT TO BE A LOSER? NO! DON’T WANT TO BE A TROPHY WIFE?11 THEN APPLY! JUST DO IT! YOU FACED REJECTION ALL THE TIME IN SEVENTH GRADE,

VERBATIM Hey fam, keep sending me funny quotes from faculty/staff members! They’re the only emails I like to get, tbh. The rest of my inbox is mostly just spam ‘cause I’m too lazy to ever unsubscribe. Email me at lauren.wahlen@wallawalla.edu “Engineers can do anything, just add money.” — Professor Melodie Selby in Writing for Engineers

“The average human being has only one testicle.” — Professor Johanna Attoh

“But did any of you ask how this circuit feels? No, you didn’t, because you’re selfish. How would you all feel if people were analyzing you?” — Professor Curt Nelson in Circuit Analysis

“There are only a few good-shaped heads in the world. The rest need to be covered.” — Professor Curt Nelson

“That’s why I study fish. People constantly disappoint you, now fish are reliable.” — Professor Monty Buell

“Sometimes you go to Milton-Freewater, and sometimes Milton-Freewater comes to you.” — Professor Albert Diaz, after playing an excerpt from “Wreck of the Old 97,” a folk song by Dorsey Dixon

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