Volume 101 Issue 01

The Collegian Walla Walla University

Volume 101

Issue 01

Hey, walla walla!

6 9 Creative writing

29 SEP 2016

14 Science

15 Food

Welcome to the young, overly

Editor-in-chief Matthew Moran

Use a QR scanner to download the WWU app here!

The Collegian is composed of three primary sections: Context, Perspective, and excited freshman; to the returning, tired Life. The Context section is designed to students (just one...or five more years? You ensure that you feel connected to each and probably lost count); and to the aged sages every activity that is happening at WWU. who are graduating (hopefully)!

You can expect to find local news, local projects, and what’s happening this week in Welcome to the amazing, constructionthis section. The Perspective section presents laden campus of Walla Walla University (aka opinions of the students around campus. By Western Wedding University), which many nature, this section will include both liberal students have come to call home. I am so and conservative opinions that are designed excited to see the great things our campus to spark intriguing discussions. This section family is going to do together. also includes the Feature which will feature a discussion or a presentation of relevant As promised in our previous issue, topics and informative content. Finally, there we developed an official Collegian app in is the Life section which highlights the conjunction with the WWU app. Use your everyday interests of the student body. electronic device’s QR reader to scan the barcode to the left. This will enable you to You may notice that this issue is download the WWU app where you can dedicated to discovering, or re-discovering, see The Collegian as one of the tabs. If you the beautiful quaint town of Walla Walla are a student, feel free to enter in your email nestled near-ish to Seattle and Portland so you can stay updated through the News among the rolling hills of green. In that Feed and other features. If you are not a spirit, my words of advice for you this year student, feel free to still enjoy access to the are to get involved in the school and to many features of the app.

Head copy editor Sophia Rich life editor Micah Hall Backpage editor Lauren Wahlen

news writers Kyler Alvord Lauren Epperson Copy Editors Katherine Beckner Lindsay Luna food editor Mason Neil feature writers Brandon Pierce Michael Jenson Bella Ramirez Bryndi Goodlyn humor writer Micah Hall religion writer Vixie Bailey sports writer Marissa Rosales

Mobile 1 Matthew Moran, out.

opinion writer Yvanna Hammen-Alvarez Joshua Huh columnists Joni Harris & Emily Huso Devotional writer Christina Moran Fashion writer Angelica Chan Culture/travel writer Darling Su ACA/SM Editor Stephanie Septembre Science writer Jordan Brooks

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Head layout Editor Frank Ramirez

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layout designers Anna-Marie Vargas Claudia Curtis Geoffrey Lopes

As always, enjoy, and IPFY (i.e. I’m praying for you) every day!

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assistant editor Abigail Wissink

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Matthew Moran

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n Table of Contents | 2 News & Senate Updates | 3 Week in Forecast | 4 Global Service & CM | 5

Finally, thank you for reading The Collegian. My team and I are honored to have the opportunity to evoke thoughtful discussions and present this quality newspaper each week. If you want to get involved, I have the Distribution Manager position open. You can also send any comments, questions, or contributions to the same emails at aswwu.collegian@wallawalla. edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu.

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immerse yourself in this place! Whether it’s your first year or your tenth year, there is always somewhere new to explore, someone new to meet, and something new to do! So go and explore Walla Walla - a place so nice that they named it twice (it sounds better when Pedrito does it).

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If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Cover Credit: ASWWU Smugmug The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu. collegian@wallawalla.edu or matthew.moran@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 2:36 A.M. on Thursday, September 29, 2016.

Creative writing editor Mac Ford global service writer Daniel Villarreal Office Manager Annemarie Vixie distribution manager APPLY TODAY!

The Collegian | Volume 101, Issue 01 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | https://issuu.com/aswwucollegian

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NEWS CONTEXT

lip sync battle

Almost 200 people showed up for a lip sync battle during JumpStart. Many freshmen were eager to show off their lip syncing skills in front of their new classmates. The battle consisted of individuals choosing a song and doing their best to appear to be singing the lyrics of a song while it’s being played.

There were several people there to act as judges and announce a winner. One of the judges, ASWWU Spiritual VP Peter Flores, said, “I like the fact that so many people were putting themselves out there regardless of how scary it might have been to perform. This freshman class is awesome!”

@ASWWU

This week has brought in many wideeyed freshman and they have been willing to try all kinds of things. We are excited to see what things this class will go on to accomplish.

Open Senate

lauren epperson News Writer

Positions!

Senate will require an average of three hours a week of paid work and is a good way to get involved with the inner workings of ASWWU. Senators are expected to: •

Attend weekly meetings (Held on Tuesdays at 8 p.m.)

•

Communicate with constituents and represent their opinions

college avenue connects campus

A

fter nearly a year and a half of construction, the WWU Walla Walla University portion of College Avenue opened to vehicle traffic just in time for the school year.

On Friday, September 9, WWU administrators gave the “all clear” to open the campus portion of College Avenue, and the barriers were removed by late afternoon. The C.A.R.S. Project isn’t quite complete, with construction continuing south of campus until midNovember, but students can once again drive from the center of campus to Taco Bell in a matter of minutes.

According to the University’s Tumblr page, the WWU section of College Avenue was originally scheduled to open by September 2015. Early stages of construction, however, revealed some issues with the road’s infrastructure. By the time things were coordinated, the project had fallen behind.

The large bulldozers and gutted streets created a fair share of stress among

students. “I remember moving in at the beginning of last year and feeling so lost on my own campus,” senior Kristina Kozakova said. “Our car got really dirty and dusty and I couldn’t even access my own apartment.”

While upperclassmen remember the days of unblocked driveways and open roads, many WWU students have never seen a functional College Avenue, viewing the road as nothing more than a large sidewalk. WWU President John McVay noted that the opening of the road was further put off until updated crosswalks were available to pedestrians, allowing students to safely readjust to thru traffic. The extended time also allowed construction crews to finish final road accessories without interference.

“If I had to identify my favorite improvement,” McVay said, “it is not something added but something removed —the prior, very unsightly forest of utility poles.” Before the C.A.R.S. Project, large wooden poles littered the sidewalks, not only wiping out pedestrians, but obstructing views of front campus.

•

Be active on email

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Study the ASWWU Governing documents

University

With the widening of College Avenue sidewalks came the removal of these poles. “The campus is very open and visible to College Avenue traffic, both vehicular and pedestrian,” McVay said.

Sep. 9 was a sunny and joyous day in the community, and College Place residents hopped in their cars to appreciate the final product that they waited so long for. “When I first heard College Avenue had opened, I didn’t believe it,” senior Amanda Winter said. “I thought I would graduate before I saw that finished!”

The following week, WWU faculty spiced up their Faculty-Staff Assembly with a little College Avenue parade.

The caravan of decorated cars showed a unique way to celebrate, sporting everything from the newly redesigned WWU van to McVay’s ’63 Volkswagen Bug. The real celebration, though, happened later on when students drove to pick up their textbooks and realized they no longer have to park backward in the

•

Care about WWU and ASWWU

•

Write bills and express opinions on bills being presented

Declarations of Candidacy may be found on the outside door of the ASWWU Executive Office (on the first floor of Kellog Hall), and are due on Tuesday, October 11. bookstore parking lot.

“Before the C.A.R.S. Project, the walk to my apartment was sketchy and detached from campus. There weren’t stoplights by the cafeteria and cars didn’t always stop for pedestrians,” Kozakova said. “Now, College Avenue looks amazing and inviting and I feel safer walking home.” Patience is a virtue, and after months of practicing it, the virtue finally paid off. Here’s to the new and improved College Avenue—may the next generation never struggle like we did.

kyler alvord News Writer

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WEEK IN FORECAST FRIDAY

THURSDAY

SATURDAY

SEPT 29

SEPT 30

OCT 1

Get your Mask photo taken!

2-5 p.m. CTC 315

Get your Mask photo taken!

1-3 p.m. CTC 315

The Longest Table 1-3 p.m. 4th St.

Coed Flag Football Tournament 6-8 p.m. WEC

Ronald Rand Performance 7:30 p.m. Black Box Theater

SUNDAY

MON-WED

ADD US ON SNAPCHAT

OCT 2

OCT 3-6

National Name Your Car Day

Week of Worship!

11 a.m. WWU Church

GLOBAL SERVICE/ CAMPUS MINISTRIES CONTEXT

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Service Opportunities Daniel Villarreal Global Service & Global Humanitarian

S

ummer has finally ended. A new school year has began and with it comes new opportunities to make friends, learn, join clubs, socialize, find jobs, and, of course, serve. There are many fun volunteer opportunities to serve communities both locally and internationally. Within Walla Walla University, there are many clubs that are committed to serving others.

Engineers Without Borders is an organization that works around the world engineering sustainable solutions to meet a community’s needs. From 2013 to 2015 EWB worked in Peru, creating a gravityfed water system for the communities of Pucutuni and Pampa Chiri. In 2015, it began to plan electrification for the community of Japura, Peru. The same year, it worked to renovate the local

Children’s Museum by designing and building outdoor exhibits. This year, the club has added a new international project in India: Working along the Riverside Adventist Academy in Meghalaya, they are guiding the campus in its journey towards self sustainability.

ASWWU, created more than 100 years ago, has always fostered a humanitarian spirit and has made efforts to create opportunities for students to get involved in serving the community.

They host many events throughout the year where students get to volunteer both locally and internationally in service projects that range from landscaping to surveying potential mission fields.

The Student Missions Office, directed

by Tommy Poole, sends dozens of student missionaries around the world every year.

China, India, Iceland, Peru, Mexico, the Marshall Islands, and Brazil are names that are frequently heard in the Student Missions Office. Students hold positions as teachers, managers, evangelizers, and

medical assistants while they get to travel around the world bettering the lives of the people they come in contact with.

Every year, Walla Walla University takes part in Service Days. In them, students from our campus participate in different activities around town like landscaping, cleaning, working with students, painting, bike repairing, hearing and vision screening, photographing, building, shelving, and washing. Once in a while, Whitman College and the Walla Walla Community College join forces with Walla Walla University in a TriCollege Service Day. Outside of the University, there are many more opportunities of getting involved and serving the community.

The City Parks of Walla Walla often need help with maintenance. Pioneer Park and Fort Walla Walla regularly ask for volunteers to help clean the park and give maintenance to the facilities.

The Walla Walla Public Library is always eager to help new volunteers find an activity that suits their needs. There are position in the media labs and the Young People’s Department.

Blue Mountain Action Council is a great organization for getting involved in Walla Walla. They have several opportunities like Adult Literacy Tutorships, food collection for the Food Bank, helping homeless families find a home, and energy assistance.

This is not an exhaustive list; there are other organizations, clubs, and groups of people that provide humanitarian help to Walla Walla and the rest of the world. So, as you plan your next school year, join a couple that interest you; it will be fun.

Worship opportunities Here are some options for worship activities on campus this week.

Heubach Worship– Tues 9 p.m.

Fireside Worship– Thurs 9 p.m.

Hispanic Ministries Worship– Mon 7 p.m.

Hall Worships– Wed 9 p.m.

Prayer Meeting– Wed 7 p.m.

Vespers– 8 p.m.

Longest table after Second Service Returned Student Missions Dinner at 5 p.m. at Jeanne’s house.

If anyone is interested in being part of or starting a small group contact katie.palumbo@wallawalla.edu

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CONTEXT FEATURE

hey, walla walla!

Bryndi Goodlyn Feature Writer michael jenson Feature Writer

W

hether you worked at camp, took the MCAT, slaved over a summer class (or five), caught bunnies at Rosario (you know who you are), or spent the summer lying on a beach, I hope your summer was swell. If you are like me and you’re back for another go around at ol’ Wally World:

1 welcome back! On the other hand, if you are like my sister and are new to the scene: congratulations! You are now a Wolf. No matter what your class status, how many years it takes you to graduate, or how many majors you have to go through, here are a few tidbits of information to keep in mind as you enter the new school year: 1. Hello Walk is exactly what it sounds like it’s for. If you didn’t know already, Hello Walk is the name of the path that crosses in front of the FAC. In the ancient times when it was laid down, it was intended as a place where students and faculty alike could greet each other with a cheery hello and a smile as they crossed paths to and from classes. This is one tradition I think would be lovely to

keep around.

2. Saturday Night Swing Dancing is a thing.1 It’s fun, it’s clean, and it’s a good workout if you actually try. Also, the more you come, the more fun it is, so don’t give up if you don’t dance like a pro on your first night-or fourth year for that matter.

3. The reference room in WWU Library is for the hardcore studier, not the talkative study groups.WWU students are usually pretty friendly and won’t generally hate you, but if you come into the quiet study bliss that is the reference room and strike up a conversation with your buddies while we are studying frantically for that exam at 8 a.m. or writing that 45-page senior thesis the week before it’s due, we just might.

4. ASWWU Outdoors has some great events so take advantage of them and get out there! From surfing the Pacific Ocean to skiing the Blue Mountains, ASWWU Outdoors gives you many opportunities to get outdoors and have a great time! Make sure to pay attention to your ASWWU Marketing emails so you don’t miss out on any of these great opportunities!

5. Mountain Rents supports your hobbies.

From camping to cross country skiing to kayaking, Mountain Rents has you covered!

Head on over to the SAC and check out their affordable gear during the hours posted on their window.

6. Downtown Walla Walla is lit. Walla Walla has been listed as the fifth best small city for a first date.2 No matter your relationship status, this adorable town is full of surprises for you! There are some great places to eat (if you have money) such as breakfast at the Walla Walla Bread Company, Bacon and Eggs, or Maple Counter Cafe, or dinner at the Olive, El Sombrero, or Sweet Basil Pizza. Feel free to try out the many food options and walk through the quaint down-

town full of antique stores and boutiques.

Walla Walla was called one of America’s best eight small towns for food and ten best small towns in America.3 Get out there and explore.

7. The children are coming. Soon, and several more times throughout the year, the campus will be swarmed with young faces, many of whom have yet to learn to appreciate the luxury of home cooked meals and cat cuddling. Unless you enjoy long lines and crowds, your anxiety levels will probably thank you if you decide to steer clear of the cafeteria while the campus is overrun with visitors. Beware that Vespers is also a tad

no matter who you go with or what your reasons are for going. Maybe they will put on a showing of “Frozen” and then we can all show the world (or at least the Walla Walla Valley) that America’s preschool students are not the only ones who know all of the songs by heart.

9. Your Instagram will have plenty of opportunities to expand and make all your friends back home jealous of all the ways you can use a filter. The rolling hills of the Walla Walla Valley and the mountains bordering it make for some beautiful, Insta-worthy photoshoots. Some favorites among the more experienced student photographers include places like the abandoned trains near the humane society, the pumpkin patches in the fall, the many train tracks crisscrossing the base of the valley, and the rolling fields in both the valley and surrounding hills. Just be aware that these inviting fields offer not only a plethora of beautiful pictures no matter the season, but also a collection of bloodthirsty ticks, so

2 overwhelming to the introvert during these times (but honestly, isn’t it always?). Just remember, we have a reputation to keep up4 so be kind to these young lovelies and it will all be over soon.

8. The Milton-Freewater Drive-In Movie Theater is not just for the private couple or aspiring historian. Although I’ve never been, I’ve heard that it’s a great place to go when you want to see how your parents used to watch movies back in the old days.

I’ve also heard it’s the place to go if you and someone special have been wanting to have some privacy so you can figure out that chemistry problem you’ve been struggling with… But really, I’m sure it can be fun

11 pack some bug spray and a friend that can check you over afterwards—just in case.

But honestly, you can really drive anywhere in the valley and you will find something beautiful. You just have to be creative.

10. If you leave the big city, you can see for yourself that the myth of a starry night sky is a legitimate thing.5 Well, basically anywhere in the countryside not near the penitentiary. The lesson here: if you want to

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FEATURE CONTEXT

be able to see the stars every night for the rest of your life, don’t kill anybody. Seriously though, take time to look up and wonder at your place in the universe, even when life’s stresses or that cute guy/gal you’re walking with are super distracting.

11. There are cat (and dog) cuddles waiting to happen at the local Humane Society.

Just bop on in during opening hours and offer to cuddle some adorable animals and they’ll be happy to help you get your fix. This is a real go-to for anyone needing to feel the soft fur of something besides their wool blanket or favorite stuffed animal. Plus, the animals probably want to be cuddled just as much as you want to cuddle them. It’s a winwin for everybody.

a parking pass or you’ll wind up with a hefty parking ticket that will put your inner-city tickets to shame. If you are really committed and don’t mind the drive, head down the Columbia River Gorge for the weekend for some gorgeous views and countless photo-ops.

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9 12. Believe it or not, there are some awesome hiking opportunities just a short drive away (30-40 min). Some of the more popular ones include South Fork, Horseshoe Trail (Oregon), and Tollgate. You can also head up to Palouse Falls if you are willing to commit to the drive. Just don’t forget to get

13. Whether you are a downhill or cross-country skier/boarder (or just want to find out how the other side lives) there is a place for you! Andies Prairie Sno-Park offers miles of beautiful terrain for cross-country skiers of all levels. No skis? No worries!

Mountain Rents has you covered! They even have some snowshoes if you’re up for a long winter’s hike. I’ve also heard that there are some great sledding hills up in that area.

However, be extra cautious to avoid breaking your back because this has happened before.

For the downhill skiers and snowboarders,

the closest option are the 24 runs at Bluewood. For the more advanced skier/boarder who’s willing to drive a bit farther, there are several more options including the ski resorts at White Pass and Mount Hood that offer runs for even the most advanced double-blacker. Just don’t forget to buy a Snow Pass to avoid the potential parking ticket.

14. Pluck plump pears (and apples) and grab great grapes at one of the various fruit farms for a tasty treat. For a small fee, many fruit and vegetable farms in the valley will let you come and pick their produce, which you can then take home (or to your dorm kitchen) and cook up. There are also several teachers and village students that may be open to letting you use their kitchen for the homiest cooking experience available away from your own home.

“

You’ve probably noticed that if you step outside of your dorm room during sunset, the sky becomes the canvas of purples, yellows, and oranges.”

15. You never know what 25 cents can get you. Find a car and a quarter and drive out to the mystery soda machine6 that chooses your soda for you. It’s a fun and adventurous

experience for the lover of mystery and soda.

16. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. Although you are probably arriving here straight from a relaxing summer ready to conquer this year with all kinds of energy and dedication, don’t neglect investing time in taking care of yourself.

15 Get lots of exercise—you’ll sleep better and study more effectively. Also, eat well—you don’t want the “Freshman 15” to become the “Freshman 50” for you. It can happen.

17. Visit your professors outside of class.

Seriously. Even if you think you understand everything covered in lecture, spending a few minutes getting to know your professors outside of the classroom is a smart way to invest your time. Besides building valuable relationships with awesome people, you’ll probably absorb a little extra intellect in the process.

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PERSPECTIVE FEATURE

4 18. Be classy and watch a cool show.

There are a few spots where you can catch some local performers putting on different productions. These include the Gesa Power House Theater, the Little Theater of Walla Walla, or the Main Street Studios. However, these tend to be a bit pricey so be sure to take advantage of any student discounts.

Don’t forget the shows put on by various departments on campus, such as the music department’s Christmas concert and the “Little Women” musical which will be put on by the music and drama departments toward the end of the quarter.

19. Listen to the Walla Walla Symphony.

Some teachers and students are a part of the Walla Walla Symphony which is the longest continually operating symphony west of the Mississippi. Come hear them perform on the Whitman Campus. If you don’t think you could make the night concerts, you could also come to their dress rehearsal which is earlier and free.

20. Best. Sunsets. Ever. You’ve probably noticed that if you step outside of your dorm room during sunset, the sky becomes the canvas of purples, yellows, and oranges. One popular place to capture these divine paintings is Whitman Mission.7 You may even stay up to a half an hour after sunset all year round so that you don’t miss a thing.8 But really, it doesn’t matter where you go. Just be sure to get out there and take pictures of some of the most beautiful sunsets you may ever see.

To the creative student, the Walla Walla Valley has much more available than it is often given credit for. Google is great, but your fellow students and professors are the best resources for more ideas of things to do and advice on what to know. Study hard this year, but also be sure to get out and experience the joys of the wonderful valley we call home. You never know what you’re going to find.

1 Check out the College Place Swing Dance page on Facebook for the details on time and place.

2 http://www.datingadvice.com/studies/1bscfa Yes, this a real site 3 http://www.topvaluereviews.net/features/best-smalltown-main-streets-america/ 4 Or maybe we are genuinely nice?

5 Some people have even been able to catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights!

6 Located at the Pepsi Cola Bottling Company on Dalles Military Road.

7 Located at the T of W Whitman Dr. and Last Chance Rd. 8 https://www.nps.gov/whmi/learn/photosmultimedia/ sunset-photo-tips.htm

Collegian wisdom Cop Mistook Krispy Kreme Glaze for Meth Not far off tho.

Winston Churchill’s home is turned into Hitler’s HQ for Transformers 5.

I did Nazi that coming.

JK Rowling says Harambe is not a Patronus Shots fired.

Herd of Cows Eat Themselves to Death After Consuming Entire Winter's Ration in One Day me_irl U.S. Warns Samsung Washing Machine Owners After Explosion Reports Apple users become even more smug.

Obama States That No One Over Age of Eight Should Put Ketchup on Hotdogs I guess he is no longer worried about getting the white vote.

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DEVOTIONAL/CREATIVE WRITING PERSPECTIVE

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THE ULTIMATE INVITATION Christina Moran Devotional Writer

C

ome, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world” (Matthew 25:34).1 Not only is Walla Walla University welcoming you back on campus, or welcoming you to a new chapter in your academic career—but the Creator of the universe also welcomes you to have an abundant life in Him. In fact, this invitation is renewed not only on the first day of your college experience or the first day of the year, but every day of your life. Jesus Christ bids His wavering children to come back into His presence and welcomes those who have not experienced Him to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8).2 He welcomes you into His family as His privileged child.

“The same voice that [has] said to [the dis-

ciples], ‘Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end,’” welcomes you to dwell in “His presence in the heavenly kingdom.”3 Jesus has given you the glorious invitation to enter into His presence. And if you feel unworthy because of the sins you have committed, remember: Our Savior is greater than our sins. “It was sinners that Christ came to save.

We have not to reconcile God to us, but—O wondrous love!—God in Christ is “reconciling the world unto Himself ” (2 Corinthians 5:19).4 God and the angels are constantly at work, providing us the opportunity for a loving, happy relationship with Him and ultimately, for eternal life. Will you take up the call? The pen of inspiration reminds us that “heaven is worth everything to us [in which] we must not run any risk [concerning] this matter.”5 God has promised that He will give us aid in overcoming sin, and for those who overcome will receive the precious treasures of heaven and eternal life. “[All]

who enter the City of God will enter it as a conqueror…not as a condemned criminal, but as a son of God.”6 Come, beloved, and accept this invitation and come to God just as you are and have Him become your personal Friend and Savior. “Behold now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2).7

Holy Bible, Containing the Old and New Testaments: The New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1990.

2 ibid.

3 White, Ellen Gould Harmon. A Call to Stand Apart: Challenging Young Adults to Make an Eternal Difference, 44. Hagerstown, MD: Review and Herald Pub. Association, 2002.

4 ibid.

5 White, Ellen Gould Harmon. Child Guidance: Counsels to Seventh-Day Adventist Parents as Set Forth in the Writings of Ellen G. White, 567. Nashville, TN: Southern Pub. Association, 1954.

6 ibid.

7 Holy Bible, Containing the Old and New Testaments: The New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1990.

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FEATURED WRITER: KAITE JOHNSTON K

aite Johnston is a senior English major with a writing concentration and her writing is magic. In the classes we’ve shared, I’ve seen her write in many different styles, but my favorite of hers is fantasy. She has such a great sense of balance when it comes to realism and fantasy—her writing is darkly whimsical but grounded with wonderfully human characters. She’s probably going to write your future children’s favorite book, and it’s going to be mysterious, clever, and magical. In the meantime, here are two of her poems for you to enjoy.

This year, we’re adding a writing prompt section! This week’s prompt is from author Sarah Selecky. I hope you’ll be inspired to write something—and if you do, I’d love to read it! Send your pieces (or ideas for more writing prompts) to me at mackenzie.ford@ wallawalla.edu for a chance to be published in The Collegian.

This week’s prompt: Write a scene that takes place immediately after a tragedy.

Don’t mention the tragedy.

Mac ford Creative Writing Editor

Lepidoptera David That winged weekend I stayed with you all the colors were butterflies.

The leaves that stuck in my hair, the dead grass in your fist, the polish on my fingers, the pen marks on yours.

And you

How to Build a Boat

I’ve built this ship to wreck Just as I always do, Just as I’ll do again and again Because I’m sure I can patch the leaks as they come, Because I kid myself thinking they won’t come at all, Because I ignored my dad when he taught me how to build a boat, and Because I can handle a little water around my ankles.

Are Lepidoptera David.

Not because you emerged from your shell like everyone else.

But because you fly, Glide, flit.

You’re up and down and away and somehow I’ve convinced you to settle on my finger, held out like an offer, truthfully, a plea.

THE 10 STAFF

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PERSPECTIVE OPINION/COLUMN

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Assistant Editor

A freshman’s perspective Frank Ramirez Head Layout Editor

Micah Hall Life Editor & Humor Writer

Yvanna Yvanna Hammen-Alvarez hammen-alvarezv Opinion Writer

How would you describe your JumpStart experience?

Vixie Bailey Drew Sihotang Hectic. Busy. Informative. Fun! Religion Writer

Opinion Writer

Welcome back everyone!

Christina Moran

Devotional Writer At the beginning of every school year, Walla Walla University offers a weeklong program called JumpStart. During this week, incoming freshmen move in and get Angelica campusChan while socializing len familiar with the ter with membersFashion of theirWriter class. I interviewed Victoria Smith, a freshman, in hopes of receiving positive feedback that can accentuate the wonderful Mac things about JumpStart and Ford constructive comments on what& can be done Creative Writing Editor er to improve theContribution event for next school year!

les

Matthew Moran Editor-in-Chief

Katherine Beckner Copy Editor

Kyler Alvord News Writer

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on JumpStart

What is a breakout session?

It is a session that teaches you about different parts of Walla Walla and college life, such as relationships, money, campus security, the library, etc.

Religion Writer

What are some of the pros of JumpStart?

Getting used to school without the load of Joni Harris for the first week and Emily Huso homework meeting Columnist Columnist other people in your major.

What has been your favorite activity during JumpStart?

Definitely the manhunt. It was just the funnest thing ever! Because it was just like everyone seemed to get along.

Like people would say “Oh, there’s cars coming!” instead of them just hiding by themselves. And running around with a bunch of other people like little delinquents. It was fun. Or the lip sync battle. I enjoyed it because people really went all out and didn’t let in any shyness and they just had fun. I enjoyed performing in it as well! And I enjoyed the other people and watching them.

What was your favorite breakout session?

Why? I enjoyed “Managing your Cash” because it wasn’t like a lot of stuff you didn’t know, If you could change one thing about JumpStart what would it be? but there were a lot of interesting facts Darling Su Mason Neil Culture Make some of the breakout sessions more& Travel that I didn’t know. Such as, generally, that Food Writer Writer village and dorm life are about the same interesting. The ones this morning were pretty good, but some of the other ones were amount of cash. Walla Walla is one of like whatever. the cheapest Adventist Colleges. And, Daniel Villarreal Jordan Brooks Walmart is probably one of the cheapest Global Service Describe the & worship experienceScience from & Tech places to buy quality food. Things like that Global every Humanitarian morning at Village Hall. Writer and ways on how to cut down costs.

Engineering Writer I enjoyed it. [Brant Berglin] was good and he was talking about how to wrap it up in a What do you expect from this upcoming meaningful and practical way to live it out in Claudia Curtis year?

Lindsay Luna everyday life. And I enjoyed that Layout some ofDesigner the I expect to get a solid start into my studies Copy Editor JumpStart workers were doing the music. and into the focus of what I want to for a Wish there had been more songs though. career. As well as get involved, meet more people, and get closer to God.

Geoffrey Lopes Layout Designer

Brandon Pierce Feature Writer

Michael Jenson Feature Writer

Bryndi Goodlyn Feature Writer

AnneMarie Vixie Office Manager

Cody Wilson Social Media & Photographer

our best intentions Joni Harris Columnist Emily huso Columnist Emily: So, what are we talking about today?

Joni: We could start with the weather, that seems typical...

E: Mm… I like your thinking. But then, the weather hasn’t done anything too exciting lately, has it? I just got here a couple days ago, so…. Any other ideas?

J: Here’s one: popsicle sticks. Imagine you invent something, in this case, popsicle sticks. Then, years later, your invention is primarily sold in Jo-Ann Fabrics, Ben Franklin's, and Hobby Lobby, nationwide. What would that do to your psyche to have your hard-worked invention used for something... trivial?1 Or at least not for what you intended. Wouldn’t that crush you? Or would that be even more exciting?

E: I guess I’d feel about the same way the inventor of toilet paper must’ve felt when people started using his invention to deface their enemies’ trees. Have you ever TP-ed someone’s house, trees, or other private property, Joni?

J: Huh, I s’pose not many people’s inventions are used solely for their intended purpose. I’ve never TP-ed anything (cuz I’m a decent human being) but I have seen a toilet paper farm! The Boardman Tree Farm is right on the side of I-84 as you drive to Portland. It’s really pretty, and mesmerizing.

It’s 25,000 acres! 7,288 of those acres sold for 65 million buckaroos!2 Sadly, (or maybe it’s a good thing, I don’t know) it’s going to be used to pasture cows and grow potatoes now.

E: Cows and potatoes aren’t nearly as cool as toilet paper.

to… well, you know…. In any case, it’s too bad they’re cutting down the trees. I mean, I woulda liked to be able to say I’d been to a toilet paper tree farm.

J: I think they should keep at least some trees to rent out as a space for taking senior pictures and recording cliché music videos.

to have that experience (TP-ing, that is) before we graduate. Wanna find an off-campus target after this? Treeception.

J: McVays?

E: I agree. Or at least wait a year to cut the trees down until after we get our senior pics done…

J: Good news! Since they cut the trees down in a 12-year cycle, it will be a while until it’s all gone. We should book our appointments now.

E: You’re right! All we have to do is make sure we graduate sometime within the next 12 years.

J: True, but they’re edible…

J: If we’re going to do that we better not get kicked out for TP-ing campus.

E: Well, yes, but there are lots of things you can eat. Not as many things you can use

E: Well, I guess you’re right. I mean, that’d be a dumb way to go. But I do think we need

It is not the belief of this establishment that crafts are trivial.

2 http://www.oregonlive.com/business/index.ssf/2016/01/ boardman_tree_farm_will_be_cut.html 1

IS BLOCK

FAIL Drew sihotang Religion Contributor

I

had the opportunity of working in Vancouver and Portland one year ago doing door-to-door ministry. I was in a “bigbook” program, which is somewhat different to a normal canvassing summer; in a canvassing program, people sell ‘magabooks.’

These are basically a magazine and a book combined (hence the term). In a big book program, you sell the Uncle Arthur Bible story sets. Maybe some of you who have grown up in Adventist homes read these books as a child. There are over 10 books in a set and they cover the whole Bible.

The prices of these books normally range from $2 to $300, although it can get up to $700 and even $1000 if you’re wanting the whole set—so you’ve got to be a pretty good salesman to get these books out. I came into this program very hesitant to begin with, but decided to tackle it anyway.

I didn’t sell anything the first three weeks, and it was only a nine-week program. My friends would come in telling amazing stories of how they got in two sets into a home and be super enthusiastic. It was so hard for me to celebrate another person’s victories, knowing that I was experiencing just the opposite. Halfway through my fourth week, my parents visited me and we hung out.

At the end of the day, my mom asked me, “What are you doing here? You haven’t sold anything and work late into the night.

Come back home.” I told my mom, “There’s a reason why I’m here, and I’m not leaving now.” As my parents drove off, I remember just sitting in my car on a gloomy day in Portland. I sat there and cried, wondering, “God, now what? I’m failing.” The fourth week ended, which marked a whole month of no sales. Imagine that, coming to the supervisor each day, and showing them your sales count of zero. But for some reason, I just kept going, I knocked on hundreds of doors and experienced rejection after rejection.

To make a long story short, I ended up

RELIGION PERSPECTIVE

finishing that program as the highest seller.

My first sale was to a family that was living in broken, beat-down house - and each sale only got even better, one after the other. I’m thankful to God that He kept me strong amidst these difficult situations.

If there was one lesson I took away from my experience in big books, it would be this:

With this mindset, I was humbled when I went canvassing for the first time. I never experienced failure so fully, but that made the taste of success that much better. Here are two tips I can share from my own experience: Lesson One: Get back up after each failure.

Proverbs points this out when comparing

Lesson Two: Know why you are doing what you are doing. This is more self-explanatory but still requires an individual to evaluate their motive. This idea became more relevant to me as I transitioned out of being a theology major. After coming out of a twoyear Bible college, I felt that the only way for me to serve was to be in ministry; whether that was by being a chaplain or a pastor. I soon realized that this was not my calling.

There are many people in ministry who do not necessarily want to be in this occupation but feel it as their only way of service.

Despite this, there are those individuals that God calls to be in those positions. As my buddy always says, “Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.” Ask yourself: “Why am I pursuing this major? What do I feel are my strengths? My weaknesses? What are my passions?” Answer these questions and keep them as your vision as you tackle the challenges that will come your way.

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Don’t be afraid to fail. I can honestly say that I messed up hundreds of times within my canvass; at some points, I even froze when explaining the descriptions about the books.

I even skipped some of my appointments because I was afraid of messing up. I believe that I am somewhat of a perfectionist. I like to be good at whatever I do, whether it’s sports, music, or school. You name it, I want to be the best at it. That being said, if I feel that I’m not good at something, I won’t even try it, for example, swing dancing.

My friends took me out once on a Saturday night, and I hated it. Why? Because I was horrible. Sure, I can keep practicing and get better, but I never had that desire.

the just to the wicked, “for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes,”1 both the righteous and wicked fall, but the righteous man stands up again. So stand up after each fall, because I believe there is something here also to remember.

Learn from your mistakes. It’s something we hear so often, but so often neglect. An individual who expects a different result, while doing something the same way over and over again is adhering to insanity.

Malcolm Forbes put it this way: “Failure is success, if we learn from it.”

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Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)

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LIFE ACA/ Culture

Spontaneous Decisions stephanie septembre ACA/SM Writer

I

am not a spontaneous person. I’m that weirdo who will turn down a movie night or a dinner date because I was already scheduled to clean my fish tanks. That said, I will occasionally do spontaneous things - my latest misadventure: deciding to take a stray dog home from Peru.

I spent the summer as an SM near Cusco, Peru, and during my last week in the country, I traveled to a little city called Cajamarca. It was my birthday, and as I was returning from a tourist site, I encountered a sweet little fox-like creature who wanted me to pet him. I did, and he fell asleep at my feet. He then followed me for 10 minutes. I found him several days later in the same place, and he remembered me. I figured he must have an owner.

Discovering Darling su Culture/Travel “To experience and endure, not to watch and wonder.” – Kelly Calvillo

F

or the first seven years of my life, I grew up with a family that had a very diverse background, and it made me realize the importance of adapting to two different cultures. Countless weekends were spent with soccer and Brazilian food, but on the other cultural side, I would have a bowl of steamed rice for breakfast, wear typical Chinese costumes for costume parties, and practice Kung Fu. I loved sharing both cultures. It was a peaceful life, though my parents did have minor disagreements: “You have to understand, in Brazil people don’t eat snake meat or turtle meat,” my mom

My last day in Cajamarca—and my last day in Peru that did not involve airports—I went to the local hot springs, and at the entrance, he was there. To put this in perspective, Cajamarca is a good four miles from the baths. How he got there, and how he ended up in the exact place I was, is a mystery to me.

He remembered me. In fact, he was so excited to see me that he jumped in my arms and those watching nearby started to laugh. He followed me into the baths as far as he could, and the whole time I was in the water, I was thinking about ways to bring him home with me. By the time I was done he was gone, but I went back to my hostel and researched how to bring a dog to Canada from Peru. A rabies vaccination certificate was all he needed.

Later that afternoon, I walked through the town, hoping to find the dog, and he was there, snoozing at a local market. I walked up to him and whistled.

He saw me, stretched, and trotted over

with an expression as if to say, “There you are. Please pet me.” He followed me all the way to my hostel, and the owner was so gracious she let him stay in the courtyard and gave him her leftover food. I spent the evening hunting down kennels, veterinarians, and vaccination certificates. By the end of the day, he was ready to go to Canada.

The flight was not fun. In Dallas, attendants failed to put him on the connecting flight. I arrived in Vancouver at 12 p.m. and the dog came at 7:30 p.m.

He spent almost 24 hours in his kennel and did not even make a mess. This dog is quite literally an angel. He barely barks, he’s never bitten, he lets me pick him up, and he cries if I leave him for too long.

Somehow, my spontaneous decisions seem to be the best ones.

A New Place To Call home

would tell my dad. Other times it was him complaining, “No she has to go to a Chinese school, so she can speak Chinese”. Trust me, it got pretty ugly when it came to cultural disagreements.

I wasn’t fully Brazilian or fully Chinese, and therefore received rejection from both sides of my ethnic identity, but there is no doubt I could not call Brazil my home.

Until my mother decided to take a different turn in life by moving to Amsterdam. Coping with the unfamiliarity of this new culture was difficult, but doable. Over time, we all adapted to the different tastes, customs, and the weather of Holland. Now, not only was Brazil my home, but Holland also became a place I could call home.

Another life twist was my coming to America and adjusting once again to a different language and another culture.

Another home. When you have lived in

three different places in the world it is tough to answer the question “So where do you consider home?” Many stationary people define “home” as the place where you come from. But “home” doesn’t necessarily have to be one singular place.

Home can be anywhere, as long as you are happy where you are. Some locations will never be summed up into one caption.

Actually, many places in the world are that way. You only have to stay a little longer, and fully immerse yourself in what is around you.

Most people find comfort in the old and familiar, thus it is not an easy task to pack up and leave. Life moves forward, and things change overtime. However, it is important to remind yourself that you are where you are meant to be. Sure, it takes time; sometimes the fear of not being able to adapt to a new environment can be overwhelming. On that note, it is absolutely vital to run toward what

scares you. This is a necessary part of effective assimilation into a new country or state. The process of adopting a new home takes courage, and yes, you will find discomfort along the way, but all it takes is a constant state of exploring, seeing your surroundings with new eyes and a wide open heart.

IS BLOCK

HUMOR/FOOD LIFE

MY COLUMN IS ON BAE I

am officially a senior. This comes with a lot of benefits: I am no longer required to go to class, professors ask me for advice, and no one remembers how skinny I was at the beginning of my freshman year.

As great as this sounds, this status also comes with some difficulties. My humor column is supposed to be for everyone, but I don’t feel like

I

It is now time to reveal the best joke for millennials. Please direct all fan mail to micah.hall@wallawalla. edu.

I am connected with youth culture anymore. No matter how much I try, it is hard to stay up to date with young people now that I am not living in the dorm.

I have spent the last four hundred and twenty hours (lol?) surfing the internet and using that information to craft the best possible joke for the younger generation. This might seem like a waste of my time and $3,977 of ASWWU’s budget, but you will certainly change your mind when you see that I have crafted the perfect joke.

Beaver: Daniel, I need your help.

Daniel (who is also a beaver): How can I help you?

Beaver: DAM DANIEL!

MICAH HALL Humor Writer

A generation came together when we saw the wacky antics of America’s favorite shark

WHERE TO GET YOUR “FRESHMAN 15”

f you’re a freshman, you probably heard the “freshman 15” referenced multiple times over the past week of JumpStart. Gaining 15 pounds this year may not be the most exciting thing to look forward to, but I encourage you to use this urban legend as an invitation to introduce yourself to Walla Walla’s exciting gastronomic culture. Food shouldn’t be taken lightly, and if you’re going to end up gaining 15 pounds because of it, then seek out the best establishments to fix your cravings.

For the incoming freshmen, knowing where to start can be a bit challenging, so here are three restaurant suggestions that are sure to fill you up without draining your wallet.

WORM RANCH

SWEET BASIL

1186 Wallula Ave, Walla Walla Burritos made with some of the best rice and homemade tortillas in town are part of why Worm Ranch has caught on so well among eaters in Walla Walla and around the world (after all, they’ve been featured on the NBC news). It’s also located just about a mile from campus, making it an easy destination for people without cars.

5 S 1st Ave, Walla Walla Sweet Basil is a pretty straight-forward pizza experience. Which is exactly why you should visit them on your journey to achieving your freshman 15. You can buy by the slice or order a whole pie for you and your “friends.”

Patrick, amateur food critic, rarely gets a taste of one of these amazing burritos

CLARETTE’S

15 S Touchet St, Walla Walla Clarette’s is one of my favorite breakfast places in town. It may not match the grandeur of Maple Counter or the articulation of Bacon & Eggs, but I can take a friend out for breakfast and catch the bill at just $20. Their breakfast dishes are straightforward and filling, including a vegetarian version of biscuits and gravy—not always an easy find. They even carry a Walla Walla University Wrap, though the last (and only) time I ordered it all I found was some dry rice-a-roni and a couple pickled bell peppers. I’d stick with the

Mason Neil Food Writer breakfast menu, which is served all day.

Many of us have four, five, or sometimes six years on this campus, so it’s worth getting familiar with the local food scene early and intimately.

And if it does end up adding 15 pounds to your figure, at least you’ll have some great restaurant suggestions for the next round of students.

Happy Eating, Mason Neil

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NO INFO GOES ON THI

LIFE SCIENCE/TECH

Summer Research Opportunities During the school year it can be difficult to find the time to be involved with research for science students. Luckily, summer offers a great opportunity for students to hone laboratory and field skills. With many professors shifting their focus from the classroom to the laboratory during summer, there is ample research taking place at Walla Walla University and at many other universities with which undergraduates can get involved. This past summer, students made meaningful contributions to science in the following ways.

Jordan Brooks New Smoking Cessation Drugs

Victor Wang Designing Field Biosensors

Katie Pekar Ocean Acidification and Octopuses

Globally, 4.9 million people die and 300 billion dollars are spent due to smoking related diseases each year, and 40.1% of people who smoke try to quit each year.1,2,3 Suffice it to say, it is a worthwhile endeavor to seek out new therapies to help people quit smoking.

I had the opportunity to work in a medicinal chemistry lab this summer under Dr. Travis Denton, a professor at Washington State University, where I worked on synthesizing new, potential smoking-cessation drugs. I gained valuable experience in a laboratory setting and developed skills such as optimizing the synthesis of target molecules, interpreting nuclear magnetic resonance spectra and mass spectrometry results, and developing the procedure for a fluorescence assay to test the effectiveness of the drugs synthesized. It was exciting to learn about and contribute to the process of developing new drugs! Not only was this a great experience and resume-building opportunity, but it was funded through the American Society for Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics, so I received a stipend while participating in the program. In addition, there were weekly meetings in which all of the undergraduates in the program met and gained insight into the career path of a pharmaceutical researcher.

This summer, I participated in the SUNY Polytechnic Colleges of Nanoscale Science and Engineering Summer Internship Program in Albany, New York. Through this program, I was placed into a nanobioscience lab to work on a complex project with an interdisciplinary team. The goal of the project I worked on was to develop an aphid-like biosensor that monitors the glucose level of a tree in situ. My assignment was to build a portable potentiostat that would allow sensing trials to move from the bench top into the field. The biosensor would be the first of its kind for use in ecological studies and has already attracted collaborators waiting to test it. Because benchtop potentiostats are expensive and cumbersome to take into the field, a portable potentiostat was imperative if the sensor was to be used outside of a laboratory setting. This project gave me experience with analog electronics and required me to work independently to find a design, order parts, perform the printed circuit board assembly, troubleshoot, and operate the unit as a functional potentiostat.

I spent the summer of 2016 working with Dr. Kirt Onthank studying octopuses at the Walla Walla University Rosario Beach Marine Laboratory. The Onthank Lab’s aim this summer was to look at physiological adaptations of Octopus rubescens to life in acidified water. Two summers ago, Onthank’s team discovered that while ocean average pH is 8.1,4 the water in Puget Sound, where we catch our octopuses, has a naturally low pH of nearly 7.8.5 This value, which takes into account both temperature and CO2 levels, is close to what scientists predict we will see globally by the end of the century.6 As a result, octopuses living near Rosario provide a model for how organisms may adapt to life in acidified water.

One of our goals was to determine how respiration changes when octopuses taken from water with high CO2, such as that near Rosario, are placed into water at the ocean average. Unfortunately, our questions regarding octopus adaptability at differing CO 2 levels remain unanswered due to unforeseen difficulties.

We also wanted to determine how gene expression changes due to carbon dioxide.

To do this, we collected tissue samples from octopuses at varied CO 2 levels.

This tissue will be used to extract RNA, allowing us to determine which genes are upregulated and thus conveying fitness in different environments.

Those interested are also welcome to follow our YouTube channel, Octopodium.

Jordan Brooks Science/Tech Writer

1. Fact Sheets http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_ statistics/fact_sheets/fast_facts/ 2. Brown, A. TUI Tobacco Use Insights 2015.

3. Borland, R.; Partos, T.; Yong, H.: Cummings, K.; Hyland, A.; Addiction 2012.

4. Doney SC, Fabry VJ, Feely RA, Kleypas JA (2009) Ocean acidification: the other CO2 problem. Annu Rev Mar Sci 1:169–192 5. Puget sound/San Juan Island area is lower pH/high CO 2: Murray JW, Roberts E, Howard E, et al (2015) An inland sea high nitrate-low chlorophyll (HNLC) region with naturally high pCO2. Limnol Oceanogr 60:957–966. doi: 10.1002/lno.10062 6. Orr JC, Fabry VJ, Aumont O, et al (2005) Anthropogenic ocean acidif ication over the twenty-f irst century and its impact on calcifying organisms. Nature 437:681–686. doi: 10.1038/nature04095

SUNNY UP SIDE

IS BLOCK

The First Week of School - and the Lies We Tell Ourselves

T

he first week of school suuuucks.

Sure, it’s syllabus week, meaning you don’t have copious amounts of homework quite yet, and yeah, you’re still able to use the good old “my books are still in the mail” excuse when you haven’t finished the reading, but still.

There’s no easy way to soften the blow of 8 a.m. classes, especially if your summer was filled with Netflix and waking up no earlier than 11 a.m. It may sound like I’m trying to convince you to drop out of college, but I’m not.

College is amazing. The only part of college I hate is the beginning, aka this first week, when we’re all trying to convince ourselves that we’ll be different than who we were last year.

We’ll be more mature. We’ll be more responsible. We’ll be more social, eat breakfast, and show up places early, or at least show up. I’m here to tell you, that’s just not the way things work.

Listed below is the fantasy of week one, as well as the rest of the school year’s reality.

Week One:

1. School: My class starts at 8 a.m.? No worries! I’ll go to bed early, so I won’t fall asleep in the middle of lecture. I better show up at 7:50, just to make sure I find the right room. Oh, and I had better sit in the front of the room, to show my professor that I really value this class and my education as a whole.

2. Appearance: I usually look pretty

rough, but not this year. I’m going to wear my cute outfit. It’s not very comfortable, but beauty is pain, right?

I’ll put some mascara on too, because I really want that cute boy I met at Vespers to know that I do in fact have eyelashes.

3. Caring what people think of you:

The teacher is wanting us to say a fun fact about ourselves? Ok! This shouldn’t be too hard. I’m fun. I’m fun…right?

Wait, do I say I like to read? Nah, too basic. I need something exciting! I’ll say I like scuba diving. I did go scuba diving

that one time nine years ago, so that totally counts.

4. How you view others: Oh wow, everyone else has their life together.

How do they already know what they want to do with their life? I don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner. I’m a wreck.

Rest of the year: 1. School: Ok so my class technically

starts at 8 a.m. and it’s 8:07 now, buuuut I’ve noticed that it takes a solid 10 minutes for the attendance sheet to go around the room, so if I get there within three minutes and sit in the very back on the left hand side I should still be able to get credit. Nice.

2. Appearance: All my clothes are dirty.

Why haven’t I done laundry in three weeks? I guess I’ll wear these rando board shorts and this Christmas sweater.

If anyone asks, I’ll just say I’m wearing it ironically. And I haven’t brushed

CONFESSIONS

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- Sincerely, It’s Not Like I Crashed or Anything

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“I showed up to one of my classes only two times, but I still passed with an A.” - Sincerely, Please Show Up To Your Classes “When I had to vacuum as a kid, I wouldn’t actually turn it on…I’d just push it around to leave the marks on the ground.”

- Sincerely, My Mom Never Found Out

KANYE WEST CONTEXT

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Lauren Wahlen Backpage Writer

my hair since…well I can’t remember when…so I’ll just wear this hat I found behind my sofa.

3. Caring what people think of you: I probably shouldn’t sleep on this bench right outside the library, but I’m so tired and the dorm is so far away and it’ll only be for an eight-minute nap anyways, so no one will probably walk by and see me.

4. How you view others: Hey, that dude from my Tuesday/Thursday class is also stress eating Doritos in Kretchmar at 2 a.m.? I may be a wreck, but now I know he probs is too.

If you don’t believe me, just wait a few weeks. You’ll see what I mean.

VERBATIM If you hear a faculty/staff member say something hilarious/ridiculous/ super weird, lemme know! The more quotes, the better. E-mail me at lauren. wahlen@yahoo.com. And if I don’t get any? Not a problem. I’ll just quote the Kardashians or Donald Trump. The choice is yours, people.

Email me your aboslute most humiliating moments ever and appear anonymously here! Gracias.