Volume 100, Issue 00

COLLEGIAN

THE

WALLA WALLA UNIVERSITY

VOLUME 100 | ISSUE 00 | 4 JUNE 2015

NEWS | 6

SCIENCE | 11

ART | 14

CENTENNIAL STAFF

Out with the old, in with the news.

EDITOR’S NOTE Dearest Reader,

Lauren Lewis Editor-in-Chief

Welcome to the 100th issue of The Collegian. My full name is Lauren Christine Lewis; I am a history major and your next Collegian Editor-in-Chief. If my face looks familiar, it may be because you have seen me hibernating, eating, and living in the Ad Building, or because I wrote the humorous articles in this last year’s volume. You may be wondering, “why is the Humor Writer now our Editor-in-Chief?” This question has also crossed my mind, especially as my Collegian colleagues voted me “the most likely person to be fired from an administrative position” last week. Despite this, I am honored to be your next editor and am extremely confident in the upcoming staff. As you read through this introductory issue, you will find that the best of the best have filled each position. You will also find familiar and new faces and writing positions.

subjects that intrigue you! This commitment may seem daunting in an Adventist community full of ethical conundrums and varying ideas and opinions. But to that I yell, “No Excuses!” if The Collegian is creating quality work, then we will never have to defend our writing; we will only have to justify our evidence of excellence in thought, generosity in service, beauty in expression, and faith in God. I am extremely excited for this upcoming year! Enjoy meeting the new staff and please send any comments, questions or contributions to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or lauren.lewis2@wallawalla.edu.

Best,

My vision for this upcoming year is marked by collaboration, credibility, and creativity. I expect this goal to be easily achieved because each of my staff embodies these words. But more important is our vision as the Collegian team. Together, the Collegian staff is committed to bringing you authoritative, sassy and creative articles that characterize our campus.

Most importantly we want to collaborate with the campus and write about

TABLE of CONTENTS 3 4–5

Staff Directory Week in Forecast/ Snapshots

6

News/Column

7

Opinion

8

Feature

9

Religion

10

CW/ Humor

11

ACA/Science

12

#thecollegian/ We of Walla Walla

13

Diversions/Column

14

Food/Art

15

Culture/Snapchat

16

On The Flip Side

ASWWU

CONTEXT

04

Stephanie Septembre

PERSPECTIVE

07

Jenna Thomas

LIFE

10

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members.

The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Cover Credit: Unsplash.com, ASWWU, Ryan Thorpe, Cynthia Gobel ­ The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or lauren.lewis2@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 2:44 A.M. on Thursday, June 04, 2015.

The Collegian | Volume 100, Issue 00 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | aswwu.com/collegian For information about adverstising, please contact Shandra Cady at aswwu.ads@wallawalla.edu.

STAFF DIRECTORY | CONTEXT | 03

NEW STAFF 2015–2016 Lauren Lewis

Ryan Robinson

Alexandra Buley

Kayla Albrecht

Abigail Wissink

Mary Aparicio

Meghann Heinrich

Emily Huso

Kenton Gonzalez

Joni Harris

Heather Ruiz

Jenna Thomas

Samantha Mattson

Lauren Wahlen

Brennan Stanyer

Brandon Pierce

Micah Hall

Sheldon Maxwell

Joy Nelson

Ryan Thorpe

Missy Murdoch

Sophia Rich

Taylor Kelln

Jon Spracklen

Favorite Animal: Hummingbird

Creative Writer Favorite Animal: Bushbaby

Jill Carter

Kylah Wister

Katherine Beckner

Jonathan Stephan

Madeline Boyson

Lauren Epperson

Stephanie Septembre

Katherine Pekar

Allison Banks

Mackenzie Thompson

Editor-in-Chief Favorite Animal: Narwhal

Life Editor & Culture Writer Favorite Animal: Slow Loris

Religion Writer Favorite Animal: Wyvern

Columnist Favorite Animal: Octopus

Humor Writer Favorite Animal: Octopus

Art Editor Favorite Animal: Moose

Portrait Artist Favorite Animal: Horse

Feature Writer Favorite Animal: Red Panda

Assistant Editor Favorite Animal: Cat

Head Layout Editor Favorite Animal: Monkey

Copy Editor Favorite Animal: Pig

Columnist Favorite Animal: Fish Taco

Layout Designer Favorite Animal: Lion

Copy Editor

Layout Designer Favorite Animal: Kiwi Bird

News Writer Favorite Animal: Peacock

Diversions Editor Favorite Animal: Tiger

Content Editor Favorite Animal: My Dog

News Writer Favorite Animal: Horse

Feature Writer Favorite Animal: Deer

Opinion Writer Favorite Animal: Jackalope

Opinion Writer Favorite Animal: Platypus

Website Manager Favorite Animal: Cat Wolf

ACA/SM Editor Favorite Animal: Maple Leaf

Religion Writer Favorite Animal: Bear

Head Copy Editor Favorite Animal: Giraffe

Copy Editor Favorite Animal: Unicorn

Food Editor Favorite Animal: Sloth

Backpage Editor Favorite Animal: Pangolin

Science & Tech Writer Favorite Animal: Otter

Layout Designer Favorite Animal: Sasquatch

Religion Writer Favorite Animal: Flamingo

Opinion Writer Favorite Animal: Frog

04 | CONTEXT | A WEEK IN FORECAST

STEEL BAND CONCERT

05:00 P.M. Ad Building

DEAD WEEK PICNIC DINNER

A WEEK in FORECAST

Mac Ford

05:00 P.M. Centenniel Green

penguin.co.nz

VESPERS: MOSAIC II

08:00 P.M. University Church

EMMA

08:00 P.M. Village Hall

05

06 emmareynolds.org

e.fastcompany.net

Vitaliy Krivoruk

JUNE 4

e.fastcompany.net

05

PRAYER, PRAISE, & POPCORN 09:30 P.M. Prayer House

EMMA

09:00 P.M. Village Hall

SNAPSHOTS

Caleb Riston Erick Juarez

J.R. Rogers

Erick Juarez

07

GRAD WEEKEND

09

blogs.ket.org

ST

A WEEK IN FORECAST | CONTEXT | 05

10

EMMA

02:00 P.M. Village Hall

Consecration June 12 @ 08:00 P.M. Evensong June 13 @ 08:00 P.M.

08

Commencement June 14 @ 08:30 A.M.

Erick Juarez

Erick Juarez

Erick Juarez

06 | CONTEXT | NEWS

MEET LAUREN EPPERSON Lauren Epperson News Writer

Kaselehlie, everyone—which means hello! I am so excited to be your news writer for next year! I just spent the last year in Pohnpei, Micronesia teaching third grade and working as a senior sponsor, debate coach, and editor at the school newspaper.

I had a lot of fun and will forever remember my time there. I saw God work in a variety of ways and grew in my relationship with him. I made some amazing friends that I know I will have for life. It was fun to work with the kids, especially my newspaper staff. I got to teach them the fun of writing and journalism.

They got to see the whole process from brainstorming a story to selling the finished product. My time in Pohnpei taught me a lot about working with others and letting God lead my life.

Although I will miss my island home, I am excited to see what God will do next in my life. ▼

MICROSOFT TO

RELEASE WINDOWS 10 Alexandra Buley Content Editor

PHANTOM ICE CREAM TRUCK Samantha Mattson Columnist

I grew up in south Minneapolis, and as I kid I looked forward to the appearance of the ice cream truck on hot summer afternoons. Every time I heard the twangy rendition of “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” echoing down the narrow streets, I knew that happiness was just around the corner.

Fast-forward to last year. I had never seen an ice cream truck in Walla Walla and had resigned myself to the fact that this town was probably too small to have one. But as my roommate and I sat in our room doing homework, that familiar tinny sound drifted through our open window and hope returned to my life. We both rushed to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of that glorious vehicle, but we couldn’t see anything. An hour went by and although we could still hear the song repeating over and over and over again, there was no truck in sight. The noise eventually stopped, my roommate and I bought some ice cream from Walmart, and I forgot all about it.

The company will offer a free upgrade of the system to users who bought a computer or tablet within the past six years beginning with Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 for tablets.

The upgrade offers a list of new user-friendly features, including: - The older desktop start up menu without the Microsoft sign-in alert.

- Access to Cortana (Microsoft’s version of Siri).

- The Edge browser which cuts and edits content.

- The Snipping tool that edits both image and text files.

Likewise, Microsoft is removing some features from the operating system such as Windows Media Centre, the game of Hearts, and Internet Explorer, which will be replaced by Edge.

I never found out where that deceiving sound was coming from, and I suppose I never will. On a related note, if it’s you who’s been playing ice cream truck music out of your dorm window for hours at a time, you have greatly increased Walmart’s ice cream sales in the past two years. ▼

m lor.co

theco

ENGINEERS’ COMMUNITY DEMONSTRATION Meghann Heinrich News Writer

Microsoft announced on Monday that Windows 10 will be released on July 29.

That is, until this quarter. Once again I found myself studying in my room when the twanging began. I wasted no time in investigating. Determined, I grabbed my shoes and ran outside, but I couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from. It wasn’t getting louder, it wasn’t getting softer. I starting thinking that I was imagining it, so to be sure I asked a nearby student if she could hear it too and, thankfully, she could.

At approximately 12 P.M. on Wednesday, June 3, a group of around 15 Walla Walla University students consisting mainly of agitated Engineering majors united in front of the Administration Building to advocate for longer CommUnity assemblies. They aimed to lengthen CommUnity programs to last from 8 A.M. to 8 P.M. with a 12 minute break for lunch. Proponents of the cause argue that this will give students more time to do homework on Tuesdays.

In an interview, demonstrator Michael Slusser explained the rationale behind the protest: “Engineers can count. ​ That’s why when we first realized that there are actually 24 hours in the day, we felt swindled for only getting to spend one of them in CommUnity. Only time can tell if progress

was made today. If the Administration of WWU refuses to listen, we might just have to take this to higher powers, like the coach of a little league baseball team.” Fellow demonstrator Marcus Peterson asserted, “We want to make CommUnity last as long as possible. Really, CommUnity isn’t as long as it should be. If it could be more than one day that would also be great. People do not need more than 12 minutes in the day to eat lunch.”

During the demonstration participants marched, chanted, and waved signs. This caused some confusion for students heading to the cafeteria for lunch, as no one was certain whether they were being called to action or merely entertained. It is safe to say the effects of Dead Week are manifesting themselves in new and strange ways, as impromptu pool parties (also coordinated by engineers during Tyler and the Half Tree’s Tuesday performance) and organized demonstrations materialize out of thin air. ▼

Windows 10 Mobile, the companion software for smartphones, is slated to arrive later this year.

Additionally, Microsoft is developing a new service called Microsoft Wi-Fi. The news of this service was leaked on a website called microsoftwifi.com, which has since been removed. The website described the new development as “hassle-free Internet access around the world” that will enable users to be “productive on the go.” Microsoft Wi-Fi will be available not only to Windows users, but also to Mac, Android, iOS, and Windows phone users. ▼

Caleb Riston

OPINION | PERSPECTIVE | 07

THE OPINIONATED ONES

CK

The opinion page—what is that? Is it just a couple of writers ranting about whatever floats into their minds?

Brennan Stanyer, Joy Nelson, and Katherine Pekar: We are your opinion writers for the 2015–2016 Collegian. We have heard different reactions after telling our friends and family that we have been hired as opinion writers. The reaction usually runs along the lines of, “Oh, that should be easy. You can just talk about whatever you want to.” Well, hopefully not, but for our column in this zero issue, we wanted to start by introducing ourselves and the writing backgrounds we are coming from, along with our vision for this section of the paper.

Joy Nelson

Brennan Stanyer Opinion Writer

“Not another one!” David exclaimed as he dropped himself down into the rock-hard chair in the lecture hall and set a crumpled newspaper and some hastily-scrawled history notes on the desk. “I’m sick and tired of these so-called writers thinking that just because they have an opinion, they can write something that people care about.”

“Calm down, David,” Ashley said. “I’m sure this next group will be better than the last. It is the 100th edition, after all.”

TION

Katherine Pekar

Opinion Writer

He rolled his eyes and quickly thumbed through the first few pages until he reached the middle of the paper. The top of the page read “Opinion.” He expected to see the same words that he saw every time the new writers introduced themselves—“new vision ... concerned and informed ... deep perspective”—but instead, his eyes were greeted with Photo Credit a simple note that read thusly: Dear Reader, Welcome to the Opinion section. This year we would like to foster open discussion between us, the writers, and you, the readers. We know that you don’t want to hear just our perspectives on the many issues facing both our campus and the world at large. That is why we are introducing a Question and Answer section to the Opinion Page. Every week we will ask for your input regarding social issues and tailor our writing to address your concerns. I am Brennan Stanyer, Opinion Writer, and I would like to hear what you are concerned about. I have a strong background in critical reasoning and applied ethics, but I need your input in order to write something that will actually mean something to you.

David sat back in his seat and thought to himself, “Maybe this edition could actually be pretty good. I’ll have to wait and see.”

Opinion Writer

Dark chocolate is disgusting, coffee is a gift from God, and Batman is the best superhero of all time. These are my opinions, but I hope you come to expect more than that from me this next year. As an opinion writer, I want to open dialogue across campus. I want to coordinate with my fellow opinion writers to examine issues from multiple viewpoints and present you with new ideas you might not have contemplated. I hope that students can use it as a conversation starter around campus, asking each other, “Hey, what did you think of this week’s opinion piece?”

Over the course of my childhood, I came to the conclusion that opinions are bad. As a general rule, children are encouraged to docilely accept that between the more highly developed adult brain and greater life experience, opinions are luxuries afforded only to the old. For me, this age-old conception was reinforced through comments by the people around me. My mom would tell me, “You sure are opinionated.” My dad would smile (or, sometimes not) and say, “You’re not always right, Katie.” These comments typically led to eye rolls, deep sighs, and the formation of more opinions about adult intelligence levels.

More than that, I want to know what you are thinking. I have sat at multiple tables in the cafeteria, chatted in the gym and in The Atlas, and hung out in the dorms with the best of them. Through these experiences, I have listened to you, and I know you want to talk about the things you see as important. I want to be open to your discussions and opinions and write about those too.

Since we are talking about my background, I will tell you that I am a Social Work major from Idaho who loves God, music, people, sword fighting, and my cat, Oreo. That should be enough for you to judge me on. I hope to hear from you this next year!

I now understand that opinions can be good. Opinions, based from our unique ability to rationally discern between good and bad, help define humanity. Our opinions, however minute, govern who we become, serving as the catalyst for change on a personal and societal level. In fact, opinions rooted in respect for our own limitations and the intelligence of others are perhaps the most important tool we have for self-improvement.

The thing is, over the span of my extensive life, I’ve learned that my parents were right. I am opinionated. Worst of all, my opinions were and are often wildly uneducated and based on ridiculous information gleaned from sketchy sources and a paltry 21 years of experience. Those opinions, although often laughable, are not, however, inherently bad.

This summer, I hope you eat home cooked food, binge-watch TV, and sleep until noon. I hope you visit new places, meet interesting people, and reminisce with old friends. But mostly, I hope you form some new opinions. Disagree, get in an argument, take a stand. At the very least, send me messages about how pretentious my meandering rambles are.

Because as ridiculous as I know this sounds, those opinions have the power to define not only who you’ll be this fall, but who you’ll become over the course of your life.

All three of us want to hear from the student body about your thoughts and the issues that you are interested in. Over the course of this next year, we want to talk to you about what is on your hearts and minds because it is not just our opinion, it is your opinion too. Feel free to contact us via email or though any Facebook stalking you can manage. ▼

Q&A Caleb Riston

What do YOU want to read in the Opinion section?

Carly Iwasa: “Target ASWWU people, name names.”

Brooklynn Larson: “I’d like to read opinions that are actually relevant.”

Bryson Gray: “Local things that are applicable to Walla Walla University.”

Trevor Leek: “Probably something on ethical problems that the world is facing.”

David Olson: “I want to hear who the better rapper is: M-Dizzle and Toasty VS KWE.”

08| PERSPECTIVE | FEATURE

MEET THE TALKERS Madeleine Boyson

COLLEGIAN W I S D O M

Heather Ruiz

Feature Writer

Feature Writer

Little girl almost eats a human fingernail found in marshmallow.

Major: History

Major: Journalism

Hometown: Denver, Colorado

Hometown: Colville, Washington

I love the Rocky Mountains in summer and the aspens outside my window. I’d prefer to live in an art museum, but I look for art in highways and thumbprints because the world is brimming with color and the intimate. I’ve most recently become a cat—eating, sleeping, and bathing, repeating—but I fight Lyme as a full-time profession and contemplate social justice issues, poetry and good literature, how the past informs the present, chronic illness, and the identities of Christian subcultures.

What is one Jeopardy! category you would clear, no problem? Pure profile portraiture in fifteenth-century Italy—and no, there’s no way to make that sound less presumptuous. If there’s one thing Oxford taught me, it’s that I love arbitrary and fascinating areas of art ... and that I have 40 pages of research paper to prove it.

Which of the Seven Dwarfs best resembles your personality? Sleepy. I can fall asleep anywhere, any time, in any position.

Tournament bus rides in high school found me curled up on the floor for all 21 hours of highway time. Sometimes I daydream about getting back into bed. And one of the best feelings in the world is waking up before your alarm, rolling over, and snuggling right back into dream land.

Who was your imaginary friend as a child? Jane Bennet from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice accompanied by Natalia, a golden retriever. After Mum showed me the six episode TV version with Colin Firth, I imagined myself to be Elizabeth, with a world where Henry Purcell, ball gowns, a sister (sorry Trevor), and a dog were at my fingertips.

What is one thing you’d be most disappointed about if you didn’t get to do it? My bucket list includes visiting the Hagia Sophia and the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem, but mostly, I’ll be wrecked if I don’t make it to Florence one day. The Uffizi Gallery haunts me in my dreams and I hear tell of Ghiberti’s Gates of Paradise every time I open an art book. Plus, I watched a whole documentary once about the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore.

That domed roof is in my bones.

Name your favorite movie: Le fabuleux destin d’Amelie Poulin. Amelie’s “fabulous destiny” changed my life. And I’m only kind of exaggerating ... ? ▼

Oddly not weirded out that gelatin is made of horse fingernails.

I like baking vegan messes. I’m that backpacker who sneaks the heavy items in my dog’s pack, and I’m that rock climber who uses her knees. Shower-singer only, and I rap caucasionally. I like trying to elevate small talk to medium talk. I don’t like wearing a seat-belt. I like thinking about anthropology, world religions, human rights, cognitive science, foreign policy, creative writing, alternative medicine, world literature, Adventist lifestyles, philanthropy, mindfulness, psychological research, and tiny houses.

The best thing you’ve ever studied: Five instruments and five languages, but if you don’t use it … .

What was the last gift you gave someone: An hour massage by donation. I graduated from massage school last quarter, and I’ve decided to make this my life-long love gift for anybody with sore shoulders. Some years ago, my family couldn’t always afford massages for my mother’s back injury. I’m literally giving my hands to my community, and the donations help me with school. I don’t regret my decision for a moment.

Huffington Post rates Walla Walla among best college towns for food.

Sodexo must be doing something right.

Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair.

Gender identity issues.

What would we find in your fridge right now: Uh oh. Kale, flaxseed tortillas, stale (or is it ripe?) kombucha, cashew butter and homemade leftovers. What kind of leftovers? Um, falafel balls, spring rolls, green curry and tagine. My friends and I have a family dinner each week and I take it a little too seriously.

What are the stories your kids will hear too many times?

The summer mom hitchhiked through North Africa. The two quarters of college that mom lived in a yurt. That time mom broke her legs trying to rock climb a waterfall. That no-shave November that mom really nailed.

The hardest thing you ever did: There are two that make the top. First was leaving behind with development workers in Mauritania and the neglected baby that I’d raised since her first three weeks alive. Second was leaving behind my own adopted family in their Saharan village.

What have you already decided to do in the next few years?

Explore first-hand and write about the oppressing slavery that still exists in countries worldwide. Establish a community co-op for education. Hike the Pacific Crest Trail. ▼

Enrique Iglesisas cuts hand on copter at concert.

His voice drones on through the pain.

Seven earthquakes strike off of Oregon Coast within 24 hours.

Hipsters better know how to swim.

WHAT KINDS OF ARTICLES CAN WE EXPECT THIS YEAR? Sensational ones! We are exploding with ideas to share about service mindedness, perception of gender roles in SDA culture, and myths many students believe about college. We’ll be exploring the effects that stress has on students, the cognitive bias that floats or sinks relational structures, and Madeleine will give some insight into her fight with Lyme disease, a battle that has brought her closer to the chronic illness community. We’ll also be writing away about elections, of course, and the wonderful 100th year birthday of The Collegian. Stay tuned! If you have a groovy idea you would like to share with your campus, contact us heather.ruiz@wallawalla.edu or madeleine.boyson@wallawalla.edu and we’ll help your brainstorm get published on these pages.

Photo Credit

Caleb Riston

Two Canadian astronauts to venture on space mission by 2024.

Candian scientists working on dehydrating maple syrup.

RELIGION | PERSPECTIVE | 09

IAN O M

RELIGION A MEMORY Jonathan Stephan Religion Writer

My grandma only tells one story about me. I was eight or ten. Both my parents were working, so my grandma took us to the Dollar Tree.

“Kenton didst leap (but not too high) and didst dance (but not too crazy), for he was exceedingly glad.”

Bamma—my grandma dubbed herself that years ago; no one has any idea why—declared solemnly to us that in this store, anything could in fact be bought for one dollar. None of us kids could believe it.

AN EXCERPT FROM 2 COLLEGIAN 3

“Only one dollar?”

Kenton Gonzalez

“It can’t cost only a dollar...”

“Bamma, are you sure EVERYTHING is just a dollar?”

Religion Writer

And Bamma would reassure us: “Yep. Everything at the Dollar Tree costs a dollar. That’s why it’s called the Dollar Tree.”

“How can it be a dollar—everywhere else costs more!”

“Just shows how much the other stores are ripping us off.”

“You’re really sure, Bamma?”

And so on.

When we finally arrived at the Dollar Tree, the girls rushed ahead and into the store. But I stopped dead at the first window. My lower lip sagged as I stared through the glass like a kid in a Christmas movie.

As Bamma stepped up onto the sidewalk next to me, I looked up at her with my toothy grin and said, “Wow! Kid city!”

It doesn’t happen to me often that I spontaneously remember. But I remembered this for myself suddenly, randomly.

And suddenly I knew why Bamma tells that story again and again. It’s not that she thinks I forgot, or that she forgets she’s told it [yesterday]. It’s not even that she really finds it so very adorable.

It’s that this is the most vivid memory—perhaps the last memory—she has in which she is the central point of my life; in which she was able to give me unfeigned, spontaneous joy; in which I loved her effusively, unabashedly, and completely.

HEALING Mackenzie Thompson Religion Writer

Darkness. My eyes are closed, and the sun has said “Au revoir,” leaving a blanket of darkness in its wake as it tucks the mountains in for the night. The sounds of cattle mooing in the distance and crickets chatting with one another fill the air around me. I sit cross-legged on a rock and try to relax the muscles in my back and arms. Focus. I need to focus on listening—becoming in tune with my surroundings. With my hands folded and resting on my boots, I hear the wind rubbing against the limbs of the trees overhead. I breathe deep and let it out slow. The Artist of this great wilderness I rest in makes His presence known in the sounds echoing across the valley, in the wind in the trees, and in the stillness and focus of my mind and heart on Him. Healing takes place when I wash myself in the beauty of God’s presence, His creation.

Restoration.

This is a shortened excerpt of the recently found book of 2 Collegian1, found in the legendary Walla Walla Tunnels. The collection has been named “The Water Pipe Scrolls.”

6 And behold, Lauren Lewis came to Kenton, and she saith thus: 7 “Kenton, I have seen thine writings. And behold, thine writings are humorous and poignant.” 8 Kenton replied, “Thanks.” 9 And Lauren spaketh unto him, “Dost thou wish to write next year for The Collegian?” 10 In riposte, Kenton didst leap (but not too high) and didst dance (but not too crazy), for he was exceedingly glad. 11 Forthright he accepted, and Lauren was thus also exceedingly glad. 12 “What dost thou plan on writing?” Asked Lauren. 13 Kenton answered her thus, saying: “Thine question is sure.” 14 Yet he did not answer her.

15 And Kenton desired of Lauren that she give him time and that he would shew her what he had planned. 16 And Kenton wept. 17 And after the time had expired, he went into Lauren’s presence and spoke thus: 18 “I have thought long and hard, and behold! A thought hast come to me. 19 I have determined to write on things that hath pertinence to the student body, even so, not becoming trapped in vain theological arguments. 20 I shall resolve to help the student, yea!

Even the faculty and elders.” 21 And Lauren said that it was good. ▼

My aim this year as a religion writer for The Collegian is to create a safe environment for discussing day-to-day spiritual questions and practices. The growth in our relationship with Jesus takes place in the small and daily encounters with the people and creation around us. My hope is that this page can be not only a place of honest questioning, but also a place of healing in the face of a culture that is loudly questioning religion’s validity in this world. ▼

Perhaps it is the last time I truly did love her in that way.

I hope not. But regardless, I hope to love more truly as I move forward. Loving truly is what I see as my role here at The Collegian. I’m not here to ram ideas down your throat. I’m not here to stir the pot. I’m here to create a space in which we can think about love and an opportunity for you to share your ideas about love with our community. If you have something you’d like printed or discussed or you just need to be listened to, email me at jonathan.stephan@wallawalla.edu. I’m quirky.

I’m broken. But I’m here. ▼

1

2 Collegian is not a book of the Bible. Neither is it inspired.

This is a joke. And now because I explained it, it’s ruined.

Thanks a lot, person that reads the footnotes first. unsplash.com

10| LIFE | CW & HUMOR

CREATIVE WRITING Taylor Kelln Creative Writer

If you’d like to submit your poetry, prose, songs, or any kind of creative writing, email me at taylor.kelln@ wallawalla.edu

REGARDING WHAT’S TO COME Many have come to view contemporary art as nonsensical, strange, and even convoluted due to the self-expressive paradigm that has encapsulated both art and artists alike. This is something that has constrained art to singular terms which have reduced its ability to illustrate the beauty of common human experience as well as the greater notions that have the propensity to unite us all. Art should not be selfish, but selfless—a manifestation of the struggle to capture what makes us human.

As the creative writer for The Collegian, I plan to write an episodic narrative that will span several issues over the course of the year. After a good deal of consideration, I have decided to model it after the traditional superhero story with modifications from both myself and from you, the reader, who I hope to engage in the creative process as it unfolds. My reason for choosing a superhero-based platform is due to the accessibility such a narrative provides to a wide range of

individuals from all walks of life. Everyone loves superheroes because they are the embodiment of good coupled with action— something we each seek to reflect in our own lives.

Currently, I have two main protagonists lined up in order to bring this dream to fruition. The first is Maxson, a once sickly, frail, young dropout whose life has been made manageable by technological grafts and augments that have rectified his handicaps.

The second is known as “Scut,” a scientific genius who has completed her education two years early and is infamous for her work with machines. Inspired by the works of a hero on the planet Arow, Maxson and Scut work to illegally modify Maxson’s cybernetic grafts to grant him enhanced senses, strength and speed so that they might save what good remains of Fusoa, their beloved city-state and home upon the world of Anac.

However, just as they begin to resolve crime and halt black market weapon shipments to

unsplash.com

the warring north, a far more organized and nefarious entity takes root under the streets of Fusoa, one with secrets and betrayals that go deep into the past.

As I eluded to before, I want to make this story more than just a story—I want to make it mean something to this campus—to all of us. I want to open up the creative process to insight from our community. If there’s a story, idea, or aspect of someone’s life out there that I might add to make this story more beautiful, then please, contact me. Let us work together on this so that we might craft a story for the sake of all.

My name is Taylor Kelln, and I am prepared to give you all something beautiful.▼

X 100 Micah Hall Humor Writer

In case you didn’t read the name attached to this article, I am Micah Hall.

I will be your humor writer next year.

There are a lot of directions I contemplated taking this article. It took a few days, but I finally decided on one. I had the perfect title: “Intelligent Design Cannot Be Empirically Tested and Other Reasons Homosexuality is Beneficial For Society.”

Unfortunately, when I brought this idea up to Ryan Robinson, assistant editor of The Collegian, he said it was too risqué for the first issue. He also noted that it isn’t funny. For this reason I have decided to make this article the least informative article published in this issue of The Collegian.

HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MIGHT BE TRUE, BUT PROBABLY ARE NOT. • The average person unknowingly swallows three spiders each night.

• Coca-Cola is very caustic and can be used to remove rust from metal if you don’t mind getting your metal really sticky.

• Dogs can’t look up.

• More people are killed each year from choking on spiders in their sleep than are killed by sharks and lightning combined.

• It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open without looking stupid.

• There are more than 50 different types of rhino, most of which are dead.

• Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.

• The Declaration of Independence was written on a lit marijuana cigarette.

• Butterflies taste with their feet and that is why they never land on you.

• The world’s smallest park is in Portland, Oregon and it is not fun.

• Netflix is bringing Arrested Development back for 17 more episodes.

• The ring finger is the only finger with a vein that goes to the heart.

• Obama has issued more executive orders than any recent president.

• Eating one leaf of spinach burns more calories than walking for two miles.

• If you stretched out all of your blood vessels, you could wrap them part of the way around the world before you died. ▼

SCIENCE & ACA | LIFE | 11

3 ETHICAL EXPERIMENTS TO PERFORM ON YOUR GRANDMOTHER, WHY COWS ARE GREEN, AND EVERY OTHER THING Ryan Thorpe

To start off with, here is a list of three ethical experiments to perform on your grandmother.

Science & Tech Writer

For some reason I seem to enjoy dwelling on an unhealthy number of random, slightly ridiculous ideas that revolve around the world of discovery. As my brain skips through the daisy patch of science, I’ll try to share a few small flowers with you. Over the next year, I promise to give you a glimpse into my thoughts if you promise not to judge me for them.

1. Have you ever wondered about the density difference between water and a person? I bet most of you haven’t. Well next time your grandma goes to the swimming pool for her water aerobics class (which is actually a pretty good workout, I might add), ask everyone to clear the pool. Allow your grandmother to enter the pool and measure the miniscule amount of distance the water rises once she is completely submerged. Using the following equation, you can calculate your grandma’s average density and compare it with that of the water: Grandma’s mass

Grandma’s density =

(Surface area of the pool) x (Displacement of the water)

Density of water = 100 kg/m3

2. The symptoms of arthritis can often be perpetuated by cold weather and drastic changes in barometric pressure. This makes sense because low temperatures and pressure changes will cause the bones within one’s limbs to slightly contract or expand at different rates than the surrounding tissue. In order to model the contraction and expansion of bones, the first step would be to document the weather conditions at which your grandmother (assuming she has arthritis) complains about her arthritis acting up when she goes for her morning strolls. Once this data has

been documented, send it to your local rheumatologist for further analysis in order to establish a better understanding of the physiology behind arthritis.

3. Every grandma wants to see her grandkids grow up. Why not give her that opportunity and test Einstein’s special theory of relativity at the same time? Since the majority of you have seen Interstellar, you probably understand the effects of travelling near the speed of light (time slows down for the person in the space ship compared to everyone else on earth). Nobody has really tested this on a human before, which makes sense because there aren’t many (or any) astronauts who are willing to give up their friends and family just to return from space and discover everyone is 50 years older. Grandma, on the other hand, has already lived most of her life, and has extra incentive to see her grandbabies in adult form.

Now that you know how to ethically experiment on your grandmother, I will give you one final musing. This is the part of the article where I leave you with a profound thought to think about. Most grass is green. If you are what you eat, and all cows eat grass, then all cows are mostly green. It is only logical.▼

THE SNOT-COLD TRUTH Stephanie Septembre ACA & SM Writer

A few of you might remember ambulances at the dorms last year due to a girl having severe allergic reactions. That girl was me. The reason that didn’t continue this year is because I was in France, so logically I went to the hospital there. Despite the language barrier and the fact that no one seemed to understand what an EpiPen is, I survived this experience twice. Even so, I wouldn’t say that was the most interesting part of my year.

During fall quarter I studied in Collonges, France, as an ACA student. I was there until January when I packed my bags and was virtually homeless for a month. I traveled around Italy, Slovenia, Croatia, and Iceland before finally showing up at my grandmother’s doorstep in Québec, Canada, to continue studying French. In essence, I traded the Alps, Eiffel Tower, and some of the best chocolate I’ve ever had for -30 degree weather and a winter so cold that snot freezes in your nose.

Looking back at what I’ve written in this article so far, it seems like I’ve had an absolutely horrible time traveling, which is not true at all.

For every unfortunate thing that happened to me, there are probably

five or six incredible experiences that I would not trade even for the Canon Rebel camera full of pictures I lost in Europe. We’re talking experiences ranging from meowing dogs to Hitler’s suicide bunker to maple syrup lollipops.

I love traveling. I wouldn’t have applied for the position of ACA/ SM/travel/whatever-I-am writer if I didn’t. I have some incredible stories and experiences that were a result of my many stupid mistakes, and half of the joy of having them is sharing the memories so people can laugh at you and hopefully not do the same thing. So, next year I’m sure I’ll be sharing plenty of the wonderful and crazy things I’ve done. I also intend to bequeath a bit of my oh-so-great wisdom that I had to learn the hard way. Of course, even though I will be writing a bit here and there, this column will be for sharing the thoughts and experiences of other Walla Walla students who are abroad as either SMs or ACA students. This could mean anything from a rant about how little junk food there is outside of North America to a heartfelt testimony from a struggling kindergarten teacher.

With that said, if you are or will be a Walla Walla student abroad doing something that causes extreme mood swings, then this column is for you. If you are a student wishing you were abroad or planning to go, hopefully this column will give you a few ideas. And if nothing else, I hope that this column will inspire you to see potential anywhere—even in College Place.▼

Stephanie Septembre

12| LIFE | STUDENT PROFILE & #THECOLLEGIAN Paddy McCoy

#THECOLLEGIAN

@mikeyand93j

@singingarrow

@emfletch_64

@singingarrow

@_allycat22

WE OF WALLA WALLA What do you feel most proud of?

Jill Carter

Name: Gabrielle Piry Year: Freshman Major: Communications Favorite Book: Norwegian Wood

by Haruki Murakami

“What I am most proud of is when I first discovered that I was an artist.

I didn’t necessarily see myself as one growing up, even though I have always been artistic. It was just this one moment when I was seventeen where I was called in to do an art show, more like an art competition actually, where I felt like an artist. Even though it wasn’t my own show, I was still showing off my artwork. From that point on, I have considered myself an artist. I realized that you can make nothing into something, or you can make something into nothing. It doesn’t matter what you choose for it to be.

The only thing that matters is that you show it and that it’s your way of expressing your art. What I like to convey to people is that art can be expressed in many ways. It can be expressed in math, science, architecture, pottery, drawing, or painting. The whole point is that any kind of thing you use as art is an expression of the love you have for yourself.

When you know you like to create things, it shows your self-love, and that’s important.” ▼

Jill Carter Portrait Artist

Hello! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jill, and I am a junior English major. I love reading, writing, photography, horses, and Noodles & Company’s Wisconsin Mac and Cheese. I am from the almost center of Michigan (No, really, I live twenty miles from the geographical center of Michigan) but somehow still hate being cold. My position in The Collegian is the Student Surveyor. This is a brand new column, and one that I am very excited to pioneer! I am hoping to highlight unique students through thoughtful interview questions and photography, as well as to inspire others through what my interviewees say. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me at jill.carter@wallawalla. edu. Here’s to a great summer!

. My name is

ding, writing,

y’s Wisconsin

of Michigan

phical center

d. My position

is a brand new

neer! I am hop-

ughtful inter-

o inspire others

e any sugges-

@wallawalla.

DIVERSIONS | LIFE | 13

DIVERSIONS Allison Banks Diversions Editor

Hello, Walla Walla! Or more accurately ... good day, person sitting alone waiting for their order at the DX! My name is Allison Banks, and I will be the Diversions Editor for next year’s Collegian! I just want to clarify and emphasize right now that the “Diversions” job does not come with some invincible, versatile hot boyfriend like that one movie may or may not have initially led some people to believe. Anyway, Diversions will be part of the 100th volume of The Collegian. I guess that’s Photo Creditor something, so here’s hoping I don’t blow it. some big deal I’m currently in Palau serving as a student missionary, so feel free to boo at this section now while I’m across the Pacific Ocean and can’t hear you.

AWESOME WORD ALERT Strikhedonia (noun) Origin: Greek

The pleasure of being able to say: “to h*** with it.”

When the editor asked about my vision for this section, I told her it is 20/20 and that my blood pressure is really what we need to be worrying about. I plan to make each week unique, and I hope one day there will be something that you at least enjoy mildly. I hope to make you laugh, smile, and maybe even nod in agreement occasionally with some mega-deep quote I drop on you. The possibilities are truly endless. If you do ever have criticism or concerns, know my response will always just be an email with this meme:

#ItsTimeToGoHomeWhen There’s always a point in the year when you stop and think, “It might be time to go home.”

These are a few of those moments:

#ItsTimeToGoHomeWhen You find a bug on your plate, and you name it instead of kill it.

#ItsTimeToGoHomeWhen You smash a lizard in a door jam and let the ants snack on it until the skeleton eventually turns into the apartment pet.

#ItsTimeToGoHomeWhen You’re wearing a jacket in the islands. No arguing—just get on the plane.

THINGS ABOUT ME YOU’LL PROBABLY FORGET IN 5 MINUTES

Lauren Wahlen Columnist

How do I introduce myself without sounding like I’m signing up for a dating website?

I guess I’ll just be brutally honest: I’m majoring in social work, with a minor in procrastination. I’ll be a senior in the fall if all goes well and I pass my finals (I’ll start studying tomorrow, promise). Maybe we had a class together, but if it was before 10 A.M, the chances that I actually showed up were about 50% (the same percentage I usually got on my quizzes). But hey, I consider myself a winner for getting out of bed at all.

Perhaps you’ve seen me walking around with windblown beach hair. We all know it’s actually just messy, but can we please pretend that I meant for it to look that way?

I’d appreciate it.

Maybe you’ve seen me working as student dean?

Wrong! For the last time, that’s my non-identical sister.

The school year is practically over, but I figured I might as well clear things up since I’m still having to say, “No, I’m not engaged. I think I’d need a boyfriend first.” #awkward.

Moving on.

“But hey, I consider myself a winner for getting out of bed at all.”

From now until graduation, you’ll be able to find me shuffling very slowly around campus. My legs have forgotten how to be legs ever since I started exercising last week. You see, I’ve recently been informed that my plan to go for a jog the day before I start the Pacific Crest Trail doesn’t count as “training.” Darnitall.

Anything else I should mention? I’ve moved every year since high school, from Honduras to Tennessee to France, to finally ending up here. Since I’m a transfer student and missed those random questions that are supposed to encourage bonding during Jumpstart, I will tell you now: my favorite animal is the fish taco. ▼

14| LIFE | FOOD & ART

WE CAN’T ALL BE DOCTORS Jenna Thomas Food Editor

It’s dead week—a time when I typically subsist solely on raw kale, shots of espresso, and pure desperation. There’s no time to sleep, much less bake. Right?

False. There is always time for chocolate chip cookies.

Which is why I found myself digging through my cupboards at midnight on a Wednesday, futilely scouring my bare shelves for the necessities. Again, it’s dead week. I’m not about to purchase perishables mere days before I leave for the summer. So no eggs, no butter, no milk. No cookies?! *sobs quietly to self* But wait! There’s a ludicrously large crock of coconut oil wedged behind my collection of empty spice containers. More digging yields a dusty sack of flax meal and a jar of homemade almond butter. There’s hope yet.

I would make a metaphor relating my complete lack of preparedness in the kitchen to my academic life, but that would imply that my finals will be as successful as my baking endeavors, which would be a shameless lie.

At least I’d be a good homemaker, though—these cookies are amazing.

Procrastinatory Cookies (vegan, gluten free)

Jenna Thomas

Yield: like two dozen-ish depending on how enthusiastically you scoop the dough.

Enough chocolate chips to satiate a crying toddler

Directions:

Ingredients:

Preheat an oven to 350° F.

130 g coconut oil

Mix the wet things and the sugar.

70 g almond butter

Stir in dry stuff. It’s going to be dry and crumbly and look like a failure. Just wait.

10 g honey 160 g brown sugar (a ridiculous amount, I know, but I never said these were healthy) 40 g natural cane sugar

What is art? This is possibly the most pretentious and unanswerable question of the century. I once visited a modern art museum in Barcelona that made me sob this question repeatedly through burning tears of sheer horror.

Every art piece I encountered in this museum either triggered my gag reflex or caused me to recoil in fear.

I entered one particular pitch-black room that projected a close-up video of a spinning bottle on a wall while a loud soundtrack of breaking glass boomed

Bake until you get bored of waiting. Probably about 12–15 minutes. They won’t look very done, but they are, I swear. Also, be sure to eat enough cookie dough while you’re waiting to make yourself feel mildly ill.

1 flax egg (mix 1 tbsp flax meal with 3 tbsp warm water and let it sit for one minute) 3 g vanilla 20 g almond milk 30 g steel cut oats (or nuts or coconut flakes or jelly beans or whatever you feel like mixing in, I don’t know your life)

Let cool. Or don’t. I’m not your mother. I will say “I told you so” when you burn your tongue on molten chocolate, though.▼

5 g salt 5 g baking soda 330 g gluten free flour

STARTING THE ARTING

Cynthia Gobel

Make little balls. It sticks together way better than you thought it would, am I right? Smoosh them a little bit if that’s your thing.

in the background. The carpeted floor was at a ski-slope slant, so naturally I tripped several times.

I staggered out of that room thinking that there is a sick artist somewhere scheming up various ways to give museum goers vertigo. Many of the other videos and images lining the walls were either violent or pornographic. It felt like a scene straight out of A Clockwork Orange. Thankfully, there was one glimmer of hope amidst the chaos: a canvas in a forgotten corner smeared with brown and yellow paint. It was entitled “Barking Dog.” In my crazed state I found this stereotypically “modern” art piece so adorable and revolutionary that I spent the rest of my visit contemplating its deep inner meaning. Once I stepped out of that cruel building, I came to my senses and realized that I was not trapped in a nightmare. I realized that “Barking Dog” was not the masterpiece of the century. I realized that art is weird and undefinable. Is art a Renaissance painting or a pile of trash cast in metal? Should art challenge our perceptions or inspire us? I have seen some very bad art in my lifetime. I’ve also seen some pieces that so fully encapsulated the profound emotions of their makers that I was moved to tears. Art doesn’t have to be beautiful, it just has to make you think.

Plus, if an art piece sucks then it crosses over into the humor genre, and I just love laughing at pretentious people. This means I sometimes love Photo Credit

Missy Murdoch Art Editor

laughing at myself. Next year I plan on examining the various definitions of art through blurbs, history snippets, and guest artwork. I look forward to hearing your own ideas about what art is and I am desperate to see your own artwork. Truly. I want to see your art.

If you are an artist, I will hunt you down. You can run, but you can’t hide.

Cynthia Gobel

Featured Artist: Cynthia Gobel Cynthia Gobel is a graduating Commercial Art Major. She recently opened a show in the Fine Arts Center gallery. Her show, Garden of Art, is on display until graduation, so you should take a minute to stop by and stroll betwixt the floral masterpieces. Along with large abstract paintings, black and white photographs, and punchy design pieces, Cynthia’s show contains several breathtaking portraits. The most beautiful picture of all is a large pastel portrait of Madison Baird. I did not include a photograph of the portrait here because I think it needs to be seen in person to be fully experienced. This touching tribute to my dear friend is a wonderful example of how art can be used to express emotions too profound for words. Thank you, Cynthia.▼

Photo Credit

CULTURE & SNAPCHAT | LIFE | 15 around this summer, here are a few things to keep you entertained.

WALLA WALLA SUMMERS

Walla Walla Food Truck Night

Abigail Wissink Culture Writer

Hello, friends! As you can see, I’ve switched sides of the page and will now be writing on Culture/Local Attractions.1 I hope to give you ideas of things to do in the Valley and beyond and talk about some cool cultural topics this next year. To start off the summer, we’re going to delve into the world of summertime in Walla Walla. If you’re like me and you’re going to be sticking

If you don’t know, Walla Walla has some pretty fabulous food trucks that roam around town. These trucks (and some local eateries) gather together out by the Walla Walla Airport to help make our hungry college kid dreams come true. This event happens from 5-9 P.M. on the first Monday of every month through October, so even if you’re not here this summer you can still make it out once school starts back up! For more information visit: www.facebook.com/wallawallafoodtrucknight

Summer Shakespeare Festival Hosted by Shakespeare Walla Walla, this festival is featuring the Seattle Shakespeare Company in an outdoor production of As You Like It at the Fort Walla Walla Ampitheater. There will be four performances from August 20-23, and you can find information about the show and tickets at www.shakespearewallawalla.org

Gentlemen of the Road Stopover Festival If you don’t already know what this is, lemme give you the rundown: Mumford and Sons, The Foo Fighters, Jenny Lewis, The Flaming Lips, The Vaccines, and the list goes on and on.

They’re all going to be in Walla Walla on the 14th–15th of August for a lovely little festival, and there are still tickets for sale.

They are a little pricey, but if you love these bands as much as I do then it just might be worth it. www.gentlemenoftheroad.com These are just a few things that are happening around town, and there are plenty more to be found! I heard about all of these by spending a few minutes downtown talking to shop owners and looking at posters hung up in shops. There’s a lot of stuff to do in this town, and I’m excited to explore it with you all this next year. ▼ 1 I have no idea why the powers that be thought this was a good idea, but I’m going to roll with it until they find out how much of an uncultured swine I am.

JAMS FOR DAYS Wanderlust: tunes to groove to

1

Track: “Gone” Artist: The Head and The Heart

2

Track: “Wilder Mind”

Artist: Mumford and Sons

3

Track: “Under Cover of Darkness” Artist: The Strokes

4

Track: “We Will Become Silhouettes” Artist: The Postal Service

About: You may know The Head and the

About: The title track from their new-

About: This was the lead single that

About: Drive around with the top

Heart from their self-titled album, but their

est album, this song is perfect to get

brought the Strokes back from a five-

down while you listen to this one

most recent album Let’s Be Still has some pret-

you ready to sing along at the festival

year hiatus in 2011, and it definitely

(unless your car doesn’t do that nor-

ty great songs to sing along to, like this one.

this summer. Always be prepared!

doesn’t disappoint. This is a perfect

mally. Use your best discretion, friends.)

song for taking a dance break between all the Netflix-binging that’s going to

SNAPCHATS

happen this summer.

For the full playlist, visit: https://goo.gl/aw2niG

FLIP SIDE her time writing from “The Other Cheek,” and especially for the colorful introduction. I thought to myself, “What better way to introduce myself than to exercise my agency and tell an embarrassing, hilarious story?” So, here it is folks, the start of a new era of Collegian Backpage stories, satire, and wit. I present to you Brandon’s New Year’s 2015 Adventure Extravaganza Emporium!

ON AGENCY Brandon Pierce Backpage Editor

Hello, friends! My name is Brandon Pierce (duh) and I am and will be the Backpage Editor for the 2015-16 school year!

Now for something you might not know: I like agency. It’s a funny thing, ‘agency.’ To most people this word means some sort of governmental department or bureau, and carries with it some interesting connotations. However, if someone has taken any English class beyond 223 (which I recommend everyone do in their University career), they’ll have come across a different type of agency—one that is immediately more accessible and pertinent. To clarify, here is a definition: Agency: (n.) “the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power” 1 or, more simply, “the capacity of an individual to act in any given environment.” Humans may not always make the best choices, but it’s our right as humans to make those choices, dang it!

Brandon Pierce

VERBATIM

Those observant readers among you will make the connection between last week’s Backpage and this week’s. I am he, Brandon, of the bad situation fame. I thank Miss Wissink for

LE QUESTION All interview photos taken by the author.

“Don’t treat other people like you treat me.”

- Dr. Cheris Current on asking inappropriate questions “There’s nothing disgusting in the bag, I promise.”

- Bill McKay, guest lecturer “You can call me: Your Highness.”

- Dr. LuAnn Venden “I said no porn, Nathan!”

- Dr. Terry Gottschall

During my studies abroad, I ended up in Friedensau for New Year’s Eve. I decided to treat myself by cooking a special meal of instant jambalaya rice mix. Delicious. What wasn’t planned was my contraction of food poisoning from an ill-advised dance with the devil—a phrase which here means the consumption of long expired rice mix. Due to my status as ‘human,’ I had the choice to either stay in my dorm room or hop on the train with my rail pass the next day and tough it out, internal cauldron of bubbling acid and rancid Cajun rice mix in tow. Agency.

Unfortunately, life has a way of making us lie in the bed we make (puke notwithstanding). After successfully clogging the sink and shower with delicious jambalaya (as spicy coming up as going down, mind you) I set out on another leg of my adventure. Sadly, the rest of the story ends with me puking in four different locations across three different countries in as many days, culminating in my sleeping (or passing out from exhaustion) in a hostel bathroom in Budapest. I may have to save the nitty-gritty (how’s that for imagery?) for another fun-filled Backpage, but the moral of the story is thus: I had agency. ▼ 1

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/agency

“

“

ON THE

If you could choose one fictional item, creature, or place to make real, what would you choose?

“Chipotle in Walla Walla.”

- Andrew Garner

“A galaxy far, far away.”

- Libby Knapp “The Hundred Acre Wood.”

- Stu Snow “A watch that stops time.”

- Christian Kyle Nicolas