Issue 18 final

Page 1

Ne w s p a p e r o f Wa l l a Wa l l a U n i v e r s i t y

Collegian The

Volume 102 | Issue 18

Protein: Natural Gold Mine or Hype? pg. 4

“I need people to exist for me to ask them questions; no other reasons.” - Brielle Tym

March 8, 2018

S ubmi s s i o n | Col legian Wis do m | S en a t e | Histo r y | R e lig i o n | M ed i a + Te c h | S c i e nc e | Fea t u re | We ek i n Fo re c a s t | Food | C ul ture | Outd oors | Opi ni on | S ub m i ssi on | Pol l

INTERSECTIONALITY: MORE THAN JUST A WOMAN

Last Things First college place, wa | walla walla university

| March 2018 Issue 18

Come Again? By Meghann Heinrich A few weeks ago, I was in a great deal of pain. My left ear just started hurting, unprovoked. I started to notice a sharp decline in my hearing capabilities in that ear, which then escalated to a high pitched ringing that I couldn’t shake. The ringing stopped after a day or two and left me with an aching ear that couldn’t hear worth beans. This condition only amplified my affinity for mishearing and misinterpreting, so I decided to pay our campus health clinic a visit. I had a sinking feeling that this issue might somehow be connected to The Great Scuba Diving Mishap of 2016 (which is a story for another time). The nurse practitioner was very nice and listened to my lengthy explanation of the aforementioned mishap before taking a gander in old lefty. Within

Hey Thanks!

seconds of peering down my ear canal, she started laughing, which made me nervous. Turns out it was just wax. She power-washed my ear out with what amounted to a high pressure squirt gun, and I was on my way. On the walk home I heard the world as I had never heard it before. I could hear the sound of my jacket on my neck and the birds in the trees. I could hear cars when I crossed the street, and, when people spoke to me, I didn’t have to pretend I knew what they were saying because for the first time in a very long time I could actually hear them! It was beautiful. It turns out, I’d been meeping through life with subpar hearing for a number of years, which explains a number of hilarious situations that I will share with you now. Are you familiar with the song

“Fresh Eyes” by Andy Grammer? It’s pretty groovy—10/10 would recommend. There is a line in that song that goes “You dress up just a little,” which will forever be ingrained in my memory as “You dress up like a pickle.” In the context of the song, I think the misheard alternative actually improves the visual picture Mr. Grammer is trying to paint. I’ll be honest, if a guy dressed up like a pickle to impress me, I’d be wooed.

was just trying to make it through the lesson in one piece. The light turned green, and I eased out. Llamar mumbled something that sounded like “Hit the gas,” so I did. I punched it and that Mustang GT cornered like a dream. After the U-turn, Llamar pulled himself off of the passenger side window, which he had unexpectedly slammed into with some force, and hissed, “Too fast!” Too fast? Hit the gas? He really just brought that one on himself.

Driver’s Ed is another instance when my hearing and common sense failed me. I remember sitting at a stoplight in the left-most lane preparing to make my first U-turn in Placerville, California. My instructor, Llamar, was keeping his voice low as he talked me through the maneuver. He knew I was a flighty little spit, and I think he

The last and perhaps most memorable of my misheard memories occurred two years ago. It happened during swing dance, and this time it wasn’t even my fault. For those of you who might not know, every Saturday night there is a swing dance group that meets on campus. I’ve been known to boogie on over to these get-togethers

Verbatim

week 9

“I love you...in a teacher sort of way.” “Hey thanks Battle of the Bands for making our rock and roll dreams almost come true.” “Hey thanks Kretchmar classroom doors for making me think there is a secret code to get in, when in reality you just have to beat the keypad angrily and it will open.” “Hey thanks Senate Minutes for being the best hidden weekly entertainment I didn’t know I needed.”

- Professor Jim Nestler to a student during class “It’s not good to run over people if you are driving through a school zone.”

on a semi-frequent basis. I am a strong independent young woman, so when a song came on I wanted to dance to I marched up to a nice-looking gentleman and asked him if he wanted to dance. He said yes, so I said: “That’s good, me too!” He did a double take and immediately I sensed something was wrong. He was looking at me really weird, and I knew I must’ve said something wrong. We danced for like 10 seconds before he asked me to repeat what I had said: “That’s good, me too.” He laughed nervously and said, “I heard ‘and kiss me too.’” At that moment I went full velociraptor, sound effects and all, which kind of freaked us both out and made it difficult to continue dancing. I told him I needed to go to the bathroom and then split. Kids, get your ears checked.

30°

- Professor Alden Thompson

STUDY FOR FINALS!

“What can a teacher do against technology?” - Professor Alma Alfaro “If I don’t get a steady supply of Mountain Dew, my behavior becomes unpredictable”

BLAH BLAH TEACHING.

- Professor Curt Nelson

I can’t wait for spring break.

“Dear Lord, this quarter’s rapidly collapsing on us.” - Professor Kirt Onthank during his prayer before class

zzz... Email your faculty verbatim or thank yous to meghann.heinrich@wallawalla.edu to be featured!

© 2018 KYRA GREYEYES


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.