Volume 99, Issue 24

SCIENCE | 14

7 ARTICLES FOR A

BETTER YOU

THE WALLA WALLA UNIVERSITY

collegian VOLUME 99 | ISSUE 24 | 14 MAY 2015 |

CULTURE | 08

I READ A SELF HELP BOOK... WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU Did that clickbait headline work for you? They must be effective, considering their constant presence online and all over Facebook. I used to think of all self-help books as a physical form of clickbait — obnoxious, misleading, vague, but somehow wildly successful in terms of catching people’s interest.

RICKY

BARBOSA Editor-in-Chief

In the last few years, I’ve been changing my opinion on them somewhat. I’ve read a few books that have given me some very important insights on life and on human behavior. I’ll even admit to reading a few lists that left me feeling inspired. The problem is, this high provided by potential for change is fleeting. You get this glimpse into your imagination of a better version of yourself: more fit, more beautiful, more charming. But at the end of the day, things haven’t changed much.

Never drop your pursuit of a better self — just don’t get caught up in the illusion that dreaming will push you in the right direction.

It’s your actions that determine who you’ll become.

mtv.com

Fashion | 12 Humor | 13 Science | 14 Sports | 15 The Other Cheek | 16

Rachel Peterson

Opinion | 7 Culture | 8 Food | 9 Travel/CW | 10 SM/CW | 11

bible-library.com

Table of Contents | 2 News | 3 #thecollegian | 4 Week in Forecast | 5 Religion | 6

My assistant editor and good friend Karl Wallenkampf has encouraged me to continue in my quest for self-improvement, insisting that although the emotional surge is temporary, this doesn’t mean the potential for change isn’t there. The key is to take the concepts you’ve absorbed and immediately find a way to apply them to your life in tangible ways.

Changing your perception can only go so far, but action can be a powerful catalyst.

06 context

09 perspective

13 life

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ricky Barbosa ASSISTANT EDITOR Karl Wallenkampf LAYOUT EDITOR Mindy Robinson HEAD COPY EDITOR Andrea Johnson PERSPECTIVE EDITOR Benjamin Ramey CONTENT EDITOR Carolyn Green

BACKPAGE & CREATIVE CURATOR Abigail Wissink

ADVERTISING MANAGER Shandra Cady

CULTURE WRITER River Davis

SCIENCE & TECH WRITER Daniel Hulse

FASHION WRITER Alyssa Hartwick

SPORTS WRITER & PROMOTION MANAGER Alex Wagner

FOOD WRITER Rachel Peterson HUMOR WRITER Lauren Lewis NEWS WRITERS Morgan Sanker Alexandra Buley Kari Gomez OFFICE MANAGER Mae Liongco

TRAVEL & LOCAL WRITER Shannon Pierce COPY EDITORS Tyler Jacobson Kayla Albrecht Rachel Blake DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Zachary Johnson

RELIGION WRITER Kenton Gonzalez

LAYOUT DESIGNERS Matthew Moran Ian Smith Chloe Putnam

opinion writer Alex Aamodt

ASWWU HEAD PHOTO EDITOR Erick Juarez

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

Cover Credit: Mindy Robinson The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or richard.barbosa@ wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 10:48 P.M. on Wednesday, May 13, 2015.

The Collegian | Volume 99, Issue 24 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu For information about advertising, please contact Shandra Cady at aswwu.ads@wallawalla.edu.

f has encouraged g that although potential for absorbed and gible ways. can be a

ght up ction.

CONTEXT 03 NEWS

Casablanca Banquet MORGAN

sanker News Writer This week, I had the privilege of interviewing the ASWWU Social Vice President, Kelly Torres, about the ASWWU Social Team’s hard work on this year’s Casablanca banquet. Enjoy!

Morgan Sanker: How did you come up with this year’s theme?

Kelly Torres: The theme for this year was actually the Big Event Coordinator’s idea. Abby Wissink and Rilei Hill wanted to do a black-andwhite-themed banquet. Casablanca was initially just a name we all liked, so it wasn’t really about the movie,

initially. We are trying to incorporate some elements that tie in with the movie Casablanca, but it’ll be more of just a fun night, with black and white surroundings.

movie Casablanca. I think the main attraction of this event, however, is just being there with a bunch of people, socializing and getting to know each other.

MS: How many people are you expecting?

MS: How much are you expecting to raise?

KT: We are expecting about 300 people.

KT: That really depends on how many people come. We’ve prepared for around 300 guests, and we are almost at that limit. If we do get 300 guests, we are hoping to raise at least $2000, hopefully $3000, for the TBAH project.

All of the proceeds go toward this cause, so the more people who come, the more will be donated!

KT: A lot of time. I know that sounds cliché, but for real, a lot of time. Things that sound like they’ll get done fast end up taking weeks. Everything needs to be planned out to the very last detail.

We need to know what will be done for big decorations, smaller decorations, photobooths, the rotunda, catering, desserts, how each table will look, what we need to purchase for all of these things to take place, etc. On top of planning, there are so many crafts that need to be made! Our team really loves making crafts, though, so that’s the fun part!

MS: Why is it important for students to attend Casablanca?

MS: In your opinion, what has been the best part about planning Casablanca?

MS: How long have you and your team been working on this event?

KT: We came up with the idea last quarter, started planning at the beginning of the quarter and started making decorations about 3 weeks ago.

MS: What are some of the big highlights planned to take place on that evening?

KT: We will have waltzers, the big band playing, a classical guitar performance, homemade desserts, catering by Graze, photobooths, and a viewing of the

KT: It’s a great opportunity to get to know some people who you might not have classes with, or will never meet if you don’t come out and get to know them! It’s also for a very good

TO BUILD A HOME’S

INTERNATIONAL FOOD FAIR KARI

gomez News Writer

cause. All of the proceeds go toward TBAH. And, it’s a good cause that gives you excellent food in return. We’re all college students, we should know how to appreciate a good m`eal.

The International Food Fair, To Build a Home’s biggest fundraising event of the year is taking place this Sunday, May 17, at the WWVA gymnasium from 3:00 – 7:00 P.M. The event, whose planning by ASWWU’s Global Service department began at the beginning of spring quarter, has already sold 1,200 tickets so far, and the number is expected to continue increasing.

Since the beginning of the event, the International Food Fair has brought in support from members all over the

community: from students, faculty and staff, to local businesses like Stone Soup.

Student clubs have also come together in support of the event, funding booths like last year’s Asian-Pacific Islander Club, or giving all members tickets to the event, like this year’s Business Club.

A long-standing tradition with Walla Walla University, the Fair was first held by the Student Missions department but was then eventually passed on to the Global Service department of ASWWU. The fair is very likely to be held again next year,

MS: What all goes into the planning of Casablanca?

KT: The crafts. Hands down. I love taking a break from studying and just doing mindless crafts. They’re fun, you get to be around people while you do it, and you can see the finished product.

but as the Global Service teammate, Anisha Sukrutham, mentions, “It will be up to next year’s ASWWU Global Service department to plan and carry out the long-time tradition.”

The fair, whose proceeds go toward ASWWU’s To Build a Home project in Uganda, will feature a variety of ethnic food options, cultural performances, and a raffle featuring an iPad and a longboard giveaway. The Global Service department hopes that the event will raise enough money to help bring them closer to their fundraising goal of $100,000.

Kyle Chaisson, graduating senior and fundraising officer for ASWWU’s Global Service department, says that the event’s goal “is to provide an experience to those attending that brings them a taste of flavors from multiple parts of the world while

It’s always a really good feeling to see what you’re capable of accomplishing.

MS: What are some of the challenges you have faced?

KT: Probably how much of everything to order. We had to measure out the space and decide on how many different kinds of decorations we needed, how many yards of fabric, how many sheets of paper, how many centerpieces.

The tables were probably the most challenging to plan out so far in advance, because we didn’t know how many people to expect. Thankfully, everything seems to be working out!

MS: How can students help out, besides attending?

KT: We always need set-up help. In fact, we only have seven hours on Friday to set up the whole banquet.

So, if you are finding yourself bored this Friday afternoon, head over the the pavilion and we will find you something to do!

empowering the community to gather in effort for our fundraising goal with To Build a Home.” Sukrutham adds, “As we make our final push toward our goal, we are excited to come together with our community and our campus to make the building of this new home possible for the orphans in Kasese, Uganda. This is the student body’s mission project and we are determined to work together to finish strong.”

Anyone interested in volunteering for the To Build a Home cause and the International Food Fair with either setup, clean-up, or services at different booths can contact Anisha Sukrutham at anisha.sukrutham@wallawalla.edu.

Tickets, which are $1 apiece, can be purchased at the door of the event, with payment options including debit, credit, cash, or up to $30 on student accounts.

CONTEXT

SNAPSHOTS /#thecollegian 04

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CONTEXT

05 WEEK IN FORECAST

Week in

THURSDAY 2

May 14 74°

Anniversary of the publication of Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway, in 1925.

17

FRIDAY 3

save1.com

washingtonstatedestinations.com

16

Erick Juarez

wikimedia.org

FORECAST 14 15

SATURDAY 2

May 16

May 15

74°

Vespers: SM Dedication

8:00 P.M., University Church

Prayer, Praise, Popcorn, and Pancakes 9:30 P.M., Prayer House

SUNDAY 5

May 17

73°

ReNEW Blue Mountains Hike and Worship 10:00 A.M., U Shop

73°

International Food Fair

3:00-7:00 P.M., Walla Walla Valley Academy Gym

Spring Choral Concert: The Prayers We Make

5:00–6:30 P.M., University Church

ASWWU Casablanca Banquet 8:00-10:00 P.M., Walla Walla County Fairgrounds

18

19

20

UPCOMING EVENTS Tin Man May 29

jeanspassion.com

wallawalla.edu

wikimedia.org

MONDAY 5

May 18 77°

Anniversary of Rhode Island’s law to abolish slavery in 1652. It was the first of such laws to be passed in Englishspeaking North America.

Spring Jam

TUESDAY 5

May 19 76°

CommUnity: Jason Wells

11:00 A.M., University Church

Career Workshop: Body Language and Job Interviews 6:00-7:00 P.M., KRH 324

UK Tour 2016 Information Meeting 7:00 P.M., ADM 117

May 31

WEDNESDAY 5

May 20 77°

On this day in 1873, Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis received a patent in the United States... for blue jeans with copper rivets.

PERSPECTIVE RELIGION 06

IMP

MEAN GIRLS

Romans 3:23 sinned and fall glory of God, an by his grace as the redemption bible-library.com Jesus, whom G as a propitiatio be received by

AND CONVERSION STORIES KENTON

gonzalez Religion Writer I hate being wrong.

This, in my opinion, is a normal instinct. I know very few people who love being wrong. But, the problem is, I’m wrong a lot.

A pertinent anecdote: one day, in the mysterious land of Walla Walla, Wash., my girlfriend Kayla and I were arguing about Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock Holmes.1 Namely, we disputed whether Rachel McAdams or Amy Adams starred as the character Irene Adler.

Now, I pride myself in my movie knowledge and general connection to all things pop-culture, and I was sure that it was Amy Adams. You know, the red-headed star of Enchanted.

Obviously it was her playing Sherlock’s one true pairing. There was no way, like my girlfriend was arguing, that it was Rachel McAdams, whose only claims to fame up to that point were kissing Ryan Gosling in the rain,2 bullying Lindsey Lohan,3 and wearing pink on Wednesdays.4 That’s when the fight began. It started off as playful bantering but soon devolved into a full-blown

argument, culminating in each of us pulling out our phones to quickly search IMDb and prove our side was the one filled with righteous truth. To my horror, my phone was dead, which left me helpless and at the mercy of her AT&T 3G to ascertain the truth.

“I’m not saying some of you out there believe stuff just because it’s what you were taught… actually yeah, I am saying that.”

About .02 seconds later, I suddenly had an epiphany. The poster for the movie flashed before my eyes. Even before she hit the search button I knew the fateful truth: Kayla was right. I was wrong. This entire time, I had been fighting on the wrong side.

This issue of The Collegian is all about self-improvement, and sometimes that means taking a 180° turn and going the other way. One of my favorite authors, C. S. Lewis, once said:

“[P]rogress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.”5 Progress isn’t about feeling you’re right or constantly moving forward.

Sometimes you have to rethink your beliefs and admit a hard truth.

The process of admitting hard truths brings us to Saul’s conversion experience.6 I’m sure many of us have heard the story, but let’s recap: Saul is a bad dude. He’s hanging out as a valet when Stephen gets stoned and is totally cool with everyone killing this Christ-follower,7 then he decides Christians are evil and goes full Spanish Inquisition on them.8 Saul probably had every reason to believe what he was doing was right. Throughout the Old Testament, people had (seemingly) taken up arms against evil and won because God was on their side! And now there was a group of people claiming God had died.

What could be more worthy of death than that?

Then, on a routine business trip to kill even more people, God decided to strike Saul with a bolt of holy lightning

and forced him to rethink his beliefs.

God made him look at his life, all he held dear and knew was truth, and rethink things. It was at that moment, lying totally blind on a bed in the middle of nowhere, that Saul realized he had been fighting on the wrong side.

After he was healed by Ananias and received his sight again, Saul had every chance to go running and complete his mission. In fact, he may still have had that little part of him saying that what he believed before was right.

But something changed in between the holy lightning and getting his eyes back, because he actually went straight to the synagogue, got up on the pulpit, and started preaching about Jesus. This guy did a full 180°, changed his name to Paul, and didn’t even blink.

I’m not saying some of you out there believe stuff just because it’s what you were taught. Actually, yeah, I am saying that. Sometimes we forget that we still don’t have all the answers, and might not have it all figured out until heaven. “But, wait!” many of you are objecting, “If you challenge everything you believe, you’ll end up believing in nothing!” That’s not true. I said if you’re on the wrong side, then make a change.

If you look at your worldview critically and it all still fits, good for you! You’ll come off stronger in your beliefs for it. What I’m arguing is that sometimes we hold fast to our beliefs hoping that

maybe other ideas, conflicting ideas, will all just go away. We can’t live like that, and we’re not supposed to live like Romans 5 — that. the ungodly,” “J

Self-improvement is hard. Buildingblood,” “Enemie upon the good stuff you have is hard.God,” “One tres Admitting you’re wrong? That’s even harder. But that’s the point. Beingdemnation for a stubborn isn’t going to get you any-Justification for where. Pretending you have all the answers isn’t going to work. So, don’t! Romans 6:23 Stop trying to be right, and admit when you’re wrong. You’ll be a betterwages of sin a free gift of God person for it.

through Christ Romans 9:15 on who

Also known as: The movie inferior to the show mercy starring Benedict Cumberbatch.

1

2

The Notebook (2004)

3

“She punched me once… it was awesome.”

4

Mean Girls (2004)

C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity in The Complete C. S. Lewis Signature Classics (New York, NY: 5

Harper One, 2002) 28.

6

Acts 9.

7

Acts 7:58, 8:1

8

Galatians 1:13-14

PERSPECTIVE

07 OPINION

IMPROVING ON THE JUSTICE OF GOD BENJAMIN

ramey

Perspective Editor

Romans 3:23 — “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.”

Romans 5 — “Christ died for the ungodly,” “Justified by His blood,” “Enemies...reconciled to God,” “One trespass = condemnation for all,” “One Act = Justification for all” Romans 6:23 — “For the wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 9:15 — “I will have mercy on who I have mercy”

-ESV

OPEN POSITIONS Applications can be found at aswwu.com: ASWWU > Services > WORK FOR ASWWU. Note: you must send your application to the contact provided, along with a resumé/CV.

The Adventist understanding of judgment is as follows. All have sinned, which condemns all individuals to eternal separation from God — death. Sin is a transgression of the law, the law set by God found in the Ten Commandments as well as the words of Jesus.1 The ones who choose to let, accept, obtain, or otherwise affirm that Jesus’ sacrifice atones for their sin is granted a pardon from eternal punishment.

This punishment, while eternal, does not involve a God who continually burns the damned for all time, but rather allows for the consequences of unbelief or wickedness to take its course resulting in death. This is justice.

Now, simply put, the purpose of laws are to outline a system of punishments equal to the trespasses committed. Without such a system, society would not be in agreement, and without punishment there would be no standard incentive to follow the law and maintain order.

The punishment which gives the law strength varies according to the aggressiveness of the illegal action: while a modern system would pronounce a jail sentence on thieves or sexual assailants, ancient laws call for amputation of certain members of the body.

In both cases, modern and ancient, the punishment is supposed to exact a suffering from the perpetrator similar to the suffering experienced by the victim. Presently, we would consider it unjust to sever a man’s hand for attempting to steal a loaf of bread.

Modern punishments only inflict physical harm in cases of murder or treason — physical punishment apart Atlas Barista elliott.berger@wallawalla. edu Global Service justin.mock@wallawalla.edu - Officer for Marketing and ...Communication - Officer for Major Gifts - Officer for Accounting - Officer for Major Events

from capital punishment is considered no longer necessary. For a society to run smoothly, the system, no matter how harsh or moderate it may seem from different vantage points, must

Two: Like the parable of the vineyard laborers, all sin and unbelief are lumped together and given the same punishment. Law as we know it assumes that different crimes receive

“The problem here is that God is part of a system that destroys people in order to have a good outcome, the end which is a perfect world, justifies allowing sinners to cease to exist.” stay present and consistent.

The justice system we outline using the Bible applies grossly unjust amounts of punishment towards the offender. Whether you believe it happens by God’s premeditated action, the choice of the individual, or natural consequences being enforced, it nevertheless happens in direct relation to the breaking of God’s law. The murderer, the mass murderer, the rapist, the unbeliever all receive the same punishment: eternal damnation.

While this has been counted as a just system, it does not coincide with our ideas of justice within the current physical realm for two reasons.

One: The justice of God’s law murders the murderer an infinite amount of times to account for the one or one million murders he or she committed on earth. In other words, an evil experience on earth is accounted for by an eternally consequential judgment. While we as Adventists do not believe the lost are burned forever, their fate is forever sealed in death.

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different punishments, it can still be argued that the punishment of sinners is just, but it cannot be compared to the way we understand and use the terms “law” and “justice.”

I bring this up not to discredit the coming of a “day of reckoning,” a time when what has been broken will be healed. But how we believe that will come about and what we believe will be the fate of even the most hardened criminals and unbelievers needs to be revised.

Objections: 1. Miester Eckhart once taught, because God is above our ideas of morality, what God does is “good” by nature of his divinity. This can apply to all of our questions about God’s actions in the Old Testament: God did it, therefore it is morally correct.

We can choose to believe this premise but we would have to accept absolutely that God was outside the realm of moral criticism. But we still have to develop our own sense of justice to act on, or else we would

be condoning acts found in the scriptures that are unsightly crimes against humanity.

2. The system of eternal punishment is justifiable because of the importance of freeing humanity from sin and creating a perfect world.

At one point in time severing a man’s hand for stealing food was justifiable because it kept society in line; food was harder to come by and had to be more strictly protected.

The problem here is that God is part of a system that destroys people in order to have a good outcome. The end, which is a perfect world, justifies allowing sinners to cease to exist. To believe this, we would have to be comfortable with the thought that God gets his hands dirty in order to give us a better life.

So, what does this have to do with self-improvement?

Just because we have commonly believed that this is how the heavenly justice system works, we have become comfortable with an unjust system.

Our belief that what we have been taught is morally true has trumped the regions we have allowed our own powers of reason to explore. This was a basic tenet of the Enlightenment, and it has been said many times over.

One way we can improve ourselves is to think through any question or line of reasoning that could bear some truth on even the most long held beliefs. Both ourselves and the system we identify ourselves with will be better because of it.

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1

Matthew 22

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LIFE

CULTURE 08

“GOOD ARTISTS COPY; GREAT ARTISTS STEAL” — PABLO PICASSO — STEVE JOBS — MICHAEL SCOTT thatsmygig.com

DANIEL

hulse Science & Tech Writer We are privileged to have our very own Daniel Hulse guest-write this week’s Culture article. Hope you enjoy!

Inspiration is a tricky subject. People often think that true artists are these totally isolated sources of new ideas that create totally new ideas out of nothing but their own heads and their media of choice. Artists whose work resembles those from the past are labelled unoriginal or derivative.

At worst, they’re sued for violating intellectual property laws. This happens often; recently Robin Thicke was sued

by Marvin Gaye’s estate because his infamous song “Blurred Lines” sounds a whole lot like Marvin Gaye’s “Gotta Give it Up.”1 Coldplay was nearly sued (they settled out of court), because guitarist Joe Satriani claimed they copied an instrumental of his in “Viva La Vida.”2 There is an alternative explanation for creativity, however, that states that copying is inherent and essential to the creative process. Many of the innova-

tions we think of as being totally new are just incremental improvements of previous ideas. Edison didn’t singlehandedly invent the lightbulb, he just found a new filament to make it more economical. Famed songwriter Bob Dylan famously ripped not not just lines, but whole songs from the folk tradition.3 That’s why anyone with a real knowledge of a genre can fairly easily describe artists’ music in terms of others e.g. Mumford and Sons’ new album sounds like Coldplay; Coldplay sounds like Radiohead mixed with U2.

If everything is just a rehash of ideas that came before, where does that mean for originality? I’d argue that ultimately the difference between good and bad copying is excecution. To illustrate, here’s a list of four artists and their inspiration from worst to best.

Artist: Foxygen Inspiration: Todd Rundgren It’s hard to listen to Foxygen’s newest album “...And Star Power” without hearing a mashup of Todd Rundgren’s records “Something/Anything” and “A Wizard, A True Star.” While much of this is a stylistic choice from Foxygen, the fact that they don’t really add much in terms of lyricism, talent, production, or new ideas makes the record a pretty blatant rip-off of past albums.

This situation is made worse by Fox-

ygen’s sloppy execution — the album is bloated and poorly-produced, making it the worst kind of copy possible: a rip-off that blatantly devalues its source material.

Artist: Tobias Jesso, Jr. Inspiration: Harry Nilsson Like Foxygen, Tobias Jesso Jr.’s sound is closely tied to past artists, specifically Harry Nilsson and Paul McCartney. From vocal styles to instrumentation to lyrical content, it’s hard to not find parallels between Tobias Jesso’s “Goon” and Harry Nilsson’s “Nilsson Schmillson.” They even share a song title (“Without You”). The difference between his form of stylistic copying and Foxygen’s is that while both very blatantly copy past artists, Tobias Jesso, Jr.’s album has super excecution — for the most part, “Goon” doesn’t make it’s source material look bad because it’s well-produced and doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Artist: Fleet Foxes Inspiration: The Beach Boys Many have pointed out the similaries between the folk band Fleet Foxes and and “Smile Sessions”-era Beach Boys. While the resemblance between some of their songs is uncanny (“The Shrine/An Argument” is quite similar both sonically and structurally to

“Cabin Essence”), and they carry several common elements, like tight vocal harmonies, a boroque pop sensibility, and a few lyrical elements, I’d argue that Fleet Foxes’ sound stands on its own because it takes inspiration from a variety of other places, making it distinct and recognizable as a whole.

That, and superb excecution, is ultimately what lets Fleet Foxes stand with The Beach Boys as equals.

Artist: Jannelle Monáe Inspiration: The Moody Blues Almost no Jannelle Monáe songs sound like Moody Blues songs, but her album “Archandroid” shares a defining element of The Moody Blues album “Days of Future Past,” which is they both begin with a bit of orchestral music. “Archandroid” then goes on to copy loads of other artists including Stevie Wonder, David Bowie, and OutKast.4 While I personally like “Days of Future Past,” I can say confidentally that “Archandroid” in many ways improves on it by making that structure more accessible to a popular audience. That, ultimately, is what makes “Archandoid” an instance of spectacular copying — Monáe’s execution and bringing-together of disparate influences into a unified whole makes it, in a way, better than many of its influences. In this way, good copi-

ers don’t just steal from the good artists of the past; they elevate past works in a way that brings them to a new audience.

If you’re interested in this idea of inspriration-as-copying, there’s a great video series on it called Everything is a Remix. You can watch it here: http:// everythingisaremix.info/watch-theseries. http://pitchfork.com/news/53163-marvingayes-oldest-son-sues-robin-thicke-for-brazen-copying/ 1

2 http://www.theguardian.com/music/2009/ sep/16/coldplay-joe-satriani-lawsuit-dismissed

http://dissidentvoice.org/2013/12/bobdylan-and-plagiarism/ 3

4 ht t p : / / w w w . b l u e s a n d s o u l . c o m / fe ature/554/janelle_monae_funky_sensation/

m the good artists vate past works in hem to a new au-

ed in this idea of ing, there’s a great ed Everything is a ch it here: http:// .info/watch-the-

/news/53163-marvinrobin-thicke-for-bra-

dian.com/music/2009/ ani-lawsuit-dismissed

LIFE

09FOOD

Feature

RECIPE: PEACH, KALE, AND COCONUT SMOOTHIE RACHEL

PETERSON Food Writer

I’d love to get feedback from you! Send me an email if you have any comments or suggestions for recipes you’d like to see featured at rachel.peterson@ wallawalla.edu

Call it cliché, but one of the first things that comes to mind when I think of a healthy food that will help your body stay in top notch shape is the green smoothie: a delicious blend of fruits and veggies that tastes so good it’s hard to believe it’s actually good for you. Treat yo’ self with nutrient-rich foods that fuel your body and mind.

:

I N G R E D I E N TS

I N ST R U C T I O N S

1 cup frozen unsweetened peach slices

1/2 tsp. freshly grated ginger

1 cup packed kale (or spinach), torn into pieces (discard stems)

1 tsp honey

1/2 frozen banana

Combine all ingredients in blender. Blend until smooth.

Add more or less liquid if needed.

*add a generous scoop of Greek yogurt, a splash of almond milk, or a serving of protein powder.

3/4 cup coconut water

Rachel Peterson

SUMMER SMARTS JUNE 22 - AUGUST 28

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LIFE

TRAVEL /CW 10

THE ACA PROGRAM EXPERIENCE SHANNON

pierce Travel Writer

Because the issue this week addresses self-improvement, I decided it would be appropriate to tell you how living abroad can improve every aspect of your life. ACA currently offers eight language programs: Spanish, Italian, French, German, Hebrew, Portuguese, Chinese, and Russian.

There are schools situated in Sagunto, Spain; Villa Libertador San Martin, Argentina; Sao Paulo, Brazil; Collenges-Sous-Salève, France; Florence, Italy; Beirut, Lebanon; Braunau am Inn, Austria; Möckern, Germany; Kyiv, Ukraine; and Hong Kong, China. I attended Campus Adventiste du Salève and loved every minute of it. Every day I walked to class and gazed at the city of Geneva from our mountain-top campus. It was, hands down, one of my best years.

Transportation You’ll start to appreciate walking everywhere and not having to pay for gas. You don’t have to worry about finding parking and then paying for it.

The train system and the airlines offer a lot of opportunities for travelers, making it easier to travel around. Also, you should try to hail a cab; it’s a new experience. When using the transportation you become more directionally oriented and aware of your surroundings since you have to remember your stop.

Food

Culture

Food, glorious food! Just trying the local food is an experience. Your taste buds will change while you’re abroad. You may find that blue cheese is amazing or that eating french fries isn’t the most ideal meal. When you’re traveling, you will have to eat cheap, which may involve purchasing a baguette, cheese, and a vegetable to eat every day. Granted, after a few months you’ll start to miss America’s food like Kraft macaroni and cheese and heaping piles of Mexican fast food. Even McDonald’s is different – in Europe, it’s classier.

It’s important to learn about and understand cultures outside of your own. Being ethnocentric is not necessarily appreciated in most places. It helps you to embrace and understand other groups of people, religions, and ways of living. Once you experience it first-hand, you’ll understand traditions and where people are at in their own journeys.

Education You’ll also learn about differences in educational systems while attending classes. Some countries have intense testing programs that lead kids to study all day, while others are more lax and have a “don’t worry about it” attitude. Some countries require their high school students to select their field of work before they are even accepted to college. Finding which system your host country uses can be an eye-opening experience.

Language If you’re a part of the ACA program, you’re supposed to learn a new language. Though it sounds funny to say, it’s important to actually learn the language. It’s great traveling and being in a new country, but when you learn the language the locals will be more helpful. They appreciate it if you try to learn their culture and customs. Once you return to America there may not be many people available to speak with; however, if you practice with online tools like Duolingo and Babbel, you can keep up the mad skills you worked so hard to acquire..

People Because you spend most of your days with fellow language learners, you’ll become closer to the people from your home university and the other universities. As you travel around, you’ll run into some other students and fellow Americans in the hostels and city squares, and sometimes develop relationships with students studying abroad from places like India and Australia. Once you make those connections and keep in contact, then you have places to stay if you’re ever in their home country.

Travel While abroad, the programs offer multiple breaks allowing you to go out and see neighboring countries, or more of the country you are staying in.

This is the easiest time to go out and explore, because your “home base” is on that continent. Everything is close together, so it’s easy to visit multiple countries in one vacation.

General Merriment There are multiple music festivals and cultural events. In Geneva, they have the summer music festival that lasts a week down on the edge of Lake Geneva. Every night there are a few performances. They have different food opportunities and even petting zoos (not a joke). Each country has different festivals they are known for,

and they usually celebrate one each month. In Italy they have the Carnevale, celebrated in Venice, where everyone gets dressed up in masquerade masks; while Spain celebrates La Tomatina festival which is just throwing tomatoes at each other. The Spanish also celebrate Las Fallas, which includes a ridiculous amount of artistic input, Catholicism, and, of course, fires in the city streets. La Revolución de Mayo is celebrated in Argentina, a celebration which commemorates their independence from Spain, and in France, there’s the Cannes Film Festival and the Cirque de Demain festival.

And of course, during Christmas time there are Christmas Markets that can be found in every city throughout Europe.

Self-assessment When you’re abroad, you are forced to become independent. You make your own decisions, learn what works in your life, and are able to get your priorities straight. You have an opportunity to make decisions for yourself, try new things, and understand a bigger picture that is our world. Figuring out who you are and what is important to you enables you to function with more confidence and a sense of purpose.

Make All the Memories These are the memories you’ll remember for years to come (Facebook will remind you). You’ll have private experiences that no one else will understand except those who were there; you’ll always end up getting a little smirk when asked about your experience. Not only was it good, but your life changed. Take every memory-making opportunity you get: you don’t know when you’ll be able to go out and travel again.

video

vimeo.com/aswwu

WWU Bad Lip-Reading We’re putting words in your mouths again.

Collegian

WISDOM Cocaine-eating butterflies proposed to replace herbicides in Colombia Marijuana-eating aphids outlawed in Washington.

Girls using Tinder to get guys to buy them pizza Finally, a dating app that really delivers!

Abstinence-only curriculum is not sex education, judge rules Adventist educators still unsure of where babies come from.

Florida man turns himself in for murdering imaginary friend Service being held at Foster’s Morgue For Imaginary Friends Sweden: ‘Gay sailor’ sonar to ward off Russian submarines Russian sailors only allowed to be at sea in one month intervals 2 million Americans still use AOL’s dialup internet Yet, Microsoft was forced to terminate Internet Explorer.

PERSPECTIVE 11 ACA/CW

A MESSAGE FROM BEIRUT SAMUEL

brown Contributor and Lebanon ACA Student Once upon a time in Northern Mesopotamia, an empire arose which dominated what is the modern day Levant. This nation is forever remembered in the annals of history for its unbridled cruelty. Punishment for disobedience ranged from being tortured to death as an individual to genocide on a national scale. They were so cruel that the records they left us do not even try to cover up or whitewash their acts of brutality.

It was to this ruthless nation that God called one of his prophets. The prophet’s reaction was quite human. I can just see him thinking to himself, “If I go, I’ll be lucky if my head rolls,” but God saw an opportunity. After dodging God for as long as he could, the prophet finally went. What followed was perhaps the greatest evangelism success story of all time.

Fast-forward to today. The political climate in the Levant is similar. The political entity in control of Northern Mesopotamia has attempted acts of genocide. Their penal code and treatment of prisoners is not that far removed from the one used by the predecessor I just described. Furthermore, they use their brutality as a marketing tool. Does God have a message for today’s situation?

The parallel between the Assyrian Empire in Jonah’s day and the IS (also known as ISIS) today is not a perfect parallel. But the similarity is eerie.

Am I recommending we sneak into Raqqah and preach fire and brimstone to the IS goons? No. On the other hand, do I think that we should wait for the right moment and then strike?

No, the time is now. Right now, there is a window of opportunity to reach out to Islam and the Middle East that will never appear again.

The rise of groups like the IS, al-Qaeda, and Boko Haram (collectively referred to as “fundamentalist” Islams) is creating a shift within

the religion. For centuries, Islam as a state religion was relatively flexible, tolerant, and moderate. This created a strongly entrenched status quo.

However, within the last four decades, fringe groups have arisen claiming that Islam has strayed too far from the straight and narrow. These groups espouse an extremist ideology that seeks to purify the religion. Obviously, this pits them against the establishment.

This friction provides a religious façade to today’s political conflicts.

Regardless of the politics, the religious overtones have forced every Muslim to ask themselves, “What is my religion really about?” Hundreds of thousands dead and millions more suffering speak much more eloquently than any Quranic verse used by the radicals or the establishment. What will this lead to?

Looking back at another historical parallel, we can find some clues. In 16th-century Europe, the rise of Protestantism, a movement which sought to “purify” Christendom, led to the “Age of Religious Wars.” The tales of

horror these wars created was etched much more strongly in Europeans’ collective consciousness than any theological argument of the Catholics or Protestants. People needed an alternative. That alternative took the form of skepticism, secularism, and atheism.

After some observation during my time over here in the Middle East, I believe Muslims have come to that same tipping point. They are beginning to search for an alternative. While I have never heard the doubt acknowledged publicly, for understandable reasons, I have heard many stories in private.

One story I heard secondhand from a man in Cyprus illustrates the point quite well. He had fought in the IranIraq War of the 1980s. It was a brutal and inhumane war that featured a lot of religious rhetoric. Both sides claimed the moral high ground and claimed to be fighting for God. Once, before going into battle, this man was given a key to wear around his neck and told, “If you die in combat, this key will open the gates of Paradise for you.” A couple days later, he was

searching the dead body of an enemy soldier, and he found the same key around his dead enemy’s neck. “At that point,” he said, “my faith died.”

It is this spiritual void that we as Adventists and Christians have the opportunity to step into. Middle Eastern people are no different from people anywhere else. They seek answers to the deep spiritual questions of life.

Right now, the answers they are being given are not adequate. They need someone to provide them with something better. Why not us?

Like the time of Jonah, God has a message for the people of the Middle East. Unlike the time of Jonah, I don’t think God has called a single individual. If we are to answer that call, we will have to sacrifice. It is a long commitment. We will have reach out in ways we are not used to (I don’t think a Revelation seminar at the local mosque would go over very well).

All that being said, people here can be reached. As a generation, we have a rare chance. I say let’s take it.

Creative

WRITING

FOR MOTHER’S DAY ABIGAIL

wissink Creative Curator If you’d like to submit your poetry, prose, songs, or any kind of creative writing, email Abby at abigail.wissink@ wallawalla.edu

I didn’t even know how to spell the word “aneurysm” until Microsoft Word corrected it for me. It’s weird how a word can play little to no part in your life until it hits you in the face like a baseball you didn’t catch, and then it’s all you can think about. No one told me about it until I called you last Friday, and you casually mentioned Grandma’s trip to the ER for her vertigo that had happened two days before like it was something we had already discussed, although you forgetting

what we have and have not discussed is the new normal. Fibromyalgia does weird things to your memory that doctors don’t yet understand (“Fibromyalgia” is also one of those words.). I remember the first few months after your diagnosis; either you’d forget to tell me that you were having a rough day or week or you’d shield me from it until the wave had passed. I’m pretty sure it was the latter. Pain isn’t easily forgotten but much easier hidden when you’re a thirteen-hour

drive away. Today when we talked you made sure I had found out about the trip to the ER you took Grandma on; although you forget to tell me about some things right when they happen, you’re so good about telling me over and over in the next few conversations, just to make sure. Today you told me that you and Dad had decided to cancel the doctor’s appointment. Why do invasive brain surgery on an 83year old woman? If an aneurysm is how she goes, well… It’s how she

goes. “What does she do all day?” I ask you. After you moved Grandma into our house so she wouldn’t be alone, I worried that she’d be bored out of her mind in a house that isn’t hers full of memories she didn’t make. “Oh, she watches TV, listens to music, and reads her dirty books,” you respond, laughing. I guess some things don’t change, even when everything else does.

LIFE

FASHION 12

STYLE PROFILE Interview Taylor Olson

Senior, Graphic Design

AH: It’s obvious you like to express yourself through your clothing. From whom and where do you receive your inspiration?

TO: My inspiration for fashion comes from all over the place; mainly I look to fashion bloggers like Sincerely Jules or Nichole Alyse to see what they are wearing. Or Pinterest, of course, especially if I have a particular clothing item that I need style inspiration for.

AH: Who is your favorite fashion designer?

TO: I don’t really follow fashion designers, although I do admire Alexander McQueen (so unaffordable!). His clothing lines are always so edgy, but also have a classy, girly undertone.

Taylor Olson

AH: What advice would you give to others regarding fashion?

ALYSSA

hartwick Fashion Writer

TO: Not all trends need to be followed; wear what makes you feel pretty/handsome/ good etc. Oh! And a good wardrobe is built with neutral, staple items and some splash of color.

AH: How long do you spend in the morning working the perfect outfit?

TO: Hahah, sometimes I spend 20 minutes trying to find the “perfect” outfit, and some days I spend 5 minutes.

AH: What do you think is the future of fashion?

TO: I think past fashions are going to continue to show up, and I think “Normcore,” the unisex fashion trend, is here to stay for a while.

LIFE

1 3 HUMOR

“IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE, PLAY ON.”

Misheard Lyric: “The girl with colitis goes by.”

Actual Lyric: “The girl with

“22” TAYLOR SWIFT Misheard Lyric: “You look like Batman” Actual Lyric: “You look like bad news.”

kaleidoscope eyes.”

“BLINDED

BY THE LIGHT” MANFRED MANN Misheard Lyric: “Wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night.”

Actual Lyric: “Revved up like a Deuce, another runner in the night.”

“PURPLE HAZE” JIMI HENDRIX Misheard Lyric: “ ‘Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.”

Actual Lyric: “ ‘Scuse me, while I kiss the sky.”

Misheard Lyric: ”Sweet dreams are made of cheese.”

Actual Lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of these.”

lewis Humor Writer

“MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE” THE POLICE Misheard Lyric: “A year has passed since I broke my nose.”

Actual Lyric: “A year has passed since I wrote my note.”

“LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER” BON JOVI

a difference if we’re naked or not.”

Actual Lyric: “It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.”

“YOUR BODY IS A WONDERLAND” JOHN MAYER

“SUGAR, WE’RE GOIN’ DOWN” FALL OUT BOY

Misheard Lyric: “And if you want love, we’ll make it / Swim in a deep sea of bacon.”

Misheard Lyric: “Break your

Actual Lyric: “Swim in a deep sea of blankets.”

“RECKLESS” WILSON PHILIPS Misheard Lyric: “Talking ‘bout the washer and breakfast.”

Actual Lyric: “Wanna be impulsive, reckless.

The Title Game is here again!

The first to email me at lauren. lewis2@wallawalla.edu with the author of the title quote will win a homemade baked good. Yum! Good luck!

Misheard Lyric: “It doesn’t make

name, always sipping in and sliffy old turn.”

Actual Lyric: “Break a name, we’re always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team.”

“SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS)” EURYTHMICS

LAUREN

thecollegian

“LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS” THE BEATLES

Hah. Glorious. I don’t consider myself a lyric Nazi, but that was pretty bad.

Doubtlessly, John Lennon visited the magic dragon, but, please, let’s sing the classics correctly. Below is a list of songs that we are all probably messing up. It’s quite funny; the real lyrics may surprise you. Spotify has even made a playlist for the “Top 10 misheard songs.” Enjoy.

SNAPCHAT

I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically as Reed and I gazed out her kitchen window at the neighbor taking a selfie while singing “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles. We tried, fruitlessly, to stifle our cries as we took an incepta-selfie of the woman and ourselves. It was just too good. Not only was this woman ignoring her daughter, sitting to her right in the car, while taking a selfie, but also she was butchering the song with terrible vocal tone and incorrect lyrics. Instead of “I can’t hide, I can’t hide,” she sang, “I get high, I get high.”

LIFE

SCIENCE 14 be the primary greenhouse gas, but its small effect brings on an increase in water vapor, which in turn causes the big changes in climate.6 The rest of the pamphlet doesn’t really argue against climate change, but against policy driven by climate science. This too is baloney, and not just because climate change is human-caused, but I’ll leave it there. Politicians who say “I am not a scientist” before disagreeing with climate change should remember that, as non-scientists, they are not qualified to make a judgement call on climate change, and should defer to the actual scientists. Climate change may well drastically affect us all in our lifetimes, and any policy which places the shortterm gain of being able to use more fuel over the long-term consequences of climate change is unwise.

iop.org

GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL, AND… position on global warming earlier this year, instead just calling it “controversial.”2

DANIEL

hulse Science Writer This last week, a pamphlet circulated around campus entitled “Global Warming is Real, but…,” which very quickly tried to poke some holes in people’s understanding of climate change, claiming that what we perceive as global warming is just another natural climate cycle and that the small amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has an insignificant effect on the temperature of the earth.

At face value, the argument is compelling. Carbon dioxide is a small component of the atmosphere (3.97%1) compared to the other main components, and it isn’t even the biggest contributor to the greenhouse effect — water vapor is. Statements like this, along with all the arguments on television over global warming, are what led me to avoid taking any

The climate is a very complicated system. As a result, it’s easy to present arguments against any climate theory and sound competent simply because most people do not have a full understanding of the theory. I’d argue that an actually good understanding of climate change would require at least a college course on the subject.

Because of this, in order to explain why this pamphlet was wrong, I’m going to rely heavily on the website skepticalscience.org, as it has been recognized in the field for providing straightforward explanations of climate science and how arguments against climate change are invalid or not supported by data.

The first main point the pamphlet states is that the climate has had different periods of warming and cooling throughout the past few thousand years, including the most recent Medieval Warm Period, the Little Ice Age, and what it calls the “Modern Warm Period.” It attempts to prove what we are calling global warming is just another one of those

naturally occurring periods. While the climate has been known to vary, and the past is dominated by naturallyoccurring periods, the planet is now even warmer than it was during the Medieval Warm Period, and the current warming has a much more pronounced increase that indicates more of a general upward trend than a cycle.3 The pamphlet then goes on to say that volcanic activity, variations in the Earth’s orbit, and solar variations have an effect on climate. This is all true, but also irrelevant to the validity of climate change: instead, it serves to confuse the reader. A decrease in volcanic activity has caused some of the warming, but not all of it, and it has had an insignificant impact in the last forty years.4 The sun, similarly, has caused some of the warming, but not all of it, and there have also been periods in which warming has happened when variations in the sun would suggest cooling should have been happening.5 The pamphlet then goes on to talk about how carbon dioxide is a small component of the atmosphere (which it is), that the human contribution is

a trace amount and that water vapor causes most of the greenhouse gas effect, meaning the contribution of warming from carbon dioxide is low. Unfortunately, these statements fundamentally misunderstand the theory behind climate change.

In climate modeling, human-caused carbon dioxide is viewed as a forcing function which is the thing the rest of the dynamic system (the climate) reacts to. In a really simple system, like that of a weight resting on a spring, this could be an outside force that pushes the bottom up and down, causing the mass to oscillate because of the spring’s response. In the same sort of way, the atmosphere as a dynamic system has to react to the excess carbon dioxide caused by the burning of fossil fuels, except in this case the dynamic system (the climate) doesn’t resist the warming expected from just more carbon dioxide — it accentuates it. This is because the water cycle is a positive feedback system: any small amount of warming caused by an increase in carbon dioxide causes more water to evaporate, which, as a greenhouse gas, causes more water to evaporate, and so on, until other factors take effect.

The point is, carbon dioxide may not

While climate change may seem controversial, it’s reallyewweb.comng not. As Wikipedia states, no scientific body of national or international standing maintains a formal opinion dissenting from the main points of the global warming theory (some hold noncommittal positions).7 Additionally, 97-98% of scientists who study the climate agree with the theory of climate change.8 While criticism and disagreement is essential to the scientific process, this pamphlet fails to provide any compelling argument against global warming that hasn’t already been addressed, which leads me to believe it’s exactly what would be expected from an odd-looking pamphlet placed by an anonymous source: politically motivated and deliberately misleading propaganda. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atmosphere_of_ Earth#Composition 1

http://aswwu.com/collegian/quantifying-thebenefits-of-cycling/ 2

http://www.skepticalscience.com/medievalwarm-period-intermediate.htm 3

http://www.skepticalscience.com/comingout-of-ice-age-volcanoes.htm 4

http://www.skepticalscience.com/solar-activity-sunspots-global-warming-advanced.htm 5

http://www.skepticalscience.com/watervapor-greenhouse-gas-intermediate.htm 6

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_opinion_on_climate_change 7

www.pnas.org/content/early/2010/06/04/1003187107.full.pdf+html 8

NO R

LIFE

15 SPORTS

NO ROLE MODELZ ewweb.comng

gameofeternity.files.wordpress.com

young adults will generally look up to someone as an example for what that they want to be like and model themselves after that ideal.

ALEX

wagner Sports Writer Sports are the epitome of improving one’s self. Oftentimes there is a goal set by the individual athlete, maybe to improve and contribute to his or her team or maybe for simple selfimprovement, but athletes spend a lot of time working to better themselves.

Practice, workouts, eating right, watching films — these are all aspects athletes incorporate into their lives to help them become better.

Now I want to take this idea of becoming better in the world of sports and run with it. Since they spend so much time bettering themselves, should professional athletes be viewed as role models?

The concept of a role model is pretty simple, right? Children or

Looking back on when I was growing up, I know I received the question “Who is your role model?” way too many times. To be honest, as a kid it was really like a worst-casescenario question to receive on the first day of school, when the teacher would go around the classroom having students introduce themselves.

“Now, everyone, say your name, what you did this past summer, and who is your role model.”

This actually might be a really smart tactic from a teaching perspective.

Within the first 45 minutes of class, the answer to “Who’s your role model?” will really tell the teacher everything they need to know about their students, and the students will become unaware.

Ashton Kutcher, Kelly Clarkson, Jesus, John Kerry, David Blaine, and Amanda Bynes… All were expected answers to this role model question in classrooms across the country in 2004.

mtv.com

Just look at that list of names. Picture an 11-year-old answering any one of those names and you start to form an idea about what type of kid you might be dealing with.

Speaking for myself, I know my default response would usually be an athlete. But why? What makes an athlete role model material? Could they get on SportsCenter? Did they have a cool end zone celebration dance? I probably just wanted to sound cool by answering Brett Favre, Chad Johnson, or maybe the late Dale Earnhardt.

Before I go any further, I want to say there are many athletes who have helped others to the point where it is acceptable for them to be called role models. Giving back to communities, feeding the hungry, reading books to kids — there is a lot of good that athletes can bring to society. But, I don’t believe we should demand this or hold it against them if for some reason they aren’t amazing off the field.

It kind of feels like within the last 15-20 years, a generation of kids was raised to believe athletes should be role models. Now, as adults, for some

reason they are holding professional athletes to that moral standard when it really doesn’t make sense anymore.

For example, there has been an outcry over Tom Brady and “deflategate” with the under-inflated footballs. This has recently come back into the news again after the release of the Wells Report which stated that it was “more than probable” that Brady “was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities” involving the release of air from the balls.1 Why do we care? I really don’t, because teams across the league are looking for any sort of slight advantages they can gain, and seeking that advantage has become part of NFL culture. However, there is really a large group of others who say Brady is setting a bad example for kids, that he is a bad role model, a cheater, and needs to be suspended.

So, now that Brady is the anti-role model suspended for four games, does that mean we should be directing kids towards another quarterback? Russell Wilson visits children’s hospitals.

Peyton Manning sells pizzas on TV. Ryan Tannehill is married to a dancer.

totalprosports.com

Whatever your kid wants to achieve in life, I guess there is no better place to start looking than at quarterbacks in the National Football League.

The way I see it, this whole conversation circles back to what we talked about at the beginning.

Being an athlete is all about selfimprovement. Tom Brady went from being the 199th pick in the NFL draft to winning four Super Bowls; if there wasn’t self-improvement on that journey, I don’t know where there is. If there is a young football player out there who uses Brady’s career as motivation to improve and get better, what more can we ask for? http://espn.go.com/boston/nfl/story/_/ id/12833542/wells-report-finds-new-englandpatriots-probably-deflated-balls 1

her, because and a little

el Lagabon

Other Cheek

the

DEAR KENTON,

ABIGAIL

wissink Backpage Writer

Let me also regale you with a tale of winter quarter “Review Week” of 2012.1 As you may have read in my article a few weeks ago,2 I too have had my awkward moments in the cafeteria. (And if you didn’t read it, let’s just say I was an utter fool/ignorant jerk in front of a table full of my friends. Oops.) However, I didn’t exactly tell the whole story when I wrote about my mistake that occurred those many quarters ago. So here goes:

KISSED by a COMPLETE STRANGER. Then the craziest part: Instead of saying literally anything to me to overcome the ridiculousness of the situation, you just sat down next to a different girl like it hadn’t happened at all! I mean, c’mon man, your face is within centimeters of mine and I don’t even get an introduction or “hello” until three years later? I found the whole experience quite amusing, really, especially considering the circumstance I was just in.

After my most embarrassing moment of completely forgetting an acquaintance’s name in front of a table full of people, I decided the best plan of action was to eat at a different table for breakfast. Alone. As far away from the table of awkwardness as possible. I pulled out my Mac and tried to study to forget my awful blunder.3

Our near-kiss experience taught me one really important lesson, though. You looked super ridiculous just running away from your awkwardness instead of embracing it and apologizing. Kind of like I probably did to my table full of friends...

Before long, I heard someone walking up behind me. Thinking it was a friend from the table of awkward, I cringed and sank a little farther into my seat, hoping that I could just get through my meal without being publicly shamed yet again.

This is where you come in, Kenton. Instead of being shamed, yet again, for my stupid mistake, I was almost

So, I suppose this is more of a letter of thanks than anything else. Thanks for being, like, 10 times more awkward than I was and helping me forget my woes.

You da’ real MVP. Awkwardly,

but the moral holds true regardless. I’m about to hit you with a truth bomb: Just because you feel awkward in life does not mean you are any less “cool” or “worthy” of hanging out with people. Your quirks and differences make you who you are. While I’m verging on sounding trite, no one wants to hang out with a copy of someone else. Embrace the awkward that makes you you, friends. (Unless, of course, your awkward approaches Wissink or Gonzalez levels. Then repress and run away, like we’ve taught you.)

Context for those of you reading who decidedly are not Kenton Gonzalez. In improv theater, referencing old jokes from earlier in the performance is called a “call back” (shocker, right?). This article is gonna be full of call backs. Educate yo’self: http://aswwu.com/collegian/a-public-apology-letter/ 1

http://aswwu.com/collegian/ the-other-cheek-matters-of-consequence/ 2

3

This tactic obviously worked VERY well.

Abby Wissink Parts (or all) of this letter may be entirely untrue,

HaikuREVIEW If you’re smart you know the best place to get this is from the source itself.

Email me your guess at Abigail.Wissink@wallawalla.edu.

Fly to your laptops to send your sweet guess before it’s too late.

Send me your idea!

You may receive one of these if you guess it first.