Volume 98, Issue 9

Walla Walla University

the

Collegian 5 December 2013 | Volume 98 | Issue 9

THE best of

2013

Merry Christmas from the

Collegian Staff photo by kate gref

8–14

3–7

Context

Perspective

photo by arella aung

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Grant Perdew

Assistant Editor Nathan Stratte

Head Layout Editor Alix Harris

Head Copy Editor Carly Leggitt

Head Photo Editor

Opinion Editors

Brandon Torkelsen Rebecca Williams Andrew Woodruff

Fashion Editor

Brenda Negoescu

Feature Editors

Brooklynn Larson Katie Pekar Julian Weller

Erik Edstrom Andralyn Iwasa Ian Smith Jenna Thomas

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, contact our page editors or the editor-in-chief at aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu. The Collegian is boosted by regularly incorporating a wide range of student perspectives.

Copy Editors

Cover Photo Credit: wrlsweb.org, timeout.com, huffingtonpost.com, adleystump.com, thehungergames.wikia. com,downtownwallawalla.com,wisegeek.com,renalbusiness.com,autotraderblog.co.uk,mintconditioncustom. com, goingreenhomeproducts.com, hashtagpopculture.com, poyraz.gen.tr, designbolts.com

Joe Hughes

Food EDitor

Andrea Johnson Timothy Barbosa

Religion Editors

Arts & Media Editor

Staff Writers

Justin Mock

Diversions Editor Eric Weber

photo by creative commons

Arts & Media | Travel | Science | Fashion Outdoors | Local | Sports | BackWord

Science & Technology Editor

Grayson Andregg

Outdoors Editor

life

Layout Designers

Jon Mack

Rachel Blake Jassica Choi Lauren Heathcock

News Editor

The Best of 2013

18–24

Travel Editor

Local Attractions Editor

Kate Gref

Carolyn Green

Religion | Opinion | ACA/SM | Column Creative Writing | Snapshots | Diversions

Sports Editor

John Lubke Daniel Peverini

feature

photo by huffington post

photo by ellie manley

Christmas Card | News | Briefing #thecollegian | Calendar

15–17

Chad Aufderhar

Backword Editor Rachel Logan

Creative Writing Editor Rachel Blake

Columnists

Madeleine Boyson Micah Hall

Lester Biggs Carlton Henkes Savannah Kisling Lauren Lewis

Office & Distribution Manager Haley Coon

The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be mailed to aswwu.collegian@ wallawalla.edu or grant.perdew@wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 3:00 a.m. on 5 December 2013.

The Collegian | Volume 98, Issue 9 | 204 S. College Avenue College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu

ba

CONTEXT NEWS | 3

Sherlock holmes and the case of the christmas carol // savannah kisling

Staff Writer The WWU drama department is presenting Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Christmas Carol, which is a new twist on a Christmas classic and the adventures of the world’s only “consulting detective.”

In the show, which was written

by Seattle native John Longenbaugh and is being directed by WWU alum Jerry Entze, we see the main character, Sherlock Holmes, visited by a series of ghosts in the tradition of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. “Sherlock is definitely thrown out of his element in this show. We’re used to a Sherlock who is in control, who understands his environment and can solve any puzzle thrown at him. In our show, you see a

Sherlock trying very hard to be that guy we all know, in circumstances which make it nearly impossible,” says Jonathan Stephan, who plays Holmes.

In a season of gifts, lights, nativities, and price tags, Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Chrsitmas Carol attempts to put a little heart back in the holiday, along with some love. “Sherlock unobtrusively puts all of the trappings of Christmas (and much else) into their proper relation,” Stephan explained. “You leave the show entertained, primarily, and yet somewhere along the way I think you’ll find that a very subtle shift occurred in the way you think about and relate to not just the Christmas season but your world.”

By adding in familiar characters we also get to see more deeply into the lives of Sherlock and his friends. “There are character crossovers. More than you think there are. These add an element of humor,” said Mason Neil, who portrays

battle of the djs // carlton henkes

Staff Writer This Saturday, December 7, at 8 p.m., the Davis Elementary School gymnasium will be lit up with the biggest event since last year’s Battle of the Bands. It’s the Battle of the DJs, and they will fight to win your vote.

The event will feature the music-mixing talents of Brad Beach, Andy Sandoval, Clayton Sattelmayer, and Anthony Uhl. Each of the contestants was carefully selected through an exclusive audition process.

With a full week of break to practice, their skills are honed and ready to go. This will be an event like no other. Make sure to bring your glow sticks, neon clothes, cyberpunk hair, and radiating personalities for an explosively good time.

Sponsors’ warning: Remember kids, dress up; don’t dress down. Don’t be a killjoy.

Sponsors will be there to monitor the entrance.

the Ghost of Christmas Present. Many of the 14 WWU students who star in the show play multiple characters, which is sure to bring surprises. Abby Wissink, who will appear as Topper in the show, explained, “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Christmas Carol blends the Dickens story and Doyle's characters that you love to love, especially if you’ve been in withdrawal since the finale of BBC’s Sherlock. If you want to take a break during dead week, coming to the show will be a great way to get into the holiday spirit.”

If you are interested in seeing the show (which is highly recommended), there are five opportunities: December 7, 8, 12, 14, and 15. All shows begin at 8 p.m. Admission for WWU students and faculty is $8 and general admission is $10.

For more detailed ticketing information or to purchase tickets ahead of time, visit drama.wallawalla.edu.

OPEN POSITION

(Wi nter 2014) Col l egi a n Opi n i on Edi tor

how to

Apply

1. Download application from ASWWU website.

Portland Update

2. Send your résumé, application, writing sample, and cover letter to aswwu@wallawalla.edu.

'TIS THE SEASON!

3. Wait for your interview.

It’s that time of year again, when Thanksgiving reminds us to be thankful and the season of giving is just around the corner. The honor society here in Portland has been sponsoring a girl in India named Sarah. She’s currently finishing her senior year in high school at Riverside Adventist School. Sarah dreams of going to college to become either a nurse or a teacher. Because of the giving hearts during this year’s nursing dedication, it’s coming true. Her first year of college, which will cost $1,200, is now paid for. In one night, the honor society raised $1,209. As we approach this holiday season, give thanks and enjoy serving others.

—Taylor Higdon

SENATE UPDATE F.L. 3 — Whiteboards for the Biology Study Room Senate is continually seeking ways to improve student life. Contact Philip Duclos or your senator if you have ideas to improve your student experience.

CONTEXT

BRIEFING | 4 “Tell your friends, tell your family. Do not let the initial problems with the website discourage you, because it’s working better now and it’s just going to keep working better over time.”

— President Obama, in an invitation to spread the word about signing

up for health care online at healthcare.gov. For the past few months, teams have been working to repair and renovate the initially disastrous health care exchange site.

5

How many times more expensive the average cost to spend a day in an American hospital is than in many other developed countries.

$25

Price of a breast-pump kit online.

$543

Standard amount California Pacific Medical Center charges for a breast-pump kit.

“Do you love this country?”

— Keith Vaz, chairman of a parliamentary treason committee, when questioning Guardian editor-in-chief, Alan Rusbridger, about Rusbridger’s role in Edward Snowden’s leaks. Rusbridger has been accused of compromising national security in his handling of the Snowden documents.

55%

Portion of Canadian Christmas trees grown in Quebec last year.

Number of Christmas trees Canada exported to the United States in 2012.

$50,000

1.5 million

Estimated profit an Illinois zoo has earned since 2008 by selling tree ornaments made of reindeer droppings.

killed

On Monday, a 59-year-old man in Reykjavik, Iceland, was killed by the police. Though common in the states, this was the first time (in the 210-year history of Iceland’s law enforcement) that Iceland’s police fatally shot a person.

$500

Amount spent annually in the United States on health care.

Average amount charged by hospitals for putting in a single stitch.

$2.7 Trillion

$4,000 +

Average cost for spending a day as an inpatient in an American hospital.

“These are effectively drones, but there’s no reason that they can’t be used as delivery vehicles.”

Many that the

— Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, on a new service called Prime Air that Amazon says might debut in a few years. This program would use semi-autonomous drones to carry purchases to customers.

$220,000

13

Amount the Canadian Armed Forces spends annually on weightloss surgery for its obese soldiers.

The which c of the s Octobe

Number of desserts traditionally served at the end of each Christmas meal in the Provence region of France.

“Of course there’s still a definite gap from America sending humans to the moon, but this is already amazing.”

— Wang Wei, an economics professor in east China’s Shandong province, on China’s successful Monday launch of what China hopes will be its first rover mission on the moon.

“While Mangalyaan takes 1.2 billion dreams to Mars, we wish you sweet dreams!”

— India’s space agency, in a tweet referring to the 1.2 billion citizens

of India and India’s mission to mars. The mission, called Mangalyaan, is India’s first venture to put a probe into orbit around Mars. It just entered its second stage, leaving Earth’s orbit early on Sunday.

e end stmas

gion

CONTEXT NEWS | 5

the mysterious bells // Lester biggs Staff Writer

The bells on the Administration building, which ceased their ringing at the beginning of the school year, recommenced tolling on October 27, but the church bells did not.

Many students and staff have noticed that the bells on the church were no longer

ringing throughout the week and on the weekends. For returning students, this change was definitely noticeable. Other students with busy schedules, or who live off campus, didn’t notice that the loud tolling had stopped. “I hadn’t noticed that it wasn’t ringing, because I’m normally focused on getting from place to place. But when it’s fixed I’ll make sure to listen out for it,” said junior Katie Sweezey.

With the new school year, there have been multiple changes around campus and students may have thought that the bells

not ringing was one of them. It was not an official change, though. John McVay, Walla Walla University president, said, “There was no decision to turn the bells off. We would like to have them back on as soon as possible.”

The reason why the bells stopped working is that the mechanism for the bells is broken and needs repair. The mechanism for the system was developed in spring 2009 as a project by engineering student Chris Rasmussen.

The church bells have recently been put in the care of the professor who assigned the project several years ago. Professor Carlton Cross, a retired engineering professor, has been working on figuring out what

happened to the computer program that ran the bells and hopes the program will be back up and running soon.

“I have not identified the problem yet. It took a while before anyone let me know the church system was silent,” said Cross.

Now that the Administration Building’s bell has recommenced its tolling, there are great hopes that the church will join in again soon.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas // Lester biggs Staff Writer

This year the annual Christmas CommUnity and Christmas tree lighting went off with a hit, bringing together many students to enjoy some fun with each other while celebrating the beginning of the season with songs and an abundance of hot drinks.

During the Christmas CommUnity, which was put on by Campus Ministries, students enjoyed singing holiday favorites such as “Joy to the World” and “Silent Night.” There was also a rendition of Coldplay’s “Christmas

Lights” by Nathan Stratte and friends, as well as a jazz rendition of “The Christmas Song”

by Joseph Ausmus and Frankie Bones, who accompanied him on the piano. There was also a story time featuring Julian Weller, “professor of feline studies,” sharing his research on Polish cats and reading The Lump of Coal by Lemony Snicket.

Nathan Stratte, the Campus Ministries Music Chaplain, said, “The main goal in planning the Christmas Music community was to provide a festive, thoughtful, and entertaining program that would help get people excited about the Christmas season.”

give your ipods // lauren lewis Staff Writer

The Social Work Club wants your iPods.

The club is implementing a music therapy program for dementia patients at Walla Walla Park Manor Rehabilitation Center.

This program is based on a model from the medical organization called Music and Memory.

Each year the Social Work Club chooses a different community service project. Projects are inspired by Matthew 25:35–36: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. ... I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me” (NIV).

This year’s project is focused on medical aid. Senior Audrianna Wahlen, Social Work Club president, says, “We really connected with the project of Music and Memory, which uses music to

That evening at 7 p.m., Student Life and ASWWU hosted the Christmas Tree Lightning. This event brought out many students and gave them the opportunity to talk with friends and hear some live Christmas music while enjoying hot cocoa, cider, and cookies. The event even had an uglyChristmas-sweater contest that had three winners.

“I liked that a lot of people that I haven’t seen came because many of them had to get community credit. The free food and the sweat shirt contest were awesome,” said junior, Peter Padilla.

help those with dementia regain memories, even if just temporarily. ... We have several practicum students here who are very eager to implement this program.”

Donated iPods will be programed with specific songs for each patient’s memory needs.

Oliver Sacks, M.D., a neurologist noted for his studies on the association of Music and Memory, discusses the impact of personalized music on people suffering from Alzheimer’s and severe memory loss. “All of them [Alzheimer’s patients] respond to music, especially to old songs or songs they once have known. These seem to touch springs of memories which may be completely inaccessible to them.”

Research suggests that personal memories are often retained in union with a song or

In addition to these two major events this Christmas season there is a lot more to come, with multiple performances

by WWU’s Music Department here on campus and at WWVA coming up.

These events will take place on December 7, 11, 13, and 14. Another event to look out for is the Macy’s Pa rade of Lights on December 7, downtown. There are other events that will be happening in downtown Walla Walla before and after break such as live concerts, the festival of mini trees, and much more. For more information visit http://business. wwvchamber.com/events/calendar/

embedded in a song that a patient once sang. Many patients will regain lucidity and memories for hours after musical therapy.

More than 20 iPods and several CDs have been donated or promised to the project already. This community service is a yearlong project. Raise awareness and donate your old iPod headphones, extra chargers, CDs, and money at the Social Work Department in the WEC or at Foreman Hall’s front desk.

CONTEXT 6

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CONTEXT 7

week in forecast 5 dec

Thursday

26° 13°

photo by katharina gref

6 dec 23° 11°

Vespers Speaker: Troy Fitzgerald 8 p.m.

University Church

Portland Mision Trip Info: Session 1 3 p.m.

Alaska Room

monday

7 dec 16° 3°

Saturday

photo by carlton henkes

photo by timothy torres

2013 Gadfly Release 6–7 p.m.

FAC Gallery

9 dec

Friday

Faux Fur Friday

10 dec Tuesday

Berean Fellowship 10:30 a.m.

Circle Church 11:07 a.m.

Battle of the DJs 8 p.m.

Davis Elementary School Gym Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Christmas Carol 8 p.m.

Village Hall (also Dec. 8, 12, 14, and 15)

11 dec Wednesday

Sunday

8 dec 22° 8°

photo by aswwu

ASWWU Outdoors: Backcountry Safety and Awareness & Practice 9 a.m.–1 p.m.

Andies Prairie Hispanic Ministries: Outreach to Farm Labor Camp 2 p.m.

AGA Open House 6–8 p.m.

12 dec thursday

photo by flickr user jeffreyturner

photo by arella aung

photo by ivan cruz

photo by flickr user leo reynolds

photo by troy isaacs

photo by joshua mckinney

photo bykatharina gref

photo by grayson andregg

27° 13°

Chistmas Card Day

31° 27°

37° 28°

No CommUnity Bed Races 9 p.m.

College Avenue

38° 25°

Steel Band/Big Band Christmas Concert 7:30 p.m.

WWVA Auditorium

Late Night Breakfast 10 p.m.

Alaska Room

14 dec Saturday 38° 24°

photo by mason neil

Open Mic Night 7 p.m.

The Atlas

PERSPECTIVE RELIGION | 8

Thank you for twerking // John Lubke

Religion Editor Trial and error. I’m just going to go ahead and submit that hands-on experience is how most of us learn the most valuable lessons in our lives. I can say for certain that the biggest things that have shaped my life have been messy, awkward, silly, and sometimes plain painful.

Think about it for a second. Sometimes it’s as simple as looking back at old pictures and wondering why I ever thought that frosted tips and spiked hair was a good idea. Why in the world did I try to pull off dreadlocks?

Looking back at other experiences might be a little heavier: Why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut? Why did I waste so much money on that project? Why did I ever think that relationship was a good idea? I should have never ... you get the point.

Yet, I wouldn't trade this collection of blunders — both the silly and the serious ones — for anything. I could sit and commiserate about how I could’ve saved myself from a lot of pain, but how would I be who I am now, knowing what I know, without all the stuff I learned from failing? Sure it’s awkward, and I needed some guidance, but I am the sum of my experiences — *NSYNC fandom and ex-goth included.

So ... twerking? Let me connect some dots.

In this issue of The Collegian we’re looking at the Best of 2013. I was initially a little stumped as to what part of 2013 I could highlight in the religion section. I’m not so much concerned with twerking as a dance move — it’s really just a silly dance move that involves a lot of bum shaking. It's not nearly as technical, cool, or complex as moonwalking, popping-andlocking, or breaking, but it’s been prolific nonetheless. YouTube erupted with people posting videos of their newfound twerking abilities; major news networks took time out of broadcasts to talk about the phenomenon; Jimmy Kimmel poked fun at the buzz about twerking through a rather elaborate prank;1 and no one seems able to forget about the 2013 VMA’s and Miley Cyrus’ performance with Robin Thicke. Twerking became a controversy — a controversy that forced our society to ask itself some incredibly crucial, pertinent questions.

Twerking’s controversy peaks around Miley Cyrus’ performance at the VMAs. The nation seemed to explode. Cyrus, a former Disney-kid and child star famous for her role as Hannah Montana, came out with a bizarre,

hyper-sexual performance that included an appearance from Robin Thicke and a lot of twerking. We couldn’t handle it.

Her outfit, her hair, her dancing, the foam finger, and the twerking — we couldn’t figure out what we were seeing. The immediate response was rejection: Cyrus was criticized from nearly every possible angle, and in the most vicious ways. She was chastised for failing to be a good role model for her younger fan base.

Collectively, our entire society was quick to judge and police her behavior in order to reinforce the ideas of what we think is appropriate. Don’t be like Miley — you’ll be rejected.

After the waves of vicious policing subsided, however, different collections of people dug a little deeper in order to illuminate what was truly disturbing about this whole trend. People looked past Cyrus and instead paid attention to modern societal expectations of women, and some massive dichotomies came to the forefront.

Women in our society endure a massive barrage of conflicting expectations. Society tells women to be thin but fit; submissive but independent; educated without showing it; a mother and a fashion model; adventurous but domestic; and, in particular, edgy and sexy but moral and chaste. Our society then collectively withholds value from women unless they can somehow be all of these things simultaneously, which is entirely impossible, and therefore fundamentally unfair. It’s this dynamic that is collectively manipulated by society to keep women insecure and disempowered.

Our society capitalizes on these impossible expectations by marketing products that seem to promise access to that sense of value, and we spend heaps of money to try to get it. Girls, I don’t know how you all tolerate it.

Don’t buy in.

billboard . com

Miley Cyrus made some waves at the VMAs, but it’s our societal expectations that set the stage she twerked on, and subsequently vilified her after. It’s a trap! Meanwhile, Robin Thicke’s involvement and behavior garnered nearly no reaction at all. While women have impossible expectations, men seem to have permission to be edgy and sexual without consequence. Additionally, men are chiefly responsible for promoting the impossible expectations of women. Never mind the fact that Robin Thicke, while being a married man, achieved instant stardom for a music video that intensely objectified women, while simultaneously popularizing philandering men. Between the stage, the expectations, and the performers, there isn’t really anything praiseworthy present; but this is something worth understanding.

It’s important to ask the following question: what’s it like transitioning from your late teens to your early 20s? I turned 24 this year, entering into my mid-twenties, and as I look back on the last 6 years I think, “WOW! That was easy!” I mean, adulthood comes naturally to most people and we know exactly how to conduct ourselves in most social situations.

High school has done more than enough to prepare us for all the social challenges we’ll face in life. Entering into the world as an emerging adult has never been easier. I knew exactly who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be when I was 18, and I haven’t changed a bit since.

Of course, this is a giant lie.

I took a moment to consider the enormous amount of pressure put on Miley. She is right in the middle of trial and error; she’s trying to grow out of a childhood identity created and copyrighted by Disney, present in every WalMart across the country. (Would you want to be Hannah Montana for ever?) She’s a young kid, no older than the average student on the WWU campus. She’s a young woman, growing up in the epicenter of popculture, near the very source of society’s impossible expectations for women, and for reasons she cannot control, her life exists at the end of camera lens, keyboard, and Wi-Fi connection. Everything about her is out there for the world to critique.

Feeling envious? I know I’m not.

I don’t know about you, but I count myself lucky that my failures aren’t all comprehensively published on the internet to be read by the entire world. My failures have had the safety of exposure to people who love me, and who could offer me grace and guidance. It’s because of that safe environment I was able to turn my failures into lessons learned, and shape my identity. I’ve stepped onto my own stages and twerked to the beat of my own DJ; but I’ve had safety, support, guidance, and privileges that are not afforded to everyone. Even the simple fact that I’m a man and not a woman has made my life easier than about half earth’s population. All of these factors point to a pertinent realization: By digging below the surface of simply policing behavior we find underlying societal problems that set the expectations for the very behavior we’re policing. In gaining awareness of the underlying societal problems, we equip ourselves with the tools necessary to change society on a fundamental level.

Life is messy. As Christians we recognize the complexity of the imperfections in the world around us. As Christians, we are called to create gracious, safe spaces to guide each other in love as we continue to learn more about who we are as individuals, being rooted in intrinsic value from God. We can achieve this by accepting failure as a natural part of life, and as an opportunity to grow, learn, and continue with guidance toward an identity in Jesus — who loves us even when we twerk.

In my life, I’ve twerked. I’ve done silly things, and I’ve failed. But I’ve also had grace and love.

I’ve been able to look back at my failures and laugh and learn, and I know I’m better for it.

In the bigger picture, my failures have turned into success.

This year, we all have been given an opportunity to observe twerking as a cultural phenomenon. As a result of digging beyond behavior, we’ve gained a deeper understanding of ourselves. We are now presented with a chance to make overdue changes to our society as a whole, maybe even to the benefit of women worldwide.

I hope that kind of change can happen. I hope we can grow. We’ll look back on it all and shake our heads and laugh. And if the change does happen, we’ll be better for it. 2013 has been a good year, and looking back on it, I’ll say this: Miley, thank you for twerking.

1. http://tinyurl.com/ppa8pk7.

PERSPECTIVE OPINION | 9

Brandon Torkelsen

Opinion Editor

Cafeterias are often portrayed as places of social exclusion and bullying. In movies like Mean Girls and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, cafeterias function as a sorting mechanism that effectively assign people into groups and cliques. The worst possible result of this sorting is isolation; no one wants to sit by him or herself. Perhaps this fear of loneliness is at the core of the slaps in Take Me Out.

Many better-adjusted and more-functional humans (read: girls) seem to choose the second option: take-out boxes. While it does not directly treat the issue of loneliness, the take-out box does successfully eliminate the prospect of eating alone and potentially damaging future social interactions. Taking food out of the cafeteria can maintain one’s dignity because one doesn’t have to publicly be alone, but can instead be alone in the privacy of one’s own room.

Beyond these responses may lie another motivation. I am openly and proudly introverted. Because of this, I have never felt the need to have more than five close friends.

I despise large groups. When I was growing

Vacationing 101 // Andrew Woodruff

Opinion Editor

“ Americans need less booze and more back rubs.”

1. vimeo.com/80043070.

2. Myers, I. B., McCaulley, M. H., Quenk, N. L., & Hammer, A. L. (1998).

3. MBTI Manual: A guide to the development and use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (3rd ed.).

Palo Alto, CA: Consulting Psychologists Press.

I’m doing my best to figure out what relaxes me and improves my ability to work.

It’s taken a fair amount of introspection, but it’s paid off. I know I’ve failed when the idea of homework tastes like bile. Relaxing well, however elusive it may be, makes me feel prepared for anything. As second-quarter Biology looms over my head and government approval ratings across the country drop, we could all use a truly relaxing vacation.

Campus Ministries a time to share

Christmas is a time to give hope,

People in Ohio swear more than those in other states.

In all honesty, we can’t blame them.

Pope Francis I used to work as a nightclub bouncer.

C

Amazon, Google, and UPS are testing delivery drones.

C

Heaven can wait, and so can you.

“Honey, the mail drone is here!”

Delta bumps all passengers off flight for the Florida Gators basketball team.

They didn’t even win the game.

gifts, and thanks to those around us.

Many people cannot afford to even have Christmas. Recently, students adopted several families who were in

need for

the holidays. There are still more though.

If you are interested in getting a group of friends together to share Christmas blessings this year with a family in need who can’t afford it, come by our office or email rychelle.willis@ wallawalla.edu.

OECD test finds American students 17 th in reading, 21 st in science, and 26 th in math.

1st in Angry Birds.

=

Americans need to learn to relax. Not relaxing is the reason so many are stressed.

While I was in France two years ago, my teacher Mme. Claire Monet once wisely observed, “Americans are the only people who go on vacation and come back more exhausted than they left.” This seems pretty accurate to me, and my observations here on campus tell me that people are always scrambling for a plan.

We have to learn that when there is nothing left to do, the best thing to do is nothing.

Preferably doing nothing with other people.

Taking personal time to do nothing is so often equated with laziness that we have practically forgotten about it. Relaxation is an art and we should relearn how to do it well. It is important to discern the difference between breaks that will regenerate and ones that will exhaust. It’s harder than it sounds.

Personally, social media exhausts me with its constant need to be plugged in.

After about 10 minutes of scrolling down I just feel brain dead. Also catharsis, though it implies rejuvenation, does not work on me. Blowing off steam by going as hard as possible is no way to relax. Substance addiction is a perfect example of a misunderstanding of how to relax.

Americans need less booze and more back rubs.

Take Me Out explores a problem, but perhaps that problem is not as simple as it appears. The population of women in the cafeteria may be endangered, but your hopes of romance don’t have to be. As ASWWU Video’s How To Get a Phone Number shows, it isn’t that hard to add some romantic intrigue to your life. Perhaps the cafeteria is not a prerequisite to social survival. Get out of your comfort zone. Add some romance to your life.

WISDOM

=

Recently, ASWWU Video posted a video entitled Take Me Out.1 The narrator, played

by Kofi Twusami, is shocked by the way that girls leave the cafeteria with to-go boxes. He concludes that when girls do this, they are figuratively slapping every guy in the cafeteria in the face. The video ends by exhorting girls to “get out of your comfort zone. Eat in the caf. Add a little romance to your life.” Unfortunately, the apprehension of students who don’t eat in the cafeteria is not unfounded.

In my observation, there are two basic responses to the prospect of isolation: planning and abstinence. My younger, cafeteria-eating self falls firmly into the first category. While the ideal was to go to eat in a group, after a couple days of reconnaissance, I could, with surprising success, happen to eat with people I wanted to. This strategy, while occasionally successful, is a little creepy and probably not worth the effort.

collegian

C

To-Go or Not To-Go //

up, I threw tantrums if I was around people for too long. I also have a certain distaste for small talk, which I define quite broadly.

These traits, common in introverts, are not conducive to eating in the cafeteria, and slightly over 50 percent of the population is introverted (47 percent of females).2, 3 College life is filled with social interaction — from vespers to classes to parties — and it can be difficult to find time to recharge, especially if you live in the dorm. Maybe the cafeteria is one too many social engagements.

PERSPECTIVE ACA/SM | 10

Lessons from Pohnpei // Ellie Manley Micronesia

Teaching here in Pohnpei has brought me so much happiness. I have discovered how truly beautiful the people here are. I am reminded of this day in and day out as I continue to build and foster relationships.

Here are just a few thoughts that I jotted down after school one day in my classroom.

It is funny how much the people here mean to me. I’ve only been here for four months. In the grand scheme of things, that is not very long at all. But somehow these people have nudged themselves into the corners of my heart. That is not to say they only take up a small spot in my heart. No, they take up HUGE spaces, but there are just so many of them ... I have to squeeze them all in there.

Something that I have noticed about people who live in Pohnpei is that to build relationships, you must take the first

step. They are so completely kind and considerate. However, if you want to get to know them, and I mean really get to know them, sometimes you must shove your way into their lives. I think that it is probably different for elementary kids, since they are almost completely uninhibited, but for the high school kids and for the adults, I believe this to be true. They are willing to let you into their lives, but you must first put your foot forward. And it must be a BIG step.

Believe me when I say this, though: When you have broken through that barrier, you will know. You will feel it. It is something I cannot describe, only something I have experienced. While I am not a girl of many words, being conversational is an area in which I have grown in my time spent here.

And in many cases, you do not always need words to break down walls. Often, a ukulele will provide a start. Learning chords from a student will lead into conversation and weeks later you will be shocked out of your skin to hear the words, “Just so you know ... I love you. ... No really, I love you.” That

Photo By Ellie Manley

was a moment when I knew that the walls had fallen in one of my high school students.

There is nothing like it.

It really is true. Love is a huge emotion over here. There are times you will realize that all of the screaming in the classroom doesn’t matter so much in the moment because all of the kids are bursting at the

seams with personality. You realize that no matter what the kids do, no matter what rules they break or mistakes they make, you hold so much love for them. While I am completely and utterly imperfect, I have come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, God has given me a small glimpse into the way that he loves his children — unconditionally.

Leadership Award recipient //

Asher Matthews

Students for Equality This group provides a safe environment for conversation and promotes awareness about the fair treatment of LGTBQ students here on the WWU campus.

Location: Eagle Cap Conference Room (upstairs in the library) Time: Thursday evenings at 8

PERSPECTIVE

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays //

COLUMN/CREATIVE WRITING

11

Madeleine Boyson Columnist

Thanksgiving break was a grand adventure. I, along with two close friends, drove across the foggy hills of Oregon, the vast plains of Idaho, the Mormon-templed mountains of Utah, and the snowy flatlands of Wyoming to get back home to Colorado.

I grew up in Denver, in the same room of the same house in the same city, snuggled close to both mountain and plain. I lived there until I came to college, but since arriving in Walla Walla my brain has confused itself into wondering where “home” actually is. Is it where I live and work the most months out of the year? (Walla Walla) Is it where the majority of my books are kept? (Denver) Is it where my friends and family are? (both Denver and Walla Walla) The food is certainly better in Denver — thanks, Mum — but sometimes I feel like I’m visiting when I travel from my humble (and dorm-ed) abode in the valley to the Queen City of the Plains.

There was a grand mix of people in the Denver house for Thanksgiving — 10 people in all. With a set of grandparents and an aunt, you’ve got yourself a party for Turkey day. Papa led at least one Settlers of Catan game every day we were there; Mum tickled the ivory keys with Dave-Brubeck jazz; Aunt Carey baked the best of pies; my brother and I discussed the presents we’ll give out at Christmas.

“My brain has confused itself into wondering where ‘home’ actually is.”

photo by madeleine boyson photo by madeleine boyson

Sacramento //

Chad Aufderhar

In case you ever find yourself in Denver in search of some culture and fun, let me tell you about the best places. Art-wise, head over to the Clyfford Still Museum for a lesson in abstraction. For swing dancing and a live band on Sunday nights, check out the Mercury Café on California St. and 22nd. And if you’re in search of the best holiday meal ever, hit up the Bozovich–Boyson family meal plan.

Bring it all back from last July that quiet color, that cryptic light, fear of baptism, and exit rehearsals.

The liturgy of observance is now more a word than a rite, its service slow by definition.

Leave it on the road, travel light.

Sing for the electric glow of the thirsty cars that bring the sky back down to earth.

Make way for a journey that might silence the echoing Location, Location, Location.

photo by madeleine boyson

photo by kristal kraft

SNAPSHOTS

WELCOME BACK BASH

HOLIDAY12EVENTS | 12

photo by erick juarez

photo by troy isaacs

photo by troy isaacs

photo by troy isaacs

photo by erick juarez

photo by erick juarez

photo by erick juarez

PERSPECTIVE DIVERSIONS | 13

Eric Weber

Diversions Editor & Pontificator If you haven’t noticed, this issue is all about best-of lists and holiday cheer, two of my least favorite things. I get it, the Christmas season is all about giving gifts to others and quietly hating the gifts they give you. So in honor of this “season of giving,” I’ve included some holiday poems of my own.

I hope you enjoy.

2.

Ice.

1.

Cool, clean, sin

Grandma’s over,

The silent growth,

I run, scared of the wolf inside her

the involuntary ballet to

I’m lost in a dark wood of unknown relatives

Bloody elbows

They don’t know, useless gourds, it’s too late.

There’s no time for mistletoe or cheer.

Unable to prepare, exposed.

She advances, passes, it’s over.

Potpourri is my only hope now.

Crop dusted.

3.

And broken groins.

Idiots.

Fire swells, tangoing in my soul Red rage blurring my sight Questions, with answers known

4.

Family.

Aunts, uncles, children, cousins.

Pigtailed girl: ”You look angry” Only at parents, unplanned, Wide-eyed mother: ”Would you like to hold your new cousin?”

I concede, this one harmless.

Blue eyes, brown hair, Vomits on my chest.

No, I’m not dating anyone.

The only thing I plan on giving you for the holidays is the creeps.

I’m thankful we can soon get back to being ungrateful, disillusioned, and cynical.

‘Tis the season to mock a dead tree by making it wear embarrassing trinkets in public.

,

FEATURE 14

Best Holiday Mash-up

BIGGEST DREAM CRUSHER OF AUTUMN

Thanksgivukkah

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN

The United States federal government entered shutdown on October 1 and didn’t emerge until October 16. The shutdown came after Congress failed to approve legislation appropriating funds for fiscal year 2014. About 800,000 government workers were temporarily furloughed during the shutdown and more than 1.3 million were required to report for work without knowing when they would next be paid. Congress came to an agreement late on October 16 and President Obama signed the interim bill into law just after midnight on October 17, ending the 16-day shutdown.

photo from timeout . com

THE BEST

the cronut

OF

2013

The convergence of American Thanksgiving and the first day of Jewish Hanukkah is a once-in-a-lifetime event. The last time the two holidays collided was in 1861. The next time this exact overlapping will occur will be in 76,000 years. The term “Thanksgivukkah” was coined by someone who created a Facebook page for the event. Another popular buzzword for the holiday was “Menurkey,” for turkey-shaped menorahs. A giant dreidel was even included to celebrate the event in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

photo from dominique ansel

This new fusion food, half doughnut and half croissant, was launched in New York City this last May by chef Dominique Ansel. The treat is made of croissant-style dough that’s fried like a doughnut.

edited by:

katie pekar, carolyn green,

nathan stratte, and grant perdew

16-20 JANUARY

Best new food

Thirty-nine international workers and one security guard die in a hostage crisis at a natural gas facility in Algeria.

Barack Obama is sworn into office for a second term as president of the United States.

20

13

15 The 65-foot-wide Chelybinsk meteor hits Russia.

MARCH

FEBRUARY

American scientists use a 3D printer to create a living lab-grown ear from collagen and animal ear cell cultures.

20

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina is elected the 266th pope, taking the name Francis.

FEATURE 15

Best in medicine

best new pope

The pancreas is responsible for managing glucose levels by supplying insulin. When obesity disrupts the insulin–glucose balance, however, Type 2 diabetes can occur.

According to the CDC, more than 20 million Americans have diabetes, and 90 percent of these cases are Type 2. Doctors often prescribe blood-sugar-lowering medications to help diabetes patients lose weight, but half of those medicated for diabetes are still unable to manage their disease. But doctors are now recognizing the potential of bariatric surgery — or surgery for obesity — in diabetes treatment. Initial trials show that patients receiving surgery are five times more likely to lose weight than patients on blood-sugarreducing medication, increasing the patients’ likelihood to be free of diabetes. Although larger trials continue, weight-loss surgery now provides a reasonable treatment option for patients with poorly controlled diabetes.

Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected Pope on March 13 at the age of 76 nearly a month after the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI. He took the papal name Francis I in honor of Saint Francis of Assisi. Originally from Buenos Aires, Argentina, Pope Francis is the first pope from the Americas and the first from the southern hemisphere.

Bariatric surgery

Pope Francis I

photo from saintjudechapel . com

Edward Snowden

Edward Snowden, former CIA employee and NSA contractor, claimed responsibility for leaking up to 200,000 classified documents to The Guardian and The Washington Post on June 9. The leaks detailed top-secret government surveillance programs. Snowden said he leaked the documents to expose abuse and protect the public, not to cause damage. Snowden has been charged with espionage in the U.S. but is currently residing in Russia, where he has been granted asylum.

APRIL

more efficient solar power photos from climate . nasa . org

best whistleblower

15

best in technology

Caltech professor Harry Atwater believes that by manipulating light at a very small level, he could more than double our current solar power efficiency. Current solar cells are capable of converting less than 20 percent of solar energy to electricity because they absorb very little of the light from the sun.

But Atwater has suggested that by splitting light into color components with a prism, different colors of light could be dispersed to solar cells made of semiconductors specialized to that color. Atwater states that he is confident that “once a compelling prototype is fabricated and optimized, it could be commercialized in a practical way.”

If it works, Atwater’s solar energy cells will be capable of at least 50 percent efficiency, making solar energy compete better with fossil fuel energy.

3

Two bombs explode near the finish line of the Boston Marathon killing three and injuring over 260.

An eight-story commercial building collapses in Bangladesh, leaving 1,129 dead and 2,500 injured, marking the third worst industrial disaster in history.

24

26

Iron Man 3 is released, eventually becoming the highest-grossing film of the year.

MAY

JUNE

Researchers from Oregon Health & Science University describe the first creation of human embryonic stem cells by cloning.

15

The Supreme Court overturns the Defense of Marriage Act by a vote of 5-4.

Flash floods and landslides in India kill more than 5,700 people and trap more than 20,000.

14-30

FEATURE 16

Best in Literature dan lamberton’s pick

best quick Trend harlem Shake

The Round House

I’m hooked by the 2012 National Book Award winner for fiction, The Round House,

by Louise Erdrich. While most of Erdrich’s books have multiple perspectives, this one is told by a thirteen-year-old boy whose mother has been attacked by a nonreservation ghoul, and whose father, a tribal judge, can’t prosecute because reservations have no jurisdiction over non-residents.

In the U.S., over 80% of reservation sexual assaults are committed by non-natives, and until President Obama signed the Tribal Law and Order Act in 2010, little recognition was given to this violent immunity. House Republicans blocked, subsequently, the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act that would have given tribal courts jurisdiction over rapists regardless of race.

Politics aside, this fine book is about a strong marriage under great strain and a son’s loss of innocence. The Round House profoundly combines Dickens, Herodotus, Faulkner, and the Bible, with tribal wisdom.

I’m teaching the book next quarter — I ordered extras — so there should be copies in the U-Shop soon.

Many actors, actresses, athletes, and musicians have become more vocal about their sexuality in recent years. This year was no exception. Some people who bravely broke the news publicly include: Tom Daley 19-year-old British diver Wentworth Miller Star of Prison Break Raven Symone Former Disney personality

Baauer’s electronic hit became a popular online meme, with thousands of people creating their own videos. The students of WWU joined the trend in February, receiving over 40,000 views.

Most PUblicized Baby

Jason Collins NBA star Jodi Foster American actress in The Silence of the Lambs Matt Dallas Star of Kyle XY

Ben Whishaw Actor in Skyfall and Cloud Atlas

Prince George

George Alexander Louis was born to the Duke and Duchess of Wales, better known as Prince William and Princess Kate, on July 22.

The official title of the newest member of the royal family will be, “His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.” Prince George is third in line for the throne after his grandfather Charles, Prince of Wales, and his father, William, Duke of Cambridge.

21

1 JULY

THE YEAR OF coming out

Croatia becomes the 28th member of the European Union.

Amid mass protests across Egypt, President Mohamed Morsi is deposed in a military coup, leading to widespread violence, riots, and demonstrations.

3

1-16

Al-Shabaab Islamic militants attack the Westgate shopping mall in Nairobi, killing at least 62 civilians and wounding over 170.

OCTOBER

SEPTEMBER The final episode of the criticallyacclaimed show Breaking Bad airs with 10.3 million viewers.

29

The U.S. federal government shuts down after Congress fails to enact legislation appropriating funds for fiscal 2014.

The UN Environmental Program’s Minimata treaty, designed to protect people and the environment from mercury poisoning, is passed.

10

t shuts enact nds for

FEATURE 17

BEST OF Walla Walla University In April, WWU honored Professors Tom Thompson and Ken Wiggins by hosting a math conference. Speakers included many WWU alumni, who presented their research and explained how the stellar math program at WWU allowed them to excel in their respective fields.

Business Professor Mihail Motzev has spent three years researching and developing a business simulation program useful to business professionals in making important decisions. Motzev has spoken around the world, including at the International Federation for Information Processing world conference in Sweden this past summer.

Julián Melgosa, professor of education and psychology, had two books published. Enjoy Life, an illustrated book about retirement, was published internationally in French, English, and Spanish this last May. Two months later The Benefits of Belief: How Faith in God Impacts Your Life was published. The book argues that maintaining a religion and a spiritual connection with God has positive effects on mental health and well-being.

The Princeton Review named WWU a 2014 “Best in the West” college. After achieving a score of 89 (on a scale from 60–99), WWU earned a place among the 643 four-year colleges in the U.S. named as a best regional college.

ASWWU Video released WWU Can’t Hold Us in June, an homage by the students celebrating Walla Walla University.

The university and church community raised $3,000 in November to save a local family from eviction.

GRUMPY CAT

KICKSTARTER

This cranky feline owned 2013 by inspiring a nation.

She visited music festivals, met Oscar the Grouch, won multiple awards, and is even pitching her own movie.

THE BEST OF

POP CULTURE

24

7 NOVEMBER

Over 5 million people have funded more than 50,000 creative projects since the website’s launch four years ago. Many innovations have come out of Kickstarter, including the 3Doodler pen that doodles in three dimensions instead of two, and the Plus Pool, an olympicsized floating pool that will clean river water in New York.

Iran agrees to limit their nuclear development program in exchange for sanctions relief.

Supertyphoon Haiyan hits the Philippines on November 7.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is released.

22

DECEMBER

3 The first snow hits the campus of Walla Walla University.

Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is released.

13

LIFE LIFE

CULTUR |18 ARTS & EMEDIA 18 by highest grossing so far

Biggest films of 2013

Music and Film of 2013 // Chad Aufderhar

Biggest Songs of 2013

Arts & Media Editor

Underrated Films of 2013 Little Hope Was Arson

“Blurred Lines” Robin Thicke

Despicable Me 2 $366 million

This dramatic documentary digs into the true story of 10 churches attacked by arson in east Texas. I found it to be a fascinating look at faith communities struggling between forgiveness and justice when the enemy is close to home.

Man of Steel $291 million

“Thrift Shop” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

The Muslims Are Coming!

Iron Man 3 $409 million

Fast & Furious 6 $239 million Oz the Great and Powerful $235 million Star Trek Into Darkness $229 million

ASWWU Video

Gravity $246 million

vimeo.com/aswwu

Monsters University $268 million

Comedy is a powerful way to talk about the issues we are least comfortable with. This film follows Muslim comedians as they travel around the country tackling the issue of Islamophobia through laughter.

“Roar” Katy Perry “Royals” Lorde “Wrecking Ball” Miley Cyrus

Ever wanted to become one with nature? Take an inner journey and explore a new sport with this week’s ASWWU Video, The Art of Tree Climbing.

Look for a new ASWWU Video every Thursday at 9:37 p.m.

World War Z $202 million

New from the Northwest in 2013

Catching Fire $186 million

“Dirty Flag” — Arkomo

We’re the Millers $150 million

“When I Was Your Man” Bruno Mars

Cellist and producer Sam Anderson from Seattle band Hey Marseilles released this single from his debut solo project. It’s different from the other projects he has been a part of, but it carries the musical intelligence and finesse that all his work boasts. arkomo.bandcamp.com

“Static Youth” — Eternal Fair This melodic and colorful full-length debut from the Seattle rock trio is pleasant and thoughtful. Andrew Vait tells stories through his lyrics that do not stay on the surface, but also do not overreach. eternalfair.bandcamp.com

“Give Me A Reason” Pink “Get Lucky” Daft Punk “Mirrors” Justin Timberlake “Radioactive” Imagine Dragons

LIFE

TRAVEL | 19

Best Travel Destinations of 2013 // Jon Mack

Travel Editor This week, I’ve outlined a selection of locations across the globe that either have historical importance to 2013, have a deep relationship to regional culture, or are just plain interesting. Read up, get inspired, and start traveling!

DESTINATION OF THE WEEK:

NUREMBERG, GERMANY

Why? Because this is the most magical place to spend Christmas I have ever witnessed. The smell of grilled meat, fresh breads, and roasted nuts fills the crisp air. The sound of language resonates from all directions. The brick red buildings guide the streets to the city wall. Each person seems to carry him or herself with confidence and cheer. The lights, shops, smells, sounds, and pure atmosphere harbor a natural sense of classic Christmas spirit. Spending Christmas in Nuremberg will change your expectations of Christmas for the rest of your life.

photo by jon mack

Vatican City

london

In the heart of Rome stands a country that is home to the Catholic Church: Vatican City. The flagship cathedral of the Catholic Church and the Pope himself both reside within the walls of Vatican City.

2013 happened to be a big year in Vatican history. In February, Pope Benedict XVI resigned, becoming the first pope since 1415 to do so. Soon after, in March, the Catholic Church leaders followed procedure, gathering in the Sistine Chapel to elect a new pope. Several days after, white smoke emerged from the chimney above the Sistine Chapel, indicating that 266th pope had been elected: Pope Francis I. Many devout Catholics packed St. Peter’s Square hoping to get a glimpse of the white smoke and the new pope.

This past year, a city with a strong soccer culture hosted one of the world’s largest soccer events: the UEFA Champions League championship game between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund, two major German soccer teams. Both of these teams, before advancing to the championship round, faced one of the two leading teams of Spain, Barcelona and Real Madrid.

And, interestingly, they dismantled both Spanish teams, clearly displaying their European dominance. Soon after, the championship match took place in London at Wembley Stadium. Each team played well, but Bayern Munich managed to seal the game with a second goal in the 90th minute to claim the Champions of Europe title.

Also, the Duchess of Cambridge had a baby that will become the heir to the throne.

photo by jon mack

photo by creative commons

Washington, D.C. Aside from politics, Washington D.C. is a fantastic American city. In 2013, D.C. became the home of a massive government shutdown, Obamacare, some insane protests, and the Sackett family. Also, Washington D.C. is home of the Washington Redskins, an NFL football team that is undergoing some controversy over the political correctness of its name. But seriously, Washington D.C. contains several Smithsonian museums, monuments to many famous Americans and American presidents, and one of the most beautiful cathedrals in America. If you’ve never been to Washington D.C., make 2014 the year you become exposed to one of the grandest cities in America and brush up on some hands-on American history.

Item of the week

#WWUTravel Want to see your Christmas adventures here in The Collegian? Just hashtag them #WWUTRAVEL and you may see your photo right here on the travel page!

photo by creative commons

photo by jon mack

photo by eddiebauer . com

A lightweight down jacket.

Why? Because a simple down jacket packs the warmth of a flock of geese in a light, fashionable jacket.

You don’t have to be cold, even when the weather is.

I’d be down with that.

LIFE

SCIENCE | 20

Santa Science // Joe Hughes

Science & Tech Editor The holidays are upon us, my dear readers!

I’m still reeling from my Thanksgiving exploits, and this is the last article before Christmas break. Even though no one asked me this question, I really want to answer it, so here goes: How does Santa’s sleigh work?

Let's start from the facts: I get presents.

When I was five, my parents told me that presents come from Santa; therefore, Santa is real. Case closed. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s figure out how he manages to deliver all those presents.

The first problem is how fast Santa has to fly. If he stops to go down the chimney of the roughly 1.75 billion homes in the world within 24 hours, Santa has about 50 microseconds per house, not including travel time. Since this is about 4,000 times faster than a human blink, I am going to assume that he manages to drop the presents down the chimney without slowing down or stopping.

To find out how fast he has to go, we need to find the length of his route. Finding the shortest route through a series of waypoints is a really complicated problem1 and has confused many very smart people. I took the easy way out and assumed that all the homes were evenly distributed over Earth’s continents and found the average distance between each house (about 300 meters, if you’re interested).

Assuming Santa makes a simple grid, and adding the circumference of the Earth for jumping between continents, we get 316 million miles, which is long enough to get to the sun and back. Assuming Santa does this in 24 hours, he has to fly at 3,660 miles per second, which is about 18,000

times faster than the speed of sound. This is also 146 times faster than the fastest thing humans have ever built (a satellite that just got slingshotted around the earth on its way to Jupiter).

So, what are the effects of going this fast?

I looked at two: pressure and temperature.

You know that pressure tends to push back on fast things by holding your hand out of a car window when you’re on the freeway, but that was only at 70 mph. I used a simple equation that probably doesn’t apply when you’re going this fast, and it told me that

at 3,660 miles per second, you are going to feel 2.26E8 psi of pressure;2 this means that if you held your hand out the window of the sleigh it would feel like you were holding 2,373,000 tons. This pressure happens to be 4.1 times the pressure at the center of earth’s core, and 3.1 times more than anything people have made in a lab.

This is also enough pressure to sustain some forms of nuclear fusion, which may explain some of the propulsion system.

If something is going that fast, it’s also going to heat up. For this one I used an equation that I am very sure doesn’t apply when you’re going this fast,3 but is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier to use than the real one. Also, big numbers are more fun, so lets run with it. At 3,660 miles

per second near sea level, you’re going to be at about 2,050,000,000,000,000 degrees Celsius. This is about 3.9E10 times the

Pyramids of Giza

Gherkin

Eiffel Tower

Burj Khalifa

temperature of the hottest star, and 2E6 times the temperature a nuclear fusion machine called ITER will be able to deliver. To put it bluntly, this is very, very hot. The sleigh must also have very good thermal protection to avoid bursting into flames and delivering Armageddon rather than presents.

So the sleigh is moving at 18,000 times the speed of sound and many thousands of times hotter than anything ever, but how big is it? To find this out, we need to know what it’s carrying. Because I’m an engineer, meaning I have no understanding of other people’s desires, I’ll assume that Santa is bringing everyone a set of Black Diamond Carbon MegaWatt powder skis because that’s what I want. Yes, Santa is bringing skis even for quadriplegic snowboarders who live in Kansas. It’s the thought that counts, and the thought is: “Joe wants skis." Making reasonable assumptions about the packaging, we get something that weighs about 10 pounds and takes up 0.12 cubic meters of space.

Scaling this for all Earth’s 7 billion people, Santa’s bag holds 8.4E8 cubic meters and weighs 7E10 pounds.

Skis for Everyone

This is about 5 times heavier than the largest of the Egyptian pyramids, and about a third the size of Mt. Everest. If it were packed as a cube, it’d be 3,100 feet across. For comparison, this is 383 feet taller than the tallest building in the world, and about three times taller than the Eiffel tower.

Now that we know how big it is, we can calculate the force due to the pressure.

Using the cube once again, we get 3.12E17 pounds of force.

This number is truly astronomical and I’m having trouble making reasonable comparisons, but here goes: If you were to simultaneously lift every person who has ever existed, 1,000 T. Rexes, and have 1,000 Saturn V rockets fired in the opposite direction, you have 3.1198E17 pounds of force left over.

The sleigh doesn’t even notice.

“Yes, Santa is bringing skis even for quadriplegic snowboarders who live in Kansas.”

1. See the “Traveling Salesman Problem” on Wikipedia.

2. A word of clarification: Because of the size of some of the numbers required for this article, you’ll see numbers written like “2.26E8.” This is a short way to write a big number — the E8 means to move the decimal point 8 places to the right, so 2.26E8 would be 226,000,000.

3. It’s for isentropic flow, and doesn’t account for frictional losses.

DRAWINGS BY JOE HUGHES

LIFE

FASHION | 21

2013’s Best in Fashion // Shandra Cady:

Brenda negoescu Kurtis Lamberton:

“Chinos with the bottoms rolled up.”

“Leather.”

Kofi Twumasi:

“Animal prints — bold, colorful designs like leopard and zebra.”

Fashion Editor

Jennifer Negoescu:

What were some of WWU students’ favorite trends for 2013?

“Beaded and woven bracelets.”

Eric Weber:

Rachel Peterson:

“Leather.”

Taylor Larson:

“Booties and 90s grunge for sure!”

“Leather leggings.”

Connor Wasylucha:

“Rolled short-sleeve shirts.”

THE LADIES

THE GENTS

This year was the year of minimalistic clothing and statement accessories. Here are some of 2013’s best:

Men, this year was a year of classic-yet-fitted cuts, simple patterns, and stylish sneakers. Here’s what I think was 2013’s best:

1. Classic patterns. Over-the-top prints were out and basic prints were in. Plaid

1. Fashion trainers. Iridescent high-tops or tumbled leather sneakers paired with a

2. Beanies (Toques for us Canadians!) How wonderful is it when a trend like

2. Camouflage. I’m a big fan of this pattern — if it’s done right. 2013’s camo look

definitely stole the show.

this comes in? Luckily our bad hair days could be hidden under these simple treasures.

3. All white. This was definitely a simple trend that made a strong impression. I was so glad to see that no-white-pants-after-Labor-Day was done away with.

4. Leather. It’s always in style. But for 2013, lux leather was all the rage. Whether

it was leather shorts, leggings, or quilted leather joggers, you were bound to notice this trend.

5. Statement sunnies. Sunglasses took on a whole new look — they were round

nice pair of trousers were the essence of effortless style.

was perfect as it was muted just a tad compared to past years.

3. Short-sleeve button-up shirts. One word: London. You were bound to look stylish if you adapted this look.

4. Bomber jackets. Print and baseball bombers were all over men’s runways and made several appearances on the street. It’s a timeless piece.

5. The Chelsea boot. One of the most versatile shoes known — Chelsea boots paired with suits or jeans were sure to set a good impression.

shaped, heart shaped, jewel encrusted, pearl adorned ... the list goes on.

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LIFE

OUTDOORS | 22

may

Outdoors best of 2013 //

This month marked 50 years since Jim Whittaker became the first American to summit Mt. Everest.

july

Justin mock

In the town of Cave Creek, Arizona, people gathered to run in an American version the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. These racers ran like crazy down a quarter-mile piece of track while being pursued by 12 angry bulls, all for some fun and a chance at a cash prize.

Outdoors Editor From fun facts to world records, this timeline shares some of the most interesting, odd, incredible, and memorable things to happen in the outdoors for the year 2013.

january

Stories finally surface of 11-year-old Brooke Raboutou, a young rock climber from Colorado, after she spent a summer setting world records for her age and becoming the youngest climber to complete a climb with a difficulty level of 8c.

march

The wolf count in Yellowstone National Park decreased to 55 wolves.

photo by roselawgroupreporter . com

february

photo by teamabcboulder . wordpress . com

On February 8 and 9, winter storm Nemo set a state record in Connecticut for the most snowfall in a 24-hour period with a total of 36 inches.

photo by seattletimes . com

september

november

On opening day of deer season, a fiveyear-old girl from Arkansas broke a world record when she shot a deer weighing over 400 pounds. The girl plans to “keep the deer head and mount it inside her pink playhouse.”

In their September issue, the magazine Outside voted Park City, Utah, as the best outdoor city in America. With access to skiing, hiking, mountain biking, and more, this city is an outdoor addict’s heaven.

december

As the amount of daylight steadily shrinks, it can become easy to get the winter blues.

If you are prone to feeling depressed in the darkness of winter, try these tips:

In Leadville, Colorado, some of the most extreme distance runners in the world came together to compete in the annual Leadville Trail 100 Run. This hundredmile ultra-marathon takes place at high elevation, with the low point of the trail being at 9,200 ft. The lead female finished with a time of 20:24:43, and the lead male finished with a time of 16:30:02.

At the age of 64, Diana Nyad became the first person to swim between Cuba and Florida without a shark cage.

This month has just begun. Why not try setting an outdoor world record before the year 2013 is over? Get some friends and try making the world’s largest snow fort. The current record holder is the Snow Castle of Kemi in Finland built in 1996. The castle is 20 meters tall, 1,000 meters long, and has floor space of over 20,000 square meters.

Good luck beating this record.

Weekly Wellness Tip

august

photo by www . irunfar . com

photo by www . washingtonpost . com

1

Try to schedule some outside time during daylight hours.

2

Purchase a light therapy box to supplement the lower levels of natural light.

3

Get exercise every day to improve your mood.

LIFE LOCAL/SPORTS | 23

The Best of Walla Walla //

BEST COFFEE PLACE AROUND 1. Coffee Perk

Timothy Barbosa

2. Colville Street Patisserie 3. Walla Walla Roastery

Local Attractions Editor

Coffee Perk features locally roasted coffee and espresso and freshly baked pastries and breads.

The Perk has the latest sit-down hours around, only not closing their doors until 10:30 p.m. Monday through Saturday.

The café offers outdoor seating, couches, and free Wi-Fi.

At this year’s end as we reflect on adventures and memorable occurrences, it’s hard not to think about what we missed out on. When you end up making impossible New Year’s resolutions (such as being a better student or exercising more than once a quarter), don’t neglect the little ones! It’s my recommendation that you familiarize yourself with the quaint hamlet of Walla Walla. There are plenty of delicious, as well as expeditious, opportunities for the avid person to indulge in and, believe it or not, a lot of them are not on campus. The friendly staff of The Collegian have teamed up to vote on their local favorites so that you don’t have to worry about dealing with the inconvenience of Google or, dare I say, Yelp.

.org photo by www . egull et

BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN 1. Worm Ranch m

2. The Olive fe li la la w al al

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The Walla Walla Worm Ranch gained national attention this year for its already locally reputable veggie taco. Offering homemade quality Mexican food for a good price, the thriving business recently opened the doors of their second restaurant in Walla Walla.

A must-have experience for the WWU student, this guy recommends the nationally acclaimed taco.

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3. The Garden

Fun Fact: Worm Ranch may be the colloquial name for this restaurant, but unless you want live bait for lunch, you’re eating at Dora’s Deli.

Best in sports // Grayson Andregg

Sports Editor

The year of 2013 deserves nothing less than the description of “wow.” I don’t care who you are; anyone on earth can appreciate top plays made by professional or even amateur athletes. We sometimes take for granted the true talent that is put into each individual competition and matchup.

Now, the best sports play of 2013 is impossible to define. Each sport has its individual shots, catches, dunks, runs, or even a series of plays that helped the team to an outstanding victory. If you enjoy college football, maybe it was Jadeveon

Clowney’s (figurative) decapitation and forced fumble of a Michigan running back that happened back in January, or the mind-blowing final play of the Iron Bowl photo by

247sports.com

BEST BREAKFAST TO BE FOUND 1. The Maple Counter 2. Bacon & Eggs 3. Clarette’s The Maple Counter is a destination for a quality breakfast in a casual atmosphere. Their diverse menu offers a variety of creative dishes that will satisfy even the biggest appetite. The owners take pride in creating an outstanding experience for customers with exceptional food and attentive service.

last week, where number-4 Auburn defeated number-1 Alabama with one final kick return. If you enjoy the NBA, maybe it was Ray Allen’s clutch 3-pointer in game six of the Finals that sent the Miami Heat to their second straight NBA title, or DeAndre Jordan making a poster out of Brandon Knight with an insane dunk. Maybe it was Louisville’s amazing series of dominance led by Russ Smith and Peyton Siva, after the tragic Kevin Ware accident, which landed them NCAA Champions.

All of these plays are definitely worth noting, and 2014 is sure to give us more spectacular athletic feats.

But don’t be too quick to move on, because 2013 is still heating up. I’m sure we will see another top-five play within the next four weeks. I guess that all we really can do is sit back and enjoy what these athletes give us the privilege of watching.

photo by bleacherreport . com

back

word

A

lot happened in 2013, obviously. From small things, like the release of Miley Cyrus’ album Bangerz, .to big things, like my long-awaited release from the dorm — 2013 was quite a year. In case you were living under a rock (or a pile of textbooks) this past year, I’ll remind you of some of the things that happened.

Things ThingsWeWeWish WishWeDidn’t Didn’tHappen Happeninin2013 2013 •

The bombing at the Boston Marathon killed three people and injured 264.

•

Glee’s Cory Monteith was found dead in his hotel room from a drug overdose.

•

The government shut down for 16 days and $2,007,165,306 was lost in wages.

•

Typhoon Haiyan struck the Philippines, killing almost 6,000 people and displacing up to 4.4 million.

•

Paul Walker, from the Fast and Furious series, died in a car crash after leaving an event put on by a charity he created to help the victims of Typhoon Haiyan.

Things We Are Glad Did Happen in 2013

Rachel

Logan BackWord Editor

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2013?

“I celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary.”

— Michelle Munns junior, social work

“I saw the standings of the Seattle Seahawks.”

— Nate Catelli junior, aviation technology

“We finished O. Chem!”

— Carly Barruga, senior, biology; Hannah Myhre, senior, music; Natalie Slusarenko, senior, mathematics

“I paid my bill for fall quarter.”

— Scott Luo sophomore, engineering

“I didn’t trip this year — that makes it now three years without falling on my face.”

•

Duchess Kate Middleton finally gave birth to H.R.H. Prince George of Cambridge, and baby girls across England rejoiced in the new opportunity to marry into the royal family.

•

Shaquille O’Neal purchased partial ownership of the Sacramento Kings, keeping the Kings in Sacramento and away from the Seattle Supersonics. #shaqramento.

•

Edward Snowden took cues from the Tom Hanks movie The Terminal and hid in the Moscow International Airport for 39 days before he was granted a one-year asylum in Russia.

verbatim

•

Disney approved the Boy Meets World spin-off series Girl Meets World, casting the original sweetheart couple Cory and Topanga to remake their roles. (Side note: Mr. Feeny is still alive in real life! Fe-e-e-e-eeny!)

“Good idea. Let’s burn everything!”

•

Pope Benedict stepped down from “pope-ing,” becoming the first pope to resign in 600 years.

Catholicism now has the pleasure of having a regular pope and an ex-pope at the same time.

“Um, “Um, What?”

What?”

Things Things That That Happened Happened in 2013 in •

•

• • •

Furby, the single most annoying toy from 1998, made a comeback with the help of its new companion app. For $63.74, this gurgling, twitching, rainbow-colored toy can be yours. And for extra fun, Furby’s creator, Hasbro, didn’t include an “off ” switch anywhere on Furby.

Blockbuster LLC closed its final 300 stores in November, finally succumbing to the competition of Netflix and Redbox. If it makes you feel better, Blockbuster, our homework lost the battle against Netflix a long time ago.

— Mitchell Kessler sophomore, mass communications

confession "I've been carried in and out of Sittner in a large duffel bag."

Sincerely, So This Is What The Boys' Dorm Looks Like To submit anonymous

Tabloids named OJ Simpson as the biological father of Khloe Kardashian Odom. The plot thickens. ...

wwuconfessions.tumblr.

The Kansas City Chiefs won their first nine games of the NFL regular season.

com into your browser and

The phrase “404” (as in the numerical error code for failed internet) was named the most commonly used phrase in 2013.

confessions, type:

click the Ask Me Anything button at the top.

— Mihail Motzev, on warming up the computer lab

“I’m killing you with my eyes.”

— Awnya Walde, on receiving an unwanted homework assignment

“What’s physics lab without alcohol?”

— Frederic Liebrand

“I’m not saying you’re fat; I’m saying I’m not swoll.”

— Karl Wallenkampf, on lifting a male volunteer in his tango demonstration

“Yes, we are all Wonder Women.”

— Monty Buell Have something funny to report?

Email me at: Rachel.Logan@wallawalla.edu