HEALTHY YOU

Love & Connection

STORY MICHELLE JOHNS

MA, LPC-MHSP (TEMP), NCC, 200 HR E-RTY, 500 HR RYT

february is heart month. We celebrate our love for intimate partners and friends, and we are encouraged to take note of our cardiovascular health, as well. Interestingly, our mental and biological health are far more connected than we often consider. Scientific research indicates close relationships have a significant impact on our health and well-being. People who have close relationships that include acceptance and understanding as part of a safe and secure connection are mentally and biologically healthier.

The aspects of love and intimacy are broad with many ways of being defined. Our relationships are contextual in that many of us have family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances within our communities, in addition to having a significant partner. Each relationship may be considered intimate, but with defining parameters. Having a variety of relationships supports personal growth and mental well-being across the span of life.

Humans are designed for social connection. When we are understood and accepted in communities of belonging, we feel cared for and loved. When we feel cared for and loved, our ability to navigate stressful situations improves and long-term depression decreases. Research shows that people with fewer mental health disorders are more productive, motivated, happier, have lower levels of cardiovascular disease and fewer chronic physical diseases across their lifespan. People who have positive connections with others are less likely to utilize or need medical treatments.

Compassion and empathy are key aspects of intimate connection. Compassion, the desire to help someone when they are in distress, and empathy, the desire to understand someone in their distress, are equally necessary and important to overall social connections. Interestingly, our perception of others’ care and love for us plays a significant factor in our daily life satisfaction. In other words, when we perceive that others care for and love us, we are generally happier and more positive.

While it is certainly important to receive love and care from others, it is vitally important to give care and love to those with whom we are connected. While there are a multitude of ways to connect with others and increase our wellbeing, I will highlight a few.

We communicate with words, through body language, and tone of voice. When we engage in conversation with others, we want to choose words that promote curiosity and provide clarity. Words, body language and tone of voice are directly related to feelings of support and acceptance.

Body language that is open and friendly creates immediate connection and safe space. Greeting others with a smile is a first step in creating a warm invitation. Keeping your arms at your side, extending your hand for a handshake or both arms to hug those with whom you are most intimate presents an open-body stance and invites connections. Crossed arms and a scowling face send a message to stay away.

A tone of voice that is friendly and welcoming, conversing with normal inflection and appropriate highs and lows, is best received as it feels most genuine. Be authentic. Exaggerated inflections and monotone voice are off putting and create a disconnect.

Words are vital to creating connection. Words that unify and express understanding are most important. When someone is excited and sharing joy, replies such as, “I am so happy for you” and “I celebrate with you” are a great start to cultivating a deeper connection. Making statements such as “Tell me more about …” indicate that you are interested in knowing more about the other person.

The investment of time with others is fundamental to healthy relationships. Humans are meant to be in connection with one another. Making time without distractions from technology is a wonderful gift to give to ourselves and our beloved family and friends. Perhaps during this month of love and connection, you might try the following:

• Once a week, make a date with someone special free of distractions. Perhaps you take a walk together, share a meal or sit and visit. • Smile and say hello to a stranger with whom you cross paths while running errands. (Your eyes will smile for you if you are wearing a mask.)

• Make eye contact during social interactions.

• Tell someone something about them that makes you grateful toward them.