Life is better on a bike if you can dodge the beer bottles

Stephen Malaney, who joined the Audax community at the start of 2020, had to evade an empty beer bottle, hurled at him as he rode through a Glasgow street. But it didn’t dampen his spirits as he sought solace on an unforgettable solo ride into the mountains and moors north of the city. Here are his impressions of his longest day on a bike – a 200 mile circuit through the Scottish countryside…

Life is better on a bike

A break in weather in the Sma Glen near the halfway point

A BIG DOSE OF PORRIDGE with honey, and three slices of toast… and I was ready to face a very long day on the bike. The weather forecast had been perfect, but rain had been pounding on the roof since 3am, a familiar sound. In cycling you accept the rough with the smooth.

I joined Audax UK at the start of the year, having given up racing and time trials due to a chronic hip condition. I struggle to produce power from my left leg but if I pace it properly I can still ride long distances – something I’ve always loved.

Audax seemed the logical way to keep some focus on riding and training. And while the pandemic had slammed the door on a whole range of events, I wanted to ride. When restrictions eased during the summer, and unlimited exercise was allowed, I planned to try for my longest day on the bike.

WORDS & PICTURES

STEPHEN MALANEY

better on a bike

IF YOU CAN DODGE THE BEER BOTTLES

It would be solo, taking in some roads I know well, along with new ones and some testing climbs. I have an affinity with riding in rural Perthshire and do a bunkhouse trip a few times a year to Dunkeld, so the route was planned – from Glasgow to Dunkeld via Creiff and the Sma Glen, then home to Glasgow via Auchterader, Falkirk and the Forth and Clyde Canal path. That’s a total of 200 miles or so.

I’d picked my best bike over my usual mudguard-equipped Kinesis Audax bike – it was supposed to be summer after all! The stainless steel Moda is not as comfortable as softer steel frames, but it’s fun and responsive. I packed a small Carradice zipped roll bag – with Covid-19 around I couldn’t depend on café stops, and I’d be on some remote roads, so it was best to be self-sufficient with food and spares.

With very few big rides under my belt over the first lockdown, I knew this would be a challenge. I’m a graphic designer, working from home just now, and had tried to slot in a few 35k loops in before work each week. I work around nine hours a day so there’s not much scope for more.

At weekends I’d managed some longer rides of 100k, enough to tick over but much less than usual. Sadly my mother passed away in February so I’d pretty much ignored the bike for a month, but as the summer approached, getting back on to two wheels was the perfect antidote to all that had happened. Life is always better on a bike!

As I left Glasgow on wet roads at 5am, I had a feeling of optimism for the day ahead. The sun was coming up and the roads were quiet. My high hopes were briefly shaken as I rode through a less attractive part of the city – and a beer bottle landed near me, thrown from a flat above. The drunk thought it was funny but probably didn’t understand how dangerous it was. I couldn’t help thinking what a lucky escape I’d had.

I left the all-night party-goers behind and headed for the Campsie Hills, Glengoyne Whiskey distillery and onwards to Aberfoyle and the Trossachs. The road north is familiar and if I’m being honest, not my favourite as it’s a bit draggy, with a heavy surface. Riding early avoids the traffic, and as soon as you crest the hill near Gartmore the view of the Trossachs is superb. Today I could see Ben Lomond and some of the larger hills north, including Ben Vorlich – a place I’d eventually reach in a few hours.

As I climbed through the forest to Callander the route took on a very different feel. You definitely know you’re entering

❝… I shouted “nearly home” as I saw the huge sculptures of the horse heads at the Kelpies. In fact I still had 60km to go and I don’t mind admitting I was running on fumes ❞

the Scotland the tourist board sells abroad – not so much the bottle-dodging housing schemes.

There was no stopping today at Callendar, at 60km into the ride. It’s normally a great place for a coffee but I had a fair bit of distance to cover and wanted to get through the A84 to Strathyre while it was still early. This is a fairly busy route for tourist buses, motorhomes and speeding motorbikes. Thankfully today with restrictions on travel and accommodation, it was a much more benign place to ride and enjoy the views of Loch Lubnaig. There is actually a Sustrans route on opposite side of the loch, avoiding the A84, but has one section that’s not road bike-friendly as I discovered when riding the multiple single-track gravel hairpin bend descent on my 25c tyres a few years ago. Sadly the main road is necessary if you don’t have a gravel bike or heavy duty tourer.

I was gutted to discover my favourite café, The Broch in Strathyre, was shut when I got there – not because of Covid but because I was half an hour too early! It didn’t open until 10am. With over 80km in the legs I rummaged in the Carradice for a cereal bar and continued north into the big mountains – what a view!

You take an innocuous right turn on to a narrow single-track road on south Loch Earn. This is one of the highlights of the ride, a flowing route with not much traffic except around the start of the Ben Vorlich hill walk. The wild camping tends to attract a lot of not-so-outdoorsy types. I squeezed past some interesting parking on the verges here, but the next 10km was much better, heading east, up and down from shoreline.

It’s common to see deer and birds of prey around here – a very beautiful place. Joining the main A85 for a short stretch I recalled meeting some Audax cyclists a few years ago in Comrie who recommended a nice road that runs

parallel and all the way to Creiff. Sure enough after St Fillans I took a right and hardly passed a car for miles, the rocky hilltops above making this a special place, and quite atmospheric.

Thankfully the café in Comrie was open for takeaway, so replenished with caffeine and calories, and rested after a short stop in the sunny square to rest the legs, I continued.

The next section to Creiff was easy, which was just as well as the climb up Sma Glen to my halfway point at Dunkeld tested the legs. This road is spectacular, running through some very wild country, followed by a long ascent. But my luck with the weather ran out. The rain closed in, adding to the remote atmosphere, and I regretted not having the mudguards on. I was glad of the earlier sustenance which gave me the energy on this fairly tough road over the hills to a long descent to the forests above Dunkeld. This is my favourite Perthshire village and has a great bunkhouse, but today all I was interested in was a Co-op meal deal which I scoffed quickly in the rain. With waterproof on, and into a stiff headwind, I felt overwhelmed Was this only halfway? All I could think about was dinner and a cold pint.

They say Perthshire is Scotland’s larder and I can see why – it’s a much softer landscape. I was amazed at the transitions in scenery on this ride. I didn’t stop, it was too wet. I passed through Pitcairngreen and turned briefly east before heading south west and back into the wind.

My bike has narrow 38cm bars and as I hunkered into drops it made the passage into the wind a little less energy-sapping, I still had almost 160km to go! In Auchterader the cafés were only just getting back to business after the lockdown, shutting earlier too. At 4.30pm I was 30 minutes late. The local bike shop offered a coffee – I must have looked a bit needy! But not wanting to put anyone out I opted for meal deal number two.

The road undulated past Gleneagles golf course and through the picturesque village of Braco. I revised my original plan to climb Glen Devon as my legs would not allow it. The surface got heavy and punishing towards Dunblane, but it was the coffee deficiency which was my big issue. However, the more affluent area of Bridge of Allan was a sure-fire place to source a late coffee, and it delivered.

My legs felt less buckled and I got a much needed boost. The route through the urban roads of Stirling was a shock after the traffic-free ride, and navigation is complicated for a west coast lad, but soon enough I was back on track and defying logic by heading away from home! This was necessary to get to my next destination, The Kelpies at Falkirk. The gift of a strong tailwind was most welcome and pan-flat roads to Airth were very Belgian, a nice treat as the last of my energy disappeared through the pedals.

I still can’t believe I shouted “nearly home” as I saw the huge sculptures of the horse heads at the Kelpies. In fact I still had 60km to go and I don’t mind admitting I was running on fumes. The light was fading fast as I picked up the Forth and Clyde Canal path, passing bars heaving with people enjoying some late evening sun and forgetting about social distances as drinks flowed. I was perhaps jealous of a cold pint but all I could think about was getting home – this ride had over 100km into a headwind and I was losing the battle. I emptied my last supplies, a porridge bar and gel from my bag, just enough to see me home I hoped. I’d have preferred fish and chips but knew that if I stopped I’d never restart.

The flat canal path is fairly dull and endless but at least it’s fast and flat. Approaching Cumbernauld I needed to find some variation, so after getting briefly lost I ended up back where I started – tiredness to blame for lack of focus! It was proper dark now as I took the fairly empty A80 road back to north of Glasgow. I barely remember much of this section, passing through a few risky parts of town, but it was all downhill, and as soon as I reached the River Clyde and the famous landmarks of Finnieston Crane and the Science Centre, I felt satisfied. I’d done it, but I was almost spent. On the last 10km I found some vigour, energised by the thought of food and sleep.

The light wheels and steel bike felt alive as I threaded through the suburbs. When I walked through the door my wife said she’d never seen me look so exhausted. It was 11pm and I looked hollow. But I was happy. It was a very challenging ride of 325km, alone through some beautiful, wild landscapes and testing conditions.

I’d managed my biggest ride despite my hip issue. I found I could dig deep and keep going. I learned I would be able to embrace a challenging event when they return, and despite a pandemic, with all the worries and restrictions, I made the most out of what I could do on the bike.

I’ve raced on velodrome, cyclo-cross, road and time trials but while these efforts are hard, riding long distance solo rides definitely take more mental strength. The speed might be slower but the challenge is just as tough – but more rewarding. It’s all about the journey, not just getting there.