debate 03, 2013 by Debate Magazine

Issue 03 | MARCH 2013 www.ausm.org.nz

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Directory

reception City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am-5pm Fri: 9am-4pm North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 11am-1pm Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am-3.30pm governance & leadership Kizito Essuman AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 kizito.essuman@aut.ac.nz management Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz advocacy Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz marketing Kate Lin Sales and Marketing Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8909 kate.lin@aut.ac.nz events Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931 carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz media Matthew Cattin Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz vesbar Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz volunteers & clubs Nathan Bromberg Volunteers Coordinator 921 9999 ext 8911 nathan.bromberg@aut.ac.nz

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Issue 03 | MARCH 2013

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Cover

Street Art Photo by debate Team

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Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz

sub editor Nigel Moffiet

5 Editorial 6 Food Review 9 Artist of the week: Jonny Wartmann 12 MUSIC: Lydia Cole 14 AuSM: Prez Sez AuSM: Updates 15 NEWS 18 SPORTS: Auckland Blues 19 SPORTS: Sky City Breakers 20 Athlete Profile: Tyla Nathan-Wong 21 Article: The Strange World of Band Riders 22 Article: The Sociology of Men's Urinals 24 Article: Census 25 Memorandum Auckland Gig Guide 26 Article: Manuia Samoa 28 Article: J.R.R Tolkien 30 REVIEWS 32 Caption Corner Recipe 33 Procrastipage ROB's Top 10

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Ceapum Kaushish ceapum.kaushish@aut.ac.nz

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AuSM all rights reserved This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM. disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

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Editorial

by Matthew Cattin

Hello, Pictured above are my veiny feet peeking over the To Sua swimming hole near Vavau in Samoa – if there is a heaven on earth, it was there I found it. A tidal pool that connects to the sea via a submerged cave, To Sua is a nice break from Samoa’s sun and it fills you with fortitude to one day return. And I will eventually – there are still so many mangoes to munch, lagoons to lounge in and frangipani flowers to draw in. The most endearing aspect of Samoa though is its people. Warm, chilled out and perfectly content living a simple life, it was such a pleasure to escape the politics, policies and prejudices of home. In Samoa, fa’afafine are just another integral part of fa’a Samoa – the Samoan way. Although biologically male, fa’afafine express female traits and are both accepted and respected enough to have become known by many as the third gender of Samoa. They often dress in women’s clothing, speak in feminine tones and make advances on other men (although not exclusively). The Samoans looking after me quickly taught me one of the more useful words in their tongue; cheeky. “Kaukalaikiki!” It quickly became my go-to expression when

fa’afafine characters called me boyfriend. It always resulted in a shocked grin and laughs – my white boy party trick. It was so refreshing to see homosexuality so unabashed, so nonchalant and so accepted. The only eyebrows raised when a fa’afafine got on the bus or walked down the street were sprouting from white faces. Why? Because we have been raised in a society that identifies, challenges and restricts difference; and I am ashamed of it. Last week, the same-sex marriage bill passed its second reading 77 votes to 44. It’s no landslide, but it is huge progress considering consensual sex between gays was illegal in New Zealand right up until 1986. Yes, the 2005civil union bill was a progression but if you ask for an iPod for Christmas and your parents get you an imitation, are you satisfied? In my opinion, civil union is just another way to “other” people of a minority sexual preference. Sure you can fill out the census form like every other person but you have your own special box – the one that says civil union, you see it? Just below marriage. Wouldn’t it be nice if everybody could just tick married? Not to mention the limited gender options which Hazel will enlighten you with on page 24. If parliament allows marriage

to remain exclusive for heterosexual couples, what it is really saying is “no, homosexuals are different and therefore can’t enjoy the same privileges as the majority.” Rewind back to 1950’s USA – the civil rights movement. Separate facilities, discrimination, laws against interracial romance. The way African-Americans were treated was inhumane, primal and frankly disgusting. I doubt you would find many New Zealanders to contest that fact. Yet in a herald poll, 49% of voters did not support the same-sex marriage bill in any form. I fail to see the difference. Not because I am blind but because there is none. Discrimination is discrimination – pure and simple - and no religion, belief system or argument will change that fact, or excuse it. We can keep on allowing this to happen, ignore the discrimination and move to Samoa. Or alternatively, we can let our voices be heard, cut down homophobia where we see it and stand up until everybody is counted equal. As nice as hiding out in Samoa sounds, I vote option B. Besides, I’ve been sitting down all day. Matthew.

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Food Review

After being asked to take on the title of ‘food critic’ of AUT’s fresh new café scene, I anticipated an array of cheap student food that was great for the budget, but terrible for the waistline. I was surprised when I was greeted by an offering of not just a couple of healthy choices, but a delicious variety of healthy meals from almost all of AUT’s cafes. David Green, AUT’s Director of Hospitality, said that he runs the cafes on the policy of “You’re only as good as your last meal”, meaning that every meal has to be great, and has to impress.

The guide to finding your fuel at school by India Hendrikse

David also believes that fresh food is the key to success in a place like AUT, which is why a new kitchen facility has been built on the city campus, where cooking each day starts at 6am. Most of the food from The Counter Café, Beanz Café, The Hub, and the grand WG building’s new café, Newsfeed is made on site, with only a few select items coming from a catering service. The Manukau campus, which unfortunately I did not get to visit, also has their very own student café called KaiFe, which serves the normal sammies and coffees, with the addition of Pasifika foods, including chop suey and poke dessert.

Here are my experiences with each of the AUT City Campus cafes: *Note, I have given each café a rating out of 10, 1 being the vomit-worthy end of the scale, and 10 being the absolutely scrumptious end.

Vegetable frittata and a fresh fruit salad at Beanz cafe

8/10 Although lacking in ambience, there is definitely good reason I have pushed Beanz café to the top of my list. This article is about good food, and I couldn’t really fault what I ate at Beanz, nor the wonderfully friendly service they treated me with. AUT’s hospo students send all their edible creations down in the way of Beanz café, which is why the prices are ever so low, for example Bagels are only 50 cents each! After being temporarily paralysed with shock from witnessing the low prices, I brought myself back to my senses and chose to order a vegetarian frittata, a large fruit salad, and of course, a coffee. I couldn’t fault any of my three choices, and I devoured them to the very last crumb of frittata, and the last drop of coffee. Smiles seemed compulsory at this cute little eatery, and the happy vibe I felt was contagious. From apple strudel served with cream, to hot packed lunches of lamb curry, the hospo students definitely have all of my compliments. The basic surroundings are cancelled out by the great value you get with your food. Try this place and you will thank me. Coffees for $3.50 are not a common occurrence, therefore do not question, but just open your mouths wide, and enjoy.

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Create-your-own noodle salad at NewsFeed cafe

7/10 AUT’s new WG building is sure to impress; a thriving centre for communications students, new and wonderful gadgets, and cool hang out spaces, it is a true student centre. The café amongst all the action is called NewsFeed; a name perfectly suited to the mediaorientated environment. The meals consist of either a noodle or salad bowl/box, and you are allowed to choose your own toppings, sauces, and/or broths. The choice of your meal is entirely up to you, even down to what type of noodles you feel like slurping up. I chose the rice noodles, with toppings of chicken, roast pumpkin, capsicum and beetroot, a broth of miso and a dressing most aptly named ‘Asian dressing’ (well done with descriptiveness there). Besides the lack of originality in the name of my dressing, which seemed to taste more like Basil than any herb of Asian origin, the food, although lacking a bit in flavour, was very good. The vegetables were fresh, leaving your palate feeling cleansed, and the service was lovely. After my meal, I felt pleasantly full rather than stuffed. A bonus is the power points adorning the walls of the café, meaning that you can plug your laptop in to charge whilst you eat. This café definitely seems to be the type of place that AUT was previously missing- somewhere where you can get a great healthy meal, skull a coffee, and centre yourself in an open-plan space in what I feel is now the new heart of the University.

Food Review

Chicken burger and fries at The Counter cafe

Buffet options at The Hub

7/10 Unlike NewsFeed Café, The Counter most definitely has some hangover-cure options. With a menu packed full of variety, The Counter café, located on the ground floor of WF, caters for everyone. As well as cabinet food consisting of fresh sandwiches, paninis, pies, slices and cakes, The Counter offers a large dine-in menu as well, serving delicious breakfast options, and their everpopular burger deal. The burgers, of which I ordered the Spiced Chicken option, are great value for money- a gourmet burger and wedges being only $8.50. The chicken patty didn’t taste like processed crap made from the waste pile, but a proper chicken patty, jammed in between crisp salad and a fresh, warmed bun. I was given fries instead of wedges for an unknown reason, but the fries were good nonetheless. If the food still isn’t getting you hooked, then it’s also worthwhile to let you know that The Counter is a licensed premise, so drinks can be ordered from opening till close. The coffee I ordered (just a soy cappuccino), was the perfect strength, with a lovely froth on top. After feeling especially satiated, I had to leave with half my meal still left behind on my plate, and my tummy bursting.

Sweet banana cupcakes The Counter Café

6.5/10 With very cheap prices (just $5 for a huge plate of buffet-style food), I expected great things out of The Hub, but was sorry to experience that the food was quite appalling the first time I ate here. My curry was much too oily, the chicken was a little tough, and my salad was quite bland. So what did I do? I gave them another chance; after all, it was only their first week of opening. The second time I visited, I was actually served a truly lovely meal. I am not usually a lamb eater, as I find them a bit too cute and cuddly to chew on, but figured that I better push aside my morals to tell you all about it. What I devoured was a delicious lamb curry, and even though I am not usually a red-meat eater, I actually found this quite delicious, as it had just the right amount of spice to hit the spot. With the curry, I chose a variety of things, including boiled veges, Vietnamese style noodles, and a delicious zucchini and eggplant salad. I feel like The Hub just may have had a bad opening week, as my second meal here was truly delightful, and the quality of the coffee was great. My second visit assured me that this is a great place for students to eat; the food tastes healthy, the staff seem confident and friendly, and the atmosphere gets busier and more exciting with every passing day. I heard a passer-by actually shout “Yay the buffet’s running” to his friends… which must prove something. The difference one week of experience makes to a place is incredible, so I recommend meandering through AUT to discover your love for cheap food in The Hub’s temple of cheap eats.

The Counter Café

Healthy sandwiches The Counter Café

A chef heats things up in The Counter's kitchen Apple Strudel (served with cream) Beanz Café

A cheap, hot meal The Hub

All photos by India Hendrikse

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Artist of the week

Jonny Wartmannâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sublime Street Art www.ausm.org.nz

Artist of the week

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Artist of the week

Interview by Matthew Cattin

Walking the streets of Auckland with Jonny Wartmann is like strolling through the Museé de Louvre with Leonardo Da Vinci. One of New Zealand’s top graffiti artists, Wartmann has brought technicolour life to the city’s brick walls, alleyways and buildings, as well as creating art for massive corporations (Coca-Cola, Vodafone, Telecom, Heineken and The Warriors are just some of the heavyweights he’s put aerosol to wall for). I caught up with Wartmann for a coffee and a stroll down K Road. Instantly likable and with a smile tagged permanently on his face, Wartmann described his philosophies, his works and his attitudes towards the changing face of street art.

draw,” he says. “Sometimes I think with commissioned works, it’s kind of sad that they are frozen in time like that and you know you are going to have to keep seeing that same artwork day in, day out. Especially in modern society when we consume things so fast. Graffiti is perfect for that because after a while, it gets ruined and a new one goes up.” This shift in attitude has led Wartmann to start painting free murals around the CBD – for the love of the art and the satisfaction of sending a message. He believes our celebrity-obsessed culture has lost touch with those actually worthy of reverence and respect and he plans to create art that endorses this message. As he stands proudly before a beautifully illustrated smiling Chinese monk on K Road, I understand what he means.

Meeting a professional tagger, I felt it was my duty to ask – did you have a dick tagging stage? His response was the best I have heard. “I’ve got friends that do it to The unwritten rule of graffiti, says Wartmann, is you this day but to me, no! I find it offensive. I love drawing have free reign to tag over somebody else’s work – so female form, and to me it makes a lot more sense… I long as you create something better. Such a rule would like doing artwork and graffiti to make people think never resound with most other art forms but it’s this something not negative and I think drawing a phallus is limited and mortal lifespan of graffiti art that has Jonny the most aggressive symbol. A swastika, you have to be Wartmann hooked. Born and raised in Christchurch, educated to understand 33-year-old Wartmann what it means but a cock has had an aerosol can " What we need is for the economy and balls… That’s why clutched in hands since to really plunge so that the city people love it so much! he was a teenager. “I It’s just so instantly and started out drawing falls to chaos. Then we will have a gratifyingly offensive. It’s graffiti. Because I blossoming graffiti art scene. " just not for me.” wasn’t from a criminal background, it wasn’t Wartmann says instinctive for me to go out and do it so I had to actually although he’s made a living from street art, there aren’t meet someone who took me out. Usually I think it’s enough street artists in Auckland to inspire another through the peer group that people get into graffiti and generation and he fears it may die out. “When the that was definitely the case with me.” world cup happened, the council was like ‘right, zero tolerance, we’re stamping it out, we’re painting over Public conceptions of graffiti as an art form are all the graffiti’, and it hasn’t bounced back. It’s really as ever-changing as the tagging hotspots around unfortunate. What we need is for the economy to really Auckland. “The definition [of street art] is the biggest plunge so that the city falls to chaos. Then we will have misconception. A street art exhibition is a contradiction a blossoming graffiti art scene." in terms. Surely a street art exhibition is an alleyway, not people looking at framed pictures in a gallery. I Wartmann would love to see a street art revival in myself am very confused about what qualifies as graffiti. New Zealand but beware if he catches any noobs By definition, it’s making a mark on a surface – that’s tagging their names on something beautiful. “If I saw from the Latin origin of the word – and I think that still a young Mr ruining a piece of graffiti art, I would go applies. So at what point it goes from being a mark to and threaten him and take his paint. Or if he tried to being artwork is in the definition and it’s impossible to fight me, I would fight him,” he warns. “I’m not violent say anymore.” though, I have principles.” Wartmann says after nearly 20 years of graffiti, it’s only recently he’s felt he has something worth saying. “I’ve never been focused on being an artist until this year. Up until now I have called myself a commercial artist and See more of Jonny's work at: drawn other people’s ideas as a way to pay the bills and a way to learn to draw things you wouldn’t normally www.disruptiv.com

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Music: Lydia Cole’s Lunar Love Songs

Lydia Cole’s Lunar Love Songs by Erica McQueen

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Music: Lydia Cole’s Lunar Love Songs

I can assure you if you pause and think up any lovely, sweet sounding word it would fit Lydia Cole perfectly. A masterful storyteller and stunning singer-songwriter from the North Shore, Lydia’s songs are thought-out and heart-felt. A magical lyricist influenced by the likes of Ryan Adams and Simon and Garfunkel, her music is folksy and wistful. It will draw you in, entrance and change you and softly let you go until your ears long to listen again. A multi-talented musician she plays both keys and guitar at her live gigs - of which I wish I’d been to more. Her album release of Me & Moon was the first gig I ever attended and I’ve been hooked on the Auckland music scene ever since. At an intimate show at Tabac (Auckland CBD), the combination of her haunting vocals and sweet sweet banter between songs made for a fabulous evening. Some of her piano parts resemble those of Regina Spektor which is lovely. Graceful, delightful and charming, Lydia is a songstress you don’t want to miss. 2009 saw Lydia release her EP Love Will Find a Way. Though brief, at around 15 minutes, EP’s don’t get much better than this. Available on her bandcamp I’d encourage you to treat your ears to this mellow delicacy. It will leave you desiring more, which lucky for you, you can find in her debut full-length record Me &

Who’s in the band and what do they do?

I sing and play guitar/piano. Nic Manders plays multiple instruments at any one time (he also produced my album ‘Me & Moon’, and also my 2009 EP ‘Love Will Find A Way’). Jono Wilson plays drums and gives loads of hugs/fist pumps/high fives and permanently has encouraging slogans bursting from his mouth. Luke Oram plays guitar, sings a little, and winds me up. Occasionally I get Sam Bentley (The Paper Kites) to play duo with me. He lives in Melbourne though so it’s only happened three times. It’s a heavenly match.

Moon. Written in 18 months of hibernation you can sense the time and effort invested into this marvellous work of art. Lydia presents listeners with 11 glorious songs, each a masterpiece of its own. Also available on bandcamp the album comes with an array of simple and stunning merchandise. Limited edition shirts designed by Miss Cole herself, anyone? Last year Lydia was one of five APRA Silver Scroll finalists. This prestigious award recognises the outstanding achievement of songwriters. At the awards held at the Auckland Town Hall, L.A. Mitchell performed Lydia’s single Hibernate. Such a treat to watch as I streamed the awards live. Now on YouTube if you missed it. There’s little more I can say about the dulcet tones and luscious melodies of Lydia’s songs. It is at this point where I must cease rambling about Lydia’s brilliance and humbly suggest you treat yourself and have a listen to some (or all of) Lydia’s gems. My personal favs at the moment are Always Be There, Love and Loss and Love and Undone but like I said, they’re all brilliant so get listening! You’re welcome.

Band name meaning?

My Dad’s dad’s dad’s dad’s dad came up with the surname (is that how it works?) and my older brother Aaron named me Lydia.

The last music you purchased/ downloaded was?

A Radiohead song called Reckoner. And also Luke Thompson’s new (FREE) album To The Common Dark (from lukethompsonmusic.com)

Describe your ‘sound’ in three words or less Warm. Organic. Mood.

And how’d y’all get together? Nic plays most of the instruments when we record together, and naturally began joining me on stage whenever possible. I met Jono Wilson through recording together on Luke Thompson’s song ‘Water’. And finally Nic brought Luke Oram into the mix. I met Sam Bentley at Easterfest a few years ago.

What can you never leave home without

Favourite lyric from a song?

Musically it would be Ryan Adams, and probably a bunch of ones I’m not aware of. Having been personally encouraged by certain people has given me the confidence to keep pushing my songwriting. People like Neil Finn and Brooke Fraser, and my manager Paul McKessar and producer Nic Manders.

I’ve just started getting into Home Brew. I’m drawn to the grittiness of the lyrics, the weight of the message, and the honest delivery. But I also love this line from M. Ward in his song Poison Cup - “If love is a poison cup, then drink it up / because a sip or a spoonful won’t do nothing for you except mess you up”.

My phone

If you like _________ you’ll love Lydia Cole being in touch with your emotions

Who’s been most influential on your song-writing/music-making?

If you could offer one bit of advice to those starting out song writing, what would it be?

gather around it.

Fist pumps of high-fives?

Pumps. Though for me it usually becomes an awkward combination of the two. I hate those moments.

What rumour would you like to start about yourself?

Anything that could help me get a gig with Ryan Adams.

Craziest thing you’ve done for your music?

In 2008 I entered the KFC ‘Sounds from your Hometown’ competition. I got to perform at my local KFC… at 10am on a Saturday, in the car park, by the rubbish bins. It was not my favourite 30 minutes of all time, but it did put me in contact with some good people.

I know it’s silly but I love... Love.

My day job is…

My day job is making coffee at my favourite coffee shop in Auckland.

Favourite smell? Bacon bakin’.

What can we expect to see from you over the next year? New music and more shows in more places.

Believe in what you create and people will

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PREZ SEZ

PREZ SEZ Hi all,

Kizito Essuman AuSM President (09) 921 9999 ext 8571

I hope you all had a fantastic time last week at your 2nd AuSM orientation week. We are all settling down with studies now. I am already in my second week for the MBA second term and it has been very interesting as we have a lot of experienced people from the industry on the programme who make a lot of contributions during the lecture and it just makes me feel like I am in a board meeting rather than at lectures sometimes. To all my fellow students, especially the first year, first semester students please make good use of the University’s Student Learning Centre. It is a service for all AUT students that provides free academic support to help you excel and achieve better grades. If you are already struggling with an assignment, essay or paper, please make it a point to attend some of their study smart workshops which offer a range of resources on essay writing, referencing, how to study effectively, time management and exam preparation. They are located at WB 239 at the city campus, AS215 for North shore and MB 104 for the Manukau Campus. AuSM has been entertaining you for the past two weeks on all the AUT campuses as part of our O-Week programme and I am very excited that you are all loving it. We have taken heaps of pictures at the O-Week activities so check them out on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/ ausm1. Find out more about our services like advocacy/legal info, representation, clubs, recreational activities, student media, student job search and many more on our website and Facebook page.

AuSM Update

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Feedback AuSM Orientation has come to an end and we want to know what you thought of it. This year we have had more activities than ever before! Email kate.lin@aut.ac.nz with your feedback on AuSM Orientation or any of our services… I have some mystery prizes that might just come your way!

As part of AuSM’s commitment to build a better community engagement programme, AuSM is helping out with a lot of community projects this year. Our main community project for this month is helping out with the Child Cancer Foundation’s Beads of Courage Day Street Appeal Collection Days on Friday 22nd and Saturday 23rd March 2013. I strongly believe that this will make a huge difference in the lives of our future AUT students and AuSM members who are now battling with cancer. Please my fellow students, I humbly appeal to you to make a donation of time and money to help the foundation provide support to children with cancer, their families and the health professionals who care for them. Spending an hour or few in an Auckland community and making street collections could make meaningful difference in the lives of these courageous children. There will be an AuSM team this year for the appeal so please join us to make a difference in the society. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me directly on (09) 9999 ext 8571 or kessuman@aut. ac.nz. To register for the event please contact Nathan Bromberg at the AuSM reception, City campus or email him on nbromber@aut.ac.nz. Have a lovely week and make the most of it! Your Prez, Kizito

Thanks! Big thanks again to everyone for being part of AuSM Orientation 2013! Stay tuned with us and visit www.ausm. org.nz for our on-going events such as movie screening opportunities, weekly Free Feeds and gigs.

Nifty NEWS

Nifty News

Graffiti artist pays tribute to Kiwi great by Shilo Flavell

Chances are if you know Kiwi art, you know the names Ralph Hotere and Askew one. Hotere is widely regarded as one of our greatest artists. His work has touched the lives of many, including renowned street artist Elliot O’Donnell, otherwise known as Askew One. Askew is one of New Zealand’s most respected artists in the game, renowned especially for his graffiti work (he has won two consecutive ‘Write 4 Gold’ world titles as part of TMD crew). It’s not just graffiti however that Askew One excels at; he is also a mastermind at photography, publishing, music and directing videos. He is now advancing into portrait work, his latest paying tribute to the late Ralph Hotere.

If you would like to see the mural yourself, visit 430 New North Road, Kingsland.

Why did you choose to paint Ralph Hotere as a giant mural? It just came to my mind that it would be a great idea to paint an artist who had a profound impact on painting in this country. It also sort of goes back to all the work that I’ve been doing lately. My last stream of work has been focused on these large format portraits. In the studio I do face profiles, like floating heads. For the larger outdoor work I wanted to do more mid portraiture or full body portraiture of people and kind of honouring them from this region, specifically people of Pacific descent. Also, a lot of them are people that are creative. How has Ralph Hotere influenced your work? Have you always been a fan of his? I remember being cynical about New Zealand contemporary art when I was a young graffiti guy. I was resistant to everything that people were trying to tell us was good art. We would be shown Hotere, and McCain and all these other great painters and I would be so resistant to it because my mentality was so graffiti. When I was sixteen, I went to the art gallery and I saw a number of Ralph Hotere works in the flesh and they had a very profound impact on me. The first thing that struck me was I had seen images of them reproduced in books and they always seemed very minimal and so I had them written off, but to see all the subtle complexities of his work in the flesh

and just how masterfully they were created was the first thing that struck me. The next thing that struck me was just the power of them and how strongly connected to a sense of what is it to be of this land that was in them, and then I started to understand the politics behind his work and what statements he was making as an artist. Describe the process involved in completing the mural. I put the word out on twitter that I wanted to do it. Toa Fraser, a director, lives in this building, and he was like, ‘hang on I think I've got a wall!’ His landlord was a friend of Ralph’s daughter and she said she would love to have a painting on her wall. We thought we had a budget left over from one of our last projects, but it was a bit complex getting hands on that money to be able to rent the lifts and buy the paint. We put out how much we were looking for as a basic estimate on Twitter, and then a few individuals who were friends of Hotere put some money forward, like Alex Sweeney from Heart of the City. Westpac, who use Hotere’s art work across their branding and ATM machines, put a couple of thousand forward which was basically the cost of the lift. All together, it came to just under three thousand dollars. The support has been overwhelming. The generosity of Ralph Hotere’s spirit lives on through the overwhelming support of others.

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NIFTY NEWS

An award-winning AUT student’s mobile video game, has taken a bite into Apple. AUT business student, Sean Hinton, recently launched his game, Whale Bait, to the Apple App Store.

“There will be a huge graphical update and a huge update to the actual game play,” he says. “We’ll also be introducing a premium version of the game so there’ll be lots of incentives.”

The 25-year-old says designing his own game was the best way to make it into the gaming industry.

The release of Whale Bait comes after Sean’s gaming and business concept won $10,000, through the AUT Venture fund, in September last year.

“I’ve always wanted to get into the [gaming] industry, but there was never a clear cut path for game design,” Sean says. “So I decided to make my own.”

Apple Hooked on Whale Bait by Elesha Edmonds

Sean is the founder of mobile game and development company, Gamekit Ltd. Any students interested in game development (specifically artists) or the Venture Fund can contact Sean, at seanahinton@gmail.com.

WG – A Student Death Trap by Erica Donald

WG may seem like a dream come true for many students. It is a shining, sparkling paradise filled with soft couches and state of the art equipment. But it is also a minefield of danger. Every day students are entering the new building in complete awe, their heads craned back at near 90 degree angles in astonishment. This unnatural position can have quite a detrimental effect.

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The Venture Fund was started to give AUT students the chance to develop their business ideas.

The arcade style game, which is currently available for free, is downloaded around 150 times a day by gamers around the world.

Sean’s last minute application was based around a business idea for a mobile game and development company, called Gamekit Ltd.

The objective of Whale Bait is to survive in an underwater aquarium, filled with enemy sharks, for as long as possible. “The goal is to collect as many points as you can… with the help of whales and animal scuba kings,” Sean says.

Tony Falkenstein, a judge of the competition, says Sean’s organisation and innovative idea made his entry stand out. “He got everything right,” Tony says. “He was quite organised, he knew what he wanted to do and had a good product.” “We look for something that is feasible… and that they’ve done some thinking about it and put together a good plan. So he [Sean] ticked all the boxes.”

“Essentially the longer you play, the more enemies that appear on the screen and the more difficult it gets.” Sean says his team, at Gamekit Ltd, are currently making changes to the game and a newer version will be released in April.

Whale Bait 2.0 is to be released to the Apple App Store in mid-April.

“Normal extension of the neck is 70 degrees,” says Dr. James Elmslie, who works at City Chiropractic. “Prolonged extension of anything beyond that can predispose you to Torticollis, a condition where your neck can become fully rotated to one side and you can’t move.”

at least gives them some exercise.” Do not give in to the escalator temptation, as this is a sure road to weight gain. This is not helped by the student diet, which we all know is far from being a nutritionist’s dream. Those escalators are an enticing way to gain weight.

If students are constantly gazing around in wonder they can cause future damage to their necks. “Continual overuse of the Posterior Extensor muscles could lead to premature degeneration of the spine and intervertebral discs,” Elmslie says. “They will definitely be needing regular chiropractor care.”

I can imagine the excitement that students felt, seeing the small words “Tree house” on one of the signs, eagerly making their way to the fourth floor. I can also imagine their distress as they look around for a hut built from planks and nails, and instead only see a lecture theatre. This building has already put the students through so much pain and peril, and now it continues on, breaking hearts all around. Human hearts can only cope with so much, and the sudden let down and disappointment which ensues is sure to put a strain on one’s health. Not helped by those escalators.

A main attraction for the new building is the introduction of the escalators, going from floor to floor. It means you only have to take two steps to get to class: one to get on and one to get off. This is quite a concern for students who spend all day cooped up in classrooms. “Having to walk up flights of stairs each day provides incidental exercise, which in turn, burns calories,” says Lynda Smith from Nutrition for Life. “It also provides stimulation for muscles that would otherwise not be in use. If students are unable to find time to exercise, then walking up flights of stairs during the day

Enjoy WG, as the building has so much to offer the students. But keep your wits about you and be careful. Take the stairs as often as you can, or run up the escalators, keep yourselves healthy. Don’t expect too much from the “Tree house,” it’s only a lecture theatre. And don’t worry about the fifth floor, it’s not really that great. Oh who am I kidding, it’s pretty spectacular.

Nifty NEWS

Jane Davis, a 20-year-old AUT student, recently made the brave decision to shave her head for cancer. Shave for a Cure is Leukaemia & Blood Cancer New Zealand’s biggest fundraising event. On Friday March 8, 30 young students came together in Devonport to shave their heads, as a show of solidarity for a young girl in the community who is battling leukaemia.

Jane Davis : Before

Jane has a strong link to cancer; the disease has vastly affected family. She was the only girl to do the full shave at the event. Jane has raised over $1000, and collectively over $13,000 has been raised. After a number of her family members were diagnosed, Jane felt compelled to do something. “You just feel so helpless. Cancer is so massive – what could I ever do to replace what has been taken? After my uncle passed, it spiralled. My aunty was diagnosed, and then my mother’s dad died two years ago of lung cancer. The final straw was my 24-year-old cousin got breast cancer…I was in shock, it’s everywhere. It doesn’t matter what kind of cancer it is, it’s everywhere.” However, there is a darker side to this worthy cause. In the past few years, some of the participants’ reasons for shaving their heads have not revealed the right intentions.

Jane Davis : After

Shave for a Cure by Ginny Green

Flu vaccine now available for AUT students The 2013 flu vaccine is now available for AUT students at Health, Counselling and Wellbeing. Students can receive the vaccination for $11 (PHO-enrolled students) or $26 (non-enrolled and international students). People who are pregnant or have chronic health conditions may be eligible to get the vaccination for free. Maori and Pasifika students who are enrolled with AUT Health, Counselling and Wellbeing as their main doctor are eligible to have the flu vaccine for free. “It doesn’t matter how fit and healthy you are, the flu is just as likely to affect you,” says Health, Counselling

Maddy Robertson and Ella Turner from Dunedin were 16 when, after drinking too much one night; they cut each other’s hair. To remedy the situation, they decided to shave their heads completely. “The only option we had to shave, but we didn’t want to be teased for being bald. We saw this Shave for a Cure charity event and thought it was a good explanation...”

and Wellbeing practice manager Stella McFarlane. “It causes epidemics every year during the winter months, with one in five people getting sick.” Influenza can be a severe and sometimes life-threatening infection, usually striking from May to September. The virus is spread through the air through infected people sneezing, coughing, sharing utensils or from surfaces they have touched such as shared textbooks or computers. “Students miss classes, assignments and exams when they get the flu, and can spend weeks in bed. The flu vaccination is a practical way of preventing yourself from getting seriously ill during winter,” says Stella. Immunity can take up to two weeks to develop after the vaccination — so to get protected during winter; you need to get vaccinated now.

She adds, “We did raise money, but it was after the fact.” Ella regrets the decision and blames their youth, “We were 16 and stupid and I do regret it now since our reasons weren’t the right ones. “We got a lot of attention; people thought we were really great for doing something like that.” Another young girl from Wellington, Natalie Patterson, shaved for the event to defy her parents. “It seemed like the easiest way to get around it. And if it benefitted a charity as well, even better. It was a bit of a ‘screw you’ to my parents at the time.” Attention seems to be a factor with these rash decisions. Youth psychiatrist, Dr Hugh Clarkson says that people rarely do things for a single motive. He says that subconsciously, it may be for attention, but you might not realise this at the time. “When doing something like this, you may think you’re doing it for the right reasons, but you really aren’t. You haven’t thought your reasoning through at the time.” Luckily, there are people like Jane who genuinely want to help people. She says that the attention is necessary to make a change, “It sounds silly, but in my head it seemed like a selfish thing to do, as we saw today it’s a lot of attention. “Today didn’t feel selfish at all. It felt like the attention is what you need to get people to help.” Jane hopes that her actions will count. “I think it’s a nice homage to my family that I’ve done this for someone else’s family.”

Students can make an appointment with Health, Counselling and Wellbeing by phoning 09 921 9992 (City Campus) or 09 921 9998 (North Shore Campus). Manukau Campus students are welcome at either centre. You must wait 20 minutes after the vaccination. Stella explains that the most common concern about the flu vaccine is about contracting the flu. “It is not possible to get the flu from the seasonal influenza vaccine. Although there is a new flu vaccine every year, it’s made using the same ‘tried and tested’ methodology used by the World Health Organisation over many years.” The influenza vaccine is a prescription medicine, so make sure you talk with the nurse or your doctor about the benefits, possible risks and side effects. You can also visit the website www.fightflu.co.nz for more information.

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Sports

to reverse their fleeting fortunes in 2013. Ex-All Black winger and coach of Italy and Japan, knight of the realm Sir John Kirwan was hired, bringing with him an experienced coaching staff which includes the Don of New Zealand rugby Sir Graham Henry, and former All Blacks skills coach Mick Byrne. A youthful squad was selected, rewarding the efforts of a number of players who had shown promise during the 2012 ITM Cup. The notion of starting afresh was reinforced with the somewhat controversial selection of Ali Williams as captain, a player who had notoriously been sent home from a semifinal match in South Africa as a result of a disagreement with then coach David Nucifora in 2007. Scepticism around the Blues hopes for the 2013 season stemmed from the lack of Super Rugby experience of Kirwan and his squad, as well as first-time skipper Williams’ ability to lead the team to success. The baby Blues of 2013 faced a baptism of fire in the first two rounds of the competition, coming up against the Hurricanes, a team whose mix of youth and success in 2012 the Blues were looking to emulate, and perennial winners the Crusaders who swept the two game series between the teams the previous season, including a 59-12 shellacking in Christchurch. The Blues proceeded to put their naysayers to shame, as a two-try effort from Super Rugby debutant and former All Blacks Sevens player Frank Halai spearheaded a 34-20 victory at the Cake Tin. Fans were certainly impressed; however one effective performance does not make a winning season.

A Cure for the

BLUES

by Ben HIll

For Auckland rugby fans, 2012’s Super Rugby season was one that promised so much but ultimately delivered so little. The despair was accentuated exponentially by the relative success of New Zealand’s four other franchises. Despite missing the post-season, both the Highlanders and Hurricanes recorded winning seasons, winning over twice as many games as the lowly Blues. The Crusaders were Crusader-like as they made the semi-finals for the billionth time while the Chiefs reaped the rewards of a craftily assembled squad and some remarkable away results to clinch their first title with a convincing win over the Sharks. Highlights for the Blues were few and far between, with the promising emergence of loose forward Steven Luatua and fullback Charlie Piutau serving as the silver lining for an otherwise forgettable season. Four-year head coach Pat Lam was fired, and players who had brought with them substantial hype but failed to produce such as Ma’a Nonu and Gareth Anscombe were let go as the franchise looked

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For the Blues to capture the attention of the consistently fickle Auckland sports fan, further success was essential. The Blues could not have chosen a better stage to ensure said attention was firmly focussed on them, outscoring the pseudo-All Black Crusaders five tries to none, on a lovely Auckland summer evening where the rugby played by the home team was just as lovely. Not only did the Blues win, they won in style. Seeing George Moala, Frank Halai, Rene Ranger and Piutau scything through the Crusaders defence was a sight to behold. Journeyman first-five eights Chris Noakes has returned home to Auckland and is playing the sort of rugby that will put him on the radar of Big Dog Steve Hansen. His mercurial chip kick to the corner for Halai to score was brilliant, and exposed the defensive frailties of a Crusaders team which usually prides itself on excellence. A disciplined forward effort provided front foot ball for the team’s explosive backs to exploit. Despite it being very early days in what is a long schedule, the ingredients are all there for the Blues to cook up something which Auckland rugby fans can dine out on. The key is to ensure the young team keeps their composure (unlike Frank’s chair slinging freak out after being burned alive in Old School), and if not in 2013 then likely very soon they could find themselves as the first championship Blues team in over a decade.

Sports

Illustration by Sukanto Debnath's photos via Getty Images

As if winning one title wasn’t tough enough, they backed it up last season with another, and look to be playing their best ever ‘ball this summer. As it stands, they are on a collision course with arch rivals the Perth Wildcats for another three match deciding series. But where is the love for the Breakers? Basketball wouldn’t exactly win a popularity contest here in New Zealand; it would struggle to make the top ten. Yet, we love an underdog right? And we love the underdog even more when it’s succeeding, don’t we? Then why are the Breakers so far down the list of teams followed in this country?

UNBROKEN

New Zealand’s Underdog Champions by Zach Large History beckons. The iiNet NBL season is nearing the end and the Sky City Breakers are in hot form, looking to secure a place in the history books… in more places than one. The Breakers, winners of fourteen straight matches, are favourites to claim their third straight NBL title, a feat only achieved once in history, but so much more is at stake here at home. If they do go on and win the grand final series again, the question must be asked, does that make them our best ever-Australasian sporting team? Do we even need to ask the question, or are we looking at the answer? Forget Super Rugby, that is as much

our competition as it is Australia’s and South Africa’s. I’m talking about teams like the Warriors and the Phoenix. Yes, the Warriors have had their moments in the NRL, as have the Phoenix in the A-League, with larger player pools and a huge supporter base, they are expected to do well, after the initial teething stages of course. They do after all have a whole country of players to choose from. But, the honeymoon period is well and truly over for both of these teams, and neither have any silverware to show for it. If we are to judge a team on its trophy cabinet then surely this makes the Breakers star shine brightest.

Sure, Rugby, League, Cricket and Netball are as integral to our culture as gumboots and Marmite. But these sports aren’t for everyone, and this is where the small (but growing) supporter base for the Breakers has developed. Basketball is an exciting sport, ten guys on the court, with plenty of room to move. You have twenty four seconds to do something with the ball and then it goes to the other team. Rinse and repeat. The results are spectacular. Dunk, alley-oop, 20-foot jumper, fade away, buzzer-beating three pointers, turnovers and fast breaks. Basketball fanatics are all over the Breakers, and neutral fans are hopping on board too, slowly but surely. Not just for the love of basketball, but because we have a team playing in an Australianbased competition that is playing consistently well and achieving exciting results. That’s strange isn’t it? Haven’t had too much of this have we? These are lofty expectations they set on themselves prior to championship number one, when they became a regular finals team. They are a team of ours that hasn’t let us down in a long, long time, and there isn’t too many of those running around in New Zealand. Believe it or not even the All Blacks let us down in their last outing - yes they are human. So New Zealand, what are you going to do? Continue to wait for the deciding match each season to “support” the Breakers, or give them the season-long support they deserve. They are mostly Kiwis too, not just imports brought in to garner instant success. They are a homegrown bunch; their squad has ten New Zealand born players out of fourteen. So yes you may be a bit late, but it’s not too late yet. Let’s put the full house sign outside every single Breakers game. Because years down the track when we discuss the greatest sporting team we’ve produced. You want to be able to say you remember them, you were there when they won their first title, their second title, and when they won fourteen straight (and counting). And most of all, you want to be there when they win their third title, because right now that’s looking pretty damn likely. And when it’s all said and done, remember that you witnessed history.

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Athlete PROFILE

Tyla Nathan Wong Profile by Kahlia Finch

Tyla Nathan-Wong is a triple New Zealand representative, having been selected into the New Zealand Elite Women’s Sevens Rugby Team, the New Zealand Women’s Touch Blacks Team and the New Zealand Women’s Tag Team. She is just 18 years old, and is studying towards a Bachelor of Sport and Recreation at AUT University.

Winning the Dubai Sevens Tournament. That was the inaugural tournament for the Women’s Rugby Sevens World Series and we won it. We made history. It was just incredible, one of the best feelings ever.

2. What tournaments are coming up for you and the team?

Now that there’s a Women’s Rugby Sevens circuit, we’ll be travelling a lot. The circuit is based on four tournaments, one each in Dubai, Houston, China, and the Netherlands. We’ll also be heading to Moscow, Russia in July for the World Cup. I will have to work hard in order to get selected in the team that will travel to these tournaments.

3. It sounds like you’ve got a lot of travel planned for 2013. How do you fit University study in?

Yeah, it’s great to be able to travel for sport. But you’ve got to work hard to make the team. I’m studying part time this year, so that helps a lot. But you’ve also got to be really organised and have great time management and scheduling so that you can fit everything in. 2013 AUT Round the Bays Team On Sunday 110 AUT runners completed the Round the Bays run. For photos check facebook.com/autsport O-Week Sign Ups The SDAS Team have been out in force during O-Week! Thanks to everyone who signed up with us!

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4. What’s the best advice you’ve been given by a Coach or Team mate?

“Hard work will beat talent when talent doesn’t work hard”. You may have all the talent in the world but it will only take you so far. It is the hard work and dedication that will make the difference. You’ve always got to put in the effort to achieve your goals.

5. What are your sports goals? Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?

Win Olympic gold at Rio 2016. This will be the first time that rugby sevens is at the Olympics, and it would be awesome to make it there. Winning gold would be the icing on the cake. You can’t get any better than an Olympic gold.

6. What does it take to be a high performance athlete?

Commitment and hard work. You’ve got to get up early in the morning every day and train hard, even if you don’t feel like it. You’ve got to be really organised, because there’s a lot of time commitment. It’s also really important to have life balance, so you

Upcoming Sports Events at AUT

1. What is your most memorable sporting moment or achievement?

don’t get burnt out. You have to both be physically and mentally prepared.

7. Who has helped you get to where you are? Don Oliver Youth Sports Foundation has helped me lots. They’ve been awesome in providing me with a sports scholarship, which has helped with touch football due to limited funding. I’m lucky with rugby sevens because we get funding from the NZRU & High Performance NZ.

8. Who are your sports heroes?

Lisa Carrington is an amazing athlete. She came and talked to us at one of our sevens camps. Listening to how she achieved her Olympic gold was inspiring. Aside from that, my sevens team mates because they’re always there supporting me. We have an awesome vibe in our team, and I really look up to the older athletes.

9. What is the best home cooked meal to come home to after training?

That would have to be roast pork, mashed potato, and mixed veges. Grandad makes it, and it is the best thing ever.

AUT Netball Trials – 12 & 19 March 6 – 8am @ the Akoranga Fitness Centre UniGames Trials - Hockey – Monday 11 & 18 March 6 – 7:30pm @ Albany Turf UniGames Trials - Netball - Tuesday 12 & 19 March 6 – 8am @ the Akoranga Fitness Centre UniGames Trials - Basketball - Tuesday 12 & 19 March 5:30 – 8pm @ the Akoranga Fitness Centre UniGames Trials - Touch - Thursday 14 & 21 March 4 – 6pm @ Hato Petera Bottom Fields www.aut.ac.nz/community/sport-at-aut | www.facebook.com/autsport

Article: The Strange World of Band Riders

The Strange World of Band Riders by Nigel Moffiet

We can all delight in the weird and whacky world of self-obsessed rock stars. Sure, they make good music, but their egos get the better of them sometimes.

Marilyn Manson

Axl Rose

Van Halen

Britney Spears

Take this dialogue from the 1984 classic This Is Spinal Tap as two selfinflated musicians evaluate their status: Derek Smalls: We’re lucky. David St. Hubbins: Yeah. Derek Smalls: I mean, people should be envying us, you know. David St. Hubbins: I envy us. Derek Smalls: Yeah. David St. Hubbins: I do. Derek Smalls: Me too.

Who else is there? Oh, let’s see…Guns N’ Roses?

So what are the symptoms of an out of control musician? A ridiculous band rider of course!

So, what might a band like Guns N’ Roses request? Naughty things it seems. The Smoking Gun website, (which is like the WikiLeaks of band rider info), shows an original rider from the band requesting “an assortment of adult magazines (i.e. Penthouse, Playboy)”.

If you don’t know what that is, it’s pretty much a staple requirement in the entertainment industry; it’s what musicians request while on tour. We’re not just talking about a couple of guitars, sound gear, and a four bottles of Evian water but backstage crap which ranges from the pathetically small to the absurdly out of this world. Take Norwegian black metal band Gorgoroth for example. They have a rider requesting 50 sheep heads and 200 meters of barbwire for the promoters to scratch their heads at. On top of this they ask for an experienced carpenter “to build racks for barbwire, barricades, crosses etc”. Band riders also dish up some anomalies too. What do you suppose Marilyn Antichrist Superstar – Manson would have on his band rider? A cup of sacrificial blood? A bowl of dehydrated human flesh? No silly, that’s the Pope’s rider. Manson is a little more childish with his request for Haribo gummi bears, mini chocolates, Doritos, and 2% milk. I’m not really surprised, are you?

Guns N’ Roses. Yes, I hear you cringe. Notorious frontman Axl Rose is world famous for being a big girl’s blouse. He whinges, he moans, and he shows little respect for fans that have sometimes waited hours for him to show up on stage, and 17 years for him to release a promised album. In short, he’s a dick.

Okay, so now we know why Axl is always late onstage. But 17 years for an album! Really? The big kahuna of all band riders, however, comes from the band Van Halen. The request is not that remarkable in itself, although it has come to epitomise the extravagant pettiness that comes with fame and fortune. While on tour, Van Halen demanded M & M’s in their dressing room and warned: “ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES”. Okay, I know what you’re thinking – that’s slightly racist, right? Well as it turned out there was good reason for this demand. Although it had been urban legend among fans for years, David Lee Roth finally spoke on the issue in an early 2012 interview. As Roth explains “many years ago it was part of the Van Halen contract as we toured through the arenas in the 80s that there would be no brown M & M’s found in the backstage area or the promoter

Metallica

would forfeit the entire show at full pay. This was touted wildly and widely as simple rock star misdemeanour excess and being abusive of others simply because we could... and who am I to get in the way of a good rumor? “In fact, the reality is quite different...”says Roth. It turns out the clause, hidden within the pages of all the other requirements, was a safety test to protect the band and their fans. It was an indicator of whether the set crew and promoters had read the contract carefully. It laid out safety requirements for their large production – including huge lights hanging above the crowd. If Van Halen saw brown M & M’s in their dressing room it simply meant the promoters hadn’t bothered to read the contract and they could assume their set was unsafe. Good on ‘em! Other weird and wonderful riders: Foo Fighters: their 2011 tour rider was presented to promoters as an activity book including word finds, colouring pages and more. In 2008 they also demanded “fat roadies have to eat immediately so they can begin their arduous 70-90 minute workday”. Britney Spears: Froot Loops, Captain Crunch, and Pop Tarts. Metallica: Lots of bacon and alcohol NOT to be served before the show. Ozzy Osbourne: Poor ol’ Ozzy’s getting old, and it shows in his rider – he requests three oxygen tanks along with a “real ear, nose and throat doctor”. www.ausm.org.nz

Urinating veteran Kieran Bennett explains the mystery, the splendour and the etiquette of using a urinal. With three years’ experience of urinating unaided, Kieran wrote an exclusive tell-all account of mastering his manhood Great minds and gastroenterologists alike have often said ‘everybody poops’. An equally valid statement is ‘everybody wees’. However it is only men that have the pleasure of urinating while standing up, in the area of the lavatory known as the urinal. A metal trough or separate porcelain bowls attached to the wall, the urinal is both a unique physical and social construct within the lavatory (Johnson Winky, 1999). I will now attempt to dissect urinal behaviour with the same care a man affords to the task of not trapping his tackle in the zipper. One of the most prominent and harshly enforced rules of the urinal is the actual usage of the urinal. Men who opt for the toilet for urination are frowned upon as being lesser and are thought to have performance anxiety or smaller than average genitalia (Peter Rick 1987). It is in this way that the usage of the urinal remains high; in order to save face in the lavatory. It is perfectly acceptable amongst all men to stand at the urinal and simply pray for urine to flow until it does, fulfilling male obligation (Samuel Chlong, 2003). The exception to this particular rule is in crowded circumstances such as a concert where men impose a kind of ‘common timer’ over every man in the lavatory. Once a man steps up to the urinal, a range of time is given from 10 to 30 seconds to complete his task and step down (William Ood 1967). Stepping down is often enforced through hushed whispering, muttering and in some cases belligerent shouts of “What’re you doing? Playing with yourself?” (Matthew Anhood, 1856). A man who continually refuses to step down and allow the use of the urinal to others is met with scorn and in some (drunken) cases, urination upon himself. This form of lavatory justice is known as the “hurry-up leg pee” and while such a thing is normally seen as reprehensible, in this case it is accepted and even encouraged (Y. Oghurt and S. Linger, 2008). Irrespective of the situation, it is understood by all men that use of the urinal is instrumental in retaining ones manhood in a metaphorical sense, and refusing to do so is the social equivalent of donning a ball gown and declaring that you are a Miranda more than a Carrie. Equally as important is what a man does with his hands whilst standing at the urinal. It is commonly accepted amongst males that unless a man possesses incredible skill, at least one hand must be kept on his genitalia at all times (Lance Ovemuscle, 2002). This is done so as to ensure an accurate stream of urine and avoid the social pitfall of “toilet-side splashage” (T. Snake 1954). The question then remains for many men

as to what becomes of the other hand. Placing it upon the back of one’s head carries with it the perception that the urinator is deriving pleasure and satisfaction from urination. As the urinal is a place of business, this is not allowed. Equally, the placing of both hands upon the urinatory instrument is a potential social pitfall. Whilst two hands does allow for greater accuracy (and skill in various urine stream related games), it does require greater care. If two hands are placed upon the genitals all care must be taken to not move them lest the appearance of masturbation be given(P. Ork and S. Word 2011). Finally, and perhaps most important is the sense of isolation that is cultivated within the urinal. Whilst the lavatory is a place of community for woman it is (as stated before) a place of business for men and thus interaction with other men is be avoided. To this end, all men’s lavatories are constructed so that there is at least double the number of urinals to men using it at one time; in order to ensure a gap between each man (Wayne Ker, 1963). In the rare circumstance where a gap between each man is impossible it is acceptable to engage in fake activities such as blowing ones nose in order to buy time and wait for a free urinal. If a man simply cannot wait however, he may take an adjacent urinal and use that at his own risk. If a man takes an adjacent urinal he can open himself to all kinds of unwanted interaction and no rule can save him as he brought this upon himself (W. Ang, 2002). Any topic from politics to average genitalia size to the strength of each man’s stream is fair game and can be discussed from the moment of arrival to the exiting of the lavatory; after which all conversation ceases. The other key way that men avoid one another whilst engaging in the most basic of functions is with what is known as “lavatory echo-location”. This is where every man who enters a lavatory immediately places his gaze to the ground and only looks up to wash his hands. He utilizes a form of basic echo-location, sending radio waves into the lavatory so as to avoid the path of other men and remain contact free (Charles Ock, 1980). It can easily be said that over the years, men have evolved and constructed rules for the most dangerous and hazardous of all male environments, the urinal. What exactly the future holds for the sacred institution of the urinal with an increased emphasis on social networking, is unclear. I for one will continue to keep my head down, my hands out front and my time as short as possible (Penis, 2001).

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Article: Census

Where everybody counts Except those who don't by Hazel Buckingham

March 5 was census day. It was a chance to do what you do every single other day, except at the end of it, while you were reaching for the mallow puffs and herbal tea before bed you also had to answer a few questions about yourself. Why? Well because we pay for it, that’s why. Because we are threatened with court action and monetary fines if we don’t, that’s why. But as Statistics NZ and the government will tell you – because you can help change New Zealand. At first glance, the NZ Census didn’t seem that bad. They wanted your name, age, gender, address, occupation – all common data that you give out on a daily basis. Sure they get a little bit personal asking your religion, and how many babies you’ve given birth to (genuinely would like to know the highest accurate number recorded), but all in all it seems relatively harmless. The information is then made anonymous and used by businesses, iwi, councils and the government to make plans and changes for our future. Once your form left your hot little hands, it was taken by a census collector to Statistics NZ. Here, you are transformed into Jo Bloggs - a random person, of such and such age, who works at such and such job and earns X amount of money. This allows your data to then be processed and used by several other organisations without anyone being able to link it back to you (you know, in case you’re an axe wielding psychopath murderer on the run from police and you took time out of your busy axe sharpening schedule to fill in the nationwide census). Yet several studies show the anonymization process can actually be reversed. The forms are never actually destroyed; Statistics NZ is required by law to keep the paper forms AND digitise them. Also, the information is then released back to the public in 100 years time – sure most of us will be dead and buried by then, but what if you decided to freeze yourself? You wake up a century

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later and there are zombie hybrid police waiting to arrest you with laser guns for stating your religion was Jedi Knight in 2013. Hey, it could happen. I understand the need for some data collection to provide the bureaucracy with facts and figures to build our society on, but the data collected is probably seriously inaccurate. The first blatantly obvious issue is measuring everyone. Since the forms are delivered to “dwellings”, if you don’t have a home, you don’t get a form. Measures have been taken to take into account hospitals, prisons, camping grounds, community groups etc. but then there’s the homeless. The ones you see still sleeping on the streets as you walk to your eight am tutorial. Their data is not collected. In fact New Zealand is one of the worst countries in the world when it comes to homelessness. Not cause of our number, but cause of our apathy. We don’t have any figures; we don’t have any government initiatives – not like other countries. You can’t tell me that homeless people don’t contribute to society – ANYONE WHO IS PART OF SOCIETY CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIETY. Discrimination on the simple questions they ask you on the census forms is also a huge issue. Question three, select one: Are you male, or female? Note that this does not stipulate whether they are requiring your gender or sex. Surely they could at least put another box there that says other. Androgynous individuals, transgenders, transvestites, hermaphrodites, how would all these people answer said question? Then, there’s religion (yay). In the 2001 census, over 53,000 Kiwis listed themselves as Jedis. It was the highest per capita population of reported Jedi in the world that year. IF it had been counted, it would have been New Zealand’s second largest religion, trailing behind only Christianity. But, if you answer Jedi in the NZ Census, it gets counted as “not defined”. Also, there is not an option to select agnostic. Which is ever so slightly rude.

Potentially the most entertaining point is that although it is the NEW ZEALAND Census, there is no option under ethnic group that states “New Zealander”. I object to this “New Zealand European” business. I was born in New Zealand. My parents were born in New Zealand. My grandparents were born in New Zealand. I have no connections to Europe (I can’t even get a British passport – trust me, I’ve tried). I couldn’t even tell you how many “greats” I need to put in front of “grandparent” before I can find a member of my family who was born in Europe. So I am a New Zealander, minus the European. Of course there’s the option to select “other” – but will that just get filed away under “not defined” along with Jedi for religion and anything else Statistics NZ don’t like? However, despite what we all like to believe from watching science fiction films, Statistics NZ is not full of CIA brainwashed monsters looking to hand your soul over to big brother. If what you put on your census form is so secretive, you can request a privacy envelope and then some big wig up in middle management is the only one who can read your data. But in the age of social networking, we give away so much information about ourselves on a daily basis, I bet Statistics NZ even knows my favourite colour, and favourite ice cream flavour (it’s pistachio gelato, just by the way). So to be so terrified of filling in a form is laughable. The census is flawed, it’s oh so flawed, but it’s there for a reason. So fill it out. That said, next time around I’m considering being a lesbian pygmy, born in the salt mines of Uzbekistan who practices occult voodoo Satanist worshipping Jedi Knight Animism, and who has achieved the grand age of 297 while being polygimisly married to a series of name changing (female) prostitutes. Thoughts?

ARTICLE- A Memorandum

A Memorandum

by Scott Yeoman

Memorandum [mem-uh-ran-duh m] A short note designating something to be remembered, especially something to be done or acted upon in the future; reminder.

Don’t forget your course related costs - $1000 is enough to invest in Mighty River Power Let me float an idea by you: Imagine paying off your student loan using the government’s own money - using the $1000 they give you to invest in Mighty River Power. What I am proposing here is a ‘hypothetical’ yet genius plot to use your $1000 course related cost payout to invest in this state owned power company, with 49 per cent of it now up for sale to the New Zealand public. Doing this, I am sure, is somehow illegal in at least one way, so on the record I do not promote such behaviour... ...but off the record I think I’ve stumbled across an absolute gem - extremely attractive in theory and possibly not too hard to get away with.

We all know that our yearly payment seldom goes towards text books, stationary, or uni travel costs. It usually goes towards a new dress, beers or an xbox and if actually used for travel it’s more likely to be airfares to the Gold Coast in the July holiday break - so why not a smart investment? On paper, the minimum $1000 investment seems pretty safe in a company that has reported an underlying operating profit of $133 million, up 330 per cent from last year. It has a net profit of $57 million. Not only does this seem pretty secure, but to the 200,000 New Zealanders who signed up in the first three days, it seems like something you could earn a little bit of money from.

As long as you are over 18 years of age and fulfil all the other criteria, I struggle to see such a venture being denied. Technically, sure, it may be illegal to use the money for an investment, but under the same rule, so is using it for any non-university matter, and that doesn’t stop people doing so every year - and anyway our selling of state owned assets is meant to be helping the average kiwi through these financially difficult times, at least that’s what I’ve gathered from their $1 million ad campaign. Well...something to ponder on...for you anyway, I’ve already spent my $1000 on the latest BIC range of pens and highlighters and my class notes have never looked better.

Auckland's Got It Going On by Mike Ross

A student guide to the best bits and bobs our glorious supercity has to offer.

Ah yes. Week three and the pain kicks in. You've been given that first assignment for each paper, and it just so happens that three of them have to be handed in on the same day. Cheers. Anywho, there's partying to do. You've got to release stress some way, right? Yes, yes you do. So go forth, be loose, and do something you'll regret come Sunday. I know I will.

As always, if you're after any more info about this week's events: www.google.com

Midweek This week is somewhat bare in the midweek stakes. Of course there is stalwart of the university scene, The Nark Collective at 1885 on Wednesday. But you already knew that. If you're after something a little bit different and are in the Ponsonby locale, then check out the well hidden and very tiny, Hamilton Rd Beach. It's located at the end of (you guessed it) Hamilton Rd in Herne Bay, and is the last beach before the Harbour Bridge. I've been nipping down for after-uni swims for the last few weeks. Do as I do and take a few brewskis, swim out to one of the nearby boatsheds and watch the sun go down. In a few weeks it's going to be too cold and you'll have missed your chance, so hop to it. You won't regret it.

Friday Sounds of the Underground ft. Jetski Safari Returning for the first time in 2013 is one of the North Shore's biggest parties: Sounds of the Underground. It's held at The Ferguson on Massey University's campus, and is always a massive, massive night. This time round sees Jetski Safari as headliners, amongst a massive support lineup. Grab your tickets from iTicket because mark my words, this will sell out. Saturday Metro presents: The New Zealand Beer Festival Many types of beer + large numbers of people. Need I say more?

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ARTICLE: Manuia Samoa

by Matthew Cattin

Manuia (cheers) Samoa! You stole my heart – and my favourite jandals – but one day I’ll be back.

Being bludgeoned half to death with dry assignments last year, I found myself in a spot of sickness. My symptoms? Wandering daydreams, itchy feet, and the thirsty lust for life an imprisoned man feels on the verge of emancipation. To cure my ailments there was but one cause – an escape. I planted a well-wishing kiss on my very last cover sheet, organised dear friends to hand in a couple more papers for me before skipping and jiving onto the bus home to contemplate what tomorrow would bring in Samoa. Despite the fact I was going with my Mum, there was something very Jack Kerouac or Christopher McCandless about my journey. Peering below at the endless blue of the Pacific, I revelled in the romantic adventure of it all – the thrill of leaving 16 long years of education behind me for a new place, the thought of my friends back home stressing for finals and the excitement of an unknown future awaiting on my return home. Like New Zealand, Samoa is made up of two major islands; Upolu and Savai’i. Upolu is the smaller but more populated of the two, accommodating the international airport, Samoa’s capital Apia, and now us. Our first destination was the postcard perfect Lalomanu on the south west coast – gleaming white sands, azure waters and beautiful people, it was love at first sight. Not huge on flashy accommodation, we opted for traditional fales – basically a bedroom sized shelter that sits right on the sand. The roof is corrugated iron and palm leaves, the floor is timber and the walls have been replaced by woven palm frond blinds – aka air conditioning. From the comfort of bed (a mattress on the floor) at night, the sound of fish flitting in the shallows could easily be heard and the moonlight shimmering on the lagoon illuminated the fale. It really is the best accommodation $40NZ can buy – oh, and that includes meals. Breakfast and dinner are served on long tables, like at school camps, thus making friends is a staple of the menu, along with fresh fish, taro, mango, papaya, crayfish and green salad. The Samoan hosts are relaxed, hilarious and ridiculously cheeky to the point where you don’t feel like you’re staying in cheap accommodation – it feels like home. Toe, a lovely employee, would walk with me down to the shop and buy me ice cream and after she knocked off in the afternoons, we would sit on the beach with a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. She would teach me Samoan and I would marvel at the simple, happy life I yearned to be a part of – something you would never find in a Hilton.

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Sadly, in 2009, this happy existence at Lalomanu Beach was torn apart by a deadly tsunami and although accommodation has been rebuilt, the wounds are still fresh. Everybody we talked to had a loss to speak of. I befriended a taxi driver named Langi, a big gentle man who spent his days sitting in the shade of a walnut tree, one of only a handful of trees not bowled by the wave. He escaped death by climbing atop a coconut tree, clinging on and holding his breath as the black water tried to rip him from his grip to life. His two children however, both under two-years-old, didn’t make it. The barman lost people too, telling me that if another wave was to come, he wouldn’t take to the hills, he would paddle out in his canoe to meet it – going the same way as his family. Another woman had to disentangle her relatives’ bodies from trees. Despite the devastation, the extent to which the Samoans we talked to had moved on was humbling. They did not dwell on their loss. They accepted the fatal wave as just one of those things and moved on, focussed on the positive. It must be hard with the constant reminders. While snorkelling over the grey dead coral, my stomach would clench as I found light fixtures, broken tiles and clothing. And then, like a beacon of hope, dazzling blue new coral would catch my attention – nature’s perfectly calculated reminder that everything that has an end will have a new beginning. Savai’i, like our South Island is bigger, more mountainous and less populated than Upolu, the perfect destination to forget the world and scratch your itchy feet. We travelled there one fine day by ferry, heralded by lively dolphins slicing water so blue it looked unreal. Once again, it was fale life for us and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. As dinner was being cooked in big pots over an open fire, I was lucky enough to be invited to join the Samoans for some ‘ava. Had my lips and tongue not been so numb and tingly, I’m sure I would have smiled contently as day turned to night and the fruit bats swooped through the bread fruit trees. As a holiday destination, Samoa ticked all of my island life boxes. Sleep on the beach – check. Snorkel with wild turtles – check. Climb into a volcanic crater – check. See migrating humpback whales over breakfast – check. Gorge myself with island fruit – check. Enjoy some ‘ava – check. But most importantly, be adopted into a foreign culture – check. Oh, and a 750mL bottle of local beer will set you back only $4. Living the island dream…

Lalomanu Beach

To Sua Swimming Hole

Beach Fales

Breakfast

Our Fale from the lagoon Savai'i Sunset

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THERE

AND BACK AGAIN...

by Matthew Cattin A tribute to John Ronald Reuel Tolkien - the best grandfather a boy could have.

A small walk from my home,

and the thought of the next meal. This led me

there lives an old pohutukawa

to wondering who this magical man really was

tree rooted deep in the banks of a

– this man we Kiwis have so much to thank

quiet estuary. Beneath the old boughs there is

for. Was he a kind old story teller with children

an arched wooden bridge leading to the ocean

listening to his tales eagerly at his feet? Or was

and countless quests beyond. A stone’s throw

he a grumpy old bastard who took literature

away there is a small graveyard within a white

too seriously?

picket fence where lies adventurers at their journey’s end. A short climb up the gnarled

I was very pleased to discover that Tolkien fit

tree there is a twisted bulge in the trunk that

into my preconceived imaginings rather nicely

looks very much like a dragon’s head. It also

– right down to the pipe smoking. A classic

happened that it made a very comfortable

author, brilliant scholar, father and legend,

seat. It was here, perched atop the dragon’s

here are a few things about Tolkien that I find

skull that I first followed Bilbo on his journey

most interesting.

through a dog-eared, yellowing copy of JRR Tolkien’s masterpiece, The Hobbit. Kicking off

Tolkien was apparently an incredibly exciting

my shoes after school, it was here I would run,

lecturer, at times commencing his lectures by

book in hand and read until nearly dark.

bursting into the packed theatre in full body armour yelling the opening lines of Beowulf.

That was over a decade ago now but the

I have also read that during one semester

thought of Tolkien still gives me a feeling

Tolkien stole a city bus to take his friends

within much akin to an adventure brewing. I

joyriding. On more serious occasions however,

believe his descriptions of hobbits were very

JRR was an expert linguist and taught students

much autobiographical. I like to imagine him

in Old English and Old Nordic literature at

sitting contently during the day, happy in the

Oxford University.

comforts of his favourite pipe, a soft armchair

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“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” The buzzword ‘tween’ was actually invented

after the German publisher asked Tolkien

by Tolkien, used to describe a hobbit in its

to confirm that he was “Aryan”. Infuriated,

twenties. I imagine poor JRR would summon

Tolkien

the nine Nazgûl from hell could he see the

describing his regret for having no Jewish

context with which the word is used today.

ancestors. What a guy!

Tolkien fought in WWI but was sent home

Proving that fantasy is not just for geeks, the

due to trench foot – a fortunate thing for fans

boys from Led Zeppelin were mad on Tolkien’s

worldwide considering the mortality rate of a

work, even incorporating his imaginings

man in combat. The majority of his childhood

into their lyrics. Ringwraiths and Gollum are

friends were not so lucky apparently with all

mentioned by name in classic Zeppelin songs

but one being killed in action. His distaste for

and many others are interpreted to be related.

WWII was perhaps even greater, as illustrated

Also, lead singer Robert Plant named his dog

in this colourful quote.

Strider – now that’s just cool.

“I have in this war a burning private grudge—

To realise that Tolkien was every bit the man

which would probably make me a better soldier

I imagined he would be makes me happy as

at 49 than I was at 22: against that ruddy little

a hobbit in a hole. It is like watching Peter

ignoramus Adolf Hitler ...”

Jackson’s adaptations of his books and seeing

penned

contemptuous

my imagination fortified into life. An incredible The Nazi’s, who were obsessed with bringing

man that we no doubt owe our film industry to,

back ancient German civilization, found

here’s to you JRR. Now that’s what I’m Tolkien

Tolkien’s academic work on Germanic history

about.

and language most intriguing. Repulsed by Hitler and the Nazi party however, he almost forbade a German translation of The Hobbit

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Reviews

Ed Sheeran Concert - Vector Arena ◊◊◊◊◊ Reviewed by Shilo Kino

Ed Sheeran is undoubtedly one of the biggest names to emerge from the music industry in the past year. His album + («plus») has done exceptionally well worldwide, and he recently played at the Grammy’s with Elton John- his song The A Team. Going by his recent success, it is no surprise that Sheeran played to a crowd of 12,000 adoring kiwi fans at his sold out concert at Vector Arena. Without costume changes, dazzling stage sets and a band to keep a crowd entertained however, I was curious as to how Sheeran was going to command a sold out arena with just his voice and a guitar. My question was answered in his opening song. Sheeran, with his infamous mop of ginger hair, and dressed in a casual red top and khaki military-style shorts, walked out on stage and gave an explosive version of his hit Give Me Love. The crowd roared, as Sheeran’s song came to life. His use of a pedal to loop his voice and guitar riffs showed the audience why he didn’t need a live band, or an over the top production set. These would only distract audience from Sheeran’s endearing voice. Sheeran interacted with the crowd throughout the show. His energy was charismatic and fun, as he talked to his fans with a huge smile. He informed the audience, “If you’re too cool to sing, you came to the wrong concert.” The crowd listened, and almost every person there belted out his lyrics at the top of their lungs. He also brought his opening acts, Passenger and Gabrielle Aplin, back on to the stage to sing a duet. He genuinely engaged with them, and encouraged audience to buy their albums online showing that while Sheeran has become a massive worldwide sensation, he is still offering a hand to those who haven’t quite made it. When Sheeran hushed the crowd to an eerie silence, we were all reminded of Sheeran’s roots and why we fell in love with him in the first place. The concert went from a roaring sing along, to an intimate acoustic session. Apart from the odd screams of girls declaring their love for him, it really did just feel like it was just Sheeran and I, alone in the room. By the end, the whole crowd was on their feet, dancing away to Sheeran’s You Need Me, I Don’t Need You. Sheeran electrified the stage using his loop pedal, and taking off his guitar to show off his urban influences through his impressive beat boxing and rapping. He even mixed Macklemore’s Thrift Shop with his own song, to the joy and delight of the crowd. If Sheeran ever got tired of his pop career, a rapping career wouldn’t go amiss. In a society that generates one talentless pop star after another, Sheeran is a rare find. There was no need for a live band, a fancy stage, or ridiculous costume changes. Sheeran was able to entertain a crowd of 12,000 with nothing more then a guitar, and a loop pedal. I fell in love with Sheeran after hearing his song The A Team back in 2009. After seeing him live, I am now a fan for life.

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Fidlar – Fidlar ◊◊◊◊◊ Reviewed by Marcus Logan

“”FUCK IT DOG, LIFE’S A RISK!”” Ancient mythology has it that this proverb was conjured up by the skateboarding demi-gods and has been passed on from generation to generation of concrete carving hooligans, using these six words to justify their potentially bone shattering antics. This phrase has been transformed into the acronym FIDLAR, and the message embodied by a group of four skate punk buddies from LA. From their humble beginnings as a gang of best mates Zac Carp, Elvis Kuehn, Brandon Schwartzel and Max Kuehn have come a long way since they decided to start making music together. Much like a skater throwing himself off a steep ramp, FIDLAR have dived head-first into the surging California garage punk scene. On the tail of EP’s DIYDUI, No Waves and a large online buzz, their self-titled full length debut is here. For any first-time FIDLAR listeners, the foursome make their taste for decadence immediately apparent on opening track Cheap Beer, the first verse of the album goes a little something like this; “Getting fucked up on the 101/ Shooting narcotics and having fun/ 40 beers later and a line of speed/ Eight ball of coke and a half-pound of weed…” This is soon followed up by the anthemic chant “I. Drink. Cheap. Beer. So. What. Fuck You!” and duelling surfy guitar licks. Lyrically and musically this track sets the pace for the rest of the record. Stoked and Broke builds on the lyrical themes established in Cheap Beer and in between mention of cutting school to take “cocaine and shitty pills” lies this gem; “I just wanna get really high/ Smoke weed until I die/ I don’t ever wanna get a job… There’s nothing wrong with living like this/ All my friends are pieces of shit.” For a self-proclaimed bunch of delinquents, these dudes really know how to make some sick rock and roll. Drummer Max Kuehn and brother/guitarist Elvis Kuehn are extremely tight and are at the core of FIDLAR’s grungy surf sound. They relentlessly pound away through White on White and before you know it you are tossed straight into No Waves (whether a nod to similar project Wavves, who knows). Wake Bake Skate reinforces the band’s wild lifestyle in a raging one minute and forty four second blur. Gimmie Something explores a more acoustic sound which really works for FIDLAR, creating one of the catchier tunes on the album and displaying their potential for variety very early on in the band’s young career. However, this style is soon despatched in a vulgar return to their frantic ways in 5 to 9 and Lda. Paycheck and Cocaine round out the record in fitting fashion, with more homage paid to drugs and having no money. FIDLAR’s debut effort displays a balls to the wall frantic energy mixed with debauchery and hedonism so potent Hunter S. Thompson would be smiling from the grave. They are definitely in the music business for a good time, bringing sex, drugs & rock n roll to the new school.

Reviews

Breath of the Volcano - Auckland Arts Festival ◊◊◊◊◊ Reviewed by Rachel Peters

At the start of this year instead of vowing, once again, to give up my extensive list of vices, I decided to put a positive twist on my resolutions and stick to things to pick up instead of drop, which also seriously cushions the risk of failure. One of these goals was to go to more festivals and cultural events that Auckland has to offer which I am very thankful for as it led me to check out the Auckland Arts Festival this year. I was lucky enough to get the chance to head along to the mesmerising show that was The Breath of the Volcano. If you didn’t head along, it’s likely that if you lived anywhere around central Auckland you heard a loud display of fireworks, lasting for 55 minutes, coming from the Domain that night. The event attracted people of all ages and many organised citizens brought along kids, food and picnics and a cheerful bottle of wine. It was good to see so many people heading along to the park as opposed to usual routines of TV entertainment in the evening. This show was put on by Group F, a French company that is one of the most famous fireworks theatres in the world. Who would have thought fireworks and theatrical performance would be such a perfect amalgamation. Just before it started the whole park went dark and the fireworks began as if spitting from the top of a volcano. Haunting music played in the background and the actors emerged standing out against the black backdrop dressed in garments that were covered in small fairy lights, while other actors seemed to be dressed as bird like creatures and sitting in trees. There was an airy and ethereal, anthropological feel to the opening taking us back to a setting of a land before our time. For me it evoked a historical presence that movies and books have not been so successful at trying to replicate. I was impressed on their inclusion of Maori design and as they emulated wakas coming to New Zealand the museum was lit with water and then Maori patterns. The show later moved further towards the future and certain parts represented this technological age with images of machinery and cyberspace. Of course whilst all this was going on there were music and fireworks displays like I have never seen before. Flares illuminating the night sky at dizzy heights with the bang of spectacular colour exploding across the sky much to the enjoyment of the audience. Well done Auckland for putting on such a delightful world class cultural event. Hopefully the NZ based shows in the festival will be just as visionary and as appreciated as Group F’s. Kudos to Auckland Arts Festival for starting off with such a bang!

Glen Hansard & The Frames with Lisa Hannigan ◊◊◊◊◊ Reviewed by Matthew Cattin

Stepping to the front of the stage with nought but a beaten up guitar and his heart-wrenching voice, Glen Hansard screamed out Say It to Me Now with enough emotion to kill a horse. Ditching his microphone and unplugging his guitar, his solitary performance carried a wave of chills to every corner of the Town Hall as the audience held its breath. It was quiet enough to actually hear the goosebumps creeping up arms and I’m pretty sure that moment made me pregnant. Yes, it was that good. For those that don’t know Glen Hansard, he’s a ginger, bearded Irishman renowned for ripping out his heart on stage and stapling it to his sleeve. A long-time member of Irish band The Frames, he’s most well-known for his role in the Oscar-winning music film Once. He’s a ballad man of the highest degree and you would struggle to find an artist to match the honesty and vulnerability he exposes in his music. He visited our shores a few years back and he blew me away so when I heard he was coming back for the AAF with gorgeous songstress Lisa Hannigan… Well. Lisa Hannigan opened the evening with a delightful set, charming everybody with her Irish ways and soothing sounds. Aside from the fact she had me at “hello”, her set highlight was her darkly amusing love song Safe Travels (Don’t Die). “Please don’t bungee jump / Or ignore a strange lump /And a gasoline pump’s not a toy / Like you always say / Safe travels, don’t die.” Glen took to the stage shortly after with The Frames, a string trio and couple of funky brass cats. It was certainly quite an ensemble and a big step up in sound from his last gig at the Aotea Centre. In a set list I can’t fault, Glen and the band ripped through The Frames’ songs, Glen’s solo album, an Aretha Franklin cover and what everybody came to see, songs from Once. When the band disappeared and Glen absolutely destroyed his old busking favourite Astral Weeks by Van Morrison and Leave from Once, everybody was sweating in their seats. You know when you walk by a couple tearing verbal chunks from one another on the street, and you get a bit flustered witnessing all that emotion? That is how it feels watching Glen perform. It’s like shit, should I look away? It’s just so raw and passionate. In fact I’m sweating now reliving the memory. The best moments of the night were the smallest; when the band unplugged, came to the front of the stage and turned the hall into a gathering of friends. Couples were snuggling, everybody was comfy and warm and there was waltzing in the aisles – it was truly a special night. A true story teller, performer and artist, Glen loves his job, and it shows. The band was tight like a tiger and it was without a doubt the best $48 I have ever spent. Cheers Ireland.

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Photo from Facebook

Caption Corner

Moroccan Chicken Salad

Caption:

Amber Rinkin Name Phone Email Campus

In this weather, salad is the perfect lunch or dinner and with plenty of seasonal produce in abundance it is also quick to make. Serves four and should set you back around $13.60 (optional $15.90). Issue 1 Congratulations to : BRENDON City Campus who scored two Squawk Burger vouchers Winning caption:

Everybody Loves Raymond

Put your thinking cap on, turn it to the side, and come up with a caption for this week’s picture and you could win. Drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.

Ingredients -2 large chicken breasts (or 3 medium sized) -Moroccan seasoning -1 large packet mesclun (salad leaves) pax 300g or 1 whole iceberg lettuce, just whatever you prefer! -4 small/medium tomatoes -1/2 cucumber -1 cup plain unsweetened yoghurt -1 garlic clove crushed -A handful of chopped mint -Add optional capsicum, red onions sliced, blueberries

Method 1. Coat the chicken breasts generously with the Moroccan seasoning and set aside. 2. Mix together the yoghurt, garlic and mint (this is your dressing) 3. Slice the cucumber in half lengthways and thinly slice 4. Slice the tomatoes into 8 segments 5. On medium/high heat add 1 tbsp oil and heat the pan until almost smoking, add the chicken breasts and turn down the heat to medium/low. 6. When chicken is cooked, cool slightly, slice thinly. 7. Toss in a large bowl or four individual bowls the lettuce, tomato and cucumber (add optional ingredients) add chicken and top with yoghurt dressing. Enjoy!

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Procrastipage Drop in to Daytrotter. If you love alternative music, or perhaps just want to fill your iPod with unheard of bands to get hipster cred, you will adore Daytrotter. The fantastic folk at Daytrotter dedicate their existences to recording –as they sum it up so nicely - “exclusive, re-worked, alternate versions of old songs and unreleased tracks by some of your favourite bands and by a lot of your next favourite bands.” Using a small recording studio in Illinois called The Horseshack, the lads basically get sweet bands to pop in mid-tour to lay down a few tracks. It used to be free but they now charge $2 US monthly for membership – a price I am happy to pay for such an extensive range of music. It features stripped and raw recordings of The National, Bon Iver, Mumford & Sons, Alabama Shakes, Ed Sheeran and Fun. just to name a few. Get a membership and get exploring – it’s a cheap alternative to iTunes and Spotify and it’s perfect for mix tapes. Peow peow.

Dogshame your pooch. I might be slow to catch on to this one (I’ve been Facebook clean for nearly a year), but it’s flipping adorable. If you own a dog, you’ll know that face they pull when they shit on your favourite rug – head down, tail between the legs, sad eyes looking up pleadingly. Well dogshaming is a way to get revenge, a way to humiliate your pooch so bad, he’ll never wee on your visitors again. It’s basically the art of writing confessionals on paper and placing it by the dog, photographing it and uploading it for some harsh internet judgement. Confessions like “The cat took my dinner. And I let her. I have dishonoured my family” and “I hump the cat, but only when guests are over” are just too good. Get on it, embarrass your dog, and exact your revenge. For shame…

DJ Flula is my best favourite no?! My favourite YouTube personality has got to be DJ Flula, a delightfully intense German vlogger and DJ who loses everything in translation. In his vlogs, he grumpily confesses – completely dead-pan – his confusions with the English language. His videos include “Eenie Meenie Minie? NO.”, “Balls To The Wall, This Is Not Effektive”, “Chip On The Shoulder? I Just Snack You.” and “YOLO, I Dislike You Very Much”. His vlogs – or flogs as he calls them – aren’t the only things he does either. Check out some of his hilarious song covers, interviews and adventures. Make sure to do as he says “subscribe me hard!”

10 Things Rapper Thugs Have Taught Me..

By Robert Vennell

1. I should party like it’s my birthday – even if it isn’t. 2. If my car doesn’t get jacked and I don’t have to use my A.K. – this constitutes a “good” day. 3. When the sweat drips down my testicles, it is time to get low. 4. Even though I might deny it – when a girl walks in with a small waist and a large behind – I get sprung. 5. The Los Angeles Police Department is rife with racist sentiment. 6. If I have nearly a hundred problems and no woman, I should still count myself lucky. 7. Whatever doesn’t kill me will make me stronger. Presumably, being shot 9 times will make me near invincible. 8. I can’t touch that. 9. I should be wary about strangers offering to take me to the Candy Shop. 10. Surprisingly decent clothing can be purchased for only 99c.

www.ausm.org.nz

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Secondhand purchasing finishes Friday 22nd March

Hurry in now for instant cash! UBS is currently buying back your used textbooks

Just bring in your textbooks and ID and the cash could be yours!!! The small print:

* Books must have been confirmed by AUT for Semester One 2013 to be considered for purchase and must be the correct edition. * UBS will pay 40% of the current Selling Price of the new book. * All textbooks are limited to pre-determined quantities. Once these limits are reached, additional copies may only be purchased at the discretion of UBS. * Proof of identity (Student ID, Drivers Licence or Passport) is required at time of selling your textbooks. * UBS has complete discretion whether it purchases back a textbook and its decision is final. * Other conditions do apply - please ask in store for details.

AUT Akoranga Campus AUT City Campus 90 Akoranga Drive, Northcote 55 Wellesley Street East, Auckland City Tel: 489 6105 Fax: 489 7453 Tel: 366 4550 Fax: 366 4570 Email: aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz Email: aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz Web: www.ubsbooks.co.nz Open Monday to Friday or shop securely online 24/7