Debate Issue 17

debate ISSUE 17 | AUGUST 2014

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COVER ART Illustration by Ramina Rai EDITOR Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz SUB EDITORS Laurien Barks | Kieran Bennett DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Petrovich | Ethan Sills | Jason Walls Kieran Bennett | Laurien Barks | Mary Wilkins Miss Charlotte Cake | Nigel Mckenzie - Ryan ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Laurien Barks | Matthew Cattin | Ramina Rai ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved

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EDITORIAL Hey team, It’s a strange thing to open up your internet browser and learn of the death of a friend. And despite never knowing the man, that is precisely what it felt like to discover the premature passing of Robin Williams last week. My plunging stomach reaction was parried instantly by a sense of confusion. Why was it affecting me like this?

Why was I feeling so glum about a man I didn’t know?

As the tributes began to trend and Facebook friends dedicated posts to his memory, it became clear I was not alone in feeling downers about it. It had already been an emotional morning for me – just hours before the news hit, I was head down, hood up, reading on the bus, trying to keep it together whilst re-reading Dumbledore’s death in The Half-Blood Prince. Nine years on and that cursed book still drags me by the tear ducts to Feelsville.

Throughout the day, I tried to shuffle my emotions and thoughts until I could make sense of them. It seemed downright silly and #dramakid to have so many feels for a Hollywood actor, but – at the risk of sounding melodramatic – it felt like a piece of my childhood died.

And perhaps that’s exactly it. Robin Williams has been part of my life for as far back as I can remember. Hook, Jumanji, Fern Gully, Mrs. Doubtfire – I watched these films so often on VHS, the tapes were worn to the point of no return in particularly loved scenes.

He was a regular source of happiness in my childhood and, being such a unique and iconic actor, his personality and humour shone through, irreplaceable, in everything he did.

To me, Williams’ passing represents a change in the world I knew and loved as a little one, a childhood constant that has suddenly disappeared. I feel like my childhood – already so far away in years – has suddenly become that much further from me. And although I haven’t enjoyed much of his recent work, the seemingly real companionship I shared with him as a child has secured him a pretty big soft spot in my stone heart.

As the days went by, I became amazed at how many of my friends were - like me - feeling uncharacteristically glum about the news.

Not one to usually be affected by celebrity deaths, it was a new experience for me. It seems the brighter the flame extinguished, the darker the lingering after-burn in our eyes, and without a doubt, Williams was one of the brightest.

When we skin our knees, we ask for a band aid. When we have a headache, we ask for Panadol. But for some reason, when we’re hurting on the inside, in the place band aids and Panadol can’t fix, our hand falters, and too often we don’t ask for anything. While Robin’s death reminds us we never really know what people are going through, I think it also reminds us there is never any shame in asking for help. Never.

Watch out for each other out there.

Bangarang.

Matthew 5

HOROSCOPES.

by Laurien Barks

LEO JULY 24- AUG 23 Make sure you’re looking out for number one this week, darling! No, not you… that guy you met the other day. Man, that guy’s awesome! Look out for him.

Butterscotch & Rum Pie

VIRGO AUG 24- SEP 23 Patience is a virtue. But whining gets results.

LIBRA SEP 24- OCT 23 Take care not to burn any bridges this week. Often fire-damage is repairable. Get your hands on something explosive and do the job right.

SCORPIO OCT 24- NOV 22 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if you throw it hard enough the first day, they probably won’t bother you again for at least another week.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23- DEC 22 Life may give you a few lemons this week, honey bunches.

Get on the Google, type ‘lemon-based cocktails’ into the search bar, and show those sonsofbitches who’s boss.

CAPRICORN DEC 23- JAN 20 Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Unless they’re actual eggs…then it’d just be impractical and weird to separate them. Don’t you go and make a scene in the supermarket, now.

I've always loved cooking with alcohol; I'm the girl who basically empties a bottle of red wine into my spaghetti bolognaise, so I really wanted to use some alcohol in a dessert. I love a good strong rum and coke and I love Sailor Jerry!

So naturally I did a little research and found his very own Butterscotch & Rum Pie. I have literally copied from his recipe which I have shown below.

What you will need:

AQUARIUS JAN 21- FEB 19 I think it’s about time you relaxed and let your hair down, sweety. Maybe give it a bit of a wash while you’re at it.

Seriously. People have complained.

•

PISCES FEB 20- MAR 20 Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who blackmail.

ARIES MARCH 21- APRIL 20

2-3 sheets of sweet short crust pastry • ¾ cup brown sugar • 6 tbsp cornstarch • Pinch of salt • 3 cups of milk

• 3 egg yolks • 2 tbsp butter • ¾ cup butterscotch pieces • 2 tsp vanilla essence • 2 ½ tbsp sailor jerry spiced rum

Method

Take time to love yourself. But not too much time, because you need to leave the house at some point.

1.

Bake the pastry for approximately 10 minutes at 200 degrees Celsius (you always want the oven to be super-hot when working with pastry).

Once golden, remove and rest while you mix the below ingredients.

CANCER JUNE 22- JULY 23

2.

Combine the brown sugar, corn-starch, and salt on a medium heat.

You may find yourself in a bit of unavoidable conflict this week, my dear. Yes, it takes two to tango. But it only takes one swift kick to the shin to stop.

3.

Add the milk and egg yolks and stir until well blended.

TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 21 Remember to grab life by the horns this week. But remember to let go at some point, cause life likes its personal space.

4.

Stir constantly and the mixture will begin to boil. Keep stirring while it boils for two minutes then remove from the heat.

5.

Add the remaining ingredients to the mixture and stir to evenly mix.

6.

Pour the filling into the pie crust and chill for at least 3 hours.

GEMINI MAY 22- JUNE 21 Pride always comes before a fall, but a ramp always comes before a sick as fuck flip.

Facebook: @MissCharlotteCake Twitter: @Misscharcake Instagram: @Misscharlottecake

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7

FEATURE ARTIST

FEATURE ARTIST

Nuri Durr We stumbled upon Nuri Durr's amazing artwork on Tumblr and thought it was too good to not share with y'all.

Check out more of his work on instagram, instagram/actionhankbeard

9

Are paper books better than e-readers?

NO

MATTHEW CATTIN

The day I bought a Kindle was the day I discovered book-purists are a bunch of whingey twats. It was as though by purchasing an E-Reader, I had declared my hatred for everything tangible, spoiled the ending of Life of Pi and killed George R.R. Martin before he could finish GoT. When I told friends of my new purchase, many became aggressive and jumped to the defence of books, treating me like a backstabbing, book-hating, mother-beating Lannister. This is not the case – I am simply a man who enjoys iPods and albums, emails and face-to-face yarns, E-books and dog-eared paperbacks. A man who believes E-Readers deserve a chance.

So why did I turn to the dark side? Why did I flip Roald Dahl the middle finger and spit on Tolkien’s grave? It was nothing personal, I swear. I’ve always been a keen reader, and unfortunately my library fines reflected this. Therefore, upon receiving a disgustingly large fine, I decided it would be a wise economic decision to purchase a Kindle, and pirate my books. And I have never looked back.

Kindles do not smell as good as books, as purists often love to point out. This does not bother me however; I buy books for the words, not the smell, and if I ever feel so inclined, I can still smell books whenever I please. I also do not have the luxury of physically turning a paper page, but again, it’s the words on the page that matter to me and it’s a pleasure still available to me should I choose to indulge. Books are not suddenly void from my life, as many seem to believe.

E-Readers have a wide range of benefits and, should you choose to be emotionally developed enough to accept them, I will share them with you now.

-One size fits all. In just one, easy to hold, lightweight and slender package, I can read and comfortably tote around even the thickest, heaviest novels without straining my arm or crushing the sandwiches in my school bag. In fact I can carry around a whole damn library. This is also perfect for travelling. Can’t decide what book to take on your trip? Restricted by baggage allowances? Just take your entire book collection with you.

-I never have to deal with unsanitary page stains again. You know, that moment when you turn the page of a library book and see a dark brown stain you can’t identify? Or a squashed bug? Bodily fluids? Or perhaps graffiti? Page tears? Never again. Which leads me to my next point…

-Libraries. With a Kindle, I don’t have waiting lists, I never come across missing pages, there are no return dates, fines or snarky librarians to deal with and I can read anything I please without ever leaving the comfort of bed.

-Speaking of what I do in bed, my next point is privacy. I can read whatever the hell I want in public, and nobody will ever know. Hello Christian Grey.

-The classics are free. Yes I pirate my books anyway (meaning they are all free), but, one of the joys of having an E-Reader is there are thousands of free books available because their copyrights have expired. Dickens, Jules Verne, Lewis Carroll – thousands to choose from, all legal, free of charge and free of guilt.

-If you’re a responsible consumer and piracy is beneath you, you’re also in luck – E-Books are not only more convenient to purchase, they’re also cheaper than paper backs so will save your hard-earned coin.

-Don’t you hate it when you see somebody lick their finger before turning a page?

Yeah, me too. With an E-Reader, your eyes will never again be besmirched by this unholy sight.

-According to studies, Kindles are in fact a green alternative to books and users will offset the carbon used to make the product after one year of use (when compared to books). [www.theguardian.com/environment/green-living-blog/2010/oct/05/ ebook-printed-books-kindle-environment] We live in an age where vinyl has shifted to iPods and television has shifted to online streaming yet, for some reason, society is having trouble letting go of books.

As you can see however, the only thing holding us back from the inevitable shift, is an emotional attachment to the tangible feels and smells of books. As an album/ vinyl/book collector, I totally get it. But like I said, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the best of both worlds. And at the end of the day, I’m going to support any device that increases the amount of books I get through in my lifetime – and thus far, my Kindle has done just that.

KIERAN BENNETT I’ve always been a reader. My parents read, my grandparents read and my friends read. When I was in primary school I received a great many detentions. Half were for talking, the other half for reading. So basically what I’m saying here is I’m pretty keen on reading, I ain’t no pretender. I have turned many a page, I have cracked (and in some cases destroyed) many a spine. I say this in order to clearly establish right here, right now that I truly do love the humble book. It has been, and will continue to be, a significant part of my life.

YES

Matthew has likely made many a fanciful claim about the e-reader. And all of them are likely very true. Physical books are not convenient. Physical books can be very heavy and having spent the past 15 and a half years lugging paperbacks to and from school, this is a fact I am more than familiar with. e-readers do have incredible advantages over physical books in terms of convenience; they’re light, thin and they can carry several volumes in one. In this, physical books cannot compete. I do not hate e-readers; I just prefer ink and paper.

Likewise I also have many friends who love to claim that e-readers are somehow a more environmentally friendly alternative. They claim that a book is made of paper, therefore every time I buy a book, I’m using a tree - that the paper industry is destroying forests. They make the claim that an e-reader is rechargeable, paperless and will last for years. These things make the e-reader a sustainable and environmentally friendly alternative to paper. I would disagree. An e-reader may be paperless, but it’s certainly not without its costs. Take the Kindle, designed by Amazon, but not made by Amazon. The Kindle is in fact made by Foxconn and China Mobile in Singapore, China and Taiwan. Not only does a Kindle generate around 168kg of carbon dioxide during manufacture, it also generates more during transport from Singapore, China and Taiwan. In addition to that, there is the question of what actually happens to the Kindle after you’re finished with it. Kindles are not designed to be repaired (nor are many electronic devices) and so when yours eventually breaks, where will it go? By contrast a book only produces around 7.5kg of carbon dioxide per unit and when it breaks, it turns into another book through recycling. That said, you can’t deny the environmental savings of an e-reader post manufacture, much as you can’t deny that many publishers still struggle to source actual, sustainable paper and ink. At the end of the day, both formats, like any consumer good, have an environmental cost. To try and claim that one trumps the other is nothing short of foolish. [http://www.tkearth.com/downloads/thoughts_ereaders.pdf] There is of course the central argument raised every time there is a paper/e-format debate. The smell. The pages. The crinkle. That intangible quality that books possess that an e-reader never could. I’m not going to lie, I spend perhaps far too much time sniffing the pages of new books. Some of which I didn’t even own. There is an almost electric thrill about buying a new book, a brand new book, and cracking open the cover in earnest for the very first time. The pages pop away from the spine and that heavy, rich smell of paper and ink floats up to greet you. You can feel every page, you can feel the progression of the story. As the ending comes hurtling closer to you, it’s a nigh upon tangible thing. Holding something in your hands that moves, breathes and is altogether rather organic is a far more enriching experience than holding an electronic device. Reading a book, a story (for that is what I have the most experience with) should be an emotional experience. Not necessarily full of tears and laughter, but a connection of some kind at the very least. E-reader supporters scoff and laugh at the idea of a books tangibility and emotional connection, but why wouldn’t a book be a thing of emotion and connection? Reading itself is an intrinsically emotional experience; I prefer my medium to be the same. There must be some deeper meaning as to why books have existed for over 700 years, other than convenience and lack of e-ink.

E-readers and books. Used for the same activity, but in different ways. An e-reader may be convenient, but it falls short in so many other ways. The biggest failure being perhaps the most important reason for reading in the first place; making a connection. And when a device fails at its primary function, reduces reading to the simple absorption of text, can it really be called a superior medium?

11

The Doctor Who Cheat Sheet

by Ethan Sills

After a stellar 50th anniversary celebration last year, Doctor Who returns soon for a new season and with a new leading man, as Scottish actor Peter Capaldi takes over the role of The Doctor. Despite its ups and downs, Doctor Who is a brilliant show and one I strongly recommend, but it is hard to get into a series that has seen 12 lead actors and five decades of content. So here is a handy list of 10 episodes from the past seven seasons (the rebooted era), episodes that require minimal background knowledge and can simply be watched on their own, and should give any prospective fan a taste of everyone’s favourite Time Lord.

Dalek

School Reunion

Human Nature/The Family of Blood

The Daleks are the Doctor’s oldest and most well-known enemies, and have been a consistent part of plotlines throughout the rebooted series. Dalek sees The Doctor and Rose arrive in a museum of space junk, where the eccentric American owner’s most prized possession is a Dalek. It is the episode that introduces the recurring storyline of the ‘Time War’ that fills in the blanks between the old and new series, brings back The Doctor’s greatest enemy and shows him for the first time in a vengeful light that continues to ripple and reappear throughout the show.

With a show that first aired in 1963, it makes sense that some of The Doctor’s lengthy past would catch up with him during the modern series.

This episode sees The Doctor run into former companion Sarah-Jane Smith while investigating a dodgy school, reopening old wounds and raising questions about how long he and Rose can stay together. While the alien storyline is not the best, the interactions between The Doctor, Rose and Sarah-Jane are both moving and funny, and it ultimately makes for a simple but pleasant entry.

Chased by an alien family looking to kill him, The Doctor alters his biology and becomes human to save himself.

Landing in 1913, history teacher J‘ohn Smith’ has no memories of his former self except in dreams, leaving companion Martha to try and defend his true identity. Another great, emotional two-part saga, where we watch The Doctor fall in love and then be forced into deciding which life he wants. Tenth Doctor David Tennant shines in his performance here, and these episodes are a highlight of the otherwise dull third season.

Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead

Midnight

The Eleventh Hour

You can’t explore Doctor Who without at least having some idea about who River Song is. The Doctor and Donna arrive in the largest library in the universe, only to find it completely empty. Running into Song and her archaeological team, they find themselves being hunted by carnivorous creatures that live in the shadows. A good mystery with intriguing villains, and notable as The Doctor, as well as the audiences, meets the enigmatic River Song (played perfectly by ER star Alex Kingston) for the first time – at least, from The Doctor’s perspective that is…

Doctor Who is meant to be scary, but largely isn’t if you are over the age of 10.

However, Midnight is one of the creepiest and most nerve wracking episodes of any show I have ever seen. The Doctor travels alone on a tour bus with a small group of humans, heading out to see a rare and magical sight, only for the bus to be attacked by an unseen force. Taking place mostly inside the bus, a rarity for the show, this is a brilliantly tense episode that sees the travellers turn on each other and descend into madness, and it makes for one of the series best standalone episodes.

The only regeneration story on the list, largely as it handles the matter in a unique and interesting way. Still coming to terms with his latest regeneration, The Doctor crash lands in a small English village, where he befriends the lovable but lonely Amelia Pond. His chances to recuperate are thwarted by escaped convict ‘Prisoner Zero’, whose presence on Earth could lead to the planet being destroyed. The adventures of the Eleventh Doctor are in no way smooth, but this is a fun, cheerful and exciting episode that is the epitome of the latest seasons at their best, and gives Matt Smith the chance to showcase his talents early on.

The Bells of Saint John

Amy’s Choice

The Doctor’s Wife

Steven Moffett loves his mysteries, with the latest being ‘Impossible Girl’ Clara Oswald.

While versions of her appeared in previous episode, Bells introduces the Clara who remains as The Doctor’s companion, in a fine episode based around aliens operating through Wi-Fi around the world.

It is a suspenseful episode with some great set pieces, reinvigorating the Eleventh Doctor’s storyline and giving him a feisty new companion that started off his fiftieth anniversary celebrations. It may not have been the best storyline, but this was a great episode and one I can easily watch over and over.

The Eleventh Doctor brought with him a series of more psychological episodes than those of his predecessors. Amy’s Choice is a stellar of example of these maturer, thought provoking and character driven stories. The Doctor, Amy and Rory become trapped in a mind game where they fall asleep in one world where the TARDIS is about to crash into a frozen planet and wake up in another where they are being attacked by aliens disguised as the elderly, but only one world is real. With an excellent guest performance

by Toby Jones (the voice of Dobby), the episode manages to smoothly move between settings while raising a number of issues between Amy and the men in her life, bolstered by one of the more unique threats the series had seen.

The Doctor’s Wife is a stand out story in the sixth season by diverting from the overarching storyline and focussing on a never before seen relationship; The Doctor and his TARDIS. When a malevolent force called Uncle takes over the TARDIS, trapping Amy and Rory inside, The Doctor is forced to team up with a woman who is currently harbouring the soul of his trusted spaceship.

An interesting concept, great performances, and some suspenseful sequences make this is a stand out favourite, and the fact one of my favourite authors Neil Gaiman is behind this makes it even better.

13

THE WORD ON SLUTS

derogatory term used for a person - usually a woman - who engages in casual sexual behaviour.’ Actually it’s the last definition I’d like to focus on due to use of the word “derogatory”. Basically, “slut” has a negative connotation

by Amelia Petrovich

(duh) and is quite different from merely “promiscuous” or “engaging in casual sexual behaviour”. This communicates that we as a society are giving women

You know that feeling you get when you want to start your debate article

who may possibly (gasp) ENJOY sex - casual or otherwise - a really hard time

with something that hasn’t been done to death? Me neither, usually (clichés

based solely on that preference of theirs. This is 2014, I feel that disapproval

flow from me in rivers), but I thought maybe today I’d try something a bit new.

around female sexual pleasure is pretty darn archaic.

Despite my good intentions though, I find myself sitting here in agonizing silence trying to think of reasons to not begin with a Mean Girls reference…

2) ‘But what about self-respect?’

And I don’t think I have any anymore.

This is one I hear absolutely all the time and I can’t stand it. People preach that those who act, dress or talk like a ‘slut’ do so because they are lacking in

So I suppose what I’ll do is ask you to think back to that exquisite, exquisite film

self-respect and for that, apparently we should all look down on them. Since

and fix in your mind the scene with all the girls sitting in the gym being laid

when did being negative to a person set them off down the road to self-love?

into by Mr. Duvall after their crazy jungle-scale cat fighting (“I WILL KEEP YOU

And more importantly, who says your self-respect is always tied to your sex

HERE ‘TILL FOUR!”). After a while, Mr. Duvall works out that maybe this particular

life or dress sense? You can be sexually exuberant and loving yourself just as

area of discipline needs a woman’s touch (not that discussions to do with

easily as you could be in a committed relationship and full to the brim with

menstrual cycles should be relevant only for women as it’s a completely

self-loathing.

natural, biological function and not necessarily abhorrent… But maybe that’s

an article for another time and I’ve probably almost lost everyone who hasn’t

3) Y’all be hating ladies for the wrong reasons.

seen this film so I’m sorry). Mrs Norbury then takes the stage and delivers line

I hear the ‘slut’ call being made all the time and in the weirdest contexts. It

after line of wisdom and gold, one such gem being;

appears pretty possible that soon the true etymology of the word will be lost

“You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores! It just makes it okay

because we keep using it incorrectly. Slut means slut, it doesn’t mean liar, thief,

for guys to call you sluts and whores.”

ugly, lazy or anything other than… well, ‘slut’. By using this word as a synonym for absolutely everything we’re actually giving it a lot more power than it

Touché Mrs Norbury! In fact, not only does using a word like “slut” make it okay

needs and what I’m suggesting is that we all learn to critique with a little more

for everyone to do so, it is also way too often used incorrectly and this crazy

linguistic accuracy. That’s right, let your hate flag fly! I’m not asking you to love

thing has happened where “slut” is now a synonym for bad, ugly, dishonest, lazy

everybody - in fact I’m instructing you not to (people are silly and dogs are

and like every negative adjective ever. There are so many things wrong with all

better), but there are plenty of horrible words out there to fit your situation. Is

of this, and you can probably list more than me, but nevertheless let me take

the person in question ‘despicable’? Are they ‘deceitful’? Could they even be

you through what I consider to be the top few reasons that slut-shaming is just

‘vile’? It’s all up to you; there are a variety of avenues you could travel down

so not fetch.

but for god’s sake stop dropping ‘slut’ in where it isn’t wanted.

1) What’s actually wrong with being a slut anyway?

Of course, this is just my opinion and maybe there’s a perfectly reasonable

Please, before you saddle up your moral high horse and come to trample me,

justification for slut shaming the heck out of everyone. Like coercion under

take a look at the actual definition of the word ‘slut’. I’ve just done a cheeky

threat of death… Or a lobotomy… Or something. But probably not. So just

Google and so far I’m getting ‘A woman who has many casual sexual partners’,

to be on the safe side, tone down the name-calling, pick up a thesaurus and

‘A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous’ and ‘A

play nicely kiddies.

15

UPDATES We Need You Hey all! Thanks again for being part of AuSM and joining us at the advanced movie screening of LUCY last Friday! We hope you enjoyed the movie and would love to hear your feedback on how it went!

Please email Kate.lin@aut.ac.nz and let Kate know what you thought of the movie. You might be the lucky one to win yourself a FREE movie pass to any 2D movie!

LUCY is in Cinemas 21 August.

SPCA Cupcake Day Join AuSM and help our furry friends out on SPCA Cupcake Day! Cupcakes will be on sale Monday 25 August from 10AM at Hikuwai Plaza, AUT City Campus. We will be selling cupcakes for $2 each and all proceeds go to the New Zealand SPCA. If you want to get involved and help by baking some cupcakes to sell, please email volunteers@aut.ac.nz or check out the Facebook event listing: http://bit.ly/ nzspcacupcakes

4.) Time Management. Sometimes I wish I had magic powers and could wish for more time, so it’s hard to determine what is and isn’t a priority. However, if your grades aren’t up to standard, that’s a strong indication that things might have to change.

3.) Clothing Attire. An even bigger struggle can be figuring out what to wear for the day. Whether you are a shopping junkie or a plain Jane, it’s hard to fit into fashion trends and determine what’s cool to wear to university because the weather changes every five seconds.

PREZ SEZ Hey AuSMers, By now you should be settled into university and you have probably handed in or received grades for your current assignments. If you’re anything like me, your attitude or moods over the next few weeks will be dependent on what grades you have received so BEWARE of the unfriendly students around AUT. I decided to do something different with my column this issue by providing some useful information for readers to enjoy. I have decided to present top five’s from the PREZ every week but they aren’t going to be BASIC categories, such as my top five songs and movies - they will actually be cool, creative and unique. This week I decided to bring you my top five student problems!

5.) Financial Stability. It’s hard being a student, especially financially. Sometimes it can ultimately affect your studies and in even worse conditions, your health. But remember, there’s plenty of support at AUT, you just have to make the effort to ask.

2.) Eight O’ Clock Starts. I am so guttered for you if you have an early morning tutorial.

However it’s only for a couple of weeks and unfortunately you have to endure the pain.

PERSEVERE! 1.) Public Transport & Parking. Traveling to and from university is a huge hassle every student encounters and when you finally arrive at AUT, it’s almost impossible to find a car park space. Does anyone else agree?

Blood Donations This Week One donation can save up to three lives! Keen to donate?

Head to Conference Room WA224 this Tuesday and Wednesday, 19 & 20 August Time: 10am – 4pm Visit http://bit.ly/nzbloodlocation for more info.

Here to Help The AuSM Advocacy service can help you with any troubles that you encounter during your time at AUT. Book an appointment with us on any campus through the Advocacy page on www.ausm.org.nz and it’s free.

rugby 7’s tournament by creating a team or being the cheerleader from the side-line.

However way you participate you will bring honour and spirit to your faculty.

SPCA Cupcake Day 25th August – Quad (Hikuwai Plaza) If you are a closet baker and you’re just urging to come out, now’s your chance to show us your skills and talents by creating your own cupcakes. Be creative and innovative because there will be special mentions on the day for the best cupcakes.

Political Party forum 28th August – Quad (Hikuwai Plaza) YES! The politicians are coming on campus and NO you cannot abuse them. However you are welcome to come along and listen.

Unfortunately, questions for the politicians must be communicated by me so let me know what questions you want me to ask by emailing me on april.pokino@aut.ac.nz

That’s me for the week, peeps, hopefully you can all relate but I thought these summed up a typical student experience. Let me know what kind of tips you would like for the next issue by emailing me on april.pokino@aut.ac.nz.

Don’t hesitate to contact me at all on anything; tips, questions, advice or even general complaints. Otherwise enjoy your week and I look forward to hearing from some of you soon.

Keep these events in mind this coming August: Interfaculty 7’s 22nd August – North Shore (Hato Petera College) Represent your faculty in the upcoming

WINNER OF PREZ SELFIE COMPETITION DURING RE- O WEEK Tiani Morunga Studying Event Management Selfie with Mistress Viv on Bitchin Bingo Night $50 cash winner collect from AUSM Reception

17

LORD OF THE RINGS WORDFIND

ARAGORN BROMANCE FRODO GALADRIEL GANDALF

Name:

GIMLI GOLLUM LEGOLAS LOTHLORIEN MINASMORGUL

MINASTIRITH MITHRANDIR MORDOR ORCS PALANTIR

SAMWISE SAURON SEANBEANDIES TOLKIEN VALAR

Email:

Circle all the words in the LOTR Wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win some motherflippin' sweet prizes! Winners will be notified by email.

Tell-tale signs you’re dating a drama kid

Last week in Politics: The battle of the ‘minor parties’

By Jason Walls Last week, everyone’s favourite conservative Mr Colin Craig fought for his right to represent his party in The Nation’s minor party’s debate.

In what the media have been calling an “eleventh-hour” injunction at the high court, Mr Craig sought to restrict the screening of the debate without his party.

Surprisingly to most, he was successful and TV3 reluctantly made room for the “uninvited guest.”

This set the stage for a debate of epic proportions. If this man is willing to fight tooth and nail at the high court just for the opportunity to have his voice heard, then surely what he has to say would be monumental.

It was not.

It was like Mr Craig was not even there; as if he had lost all his energy in the fight to be on the debate but when it came to him actually fronting up and telling New Zealanders why he was the candidate for them, he failed to deliver anything substantial.

Mr Craig was way overhyped and ended up falling flat. Maori Party Leader Te Ururoa Flavell was not much better and stated on a number of occasions the Maori party “are not propping up the Government,” despite being in a coalition with National since 2008. He failed to deliver a convincing argument and really did not do much to breathe life into his struggling party.

ACT won the debate (according to ACT at least), who said in a press release leader Jamie Whyte was the only leader in favour of lower taxes and “won the debate over three strikes as the other leaders came out in favour of burglars.”

Whyte did make a few good points about privately owned land, conveying “it's not for the Government, it's not for politicians to tell [people] who they can and can't sell their land to,” however I couldn’t help but chuckle when he remarked in his posh, British accent “almost all problems, practical problems, are remedied by becoming wealthier.”

by Matthew Cattin, Kieran Bennett, and Laurien Barks Inside voices are an unfamiliar concept.

•

They’ve seen Wicked five times in three different cities, and tried to drag you along to every one.

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Your wardrobe now boasts bow ties, hair gel, hammer pants, bold lipstick and prop swords.

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Your partner has three vague tattoos which they will not explain to you. When you ask, however, you are told “you wouldn’t understand”.

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You’ve had to explain who Journey is a thousand times, because your partner only knows the Glee version.

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You know that once the one drink tolerance has been reached, you’re going to have to spend the rest of the house party providing a shoulder to cry on because your other half is, “so druuuuunk”, and feeling insecure.

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Your partner cheated on you three times at the cast party, with three different people of three different genders.

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Your partner can’t speak without using elaborate hand gestures. In fact, if you tie their hands behind their back, they are effectively mute.

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Loud shirt day is every day.

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You are always left to stand awkwardly alone while your partner hugs everybody in the vicinity but fails to introduce you.

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Your partner constantly makes jokes you don’t understand and when you give them a questioning look, they say “it’s a cast thing”.

Hone Harawira said on national TV he wants to get rid of prisons. Yup… Peter Dunne was there too, bow-tie and all. His most noteworthy contribution to the debate was his grilling of Winston Peters over how he planned to pay for his plan to remove all GST from food. Peters eventually caved after both Dunne and presenter Lisa Owens pressed him to reveal he would use the money from New Zealand’s economic surpluses; adding reluctantly “even though they're going to be much lower than these people say and we can phase this in and keep these commitments up.”

If they fake an orgasm, you’ll never know. #acting

Dunne: He’s got no idea.

Peters: I’ve got plenty of ideas.

Dunne: Tell us.

Peters: Unlike Mr Dunne, I was never the treasurer that ran massive deficits and borrowed $150 billion as a nation.

This is an actual transcript from the debate between two seasoned political figures, not children in a playground… Believe it or not.

The Green Party, who many regarded as the big fish in this minor party debate’s pond, were justly represented by Metiria Turei who spoke particularly well in the debate. She held her own and showed why her party is polling at the same level as all the others in the debate combined. She fended off Colin Craig and frequently brought the conversation back to her party’s policies, helping to frame the discussions in a way that promoted her party well.

The debate had Green finger prints all over it and with Labour’s support shrinking; people might be starting to wonder if the Green Party would be better suited in the big league debating with National and Labour.

19

TINDERBAITING With two new sub-editors under my belt, I thought it was high time I put them to good use on their first assignment. Perhaps spending a week on Tinder wasn’t what they had in mind when they signed their contracts, but I can be very persuasive with my threats.

I set them both up with accounts, choosing their most flattering photos with what little I had to work with. I set the age range from 2040 and gave them both killer descriptions. To give Kieran a head start (as girls tend to get more matches than guys), I made sure to tick that he was interested in males and females.

The instructions were simple. Over the course of one week, swipe right everybody you come across, record your findings, and at the end of the madness, come out the other side with the best damn article under the sun.

A special thanks to Kieran’s girlfriend and Laurien’s cats for being cool with the assignment.

Kieran, 21

less than a kilometer away

Active just now

About Kieran

Down for anything! I look like an ewok but don't hold it against me.

Pet peeves Haterz, raisins in cookies and messages that end in ;)) xxx Ideal night out A super classy dinner followed by an incredibly indulgent dessert, preferably something that makes me a little sick but not too sick. Cap off the evening with a starlit walk and a snog.

Looking for Having my masculinity re-affirmed. What could go wrong?

Hobbies Signing up for web applications, reading and painting my nails.

Three words that best describe you Hairy, humorous and hung.

Your Achilles heel Being shot in the one place my mother didn't dip in the river styx.

Laurien, 20 less than a kilometer away

Active just now

About Laurien

Looking for love... but will settle for something fun.

Pet peeves Ripped boys who post photos with their shirts on.

Ideal night out A picnic under the stars, a view of the city lights from a distant hill, a glass of quality pinot gris, and Usher's Scream playing in the background.

Looking for Anything of the non-feline variety.

Hobbies Quilting, wine-tasting, mud-wrestling.

Three words that best describe you Needy, whiny, dominatrix.

Your Achilles heel A well-timed, crude innuendo.

LAURIEN's TINDER DIARY babe?’s and ‘Wanna have some fun?’s by men ranging from 35 to 40. I wasn’t even that mad because I was impressed so many members of the elderly community managed to stay up past 9PM. Actually, that’s a lie. I was mad. Mad that there are people out there who think their penis is of greater value to me than my REM sleep. Sometimes the world becomes a place I can’t bear to exist in.

DAY ONE Dear Diary, Today the three words I thought I would never say managed to force their way around my gag reflex, over my tongue, and through my ever resistant lips; ‘I’m on Tinder.’ I don’t know how I got here - it’s all a weird blur of profile photos and overly involved co-workers, but nevertheless, here I am. With my phone buzzing every three minutes with a new honey trying to be original and romantic by complimenting my smile, hair, and in one weird case, cheeks (um...thank you?...I like your...forehead?) I must commend the person who chose my display photo, as it’s already landed me a proposal. I’m not sure if he’s Mr Right though so I think I’ll decline. In the words of another Tinder Romeo, “why would you settle for second best when you deserve the world?” At 4:15PM, my match count was in the triple digits (114) - too many of which are posing with their shirts off. The hour is now 10:22PM, and after a furious swiping session on the bus ride home, I’ve managed to increase my match count to 297.

They’re strange creatures, these Tinder boys. Salivating like dogs at the fact my description says I’d ‘settle for something fun.’ I was hoping the description would entice invites to movies and theme parks, but these fellas seem to have a different kind of ride in mind.

Already I’ve been offered casual sex, birthday sex, oral sex, and immediate sex... Who knew there was such a wide-spread buffet of coital options? So many willing to fill the hole in my life? Such a long line up of lads wanting me to blow them (away), while they try to sweep me off my feet (and onto my back). When I said I wanted someone to get to know me on the inside, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind…

DAY TWO Dear Diary, I made the mistake of forgetting to turn my phone off before I went to bed, and faced the consequences in their entirety. It seems the hour between one and two in the morning can be synonymously referred to as bootycall o’clock. I was awoken with a string of ‘Whatchu up to

DAY THREE Dear Diary, 487 matches to date. In a constant state of perplexity as to whether I’m an ‘adorable cutie’ or just a convenient place to put it. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

DAY FOUR Dear Diary, I think I’ve managed to make it over the hump (offers). I’m feeling brighter, the spring is back in my step, and my faith in the male species has been elevated since yesterday. ‘Wow Laurien! What a turn around?

Did you get Tinderlaid?’ Oh no, dear diary, my carefree attitude has a much simpler, and less sticky origin. To be honest with you, the Tinds has become a bit of a bore. There’s no excitement, there’s no nerves, sweaty palms or anticipating butterflies. I’ve never really been a believer in ‘the thrill of the chase’ motto when it comes to courting, but these last few days have shown me that it’s less of a myth than I originally thought. I’m being handed any and every person that I right swipe, on a silver platter. They’re mine for the taking if I so desire. And I’m not being cocky - I realize that the fact that I’m breathing and have the silhouette of something vaguely female are the only boxes that many of these suitors need to have ticked, but even still… Tinder is mine to conquer. Not to get all deep and meaningful on you, but while I realize this is merely an experiment and I am in no way looking for love on the Tinds, it’s still managed to reinforce just how much I value the hard work and dedication that I put into my relationships. These guys are willing to give me coffee, dinners, and sex from nothing more than a couple pictures they’ve seen. I can’t help but miss the excitement I get from trying to impress someone I fancy. Being the best I can be, and figuring out the best ways to give that person what they need, consequently learning who they are in the process. I know it sounds intense, and it’s a little dramatic for the situation at hand, but damn. The best and longest lasting things in life are the things you work for. And even if I was on the Tinds just looking for a bit of meaningless fun… I’d still like to put in a bit more effort than a finger swipe and a ‘Yep,’ to a ‘dtf?’ Call me crazy, but there’s something to be said for the annoying waiting, wondering, hoping intervals in our whirlwind searches for love. Turns out those churning stomach-ulcer-inducing butterflies are what keep it interesting.

21

So please give me bonus points while I gag and bang my head against a wall). So that’s what I did, dear diary, and I gotta say, it’s satisfied the overwhelming urge to backhand a large percentage of my Tinder matches over the last week. Wish me luck as I walk into the final day of the experiment feeling proud, 1012 matches strong, and with an attitude of a lioness. Bring it on Tinder... I’m sick of your shit.

DAY FIVE Dear Diary, Since my Tinder-fueled epiphany yesterday, I decided to let go of all my annoyances for the Tinds, and have some fun with it. I got my mum involved as we swiped through and made fun of the pictures of the muscle-flexing mirror selfies, the old men who called me ‘baby’ and failed to see the irony, and the frightening nude shots of the more confident Tinder prowlers covering their ‘members’ with their hand (but let’s be honest, the overcompensation was a dead giveaway that their pinky would have been a sufficient guise). I made it my goal to break a thousand matches this week, and after a good half hour of motherdaughter Tinder bonding time, I’ve managed to clear 800. I can’t say I expected to have these kind of work goals when I applied for my job, but I’m not going to lie, it feels good to be reaching them.

DAY SIX Dear Diary, I broke my rule of ‘no interacting with the Tinder finds’ today. I couldn’t help myself. When a man(child) who has a profile picture with nothing more than his abs sends me an ego-fuelled essay that starts with him calling me a ‘sexy bitch,’ y’all know Imma have something to say about it! I knew I’d stumbled across journalistic gold when I was presented with three options on how ‘this’ was all going to go down (oh please, kind stranger, please dominate me some more). I could either: 1) Unmatch him and go my own way without losing any sleep.

2) Tell him I was free now, ‘give him 30 to spruce up and shave his balls’ (swoon).

3) Get to know each other, try and impress each other with how adventurous and sexy we both are, ‘before it eventually ends the same way as option two.’

I was shocked and more than a little irritated. So I whipped out my finest can of sass and prepared myself for battle. I started assertively but respectfully and asked him if that kind of approach ever worked out for him. He wound up feeding me a bunch more ego-driven crap about human nature and desires until I eventually told him he was an ass before clicking unmatch... But not before my inner pretentious English nerd took over and threw in a few words that he’d have to look up if he ever figured out how to use a dictionary. I know there are certain people that you can scold until you’re blue in the face, and it won’t matter one iota. He was most definitely of this breed. But sometimes a girl’s gotta stand up for herself, no matter how pointless or irrelevant it seems (plus he found my backbone to be a huge turn on...

DAY SEVEN Dear Diary, It is with a big smile and giddy heart that I conclude my Tinder week. I decided to pull the plug on my account at the pretty, rounded number of 1100 matches. I deleted my account, uninstalled the app, and was filled with a positively orgasmic rush as I felt any hope of sexual activity slip back under its rightful heading of ‘highly unlikely, you nun.’ Dear diary, it feels good. It feels good to go back to a life where I assume the best of strangers. It feels good to exist in a world where achieving any kind of desire from the male species seems too impossible to even strive for. It feels good to be able to take part in a hug without reflexively throwing the other person against a wall for fear that their hands will wander. I feel unshackled and free, diary. And I’ll never take it for granted again.

However, while the Tinds managed to fill me with a whole new kind of irritation I never knew existed, it hasn’t been without its valuable life lessons. First impressions are everything - never underestimate the power of a poorly presented photo. Posting cropped pictures of your abs from multiple angles with rake in all the bitches. If someone isn’t responding to your messages, keep sending them, your persistence is a clever mask for your desperation. And most importantly, ladies, when you’re feeling empty inside, just remember, a penis is only ever a ‘dtf’ away. Thank you Tinder. It’s been real. xo

KIERAN's TINDER DIARY

DAY ONE Today I joined Tinder. The process itself was moderately exciting; however any real joy was soon sucked from my experience. I decided it would be mildly amusing to see what would happen if I chose to receive pictures from both guys and girls. It was not amusing. I have (as of 4.10pm) been matched with nearly 30 guys, and only two girls. I am, to say the least, confused. Did I accidentally plaster an ‘I love dick’ sticker on my profile picture instead of the relatively mild one of me in a suit?

Did I accidentally put ‘I hate all women’ in my profile description? It would appear as though I am only a mild success as a straight man but if I were gay, I could be a total winner. More than my savagely bruised ego however is the creeping sense of moral wrongness that has begun to coat my being. A guy named Simon messaged me to ask if I liked Magic: The Gathering and board games. He also asked me how my day was. Simon seems like a cool dude who’s genuinely looking for friendship. Sorry Simon. That said, my girlfriend finds the whole thing very amusing and in fact plans to join Tinder herself. The most interesting thing I noticed in my first day is the sheer number of guys on this app compared to girls. For every 20 or so guys, I would see one girl. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Matches: 51 Guys: 48 Girls: 3 Messages: 10 DAY TWO The girls were out in force today, far outnumbering the guys. But sadly, this did not help my chances, with the guys matching with me still exceeding the girls. I changed my profile picture to one that was less done up and while the number of girls matching with me increased slightly, I’m still drowning in peen. Interestingly, I have only received one offer to connect, a very romantic ‘hey sexy, want to meet up?’ Outside of that though, all the messages I have received have been very kind and not at all sexual. Some have been less eloquent than others, a guy named Michael asked told me I could ‘take him takeaways’ and he would buy me some. Needless to say I was erect within moments. Other than a slow creep of doubt descending upon my sexuality and masculine identity, Tinder is entertaining. I have managed to discard any sense of moral wrongness I previously felt, though whether this is a good thing or not I have yet to discover.

DAY FOUR Tinder on a Friday was a little slow. Not the least because I had a lot of work to do and so my swiping efforts were a tad lessened by actual, real world commitments. Somehow this did not stop the guys from finding me. People I had previously swiped right had now found me and were matching with me post swipe. It certainly gave me a large amount to think about in terms of my own masculinity and the one burning question which has plagued me since I first swiped still remains unanswered; where the girls at? I have swiped a great many girls, not as many as guys I grant you, but still. An extremely small number have seen fit to swipe right on me. Is this a reflection of my own appearance, or their standards? Are guys more welcoming and accepting of flaws, or do I have some kind of gay-x-factor? I think what really comes down to is that guys are just less fussed. Girls seem more selective about what they put where, whereas with the guys I’ve matched on the Tinds, it seems any hole is a goal.

Matches: 160 Guys: 144 Girls: 16 Messages: 30 DAY FIVE Well, I have hit an utter low this weekend. I’m not sure what it is about West Auckland (where I spent my weekend as I live there), but the guys were severely lacking in my area. Instead of swiping past a small smattering of girls, pairing up with every penis there was and experiencing a small (if mildly confused) ego boost, I was instead made to swipe past girl after girl after girl. Dejected, rejected and utterly matchless. Except for of course for a small number of guys.

Matches: 164 Guys: 148 Girls: 16 Messages: 46

DAY THREE The onslaught of cock continues. While a few girls have seen fit to pass approval on me, it would appear that I am essentially some kind of gay sex god which, while not the exact career path I had in mind, is still a lofty position. I have received a few more messages, but nothing quite matches the heights of my first day. The shine has somewhat come out of Tinder now - no one is rude, no one is aggressive, everyone is just very mild and pleasant. It’s kind of like talking to people. But on my phone. That said, I was somewhat flattered by one guy’s offer of head.

Apparently he does it quite well.

DAY SEVEN Well apparently Sunday night is the night to match with Kieran. Oh no, not girls, don’t worry nothing changed there. But more matches awaited me today, which was, I suppose, a nice way to end my Tinder experience. And what an experience it has been. From a taken, yet no less attractive man; all the way to a taken, yet only attractive to gay guys man. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. From sadness, to deeper sadness, to acceptance, to further sadness. I have been propositioned by men for sex, blowjobs and handjobs while remaining ignored completely by the women. What are my overall thoughts on Tinder? It makes me sad. And not just because I’ve spent the past week overanalysing my appearance and obsessing about what makes a man a man. No, not at all. It was more because the entire experience had a slight odour of loneliness. Perhaps Laurien’s experience was different, but on the whole, people who matched and messaged me were not in fact ‘dtf’ (maybe if I’d asked) but were just looking for someone to talk to. Or maybe I’m not being cynical enough. It’s more likely that a life of not being hit on has not prepared me for such a thing and so now I can’t help but see the best in people. So damn you Tinder, damn you and your vast array of homosexual guys who love me and your vast array of heterosexual girls who don’t. It’ll be a satisfying delete to say the least.

Matches: 146 Guys: 132 Girls: 14 Messages: 24

Matches: 189 Guys: 157 Girls: 32 Messages: 55

Matches: 132 Guys: 120 Girls: 12 Messages: 18

23

THE HORRORS OF HOSPITALITY

by Laurien Barks Ah, the hospitality industry. It’s a place that sits close to home for many of us student-types. An industry that nurtured us, funded our dreams, and taught us the best makeup tips to hide puffy red eyes in case we were driven to the point of weeping halfway through our eight hour shift. I speak in past-tense because I’ve, thankfully, concluded the hospitality chapter of my life for the time being. However, as grateful as I am for my freedom, I have not forgotten the souls I left behind. I’m very aware that many of my peers are still pulling a polo shirt over their brave faces every Saturday evening. They’re still suffering from the long-term facial twitches that accompany the act of fake smiling too hard and for too long. They’re still shackling their curse words behind a pained smile as they spill hot coffee on their hands and gritting their teeth through the vast array of sexual harassment that Mother Hospitality so generously provides. Oh yes, the fight is hard and the struggle is real. But just how real does it get in the world of food and beverage. What kind of horrors does the average waiter/barista/bartender have to face on a day to day basis? I decided to ask around.

Sexual Harassment: Most ladies that I speak to in the industry have some kind of sexual harassment story to tell. That’s not to say that our male co-workers don’t get their fair share of ‘come hither’ remarks or glances, but this seems to be a horror that focuses a lot of its energy on us girls. Personally, I rarely had to put up with customers cat-calling or trying to snag an ass slap, but I did have to put up with some intense sexual harassment from an authoritative figure. It’s a tough position to be in when a person who’s in charge of you (and a good 25 years older) starts to marvel at your legs and curves, and ask you round to his place after work. Lucky for me, he’d been harassing so many of the girls on staff that it was noted and dealt with, but even his replacement couldn’t resist throwing in a ‘baby doll’ or ‘sexy’ when ordering me around. I started wondering if ‘greasy pig’ was a requirement on the position’s application form.

Co-workers: Now, don’t get me wrong, not all hospitality co-workers can be classified as ‘horrors,’ but in a job that has such a high staff turn-over rate, you’re bound to run into some doozies. My finest co-worker drama of all time, had to be when a young waitress, about half my height and twice my sass, decided to spark a fight by picking at my self-esteem. Never one to walk head on into conflict, I refused to engage with her taunts and politely excused myself. She responded to this lack of participation by literally getting up in my face (or breasts… She was little), and trying to get all ‘wachu gonna do bout it’ on me. Looking back now it was hilarious, but at the time, I was ridiculously angry and embarrassed by the pointless scene she was creating.

Weird customers: I use the word ‘weird’ because not all story-worthy customers are necessarily ‘horrors,’ but whether they’re verbally abusing you, or acting like they’ve never learned the basic rules of human interaction, they’re still

a nuisance that the hospitality industry forces you to deal with. I’ve had a woman pretentiously return her chai latte twice because there was not exactly two centimetres of foam on top (I’m sorry, Madame, let us get the tape measure), I’ve had a customer sit at a reserved table and make a scene by refusing to leave it (to be honest, I was expecting them to whip out chains, a padlock, and a signed petition), and I’ve had a woman break down in tears because her steak was undercooked (had a bit of a rough day, have we?). Patience… If the café/restaurant/bar teaches you nothing else, it sure guarantees that you walk out of its doors with one heck of a virtue.

Jesse: I only have literal horror stories; ghosts locking doors and stealing light bulbs, and patrons dying while watching movies.

Emily: I was working the bar in a café/bar, and Boss had spent the whole night with Rich Old Guy, chatting him up, making sure his experience was good and he felt personally awesome and connected and appreciated.

Then Boss went off somewhere and ROG approached the bar. I was alone and ROG assessed the stocked liquor and then makes a request for Glenfiddich. I turned around to check if it was on the top shelf, and glanced back to make a sly connecting humorous comment about it being 'top shelf, expensive, and only the best.' As I was halfway through making this joke, he answers with, ‘no, I just want to see you reach for the top shelf. Your breasts will look amazing side-on.’ I answered calmly and said I would go and get Boss to serve him that drink, and he said, ‘no, no we don’t need to bother Boss.’ I spun back around to assess the top shelf height, and when I turned back to ROG, he had shifted to an optimal position to view my boobs.

Julia: We were short staffed for one shift at the last job I worked at. I worked at a private club for business and other rich people functions, and weddings, dinners, etc. One other guy and I had to work three different functions at once, one of which John Key was in (so, y'know, lil bit of pressure to make sure Satan himself didn't complain). Because I wasn't going 'fast enough' my ex-manager pushed me and I spilled boiling coffee all over myself.

Kieran: One lady would come into work every night around 11pm and order a latte ‘how she liked it.’ Translation: A cappuccino with extra foam, with the coffee on the side. I had to bring her the order, stand by her table, wait for her to stir the coffee into the milk, take a sip, and then tell me if it was satisfactory. If it was, I was free to leave. If it wasn’t, I was sent back to make another. One night she sent me back three times, and after I failed again, she stormed up to me, said ‘you owe me a free coffee! I’m coming back tomorrow and you owe me a free coffee!’ and left.

Matthew: We had this racist old American man come into the coffee shop on a regular basis with his much younger, faker, and hopefully better half. We had a lovely Japanese guy on staff and whenever he was on the till, the racist would ask to be served by someone else. He would also refuse to drink anything made by my Japanese co-worker.

Rachael: At my old job, we used thermometers in our milk for coffees, and I was a stickler for having the correct temperature so I know I was in the right for this particular scenario. A man asked for his coffee "extra, extra hot", as apparently we were crap at doing this, or so he told me. I did the usual trick of preheating the cup with water, and then pushed the temperature of the milk to just under where you can heat to. I gave him the coffee and about 30 seconds after he left he stormed back in screaming at me, "I would throw this fucking coffee in your face if I could! What are you trying to do, burn me? FUCK." Such a nice man.

Winter Warmers

By Mary Wilkins I’ve been meaning to write this article for a couple of months now and seeing as it is nearly the end of winter, it has come a tad later than planned. However, winter comes every year so you all may find use for it at some point in your lives. So I’m one of those people that as soon as it reaches the end of March and I feel a hint of a chill in the air, I break out the flannel pyjamas and start wearing a Kathmandu jacket to uni. Whilst other people glance at me in horror (“HOW is that girl not overheating?!”), I am provided with the comfort of knowing I will never be cold. There is an actual diagnosis for fearing the cold which is Cheimaphobia, and, while I don’t have this, I do take certain measures to make sure I am cosy during the icy months of the year.

Bring a Hot Water Bottle to Uni. Seriously I’ve done this multiple times, and it is the best. You stay toasty all day and have something to cuddle while trying not to fall asleep during lectures. Also you can buy really cute personalised hot water bottle covers at craft markets to go with your outfit/s. If you think carrying one around is a hassle, just pop the bottom of the hot water bottle into the top of your jeans, pull your jacket over it and boom, you have both hands free to check how many likes your latest photo on Instagram has.

Invest in a Lot of Pyjamas.

I am a serial shopaholic and I specialise in pyjamas. The best things about pjs are they keep you warm and super comfortable and at the same time serve as an excuse not to leave the house. I have a friend who actually wears pyjamas to uni (I hear they do

this at Otago too), and while I don’t go this far, once you discover pyjama life, it’s hard to change back into your uncomfortable skinny jeans.

Onesies.

This partially comes under the pyjama category, but the thing with wearing a onesie is that it keeps even more heat in than pjs do. If you purchase a onesie that is grey, or a fairly dark colour, you can put boots on and a jacket over the top and voila it looks like you’re wearing tights. Note; I have not actually done this so it may not look as described.

Get Someone to Cocoon You at Night.

No, this isn’t some awesome new sex position.

I have been brought up to be against electric blankets (I went to a hippy school) because they give off bad energy or something so I am always looking for good ways to keep the temperature up in bed. I was shown by a friend a new way to keep cosy at night. Step one; lie down on the bed under your duvet. Step two; get a family member to tuck the duvet in on all of your sides, making sure it’s nice and tight. The only down side to this is you cannot move at all, but at least you are snug as a bug in a rug.

Spooning Buddy.

This is for single pringles too! Find a friend who you are comfortable with and spoon while watching movies. If I’m out in public I do what is called “The Penguin” which is to huddle close to one another and tuck your neck over the person’s shoulder like penguins do in the South Pole. The body heat warms you both right up and at the same time offers protection from the wind.

Russian Hat. A lot of people say our winters are not particularly cold but I completely disagree with this. Compared to many other cities this may be true, but it still gets pretty damn cold.

So I like to treat Auckland winters as if it were snowing. Russia experiences some crazy low temperatures so they’ve really got the right gear for winter. I don’t support wearing real fur, so I go for a faux fur Russian hat.

They have even become a popular fashion choice in the last six months.

Fires.

Now I’m not suggesting going and lighting fires everywhere, but they do make a huge difference when it comes to heat. Maybe find a friend who has a fireplace and go there to visit. The great thing about a fire is that it promotes sociality; you can spend all night around one with your friends. Also make sure someone brings marshmallows!

The Library.

If you haven’t been into the AUT library lately I can tell you they pump up the heaters in winter. As you walk in, the blast of heat that meets you is almost unpleasantly hot (who would have thought I’d say that), but after you take off a layer or two, your body adjusts to a pleasant, perfect temperature.

I hope this has helped a bit, I know most people aren’t cold fish like me, but being warm can never hurt. Have fun with these ideas for the remainder of winter!

25

RED SANDS, BEATING SUN EXPLORING THE HEART OF AUSTRALIA

by Laurien Barks

Photography by Laurien Barks

Ever since the movie Kangaroo Jack was released, I knew I was destined to venture through the Australian outback. It wasn’t so much the computer animated kangaroo that excited me (though the prospect of spotting a real one thrilled my small Canadian soul to the extreme) so much as it was the habitat in which he lived. I was awestruck at the red dirt, the scarce vegetation, the clear sky and beating sun. If it looked that amazing on a screen, imagine how incredible it would look in real life! It would be several years before I was able to make my outback dream a reality, but let me assure you, it was well worth the wait.

One day past my 18th birthday, with a backpack that nearly outweighed me, and a friend by my side, I was ready for the trip that my eight-year-old self had planned, sketched, and prepped to the accompaniment of A Land Down Under nearly a decade earlier. I was shaking.

Road tripping through the outback was most definitely one of the most incredible car journey’s I’ve ever embarked on. There were plenty of stops to make, people to meet, and lessons to learn along the way. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Friends and family often ask me what I loved most about the outback, and it’s near impossible to just pick one lonely aspect to highlight as ‘the best.’ So, in an attempt to inspire and motivate as many people to get themselves into the heart of our neighbours to the north, I’ve compiled a list of my personal top five things to experience in the Australian outback.

1)

The Devil’s Marbles/Karlu Karlu.

Located approximately 400km north of Alice Springs, The Devil’s Marbles/ Karlu Karlu Conservation Reserve is one of the coolest national parks I’ve visited. Rich in Aboriginal significance, these two red balancing boulders are a definite must-see of the outback. The entire park is littered in wonderfully smooth, round, and red rocks that managed to make even my tall and freakish frame feel ant-like. There are piles, caves, and crevices to explore and climb (so long as you’re wary of Satan’s slithery offspring), and I guarantee it’s one of the best darn playgrounds you’ll ever frolic in.

Leaping from boulder to boulder, and sliding down the tallest rocks I could find was most definitely worth the blood smears and chunks of flesh I left behind.

2)

The Dingoes.

Don’t you dare leave the outback until you get the chance to experience one of these beauties in the wild! They’re gorgeous creatures that look like a wild fox got down with your pet dog to produce some majorly sleek and sassy offspring. These babies are extra popular in the very centre of the outback. I encountered them chilled out in the sun during the day, as well as howling outside my tent at night. Majestic.

3)

The Side of the Road.

The Stuart highway is a goldmine for random pit-stops. No matter where you are, if you pull over to the side of the road, you’ll find yourself in a place that’s either beautiful or freaking cool! I stopped at proper ‘sights’ like the Katherine Gorge or the Daly Water’s pub, as well as random points on the road to simply stretch my legs. It’s no secret some of the best sights we see are the unmapped ones we never plan for. Amazingly, in the outback, that just happens to be wherever you decide to pull the car over.

4)

Tennant Creek.

Nearly 1000km south of Darwin, this little gem of the outback is sure to make you giggle. Priding itself on its touristy hospitality, this little town is all kinds of adorable. Because of the desert-locked isolation of the outback towns, the standards of tourist-information pamphlets drop considerably.

Where an ‘Explore the Gold Coast’ brochure has lists of beaches, theme parks, restaurants, nightlife, and tramping trails, the ‘Explore Tennant Creek’ brochure had a park with a bench, a hand-painted mural, and a sign that pointed to multiple major international cities. What they don’t mention in the brochure is the mural is across the road from the 4m2 ‘park’ that surrounds the sign. I knocked off the entire tourist pamphlet in less than five minutes. It’s one of the most ‘aw bless’ worthy stops you could ever make.

5)

The Stars.

I know I said it was too hard to narrow down my outback experiences to just one favourite, but if I was forced to, boomerang to my head, I would have to say the outback stars. There’s nothing like them. Lying on the hood of the car at night, the temperature surprisingly cool, and a near-solid blanket of stars covering the pitch black sky… No person, place, or thing compared to the feeling of blissful calm and gratitude that those wondrous stars filled me with. Impossible to capture in film or snapshot, the outback sky is one of the biggest, most appreciated surprises Australia has to offer.

27

VOX POPS

This week we sent our gorgeous yet approachable sub-editors out to get to know the students a bit better. They talk Tinder, Robin Williams, and for some reason, pizza.

Interviews by Laurien Barks and Kieran Bennett

HALEY JONES: Third Year Communications Journalism Major What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

What it is, is what you get. I met someone on Tinder.

It’s kind of a ‘thing.’ My friend met her boyfriend on Tinder and they’ve been together for about a year.

What do you think of Tinder?

It’s pretty shit to be honest. It’s entertaining. You’re not on there for a serious time, but for a laugh.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

Jumanji. It was my first Robin Williams movie, it’s my alltime favourite and I just never got tired of it. It’s really only affected me today.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Cheese, cause everyone like cheese.

NATHAN HALE: First Year Mechanical Engineering Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

Haven’t used it. I was just in a relationship for two years.

What do you think of Tinder?

Funny. My mates use it for a laugh.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

The Peter Pan movie, one of my childhood memories.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Tomato paste, it just enhances the pizza.

LUCY FITZGERALD: Post Graduate Diploma in Communications What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

I don’t have it. Half the people you ask wouldn’t say if they did. But I don’t.

What do you think of Tinder?

It has its purpose. My flatmate met her current boyfriend on it, it’s a cool platform.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

I really loved him in Hook and Aladdin.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

A classic margarita. The mozzarella… It’s just a necessity.

RUPERT MAGELE: First Year Engineering Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

Nothing, I don’t use it.

What do you think of Tinder?

Nothing really.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

Mrs. Doubtfire.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why? *thought really hard* Chicken. It’s just good, aye.

SHANNON-MAE READ: Third Year Visual Arts Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

The awareness of the lack of talent in New Zealand men. As in, general attractiveness.

What do you think of Tinder?

I was chatting with this cute guy when he said 'be right back'. That was two months ago.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

Watching Flubber when I was growing up. He kinda reminds me of my dad, so I was a bit teary yesterday.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Pepperoni, it’s the only one I’ll eat.

ANANTH AYYAR: AU Computer Science and Commerce Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

I don’t use Tinder. My mates use it to like guys and then troll them.

What do you think of Tinder?

It’s a bit creepy, you can find anyone on it, aye.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

Mrs Doubtfire - funniest movie hands down. Oh, and Aladdin.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Cheese, everyone loves cheese.

DANIEL YONG Third Year Engineering Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

I don’t use Tinder.

What do you think of Tinder?

I don’t know. A few of my mates use it for fun, for a laugh. Nothing serious.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

Jumanji. It’s so wild, it’s a great childhood memory.

If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Supreme. It’s got a little bit of everything.

MATARIKI TOTORO First Year Business Student What have you gotten out of Tinder, if anything?

I’ve been out with three girls but only slept with one. I still talk to the rest of them.

What do you think of Tinder?

It’s good to take the piss - it’s real easy to talk to people.

What is your favourite Robin Williams related memory?

The RV movie, it really makes me want to have an RV. If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why?

Chicken, jam, cheese, and marshmallow. Because it looks good, it’s hard on the outside but soft and tender on the inside.

29

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The hotly anticipated follow up to the UK's most successful comedy film of all time, THE INBETWEENERS 2 sees our favourite foursome reunite, this time in Australia. The film stars Simon Bird, James Buckley, Blake Harrison and Joe Thomas.

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REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

The Good Soul of Szechuan Written by Bertolt Brecht Directed by Colin McColl Starring Robyn Malcolm, Edwin Wright, and Shimpal Lelisi

Reviewed by Laurien Barks I must admit, I did a double take when I saw the poster for Auckland Theatre Company’s The Good Soul of Szechuan. Were they really attempting to tackle a Brechtian script and present it to the general public? This I had to see. For anyone who isn’t a complete drama nerd, Bertolt Brecht is infamous for his bizarre, abstract, and political scripts. They thrive on random song interludes, direct interaction with the audience, and symbolic decisions that even the most accomplished English professor has trouble deciphering.

When the gods visit Szechuan in an attempt to find the remaining ‘good people’ left on earth, they come across only one truly ‘good soul,’ Shen Te, the

Enemy Directed by Denis Villeneuve Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Mélanie Laurent, Sarah Gadon

prostitute. They reward the hooker with a heart of gold with money to start a small tobacco business, and Shen Te uses her new, albeit small, fortune to shelter and feed the homeless citizens of Szechuan. Unfortunately this is where her troubles begin. Soon her good nature is taken advantage of, and in order to take care of herself and her own interests, she creates a male alter ego. The ruthless and unforgiving Shui Ta enables her to do her dirty work without sacrificing the opinion and love that people have for Shen Te. The play challenges good human nature, and asks the question ‘is it possible to be good to others without sacrificing the ability to be good to oneself?’

While my inner Brechtian fangirl was squealing with delight at the random poems, puppets, slipping out of character, and ‘bad-acting-to-make-a-politicalstatement,’ I was not surprised to see a portion of the audience disappear after interval. Despite John Gibson’s brilliant music compositions and Robyn Malcolm’s standout performance, I think it was a poor choice for ATC’s target audience.

Entertainment was found in the small flourishes of the performance. We were handed homemade instruments as we found our seats for music participation throughout the show, there were cranes and harnesses that enabled the gods to fly above the ground, and there was some mind blowing projectory art. But the play itself, was not for the general theatre public. Those unfamiliar with Brecht or experimental theatre would find it to be confusing, and the extremely abstract nature of the three hour piece has been unsurprisingly interpreted as ‘boring’ by many subscribers to the theatre company.

While it was brilliantly interpreted, performed, and brought to life, The Good Soul of Szechuan loses points purely because it was marketed to the wrong target audience. Theatre decisions are an art, in themselves, and Auckland Theatre Company let me down with their lack of logic. Not only will they suffer financially with this choice, but it will deter casual theatre goers from future productions - not exactly an ideal outcome for one of the less popular art forms. It deserves to be seen, but would be far more effective on a smaller scale, with a more selective audience... It’s definitely one for the annoyingly pretentious drama snobs.

predictable and childish.

I was incredibly excited for this film. Denis Villeneuve’s last two features, Incendies (2010) and Prisoners (2013), were two of the best thrillers of the twenty-tens, his grim style reminiscent of David Fincher. In addition to the director’s credentials, I must mention the irresistible draw card of Jake Gyllenhaal’s face.

The basic premise of the film is this; Jake version one (a history lecturer) watches a film one evening and discovers the existence of Jake version two, an actor playing a minor role. Jake V1 gets on the Google and discovers his doppelganger isn’t just similar in appearance, but identical. He calls him up, organises to meet, and craziness ensues as both Jakes become extremely anxious and insecure about not only their identities, but also their respective partners’ safety and fidelity.

Reviewed by Matthew Cattin It’s hard to review a film I barely understood… Critics much smarter than I will likely scoff at my limited understanding as they pretentiously award five stars to the “dark and ethereal masterpiece”. But heck, I figure I’m no half-wit and as a frequent visitor to film festivals, I’m used to seeing films that defy the classic Hollywood narrative structure. I also don’t mind if films don’t present us with a neatly wrapped package ending. But I draw the line at being slapped in the face with an ending so bizarre it makes Donnie Darko’s conclusion seem

It’s a great premise, one that has been explored before to great effect in films such as the excellent 2009 sci-fi Moon. Unfortunately for Enemy however, the conclusion isn’t half as satisfying. It is an open for interpretation WTF ending that provides little in the way of clues, but much in the way of confusing symbolism and frustration. I’m not going to lie, when the credits rolled I sat there feeling cheated and dead inside but after reading through a Reddit forum, I found a few interpretations that I enjoyed and would like to apply to the film on a second viewing.

However, a film that makes some people believe giant alien spiders were a part of the plot while others make up theories about infidelity and commitment, well…

Perhaps it could have been a bit clearer one way or the other.

No qualms about the cast or general feel of the film – it was eerie, atmospheric and suspenseful throughout. Jake was particularly strong in his portrayal of two characters and Mélanie Laurent and Sarah Gadon were solid as their better halves. My only problem really is what the director decides to throw at the audience in the last five seconds of the film, a spanner the size of a bus thrust deep into the works that leaves one feeling baffled, angry and creeped the hell out.

World’s Greatest Dad Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait Starring Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, and Alexie Gilmore

a suicide, Lance writes a profound death note. When the note is leaked through the school paper, students and teachers alike revere Kyle as a troubled genius. Lance starts to ghost-write posthumous poetry under Kyle’s name, but feels his guilt creeping up on him.

I absolutely ADORE unique premises like this! The film lampoons how people start worshipping the dead celebrities even if they were terrible people. *cough* Ryan Dunn drink driving *cough*. I don’t know how I feel about Bobcat Goldthwait. You’re lured into his films with his unique ideas, but they turn out to be quite shallow.

The film doesn’t know who it is aiming for. It’s too edgy for the idiot Adam Sandler loving cattle and it’s too homogenous for the dark comedy crowd. My sense of humour is blacker than Forrest Whittaker in a coal mine, but I didn’t find this film all that funny. It has a few good lines scattered around, but it has one scene that hits you harder than a freight train full of Schindler’s List DVDs. I would classify this film as more of a comedy-drama than a dark comedy, but semantics, semantics.

Reviewed by Nigel Mckenzie-Ryan Before I start this review, I just want to apologise if I unwittingly contribute to the flood of Robin Williams film retrospectives this week, but this is my first review for debate so bugger off. World’s Greatest Dad is one of Williams’ lesser known films but it is particularly poignant right about now, as it’s all about the big S. No, not that big S. I’m talking about suicide.

Robin Williams plays Lance, a failing novelist who teaches English at the same school as his son, Kyle, a moronic, perverted, misanthropic jerk-lord played by Daryl Sabara, a.k.a. “That Ginge from Spy Kids”. Lance comes home one night to find that Kyle accidentally died from autoerotic asphyxiation (If you don’t know what this is, Google David Carradine). After making his death look like

Every character in this film has an element of scumbaggery to them. Ginge McSpykids, I mean… Daryl Sabara’s performance is particularly good. He’s such a friggin’ ass! You just want to grab him by the ankles and smash his skull against a guardrail! Robin Williams doesn’t use his usual energetic schtick in this film, but rather the opposite. He’s very quiet, reserved and nervous. You feel like he is just being his normal offstage self. I don’t think I would have picked up on that little detail until after Robin… You know.

In the last 10 years, Robin Williams has stared in some horrendous films, but I wouldn’t really classify World’s Greatest Dad as one of them. It’s unique and thought provoking film, but like the talented artist who enrolls in a business degree, it leaves many people disappointed. I hope in 10 years it will be remade by an independent director that is more than just an ideas man.

Little Women

tale that is well ahead of its time.

Novel

By Louisa May-Alcott

The magic of the story lies in the lengthy period of time that it covers. While it’ll never win any ‘easy-reading’ awards, one is able to forgive the extreme detail and occasionally slow chapters because the incredible character development the technique achieves is irreplaceable. It’s a good author’s job to make a reader feel like a part of the character’s story, but only a literary genius has the skill to invite you into the character’s lives - immersing you completely in the entirety of a character’s existence as opposed to just one or two major events. Not only does Alcott achieve this beautifully with the protagonist, Jo, but with the three other sisters as well.

Reviewed by Laurien Barks Louisa May-Alcott, you beautiful legend. How can we ever thank you for the treasure that is Little Women. If you haven’t read this wondrous tale and were born after the year of 1868, then you need to do a serious re-evaluation of your life choices. The word ‘classic’ has never been more appropriate.

Little Women follows a family of four daughters and their mother over the course of several years; each girl with her own unique challenges to face and overcome. Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy win the hearts of all they encounter, each individual reader rooting for their spirit animal, as well as the collective group.

Guided by their beloved mother, ‘Marmee,’ and their religious faith, the little women take their readers through all aspects of life, love, and dreams in a

Its realistic nature and the parallels the events of the pages have with real life, not only manage to entertain, but teach and achieve a unique kind of inspiration that seems feasible. You’re constantly being inspired by reality, not grand or fantastical heroics. The hero’s bravery is marked by the act of cutting her hair, the purest heart isn’t strong enough to live, and good fortune takes the shape of books or parchment. The fact that each and every romantic relationship takes time was one of my favourite aspects of the novel. There’s no instant spark, there’s no cupid’s arrow, or love at first sight. There’s no weird vampire instinct or mad nights of passion two days after meeting. Instead there’s friendship, there’s growth, there are realisations and doubts, and there’s the eventual decision the girls make to commit themselves to a person who makes them better. The fact that I was born without a single ‘awww’-inducing or romantic bone in my body might make me bias, but heck, that’s the kind of love story that I can get into.

Little Women didn’t earn its classic fame for any small feat. It’s a timeless journey into a reality that people (both men and women) can relate to across generations. Four and a half stars. One for every sister, and an extra half for Jo, my personal tomboy, passionate writing, mud-smeared, little woman doppelganger.

33

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