DEBATE | Issue 20 | 20 Questions

debate ISSUE 20 19 | AUGUST 2015

CREDITS EDITOR Laurien Barks laurien.barks@aut.ac.nz SUB-EDITORS Matthew Cattin Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver DESIGNERS Ramina Rai CONTRIBUTORS Matthew Cattin, Anita Tranter, Amelia Petrovich, Julie Cleaver, Kieran Bennett, Naomi Currie, Aisha Hall, Savannah Welsh, Ali Thair, Ethan Sills, Shivan, Samira Kakh, Damian Seeto, Vicky Goh, Shams Al-ani, Sherief Ryan, Logan Gubb, Tyler Hinde, Caterina Atkinson

CONTENTS

ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz

Contributions can be sent to

lbarks@aut.ac.nz PRINTER Debate is lovingly printed by Soar Print

Pg 4 Vice Prez Sez

Pg 26 Who Did You Vote For?

Pg 6 Was It Worth It?

Pg 28 What on Earth are we Doing Here?

Pg 8 Why Did I Cut My Hair?

Pg 30 What’s On Offer, Auckland?

Pg 10 Cool Shit - Anything To Giveaway?

Pg 32 Kids with Questions

Pg 12 Is This Comedy?

Pg 34 What's The Deal With Hollywood and Diversity?

Pg 14 “How Do You Know You’re Straight?”

Pg 36 What Would You Do For The Perfect Shot?

Pg 16 What’s Going On, Middle East?

Pg 38 Reviews

Pg 20 In Short

Pg 39 The Write Way

Pg 21 What Racism?

Pg 41 Recipe

Pg 24 What’s Your Guilty Pleasure?

Pg 42 Puzzles

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EVENTS Carl Ewen carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

1

I was nine years old when I stepped up to the plate of my first (and last) eating competition. Proud, confident, untouched by life’s hardships (until after the competition, that is). I knew I was against boys much older and bigger than I was, but I didn’t let it faze me. I was here to win. I was here to eat the most snails in a minute in front of a roaring crowd of pre-teens. I could taste the glory. It was chewy and covered in brine. I don’t remember much of the minute. My body became a machine. I wasn’t in control, I felt numb as each slippery piece of goo slugged its way down my throat. The conclusive buzzer brought me out of my haze, and the round of applause forced me to look to my left, and then to my right. I had ingested near double the number of snails as my fellow competitors. The angry rumbling “What the hell were you thinking” was outshone by the placement of a cheap lolly prize in my outstretched hands.

Though, it fought its way back into my attentive limelight shortly thereafter, using tactics I’d rather not discuss.

EDITOR’S LETTER Welcome friends!

In case you hadn’t already noticed, the Debate team has managed to pull together one hell of a theme mag for you this week. It’s the 20th issue, so we decided to give it a ’20 Questions’ theme! That’s right folks, twenty questions you’ve been dying to have answered will be served up on a multicoloured platter of a mag. So get curious, get amongst, and get stuck into the glorious work of your peers.

I suppose I best be getting the ball rolling by introducing the first question of the mag. It’s a question I’m asked on the weekly (and sometimes daily). A question that, when on its own doesn’t mean much, but when delivered by the right source could mean trouble. A question that’s only ever asked when I’ve done something wrong.

My stomach is forever asking me “What the hell were you thinking!?”

Normally I’m the kind of person who likes to take care of their friends. I don’t like the idea of beings I love questioning how much they mean to me. Though, I’m only human, and I’m bound to take a friend or two for granted from time to time.

The ol’ tum tum is definitely one of them. It’s had to put up with my shenanigans for years; standing by my side without much complaint for the most part. But even the best of us reach our boiling point every now and then, and I really can’t blame my stomach for asking what the hell I was thinking on a few occasions.

Fast forward three years. A lovely family vacation on a tropical island sets the scene. Giddy with excitement, and hearts full of adventure see us setting sail on the open (though slightly choppy) aqua-blue sea. Momentarily forgetting that a rocking motion – boat, road, or chair – is enough to make me hurl with the gusto of a thousand food poisonings, I filled my belly with chocolate pastries, and stepped aboard the massive ship.

Modelled after a pirate ship, this beauty was going to take us around the islands that Captain Jack Sparrow deemed worthy of rum storage. It was going to be a great day. Until it wasn’t. The buttery, chocolatey richness that would have been enough to make me vom on dry land was looking for an exit the moment we untied from the pier. “What the hell were you thinking” was screaming in my ears as I raced to the bottom deck of the boat to find the toilets. Projectile vomit isn’t something anyone ever wants to deal with, but especially not in a rocking ship’s tiny bathroom. I may have missed the toilet, but I absolutely nailed every other surface. Apologies to my dear father, who went in after me to clean up the pastry chunks stuck to the walls.

Then of course, there was the “I can eat that authentic green Mexican salsa by the spoonful” incident, the “I’ll give that unidentifiable meat a go!” fiasco, the “Just eat around the mould” idiocy, and the “I can do the Hell’s Flaming Dragon challenge” failure. All of which began, proceeded, and ended with my stomach kicking me to the ground, shaking me like a dog, and shouting “What the hell were you thinking?” I’ve yet to live the day when I can answer anything other than a whimpered “I wasn’t.”

Have the best week and a fantastic break!

Laurien 3

SRC SEZ

Librarian of the Week

Elaine Human Art & Design

KORTNE PEARSON AuSM Role: I am the North Shore Campus Representative for 2015. Most people on campus know who I am, as I work at the best coffee shop on campus, #librarycafe.

Information about me: I am in my last year of a Bachelor of Education for Primary, specializing in Steiner. I have red hair, I am 22, love Art & Mathematics, I am creative, about to get married, I am enthusiastic, forever smiling, family and friends are important to me, and I think fitness (mental & physical) is important.

Hi, my name is Elaine Human – yes, as in ‘human being’ – and I am one of the Liaison Librarians here at AUT. We provide learning, research and teaching support to staff and students across the University. Academic research works rather differently to Googling: there is so much information out there that you need to know how to search effectively in the right places to save time, how to access academic resources that are not available via Google, and how to evaluate the information you find. Your friendly Liaison Librarian to the rescue!

What is currently happening on the North Shore Campus? Well there are free feeds every Tuesday at noon, as well as fresh fruit being available every day from the AuSM office in AE. We’re still attempting to have a walkway put in from the Akoranga Bus Station to the AE/AJ Blocks. I am aware of our car parking issues and AUT has a plan to create more parking, but that won’t be happening for a few years, unfortunately there is no quick fix for our parking problems. Trust me, I know how frustrating it is, especially when you spend 40-50 minutes driving around the paid parking areas waiting for someone to leave so that you can park and try to get to class. I suggest waiting until this car parking problem is fixed, and maybe find alternatives. Whether it be bussing, biking, walking, or a combination of a few of these – it’s all a good way to decrease our carbon footprint. You could even try carpooling with other students in your area by posting on our Facebook page (see below), as this is a great way to share petrol and parking costs, and also reduce congestion.

I live in Helensville, so generally I would drive. Instead, lately I have started parking at the Albany Park and Ride, and this has saved me time and money. No more road rage when struck in traffic or trying to find a car park!

I am lucky enough to look after the area of Art & Design, which is very close to my heart as I spend a lot of my leisure time following creative pursuits. I have a particular passion for design in all its forms – I design and make jewellery, I love textiles and do garment design as well as spatial design, particularly furniture refurbishments and repurposing, and small space design.

However, the area of Art & Design can present traditional academic research with its own unique set of challenges which means that one often has to approach research and referencing in this area with a great deal of lateral thought and a very open-minded approach! For example, how would one identify information sources on a particular art notion, or reference a piece of fabric or a building? This is where I come into the picture – we can set up a one-on-one appointment to explore your research topic, identify appropriate databases and target relevant information sources. Just send me an email with the outline of your question and the days and times that you are available and I’ll get back to you to set something up. You can find my email address on your Subject Guide as well as under contacts on the library homepage.

Facebook: If you are not already aware, North Shore Campus has their own Facebook page where you can advertise preloved text books, flat mates wanted, carpooling, or events happening.

I look forward to meeting as many of you as possible, and all the best for your studies.

Contact: If you spot me around campus, feel free to approach me and chat about things you want changed on campus, I am always wanting more suggestions. Otherwise contact me via email at northshorecampusrep@aut.ac.nz Fact: I represented New Zealand in Olympic Freestyle Wrestling at the Oceania Championships in Sydney, Australia in 2012. I beat the Australians and came home with a gold medal.

Elaine Human Liaison Librarian

ehuman@aut.ac.nz 921 9999 ext 8914 City Campus Library, Room WA301

AD

5

2

Was it worth it?

Matthew Cattin

Life is full of difficult choices, and it’s often our bad ones that make the best stories. Sometimes our more chronic of mistakes (pregnancies, hit and runs) are better off not happening at all, but if the mistakes aren’t too severe, they usually end up being hella funny a few weeks down the line.

I s’pose any experience in life, be it good or bad, can leave a good aftertaste in your mouth, but it can sometimes be hard to figure out the age-old question, was it all worth it?

So, a PR friend of mine offered me a spot of work at Kelly Tarlton’s. The pay was good and I’m a sucker for their giant stingrays, so I obliged. It was years ago now, so I don’t recall if the job description was outlined to me before accepting the work, but I sincerely hope it wasn’t… Because in hindsight, that would be fucked up if I went regardless.

This is how I found myself sweating like a fat kid in a lolly shop, dressed in a furry penguin suit, waddling around the aquarium. With zero peripheral vision, I was helpless and lost, swarmed by kids who wanted a hug, a photo, or a chance to knock my penguin head off to expose “the hairy man” beneath the feathers. For three hours I was in constant fear of being exposed as the creepy looking teenager I was, sweaty and clad in nothing but my boxers. I know that sounds bad, but you have no idea how warm dem penguin feathers can be. It was either that, or pass out, and between you and me, crushing kids doesn’t look great on a resume. So was it worth it? No pecking way. The pay was rubbish and the night sweats have never left.

"Without giving it too much thought, I licked it off, realising in an instant I had made a terrible, terrible decision."

We have the good fortune in my household of owning a lil’ ice cream maker. Nothing fancy – just a portable blender-sized piece of magic that whips up delicious ice cream goodness.

The body is made of metal, you see, so after 24 hours in the freezer, you pour in your mix so it can freeze and swirl all in one glorious motion. So one day, I was whipping up a bach of ice cream, when I drizzled a bit of raw delicious mixture onto the edge of the gadget. Without giving it too much thought, I licked it off, realising in an instant I had made a terrible, terrible decision.

My tongue stuck like a zipper on a ball sack. I won’t lie to you.

I panicked. In hindsight, I should have tried using warm water, but such was my embarrassment at being discovered giving an ice cream maker cunnilingus, I pulled it off. It was pain like you couldn’t believe. Blood filled my mouth, and there, stuck to the metal was a pink stain of my taste buds, frozen in space, time and memory. It was truly repulsive. But was it worth it? Yes. Ice cream is always worth it.

Last year I went and saw The Paper Kites play at The King’s Arms. A friend offered to drive me into the city from the coast, and grateful for the offer, I accepted. She mentioned she was grabbing dinner with some friends beforehand, so from around lunchtime, I saved myself in preparation. When we arrived at her friend’s apartment however, it became quickly apparent dinner was not on the menu. A single packet of Doritos was passed around the room, and the wine flowed freely. My stomach was grumbling something terrible, so when our generous host brought out a muffin tray full of vodka jellies, I demolished half a dozen in a few minutes. Already a few wines deep, the jellies hit me like an open casket. I asked our host just how much vodka was in each jelly. Turns out there was a shot in each. Wrecked.

By the time I arrived at the venue, I was in no state to be at an intimate acoustic gig. Loud, giggly, and looser than a hooker in war time, I worked the room, going from one friend group to another, talking to strangers, and no doubt being way more of a pain in the arse than I felt I was being. All of the songs merged into one, the room was a bowl of spaghetti, and if somebody asked me if I enjoyed the concert, I probably couldn’t say with a clear conscience. But was it worth it? I have no idea.

7

WHY DID I CUT MY HAIR? Anita Tranter

Someone once told me that beauty is only skin deep. I hold the opinion that true beauty comes from within. The perception of beauty however is subjective, varying from person to person with ideals changing over time.

A vain brunette, ex-hairdresser, I began University in 2014 with hair almost touching my waist in the glamourous shade of unnatural blonde. My brother began studying hairdressing around the same time, so what could I do but let him have a go at hacking my hair? The shoulder length result was a little haggard for my liking, so I consulted my hairdresser for a sleek bob. I was decidedly braver after a few insults likening me to a 3 news reporter, so decided to go even shorter. Although initially horrified every time I saw myself in a mirror, I stuck it out a while, looking very mumsy-ish. My next hair-do expressed

a little more of my individuality with a bleach-blond mohawk/mullet and shaved sides. I loved having shaved sides. The comments I received in relation to my sexual orientation or gender identity kept me endlessly entertained, but eventually the discussions bored me, so I got braids. They were black, blond, pink, purple and green. They looked amazing, but they were itchy as hell. They lasted a total of 8 days.

After I cut them out, I took some advice from Sinead O’Conner, giving myself a number two at home in my bathroom, while bleating out “Nothing compares to youooo!” I’ve never felt more liberated in my life!

My shroud of hair always protected me from the outside world, wrapping me in a sense of safety by conforming to society’s ideals of beauty. It was easy to fool myself that I could fit in, fool myself that I was just a regular girl.

In accepting myself this way, I wasn’t forced to stand up for my values or opinions. I wanted to look bangin’, but at the same time I wanted to be invisible. Deep down inside, I had some very strong feelings about certain subjects, but in exposing my true feelings I would inevitably piss people off beyond repair and deep down inside, I knew I couldn’t handle the loneliness of speaking up for myself.

My hair was my disguise, my alter-ego. I was content to undermine myself and dumb myself down for those around me. Until I cut my hair off.

My shroud of hair always protected me from t he outside world, wrapping me in a sense of safety by conforming to society’s ideals of beauty.

Losing my hair was like a rebellion from the expectations of those around me – usually most familiar to me. In defying their expectations, I shocked and upset most of those people who love me most of all. I didn’t meant to hurt their feelings by being myself, as I’m sure they didn’t mean to hurt mine by ignoring the fact that I am just the same person inside, regardless of hair length. Comments like “Oh My GOD! What have you DONE with your hair?”

(Dad, just short of tears) and “Don’t worry, it will grow”, and others “Well, ya know, women in their middle-age cut off their hair because they don’t care how they look any more”. I thought this a bizarre deduction, so I calmly tried to explain to him/her that women don’t cut their hair because they no longer care how they look, they cut their hair for vanity reasons. I then tried to discuss the problem of being middle-aged – even if I was, what was wrong with that?

It is no secret that young women are objectified and idolised by the media. I have a problem with this for two reasons: a) I loathe such idolisation by the media because of the statistics of child sexual abuse – one in three girls are likely to be sexually assaulted in good ol’ sheep-banging New Zealand. I am not aware of any correlation between sexual assault of children and media portrayal of young women, but normalising images that sexualize young women and girls surely can’t be helping, b) older women are beautiful in their own way and should be seen as such. For example, Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. Conversely, men portrayed by media are usually older, serious looking, a few grey hairs don’t hurt to capture that distinguished look. In our fourteenth Issue, Julie Cleaver highlighted the latest fad ideal of men’s bodies – the ‘Dad Bod’ – men who are not over weight, not underweight, not fitness-freaks, but cosy, cuddly and comfortable with exactly how they are – and isn’t this true beauty? I certainly would rather be happy with myself the way I am than constantly aspiring to something I’ll never be.

Although being a woman with a short haircut is associated with negativity related to gender and sexual stereo-types, I have enabled myself to find a place inside me where I don’t have to be ashamed of who or how I am. I am not “just” anything. I am strong. I am talented.

I am intelligent. I am brave. I am a woman. I am not ashamed of who I am, and that is what makes me TRULY beautiful.

9

4

COOL SHIT

SO…

UM…ANY

THING

Of course we have things to give away, what a silly question! We also have a tonne of cool shit to have a gander at so make sure you get amongst, enter the comps, and be in to win this week’s giveaways!

P L E A S E S I R, I WA N T S O M E METAMORPHA SIS Butterfly Creek has given us a double pass to give away this week to one lucky student! Gain access to all the attractions that Butterfly Creek has to offer (including the train), take your camera, and have a Disney Princess (or Prince) inspired day out amongst the butterflies.

To be in to win, just email Laurien at lbarks@aut.ac.nz with your name, campus, and the title of your favourite classic Disney film.

FILM FREAK This one’s for all the crazy film freaks out there – we’ve got not one, not two, but three tickets to give away to Event Cinemas this week! We realized not everyone has just one friend (we’re not all Laurien, after all), so we figured we’d do our best to accommodate your social needs and treat you and TWO friends to a film!

Facebook message Debate with your name, campus, and the title of your favourite film to watch when you’re home sick, to be in to win.

Maybe flick Laurien a friend request while you’re at it…we’re getting worried. facebook.com/ausmdebate

Olivia MacCormick, Pastry Cook, The Broadmoor, COLORADO SPRINGS

Where will your degree take you?

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Exclusive to AUT students.

We’ve got an array of Starbucks buy-one-get-one free vouchers here at the office, so Facebook message Debate your name, campus, and favourite coffee treat to be in to win! First come, first serve y’all, so get in quick! facebook.com/ausmdebate

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W H E R E B U S I N E S S M E E T S YO U N G TA L E N T

11

I S

T H I S

C O M E D Y ?

Laurien Barks

*Trigger Warning* These quotes were taken from high profile comedians’ stand-up routines to laughing audiences.

“He wasn’t good to me sometimes, you know he was like verbally abusive, like Mel Gibson-y and uh…he wasn’t physically abusive, you know, he was the boring kind of abusive. I was like mix it up a little bit. I’m glad he never hit me, that’s a good thing, um…mostly because I’m the kind of chick who would get hit and I’d be like “Didn’t hurt”, you know just like…kinda asking for it, you know.”

“I had uh, I had a friend actually once that was in a relationship like that, and uh, it was weird. Every couple weeks she would have like a new black eye that she couldn’t explain, you know.

And I was the only one out of my friends to confront her about it, and she got very defensive, you know she was like “Nikki, what do you want me to do, like I love him. Like, what am I supposed to do.” And I’m like, I don’t know, like this *shields face with arm*, or something? Duck. I’m not an expert, but he’s super rich, hold out as long as you can, you know.”

“I’m celebrating, I finally just slept with my high school crush…but I swear now he, like expects me to go to his graduation. Like I know where I’m gonna be in three years right, I’m like whoa! Slow it down. Fucking kids, right? Fucking small kids. You look, like upset, like I don’t fuck kids, that’s a joke. Like I would never…I shouldn’t say never that’s like, you don’t know…This place is so beautiful, I should have started off with something other than kid fucking, you’re right.”

“I used to sleep with mostly Hispanic guys, but now I just prefer consensual. We’ve all been a little raped, okay. Just a scosche.

Just a hair. Every girl I know has one night, usually in college, and she’s like “…huh…I think I was raped…not tots consench, I uh, don’t remember yelling yes”…and it’s not all black and white, there’s a grey area of rape. Like you’ve been raped, I can tell.

Rape happens. What do you want me to say?”

“I hate false advertising, okay I do...there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s, oh really? Like tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear, right!? *crowd reacts with laughter and shock* Alright, maybe your uncles didn’t love you. Think about it. No, I’m sorry. That’s an inside joke.”

5

These quotes were taken from victims’ interviews, a mix of both public and personal.

“Eventually a man came to the door, and um, I was such a mess.

My eyes were swollen shut, uh, I had longer hair at the time, my hair was, you know, completely covered and matted with blood and leaves and dirt. All I could say was ‘help’, my lungs were filled with blood, and I had been…blood was coming out of my mouth, um, and I think I scared the dickens out of him.”

“The abuse from [name omitted] was, was three parts. There was the physical abuse, um, when she didn’t get the sex that she wanted or the things that she wanted, um, and that would include beating me up, throwing me down stairs, pulling my hair, anything that she could do, um…she never hit me where people would see.

There was the verbal abuse. Uh, never thought that I was good enough, never thought I was worthy of anything, um, you steal a child’s identity when this happens, um so, I never thought that I was worth even talking about it. And um, the sexual abuse, she used objects. She, you know, defecated on me, urinated on me, anything that she wanted to do to further her, you know, her sexual pleasure, gratification, and anything that…anything that would give her that end.”

“It was still living with me, even though he was in prison, and even though, he was... I was safe, he wasn’t around anymore, it just felt as if he was still there. And when I was alone in the house, alone in my bedroom, even though it was a completely different house, I always had a fear of him walking in… Because I was so used to getting that attention off my dad, and I wasn’t getting attention anywhere, I’d go out and I’d get attention off complete strangers.

And that’s how I dealt with it. I’m disgusted in myself. I hate, you know, I hate myself for it. But that’s how I dealt with it.”

“Wow. Just wow. Seeing those words on paper highlights how cruel and ignorant some kents can be. Making light of something that is more common than you’d think (one third of New Zealand’s population has experienced some form of sexual assault) perpetuates this indescribably damaging view that these sexual “quirks” are okay. They are NOT okay. I’m not a total prude, I’ve owned a “rape car” (the doors lock on their own when you start the car), but the few who entered my rape car and were apologised to for being locked in on account of said rape car, had not actually been raped in cars and surely if they had, they’d be comfortable enough to tell me. Rape/ child rape/ abuse jokes are like tornados, they’ll be completely fine for some, but for others, like myself, their lives may be hurled into emotional chaos, sucking any positive life-force from the victim, leaving a confusing and dismal abyss to navigate without wits.”

If this article has raised concerns for you, or anyone you know, please call: AUT students: Ph 09 921 9992 for City and Manukau, and 09 921 9998 North Shore.

Our doctors, nurses, counsellors and mental health advisors are qualified health professionals employed by AUT Student Services. Non AUT students: Rape Crisis Ph 09 360 4001, or email info@rapecrisis.org.nz 13

"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE STRAIGHT?" Amelia Petrovich “How do you know you’re straight?” isn’t a question that gets asked a lot.

I told my flat mate and we laughed about it at first.”

If it did though, Lucy was sure it wasn’t a question that’d ever be asked of her.

There are academic studies that proclaim in a cold, distant way that women are more fluid in their sexual orientation. But in reality- messy, volatile reality where the heart all of a sudden knows what it wants- people of all genders find themselves sliding around the sexuality spectrum.

She was straight because she said so, because she decided so, and because she more or less thought so. Sure, she’d made out with the odd girl on drunken Saturday nights, but her ‘self-defining mission of straightness’ was absolute. Boys were unequivocally ‘it’… …Until they weren’t.

In retrospect, Lucy concedes that her need to ‘come out’ as straight was possibly “not something someone who was sure of their straightness would do” but in a way, it’s retrospect that’s made all the difference.

Retrospect and Ruby, that is.

“I met her in a personal development program…

The first day when I turned up to the training, I saw her and was like ‘wow, I don’t think I can be straight.’

Dublin student, James, isn’t a stranger to sexual fluidity either. His first ‘real relationship’ may have been with a woman, but ever since high school, the physical attraction to men has been far more instantaneous, if not a little tense.

“I had a few experimental nights with one or two guys, but we never talked about it again. It was hostile, but I suppose those kinds of experiences just made me more aware that it was something I’d come back to later in life…I’m still amazed that ‘later in life’ ended up being much more sooner than I’d planned.”

At the turn of 2015, James ‘just kind of knew’ that he wanted to explore something completely different, and almost immediately, Eiminh (pronounced ‘Evan’) was there.

FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE, STORIES LIKE LUCY AND JAMES’ SPARK ENDLESS ROUNDS OF LABEL PINGPONG. ARE YOU A LESBIAN? ARE YOU GAY? HOW ABOUT BISEXUAL? HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED PANSEXUALITY? WOULD YOU USE THE TERM ‘QUEER’?

James says that they had met as children years ago at an acting academy, but were reunited on a night out at The Dragon, one of Dublin’s premiere gay clubs.

“The second I met him, it just never felt like he was a foreign body to me… It was pretty personal pretty quick but there was an element I felt safe with, because you just know sometimes when you’re in the company of a good person. You just know that they’re good karma.”

Simply falling for someone fantastic doesn’t necessarily make it a smooth plummet though. Coming to know and love another person often involves hectic soul-searching and for Lucy, the inner chaos came pretty early on.

“The whole first few weeks of us seeing each other, my mind was exploding. It was like that nervous excitement of dating anyone but intensified by the fact that I was really worried that I just wouldn’t be gay enough to commit to this kind of thing,” Lucy says.

“I was [worried that I’d just be] that annoying straight girl she dated for a bit… Ruby [ended up telling me that] I was silly thinking I needed to hide my fear from her.”

Since conversations like those, Lucy says she’s been able to put aside thoughts of specific sexuality and blanket terms in exchange for emotional simplicity. “The conclusion that I have come to is that I am a person. I’m a person who likes this other person and gender can go have a chat somewhere else.”

James on the other hand is hyperattuned to his own internal gender ‘chats’.

“I like the physical side of the same sex more than girls, and I probably always have,” James admits. “But I definitely have a tendency to emotionally love and support and want to be with a girl so much, and that has brought on physical attraction. I need to really be able to click with them though, like almost meet my female double.”

For him, life and sexuality are mutually uncertain, but certainly always changing.

“It makes me think that I’ll probably always have a percentage of me that might be with a woman again.”

For a lot of people, stories like Lucy and James’ spark endless rounds of label ping-pong. Are you a lesbian? Are you gay? How about bisexual? Have you ever considered pansexuality? Would you use the term ‘queer’?

“People always want to know what it means,” says Lucy. “I don’t really feel like I need to put a label on it…

It’s like this, I’m into this great girl, and she’s fantastic. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be attracted to a girl again.

But who knows, I could also end up never dating another guy.”

With a mind so utterly free of assumption, Lucy’s often left confounded by people who are so rapid to form their own unsolicited opinions of her. “An old high school friend thought it was her place to ask ‘oh my god, all these times we’ve hung out has she just been hitting on me?’ Don’t flatter yourself.”

“When I mentioned Eiminh and the fact that he’s also a classical singer to my Mum, she dropped the sponge in her hand and just went ‘oh sweet

Jesus’,” James laughs.

“But there is an assumption that when you’re gay or open to this kind of stuff, you will love confetti, glitter and glamour,” James continues, explaining that he’s now constantly asked by friends when he’ll start doing drag.

“I’d never put it past me because I know I’d be great at acting up, but it’s not really what I’m racing to do.”

For James, numbers and milestones have always been poignant and he believes that monumental changes happen in seven-year blocks, ‘like seasons changing’.

“I remember missing [my first girlfriend] drastically, but then when I turned 21, I realized that I was also missing a part of myself… Right now, Eiminh is helping me find who I really want to be. Nothing is forever but he will always be important. I reckon in this life we can have up to five soul mates, and I feel incredibly lucky that I’ve definitely come across two.”

Sexuality is a word, a term and a descriptor.

Love is something entirely different.

Being attracted to the same sex can mean you’re gay… but maybe first and foremost it just means you’re in love.

And really, what could be less clearcut than that?

WHAT'S GOING ON, MIDDLE EAST? Julie Cleaver | Illustration by Tyler Hinde For many of us the Middle East is like a scab in the center of our backs: we know it’s there, but we can’t see it or touch it. It’s located in that perfectly annoying spot, where no matter how we contort our arms, we can never scratch it, and no matter how we position our mirror, we can never properly see it. But that doesn’t mean we’re not agitated by it. We care about this scab. We want to know why it’s there, what it’s doing to our bodies and most importantly, how we can get rid of it. In an attempt to do just that, I met up with three different people, researched for hours, and summarized everything I learned about the Middle East into this fun little article!

First of all, the Middle East has an extremely complex history, like a detailed and hand woven tapestry. There are so many different issues going on there between various groups of people who have had beef for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. So to explain it all would require scholarly knowledge and books thicker than Kanye’s wallet.

That’s why I’m mainly going to focus on the big acronym that is currently plaguing our headlines: ISIS. ISIS is a Muslim extremist group dedicated to taking over Iraq and Syria, and making its own nation. If it succeeds, the nation would be called The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (or ISIS for short). In this nation, strict Sharia law would be enforced. Sharia law is a set of rules based on people’s interpretation of Muhammad’s words in the Quran. However, since the Quran was written around 600BC, some of the ideologies it states are outdated and archaic, like how women cannot testify against being raped and how theft is punishable with amputation of the right hand.

Many Muslim countries incorporate interpretations of Sharia law into their judicial systems, like Saudi

Arabia, the birthplace of Muhammad. But there are strict court processes one must go through before getting punished. Whereas ISIS bypasses all court proceedings and goes straight to the punishments.

Just to make this crystal clear, the ideologies of ISIS in no way reflect the Muslim religion. Muslim people all over the world have made this known by speaking out in opposition to ISIS. A group of Muslim scholars wrote an eighteen-page letter to ISIS leaders exemplifying how their actions are in no way true to the Islamic faith. They wrote things like, ‘It is forbidden to attribute evil acts to God’ and ‘It is forbidden in Islam to torture’. There is also a Facebook page called ‘Muslim’s Against ISIS’ that has over sixteen thousand likes.

So the Muslim faith is in no way to blame for ISIS’ actions. Instead, some attribute ISIS’ behaviour to an apocalyptic vision. According to Matthew Hand, a man who has been living and organising relief work in the Middle East for over thirty years, “apocalyptic deception is at work.” This is because ISIS members believe that the end of the world is near and that they need to create an ideal nation before the last days. “When ISIS takes another town, they believe they are laying down the groundwork to establish God’s rule on earth,” says Matthew.

Interestingly, many Jews and Christians in the Middle East also believe in the same apocalyptic vision as ISIS. “I’ll be sitting in a café with Jews in Israel and they’ll talk about how the end is near.

They say that the Messiah will arrive soon, and that they need to establish God’s kingdom on earth before this day comes. I’ve also sat in teahouses in Syria and listened to ISIS members recruit people.

They say the exact same thing,” Matthew states.

17

Matthew is currently writing a book about why he thinks the apocalyptic dream is one of the main causes of religious conflict in the Middle East among all types of people.

On a different note, the reason we are hearing about ISIS so much in the news is because they are winning. Militarily speaking, ISIS is extremely strong. They control many cities in both Iraq and Syria and have even started collecting taxes and setting up infrastructure. They’re doing scarily well, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people fighting them. There are several groups of rebel fighters known as the Kurdish Militia who oppose ISIS. The U.S. supply the Kurdish Militia with weapons, but unfortunately, some of the rebel groups are just as evil as ISIS. Some militia groups have even started bombing Turkey, and Turkey is asking the U.S. to supply them with weapons to fight back! So basically, it’s all a big mess.

In Syria it gets even more complicated. The country has been in a civil war since 2001, as rebel fighters are trying to overthrow President Bashar al-Assad. Then in 2014, ISIS joined in. The United Nations estimates that over 200 000 people have died in the Syrian civil war. It also estimates that 3.7 million Syrian refugees have flooded to neighboring countries. That’s nearly a fifth of Syria’s entire population.

In Lebanon, a country with around the same population as New Zealand, yet a 25th of its size, they have taken in over one million Syrian refugees. Natascha Schellen grew up in Lebanon and is now living in Australia. Her mother, Hermine Schellen, is still living in Lebanon and does a lot to help Syrian refugees. “She has set up a small school for the children. She brings them food and even gets her friends to come in and give the people haircuts,” says Natascha.

The United Nations estimates that over 200 000 people have died in the Syrian civil war. It also estimates that 3.7 million Syrian refugees have flooded to neighbouring countries.

With all the conflict going on, getting aid into Syria is a nightmare. That means people have no food, water or homes and desperately need help. Kiwi bloke, Mike Seawright knows this well and chose to do something about it. After working with large aid organisations for years, Mike ventured off and set up his own charity called ReliefAid. ReliefAid is completely independent from any political or religious ties, which is how they can operate in such dangerous parts of the world. They are currently working to “provide food and winter relief to communities displaced from their homes as a result of the Syrian civil war”. This charity is tiny so you know exactly where the money goes, which is why I donated to them. Here’s a link to their website (www.reliefaid.org.nz) and Mike’s email (mike.seawright@reliefaid.org.nz) if you would like to do the same.

Although donating the cash-dowllas is crucial, it is also important to understand what is going on in the Middle East. As Mike told me, “forgotten conflicts lead to forgotten people.” So if you’ve gotten this far in my article, well done! You have acknowledged that somewhere in the world, people are going through hell. And now that you have a great overall understanding of what is going on, you can keep up with the latest information on the news and educate all your friends too. I firmly believe that information and education is the key to peace.

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19

IN SHORT

WILL KEY EVER STOP TOUCHING HIMSELF?

8

Kieran Bennett

In the wake of country-wide protests against the Trans-Pacific Partnership, government administration has been forced to ask the question, will the Prime Minister’s erection ever subside after having signed the deal anyway?

August 15th was designated as a national day of action against the TPP, with protests planned all around the country. Many political commentators believed that the large turnout would prove to be the point where the government would walk away from the deal.

Several days later it came to light that the Prime Minister had signed the deal anyway, all the while sporting a simply enormous erection at having spat in the face of so many people.

The Prime Minister has now not been seen in several days, however, sources close to him have reported that he has only maintained his erection by privatising public assets and sniffing severed ponytails.

9 WHAT NEXT FOR C - DAWG? An Opinion Piece by Colin Craig about Colin Craig But actually by Kieran Bennett

When a sterling and fine publication at the fore-front of student life asked me to write a brief column for them, I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity to connect with today’s youth and somehow ram my foot even further into my mouth. But when I heard they wanted me to write about what was next for Colin Craig, I immediately recognised it as an opportunity to shit all over my own career due to my complete lack of control of the English language.

Truly, it is difficult being such a polarising, strong and influential figure. I consider one of the highlights of my career being when I advised the Prime Minister, himself, that the blueberry pastries in the Beehive Cafe were very good.

He ignored me and took a sausage roll, but I could tell he took it under advisement.

When I first crawled out from underneath a damp, mildew-y sink, I couldn't imagine that I would reach such heights. But I'm getting ahead of myself, it happens when I get excited. I also tend to wet myself, but I'm dry right now so that’s a plus.

Coming from nothing, by which I of course mean years of accumulated family wealth and a sheltered upbringing, I saw a country in crisis. Gay people were getting married, coloured people were buying houses and poor people were getting money just for being poor. The whole thing made me quite uncomfortable. Not actually distressed mind you, but a little bit uneasy.

I saw it as my duty to gather around myself a large group of people who all felt vaguely uncomfortable with things, and form a party that would seek to keep things as they were, sort of comfortable. I remember it like it was yesterday, furtively meeting in my lounge to discuss policy from the 1950s and how we repackage it for not only people from the 1950s, but a new generation of racist, vaguely uncomfortable people.

The rest, as they say, is history. I achieved a meteoric rise to mediocrity with several newspapers, political leaders and commentators all wondering the same thing, “Is this fucking lunatic for real?” But I was for real. With bold, unflinching and confusingly bigoted policies, my support

grew at a worryingly large rate as I tapped into a hidden well of ignorant people who didn’t know any better. I proceeded to outline a strong economic plan, a bold social strategy and explained that women needed to be in the kitchen. I was like a less effective and much creepier Tony Abbott as I lurched from one end of the country to the next, shaking the hand of every small-minded, 70 year old white person I could find while blurting the first thing that popped into my head at any camera pointed my way. This past election, sadly, didn't go in the favour of the Conservative Party, but I feel that basically blowing several thousand dollars on a failure of a campaign is nothing but a small blimp in an otherwise sterling career.

Now, 2017 is just around the corner, and with it, a new election year. I may have been ousted as the leader of the conservative party but as the party was essentially just me and my mum, I figure I’ve still got a shot of being leader. Once I’ve wormed my way back in, I see a future where the Conservative Party is strong. Our ideas will be heard in debates, our quotes will appear in newspapers and I will once again be allowed (for some reason), to speak on camera.

I hope you will join me as we create a brighter, whiter, straighter and all round more comfortable future for white, straight, middle class people.

WHAT RACISM? Naomi Currie met with a few lovely people around Auckland to discuss everyday racism, its effects, and how they deal with it.

DAMIAN SEETO Racism isn’t as ruthless as it was several centuries ago; unfortunately it’s still a big issue that has yet to be fully eradicated. New Zealand might not be as bad as places like the USA is today, but people still experience racism on a daily basis; both blatant racism and subtle.

As a second generation Kiwi-born Asian, I was lucky I did not experience racial abuse as much as others. However, I have experienced subtle racism just because of the way I look, which annoys me and it doesn’t make sense. I consider myself more Kiwi than Asian since English is the only language I understand, and I eat more Kiwi tucker than Chinese food.

I can remember when I was reading a magazine in a supermarket; I was minding my own business, and a couple of kids were muttering, “Asian invasion”. I’m a skinny bloke, so I didn’t cause a fuss, and I ignored them.

They eventually walked away.

Another case that I can share showcases subtle racism. This is the underlying racism that isn’t so blatant. I wanted to get some part time work in a retail store. The manager saw my CV and liked me enough to arrange a meeting.

It wasn’t until I met him in person that I could see he looked disappointed.

He said something along the lines of, “I didn’t expect you to be an Asian.”

He then said, “our store doesn’t get many Asian visitors.” Bear in mind this place was in Mount Roskill which is full of people of all races. I was annoyed because he thought I could only relate to Asians. What planet is he from? I get along with many people of all cultures and backgrounds.

Anyway, I didn’t get the job.

The most recent experience is something that didn’t happen to me, but I was disappointed in someone I admired. You may have heard of the prowrestler, Hulk Hogan, who said some derogatory things towards AfricanAmericans. I’m a huge WWE fan, and seeing my role model being racist was saddening. Hopefully Hulk Hogan has learned from his stupid mistake.

Racism is unlikely to go away completely, but hopefully it will continue to fade bit by bit. We’re all human beings and we should learn to embrace and love one another.

21

'THERE’S A LINE BETWEEN APPRECIATING OUR ANCESTRY AND WHO WE ARE, AND APPROPRIATING WHO WE ARE AND WHERE WE COME FROM FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL GRATIFICATION.' Some people around me do not suffer such cruel jokes.

English has been normalized as the national language in New Zealand and it’s used across the globe. Being picked on by other minorities was probably the most upsetting scenario, in hindsight. We of ethnic descent should band together to fight these jokes, and the stereotypes that surround us. Unfortunately, we assimilated and bullied those who were 'fresh off the boat,' and caused them to feel discontent and perhaps angry with their heritage.

They should not have felt ashamed and should be proud of their ancestry.

VICKY GOH "Ching Chong. Where do you come from? Were you born in New Zealand?”

Do you remember being asked that at school? Do you think it is harmless?

What if I were you to tell you it is just the beginning, or the hallmark of a long road of questions of your identity. It is the part and parcel of racism.

Racism stems from ideas of national identity. Many times in my childhood I was denied being able to appreciate my ancestry. Why? It was because of a system of oppression where you’re not allowed to be proud of who you are but at the same time, you are the 'other'.

It has been played down as just a ‘joke’. “Why don't you chill?” But how can you chill when you are being insulted, or there’s an insinuation that our language or how we look is a 'joke'? The language that connects us with our families, and being connected to our heritage is a joke? Why must I suffer?

We do not need Westerners to validate our ancestry. We do not need someone to tell us Mandarin is such a hard language but is so exciting. We do not need someone to tell us how beautiful China is. From wherever we are from, we know that our culture is amazing. There’s a line between appreciating our ancestry and who we are, and appropriating who we are and where we come from for your own personal gratification.

For example, there was a character on King of the Hill, and she was of Laotian descent. She was depicted as meek, and the show brought it across as funny. Some television shows depict a race as one dimensional, but it’s wrong.

The character on King of the Hill might be meek because of her personality, not her nationality.

People of ethnic descent are not a fragmentation of your so-called desires and visions. We all differ just as you do.

You may think it harmless, but I believe it is toxic. You might think it is a joke, but I think you are a joke. Dehumanizing someone and making them feel that their worth is less because they differ from you isn’t funny, and expecting them to live up to your expectations is demeaning.

SHAMS AL-ANI

SHERIEF RYAN

The first time I had experienced racism was when I was eleven years old and in primary school. The war in Iraq had already started, and although I was too young to understand the details, this was during a time when media control was central to our view of current events and my home country was blamed for 9/11. Despite the fact that my family and I had come to New Zealand when I was only two years of age, I was still an Arab, and this seemed to bother even some of those that had grown up with me, pre-9/11.

I believe that racism is a big part of human nature; contrary to many people believing that it’s taught.

I admit that race comes into everything because, as humans, we like to label and categorize people depending on our experiences. However, there comes a point in everyone’s lives where we grow out of these prejudices.

During a physical education class, students (many of which were of different ethnicities themselves) began to taunt me for not passing a basketball fast enough for their liking with comments such as: "Hey fatty, why don't you just go home to your terrorist family instead? What does your dad do all day, make bombs to kill innocent Americans with?"

I became increasingly attentive to how fellow students would react whenever news of another explosion made headlines and I began to blame my own race for the struggle I was going through at school. I remember thinking to myself, 'Why would all of my people kill so freely like this?'

For the first time, I was aware of my Middle Eastern roots and I was also incredibly ashamed of them. I began to think that I wasn't enough; that I shouldn't answer a question in class because if I got it wrong, my race would get the blame again. A few years later, those same students had acknowledged that the media was biased and the terrorist stereotype was ridiculous, but self-doubt had already plagued my mind and diluted my personality.

At a young age, I had always been a very adrenalinefilled kid that marched to the beat of her own drum and owned the world with confidence. But by the time I had entered my teenage years, I was filled with self-doubt and began having panic attacks in social situations. I grew up thinking that I wasn't enough because of where I come from, but at twenty two years of age, I've learned to defend myself and am glad to be an Iraqi.

Racism is alive and well, and I believe we all have better things to do with our lives than spread hate.

I grew up around Central Auckland - Lynfield, and Mt Roskill - where the suburbs are very culturally diverse.

From Europeans to Islanders and Middle Easterns. I admit that I had many cultural clashes; being one of the very few Egyptians, I had problems fitting in with people outside my culture which caused a lot of problems later in life. I even had issues fitting in with people of my own culture because I grew up in New Zealand and lived in a Westernized way of life, while people within my household and community expected me to act differently than I did at school.

Due to this, I was very isolated and had to teach myself my own way of living, meaning that I would face even more problems because it was like starting my life from scratch again. In a way, you could say that I was culturally illiterate because I didn’t know how to communicate with people until I was about seventeen. Before that, I came across as very aggressive and someone who invaded people’s personal bubbles during conversations. Even now I have some of these issues, but compared to how I was beforehand, it’s toned down quite a lot.

Even though discrimination comes from many cultural clashes, I believe that racial discrimination will most likely come from people of your own culture, because within every culture there are expectations that society has of you and once these expectations are broken, you are either labelled or out cast by people who disapprove.

The lesson that I learnt from all of this growing up was that if I let society dictate my life and how I live, then I’d be nothing but a coward.

23

11 W H AT ’ S

Y O U R GUILT Y

PLEASURE? Question 11 brings you a little TMI from the Debate team.

Laurien When I pushed play on the first episode of Pretty Little Liars, I had a pretty strong feeling that this would be the first and last episode of this embarrassingly named show that I would ever be exposed to.

Three years later, and I’m passionately discussing it, at an inappropriate volume, with a co-worker that I cling to for emotional PLL support (because loyal fans over the age of 14 are hard to find). I’m aware that I should feel guilty and stop; that I’m wasting an hour of each week indulging in the drama of four gorgeous high school girls, bummed about the fact that they can’t go to their prom (lyk wtf, omg), but I can’t. “I’ll stop watching after this episode” has become an empty declaration – you’ve gotta commend a writer who can frustrate you to an alarming level, and still walk away with your undying love and loyalty. You have my heart, Pretty Little Liars, treat it well.

Amelia

Julie

I’m adamant that I shouldn’t feel guilty about this because they’re dope as heck, but my closet love for Celtic drinking songs/ballads is a little more passionate than what is socially acceptable. I blame my Dad for raising me in a geographically isolated house full of The Pogues, John McDermot and such. It actually kind of sounds like the plot to a very Irish horror film, but it was my life and it shaped me. I don’t know why people listen to Flume to get hyped for town; all you need is somebody with a Dublin-lilt belting out “Streams of Whiskey” for everybody to sing to. A bit of foot stomping and hand clapping and you’re on your way to a merry, drunken time.

I enjoy reading classic novels, but not as much as I should. Sure I always get a weird, intellectual kick when people talk about Vladimir Nobakov’s Lolita and I pipe in saying, “oh yeah I’ve read that, it was so intriguing!” Or when people mention Kerouac and I say in a posh accent, “his style was so unique for the time.” But really, secretly, deep down, I absolutely love reading preteen romance love novels. My guilty pleasure is anything John Green or Nicholas Sparks: the cheesier and easier to understand, the better. I know I’m a phony, but unlike Holden from Catcher in the Rye, I won’t let that bother me.

Naomi

Ramina

Forgive me, people of AUT, for I have sinned. I have lusted after them, I’ve admired them with envy, and I have sweat earnestly as I commit this guilty pleasure. So strap me down and ship me off to rehab because I have an addiction to workout videos. In a bid to get fit, I have started watching workout videos on Youtube. Complete with muscly men, I’ll look up the progressions for specific workouts; baby steps for incapable individuals. Right now my favourites are the pullup progressions. Their soothing voices entrance me and provide temporary motivation to actually perform the workout; that is until the video ends and I have workout-doubt, so I watch another one. And the cycle never ends. If I had a gym membership, I’d go just to watch. I confess, I have a fetish for watching people workout.

When Laurien came to my desk and asked me ‘What’s your guilty pleasure?’ with a twisted smile on her face, I was so nervous that I peed myself a little bit. Turns out she just wanted to know for this fun little piece, so we’re fine now. Anyway, my guilty pleasure is simple. I flippin’ love looking at creepy sealife. Have you even seen how freaky they can get? If you haven’t seen a picture of a blobfish, you need to stop mucking around and google it. It makes me wanna throw up every single time I look at it, which for some reason I find deeply entertaining. And that’s only the beginning of how freaky some fish can get. It really is a guilty pleasure that keeps on giving, because there’s soo many weirdo sea creatures out there, and even better, they keep finding weirder ones all the time! It’s the guilty pleasure dream!

Tyler

Matthew

I don’t think I quite understood how great cereal was until I started university. It’s gone from the dish that you have to begin your day, to a meal you can have for breakfast, lunch or tea. There are so many different varieties ranging from muesli to Coco Pops and everything in-between that it can fit everyone’s needs. It’s the go-to snack to keep your energy levels high and your expenses low.

Cereal has helped me through the good times and the bad times and will surely be a part of my life through the many more years of late-night snacking to come.

While Harry Potter undoubtedly takes the cake, there’s no way I could ever feel guilty about the boy who lived. So. A musical guilty pleasure I will confess. I’m sure I can’t be alone in this, but when I hear Wheatus’ 2000 pop rock anthem Teenage Dirtbag, I get hit with a feels boner so powerful I almost throw up. Yes every line is a crippling cliche.

Yes the lead singer looks like Props Boy from What Now? But when that chorus hits, my heart near skips a beat, and I’m still - 15 years later - waiting for my tickets to Iron Maiden.

25

12

W H O D I D YO U VOT E F O R ? b y A m e l i a Pe t r o v i c h

GREEN VOTE (DANIEL) I voted Green.

LABOUR VOTE (SUSAN) I’ve been a Labour voter ever since I could vote, so for the last 33 years they’ve been my pick every election.

I actually initially used the website onthefence.co.nz to gauge where each party’s policies were in relation to my values,

I grew up in a pro-Labour family as well; my dad was president

and the Internet-Mana Party came up on top. However,

of the Labour party in our area. I used to go around door

after doing some research, I found that the Green Party was

knocking with him when I was a kid of about eight years old.

probably a better choice. I chose them over Internet-Mana because Green had more coherent policies.

I just feel as if they have a stronger socialist outlook on looking after people who need it, which I really like. Without them

I also considered Labour, but in my opinion, the Greens would

we wouldn’t have the welfare and help needed for the less

be less worried to shake up the status quo and suggest more

fortunate amongst us.

experimental solutions to problems than Labour.

I also quite liked the candidate for Wellington (where I I also think that they have their priorities in the right place—

currently live), Grant Robertson, and thought he was a really

especially their focus on social inequalities and sustainability.

good choice for my electorate vote.

I knew that it wasn’t likely they would be the winning party

I wasn’t so keen on the liberal leaflets that were delivered to

this time around, but I hoped that my vote would go towards

our house only addressed to my husband and son though, as

giving them more representation, and therefore a stronger

if I wasn’t important enough for their vote!

voice in parliament.

I’d love to see them working towards better and cheaper I was really into the plans for the Green card, which would

higher education fees and I’d also like to see the school

give free public transport to students, and I think I’d really like

decile system looked at a little bit. I would like to see a

a bigger push for expanding public media in New Zealand,

capital gains tax and a raise in the wage system, particularly

especially public media for youth.

minimum wage. I think there should be better health care available to everybody too.

The Greens could possibly be picking better fights than what they’ve been doing lately though, especially regarding the

I don’t pay all that much attention to Labour-voter stereotypes,

bars opening for World Cup matches. I understand their point

and I think a lot of labels associated with the unions are false.

of view, but I think they came off as disconnected from the

Working conditions are being eroded that people fought

public.

a long time to get to benefit all workers and give people a better opportunity, work environment and pay.

I think there’s the stereotype of Green supporters being hippies that don’t understand the economy. I think that’s possibly true to an extent, as I think that many social issues should come before many economic issues. But the Greens also have some sound economic policies, like investing in renewable energy sources, which will not only prevent the destruction of New Zealand’s environment, but also work out as being more economical in the long-run.

I’ll definitely vote Labour again next time.

NATIONAL VOTE (LUCY)

many people into the country and our infrastructure cannot support that amount of people, leading to housing crises and transport failure. Also there are a lot of immigrants

I’ve been a National supporter since about 2003.

coming into New Zealand. It’s not really them that I’m worried about; it’s the fact that New Zealand law allows

This time around I spent countless hours tossing up between

them to bring their extended families over once they’ve

the National party and the Green party, but I ended up voting

gained citizenship. So their parents and other family

for National because I believed voting for them would be a

members will only work here for like five to seven years then

step in the right direction in terms of fuelling the strength of our

sit on our superannuation fund. We need stricter rules on

economy.

immigration that economically benefit everyone.

Right now none of the National policies benefit me directly. I

In a perfect world I’d love to see work on a better transport

didn’t really vote with my own personal benefit in mind- I tried

system (underground maybe) and for the development of

to think of the bigger picture. Promises from other parties like

things like that to be fast-tracked to 2016.

Green’s proposal for free off-peak travel for tertiary student were very tempting, but I understood the funding for such big

In my mind, they’re really only failing to deliver because

projects would make a significant dent in the annual budget

they don’t have enough support and seats in parliament to

and I thought it could be used better elsewhere. The home

get their voices heard.

start grant from Kiwisaver was a goodie though.

NZ First voters are typically seen as extremists, which I I’d like to see National working on making student loans

find funny because I’m not really an extremist, I just want

totally interest-free for those who venture out on their OE after

someone (literally) looking out for the people of New

graduation, or even better, tertiary education that is much

Zealand first rather than trying to sell all our land and assets.

cheaper. Although I understand the government already heavily subsidises our fees as a form of investment in New

Next election I plan to vote for whichever party who has the

Zealand’s future, and graduates taking their skills overseas

best interests of our people at heart.

does kind of defeat the purpose of that.

I do think though, the major controversies of the TTPA have made me almost doubt my decision. I don’t agree with the signing of the TTPA agreement so I’m thankful it’s still in negotiation. As for the flag change, while the cost is a huge amount of money, it’s a small drop in the ocean compared to what’s being spent in other areas, and the success of Canada’s flag change makes me feel better about ours (no

NO VOTE (CODEE)

one shoot me please).

It wasn’t that I decided not to vote, but more that it wasn’t A lot of people see National voters as wealthy, profit-driven,

at the top of my priorities of things to do. I don’t really

insensitive and naïve, and I’ve found sometimes they are spot

understand politics so try not to get too involved. I don’t

on. But there are people on the other end of the spectrum like

have any major problems with the current government so

me who are poor students from working class families. I like to

it’s not something I actively involve myself in.

think I’m not naive!

I guess policies that would get my interest would be things As for the next election, I’m not too sure. Right now it’d be

that are personal to me like LGBT issues and other social

another vote for National, but it could depend on how many

issues around gender etc.

more headlines Mr. Key makes for being a moron.

As for voting in the next election, it may change depending on where I’m at when the time comes. It totally comes down to what sorts of things are happening and whether I think my opinion has any power.

NZ FIRST VOTE (EMMA) I enrolled when I was 19 to vote, I don’t know why I did it though ‘cause I’ve been called up twice for jury service already and it’s highly annoying.

I chose NZ First mainly because of their policies on immigration and transport. I think the government are letting way too

People have told me I’m lazy for not voting and that I clearly don’t care about my country. I know why I didn’t vote though so those kinds of comments don’t really affect me that much. I think to a degree those kinds of stereotypes are true. A major factor in why I didn’t vote was because I couldn’t find time, but honestly if I saw anything as a major issue I would’ve made the time. Maybe I don’t care enough about our country, who knows?

27

What On Earth Are We Doing Here?

Aisha Hall A couple of nights ago I was babysitting. As I put this particular toddler to bed, he looked over at me and asked, “Do you think the aliens will come tonight? The only answer I felt like I could give him was “I don’t know, maybe”. I wasn’t going to say no, and I absolutely wasn’t going to say yes - I wanted him to go to sleep. I left the room feeling envious of this child’s mind. Why didn’t I go to bed wondering if the aliens would come tonight? When did I get boring?

I sat in Starbucks the next day surrounded by strangers with their heads down, drinking coffee, oblivious to the world around them, consumed with their own busy lives. I found myself wondering why, as adults, it’s so impossible for us to let ourselves be consumed with possibility, even for a little while.

Everything is always practical and realistic and ‘I don’t have time for that’.

But here’s what I think: there is no way that I was put here just to work, pay bills, and follow the same tedious routine until I am old and shriveled, and then die, leaving my spouse and 2.5 kids behind. No way. I do not accept.

The world is so full of possibility, yet we manage to narrow it down to things that seem doable for us. Why not spend our lives travelling, exploring, reading new books, falling in love, and dreaming? Because when you come towards the end of your life and you look back, you don’t just want to see the same black and white routine day after day, year after year. You’ll regret not colouring your life with excitement and fun, I guarantee it.

There are millions of “manuals” on how to live your life, but how do you really know that you’re doing it right?

There’s that ever-so-slightly ominous question that sometimes sneaks up on us: why we are all here? And when we are asked what the meaning of life is, your head will immediately go blank.

I asked Siri what the meaning of life was, and she told me “all evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate”, which can’t be argued, but wasn’t exactly the helpful answer I was looking for.

13

Sometimes coping with mortality is completely overwhelming, when you think about it, we just live and we die. But, what happens in between is up to us.

I asked Siri what the meaning of life was, and she told me “all evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate”, which can’t be argued, but wasn’t exactly the helpful answer I was looking for. So I asked again, and this time she seemed to sense my desperate urge to understand.

She told me “try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations”.

She’s not wrong. Maybe it is the little things in life that really make it special to us.

I, myself, spent some time googling space the other night. I was on a quest to figure out why everything is what it is, why we can’t find life on other planets, why we are the only planet with water, why we get so excited about the moon when it’s actually dead, and why figuring out how to travel through space and galaxies is so hard.

John Lennon once said, “When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.

They told me that I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life”. The Dalai Lama also believes that “the purpose of our lives is to be happy”.

Happiness. It’s so simple, isn’t it? Filling your life with the things that make you happy seems like a pretty logical way to go about existence. What you have to remember about this, though, is you create your own happiness; it comes from your own actions. It’s true what’s said about not relying on others for your happiness; let it come from yourself. Do whatever it is that makes your soul smile, and don’t stop.

The questions were endless, and eventually, I got to the point where I was questioning the existence of everything. I felt small, and believe it or not, it was actually a very calming feeling. All your problems seem insignificant when you realize that you’re barely a speck in the universe; suddenly it seems ridiculous that you were even remotely concerned about something as small as running late for class, or holding a tiny grudge against your friend. You’re wondering why that was bothering you when there is all that endless space surrounding our planet.

So here’s what I’ve come to rest on: life might not have a meaning, but we do. Give your life a purpose.

Create your own manual. Kids are filled with possibility, questioning is a healthy and very human trait. Having said that, though, too many questions can be a burden.

Some things in life are better left unanswered, right?

Life needs a little mystery to it. But, I think possibility is important, and that sometimes we let ourselves remember that feeling. After all, considering how big the universe is, who’s to say it’s impossible for a space battle to be going on somewhere right now.

29

WHAT'S ON OFFER, AUCKL AND? Savannah Welsh Recently I have discovered some adorable little places that I am, so selflessly, willing to share with you all. Amongst these hidden gems there is something that should (and will) spark some interest for everyone. Whether you’re a foodie, plant lover, activity seeker, or obsessed with books, music, movies, and/or other various knick-knacks, here’s a few places I think you might like around Auckland.

THE SHELF 50 HIGH STREET This is for you hunger busters out there. The Shelf has some amazing food. I will admit I’ve only tried two meals from their menu, and both were breakfast, but despite this, I highly recommend. The costs are pretty reasonable, especially when you compare it to other places with similar prices. It is definitely value for money. Yes, you may leave feeling fuller than you’ve ever been before, but it is impossible to stop eating. The eggs Benedict is perfection. Two poached eggs with mouth-watering bacon and spinach, resting on ciabatta bread with homemade hollandaise. All for a worthy $16.50. Honestly to die for. However, my personal favourite is The Shelf’s Special Breakfast. The expense is a tiny bit extra, at 20 dollars, but it’s totally worth it. It comes with eggs, bacon, sausages, grilled tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and ciabatta bread. Omg right? The Shelf obviously does different breakfasts, brunch, and lunch meals, as well as their homemade drinks such as lemon and limeade,- both refreshing and fizzy. Located on High Street, this cute eatery is right in the city centre, and walking distance from uni so you can fit some sneaky brunch in before class.

BIOATTIC 62 PONSONBY ROAD For those of you who cherish caring for little succulents in a beautiful glass bowl, Bioattic is the place to see. Terrariums seem to be the in thing at the moment, and I will agree with this. They can hold many different plants, such as cacti, they can have stones, shells, and some even include miniature objects to create a vase that enables some kind of tiny fantasy land. So adorable. They can be pretty pricy for what they are, but they’re simply gorgeous and freshen up any room that may be looking slightly bare.

They have various sized and shaped terrariums to suit the place you need it to be. The cheapest is 59 dollars for a 15 centimeter terrarium, with multiple choices of plants. This store is on Ponsonby Road, which isn’t far to bus or drive to from the city centre!

U P T O W N BOUNCE 565 GREAT NORTH ROAD This indoor trampoline park is perfect if you’re looking for a fun activity to do with some friends. Not only does it make you feel like you’re a kid again, but it’s great exercise! It costs 16 dollars for one hour, and it honestly wears you out. They also do half hour fitness classes every Tuesday and Thursday at 7pm for 15 dollars if you want a fun way to get your workout in each week. It’s located in Grey Lynn, and the park includes trampolines, basketball hoops, jump walls, dodge ball, and a vaulting obstacle! You can also grab a good coffee or multiple flavours of frozen yoghurt while you’re there. So turn up your Kriss Kross “Jump” song and do your flips and slam dunks at Uptown Bounce.

PARNELL FARMERS MARKETS 454 PARNELL ROAD The Parnell Farmers Markets are every Saturday, from 8am to 12 noon. It’s on through rain or sunshine and has some great deals whether you’re looking for fresh fruit and veg, or gourmet cheese, sausages, sea food, and honey! It’s not too far away if you’re looking for a cute Saturday walk. The costs are pretty reasonable especially for the good produce, but the prices do get steeper for the delicacy foods.

However, it is the best of the best, so what do you expect? They’re very generous amounts for what you pay too, so the food you purchase definitely lasts.

REAL GROOVY 438 QUEEN STREET Recently I came across this funky store as I was looking for Penguin Classic books. This place has everything.

Not only does this shop sell classics books, they also have comics and graphic novels. Honestly, practically any book you’re looking for. Same goes for movies.

They have your old school, new releases, box sets, and seasons you’ve been waiting to binge watch. The store is huge. The music section contains your mainstream beats, stuff your parents listened to, stuff you’ve never even heard of before. And if I still haven’t sold you on this store, and perhaps you’re still living in the 90s, then they have your board games and weird souvenirs too.

So go grab your batman figurine, read something new while discovering some old music, and watch that cowboy film you love. The living space of this groovy spot is just round the corner from uni, so you can walk to purchase everything you need.

14 31

Photographed by Ali Thair

33

What’s the Deal with Hollywood and Diversity?

Ethan Sills It’s quite strange, the world we live in now. Eighteen

-

countries have legalised gay marriage, the discussion

movies released last year were LGBTQI+. So people do not

around transgender rights is the most visible it has ever been,

think this is a typo, that is nineteen out of four thousand, six

the murder of unarmed black people in America has been

hundred and ten.

met with resistance and powerful protests. You would think with all these signs of positive change and resistance to conservative and outdated views, the world is changing for

-

Only 19 out of the 4610 speaking characters in

11 percent of the 700 films examined had balanced

gender ratios in their casts, meaning they had between 45

the better.

percent and 55 percent women. Only 30 percent of the 30

Yet one of the biggest, most influential industries in the world

female.

does little to reflect these changes. Yes, it’s me writing this, so you know there is only one thing I could possibly be talking

835 speaking characters in the 700 movies sampled were

It is a weird juxtaposition with the world of celebrities, one

about: Hollywood.

that generally comes across so liberal and accepting. Every

Several weeks ago, a report by the Media, Diversity and

Buzzfeed and the like come out showcasing the top tweets

Social Change Initiative was released, studying the top 100

from celebrities celebrating diversity; if someone famous

highest grossing movies released in America over seven

says anything derogatory in an interview or on social media,

of the last eight years. The report revealed some shocking

they are usually torn apart online. Yet the way these actors

statistics about the representation of gender, minorities and

operate in their personal lives/brand development is so very

the LGBTQI+ community in popular cinema. Here are just

different from the industry they operate in.

some of the alarming statistics from the 30-page report: -

73.1 percent of characters in movies in 2014 were

white. This figure has not changed since 2007.

time something like gay marriage occurs, articles on sites like

The central question here is, quite simply, why? Do executives think that if they put people of colour or LGBTQI+ characters in their movies, they will automatically bomb at the box office?

Must their casts be wholly white and

nineteen??? This isn’t even about

Putting quality aside, Transformers: Age

predominantly male to have any

having gay leads right now – though

of Extinction was the only movie to

chance of making money?

that definitely needs to happen, we

gross over one billion dollars in 2014 –

apparently need to get Hollywood to

it ranks seventh in America, but was a

make even the most minor characters

big hit overseas, largely due to being

gay first. Most estimates and statistics

set in Hong Kong for its third act, and

put it that roughly 10 percent of the

adding some Chinese faces to its cast.

When the report was first released, I read several articles about it and decided to take a quick dive into the comment sections. One argument that came up repeatedly was, ‘those movies’ that have black, gay, Hispanic casts don’t sell, and since Hollywood is a business, it should only cast people

world’s population is a member of the LGBTQI+ community. 19 out of 4610 is nowhere near 10 percent - hell, it isn’t even 0.5 percent.

that will sell movies i.e. white men.

There is no denying there is some truth to that. Hollywood is a business, and their executives are welcome to cast whoever they want in the leading roles of their movies: if they think that Chris Pratt is more likely to bring people in than Idris Elba or David Oyelowo, then cast away. Yet this study is not exclusively about the leading roles: the supporting casts in most movies released since 2007 are seemingly very white, straight and male. Supporting characters are rarely used as selling points for big movies: they are just there in the background, and generally have little effect on the box office.

If you turn to television, you can see that diversity pays off. Empire was the highest rated drama on network television

in

America

last

season,

and follows the success of How to

Do executives think that if they put people of colour or LGBTQI+ characters in their movies, they will automatically bomb at the box office?

Get Away With Murder and Scandal.

Fresh off the Boat and Black-ish got renewed for second seasons, while many comedies with predominantly white casts failed. Shows like Sleepy Hollow and Elementary apparently quite ‘radically’ shake it up by having a female minority star opposite the white male lead. 32 out of 813 main characters

on

American

network

television are LGBTQI+, with a further 33 recurring and 45 from cable shows - a huge difference compared to their movie brethren.

There’s a lot to cover here, but ultimately, all I can say is that being diverse really isn’t that hard. Casting

The success of most blockbusters or

a black, Asian or Hispanic actor/

high-grossing movies over the past

The 2014 sample shows that there is

eight years probably has very little

money to be made in diversifying.

to do with skin colour and gender – I

Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part One

mean, everyone in the highest grossing

was the second highest grossing movie

movie of all time is blue. Most of the top

at the American box office last year. It

grossing properties have been based

was beaten only by American Sniper,

on

properties,

perhaps the most white, heterosexual,

such as books (Harry Potter, The

patriotic movie ever made (it should

Hobbit), sequels or reboots (Jurassic

be noted it only grossed so much

World, Fast and Furious, Disney’s live

after it went ‘wide’ in January 2015).

action reboots) or feature the trend at

Maleficent, Gone Girl and Divergent

Because at the end of the day, this

the time, like superheroes. These are

also show that female-led movies can

attitude is simply a bizarre, outdated

the sorts of movies people are going to

earn big at the box office, all making

case of institutionalised sexism, racism

see anyway, regardless of what colour

the top 20.

and homophobia, and it has no place

already-established

the supporting characters are, which makes the money argument invalid

Race clearly is an issue, with not a

The LGBTQI+ issue particularly baffles

a minority lead, even though diverse

me. 19 characters out of 4 610–

casts pay off internationally.

single movie in the top twenty having

actress instead of a white one is not that difficult, and neither is making a character gay or lesbian. Doing that isn’t going to harm anyone, and it certainly won’t harm your box office results. These are only small steps, but apparently even those are hard enough for Hollywood executives to take.

in modern society. All I can really ask is why is it happening in the first place?

35

16

W H AT W O U L D Y O U D O FOR THE PERFECT SHOT? 'I felt quite guilty directing her to position her body closer to the edge in order to make her frame look taller.'

Shivan It’s three degrees Celsius on the coldest Saturday morning. Visibility is, at most, five meters as the air solidifies and leaves a blanket of fog on the morning of our shoot. I start to panic, how can I pull of an editorial shoot outdoors under these circumstances?

Waiting at Silo Park (it’s 10 am sharp) for the model, and hair and makeup to arrive, I feel the fog seeping around the silos. I’m left with the vision of tall silos encompassing the grounds, and this white cloud that covers its surroundings.

Nothing is visible. As the sun pierces its way through the fog, it creates glistening particles that fill my view. I watched patiently as the sun ushered the fog out from around the silos, leaving me with a playground to start my shoot.

Living in Auckland, weather changing within a matter of hours is a norm, and I guess a blessing in its own way. However, sometimes photographers and models need to take things into their own hands and do crazy things to get that one perfect shot!

As a disclaimer: Kids, please don’t try this at home.

This image was shot at Silo number five on a cold winter morning. My brave model, Sophia Doak, climbed on a cinder block to pull herself onto the skinniest window ledge at Silo number five. I felt quite guilty directing her to position her body closer to the edge in order to make her frame look taller. She did such a great job, you can’t even tell that there was fear of falling or discomfort when you look at the images taken.

It really got me thinking about the extreme photographers and models go to for that one perfect shot.

There are many humorous and brave stories of veteran models in similar, risky situations for one perfect photo. I remember at a campaign shoot for a jewellery line, the model had arachnophobia; she could barely be in the same space with a tarantula. However, the shoot required her allow this spider to crawl up her hands and face. The model managed to successfully complete the shoot, and what’s more amazing is that looking through all the photos, there was not even one speck of fear in her expressions. Everything about her oozed confidence - as if she has been working with spiders from a young age; a self-titled spider whisperer if you may. It was just amazing to see the lengths that models go through to deliver that one perfect shot to us the photographers.

I really have big respect for models, the time they wait during hair and makeup, the patience they have when putting up with us, and the dangerous positions they put themselves in based on our directions This image featured was originally meant for a vintage clothing campaign, however the efforts that went into this shoot, by Sophia and A Young, our hair & makeup artist, really got me thinking. This article and shoot is homage to all models, makeup artists, and photographers who spend hours outside in the cold just to get that one shot - that one perfect shot that allows the readers to have a window into the world they created.

Model: Sophia Doak | H & M: A Young Kim | Photograph & Styling: Shivan from gathum.co.nz Clothes from: Paper Bag Princess

37

17.

WHAT'S GOOD? HUMANS

The show has three central storylines. We mainly follow the Hawkins family, who purchase their first ‘synth’, Anita, in the opening minutes. Then we have George Millican, who is using his original model synth as a replacement for his fading memories.

It could almost be a domestic drama, but the final plot shows that several synths have developed consciences, and the government is trying to cover it up.

Humans is a very quiet, well-crafted bit of television. Much of the world building is done simply and subtly: we learn the health service has bought half a million synths, Joe Hawkins buys Anita as simply as buying a car, a montage of his wife, Laura, leaving the train station shows synths doing jobs like picking up rubbish and handing out newspapers. These all show how the world has adapted to synths without outright saying it, making it easy to immerse yourself in this world.

Created by Sam Vincent and Jonathan Brackley Starring Katherine Parkinson, Colin Morgan, Gemma Chan

Reviewed by Ethan Sills After months of overseas buzz and weeks of relentless promotion from TV3, Humans finally debuted on our screens a few weeks ago. The British-American sci-fi drama is set in the not-too-distant future, where realistic cyborgs exist as our servants. After the first hour, it’s clear that bringing this to our screens is the best decision TV3 has made all year.

FANTASTIC FOUR

The performances, particularly Gemma Chan as the mysterious Anita, heighten the shows quality. Chan delivers her lines robotically but with hints of emotion, and is so convincing it’s unsettling. Katherine Parkinson as the sceptical Laura provides the perfect audience surrogate, her fear and unease guiding us as she questions Anita’s motives.

A stellar opening episode, Humans managed to introduce all their plotlines and central characters without ever feeling overcrowded. Intelligent without being condescending and accessible without being stupid. Humans is the best thing on free-to-air TV right now.

If you know the team, you know the plot: four people get superpowers after a science experiment goes wrong and have to team up to fight Doctor Doom. Except in this movie, it takes an hour for them to get their powers, has a year-long time jump that skips any chances for development, and then introduces the threat in the last fifteen minutes for the sake of things.

Basically everything about F4 is bad. None of the characters are likeable, with non-existent personalities and storylines that go nowhere. Leading man, Miles Teller, delivers his lines with as little enthusiasm as possible. There’s the script, with faux-science terms randomly thrown out and the most basic, amateurish take on dialogue. Most of the special effects feel cheap and underdone, and despite having a 120 million dollar budget, no one seemed to notice Kate Mara’s hair changes colour between scenes or that Jamie Bell and Miles Teller look nothing like the teenagers they’re unfathomably meant to be.

Directed by Josh Trank Starring Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan

Reviewed by Ethan Sills Around the twenty-minute mark, I didn’t think Fantastic Four was going to be that bad. Sure, it only had nine percent approval on Rotten Tomatoes; sure, it completely bombed at the box office; sure, the director outright disowned it… but at the beginning, there are signs - faint glimmers of hope - that this movie can be saved. Or at the very least be mildly enjoyable. How wrong I was.

As a blockbuster, F4 is long, boring and ultimately pointless. As a parody, it’s brilliant: the hammed-in comic references, the terrible effects, the atrocious final scene; F4 is basically Fox giving Marvel a giant middle finger, but that is not a justifiable reason to make a movie. With about eighty minutes of set up and ten minutes of underwhelming action, this experience can be likened more to bad sex than any other comic book movie out there.

A truly fantastic failure.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – ROGUE NATION

The fifth instalment, Rogue Nation, seems a bit unnecessary, but at least manages to be a solid bit of spy-themed fun.

After getting the big stunt (Cruise hanging off a plane) out of the way right at the start, the movie has free reign to jump straight into the main plot. When the IMF is disbanded, Cruise’s Ethan Hunt goes on the run in order to properly investigate the Syndicate, a shadowy organisation with connections to various atrocities.

Rogue Nation doesn’t reinvent the wheel, and doesn’t really try: it’s got the heroic lead, the funny sidekick, a sadistic villain and a beautiful woman, plus a car chase and a number of foreign locales. It’s very much by the books, but it’s executed so well that you don’t mind the rehashing of action movie tropes.

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie Starring Tom Cruise, Rebecca Ferguson, Simon Pegg

Reviewed by Ethan Sills Carrying on a franchise nearly two decades after it first debuted is not without its risks. Several films this year (Jurassic World, Terminator: Genisys) showed the pitfalls of dragging out a franchise past its prime. The fourth Mission Impossible film, 2011’s Ghost Protocol, seemed like a good place to end the franchise: epic stunts, globe-spanning locations, great cast and a sentimental ending.

Tom Cruise is in fine form, proving he is perhaps the most reliable action star in the world right now. Simon Pegg brings a decent dollop of humour and heart in his third go as tech-whiz Benji, while Rebecca Ferguson gives a great performance as mysterious agent Ilsa Faust. She probably isn’t the feminist reinvention some people are claiming: she may not be the typical love interest, but there are plenty of gratuitous shots that probably didn’t need to be there.

Not particularly clever but with plenty of tension and action, Rogue Nation lets you simply sit back, switch off and enjoy all it has to offer without thinking too much.

39

18

THE

WRITE WAY How do I write an Introduction?

Samira Kakh, AUT Doctoral Candidate, School of Language and Culture I know it’s kind of lame to remind you that the first impression is the best (or sometimes the last) impression. But most often, the opening sentences of your texts are hooks that get people to read what you have written. So, whatever you are writing, it’s important to know how to create a good first “written” impression. This article provides some useful tips to help you make your very own guidelines for writing impressive introductions.

Writing an introduction is a daunting task for most. But, some people have “introduction recipes” with secret ingredients and techniques. That is why, they can write such perfect introductions. One practical way to uncover secrets for ourselves is finding a perfect introduction first.

You may ask: “What is a perfect introduction?” The answer is easy. Most often, introductions determine the attitude of their readers. So, if you (as a reader) think a particular introduction is perfectly written, then perhaps it is perfectly written! Just grab that!

Traditionally, authors write introductions to tell their readers what they are going to read. It can be as brief (and boring) as a shopping list, or as long and complicated as a thesis chapter. So, you should find out what type of introduction you need to produce before you start searching for a perfectly written introduction.

The next step after finding your sample introduction would be browsing through the whole text that follows that introduction. This is to see the connection between the introduction and the text.

Now it’s time to develop your own writing-an-introduction guideline. Start reading your sample introduction critically and think about its content and structure. The following questions are to help you in this process of discovery. In fact, your answers to these questions would be the items in your introduction checklist. There’s also an example of translating an answer into a checklist item.

o How long is it? (e.g., imagine you are looking at the 600-word introduction section of an article. So, the answer to this question would be ‘600 words’. Accordingly, your ‘checklist item’ would be: Have I written at least 600 words?)

o Are there any in-text references? Why did the author choose to include these specific references in the introduction?

o How did the author begin the introduction? Is there any introduction to this introduction?

o What are the authors’ choice of tenses for writing this introduction? o How did the author end the introduction, did they do so with a sense of closure?

o What kinds of explanations did the author offer and how do those compare with those offered in other sections of the text? o Are there any terms that are defined or shortened? o

How detailed/technical is it?

o How often did the writer use first person pronouns? Is there any reason behind that?

o How did the author organize the content?

o How did the author manage to move the different sections of the introduction along and keep you reading it?

Final note, there is a very harmonious relationship between the introduction and the conclusion sections of most texts that have both! It would be great if you could find that too!

KEEN FOR A

NEXT-LEVEL STEAK AND ONION SANDWICH?

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Serves 4 Preparation time: 50 minutes • 400 g flank skirt steak or bavette • 2 large onions • 20 g unsalted butter • olive oil • 70 g dark brown sugar • 125 ml red wine vinegar • 1 ciabatta loaf • extra virgin olive oil • English mustard, optional • 1 handful of watercress, optional Remove the steak from the fridge and let it come to room temperature, then cover it with greaseproof paper and bash it with the base of a pan to tenderise and make it all roughly the same thickness. Meanwhile, peel the onions, also removing the first layer of flesh (reserve this for a soup or stew), then slice into 2cm-thick rounds. Put the butter, a lug of oil and the sugar into a large non-stick frying pan on a medium heat. Once the butter has melted, place the onions into the pan in a single layer and cook for 5 minutes. Pour in the vinegar, pop the lid on, reduce the heat to low and cook for around 35 minutes, or until beautifully golden and caramelised on the bottom only, adding splashes of water to loosen, if needed.

Meanwhile, pop the ciabatta into the oven, turn onto 110°C/225°F/gas ¼ and leave to warm through. Season the steak all over with sea salt and black pepper. Place a large nonstick heavy-bottomed pan on a high heat. Once screaming hot, drizzle the steak with olive oil, then put it into the pan and cook for 3 minutes on each side for medium, or to your liking. Remove to a plate, rest for 1 minute, then slice 1cm thick and toss through its own resting juices with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.

Cut the warm ciabatta in half and rub the inside of each piece in the steak resting juices. Spread on some mustard, if you like, then layer over the caramelised onions, the steak and pinches of watercress. Pop the other piece of bread on top, press down lightly, carve up into decent chunks and get involved.

Check our more of Jamie Oliver's delicious recipes at www.jamieoliver.com/recipes Or check out his book Jamie Oliver's Comfort Food

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