Debate issue 24 by Debate Magazine

Issue 24 | OCTOBER 2013 www.ausm.org.nz

Issue 24 | October 2013 Directory

reception City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am-5pm Fri: 9am-4pm North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 11am-1pm Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am-3.30pm governance & leadership Kizito Essuman AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 kizito.essuman@aut.ac.nz management Kathy Anderson General Manager 921 9999 ext 8570 kanderso@aut.ac.nz advocacy Siobhan Daly AuSM Advocate 921 9999 ext 8311 siobhan.daly@aut.ac.nz marketing Kate Lin Sales and Marketing Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8909 kate.lin@aut.ac.nz events Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931 carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz media Matthew Cattin Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz vesbar Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz volunteers & clubs Lauren Howe Volunteers Coordinator 921 9999 ext 8911 lauren.howe@aut.ac.nz

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Cover

by Ramina Rai

EDITOR

Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz

sub editor Nigel Moffiet

designer/PHOTOGRAPHER/FUN Ramina Rai

contributors

Illustration & Photography Andrew Oglivie | Carl Ewen | Ramina Rai

advertising contact Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz

printer

PMP Print Ltd.

publisher

AuSM all rights reserved This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA)

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The

coolest

assignment

Join Air New Zealand and National Geographic photographer Jason Edwards to help raise awareness of the essential research projects being supported on the ice by Antarctica New Zealand. Observe some of the world class kiwi research teams as they go about their work. Share your experiences on the ice with us all.

Do you have what it takes? To apply for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity you’ll need to submit a recorded or written entry online. We’re looking for a natural communicator who is passionate about the environment. If that’s you find out more at airnewzealand.com/voiceforantarctica

by Matthew Cattin This here is my penultimate editorial of the year and looking back, I can’t believe how quickly the issues have slipped by. I remember the excitement of seeing my name in the orientation issue, the thrill of scoring interviews with some of my favourite bands (which according to feedback, most people thought were shit), the hilarity of receiving hate mail and the awkwardness of dealing with fan girls, you know, like Mum.

done so for nought but the satisfaction of being published – and I reckon that deserves applause. Yes, there may have been the odd movie pass here and there as bribery but the vast majority has merely been the result of motivated students keen to express themselves. So thanks team – debate would have been utter shit without your help.

I apologise for ignoring your emails on occasion. Sometimes it’s because I am crazy busy and sometimes I straight up forget. That and my inbox is always so flooded with fan mail and PR nonsense that it’s hard to sift through to find the gold nuggets. If I never replied, well I probably just don’t like you – sorry.

It’s been an interesting experience, living life from deadline to deadline. Thursday afternoon is the big push – the stressful but triumphant moment when everything falls in to place. Friday is rest day, and like walking through the aftermath of a deadly hurricane, we pick through the debris, look to the skies with teary eyes and brace ourselves to start again, to rebuild. Monday, thank almighty Zeus, is the second easiest day of the debate week, which from there on in gets more and more full on. It’s definitely a unique business – this weekly publication thing. You can never plan too far ahead because everything happens so spontaneously. On a Friday, we always make a rough outline of the following issue – usually a fairly depressing task when you only have enough articles to fill up around four pages. It’s quite a nerve-racking notion but somehow it never fails to come together – you just have to believe (thanks Yu-Gi-Oh!).

Oh how nice it would be to be able to pay the contributors something other than a hasty “thanks!” and of course the thrill of being published in a multi-award winning, prestigious magazine – but alas, life is a bitch. Everybody who contributed this year has

There are haters who, fed up with the errors in spelling and grammar, have given up reading ol’ debate and I think that’s a damn shame. If you’re that anal about perfect punctuation, may I suggest you also stop reading every other publication under the

At the risk of sounding like a cliché kiss ass, the highlight of this job has most definitely been working with the contributors. You are an astounding bunch of people. I feel like I’ve gotten to know a lot of you fairly well this year through our weekly email chains and it has been a pleasure. Some of you lovelies have even bought me in little snacks. How great is this?! My tummy thanks you. On the rare occasions I shared the goodies, my office gives its thanks also.

sun? And while you’re at it, stop watching television and films, and maybe throw out some of your books too. Any media put together within a strict deadline is likely to have mistakes (just look at stuff.co.nz for a laugh or two). Point is, humans aren’t flawless. I’m glad haters expect humble debate to be though – it reveals a lot about their understanding of the world. Besides, even on a good day, I have no idea how to spell words like licence correctly, as indicated just now by autocorrect (thanks again friend). I must also give a very special thanks to the glorious debate team in the office – along with everybody else here at AuSM. Ramina, thank you for making the mag look beautiful every week. You know as well as I do that without your help, debate would be Word documents with Microsoft Paint images and Comic Sans MS font. You’re also great company and I very much enjoy our teas, chais, chats and strolls. Thanks also to Nigel, rabid reviewer and feature writing extraordinaire. We have our disagreements about bands, but I’m willing to let them slide because you’re the best company there is. Thanks for the Korean food – you’ve changed me in ways you will never understand. That’s all from me this week. Next week, we celebrate the oncoming onslaught of SUMMER. Keep your heads up – exams be awful. Thanks for the ride, Matthew www.ausm.org.nz

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The Student Experience Team is a team of students employed by the University who provide peer to peer support to other students. Will you be an AUT student yourself in 2014 available from February to October? Are you available to work some evenings and/or Saturdays? The Student Experience Team is now recruiting for coordinators. We have two roles available: 1. Coordinators on a regular basis (Average 10 hours per week) 2. Coordinators for an on-call basis for specific campaigns If you’re friendly, reliable and keen to help other AUT students get the most out of uni then email or call Vandana Minhas (team leader) for a job description.

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Artist Of The Week

Hannah Powell “For as long as I can remember drawing has been a massive part of my life. I doodle on everything and I always have done. Surprisingly though, I double majored in History and Philosophy and work in account services in the advertising world, but I’ve tried to keep up drawing and painting in my spare time. “It’s difficult for me to finish pieces though; I usually dismiss them as ’not good enough’ and want to start again. I guess constantly striving to be better is what helps you improve your art, though I could probably still do with finishing something. What I like more than anything is illustration- especially children’s books. I would love to illustrate a children’s book in the future and perhaps turn some unfinished doodles into a finished piece of work.”

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Salvation by a Rodent on Precarious Footing

by Samuel J. Hennessy samuel.j.hennessy@gmail.com

for great friendship. The next email had no subject, but read:

I had most of my feeling back in my face. That was a great success I thought. But on the whole my situation was lending itself to despair…

“I’ve Facebook stalked you and see you play viola…we are going on tour in a few weeks and need a strings player. Badly. Would you be keen to jump aboard? PS we are called Mice on Stilts”

I’d had my jaws wired shut in a Romanian hospital that didn’t have hot water, then flown to a hospital in London where a good portion of my face was re-built out of metal. All because I’d gotten carried away on a night out in Bucharest and a couple of bouncers wanted to enforce some authority. Can’t blame them in truth…most of the bouncers there are grown up orphans from the communist regime. By now I was re-cooperating in the nest of my family home in Whakatane, trying to establish a sense of direction and purpose. With travel cut short and the bank account way into the red…I was beginning to wonder if I’d have to make my evening attempts at possum shooting my reason for being. And I got an email titled “para-cunt” I got excited at the prospect of it being hate mail - I definitely get a kick out of people tearing my writing to shreds. I knew the email was in response to an article I had published on parachute music festival – a non-Christian’s perspective, but it wasn’t hate mail at all. In fact it was rather flirtatious correspondence from an Auckland-based musician who had taken the time to endorse what I’d written about. Naturally, I flirted back a little…. Shortly emails were flying back and forth and this anonymous but undoubtedly bearded man and I were in the heat of establishing grounds

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Salvation by a rodent on precarious footing. This was all I could have asked for. I went inside with my swollen face, still with metal weaved through my gums and announced “mum, I’m going on tour!” My love for the viola conceived itself just under two years ago, on the tail of a horrendous mental health episode which meant I had energy to dedicate to something like the moody, sultry, melancholic vixen the viola is. The fat, unloved cousin of the violin I saw as a voluptuous creature of desire, so much so it nearly cost me my partner…she got jealous because I was fawning over its curves and not hers. This opportunity to hook up, and go on tour, being all rock ‘n’ roll, leather jacket and tattoos, no regrets and no promises…with my viola? It was too perfect. At least I thought that initially. But when I realized the caliber of the small community I was to be a part of, I began to think my expectation of perfect was far too low. The aroha that flows between the members of Mice on Stilts is a legacy unto itself. I’ve never come across such a group of individuals who are so committed to the well-being of each other. I think we make awesome music, I’m flagrant about that, but what it stems from is more important. It’s an ethos. A dynamic that engenders itself in bizarre diminished piano chords and fluctuates from epic orchestral

crescendo’s to crushing sonic brutality. It’s like the movement of the ocean, and contributing is my pride and joy. I still feel I can talk objectively about the band, because I’m the most recent member, but this Mice on Stilts thing has not only fulfilled my creative agenda, but challenged my pessimism on what friendship can be. Finding the right “fit” in this city can be extremely difficult and I consider it a privilege to have found something of substance. It took a world worth of travel, and a smashed up face to get there, but it seems that it was all necessary. Mice on Stilts is currently a six piece band, parenthesized by a genre we call doom-folk. It’s cinematic in feel, it moves from fullness to void often. People don’t dance to our music, I wouldn’t either, but when I look across and see people with that look of “wow”, I feel we’ve done our duty. How you make a saxophone, piano, guitar, drums, bass and viola work isn’t so easy. But we do try to. Diversity is embedded in the flourishing of humanity. We aim to encompass that. It has been said, “Your music is so sad, but you seem like happy people,” nothing could be truer. The heaviness of being is something we all love to escape, but a part of our intention is to return to those consistent things in life…unfortunately pain is one of them. We are fortunate enough to be signed with a local label Triple A Records, who are like our parents. Through them we are releasing an EP An Ocean Held Me in November. We are gigging like mad and meeting the most incredible people along the way. I totally encourage you to come check us out, and if we are mud, as always, please tell me all about it. I love a bit of hate mail. Aroha Nui.

by Hazel Buckingham You know when you look back on Disney movies and you see all the dirty lines that went completely over your head as a child? That’s kind of how I feel when I look back on childhood conversations with my parents. See my parents and I don’t exactly have the closest relationship – we’re not like those weird people who act like best friends and talk about absolutely anything. There’s a very defined line that designates them as the parents and me as the child. That was very obvious when it came to talking about the birds and the bees. Picture this – me, age five (blonde hair, blue eyes, pigtails – I was adorable), and my mum and I are sitting in the paddock with the chicken coop in it. We’re sitting there chatting about the new chickens we just got (Trixie and Toto) and my mum starts trying to talk to me about chicken sex. Of course, she was not that upfront and just kind of danced around the idea of sex and more talk about how chickens lay eggs and how it’s like the movie Chicken Run and how there are male and female chickens. Five-year-old me thought this was the strangest conversation, but happily went along with it and sat there inadvertently talking about chicken sex with my mother for a good half an hour, thinking nothing of it. It wasn’t until years later when I thought back on that conversation that I realised what she was trying to get at. To be completely honest, to this day I still have no idea how chickens actually have sex. Oh dear, I just Yahoo! Answered it and I’m sorry but I need to read this: “Fetilization of any birds eggs starts with the wooing of the female. After she accepts his advances, the male perches on her back. It is a very amusing purcedure. A male chicken grabs the hen’s neck or comb at the start of the copulatory sequence and does not let go until he's finshed. As he balances, the male slides his tail under hers. Once the two cloacas touch, almost like a pool game, the male "shoots" his sperm into the female's vent.” So perhaps my mother’s birds and the bees talk may have been better suited over a game of pool? Bless her heart – a few years on she tried again. This time, she used my favourite stuffed animal (a donkey, and his name was Donkey

because I was seriously original like that) as collateral. She explained to me that because Donkey was a boy, someday he would fall in love with a girl and they would have little donkeys and did I know how they had little donkeys? I’m not exactly sure how we moved past this one, but what I do remember is that she never specified that Donkey would fall in love with a girl DONKEY, so I went through the next few years wondering if Donkey would fall in love with me and we would have little donkeys. Unbeknownst to her, my mother was essentially encouraging bestiality. I was eight. Still – my mum did a far better job at sex ed than my school managed. The newest, youngest teacher at the school was landed with it and she was a shy wee thing, probably fresh out of teacher’s colleague. In fact she probably wouldn’t have been much older than I am now. She shuffled us all into a dodgy old gym room in the back of the school and made us sit in a circle with bananas, condoms and tampons. Boys and girls together. The awful thing was that 85% of us already knew everything she was trying to tell us by this stage, so we just had some fun with it. There were girls blowing condoms up as balloons and playing hot potato, guys comparing how long each other’s bananas were (not a euphemism I promise) and one girl even went as far as to get her drink bottle out and see how much she could make a tampon swell up. This terrified one of the innocent souls in the class, who then asked where that went and how did something that big get up there? (Fair question I’d say). By the time the poor teacher came to do the demonstration of how to put the condoms on bananas, most of the bananas had been eaten (again, not a euphemism I swear), so the class clowns (you know the ones) started asking questions about anal and threesomes. The poor teacher just sat there blushing and tried to dance her way around the conversation as well as possible, but she didn’t have much luck. Perhaps she should have gone with the chicken sex talk too. To this day I actually have no idea how I learned about sex or puberty, or when I learned about it. I think it’s just something that sort of seeps in through osmosis, particularly in this age when kids can see R-rated things at any age on TV or the Internet. Still, I suppose it is one of those official parent duties that mums or dads have to do regardless. And it provides great entertainment when you grow up and realise what they were actually trying to get at. And even if it taught me nothing about sex (human sex at least), it did teach me one thing. And that is, if I ever have kids – it’s going to be the dad’s job! www.ausm.org.nz

Technos in Tokyo By Monique Simpson

Japanese fortresses and Geisha houses that made one’s jaw drop in awe.

Fish, friends and flippin’ amazing times – three expressions that can be used to sum up one of the most life changing experiences to date!

However, the inner child in me would not have been so delighted had we not explored the insane world that is inner city Tokyo. Some of the highlights include visiting the Pokemon Center, where we all bought ridiculous amounts of Pikachu memorabilia, spend 13 hours straight at Disneyland (and not making it around the whole park), experiencing the wild Tokyo nightlife and singing karaoke until we couldn’t anymore, getting lost in shops full of Hello Kitty and anime and becoming broke after hitting the shops in Harajuku – Tokyo’s funky shopping district.

In June 2013, myself and three other AUT students were lucky enough to be selected to participate in Technos International week in Tokyo, Japan. AUT joined up with 11 universities from around the world who meet up annually at Technos College to exchange culture, friendship and experience. From the moment we arrived in Japan, we were greeted like royalty. Japanese people are so very hospitable and the students from Technos definitely pulled out all the stops. Us humble Kiwis felt like international super stars when they - quite literally - rolled out a long red carpet, and crowds donned with banners and New Zealand flags screamed out our names as our faces graced larger than life screens all around the campus. The experience was unreal. After all the initial hype, we then settled in for the next two weeks to experience Tokyo. We were in a hotel with people from all over America, England and Taiwan who, over the course of two weeks, became our second family and safe to say, lifelong friends. The amazing students from Technos were very patient with us as we learnt traditional Japanese customs around temples, food and language. A lot of the International students had minimal knowledge of Japanese, and the Japanese students had only a little English, so it was an extremely challenging and interesting encounter communicating simple sayings and actions. In saying that, all students – Japanese and International – picked up the haka and our Kiwi slang pretty well! During our time there we had a pleasant balance of cultural exploration and total Japanese pop culture immersion. The former included being lucky enough to go to Mt Fuji and have our breath taken away by rural Japan, travel to Midori No Nura (a traditional Japanese Inn) where we would partake in communal baths (an experience – I can assure you!), visit architectural masterpieces that were the temples and visit historical

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Having lost one of the New Zealand girls on the first night in one of the busiest train stations in Tokyo, us Kiwis were resourceful and managed to navigate our way around the maze that is the Tokyo underground. Although we adapted to Japanese life pretty quickly, call me a softie, but I definitely missed my marmite on toast for brekkie, with fish being the main food on offer pretty much everywhere (fish… SO much fish…)! Despite the activities we completed during our time there, the one thing that will stick out in my memories of Japan is the incredible hospitality and kindness of Japanese people. Japanese culture is very modest and respectful, and it was very humbling for them to teach us their customs, language and ways of life. Our Japanese friends went out of their way to make us welcome and I know my life, as well as the other kiwis, is a lot more enriched having soaked up another culture in such a real way. Leaving Tokyo was a very emotional event, having made such close friends and feeling like I was leaving part of myself there. I learnt so many things and made so many international friendships that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Thank you AUT and Technos for providing me with this incredible opportunity, it truly did change my life. If you are looking for a bit of an injection of culture and adventure, I would highly recommend applying for Technos International week 2014! Be prepared for your perception of the world to change – you won’t be disappointed!

FOR THE SAKE OF LIVING by Hazel Buckingham It’s one of those things you think will never happen to you. Something you’ll never have to confront – something that only happens on television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Shortland Street. But chances are, we’re going to come across it at some point in our lives. Death. But not just dying. More like the right to die. And I’m not even going to address the massive issue of voluntary euthanasia here, because that has already been eloquently done earlier this semester. I want to talk about advanced directives, Living Wills and DNRs. The New Zealand Bill of Rights states that every New Zealander has the right to refuse medical treatment. The issue is that seriously ill people often can’t express themselves, leaving their wishes to be overlooked – or even worse – ignored. And to be honest I can see why. The law and provisions on this area in New Zealand are so murky and grey. Information is hard to find and even harder to comprehend. What’s the difference between a Living Will, an advanced directive and a DNR? Why do they even matter? It kind of hit me smack bang in the face this week when I was doing my volunteer shift at the hospital and I sat with a wonderful family in the emergency department. The husband had been brought in for a stroke and the wife and daughter were understandably in hysterics. The wife kept saying to me that she wasn’t ready for this to happen, she didn’t know what to do or what he’d want. She told me the touching story of how her sister had only just died from Alzheimer’s a couple of weeks ago after watching her go through years of suffering, and for what purpose? She didn’t want her husband to have to suffer the same thing, but she wasn’t sure what rights she had. I wasn’t particularly sure either. I mean New Zealand is a pretty free and liberal society – I knew we don’t legally allow physician assisted suicide or voluntary euthanasia yet, but surely there must be some sort of guidelines for people to be able to choose what they want to do with their life when the time came. Honestly, it turns out, not really. In New Zealand we have something called advanced directives - a written or oral directive allowing a person to make a choice about possible future health care. This can only become effective when he or she is no longer competent. The first issue here seems glaringly obvious. What is ‘competency’ and who gets to make that call? Surely we’re talking mental competency, but the issue here is sometimes the ability to be physically competent often impinges on the capability of someone expressing their thoughts or wishes.

Additionally, the law on advanced directives is still relatively untested in New Zealand. These sort of guidelines can be effective if you have a predictable illness with a familiar progression. It’s a fair call to say you’ll be able to make informed decisions on the phases of your healthcare. But what about when the future is unknown? (I.e. most of the time.) What if you’re hit by a bus – should your advanced directive still stand, even if you could make a full recovery? We also have Living Wills, which are written documents giving direction to family and loved ones should you ever end up on life support, however there is no legal recognition of these in New Zealand. They’re just sort of the ‘nice to have’ things so family and friends know what you want. Even if they know what you want, being someone’s next of kin does not give you any specific legal rights when a person is alive. A family member cannot consent on a person’s behalf unless they hold an Enduring Power of Attorney (meaning it continues even after the donor becomes mentally incapable) in relation to personal care and welfare or have been appointed a Welfare Guardian (can only be appointed by the court). A 79-year-old Dunedin grandmother took a stand in 2008, tattooing ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ to her chest in an effort to be able to make her own decisions. Trouble is, this wasn’t actually legally binding. A patient needs to take out a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR, or Not For Resuscitation NFR) in order for physicians to be legally allowed to not resuscitate. Even these have pretty grey and murky circumstances. When I began writing this article I was under the impression the problem in New Zealand was communication – that not enough people were discussing with their families what they wanted when their time came and how they should handle it. I was going to urge everyone to have that conversation so they could sleep easy tonight. But it’s not that simple. Do we not have the right to decide when enough is enough when it comes to our own body and life? How do we ensure that decisions are enforced without creating an enduring legal battle for our families? How do we define competency? Hell, these days, how do we even define death? There are too many questions and too many grey areas in such a serious area for my liking. All I know is that the worst thing in the world would be to prolong life simply to be alive. If there’s no quality of life, if you’re not even really living, and all you’re doing is being a burden to your family, then what is the point? And we should be able to do something about that.

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Updates AuSM SGM (21st Oct Mon) Join us today! Join us for the AuSM Special General Meeting today, 21st October at 12pm in Wharekai Nga Wai O Horotiu Marae (across the carpark from WC202). Agenda Items include AuSM 2014 budget, constitutional changes, confirmation of 2014 Executive Council members and election of vacant positions. All AUT students are welcome. Please bring your student ID. Free pizza and refreshments will be provided. De-Stress Week

PREZ SEZ Hi AUTers, Only a few more weeks to go for semester two to come to an end. I have started winding up as the outgoing president and I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate John Kingi, the current Vice President of AuSM for being successfully elected by the student populace as the new President of AuSM. Congrats to all the other successful candidates and I take my hat off to the unsuccessful candidates for an outstanding campaign. We had an impressive election turnout as compared to previous AuSM elections and that of other NZ Student Associations. Over 7000 valid votes were cast during the AuSM election this year. This is approximately 25% of the AUT student population. AuSM, your student association has made some major changes in its Governance and Representation structure as some of you are already aware but I will take this opportunity to again highlight some of the key changes that have been made in the organisation. Under the new structure of AuSM which will be in full implementation from the beginning of next year, Governance has been separated from Representation to allow for the concentration of both areas. Because of the new direction, the current Executive Council has been disestablished and there has been an introduction of a new Governance Board and new Student Representative Council (SRC). The new confined Governance Board will have four student members and four external members with the AuSM President as the chair of Board. The President and the Vice President will be automatic members of the Governance Board and the other two student seats will be from the new Student Representative Council. The new Student Representative Council will have the President, Vice President, Faculty Reps, Portfolio holders (Maori, Pasifika, International, Disability and Postgraduate) and the newly created Campus Reps. The AuSM President’s term of office has also been increased from a year to two years fixed to ensure continuity in the role. The General Manager’s role has also been disestablished and a new Executive Director’s has been introduced with a new job description to suit the new environment of voluntary membership structure. The current Executive Council in collaboration with a Change Manager and an advisory board are still working on final stage of the review and by the ending of this year, there should be a new vibrant and sustainable structure for next year. The motivation for these changes or the review is for AuSM to be able to achieve a greater governance experience, encourage greater attendance and engagement by student representatives, improve the financial performance and encourage the students to be more engaged in the voluntary environment. A lot of student consultations and feedback have been made during the review process but if anyone still has some comments, questions or clarification about anything on the review, please feel free to keep in touch with me on kessuman@aut.ac.nz or call my office line 921-9999 ext 8571. Have a great week and see you all around campus. AuSM Prez Kizito

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Yayya! We know how stressed you guys are at the moment! So do join us for this wonderful De-Stress Week! AuSM will provide some light snacks on each campus this week! Check out the AuSM@AUT facebook page and twitter/ausm1 to find out more! AuSM Movember Tee AuSM is all about getting involved and supporting worthy causes! The AuSM Mo Tees are available at AuSM City campus office for $15 only. Pre-order for students at North Shore and Manukau campus! 100% of the profits will be donated straight to Movember! Check out nz.movember.com for more info about Movember. AuSM Lodge Get ready to have fun with your loved ones! AuSM Lodge at National Park will be the perfect place to go! There are still some sweet dates available during end of year. Book now at www.ausm.org.nz before all the good dates are gone!

COMPETITIONS

Find all the words in page 19's Cat Wordfind, send it our way & you'll go in the draw to win two "Squawk Burger" vouchers from Velvet Burger. Delicious! So fetch your magnifying glass and get wordfinding! Drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or email debate before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.

Issue 23 Congratulations to...

Ashleigh McLead

City Campus who scored two Squawk Burger vouchers!

lovenotes & hatemail Dear Editor,

Editors' quality of debate editorials are something to aspire to. Lets prove that: issue 21 – the America’s Cup blurb. I was impressed with the bank of knowledge - tracking the competition with initial victory, then plunging down, getting overtaken by Oracle…all with corresponding emotion. My eyeballs turned starshaped at metaphors, that a rug jilted from beneath me. I got a belly full of nerves at the religious themed metaphors. So I was swimming in a mystical ocean where Poseidon was meant to deliver a miracle, to Team NZ. Nerves of kiwi spectators were captured, like being possessed with excitement (nerves) in the picture. Lastly, it was packaged up, concluding with coming to terms with the loss of defeat. Previous editors Ryan Boyd and Samantha Mcqueen would approve.

Dear pussy lovers,

I was reviewing issue 23 of debate and came across a delightful letter regarding our dear friends the kitty cat. I feel the same way about Meow about these beautiful little creatures and that we should celebrate their existence by dedicating an entire issue to the felines. This person shows true dedication to the cause and should be acknowledged. Power to the pussy.

The people have spoken - please see the Puzzle Page for a cat word find. I’d dedicate an entire issue to cats but I can’t be fluffed. Power to the pussy indeed. Cattin the hat.

Kind regards, A furry ambassador. :3

Debbie Bennett Dear Debbie.

Hi there, I was reading you're latest issue of debate and came across a lovely request for an entire issue dedicated to cats. This person (meow) seemed like they had many idea on articles and activities so I see no reason for this not to become a reality.They have written 7 letters you say,which shows their dedication and I'm just here to support this request. regards, a fellow fuzzy four footed feline friend lover. :3

What can I say? I’m chuffed you enjoyed it. It’s also pretty exciting that somebody other than mum reads them. Thanks very much, Matthew

AUCKLAND'S GOT IT GOING ON By Mike Ross It seems Auckland's gig promoters may be feeling the pinch of October's stranglehold on studying students. Unusually I had a wee bit of a hard time scouring the archives for what's good this week. I dug in deep though, and think I've pulled out a few things worthwhile…

Tuesday

Cody Chesnutt @ The Tuning Fork (Vector Arena) The team at Vector Arena have been working hard on diversifying the venue, and have recently completed the redevelopment of what was once the bistro on the arena's forecourt. It's been transformed into an intimate gig space named The Tuning Fork, and is perfect for slightly more acoustic acts and smaller audiences. I had the pleasure of watching Canadian guitar hero Corb Lund tear it up folk-music style at The Tuning Fork a few weeks back, and it really is a great new venue. This Tuesday American R'n'B troubadour Cody Chesnutt will bring his soul stylings to the space, and I recommend checking it out. Tickets from Ticketmaster.

Wednesday

The Nark Collective @ 1885 Britomart The Nark Collective (or TNC) has been a staple of the midweek club scene for the last three years. With the famous tagline 'every week, always free', TNC has hosted those with a penchant for Wednesday night drinking since 2011. This week however, sees the last TNC at 1885 Britomart as the boys behind it look towards a new project. It's sure to go out with a bang as the famous '2MANYNARKS' theme is reprised - basically it involves booking far too many DJs and making them each play for 15-minutes or less. Mayhem. This Wednesday, last TNC ever, 1885 Britomart, free.

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How I Ruined Three Pieces of Clothing (Or the Worst Christmas Ever.)

By Kieran Bennett Christmas is, for me at least, a time of happiness. School is well over and the good times that is the summer is fast approaching. There are presents to be had, food to be eaten and overall pixie dust will fly from every orifice. Sadly, there was one Christmas where such joy was to not be mine. This Christmas remains to this day the worst Christmas I have ever experienced. Worse, even, than the Christmas where six-year-old me was presented with a Barbie for a present (I was less than amused). Worse, even, than the Christmas before where I received a sausage; and not a joke one but rather a literal casing of pig meat wrapped in glad wrap. I do not of course mean to paint my parents as cruel, but rather I wish to indicate just how crappy this Christmas was. For you see, this Christmas, I had a stomach bug. And this was not an unpleasant stabbing in my gut accompanied by a few socially embarrassing farts and cute ‘oh-dearie-me’ tummy rumbles; this was something more. This was a decidedly unpleasant week where I, extracting the most fun from my summer as I could, proceeded to shit what appeared to be enough ‘poop’ to construct a small faeces-child. The decided highlight came around half way through my journey down the brown brick road to see the Wizard of ‘surely there’s nothing left in there’. As I was quite sick and had to often get up in the middle of the night to ‘get a drink of water’, I ended up spending my days tired, sitting on the toilet and generally feeling quite miserable. Due to this holy trinity of fun, I took a great number of naps. These naps were only short, brief bursts of rest in order to prepare my body for the next time I squeezed out my small intestine. What is also important to note is that I had not eaten very much in a very, very long time. Anything placed in my mouth may as well have simply been placed on a greased

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water slide and shot off into the water treatment plant such was the speed it exited my body. Naturally in protest I simply did not eat. However my stomach then decided that emptying my body of water was the next best course and so whenever I sat upon my porcelain throne of health and sunshine, the tap was turned on in my behind. I pooped water. With this in mind, you can perhaps understand my utter horror when I awoke from not a 30 minute battle prepping nap, but a multiple hour guard destroying snooze. I froze; surely (as I had done before) I must have shat myself in my sleep? A quick mental and physical examination in the space of a few seconds conclude that no, I did not think that I had. However it was only a matter of time and so I went to get off the couch. It was at this point I felt the dampness all over my lower half. I had not crapped myself. Oh no. I had what could only be described as a shit-powered fighter jet bank recklessly and screaming into my pants; utterly destroying everything in its path. My pants and everything around them were ruined. Beyond all saving. Even if they could have been, I would never have laid my eyes upon them again, such was my scarring. After I had extracted myself from my wet, slightly chunky prison, I had a much needed shower. It was at this point I concluded there was God. Or if there was, he had a very strange sense of humour. I of course recovered a few days afterwards and was back to my normal self. But not before I had to go through Christmas day with the glory that was my bowels. One does not truly appreciate full bowel control until one has it removed. One does not appreciate it until in response to ‘is that the book you wanted?’ one replies ‘yes and I have shat myself; but not with excitement’.

When ‘Sheeple’ Attack Apathy taken to a whole new level by J. Winquist My dear readers, I have a few words to impart to you, and so we shall discourse together a while. We will confer, dear reader, and the matter of our discourse shall be of an issue that, in essence, stinks. That loathsome and odious word is the embodiment of the topic upon which the scabrous upheaval of latent demoralization rests. “What is this pestiferous matter that is causing you such turmoil of the bowels??” I hear you exclaim. “It must be strikingly wretched to rustle your jimmies.” It is. Have you ever been in a situation where you spy, with your beady bloodshot eye, someone who is in need of a helping hand? Did you stop and help them? Or did you carry on your merry way? There are a few good souls out there who do take the time and trouble to make sure another is okay, and a thousand rounds of applause for them; please accept this bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for going against social conditioning. But most people are not so courageous, and would have carried on their way. The reason for this is due to a famous (and sucky) social and psychological phenomenon called the Bystander Effect. The Bystander Effect is quite simple, and everyone will have encountered it at some point in their lives. It is when someone in need of help is ignored by the people around them. In fact, the likelihood that help will be offered by a stranger is inversely proportional to the number of people in the surrounding area. This is quite strange, as you’d think people

would be more likely to offer help if there are others around. But not so. That reluctance to ‘give a leg up’ as it were stems from three main reasons: 1. People don’t like to stand out. In a situation where someone needs help, few people like to draw attention to themselves by being the first to step forward. It’s not just the shy wallflowers or timid mice that are guilty, it is practically everyone. 2. People don’t want to look like a fool. When you offer your help, you open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable. Potentially having this offer of help spurned or laughed at is a big disincentive. The risk of looking stupid holds a lot of people back. 3. People pass on the responsibility. Taking responsibility for a person in need is a big step. How do you know that you’re the best qualified to do so? You’re surrounded by other people, and one of them is likely more skilled at giving aid than you are, so why not wait for them to step forward? Well, probably because they’re thinking the same thing as you. It goes beyond simply ignoring that bum on the street panhandling for a few dollars. There are three examples that spring to mind regarding the Bystander Effect, that showcases the almost callous ignorance of people in society. On the 18th of August, 2013, the Herald on Sunday published an article titled “Eyes Closed to Those in Need”. It was about a poor old man who had fallen outside Britomart during the afternoon rush hour, and broken his arm. Despite being surrounded by office workers and sundry flotsam of humanity, not a single person stopped to help him. In 2009 my own sister fell victim to the Bystander Effect. She was walking down a

set of stairs leading to Symonds St, by the University of Auckland, with her arms full of books, when she slipped and fell, and cracked her kneecap down to the bone. Books and papers went flying, and blood was pouring out onto the pavement. But despite this, no one stopped to help. She even made eye-contact with people walking past, and still nothing. The final, and most horrifying example, is that of Kitty Genovese. She was a bar manager in New York during the 1960’s, and thus came home at all hours of the day and night. One night she clocked off at 3am and drove home. After parking her car she walked to her apartment, which was one of those classic high-rise monoliths, when she was attacked by a knife-wielding psycho. He stabbed her in the back, but ran away when she started screaming for help. Despite people flicking on their lights to see what all the commotion was about, no one tried to help. The attacker saw this, came back, and killed her. Unsavoury and disturbing, the Bystander Effect happens wherever society does, and in order to deal with it, we need more people who are courageous enough to take the first step. We need people who are willing to step forward and say, in front of other people, that this is wrong and something should be done about it. It is always tough to be first, especially in situations that may be inconvenient, embarrassing, or even dangerous. But all it takes is one person to make the first move, and then others will follow. Be courageous, dear reader. Do what is right; the world will be a better place for it.

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#social #media #highlights by Matthew Cattin The biggest scandal of the week of course stemmed from the accusations of Len Brown’s ravenous penis. Yes, as it turns out, Ol’ Pants Down Brown has been banging a woman over his desk for quite some time, getting on top of his mayoral duties so to speak. Naturally, social media went ape shit – Guy Williams, as always, at the forefront.

David Farrier @davidfarrier the main thing I'm enjoying about not being in new zealand? missing the feral ONE DIRECTION zoo.

Fans took the time to reminisce about a band member’s penis.

rowie @toxicraics One Direction is in New Zealand remember last year when they went to bungee jump and louis and his bulge and tight rope

And others were amazed to spot a royal in the crowd. Lorde was spotted at the One Direction concert last night in Auckland, New Zealand. Vector Arena pic.twitter.com/ khIzPEvBxS

Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy Good on Len Brown for fronting up and coming clean... After the story broke and everyone found out about it. Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy It would be great if Len Brown came out on Campbell Live like: "I love bangin!" Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy "I love this city. I love my wife. I love my family. I love my girlfriend." - Len Brown Meanwhile some were just glad to know they made a wise purchase. Chris Brain@Chris_Brain Phew, I don't have to rethink my slutty Len Brown Halloween costume. And the folks at Bfm shared their moral stance on the matter.

And a slightly confused Lorde was quick to confess her wrongdoings. Lorde @lordemusic the weirdest lil goth at the one direction concert is meeeee Also happening in politics, John Banks has resigned from his ministerial post – he just doesn’t quite remember why. The resignation was effective immediately and it followed the Auckland District Court’s decision to trial him over the infamous donations. One thing we learnt in journalism is to never use exclamation marks, for they can make a neutral statement sound unbalanced. Kim Dotcom @KimDotcom Breaking News: John Banks resigns!

The Civilian’s Ben Uffindell thought all of his Christmases had come at once. Banks and Brown in one week? The Civilian @TheCivilianNZ John Banks pleads insanity: http://www. thecivilian.co.nz/john-banks-pleads-insanity/ …

Unless you were hiding under an awesome rock, you will have heard about One Direction touching down in New Zealand to stir up some hormones. Fans took to Twitter to help each other stalk their prey through the city while dry Kiwis added to the speculation.

Guy Williams @guywilliamsguy I heard a rumor that One Direction are having lunch today in New Zealand!? Can anyone confirm???

And some were relieved to have escaped the madness.

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James Elliott@JamesElliott8 John Banks will be fine. He could never have flown to Coatesville and back in that timeline and they'll never find any of his brain tissue. Grant Robertson @grantrobertson1 John Banks resigning is right thing to do, but Key should have stood him down12 mths ago but he refused to read Police report. Damage done.

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Circle all the words in the Cat Wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win two "Squawk Burgers' vouchers for Velvet Burger, Auckland CBD! Tooooo easy! Meow

Name:

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One Night in One Direction. rating: Reviewed by Natasha Payne I was first introduced to One Direction when my kind friend posted the What Makes You Beautiful video on my Facebook page two years ago. Until then, I had no idea who these five pretty boys were. I definitely had no idea why they were in their Sunday best, frolicking on the beach, while reassuring my insecure soul I was beautiful, I just didn’t know it. The video was hideous. I only got partway through before politely telling my friend to get lost. I wasn’t interested in a boy band comeback and these lads were cramping my social media footprint. Fast forward to October 13 and I’m at Vector arena, surrounded by thousands of screaming teen girls for One Direction’s second sold-out Auckland show. I wasn’t forced, paid or made to be there. My 22-year-old self had invested more than a day’s worth of wages to be there. I had ‘Directioner’ written all over me as I donned my ‘I love 1D’ t-shirt and screamed with the masses. What happened between now and then? I guess you could say their catchy pop riffs and adorable ways got through to me. I become a lover, not a fighter. A chance encounter with The Warehouse’s bargain bin saw me purchase their Up All Night album earlier this year and it soon became my public transport record of choice. I knew I was all in when my flatmate txt me: “Would you consider going to the One Direction concert?” My reply? A simple: “Hells yeah!” All aboard the 1D bandwagon and I was lovin’ it. The concert was the 118th show of One Direction’s Take Me Home World Tour that started back in February. Aussie pop-rock band 5 Seconds of Summer opened the show and then Vector played a carefully selected soundtrack of Single Ladies, Friends opening theme and Grease megamix. This allowed for half an hour of people watching which proved to be quite interesting. The large majority of the crowd was tween and teen girls but there was also the occasional parent, whipped boyfriend and younger brother of said teen girl. The night kicked off as The Famous Five – Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik – ran onto the stage singing Up All Night. Quite simply, I lost my shit.

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The boys gave it their all as they ran around the stage for their high energy numbers like Kiss You and She’s Not Afraid. There were a few surprises in there with covers of Blondie’s One Way or Another and Wheatus’ Teenage Dirtbag. The boys cheekily interacted amongst themselves with bum slaps, hugs and bromance moments. And, unlike boy bands gone before them, there were no synchronised dance moves. Complex graphics and lighting effects added to the energy and made the concert more of a spectacle than your average gig. Like every good boy band, 1D slowed it down for a few romantic numbers. The complex set allowed for the boys to sit on various parts of the stage as they belted out ballads such as Moments. It was a truly beautiful moment when the audience swayed while illuminated by a sea of iPhones and glowsticks for Little Things. I am usually a tough cookie but there must have been something in the air because I succumbed to tears during Summer Love. There was some crazy endorphins pumping through my body and it was impossible not to take on the energy of other concertgoers. I was overwhelmed with emotions and became that girl. Yup, I’m that girl that cried at a One Direction concert. The time between songs was filled with amusing stage banter. The band read out signs Directioners had crafted. They also answered audience tweets that saw the boys impersonating a seal and singing Drake’s Started From The Bottom on numerous occasions. Niall proved to be the joker of the band with a runway strut and twerking moves even Miley would be jealous of. It is at this point in time I am going to dedicate a paragraph (or two) to the beauty of Liam Payne. He has come a long way since his baby-faced, sweeping-fringe days. His facial hair, perfection. His English accent, perfection. His sweetheart personality, perfection. His toned arms, eyebrows, birthmark, smile and hat-wearing ways. PERFECTION. Gosling has nothing on this guy.

To top it all off, Liam vocally contributes his fair share within the band. Personally, I don’t know a whole lot about music or singing but I can tell you he has a deliciously smooth voice and can hit the highs as much as the lows – he even beat boxes! He sings a lot more than people think and his talent deserves some respect. And, for the record, his accompanying facials are delightful. You are one beautiful man. I am very excited for our wedding. On that note, there’s no doubt the whole band can sing. Their harmonies seemed effortless. A special mention must be made for Zayn. Considering he is often labelled as ‘the quiet one’ his singing abilities prove otherwise. In particular, his high vocal run at the end of Last First Kiss was incredible. My flatmate and I were left jawdropped and saying, “wow”. The boys appeared genuinely grateful towards the audience and continuality stressed they had “the best fans in the world”. What wow’ed me the most is how intense their fans are. The screaming was indescribably loud and the girl next to us went as far as pulling up her dress up and revealing her bra. For the duration of their stay in Auckland fans camped outside The Langham hotel, hoping to catch a glimpse of the boys (me included). While they were in Australia a fan scaled to the second floor of their hotel to steal Liam’s underwear that was drying on his balcony (wasn’t me). How they handle this attention, I’m not sure. After the concert finished their rock’n’roll lifestyle saw them on a plane, bound for a second round of Australian shows, before I was even back to my Auckland home. While I’d imagine 1D are here for a good time, not a long time. I’ve got my fingers crossed the release of their third album Midnight Memories (out November 25) will bring more New Zealand tour dates. I need them in my life again. Because y’know what? Their concert was extraordinHARRY, briLIAM, fabuLOUIS, phenomeNIALL, amaZAYN, and all round 1DERFUL!

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BEST OF 2013 by Matthew Cattin

Woman of the Year

Let’s get real, can it be anyone other than Lorde? She’s dominated the headlines and the charts around the world, broken not just NZ records but international ones and, oh my god, did you know she is only 16?! I’m not that huge on her music (although she is easily one of the best things on the charts) but there’s no denying she is one talented woman. What impresses me most however is her incredible swag. I get the feeling she has been preparing her entire life for this moment and now it is finally here, well shit, it’s no big deal at all. Well done Ella – you’re a force to be reckoned with.

Man of the Year

Losing isn’t easy. This is a lesson poor Dean Barker has had to learn too many times in his career. What makes him outstanding though is his ability to lose with incredible grace. Due to New Zealand’s perhaps unhealthy obsession with being the underdog champions of the world, Team NZ had a ridiculous amount of pressure upon their shoulders, with most of it of course falling on their skipper. Throughout, Barker remained positive, honest and passionate, even after failing repeatedly to clinch just one race. After losing, the pain was written all over his face. He wanted it badly, he cried, he grieved, he spilled his heart out, and then he signed up to do it all again. Bloody legend.

The John Key Handshake Award.

This special award goes out to the most awkward balls up of the year. It’s an award I have been mulling over for a while now, unsure of whom to give it to – until last week. Mr Len Brown, please step forward. I am presenting this award to you for your outstanding commitment to foreign policy and your ability to penetrate right to the womb of important issues - even when you are waist deep in Auckland’s public transport woes and cocktail parties. If that was too subtle, like your text messages Len, allow me to break it down… You made sticky times with a scrummy “geisha girl” in your office and it all came out in the wash, just like the lip stick stains on your collar. Bazinga.

The Braggart Award

The Braggart Award celebrates the moment in 2013 most worthy of a good old fashioned boast. For me, that moment was on April 17 2013 when the NZ House of Representatives passed the legislation for same-sex marriage in Kiwi-land, 77 votes to 44. A waiata erupted in parliament while couples around the country slipped rings from their pockets – what a moment. Of course not everybody saw this as a moment to be proud of so I would like to take this opportunity to say fuck off back to the dark ages. Thanks.

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Kiwi Celebrity of the Year

Wow… What a tough category! After hundreds of nominations and several thousand votes, it all came down to just three names. Without further ado, here is a big debate congratulations to Darcy the butcher from the New World commercial! Great job buddy. A special mention of course to runners up Drew Neemia and Alex from The Block.

Most Annoying Celebrity

Could it be anybody else? Miley Cyrus, you earned it. I guess at the end of the day, you just wanted it the most. You tried harder than anybody else to snatch headlines, bared everything to drop your kiddy image and in the process, you offended, well, pretty much everybody. I suppose one could say you came in like a wrecking ball… In truth, I would hardly find you annoying at all but the bloody media has this bizarre obsession with you and has thus spent the last few months ramming headlines down my throat. Please, make it a quiet 2014 so I can read the daily news without seeing your awkward tongue.

Breakthrough Vlogger

I had never heard of Jamie’s World until last month… But it turns out I’ve missed out on quite a sensation. Young Hawke’s Bay girl Jamie Curry has been quietly racking up millions of views on her channel Jamie’s World. It’s almost a Flight of the Conchords situation wherein a Kiwi personality creates some quirky content that accidentally sets the world alight. Her videos are addictive, no budget and best of all, I get the impression she’s straight up just being herself. Watch this space.

Best Viral Video

I’m all about educational YouTube videos so this year, I’m awarding best viral video to the glorious calamity that is What Does the Fox Say? by Ylvis. Like Old McDonald but for grown-ups, Ylvis teaches the most difficult of animal sounds in a thoroughly entertaining manner. And with fricken awful lyrics like, “Ducks say quack and fish go blub and the seal goes ow ow ow ow,” you really can’t go wrong. A special mention goes out to the fantastic documentary ‘How Animals Eat their Food’.

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Kieran Bennett

BEST OF 2013 Debate contributors reminisce on the year that was and contemplate the dark and horrific fates that await in 2014.

What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? I will really not miss organising the 2nd year comms ball. The entire thing has been an utter pain in my colon since day one. If I ever do it again, I'll start organising it at least nine months before. What has been your favourite local eatery this year? My favourite place to eat has been Sals pizza. After spending a day playing board games and chowing down on their heavenly, cheesy goodness; I've been hooked. Mozzarella sticks need to get in my face. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? Awesome person of the year has been not a person but a thing. My laptop has lasted yet another year of constant use and has not let up in its continual commitment to provide me with kinda-fast and pretty-good service. Where will you be this time next year? I'll be here. If we're talking October next year I'll probably be here crying.

Abigail Johnson What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? I was kinda thinking the One Direction mania would have subsided by now, maybe next year? What has been your favourite local eatery this year? The Fridge Kingsland. Because SALADS! You would think that salads would be easy to find, but in a world conspiring to make us all fat and lazy, they aren't. The Fridge has such a vast variety of healthy options. Also the young tattooed waiters are a treat... Enough said. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? Because I love being controversial imma say Miley Cyrus. I think she's badass and she's laughing at all of us. On another note altogether Malala Yousafzai deserves all the awards in the world, as does Lorde. Where will you be this time next year? I will be one semester shy of finishing my degree. Christ.

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Matthew Cattin What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? For some reason, every shit pop act under the sun decided 2013 was a great year to visit NZ. Beiber, 1D, Rihanna, Taylor Swift… The list goes on. Hopefully next year, they’ll stay at home and we can enjoy some peace and quiet. What has been your favourite local eatery this year? This year, sub-editor Nigel got me hooked on Korean food like you wouldn’t believe. I started off sceptical but I’m now fully converted and no other Asian cuisine gets me as excited. Kimchi, bibimbap, Gamjatang, mouth-watering goodness. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? I’m going to have to say Nigel and Ramina from the debate team for putting up with my needy, annoying, but hopefully endearing quirks. For all the yum eats, Korean treats, teas, chai, yarns and fun times. You’re both my favourite things. Where will you be this time next year? Oh I plan to be retired long before then… So probably travelling on an unlimited budget.

Erica Donald What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? Hunting for a story, calling people on the phone and trying to hand in said story before deadlines... Oh wait. I'm studying journalism. It's going to be my life from now on. Never mind. What has been your favourite local eatery this year? Elliott Stables - it has something for everyone and it's not outrageously expensive. Plus it looks super fancy so you can pretend you aren't a poor university student. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? My mum, for letting me live at home and not charging me rent. Also my Nana for being one of debate's biggest fans. Where will you be this time next year? If only I knew. I would love to say stretched out on a beach sipping cocktails in the sunshine, but reality is I'll probably be hunched over a desk with bloodshot eyes, a coffee in one hand and clenching the telephone in another. Life.

Hazel Buckingham What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? I will NOT miss being at this uni, I will NOT miss anything to do with the stupid America's Cup and I WILL NOT MISS BLURRED LINES. Or Miley Cyrus. Like, just get out of my life. Or twerk out of my life at least. Oooo. I will NOT miss 4:30am wake-ups. They have been so much fun... What has been your favourite local eatery this year? Kebabs on Campus? Jokes.....uhmm the place that sells alcohol? Does that count? Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? Matthew Cattin obviously. He got an ASPA and everything, just saying....Len Brown, Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus? The possibilities are endless. Where will you be this time next year? Hahahahahaha. I love that you asked this question. Hahahahaha. No. Just a no. It's not a thing. I HAVE NO PLANS. Don't start me on this because I'm already emotionally unstable as it is.

Mike Ross

Ramina Rai

What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? Being asked by the man at the petrol station if I have an AA smartfuel card. Hopefully the gimmicky things will be phased out by next year and I can buy my god dang petty in peace.

What will you reeeeaally not miss about 2013? I’m not gonna miss having to jump-start my crappy old car every morning… Cos I bought a new car! Roadtrips ahoy!

What has been your favourite local eatery this year? I discovered the joys of Wok N Noodle. Fucking glorious Asian food for less than fifteen bucks, and healthy too. Embrace Lee from Wok N Noodle's lovable radio adverts (you know the ones) and check it out. You'll love it long time. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? My friend Molly. She was diagnosed with leukaemia in January and has just beat the fucker! Where will you be this time next year? Hopefully still living in my flat - I graduate in three weeks’ time and have no job lined up yet, so rent-paying abilities are looking doubtful!

What has been your favourite local eatery this year? I’m a big fan of The Food Truck Garage on Wellesley street. It’s super close to work/uni and full of fresh, healthy and unique meals. They frequently add new things to the menu which is always excellent news, and most of the dishes are under $12 too. The service has been really great every time I’ve been. Who deserves the ‘Awesome Person of 2013’ award? Jackie Chan. He deserves it every year. Where will you be this time next year? At the top of Mount Everest, drinking tea with the people of my land.

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BEST ALBUMS OF 2013 Matthew's Top 3 Trouble Will Find Me – The National

Oh, The National - how I love to brood with you over difficult relationships, drunken mistakes and feeling insignificant. The last three albums by the Ohio mood-rock gods were flawless – like a tuxedo splashed with expensive liquor, they bring honest class to anything they touch. Trouble Will Find Me, while not differing greatly from the band’s prior material, definitely fills the hole in my heart that’s been growing steadily since High Violet. With classic Debbie Downer lyrics like “when I walk into a room, I do not light it up. Fuck”, you honestly can’t go wrong. Key tracks: Graceless & This is the Last Time

Modern Vampires of the City – Vampire Weekend

Vampire Weekend’s debut blew my mind. It was for me, at the time, the perfect album. 2010’s Contra less so. I enjoyed it, but I was never crazy about it. My expectations for number three therefore were a little low (sorry lads) and in truth, I was a little over the band. And then came Modern Vampires of the City – a stunning collection of thoughtful, interesting music. The perfect mix of smooth chills and poppy jumpers, my loved for Vampire Weekend was rekindled in a heartbeat – not a dull moment to be found. Key Tracks: Hannah Hunt & Finger Back

Time Stays, We Go – The Veils

The Veils cannot make a bad record – it’s that simple. Written largely about the loss of Kiwi singer Finn’s grandparents, Time Stays, We Go deals with mortality and grief with the beauty that comes so naturally to the band. I can’t express enough how fricken good this band is and you’d be an absolute fool to ignore their music – if you’ve never heard them before, this is a great place to start. With Pixies-like mayhem, catchy numbers like The Strokes and a few ballads in there for good measure, this is a perfect record. Key Tracks: The Pearl & Out From the Valley and Into the Stars

RAMINA's Top 3 Bankrupt! - Phoenix

I must admit, the first one or two listens of this album didn’t get me super excited, however after that this album just gets better and better and motherflippin better. It has far less instantly catchy tunes than Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix but I’d say that’s a good thing. I’m pretty sure I could play Bankrupt! no matter what mood I’m in and my soul would agree with it – it’s such a great ride from track one to track 10. I’ve listened to this album so many times this year that I feel entitled to royalties. Key Tracks: The Real Thing & Chloroform

Lonerism – Tame Impala

Though I listen to Tame Impala all year round, I always assosciate their tunes with summer escapades and delicious bevvys. It also helps that I saw them play last summer whilst drinking a delicious bevvy at Laneway, and they were quiiiiite epic! Lonerism has an excellent mix of vibes to it, some great upbeat tracks, a few chilled out numbers and lots of glorious alt-rocky goodness. Make sure you see them at Big Day Out next year, you won’t regret it! Key Tracks: Apocalypse Dreams & Elephant

AM – Arctic Monekys

Oh my sweet goodness, I can’t even explain how much I anticipated AM. I’m stoked to say it lived up to my nervewrackingly high expexctations. Arctic Monkeys have definitely progressed over time into a dirtier, darker, slicker alternative rock and I freaken love it. Their musical pal Josh Homme makes an appearance on tracks Knee Socks and One For The Road which just adds to the fun. This album would go down well accompanied with a night of whiskey, cigars and sultry glances at that babe across the room. Key Tracks: Do I Wanna Know? & One For The Road

CARL's Top 3 13 - Black Sabbath

I never thought that I would be fortunate enough to have a Black Sabbath album (featuring the majority of the original lineup) released in my lifetime. And what was presented was one of the best albums I have ever heard. Harking back to their original doomy and dark sound, 13 was reminiscent of Black Sabbath, Paranoid and Sabbath Bloody Sabbath. 13 could easily be the soundtrack to the apocalypse, and I would be more than happy to go out to this album. Key Tracks: God is Dead?, End of the Beginning & Methademic

Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor - Rob Zombie

Robert Cummings, aka Rob Zombie, is a master of his craft. And following up from his 2009 release Hellbilly Deluxe, his 2013 album Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor is yet another infectious groove filled masterpiece! This is metal that not only makes you want to bang your head, but strap on your dancing shoes and boogie. That’s right, metal you can dance to! Rob Zombie is a god, but he’s not in your face about it. He makes you want to be as white trash as he is. Zombie is a creative genius that fuckin rocks! Key Tracks: Teenage Nosferatu Pussy, Dead City Radio And The New Gods Of Supertown & We’re An American Band

Winter Kills - DevilDriver

DevilDriver are one of those bands that continually manage to out-do themselves. From album to album they seem to grow and develop into a seemingly unstoppable metal juggernaut. Winter Kills takes DevilDriver to another level. Lead by former Coal Chamber frontman Dez Fafara, who has some of the best vocals in metal today, DevilDriver are a grinding force to be reckoned with. Listening to Winter Kills makes you feel like you are in the middle of a circle pit, getting bruised and battered, and loving every minute of it! DevilDriver are pure fuckin’ metal \m/ Key Tracks: The Appetite, Gutted, Tripping Over Tombstones

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BEST FILMS OF 2013 by matthew cattin 2013 was a fricken epic year to be paying regular visits to the local cinema. Below, I have compiled a list of my favourites. I am aware some of those listed were released in 2012 internationally but all below only made it to little ol’ New Zealand this year.

6. The Impossible Disaster films have a tendency to exaggerate, well, everything – human heroics in particular. You know how it is, lead actor risks life to save trapped child, American air force pilot sacrifices himself for the greater good… We’ve seen it before, we’ll see it again. The Impossible could have been like that – in fact I suspected it would be. What I didn’t expect was to be completely stunned. While the acting is pretty damn emotional, what really steals the show is the tsunami – the most realistic looking wave I’ve ever seen on film. It is absolutely chilling to witness the wall of filthy water bearing down on the tourists, even more so to see underwater footage of the sharp hazards swirling beneath. A true story as well, there is no bullshit to be found – just cold, horrifying truth. Watch with tissues handy.

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1. The Perks of Being a Wallflower Flip. This movie… It opened up a part of me I don’t think I ever knew… You know it’s a good film when the credits begin to roll and you sit there for five minutes convincing yourself it’s too nice a day outside to restart it from the beginning. I didn’t by the way… But it was a struggle. Starring the beautiful and sweet Emma Watson, the quirky and over the top Ezra Miller and the subdued and estranged Logan Lerman, the cast of youngsters were all outstanding. Directed by the fella that wrote the original novel too, I definitely got the sense that a lot of care went into the story. And don’t you just love it when a movie uses one of your favourite songs in a beautiful scene? David Bowie’s Heroes. Youtube it. Repeat. Hire the film. Watch it. Repeat. You’ll thank me later.

7. Django Unchained Django just had all the right ingredients to be a raging success… Tarantino at the helm, DiCaprio as the villain, Jamie Foxx in bad-ass shades, Christoph Waltz being eloquent… What’s not to like? Although crazy violent at times, it never loses Tarantino’s signature humour but at the same time, never deals with the subject matter without the harsh respect it deserves. The action is stylistically ridiculous (but gloriously so) and the acting is sublime – more black westerns please!

2. Gravity I love me a good scifi and this year’s Gravity is up there with the best. Directed to perfection by Alfonso Cuaron, the space epic is the most visually stunning film I have seen in a long while. It’s so refreshing to see a high budget blockbuster shot with attention to detail, visual motifs and appreciation for silence and space. Sandra Bullock was wonderful in her role, as was the gorgeous silver fox George Clooney – reow. But it was the visuals that truly stole the show, the incredible backdrop of the blue planet, spinning ominously so far below. It was mesmerising to witness on the big screen and despite the vast scope of the setting, the film managed to maintain a sense of claustrophobia and isolation throughout. See this film.

8. Star Trek Into Darkness In anticipation of this year’s Into Darkness, as a Trekking virgin I decided to hire 2009’s J.J. Abrams 2009 prequel to see if it was up my alley. As it turns out, I was pleasantly surprised. As I mentioned earlier, scifi and I go way back and anything to do with space has me greedily licking my chops. In short, Abrams nailed it and into Darkness had a whole lot going for it – an intelligent villain with understandable and pitiable motives (played extraordinarily well by Benedict Cumberpatch), a solid cast throughout, fantastic and vast action sequences and best of all, the perfect blend of comedy and darkness.

3. The Place Beyond the Pines A sublimely acted, beautifully shot drama that stayed in mind for weeks, A Place Beyond the Pines really is a hard film to find fault in. With Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper, there’s also plenty of eye candy to keep the ladies’ interest – as I quickly discovered at the screening. I turned around half way through the film after hearing a sound to discover a middle-aged woman with her pants around her ankles masturbating – no word of a lie. So gripping was the film however, I was barely even distracted and had no trouble getting back in to the story. Bloody brilliant.

4. Silver Linings Playbook My favourite of the Oscar season, this film took me completely by surprise. The trailer fully put me off – boy meets girl, bond over mental illness, make sexy time etc etc. But then the reviews started rolling in, along with nominations, and it was then I took notice. A big softy at heart, I fell hard and fast for the quirky delight that is Silver Linings Playbook. Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper are just perfect in their leads and De Niro and Jacki Weaver provide flippin’ excellent support as Pat’s parents. The perfect mix of drama, comedy and romance, SLP was the feel good film of the year.

5. The Spectacular Now I’m not sure this ever made it into mainstream cinemas here – a damn shame because it was brilliant. I’m always a little wary about coming of age films – they usually either blow me away or leave me completely underwhelmed, desperate to get my two hours back. The Spectacular Now, thankfully, is on the glorious side of the spectrum. Teen actors Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley were bloody fantastic in their roles, genuine and heartfelt. It’s refreshing too to see teenagers played by teenagers – a casting touch often overlooked by producers. Life-affirming stuff.

AND THE WORST...

9. The Conjuring The Conjuring was a bit of an unexpected success story when it hit cinemas this year. Relatively low budget and without the draw card of A-list celebs, it outperformed films like Pacific Rim, The Lone Ranger and the appalling Now You See Me. Why? Because it was fricken good. With plenty of genuine scares, strong leads and refreshingly good kid actors, The Conjuring succeeded where so many horrors fail. Sure it fell into a few of the usual clichés of the genre but it also brought some new tricks to the table as well – and all for a relatively low budget.

10. Rust and Bone Starring the stunning Marion Cotillard, French drama Rust and Bone is an emotional journey of self-discovery and overcoming adversary. When an orca trainer loses her legs in a freak accident, she finds unlikely strength and friendship in a luckless street fighter. I’m hesitant to call it a love story because it’s fairly void of any romance – what it displays instead is a raw, sometimes ugly relationship that is so realistic, it’s sometimes hard to watch. Beautifully crafted and acted, fans of foreign cinema will adore Rust and Bone.

Man of Steel My expectations were already low but somehow Man of Steel managed to slip in just below them. Boring, emotionless and fairly lame in the action department, Superman’s latest outing was massively disappointing. The trailer promised potential, the film had moments of class, but overall, an abysmal failure. I can’t wait to see them drag Batman into the shit storm…

Now You See Me Now you don’t. Just don’t. This film had the ingredients to win but was constructed so poorly, it failed on almost every level. Everyone involved should be branded a criminal. www.ausm.org.nz 29

BEST ICE BLOCKS BY RAMINA RAI This week I suggested to Matthew the infamously hard-to-impress-editor that we do an iceblock review in anticipation of summer. He agreed, saying it was a great idea and then commended me on being such an excellent human being. Little did he know that he’d just given me a legit excuse to have iceblocks everyday, an excuse I’ve been fighting for my whole life. My dentist has finally been defeated. Note: Ice creams play no part in this list -I ain’t high roller enough for that kinda business.

1. Cyclone – $2.00 - (Streets) I will never forget the summer years ago when I discovered these dreamblocks. I hovered over the freezer in the dairy, intrigued by the image on the packaging. Surely it was another case of false advertising - I was convinced that such a fair priced item wouldn’t look that good... Well, I was proven wrong. These things are pretty dang cute looking. I’m assuming it was named ‘cyclone’ after the beautiful swirls of pink, green and orange ice that wrap their way around the stick. Cyclones taste exactly how a summer iceblock should – motherfreaken good. The ideal everyday iceblock.

2. Summer Peach Ice Tea -$2.80 – (The Icebar Company) In the summer months of 2011-2012, you could find me every day with a bottle of Peach Iced Tea in my hands. So naturally when I found out that there was an ice block created in honour of such a fine beverage, I catapulted myself to the dairy as fast as I could to purchase one of these bad boys. Released by the stylish The Icebar Company, they are heading towards the high-end spectrum of iceblock prices. Still, definitely worth it, and a guaranteed refreshment on those hot afternoons.

3. Calippo Raspberry Pineapple - $2.20 - (Streets)

4. Trop-o-saurus Paddle Pop $1.70 –(Streets)

5. Lemon Lime & Bitters -$2.80 – (The Icebar Company)

I must begin this by applauding Calippo for being one of the only iceblocks in NZ dairies that has no stick, and comes in a unique shape! Well done Calippo, well done. For those very reasons, I would always pick these out of the freezer as a kid. This flavour is pretty sugary sweet, making it just a classic occasional treat iceblock. I really like that you aren’t restricted to a time-limit when you eat these, because if it starts to melt, the juice is simply collected in the packaging, ready for you to drink – a great solution to one of my many first world problems.

The label states it is a ‘Pineapple flavoured ice confection’, which doesn’t mean anything to me at all. I’d rate it as at least 50% iceblock so I’m sneaking it in this list anyway. This was surprisingly yum, and a very reasonable price indeed. It had a gooey green tropical flavoured jelly in the center, which was definitely the highlight of my workday. To add to the excitement, there’s a code on your stick that can win you prizes! I’m now in the draw to win a trip to the USA. This is the perfect feel-good iceblock.

The Icebar Company have done it once again! They’ve created another delectable block of beverage to devour while you’re soakin’ up rays at the beach. They’re not overly sweet, which is good, and have a great tangy zing to them. Definitely worth buying the family-size box of these at the supermarket, and then eating your family’s share of them. That’s what good children do.

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MONDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2013 12 NOON // To be held in WHAREKAI NGA WAI O HOROTIU MARAE. (across the carpark from WC202) All AUT students are welcome. Please bring student ID. Come along, enjoy some pizza, win prizes and hear all about upcoming changes for your student association. Agenda items include: - AuSM 2014 Budget -Confirmation of 2014 Student Executive Council Members -Election of vacant 2014 Student Executive Council positions: Culture & Society Faculty Representative -Constitutional Changes www.ausm.org.nz

Kings Of Leon

Mechanical Bull Rating: Reviewed by Matthew Cattin

Pure Heroine Rating: Reviewed by Abigail Johnson

I’ve been on the Kings of Leon bandwagon since their breakneck sophomore Aha Shake Heartbreak. I’ve listened to and enjoyed the rest of their catalogue, old sound and new, and I honestly don’t think they’ve made a bad record. A lot of fans were turned off by their 2010 output Come Around Sundown but damn it I loved that album. It came, however, from a pretty raw place – the recording process and following tour nearly ended the band’s run for good. After some time off and soul searching, the southern four-piece are back with Mechanical Bull – how it is their sixth effort to date, I have no idea. How the time has flown.

When I bought Pure Heroine, Royals had been blasted on the NZ airways for months. I had already heard Tennis Court and Team, and we all knew how big she was becoming. I was worried. What if the album didn’t stack up? I was already so emotionally invested in this thing, my expectations were astronomically high.

The record kicks off with a surge of familiarity – leading single Supersoaker. This track is typical Kings with sparse and punchy bass, simple rhythm guitar, an absolute stomper of a beat and a catchy riff – not to mention Celeb Followhill’s signature screech. It’s a thoroughly enjoyable time that although doesn’t have the singalong chorus signature of Only By the Night is a catchy melody indeed. This is a tune that could easily be found on an early Kings album – upbeat and jumpy with a similar groove to Taper Jean Girl. So all in all, a great start.

I shouldn’t have worried.

It seems the Kings have headed for a slightly more mainstream rock sound rather than their twin-riff awesomeness that I love them for. Bland power chords have seeped into their style more than I like and some songs (Don’t Matter) seem to have a slight punk influence. As with all Kings records, if you thought you would get away without a ballad or three, you’re sorely mistaken. The selection of slower, heart ache tracks on Mechanical Bull are… Okay. The album’s more mainstream, power chord sound doesn’t lend itself well to the raw emotion of older albums and nothing on here cuts straight to the heart like Because of the Times’ Arizona or the lonely cry of Cold Desert from Only by the Night. Beautiful War is an emotional trip but it feels somewhat unsupported by its neutral instrumentation. Wait For Me is a bit more like the Kings we’re used to - no really - I’m sure I’ve heard this tune before on a previous album, or at least something crazy similar. Perhaps it’s the sound of the band working together – rather than in a constant feud – that has sapped their emotion but whatever it is, they need to get their fire back. When they let loose and let the fun times roll, such on the instantly lovable Family Tree, the album finds a fresh angle. It’s good old fashioned, southern sleaze – maybe even a reference to incest thrown in for good measure, “I am your family tree, I know you’re a to Z, this is a secret proposition, lay your hands on me.” Um, alright. I’m positive after a few more spins, I’ll know every word of Mechanical Bull. Kings are back and catchy as ever but I’m not sure I dig their cleaner sound – the rawness has gone and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Lorde

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I often find that’s the way. Whenever a movie, for example, receives a lot of hype I always build myself up, and so often I’m let down. However when I go into something not knowing anything about it I am usually pleasantly surprised.

Pure Heroine is worthy of all the hype. At 10 songs long it’s a respectable length, but short enough to invoke sadness when the last track rolls around. Sadness because you don’t want to hop off the ride she’s taking you on. She’s a story-teller, see, and a clever one at that. Even just the name Pure Heroine serves as an example of her cheeky wit. The album opens with the line ‘Don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk?’ from second single Tennis Court. Yeah, the one with THAT video (if you haven’t seen it look it up and then try to look away, I bet you can’t). It ends with the line ‘Let em talk’ from World Alone. Each song is a masterpiece on its own - slow and contemplative, it’s the type of music you really have to lie on your bed and listen to. And be transported - taken out of this world. At first my favourite song was 400 Lux. Then it was Glory and Gore. I think right now its Buzzcut Season, tomorrow it’ll probably be Still Sane. Maybe I’m just an indecisive person, but I prefer to imagine that her songs are too damn stunning to narrow down. Because of the insane ride Royals is having internationally, Pure Heroine has been compared to other pop albums, and Lorde has been compared to pop artists. She has been called the new Lana Del Rey, the new Marina and the Diamonds, the new Florence and the Machine, but she is none of those things. She is completely herself and comparing her to other pop stars does a disservice to both artists. From what I can gather Lorde is extremely image-conscious. She concerns herself with how she is perceived and how she goes about things. She is in charge of her own look, and her own music. It is not manufactured and she does not dress or act in a way designed to cater to the masses. Rather she just wants to make a smart, sophisticated and ultimately cool statement. Pure Heroine is her best statement yet. The album is fantastic, and an easy contender for album of the year.

The Fall

Created by Allan Cubitt Starring Gillian Anderson, Jamie Dornan, Niamh McGrady Rating: Reviewed by Ethan Sills

Over the past few years there has been a significant increase in the number of ‘smart’, sophisticated crime dramas across our screens that try to differ themselves from the CSI and NCIS franchises, but really the biggest difference between them is the amount of gore and sex. The Fall is one of the latest British offerings in this endless stream of ‘high quality’ crime television, and though it’s better than most, it gets bogged down with the same old issues. The Fall follows the investigation of a serial killer targeting professional women in Belfast, Ireland. Gillian Anderson (X-Files) stars as Stella Gibson, a Metropolitan Police Detective originally sent to look into the handling of one case before making a connection between several. What is unique to this show is that we know who the killer is right from the opening scene; a quiet, moody grief counsellor and father of two Paul Spector, played by former model Jamie Dornan. The five part series (though, be warned, there will be a second season) follows Stella and her investigation and also Paul as he hunts for his next victim, with smaller plots shoved in-between. The best part about this show is the performances of the leads. Anderson is brilliant as the bitchy investigator; complex, cold, secretive, yet still makes Stella someone we want to triumph. For a former model, Dornan is great as the father-turned-serial killer, blending the roles of father, husband and murderer into one persona that is perfectly chilling yet not unbelievable that no one suspects him. They are aided by the excellent direction of Jakob Verbruggen, playing out like an intimate five hour movie with some truly beautiful sequences and smartly constructed scenes riddled with meaning. Unfortunately, The Fall fails where so many in this genre do by cramming in too many characters and sub plots. There are countless random police people about, so many that you quickly forget their names and how they are significant. There are typical police plots of corruption, drugs and dodgy dealings, but these side storylines go unresolved by the last episode and distract from the main storyline rather than providing anything of substance. The show makes waste of Emmy winner Archie Panjabi, who randomly appears as the pathologist for only a few minutes per episode to provide information and dish out ‘meaningful’ comments about life, a bland role for a great actress. The Fall would be one of the best shows on television if it just followed Stella and Paul, but even their acting and the amazing direction cannot make up for the pitiful storylines added on to fill time. I will return for the second season after a stellar final episode, but I hope they pull together the storylines and give this show the conclusion it deserves.

La Vita E Bella - Life Is Beautiful (1997)

Directed by Roberto Benigni and Rod Dean Starring Roberto Benigni, Nicoletta Braschi, Giorgio Cantarini Rating: Reviewed by Matthew Cattin

- Classic Film Review Every so often a film comes along that strenuously exercises just about every emotion you have, putting you through the paces of delight, anxiety, anger, disbelief and heartbreak. La Vita E Bella, is such a film; a story of love, prejudice and sacrifice that will leave you a sobbing mess on the floor with a smile on your face and a broken heart. Yeah… It’s confusing like that. The story begins in Italy, 1939, the dawn of World War II. Enter bright-eyed gentleman Guido Orefice (Benigni), an Italian Jew with a cheeky nature and a charming wit. Looking for a job, Guido instead finds love in beautiful school teacher Dora, played delightfully by Benigni’s actual wife Nicoletta Braschi. Despite Dora’s prior engagement, and against the expectations of her family, the two fall for each other in the most romantic twist of events I reckon I’ve seen in a film. Their deserved happy ending however is cut short when they’re rounded up for work in a Nazi concentration camp. The pair are separated and Guido, now with a young boy (Giorgio Cantarini), is put to labour. To keep his boy safe, Guido tells him that the concentration camp is a game – a big competition. All of the prisoners are desperate to stay in the game and collect points each day for not being seen, not getting hungry and obeying the rules. It is the most touching story you can imagine. I have failed to mention thus far that the film is subtitled so if you can’t handle that, best stop reading and hire a Michael Bay ballbuster. Most holocaust films rely a fair bit on gritty details and graphic violence to get their point across – you know, awful head shots, brutal beat downs etc. La Vita e Bella however, handles things a little differently – by exploring the beauty in the courage and sacrifice of one’s unconditional love for another. Does it have the same devastating affect? Absolutely. The first time I watched this film, I was a sobbing piece of soggy meat by the time the credits rolled. Tears of sadness, happiness, relief, frustration, pride in humanity – all of those things. These were very complicated tears let me assure you! Naturally, I have recommended this wonder to many friends and none thus far have been remotely disappointed. The first half is a bit of a struggle for some because of its downright quirkiness and corny storyline but trust me, bear with it and you’ll reap the benefits of a film so beautiful you’ll turn to jelly. No word of a lie.

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