A Banquet of Bad Decisions Seth Nicholls talks to people about their worst food experiences. Illustrations by Dayna Patel.
“I once made a cocktail on my mate’s floor consisting of Jaeger, Monster energy, L&P, coffee, and lemon juice. I had an essay due in two hours, but I decided to mix myself something that tasted like a 16-yearold threw up in his cup and kept on drinking it.”
“Bought a Kung Fu Panda branded cup noodle once. The noodles tasted like PVA and the beef soup was so sickly sweet. Their secret ingredient was fucking bullshit.”
“I gave my high school girlfriend some trifle that my mum had made for us. I forgot that sponge was a key ingredient in trifle and watched in terror as she collapsed to the floor. Gluten is in everything, Jesus.”
“One time when I was sick, my boyfriend tried getting ‘fancy’ with the canned soup he made for me. The idiot put pork cracklings as a garnish, which had turned to mush within 2 minutes of giving me the bowl.”
“As a child I would mix Mountain Dew Code Red and Lift to make Mountain Lift.”
“Coriander. First time I tried it, it was like my salad was seasoned with 1080 and mud.”
