Bad Food Decisions

A Banquet of Bad Decisions

Seth Nicholls talks to people about their worst food experiences. Illustrations by Dayna Patel.

“I once made a cocktail on my mate’s floor consisting of Jaeger, Monster energy, L&P, coffee, and lemon juice. I had an essay due in two hours, but I decided to mix myself something that tasted like a 16-yearold threw up in his cup and kept on drinking it.” “I gave my high school girlfriend some trifle that my mum had made for us. I forgot that sponge was a key ingredient in trifle and watched in terror as she collapsed to the floor. Gluten is in everything, Jesus.”

“Bought a Kung Fu Panda branded cup noodle once. The noodles tasted like PVA and the beef soup was so sickly sweet. Their secret ingredient was fucking bullshit.” “As a child I would mix Mountain Dew Code Red and Lift to make Mountain Lift.” “One time when I was sick, my boyfriend tried getting ‘fancy’ with the canned soup he made for me. The idiot put pork cracklings as a garnish, which had turned to mush within 2 minutes of giving me the bowl.”

“Coriander. First time I tried it, it was like my salad was seasoned with 1080 and mud.”