6 minute read

Fading Memories

By David Evans Bailey

My mother had dementia. That’s a hard thing to face for most people. The toughest part of it was the gradual loss of memory that she endured. If you think about it, memories are, for the most part, all we’ve really got. Once we’ve achieved something, got somewhere, grown-up and gone our separate ways, everything we do is held together by the glue of mutual recollection. These come in so many forms, like photographs, letters, mementoes and more. They’re little triggers that remind us of events, happenings and relationships and they allow our minds to explore the infinite universe of a life lived. We are connected by our shared experiences, emotional bonds and our ties, but the mutual recall of our former life is what ultimately binds us.

What happens when the glue unsticks, the ties begin to unravel and we cease to remember? My mother reached a stage where she only vaguely recognised us, her children. She wasn’t able to recall us once we were no longer in front of her. Conversations became one-sided and consisted of trying to think of things to say or repeating the same thing over and over again, because she had already forgotten what we’d said. But this was a long way down the track. Memory loss came for her gradually and over a long period of time. It crept up on her like a thief and stole said memories from her mind. It began with not being able to remember where things were, or who had said what. Since this is a normal part of ageing for most people, we paid it no attention. But there’s another side which comes out: aggression and anger. The losing of control over emotions which, under normal circumstances, would have been held in. I know how much my mother hated the fact that she was losing her faculties. She would cry for hours over simple things like not being able to find her glasses. Her memory would be a complete blank, an impenetrable fog. I know a little of how this feels when I can’t remember something myself. It’s unbelievably frustrating. Multiply this a thousand-fold and that is what dementia is like.

After the loss of memory comes the replacement of memory, with mixed up hodgepodges of events. My mother would begin to insist on her version of events and there was no opposing her. Any naysaying would be met with violent emotional consequences. If you can imagine being accused by your own mother of kidnapping her, trying to murder her, stealing her money and all manner of nefarious deeds, then you might begin to see how this might make you feel. At first, it’s like a stab in the heart, a rejection of this unreality being thrust upon you. The person you loved for all those years becomes a stranger. The memories you shared become only yours, rejected by the other party and finally appear to become erased altogether. You learn to just agree with everything that is said to you, no matter how outrageous it is.

My effort to maintain that status quo lead me to search for other ways of dealing with the situation. I felt that whilst I still had the emotional attachment to her and my own memories to fall back on, it was hard to accept the ‘stranger’ in front of me was actually my mother. The only thing I felt that we shared, is that to her, I was a stranger too. Deep down, I knew that some part of her was still there and still loved me. That is what I held on to. My mother though, would sometimes still surprise me by recalling things from long ago, which I had forgotten. And when she passed, I had my son put together a commemorative video of photos, which in themselves would trigger memories for all of us, finally completing the circle of remembrance for us all.

Second-hand Wonders

By James Tapp

Tatty's, Paper Bag Princess, Vixen and Savemart. Some of just a few op shops you'll find on K Road or near uni and somewhere where you can go to become a true edgy, indie teen. But second-hand shopping isn't just for those who want ripped up clothes – it’s so much more than that. Ask anyone who op shops on a semi regular basis and you'll hear stories about the wildest pieces of clothing or vintage numbers you’d never be able to find anywhere else. While looking good is important, op shopping allows you to have a far greater impact than just outshining the people around you. Buying pre worn clothes provides a great alternative to fast fashion and also mounts pressure on the big brands to think more about quality and longevity. clothes, everyone is. Aimee Egdell is the owner and director of Tatty’s and says her goal was never to focus on a particular stereotypical customer. In fact, she calls her Ponsonby and High Street locations “baby department stores."

"Anyone can go and find their dream dress or jacket, because it’s not just hipsters that are donating clothes, everyone is"

On average, people get rid of around 19 items each time they do a spring clean. So, if you do a spring clean every two years, between the ages of 18 and 80 you could end up throwing a lot away. In fact, by the time you’re on death’s door, you’ll have gotten rid of close to 590 items of clothing. Maybe your favourite blouse doesn’t fit, or it’s got a stain, but that doesn't mean it won’t fit someone else or that someone else might be able to get that stain out. PLUS, you’re literally throwing money away. There are a number of stores where you can give them your clothes, generally those in good condition, and receive 50% commission if they sell. So, if those items sold for an average of $40 and you get $20 of that, you’ll have saved $1000, which can be put back into purchasing more amazing clothes. Let’s talk about stereotypes. You may be thinking: ‘Op shops are just for hipsters and those who truly care about the environment’. And you’re right. But stereotypes are also bullshit. Anyone can go and find their dream dress or jacket, because it’s not just hipsters that’re donating “You can have three or four generations come through and they’re all able to find something they like,” she says.

To hear this straight from the horse's mouth is extremely encouraging. It’s cool to think that second-hand clothing can go towards those who couldn’t have afforded to buy them new. It’s a whole new way of thinking, for those who are environmentally savvy, want to stand out from the crowd, or just want to find high quality clothing at a cheaper price.

Having talked to Aimee, something I realised was that the power actually lies with those who give. Hearing about being given Andy Warhol, Paco Rabanne and Issey Miyake pieces to sell, it takes those with amazing clothes to trust people like Aimee to do their job. So consider this a call out to that pair of jeans that doesn’t fit anymore or that jacket which cramps your aesthetic. You never know what you may be able to swap them out for.

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