debate issue 10, 2010

Issue 10 2010

camp-a-thon photos

rugby world cup debate

issue 10 may 2010

monster Comedy review section

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Issue 10 2010

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On the cover Illustration by Hayley McGehan

editor

Samantha McQueen samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

design

Nonavee Dale nonavee.dale@aut.ac.nz

sub editor

publisher

AuSM – Auckland Student Movement @ AUT (Inc)

printer

PMP Print

Jared Van Huenen

all rights reserved

debate intern Jess Cann

design intern Samantha McSkimming

contributors

Victor Abbott | Mike Atkins | Jo Barker | Kelsie Bolton | Anna Butler | Canta | Alicia Crocket | Sian Dilworth | DORLY House | Tenani French | Celeste Gorrell Anstiss | Selena Hawkins | Ben Hope | Judy Ingham | In Unison | Selena La Fleur | Hao Luo | Scott Moyes | Veronica Ng Lam | Oracle | Michelle Pollock | John Probert | Heather Rutherford | Catherine Selfe | Mystery Shopper | Tamsyn Solomon | Hannah Spyksma | Leigh Stockton | Shannon Swainston | Rebecca Williams |

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Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

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Editorial Letters Creative Corner News Camp-A-Thon Photos Sport Pres Sez World Cup Debate Movie Screening Photos How To / Recipe Superhuman Strength Comedy Reviews Music Month Timeline Music : 10 Year Itch Top 10 Columns Agony Aunt / Website of the Week Suggestions / Horoscopes Fashion What are you wearing/ Retail Review Reviews Spot the Difference Micro-celebs

Kate Campbell kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

issue 10 may 2010

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hen you were young, your parents and your teachers decided whether you were creative or not. Using that term – creative – they made a number of decisions about the rest of your life. You will never be an artist. You will never be a musician. You are not creative. Because I used to draw people without torsos (their arms emerging from their heads in a rather frightening fashion) I was told, in no uncertain terms, that creativity was not my strong point.

Stick to writing, they said. And I did.

Overly PC parenting has become a problem in the last 10 years, I think. Telling your kids they can do anything, while a nice concept, has some serious flaws. Some people cannot do some things. Despite this, I can’t help but think it’s intrinsically unfair to label young people uncreative.

Studying toward a major in creative advertising, I’ve realised that creativity isn’t the ability to draw, or paint, or play the guitar when everyone else is struggling with the recorder. It’s about your ideas, your inspiration.

Hundreds of millions of people can draw well. Or paint a nice picture or play the saxophone or put a clever sentence together. Those are just skills; they’re not creativity in its purest sense which, to me, is the application of skill and, essentially, the reason why you picked up the paintbrush in the first place.

The great artists and musicians all had/have skills. When Da Vinci picked a paintbrush in the beginning of the 16th century, something inspired him to paint the Mona Lisa and it wasn’t the fact that he was good at painting. It was him, his idea. His brain.

What I’m trying to say is that you might be terrible at drawing. You may not be able to articulate your thoughts in a well crafted piece of writing and you may fear the very thought of a paintbrush. That doesn’t mean you’re not creative. Jon Hunt, one of the greatest ad men ever, says that in advertising, only art directors and writers are expected to be creative, when the best campaign, the best ad, the best idea – might be sitting in the brain of the accountant.

Ideas don’t discriminate, and neither should you.

I

t’s hard to write an editorial. You always want to be able to give inspirational or interesting advice, or insert little quips to entertain the reader. As a weaver of words, you believe that you may write something that will change the way we think about life, but you may only be remembered as the strange writer who used “weaver of words” in an editorial piece.

I’m currently majoring in journalism. However, something that concerns me about the industry I love and want to work in is the increasing lean towards shafting important stories for the more glossy celebrity stories.

Who is to say that a story about a certain “celebrity” visiting New Zealand is headline news over more important issues facing our nation right now, such as mining in Aotearoa, the driving age, alcohol consumption, the education system or student loans. These are all issues that are important right now and will affect the country for years to come.

We need to consider that life doesn’t revolve around bubblegum celebrities. New Zealand’s history is full of moments that defined our identity, such as the 1981 Springbok tour and the sinking of the Rainbow Warrior.

I think the point of this editorial is to highlight the importance of priorities, discussion and how important it is to have your say. Discussing mining, discussing the driving age and the education system, these are important tools at the core of society that need to be given more prominence, not celebrity and prepubescent singing sensations who will most likely be gone in a New York minute.

Send in a letter to debate, or even enter the debate section of this magazine. Listening to what others think helps us understand the world better and also means I have one more story to read.

P.S. Yes that is me. Make your spot judgements, humans. I like music, movies and Twitter. Follow me, my username is @JessCann.

Jess Cann

RECEPTION City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 8am-5 pm Mon-Thurs 8am-3.30pm Fri North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 8.30am-3pm Mon-Fri Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 9am-3:30pm Mon-Thurs MANAGEMENT Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz REPRESENTATION Veronica Ng Lam AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 vnglam@aut.ac.nz ADVOCACY Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz MARKETING Rebecca Williams Marketing Manager 921 9999 ext 8909 rebecca.williams@aut.ac.nz EVENTS Barry Smith Events Team Leader 921 9999 ext 8931 barry.smith@aut.ac.nz MEDIA Samantha McQueen Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz SPORTS Melita Martorana Sports Team Leader 921 9999 ext 7259 melita.martorana@aut.ac.nz CLUBS Ryan Waite Clubs Development Officer 921 9999 ext 8911 ryan.waite@aut.ac.nz VESBAR Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz For a full list of contact details plus profiles of AuSM staff and student executive visit: www.ausm.org.nz

issue 10 may 2010

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s r e t t e L letter of the week Dear “True Red Blooded Male”, I am responding to your poorly thought out diatribe in last weeks Debate magazine. In fact I’m quite surprised that you claim to be in fourth year by the level of ignorance shown in your letter.

It is a well established fact that women are more likely to earn less money than men, to be assaulted, raped, suffer domestic violence from men, to experience less workplace promotions than men, to be objectified as sex objects in media more than men and so on.

The “disgusting birth of feminism” that you refer to was a response born out of the many, many years of repression, violence, inequity and misogynistic disdain directed by men towards women.

According to you, its a good idea to put this abused half of our race “in their place”. Wow. You mention that women are occupying “higher levels of power”, well this has probably been grossly and inaccurately misrepresented by our sub-standard media.

According to the Department of Labour , women earn on average, 19% less an hour than men do. The suggested reason for this is that a womens work in the workplace is valued less.

You state that more men are staying at home than women (another dubious statement), are you suggesting that this is a bad thing? Or do you think that all women should be kept at home doing womanly things (whatever they are)?

You state that we “gave women the right to vote” like they still owe us something? Well I’m sorry there too but I don’t think that men collectively could come up with a sufficient payment as recompense for the thousands of years of suffering that women have endured by our hands. An equivalent would be something like saying to a newly freed African American slave after the Emancipation Proclamation “Hey you owe us for not beating you anymore and forcing you to work”! Yeah..I think not.

I think our women folk are great and if they want to be more assertive when they go out on the town, then all power to them!

But they should bear in mind that there is probably a man wanting to spike their drink, take advantage

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Yay, we got mail! But we want more! Send us your thoughts on the magazine. What is grinding your gears at university?

What do you want to see more of? Tell us your thoughts! Letter of the week will win two movie tickets for Skycity Cinemas! debate letters policy: Letters longer than 250 words may be subject to editing. Letters are printed as they are received – spelling and grammar will not be corrected. The editor reserves the right to decline letters without explanation. The views contained on the letters page do not necessarily represent the views of AuSM. Send your letters to PO Box 6116, Wellesley St or debate@aut.ac.nz

of or sexually assault them. In fact the chances of that happening to a woman is exponentially greater than that of a man.

True Red Blooded Male could you please in future, fire-up a neuron or two in your higher thought centres before putting finger to keyboard.

Just as well you didn’t sign your actual name to your letter.

Sincerely, Rory Stewart aka “Objectively Thinking Male”.

Everytime i walk into the ladies toilets in the library at Akoranga, my upchuck reflex awakens!.. The loo’s are cleaned everyday and the handtowels replaced, but after lunch, you cant use at least 2 of the cubicles because they look like a night club toilet at 5 in the morning! It is hard to believe that restrooms of this state are at a University campus Seiously LADIES..if you poop..at least flush!.. and if you get it on the seat, wipe it off!..

Anon..

Hey Debate, Seems like your finding your balance between hard hitting issues and a bit of light hearted comedy. That guy last week totally

put it into perspective about debate having a humourous appeal to it Oh btw, the ‘Something Terrible’ series CRACKS me up haha, the guy who invented it is freakin brilliant lol, lovin it.

Oh and a little note to the first years, your second year is going to be a WHOLE lot easier than your first year, mainly due to the fact that you will start to get into the rhythm of things and assignment deadlines aren’t going to wave at you as they fly past.

Oh and Samantha, THANKS for reminding me about mothers day, cause id have been screwed if it wasn’t for your editorial lol, cheers mate.

Peace JAFA

Hey. I read debate sometimes so thought I’d grace you with some feedback. Firstly, that Clint Eastwood article last week was pure gold. I loved it. But sadly, Debate is not quite as good as last year. The excessive use of black and white does not make me want to read it, and portrays AUT as a bit povo. A bit more colour (in more than one sense) would go down well. Also, I’m missing the satirical articles that Jared used to write; they were funny. Otherwise, you guys are doing some great work. Cheers.

Response from debate: Thanks for noticing our move to black and white, we were wondering when someone would.

We’re not “povo” – we’re smart; reducing the colour pages is an easy way to reduce our printing costs and operate cost-effectively.

Regardless of the money aspect, full colour was a luxury we all - audience included - took for granted over the years. A great story is a great story, it doesn’t need a pink headline to tell you that.

Are you a creative person?

Do you consider yourself a bit of an artist?

Do you want to get your work out there for everyone to see?

Well now you can! Don’t worry if words are your paintbrush, short stories/poems and literary masterpieces are also eligible. We welcome anything and everything (as long as it’s not offensive or inappropriate) so use these holidays to get creating! email your works of art to debate@aut.ac.nz

(E = mc²) Energy = Manifested Consciousness

by Oracle

There is no big man in the sky You know No grey haired toga wearing ‘Lord’ Watching your every move Like Santa Claus but omnipresent…

Non-existent.

Still there’s a source to all that is Out there Somewhere amidst the depths of Kosmos A love light shining Simultaneously everywhere and nowhere, infinitely…

The macrocosm within the microcosm.

issue 10 may 2010 by Tamsyn Solomon Winged Serpent Dragon

What does it mean to be a ‘man’?

Manifested consciousness.

Souls from the source, hu-man incarnate We are all energy, Fragments of what some call ‘God’…

Man = in the image of God. Matter = Energy Man = Matter Energy = Man God = Man Man = You!

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Student campout AUT student salutes troops from Gallipolli on campus

by Judy Ingham

by Hannah Spyksma Instead of standing to attention for respect, Army cadet Megan Grayson now stands to salute the thousands of graves she sees in her head.

The first-year AUT communications student has a new appreciation for the impact of World War One on Anzac troops, after returning from a two-week trip to Gallipoli.

“I used to go to Anzac parades and stand to attention out of respect for a war I didn’t really know about and for reasons I didn’t understand.

“Now, I stand and see hundreds of graves in my head, and salute to the thousands of men who lost their lives. I am saluting to people,” she says.

Megan was chosen to go on the expenses-paid trip to Gallipoli with the New Zealand Defence Force, after a nationwide search to find deserving members of the NZ cadet’s force.

She was nominated

by Staff Sergeant Leslie Weavers, an army senior, who believes Megan embodies the values which the Defence Force stands for, and is an “outstanding junior leader”.

On Anzac day, Megan attended a dawn service

overlooking Anzac Cove on the Gallipoli Peninsula, with the entire New Zealand contingent, including Prime Minister John Key. Spotlights were shining on to the water, illuminating the beach where troops landed 95 years ago.

Megan says she got “that eerie feeling” when during the service, the calm water “started roaring against the silence of the people sitting there remembering”.

Apart from that, she didn’t feel anything “eerie” about being at Gallipoli.

Being there was more of a surreal experience, she says.

“It’s more disbelief because it’s so stunning.

How can you imagine this gorgeous place and believe this sea was covered in blood

95 years ago.”

The New Zealand troops landed at the beach and spent eight months trying to make their way 4km inland, up steep cliffs and harsh terrain.

Megan describes the eye-opening trip as a highlight of her life, despite the numerous mishaps along the way.

The departure of the New Zealand contingent of 180 people was delayed; because their plane broke down the night before they were due to fly out of Ohakea Airbase.

They were also stranded in Malaysia, having to stay longer than expected because their plane didn’t have clearance to fly into Dubai.

When they finally arrived in Turkey, a few days before Anzac day, Megan says she was completely exhausted and overwhelmed, having never been further than Australia before.

“The thing is though,” she says, “would you rather spend your time sleeping or exploring?”

Megan definitely chose exploring, and recommends the trip to anyone who wants to gain an insight into the reality of war.

AUT’s North Shore campus became a campsite for three nights last week as students set up tents to celebrate the outdoors.

The fourth camp-a-thon ran from Sunday May 7 to Wednesday May 12 and hosted around a hundred students who turned up for a range of activities.

Developing Outdoor Recreation Leadership (DORLY House) puts on the free biannual event with support from AUT Outdoors and Bigfoot Adventures.

DORLY House president and AUT student Mathew St.Martin says activities included rockclimbing, handball, water balloon slingshot wars, touch rugby and open mic acoustic sessions.

“Water balloon slingshot wars were pretty popular everyone at the entire camp just stopped what they were doing and went for it,” he says.

He says the biggest night was Monday, when transtasman rower Shaun Quincey gave a presentation on his trip.

“I refuse to do anything that costs money, so everyone that comes here is doing it for the love of the outdoors,” says Mr St.Martin.

First year student of the

Diploma in Outdoor Recreation Leadership Quin Pote says he “absolutely loved it”. His favourite part was hanging around the fire with the other campers.

“It’d be nice to get a lot of other people involved,” he says, “Definitely the people who did come along had a really good time.”

Mr St.Martin says the idea behind the camp-a-thon is to “celebrate the looseness of the outdoors”, and to give students a chance to meet others outside their departments.

“It’s like reverting back to being a kid,” he says. “You’re sitting here with all these people and there’s no TV and it’s like, what do we do? Play games in the parking lot.”

Organisers hope they will have bands to play at the fifth camp-a-thon which will be held next semester.

The camp-a-thon is open to anyone and tents may be supplied. Coffee is available each morning and barbeques are held at night.

GirlGuiding hopes to keep people abreast about breasts

by Selena Hawkins GirlGuiding New Zealand is calling all females to donate any unwanted bras to create the world’s largest bra chain, and to raise awareness of breast cancer.

The bra chain is a Guinness World Record attempt that is being organised

by Dargaville’s Girl Guide leader Robyn Martinovich on behalf of GirlGuiding NZ, which is New Zealand’s largest female organisation.

GirlGuiding NZ’s marketing and advocacy manager Jane Smithson says: “We want to raise awareness,

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prevention and detection of breast cancer among girls and women throughout New Zealand.”

Chief executive Ruth Teasdale says the project is a great opportunity to educate females about the disease and ensure that as few women and families are affected by it as possible.

“Most New Zealanders have been affected by breast cancer in one way or other and by attempting to break this world bra chain record, our GirlGuiding members are involved and making a contribution to their world,”

says Teasdale.

The launch of the project was held on Mothers day, and the world attempt will be held in Dargaville, November this year.

The goal is to beat the current record of 166,000 bras that are held by the Australians.

“We want the chain to have 200,000 bras,” says Smithson.

Bras are already being collected throughout New Zealand with more than 4000 sitting in a Dargaville kumara shed.

Smithson says, “It doesn’t matter what condition the bras are in; all are greatly appreciated.”

Once the world record attempt is achieved, all the highest quality bras will be sent to women in Africa, Haiti, Pacific Islands and other countries in need.

For more info visit www. girlguidingnz.org.nz or call 0800 222292

New “elite” fashion site won’t break the bank

by Leigh Stockton Walk around AUT’s city campus and you will see a pretty Karen Walker necklace here and a hot Deadly Ponies bag there – we are known for our fashion conscious students.

And now a new website, which launches today (May 17), will help these students look good without charging too much to their student loans.

ONCE’IT - on www.onceit.co.nz offers New Zealanders the chance to look high fashion at low prices.

High-end local labels such as Juliette Hogan, twenty seven names, WORLD and Meadowlark as well as international brands will be sold with an up to 70 per cent discount.

The site is the creation of Jay Goodey and Catriona Macky.

ONCE’IT marketing spokesperson Claire Littler says Goodey used to

log on to a sale blog site - which gave the inside word on all the inviteonly fashion sales – and thought, ‘Imagine if you could actually browse the sales, or even shop the sales, without going and dealing with all the manic shoppers in some nondescript warehouse somewhere’.

The catch is that the site is inviteonly.

“We made it invite-only because stock is limited,” explains Littler.

“And I suppose the reason why the invites are getting snapped up so quickly is because people don’t want to miss out.”

Members of the site will be given access to three designer sales per week.

They are also allowed to invite friends, and will receive $20 credit after each friend’s first purchase.

Students not smiling over steep dental prices

“However shopping online does save time and petrol.”

New Yorkers and the French have enjoyed similar exclusive high-end shopping for a while, but for New Zealand, this is the first of its kind.

“The thought that you can shop your favourite designers at insider prices - whether you are in Timaru or Takapuna - is very alluring to people,” says Littler.

“It’s a convenient solution, quick and easy - and the chance to earn a little bit of clothing allowance when you invite your friends.”

ONCE’IT has kindly given Debate a limited amount of invitations for the first readers who visit the link www. onceit.co.nz/invite/debate.

International film festival line-up features a few Kiwis

by Shannon Swainston

by Sian Dilworth Looking after their pearly whites is low on university students’ lists because of the steep prices it costs to go to the dentist.

Dental care is provided to children by the Ministry of Health until they turn 18 but young people must fund their own dental care from then on.

Rachel Rider (20), a student at AUT, recently visited a dentist because she was worried about the state of her teeth and ended up spending over $500 on 2 fillings, a teeth clean and x-rays.

“I couldn’t believe how expensive it was, that is so much money to me.

It took me months of working to save that,” she says.

Before then, she had not been to a dentist in more than three years because she knew how expensive dental care was.

Ms Rider says that although she’s glad she has peace of mind about her teeth she is very put off going again.

“You go from spending nothing on dentists to hundreds, it doesn’t seem fair”, she says.

Leader of the Progressive Party Jim Anderton said in the New Zealand School and Community Oral Health Services Society conference that although it was right to focus on free dental care for 0-18 year olds, it is now time to focus on other groups.

“We have to identify all the

AUT Bachelor of Fashion Design student Jesse Lolo says he will definitely be buying from the site and says he likes that the website is invite-only as it ties in with the whole luxury feel behind it.

“Yet, in a way it makes it a bit more accessible to the public to buy luxury items,” says Lolo.

“A university student may be able to now afford at least one luxury item in a year instead of saving up for it over a period of months.”

The second year student, who loves high-end labels such as Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Dior and Balenciaga, says while online shopping cannot imitate in-store experience, he does like the convenience of it.

“Luxury boutiques and particular vintage op shops have a certain atmosphere about them,” says Lolo.

vulnerable groups and target them.

Once these kids leave your care, they are at risk.

“From the age of 18 many of these young adults will probably never go to the dentist. Some of them don’t see the dentist for 10 to 20 years.”

He adds that when people finally go visit their dentists, often problems have escalated and it’s either impossible or too expensive to treat them.

This happened to Hayley Fielden (20) who had to urgently see the dentist because of exposed nerves in her teeth.

“I hadn’t seen a dentist for years but it was so painful I really didn’t have a choice,” Fielden says.

She ended up with fillings which cost her more than $440 and says she was lucky she had that much money at the time.

“There were so many others things I would have liked to spend that money on. None of my friends go to the dentist now unless they really have to.”

Mr Anderton says the cost of the dentist is one of the main barriers for young adults, but not the only one.

“Cost is a significant barrier. That’s one of the first things we have to fix.

But we also have to incentivise them to go to the dentist, and get them used to looking after their own teeth.”

Two more New Zealand films have made the grade to be included in this year’s New Zealand International Film Festival.

Clive Neeson’s Last Paradise and Robin Greenberg’s The Free China Junk will join There Once Was An Island by Briar March as the Kiwi films in the line-up so far.

Festival director Bill Gosden believes even more local films may yet be on the bill.

“There are so many interesting film-makers, there are bound to be more than three,” says Gosden.

Gosden says one of the reasons these films were chosen was because they both have access to “stunning archival footage”.

Last Paradise explores the evolution of adventure sports in New Zealand and has footage from Neeson’s own childhood in Raglan.

“Clive’s film has a lot of New Zealand content. Growing up, his parents were wildlife photographers so the footage was taken by someone who knows what they are doing,” says Gosden.

“In some ways, his career was given a headstart.”

For Greenberg this was not the first time one of her films had made the film festival.

The Free China Junk “unexpectedly” grew from her

film Huloo which was in the 2008 festival.

Her film tells the story of six young fishermen who left Taiwan in 1955 on a traditional Chinese junk, a small sailing ship, to take part in a crossing from Rhode Island to Sweden.

It took the film four years to be completed and was a “labour of love”.

“The way I like to work is that I am drawn to long projects and the relationships are very important.

I needed to make sure I had the right representation as there were five men involved in the project and they can all have very different opinions,” says Greenberg.

One of the most memorable moments for Greenberg was when Paul Chow, a significant character in the film, told her he was very impressed with the end product.

“He said it was as if they were all sitting in the room talking,” she says.

The full festival line-up will be announced mid-June and there will be films from all over the world including Denmark, Egypt, Turkey, Iran and more.

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Tertiary Challenge: a chance for AUT to triumph

Babe: not the only pig in the city

by Celeste Gorrell Anstiss

by Anna Butler

Sporty students are being challenged to help win the Tertiary Challenge trophy for AUT. AuSM sports and activities co-coordinator Kate Lowden says the way to win is to have students representing in all sporting codes.

AUT missed out on potential points last year because the university did not enter teams in volleyball and rowing.

“Waikato won it last year, so we really want to win this year,” Lowden says.

Tertiary Challenge is not all about competition though. While league and basketball teams tend to go for gold, there are plenty of options for those who just want to have fun including mixed netball, ultimate frisbee, lacrosse, soccer, squash and table tennis.

Ultimate frisbee is a seriously

social event.

“Most of them had never played before; they just do it for a bit of fun,” Lowden explains.

This year’s event will be held at Waikato University in Hamilton on Friday, August 6.

Each team plays four games throughout the day. In between, students are free to check out other sports, socialise and hang out at the ZM stage.

Students are welcome to sign up as individuals or put together their own team.

“If you haven’t played a sport before, it’s a good opportunity to round up some mates and have a go. It’s also a great way to meet new friends,” Lowden says.

To sign up, email kate.lowden@aut.co.nz

New Zealanders are brought up around the “give back” mentality.

We throw ourselves behind charities and events in the hope of making a difference in New Zealand and the world. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for giving blood. Currently, the number of Kiwis donating the life giving fluid is only about 4 per cent of the eligible population donate blood.

Every year, around 147,000 units of blood is collected in New Zealand. With the biggest use of blood going to cancer patients (20 per cent), in surgery (17 per cent) and to mothers and babies (6 per cent) everyone will come across – or become – someone in need of a blood transfusion at some point in their life. While demand for blood is currently being met, the number of donors is decreasing by around 1000 people each year.

However, AUT did their part for stemming the declining numbers of blood donors when they turned up their veins to give blood on May 4-5 when the New Zealand Blood Service (NZBS) mobile clinic came to the city campus.

AUT not only turned out 118 new donors but also surpassed the target amount of blood to be collected. The target was 170 units but donors gave a total of 271 units over two days. Every donation (approximately 470mls) can save up to three lives so AUT succeeded in supplying enough blood to save up to 813 people. While the amount seems like a lot your body regenerates the fluids within

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Pigs are being kept in Auckland against the law.

AUT students Aleisha Clark and Georgina Maguire were walking to the bus stop one night last year when they were saw a pig wandering in the Auckland central area.

The pair, who flat on Mount Eden Road, Three Kings, first thought it was a dog, before they noticed the “dog” had hooves, a curly trail and a snout.

Keeping pigs in Auckland is illegal under a council bylaw for reasons of hygiene.

The SPCA says they deal with about five cases a year of people complaining about pigs.

“Most of them are kept for homekill,” SPCA chief inspector Vicki Border says.

Maguire says the pig was wandering down people’s driveways and walking across the road, where

24 hours and the body replaces the red blood cells within six to eight weeks, leaving you free to donate again in three months.

Between staff and student volunteers the flow of willing participants was manageable and the mood at the collection was positive. “The AUT donors were a fantastic crowd. Due to the amazing response from the students, some donors were having to wait a little longer than usual because so many people turned up to donate,” NZBS youth donor marketing coordinator Jesse Nankivell says. “However, the AUT students were patient and generous and the NZ Blood staff thoroughly enjoyed their time there.”

AUT students further showed the ways they can get involved when some put their hands up to form a team of student volunteers. The volunteers not only helped with the promoting of the event but also on the days of donation.

“The student volunteers were an absolute pleasure to work with. We had some great students promoting blood donation on campus in the days leading up to the collect which helped recruit and raise awareness resulting in a fantastic turn out on the day,” says Nankivell.

One of these students was first year Bachelor of Communications student and repeat blood donor, Ashleigh Muir, who gave some very positive feedback to being a student volunteer. “Volunteering for the blood drive was so much fun; it felt great to be able to do my bit. It’s such a great cause and so many

at one stage it almost got hit by a car.

“I just couldn’t believe there was a pig in the city,” Clark says.

“We couldn’t think of where the pig could have come from.”

The girls didn’t contact the police because they assumed the driver of the car was going to.

A police spokesperson said they were unaware of any incidents involving pigs in the city and if someone were to complain they would be referred to the council as it is a council bylaw.

An Auckland City Council spokesperson said there have been no prosecutions since the bylaw came into effect in July 2008.

There have been two complaints registered this year, one on Great Barrier Island and one in Blockhouse Bay.

people came forward to donate. I’m so impressed with the contribution from AUT,” she says.

If you didn’t get the chance to donate this time round or are willing to donate again the NZBS mobile clinic will be back on campus on September 1-2. Alternatively, you can donate at a NZ Blood Service Donor centre. For more information about blood donation or to find your nearest Blood Service location, phone 0800 GIVE BLOOD (0800 448 325) or visit the New Zealand Blood Service website at www. nzblood.co.nz Some extra facts about blood and donating: • Red blood cells must be transfused within 35 days of collection • Platelets must be transfused within 5 days of collecting • Plasma can be frozen for up to two years and blood products made from plasma can be stored for up to two years • People who are in good health, are aged between 16 and 70 (60 for new donors) and weighing at least 50kgs may donate blood up to once every three months.

For more information on eligibility criteria go to the NZBS website: http://www.nzblood.co.nz/

North Shore campus

Camp-a-thon May 9-12

Photos provided by the DORLY House (unless stated otherwise). issue 10 2010 may 2010 issue 10 may

11 11

Sports

Country Roads at 200 kph The New Zealand World Rally Championships

by Scott Moyes My first encounter with the World Rally Championship was perhaps the most infuriating moment of my life. I was 13 years old and basically the only kid on the playground that did not own a PlayStation 2 and subsequently denied the privilege of point-blank shooting every civilian that walked past me on Grand Theft Auto. That Christmas I was finally blessed with that special black box along with the platinum game of my parents’ choice. There it was, World Rally Championship 2 Extreme. I was ready to be blown away by mind-boggling graphics and unnecessary special features when the disc doesn’t work. To my horror I find a large scratch on the underside. My PlayStation 2 experience began a week later, by which time the disc was replaced and I had realised the only civilians I would be mutilating were the ones tucked safely behind the impenetrable barriers that were in fact strips of green tape.

World Rally Championship 2 Extreme turned out to be the best game I ever played on that console before it gave up the ghost two years ago.

Although to the creators discredit, the conditions were always wet in the New Zealand rallies. I suppose this is indicative of how realistic gaming has become. Much like the actual championship, it was much more than a death machine on wheels spraying mud everywhere. The implications of misjudgement are much more consequential than most sports. You see, your average round of the WRC sees more drama than Coronation Street on fast forward. You could compare it more appropriately with Country Calendar combined with the Fast and the Furious.

I won’t claim to follow the championship religiously, yet it always captures my attention every time it swings around our neck of the woods.

There is something about the WRC that just makes you want to get behind the wheel of a car, notch up a ridiculously illegal speed on the motorway shouting “CAUTION, 200 metres, sharp left!” The New Zealand leg of the championship culminated on May 9 with Finnish driver Jari-Matti Latvala sealing victory after a thrilling final day’s battle with Sebastien Ogier. The world champion, Sebastian Loeb, finished third overall, 15.2 seconds off the lead.

The thing that strikes me about this championship is how insanely global it is. Each season consists of roughly 13 stages, each in a different country. This year showcases Sweden, Mexico, Jordan, Turkey, Portugal, New Zealand, Finland, Germany, Japan, France, Spain, Great Britain and for the first time, Bulgaria. Each country offers varying conditions from rough gravel tracks to slippery winter lands that demand absolute

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precision from the drivers.

The neat thing about it is how the heart and soul of the country is put on show, and not just pretty stadiums. For example, the Olympic Games are almost propaganda with the images they portray of the host country; China isn’t all bird nest stadiums and picturesque lakes. I see the rural dirt tracks that the drivers race around on in New Zealand and think that this is surely a more accurate description of our nation. Should we be placing more effort into promoting the clean, green landscapes of New Zealand than the Rugby World Cup perhaps? The WRC reaches 186 countries worldwide, only 19 less than what the 2007 Rugby World Cup attracted.

The thing that sets New Zealand apart from the rest of the world is our environmental havens that cannot be found in the concrete playgrounds of England. Perhaps instead of worrying about Waterfront party zones we should be thinking about how to utilise Queenstown mountain-side views.

I realise that you cannot stage a World Cup final in such a removed city, but I do know that whenever I see the Black Caps play there, patriotism flows through my veins.

Any keen follower of the WRC (you’d think there are a fair few with the 186 countries televising it) is not going to follow the series just for one or two stages. As New Zealanders, many of us wake at nasty hours of the morning to watch the All Blacks play in France. In more carenthused nations in Europe the same principles probably apply for Rally New Zealand. They may not know what the hell Whakatane is, but they do know that Sebastian Loeb is one step closer to retaining his status as World Champion, wherever he may be. In the process, they are exposed to our nation’s beauty in such an adrenaline fuelled way that can only leave a good impression. I had never heard of Monaco before learning of the World Rally Championship, neither had I heard of Bahrain before the All White’s World Cup qualifying match. Sport is such a simple and effective way of advertising one’s country.

While my status as a grease monkey is as authentic as the Melbourne Storm of the last five years, Rally New Zealand has inspired me to reach within the depths of my drawers and relive the magic of World Rally Championship 2 Extreme. You can also bet the next hooligan you see hurtling down the southern motorway will be Scott Moyes, pretending he is not driving his mother’s Nissan Pulsar.

Greetings Fellow AUT Titans!

As we head into the crucial stage of studies, and people start feeling the pressure, I would like remind you that AuSM are always here to be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen with and a place to help students who need an extra helping hand. Don’t forget that if studies start to get you down and you feel like things are getting too much remember the university has options for students with extenuating circumstances.

All you need to do is enquire and find out. Don’t let things bottle up and explode because of not knowing; instead come and see us and we can point you in the right direction. Most of all DON’T GIVE UP! There are lots of things happening in the tertiary sector that affects all us students and as your student president it is my job to inform you. Most of you might not see how these issues affect you, or some of you might not even care how it affects you, but let me just remind you the decisions made in the tertiary sector will affect the future of our education system.

Minister of Tertiary Education Steven Joyce has commenced talks about charging an annual administration fee of anywhere between $40-$60 to all students who have a student loan. This means as long as you have a student loan – even after you graduate – you will have yearly administration costs.

This is to try recover the administration costs the Government needs in order to continue running the loan scheme. At the end of the year the Government will gain close to $15 million dollars! This is unfair to students as we are constantly being forced to borrow in order to live and survive. Costs and expenses are already high enough and adding extra costs will mean students continue to shoulder the costs and struggle that little bit more. We as students need to draw line now and say enough is enough!

The Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) Bill has been the hot topic for student associations around NZ, and some of you might recall the very orange Save Our Services (SOS) campaign we launched here to help fight for our student voice. AUT showed immense opposition to the bill with more than 1000 students putting up their hands to oppose and reject the intent of the Bill. Thanks to you, our university came in with the highest amount of online submissions. As it now stands, the submissions that many of you wrote have now gone through the Select Committee that has to read and listen to all the oral and written submissions. The cut off date to hear submissions was supposed to be the end of this month but because of the huge number of submissions, this deadline has been extended to the end of September. This is a fantastic indication of how not only universities and other institutions are against the Bill, but also how New Zealand as a society feel about preserving student services, preserving student voice and preserving student rights!

Lastly, I wish all of you a fantastic week ahead, good luck with all the assignments and don’t forget that I am always here for anything you might need.

Ia Manuia Your fellow president signing off,

Veronica

Ni Hao, fellow AUT students.

Welcome to the second half of May, where all your assignments suddenly start piling up and everyone around you suddenly starts reading textbooks and worrying about exams as though they all start tomorrow. For those of you who procrastinate like a typical student, knowing that our next big holiday is only five weeks away would probably be a great motivation for you to start now – so hang in there people, victory is near!

For those who don’t know me yet, my name is Hao Luo and I’m the Health and Environmental Sciences representative. That sounds like an awful long job title but trust me, I’m just like anybody else being a typical student trying to get his work done on time. And so for those of you who are struggling to focus, you can always book an appointment with the AuSM support services to have a chat with one of our advocacy services people – they are always there to help. You can always get the help you need from AuSM and this is not just about getting your free sausages on free feed days to fill up your empty stomach. AuSM provides a whole range of services from giving students valuable legal advices to getting your representation in appealing a grade when you are in trouble with your faculty. Just go to the AuSM website www.ausm.org.nz and you will find all that you need under support services.

Time to wrap up now, I wish you all the best for your assignments and exams and don’t forget to enjoy your holiday when it comes.

P.S. Apparently there’s still a handful of places left for the AuSM Ski Lodge on Mt Ruapehu and according to their official advertisement it only costs peanuts! I know some of you would seriously doubt the feasibility of paying AuSM that many peanuts for your trip but trust me it’s really that cheap (as low as $6 per person).

So go to our website and book for your ticket now - before it’s too late.

Zai Jian (bye for now)!

Hao

issue 10 may 2010

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Should Aucklanders be charging massive amounts of money for accommodation during the Rugby World Cup?

By Samantha McQueen The Rugby World Cup is still 480 days away, yet the fever is already at an intense pitch.

More than 325,000 ticket applications were lodged in the first three days after launching and people overseas have been frantically planning their accommodation to ensure they don’t miss out on a place to crash. It’s the latter statement that has been getting a lot of media attention over the past month.

From the beginning, New Zealand knew it was going to struggle to make a profit from the World Cup. Taxpayers are predicted to pay $400 million for this tournament, and while more accommodation has been built, it’s still nowhere near enough to cope with the approximately 85,000 people that are expected to descend. On the surface, we should be saying well done to the “kind folks” who are lending out their houses to supporters next year, to help ease the load of hoteliers. Unfortunately, greed has gotten the better of a lot of people and rents are in the thousands per week as homeowners try to make the most out of this international sporting tournament.

Websites dedicated to World Cup accommodation have seen a huge spike in rentals this month, and prices aren’t cheap. A four-bedroom home with swimming pool in Grey Lynn, an eight minute walk from Eden Park, is listed at $7000 per week. If that house is rented out for 12 weeks, that’s $84,000 for the homeowners. I’m sure their mortgage, bills and added insurance costs won’t add up to $84,000. People are being possessed by the big dollar signs and it’s not just the close suburbs though. Houses in Dairy Flat and Howick are listed for the same price – if not more – than a lot of the flats that are in walking distance of Eden Park. People are saying their houses are a short drive from Eden Park when it’s actually 45 minutes away. Howick is 20 minutes from the CBD? Maybe in the dead of night.

Do you know which group is going to be one of the hardest hit during this? Yup, I’m talking about students. Kingsland, Mt Eden and Grey Lynn are all “student” areas. They also happen to be in prime rugby locations.

What’s going to happen when students go out on the hunt for flats next year? Don’t be surprised if landlords are only taking on tenants until August, the house is free for much more wealthy benefactors. With hostels and backpackers all booked out, where will students stay? Rent in Auckland is already expensive enough without a major sporting event coming to town, so students are pretty much screwed.

It’s not just homeowners being wooed by shiny dollar signs. Hotels and other accommodation providers are hiking up their prices by several hundred per cent. The Hilton has been quoted as charging $1700 a night, with a minimum of a 10 night stay. That $17,000 for 10 nights. What’s that, another two handbags for Paris? The All Seasons Hotel in central Auckland is bumping up its prices from $89 to $385 per night, with the room being a similar size to a prison cell. How’s that for Kiwi hospitality? A Yorkshire woman was quoted $1600 for a one night stay in a bed and breakfast, and was quick to point out that other cities in New Zealand aren’t exploiting tourists like Auckland is. Funnily enough, the owner said two years ago that he wouldn’t raise his prices unrealistically. Since when was $1600 a realistic price for a B&B? People are starting to look at Australian accommodation, and paying for shot-over flights for specific games. You know you have a problem when tourists don’t even want to stay in the host country. It’s a bad look for New Zealand. If people are already voluntarily looking overseas for accommodation more than a year out from kick off, what’s it going to be like closer to the time? We’re supposed to be this friendly, quaint country with superb facilities and great countryside, but it seems Auckland is content on being a greed city instead of a “green” city. A new slogan perhaps? Buck up your ideas Auckland – this opportunity to host such a massive event might not come around again. And if it’s because of our tarnished reputation (which is likely at the moment) you only have yourselves to blame.

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By Jared Van Huenen During September and October next year, 85,000 are expected to descend upon our small nation to watch rugby. It will be the biggest sporting event (in terms of international visitors) in our history. There are not 85,000 hotel rooms in Auckland City, and these people have to sleep somewhere. Why shouldn’t we capitalise on this necessity, and make a few dollars out of it?

The argument is that when you charge exorbitant amounts for accommodation, you make Auckland (and New Zealand by extension) looks shitty as a potential tourist destination – a nation of greedy money-grabbers. This may seem valid from the outset, but you’ve got to take the size of our nation into account, and compare it with the size of the event. Our Rugby World Cup is expected to barely break even, simply because of the massive costs of infrastructure and construction needed to make Auckland a valid host city.

The London World Cup in 2015, by contrast, is expected to make millions of pounds, because they already have the ability to host massive numbers of people. Because of this, the hospitality industry will be able to make a lot of money of the back of the sheer volume of people, without having to significantly hike prices.

Auckland is different. Our hospitality industry needs all the help it can get around this time. Our city isn’t prepared to deal with the amount of people coming, and so homeowners and small motels will definitely be required to provide accommodation.

If you’re prepared to fly from Europe or Africa to watch the World Cup, you’ve got to be prepared to pay a premium for accommodation – especially when you book it late. Just because our city doesn’t have massive chains of hotels all over it, doesn’t mean that small motels and (if they want to move out for two months) homeowners shouldn’t be allowed to make as much money as they can. We are a capitalist nation last time I checked.

There is already talk of some people staying in Sydney, and flying over to Auckland to watch matches. This seems ridiculous and it can’t be cheaper – do people really think that Jetstar, Qantas and Air New Zealand won’t cash in on that? Most airline CEOs would sell their own parents to make a profit in the current economic climate.

Even worse than having to stay in Sydney, some international visitors have accommodation booked in shitty towns outside of Auckland – like Hamilton. And it’s not just Aucklanders that will be hiking their prices, once the Hamiltonian motel owners work out the whole supply and demand thing, they’ll be right up there too. Really though, supply and demand is all it comes down to. If people want to stay in Auckland over premium dates in quality accommodation, they WILL pay for it. We deserve to make that money.

I really struggle to understand the link between our tourism industry suffering and these increased prices. People don’t travel to New Zealand to stay in Auckland for two months. And nobody’s going to think “oh last time we were there it cost us $1000 a night, it must still be the same”. Everybody knows prices will go through the roof and you’re naïve if you think they won’t. South Africa is going through the same process at the moment regarding next month’s FIFA World Cup. They’ve formed a little gang called ‘The Good Guys’ where they try to stop hotels hiking their prices.

At the end of the day, hotels exist to charge people for staying there.

Their end goal is to make as much money as possible. That’s all these hotels are doing – and if you really think it’s to the detriment of our tourism industry then…you’re wrong.

issue 10 may 2010

15

o Read Food and Drink Labels t w o H

By Alicia Crocket

If you look at the back of any food or drink packaging, there is always a label on the back telling you exactly what you are consuming. Have you ever stopped and read it? Have you ever wondered exactly what all that information on the back of a food label means? Are you unsure about what to look for and how to choose healthier food and drinks? Well here’s a quick guide to reading food labels.

Here are some other tips for choosing healthier food and drinks

Where do I find the information I need?

The best place to look is the nutrition information panel (NIP). Here you will find how much energy, fat, sugar, salt (among other things) there is per serve and per 100g of product (see the diagram for a typical NIP). If you’re comparing similar products e.g. cereals, use the per 100g column to work out which product is better. If you’re choosing something that is pre-portioned e.g. muesli bars, look at the per serve totals as well, because you don’t eat muesli bars by the 100g! The ingredient list can also be useful because the ingredients are listed in order of importance. So the closer an ingredient is to the start of the list the more there is in the food or drink.

How can I judge which foods are better?

The key to spotting better breakfast cereals lies in the NIP. Look in the per 100g column and choose breakfast cereals that have:

less than 5g total fat or 2g saturated fat less than 15g sugar or 25g sugar if some sugar comes from fruit less than 400mg sodium (salt) more than 5g dietary fibre

For muesli bars choose bars that have:

Choose canned food in water or juice rather than brine or syrup Choose meat with less visible fat (the white stuff) it might be more expensive but there tends to be less waste so you don’t need to buy as much Choose grainy breads if possible or a wholemeal loaf if the grainy ones are too expensive.

Choose frozen chips/fish etc that have been cooked in healthier oil like sunflower or canola Be wary of products that list sugar and/or oil high up in the ingredient list.

Choose fruit juice rather than a fruit drink. On the packet look for juices with more than 20% fruit juice and less than 15g sugar per 100ml.

If you want more information check out www.healthyfood.co.nz. When you start reading NIPs it can take a little longer at the supermarket, but soon you’ll know exactly which products are the better ones, so your shop will take no longer than it does now!

If you’re checking a preportioned food it can be useful to check the per serve column

less than 600kj per bar less than 5g total fat or 2g saturated fat per bar less than 15g of sugar per 100g or 25g of sugar per 100g if there is fruit in the bar more than 1.5g fibre (if listed)

Nutrition Information Servings per package: 1 Average serving size 32g (1 bar) Avg. quantity Avg. quantity per serving per 100g Energy 662kJ 2070kJ Protein 5.0g 15.5g Fat - total 10.7g 30.6g - saturated 2.0g 6.2g Carbohydrate - total 12.4g 38.7g - sugars 8.2g 25.6g Dietary fibre 2.3g 7.1g Sodium 7mg 23mg

Use the per 100g column to compare similar products.

Chicken Satay Serves 6.

Dairy free. Gluten free if you use rice, GF soy sauce & GF sweet chilli sauce Costs: $2.12 per serve This is one of my FAVOURITE meals ever. It originally came from an Annabel Langbein cookbook and I’ve adapted to suit my taste buds. It can be made vegetarian by using chickpeas instead of chicken. It’s easy to make small serves of this, just use ½ a can of coconut cream and freeze the other half for next time. If you want to freeze this, do it before you add the peppers because they go a little squidgy in the freezer.

It’s great hot or cold the next day for leftovers as well (if it lasts that long!). If you like things spicy add a little more chilli.

I do have a warning to go with this recipe though: I can be absolutely full to bursting and yet I’ll still go back for just a little bit more, so watch out!

Ingredients

1 medium onion, chopped 1 – 2 cloves or 1-2 teaspoons minced garlic ½ teaspoon minced chilli (optional) Black pepper to taste 1 tablespoon oil 1 can coconut cream or milk 1 ½ tablespoons soy sauce 2 tablespoons sweet chilli sauce 4 tablespoons peanut butter (crunchy is better) 400g boneless chicken (breast or thigh), remove skin and slice 1 medium capsicum sliced 500g pasta (or rice)

Directions

1. Mix together coconut cream, sweet chilli sauce and soy sauce. Add peanut butter and put to the side ready to add later 2. Put pasta or rice on to cook as you start making the sauce because it takes about the same time to cook the pasta as it does to cook the satay 3. Sauté onion, garlic, black pepper and chilli (if using) 4. Add chicken and cook until done 5. Add satay sauce and bring to the boil, stirring until peanut butter has melted through sauce 6. Add capsicum 7. Turn the heat down to low, simmer gently until the sauce has thickened.

Don’t boil the sauce vigorously or it will separate 8. When the pasta is cooked stir the sauce through and serve 9. Mmmmmmm. Enjoy!

Superhuman Strength

by Jared Van Huenen

We all grew up watching cartoons, TV shows and films about superheroes. Even as adults we watch films like Superman, Batman and Spiderman and wonder what it would be like to change the world with special powers, with superhuman abilities. Oddly enough, there are some circumstances and some people that are just a little bit stronger than the rest of us. From sudden adrenaline bursts to genetic mutations, superhumans aren’t impossible.

- “Tiny”

On Friday, February 13 (already an ominous sign), a filmmaker was out in Waialua, Hawaii shooting a short documentary about electrical workers in the area.

The footage shows the workers using a helicopter to lift heavy parts off site, but gets interesting when the chopper malfunctions and spins out of control, crashing into a water-filled ditch. One of the workers (and the pilot’s

friend) ran to the crash site to help. His name was Tiny (presumably because he looks like he weighs about 150kg). When Tiny and another rescuer realise the pilot is drowning under the weight of the helicopter, the huge Hawaiian local lifts the helicopter off the pilot so he can be pulled off. The helicopter weighed 18,000kg.

This amazing video is real, and it’s entirely possible. When under immense stress, the human body can produce adrenaline and noradrenaline, which are produced when humans face danger. In large enough doses, these chemicals can give anyone some pretty intense superhuman strength. Check it out at yourdiscovery. com: Tiny comes to the rescue.

Under this same principle, Lydia Angyiou fought a Canadian polar bear in 2006 while her children escaped. Angyiou tackled the bear and fought it until a neighbour came and shot it. Just as a bit of fact checking, the polar bear weighed about 360kgs, and she was just a tiny wee thing at around 50kgs. Just to end on a sad note, the polar bear was probably only in the town because global warming melted its house. Stink ay.

This kind of strength is truly amazing. Your body shuts down all unnecessary bodily functions (your digestion stops, for example) and engages the natural human ‘fight or flight’ response. You stop feeling pain, your respiration and heart rate speeds up and your muscles contract – producing some insane results. After these short stints of strength, it isn’t uncommon to suffer from exhaustion and intense muscle pain. On a gross note, during these strong periods it is possible to tear your muscles and ligaments in half and to clean break bones without realising it.

issue 10 may 2010

“Myostatin Muscle Hypertrophy” Myostatin is a hormone which usually restricts muscle growth before and after birth. Essentially it sends a message to your developing muscles and stops them getting any bigger until it needs them to. It is possible for one of your myostatin genes to be mutated – single muscle mutation, or both genes – double muscle mutation. A German boy was born in 2004 with the single mutation, and is now considerably stronger than anyone his age, without being any physically bigger or experiencing any side effects.

An American boy – Liam Hoekstra – was born without the mutation, but his myostatin receptor is broken. So he produces it but his body doesn’t listen. He has very little body fat, is a normal weight and height. He eats a full meal once every hour and is much, much stronger than he should be while remaining healthy. He can do inverted sit-ups, has a six pack, and is much stronger, faster and more agile than he should be. And he’s five.

How fucking cool is that?

The scary part about these particular mutations is that because it’s so rare nobody knows how many people have it, and so there’s no research about it. These kids could grow up and punch a hole in the earth or something. Just saying, it’s (not) possible.

Normal People On top of these genetically/chemically superior humans, there are always those among us who look and act normal, but we’re really not. Last year a guy named Usain Bolt (heard of him?) ran 100 metres in 9.5 seconds. Look at a spot ten metres away, and then imagine being there in less than one second. That’s fast.

Ryan Kennelly is an American weight lifter who, in 2008, broke his own world record and bench pressed 487kgs. That’s easily more than that polar bear who got fucked up earlier, AND he did it with just his chest and arms. That’s pretty super, and he’s a human, so I’d call that superhuman.

All in all, there’s some pretty decent evidence to suggest that some humans are a little bit more special than others. Whether it’s genetic or circumstantial, I’d like to think that one day, maybe, someone will throw on a cape and catch bullets.

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Irene Pink

Jimeoin

NZ International

Comedy Festival Reviews Irene Pink

Metamorphosis Live at Classic Comedy Studio April 26 – May 1

Review by Amanda Haxton (In Unison) Irene Green, Irene Blue, Irene Violet, Irene Red, Irene Yellow, aka Irene Pink. With a name like that I was expecting Pink to be bright and sunny and colourful in her show Metamorphosis.

She was colourful, for sure, but the self-styled “Pacific Princess” made the mistake of using her best joke too early in her show and subsequently the sun set prematurely on her performance.

The joke in question was that she was wearing her “cougar cardie”. I love cougar jokes and I love fashion, so I thought to myself; “here’s an act I’m really going to enjoy.” Sadly I didn’t really.

The upstairs lounge of the Classic Comedy Studio is hard to find but once you get there it’s intimate. It’s perfect for a bit of inter-audience banter (which Pink used to her advantage), but unfortunately too small to discreetly slip out half way through a lack-lustre performance.

So I had to stay through the whole of Pink’s Metamorphosis and I couldn’t even get another glass of wine.

Pink’s act is honest and personally revealing. The main subject is the seasoned comedienne’s massive weight loss. As you can imagine there were a lot of fat jokes -whale/ cruise ship references (you know the drill.) And then some jokes about stick insect models - dam those thin people, they can’t possibly be happy (again, you know the drill.)

There were a few “shore girl” jokes which reminded me painfully of the first season on Go Girls. Not to say that shore girl jokes are bad, just that they’ve been so done already.

The rest of the act was fairly standard stuff for a female comedienne. A few ex-boyfriend

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jokes, some husband jokes, some Shortland Street references and quite a few vagina references. It was a nice, tolerable, girly chat.

Nothing side splittingly funny. Just your usual Sunday brunch with the girls really, except, I’ve got funnier friends than that.

SATURDAY NZ Comedy Trust

The Best of the Billys Live at SKYCITY Theatre, May 1

Review by Samantha McQueen I shuffled into the packed SKYCITY Theatre on a rainy Saturday night, not knowing what to expect from The Best of the Billys. The two and a half hour show (including a 15 minute intermission) was hosted by 7 Days regular Ben Hurley, who had the crowd in the palm of his hand.

First up was Jan Maree, who won the Billy T award in 2001. Her humour is crass, in your face and sexually expletive. In her 10-15 minutes onstage, she tackled oral sex, masturbation and drinking in the same brash style as some of her male counterparts, and while she gets the laughs, some are uncomfortable titters.

The next 15 minutes that Cori Gonazalez-Macuer (2006 winner) took up were the most uncomfortable that I’ve ever experienced at a comedy show. He blatantly didn’t want to be there, and went on to explain how his comedy has been downhill since winning the award. He didn’t need to tell us; we were watching the equivalent of a train wreck.

Luckily, we were rewarded with Brendhan Lovegrove, who has been consistently named the best stand up comedian in New Zealand since taking out the award in 1998. It didn’t take long to see why. His act is based around all things local, including why he thinks Maori Television should have the TV rights

to the Rugby World Cup, and a run in with the Mongrel Mob over some dim sum.

Te Radar (the other winner in 1998) kicked off the second act in a Harry Potter-esque trench coat, tan boots and a top hat. He used a lot of physical comedy to accompany his jokes, but a few of them were held on too long; there’s a certain point when watching someone pretending to be wedged inside a pig isn’t funny anymore.

Chris Brain, last year’s winner, looked a bit overwhelmed as he took the stage. Like most before him, he ripped into his hometown Christchurch about its crime rate and trailer trash-ness, which falls under the “funny because it’s true” category.

Unfortunately, his performance came with microphone issues, and you could hear people backstage whispering over the speakers.

I was a bit apprehensive as to whether Dai Henwood would deliver the comedic goods, especially after he comes gallivanting onstage in a blonde wig, knee high socks with jandals and stubbies, masquerading as “John the Bank Teller”. But, the audience lapped it up, and when Ben Hurley came out to close the show there was a thunderous applause, which overshadowed any of the awkward moments during the show.

Jimeoin

Something...

Smells Funny Live at SKYCITY Theatre, May 4-8

Review by Amanda Haxton (In Unison) I pity the wife of a comedian. The hell these women go through, it’s just plain cruel. Having audiences of thousands hear about your period, your ex-boyfriend, your facial hair, your bikini wax, your labour.

It’s like getting your every

facial expression analysed and then showing the general public your vagina just for their entertainment, and your husband’s career.

Most of all, I pity Jimeon’s wife.

Because he rips right into her in his show, It’s so hilarious I wouldn’t be surprised if they get divorced soon.

Jimeoin’s Something Smells Funny runs for just over 90 minutes, and around 75 minutes of that is wife bashing. Five minutes is devoted to mocking his mother. Five minutes to mocking his friends dancing.

Three minutes to mocking the audience. Two minutes to mocking Northen Ireland’s political issues (a pre- requisite for all good Irish comedians).

The “closed eye turn” is instantly recognisable to any married man. I could tell, because they were all laughing hysterically in the audience while their partners gave them a “closed eye turn” for laughing at the “closed eye turn”. I felt like a traitor to my sex, laughing at all that derogatory, misogynist humour.

The Maori jokes were, too put it bluntly, racist. And everyone loves a racist comedian. Miraculously, Jimeon managed to diffuse any issues by casually taking down a few other cultures before anyone realised just how greatly he’d insulted our indigenous people, our rugby players and the Haka.

His occasional chuckles were also refreshing, the stonyfaced “I don’t realise I’m funny” comedian thing can get a bit old.

The only suggestion I make is to ditch the guitar. Why does it seem like everyone is employing useless musical skits in their acts nowadays? It wasn’t a strong aspect, and dragged the ending down a bit.

Overall, Jimeoin came across as a pretty funny guy to about half of the audience. The men all came out laughing and the women came out pissed and intent on destruction.

I’m scared to even think about what his wife looked like.

Raybon Kan

ConArtists

wednesday ConArtists

Bite Me: Fangprov Live at The Drake, May 5

Review by Selena La Fleur I think it’s a good idea to start this review by saying I am a supporter of Team Edward. Yes, something about his high cheekbones and glistening pasty body sets my heart aflutter.

He can suck on my neck any day.

Hearing of an impromptu comedy act that draws inspiration from Twilight, True Blood and all things blood sucking; I made sure I had my cloves of garlic as I descended into the tiny theatre at The Drake in Auckland City.

Penny Ashton bounced onto stage and the saucy MC encouraged the audience to loosen up and be prepared to be dazzled by her team of vampire friends, said with her best Dracula laugh. Following after her were three other improvisers, who asked the audience to yell out some ideas based on vampires. The usual words one would think of such as blood and suck, then some not so common ones... dishwashing powder (the new way of slaying Vampires instead of garlic, apparently) and fluff. Incorporating these ideas, the comedians set off to come up with a new act.

It was up to the audience to suggest ideas for the content and with a different audience every night; it was understandable the comedians got a bit muddled with names and places. Being talented improvisers though, they somehow managed to wing a whole hour of impromptu scenes, set in a small American town where some blood thirsty vampires were living amongst humans.

To be honest, I was expecting some cliché Buffy rip-offs and “I vaant to suuck your blood” lines but these improvisers had some raw talent that was the most enjoyable to watch. Fang-tastic.

ConArtists

Sex, Lies and Improvise Live at The Drake, May 5

Review by Selena La Fleur It’s not every day, a group of people are asked to display their orgasm face, make their favourite sex noise

and introduce themselves using their porn star name. If you’re interested in what your porn star name is (I’m sure you are) think of the first pet you ever had and the first street you lived on. I shall reveal my naughty name at the end, so keep reading.

Back by public demand, the popular improvisers from The ConArtists tickled my tender spot with their onthe-spot comedy skit. Taken from the popular show Whose Line Is It Anyway? the audience played an important role in suggesting words and ideas at the beginning of the show (anonymously, of course).

Clare Kelso had the role of the host, a female version of Dr.Frank-N-Furtur from The Rocky Horror Picture Show dressed in a nightgown, who kept this lively show and her “naughty darlings” erotically charged throughout. With some risqué subject matter and the usual sexualised puns and jokes, these four comedians delivered a high energy and entertainment, including some old time favourites such as the Sexy Ho’ Down, Party Guests and a rather delightful skit based on someone in the audience who wrote down their dirtiest, sexiest secret. Let’s just say it included a certain rugby player in a certain bar in South Auckland.

They covered every imaginable sexy topic under the sun; in fact, some things would probably get me in a bit of trouble for writing, so we’ll leave it at that. The best part was finding out these guys can come to any corporate function or event.

I certainly wouldn’t mind having them at my 21st just to mix things up a bit and make my Grandma uncomfortable as hell.

Selena La Fleur or Sophie Haycock to you.

Thursday Raybon Kan

Discomfort Zone Live at the Elliot Stables, May 6

Review by Selena La Fleur Raybon Kan took the stage on Thursday night with his new comedic act Discomfort Zone. It may have been the late starting time or the fact the stables were noticeably warm, but Kan looked like he was in the discomfort zone already.

Continuously rolling up his sleeves and chugging back his beer, I prayed that he would wow his audience and entertain us with some good old fashion humour.

issue 10 may 2010

He did display natural flair and his flow from one segment to the other was commendable as he covered all the usual topics that a comedian should. Politicians, tick. Transport in Auckland, tick. Gay People, tick.

Religion, tick. He tested the waters with a Brian Tamaki joke here and Tiger Woods reference there, but there was no real treading in the deep end.

His material was original, and his solutions to some of our countries problems such as texting and driving were quite genius, but there wasn’t that wow factor that I was expecting from this award-winning comedian.

He had some uncomfortable silences, where he would draw our attention to the Stables that we were in, and it was uncertain which lines were part of the show or just his observations.

Raybon Kan can make you laugh, but only sometimes, and it depends on the temperature.

Tuesday Burlesque As You Like It – The Blush Review Live at Auckland Town Hall, May 11

Review by Rebecca Williams A seductive striptease by a gorilla, glittery slug sex and cocks with bows on them: the only way to describe Burlesque As You Like It – The Blush Review is….well, fascinating.

I can’t say I was ever truly titillated by the performances of the wildly kooky Dust Palace Crew (www.thedustpalace.co.nz) but I enjoyed watching them have fun for a few hours.

Staying true to the historical roots of burlesque, the show balanced seduction, comedy and garishness to deliver a show that had you smiling as much as scratching your head. Gliding through a well-picked catalogue of vintage music and some modern favourites (possibly the best version of I Touch Myself I’ve ever heard) the show was fluent, exciting and totally unexpected.

With 22 non-stop performances, each completely different to the next, there’s something to tickle every fancy. My favourite had to be the slug sex: Two aerial performers in glittery body suits interpreting a dialogue originally written by David Attenborough. I also loved the ridiculously clever shadow puppet scene.

Burlesque

Dai Henwood

My only criticism would be the room set-up. On the lower level, guests are all seated around tables at the same height so you inevitably missed important “bits” during offstage stripteases. Happily, I was in the right place to see the goods in the final performance – thank the gods.

Whether it freaks you, turns you on or simply enthrals, you won’t be able to stop yourself talking about this show so go for it I say.

Dai Henwood Ideals VS Reality Live at SKYCITY Theatre, May 11

Review by Celeste Gorrell Anstiss Dai Henwood used to be funny. He was the youngest to ever win the Billy T award in 2002, and his old C4 show Insert Video Here used to have me doubled over on the floor laughing, crying and barely able to breathe.

But somewhere over the last few years, he’s lost his charm. He’s also slipped into the bad habit of laughing at his own punch lines, something I’ve noticed comic greats never do.

I desperately hoped he would pick up the pieces and create a splash at the comedy festival. But his show Ideals Versus Reality induced only a few, obligatory chuckles.

The show began with Dai in a stereotyped guise young Taranaki man “John the Bank Teller”. All the predictable jokes were there, including a few borrowed from YouTube hit Trent from Punchy. It seemed a bit tired, and a bit easy.

It wasn’t all bad. If he was a friend sharing these anecdotes with me over a drink, I probably would have been quite entertained. But for the SKYCITY Theatre, Dai needed to work a little harder.

Things started to look up once the “real” Dai came on. A highlight was his description of the three “types” of gym goers, and his rendition of the drunken “red ambulance” bride.

But still, he’s not the guy he used to be. I’m going to stick to the Dai Henwood of circa-2006.

By the time this goes to print, his shows will be over. If you missed out, rest assured that his funnier moments from times gone by can be viewed on YouTube. It’s guaranteed to have you in stitches, and you will have saved yourself $35.

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NZ Music Month Timeline

by Jared Van Huenen

2000

May It was the new millennium. Robots and flying cars hadn’t quite arrived yet, but N*SYNC’s Bye Bye Bye was topping the charts and New Zealand music wasn’t exactly flourishing – unless you count Zed’s Renegade Fighter. In fact, New Zealand music was only occupying around 10 per cent of the space on our radio stations, and considering the fact that *Stellar was our top musical export you can hardly be surprised.

2001

Fast forward to , when people had gotten over the whole millennium thing and Craig David was on the top of every 15 year-olds’ mind. It was also the year when that awesome song Butterfly by Crazy Town came out. How cool was that? Later that year, Shihad would officially change their name to Pacifier after a wee mix up involving a New York airport and a certain Islamic crusade. It was in this year the NZ Music Commission decided it was about time we started listening to Kiwi music on the radio. With the help of RIANZ and NZ On Air (as well as the Radio Broadcasters Association), radio stations targeted May as the month where we’d all try and give New Zealand artists a bit of a chance.

2002 was a good year for the emergence of Kiwi hip hop. Che Fu’s

Misty Frequencies bagged the best single award at the NZ Music Awards.

He also took away the pizza hut vouchers for best album, people’s choice, best male vocalist and best R&B/hip hop artist. Not bad. South Aucklandbased label Dawn Raid also came into its own, launching the Deceptikonz (Savage and his band of merry men) and their debut album Eliminator, which snuck up to number two in the album charts. Also significant (but not really because they didn’t do anything until 2004) was the formation of our favourite soft rockers Opshop.

2004

When came around 10 per cent of total music bought was Kiwi.

Which is pretty good considering it was 4 per cent in 2000. This Music Month thing seemed to actually be working. What else was working was Yesterday was just the Beginning by the NZ Idol top 10. Who would have thought? Adeaze was up there too with that a version of How Deep is your Love that seemed to be impossibly higher pitched than the Bee Gee’s original.

2003

In the year it was all about 50 Cent. While I don’t think he’s from New Zealand, he dominated the Kiwi charts for ages with In Da Club. This particular track managed to beat Nesian Mystik’s Unity to the number one spot, which is shit for them but probably makes sense. Other Kiwi acts in and around the scene in 03 include Goldenhorse and (what the fuck) Carly Binding. On the plus side, radio play for Kiwi music was up to nearly 15 per cent. Pretty decent.

2005

May of and we’d hit the fifth anniversary of our very own month of music! Twenty-three per cent of music was Kiwi, and if it wasn’t Kiwi it was probably that absolutely terrible electronic German piece of shit crocodile song by Schnappi. Music month was doing well – mainly thanks to Akon doing that song with Savage called Moonshine, which went number one in the charts. Blindspott were up there too. Fat Freddy’s Drop released their album Based on a True Story as part of Music Month 05, and it debuted at number one. It remains the second highest selling Kiwi album ever.

2006

Music Month and we had two Kiwi tracks in the top 10. Hollie Smith’s Bathe in the River and If It’s Cool from Nesian Mystik did the deed again, with the former staying in the top 10 for a staggering 22 weeks. Fat Freddy’s album was hitting its straps after the 2005 release, and the single Wandering Eye spent more than four months in the top 40.

2007

2008

It seems like a while ago now, but played host to some high achieving Kiwi performers. A certain Mr P.Money made YouTuber Vince Harder famous with that track Everything, which went gold and hit number one. Winners at the Music Awards included Shihad’s Beautiful Machine, Tiki Taane’s Past, Present, Future and Scribe’s Rhymebook. Not a bad year for album releases.

was the year of the Conchords. Our two favourite Wellingtonians took their weird comedic folk/rap to the big stage and US Network HBO picked the musical duo up for their own show. It proved to be a massive success and their album, The Distant Future, went gold in NZ (7,500 copies). Big Kiwi tracks of the 07 included Crawl by Atlas – which had that weird video of that dude crawling along the ground outside Britomart and Opshop gained a tonne of traction with their singles Maybe and One Day, which both went up to three in the charts, with the latter going gold.

2008

showed that Kiwi music can compete on the world stage, and

2009

2010

For what we can say already, has had a pretty interesting wee start, without a lot of massive Kiwi breakthroughs. Kids of 88’s track Just a Little Bit has done well. Dane Rumble has had the most successful single of the year with Cruel, and youngster J. Williams has teamed up with Scribe to sit in the charts for over three months with You Got Me. We’re only half way and with a few albums expected this year from Kiwi artists – it can only get better! For the time being, make the most of Music Month, and appreciate just how far we’ve come in the last 10 years.

continued to impress. Brother, the collaborative effort of Smashproof and Gin Wigmore, stayed on top of the charts for a NZ record 11 weeks and went two times platinum. Weird electro duo Kids of 88 hit the scene with My House, and proved that not all Kiwi music is Hip Hop or soft rock. By this stage, Tiki Taane’s Always on my Mind had been in the charts for more than 40 weeks and had become the most successful Kiwi single of all time. You might have heard of it?

New Zealand M usic Mon th’s 10 Y ear I ch. t New Zealand Music Month is 10 years old, and its youth is gone. Don’t mourn it, it had a good run, but aging is a part of life. NZMM is middle-aged. It happened gradually; like I say, his youth had a good run. He spent time as a bratty pre-teen named New Zealand Music Week, and then he came of age as an unnaturally confident teenager making his way in the world, and forging an identity. Then came his next incarnation as a successful young professional: he had his own TV shows, on several different TV stations, and Hallenstein’s sold his t-shirts. He had powerful mates. Everyone wanted to be seen with him from the Transmission Room and Whammy Bar to Solid Gold Fm and suburban libraries. He’d managed the rare feat of becoming a successful part of the establishment, and a cool young trend-setter simultaneously.

Then something happened a year or two back. Perhaps it was the recession, or perhaps he just found a grey hair (publicity events age in dog years), but suddenly he began to feel his age. He was getting out less, and what he was getting out to was getting lamer and lamer.

Symposiums with industry heads and interviews on Good Morning where he pretended he remembered who Sharon O’Neill was, and the like.

Sure he still had that t-shirt from that time he had a small role in Head Like A Hole’s video for I’m On Fire.

But then his ex-girlfriend wore it when she went to see You Am I play at Shadow Bar, and now it’s too painful to look at. It just sits at the back of his wardrobe with his leather jacket that’s signed by the Chills.

Last year however, came the moment he knew he was out of it. The moment he knew he was so out of it that “it” was a dot sailing over the horizon. It was the day he realised that he’d purchased a coffee table book of Kiwi song lyrics. The book came in a novelty polystyrene butcher’s tray (like a meat pack you might win at a school gala’s raffle), and came with a free barbecue apron. It had a picture on the cover of Dick Frizzell’s Four Square man holding a guitar. And he’d paid $120 for it... during a recession! NZMM hated himself, and consigned himself to never recognising the event named in his honour ever again.

Of course, a year is a long time to harbour an existential crisis, and this May, he attempted some efforts to rehabilitate the event. He made a half-arsed special for C4, but on the special, the pretty lead singer from The Naked and Famous said that she’d been to see the Mint Chicks when she was 12, which made NZMM feel as old as ever. He slinked back home to make a cup of chamomile tea, and re-read John Dix’s Stranded In Paradise.

But on his way home he thought better of going quietly into the issue 10 may 2010

good night. He’d heard on BFM that Thorazine Shuffle were getting back together for a one-off show at the King’s Arms – that counted as a NZMM event right? So, when he got home he reached for the instant coffee rather than the chamomile tea, in preparation for an attempted night out.

What did he find taped to the packet of Nescafe? He found the blue jay of happiness that would reaffirm his commitment to the institution. He found the Nescafe Classic Kiwi Reunion CD. He slipped it on the CD player.

The first three tracks were like Prozac to his desperate heart.

Anyone young enough to think of Family Guy as a cultural institution might be reasonably convinced that For Today by the Netherworld Dancing Toys is not a song but a Family Guy joke. One of those ones absurdist ones that isn’t funny in the sense that a joke is usually funny, and that’s what (supposedly) makes it funny. The elements of For Today don’t make any sense together: a guy with an 80s softmetal voice singing reggae with a woman who sounds a bit like the woman who sings Pink Floyd’s Great Gig In The Sky over a horn section. Plus it’s written by a band that sounds like it should be a British post-punk goth band. Like those Family Guy jokes, it’s not very funny, but it is five and a half minutes of pure joy. And it goes to demonstrate, once again, that the slap bass is the highest form of communication ever conceived by humans.

If For Today is one of those random Family Guy jokes, then Cleopatra

by The Mockers is one of the tasteless, gross-out ones. That joke would go like this: what if Elvis Costello suffered from foetal alcohol syndrome, and had a Jennifer-Jason-Leigh-in-Single-White-Female type obsession on Talking Heads frontman David Byrne? Then he might write a song that sounded like Cleopatra. It’s a weird decision for the CD, but it’s annoyingly catchy.

Room That Echos by Peking Man is perfect camp 80s Electronica, and it’s just plain awesome.

The other three songs on the disc are equally sweet, but more recent, and so less likely to be forgotten gems. Though it’s nice being reminded that Stellar* (Boh Runga’s band) had its good moments, despite the silly asterisk.

NZMM never did make it out that night to see Thorazine Shuffle, but he’s in a better place now. Maybe next year, if this damn recession ends, he might do something special.

21

Top 10

Great Things About Winter

#10 Good movies

While we are freezing in our unheated houses and battling wind and rain, the northern hemisphere is lapping up the sun. This means they are entering “summer blockbuster” season where the biggest movies of the year are released. Look out for Sex and the City 2, The A-Team, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Jonah Hex, Scott Pilgram vs. the world, The Karate Kid, Shrek Forever After and Toy Story 3 in theatre over the colder months.

There’s always a silver lining.

#9 Everything flannelette

Thanks to certain celebrities, flannel has been embraced in a big way over the last 12 months. It’s warm and practical, and remember, it doesn’t just extend to your clothing. Nothing beats snuggling up in flannelette sheets with flannel pyjamas at bedtime. It’s the little things.

#8 Winter fashion

To some, winter is their favourite season, purely because they get to dust off those favourite pair of boots, and can justify buying a new winter coat.

Unlike summer, when you’re dressed in light clothing, winter is all about layers. Purples and reds feature as heavily as blacks and greys; people mix leather with wool, suede with tweed, and jeans become everyone’s favourite. You’ll look good AND be warm – It’s a win win.

#7 Spas/long baths

Nothing beats a hot bath or spa on a cold winter’s night. It’s relaxing, luxurious, and most importantly – warm. If you are blessed with a bath or spa (or spa bath!) at your place, make the most of it. Light some candles, grab a book, magazine or your iPod and relax. If not, grab a group of friends and car pool to Waiwera or Parakai Springs for a day or evening treat. It’s best to go during exams because all the kids will still be in school.

#6 Concerts

New Zealand has been lucky with concerts this year, and don’t think that because we’d heading into winter that it will stop. Passion Pit, Florence and the Machine, 30 Seconds To Mars, Train and The Temper Trap are just five of the highly anticipated concerts happening over the next three months, so grab a ticket and head down to listen to some amazing music and dance yourself silly.

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#5 Snuggling

For you lucky people with significant others out there, winter is the perfect excuse for some good old fashioned snuggling to stay warm. Unlike summer, when you need to sleep on opposite ends of the bed because of the heat, the cold means you need to cosy up real close. Body heat is the fastest way to get warm, you know? It’s survival 101.

#4 Winter sports

It’s time to replace that longboard and water skis with a snowboard and snow skis. New Zealand has some pretty good looking mountains around the country and thousands flock to them every day after the first blanket of snow arrives. While the North Island has the largest ski field (Whakapapa), the South Island has the biggest selection. There’s Mt Hutt, Lake Tekapo, The Remarkables and Coronet Peak, and a plethora of smaller ski fields in between. Get together some friends and organise a winter road trip (or plane trip). For those of you who can’t get away, there’s Snow Planet on the North Shore, and for a romantic date there are ice skating rinks in Avondale and Howick.

#3 Roasts

Winter means those barbecues get put away and a good old fashioned roast takes over. It’s the ultimate winter food and it feeds so many. Winter is the time to invite friends around for a roast chicken, complete with roasted vegetables, gravy and a nice glass of red wine. Best of all, a well cooked roast makes you look like an experienced master chef.

#2 Snow

New Zealand has a mild winter in comparison to other countries, such as Europe, parts of America and Canada and only a few lucky towns here get to see snow that’s not on a mountain. You should make it your mission this winter to find snow and make snowmen and snow angels, have a snow fight and if you’re lucky, go sledding. Make your snow dreams come true.

#1 Semester break

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re a student. This means that come June 25 (or earlier, depending on when your exams fall) you’ll be on holiday for almost a month. That’s right, until July 19 you are free from lectures, assignments, libraries and exams. You can spend it travelling around the country, heading overseas to a warmer climate, visiting friends and family, or spending the days curled up in a mink blanket, watching movies and eating junk food. Whatever your plans, savour every minute of it. Long holidays are part in parcel of being a student and trust me, one month will fly by.

Mother’s Day I have no problem with the existence of Mother’s and Father’s Day. My objection comes from the commercialisation of these days and the expectance to go to extreme lengths. It is this attitude that really grinds my gears.

I love my mum but showing my appreciation for all that she does often falls by the wayside through my unfortunate laziness in this department. This is why I appreciate Mother’s Day as it gives me an outlet to show my gratitude. Growing up it would be a homemade card, breakfast in bed (another tradition that disappeared once the teenager-sleeping-in habit kicked in) and maybe a small, but well thought out, gift. For the last few years it has turned to a card from Whitcoulls and a gift of some description. So, the amount of time I spend on making something of Mother’s Day has decreased but the amount of money I spend has increased. I feel that this is somewhat backwards as the idea of the day is to show appreciation and acknowledge your mum’s efforts but we show minimal effort toward expressing this. I can understand

that time is a valuable commodity to many people and that the Mother’s Day gift table at Whitcoulls becomes the one stop shop on your way to see mum either the day before or day of.

The gift buying is not what gets to me; it is the expectation and often pressure that is put on people to express their thanks in a certain way.

I work in retail and come one week prior to Mother’s Day the shopping mall is flooded with advertisements targeted at this day. My work cashes in on this and on the Saturday (the day before Mother’s Day) we find ourselves heaving with last minute shoppers much like in the Christmas season. Unfortunately guys, you become a majority of the clientele in a women’s clothing store. It’s not uncommon for a man to come in (trying to be staunch) thinking he knows what to buy only to see his expression drop when he realises how much variety there is. You approach him and say nothing more than “Mother’s Day?” with a knowing and reassuring smile. You then spend time whittling down the possibilities from colour, style and size (it’s at this question they often look you up and down

and say that she’d be about your size). Once they have one or two options, they make the decision and proceed to purchase at top speed so they can escape. But so often these men have been sent in with clear and concise instructions as to what they have to purchase. They’ve been told the store to go to, what size, colour, style, price and even sometimes where in the store it is. To express the extent of how much expectance has been put on Mother’s Day I served a couple who were buying a Mother’s Day gift for a woman who was only pregnant with her first child.

Our mums deserve to be celebrated and appreciated, but no one deserves to be pressured into how they do this. Showing appreciation is something that takes sincerity; you won’t get this when you tell someone “I want the longsleeved, merino cardigan with double breasted buttoning, light-spearmint, size 10 from Max. It’s $79.95 and you’ll find it 11 feet in from the front of the store and slightly off to the right”.

by Keisha Bolton We’ve all been walking down the street, when out of the corner of an eye have sighted one of the many human phenomena this world has to offer. I have every right to believe that hair that falls below the knees is one of the many human wonders of this world.

Usually you will be in a world of your own when the hairy phenomenon glides past you. She has the street silent as she passes each individual.

When she disappears around the next corner we usually look to the person beside us and briefly ponder with them the awe and shear possibility of having hair that incredibly long.

As someone with a habit of always taking something to the

next level, whether called for or not, I decided to ponder for a little longer than usual, the massive potential of incredibly long hair. Sure this serene beauty captivates us with her hairy grace out of open doors but just think of the dramas behind closed doors! Have you ever taken the time to consider what it must be like to clean the drain of her shower.

I once had the privilege of officially meeting a long haired person up close and personal.

We even chatted! I asked her the usual questions any one would ask like: “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found in your hair at the end of the day?”

“Have you ever been caught outdoors on a really windy day and gotten tangled up with the person next to you?”

“Did you know who the person was you got tangled up with?”

issue 10 may 2010

“Were you still friends after your hair nearly chocked them to death?”

Much to my disappointment, I got mostly boring answers, but I must have been using an effective approach because I was let in on one of her more interesting experiences.

One day, her and her family were walking down the street one afternoon. She disappeared into a building, only to emerge through sliding doors two hours later. When she came out and distanced herself from the building, something wasn’t quite right. Her long platted pony tail was quickly stretching out behind her, developing into a relative horizontal position.

From the perspective of a street spectator it appeared her hair had caught onto one of the sliding doors. The big hand of the city clock hit 12, before the doors clinked shut and five or more security locks slid into

place. A frantic rush of black clad office yuppies poured from nearby office buildings and it was officially 5pm, business hours over! Business hours were over and a part of her hair was somehow jammed between two incredibly locked office doors! If her hair had been long enough, it’s possible she could have even crossed a street or two before noticing.

I tried out for some more hairy stories (pun!), but this one had to top them all! I’m positive long hair really does have much potential, and this here reflection has merely scraped the surface of what inside info could be turned inside out. So, if anyone could exchange a story or two with me, for the sake of study procrastination, it would be gladly taken aboard!

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by Victor Abbott

But hey! That’s just what I think

So, it seems I too have succumbed to that which

I’ve never aspired to be a huge somebody. I mean

people call “writers block”. Bear with me however, as this doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to say at all, simply that there was nothing that really spoke out to me this week that I should mention (keep in mind that I usually bust these out in one sitting).

Actually no, there is something that is bothering me, but it’s not so much a gaming-related thing. It’s about obscene shipping costs. Trade Me, like everything else in New Zealand is simple, lazy and effective. If you see something on Trade Me and your instincts tell you to buy it, you hit buy now. Sort out the shipping (because the sellers are usually too lazy to figure it out for you) and then within three days you will have said item. The reason I’m talking about shipping costs is because I recently bought a gaming headset from the US of A off of a little site you may have heard of called eBay. Now, this was my first time using eBay, and I’m not going to lie, at first I was a little bit intimidated, but after 10 or so minutes it became fairly straight forward. I found the item I was after and read through the details of the sale (the headset was $80 USD) and I was shocked that shipping was $40 USD....Half the price of the item I was buying was being added on just to get the bloody thing here.

Now, as I said, this was my first experience with International trade and if any of you out there are reading this and wondering why I’m complaining, you can just straight STFU, because $40 USD or $55 NZD is ridiculous for an item of its size being sent here. Yes, I realise that the box will have gone half way around the world, soaking up some sun and loving every minute of it before it arrives here, but come on. This is just ridiculous.

“Well why did you buy internationally and not locally you moron?”

I hear some of you asking. Well you impolite clods (IP Comm ftw), the reason behind that is when it comes to gaming products New Zealand isn’t exactly the most up-to-date or knowledgeable place in the world.

I went into EB Games and JB HI-FI asking if they could order in the headset I was after, but the friendly people at both stores looked at me as if I had told them I’m from the future and require their assistance in stopping the Fijian army from taking over the world. This is the thing that annoys me; we’re supposed to be a country climbing up the ranks of modernisation yet when it comes to the needs of a gamer, be it ranging from faster connection speeds to a headset, we get the cold shoulder. The country is too busy sending John Key to Iraq so he can look like a douche while also making the whole of New Zealand look like the douche bag Mother Earth threw away after she spat out Australia.

No wonder we’re one of the youngest countries in the world, nobody wanted to freaking touch us.

But, I digress. As I said in the beginning I didn’t really know what to talk about, and I’m sure what I did talk about was great (it seems getting fired up about something causes your fingers to type but for you to actually lose all sense of awareness) Anyway, It’s late and I’ve got assignments to do and as always if you want to let me know something, or yell at me for being racist or something, e-mail me at abbott_man@hotmail.com and we can chat about lyf and stoof.

sure, it’s nice to be recognised, because nobody ever really wants to be nobody. But I have watched enough movies to know that behind your average famous person’s “life is a box of fluffy kittens” exterior is a soul riddled with self doubt and a small sense of personal worth. Hence why so many celebrities adopt poor African children or pledge gross amounts of cash to charities to try feel better about their enormous wealth that they really only have because they’re damn good looking (unless your Jake Gyllenhaal, not sure how he slipped through).

The world has a morbid fascination of celebrities and celebrity culture.

It has to constantly follow the latest big thing shaking Hollywood. People around the world have followed celebrities and their soul searching through Kabballah, Buddhism or Scientology. They have moved through diets from Atkins (who incidentally died medically overweight and of high-cholesterol), to raw-food, to lemon detox, only to discover the only way either of those things can work for you is if you have a very healthy bank balance and enough spare time to commit to a personal trainer for six hours a day, for three months.

Many people I am sure have ranted about the increase of “celebrity” culture that invades our lives. A model’s sex tape makes front page news while the death of a single innocent bystander is relegated to page four.

Does it mean we as a society have degraded human life or is it just a matter of desensitisation? I wonder whether becoming desensitised means people become less afraid of death, and accept the inevitability of it or inversely never think about it until that day finally arrives. Which is better I ask?

Often people who accept their eminent demise and have truly considered their own mortality after some near death experience or the loss of a loved one live a possibly fuller life. Of course, some people take it badly and end up cowering at the thought of rain, lest it turn to a flood and wash them away. They become trapped in within the greatest prison in the world – the human mind.

A better celebrity to think about is the guy you pass every Thursday morning on the bus into uni. Your life and his intersect weekly, yet what more do you know of his life (and vice versa) other than the dog he walks.

Do you realise that if you’ve seen him for more than a year he has had a birthday? He may have gotten engaged, married, divorced or widowed?

Everybody’s life could be immensely exciting if we all had witty script writers.

Think of this guy and other “famous people” in your life rather than the “celebrity” that is forced on you by popular culture, it could lead you places.

NB. I am in no way liable or actively encouraging you to talk to him.

He could be an axe murderer, let’s face it.

24

Cycling in Copenhagen

by Michelle Pollock

SIGNIFICANT is a word that draws with it a

When I thought about Danish food, the first thing

multitude of responses. Dictionaries talk of it implying; things that are meaningful, momentous and influential, substantial, occurring not merely by chance, considerable, major, noteworthy.

When this column is published here at AUT we will certainly be in the significant final weeks of semester one. Assignments will be due, essays to be completed and examination study undertaken. All in all, the very core of why we are here embarking on tertiary study: to successfully complete and obtain a qualification. To all of you, may your efforts and commitment be rewarded with significant grades.

I want to touch on other aspects of our life at AUT where the word significant can surely apply. Firstly, there is the reality that for some overseas students only here for one semester, time is now very short.

Plans are already in hand by many of you regarding return flight homes or to some other holiday destination.

Talking with a number of you as we have interacted together, your time here has been significant in your academic development, personal friendships made, and opportunities to experience something of our Kiwi lifestyle and landscape.

For others, this semester has been significant in that it has represented the commencement of your studies here at AUT. I do hope that you have managed to find a balance between work required of you and entering into AuSM activities.

For me, the significance of special people within the academic and administrative staff who have impacted upon me in various ways has been of immense value. My hope is that many of you can say the same.

To learn from such people I believe is a privilege.

Special people also come across our path from within our fellow student body. I am not talking here of relationships, though for some that becomes a reality, but perhaps just a handful with whom you can share a special, indeed significant affinity. Those who you share a common passion for an avenue of study, or a specific subject within it; those who you feel comfortable enough to share confidences, any fears, anxieties and joy you are experiencing. These friendships are indeed significant and have the potential to endure via today’s communication methods across whatever distance may ultimately separate you.

Just as you and I have the potential to be blessed and enriched by others, so I believe that many of you have been the “significant” person in the lives of others.

Finally, whatever your area of study I would commend to you the personal value of taking an interest in current affairs within your own country and from a global perspective. You, who are younger than I am, live in significant times by any yardstick. In your lifetime, you will face issues in the areas of international peace and conflict resolution, nuclear disarmament, climate and water concerns, along with global hunger, poverty and health issues.

In many places, countries and international forums decisions are being taken now in these areas and in some cases are not necessarily for the best, but rather for expediency. Time spent making yourself more intellectually aware now will have added significance for you each as your futures unfold.

Never forget that is from yourselves and others of your generation from every corner of our globe that national and international leadership has to emerge!

that came to mind was a danish. You know, the sweet, flaky, pastry treat with yummy fillings. Well, apparently in Denmark these are called ‘Weinerbrød’ – which actually translates as ‘Vienna bread’. I think this is one of those things that I have just learnt not to question in Copenhagen, but brings me to an important point: Danish food is a bit weird. Here are five things to show you just what I have been dealing with.

issue 10 may 2010

#1: The weinerbrød as mentioned above. Perhaps our version of them is just not very traditional, but I have found them very strange here. The best one I have had since I left New Zealand was actually in Stockholm, in Sweden. Go figure. There are amazing bakeries all around the city though, and if you know the right place to go to, you can even stop by on your way home from a night out and purchase some freshly baked bread from the back door. #2: McDonald’s happy meals come with a choice of fries or carrots.

Sliced carrots. In a bag. I was a little baffled by that, until I realised that the Danes have a love affair with the carrot. It is quite common, and normal, to be sitting in class when someone pulls out a whole carrot and starts munching away. The university canteen even sells carrot sticks.

Not sure they need to eat them to see in the dark, as the saying goes, considering it is now only dark from 10pm to 4am! #3: The Pølservogn (stand) on every corner. You could describe a pølser as a hot dog, but that just doesn’t do it justice. It is usually a bun which has one open end only, into which they squirt tomato sauce and mustard, and then put in a frankfurter. Another student from AUT who is on exchange in Glasgow, Scotland, came to visit me last weekend. I made her try one, and she actually quite enjoyed it. As a quick, albeit greasy, lunch on the run they work okay, but the Danes swear by them. #4: The massive amount of pork and fat in Denmark. New Zealand may have around nine sheep to each person (according to some quick googling), but Denmark has approximately five pigs to each person.

Not only do they love their pork and bacon, they love to cover it in even more fat – like the traditional dish, which has a topping of pork fat mixed with parsley. Mmmm. For a country of rather thin and healthy-looking people, their eating habits sure aren’t great. #5: Rød Gløde Med Fløde. This makes it on the list simply because it is almost impossible to pronounce – and Danes love to hear you stumble on it. It is a dessert made from red berries and cream and is actually quite tasty. Of course, if you even tried to pronounce this while ordering the waiter will just laugh at you. It sounds a little something like: roulll groulll mehl fluuehl.

Although their traditional meals are a little strange, the Danes love to try new foods. In Copenhagen especially, the food and restaurant scene has been improving in recent years, with many global influences. In fact Copenhagen restaurant Noma was just announced number one in the world. Now, if only it wasn’t so expensive...

25

Dear Allergic,

Dear Agony Aunt I am allergic to the soap at AUT. Can I substitute soap and water with that hand sanitizer stuff, even when I go for number two?

From Allergic

website of the week

Frequent hand washing is an essential part of maintaining good personnel hygiene.

According to the centre for disease control and prevention (DCP), the most important thing you can do to keep from getting sick is to wash your hands. Throughout the day you accumulate germs on your hands from many sources, particularly after using the toilet. If you don’t wash your hands you can infect yourself with these germs by simply touching your nose and mouth. You can spread these germs to others by direct skin contact or by touching surfaces that they also touch. Door handles, light switches, computer keyboards and phones are all germ hotspots. It is so easy for germs on your hands to end up in your mouth. Yuck.

Despite the proven benefits of hand washing, many people don’t practice this habit as often as they should and students have been found to be one of the biggest culprits.

Even if you are a good hand washer other people may not be and you could find your self-sharing more than you bargained for with your friends.

Ordinary soap and water are sufficient at removing bacteria and viruses from the skin that are responsible for the spread of diseases. However as you cannot use the soap supplied at AUT, an excellent alternative is to use an alcohol based sanitizer.

Allergies to liquid soaps (usually due to fragrances and preservatives) are common. They sometimes cause a condition called contact dermatitis that makes skin red, sore and dry. Research suggests that alcohol based sanitisers containing more than 60 per cent alcohol are just as good at removing bacteria and viruses as ordinary soap and water.

The good news is that alcohol-based hand rubs are unlikely to cause contact dermatitis and allergies are rare. However frequent use may cause some dryness of the skin. Using a hypoallergenic moisturiser would be a good idea.

The bad news is that AUT do not supply alcohol based sanitizers in the toilets throughout the university.

You can purchase pocket size sanitizer gel from most pharmacies for around $7.

Tips for good hand washing Use warm water (not hot or cold) Use whatever soap you like

by Samantha McQueen

www.menumania.co.nz Anyone who knows me well will know that I am a) organised and b) a fussy eater. I don’t eat seafood, pork, mushrooms or beetroot. I used to only order chicken nuggets and chips at restaurants up until age 13. There are few things worse to me than a bad dining experience. This is where menumania.co.nz saves me from starving when I go to restaurants. It’s a user review site: you pick the location where you want to eat at (i.e. Parnell), the type of food you want and the price you want to pay and it selects all the restaurants on their database that meet their requirements. There you can see exactly what people have said about it, and more often than not, it will have a link to their latest menu. I can see whether I like the selection (and can afford it) without having to leave my desk. My two favourite restaurants were discovered from searching this website.

Just from researching for this piece, I searched Italian (my favourite) in Auckland city, and asked for the most reviewed restaurants to be at the top of the list (better idea of what the food is really like). I stumbled across That’s Amore, which had 10 user reviews, nine of them 4 stars or above (out of five stars). The only bad review has a follow up from the owner and chef of the restaurant who encouraged him to come back into the restaurant to get his money back and talk about why he didn’t like it. It had a link to the menu, lunch and dinner hours, payment methods, BYO terms, price range ($15-$25 per person) and contact details. It’s definitely going on my “to do” list.

26

Lather both sides of hands and rub vigorously, not forgetting to wash in between fingers, wrists and nails Rub for approximately 15 – 20 seconds Rinse with warm water Dry with clean towel or hand dryer Using an alcohol hand sanitizer Apply around ½ teaspoon to the palm of your hand.

Rub your hands together, covering all surfaces of your hands until they’re dry

To make an appointment to see a nurse or doctor phone Health, Counselling and Wellbeing on 921992 (city campus) or 9219998 (North Shore campus). Alternatively you could call Healthline on 0800 611 611 and speak to a registered nurse.

If you have a question you would like to submit to Agony Aunt, email it through to jbarker@aut. ac.nz with Agony Aunt in the subject box, or drop it in to the Health, Counselling and Wellbeing centres. All names will be kept anonymous.

with Tenani French

Horoscopes ARIES (March 21-April 19) Apples are your fruit of the week. While crunchy and delicious, an apple will save you from an untimely death this weekend.

You better believe it.

Watch it!

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains I’ll admit, this show got old pretty quick. I stopped watching after about season three or so. It’s been ten years and 20 seasons and it’s still going, and boy is it going. The latest entry to the Survivor series has re-launched the show and helped it reclaim its crown as the king of reality TV. In only the first episode someone breaks their toe, another’s arm is ripped out of its socket, and someone else has her top ripped off and has to complete a challenge, baring all. It’s Survivor on steroids. Backstabbing, boobs and blood galore, tune in, it’s worth it. Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains airs Thursdays at 8:30pm.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Lollies, while delicious, are a poor dinner choice. This week try something really foreign. Like a pizza or kebab.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21) Money will be directly linked to ice-cream for you Geminis this week. Whether you’re losing money at Giapo, or making your own to sell on Wellesley Street, there are dollar signs in your future.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

Leave it!

Robin Hood remake?

Seriously, do we need another Robin Hood movie? He’s one of those characters that just get exploited every few years when Hollywood’s looking for old ideas to rehash. Ridley Scott, all we need is Robin Hood: Men In Tights and the animated Disney version. Leave it alone, it’s not even that interesting a story. Robin Hood opens this Thursday.

Nothing says “I’m gonna get some” like homemade pizzas. Grab a pack of pizza bases and some tomato paste and prepare wee little bowls filled with all different toppings. You’ll look classy, original and a little bit unique.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) This week is the time for sausages.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Check it!

www.lookbook.nu It’s like a magazine but full of pretty, hipstery people, all dressed up in outfits that make them look like attractive child molesters.

It’s a strange website and one which you’d have to be pretty full of yourself to actually make a post on. Except my friend Juno. She’s lovely.

Prosperity will come your way if you try new things. Pick a funny looking fruit from a Japanese supermarket and put it in a salad.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) As a uni student, mince should be your friend by now. The stars suggest that it may be your only friend. Get out a little more.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)

Catch it!

Skins: Season 4 I know I harp on about Skins every few months but it finally returns with all new episodes this week! The show has this unique trend of ditching the entire cast every two seasons and so because this is the last season with this cast expect them to go out with a bang. The usual mix of music, sex, drugs, violence, swearing and an incredibly addictive story will keep you hooked until the very end, stay tuned for details of the next season, and the new cast.

Skins returns to C4 Mondays at 9:30pm.

Your uni work will suffer without the proper nutrition. With exams coming up, you need to make sure that you’re drinking plenty of energy drinks. Not cheap ones either. Stick to the reputable brands and it’ll pay off later in the week.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) It’s time to get on the bandwagon and find out whether Doritos are really worth the hype.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Invite that special someone over for dinner.Stock up on your veggies and throw a stir-fry together. Everyone loves stir-fry.

If there’s something you think the student masses of AUT need to know about, send us an email to debate@aut.ac.nz with Suggestions in the subject line.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) When entertaining this week, it will be important to cook all your meat well. Especially chicken. The last thing you want on your conscience is giving someone campylobacter (wiki that shit).

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Now that it’s getting a little colder, the stewing season is upon us. Chuck everything in your fridge into a pot together. You might be pleasantly surprised. t.

issue 10 may 2010

27

Vintage clothing:

Photos: Heather Rutherford

a stylish trip down memory lane

W

hen it comes to vintage clothing, I have found there to be a surprising lack of coverage in fashion magazines even though it is an unavoidable part of the industry. Designers are influenced by it, trends are driven by it, and people use the unique feel to forge their identity.

When looking through style and fashion blogs on the internet, a lot of the most unique looks are almost entirely comprised of vintage clothing or have one significant vintage piece. Some of the benefits of buying vintage clothing include: Superior craftsmanship - clothing from before the days of mass fashion consumption is generally better made and will last longer.

Uniqueness - you can rest assured no one else will be wearing what you are wearing.

Cheaper prices - you can buy an absolutely amazing and impeccably crafted piece for a fraction of what you would pay for something new.

Up until recently K Rd was regarded as Auckland’s “red light district”. It has since successfully re-vamped its image to being the best place to look for vintage clothing in Auckland. I had a look through some of the many vintage stores on K Rd (and nearby) and found some favourites:

This is not a Love Shop

The first thing that struck me about this vintage store was how creepy the mannequins were.

They were almost creepy enough to make me walk straight out. After I got over that and had a look around, I found myself a pair of brogues and a very Celine looking faux leather skirt. If you are looking for retro, kitsch and inexpensive, this is your best bet.

28

by Heather Rutherford

Above photo: Kevin’s Arcade on K Rd. Left: Fashion doctor’s bag.

Fuzzy Vibes

Look for the colourful entrance and down a staircase. This is another good store if you are after crazy retro 60s and 70s clothing.

Peachy Keen

Refers to itself as a vintage department store.

Indeed all the clothing is divided into eras to make it easy for people looking for a particular style. They also have a website, www.purelyvintage.co.nz

Fast and Loose

When it comes to vintage on K Rd, St Kevin’s Arcade is definitely the vintage Mecca. Fast and Loose has long been known as the most fashion-forward of the vintage stores. When all the other vintage stores are a jumble of clothing and styles, Fast and Loose is a very carefully edited, almost boutique-like store.

Vixen

Right next to Fast and Loose, it has a much bigger selection and a more chaotic feel. I could spend hours in there and still not see everything. If you are looking for shoes, this is the place to go. They had an amazing selection of cowboy boots, as well as jewellery.

Trade Me

Trade Me surprisingly turned out to be quite a good source for vintage clothing. Within five minutes of searching for “vintage clothing” I had bid on two dresses, a blazer and a pair of shoes. Quite a few people buy from vintage stores and op-shops and resell the best pieces on Trade Me, therefore the site ends up with a very good selection. One particular Trade Me seller keeps a vintage blog in which she posts photos of her favourite vintage finds:

Tango

This shop on Little High Street would probably have to be my favourite. This store stocks clothing from even further back than any of the other stores I visited. I found a lot of clothing from the 1920s, right through to the 80s. I even found a red Versace jacket from the Gianni Versace era (1978 – 1997). The staff there are very knowledgeable and passionate about what they are selling. They also only sell the highest quality clothing as well, so no weird smells or stains here!

Tattys

This Ponsonby store mostly only re-sells designer clothing but there is the odd bit of vintage mixed in here and there. I got two amazing dresses from there; one was a 1970s Marilyn Munroe-esque dress, and the other was a floor length technicoloured piece that I cut to bits and restyled (both pictured).

Care is very important when it comes to vintage clothing. Washing care labels only really came about in the 1970s so for everything before that, you will have to make an educated guess.

Modern day washing machines and washing powders are too strong and potent for vintage clothing so always hand wash using a pure soap powder. If you are lucky enough to own a 1920s sequined dress, never get it wet – the sequins are made out of gelatine and will dissolve. Any good vintage seller will have a good idea of how you should care for what you are buying.

There you have it, a brief guide to shopping for vintage in Auckland. My experience with vintage clothing is that it has a much longer shelf life than anything else and therefore is one of the best fashion investments you can make.

Joseph Mow

Aaron Yang

Mark Turner

Jeans: Customised Rodd and Gunn, Shoes: Save Mart T-shirt and Cardie: Country Road

Cardie: High Street shop Everything else also from High street

Shoes: Chuck Taylors Shorts: Wrangler, T-shirt: Mooks, Cardie: Country Road

Fashion Design (1st Year)

Business (1st Year)

Business (1st Year)

Pat Menzie’s

O

Photo source: www.biglittlecity.co.nz

k, I’m going to share my biggest secret with you...well, ok, not my BIGGEST secret, because that would just be weird. I’ll rephrase: I’m going to share my biggest shoe secret with you. The best place EVER to get shoes is Pat Menzies. I discovered this cave of treasures when I first left school.

My friend and I were looking in a magazine and asking ourselves where we could get those great shoes the celebrities were wearing. My sister came along and went “Oh, you can get them at Pat Menzies”. So off we trotted to Queen St and the little arcade and I’ve been in love with the place since. It is street shoe heaven.

When you venture far enough down the (admittedly) dodgy looking arcade, past the sushi place, you are greeted by a little store that is packed from floor to ceiling and everywhere

Canterbury Arcade, 174 Queen St Mon – Thurs: 9am - 5:30pm Friday: 9am - 6:30 pm Saturday: 10am - 4pm (Sun: Closed)

in between with shoes. The Vans display always brings me back, it has the largest range of designs I’ve ever seen. You can get a colour to go with every outfit, even those cool leather ones too. They are a huge stockist of Doc Martins too, although they are not as “in” at the moment, but you can get yourself some spanky boots for those days when you want to go grunge, emo, or goth.

Apart from those, they have Lacoste, Converse, Hush Puppy, Sketchers, Julius Marlow, Clarks Wallabee, Florsheim, Cats, Windsor Smith, Gallaz, Keds...the list goes on!

Honestly though, the place is jam packed with shoes. You have to be a little patient to look through everything, but it is worth it. I suppose the only negative is that there are often waiting lists when a new style has just come out. I went

Price Range: Size Range: Wear to uni?

Wear to town?

For guys or girls?

$35 - $500 Up to 16 Always Guys for sure; girls when flats are a must.

Both

in for Keds when they were first out and there was a one month waiting list on them! So my suggestion is to get in quick when new stuff comes into fashion and get on the waiting list early.

So there you go, now you know my secret, don’t tell too many other people!

This review was written by a graduate in Retailing. If you are interested in retail and why people buy, take a look at papers in the Retail major in the Business School. You don’t have to be a business student to take the papers, so check out the website today!

issue 10 may 2010

29

The Blind Side Directed by John Lee Hancock Film Review by Amanda Haxton (In Unison)

House Rules Published by Allen & Unwin Book Review by Samantha McQueen

I had high expectations for The Blind Side. I’m

Jodi Picoult is a force to be reckoned with. She is a

not sure if anyone else remembers this, but just before Sandra Bullock’s husband cheated on her a la Tiger Woods and she secretly adopted a baby, she won the best actress Oscar because of her performance in this film. So as I said, my expectations were high, perhaps a little too high.

The Blind Side is based on the true story of Leigh Anne Tuohy, an upperclass housewife, who takes in Michael “Big Mike” Oher, a homeless AfricanAmerican with no family, a low IQ and from the wrong side of the tracks.

What started off as temporary turns into a permanent arrangement and Michael is given new clothes, a bed and a proper family for the first time in his life. He also shows enormous potential in football and his family all help train him so he can qualify for an athletic scholarship. All of this is compacted into a two-and-a-half minute tear-jerking trailer.

The Blind Side is just yet another, run of the mill, “triumph in the face of adversity” sports film. Sandra Bullock plays Leigh Anne Tuohy. It’s by no means a terrible performance; it’s simply not a standout. The cliché, tough-but-sexy mom is a character we’ve all seen hundreds of times before, and Bullocks performance was nothing on Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich. When up against stellar performances by Meryl Streep in Julie and Julia and Carey Mulligan in An Education at this year’s Oscars, I question how she walked away with the statue for such a (comparatively) mediocre role. Quinton Aaron, however, is excellent as Michael, the underdog. He plays the shy and gentle giant convincingly, complete with a sad glimmer in his eye.

It’s hard to analyse a plot that’s based on a true story, but I feel there was another story which needed to be told here. The film starts when a poor working class mechanic takes Michael to the school. “Big Mike” sleeps on the mechanic’s couch because Michael’s mum is a crack whore.

Average Joe mechanic convinces the coach to give him a go and take him on at the school for free. Here is the unsung hero whose story needed to be told. Why wasn’t this a more central part of the story? Perhaps it’s because the mechanic wasn’t a rich, blonde woman?

The rich blonde woman had a spare room, plenty of money, time on her hands for a project. Here was another guy, struggling himself, who gave this kid a shot. Does he get a book and a film? No. That’s the true underdog story here, the mechanic who didn’t get famous.

Jodi Picoult 30

recurring New York Times bestseller, has number one books around the world and her arguably most famous novel, My Sister’s Keeper (which was horribly butchered in a movie last year), has been number two on the Whitcoulls Top 50 for the past four year. Her writing is always expertly researched, crafted and filled with twists, gasps and edgeof-your-seat writing that makes you questions your morals, beliefs and the world around you. Her 17th novel, House Rules, is no different.

The plot centres around Jacob Hunt, an 18-year-old with Asperger’s Syndrome. He may be able to recite the constitution word for word after just one read, but he can’t pick up sarcasm, is hopeless in social interactions and throws fits and tantrums if something in his carefully planned out life is changed. Like others with AS, Jacob has an obsession with one subject: forensic analysis. He conducts crime scenes in his house, has a police scanner in his room and regularly shows up to crime scenes with the solution to a complex case. He has regular meetings with Jess, his social interactions tutor, but one day she is found dead in a complex crime scene that leads to Jacob. His trademarks of twitching, not looking someone in the eye and matter-of-fact answers are all in line with suspicious behaviour and he’s accused of murder and it’s up to his inexperienced lawyer Oliver to get him off.

Picoult’s latest effort is a tender look at what it is like to be different in a world afraid of change. Her signature “switching character narratives” means readers get the full story; a mother’s love, a brother’s resentment, an outsider’s concern and even Jacob himself. Picoult’s acknowledgements are two pages long and it’s clear from the first chapter the amount of research she surrounded herself with. The way Jacob expresses himself in words isn’t contrived or stereotypical, and that’s due to the fact that Picoult shadowed many kids with AS and autism. She poses deep questions without ramming it down your throat and you go on a wave of emotion ranging from frustration and anger, to empathy and understanding.

From a critical perspective, House Rules follows a similar structure to many of her more successful novels. There is a dysfunctional family, a topical condition (this time mental rather than physical), different narrative perspectives and an unlikely romance. Jacob’s mother, Emma, has similar qualities to Sara in My Sister’s Keeper; she is willing to do anything to protect her family, and neglects younger son Theo because Jacob is so much work. Likewise, Theo is rebellious like Jesse, except instead of playing with fire, he’s breaking and entering. While House Rules stands on its own legs, it’s not her best work. There is no left field twist that leaves you reeling, and the ending doesn’t tie up the loose ends as neatly as previous efforts. However, Picoult creates subtle differences within this stock structure and successfully proves the point that if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

The Ruby Suns

Directed by Mike Newell Film Review by Samantha McQueen

Fight Softly CD Review by Ellen McKenzie-Van Hassel (Canta)

There has been a lot of hype surrounding

Just as lead singer/songwriter Ryan McPhun

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Firstly, it’s a Disney film, and as most of you will know, Disney is also the genius behind Pirates of the Caribbean – and we all know how successful that was. Prince of Persia is a much tamer version of its Caribbean counterpart, and while it has Jake Gyllenhaal’s buffed up physique to woo the females, the almost two hour length, the slow pace and the cheesy moments prevent this from being the blockbuster monster it could have been.

The film takes place in ancient Persia, where kings rule, fights are conducted with swords and on horses and blood is more important than nobility. Jake Gyllenhaal is Dastan, a prince who was adopted by King Sharaman (Ronald Pickup) when he was a young orphan child. He and his two brothers take over the city of Alamut (where Dastan finds the maguffin, a dagger that can turn back time) the gift is the princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton), who is promised to Dastan’s oldest brother Tus (Richard Coyle). However, the plot quickly turns Hamlet-esque, as a poisoned cloak kills the King and Dastan is wrongly framed and flees Persia with the princess on his tail. It’s a tale of who killed who and a race to stop the dagger getting into the wrong hands and releasing a sandstorm wrath.

Gyllenhaal is a great actor and his talents are somewhat wasted in Prince of Persia. He certainly looks the part, and has the accent down pat, but the dialogue and relationships with the other actors, especially Arterton, borders on melodramatic and lacks credibility. When two lovers are being forced apart by a sacrifice, you’re not supposed to be giggling at the fake cries they are making. Watching Arterton on screen is similar to watching Megan Fox. They are both breaktakingly beautiful but their emotions seem insincere. There was no real spark between Gyllenhaal and Arterton and without that, this film quickly drags.

The special effects are visually beautiful, and it is obvious to see that this will be a hit among families and teens, but the pace was too slow for an “action” movie. Audience members behind me commented as they were leaving the cinema that it felt like they were watching a first draft of the film. It has the potential to be great, but the lingering cinematography prevented it from happening.

It’s not all bad though, the fight sequences look great on screen, and there’s violence without it being in-your-face gory. Also, the snakes in the film are utterly terrifying and you can’t help but shudder as they look directly at you from the screen. There are also moments of genuine comedy, and a scene involving ostriches gained many intentional laughs.

Prince of Persia is easy to watch , despite the length, and no doubt it will bring in huge money because of the famous company attached.

However, those expecting something bigger and better than Pirates of the Caribbean will be disappointed, and even though it seems unlikely – let’s pray they don’t pick up the sequel.

issue 10 may 2010

traveled the world before transfixing New Zealand with his vocals, this Kiwi band has the imagination to let you too depart your lounge with these tunes swirling around it. Back with their third album, The Ruby Suns have produced a collection of ten wild, yet dreamy tracks. With songs created solely on a keyboard and without the clear-cut sound of a guitar, the combination of drums and McPhun’s supple voice let the album flow from one dreamy tune into another.

With an album very dependent on digital sounds, the music had potential to end up sounding like a Crystal Castles piece, overshadowed by computer-enhanced additions. But Fight Softly has managed to mix chapel-like twinkling female vocals and African-inspired drums amongst almost hip-hop sounding beats; somehow soothing and magical while also making you want to get up and spin around just as McPhun probably did while writing the song Olympics on Pot. The Ruby Suns have plucked sounds from a huge variety of different genres with each song being surprisingly distinctive. The tracks range from a modern bedtime lullaby (Closet Astrologer) to an electric and captivating wake up tune (Cranberry). For someone who was feeling what McPhun described as “lethargic and really crappy” when working on the album, he has written some pretty enchanting pieces – it’s hard not to want to smile and dance when there’s How Kids Fail pounding through the speakers with its exotic beat.

McPhun’s voice occasionally does get a tad on the dronish side; the opening track Sun Lake Rinsed lacked whatever went into the tracks Dusty Fruit and Cinco. Without their mix of Kenyan-style drums, The Ruby Suns could easily be considered simply Indie, but their original sound makes it almost seem like an understatement to classify them into the genre as every song’s detail is obviously mastered into sounding eccentrically ebullient. The album’s name Fight Softly is a subtle contrast of words that reflects the strong contrast of instruments; at times McPhun’s voice fades out as the erupting electric bass bursts into an explosion of gentle drumming and astimulating rhythm.

The Ruby Suns set out to produce a fresher sound than their last album Sea Lion, and they have done just that with this album (depicted as “super pop” by McPhun himself). If you’re into The Boy Least Likely To or Animal Collective then Fight Softly’s bouncy tunes are bound leave an impression on you. Whether it makes you want to fly to Africa, or just listen to some other solid rhythmic music, this album is a sure sign of dedication and creativity.

31

BOXFIT ENTRIES CLOSE

July 27 every wednesday morning

7:45 - 8: 45 AM student lounge

Aut City campus

AUT Sport & Fitness Centre North Shore Campus

August 10 2010 FINALS October 14 2010 MAX 16 TEAMS

KICK OFF

Men and Women’s Single

Friday, May 21 2010 Takapuna Tennis Club

Friday, August�6 Sports include: basketball, netball, soccer, touch, ultimate frisbee, volleyball, rowing, lacrosse contact Kate Lowden: klowden@aut.ac.nz or 0212882586

AuSM Sport Team Leader Melita Martorana melita.martorana@aut.ac.nz 021 813 428

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WEBSITE: www.ausm.org.nz/recreation for more on Sport @ AUT FACEBOOK: become a fan of the “AUT Titans @ NZ Uni Games 2010 – Invercargill” FACEBOOK: join our group “AuSM Sport”

AuSM Sport Co-ordinator Kate Lowden kate.lowden@aut.ac.nz 021 288 2586

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Correctly identify the FIVE differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM Office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What's up for grabs? A $10 voucher for The Counter cafe. Nom nom nom!

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33

micro-celebs City Campus

Josh Tongia

Certificate of Computer & Mathematical Sciences How many exams do you have this semester?

Four What are your plans for New Years?

Ummm…party? I haven’t planned that far.

If you could get rid of one thing in the world, what would it be?

Racism On average, what time do you go to bed?

About 10.30pm because of uni.

Michael “Milk” Dalton Diploma of Outdoor Recreation Leadership (F irst Year)

How many exams do you have this semester?

I think we’ve got two What are your plans for New Years?

Get furiously wasted somewhere If you could get rid of one thing in the world, what would it be?

All the gromms at the Browns Bay skate park On average, what time do you go to bed?

Like 4am, on average One News or 3 News?

3 News. Whose that weather girl? Toni Marsh? Yeah, 3 news.

Larissa Mueller

Diploma of Outdoor Recreation Leadership (Second Year) How many exams do you have this semester?

No exams. We just have assignments to hand in What are your plans for New Years?

South Island hopefully If you could get rid of one thing in the world, what would it be?

Early morning starts On average, what time do you go to bed?

11pm One News or 3 News?

3 News

This could be YOU!

Watch out for debate around campus – you could be the next microceleb!

34

Varsha Karan

Bachelor of Communication Studies (Digital Media ma jor) How many exams do you have this semester?

Just one What are your plans for New Years?

Hopefully London. Fingers crossed.

If you could get rid of one thing in the world, what would it be?

Justin Bieber On average, what time do you go to bed?

About 10pm One News or 3 News?

3 News

Pool Competition

Heat 3 : May 18th Finals : May 25th at Sign up at www.ausm.org.nz issue 10 may 2010

35

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